Lesson 8

[Cat Miggs]

Cat Miggs Intrigue Patterns

What I learned doing this assignment is by just working on one sentence how many ways to expand and make it more intriguing.

Line to fix: A meek Forest Ranger, Susan, has lost custody battle to her ex-husband and has given up on life.

Establish something shocking and point to the terrible things that it could mean.

Susan never wanted to be a mother or wife, she just did it because society said so, however when she loses both her husband and children, she is deeply depressed and lost on her identity and who she should be.

Strong statement; question about something underhanded beneath the surface

Susan, a rule follower, a Girl Scout at heart never thought she could say “no” to what society sets up for her.

Question that points to hidden agendas,hidden identity, conspiracy,ect.

The fact that Susan didn’t fight for her children, does that make her a bad mother, person, human being?

CHaracter 1 is convinced/worried/wondering that Character 2 had done

Since Susan was accepting of losing her children, now that she has to save the forest, Wilma the Tree is not completely sure Susan is up for the job and wonders if Susan will treat the Forest like how she treats her kids and just give up.

But maybe it is all wrong

Susan tried to follow society rules but maybe it is all wrong, it’s time for her to break them.

A pattern that leads to future consequences

Susan is always a rule follower while silently building up her depression and inside anger, when will she snap?

If he does __that means _intrigue_

If she does snap that means society needs to watch out

State the mystery

Is Susan buried emotions the key to saving the forest?

Should be /could be ____ but it is even worse

It should be that being a mother is the best gift in the world but for Susan motherhood leads down a very dark path to salvation.

Intense language

Susan who was not fit for motherhood turns out to be the key to save the forest.

[Chanda Haynes]

Chanda Haynes INTRIGUE PATTERNS

“What I learned doing this assignment is that these questions bring out more of the story. It can bring more clarity to the existing story, as well as uncover details the writer may have not seen at first. The patterns continue to build the story but with more substance.

Line to fix: (HOOK) Tony goes from an undervalued son and employee, doing menial tasks for his father’s cannabis company to working for the competition, challenging the cannabis commission and gaining national recognition for changing cannabis policy?

•A. Establish something shocking and point to the terrible things it could mean.

Tony leaves the company he helped cofound and goes to being VP for his father’s competitor. He may have been hired as a way for Pete to get back at Willie. He may have been hired as part of Pete’s plan to bring down the LOCC.

•B. Strong statement; question about something underhanded beneath the surface.

Tony finds comradery among the small business owners and street dealers, and they share info on the LOCC. Is it possible that the LOCC is abusing their authority by extorting street dealers?

•C. Question that points to hidden agendas, hidden identity, conspiracy, etc..

Why did the street dealers seek out Tony? Why did Pete want Tony to work for him?

•D. Character 1 is convinced/worried/wondering that Character 2 has done _____________.

Tony worries that his father may be involved with the LOCC extorting street dealers.

•E. But maybe it is all wrong.

But maybe they are extorting legal businesses as well. (or one another)

•F. A Pattern that Leads to Future Consequences

Tony has brought Pete’s company much success quickly, and moved them ahead of Jones Farmacy in monthly sales. Tony is reconnecting with his ex-wife and growing closer to his son, thanks to Pete reconnecting them. Tony is now taking on the cannabis committee violation on behalf of the business owners. How will he be able to stay loyal to both his family and his principles.

•G. If he does ________________, that means ___Intrigue_____.

If Tony leads the charge against the LOCC, does that mean the LOCC will want to destroy him?

•H. State the mystery.

What will Tony and Willie’s relationship be like once Tony’s reputation starts growing and the LOCC is under the radar?

•I. Should be/could be _______, but it is even worse.

It should be a father and son growing a family business together, but now the son has been asked to help bring down the father’s team.

•J. Intense language. (I also made this the new HOOK in the TV Bible)

Tony parted ways with Jones Farmacy, the company he and his father co-founded. After accepting a VP position with their biggest competitor, Green Diamonds, he experiences immediate success, building him a reputation among cannabis industry heavy hitters. His newly found fame finds him advocating on behalf of cannabis business owners who claim they have been extorted for years by Tony’s father Willie, and the other League of Cannabis Commissioners (LOCC).

[Kristina Zill]

KZ’s Intrigue Patterns

What I learned doing this assignment is…how to test each sentence for its Intrigue factor, and use one of the patterns to elevate it.

1. The superintendent, Michelle, warns Oliver that if he gets involved with Tony, he’s likely to suffer the same fate as Raymond, and others before him.

A. Establish something shocking and point to the terrible things it could mean.

The superintendent, Michelle, reveals that Raymond was involved with Tony, that anyone who provokes Nolan’s raging jealousy dies in a gruesome way, and that Oliver could be next.

B. Strong statement; question about something underhanded beneath the surface.

The superintendent, Michelle, wonders aloud whether anyone else has noticed that Tony’s lates flirt always dies in a gruesome way.

C. Question that points to hidden agendas, hidden identity, conspiracy, etc.

The superintendent, Michelle, lets it slip that Raymond was involved with Tony. Is gruesome murder what awaits anyone who dallies with Tony?

D. Character 1 is convinced/worried/wondering that Character 2 has done _______

The Superintendent, Michelle, worries that all corpses lead to Tony.

E. But maybe it is all wrong

The superintendent, Michelle, floats the theory that anyone who flirts with Tony winds up dead. But Oliver can’t square that with the sensual spirit he met that afternoon.

F. A Pattern that Leads to Future Consequences

The superintendent, Michelle, insists that Raymond is just the latest in a series of murders committed in a jealous rage, and that Oliver is bound to meet the same fate.

G. If he does ___________ that means _intrigue_______.

If Tony flirts with you – run! Raymond was just the latest in a series of unsolved homicides, and even though nothing has been proven, it’s a little too coincidental that Nolan flies into a jealous rage every time Tony flirts.

H. State the mystery

We know Nolan had a hand in Raymond’s death. But how is did he commit the murder with such an airtight alibi?

I. Should be/could be _______________, but it is even worse.

Falling in love for the first time should be cause for celebration, but for Oliver, it’s a death sentence.

J. Intense Language.

Raymond’s shredded throat and crushed body serve as a warning to any man who dares to flirt with Tony.