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Lesson 7
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Lesson 7: Query Letter Margaret Doner
What I learned: To really hone everything down to the basics!
QUERY LETTER FOR DOWN TO HEAVEN
What happens when a bride dies moments before her wedding? The groom’s guardian angel inhabits her body and enrages the bride’s ghost.
Annabelle, a guardian angel who struggles with the detachment her role demands, finds herself falling in love with her charge, Charlie. When his bride dies moments before the wedding, she hops into her body and takes her place.
The bride’s ghost becomes desperate to evict Annabelle from her body, and enlists the help of the demonic realm to accomplish her task.
Now stuck on Earth, and faced with the awful truth that she is falling deeper in love with Charlie, Annabelle must fight off ghosts and demons all the while trying to protect Charlie from the consequences of her actions. Will she choose the right path, or make a mistake that could cost them both their lives?
If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the request.
BIO: I am an optioned screenwriter, novelist, and Nicholl quarter-finalist.
Thank you,
Margaret Doner
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Stephanie O’Leary’s QUERY LETTER for TUSK
WHAT I LEARNED from this Assignment:
An intriguing Query Letter is short and concise. Open with a powerful Hook, have your second paragraph define the fundamental problem/challenge of your story (Act 1), then drop the Inciting Incident that cranks up the action and defines the stakes for the protagonist(s.)
Refer to your Hooks or Most Interesting Things for additional conflicts from Acts 2 and/or 3 that can only be answered by requesting the script to read. Finish with a final “cliffhanger” Hook and request permission to submit. A brief Bio listing pertinent accomplishments, especially any special skills or experience that applies to the script adds credibility.
OPENING HOOK:
All God’s creatures have their place,
on the Earth, perhaps in space.
If their hungers match our own,
might they seek OUR flesh and bone?
SYNOPSIS:
TUSK is about a woman who cannot die, having been forever transformed by a fateful encounter with alien hospitality.
Bright and restless as a child, Brie Foley exhibits an early fascination with the night sky and space exploration. A farm kid living an isolated life with her pious grandparents, she struggles to cope with the limitations of small-town life. In her teens, a terrible accident and an encounter with a troubled young man set her on the road to an ominous destiny.
The young man Brie meets in Survival Camp has cosmic knowledge and carries secrets. When he tries to dissuade her from her path, it is to spare her life and perhaps redeem his own.
There are no elephants in space. TUSK means something else in this part of the cosmos – something rare and expensive for those who want it, and something terrifying to those employed in its manufacture.
REQUEST:
I hope TUSK is of interest. If so, I’d be happy to forward a copy of the script to you.
Sincerely,
Stephanie O’Leary
BIO:
Stephanie’s work has included features, reviews, op-eds, poetry, short stories, and the occasional obituary. TUSK was first published as a short horror story and is her first feature script.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by Stephanie O'Leary.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by Stephanie O'Leary.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by
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Vincent Saia’s
Query Letter
Dear….,
“He made young men brave.”
The subject of that statement is the main character of the incredible true story of a man whose story embodies the most popular type of tale of all time: The hero’s journey
Greg “Pappy” Boyington: Fighter pilot, rebel, alcoholic, failed husband, failed marine went from his deepest emotional valley to rallying himself through sheer will power to not only reach his highest peak, but became one of the greatest heroes of World War II. Fighting his way back into the Marine Corps after a tumultuous stint with the Flying Tigers (where he, among other things, had an affair with the executive officer’s wife) Boyington is determined to get back in the war. When all of his opportunities appear to have dried up, Boyington takes matters into his own hands and forms his own squadron from pilots from the replacement pool, most of whom are young and have yet to see combat. Dubbed the Black Sheep Squadron because of Boyington’s rebellious ways, under Boyington’s leadership it goes on to become one of the greatest squadrons ever to fly and Boyington becomes a top ace earning his pilots’ fierce loyalty and admiration. Just before Boyington is to be sent home to accolades, however, he is shot down and must test his mettle against the brutality of a Japanese POW camp.
If you like the concept, I would be happy to send you the script. I can be reached at [email] or [phone number].
Sincerely,
Vincent Saia
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Elizabeth Cochrell, Query Letter
What I learned in this exercise is when I continue to think about what’s most interesting it helps me crystalize more and more the message I want to get across with my script.
Would you be worried if your stepdaughter ran away to be with her real mother who is a hot-headed stripper MMA fighter? Life changes for all involved when the stripper’s long lost depressed teenage daughter shows up at her house and wants to hide out from the rich and twisted stepparents.
“MOTHER LOVE” SYNOPSIS
Although Michelle’s pole dance performance is an ethereal delight, her hatred for being thought of as a prostitute is one of the angry sources that fuels her MMA fighting. This is the situation when her daughter Rebecca, who flees from the stress of stepfather Mayor Frank’s corruption and jealous stepmom Emily’s berating, shows up on Michelle’s doorstep in San Diego.
Rebecca is momentarily afraid of Michelle but learns she is more like a fun friend and they do yoga, dancing and self-defense classes together. Michelle even allows Rebecca to adopt an amazing Pit Bull named Pitty and lets her start dog sitting in her back yard. As Michelle trains for the high-paying MMA event and becomes happier with motherhood, Rebecca screws up so they fight and then they make up.
But Emily kidnaps Rebecca back to Beverly Hills and tricks them to think they don’t want to be together. Then the truth comes out that Mayor Frank raped Michelle 15 years ago and Rebecca is his daughter. There’s a karmically rewarding final showdown between Michelle and stepparents and by the end, biological mother and daughter have grown into happier people.
BIO
Writer Elizabeth Cochrell is also author of a self-help book for couples called Hot Romantic Escapades for Lovers… http://www.hotromanticescapades.com, now writes scripts with inspiration from her glitzy careers in Hollywood as an aspiring actress, stripper, and fighter. Aside from her actual experiences, she draws from the colorful batch of characters she’s encountered in life who take shortcuts, steal from the rich and learn lessons, or about those who do extraordinary outrageous things for love.
Thanks and let me know if you would like to read the script!
Elizabeth Cochrell
310-503-9583
http://www.hotromanticescapades.com
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This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by Elizabeth Cochrell.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by
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H. Vince’s Query Letter
Power Players – 2023
Lesson 7: Write A Great Query Letter
What I learned from doing this assignment is…
I think I should change my main character’s name to Alice or Allie.
OPENING HOOK:
SYNOPSIS:
Instead of a closed-door physical office relationship imagine a mind altering one. What if you’re stuck in a white walled room day after day in a brown dreary building with someone that claims he has severe depression and that someone is your boss. You’ve tried to escape in the past, but his saying of just wait until the finish line and I’ll make it worth your while is making you hold on. Every day his cyclic venting is chipping away at your own sanity. Are things really happening as you think? That possible pay day light at the end is becoming foggier for Allie. Even when she finally thinks she makes it out, she gets punished in the end.
BIO: H. Vince has been a manager in the business world for a few decades.
REQUEST: If this concept interests you, I’d be happy to send you the script.
CONTACT INFO: H. Vince, <phone number>, <email address>
QUERY LETTER FORM:
Date:
Name
Address
Hello <enter name, organization or department>!
My name is H. Vince and I have been a manager in the business world for a few decades.
Title: MENTAL
Genre: Drama/Thriller
What happens when Allie’s boss dangled that carrot so much it leads her further down the rabbit hole?
Instead of a closed-door physical office relationship imagine a mind altering one. What if you’re stuck in a white walled room day after day in a brown dreary building with someone that claims he has severe depression and that someone is your boss. You’ve tried to escape in the past, but his saying of just wait until the finish line and I’ll make it worth your while is making you hold on. Every day his cyclic venting is chipping away at your own sanity. Are things really happening as you think? That possible pay day light at the end is becoming foggier for Allie. Even when she finally thinks she makes it out, she gets punished in the end.
If this concept interests you, I’d be happy to send you the script. Please see my contact information below. Thank you for your time and consideration.
H. Vince
<phone number>
<email address>
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Ed’s Query Letter
Genre: Horror
Fourteen-year-old Azuri loves the realtor’s sign in front of her family’s “new” house: “Home with a Past.” Maybe this move won’t be so bad after all. “How cool would it be if the house had a ghost?!”
It does. And it’s not so cool. As it wreaks havoc in her home, the Entity reveals itself only to her. Does it want to kill her, or bond with her?
To add to her stress, Azuri finds herself reliving the dying moments of other people’s lives—all of them children whose deaths came unexpectedly.
Although some new friends support her, other kids believe she’s a witch. Her parents think she’s psychotic.
Heather, Azuri’s friend’s mom, thinks she knows what’s going on with Azuri. And it’s not something Azuri wants to hear.
At last the Entity communicates in an intelligible way. But it communicates only as the house burns, with Azuri trapped inside.
If you like this concept, I’d be happy to send the full script.
BIO: Edward is a physician who has dealt with death all too often. He used to live in a haunted house. This script has thus far placed in three contests.
Contact: Edward Etzkorn…
WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT: A fresh and great way of composing a query letter.
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Roger Stone’s Query Letter
What I learned is how to write a query letter, which was new to me.
OPENING HOOK:
Sometimes it takes the alien next door to save your world.
SYNOPSIS:
My YA novel, titled SPACEMAN AND THE FREAKSHOW, is set in Bishop, California, in 2008, Leap Year. The lead character, Robi (not Robin which she hates), is a social misfit who on the eve of her 14the birthday decides she’s old enough to start standing up for herself. Spaceman is her Hispanic new neighbor, a germophobic, Special Needs high school boy who’s come to search for his missing daddy– a UFO pilot that got shot down by the Army years ago.
Robi assumes he’s mental and avoids him. But when the school bully threatens Spaceman, she stands up for him and the bully unexplainably disappears. Robi suspects that Spaceman has a special power and is just pretending to be a retard.
The bully’s father is the county sheriff who’s biased against Robi over a past event and pins the whole thing on her. Robi goes on the run and takes Spaceman with her convincing him they’re going to find out what happened to his missing daddy. It leads to her reconnecting with her own dad.
Then Spaceman is arrested by the sheriff who’s notorious for arresting foreigners then “renting” them to businesses. He takes Spaceman to the Colonel, the Army Outpost’s delusional commander.
Spaceman is used to force his no-longer-missing daddy to finish weaponizing his UFO so the Colonel can wreak havoc on aliens escaping from their plague-ridden Dimension. The Colonel wants to be named Commander of the futuristic Army Space Force.
In the end, the Colonel’s plot is foiled and Spaceman is saved when an earthquake hits and both the Colonel and the sheriff unexplainably disappear. Robi thinks it’s Spaceman again, but in a final twist Spaceman convinces her to accept what’s he’s always known— that Robi’s an alien herself with the Power of Zap.
REQUEST:
Spaceman and The Freakshow is an expanded version of my short story of the same title published last year in the online journal, Broadswords and Blasters. I believe it could easily be adapted into a coming-of-age feature screenplay, which I would love to write.
MY BIO:
I’m Roger Stone and an optioned and produced screenwriter.
CONTACT INFORMATION:
(818)601-4586
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