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Lesson 7 Assignments
Reply to post your assignment.
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14 Replies
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Subject Line: Michael Aiden Christopher, Query Letter
What I learned doing this lesson is, the simple hook is king and every aspect of selling a script comes back to that.
Title: THE PERFECT LOVER
Laura found the perfect lover, but it took two guys to make one.
Laura had it easy, she’s on a glide path with her childhood sweetheart, until she learns he’s burning both ends of the candle. So she decides to give up relationships, well at least the talking part of it.
Then a friend tunes her in to a new kind of designer robot that’s the greatest thing since sliced bread and she goes for it, welcome to the world, Rusty.
Problem solved, but not so fast, she bumps into the robot’s real doppelganger, Russel. But in time a logical explanation surfaces, and cracks form in her no relationship vow. Considering she didn’t want a relationship anymore, she sure has her hands full. Of course it ends up frustrating the hell out of Russel having to compete with a doppelganger robot and it ends up blowing the whole affair up.
Lesson learned, you can’t force love. So to keep her sanity, she falls back on her other love, working with horses. What better environment for a white knight to come riding in?
If my concept suits you, I’d be happy to send you the script.
BIO: My style is outside the box, instead of contests, I worked with a development person at the Page Awards and earned a consider rating on my script. As far as writing a story about the perfect lover goes, I’m spending my whole life trying to find it.
Michael Aiden Christopher
631-405-8938
PO Box 1090
Aquebogue NY 11931
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Heather’s
query letterWhat I learned from this: in reading everyone else’s letters it sounds like this formula makes the query much more readable and interesting.
Imagine a world where a pregnant teen would rather throw herself off a cliff, than bring a child into a community where she sees no hope for its future. That’s the opening scene in Absolution, a drama that explores Canada’s legacy of the residential schools. Of them, St. Anne’s in Ontario was the worst. They even had a homemade electric chair set up in the basement.
Yet we forget about those who tried to stop the abuse. Absolution tells the story from a priest’s point of view.
Father John Ambrose has lived with the memory of witnessing the headmaster rape and murder his young victims. Now facing his own demise from cancer, he needs to apologize and seek forgiveness from the Cree, especially the woman he loved as a young priest.
The Vatican certainly doesn’t want to see the depths of the headmaster’s depravity exposed. It would be better if Ambrose died…a little sooner.
Absolution asks the question ‘how do you keep your faith when those who represent God won’t acknowledge their sins?’ I have worked as a psych nurse with Indigenous women’s shelters for over 25 years, dealing directly with the trauma of residential school survivors. Absolution has placed as a ‘finalist’ in numerous contests.
If you like the concept, may I send you the script?
Sincerely,
Heather Hood
po box 11, Yahk, BC, V0B 2P0
1-250-977-5131
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From Joan Butler
Hi Heather,
Where can I read other people’s letters?
Thanks for the help.
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Query Letters
Title: The Deprogrammer
Genre: Drama
Written by: Joan Butler
This story answers these questions:
Can a counselor keep a brainwashed victim of domestic abuse from returning to her husband by using deprogramming often deployed with brainwashed cult members?
What if the victim’s husband continues to brainwash her every night?
What if the lie the counselor tells the woman to keep her in counseling backfires?
And finally, why are the counselor and the woman both plagued by guilt?
The deprogramming in this story is authentic and the transition house is based on the house I stayed at.
The script placed at Austin, under the title Transitions and at Raindance under the title Lies and Transformation.
If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.
Contact: joanbutler357@gmail.com ph: 1-604-540-5065 mail: 102-265 Tenth St., New Westminster BC, V3M3Y1 Canada
I learned that this assignment was difficult because I am used to creating log lines.
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Joy Smith’s Query Letter
1. Start with your synopsis from Lesson 6, even if it is a first draft.
Would you get yourself committed to advance your career? Cleo would.
An ambitious journalist whose entire life revolves around work, Cleo has an explosive scoop in her sights: deliberate overuse of medication at psychiatric care homes. Cleo knows she can help people by exposing the malpractice and advance her career at the same time.
Her friends tell her it’s a bad idea and her boss refuses the assignment – but Cleo goes anyway. After all, it’s not like insanity is contagious! But instead of an easy return to her keyboard (and cat!) Cleo finds her Editor is preoccupied with the paper and her inside contacts are arrested.
Now, she is given real brain-altering medication.
Cleo must find a way to survive in the care home, as she tries to prove her real identity and her roommates insanity starts to catch hold of her as well.
2. Craft an Opening Hook and put it at the top of the page.
This opening hook should lure us into the concept. Remember, it will be a bold statement, question, setup/punchline, or a quote from the lead character.
This was already part of my query letter (I learned it in ProSeries!). I used a question:
Would you get yourself committed to advance your career? Cleo would.
3. Write your Bio and add it below the salutation with the word “BIO:” before it.
I don’t have anything credible for my bio, although it’s a relief to read the advice of putting nothing, as that’s what I had been doing. I did actually get a read request back from the above query letter.
I’d asked about this in the Facebook group because I have sent a few queries off lately, as there seem to be producers looking for projects that my scripts fit at the moment.
I don’t really know what to do in terms of competitions, as I’ve been out of the screenwriting world for a few years, so am wondering about writing a script where I do have relevant experience (which I do already have a treatment for). It should be fairly marketable, and if it means it will open some doors, then it’s worth doing.
But let’s stick with the script I’ve been using throughout these assignments for now!
4. Make sure it has all the Basics covered (from Part One).
Opening Hook
Synopsis
Request
Bio
Contact information
Subject: FIRST LAW
Dear Producer
Would you get yourself committed to advance your career? Cleo would.
An ambitious journalist whose entire life revolves around work, Cleo has an explosive scoop in her sights: deliberate overuse of medication at psychiatric care homes. Cleo knows she can help people by exposing the malpractice and advance her career at the same time.
Her friends tell her it’s a bad idea and her boss refuses the assignment – but Cleo goes anyway. After all, it’s not like insanity is contagious! But instead of an easy return to her keyboard (and cat!) Cleo finds her Editor is preoccupied with the paper and her inside contacts are arrested.
Now, she is given real mind-altering medication.
Cleo must find a way to survive in the care home, as she tries to prove her real identity and her roommates insanity starts to catch hold of her as well.
If you like the concept of First Law, I’d be happy to send you the script.
Yours faithfully,
Joy Smith
+44 7719006946 | joy,geldard-smith@hotmail.com | 28 Truro Walk, Normanton, West Yorkshire, England, WF6 2DJ
5. Answer the question “What I learned doing this assignment is…?
What I learned doing this assignment is that my query letter is solid, thanks to the ProSeries. It’s a shame that I don’t have anything credible to write in a bio, but that will all change soon. I can either write the script that I have some expertise in and start to market that, or I can continue pushing at the open doors until I have been optioned, etc.
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Vernall Ritchey – Query Letter
QUERY LETTER
Man Hunt is a hilarious comedy about a beautiful, recently engaged young woman who find out that she has just been bequeathed a $25 million inheritance by her late, estranged, TRIBESMAN father if she marries A MAN LIKE HIM by tomorrow.
Needless to say, all hell breaks loose when her dream engagement is off and her nightmarish hunt is on, literally and figuratively – as she, with the help of her raunchy, foul mouth mother, aunt, and two friends set out through the treacherous terrain of the forbidden forest to find a tribesman for her to marry.
Armed with courage, determination, and a mother’s useful advice (using quotes) is proven not to be enough as insurmountable problems occur when Victoria, with much disgust, is forced to grovel for Martin, a tribesman hand in marriage. Finally defeated by humiliation, Martin satisfied, accepts Victoria’s marriage proposal. Victoria vows to kick Martin’s ass after they are married. Martin shows that he is up for the challenge, evidenced by their back and forth sarcastic banter.
Determined to collect them coints, Martin and his boys take a short cut as they take the girls home. They make it back in the nick of time for Victoria and Martin to get married. They say I do, the clock strikes 5:00pm, and Victoria throws a punch, kicking Martin’s ass. It’s a near miss as Martin ducks then plants a juicy kiss on Victoria’s lips. Victoria screams.
REQUEST: If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.
CONTACT INFO: Vernall Ritchey, cellphone: (310) 500-8064, address: 9110 S. Cullen Way, Inglewood, CA 90305, email: vernallritchey@gmail.com
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Cody Jarrett’s Query Letter
Question: How can three female friends get revenge on their lying, cheating, morally bankrupt husbands?
Answer: Hit ’em where it really hurts! No, not the “D”, or the wallet… but the SOFTBALL FIELD!
Hi, Steve
It’s Cody Jarrett. We’ve never met, so here’s some quick background.
BIO: I just finished post on ___________ with ___________, which I wrote and directed. My previous film as writer/director was _________, which first aired on Showtime several years ago and is now having a massive pandemic-era resurgence, notching over 32 million views on it’s most popular streaming channel, plus wide VOD rerelease on Tubi, Plex, the Roku Channel, Amazon Prime, and more. I’m also a member of the Local 700 Hollywood Editors Guild, SAG, and _________ has been my attorney for many years.
In any event, WEST HOLLYWOOD COUGARS is a fun, sexy comedy.
Three housewives (40’s) are divorced by their cheating husbands, whose favorite pastime besides screwing their secretaries is playing on their softball team, the Cocksmen. The wives form their own team, the WEST HOLLYWOOD COUGARS, to get their husbands’ attention.
The rag-tag Cougars are terrible until they discover an all-star pitcher in one of their players; now they are the talk of the league and instant media darlings. The husbands try every low-life trick in the book to stop them, but come championship day it’s the wives vs. the husbands.
Taking a cue from the husbands’ dirty playbook, the Cougars cinch a last-inning victory and ruin their husbands’ lives at the same time. Sort of First Wives’ Club on the softball field, but with the female camaraderie and heartfelt transformation of League of Their Own.
If you like the concept I’ll be happy to send over the script. My contact information is below.
Thank you, Steve! Have a great day!
Yours truly,
Cody Jarrett
What I learned today: Seems very on-the-nose, but I learned how to write a basic query letter.
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Kathryn’s Query Letter
What I learned: Great refresh on this simple and powerful method. This really helps distill the story down to its essence.
Genre: Action/Comedy
Title: SupermomEven superheroes have… needs.
Belinda Flick AKA Incrediwoman has always kept her crime-fighting partner and America’s formerly #1 superhero, Atomic Man, at arm’s length—who has time for romance when you’re saving the world AND running a multibillion-dollar corporation, am I right? But one night, after a particularly harrowing escape… well, you know.
A month later, as she’s interrogating some terrorists who have broken into her lab to steal her invincibility formula, the interrogation turns into a massive puke fest.
A trip to one of the doctors who works for her confirms her worst fear—SHE’S PREGNANT.
And since she’s invincible… ending the pregnancy isn’t an option. (Oh, but she tries. Yes, she tries.)
Now the President of the United States is up her ass, wanting her to turn over her formula to “keep it safe” (read: make supersoldiers). And since she’s battling superpowered pregnancy symptoms, she has uncontrollable flatulence and debilitating edema in front of the leader of the free world. It’s really putting a cramp in her crime-fighting, too.
She decides that her only choice is to make the trek back to the remote Himalayan mountains where she first stole the magical secret ingredient that gave her powers. There she finds a utopian village whose residents are sworn to protect the ingredient, which comes from the Source of all life on Earth. They’ll raise her child so she can go back to her normal life, but… is that life is really worth going back to?
And… oops. She may have just revealed the Source’s location to the bad guys. Can she and the villagers learn to trust each other in time to save the world—and before Belinda goes into labor?
BIO: Kathryn Gould is a produced screenwriter (Apartment 212) and is represented by Kinetic Media. She was most recently hired to develop an animated TV show based on a series of James Patterson novels with Axis Studios (Netflix’s Love, Death and Robots, and Scrooge: A Christmas Carol), and is in development on an animated feature project with director and animator Alex Orrelle (Space Jam 2, Klaus, The Incredibles). She’s a formerly pregnant person (twice!) and has a Master’s Degree in Family and Child Studies, making her particularly well-equipped to write about things like balancing motherhood and a demanding career. She has no experience being an invincible superhero, unless you count that time she kicked breast cancer’s ass.
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Kathleen O’Neill – Query Letter
Dear Person,
BIO: I currently focus on writing rather than directing and acting. My family has been blessed with many adoptions and when I heard a story about a frightening experience I knew I wanted to explore that in a film. So I finished another project and started work on My Mother Es Mi Madre.
Judas Priest! I don’t exist!
The eldest of five in a wonderful family she adores, a successful architect and partnered with the love of her life discovers she is adopted and that her entire life is a lie.
When a journey that takes Jessica McHale from New York to Medellin, Colombia, a mother who thought that she had died at birth, a grandmother who put her out for adoption and a family who doesn’t know that she exists combines with her adoptive family showing up to reclaim their much-loved daughter and sibling, family secrets explode.
The initial obstacles to finding her birth mother pale in comparison to bringing the two families together. The consequences of the betrayals result in revelations for everyone.
We love family stories because it is a quest we take no matter our culture. Who am I? Why do I exist? Our family forever informs and provides incentive for the pursuit. My Mother Es Mi Madre explores that dynamic journey.
If you are interested, I’d be happy to send you the script.
Regards,
Kathleen O’Neill
917-710-1782
http://www.kathleenaoneill.com
“What I learned doing this assignment is…? I now have a basic query letter and will adapt it to the specific person I am contacting. Also, the prep work is powerful.
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Cassie Richardson’s Query Letter
What I learned doing this assignment is that working on the synopsis as a separate and complete step will make writing the query letter less daunting.
“Girl, be careful! Black Santa can ruin your life.” – Brianna Reynolds, lead character, BREAKFAST WITH SANTA
Dear Producer,
I have a Christmas Romantic Comedy, titled BREAKFAST WITH SANTA, that might be a good fit for your wheelhouse:
An unexpected sprinkle of Black Santa’s Christmas magic leads to surprising consequences that rob marketing genius Brianna Reynolds of a promotion, her dignity and her pride. Instead of living her best life, Brianna must go to her ex’s fledgling hometown and silence the community’s holiday spirit until Christmas.
But keeping the man who dumped her for a supermodel at arm’s length and pacifying the quirky townspeople prove more difficult than expected.
So, what does Brianna do?
She puts her career ambitions on the line to rebrand the fledgling town as America’s premier Christmas destination, complete with fun urban spins on familiar Christmas traditions.
Then surprise! Black Santa drops Brianna’s boss, the supermodel and the young son Brianna didn’t know her ex had into the mix – proving there’s no such thing as a perfect Christmas or a perfect life.
About Me
Cassie is a marketing genius whose storytelling is behind two Superbowl commercials. She’s African American and knows the Black Santa-type well.
If you like the concept, I’d love to send you the treatment. Is that possible? Please let me know.
Here’s how you can reach me:
Email: Cassie.maeb@gmail.com
Cell: 312-590-1023
Snail Mail: 5201 S. Cornell Ave., #17A
Chicago, IL 60615
Thanks for your consideration,
Cassie
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SU Power Players Class Assignment #7
What I learned from doing this exercise is…another opportunity for me to be succinct rather than verbose, as is my normal tendency. The guidelines make so much sense to really grab the attention of the reader, gatekeeper, producer, or whomever???
Opening Hook: The universe has a different plan for a feisty divorcee who has sworn off men forever.
Synopsis: For Daisy, a gal obsessed with winning the over 50 national ballroom dance contest, losing her partner is problematic, but whacky old daddy to the rescue. He covertly sends Buck, a hunky replacement… his personal penis pump salesman!
In addition to dad, Daisy is surrounded by crazy dudes who complicate her life:
Ø Her ardent ex-husband, a former MI6 operative & disguise expert
Ø A love-sick guy half her age relentlessly pursuing her
Ø A sneaky auditor determined to get her fired or demoted
Her Lesbian daughter’s dream wedding in Canada turns into a nightmare as the family is all arrested at the border when daddy’s drug collection is discovered.
She hates to do it, but Daisy calls Buck for help. He has customers up north, too, calls in a favor, and gets the gang released.
Guess who’s injured in an accident causing him to miss the critical contest finals, infuriating Daisy? Yep, and he can’t even explain because she’s ghosted him.
Fast forward to daddy’s demise which reconnects Daisy and Buck. The electricity still present.
Daisy didn’t win the contest, instead, she won the love lottery!
Request: If you like Rom-Com, Love Dance, I would be happy to send it to you.
Bio: Constance has another comedy optioned with a London-based producer which is in development. She has studied screenwriting for several years predominantly with ScreenwritingU where she obtained a Master certification in 2018.
Contact information: Constance Barr, 503-750-0304, mcb.connie@gmail.com, 4263 Woodside Circle, Lake Oswego, Or.97035
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Mark Charles Ritter’s – Query Letter
What learned doing this assignment is: I needed to condense my Synopsis. Which was do-able, but probably needs to go a bit further.
Title: THE ASCENDANCE
Genre: Science-Fiction / Adventure
When the Galaxy is going to Hell, the only way out is UP!
Risk-addicted, blacklisted investigative reporter, Steven Redmann, has cleaned up his act to resurrect his career. Arriving in Spokane, WA, for his first assignment, to interview the Tribal Casino G.M., Steven blows it gloriously, helped by the telekinetic provocations of Harold “Sky River”, who then leads him to a historic marker where Harold induces Steven to have a vision of his previous life – as a Native American dying on the battlefield of the genocidal 1858 Plateau Indian Wars.
Welcome to the Epic Mission, you never knew you signed up for.
Quantum Physics is the new Shamanism, as Harold (lone survivor of the mission’s first attempt) trains Steven and a diverse team of other reincarnates to remember the knowledge of their Native past and the secrets of the Blue Orb, on the way to becoming Gridkeepers, guardians of Earth’s energetic grid system that holds the world together – Or tears it apart! But they’d better learn fast, because a Dracos (shapeshifting Human/Reptilian hybrid), known as “The Eraser,” is out to stop them again – after destroying the mission in 1858 – no matter the evil necessary to fulfill the ancient agenda of the fallen Inner Earth Reptilian Races. A little real estate redevelopment project, that starts with blowing the Yellowstone Caldera, and crescendos with a Pacific Ring of Fire, Geothermal Armageddon. Just as humanity is set to enter Earth’s long-foretold Golden Age of Enlightenment & Ascension.
Are the Gridkeepers up to taking on a dark mess of this magnitude?
The trials ahead will force them to traverse time, space, and dimensions – from Inner Earth to pre-ancient Lemuria, 52,000 yrs. ago, to Blue Orb trans-dimensional meetings with Ascended Masters. But always returning to the contemporary Inland Northwest, where their mission must be completed. Along the way the Gridkeepers must each face and heal their personal traumas, to embody their true highest selves, and fulfill the mission they have reincarnated for – the preservation of The Ascendance of Earth & Humanity.
If he survives the odyssey of the mission, will Steven have vanquished his demons to accept the hero’s mantle and live with love in the revelation of our true human evolutionary destiny?
…as Earth opens her Universal Stargate and becomes the Galactic Ascension Platform.
– If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script!
Bio: Multi-Optioned Screenwriter and former Development & Creative Executive. Extensive studies in Esoteric Sciences, Shamanism, Ufology, Forbidden History, and Quantum Physics.
Contact Info:
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QUERY LETTER
What I learned most about this assignment is the importance of the “Continuous Hook.”
Do you remember the story about the eagle who grows up in the chicken coup?
He believes that God talks to him in his dreams and has chosen him to help make the world a better place. It’s all in his mind, or is it?
With music being his motivation and God being the inspiration Jason sets out early in life clearly understanding that he was going to be someone very special in life. Despite being poor and not too smart he navigates a party life in Chicago during the 1980s house music craze.
We open with Jason being a successful philanthropist being shot on a commuter train during a robbery and later pronounced dead in the emergency room. His childhood friend commits suicide at the same exact time. The battle in Purgatory is all that’s needed to reveal the revelation that he needs to continue his life’s mission.
Jason wakes up alive and alone in the hospital emergency room and has one mission from God. Save the guy who killed him.
If you would like to hear more about Shytown please contact me at your earliest convenience.
Walter K Stewart
847 Ash Rd Oceanside, CA 92058
(708)261-6729
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ASSIGNMENT
Tully’s Query Letter
What I learned doing this assignment is that this is actually way easier than I thought. Because it makes sense. And I love efficiency!
Hello PERSON,
I saw online that you’re looking for Thriller features. Thought you might like this one.
If you were a parent, don’t you think you’d know if your kid was out there killing people?
An elderly woman sees a news story: the body of a girl who went missing twenty years ago was found nearby, a girl who the woman instantly recognizes. She then ends a fifty-year abusive relationship with spectacular violence and leaves her entire life behind…
A serial killer methodically moves through his process: the target selection, the vetting, the luring, using tricks he learned from Disney movies and our shared damsel/savior complex. When he’s done with the fairy tale, he slits their throats, exactly like the body they found.
The frail and fearful old lady is practically invisible in society, and nobody but her seems to be aware of what her son is up to – until the one detective curious enough to be interested in her puts it all together. Now she’s in a race against the man hunting her and the FBI agents hunting her son, who has no idea anyone’s coming.
If that was your son, what would you do if you found him first?
BIO: Tully writes horror and thriller features and is a little bit obsessed with serial killers. You can find her at email, phone number, and address.
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