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Lesson 8
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Rod’s Mystery Sequence
I learned I was trying to find situations because I only has a two line concept until the light bulb finally lit. That’s the purpose of this whole class: to develop all the levels that build to MIS of that concept, thus becoming the MIS outline for writing the script. Now I’m banging out mysteries as I go. Are they all perfect? Will they all fit? I’m find out as the lessons continue.
Again, Wow!What is the big secret the Villain’s covering up? Theft of government contracting secrets being used for mob profit is discovered and evidence stolen, placed on a micro chip that the mob boss (villain) must recover and terminate those involved.
How many ways can he cover that secret? - Kill the thief.
Find the stolen disc then kill the recipient (the hero, a waitress).
When the villain is unable to find the disc, he must set up a way to trick the waitress to return the disc before he kills her.
To further hide his operation, he sets up a red herring to blame a Senator’s office for the leaks. (The Senator becomes the red herring.)
When making a deal with the waitress won’t work the villain has her terrorized.
As the waitress starts investigating, he makes her suspected of being involved with the Senator’s office.
The Senator reveals that he’s been running his own investigation and announces the identity of the real thief.
The mob tries to kill the real thief before he can talk.
Sequence the mysteries so that each one leads us to the next one. For now the sequencing flows as above.Create a mystery chain for each man mystery, including a red herring.
The main mystery:
A waitress receives the stolen micro chip.
Did she plan the theft?
What is she going to do with the information?
Will the villain kill her to get the chip back?
Can the villain keep the whole disaster quiet to save his profitable operation?
Mystery #2:The waitress (hero) discovers what’s on the chip. What will she do about it?
She lies about her background to the local detective.
Can she overcome her fear of getting someone else killed as happed in her past?
She lies about not knowing the Senator the investigation leads to.
Can she really find the answers and save her life?
Can she overcome her fear of the past?
Mystery #3:
Is the Senator (red herring) guilty?
Is he dealing with the mob to keep a failing business afloat?
He avoids the reporter.
Why is he not willing to be interviewed by the press?
Why are emails about the theft coming from his office computer?
Is the Senator hiding behind his own secret investigation of the thefts?
Is someone on his staff the supplier of stolen information?
If so can the Senator prove it?
The guilty person is discovered, the Senator is cleared.
Mystery #4:
The mob boss (villain) has connections to everyone involved. Is he pulling the strings?
The mob boss’ lackey is caught with the gun used to kill the original thief.
Can the boss isolate himself from the lackey?
The mob boss tries to find the supplier to kill him.
A police IT expert opens the file on the stolen chip—it points to the mob boss.
The mob boss tries to shoot his way free. He fails. -
Ron Neustrom 3 Sequences Intertwined Day 8
What I learned is . . . success in a Thriller is a constant set of emotions and audience feelings grounded in a villain’s plan that lurks just below the surface that our hero has only limited awareness of. To me this was an exercise in letting go. It felt like success is a flavor and a mix as long as I know (The Villain’s Plan) the audience is with me and I feed them steps along the way (MIS). For those of us who are control freaks this was liberating. It felt like I had enough story but with a Thriller it seems like you are juggling and constantly trying to ratchet up the MIS. It’s like trying to cook while also watching 3 toddlers so they don’t get hurt. Your attention is constantly being pulled from one thing to another. Thriller writers always talk about pacing. You mentioned this is not the final product… so I am feeling like this is a necessary step along the way to map out a complicated thriller, while trying to integrate all the elements, yet knowing issues will be fixed down the road. I think it was John Steinbeck who said…writing a novel was like trying to build a chicken coop in a tornado with one arm tied behind your back. This feels a little like that.
The Structure (4 Act) A Danger to Themselves
Opening – Ana Cruz’s killing, and her 2 daughters, Vivian and Jewel are placed in the system.
Inciting Incident – 10 years later and Ana’s daughters have taken 2 very different paths from the system. Vivian has flourished to help people and police during crisis. Jewel ended up spiraling downward and going to prison. Jewel has returned to Vivian’s life and moved in with a known drug dealer. Vivian takes it upon herself to try and help her.
TP#1 – Deputy Kaye and Alex try to kill Jewel at a stakeout.
MP – Ana’s Body is found.
TP#2 – The Miranda Men try to kill Vivian.
Crisis – Vivian decides to help her sister fight the Miranda Men.
Climax -The Mayor is killed. Vivian and Jewel escape.
Resolution –They have a funeral on the beach for their mother.***After Adding the Life-Threatening, Mystery, and Villain’s Plan to the basic structure
Opening – A single mother going on a first date with a co-worker and her two daughters.
Life threatening 1 – Her date steals her credit card.
Mystery #1 – Someone angrily confronted her date at his boat.
Life Threatening 2 – Ana finds out the card is stolen and notifies the police.
Mystery #2 – Who stole her card?
Life Threatening 3 – She calls her date, Gary to come help her because she doesn’t suspect him and doesn’t have anyone else.
Mystery #3 – Why did Gary remove all evidence and drug Ana?
Villain’s Plan 1 – Hide Ana’s evidence/body.
Life Threatening 4/Catalyst – Gary kills Ana.
Life Threatening 5 – Her daughters are left alone not knowing what happened to their mother.
Overall Big Mystery 6 – Why was Ana killed?
Mystery 7 -What is going to happen to Vivian and Jewel now?Inciting Incident – 10 years later and Ana’s daughters have taken 2 very different paths from the system. Vivian has flourished to help people and police during crisis. Jewel ended up spiraling downward and going to prison. Jewel has returned to Vivian’s life and moved in with a known drug dealer. Vivian takes it upon herself to try and help her.
(Shorthand – Jewel comes back into Vivian’s life after being separated for 10 years)Life Threatening 1 – Vivian works at a Suicide Hotline and gets a call.
Mystery 8 – Is the caller her sister?
Mystery 9 – Why did her sister return to San Diego?
Life Threatening 2/Mystery 10 – Jewel moves in with a drug dealer.
Life Threatening 3 – Vivian is opening a business working with police and people in crisis.
Mystery 11 – Who are her new police contacts?
Life Threatening 4 – She suspects Jewel called the hotline to be helped. Get’s her into a facility.
Mystery 12 – Will Jewel respond to Vivian’s help?
Life Threatening 5 – Vivian uncovers Jewel has agreed to work with Sheriff Kaye’s Unit as an informant against her boyfriend.
Mystery 13 – Why is Jewel working with Police?
Life Threatening 6/Mystery 13 – Jewel escapes rehab.
Life Threatening 7/Mystery 14 – Jewel is almost killed on her first Informant assignment. Flees the scene. Why did they try to kill Jewel?
Villain’s Plan #2 – Kill Jewel.TP#1 – Deputy Kaye and Alex try to kill Jewel at a stakeout.
Life Threatening 1 – Vivian tries to track a missing Jewel.
Mystery 15 – Is Jewel still alive?
Life Threatening 2 – Frances gets Vivian files about her disappearance.
Life Threatening 3 – Discovers Jewel is alive and in hiding from a covert group.
Mystery 16 – Who is Jewel hiding from?
Life Threatening 4 – Frances is found dead.
Mystery 17 – Who killed Frances?MP – Ana’s body is recovered.
Life Threatening 1 – Reports/Evidence/Surveillance reveal someone killed her.
Mystery 18 – Who killed Ana?
Life Threatening 2 – Jewel helps Vivian understand Ana was a whistleblower.
Mystery 19 – What did Ana expose as a whistleblower?TP #2 – There is an attempt on Vivian’s Life.
Mystery 20 – Who tried to kill Vivian?
Villain’s Plan 3 – Kill Vivian.
Life Threatening 1 – Mayor helps the girls understand what happened with The Miranda Men.
Villain’s Plan 4 – The Mayor created the Miranda Men to fend off threats and they went rogue. Ana found out.
Mystery 21 – Will The Miranda Men kill them?Life Threatening 2 – The Miranda Men surround the Agave House.
Mystery 22 – Will Vivian and Jewel survive?
Crisis – Vivian decides to help her sister fight the Miranda Men.
Climax -The Mayor is killed. Vivian and Jewel escape.
Resolution –They have a funeral on the beach for their mother.-
This reply was modified 4 months, 4 weeks ago by Ronald Neustrom.
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This reply was modified 4 months, 4 weeks ago by
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Correction to upload error
Thriller Day 8 LessonIntertwine The Three Sequences to Create Plot
What I learned. That assembling the basic structure a foundation is created on which to continue to build and enhance the story.
When I first looked at the assignment it looked daunting, but then as I realized how things fit, it was easy. But I’ve changed elements of the previous lessons so I had to ensure that previous elements fit the update.
I think I’m set for the next additions.
Structure:
• OPENING: A restaurant customer is killed when leaving.
• Life Threatening 2: Richard learns the chip was not found on the body.
• Villain’s Plan 1: It failed. The chip with damaging evidence must be with the waitress and must be returned.
• Mystery 3: Did the micro chip have anything to do with the killing?
• Mystery 4: Why did the customer give the micro chip to Kelli?
• Mystery 5: How is Kelli involved?TURNING POINT ONE: Kelli’s apartment was broken into and searched.
• Life Threatening 3: Richard watches Kelli’s apartment.
• Mystery 6: Who broke in?
• Villain’s Plan 2: Filed again. This woman must have it.
• Mystery 7: Were they looking for the chip?
• Mystery 8: Is Kelli in danger?
• Villain’s Plan 3: Kelli waits on a new customer, Anthony, a friendly guy and since she was here, asks her about the killing.MIDPOINT: Anthony is revealed as the Villain and plans to kill Kelli personally.
• Life Threatening 4: Anthony tells his attorney he’s had enough of his polite schemes he’s going to do it his way.
• Life threatening 5: When Anthony is revealed as the Villain, he’s one of Kelli’s nice customers.
• Mystery 9: What will Anthony do next.
• Villaiin’s Plan 4: Anthony will get the chip from Kelli if he has to kill her; and probably will when he does get it.paents
• Mystery 10: Will Kelli survive?TURNING POINT 2: Kelli is captured by Antony.
• Villain’s Plan 8: Anthony’s gang members take Kelli’s parents.
• Life Threatening 6: Anthony demands Kelli lead him to the micro chip or she can watch him kill her mother and father killed.
• Life Threatening 7: Richard steps in, appears to be part of Anthony’s gang.
• Villain’s Plan 9: This clown is dead.
• Mystery 11: Can Kelli escape?
• Villain’s Plan 10: Anthony put’s gun to Kelli’s head as Richard is disarmed.CLIMAX: Richard is revealed as a Red Herring when he helps take down Anthony.
• Mystery 12: What is Richard cup to?
• Villain’s Plan 11: To survive by taking Richard down and continue his plan to get the chip from Kelli then kill them both.
• Mystery 13: Will his scheme save Kelli?
• Mystery 14: Will Richard survive?
• Mystery 14: Will Richard survive?
• Villain’s plan 12: Fails. Richard and Kelli shoot him and Richard arrests him revealing that his is an FBI Special Agent.RESOLUTION: Thanks to evidence on the chip the FBI takes down Anthony and his mob while local police charge him with numerous counts including murder.
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Correction to upload error
Plot Twists and Turns
What I learned from this lesson was how to create twists changing the path of the story. found some already already present and created new ones.
I added twists in the opening, at the inciting incident and at turning point 1.
Again after the billion first meets Kelli and another the Richachard refuses to vouch for her to Detective Aldrich.
More when Kelli can’t find a place to stay, the following road crash and when Anthony captures her.
The final twist is when Richard is revealed to be the red herring.New structure: OPENING: A restaurant customer is killed when leaving.
• Twist 1: Direction: Customer seems nervous to Kelli. Twist: He is murdered when he leaves the restaurant.
INCITING INCIDENT: The customer leaves a micro chip as a part of Kelli’s tip.
• Twist 2: Direction: Kelli surprised about the Customer’s murder Twist: She find a micro chip as part of her tip.
• Life Threatening 2: Richard, friend of restaurant owner, learns the chip was not found on the body.
• Villain’s Plan 1: It failed. The chip with damaging evidence must be with the waitress and must be returned.
• Mystery 3: Did the micro chip have anything to do with the killing?
• Mystery 4: Why did the customer give the micro chip to Kelli?
• Mystery 5: How is Kelli involved?
• Twist 3: Direction: Kelli wonders about the chip’s possible danger to her. Twist: An attorney is told to set up a way to get this girl and get back the chip.
Kelli was working her best friend Magen’s shift.
• Mystery 5A: Was the chip mentioned for Magen?
Police Detective Aldrich interviews Kelli who makes no mention of the chip but he feels she not told him everything.
Restaurant owner Billy casually asks if the murdered customer left anything unusual as he often left little things as a gag for Megan. Again, Kelli says nothing.
Kelli looks for a place to hide the chip before she goes to work.
When Magen returns to work, Kelli takes her about those gag gifts. Magen tells her he did, but nothing really of any value.
Billy tells Richard that Kelli must have the chip and Richard agrees.
TURNING POINT ONE: Kelli’s apartment was broken into and searched.
• Twist 4: Direction: Kelli wonders if the chip really was just a gag gift. Twist: Her house is broken into, ransacked.
• Life Threatening 3: Richard watches Kelli’s house.
• Mystery 6: Who broke in?
• Villain’s Plan 2: Failed again. This woman must have it.
• Mystery 7: Were they looking for the chip?
• Mystery 8: Is Kelli in danger?
Kelli decides the chip is valuable to someone, decides to move.
Richard tells Billy that Kelli must have the chip.
• Villain’s Plan 3: Kelli waits on a new customer, Anthony, a friendly “tourist” and asks her about the killing.
• Twist 5: Direction: Kelli finds an apartment she likes. Twist: The landlord refuses to rent to her.
This happens at several places. Kelli wonders who is doing this to her.
Kelli takes Tiger to her parents farm while she looks for a new place. Richard follows her. Kelli plans to crash with her ex-boy friend but she finds him killed, his apartment searched.
Det. Aldrich considers her a person of interest.
• Twist 6: Direction: Kelli tells the detective that Richard can testify the was at her parents when the murder happened. Twist: Richard refuses to support her story.
Kelli’s gun is the same as the murder weapon.
MIDPOINT: Kelli is arrested for the boy friend’s murder.
The Lawyer offers to make her troubles go away in exchange for the chip. She refuses.
Anthony is revealed as the Villain and plans to kill Kelli personally.
• Life Threatening 4: Anthony tells his attorney he’s had enough of his polite schemes he’s going to do it his way.
• Life threatening 5: When Anthony is revealed as the Villain, he’s one of Kelli’s nice customers.
• Mystery 9: What will Anthony do next.
• Villain’s Plan 4: Anthony will get the chip from Kelli if he has to kill her; and probably will when he does get it.
• Mystery 10: Will Kelli survive?
Kelli is released as her gun was not the murder weapon.
A motel denies Kelli a room—no vacancies, yet the place is mostly empty.
• Twist 7: Direction: A car follows as she drives in search of another motel. Twist: The car suddenly tries to run her of the road.’
• Twist 8: Direction; A police car joins the chase, turns on the blue lights llbelhind the attacker. Twist 1: The attacker ignores the cop, crashes Kelli and disappears as the cop stops to help Kelli. Twist 2: The cop gives her a ticket and leaves. Twist 3: Anthony comes along, offers to help then captures her.
TURNING POINT 2: Kelli is captured by Antony.
• Villain’s Plan 8: Anthony’s gang members take Kelli’s parents.
• Life Threatening 6: Anthony demands Kelli lead him to the micro chip or she can watch him kill her mother and father killed.
• Life Threatening 7: Richard steps in, appears to be part of Anthony’s gang.
• Villain’s Plan 9: This clown is dead.
• Mystery 11: Can Kelli escape?
• Villain’s Plan 10: Anthony put’s gun to Kelli’s head as Richard is disarmed, removed from same room.
• Twist 9: Direction: Richard returns to the room, approaches a terrified Kelli. Twist: Richard free’s Kelli’s bonds and tells her to run.
CLIMAX: Richard is revealed as a Red Herring when he helps take down Anthony.
• Mystery 12: What is Richard cup to?
• Villain’s Plan 11: To survive by taking Richard down and continue his plan to get the chip from Kelli then kill them both.
• Mystery 13: Will his scheme save Kelli?
• Mystery 14: Will Richard survive?
• Mystery 14: Will Richard survive?
• Villain’s plan 12: Fails. Richard and Kelli shoot him and Richard arrests him revealing that his is an FBI Special Agent.RESOLUTION: Thanks to evidence on the chip the FBI takes down Anthony and his mob while local police charge him with numerous counts including murder.
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