Lesson 9

[David Wickenden]

David Wickenden Presents Non-Stop Intrigue

What I learned…?

I found the idea of utilizing the setup with the payoff helped me enhance many areas of the entire. I could include a possible hidden agenda that left some doubt to Janice’s innocence through the story, even though she appears to be the true-blue cop. Intense language and character 1 wondering about character 2 also help to set the idea of Janice’s loyalty to the system.

The Bible has an almost thriller aspect to it. It has that page turning feel. Even the last episode has several questions left open to draw the reader/viewer to the next season.

[David Thompson]

David Thompson Presents Non-Stop Intrigue

What I learned doing this assignment is even when you think it’s all done, there’s still room for improvement. But eventually, it’s time to stop rewriting and plunge forward.

I took a long look at my page 1 summary, then at the description of the characters, looking at the characters that I hadn’t previously used in one of these assignments. I went through the episode section as well.

I took the thing apart, reworking each paragraph.

Then I spotted a plot issue, with timing. How can the character Gaia know about the mutilations to the girl’s face and torso when the spirit of the dead girl has yet to make contact with the Furies. I have to rethink this, which goes ALL the way back to my source material, the books, and the original screenplay!

So far, it’s really improving what I have thus far….

…onward!

[Moses Quainoo]

Moses Quainoo

MODULE 2 – LESSON 9: MAKE EVERY LINE
INTRIGUING!

“What I learned doing this assignment is…?”

#

ASSIGNMENT

Using Intrigue Patterns, elevate as many lines in your bible as you can.

1. Pull out your TV Pitch Bible. Read through it and highlight any paragraphs that need more interest or that you would like to be even more intriguing.

2. Check the Setups/Payoffs and brainstorm possible replacement lines.

3. Rewrite any parts you feel could be improved.

4. Tell us what this has done for your TV Pitch Bible.

“What I learned doing this assignment is…?”

BY THE EVENING FIRE Serial TV Show

contents

SEASON 1 – THE DO WELLS (Also a Show that can reach five seasons)

SEASON 2 – BLACK GOLD (Also a Show that reaches five seasons)

SEASON 3 – MONEY COUNTERS (Also a Show that reaches five seasons)

SEASON 4 – LEAVE SURFACE (Also a Show that reaches five seasons)

SEASON 5 – JOYSTICK ROV (Also a Show that reaches 5 seasons)

SEASON 6 – OLD TOMS (Also a Show that reaches 5 seasons)

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Moses Quainoo.

[Michael O’Keefe]

<div>

Module 2 Lesson 9</div><div>

Mike – Presents Non-Stop Intrigue

What I learned is each line, every word is a decision at this stage. The “tricks” (10 different ways to increase the ‘intrigue’ factor) to elevate the writing and presentation are invaluable. The hard part is utilizing them in a manner that does not lose the “flow” of the paragraph.

Show Title: Between Lives

Genre: 1 hour Supernatural Thriller

Concept: Caleb, a high school student, living two disparate lives, learns of a supernatural foe coming to enslave the world. He must rise above personal grief, assemble a team, lead them into a shadow war to save both earth and Shangra La from enslavement.

Intriguing World: Shangra La exists in parallel with earth. A utopian place created from millions of human emotions: dreams, hopes and desires. Shangra La’s citizens are also comprised of discarded feelings that have evolved and taken on sentient form. An earthly paradise, accessible to only a few earthlings, until the threat of Armageddon forces the two worlds to unite.

Show Summary: BETWEEN LIVES – Caleb Sutherland, a new student at a privately-funded, high school is anything but a normal teenager. His mother is a world-famous painter: rich, eccentric, self-absorbed. His absentee father, a roughneck on oil rigs; the older brother thinks Caleb is certifiable. Despite their dysfunctional, self-centered leanings, Caleb clings onto the time when they were united in purpose and love — a family living under one roof caring and sharing their lives with one another.

Skittish, Caleb’s demeanor catches the attention of Victoria who is attracted to the mystery that is Caleb. Beautiful, intelligent and tenderhearted, she lives her convictions. Victoria’s after-school job at an animal shelter has taught her what neglected, injured, and mistreated looks like. Is Caleb being abused? Is he a drug user; how damaged is this handsome loner? Convinced something is amiss, Victoria strikes up a conversation. After a brief exchange between class periods, she dismisses drug use and parental abuse. Grief, not opioids is tearing him apart.

An unlikely hero, Caleb finds himself at the forefront of a building confrontation with a ruthless faction set on becoming the guardians of reality. His abilities, not experience, allow him to lead a group of supernaturals in protecting the ‘sanctuary’ and the pilgrims who are passing through, on their way to Shangra La. Lurking just out of sight, another, far-deadlier foe waits for its opportunity. At stake, the subjugation of mankind and extermination of Shangra La.

The Sutherland family exhibits preternatural abilities, they are aware a supernatural realm exists, and that the inhabitants are at odds, making for a multi-layered concept for them to act within.

Caleb’s group discovers it is difficult to remain anonymous when you’re the target of an intense federal manhunt, when the Assistant Director of the Federal Bureau of Investigation, a man who has a penchant for making those who get in his way disappear, has you in his cross-hairs.

Act one begins “in the middle” of a kidnapping implying there is an element of mystery to the timeline and events leading up to Caleb’s abduction are as important as the ones that follow.

The Sutherlands’ move to Colorado sets in motion a chain of events beginning with Caleb meeting and falling for Victoria. Unfortunately, Victoria’s ex boyfriend murders her. Caleb becomes a ‘person of interest’ in Victoria’s disappearance. It is made worse by the fact a branch of Homeland Security “knows” of Caleb’s teleportation powers and begins hunting him.

On the run, from the authorities, from a broken heart, Caleb searches for Victoria in Shangra La. A realm where art, magic and music exist, where there is no machinery, no technology of any kind. Caleb’s learns the Necromancers are headed to earth and plan to enslave and turn mankind into livestock.

Caleb, his dysfunctional family, and warring supernatural factions must come together, find a way to defeat the shape-shifting nasties while staying one step ahead of the law and the military. Vastly outnumbered, Caleb’s family, factions from Shangra La, and others must set aside their differences, work together to eradicate the Necromancers or die.

How does a dysfunctional family of headstrong psychics unite to save themselves, mankind, and prevent Shangra La from being annihilated at the hands of the Necromancers?

===================================================================Character Descriptions (Lesson 2)

1. Caleb Sutherland (protagonist) a psychically-gifted, young man with visions of the future and other supernatural abilities, finds himself drawn to and starting up with Victoria – in a relationship he is hesitant to embrace. Victoria proves the catalyst needed to galvanize Caleb into facing a deadly foe and leading a group of similarly-gifted individuals into a shadow war with the Necromancers.

Discovering their weakness, Caleb’s group wins the initial skirmishes. However, the Necromancers, able to change shape at will, assimilate into society forcing the government to instill Marshall law and employ guerilla warfare tactics. Caleb’s unasked-for gifts come at a price. He sacrifices his happy ever after to save two worlds. Who can’t get behind a person like that?

2. Rick Sutherland (protagonist’s brother) Caleb’s older brother is hyper-competitive, successful, and thinks his family crazy. His refusal to acknowledge his supernatural abilities results in his wife and daughter’s murder.

Devastated, he realizes too late, Caleb was right: there are no sidelines, no sitting this one out. Ironically, Rick’s failure to protect his family leads to the revelation that he is ‘the Shepherd,’ destined to lead and protect the newly departed crossing into Purgatory from demonic wolves that prey upon the pilgrims journeying toward Shangra La.

3. Natalie Sutherland (Protagonist’s mother) An eccentric, world famous artist who lives for art and the creation of life itself. Mercurial. Unknowable. She has chosen to make a family, create children, while pursuing artists, their art and carnal affections. Seemingly oblivious, Natalie’s connection to the world begins and ends with her paintbrush. On her canvases, she is able to bring life into existence. By the same token, with a few telling dabs of paint, Natalie can end a person’s life, or resurrect someone who has been mortally wounded.

4. Charles Stewart (Caleb’s mentor) A trusted friend of the Sutherland family. Charles, eternally grateful to Natalie for bringing his fiancé back to life, and later bound to her through a brief but mind-altering affair is the family’s one constant.

Charles teaches Caleb how to harness his powers, helps Rick to accept and embrace his abilities. Charles’s ability to manipulate time, coupled with a desire to return to the 1850s to be with his fiancé, pull him in opposite directions.

Lonely and alone, Charles is nevertheless, committed to protecting and training the Sutherland boys. His loyalty and selflessness are endearing traits audiences will understand and appreciate.

5. Victoria Musgrave (Caleb’s love Interest) Beautiful, intelligent and tenderhearted. A young woman who lives her convictions, who won’t let peer pressure affect her. Victoria is able to sense when people are hurting or in need. She is attracted to the mystery that is Caleb.

By falling for Caleb, Victoria’s relationship with her father is strained. His dislike for Caleb turns ugly. Worse, will her feelings for Caleb provoke her unstable, ex-boyfriend, to retaliate?

In a telepathic moment of bonding with Caleb, Victoria glimpses life through his senses, discovers all forms of life communicate and give off feelings. Changed, she will follow him anywhere. Victoria keeps Caleb grounded, prevents the burden of responsibility and weight of tragedy from crushing him.

</div><div>

6. Annabelle Lee (Antagonist) A powerful witch on a mission to resurrect the ‘Old South.’ Her pretty, southern belle appearance and actions appear gracious, even noble; she does the ‘right’ thing, for the wrong reasons. Our belle of the ball has a dark secret, several in fact.

Annabelle rescues Olivia from Andrew; only to enslave her. Annabelle’s plantation becomes a refuge, a Noah’s Ark if you will. Through the use of black magic, vodou and cutting-edge science, her sanctuary saves mankind from enslavement and worse.

After the Necromancers fail in their world domination quest, Annabelle Lee’s Old South emerges the epicenter of class and culture. Ironically, Annabelle Lee, one of only two Necromancers to escape the tar pits of perdition, before their kind was exiled to the backside of the universe, becomes President of the New Republic.

7. Shuri (Shangra La’s guardian angel) A member of Shangra La’s Council of the Elders. Her love for what is right, turns to an obsession when her peers start voting to cut ties with earth. Betrayed by the Council of Elders and imprisoned, Shuri plays her trump card.

Shuri’s ascension to the Quorum, a god-like status, affords her the power and access to ensure Caleb has the tools and love (his Victoria) needed to finish the war. Making sure the “good guys” win, leads her to rewriting history which comes at a cost she had not taken into consideration.

Episode Descriptions (Lesson 4 & 5)

Ep.1 – Kidnapped but saved from a head-on collision by the ghost of his lover, Caleb winds up in ICU. Three weeks later, leaving the hospital by free falling off the building’s five story roof, Caleb reunites with the Riders, seven, wild-eyed cowboys. On horses, they ride off moving in and out of reality at incredible speeds.

Ep.2 – Caleb awakens to find a woman giving him mouth to mouth. Resuscitated, he is brought back from the brink of death. The man who kidnapped Caleb and teleported off moments before the fatal head-on collision, attempts to kidnap his older brother, Rick.

Ep.3 – Year earlier, Caleb’s love interest spies on him. Crushing hard, Victoria pushes past his reticence, takes his hesitancy as a cry for help and saves him from himself. Present day, Caleb and Charles, friend of the family save Rick from the woman who murdered his wife and daughter.

Ep.4 – Rick embraces his abilities, joins the wild-eyed cowboys patrolling Yellowstone, protecting crossovers from demonic wolves on their trek to Shangra La.

Ep.5 – Caleb trains the woman who gave him mouth-to-mouth, her sister too. They are new to Shangra La; he’s helping them evolve. Year earlier, Caleb reveals his supernatural powers to Victoria. Present day, Comet falling from the sky and crashing into a swamp turns out to be the lead Necromancer.

Ep.6 Caleb’s two pupils save Victoria from a Feeder, take her home, begin teaching her how to live and evolve in Shangra La.

Ep.7 Caleb, infected by a Necromancer, turns evil. Fearing closure of the portals between worlds, the Feeders crossover to earth, take over a small town in Wyoming: killing everyone and assuming their shapes.

Ep.8 Year earlier, Caleb & V. go skinny dipping; take their feelings to the next level. Later, at the Halloween dance, Caleb is rufied by the school’s bad girl and macked on. Present day, Series of shots revealing Necros falling from the sky like comets and vanishing into the ground, asphalt, whatever they come in contact with.

Ep.9 Feeders take over the Wyoming state capitol, assume the identities of the governor and ranking officials, then secede from the Union. Rick and the Riders protecting a group of crossovers, discovers Rick’s wife and daughter are with them. Victoria crosses over, goes to the Sutherland cabin, saves Caleb from the necro poison.

Ep.10 Caleb learns from Cindy he got her pregnant while possessed by the necro poison.

Gov. raids the vegan’s Montana compound, no one is there. Televised, the raid is a failure.

Caleb senses the assassin. He stops time, takes her wallet and leaves… Caleb is now being hunted by three alphabet-soup government agencies and a professional assassin.

Five Seasons Descriptions (Lesson 3)

Season One Beginning: The discovery of Shangra La, a utopian paradise coexisting on earth, where emotion and art reign supreme, where technology and machinery cannot exist, keeps an off-the-books faction of Home Land Security busy as there are a few humans who are able to travel between realms.

Shangra La is an earthly paradise where a person’s senses are heightened and the meaning of time does not exist. Although highly appealing and a godsend for all creative souls, Shangra La has a dark side in the form emotional vampires who prey upon earthlings. Drained of all emotion and memory, humans are cast back to earth as vagrants: without hope or memory, destined to wander the streets collecting discarded objects — objects that retain the memories and emotions of those who owned them.

Season Five Ending: After treachery on both sides, Earth and Shangra La combine forces to fight an evil that threatens to annihilate both worlds. Several factions from both earth and Shangra La have gone rogue and set up kingdoms of their own.

Bloodshed on a global scale ensues. The Necromancers come perilously close to eradicating both worlds. Their demise leaves both realms decimated. Only the Old South emerges unscathed. Its leader, Annabelle Lee, a Southern belle with an accent and flowers in her hair, has a dark secret.

And as she steps into the role of the new republic’s President, it all unravels as Natalie uses her paintbrush, paints and canvas to reveal the unforgiveable.

</div>

[Wayne Petitto]

Wayne Presents Non-Stop Intrigue

What I learned doing this assignment is I can’t read through my entire draft w/o finding more than one way to make it more intriguing or succinct or both.

Find TV Pitch Bible paragraphs that need more interest or intrigue.
Check the Setups/Payoffs and brainstorm possible replacement lines.
Rewrite any parts you feel could be improved.
Tell us what this has done for your TV Pitch Bible.

After a couple read-throughs, I found at least 6-10 significant improvements to be made.