Lesson 7 Assignments

[Elizabeth Dickinson]

Elizabeth Dickinson Completed P/S Grid #2

What I learned doing this assignment is that I need more depth for my main villains. However, I’m not sure it’s appropriate to include/reveal that information in my pilot, or if I did, where I’d put it.

Xola

Moral issue- Sees Celt as everything he hates about Celtic people. That they get sympathy they don’t deserve.

Secret – in love with Dakarai

Hidden agenda – Is homosexual, but hates himself for it, gets aroused by humiliating others

Wound – Was abused as child by Celt people

Secret identity – First enslavement by Celt warrior, father was Celt. Saw mother as weak.

Surprising want/need – Wants to be acknowledged for his animal training abilities

Hidden weakness – Wants approval from Dakarai.

Cletus

Moral issue – Sees Celt initially as nuisance, but later on as potential slave/companion

Secret – Is from impoverished background, ashamed of admitting family makes kilns

Hidden agenda – Wants to become big fish commander in Britannicus, sees having Celt as slave-translator way to do that.

Wound – Hates being bested by effete elites like Sirius

Secret identity – Son of charcoal maker

Surprising want/need – Wants to be looked up to by Sirius/Celt

Hidden weakness – Loves his family, even tho’ he’s ashamed of what they do.

[Laurie Brown]

Laurie Brown Completed P/S Grid #2

What I learned from doing this lesson is how my outline seems to be the big issue.

What I did was reworked the outline according to changes I made in the script yesterday. That was a lot to add those scenes to the outline. While I did that I made changes to the scenes based on Grid #2. The ones I focused on most were related to Geri’s character, specifically her wound and her base emotions and public mask. I also clarified some of the reveals, using more subtext and tried to make the arc stronger on weak scenes. I read through the intrigue emphasis for each scene and made sure that I was focusing the scene to emphasize that intrigue method. I still see lots of work to do, but it’s coming together. I am fortunate to be able to work on this for many hours each day and keep moving. Perhaps I should give it a break, but I think I will cover what I uncover between lessons in future drafts.

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s Complete P/S Grid #2

What I learned from doing this assignment is to stick to the assignment and not take too much on at one time. I had to keep myself from rewriting everything as I went and concentrate on the holes and aspects of the assignment.

Alex – I rewrote some earlier scenes to showcase his wish to be just normal – job, lifestyle, etc. to provide more empathy when his fate comes knocking.

Cut some scenes that were too revealing. Instead, folded them into other scenes to create better reveals.

Removed some cliches.

Rewrote clunky dialogue.

Challenged my main character.

Broadened some 2nd circle characters.

Added better action sequences to cause more tension.

Renamed the show: Now called “Decendence”

• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  Timothy Barley.

[Avi K]

Avi Kapurala’s Complete PS Grid #2

What I learned doing this assignment is: Keeping the outline and the draft in synce is important.

I was able to strengthen 4-5 important scenes and strengthen my main characters as well and they’re now all in a much better place from the first draft.

I’m really beginning to understand the purpose of module 4 and its philosophy of fixing problems. Great stuff! Looking forward to really imbibing these lessons as I continue writing.

[P.G. Sundling]

For the intrigue one, we went through every scene in the outline. I do probably defuse some of the tension with humor, but it makes for a more entertaining journey.

I get compliments on my villain and my fans are deeply attached to my characters.

Hopefully, if there are improvements available someone else will notice anything I have missed.

[Wendy Weising]

Wendy Weising’s Completed P/S Grid #2

What I learned doing this assignment is that there are so many pieces to this that can and need to be changed or moved to make it better.

Characters We Don’t Care About

The villain of the story wasn’t someone people would care about. I had the person she cared about tell her that he didn’t love her.

Took out redundant speaking when what was happening was clear.

Did a lot of tweaking and changing things.