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Lesson 7
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Module 10 Lesson 7 – Great Pitch 2 – Compelling Query Letters
Lisa Long’s Query Letter
What I learned doing this assignment is to get your foot in the door you have to be able to market your story as succinctly as possible.
LETTER:
Dear producer,
12-year-old Molly is abandoned by her dancing gypsy mother to live with Edgar, the owner of Big Ed’s Seafood restaurant on the Chesapeake Bay, but whom she has never met.
Molly is singularly obsessed with one big dream, dancing! Edgar has declared no dancing, only going to school, and working in his restaurant.
A chance meeting with a renown choreographer, has Molly pestering him to help her get to the NYC Ballet. When he finally agrees, she has to sneak out to practice.
Molly’s dancing mom has scoliosis and finds out she can never dance again. She wants to return to the Bay. But can Molly forgive her?
Molly runs off to NYC to audition for the NYC Ballet with the choreographer. Edgar runs after them. But while he’s there he sees Molly dance, stunned by her talent.
After the death of Edgar’s elderly cook, Molly and Edgar come together to mourn. Edgar reveals he is actually her father.
Let’s see if Molly makes it to the NYC Ballet, or if she stays put to be part of a newfound family?
If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you “Chesapeake Girl”.
All the best,
Lisa Long
(Contact information)
BIO: Graduate of NYU Film, I have sold one full-length feature.
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Lynn’s Query Letter
I LEARNED that I had to really cut and jazz this up, but it is much better than the boilerplate ones I’ve done for Virtual Pitchfest. As before I did two — one for those into climate change and one for those into Rom-Coms.
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QUERY LETTER for those into Climate Change:
Would an eco-activist give up promoting alternative energy to marry the man she loves, an oil engineer?
Dear xxx,
With climate change an ever-increasing concern, how about a climate fiction romantic comedy (a cli-fi rom-com)? In this comedic Romeo and Juliet story set in tropical Tejano South Texas — think TICKET TO PARADISE — struggling eco-activist Ellie plans to help Uncle Layo on his whacky off-grid ranch. Jim covers his dreaded obligation to work for Uncle Fred’s oil engineering firm by being a playboy.
When the couple meets at college, Jim bets a friend he can score with Ellie. Instead, they fall in love only to find out their uncles nurse a long-time hatred that tears them apart. Just as they get back together, the worst-ever of Texas freeze and grid-failure quashes their wedding plans and gives skeptic Fred ammo against Layo. Their only option, hold it at Layo’s off-grid ranch. But will the two uncles tear them apart for good?
Youth will love this for its focus on climate change and for the college and beach settings. As a rom-com it will have wide audience appeal. As for actors, the young couple would attract up and coming actors in their 20s and the crotchety old uncles, seasoned actors concerned about climate change.
If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.
BIO: Lynn helped establish an Environmental Studies Program and has written five screenplays, which have won numerous contests, including Platinum and Gold Remis at WorldFest-Houston.
Thanks for your consideration,
Lynn Vincentnathan
Address
Phone
Email
Webpage———————————————————–
QUERY LETTER for those into Rom-Coms:
Would an eco-activist give up promoting alternative energy to marry the man she loves, an oil engineer?
Dear xxx,
In this comedic Romeo and Juliet story set in tropical Tejano South Texas — think TICKET TO PARADISE — struggling eco-activist Ellie plans to help Uncle Layo on his whacky off-grid ranch. Jim covers his dreaded obligation to work for Uncle Fred’s oil engineering firm by being a playboy.
When the couple meets at college, Jim bets a friend he can score with Ellie. Instead, they fall in love only to find out their uncles nurse a long-time hatred that tears them apart. Just as they get back together, the worst-ever of Texas freeze and grid-failure quashes their wedding plans, leaving their only option to hold it at Layo’s off-grid ranch. But will the two uncles tear them apart for good?
Youth will love this for its focus on climate change and for the college and beach settings. As a rom-com it will have wide audience appeal. As for actors, the young couple would attract up and coming actors in their 20s and the crotchety old uncles, seasoned actors concerned about climate change.
If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.
BIO: Lynn has written five screenplays, which have won numerous contests, including Platinum and Gold Remis at WorldFest-Houston.
Thanks for your consideration,
Lynn Vincentnathan
Address
Phone
Email
Webpage -
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Subject: Monica’s Query Letter
Write your query letter.
The security of the world is once again at risk. But help is here in the guise of an ancient artefact that can manipulate time. And an Alien named Jay.
After his family is killed in a fire, Conall, a retired Special Forces commander, reluctantly takes on a job to retrieve an ancient artefact which supposedly will change the world for the better.
A closed minded, by the book guy, Conall’s world view is thrown into chaos when he has to work with the Alien Jay. But Jay needs the artefact for his own reasons and steals it from its last known resting place.
Conall and Jay finally track down the artefact and set it up. Only to have to defend it against the crazed rich guy that hired him. And several other interested parties who want to manipulate time to rule the masses.
So how do you save the world when everyone else wants to enslave it? You open several timelines to find the one timeline that will change the course of history.
If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.
Sincerely,
Monica E. Arisman
Cell: 403-850-4279
https://ca.linkedin.com/in/monica-e-arisman-30a860112
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MODULE TEN LESSON SEVEN
FRAN’S QUERY LETTER
WHAT I LEARNED: I heard a couple of weeks ago Chuck Lorre was looking for a restaurant comedy script. He’s the producer of several successful sitcoms on TV and I jumped at the chance to send out a query letter to him because I HAD one and I worked my heart out upgrading, updating and making sure no typos or anything else stray was in the script. I took my lessons from a previous class and wrote my heart out. I haven’t heard anything yet, but I hope this is the letter that will get his attention. I use it here for this lesson.
MY VISION: I want to write great movies. Movies that are magical, movies that move people and tell the truth. I want to write movies that stars will want to be in.
GENRE: COMEDY
TITLE: HASH HOUSE
What could be worse than actually going to work for a living?
That’s what Harlan Treadmore Cuppernell III discovers in a big way when he’s sent packing into the work a day world without any visible means of support to lean on. Except, of course, for his best friend, Ziggy.
Having shirked his way through his college years, and his adult responsibilities, Harlan finally finds himself kicked out of college, out of his aunt and uncle’s good graces—and mansion—with very few “lucrative” job prospects to fall back on—or the trust fund left to him by his late father.
Harlan also learns he’s the victim of tough love when he has to go to work at his aunt’s restaurant to survive. (Little does he know, one day, the restaurant will be his to own and operate.)
When he finally gets there, he finds the restaurant is more than in dire straits. It’s under siege by a gorgeous, corporate climbing redhead who’s out to “bring home the bacon” as the new owner and operator of Le Bon Mangez. And later as Harlan’s wife (after learning just how rich the man will be one day.) As she tries to blame it all on the woman Harlan will find himself falling in love within the course of learning the restaurant business.
I am a student of screenwriting, having taken several classes online from UCLA, enrichment classes online from ScreenwitingU and several Masterclasses. I am a third runner-up in the Seven Rays Scene Writing Contest. I have several articles published in local newspapers and magazines, some having to do with local history and current events, including an interview with Nick Sagan, science fiction scriptwriter and son of Dr. Carl Sagan. And I am a certified (History and Mathematics) New York public school teacher, retired. But most importantly, I worked in the restaurant business for years observing the monkey business that goes on behind the in/out doors!
I heard you were looking for a script about a restaurant. I would be honored to send Hash House to you for your consideration.
Thank you in advance.
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Amy’s Query Letter
What I learned doing this assignment is how to write a compelling query letter.
Surprise! The world’s most uppity and self-centered princess is not actually a princess.
Stephanie Alexander takes great pride in her status as royalty until…the royal historian informs her that she is not actually royal. All too eager to help her, is her nemesis from the country next door, Prince Jack.
But when Stephanie is kicked out of the castle, she has no choice but to accept Jack’s help.
Together, Jack and Stephanie set out to “remake” Stephanie into a commoner and find themselves “Unroyally in Love.”
But Stephanie isn’t as willing to give up her royal title as she’s letting on.
Stephanie hires a detective to discredit the historian, but he betrays her to the press. After accidently coming upon the rightful princess, Stephanie hires a lawyer to try and legally hold onto her title, but he too betrays her.
Now both Jack and the country are done with her.
Stephanie finally comes to the end of herself and decides to reach out to the rightful princes and hand over her title, a move that endears her both to her country and to Jack.
Amy has a Master’s Degree in Script & Screenwriting from Regent University. One of her scripts placed as a semifinalist in the ScreenCraft Family Friendly Competition, and she has always wanted to be a princess.
If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script. You can contact me at the above email address or 703-943-7372.
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Renee’s Query Letter
What I learned doing this assignment is how to break down my screenplay into the most important parts to get the concept and vision across to the producer in as few words as possible.
Email subject line: Horror: Something’s in the Woods
Dear (Producer),
There is something in the woods.
Claire McKenna never thought she would be able to pull herself up from rock bottom. But when her niece is snatched from her tent by a mysterious creature, she knows that something has to change.
Will she be able to stay sober long enough to rescue her niece?
For decades, Mark has been searching for the creature that killed his twin brother when they were teenagers. So, when he is charged with leading the search and rescue team looking for the lost little girl, he knows vengeance will be his, the girl be damned.
Will Mark’s need for vengeance doom them all, or will Claire find the strength she needs to take on Mark and the creature to rescue her niece?
If you like the concept for Something’s in the Woods, I’d be happy to send you the script.
Sincerely,
Renee Miller
720-839-1154
Bio: Renee’s an optioned screenwriter who specializes in horror and thriller features with female leads.
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Andrew Boyd’s Query letter
What I learned: Keep it short, make it intriguing. Polish it until it gleams.
‘These Nazis ain’t men, they’re monsters. Waddya do with monsters? You kill ‘em.’
‘War’s over, Sam.’
‘Mine ain’t.’
Dear Producer,
Title: Hitler’s Choirboys Genre: War drama
Out of the embers of war, three good men and an embittered hustler must bring Hitler’s henchmen to justice. Can they get these killers to denounce the Führer before a watching world? Fail and the flames of conflict will rise again. First, each must overcome his personal demons. A powerful untold story of redemption and revenge from the world’s greatest trial at Nuremberg. Based on true events.
Think Hacksaw Ridge meets Schindler’s List, meets Dead Man Walking, meets A Few Good Men. Powerful movies crackling with conflict that netted a seven-times return on investment.
Hitler’s Choirboys is timely. 2025 is the 80th anniversary of the end of World War 2. 2026 marks the end of the world’s greatest trial in Nuremberg. The world still grapples with war, the Holocaust and their meaning for today. Charismatic hustler Sam Fuller will make these issues come alive to a young audience. Other roles will hook WW2 buffs of all ages.
If you like the concept, please let me know and I will send you the script.
Andrew Boyd is a journalist, TV presenter, author of more than a dozen books, and an award-winning documentary filmmaker.
Contact info:
andrewboydmediaconsultant@gmail.com
+44 7919 311993
Andrew Boyd, Clint House, Washington Road, Storrington, UK. RH204DE
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This reply was modified 2 years ago by Andrew Boyd.
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This reply was modified 2 years ago by Andrew Boyd.
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This reply was modified 2 years ago by
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Module #10: Query Letters.
What I learned: Having just watched the class on using AI to assist with everything from loglines to cliffhangers, I think this could be better after taking the class!
Dear XXX,
What if the best year of your life was the year you died? Rock star Michael Dolanski has everything: paparazzi, song of the year, and a mansion on the beaches of Maui. What could possibly screw up his whole life in one single day?
When teenager Michael Dolanski falls in love with Seraphine, a Native American girl, in Marysville, California, he finally feels hope. But when his family life shatters, and they are torn apart, he believes he will never see her again. Years later, as a world-famous rock star, he spies her in the crowd and his heart skips a beat. However, that night has more than one surprise and when Michael discovers he has a catastrophic illness, and might not have much time left, he begins to examine his life and what is truly important to him. While in the hospital, he meets Joe, a priest for all the wrong reasons, and Anni, a nurse with a past as broken as his own. While grappling with his own reality, Seraphine reemerges. But it’s complicated: there’s an ex-wife that wants him back, a daughter he is trying to hold onto, and his sister harbors a secret. Michael has more than music to worry about and must decide what his legacy will be, if he leaves them all behind. As Michael surrounds himself with his newfound family, he quietly devises a plan for each one, as Michael says, “There’s saying in Hawaii, Ohana. You are my chosen family, and no one gets left behind.”
Based on the novel ‘Catch a Falling Star’ this is a character-driven drama filled with humor, hope and heartache. This includes subtle spiritual overtones. It’s comparable to Nicholas Sparks mixed with ‘I Still Believe’ or John Green’s “The Fault in our Stars.’ I have 5 published novels and four screenplays. If interested, I would love to send you a copy of for a quick weekend read, however you will need to supply your own stock of Kleenex.
Thank you for your precious time,
Rhonda Burnaugh
Phone:
Email:
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