Lesson 7

[Zenna Davis – Jones]

Zenna Davis-Jones solving major problems

What I learned from doing this assignment is:

– to clarify what my protagonist’s goal is compared to the action they take. She wants to rule out that her friend committed suicide to permit her a funeral, but in order to do so, the priest says she must locate the source of the devil. So that becomes her first action, then that blows up and they believe that SHE is the devil. Through this period, she discovers something that reinvigorates her to find the truth about her friend in a tangible way.

– To make sure that the conflict is very clear per act.

– That if I am to show who this character is I must make her very rambunctious when she is young.

– I changed the twist so it is not her discovering the Priest killed her sister, instead, she discovers that he kidnapped her. While she was led to believe he found her abandoned and saved her.

– For the midpoint, she has a mental breakdown and killed a rat she thought was possessed by the devil. Instead I changed it so that she sees a man and believes he is carrying a rat. She attacks him, trying to prove to the congregation she found the devil, but the rat was an illusion. She imagined the whole thing and knocked out an innocent stranger.

-Introducing a new 2nd to the antagonist after the midpoint, making him scarier than the previous one.

[Lora Sester]

I like the creepiness and depth of you added here.

[Chris WIllis]

Chris Willis solving big picture problems.

What I learned from this assignment is the big picture of my script is pretty solid, with a couple of needed changes.

I’m pretty happy with the transformational journey of my main character. And the conflict throughout is pretty strong.

But I was not happy with the introduction of my main character in 1967. He basically gets off a bus, has a Save-the-cat moment, and walks home. Too passive, no challenge, no twist, no action. So I changed it to him waiting at a red light in 1967 in his 1956 Chevy muscle car. A brand new Mustang rolls up next to him, challenges him to a race. There is a lot of motor revving from both cars. Ready to race. The light goes green. The Mustang screeches through the intersection. Our hero puts on his blinker, turns right. As the police chase after the Mustang.

I also made a decision about the ending. A character is stopped by the police in 1968. He steps out of his car, raises his hands. It is there I freeze the image and transition to a statue of black men with their hands raised. The change? I added the sound of a flurry of gunshots over the frozen image.

[Lora Sester]

I love your new opening! Much more interesting.

[William Curley]

Bill Curley Solving Major Problems. Learned: This lesson told me a rewrite was absolutely required. Scene upgrades and changes: Opening. Protagonist Dr. Tomo Nikigami leaves a research ship with an ominous response to a ship captain,s question. Immediately thereafter a monster waterspout smashes Miami as Nikigami heads for the airport. The waterspout creates more opportunity as it sets up the Inciting Incident, one involving a cover up of Global Warming some 55 years earlier when Nikigami was a 22 year old student. Key Incident Ac1 to 2. Nikigami makes good on a bombshell announcement. This begins Nikigami,s danger zone . Antagonist psychotic oil exec Robert Conley, Jr sees the professor,s press conference. He immediately plans to silence him having recieved repeated reports from a student spy inplant. Nikigami,s revelation likely exposes those who assasinated JFK due to oil deposits discoverd of the Vientam coast with the direct help of both the CIA and an oil company owned by Conley,s very father. The bombshell press conference also endangers billions in oil industry profits by questioning the need for both the Canadian Tar Sands and Keystone pipeline projects. Midpoint and Story Twist. New scenes here. Conley has ordered a hit on Nikigami. Five assasins flown from Miami to Wisconsin smash into Nikigami,s Lake Mendota condo to kill him. Nikigami, skilled with swordsmenship learned in his youth back in Japan, grabs a Japanese Honshu sword and takes out all five would be killers one by one. Act 3 Lowpoint. More opportunities for scene improvement. The Monster hurricane called ” Cane” has destroyed Florida and ravaged the US East Coast is dying in the High Arctic. It will flip Earth,s climate to a runaway Mesozoic “Hot House” climate for the next 50 million years. Nikigami , now with the President and several others at the Pentagon are flow in to a battered but rebuilt Jacksonville,FL airport courtesy of the Navy Seabees in Air Force One. Ending: I think this final scence culminating the ending may be one of Hollywood,s classis scenes much like the ending in the 1968 classic “Planet of the Apes”. Nikigami, President Hans Bitterman, Army General Butch Majkowski and a handful of Seconday individuals exit two military Humvees. The stare southward in stunned silence and manifest horror. Severely damaged I 95 runs onto an open ocean. Florida is GONE.

[Lora Sester]

I had a hard time following your changes.

[Edward Etzkorn]

Ed Etzkorn solves major problems.

What I learned: All 4 frequent problems can be solved. I my own case, the script needed a new beginning, and conflict needed to be intensified.

Beginning was rewritten as noted in reply to Lesson 6.

Ending remains the same, but is strengthened by making the conflict between Azuri and the Entity more intense. Also noted that there are places in the dialogue where there is too much exposition and not enough conflict.

Improving the transformational arc of Azuri’s mother (Felicia) also improves Azuri’s transformational arc and increases her conflict.

[Lora Sester]

Great insights into your script!

[Lora Sester]

Lora Solves Major Problems!

I learned that sometimes what you believe to be the big issues are actually not and that unaddressed areas are where the problems lie.

At first I was going to update the transformational journey and conflict but I realized that the transformational journey was improved a lot in lessons 2 and 3. The conflict issues are more on the scened level I think, rather than the story level because conflict is baked into the structure. After listening to the week 4 video about characters talking to each other, I realized the opening is really my problem. I changed the opening from the tale of the jewel told as a bedtime story to a crowded K-pop concert where magic is first used. Then after they are in danger the story of the jewel is told and the jewel is given to Lisette to safeguard her.

[Chris WIllis]

A bed time story changed to a crowded concert scene. Nice! Also, it seemed you now show the power of the jewel before the explanation. Also nice. Or was that already the sequence of events?

[Lora Sester]

You noticed! The power now occurs before the explanation

[Margaret Doner]

Lesson 7: Solving major problems. Margaret Doner Love and Destiny

What I learned: To tighten the script but getting rid of unnecessary scenes. Make my protagonist stronger in her convictions. Move the story along faster with less dialogue and more action.

I eliminated two past life stories and concentrated on the other two. I brought in the understanding that Victoria’s past life experiences align with what quantum physicists have discovered…time goes both forward and backward. I strengthened Dennis and fleshed him out.

Basically streamlined the story and strengthened the two main characters.

[Lora Sester]

I like that you made your protagonist have stronger convictions.

[Deanne]

Deanne Solves Problems

What I learned = I’ve been neglecting the antagonist.

Regarding Major Conflict:
I’m having a problem with the injunction to have one clear major conflict from Turning Point One to the end. Does a mystery count as a major conflict? In Act One of COVER BAND, the protagonist and his buddy drift into a plan to go to Tucson. It’s a choice, not an imperative. Then circumstances make the protagonist pick a different destination. That’s the first step onto the path to the climax, so I figure that’s Turning Point One. However, the next few scenes establish three people traveling together amicably, so there is no clear conflict. Then one is seemingly kidnapped, and evidence surfaces that the band is hinky. Now two characters want to know if the third is okay, and the protagonist wants to figure out what’s going on with the band. That’s mystery, but is it conflict?

Regarding the need for a Strong Opening:
The teaser for this script establishes genre but did not contain the protagonist. I’ve added a glimpse of the protagonist that ties him to the opening action, but he is not involved in the action. The protagonist’s big introduction is in the following scenes. Could that introduction be considered the opening even though it follows a teaser?

Strong Ending:
The current draft of this script has a “Tchaikovsky Ending.” I’m trying to deal with too many loose ends at once. I need to tie up some of them earlier so the ending is more streamlined, giving it more impact.

[Lora Sester]

I don’t think mystery and conflict are always the same thing. I think the mystery can cause conflict though.

[Douglas]

Lesson 7

Doug Solves Major Problems

Changes – I did a total rewrite of the ending showdown with villains. I had an ending and afterwards, decompression scenes that I liked. However, the ending did not match the intensity of the opening and the dark night of the soul – all is lost plot point. It was more like a deflating balloon vs ever building higher intensity.

Lesson: Best to have key plot points more settled & matched vs going back and repairing to match the rest of the script.

[Lora Sester]

I like that your ending is more intense now.

[Elizabeth Cochrell]

LESSON SEVEN POST

Elizabeth Cochrell Solves Major Problems

What I learned from this assignment is I become more clear about the message of my story when I make the conflict bigger and more dramatic. I was afraid to put my leads into really personally uncomfortable situations, I was too nice which made it boring!

I RAISED THE CONFLICT MORE BY:

Rebecca is so sensitive about what people think of her that she lies to everyone and even keeps it a secret that she knows Frank molested her.

I added a scene where she talks to her rescue dog Pitty showing how she doesn’t trust people at all.

I added a scene where Misha thinks Rebecca was dealing drugs when Misha gets arrested for the drugs that the detectives planted in her kitchen.

Emily is way more evil now. She lies and influences authorities with her connections to stay in control of Rebecca even to the point of telling Frank to shoot Misha at the showdown.

I SHOWED BIG CHARACTER CHANGES OF THE LEADS BY:

Misha puts effort into her business idea, which she’s never done before when Emily gets her knocked off the event. But I need to show how Misha has mellowed out her temper by the end.

I added a scene where Misha and Goldie do a self-defense/yoga presentation for the rich ladies who say yes they will invest if she agrees to do the MMA event. They used their power to get her re-instated because she took care of their dogs when Rebecca went away.

In Act 3 when Rebecca finds out that Misha didn’t want to get rid of her and see’s Franks sex room, and Emily tries to manipulate her again she changes in a big way. Rebecca finds the courage to admit the truth and know it’s not her fault by the end.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 9 months ago by  Elizabeth Cochrell.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 9 months ago by  Elizabeth Cochrell.

[Lora Sester]

I have the same issue! I hate putting people I like in though situations lol

[James Hernandez]

Day 7:

James Solves Major Problems!

What I learned doing this assignment is that my original transformational journey for the female lead is strong and still serves the story well. Also, there’s consistent conflict throughout the piece which aligns with the story I’m attempting to write. The ending may change due to the elevation I’m doing with the opening. The opening initially was weak by which the female lead’s traits and motivations were not pronounced enough making the scene too dull.

The major change I’m making is with the opening by making Jessica’s traits clear by almost exaggerating them. As a result, the opening accomplishes establishing the female lead, Jessica, gives the audience a sufficient glimpse of the world she lives in, and sets the conflict she has with her boss, others, and herself.

I also changed the
setting for the inciting incident. Instead of having the romantic leads meet in
an elevator, they’ll retreat to a restroom hiding from the robbery that’s
taking place in the coffee shop. This comically gives them time to get to know
each other until the robber races out.

[Jonathan Clark]

Jonathan Clark Solves Major Problems!

“What I learned from doing this assignment is…?”

I’m now finding that just being relaxed about it and letting loose on a really focused outline stage is bringing about great rewards for the story and releasing me from stress. Yay!

Changes:

I’ve made some major overhaul changes to the story, first by bringing in the fraudulent sales/gang story more into focus. That way, an undercurrent of serious Conflict runs all the way through. I’m making sure that, though scenes before the Midpoint make Vincenzo more of a reactionary character, after the Midpoint, he’s much more proactive. To do that, I’m also amping up Vincenzo’s lack of spark and ambition early on, so his being coerced into the gang feels right and inevitable. I’m pretty happy with my opening but I realize I need to tighten it up, getting rid of a few scenes that aren’t absolutely necessary. Also, to bring about a stronger ending, I’ve changed the climax to make it more emotional and tied to earlier scenes through setups/payoffs in the Transformational Arcs of more than just one character. I’m still looking at ways to strengthen Vincenzo’s Arc where his Faith is concerned, and I feel like an early fraud scheme should somehow tie itself to the Chaudron ending directly. Overall, the story’s flow is becoming clearer to me.