Lesson 7

[Margaret]

Margaret has Amazing Dialogue!

Vision: To be the best faith-based screenwriter.

I was able to elevate 22 lines. I found that going through the previous lessons had already made a lot of my dialogue script-worthy. I still found opportunities, however.

Three examples:

“Son, reconsider. Your mother’s heart is breaking.” Changed to: “Son, your mum…”

“I do not know where the boy is.” Changed to, “The wind fills their wings, who knows their path?”

“We will listen to him again.” Changed to, “His voice will be heard.”

[Lloyd Shellenberger]

Lloyd loves to elevate dialogue.

Working hard every day to become the best writer I can and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.

What I learned from these assignments is how to continually elevate dialogue and description.

I have gone through my script, and I am on number 45 in saves and rewrites of dialogue and description as well as shoring up the structure and logic issues. I am happy with it. I had a reading so I could find boring flat dialogue. I went through the notes afterwards and updated it. I love the writing process. Taking and idea and bringing it to life!!!!

• This reply was modified 1 year, 6 months ago by  Lloyd Shellenberger.

[Lenore]

WIM Module 8: Lesson 7

Lenore Bechtel has amazing dialogue

My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that lines that are boring and average don’t have to stay that way, and that all main characters should never speak in a generic way.

I wasn’t counting, but I estimate I elevated more than twenty lines. I’m not sure I’ll remember the original lines to report on three lines I elevated, so I might have to report on how the lines read now.

I gave my protagonist Libby a tendency to use similes, especially reference to ancient Greek mythology.

In her opening monologue, Libby says to the ticket agent:

For twenty-eight years I’ve been patient Penelope waiting to see my precious Odysseus once again at our special spot in Schulenburg Park. Now you alone could turn my Greek drama into a Romeo and Juliet tragedy. Would you keep Nicole Kidman from her Tom Hanks? Sharon Osbourne from her wacky Ozzy? Bacall from her beloved Bogart? Please, please, find a flight to connect me to my Zhores. Will you give me a fitting climax for my life’s desire, or assign me to a life of paradise lost?

I changed “Still, he was there immediately, afterwards, when we called him.” To

Still, he was there, afterwards, when we called him–as quickly as a magician’s slight of hand.

Another new line:

You’ve been drowning in the blood of misconduct, which was truly only misdirection.

Changed “Even child prodigies makes dumb decisions “ to:

Even child prodigies make decisions dumb as a doorknob on a tree that’s not hollow. As bad as Oedipus.

Changed “Listen! This child is a genius.” To:

Listen! This child is more talented than a painter with a rainbow palette. She’s a genius.

And added later:

As gifted as Orpheus charming all living creatures.

[Brian Bull]

BRIAN BULL has Amazing Dialogue

VISION!!!
My ultimate goal is to get my scripts from my hands to the SILVER SCREEN!!

“What I learned from doing this assignment is…
There always seems to be a little room for improve with each passing I do.

The ONE THAT GOT AWAY – A Fisherman’s Tale
A fisherman is determined to catch the fish he blames for his younger brother’s death, however, in the end, it turns out the fisherman is the one who had gotten away.

ASSIGNMENT

3. Tell us how many lines you elevated and give us three before-and-after examples.

8 lines of dialogue I elevated and I just changed them as I went along without saving the before(s).
As a matter of fact I added a short scene to some clarity as well.