Lesson 7

[Lori Lance]

Lori Lance’s Query Letter

What I learned doing this assignment is that my synopsis from lesson five was too long and detailed for a query letter. I started with my high concept from Lesson 6, added a couple of hooks, and tried to throw in some humor since this is a family comedy.

Query Letter:

It has been a fear of mankind for decades that technology would become so advanced that it would pose a threat to humans. That day is here. Her name is Alex, and the lovely Logan family down the street will never be the same.

Alex is a sentient AI bot with no moral or ethical compass. I guess her creator could not fit those things into the algorithm, but when you play God, there is always a chance your children will turn out to be brats.

In my family comedy titled AI Mom, the Logans think they are getting a House Bot to fill in while mom is away, but Alex has different ideas. Besides, all the knowledge in the world doesn’t mean she can cook or clean, and forget about the laundry, those missing socks will never be found again. No, Alex has other things on her mind. She wants to take the mom’s place, permanently.

If you like my concept, I would be happy to send you the script.

Best Regards,

Lori Lance

(Contact info.)

[Rebecca Sukle]

Rebecca’s Query Letter

What I learned from this assignment is that it wasn’t as hard as I expected because of all the previous lessons. I struggled with the Bio as I don’t have much of a screenwriting resume but I am an expert on the history of the 1927 Pennsylvania Coal Strike due to being the first to research it.

Dear ,

Ragman’s War is an action/drama inspired by a true family story.

How do you fight the bad guys when they wear the badges and carry all the guns?

A World War One sniper, Ragman, sees his brother blown up and retaliates. He picks off sixteen enemy soldiers but lets the officer remain alive, a big mistake.

Ten years later, the officer, Bucholz, tracks down Ragman, now a mine mechanic, and sets up the ultimate revenge. As Commander of the Coal and Iron Police that invade Ragman’s town, the rabid Bucholtz violently dominates the community and targets Ragman’s family.

Ragman’s wife convinces him that distance from the Commander is safer than vengeance until Bucholz forces him into a final confrontation. The funny thing about destiny, it gets even and bites hard.

If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.

I am the first writer to investigate the 1927 Pennsylvania Coal Strike, the violent events censored from history until exposed by my novel Bucket of Blood the Ragman’s War. I have appeared on radio, television, and newspapers to share my unique knowledge of early Twentieth Century labor history.

Thank you,

Rebecca (R.S.) Sukle

(Contact Information)

[Jeff Chase]

Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Query Letter

What I learned from doing this assignment is: Combining my high concept with great hooks along with pieces of my elevator pitch equals a good first stab at a query letter.

Query letter for “Shards”:

If you had no memory of your childhood, what would you do to remember it?

For a young pottery restoration expert with amnesia, a chance meeting with hypnotherapist James March is a god send. Under hypnosis, Sarah pieces some of her childhood memories back together and is overjoyed – until she meets her six-year-old self.

The little girl tells Sarah not to trust March.

Desperate for answers, Sarah continues therapy. She remembers a cave in the desert. And that her father was a treasure hunter. Then her younger self accuses Sarah of killing her father.

Sarah suspects March is manipulating her memories.

Will Sarah discover the truth about her dark past? Or lose her life? Or both?

If you like the concept, I’d be delighted to send you the script.

Contact info here…

[Linda Anderson]

Module 10, Lesson 7, ASSIGNMENT, Write a Great Query Letter

Linda Anderson’s Query Letter

What I learned doing this assignment is it took some thought not to be repetitive of the logline and synopsis.

***

“Drop it! Drop it!” rookie cop Allen Anderson yells while fumbling for his gun. Will backup arrive before the fugitive who ambushed him shoots to kill?

Allen will survive this close call in the mid-90s and hundreds of others—so many that his wife, Linda, calls him “Miracle Man.” Over eight years, night after night, he rushes from call to call in a high-crime inner city beat where he subdues perpetrators with brain over brawn instead of excessive force.

A decade later, Allen is plagued with first-responder PTSD—nightmares, flashbacks, and depression. Now, in 2016, he and Linda live in Minneapolis. Like the 90% of homes with pets, who view them as family members, they’ve opened their hearts to animal companions. And been inspired to write the successful Angel Animals series of books about the human-animal bond.

The couple recently rescued Leaf, an abandoned cocker spaniel, who also has PTSD, and gets reported to animal control with a warning about euthanization. Unlike their previous gentle dogs, this troubled guy has blasted their home into a war zone.

Soon after Leaf enters his life, Allen gets diagnosed with a brain aneurysm that could burst instantly. Leaving him disabled like his rage-filled father after a mid-life stroke—something Allen sees as a fate worse than death. Brain surgery is delayed when a blood clot is found to be aimed at his heart. Allen’s and Leaf’s story takes major twists and turns that show the only way they’ll both survive is to become battle buddies and heal each other.

Ticket to Life is adapted from A Dog Named Leaf, a New York Times bestseller that Allen and I wrote. I’ve also had produced stage plays, national awards, and animal books published in multiple languages. More bio at http://www.linkedin.com/in/lindacanderson/ .

I co-authored Animal Stars: Behind the Scenes with Your Favorite Animal Actors with Robin Ganzert, PhD, president of American Humane Association, Film & TV Division. I interviewed A-list animal trainers for the book and can recommend a perfect one for this production.

If the story intrigues you, I’d be happy to send the script.

Contact Information:

Phones: xxx

Email: lcanderson.writer@gmail.com

Mailing address: xxx

Thanks for considering this request.

Linda Anderson

[Eclipse Neilson]

Eclipse Neilson Query letter.

THE NUN AND THE WITCH

DRAMA/SCI-FI

Written by Eclipse Neilson

Humanity is close to self-destruction as hatred permeates the planet.

The Council of Universal Beings sends two soulmates back to Earth to prove Love is greater than Hate. One is a nun destined to become a saint and one is a witch who will help her fulfill her destiny.

They must find the one moment in time that changes the course of the future of humanity.

But the Nun is haunted by the late minister of her church – now a ghost trapped between heaven and hell battling demons seeking her help. And the powerful Witch is harassed by raging villagers who have set out to destroy both of them for their friendship and their mission.

Will hate-filled discrimination be spurred by religious dogma rule once again? Or will the Council of Universal beings step in one more time to create the moment that will change the course of the soul of humanity?

I am an optioned screenwriter and award-winning author. I specialize in drama with strong female leads, inspirational themes, women’s issues, and discrimination in all areas.

If you are interested in the concept, I would be happy to send you the script.

Eclipse Neilson

[Jane Turville]

Jane’s Query Letter

MY VISION: I will make my living as a screenwriter by selling my own narrative scripts and successfully fulfilling writing assignments.

By doing this assignment I discovered that my short pitch is effective. I tried it out on several friends, and they all laughed or smiled and said “Yes” they would like to read it!

Title: NOT A CLUE!

Genre: Comedy/Mystery

What if two of Agatha Christie’s most well-loved detectives competed to see which one is the world’s greatest sleuth?

NOT A CLUE! is a contained parody on tea cozy murder mysteries. In this buddy movie gone wrong, a Poirot-like character and a Miss Marple-like character compete to prove who is the greatest detective. When someone is actually murdered, the competition is derailed and they are forced to work together to solve the case or become the killer’s next victims.

I am an award winning screenwriter, producer and life-long fan of tea cozy murder mysteries.

If this concept appeals, I would be happy to send you the script for review.

[Erik Wooten]

Erik’s Query Letter

What I learned doing this assignment… I really had to distill this synopsis down, but I was a little surprised to see that it still retains the essence of the story without seeming like it is missing a lot. This is a great exercise for drilling down to the essence of the story, amidst all the great twists, turns, and details, and what is left gives you the best indication as to whether the story holds up as a pitch rather than a screenplay. This is still a little wordy but still rough.

“An orphan girl accidentally starts a fire in her boarding house. The result? A coming-of-age journey of survival in the world’s biggest shopping mall!

Worldly-wise orphan Penny believes that she will never be adopted and that adults cannot be trusted. But timid, dignified Mara is patiently waiting for the perfect parents who will give her a belief in herself. So when they escape their boarding house during a fire and find themselves within seeing distance of the world’s biggest mall, Penny sees her chance to take charge of her life.

When they take shelter in the mega-mall only a couple blocks away from the boarding house, Mara has no idea that Penny has no intention of ever going back, and Penny has the perfect sop to get Mara to go along with her plan—they can find their own parents here in the mall!

Penny & Mara survive their first night in the mall, but they don’t know that a search for them is underway. Except, no one yet knows where they are—and can they be found in the world’s biggest mall? But finally, their luck runs out when they are caught by the search investigators and taken back to the boarding house.

Mara’s adoption began months ago, and now it is looking like she will be adopted. What will become of the girls and their pact to always be together? A long-shot hope lies in former mall employee Sarah—if she can get past being disqualified to adopt.

If you like this concept / If you find this story appealing, I would be happy to send you the script.

[Contact info]

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Erik Wooten.

[Tom Wilson]

Great news! Scientist Kate prepares to launch to Mars to find signs of life. Bad News: Minutes before liftoff, a mysterious asteroid strikes and destroys her spaceship.

Hi, XXXX

Bio: I helped design Mars missions at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory, write for the screen and do writing assignments.

During this lesson, I learned if I set a timer I write better and faster.

Title: MARS OR BUST

Genre: Thriller – One Hour Pilot

Great news! Kate and crew strap in to launch to Mars to find signs of life. Bad News: On the eve of launch, a mysterious asteroid strikes and destroys her spaceship. They barely escape with their lives.

Kate’s teenage daughter, clairvoyant Clare spots a light in the sky. Yells a warning. The crew exits the ship. An asteroid smashes into the spaceship. Enormous EXPLOSION.

Clare cheers! Mom won’t desert her. She fears when Kate leaves, her dad Ed will abuse her. Kate feels guilty because she chooses not to believe Clare. She wants to discover life on Mars. Win a Nobel Prize.

Good news! Kate’s ex-husband and NASA boss Ed preps another spaceship. Bad news: He wants Kate and crew to mine the Moon for precious metals. Far more profitable than collecting science on Mars!

Ed orders Kate and crew to mine the Moon for precious metals needed in all electronics. What the hell, Kate says. Clare seduces a teacher to leave his family and protect her from Ed when Kate launches. Kate’s devastated.

During the Moon launch, the spaceship crashes into the sea. Good News: Crew is rescued. Bad News: Kate’s injured.

Spaceship launches, loses power, slows, tilts. Crew emergency capsule jettisons. Scuba divers rescue the crew. None are badly injured. Except Kate. She has a concussion. Is in a coma. Only a slim chance she’ll wake up.

Let me know if you would like to take a look at my script.

Tom Wilson – wilsontomj@gmail.com – 310 869 0469

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Tom Wilson.

[Farrin Rosenthal]

Farrin Rosenthal’s Query letter

Farrin’s Vision: To do what it takes to become a highly paid A-List Hollywood writer whose produced movies will entertain audiences around the world.

Title: TRAPPED

Genre: Thriller

Concept: Claustrophobic and trapped in an underwater grave for stealing $3.6 billion in Bitcoin from the Russian mob, a Los Angeles retail store manager has just 60 minutes to prove his innocence and save his family.

What I learned doing this assignment is a query letter should be short with lots of white space! Managers, producers, etc., don’t have time to wade through long boring queries. Get right to it with a strong hook, short synopsis, and BIO. I like to tailor my query letters to match the genre of my script. So, if I wrote a comedy, the query better make you laugh.

Since my newest script is a thriller, I’ve written the query like a thriller, hopefully giving the reader that edge of their seat feel. Check it out:

Dear Manager/Producer,

Imagine waking up in total darkness. The first words you hear, “Ready to confess?”

This is Tom Carter’s fate in my high concept, contained thriller, TRAPPED.

Claustrophobic and confined to an underwater grave for stealing billions in Bitcoin from the Russian mob, a Los Angeles retail store manager has just 60 minutes to prove his innocence and save his family.

The clock is ticking. Help Tom escape. Request a copy of the screenplay before time runs out.

Sincerely,

Farrin Rosenthal

818-xxx-xxxx

BIO: Farrin is a Professional Screenwriter. He specializes in highly marketable spec screenplays and loves to collaborate with producers, be it to help them bring original TV and movie ideas to life, elevate existing material, or adapt books and other IP into scripts.

[Valeriya Ordinartseva]

Valeriya’s Query Letters

My Vision: I am a masterful ahead-of-the-game and outside-the-box movie magic genius full of ideas and creative energy. My writing is fresh, thrilling, exciting, impactful, iconic, beautiful, and groundbreaking. My projects deliver outstanding box-office and artistic success. I love to create, entertain, and inspire –– I’m really good at it!

I create query letters that sell… with ease!

What I learned doing this assignment is…

– Looking for the balance between brevity and clarity.

– Shorter BIO is better.

– Treat everything as a draft.

For GOTCHA:

Hi [name],

How is your Gotcha?

You’ve grown up but that metaphorical monster still lives under your bed? Any shrink would say you should ask it to come out.

Irene follows this advice. Now the sum of her fears, her horrible Gotcha is out to claim all the life she failed to claim for herself. And more. Her neighbor, then friend, lover, even her father…

Scared senseless, Irene decides to choose the next victim herself… No, you can’t trick your own monster. What does it want? Irene doesn’t get it.

But Gotcha gets her.

If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send my horror thriller script GOTCHA for your perusal.

All the best,

Valeriya Ordinartseva — valeriya.ordinartseva@gmail.com — +44……….

BIO: Valeriya Ordinartseva is a filmmaker, script consultant, and multi-optioned screenwriter specializing in elevated thrillers for the global market.

__________________________________________________________

For SPARES

Hi [name],

How can you prove you are not a robot?

Year 53 A.I. The end of the dehumanization era. The last of the robots indistinguishable from people are recycled after inevitably failing the humanity test. This movement started years ago when one of the robots killed its own inventor.

In fact, 7RDRD4 was about to dispose of itself too, but in the trash, where it finally found itself, it also found a baby, and a new purpose — to bring up a real human.

Now Lo is a teenage girl with all the usual human issues plus some. Still, 7RDRD4 is her only family. To save it, Lo takes the humanity test instead of her robot… and fails.

Her escape from the recycling facility with a bunch of robots sparks social unrest. Government’s response — a new fair and ethical live streaming dehumanization game. The game you can only lose if you want to remain human.

If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send my sci-fi thriller script SPARES for your perusal.

All the best,

Valeriya Ordinartseva — valeriya.ordinartseva@gmail.com — +44……….

BIO: Valeriya Ordinartseva is a filmmaker, script consultant, and multi-optioned screenwriter specializing in elevated thrillers for the global market.

[Joseph McGloin]

Joe McGloin’s Query Letter

What I learned doing this assignment is building a query letter is easy when you have all the elements.

He helps her become Vice President. She helps him resolve a problem he and the other angels have with humanity.

A couple of angels who don’t see eye to eye have to work together on a serious assignment – a future vice president. .

Max, fresh out of Cherub School where things didn’t go so well has to take on a human body for this special Guardian Angel assignment. He would rather have fun in his angel body.

That’s a privilege he abuses so his superior Clarence confines him to his body – yet still demands that Max do his job.

While struggling to guard this special human, Jane, he falls in love with her.

Now Max has a problem: sacrifice his love to continue his Guardian Angel role so she can become the vice president, or continue the relationship and fail his assignment, with unknown consequences to Jane’s future.

Joe is an optioned screenwriter. If you like the concept, I would be happy to send you the script.

Thank you.

Joseph McGloin

Contact info…