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Lesson 7
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Deb’s Scene Ratings
“What I learned doing this assignment is…
When I started, I didn’t think I’d have any “10s” but – reading it backward and isolating each beat allowed me to look at it a little more objectively. I kept telling myself “As this stands on its own – how does it rate?” So that was very helpful.
A quick look at the scenes that rated under “5” show them to be either transitional, expositional or just a bunch of talking heads. I look forward to seeing how I can make these beats more entertaining.
It’s a little discouraging to see that most of my low-scoring beats are in the THIRD ACT! Arg! A challenge to be remedied for sure!
We had a pre-assignment where Hal asked us to read an award-winning screenplay and rate each scene for its entertainment value. I read “Jo Jo Rabbit” and was astounded to see all the “10s” I gave it. It made me see that it IS POSSIBLE to have an entertaining story from beginning to end.
Here are my beats/ratings:
1 (E10) INT – TELEVISION STUDIO GREEN ROOM – DAY
Victoria Hartmann is introduced on the Drew Barrymore Show. The Plastic Bag Art Show is promoted – in town for two days only.
2 (E10) INT – GRANDMA ABBY’S LIVING ROOM – DAY
Abby watches the Drew Barrymore Show and sees Victoria. “I’ll be damned,” she says and laughs uproariously.
3 (E10) EXT – DELIAHS HOUSE – DAY (this scene is modified to include Delia’s monologue)
Six-year-old Delia crashes through the front glass door and leaps onto the hood of her father’s car to stop him from leaving their family. He leaves anyway. Delia’s mom tells her “You need to change the way you see your father.”
Flash forward 10 years to 16-year-old Delia, scars on her wrists and phone in hand as her grandmother, Abby (70), picks her up for a road trip. Delia dismisses her mother, Mary (40), with a roll of her eyes.
4 (E10) INT – ABBY’S CAR – DAY
Abby, frustrated with Delia’s impudence, throws Delia’s phone out the window. Delia is horrified.
5 (E7) EXT – MODEST ART STUDIO – NIGHT (NOTE: This scene might be modified/changed – new intro)
It’s raining as Abby and Delia wait in a long line to get into a very popular, 2-day-only, art exhibit titled “The Plastic Bag,” created by the uber-famous artist, Victoria Hartmann (60). Delia notices a phone store across the street and asks Abby if she’ll buy her a new phone. Abby says no. Much to Delia’s surprise, Victoria personally invites them in and offers a personalized tour. Turns out, Abby and Victoria are old friends. Victoria introduces her first piece titled, “The Curse.”
6 (E10) BIG DADDY’S PIZZA PLACE – DAY
We’ve been sucked into the artwork. Pizza Clerk, April, 18 years, obsessed with the occult, tries to prove her “powers” to a jeering co-worker, June, 16 years. She places a curse on one of the plastic carry-out bags that is eerily convincing. When the girls are called away, an Ancient Italian Lady (another employee) blesses the Bag. The bag is then filled and ready for pick up.
7 (E5) INT – MODEST ART STUDIO – NIGHT
Delia is engaged and wants to hear more. Victoria’s daughter and curator, Paisley, interrupts and tries to draw Victoria away to meet with an important art critic. Victoria insists on introducing her second piece titled “Carry Out.”
8 (E10) INT – BILLY AND PAMMY’S CRAPPY APARTMENT – DAY
We are sucked into the artwork. Billy, 25 years, the klutz, brings home The Plastic Bag, which carries two of Big Daddy’s Calzones, to his wife Pammy, 25 years, (and their baby daughter, Missy, age one). A huge argument ensues when Billy reveals he’s lost yet another job. Baby Missy gets a hold of the Plastic Bag and suffocates herself. When they finally resuscitate her, Billy promises to turn over a new leaf. As he leaves, The Bag floats past his very pregnant neighbor, Becky.
9 (E10) INT – MODEST ART STUDIO – NIGHT
Delia is intrigued, though she’s starting to display signs of “phone withdrawal”. Abby starts drinking. Victoria is pulled away by the art critic. Delia swipes an alcoholic drink from the bar and ducks into a back room to hide from Abby.
10 (E10) INT – ART STUDIO OFFICE – NIGHT
Delia is shocked to see Victor, 19 years, a very handsome boy in a wheelchair. He draws on a propped canvas with a pen in his mouth. He tries to engage her in conversation, but she is shy. When a cat scares her, she rushes out of the room.
END OF ACT 1
11 (E6) INT – MODEST ART STUDIO – NIGHT
Abby finds Delia and takes away her drink (which she hasn’t even sipped from). They reunite with Victoria who introduces her third piece titled “The Windshield.”
12 (E10) INT – BRAM’S CAR – DAY
We are sucked into the artwork. The Plastic Bag floats over a two-lane highway and rests on the windshield of Bram, 21, Baily, his girlfriend, (and a gifted violinist), also 21 and Bram’s 10-year-old brother, Reggie. Bram loses control and almost hits an oncoming semi-truck. While pulled over, they rescue a lost kitten from the drainage ditch. Bram proposes marriage to Bailey who reluctantly accepts. Reggie lays claim to the kitten and the Plastic Bag, which he plans to use in a game with his friends.
13 (E7) INT – MODEST ART STUDIO – NIGHT
Delia really likes the character of Reggie. Victoria asks Delia if she’s met her grandson, Victor. Paisley interrupts again, this time, requesting Victoria for some photographs with other famous people in attendance. But first, Victoria introduces her fourth piece titled, “The Game.” Just as she’s about to start, Cora arrives for a photo op – Cora is Victoria’s famous sister (who is a musical artist – recognized by Abby and Delia) will casually hint that all of Victoria’s artwork is based on real people, and she should be sued for libel. She insists that Victoria is an unreliable narrator. They spar but Victoria confirms that Cora will bring pizza tomorrow. Cora leaves to find Victor.
14 (E10) EXT – BACKYARD/WOODS – DAY
We are sucked into the artwork, but there is the occasional back and forth from present day as Victoria is interrupted for photos.
The story stars Reggie, BJ, age-12, BJ’s sister, Kit, age-6, Axel, age-10, and Drew, age-11. A game of “Capture the Flag” (the Plastic Bag is ‘the flag’). When it seems as though BJ, the bully, will win (to the peril of all others), it is the nerd, Axel, who is triumphant and BJ who must make a trip to the emergency room. He takes The Bag with him. (note: there is a brief scene with dog walkers who almost take the bag – this is Billy, Pammy, baby Missy and Big Dog.)
15 (E6) INT – MODEST ART STUDIO – NIGHT
Victoria is pulled away by one of her biggest fans/art blogger. Abby gets tipsy and devours the appetizers. Delia’s anxiety rises over her not having a phone. She talks to Paisley about Victor. Victoria quickly returns to introduce her fifth piece titled, “Urgent Care.”
16 (E10) INT – URGENT CARE CURTAIND ROOM – DAY
We are sucked into the artwork. BJ’s hand is covered with the Plastic Bag because he’s terrified to look at his dislocated finger. The attendants at Urgent Care finally must pin him down to remove it. His mom, Jessie, hides the bag in her purse.
MIDPOINT
17 (E10) INT – MODEST ARE STUDIO – NIGHT
A special delivery of flowers arrives for Delia. Victor orchestrates this to get Delia to come back and talk to him. Delia finds him charming and is amazed at his fortitude (he is a quadriplegic). She meets his cat – which she adores and wants to take a picture. She asks if he has a phone she can borrow, but he has a special computer he operates with his voice. Paisley interrupts. Victoria introduces her sixth piece, a tryptic, titled “The Heist”.
18 (E10) INT – ALLEN’S CRAPPY APARTMENT – NIGHT
We are sucked into this artwork where the characters come to life, but there are three different locations/beats that tell this story.
Jessie (45) and BJ’s mom is worried about Allen, her 68-year-old father, who shows signs of early dementia. She brings him some homemade food in The Plastic Bag and tries to persuade him to move in with her and her kids (by telling him that he’s smart and they could use his help). Dennis (58), Allen’s nefarious younger brother, shows up to supposedly take Allen bowling.
19 (E9) INT/EXT – SMALL CHURCH – NIGHT
Dennis and Allen have carefully planned and are executing the robbery of a church. Allen, who has taken The Bag with him, has had a change of heart and tries to sabotage the operation, to no avail. They steal the offering monies from a church safe that has a handled depository slot at the top. Allen manages to outwit his brother and gives him a second, identical bag, filled with diapers instead of money.
20 (E8) EXT – CITY STREET – NIGHT
Confusion overcomes Allen as he wanders the streets in search of the church so he can return the money. He runs into Billy, Pammy, and Baby Missy. They misunderstand him and direct him to a Salvation Army donation bin, where he deposits the money. They help him call his daughter, Jessie, to take him home.
21 (E7) INT – MODEST ART STUDIO – NIGHT
Delia is almost ‘ticking” with her strange “phone withdrawal” behaviors… Abby offers Delia her own flip phone, just to hold onto – but Delia rejects it. Delia is frustrated with the “happy endings.” Where is her happy ending? The stories don’t ring true for her. Victoria introduces her artwork number seven, another tryptic titled “The Donation.”
22 (E10) EXT – CRAPPY APARTMENT COMPLEX – DAY
We are once again sucked into the artwork. There are three beats to this story.
While Becky, 19 -years, pregnant and estranged from her father, walks to her job, she’s informed by her landlord that she faces evection at 5 pm that day if she doesn’t come up with her past due rent.
23 (E10) INT – SALVATION ARMY SORTING ROOM – DAY
Becky, who works at the Salvation Army, sorts clothes and discovers the Plastic Bag full of money. She layers the money in-between baby clothes and buys The Bag for $5.00.
24 (E10) EXT – DOWNTOWN SHOPPING DISTRICT – DAY
It starts small, with a meal at an all-you-can-eat buffet, and soon cascades out of control… Becky goes on a spending spree, buying new clothes, getting a makeover, buying a phone, and finally buying a diamond tennis bracelet.
25 (E10) EXT – CRAPPY APARTMENT COMPLEX – NIGHT
Becky is out of money and late getting home. She finds the contents of her apartment on the curb. Out of options, she calls her dad who is anxious to bring her home. While she waits for him, she gives The Plastic Bag to the Ancient Italian Lady neighbor whose recyclables have just broken through a paper bag and have scattered all over the driveway. Before she leaves, she has a conversation with her neighbor and friend, Pammy. When Pammy admires her new bracelet, Becky gives it to her as a parting gift.
26 (E10) INT – MODEST ART STUDIO – NIGHT
Delia has disappeared and Abby looks for her. Paisley directs her to the back office. Victor guesses that Delia went to buy herself a new phone. Abby checks her wallet, and her credit card is missing.
27 (E10) INT/EXT – PHONE STORE – NIGHT
Abby rushes into the phone store and stops Delia from buying the phone. Delia is embarrassed and distraught. There is a heated argument… which continues out onto the sidewalk. Delia is beyond frustrated and on an impulse, she steps off the curb into oncoming traffic. Abby grabs her by the hair and pulls her back.
ACT THREE
28 (E4) INT – MODEST ART STUDIO – DAY
The next day, Abby and Delia return to the studio to apologize and say goodbye. Though empty of patrons, there is much activity as they prepare for the second showing (custodial staff, caterers). A cat wanders around the room. Paisley and Victor are also there. Victoria insists they stay and view her last piece of art. She introduces “The Ending”.
29 (E8) EXT – A VAST ESTATE AND MANSION – DAY
Bailey (from “The Windshield”) arrives home to a vast estate. She’s surprised to see a massive party going on, complete with fireworks. The security guard explains that her sister, Becky, has come home and her father has pulled out all the stops. Baily is furious. Her father comes out to her and tries to get her to join the party, but it doesn’t look like she will.
30 (E4) INT – MODEST ART STUDIO – DAY
Delia sides with Baily and tells Victoria that it’s the only story that makes sense to her. All these other “Happy Endings” are not real life – certainly not her real life. Victoria insists it’s better to be at the party than off on your own, all alone.
As they talk, Aunt Cora arrives (Victoria’s sister) brings several “Big Daddy’s” pizzas. The cat jumps on one of the pizzas destroying it. Paisley feeds pizza to Victor. They all interject into the core conversation.
Delia challenges Victoria telling her, her artwork is fiction and not relative.
Abby reveals that she is wearing The Tennis Bracelet and Victoria can’t believe that she’s kept it all these years.
31 (5) This is a FLASHBACK to beat 23.
EXT – CRAPPY APARTMENT COMPLEX – NIGHT
Pammy admires Becky’s new Tennis Bracelet and Becky gives it to her as a parting gift.
Delia understands now that Abby is Pammy and Victoria is Becky. She challenges the narrative by asking Abby about the baby in the story (which she assumes to be her mother).
32 (E7) This is FLASHBACK to Beat 6
INT – BILLY AND PAMMY’S CRAPPY APARTMENT – DAY
Pammy throws some Cheerios on the floor to baby Missy who plays with plasticware.
But Abby tells her that Mary, Delia’s mom, is her second child.
In the voice-over, Victoria admits that she changed the endings. Her artwork is simply a series of “unanswered prayers.” But she’s using these images to tell a bigger story. A story about The Father.
33 (E5) INT – MODEST ART STUDIO – DAY
Delia demands to know the truth of each story. Victoria walks Delia past the artwork in order and reveals how each story truly ended.
34 (E10) EXT – CEMETARY – DAY
Billy and Pammy weep over a grave as a tiny casket is lowed into the ground.
35 (E10) INT – BRAM’s CAR – DAY
Bram and Baily are buckled in their seats when they have a head-on collision with a semi-truck. The airbags explode as Reggie (not buckled) flies over the back seat and crashes through the windshield.
36 (E8) EXT – BACKYARD/WOODS – DAY
Reggie, as a quadriplegic in a wheelchair, sends his friends off into the woods to play his game.
37 (E4) INT – MODEST ART STUDIO – DAY
Delia understands that Reggie is Victor. Delia is confused about the order of events and Victoria explains that her artwork is theological, not chronological. Victor, Paisley’s son, was in a car accident with his aunt and uncle.
38 (E5) INT – SALVATION ARMY – DAY
Becky takes money and layers it between baby clothes. She places the clothes inside The Plastic Bag.
In a voice-over, Victoria explains that in “The Heist” she took her father’s money and wasted it. Delia questions her about her father coming to rescue her.
39 (E7) EXT – CRAPPY APARTMENT COMPLEX – DAY
Becky sits next to her crap on the curb and cries. In a voice-over, we hear Victoria explain that she couldn’t get up the nerve to call her father that day. Pammy appears and ushers Victoria into her apartment.
40 (E3) INT – MODEST ART STUDIO – DAY
Abby says that Paisley was born a few days later. Victoria explains that it was the single greatest event of her life. It was hard, but it taught her to be unselfish. Paisley is relieved to hear this. Victoria explains that she eventually reconciled with her father and went to art school.
Delia wonders how they could possibly believe in Goodness in the face of evil. Victoria explains what Faith is – believing despite what you see. And, despite their struggles, they can choose to live joyfully and in Hope.
41 (E7) EXT – GRAND MANSION – NIGHT
Baily and her father argue while fireworks go off in the background.
Cora tells Delia that she wasn’t happy about her father forgiving Victoria – that part was true. But it was Reggie’s accident that brought them back together.
In a voice-over, Victoria tells Delia she hopes she will change her mind about who The Father is and join the party.
42 (10) There are quick flashbacks to each “father” in the story:
INT – BILLY & PAMMY’S CRAPPY APARTMENT – DAY
Billy breathes life into Baby Missy.
Victoria says “The Lord”
EXT – ROADSIDE – DAY
Bram brings the kitten up from the drainage ditch.
Victoria says “is Merciful”
EXT – DEAR BLIND – DAY
Axel climbs to the top of the deer blind to the congratulations of Reggie.
Victoria says “And gracious”
INT – SALVATION ARMY DONATION BIN – DAY
Allen “deposits” the money into the bin.
Victoria says “Slow to anger”
EXT – CURB AT APARTMENT COMPLEX – DAY
Becky’s face is relieved and comforted when she hears her father is coming for her.
Victoria says “And Abiding”
EXT – GRAND MANSION – NIGHT
Father pleads with Baily to come into the house.
Victoria says, “In Steadfast Love.”
43 (E3) INT – MODEST ART STUDIO – DAY
Some sort of discussion about Victoria’s reveal??
Abby and Victoria say goodbye
Delia and Victor say goodbye – Victor makes fun of her because she doesn’t have a phone. They promise to keep in touch.
44 (E5) EXT – DELIA’S HOUSE – DAY
Abby and Delia exit the car. Abby retrieves the carry-out from Big Daddy’s Pizza from the back seat while Delia embraces her very shocked, yet receptive mother, Mary. They all sit together on the front porch and eat.
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Bob Kerr’s Scene Ratings
“What I learned doing this exercise?”
There is a lack of real power scenes earning a ranking of 8 or above. The majority of the scenes are slightly about average (6-7). Looking forward to improving these scenes to enhance the entertainment value of the total work.
It was helpful to have done this scene rating yesterday with the film “A Start Is Born”. Truly helped me understand the process and be honest about the scenes in my script
Here are my beats/ratings:
1. (E9) EXT. Kansas Day
Fran is packing her car and her three year and leaving her home.
2. (E8) INT. Mike Vespoli East Coast Apartment
Vespoli receives the phone call from Tim Wiggins offering him the job as Exec. Director of the Wichita Rowing Association. Only catch is he has to scrounge the racing shells and oars as well as coach both men and women. He agrees as long as he has total control.
3. (E8) EXT. FRANS FAMILY FARM
‘Fran arrives at her fathers farm and tells him and her Mom that she is getting a divorce and doesn’t know what to do. Poppa agrees to rescue her and her daughter on the condition his house , his rules and Fran must return to her music.
4. (E6) INT. FARM KITCHEN- AFTERNOON
Fran receives her admissions letter from Wichita State and placed on probationary status. She is also awarded a work study job. She runs to proudly show the letter to Poppa.
5 (E5) INT. BARN – AFTERNOON
Fran shows Poppa the acceptance letter and he reminds her she needs to focus on her music after he congratulates her.
6. (E8) EXT- WSU CAMPUS – DAY
The Wiggins brothers are going to meet with the University President to pitch him on the idea of agreeing to a WSU Crew. President is interested but requires there be both a men’s and women’s crew to satisfy Title IX.
7. (E6) EXT – WSU CAMPUS – MORNING
Fran arrives at the Athletic Office for her work study job. She is worried as she has no background in sports.
8. (E10) EXT. – ROTSEE ROWING VENUE – DAY
Actual footage showing Mike Vespoli and his crew winning the 1974 World Championship.
9. (E7) INT. -STUDENT UNION – EVENING
Wiggins and Vespoli introduces interested students to WSU rowing. There aren’t enough women in attendance. Vespoli says he has a plan.
10 (E4) INT. FARMHOUSE KITCHEN – NIGHT
Fran is struggling to keep up with her classes. She has fears about joining a study group. Poppa explains that she has to do what she has to do to graduate.
11. (E6) INT. WSU BOATHOUSE – DAY
Vespoli meets the first group of women. There are not enough.
12. (E7) – INT. – SORORITY HOUSE – AFTERNOON
Vespoli pitches joining the WSU Crew. The women don’t even speak the language. Vespoli’s plan is failing.
ACT TWO
13(E5) INT. FARM HOUSE KITCHEN – DUSK
Fran brings home a 93 on college math test. Poppa is pissed because it wasn’t perfect.
14. (E8) INT. WSU ATLETIC DEPT> – DAY
Vespoli meets Fran. Vespoli is running out of options and recruits Fran hard to join the crew. Fran declines saying she’s a two pack a day smoker. Vespoli says he can cure that issue.
15 (E7) INT. – WSU ATHLETIC DORM – MORNING
Gary West, a crew member, is posting a recruitment flyer. Colette Criger introduces herself to Gary. Gary recruits her but she is more interested in Gary than rowing.
16 (E7) – INT – TIM WIGGINS LIVING ROOM – EVENING
Vespoli provides an update on the crew. Vespoli tells Wiggins they’re having problems keeping a full women’s boat.
17 (E6) EXT. – WSU BOAT HOUSE – AFTERNOON
Another women quits the crew. The women try to stop her to no avail.
18 (E4) INT. DORM CAFETERIA – EVENING
Colette explains to Gary that they lost another woman on the crew. Gary tells her it is all about trust and to trust the process.
19 (E9) INT.- FARMHOUSE KITCHEN – EVENING
Fran comes home complaining about Vespoli constantly recruiting her. Poppa and Momma are concerned. Fran tells them Vespoli is a World Champion. Poppa changes his mind and encourages her to go out. Fran resists as she can’t even swim.
20. (E7) EXT. – WSU BOATHOUS – AFTERNOON
Fran shows up to her first practice. Full of fear, Vespoli calms her down.
21 (E6) INT. – FARMHOUSE KITCHEN – MORNING
‘Fran comes down to breakfast full of pain. Poppa and Momma want to know if she is going to quit rowing. Poppa tells her that since she started she should see it through.
22. (E4) INT. – WSU MEETING ROOM – NIGHT
Vespoli meets with crew and newcomers. After meeting, Gary, Colette and Fran are concerned there aren’t enough women.
23 (E8) INT. WSU ARENA – AFTERNOON
Vespoli introduces the crew to winter training. They have to be weighed. Fran refuses to be weighed.
24 (E10) INT- FARMHOUSE KITCHEN – AFTERNOON
Fran announces she has changed her major from music to business. This starts a war with Poppa.
25 (E8) INT. WIGGINS LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Vespoli announces that he has taken a part-time job teaching for the winter because he needs human interaction.
26 ( E8) EXT. – PARKING LOT – AFTERNOON
‘Fran can’t get her car started because her legs won’t work after the workout.
27 (E9) INT – STUDENT UNION – EVENING
Vespoli tells the crew the details of spring training trip. The women are worried. One is injured and another one has dropped out of school.
28 (E9) INT. FARMHOUSE KITCHEN – EVENING
Fran comes home exhausted from workout and forgets to pickup her daughter at Day Care.
29 (E8) INT- STUDENT UNION FOOD COURT – AFTERNOON
The women meet. One is injured and out for the season. Another one is hesitant to give up a full-time work opportunity. They are in serious risk of collapsing as a crew.
30 (E7) INT. – WSU CREW OFFICE – AFTERNOON
Fran tells Vespoli about the injury. Vespoli tells Fran that a new woman is coming to practice the next day. Fran doesn’t share about the woman who has dropped out of school.
31 (E7) INT – FAZRMHOUSR KITCHEN – EVENING
Poppa comes in and finds Momma dancing with his granddaughter He joins in. Momma wants to know where is all this love with Fran.
32 (E6) INT – FARMHOUSE KITCHEN – MOMENTS LATER
Fran is discouraged about everything. Momma gives her a pep tralk.
33 (E7) EXT – RIVER – AFTERNOON
The new woman is nervous about her first practice in a boat. The rest of the women assure her she’ll be fine. Their practice sucks.
34 (E 8) INT WSU ATHLETIC OFFICE – DAY
Vespoli wants Fran to sit stroke. Fran is fearful of the expectations that come with sitting stroke. Fran is relieved that Vespoli still doesn’t know about the woman who dropped out of school.
ACT 3
35 ( E8) EXT – DOCKS – AFTERNOON
Vespoli informs the women 9of the change at stroke. The women are not happy by this move.
36 (E8) INT. FRAN’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Fran practices her instrument to remember how to count rhythm. Poppa overhears her practicing her instrument and thinks Fran has changed her mind.
37 (E7) EXT -RIVER – AFTERNOON
Fran shows improvement at stroke. Women make fun of her but appreciate the improvement.
38 (E6) EXT – VESPOLI’S VAN – AFTERNOON
Vespoli wants Fran to understand the additional responsibilities that come with her being stroke.
39 ( E9) INT – STUDENT UNION – NIGHT
Fran tells the women what they have to do so the woman who dropped out of school can still row with them.
40 (E8) EXT. – PARKING LOT – MORNING
Bus to Austin leaves behind Gary who is late. Colette gets the bus to pull over so Gary can board the bus. The women jeer at Gary when he spills roller skates instead of clothes.
41 (E6) EXT – FRONT OF DORM – EVENING
Bus arrives at Austin. 2 men try to sneak 2 cases of beer into the dorm. Vespoli catches them and chews then out.
42 (E8) INT – DORM OFFICE – NIGHT
Vespoli challenges Fran to find joy in her rowing as a key to being a winner.
43 (E8) EXT – RIVER – AFTERNOON
Women earn the whole crew a night on the town with their performance.
44 (E7) INT – PHONE – NIGHT
Fran learns her divorce is final and it is truly time to celebrate.
45 (E9) – INT – DORM HALLWAY – NIGHT
3 men break curfew and come in drunk. Vespoli kicks them off the crew and sends them back to Wichita.
46 (E9) EXT – HIPPY HOLLOW – AFTERNOON
Women are rowing and see a couple having sex. The banter breaks the challenge of the practice.
47 (E6) INT. FARMHOUSE KITCHEN – EVENING
Fran returns home and declares the women are unified.
48 (E7) EXT – BOATHOUSE PARKING LOT – AFTERNOON
The women are stretching when Lee Parker arrives with “Betting Shirts” for the home regatta.
49 (E8) INT – FARMHOUSE KITCHEN – EVENING
Fran confronts Poppa to get him to go to the regatta. Popps demands that FRran agrees to either win ot its back to Poppa’s rule of his house , his rules. Fran agrees.
50 (E8) EXT – DOCKS – AFTERNOON
The WSU women are stunned by the dominating size and experience of their opponents.
51 ( E10) EXT – RIVER – AFTERNOON
The race starts and Fran is thrown into the river when she catches a crab with her oar. She struggles to get into the boat and leads the crew to a come from behind victory.
52 (E9) – EXT – BRIDGE – AFTERNOON
Fran reconciles with her father.
THE END
‘
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David Wickenden Scene Ratings
What I learned… ?
High scores are when there is a lot of action and tension, while those slower scene seem to be less entertaining, yet essential.
LOGLINE: For Heaven’s Sake – FANTASY
Four troubled teens become heaven and earth’s last hope against an alien menace when they’re commanded to go on a holy crusade to steal a powerful weapon called The Staff of Moses.
1. (E6) Four teens are sent to a juvenile bootcamp rather than jail. The operators are so aggressive that the four plans an escape.
2. (E5) Flashback to Ian’s past.
3. (E6) Flashback to Freddy’s past.
4. (E7) Flashback to Rob’s past.
5. (E8) When the boys are washing at the beach, they see strange lights on the mountain at the far side of the lake.
6. (E6) During supper, Daniel has to deflect a guard’s hostility towards Ian. They plan to escape.
7. (E6) The boys escape into the night and make their way to the far side of the lake.
8. (E8) After the hard hike up the mountain, the boys stop for a break beside a mountain pond. Adam dives in and encounters a glowing skull.
9. (E9) They reach an abandon mining camp and while sleeping, a glowing orb rises out of the mining shaft, wraps each of the boys and carries them into the mine.
10. (E9) They emerge in heaven and meet other gods. Adam meets his dead Grandfather who leads him and his friends away.
11. (E6) Grandpa explains that there are other heavens and that one of them had a breach, allowing an alien race to invade the human heaven. God is not in heaven, but has left a prophecy explain that four mortal boys will fight for heaven and bring peace to the heavens.
12. (E8) As the horde makes another attack, the boys with their escort leave on a quest to find the Riff or breach between the heavens so they can enter the alien world and take back a stolen artifact; the Staff of Moses.
13. (E6) They assigned Adam and his friends to four different warrior groups to learn special fighting styles and skills.
14. (E5) After a brief battle, the group frees prisoners that the aliens meant to feed on. Adam has his first encounter with the alien soldiers.
15. (E5) Spend a couple of days resting and training.
16. (E8) During training, Ian marks two enemy soldiers without detection.
17. (E5) A group of humans who had planned on trading him for their families with the aliens captures Ian. He is found and freed.
18. (E9) The group attacks three enemy camps and, although they win, the enemy is able to signal for help.
19. (E8) As leader, Adam must decide the fate of two people who have been infected by alien eggs. They are dispatched and he must learn to live with the decision.
20. (E9) Pursued by the aliens, the group follows a tunnel through the mountain. The aliens catch up and attack them before being cut off.
21. (E8) The troop final arrives at the Riff. Those who will accompany the boys are chosen, but before they can put their plans in place, they are spotted and must go to ground.
22. (E10) After entering the alien world, the team make their way to the citadel. They use their stealth skills to enter the structure and find their way to the Queen’s quarters and the Staff of Moses. She kills Ian and Adam threatens to destroy her egg.
23. (E8) With the staff, Adam flies to the center of heaven and presents leaders with the staff, only to find out that he is the one who must learn its power and yield it. He also finds that Ian has been reborn, having died as a mortal.
24. (E5) After many attempts, Adam learns the secrets of the staff. With the troop, they set out to cut off the Queen’s army.
25. (E9) During a river crossing, the aliens ambush the troop, and the staff is lost. Adam is captured and brought before the Queen, who tortures him for killing her egg.
26. (E10) Adam is rescued and finds that Rob was able to save the Staff. Adam uses the power of the staff to defeat the queen’s army and send them all back to the Riff.
27. (E10) Adam beats the Queen, but as she retreats, Ian and Freddy kills her in revenge for killing Ian. Once the alien army has left for their own heaven, Adam seals the Riff.
28. (E8)Reminded that he must bring peace to both heavens, Adam uses the Staff one last time and changes everything back to as it was before the Riff appeared. Both the Queen and Ian are alive, as are all those who died in the war.
29. (E8) Returned to their own world, God speaks to the boys, thank them for helping him and warning that they might be called again in the future.
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DAY 7 – Find Your Script’s Entertainment Value
Lisa Long’s Scene Ratings
What I learned doing this assignment is it is difficult to clearly rate the scenes for a script you’ve been living with for so long…difficult to be objective. I went with what I felt was correct when I answered the questions.
At the top of your work, post your results. What were your high scenes, your low scenes, and what surprised you?
I have many ideas and plans to improve almost every scene! I made some notes as I went along…mainly for myself. My thought was that a scene can have a 10-entertainment value and still have room for improvement. Maybe I’m wrong?
Chesapeake Girl – BEATS
1. (E10) EXT. BIG ED’S SEAFOOD HUT – DAY
April, a gypsy dancer drops off her 12-year-old daughter Molly to stay with Edgar, a bearded long-haired guy. Edgar owns Big Ed’s Seafood Hut on the Chesapeake Bay and lives over the restaurant. Molly has a meltdown. Chessie, Edgar’s dog comforts her. Edgar picks Molly up and takes her inside.
2. (E9) INT. BIG ED’S SEAFOOD HUT – DAY CONTINUOUS
2.Molly looks around the restaurant. She hates seafood! Ed introduces Molly to his cook, Jane, who looks over her glasses at Molly. Jane is seventy years old, wise, and protective of Ed for whom she’s worked for decades.
3. (E7) INT. BEDROOM OVER RESTAURANT – DAY CONTINUOUS
(I already have plans to improve this scene)
Jane takes Molly upstairs to see her bedroom.
Chessie tags along. Molly doesn’t want to be there and is still wiping away
tears. Jane explains to Molly that Ed as an ex-military man likes to run a
tight ship. And if Molly has any “female” issues to talk to her. Molly asks
questions as she strokes Chessie. Jane
answers a couple, but then has to go. Even though she’s sad, she’s never had a
room of her own.4.
(E10) INT. RESTAURANT KITCHEN – DAYMolly comes downstairs and goes
into the kitchen where Jane is working on the dinner courses. Ed interrupts the kitchen talk and tells
Molly that he has a few rules 1. Keep her phone on so he can reach her at all
times. 2. Work in the dining room cleaning tables every day after school. 3. No
dancing. Molly protests! She must
dance! Molly storms up to her room. Jane
suggests that he’s being unreasonable to ask a child not to dance…for she knows
that it is only because the love of his life, April was a dancer who broke his
heart. Ed is in charge. Molly must be subordinate.5. (E10) INT. ED’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Ed rolls up his sleeve as Jane gives him some medicine to take. Ed downs the pills. Jane preps his arm and administers the shot. She puts a Band aid on it. Jane asks how Ed is feeling. Ed changes the topic by asking if he’s been too hard on Molly. Jane says to talk to her. Tell her that you can’t bear to be around dancers since April left. Ed is not ready to talk about it. Jane points out that it’s been 12 years. Ed says he’ll tell her soon why he’s anti-dance and about his condition. Jane says it needs to be sooner than later.
6. (E10) INT. RESTAURANT – EVENING CONTINUOUS
6.
Molly is standing in the restaurant disgusted watching the patrons eat crabs. Ed yells at her to wipe down a table. Molly is mad that she’s been forced into child labor. Molly and Ed argue because she doesn’t want to work. Subtext: Molly and Ed are both mad at April.
7. (E9) INT./EXT. RESTAURANT – EVENING CONTINUOUS
7.
Molly reluctantly collects the stinky brown paper full of crab carcasses and takes it outside to the trash dumpster. Bud, the bus boy follows her outside and makes fun of her when she gets crab fluid all over herself. He calls her “Ed’s stinky love child”. Molly tries to physically fight with the bus boy. He laughs at her holding her back at arm’s length. Ed breaks it up. Molly wants to know what Bud meant. Ed goes back inside without answering her.
8. (E10) EXT. BEACH – DAY
8.
8.Molly is with Chessie dancing on the beach when Marshall (Mars for short, a Black man of 32 years old) under an umbrella corrects her jete (a ballet leap). Molly recognizes Mars’ name as a renown choreographer! As Molly dances around Mars’ umbrella, she opens up about being abandoned by her mom. Mars tells Molly about his mother passing away and he came back to the Bay to be alone and grieve. They bond over mom’s and being sad. Instant friends as they discuss Molly’s dream to dance at the NYC Ballet.
9. (E9) EXT. MIDDLE SCHOOL TRACK – DAY
Molly’s first week of school. Molly and a group of students are about to run around the track. Susan the gym teacher blows a whistle to start the race.
Molly runs like the wind…and when the spirit moves her, she adds a jete (jump). The kids laugh at her antics and one bully mimics her to make the other kids laugh more. The teacher tells her to cool it if she wants to make friends. Tammy, a nerdy girl tells her to ignore the kids, but when Tammy talks about TikTok dancing, Molly becomes snobby, and Tammy runs off.
10. (E10) INT. ED’S HOUSE – LATE EVENING CONTINUOUS
Molly sneaks out of her bedroom, toe shoes in hand, and runs down the back stairs. Chessie is at the bottom of the stairs and whines.
11. (E9) INT. MARS’ HOUSE – LATE EVENING CONTINUOUS
Molly goes to Mars’ house to try and convince him to work with her on audition material. He resists as he’s taking a sabbatical from dance. Molly discovers that he has a dance studio on the side porch of the house. Molly insists on dancing for him. Problem arises when Mars realizes she good…really good!
12. (E10) EXT. BIG ED’S SEAFOOD HUT – DAY
Molly is sweeping the outside patio of Big Ed’s Hut when Mars comes to eat. Molly practically attacks him again to try to convince him to teach her. Molly gets in an argument with Mars’ waitress, Ginny when she thinks Molly is trying to steal her customer. Ginny asks Molly what she wants with that old man. Molly says he’s not an old man, he’s a choreographer.
MONTAGE
13. (E10) INT. ED’S HOUSE – NIGHT CONTINUOUS
Molly has broken Mars’ will and he’s agreed to work with her on her dancing. Molly climbs out her bedroom window and onto the patio roof, then jumps to the ground.
14. (E10) INT. MARS’ HOUSE – NIGHT
Molly knocks on Mars’ door. He opens and says, Let’s get started.
15. (E10) EXT. BIG ED’S SEAFOOD HUT – EARLY MORNING CONTINUOUS
Molly climbs out her bedroom window onto the patio roof and jumps off onto the ground. She runs towards Mars’ house.
16. (E10) INT. MARS’ HOUSE – EARLY MORNING
Molly practices her dance. She realizes she has to get to school and hurriedly removes her toe shoes. She puts on tennis shoes, grabs her backpack, and runs out the door waving to Mars. Mars waves goodbye to her as she leaves.
17. (E10) EXT. BIG ED’S SEAFOOD HUT – NIGHT
Molly sneaks in and up the stairs with her backpack and dance bag in tow. She’s being very quiet. Chessie quietly follows Molly into her bedroom.
18. (E10) INT. MARS’ HOUSE – LATE AFTERNOON
Molly dances but keeps messing up. Mars indicates to do it again. Molly tries again but messes up the dance. Frustrated she yells and stomps her feet. Mars points to do it again! Molly gains her composure and gets into position. She begins again.
END MONTAGE
19. (E8) INT. MARS’ HOUSE – LATE EVENING
19.Time has passed. Molly is dancing in Mars’ home studio. They are working on choreography. Mars tells Molly that he called a colleague in NY and got her a virtual audition. Molly is ecstatic but knows Ed will never let her go.
20. (E10) INT. MOLLY’S BEDROOM – LATE AFTERNOON CONTINUOUS
Molly’s mom April facetimes her. But April masks where she really is…in a hospital waiting room. Molly wants to know when April is coming to see her. April says she doesn’t know, but she promises it will be soon. Talking to Chessie, Molly calls her a liar after ending the facetime.
21. (E10) INT. HOSPITAL WAITING ROOM, BOSTON – LATE AFTERNOON CONTINUOUS
April is called into Dr. Hilty’s office by the nurse.
22. (E10) INT. DR. HILTY’S OFFICE – LATE AFTERNOON
Dr. Hilty tells April that after reviewing the tests, she has scoliosis, or curvature of the spine. And that she will never dance again. April is stunned. Dr. Hilty explains that because she was a dancer, she probably overcompensated and held herself erect in such a way as to not make it noticeable. He tells her she will need surgery right away and to see the scheduler on the way out.
23. (E9) INT. PATIO ED’S SEAFOOD HUT – NIGHT CONTINUOUS
Molly and Ed argue about dancing. Molly says he doesn’t understand. Ed makes it clear, no dancing, no leaving. A storm is raging outside. Molly runs out into the storm. Edgar says he doesn’t know what to do. Jane says to go after her.
24. (E10) EXT. CHESAPEAKE BEACH – NIGHT CONTINUOUS
Chessie followed Molly out into the storm. Molly gets hit by a wave and is carried offshore. Chessie barks at her from the edge of the water.
25. (E10) EXT. CHESAPEAKE BEACH – NIGHT CONTINUOUS
Ed grabs a life preserver and runs after Molly. Molly is screaming for help. Ed swims out to Molly and pulls her to shore. He picks her up and carries her home.
26. (E9) INT. ED’S SEAFOOD HUT – NIGHT CONTINUOUS
Jane meets Molly and Ed at the door with towels. She grabs Molly and wraps a towel around her. Ed exhausted can’t even talk to Molly. He goes upstairs. Molly and Jane talk about their situation and Edgar.
27. (E9) INT. MOLLY’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Jane is helping Molly get ready for bed after her ordeal. Molly asks Jane why he doesn’t like dancing. At first, Jane resists telling Molly, but finally tells her that his love ran off to be a dancer.
28. (E10) INT. MARS’ HOUSE – EARLY MORNING
It’s time for the virtual audition. Mars has set up the room with a camera and speakers, etc. Molly lies to Mars and tells him that Edgar said it was okay because he felt bad after the storm incident. Molly did her own make-up and hair, and Mars helps her fix it. Molly wears a tutu that Mars has supplied. They record the audition. Molly is exquisite.
29. (E9) INT. MIDDLE SCHOOL CLASSROOM – DAY
Molly is seated in the back of the classroom. Her head is down looking at her phone under the desk. She’s waiting for Mars to text her about the audition result. Miss Lowe the French teacher catches her. Molly says she’s waiting for an important text. The kids make fun of her.
30. (E8) INT. BIG ED’S SEAFOOD HUT – AFTERNOON
Molly comes running in from school with her phone in her hand. Jane is in the room and tells her when dinner is. Molly runs up the stairs to her bedroom, slamming the door. Chessie runs behind her but doesn’t make it in time. He scratches at the door and breathes underneath it.
31. (E10) INT. MOLLY’S BEDROOM – AFTERNOON
Molly is looking at her phone. She’s ecstatic! She lets Chessie into the room. She dances around him, and he barks. Molly runs to her window to see if she can see Mars down the beach at his house. Molly climbs out onto the porch roof and shimmies down the drainpipe into the sand. She runs down the beach towards Mars’ house. Chessie looks out the window at her.
32. (E10) INT. MARS’ HOUSE – AFTERNOON
Molly and Mars are so happy about the audition. Molly worries about Edgar and the fact that her mom isn’t there. Mars confesses that the house isn’t his mom’s and she’s been dead for years. It is in fact his house and it was his boyfriend who passed away. He was afraid she’d judge him. Molly says she’s been around dancers all her life and she understands. And that his mom would be proud of him.
33. (E10) INT. BIG ED’S SEAFOOD HUT – AFTERNOON
(This scene is going to be moved further into the story to keep Edgar in the dark longer)
Molly quietly enters shutting the door behind her. She turns around to see Ed sitting there. Molly explains that she got an audition in NYC and she’s going. Edgar says no and he’s found out she’s been sneaking out. Molly screams that he is ruining her life and runs upstairs to her bedroom. Jane tells Edgar she will go talk to Molly, but instead she goes into her bedroom and lies down.
34. (E8) INT. JANE’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
(I have plans to re-write this scene, but the feeling will be the same)
Molly, her eyes swollen from crying, goes into Jane’s bedroom. She shyly asks Jane for a needle and thread to sew a ribbon on her tattered toe shoe. Jane takes it and starts to sew it for her. Jane shares history of herself and Molly’s mom April showing her an old photo. Molly says Edgar treats Chessie better than her. She talks about leaving and upsets Jane who cries. Jane says they need each other.
35. (E10) INT. MOLLY’S BEDROOM – EARLY MORNING CONTINUOUS
Molly pulls her small, packed suitcase from under her bed. She ties her toe shoes to the handle. She climbs out onto the patio roof below and throws her suitcase to the ground. Molly hangs over the edge and drops to the ground. She picks up her suitcase and runs toward Mars’ house.
36. (E10) INT. KITCHEN – EARLY MORNING CONTINUOUS
Jane is at the kitchen window drinking a cup of coffee over the sink. She sees Molly.
37. (E10) EXT MARS’ HOUSE – EARLY MORNING CONTINUOUS
Molly runs up to Mars’ car in his driveway. Mars is putting his suitcase in the car. He grabs Molly’s and puts it in the trunk too. Mars wants to talk to Edgar before they leave, Molly makes an excuse and they drive off.
38. (E9) INT. KITCHEN – MORNING
Later, Ed enters the kitchen, grabs a mug and pours himself a cup of coffee. Jane is sitting at the kitchen table. Jane tries to prepare Edgar for what she’s going to say. She tells Edgar that Molly and Mars have left for NYC. She shows Edgar a schedule she found in Molly’s room. Edgar takes off after them.
39. (E7) INT. NYC BALLET THEATER – EVENING
(This NYC sequence will change. It will be a rehearsal space that Edgar infiltrates instead of a performance)
Ed enters the theater lobby with two police officers in tow. They try to run past the ropes but are stopped by an usher looking for tickets. Ed gets into the theater and sees Molly on stage for the first time. He is stunned! He cries. He calls off the police.
40. (E7) INT. THEATER LOBBY – NIGHT
(Have plan to rewrite this scene or remove it all together so Edgar is kept in the dark longer)
After the show, Ed is in a corner of the busy lobby wiping his eyes with a handkerchief. April, Molly’s mom is there and approaches Edgar. They hug and he is surprised by her body brace from her back surgery. They discuss Molly and April asks if she can come live with them now that she cannot dance. Edgar in a moment of weakness says he’ll think about it.
41. (E9) INT ED’S BEDROOM – NIGHT CONTINUOUS
Edgar asks Jane to cut off his hair. Jane cuts off his ponytail and shaves his beard. A rare moment of tenderness between the two.
42. (E10) EXT. PATIO BIG ED’S SEAFOOD HUT – DAY
Molly and Mars drive up to Big Ed’s just back from NYC. Mars says he wants to tell Edgar what a sensation Molly was, but Molly reveals that he didn’t say she could go. Mars is furious as an ambulance approached and stops in front of the restaurant. Molly goes inside.
43. (E10) INT. PATIO BIG ED’S SEAFOOD HUT – DAY
The EMTs come down the stairs and go outside. Molly climbs the stairs and sees Edgar on the landing with tears streaming down his face. He points Molly into Jane’s room where she sees Jane has died. In grief, Edgar reveals that he is Molly’s father.
44. (E10) EXT. CHURCH GRAVEYARD – DAY
Edgar and Molly are standing near the grave holding hands. April approaches from behind. Molly is still angry at April for abandoning her. April reveals her surgery and this only makes Molly angrier for keeping her in the dark. Molly runs off. April asks again if she can come stay with them. Edgar says he and Molly need to talk.
45. (E8) INT. BIG ED’S SEAFOOD HUT – DAY
(Planning to improve this scene through the dialogue)
Molly and Ed have a big talk about her running off to NYC. Ed apologizes for not seeing that she was an incredible dancer and deserved to follow her dream. Molly apologizes for giving him a hard time and promises to be agreeable from now on. They discuss whether they would be able to forgive April and let her come to stay with them over the restaurant now that Jane is gone.
46. (E8) INT. BIG ED’S SEAFOOD HUT – NIGHT
(I have changes planned for this scene)
April shows up at the restaurant after closing time. April approaches to give Ed a hug. Ed puts up his hand to stop her. Molly sneaks down the stairs unseen and sits on them to listen. Edgar says there are conditions. She has to be sure that she won’t leave them again…that she really wants this. And she has to make amends to Molly. Molly and April talk. April promises to not leave her again.
47. (E9) EXT. MARS’ DRIVEWAY – DAY
It is a month later. Mars, Molly, and Chessie are in Mars’ driveway. His car is packed to the brim. Edgar thanks Mars for taking care of Molly. Mars tells Molly she’s welcome to come to NY to see him and he gives her his information. Molly and Mars say their goodbyes expressing how they helped each other. Mars drives off.
48. (E5) INT. ED’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
(This scene may be changed or removed)
April has taken over Jane’s job of administering Edgar’s meds. Afterward, they kiss.
49. (E8) INT/EXT. SHED BEHIND RESTAURANT – DAY
April and Ed fixed up and decorated an extra-large shed for Molly. A sign over the door reads, Studio by the Bay. Molly teaches ballet to 3 small girls. April brings them water. Tammy from Molly’s school arrives and asks Molly if she can teach her how to dance for the Sadie Hawkins dance because she wants to ask a boy. Molly says yes and is happy to have made a friend.
50. (E9) INT. STUDIO BY THE BAY – EVENING
Molly is dancing around the studio. Tammy arrives and watches her for a minute and is very impressed. Molly tries to teach Tammy how to dance to modern tunes.
51. (E8) INT. BIG ED’S SEAFOOD RESTAURANT – KITCHEN – MORNING
(Need to rewrite this scene)
April and Molly are working in the kitchen. They discuss how they miss traveling and especially performing in front of an audience.
52. (E9) INT. ED’S SEAFOOD RESTAURANT – NIGHT
Edgar asks April if Molly dances as well as he thinks and she says yes. Molly comes downstairs and leaves her phone on the table while she goes into the kitchen. Edgar gets Mars’ information from her phone and puts it in his phone.
53. (E9) EXT. PATIO ED’S SEAFOOD RESTAURANT – DAY
(Have plans to rewrite this scene and add a tie back to the title by having Edgar call Molly “Chesapeake girl”; Chessie gets jealous and barks because she thinks she’s the Chesapeake girl)
It’s a month later. The restaurant is closed today. Edgar, Molly, Chessie, and April are all out on the patio. April had her brace removed. Edgar and April present Molly with a new pair of toe shoes. She is so surprised and thrilled. Then they tell her that they contacted Mars in NY and he pulled some strings to get her into the NYC Ballet school. Molly puts on her toe shoes and dances on the beach.
THE END
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Doug’s Scene Ratings
What I learned: As I mentioned before, this particular screenplay was adapted from the play version, and as such, went through many changes; however, those parts where the script changed most are a number of drafts behind the elements that came from the play, and this exercise made the sections that need work very clear.
Beat 34
EXT – TRANSITIONS GROUNDS – DAY
Jack and the ladies are filming a commercial for Flora’s jewelry website, and echo of Jack’s cheesy TV ads from the 1980’s. (E6)
Beat 33
INT – COMMON ROOM – NIGHT
The gang is hosting a “Welcome Home Wilf” party. Wilf asks Jack what they’re going to do with all that money. Jack assures him they’ve got it all worked out. (E6)
Beat 32
INT – RIO JEWELLER’S – DAY
Connor and Harper discover that their necklace is fake. (E7)
Beat 31
INT – TRANSITIONS LOBBY – DAY
Jack & co. wait for the bus that’s taking them to Departure Point. Jack gets a text from his son–a set of blueprints for the apartment Ben is building for him. As the bus to Departure Point arrives, Jack notices the new necklace Flora is working on. It’s made from the real diamonds! They all celebrate. (E10)
Beat 30
INT – RIO JEWELLER’S – DAY
A jeweller examines Connor’s necklace as he and Harper wait breathlessly. (E7)
Beat 29
INT – COMMON ROOM – DAY
Jack rushes in, tells the others that his room’s been ransacked and Connor has stolen his wallet and passport. They realize he’s ripped them off again. (E9)
Beat 28
EXT – BEN’S DRIVEWAY – DAY
Blanche takes Jack to see Ben & Lisa. The reconcile. Hugs all around. (E5)
Beat 27
INT – JACK’S ROOM – DAY
Harper walks in on Connor, who’s busy buying Flora’s diamond necklace online with Jack’s credit card. The delivery address is in Rio. Harper begs him to take her along, and she agrees. (E8)
Beat 26
INT – COMMON ROOM – DAY
Gertie & Flora are chalking up sales on Flora’s jewelry website. Connor spots a “paste” diamond necklace for sale and realizes what’s happened to the stones. He leaps out of his wheelchair and takes off. (E8)
Beat 25
INT – BLANCHE’S ROOM – DAY
Jack shows up, dishevelled and reeking of garbage. He apologizes and promises to do better. They make up (E6)
Beat 24
MONTAGE – THE SEARCH FOR THE DIAMONDS
A) In the dining room, Jack paws through a resident’s pudding , looking for diamonds.
B) Gertie and Flora go through their things in their room. Flora gets distracted by something shiny and Gertie gets her to refocus.
C) Blanche empties a huge bag of laundry in the laundry room and goes through it.
D) Connor, in his undies, is shaking out his pants in Jack’s room. The place has been ransacked.
E) Jack looks out the window and sees a couple of maintenance guys tossing garbage bags into a large container. He heads out in a hurry.
F) In the garbage ares, Jack tries in vain to climb up into a dumpster. Mrs. Drake, the resident fitness freak, sees him and helps to hoist him inside. (E7)
Beat 23
INT – HOSPITAL – NIGHT
Jack apologizes to Gertie for losing their savings. She tells him that he needs to stop trying to do it all on his own–he needs to let the rest of them in. He agrees, and they resolve to find the diamonds. (E6)
Beat 22
INT – COMMON ROOM – LATER
The group are just about to divvy up the diamonds when they discover they’ve vanished. Jack’s kids walk in as he loses it, hurling about at all of them–Blanche included. She walks out. Flora, overcome by all of this, drops to the floor, unconscious. (E9)
Beat 21
INT – COMMON ROOM – LATER
Mortimer arrives to announce that the charges against Connor have been dropped. He removes Connor’s security bracelet and leaves. Connor bolts for the door, but immediately doubles over with severe cramps. Jack takes him into the bathroom. The stones are retrieved. (E9)
Beat 20
INT – COMMON ROOM – DAY
Jack, pushing Connor in his wheelchair, catches up to Harper and offers to feed Connor. She insists on doing it herself, and promptly feeds him the pudding. (E9)
Beat 19
INT – GYM – LATER
Gertie inadvertently sets off Connor’s bracelet, which brings Harper back in as Jack and Connor are examining the stones. Jack hides them in Connor’s pudding. Blanche renders Harper unconscious, then passes out herself. The cops arrive to check out the alarm, and shut it off. Harper wakes up and goes off with Connor’s dinner tray–with the pudding on it. (E9)
Beat 18
INT – COMMON ROOM – DAY
Nurse Harper wheels in Connor, very much alive, into the room. The shooter missed. She leaves. Flora reveals the gun in her purse. She’s the one who tried to kill him. (E8)
Beat 17
INT – TRANSITIONS LOBBY – DAY
Lisa, very distraught after seeing what a hellhole Departure Point is, begs Blanche to convince Jack to talk to her. (E6)
Beat 16
INT – HALLWAY OUTSIDE JACK’S ROOM – DAY
A gloved hand opens Jack’s door. A second gloved hand points a gun into the darkened room. BANG! (E10)
Beat 15
INT – GYM – DAY
The diamonds have arrived, and Jack, Connor & co. check them out. They celebrate – they’re rich. Harper comes in and takes Connor back to Jack’s room for a nap. (E7)
Beat 14
INT – COMMON ROOM – DAY
Jack, having learned that Connor’s lawyer Mortimer is planning to move Connor to another facility, poses as Dr. Mwamba and tells Mortimer that Connor can’t be moved as he’s suffering from a rare, deadly and highly contagious virus. Mortimer, a major germaphobe, is scared off. (E9)
Beat 13
INT – MWAMBA’S OFFICE – DAY
Ben and Lisa learn from Dr. Mwamba, Transitions’ administrator, that Connor has cleaned Jack out and he’ll be forced to move to Departure Point at the end of the month if he can’t pay his rent. (E6)
Beat 12
INT – DINING ROOM – DAY
Jack, Connor and the others are having breakfast. Gertie’s on her laptop, arranging the shipment of the diamonds as Connor provides the necessary passwords. (E7)
Beat 11
INT – COMMON ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Blanche falls asleep and Connor is revealed. Jack strikes a deal with him: he and his friends will help Connor escape if he’ll cough up half of his $10 million diamond stash. (E9)
Beat 10
INT – COMMON ROOM – NIGHT
Connor’s on the phone to his lawyer, begging him to get him out of this place. These old farts are going to kill him! Jack and Blanche come in and Connor hides. (E9)
Beat 9
INT – JACK’S ROOM – NIGHT
A wide-awake Connor is at Jack’s computer, trying passwords. There’s a knock on the door, shortly after which Nurse Harper enters to find Connor back in his wheelchair, staring vacantly. (E8)
Beat 8
INT – RESTAURANT – NIGHT
Jack and Blanche are having dinner. He tells her about how his kids forced him to see his home and move into Transitions. (E5)
Beat 7
Jack wheels a disguised Connor in and reveals his identity to his friends. They resolve to put Connor out of his misery with a drug overdose. After he’s taken away by their nemesis, Nurse Harper, they have a change of heart. (E8)
Beat 6
INT – JACKS’ ROOM – DAY
Jack wakes up to find himself face to face with a catatonic Connor, lying in the bed opposite him. He storms off to complain to management. (E7)
Beat 5
EXT/INT – HOSPITAL – NIGHT
Word has leaked out about where Connor has been taken. A riot breaks out. Connor, still catatonic, is spirited out of the hospital in a hearse. (E8)
Beat 4
INT – TRANSITIONS COMMON ROOM – DAY
The next morning, Jack walks into the common room and learns that the news about Connor is out. His friends realize that their life savings are gone. (E9)
Beat 3
INT – DEPARTURE POINT – NIGHT
Jack, Blanche and their friends Gertie and Flora say goodbye to Wilf, leaving him in this dreary government facility.
Beat 2
INT – TRANSITIONS RETIREMENT HOME – JACK’S ROOM – NIGHT
Jack watches clips of his jewelry business commercials from the 1980’s on YouTube. He puts on the news and learns that Connor has wiped out his life savings, as well as those of his friends. His narcoleptic friend Blanche comes in and coaxes him to come and see their friend Wilf off. Wilf’s moving out, as he can no longer afford to live there. (E9)
Beat 1
EXT – POLICE STATION – DAY
A reporter stands in front of a camera as Robin Connor, famous financial advisor, is taken into the station in handcuffs, charged with running a Ponzi scheme and stealing millions from his clients. (E5)
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