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Lesson 8
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21 Replies
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Ed Etzkorn elevates lead characters
What I learned: Major characters need to stand out more. They need to lead; they cannot remain passive.
Changes I made: Azuri needs to delineate plan to deal with the Entity in her home rather than too often permitting other people to lead her.
Felicia (mom) and Azuri need to butt heads more often as Azuri feels her mom tries to direct her life. Cyrus (dad) needs to speak up for himself more.
Azuri’s friends (Lily and Roger) are okay as is, providing support for Azuri when needed and calling attention to her stronger qualities.
Old couple need to stand out a bit more. These characters, already somewhat kinky, could attract older actors who are retired or semi-retired.
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I also have a tendency to write passive characters and I think it’s because I don’t like bad things happening to my characters but active characters naturally create conflict and then things inevitably happen to them. Maybe this is at the root of your character issues too.
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Lesson 8
Chris elevates main characters.
The work to elevate my main characters includes improving the intro of my main character Moses, that I mentioned in lesson #7 (re. ’56 Chevy muscle car).
Tracking back to components of drama, I better articulated the emotional expression and stakes for various characters. For example;
· I injected a rising anger in the monologue Moses has to a Confederate War memorial.
· I showed why it’s important for Polly (Moses’ wife) to keep her family safe and her marriage intact, and what’s at stake if the Supreme Court rules against their interracial marriage.
· Polly cites in 1967 the civil rights progress President Kennedy has made, since he was not assassinated in 1963. This establishes the stakes for Moses to be alive to prevent the assassination in 1963, and not lynched in 1935. Get it?
· I also included a new scene where their biracial daughter experiences segregation as a white person, done through subtext.
I do feel my characters are intriguing and emotionally engaging. Especially young Moses and Polly when they fall in love as teenagers.
As far as lead characters not present… While my protagonist (Moses) is not in every scene, my antagonist (American racism) is,
What I’ve learned… lessons learned in previous lessons continually come into play with new lessons.
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I’m really intrigued about experiencing segregation as a white person…
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Passing for white (for reasons in a previous sequence) in a restaurant lobby, Bess does not even notice when a black man is removed from the restaurant by police because the place “does not serve negroes.”
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Lesson 8: Deanne Elevates lead characters.
What I learned = Spending time with a lead character to brainstorm actions they might take can bring ideas for new scenes and ways to develop characters during pivotal scenes.
Antagonist = I need to expand Slick’s on-screen time, including showing him in action when he is not in a direct confrontation with the protagonist. He needs time to display more of his despicable behaviors. I should also ask Slick to speak to Mel about showing up in two places at the same time; this plot does not contain a thread about time-distortions.
Protagonist = spend more script space on CB’s problem with maintaining long-term relationships, why they fail. Hint at why Zora could be his perfect match, but don’t plan a romantic interlude. This plot has no room for date nights.
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I like this difficulty with long-term relationships.
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Zenna Davis-Jones elevating leading characters
What I learned: Introductions are very important when bringing people into the story.
Changes I made: Originally the head priest is testing Colette to see if she’s ready to take on new recruits. I’ve decided to make this a ceremony where she ends up kneeling naked in a Kiddie pool to be baptized before she takes on the new recruits, with other priest lining the room watching.
I also decided that when sister Raymond comes in there must be a secret she has on her, either that she is bleeding and we don’t know why or that she is carrying a letter opener. Hinting at her sinister intentions with out actually letting people know what it is.
I may play around with the priest taking Margaret away and her coming back totally brainwashed.
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Your additions are definitely colorful and add dimensionality!
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Lesson 8 Doug’s Elevates Lead Characters
Learned:
· Pay attention to the percent of a script that the lead protagonist & leads are in.
· Pay more attention to motives of support leads.
· Back off and reflect on each character and think about what can be done to make them believable and interesting in their own way. It’s easy to have them as decorations and forget them as you focus on the protagonist.
Changes:
Paul – lead protagonist – clarified ethical and moral fails. He learns by these and adjusts away from toxic strategies.
Dalton – Development as a villain with a simple motive – money. Added stronger motive to make him more intense, desperate, & dangerous.
Teddy – Kid bully – added more to show what makes him a bully – it’s the way his mother’s boyfriend, Dalton – treats him and his brother. Added couple of places where you want to have compassion for him – especially at the climax.
Ben – Town Marshall – Ute tribe member (debating some as to make him more of a lead to enhance intrigue and complexity) – allowed hints that make you wonder if he is mentoring the villain Dalton or is he using him for his own financial problem – a foreclosure of his liquor store where he makes most of his money during the tourist season.
Paul’s mentor – Charlie the old miner – I am looking at this as I made him very colorful – but may adjust some as I don’t want him to overshadow the main lead, Paul.
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I like your changes – very nuanced
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Day 8:
James Elevates Lead Characters!
What I learned doing this assignment is that my inciting incident was severely weak and cliché. In the process of developing the story I didn’t brainstorm alternate possibilities that would express and reveal my lead characters’ traits and provide a more interesting setting.
The improvements I made were by changing the two leads to meet in a coffee shop as a robbery was taking place; this was twofold as Rufus was also introduced. They retreated to the rear restroom and locked themselves in. Essentially, this gave the leads a confined setting forcing them to communicate and get to know each other. They covered their anxiety with complements and wish lists.
As a result of the cute meet change, my male lead traits were more vivid during the scene. I feel like I’m getting a better picture of who Rufus is in this story.
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I think it’s fantastic how thinking about your characters strengthened your inciting incident! Way to go!
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Hi Lora, thank you for your previous feedback on my inciting incident. I brainstormed alternate settings and feel satisfied the new iteration is much stronger. The characters, conflict and setting improved.
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awesome!
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Lora Elevates Lead Characters!
This was really challenging partly because I wasn’t sure if we were supposed to just plan out our changes or actually make them to our scripts. I feel like my antagonist and protagonist are strong but the other characters need more dimensionality and depth.
Kelly and Greg are too generic / one note. I think it’s ok that Greg is unlikable but he needs depth / a reason to be this way. I think Kelly is too nice / likable.
I’m going to give Greg a sense of humor and a nice gun collection. (I guess I have to figure out how to make something funny, lol) I think Kelly needs to have major attachment issues that come through in a push/pull type relationship with Lisette.
Steven also lacks a lot to depth – he is simply a good person and father. I think I have to give him an axe to grind regarding racism as an Asian man with a white looking, half-Asian daughter.
As far as Kismet, I’ve gotten feedback that he I written as too young a character. He is very good hearted but perhaps if he had a mischievous side he would have more dimension…
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I like your ideas for Greg. Perhaps the gun collection is an overcompensation. Also like Kelly’s attachment issues, which often translates into trust issues. Good stuff!
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Elevates Lead Characters = what I learned. My character Dennis needs to be fleshed out more.
A. Need Stronger Lead Characters: I believe that Victoria my protagonist is now quite strong. However, the love interest Dennis, was not developed enough
B. Need Stronger Character Intros: That I felt was good. I like the intros.
C. Playing it too safe: With Dennis I believe I was.
D. Lead Characters Not Present: That isn’t a problem. They are in every scene
Changes to script: wrote new scenes to show more complexity in Dennis’ character and his relationship to Victoria.
I have begun to feel freer to move away from the novel when needed to illustrate a character flaw or strength.
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Bill elevates key characters. Learned. I neglected to explained my Antagonist early in the story. This is a key lesson learned. I have now introduced my Antagonist, psychotic oil exec Robert Conley. JR. Within the first four pages. By page 6 we need to know the basic tenets of a screenplay,s story. After a severe waterspout ravages metro Miami Conley dismisses the event as ” normal” tropical weather. Protagonist Dr. Tomo Nikigami claims it is a sign of a worsening climate. Very soon in late ACT 1 we see Conley Jr. watching Dr. Nikigami after Nikigami claims the very same waterspouts in Miami as the start of the dreaded Nikigami Sequence. This will culminate in “Cane” , the greatest hurricane in 100, 000 years. Nikigami,s assertion that CO2 is the culprit sends Conley,Jr into a panic. Dr. Nikigami,s bombshell announcement could cost Conley billions in lost profits. I have heightened the acrimony between Prot. and Antg much sooner with identification of Antg Conley sooner as well. These critical changes early on help dramatize key scenes later in the script. I believe additional changes are likely before “Cane” is shopped. I also better define my secondary talent and their respective roles and dialogue .
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LESSON EIGHT POST
Elizabeth Cochrell Elevates Lead Characters!
What I learned from this lesson is that since the name is “Mom Fight” I need to deliver on the pitch so I made Emily the antagonist physically stronger and more interesting.
She is now a Michelle Obamma/Lela Ali type ex-professional boxer and extremely manipulative. I envisioned the perfect actress would be Zoe Saldana or Kerry Washington who are 45 and 46yrs old to play the 50 year old Mayor’s wife. It will make Emily more jealous when she see’s Misha getting all the attention on TV about her pro MMA fight.
This also shows how powerful and scary Emily is to Rebecca so it takes a lot of courage for Rebecca to stand up to her in the end.
Emily is young for her role but Mayor Frank would marry a very young celebrity type woman. Also it will be a more even physical fight between the two mom’s when Misha goes up to rescue Rebecca. Which means I have to change the ending fight scene.
Also then that would make Bradley half black half white which subtly shows how he could not be Rebecca’s father since Misha, Rebecca and Frank are Caucasian blondes.
I also made it so Emily makes Rebecca so depressed with drugs that she seems suicidal and Emily can logically keep Rebecca under home lockdown.
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Jonathan Clark Elevates Lead Characters!
“What I learned from doing this assignment is…?”
It’s really making me look at my Characters in a deeper way, and letting their arcs help determine the story itself. I especially need to make sure I don’t play it too safe with my characters. I need to push them more and make their relationships deliciously messy.
I’ve identified 4 main issues with the story and it’s the characters that seem to be solving the problems for me (thank God!):
1) the overly long first act. How to express the back story and important details that will be payed off later without taking too long to do so. I’m finding answers in the characters, tightening it all up.
2) the second fraud sequence. I’m still not quite sure how this event is going to play out, but I now know this event must be a reflection of Vincenzo’s character conflicts and push his inner dialogue to the limit. So it’s giving me a strong starting point to figure it all out.
3) the climactic action sequence. I’ve now realized a particular detail from the first act (a character detail) will serve perfectly as a major part of the action sequence. Also, the relationships made throughout the story will all fall apart like dominoes at the end, leading to a much more emotional conclusion.
4) the ending reveal. I need an Interviewer character to put a button on the whole investigation into the theft. I now realize that that character will be revealed as Chaudron’s lover. That only makes sense because of insights I’ve had about Chaudron, trying to make him more real and present in the story. It will strongly resolve what’s needed, story-wise, and also be a surprising reveal/pay-off to pipe laid earlier.
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