Lesson 9

[David Wickenden]

David Wickenden Horror Outline Ver. 1
Hi boys an girls. If you'd like to swap scripts, please contact me at wickendendave@gmail.com

Title: Project Revenant Horror/Action
• Concept: A team of military contractors breaks into a covert bio-weapons lab, only to find themselves hunted by genetically engineered creatures that can adapt to their tactics and weapons and shape shift.

Act 1
Opening Scene

INT: RESEARCH LABORATORY – HOLDING TANK – DAY

A Scientist showing his teen son the work he is doing in the lab, inadvertently releases a monstrous specimen from its holding tank.
The specimen escapes from its tank and tears apart the scientist while his son watches in terror. The creature bites into him and shakes him like a dog shaking a rat.
The other scientists leave him to his fate and rush to escape while the lab goes into lockdown.
One of the scientist slides under the closing door and the door closes and cuts him in two. He stares at the Tyler as he bleeds out. The monster gets down on all fours and licks at the pool of blood. His muscles visibly grow. It looks up and sees Tyler. The boy stands frozen in place. It approaches and reaches for Tyler.

EXT: OPEN HELICOPTER – NIGHT

Two choppers fly low over a forest. They break over a lake, heading towards a well-lit facility at the far end of the lake.

INT: BRIEFING ROOM – MILITARY BASE

Team Bravo, special Ops Reactionary group, a group of hardcore men and women, all professional soldiers, sit in a briefing. The head scientist warns them that if any of the specimens escaped, it would be suicide for them to enter, but the soldier refuses to stand down. Orders are orders.
Leader of Team Bravo tells the scientist that nothing can defeat his team.

EXT: OPEN HELICOPTER – NIGHT

The choppers land and the soldiers break apart. As the two birds lift off, the group make for the entrance.

INT: SECURED ENTRANCE – NIGHT

The squad moves forward. They can see signs of a fight, dead bodies littered everywhere. Music comes over the speaker system, driving them nuts. Webster shoots out the speaker and gets knocked in the head by Barrett for causing unnecessary noise. The entire team is pissed.

INT: ADMINSTRATION DEPARTMENT – NIGHT
They find a teenager, terrified and wide-eyed. He explains what happened to his father and that he’s been hiding ever since.

INT: LAB – NIGHT
As the team enters a large lab, the creature attacks and the soldiers retaliate. The soldiers only see a flash of black as it grabs their leader and retreats. Lightning fast. A bullet hits a gas main, and a fire ensues. The fire follows the gas line and creates an explosion which destroys the entrance to the front of the building. The creature is wounded and slinks off. But they are trapped.
Vincent, the corporate scientist and guide, goes missing during the attack. No one knows what happened to him.

INT: ROOM OFF MAIN HALLWAY – NIGHT

We see Captain Armstrong hanging from the ceiling. The monster uses its claws to cut through body armor. When it touches the body armor, its skin mimics the material becoming bullet proof. Razor sharp claws cut through the man’s body armor and skins the man alive. Licking the blood heals the creature.

Act 2
INT: BOARD ROOM – NIGHT

The team communicates with HQ to find that the building is in lockdown for at least 12 hours. They are to shelter-in-place until reinforcements arrive. There is a cargo entrance near the rear of the building, but it should be locked down as well. Tyler confirms the rear entrance as the way he and his father entered.
Tyler explains what happened to his father and that he watched the creature become stronger when it licked up the blood of its victims.

INT: LAB 2 – NIGHT

The group finds their dead friend, all his skin lying in a heap on the floor beside a pool of blood. Webster, the general’s son, loses it, firing off his entire clip, endangering the team. Two soldiers unarm and secure him for his own good. No one is happy having him along. The stress starts getting to the team members and most want to leave Webster to fend for himself.
The group wants revenge. Determines to clear the lab of all creatures and make an attempt at the cargo bay.

INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT

The group leaves the lab and moves through the corridor. A large darken area, the level below, is visible from the causeway. In the shadows, they can make out one of the monsters moving. They open fire.
Rather than retreating, the creature leaps to their position and a firefight breaks out, but although the bullets push the monster back, they do little to injury him. They realize the creature is now bullet proof. They manage to reach the next door, get in and lock it behind them.

INT. LAB 1 – NIGHT
The members begin to argue. Barrett makes comments about women in the military and the two women are ready to go at him. Archer needs to calm them down.
The creature climbs through the ductwork and breaks into the lab. Archer uses a Bunsen burner as a flame thrower to ward off the creature, but it causes the sprinkler system to go off. Only the emergency lighting is left for them to navigate. Everything is in shadows.
General’s son makes a run for it runs through the building and throws himself into a room and locks the door. The kid is having a meltdown. He holds the gun against his head but can’t decide.
The monster stretches itself flat against the ceiling. It shows its shape shifting talent as it stretches its mouth to fully envelop its victim. The monster drops from the ceiling and kills the General’s son.

INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT
Archer sees the monster kill Webster. Gathering the others, they continue on. It is very tense. Members of the group get snappy at each other. Barrett wants an all-out fight, but Archer reminds him that their bullets aren’t doing much. Archer keeps calling for teamwork. The women talk about adopting a child.
Archer talks to Tyler about himself. Tyler asks if they’ll be able to get out alive. Archer promises to the best he can. When all else fails, run as fast as you can towards the exit.

Act 3
INT: LAB 2 – Night
The group moves through another lab in the lowlight. The creature attacks from the shadow. The soldiers lay down a barrage of gunfire. As the creatures turns towards Barrett, Mia pulls and throws a knife at the beast. It is staggered by the cut and is forced to flee.

INT: CORRIDOR – NIGHT

The creature leans against a wall, leaking yellow blood down its body, pooling on the floor. It extracts the knife and examines it, even pokes into one of its appendages. From its upper body, a jagged junk of bone extends from the black skin. With a grunt the bone shard is fired and slams into the cement wall, buried. Two more follow.

INT: LAB 2 – Night

The group begins to relax, loading bullets and getting ready to move on. The lab door slides open and the creature moves into sight. The soldiers duck under cover and begin blasting. Mia pulls out another knife. She rises to throw, and the monster retaliates, firing multiple bone shards, impaling Mia.
Seeing her partner and lover killed, the other woman, Zuri goes ballistic and attacks the monster as it moves back through the doorway.

INT: CORRIDOR – NIGHT

As she latches onto the creature, she pulls a grenade. It goes off, shredding the monster but killing Zuri. The rest of the group follows after the grenade explodes and finishes off the creature. Zuri’s body is torn apart.
As they watch, yellow blood leaks from the creature and pools. From the pool, something begins moving and a creature begins to form and starts to grow. It is cloning itself. Bennett raises his gun, but is stopped by Vincent, who bursts in from a side door.
He gets between the platoon and the monster. He created and raised these monsters, and they only attack when threatened. He wants to save his “children.”
Behind him the creature grows to full size. Once the metamorphosis is complete, Vincent embraces the creature speaking soothingly. The creature returns the embrace but then hugs the scientist until his body bursts.

INT: LAB 3 – NIGHT

Archer and Barrett plan out their next move. They will move against the next monster. Archer plans on using the gas from a Bunsen burner on the monster. Fire had hurt it before. Once it is hurt, Barrett will finish it off.
Everything goes as plan, but as they begin to celebrate another creature enters the lab. Barrett attacks with a AA-12 (Auto Assault – 12) with high explosive armor-piercing (HEAP) and high explosive fragmenting antipersonnel (HEFA) and the monster retaliates with bone spears. Both are killed.
Barrett is hit by multiple bone shards but fires even while he begins to bleed out.
Archer is protecting the boy, Tyler.

INT: CARGO BAY – NIGHT

Archer and Tyler make it to the cargo bay, only to find the door still in lockdown. They both begin to relax. Archer tells Tyler that they only have an hour to wait until the lockdown is lifted and help should be right behind the door.
Archer lays out the last of the weapons, including Barrett’s big AA-12. He is loading the guns while he tries to reassure the teen that they’ll be okay.

INT: RESEARCH LABORATORY – HOLDING TANK – DAY

It looks up from lapping up the blood and sees Tyler. The boy stands frozen in place. It approaches and reaches for Tyler. It places a hand on the boys head his body begins to transform into clone of Tyler. The clone then opens its mouth and lunges at the boy.

INT: CARGO BAY – NIGHT

Hearing a noise, he turns to find Tyler’s face widening to reveal a massive mouth with rows and rows of teeth. It lunges and kills Archer.

INT: BOARDROOM – SAME TIME

We cut to a scene to an observation room where a scientist and a general witness the entire fight. The General likes what he has seen and orders the experiment to proceed to the next phase. The Chinese will never know what hit them.

• This reply was modified 3 months ago by  David Wickenden.

[Barry Barry Durbin Durbin]

Hello David, I’m looking for someone to exchange feedback. Interested?

Thanks,
Barry

[David Wickenden]

For sure. wickendendave@gmail.com
Once you send over your outline, I’ll have your email and will send mine.
Look forward to reading your premise.
David

[Barry Barry Durbin Durbin]

Thank you.

[Renee Miller]

Renee’s Outline – Version 2

Title: Frozen Shadows
Written By: Renee Miller
Logline: When a freak blizzard blankets Whittier, Alaska, in perpetual darkness, the town’s residents are stalked by shadow creatures that manifest their deepest fears and grow stronger with each kill.

Outline:

1. EXT. BEGICH TOWERS – NIGHT

A door opens, and three teenagers step outside and hurry across the yard.

2. INT. LIGHTHOUSE – NIGHT

Edmund and his friends step into the lighthouse. In the center of the main room is a large ritual circle drawn in salt with a small leather journal in the center. Edmund steps in to pick up the book.

Shadows flicker unnaturally as he steps up to his friends. The lantern sputters. A whisper thanks them. One of the friends disappears right in front of their eyes. The other friend runs outside, and Edmund runs up the stairs to the top, where the bright rotating light of the lighthouse saves him.

3. INT. BEGICH TOWERS – MANAGEMENT OFFICE – DAY

Stacy sits at her desk reviewing maintenance reports. A radio in the background is talking about the incoming storm. The door slams open, and her son Jack stalks in. Stacy glares at him. He and his friends vandalized the building and broke into locked rooms. The light overhead flickers.

She grounds him and then tells him she needs to see to the main tunnel closing and see to those who want to leave before the storm arrives.

4. INT. BEGICH TOWERS – EDMUND’S ROOM – DAY

Edmund hunches over a stack of books and old documents, the journal from the opening scene open next to him. The lights above him flicker sharply, and a whisper snakes through the room. He snaps the book shut and looks around nervously.

5. INT. BEGICH TOWERS – COMMUNITY KITCHEN – DAY

Eliza and Patty sort supplies and prepare meal packs for the town’s storm relief program. A radio plays in the background. Tracy steps in and makes small talk about the storm. The lights dim for a second, as if something is siphoning the energy.

After Tracy leaves, Patty remarks that she is worried about the state of Tracy’s mental health after the accidental death of her young son.

6. INT. BEGICH TOWERS – BASEMENT – DAY

Anthony works on a rusty fuse box, cursing under his breath. Rebecca stands next to him and hands him tools. He touches an exposed wire, and the lights in the basement flicker unnaturally. Rebecca shudders. They both glance toward the dark hallway, but see nothing.

7. INT. BEGICH TOWERS – MAIL ROOM – DAY

Chuck sorts through the building’s mail, flipping through letters with mild disinterest. He finds another undeliverable package. A resident approaches, making small talk as they collect their mail. He slides a letter into a metal slot, and something catches his eye. An envelope with a faded postmark. The name on it smudged, but it wasn’t on the pile before. He flips it over, then shrugs and drops it in the outgoing bin.

8. INT. BEGICH TOWERS – COMMUNITY STORAGE ROOM – DAY

Rebecca stands inside a dimly lit storage room, taking inventory of supplies and checking storm provisions, stacking flashlights, and writing notes in a logbook. The light overhead flickers. A soft whisper drifts from the dark hallway just outside. She freezes, then slowly turns toward the darkened hallway.

She grabs a flashlight and click it on, shining it toward the hallway. The silence stretches. She grits her teeth, shaking off the fear and forces herself back to the task at hand.

9. INT. BEGICH TOWERS – ARCHIVES ROOM – DAY

Edmund is hunched over a large, weathered book. He mutters to himself, barely noticing when the door creaks open. Stacy steps inside and asks him if he is staying or going as the tunnel will be closing in one hour.

He starts babbling about the darkness and warns her that it’s already too late. She brushes him off as paranoid.

10. EXT. TUNNEL ENTRANCE – DAY

Stacy stands at the tunnel’s reinforced metal gate. The last car idles just inside the tunnel, the occupants speaking with Stacy. The vehicle takes off, and Stacy presses a button on the control panel. A deep, mechanical groan fills the air as the gate closes.

With the tunnel blocked, Stacy starts back toward the tower. She catches movement in the corner of her eye. She pauses. The shadows stretch, elongating unnaturally. She shakes her head, and the shadows shrink back to normal. She keeps walking, a little faster now. Behind her, a street light flickers, then snuffs out completely.

11. INT. BEGICH TOWERS – TRACY’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

The room is fully lit, the lights flickering overhead. The wind howls. Tracy sits on the edge of her bed. A whisper has her looking to the bathroom door. The sound of water dripping quickens her breathing. She rises from the bed and slowly walks to the door. She hesitates before pushing it open and stepping inside.

12. INT. BEGICH TOWERS – TRACY’S BATHROOM – NIGHT

She walks in to find the bathtub full of water and a small figure with its back turned toward her. The child shifts toward her; his skin is waterlogged, his lips are blue, and his eyes are ashen. She lets out a sob and stumbles backward, hands covering her mouth.

The water in the tub starts to overflow, rushing over the edge, but it’s black, ink-like, pooling at her feet. She shuts her eyes, and when she opens them again the bathtub is empty, dry, pristine.

13. INT. BEGICH TOWERS – HALLWAY – NIGHT

Stacy approaches Tracy’s door, it’s slightly ajar. She calls out to Tracy. No answer. She pushes the door open and steps inside.

14. INT. BEGICH TOWERS – TRACY’S LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

Stacy steps in and immediately stops when she sees Tracy in the middle of the room, clutching her head and whimpering. Stacy rushes over to her and tries to convince her that there isn’t anyone there.

Before Stacy can react, Tracy stumbles backward. She looks up at Stacy in obvious stress before turning and rushing toward the balcony door. She throws it open and steps outside. Stacy sprints forward, grabbing the back of Tracy’s shirt, but as she tips over the balcony edge, the weight pulls her out of Stacy’s grasp, and she tumbles over the edge.

15. INT. BEGICH TOWERS – COMMUNITY ROOM – NIGHT

Stacy stands in front of the group. The silence is oppressive, and the remaining residents stand with unease. Stacy informs them of Tracy’s apparent suicide. As the group murmurs in shock and disbelief, Edmund mumbles something about it starting again.

After a bit of speculation and discussion, Stacy tells everyone to go home and get some sleep. Edmund lingers for a moment, watching Stacy.

16. INT. STAIRWELL – NIGHT

In the dimly lit stairwell, Chuck mutters under his breath. The lights overhead flicker sporadically, then go out entirely. Chuck pulls out a flashlight and clicks it on. From below, the sound of footsteps. Chuck swings the flashlight down, but it does nothing to push back the oppressive darkness.

Someone breathes behind him. He whips around, but there is no one. His flashlight sputters and then dies. Behind him, the stairs begin to darken as the shadows grow unnaturally behind him. The darkness erupts as something lashes out from the shadows, wrapping around his legs and arms and pulling him into the stairwell’s black abyss.

17. INT. COMMUNITY COMMON ROOM – DAY
The group gathers in the common room. Several residents complain about hearing noises; others admit to an unsettling sense of being watched. Stacy takes a mental headcount and realizes that Chuck is missing.

Stacy calls Chuck, but there’s no answer. Edmund mutters cryptically that it is happening faster this time. Stacy brushes him off, and she makes the call that they need to go to his apartment to check on him.

18. INT. CHUCK’S APARTMENT – DAY

The group enters Chuck’s apartment, expecting to find him asleep or sulking. Instead, they find the space undisturbed. A few residents attempt to rationalize his absence, suggesting he might have gone out early for something.

The more the search, the less sense it makes. The bathroom mirror is oddly fogged over, despite freezing temperatures. A faint noise from the hallway makes them tense up, but there is nothing there. Stacy, fully uneasy, leads them toward the stairwell.

19. INT. STAIRWELL – DAY

The group descends the stairwell. On the landing, just a few stories down, they find Chuck’s flashlight, but there’s no sign of Chuck. No blood, no struggle, no indication of where he went. Anthony picks up the flashlight, the shift in light reveals Chuck’s shadow still cast against the wall, but it’s stretched unnaturally, twisting slightly, as if in mid motion.

The flashlight goes out. Then, suddenly, the rest of the building’s power goes out, plunging everyone into complete darkness. The emergency exit lights flicker on, casting an eerie red glow. Movement in the shadows. Whispers begin, first faint, then rising, growing layered and suffocating. Chaos erupts. Stacy tells them not to panic, it’s just the storm.

ACT 2 – THE POINT OF NO RETURN

20. INT. COMMON AREA – NIGHT

On edge, the group huddles together with flashlights pushing away the darkness. Stacy tries to keep everyone calm and formulates a plan for getting the generator up and running again.

The shadows shift. A tendril lashes out and wraps around Rebecca’s ankle, yanking her toward the shadow. Anthony and Patty lunge for her. At the last second, it lets go, and Rebecca scrambles back to the group. Edmund stands frozen. He hears whispers. Without a word, he hurries out of the room.

21. INT. LIBRARY – NIGHT

Edmund quickly rifles through books. He keeps hearing the whispers. His flashlight sputters. He hits it a couple of times, and the light glows brighter.

22. INT. COMMON AREA – NIGHT

Stacy tells the group that she needs to go after Edmund. They argue that they should stick together. Stacy gives in, and they all head to the library.

23. INT. LIBRARY – NIGHT

Edmund frantically flips through books. His finger stops on a passage. His eyes widen. He has the answer, or at least part of it. The room grows unnaturally dark. The shadows coil around the walls, stretching like living things.

The door burst open, and Stacy and the others burst in. They freeze as they watch the shadows close in on Edmund. Tendrils lash out, snaring him. He gasps, struggling, but the tendril tightens around him before pulling him in and absorbing him completely.

24. INT. STAIRWELL – NIGHT

Jack still refuses to accept the horror around him and runs blindly into the stairwell, trying to escape. The shadows shift and stretch, twisting the architecture around him. No matter which way he turns, he ends up back where he started.

The shadows manifest his guilt. His distorted reflection appears on the wall, its mouth stretching into an unnatural grin before it lunges. Jack screams as the darkness overtakes him.

25. INT. ARCHIVES – NIGHT

Stacy frantically searches through old documents, journals, and maps. She uncovers the truth – the shadows were created by a failed ritual, an ancient mistake that was never fully contained. She discovers that with every death, the creatures grow stronger.

ACT 3 – FULL OUT HORROR

26. INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT

Anthony and Rebecca descend into the pitch-black basement, desperate to restart the generator. The space warps into a labyrinth, trapping them. There’s movement in the dark. The shadows surge forward, chasing them through the narrow corridors.
Anthony shoves Rebecca forward, buying her a chance to escape, but the creatures drag him into the abyss.

27. INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT

Rebecca stumbles forward, gasping for breath. She stops, realizing she’s alone. She turns back, frozen with fear, seeing Anthony’s twisted remains in the shadows. The whispers grow deafening. She collapses, unable to move as the darkness engulfs her.

28. INT. LOUNGE AREA – NIGHT

With most of the group gone, Patty finally understands her connection to the original ritual. Believing that a willing sacrifice might end the nightmare, she steps forward. But the moment she offers herself, the shadows surge forward and consume her. Instead of weakening them, they grow even stronger.

ACT 4 – FINAL ATTEMPT AT SURVIVAL

29. INT. GENERATOR ROOM – NIGHT

Stacy and Eliza manage to restart the generator, flooding the building with light. The shadows retreat into corners, seemingly defeated. There’s a moment of relief as the shadows suddenly vanish. Eliza steps forward cautiously, and then the lights flicker. A black tendril bursts from the darkness, wrapping around her throat. Before Stacy can react, Eliza is gone.

30. INT. STAIRWELL – NIGHT

Stacy is the only one left, realizing there’s no way to destroy the creatures. The ritual wasn’t meant to end them – only delay them- but she has to give it a shot. Her flashlight flickers out. The shadows close in as she recites the passage in the ritual to seal them off again. The shadows envelope her.

31. EXT. RESIDENTIAL BUILDING – DAY (DAYS LATER)

The storm has cleared. The tunnel reopens, and other residents start to return. As they move through the building, the rooms are filled with grotesquely distorted bodies, frozen in place. Strange symbols burned into the walls. Someone finds Stacy, barely alive, curled in a corner, her breath shallow but steady. She opens her eyes, and a shadow moves across her iris before disappearing.

[Nick Walsh]

LESSON #9

Nick’s Horror Outline Version 1

What I learnt: Again, there were changes, always for the better it seems—until a better idea comes along. I’m still working to find a few better scenes I have in mind for the third act, where I need to kill off three more characters, one of them totally blinded. These scenes will have a scary night and morning fog. Work in progress.

TITLE: Eyeballs

LOGLINE:
Six twenty-something buddies go on a week-end mountain bike adventure in the Sierras and end up getting lost, only to become prey to a neolithic family who collects eyeballs.

ACT 1

CLOSE-UP
A gnarly hand nonchalantly scoops an eyeball from a screaming victim’s face with a piece of black obsidian. He mumble-sings in an unknown crude language while he works, in a familiar tune that evidently pre-dates history:
SUPER: “BEST-GUESS TRANSLATION: ‘Twinkle, twinkle, little eye, Now’s the time to say goodbye….’”

EXT. SANDY OFF-ROAD AREA – DAY
Six bikers unload their mountain bikes and back packs from a van. They are:
JOE EVANS (25), a veterinarian and the leader and organizer of this exploratory trip;
GENE HARMS (22), screenplay writer looking to get inspiration for a horror movie;
FRANK GARGANO (24), military vet with PTSD and the only one with a gun;
LEE HARRIS (22), computer geek who is going to film their adventure;
MANNY GARGANO (19), Frank’s little brother, master of the mountain bike; and
SAMMY MILLS (18), another mountain bike master and Manny’s best friend.

EXT. SIERRA TERRAIN – DAY
Manny and Sammy do some fancy tricks with their mountain bikes on the mountainous terrain. The others following more cautiously.

EXT. CAMPFIRE – NIGHT
Joe works on a map, reveals unexplored area where they are going. Lee reviews film. The rest play a dice game to pass the time as they excitedly anticipate their weekend adventure. The myth of Bigfoot is brought up.

EXT. LONE BAR – DAY
Motorcycles parked in front. The guys park their bikes and go in.

INT. BAR – DAY
They beg permission from the reluctant bartender to play Ship, Captain, Crew, a dice game, on the pool table. The BRO gang watch with interest and want to play, too. They each wear a gang-identifier eye patch, which make them look sinister. Soon the table is surrounded by players, but the Bros rarely win, which makes them very suspicious, especially when our bikers are only ordering rounds of drinks for themselves when they win, and not the Bros.
The gangs’ sudden change of mood causes deep concern amongst the bikers as they try to lose (but their luck continues and they can’t lose), or buy them a drink—but it’s too late.
A drunk LOCAL, sitting alone at the bar, tells Gene, who’s getting drinks, that they are about to be seriously robbed and beat up after revealing the wad of money they won from the gang. He gladly offers them an escape from there in his camper.

EXT. BAR – DAY
Our bikers throw their bikes into the camper. The drunk local lights a cherry bomb (firecracker) and tosses it at the Bro gang’s motorcycles. BOOM! As the camper weaves and speeds away, the Bros rush out, furious; fire up their bikes, and give chase.

EXT. DIRT ROAD – DAY
The drunk lets the bikers out in the middle of nowhere, telling them that he will continue to lead the motorcycles far away, and for them not to worry. He takes off.
They hide and watch as the Bro gang roars by. They breathe a sigh of relief, feeling safe to continue their exploratory adventure.

EXT. SIERRA TERRAIN – DAY
A day of trail blazing and mapping. They espy the local drunk’s camper, abandoned. They figure he ran out of gas and carry on.

EXT. FOREST – DAY
They discover the drunk’s body hanging upside down from a tree limb skinned from head to foot and both eyes missing. They hear motorcycles in the distance from where they’d come. Terrified, they decide to head back another way.

ACT 2

EXT. RIVER CROSSING – DAY
They cross on a downed tree over raging river. Manny, showing off, falls into the river and is carried away.

LATER – SAME DAY
It’s tough going along the river. They hear screams echoing from far away and continue towards it.

EXT. RIVERBANK – DAY
They discover a man’s body hanging upside down from a tree. His skin has been half-peeled down over his head, like a T-shirt half removed. They lift the skin up. It’s Manny. Both eyes are missing. He’s still alive, whispers: “Kill me.” His PTSD’d brother, Frank, excruciatingly reluctant, shoots him in the head to put him out of his misery.
All are profoundly affected by this as they once again hear the faint sound of motorcycles echoing across the valley in the distance.

MIDPOINT:

EXT. ALPINE FOREST – DAY
The bikers now know the murderous gang means business. They are ever alert. Manny’s corpse is lashed to Frank’s back. The going is exhausting as they attempt to blaze a trail and find a road.

EXT. MONSTER’S HUT – LATER – SAME DAY
They discover a neolithic-like hut with a wisp of smoke rising from the chimney. A WOMAN and a CHILD are walking away from them into the forest carrying a basket. Animal skins are stretched between poles in the yard to dry.

EXT./INT. MONSTER’S HUT – DAY
The door is open. They peek in and are shocked to see a host of mannequins wrapped in human skin. A reclining chair. A workbench with eyeballs encased in amber. A collector’s book of iris’ in round wafer-thin amber.
TWO HUMAN-LIKE MONSTERS with their backs to us are working at the bench, oblivious to the intruders. They are wearing jackets made of human skin.
Suddenly, the two monsters turn in unison and glare at the stunned interlopers with dead, coal-black, hooded eyes. One is obviously younger than the other. They both have severe overbites with two corn-yellow, beaver-like upper incisors, chattering, as if sensing odor. Their pug-nosed nostrils are choked with snotty hairs, and their ears are super-elongated. Their own skin, that isn’t covered with human skin, is pale gray and sparingly bristled with stiff, pig-like hair.
What the fuck!!! The bikers flee in panic.

ACT 3

EXT. MONSTER’S HUT – DAY
They run out of the hut, swing onto their bikes, and scatter into the woods in a panic. The two speedy monsters easily snag Lee and Gene, the slowest bikers, and drag them back to the hut.

INT. MONSTER’S HUT – DAY
Lee and Gene are hogtied to chairs. They watch in horror the older monster carefully slicing the iris from an eyeball, then laying it into a form the size of a glasses lens. He pours amber into it.
The younger monster teasingly spins an eyeball on the table until it points to Lee. Lee is tied into the reclining chair and the monster goes to work removing his eyes with the obsidian knife. Lee screams from the depths of his being.

EXT. FOREST CLEARING – DAY
Joe, Frank, and Sammy listen to the screams. They argue about whether to go back and somehow rescue them. They decide to bury Manny.

INT. MONSTER’S HUT – DAY
Frank breaks into the hut shooting. He shoots both of the monsters multiple times, but they don’t fall. They just freeze and stare at the holes in their jackets and are otherwise unfazed by the wounds, for now. Frank shoots them again. They just shift their eyes to the other holes and stare in curiosity.
Gene still has one good eye. Lee has both his removed and is just sitting there frozen in shock.

[MISSING 3 DEATH/CHASE SCENES HERE]

EXT. CLIFFTOP – DAY
The monster catches up to Frank and knocks him from his bike. Frank furiously squirts lighter fuel at the monster as it starts buzzing his skin off with its incisors with amazing speed. Frank frantically struggles to find his Bic fire-starter lighter and manages to ignite the monster. The monster stands and stares at the flames consuming its body. Frank scoots away, his chest skin completely peeled back, and dashes away.
The monster just stands there and burns for a minute, then chases after Frank, grabs him from behind and hugs him. They both are aflame. The monster lets goes as Frank collapses screaming and burns to death. The monster wipes the flames off himself like wiping off dust. He’s back to normal. He now has his eyes set on Sammy, who is frozen in horror, but not for long asthe monster runs toward him.
He takes off on his bike and leaps a narrow gorge and races down a steep, irregular mountain goat path. The monster leaps the gap behind him, determined, following. Sammy slips off the narrow, crumbly path and does a heart stopping slide down the cliff to a ledge and leaps a wide gap to another ledge, just catching it with his front wheel as he leans forward to bring the back wheel up.
He rumbles down a steep grade and at its end is blue sky. He shoots off the edge of a three-hundred foot cliff, flipping aerial gainers with the bike before releasing himself from it and landing with a distant slash into the river below.

EXT. RIVERBANK – DAY
Sammy lies washed up against rocks of the riverbank. We hear somebody sliding down the riverbank above him. Small loose stones hit his body. His eye pops open as the sliding ceases. He cringes as a hand reaches down towards him. A one-eyed Bro member lifts him out and comforts him with a drink and welcomes him to the exclusive one-eyed club. Sammy learns that the monster is scared to death of water. That’s why he is rarely seen outside the two rivers that border the exclusive valley.

EXT. RIVERBANK – DAY
Sammy is caught and pressed to the ground by the monster who proceeds to gouge his eye out, as in the opening.

INT. SAMMY’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Sammy jerks awake in a sweat from the nightmare.

INT. MONSTER’S HUT
The last thing we see is monster domesticity: The wife sewing a human skin garment with a baby monster suckling on her; the son stretching human skin on a rack; and the father proudly adding another eyeball to his iris collection.
xxx

[Patricia Semler]

Hi Nick,

If you’re ready for feedback I’m open. Patriciasemler@gmail.com

[JD Oppen]

If someone is up for an exchange, please send me a message. Cheers, JD

JD’s Horror Outline Version 1

What I learned is that following the steps as they are laid out allowed me to make my outline more readable than I would have trying to make it perfect early on. All the ‘pieces’ were there, just had to tidy things up. Great methodology of putting things together!

My readable outline:

Title: Wicked Angel: Screaming In The Night

Logline: A teen receiving experimental meds for his panic attacks finds himself host to an evil entity that mutilates his bullies.

ACT l
TELEVISION NEWS: ONE YEAR AGO
News footage, one year anniversary after a teen was killed at a now-closed-to-the-public cabin resort, Venture Lake. A survivor talks. It’s Angelo’s mom. Angelo’s older brother was killed at the resort. They attribute the killing to a grizzly they could never find, since the teen was so badly clawed, bitten and mutilated.
EXT – HIGH SCHOOL BLEACHERS – DUSK
Champion football game has ended. A group of students, cheerleaders and a few of their friends hang out in bleachers post-game. The two cheerleaders are still in their uniforms. Candace texting on cell phone, Violet chats with Jazz, the school basketball captain and with her friend, Dina.
Angelo, friend and neighbor of Dina’s sits quietly next to her, listening to her conversation and nodding occasionally as if he is part of the conversation. Angelo is always bullied due to anxiety attacks and always taking special medications for it. Dina is the only one who stands up for the introvert.
Jeff (Quarterback) and Bull (Linebacker) come to the bleachers with big duffle bag of their gear, they are still soaked from sweat from the Thursday night championship football game they just won, and tomorrow is the last day of high school for the summer.
Bull, big and obnoxious runs up the bleachers, “hey girls.” And to Jazz, “hey jock… strap, wannabe athlete.” He and Jazz quickly start debating basketball and football.
Jeff comes up the bleachers. Candace stops texting and focuses on him as he puts a rest to the debate. Then Bull turns to Angelo as if he had not even known he was there. “What the hell is Freakazoid doing here?”
“Really?” Says Dina. “Soreeeee, I forgot he’s your pet.” “You’re an asshole,” she says. “And a bully,” says Violet, “but he is a Freak.” Dina looks disgusted, Angelo just hangs his head. Bull laughs. Violet to Bull, “and you’re still a bully.” Bull starts pushing his own head into Violet. “They don’t call me Bull for nothin'”
“I thought it was because you’re full of it,” blurts out Jazz. Bull starts ramming Jazz, “you want some of this?” Jazz pushes him away, tells him to take a hike.
“Speaking of hiking,” says Jeff. I was talking with Bull and we decided to go up to Venture Lake for the weekend. “To The cabins,” blasts Bull.
A goth couple, Spike and Trace, that have been making out under the bleachers all this time stop suddenly, and listen closely.
Dina, Angelo and Violet are apprehensive. They go on about the bear attack killing a family and how the place is still closed down. Bull says that’s what makes it such an adventure.
Candace gives Jeff a big smile, “I’ll go.” Violet, a new cheerleader always seeking approval from Candace follows suit. “I’ll go, too.” Angelo looks at Dina. “What do you think?” He mutters to her quietly, “you know I have to take a bunch of pills and stuff at night.”
Bull overhears. You’re not invited anyway, Freakazoid. Stay home and pop your pills. We don’t want you freakin’ out and spoiling our road trip anyway. Candace agrees, “maybe it’s not such a great idea for you Angelo.” Of course, Violet agrees with whatever Candace says. “Besides,” says Violet, “are you really up to going out partying where your brother was killed?” Dina is offended by her so called friend, Violet. “Really, you, too, Violet?”
“I’m going,” says Dina. “We’re both going!” She puts her arm around Angelo.
The goth couple emerge – black leather, tattoos, piercings…. The group is startled. “We think you should ALL stay home, you little suck-asses.” Bull is like, “What the f…?” “You little demons have been under there all this time?”
Jeff simmers Bull down before things get out of hand. Jazz agrees. Maybe this isn’t such a great idea. Maybe we should go when the bears hibernate. Jeff tells him to suck it up. You play a wussy sport and now you wanna wuss out on what will probably be the most fun we’ll have all year? “Don’t worry, crybaby, I’ll protect you,” consoles Bull sarcastically, “even though you’re a basketball player, Sissy!” Okay, fuck you bitches, I’m in. “Looks like we’re all going,” says Jeff. It’ll be a blast. We’ll have the cabins to ourselves, hell, we’ll have the whole place to ourselves.
“Well, yourselves and the bear,” says Spike. Bull says maybe his girlfriend can come and ward off the bears. The two are ready to go at it. Jeff grabs Bull. Shut the hell up. Bull stops. “Last day of school tomorrow,” says Jeff. “We’ll be out around 12 or 1, we’ll split then.”
INT – ANGELO’S BEDROOM – LATER
Angelo tosses and turns, can’t sleep. Sits up in a cold sweat. Takes a bunch of pills from the bottles on his nigh stand, downs them with a big glass of water and lays back down.
Angelo is still fidgety. Jumps up again in a sweat, breathing even faster, tries to calm down. He can’t.
INT – DINA’S BEDROOM – CONTINUOUS
Dina sits at a desk in her bedroom. She’s on a laptop. She is watching a news clip on the death of Angelo’s brother and sister. She is startled when her bedroom door opens. It’s Angelo! She slams the lid down on her laptop. Holy shit, Angelo, you scared me. Sorry, your mom said just go on up. Dina: it’s ok. I just wan’t expecting you. Couldn’t sleep, huh?
NEXT MORNING
Dina and Angelo are walking out Angelo’s front door. His mom reminds him of his meds. He says he has them. Dina asks how the meds are going. He says they are some new experimental stuff and he’s taking double the dose to stop his panic attacks.
EXT – SCHOOL PARKING LOT – NEXT DAY
School’s out. The classmates gather around a huge black Cadillac Escalade. And it’s the ESV model! Jazz can’t believe Candace’s dad let’s her drive this thing at all, let alone take it on a trip for the weekend. “Where did you tell him you were going?” A cheerleader training camp. “Way to go, girlfriend,” says Violet, and the two do a couple CHEER moves. Dina rolls her eyes. Candace asks Jeff to drive. “I call shotgun,” slams Bull.
They throw in the rest of their gear in and drive off.
EXT – GAS STATION IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE – LATER The Escalade pulls up to the pumps.
INT – ESCALADE
Jeff: If anyone wants to get out and stretch or grab anything inside, now’s the time. This is our last stop and we won’t get to venture bay for a few hours.
Angelo and Dina, in the back row, stay in the vehicle. Angelo falls asleep.
The other’s get back in. Jazz, Violet and Candace take their spots in the center row.
Bull: What’s up with Freakazoid? Baby’s fall asleep in cars. Dina tells him to keep it down. “Why?” “Isn’t he on some Freakazoid meds. They said so on the news. He didn’t even wake up when his brother and sister were killed down the hall from him in the middle of the night.” “God, shut the hell up, asshole.” Bull and Violet both laugh. Jeff smiles and shakes his head.
They drive off.
EXT – BARREN HIGWAY – DUSK
Skies are clouded over. It’s going to rain soon.
INT – ESCALADE
“Talk about a baby.” Jeff points at Bull fast asleep in the passenger seat. “Same here,” as Jazz points at Violet. Candace is texting on her cell phone.
EXT – BARREN HIGWAY – DUSK
Dark clouds, lightning in the distance, and thunder moments later as the Escalade pushes on through a more dense area.
INT – ESCALADE
Angelo, sound asleep, leaning on Dina. Jazz looks out the window at the brewing storm. Violet sleeps. Jeff shakes head as Bull snores, sound asleep.
Violet twitches slightly.
VIOLET DREAMS
It’s very dark. Violet is awake. Shadow passes by. She is scared. Starts running, frightened, as a shadow whisks by her from time to time.
INT – ESCALADE
Bull twitches slightly.
BULL DREAMS
Extreme darkness. Bull fights his way thru obstacles as a shadow
passes by from time to time. The obstacles are unseen.
VIOLET DREAMS
She sees something bright in the distance. She is terrified, running in the darkness. As she runs towards the light in the dark. As she runs it appears farther away.
BULL DREAMS
Terrified, he fights his way through the obstacles as the shadow swiftly flies by here and there. The obstacles are football practice dummies. They can barely be seen.
VIOLET DREAMS
She is closer the the light. Closer. Closer. It’s very dim. The light is just huge cheerleading pom-poms. They are barely visible. Now she is tangled in them. Horrified, she claws through them. She gets through. There is barely any light, she runs faster and faster.
BULL DREAMS
Bull continues to smash through the football dummies. It gets harder and harder, until, finally he is through. Almost pitch black. He runs, faster, and faster, until… he runs by Violet running in the opposite direction. They quickly look back at each other, and in that instant –
INT – ESCALADE – DUSK
Bull and Violet both wake up instantaneously, in a violent frenzy and look at each other. “What the fuck,” Bull screams at her! She just throws up her hands like it was his fault. Bull turns around. “You all right there, buddy,” says Jeff. He manages to mutter a ‘yeah’ and sinks into the passenger
seat as the crack of torrential downpour.
ACT 2
EXT – HIGHWAY
Rain pummels down as heavily wooded area.
thunderous lightning brings on a
the Escalade slows to turn into a Sign, VENTURE CABINS 30 MILES.
INT – ESCALADE
Jeff tells the others, “it won’t be long now.” They are all looking out the window as the wooded area darkens their view. “All Offroad from here.” Jazz tells Candace her dad’s not going to be happy when he gets the muddy Escalade back. She doesn’t acknowledge. Jazz is like, “pft.” As light gives way to the dark, even Candace raises her head from her cell phone, “Damn, it got dark all of a sudden.” The others agree. “Some weekend this is going to be,” says Violet. Jeff assures them it will be a much better day tomorrow.
EXT – MUDDY TRAIL
The Escalade bounces through the woods, down the muddy trail.
INT – ESCALADE
“Oh my God,” Candace screams! She freaks the others out. Jeff veers off the muddy trail.
EXT – WOODS
The Escalade rolls upside down and broadsides a tree.
INT – ESCALADE
Dina: “Is everyone okay?” They all are. “What the fuck, Candace,” yells out Jeff. “What is it?”
“I have no cell reception.” Really? You’re screaming because of that? “We have no more truck either, thanks to you.” The others look at their phones. None have reception. They can’t call for help.
“Great, now what,” says Jazz. Bull says they MAN UP. Jeff says he’s right. They are about 20 miles into the woods and 10 miles from the cabins. Their best bet is to make the rest of the way on foot. They can’t stay in the flipped over vehicle.
EXT – WOODS – NIGHT
They manage to get all the gear out and start walking. Eventually the trail ends. Signs warn them over the next several hundred feet, THIS AREA ENVIRONMENTALLY UNSAFE, TURN BACK, and CONTINUE AT YOUR OWN RISK. They continue on through the woods, fighting against the rain, the storm, and the darkness.
Eventually Angelo needs to take his medication. He has very bad panic attacks at night. Realizing they could have a medical emergency on their hands on top of the problems they have already, they all agree to stop for the night. Bull is against it and calls Angelo a pussy. Dina mouths back, and Jeff tries to control Bull. He says not everyone is cut out for the outdoors. Angelo hangs his head. Dina says they are asses.
Violet says they are right, and goes on to tell them of her cousin who went on a hunting trip and was hurt multiple times due to the rough environment and he was never the same after. Eventually they make a big lean-to and bunker down for the night.
INT – LEAN-TO
There are noises in the woods, and idle chatter becomes talk of the tragedy at the cabins and the fear of bears. They have no weapons. Candace thinks they’re being hunted. Bull says he’ll protect them. “Well, maybe not you two,” he says to Angelo and Dina, “because you’re getting on my nerves.” They hear more noises. Angelo shakes as if in fear, but it’s just that his meds have not kicked in yet. Soon they all doze off.
Noises in the woods grow closer and closer. They all wake up startled at two blood-covered people screaming in front of the lean-to. They all freak out, except Angelo, whose meds make him sleep so heavy he has not batted an eye. It’s Spike and Trace. They intended to come to the cabins to scare the group, though not QUITE like this.
Bull freaks out and he and Spike start shoving each other. Jeff gets involved, too. Candace starts mouthing off to Trace and Violet backs her up. It’s Jazz that has to break things up this time. Their safety is in numbers if there ARE bears wandering around, so they better just work together to get to the cabins.
So Spike and Trace settle in under the lean-to. They explain the situation. With poor visibility they did not see the Escalade sitting upside down and half on the muddy trail. Trace was driving and slammed into it. They could not start their vehicle and decided to follow on foot. And, “here we are.” They utter comments about Angelo sleeping through all this, but eventually they all fall asleep.
INT. ANGELO’S HOUSE
Angelo’s mom on phone with doctor who tells her there is something wrong with the med Angelo is taking. He should probably stop taking them right away. She tries to call him, but Angelo has no cell signal in the woods.
DREAM
Violet and Bull awake, but it’s a dream again, and they know it. Again a shadow whizzes by them. It’s very dark, and they cannot make out what the shadow is.
Violet is very frightened. Bull, not so much, but he is looking around trying to understand what’s happening.
The shadow passes by again and again, as if to taunt them. Violet grabs onto Bull. The shadow flies between them knocking them to the ground in separate directions. Bull is raised high off the ground. He kicks and punches but it’s just into air. He is dropped to the ground.
Violet runs over to help him up. They stand, but when they turn around, they see a bear. Just as the bear is about to grab them the shadow slips quickly by. They and the bear notice, but they cannot make it out. It’s too fast. The bear attempts to grab Violet and Bull again, this time the entity throws the teens out of the way, he wants them for himself.
The shadow, barely visible, faces the bear. The bear growls, ready to attack. The entity thrusts first, but the bear jumps out of harms way and the entity rips and tears at whoever in his path. It’s Dina. She had entered the dream and was behind the bear. Her lower body mutilated by the entity, she drops to the ground.
The shadow surrounds her, slowly. It circles her continuously. She smiles at it, then her life expires. The entity circles her faster and faster, growing more and more furious. It stops abruptly, turning toward Violet and Bull.
The entity is barely visible, no longer just a shadow. Almost man-like, but large, tall, long claw-like fingers and they get a glimpse of a mouthful of long sharp teeth as the entity lets out an eerie evil scream like they have never heard.
As if the scream was heard in real life, they all woke up, even
Angelo. All of them except for Dina. Violet shakes Dina. She doesn’t wake. The others ask what’s going on. “This shit is fucked up,” says Bull. Violet opens up Dina’s sleeping bag. Her lower body is mutilated. They all run out of the lean-to, except Angelo. He holds her, whimpering.
EXT – WOODS
The group buries Dina in the woods as the rain barrels down. They tear down the lean-to and press on through the night to find the cabins. They finally find them in the middle of the night. There are three cabins. Jeff, Bull and Angelo take one, Candace and Violet take another, and Spike and Trace take the last one. They all get into dry clothing and try to sleep again.
EXT – DREAM – NIGHT
Violet and Bull are visited in their dreams by the entity. They are in the pouring rain. They barely make out the entity. Bull pulls Violet behind him, to protect her. The entity moves so fast he can barely keep his eyes on it. Then, he anticipates its movements, calculates and lunges towards it. Violet screams, “no, Bull!” He grabs the entity.
The entity bites into Bull’s flesh, tears at him with huge claw- like fingers, and rips him apart violently. Blood sprays everywhere, and covers Violet, who passes out. She wakes moments later to the monster still ripping away at Bull. Violet runs back to her cabin.
INT – CABIN (DREAM) – NIGHT
Violet opens the door and is startled by Candace standing there. Candace does not understand what’s happening. Violet tries to explain that it’s a dream, and about the monster. But, she can hardly catch her breath.
They hear commotion outside. Jeff is yelling for help.
EXT – DREAM
Everyone’s now outside standing over Bull’s shredded body. He is almost unrecognizable. The others do not understand what’s going on. Violet tries to explain.
“Where the fuck is Angelo?” Says Jeff. “How the can he sleep
through this shit? Bull was right. He IS a freakazoid! Candace says maybe the monster has Angelo.
INT – CABIN (DREAM)
They all run into Jeff’s cabin. Angelo is asleep. “Well, at least we know he’s okay,” says Candace. “He has some kind of panic disorder. Might as well let him sleep.” Jazz agrees, “it would just be more shit we’d have to deal with.”
They decide staying in the one cabinet is best, but they are already asleep. Spike says they need to find a way to wake up. Jazz says they need to make some weapons. Violet is still trying to catch her breath. Candace tries to console her but she freaks out. She runs out of the cabin.
No one else wants to leave. Jazz decides to run after her.
EXT – DREAM
He finds her hiding outside, but convinces her to come back to the cabin. She is reluctant, but agrees. Demands Jazz protects her. He tells her she’s fine. They head back.
The entity attacks them and begins chewing Violet apart. Jazz manages to escape. He makes it back to the cabin. He pounds on the door to be let in. No one wants to open the door. Jazz pleads. Finally they open the door.
INT CABIN (DREAM)
As Jazz runs in, the entity flashes by him, ripping his arm from his socket. Blood shoot out everywhere. They pull him inside, help stop the blood from squirting. “Where’s Violet,” they ask? Jazz tells them the monster ripped her apart.
Topic turns to Angelo’s brother and sister. They are thinking he might have something to do with all this. They just cannot explain it. But Angelo is the only one that’s never around when these things happen. “Maybe none of this is real,” says Trace. Spike says they can’t take any chances, they must fight back. Jeff takes offense to the goth teen making suggestions as if he’s the leader. They argue.
Jazz agrees they have to do something. Spike has an idea: to keep the monster preoccupied while someone wakes Angelo, to see if he and the monster are one in the same. But they need a volunteer. No one does. They decide to draw different length pieces of cardboard from a writing pad. They decide to let Jazz hold the sticks they make so as not to include him.
They draw, one by one, until Violet has the shortest stick. She begins hyperventilating. Jazz steps up. “I’ll do it,” he says. He feels he might not survive this anyway, as he is losing a lot of blood still from his arm being ripped off. They all agree. Jazz leaves the cabin.
Jazz is attacked outside. While he is being mutilated the rest of them wake Angelo, which proves to not be an easy task. His meds are experimental and put him in to a coma-like state. Finally they wake him. He has a violent panic attack. He finally comes to. And at that instant the rest of them wake up from the dream, but when they do they are in their beds.
Candace runs into Jeff’s cabin screaming that Violet is in her bed and was mutilated in her sleep. Bull is a pile of guts strewn about his bed. They pull off Jazz’s covers covers to reveal his mutilated body and missing arm. They realize the monster is gone. Jeff freaks out and attacks Angelo, beats on him.
“It’s you, you fucking freak!” And with another blow to the head he knocks Angelo out. “That’s that,” says Jeff.
Spike thinks otherwise. ACT lll
Jeff just knocked Angelo out. If he is no longer awake there’s no telling what could happen. They pour some water on Angelo. He does not wake. Jeff starts shaking him. “Wake up, motherfucker. Wake up!” The cabin door smashes open. It’s the monster in plain view. And he is extremely angry. Thunder cracks!
The monster looks like a much larger and evil version of Angelo. They now see his long dagger-like fingers and his sharp teeth glistening like glass as he begins screaming again, an ear- piercing, horrific tone. *note to self, add all previous SCREAMS from the monster!!!
The monster is at full power. He can now attack his victims while they are awake. Trace is mesmerized by the evil, and she finds the monster sexy. Spike sees it in her eyes. “What the fuck, Trace? Are you turned on?”
Just then a bear attacks the monster, yanking him out of the doorway and into the pouring rain. “No!” Trace runs out after the monster, to help him.
Spike goes ballistic. He runs out looking for a large stick. Jeff and Candace watch from inside. “Why don’t you help him,” she says? “Hey,” he says, “if they want to help or fight that thing let them have at it. I’m not getting ripped to shreds over those two weirdos.” “What if that was me out there,” she says? He is silent. They continue watching.
Spike attacks the monster, beating it with the stick. The monster lets out a scream and tears apart the bear. The monster turns to Spike. Spike lunges at him. The monster begins mutilating Spike. “Stop,” yells Trace. The monster looks at her. He jumps off of Spike and attacks Trace, an easy victim. She falls to the ground and hits her head on a rock. Her head bleeds.
Spike is up and cracking the monster over the back with the large stick. The monster screams and proceeds to rip him to shreds.
Jeff and Candace are terrified as the monster looks at them from outside. He turns his attention to them and slowly stands from Spikes lifeless torn up body. The monster tears Spike’s head off and throws it toward Trace, his head rolling up to hers.
INT – CABIN
The monster begins his attack on the two remaining victims. Just then in runs Trace with Spike’s stick. She’s still alive! She plunges the large stick into Angelo’s unconscious body – right into his heart. The monster screams, turns into a shadow-like entity and is slowly being sucked back into Angelo’s body. The survivors bolt for the door.
EXT – WOODS
They run, looking back occasionally, terrified of being chased by the monster, Angelo. They make it to the broken down vehicles. “Now what,” says Candace. “Neither of these things will start, and my dad;’s Escalade is definitely not going anywhere.”
Trace still has her keys. Jeff says they can push start Trace’s car. They do, and drive off, as fast as they can from this place.
INT – CABIN
The last of the entity is sucked into Angelo’s lifeless body. His eyes OPEN!
THE END

[Barry Barry Durbin Durbin]

Hello JD, I would be up to exchange feedback if you haven’t found anyone yet. My email is barry@grooveshackstudios.com. I look forward to reading your outline.

Barry

[Barry Barry Durbin Durbin]

ACT 1
EXT. STREAM NEAR WOODS. DUSK
Native American guide with hikers crossing a stream on the outside of the forest tree line. They see movement and noises in the forest. An unseen creature lets out an extended, earth-shattering scream. Something is there and we don’t know what it is.
They hear the scream. They are frozen with fear. We see terror on their faces. Just as they begin to scream, the screen goes black.

EXT. HOUSE DRIVEWAY. DAY

Alex, the leader, is loading backpacks into the vehicle. He tells Meghann, the Moral One, about he and his dad spending time hiking in the woods. He demonstrates that he is very knowledgeable about the outdoors and is a capable leader. He teases Meghann, giving her a hard time.

Meghann is assisting Alex in loading the vehicle. She is sweet to him but shows her sassy and confident side by giving the hard time right back to Alex.

Beth, the Rule Breaker, arrives carrying her backpack. She doesn’t see Meghann and starts flirting with Alex until Meghann pops up. She starts to put her backpack in the vehicle when

Chad, the Obnoxious One, jumps out and scares her. She screams and punches him. The others laugh.
Chad lets the others know he doesn’t care what they think. He’s going to do his own thing. This causes tension between Chad and the others right from the beginning.

Bennie, the Complainer, is the last one to arrive. The others are already aggravated with him. He makes excuses and blames his lateness on someone else. He makes a crude joke. Beth and Chad laugh, but Meghann and Alex are not amused.

EXT. NASHOBA’S HOUSE. DAY
Nashoba, the introvert, is outside helping his elderly Grandmother move items in her yard as the others pull up in the vehicle. He quietly greets the others. He is awkward and makes it seem that he’s not well acquainted with them.

Nashoba’s elderly Native American Grandmother warns them about the Shampe, the Hairy Man. Shampe is the Choctaw word for Bigfoot. She cautions them not to go. She explains that this creature is said to be a man-eater and that their spirit protects the Native burial grounds hidden in the forest.

The Grandmother gives Nashoba a spiritual item (maybe a necklace) and urges him to keep the item with him for protection. Nashoba assures his grandmother he will respect the spirits, and they will be okay.

INT. VEHICLE. DAY
Alex assures everyone that he is an expert woodsman, and they have nothing to worry about. Chad adds that the old lady is crazy. Nashoba warns him not to anger the spirits. Chad scoffs at him. Meghann agrees with Alex and angrily tells Chad the woman and Nashoba aren’t crazy. She tells him to be quiet. He rolls his eyes.

Bennie tries to convince himself that there is nothing to worry about. He complains that he didn’t want to go on this trip in the first place.

EXT. WOODS. DAY
They get lost trying to find the cabin. They lose their sense of direction. Alex figures out the right way to go and calms everyone down.
Chad argues with Alex about the correct direction to proceed. Meghann jumps in to play peacemaker. Alex wins the argument.

As they walk, there is unusual movement in the trees. Meghann thinks she sees a figure moving in the trees, but then it is gone. No one else sees it. She brushes it off.

They smell something with such a horrible stench it gags them. They blame it on Bennie (the complainer) and his gastrointestinal issues.

They cross a swinging bridge over a steep ravine. As soon as they all cross safely, a large tree falls and knocks the bridge down. Beth tries to call someone and discovers there is no cell service at their location. As they walk off, Beth unknowingly drops her phone and leaves it behind.

EXT.NATIVE BURIAL GROUND.DAY
During the hike to the cabin, they discover an ancient Native American burial ground, which is overgrown and spooky. They decide to enter.

Chad disturbs one the graves and breaks the grave marker for a Chief. The others are aghast by his actions.
After they leave the burial site, the ground begins to shake and the grave that has been disturbed, the earth begins to crack.

INT. CABIN. DUSK
They are getting settled inside the cabin, the creature is lurking outside. It’s found them!

ACT 2

INT. CABIN. NIGHT
Trapped inside the cabin with the creature outside. They don’t know what is outside or how to defend themselves.
Meghann looks outside and believes she sees the monster. No one else can see anything. The others are in denial and don’t believe her.
Beth denies the existence of the Hairy Man.

EXT. WOODS. NIGHT
From the Monster’s POV, we see the cabin our victims are in. It’s watching them. We still don’t see the monster.

INT.CABIN. NIGHT
They hear the creature outside. They aren’t sure what it is. They hide inside and try to stay quiet.
They hear sounds of something big moving through the woods. They hear a large animal growl and what sounds like an attack that suddenly stops just after starting.
Alex comes up with a plan to protect them. The others disagree with his plan and causes an internal conflict, especially with Chad.

INT. CABIN. NIGHT
The light goes out causing them to be in the dark. Beth is petrified of the dark. She becomes hysterical. Meghann tries to calm her down. They use the light on their phone to search for a different light source. They find an old lantern. Bennie pulls out a light to light the lantern. The others look at him confused as to why he has a lighter. He pulls out his weed.

EXT.NASHOBA’S GRANDMOTHER’S HOUSE.NIGHT
The Grandmother looks up to the sky. She says something in Choctaw. Then in English, “The spirits are angry.”

INT.CABIN. NIGHT
They smell the same stench from earlier. They still wonder what the smell is. The others tease Bennie as if he is the one who smells.
The creature goes silent. They think it’s gone. Beth wants to go outside to look for her phone she dropped earlier. The others warn her against it. She goes anyway. Alex goes to protect her.

EXT.WOODS.NIGHT
Alex and Beth go outside to look for her phone. They keep an eye out for the monster. The creature isn’t gone. It circles them. Alex tries to fight the creature using a rifle. The gun doesn’t stop the monster. He is blindsided and snatched. We don’t see the monster, but blood splashes on Beth’s face. Beth screams and starts running back toward the cabin. As she gets closer, we hear the monster coming after her. She gets inside just in time.

Beth makes it back into the cabin. She becomes hysterical trying to recall what she saw. Reaction: They try to come up with another plan to kill the monster.

INT.CABIN.NIGHT
They hear Beth beating on the door and screaming to be let in. They open the door quickly and barricade it again. Beth is screaming hysterically.
Bennie screams, tries to hide and begins to panic.
Nashoba is calm, withdraws, and looks at his spiritual item.
Meghann screams and becomes angry for the loss of Alex, her boyfriend. She eventually regains control of herself and impatiently urges the others to calm down and help barricade the cabin.
Chad screams obscenities at the others for being hysterical. He takes charge after Alex’s death.

EXT.CABIN. NIGHT
The monster tries to gain access to the cabin, and they come up with a new plan to stop it.
The monster circles the cabin, pounding on the walls. They try to solve it by finding the weak spots and putting out barricades.
We see more of the monster, but not the full monster. Maybe it’s sharp teeth or something else menacing.

INT.CABIN. NIGHT
Bennie refuses to cooperate with the others. He is continuously panicking and being loud to draw the monster’s attention against the wishes of the others.
Chad tries to convince the others that the only way to survive is to leave the cabin. He argues with the others. They want to stay.
As the creature gets near them, the Native character says something in Choctaw and the creature backs off. The others are paranoid that he is part of the terror.
Nashoba says something in his Choctaw language and holds the item the elderly woman gave him. The monster backs off.
The others realize that Nashoba is important to defeating the monster and they become closer to him.

EXT.WOODS. NIGHT
Chad becomes abusive to the others. He tries to take control of the group and makes a bad decision that puts them in more danger. Maybe he decides to leave, and the others refuse to follow.
The monster stalks him. He can’t tell which direction the monster is coming from. He eventually walks backwards cautiously searching for the monster and back into it. He screams and we don’t see what happens.

ACT 3 — FULL OUT HORROR

INT.CABIN.NIGHT
The remaining victims discuss a new plan. Meghann takes charge.
They smell that horrible smell again; they realize now that it’s the monster that smells. Bennie sits against the wall and yells at the others that it’s not him that smells bad. The others tell him to be quiet.
Bennie is sitting next to the wall inside the cabin next to a window. The monster stealthily moves towards the window. Bennie seems relaxed inside when suddenly, the monster’s arm crashes through the window and pulls Bennie through the window. We hear him screaming. We don’t see what happens to him.
The others become hysterical and try to escape by running to a different room in the cabin.

As the characters run from the horror Meghann falls through the floor and lands in a hidden room (they find something to help fight the creature, e.g. Weapons, explosives, etc.) The others are in a panic. They look for a way to get the person out.

EXT.WOODS.NIGHT
We see more of the monster now. It seems to become more brazen. Does something terrifying.

INT.CABIN.NIGHT
Character Journey: Meghann comes up with a plan to use the items found to defeat the monster. She rallies everyone to put her plan into place.

EXT.CABIN. NIGHT
The monster is coming after them.

INT.CABIN. NIGHT
The three remaining characters come face-to-face with the creature. They are forced to fight to the death. They attempt to fight back with the weapons found in the hidden room.
We now see the full Monster.
Just three remain. The monster is going after Meghann. Nashoba distracts the monster. The monster slams Meghann across the room. Nashoba throws his spiritual item toward Meghann. The monster stops and turns towards Nashoba. The monster tears him apart killing him.
The creature destroys the cabin leaving Meghann apparently dead under a pile of debris. Beth is hurt and traumatized, but alive. Beth is holding the weapon (explosives) and uses it on the monster, apparently blowing it up and killing it.

EXT.CABIN. NIGHT
It seems that the monster is dead. Beth screams obscenities in the direction of the monster and taunts it. Suddenly, the monster appears and knocks her head off.

The monster leaves. Suddenly, there is movement in the pile of debris, Meghann is alive.

EXT.MONSTER’S WORLD.NIGHT
The creature has survived, and we get a glimpse of its world, hidden from humans.

• This reply was modified 2 months, 4 weeks ago by  Barry Barry Durbin Durbin.

[Barry Barry Durbin Durbin]

I’m looking for someone to exchange feedback with. Thanks.

[Renee Miller]

Hi Barry,

I’ve been through a couple of rounds already, but would be more than willing to exchange with you. You can send me your outline to rmiller0911@gmail.com.

Renee

[Barry Barry Durbin Durbin]

Okay, thank you. Even if you don’t need the feedback, it would help me to have someone else take a look. Thanks so much.

[Patricia Semler]

PAT’S HORROR OUTLINE
What I learned doing this assignment is act 2 will require more detail for tension building and the deaths have to be more inventive for impact.
Concept – A pair of teachers and their Gen Z students tackle a historic house restoration. When a witchy bundle is uncovered, the idea of a curse is mocked, but when the bundle is destroyed it releases the imprisoned witch to prey on the group.
I’m ready to exchange feedback. Patriciasemler@gmail.com

EXT. SOUTHERN MANSION – DAY
Sometime after the Civil War, mid 1880s, a wary group of townsfolk hold a solemn vigil.
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – ROOT CELLAR – DAY
Trapped in the house, middle-aged Santeria wise woman Esperanza lays dying of starvation. She whispers her defiance in a curse on the house and family.
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – PARLOR – DAY
3 Santeria priestesses, dressed in white, unhappy and under guard by shotgun toting male escorts, hold a ceremony over a pair of pristine baby shoes.
Chanting all the while, blessing with incense and herbs, the shoes are ritually tied into a tight bundle, slid into a mouse hole in the wall.
The group is ushered out as an eerie wail echoes through the house. The house is boarded up and left.
EXT. SOUTHERN MANSION – DAY
Present day. The same house stands on the fringe of a development property, surrounded by machinery and the foundations of a cluster of high rise condos.
A worker gets too close to the house in his forklift. The machine acts odd and he’s injured.
EXT. VOCATIONAL HIGH SCHOOL – DAY
Teens loiter or make their way inside as bells ring.
INT. HIGH SCHOOL – CARPENTRY SHOP – DAY
Teacher Calvin Franklin runs the class with discipline and persuasion as the only 2 girls deal with pranks and taunts from the boys.
Mika and Arianna, are not close friends, but allies in their dealings with Nat, Johnny Ray, Rusty and Bryan.
Nat tries to outclass Mika, but she’s a natural woodworker with the brains to back up her skills.
Not your stereotypical Gen Zers. These kids want to learn a skill to get them out of this town.
Developer Ivan lectures the class on job opportunities, complains about the house in his way.
INT. HIGH SCHOOL – CARPENTRY SHOP – DAY
History Teacher Dahlia brings in some research on the house, confronts Ivan with the law. The house itself can’t be touched due to its historic designation. End of story.
Well what am I supposed to do with it? Its in the middle of my complex.
Make it a reception hall. Might want to restore it some while you’re at it.
Franklin volunteers the class to do the restoration work, for class credit. Ivan agrees, mostly for the free work.
After he leaves the class presses Dahlia for more information as they go over the blueprints.
There’s not much in our local histories. Dire gossip of hauntings and deaths over the years.
The kids have absolutely no belief in the supernatural, laugh off the tales.
EXT. SOUTHERN MANSION – DAY
The access is a dirt lane off the local two lane highway that crosses an old wooden bridge over a wide rocky brook.
The school bus pulls up to find the construction workers have been pulled. The class has the weekend to themselves.
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – GROUND FLOOR ROOMS – DAY
Franklin leads a brief tour of the layout, following a blueprint.
Its too quiet. And worse still – the cell phone service is chancy, there’s no electricity or running water. Whispers follow them around the rooms.
Int. SOUTHERN MANSION – PARLOR – DAY
Franklin follows water damage to the second floor, dictating notes of damage to be addressed. Mika and Nat are the only ones to catalog the notes.
Whisperings follow them through the halls.
Feet are tripped by shifting carpets, backs are whacked with falling things. All weirdness shrugged off to old age.
By the way, where are the bathrooms?
EXT. SOUTHERN MANSION – OUTHOUSE – DAY
Dahlia takes Arianna and Mika to the outhouse, explaining the lack of indoor plumbing or hot water in colonial days.
Johnny Ray chooses to use a tree for relief, disgusting Arianna and earning envy from Mika before both girls return to the house.
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – DRAWING ROOM – DAY
The kids find a covered ornate mirror and in a fit of mischief try to invoke Bloody Mary.
Dahlia chases them out to business and is the only one to see the witch Esperanza in the mirror.
Freaked out Dahlia grabs the blanket and covers the mirror.
Franklin enters, exposes the mirror for a look. The witch is gone and Dahlia makes lame excuses for her nerves.
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – PARLOR – DAY
Ivan joins them to go over their expected repairs. Rusty finds the witchy bundle in the wall. Nobody knows what this is.
Actually Dahlia recognizes but won’t say what it is. She volunteers to return to town for food supplies.
Ivan hangs onto the bundle. When he exits, a wail goes through the house.
EXT. CONSTRUCTION TRAILER – DAY
Ivan tosses the shoes in a contained fire, enters the trailer. Behind him a ghost light ignites in the cellar, runs through the walls of the house like a spirit awakening.
EXT. SOUTHERN MANSION – ROOF – DAY
Franklin sets up the boys to deal with missing roof tiles first, checking harnesses and pick points before working around the damage.
Sparks of ghost light flit around the tiles.
Nat almost goes over the side after his pick point fails.
EXT. SOUTHERN MANSION – DAY
Dahlia returns with supplies. Her librarian friend follows to give her old diaries about the house and a warning.
We received a sending. It could mean danger for you.
Dahlia looks the books over briefly. Why haven’t I seen these before?
The librarian clutches a string of worry beads, blesses herself. As long as the house stood empty there was no need. If you hear any voices get out.
So, who is Dahlia, really and what connection does she have to the house?
EXT. SOUTHERN MANSION- BROOK – DAY
On her way out, the librarian is followed by a ghostly woman chanting in Cuban. She loses control of the car and crashes into a buttress that takes out the bridge on the only road in.
She’s drowned when the car is pulled under.
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – KITCHEN – DAY
Bryan and Rusty help Dahlia with the groceries, anxious to avoid work. Weirded out by strange noises.
Dahlia distributes the diaries except no one but herself can read cursive. So the kids head back to repairs and she digs through the books.
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – PARLOR – DAY
The kids break out into pairs to attack various projects.
Franklin wanders the rooms, marking repairs to be done, trying to find the source of a haunting whisper.
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – DRAWING ROOM – DAY
Rusty works solo as his partner goes to help Nat. With headphones in place he’s engrossed in his job.
Behind him a nail gun slides across the table, aims at him.
The headphones keep him from being killed immediately, but the nails graze across his face.
Blinded, freaking out, he latches onto that whisper as a guide.
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – ROOT CELLAR – DAY
Rusty stumbles down the stairs into a dark he can’t see.
The dirt floor gives under his feet and he’s swallowed by quicksand, crying for mercy from his father, reliving childhood traumas as he’s drowned.
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – PARLOR
Work continues, but now the tools seem to be possessed and the whisperings are getting stronger.
EXT. SOUTHERN MANSION – BROOK – DAY
Franklin checks out the bridge damage. Bad enough. Worse is the lack of internet connection.
He does a perimeter check on the construction site. The development is wrapped around with 10 foot fences, the gate locked.
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – KITCHEN – DAY
Franklin returns with bad news. The bridge is out and weather is moving in. They’re camping for the night unless Ivan returns with keys to the construction gate.
Where’s Rusty?
A search of the house doesn’t find him. The door to the root cellar is camoflagued too well.
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – PARLOR – NIGHT
They camp out at the fireplace, using wall wood they replaced for the fire.
Dahlia reads about the house, highlights sparse notes about Esperanza. The kids aren’t buying the haunted rep, laughing off the “typical” horror story themes.
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – HALL – NIGHT
Terrorized – pranks are no longer written off and tensions are rising. The girls feel threatened.
EXT. SOUTHERN MANSION – ROOF – NIGHT
Franklin dies in a fall off the roof when his harness undoes itself before his eyes.

As the alpha male, maybe too familiar with Dahlia, the friendship misinterpreted as aggressive, prompting the threat.
The witch has full possession of the house and is learning quickly how to use machines and tools against the intruders.
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – DRAWING ROOM – NIGHT
Okay even if the stories have no reality, what’s making all the noises and possessing the tools. They should just drive out. Ivan can unlock the gate.
INT. SCHOOL BUS – NIGHT
Driving through the rain the bus gives them trouble, uncontrollable. Dahlia barely avoids a serious accident.
Ivan dies trying to jumpstart one of his construction vehicles, strangled with the cords.
Freaking out where can they go. Dahlia herds them into the trailer. What do we do? This can’t be real. She informs them of the Santeria background for the house and part of the reason that Esperanza was condemned here.
INT. CONSTRUCTION TRAILER – NIGHT
Maybe we can cut through the fence. All we need is a saw.
As Nat and Johnny Ray search the grounds for tools, one of the machines is possessed, demolishes the shack they’re sheltering in. They’re forced to return to the house.
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – DRAWING ROOM – NIGHT
Death returns to take one or more
Jock Bryan picks the wrong time to hit on Arianna which riles Esperanza with righteous fury.
Esperanza provides Arianna an escape route, takes her place to entice Bryan close enough to use an electric saw on him.
**looking for him later on, Mika and Arianna open a door, sending a painted head rolling.
Gross, that’s real creepy, fits in with Santeria lore. Then they find Bryan’s body, headless, and guess where that head came from. They can’t get out fast enough.
Dahlia reads more on the fractured history of Esperanza and her troubles with the church. Johnny Ray gets insulted to learn that Dahlia was raised in Santeria herself.
Stubbornly religious he’s arrogant enough to try to exorcize the spirit, which gives Dahlia the clue she needs to find the right passage in the diaries to threaten Esperanza.
**We need a poetic justice death for him.
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – ROOT CELLAR – NIGHT
As the remaining adult determined to protect her charges Dahlia decoys the witch by attempting to refocus the binding spell, using baby shoes that belong to Mika from her sister.
Esperanza finally appears, taunts Dahlia as she pieces together enough of the binding spell to cover the remaining kids’ escape.
Dahlia’s bumbling efforts with the spellcraft take a sudden turn to effectiveness when she sheds her own blood on Mika’s baby sister’s booties and succeeds in binding Esperanza once again. But, she’s trapped in the house as well.
EXT. SOUTHERN MANSION – BROOK – DAY
Mika and Nat guide the shock-suffering Arianna out to safety. Arianna’s a basketcase after all this.
They’re almost home free, picking their way across the broken bridge beams when Arianna loses her balance, drowns.
Rescue workers don’t believe the ghost story as the kids try to explain what happened.
A slight earthquake or a brief tornado touchdown is used as an excuse and the development put on hold as historians demand the house be preserved.
Survivors live…but somehow, the monster is still alive for the sequel.

[Ira Drower]

I Lewis Drower’s Readable Outline – Lesson 9
If you want to swap scripts please feel free to email me.
What I learned from this lesson is once all of the background information is assembled the scenes can be rewritten as a short synopsis.

The Garden of Evil – Night of the Blood Red Moon
By I. Lewis Drower
I_drower@yahoo.com

Gen 3:24
And he cast Adam out, and set at the entering of the garden Eden, Cherubim with a naked sword moving in and out, to keep the way to the tree of life.

Act I. Set up for Horror
EXT – CAMPSITE / LAKE – DAY
Two Drug Cartel pot growers are relaxing by a lake in a remote valley, the former Mystic Gardens Campsite. As the sun sets they drink their beer and discuss the grow operation. Vegetation on top of the lake moves closer to shore. A blood-red moon appears in the sky.
Hermano remarks, “The trees and bushes sway but there is no wind.” As Chano steps closer to the lake’s edge the lake vegetation shoots out its long leaves like the spasdic tentacles of a giant squid and grabs Chano, wrapping its leaves around him and dragging him into the water.
Hermano steps cautiously toward the water’s edge stopping just short. He searches the water for his accomplice. Bushes with spikes near the man strike him repeatedly. As he calls to Chano he removes his belt and tosses one end into the lake screaming for Chano.
Chano reappears and still wrapped in leaves gasping for air. A giant mouth filled with sharp teeth appears at the center of the giant leaves. Hermano runs into lake and drags Chano to shore cutting the leaves with his machete. The monster plant retreats under water. “What the hell is that?” shouts a hysterical Hermano. Chano removes the rest of the leaves still wrapped around his body, grabs his rifle and shoots randomly into the lake.
Chano is whacked from behind by a swaying tree’s branch and dropped into the lake where the monster plant wraps him up again and drags him below the surface. Hermano freaks out and runs into a nearby shed with a dirt floor as bushes and grasses and trees attack him. “Mother Mary of God what is this cursed place?” A mound of dirt begins to grow behind Hermano. A dark form with a straw hat towers over him. Hermano feels his heart pump out of his chest he is grabbed by the form and thrown into a chair. Creeping vines wrap themselves around him securing him in place. Chano screams, “My arms, my arms!” A dry crackling voice responds, “I’ll give you something better than arms.” Blood splatters on the walls of the cabin as the screams turn to gurgling and suddenly stop.

EXT – Santa Monica – Day
We see the main characters, former wards of the state during a normal day.
Leah is marching in a protest at a college she doesn’t attend. She is a paid protester. She thinks she sees the Caretaker from the Garden Camp she attended seven years ago. She looks again and he is gone.
Tony is the unofficial leader of the group. He is a trick bicycle rider and assists other youngsters with tricks. On his way home he thinks he spots the Caretaker on the bus next to him.
Rob is the self-appointed cook of the group and is out to pick up some spices from the local store. He buys a candy bar and steals the spices. He thinks he sees the Caretaker bagging groceries.
Grace works at a flower shop near the Group Home where former wards of California live. She gives a quarter to a panhandler but does a double take when she thinks she sees the Caretaker.
Becky is completing a practice competition at the Junior College she attends as a member of the swimming team. She continues to swim after winning her race. Her boyfriend, Skeeter, sits in the seats for the home team. He glances over to the opposite stands and also sees the Caretaker.
Jack, the starting quarterback at USC and Diane cruise around in Jack’s convertible. Diane glances at a motorcyclist next to the car and shivers at what she sees. The rider looks like the Caretaker.
INT – GROUP HOME – NIGHT
A group of former wards of the state meet in their group home for a dinner on the last weekend of summer. Diane’s boyfriend Jack joins them. Rob prepares chili as the rest of the group discuss how to spend their last weekend together. Tony suggests visiting their old, abandoned summer camp. The others chimed in and swore they saw the Caretaker from their Garden camp for underprivileged kids they attended seven years ago. Grace exclaims, “Ooh, back to nature and plants, yes.” Jack asks, what is so special about this camp? None of them can recall a single thing about their visit or time spent at the camp except for the Caretaker and Miss Marie, the Master Gardener. Rob shudders at the thought of the Caretaker. The resident director of the home warns the group about heavy storm warnings and poor cell service in the remote area.
EXT – HIGHWAY 101 – DAY
The group heads off in their minibus loaded with supplies and bikes followed by Diane in Jack’s Camaro. At the campsite they discover the remnants of a pot crop and a cell phone with disturbing pictures of monstrous sized carnivorous plants. Skeeter, the forestry student, informs the group, “These types of plants are typically smaller. There must be something unique in the soil to make them grow to this size.” The others dismiss the video as cartoonish photoshop for amusement. Tony agrees. “There are no plants in sight that look like this.” Skeeter is unconvinced and searches the area with Becky for clues. Diane gives Jack a hand job in one of the old bunks in the main cabin as the rest enjoy the day and reminisce about their past experience at the camp.
Leah, Rob, Tony, and Grace clean up weeds in Madame Marie’s Garden. As the sun sets Becky goes for a swim in the lake.
Act II. THE POINT OF NO RETURN
EXT – CABIN – NIGHT
The group prank Jack who storms off to leave while the group laughs hysterically. As Becky approaches the shore a blood red moon appears in the sky. Lake vegetation follow Becky to shore and shoots out its tendrils of leaves as Becky reaches down for her towel, the leaves miss her. She dries and walks toward the group stepping on some cool moss the ground gives way, and her foot is chomped on by a large plant hidden underground. Becky screams in agony. The group attempts to rush to her aid only to be attacked by tree branches, vines, spiked bushes, and grasses that cut them. Screams pierce the night air as they frantically try to save Becky and themselves.
Jack returns in his car and plows into the bushes and attacking plants with his Camaro running into Rob but causing enough damage to the plants that they release their stranglehold. Skeeter rushes to Becky’s aid using rocks and broken sticks to pry her mangled foot from the monster plants mouth. They all rush back into the cabin and secure the door.
INT – CABIN – NIGHT
Becky screaming in agony is placed on a bunk as Tony bandages what is left of her leg and shouts. “We need to get her to a hospital now.” Jack yells, “The road is gone!” Tree branches bang on the cabin walls and roof as panic races through the room. “This can’t be happening”, screeches Leah. Skeeter tries to comfort Becky who is hysterical. He reaches into his backpack and pulls out a syringe. He heats up a bent spoon with some powder which liquifies and draws it into the syringe. He injects it into Becky who immediately collapses into a stupor on the bed.
Grace recites the nursery rhyme Madame Marie used to tell them years ago. “The bushes sway, and the trees swoon. Dancing ‘Neath the blood-red moon.” “What the hell does that mean?”, asks Jack.
“It means we’re fucked if we don’t get out of here now”, informs Tony.
Jack fires everyone up to attack the plants. We can use the brush cutters, and axes left by the pot growers.
They decide to create a distraction, so Tony can ride out to a nearby town and call for help.
The remaining group grabs the garden tools and head outside.
EXT – CAMPSITE – NIGHT
The teens attack the plants yelling and screaming, whacking away at the trees, bushes, vines, and plants as Tony rides off avoiding the attacking plants. The power tools do the most damage, causing the plants to retreat allowing Tony to make his escape on his bike.
A clematis vine creeps through a broken window and wraps itself around Becky’s leg.
The group fights the plants with power tools, axes, and a machete until the fuel runs out. The group is beaten back and retreats into the cabin.
INT – CABIN – NIGHT
Skeeter tells his friends there is more fuel in the storage shed. Skeeter, Leah, Ron, and Jack exit the cabin and make a beeline to the storage shed while Becky and Grace remain behind.
EXT – CAMPSITE – NIGHT
The four teens leave through the back door and arrive quickly at the storage shed. “How come we weren’t attacked by the forest?”, questions Diane. They enter the shed.
Tony being an expert cyclist uses his skills to avoid the tree branches as they attempt to knock him off his bicycle. Jumping over vines and plowing through bushes he reaches the outer edge of the campgrounds. Here the forest is quiet. Tony speaks quietly to himself, “I must be beyond the range of whatever controls these plants.” Suddenly he is knocked off his bike. As he looks up three armed men hover over him. One near death, the other two badly cut and bruised.
INT – CAMPSITE/SHED – NIGHT
As Diane, Jack, Rob, and Skeeter enter the shed they spot an old straw hat on the ground. Diane whispers, “Miss Marie used to wear a hat like that.” Before she could utter another sound, vines wrap themselves around the teens securing them to the grafting table. The Caretaker enters the shed.
“Welcome back, campers.”, croaks the dark figure. “It’s him!”, screams Diane. Rob begins to weep.
Shots ring out in the forest as the Caretaker tells them it is not their fault. When he sees the ground begin to move the Caretaker exits quickly.
A shapeless mound of dirt rises under the hat inching upward until it reveals Miss Marie.
Jack struggles with the vines that bind him. “I see we have a new recruit”, croaks the figure. The red moon provides a glimpse of the figure through the dirty window of the shed. It is in the shape of a woman but covered with dirt. Bugs crawl over and through its blackened exterior. She grabs Jack who continues to curse and fight with the vines and places him in a wooden chair.
“A fine specimen for my army”, hisses Miss Marie. She quickly hooks up tubes to Jack’s one arm, cutting his other wrist so blood pours from the wound. Green liquid is pumped into Jack’s arm causing blood to squirt out faster from his other wrist.
EXT – FOREST – NIGHT
Tony attempts to explain the dilemma but the three men beat him with the butts of their rifles until he collapses. “It looks like he came from the grow operation site”, says one of the men. They shake Tony awake and pepper him with questions. Vines creep along the forest floor and entangle one of the armed men. Tony takes the opportunity while the men fight off vines to grab his bike and head back to the campgrounds to warn the others. A shot is fired by one of the men striking Tony in the back. Tony continues to ride at breakneck speed.
INT – SHED – NIGHT
Rob frees himself, Diane, and Skeeter using the fancy knife he stole from the cabin. Jack begins to transform into a horrible plant monster. As they make their escape, a giant carnivorous plant latches onto Rob and pulls him into its mouth where he is consumed in one slurp.
The remaining teens run back toward the main cabin.
INT – CABIN – NIGHT
Leah, Diane, and Grace sob uncontrollably at the loss of their friend. Becky dies, the clematis becoming part of her leg. Tony bursts into the cabin and collapses on the floor. His shirt is soaked in blood. Following close behind him are three armed men. They shut the door behind them.
ACT III.
INT – CABIN – NIGHT
Tony lies motionless on the ground as the battered trio interrogate the group. Grace escapes through the back door and runs toward Marie’s garden. Skeeter attempts to reason with them and join in the fight. The plants and plant-creatures mount a full-scale attack on the cabin. The gang leader wants to burn down the forest to destroy the plants. The plant monster that was Jack appears at the door and uses its tendrils to grab Diane. The gang shoots at it but it continues to drag Diane away. Skeeter pours a hot pan of water on the plant-creature and causes it to shriek and release Diane. Two gang members head outside to start a fire.
EXT – CABIN – NIGHT
Another creature, Hermano appears at the cabin door. A gang member recognizes the shirt on the monster plant as his brother’s. It spears the brother and drags him off. The teens believe that hot water may save them, but Skeeter concocts a new plan to pour bags of salt they saw in the shed into the water tower and hose the plants into submission.
Tony stirs and with the vine wrapped around Becky, they carry her outside toward the lake. Tony transforms into a tree. Diane morphs into a water Lily.
While the cartel gang fights the plants with guns, machetes, and fire, Skeeter, Leah, and Diane run to the shed and grab the large bags of salt. They dump the bags of salt into the water tower near Marie’s Garden. Diane operates the hose as Skeeter uses hot water to keep the plants away. The surviving gang member decides to burn the evil place to the ground. He becomes trapped in the pot crop as it burns and wraps itself around him. He runs into the lake. The water lily prevents the lake monster from attacking the man.
EX. – FOREST – NIGHT
Leah dives into the water tank when an obstruction stops the flow of water. She manages to clear the obstruction but is killed by a water plant residing inside the tank. Using the hose, the plants shrivel up from the salt water.
EXT. –GARDEN – DAY
When daylight finally reveals the aftermath, Skeeter and Diane go to the garden where Grace is frozen in a fixated stare. Marie’s hand pops out of the ground and grabs Grace’s hand.
EXT – SANTA MONICA CITY HALL – DAY
Grace applies to reopening Mystic Gardens Campsite for Underprivileged children.
INT – FLOWER SHOP – DAY
Diane now works at the same flower shop where Grace once worked. The owner tells her she has never seen the flowers glow so brilliantly.
INT – FORESTRY SCHOOL – DAY
Skeeter sells a baggie of heroin to a college professor. His gloves hide the small buds that appear on his fingers.

[David Wickenden]

David Wickenden Horror Outline Ver. 2
Title: Project Revenant Horror/Action
• Concept: A team of military contractors breaks into a covert bio-weapons lab, only to find themselves hunted by genetically engineered creatures that can adapt to their tactics and weapons and shape shift.
Act 1
Opening Scene
INT: RESEARCH LABORATORY – HOLDING TANK – DAY
A Scientist showing his teen son the work he is doing in the lab, inadvertently releases a monstrous specimen from its holding tank.
The specimen escapes from its tank and tears apart the scientist while his son watches in terror. Flashing lights as the creature escapes. We do not see the creature.
The other scientists leave him to his fate and rush to escape while the lab goes into lockdown.
One of the scientist slides under the closing door and the door closes and cuts him in two. He stares at Tyler as he bleeds out.
Tyler stands frozen in place. We see his eyes track the creature as it rears above him. Long, needle-like claws grasp the boy around his jaws.
EXT: OPEN HELICOPTER – NIGHT
Two choppers fly low over a forest. They break over a lake, heading towards a well-lit facility at the far end of the lake.
INT: BRIEFING ROOM – MILITARY BASE
Team Bravo, special Ops Reactionary group, a group of hardcore men and women, all professional soldiers, sit in a briefing. Vincent, the head scientist and guide, tells the soldiers that they must do everything they can to contain the creatures rather than kill them—they are like children and do not know any better, besides they are worth millions of tax dollars. The corporate refutes that—they have been designed to kill and if they get loose, the last thing they’ll be worried about is the loss of money. He warns the soldiers that if anything goes wrong; they are on their own because they cannot allow the creatures to escape the facility, but the soldier refuses to stand down. Orders are orders. Webster, the General’s kid makes a snide remark and the team members all tell him to shut his hole. That he has not proven himself to the team and that they only reason he’s here is that his old man, the General called in some favors. Leader of Team Bravo tells the scientist that nothing can defeat his team. EXT: OPEN HELICOPTER – NIGHT The choppers land, and the soldiers break apart. As the two birds lift off, the group makes for the entrance. INT: SECURED ENTRANCE – NIGHT The squad moves forward. They can see signs of a fight, dead bodies littered everywhere. Music comes over the speaker system, driving them nuts. Webster shoots out the speaker and gets knocked in the head by Barrett for causing unnecessary noise. The entire team is pissed. INT: ADMINSTRATION DEPARTMENT – NIGHT They find a teenager, terrified and wide-eyed. He is in complete shock. Barrett said to put the women in charge of baby-sitting, but Archer takes the boy instead. INT: LAB – NIGHT
As the team enters a large lab, the creature attacks and the soldiers retaliate. The soldiers only see a flash of black as it grabs their leader and retreats. Lightning fast. A bullet hits a gas main, and a fire ensues. The fire follows the gas line and creates an explosion which destroys the entrance to the front of the building. The creature disappears during the explosion. But they are trapped. Vincent, the corporate scientist and guide, goes missing during the attack. No one knows what happened to him. INT: ROOM OFF MAIN HALLWAY – NIGHT We see Captain Armstrong hanging from the ceiling. The monster uses its claws to cut through body armor. When it touches the body armor, its skin mimics the material becoming bullet proof. Razor sharp claws cut through the man’s body armor and skins the man alive. Licking the blood heals the creature.
Act 2
INT: BOARD ROOM – NIGHT
The team communicates with HQ. The HQ will cut through the blockage, but not before the group ensure that all the creatures have been accounted for. There is a cargo entrance near the rear of the building, but it should be locked down as well. INT: LAB 2 – NIGHT The group finds their dead friend, all his skin lying in a heap on the floor beside a pool of blood. Webster, the general’s son, loses it, firing off his entire clip, endangering the team. Two soldiers unarm and secure him for his own good. No one is happy having him along. The stress starts getting to the team members and most want to leave Webster to fend for himself. The group wants revenge. Determines to clear the lab of all creatures and make an attempt at the cargo bay.
INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT The group leaves the lab and moves through the corridor. A large darken area, the level below, is visible from the causeway. In the shadows, they can make out one of the monsters moving. They open fire. Rather than retreating, the creature leaps to their position and a firefight breaks out, but although the bullets push the monster back, they do little to injury him. They realize the creature is now bullet proof. They manage to reach the next door, get in and lock it behind them. INT. LAB 1 – NIGHT
The group takes a break in a lab, making sure the two entrances are secure. They check the ammo and grab some water. The members begin to argue. Barrett hates sneaking around and wants to hunt the creatures down and wipe them out. The others aren’t certain, especially seeing how they know next to nothing about the creature’s strengths and weaknesses.
Archer gets the kid to tell him his name. The two women, watching Tyler, speak about adopting a kid once the their tour is up. The creature climbs through the ductwork and breaks into the lab. Archer uses a Bunsen burner as a flamethrower to ward off the creature, but it causes the sprinkler system to go off. Only the emergency lighting is left for them to navigate. Everything is in shadows. INT. CORRIDOR _ NIGHT Webster, the General’s son, becomes anxious, mentally degrading, head snapping from shadow to shadow. He makes a run for it runs through the building. Archer chases after him, while Barrett yells at him to forget Webster cause that idiot would kill the lot of them. INT. STORAGE ROOM – NIGHT Webster throws himself into a storage room and locks the door. The kid is having a meltdown. He holds the gun against his head but can’t decide.
The monster stretches itself flat against the ceiling. It shows its shape shifting talent as it stretches its mouth to fully envelop its victim. The monster drops from the ceiling and kills the General’s son.
INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT
Archer sees the monster kill Webster. Gathering the others, they continue on. It is very tense. Members of the group get snappy at each other. Barrett wants an all-out fight, but Archer reminds him that their bullets aren’t doing much. Archer keeps calling for teamwork. The women talk about adopting a child.
Archer talks to Tyler about himself. Tyler asks if they’ll be able to get out alive. Archer promises to the best he can. When all else fails, run as fast as you can towards the exit.
Act 3
INT: LAB 2 – Night
The group moves through another lab in the lowlight. The creature attacks from the shadow. The soldiers lay down a barrage of gunfire. As the creatures turns towards Barrett, Mia pulls and throws a knife at the beast. It hits the creature in the head. It is staggered by the cut and is forced to flee.
INT: CORRIDOR – NIGHT
The creature leans against a wall, leaking yellow blood down its body, pooling on the floor. It extracts the knife and examines it, even pokes into one of its appendages. From its upper body, a jagged junk of bone extends from the black skin. With a grunt the bone shard is fired and slams into the cement wall, buried. Two more follow.
INT: LAB 2 – Night
The group begins to relax, loading bullets and getting ready to move on. The lab door slides open and the creature moves into sight. The soldiers duck under cover and begin blasting. Mia pulls out another knife. She rises to throw, and the monster retaliates, firing multiple bone shards, impaling Mia. Seeing her partner and lover killed, the other woman, Zuri goes ballistic and attacks the monster as it moves back through the doorway. INT: CORRIDOR – NIGHT As she latches onto the creature, she pulls a grenade. It goes off, shredding the monster but killing Zuri. The rest of the group follows after the grenade explodes and finishes off the creature. Zuri’s body is torn apart. As they watch, yellow blood leaks from the creature and pools. From the pool, something begins moving and a creature begins to form and starts to grow. It is cloning itself. Bennett raises his gun, but is stopped by Vincent, who bursts in from a side door. He gets between the platoon and the monster. He created and raised these monsters, and they only attack when threatened. He wants to save his “children.” Behind him the creature grows to full size. Once the metamorphosis is complete, Vincent embraces the creature speaking soothingly. The creature returns the embrace but then hugs the scientist until his body bursts. INT: LAB 3 – NIGHT Archer and Barrett plan out their next move. They will move against the next monster. Archer plans on using the gas from a Bunsen burner on the monster. Fire had hurt it before. Once it is hurt, Barrett will finish it off.
Everything goes as plan, but as they begin to celebrate another creature enters the lab. Barrett attacks with a AA-12 (Auto Assault – 12) with high explosive armor-piercing (HEAP) and high explosive fragmenting antipersonnel (HEFA) and the monster retaliates with bone spears. Both are killed.
Barrett is hit by multiple bone shards but fires even while he begins to bleed out.
Archer is protecting the boy, Tyler.
INT: CARGO BAY – NIGHT
Archer and Tyler make it to the cargo bay, only to find the door is in lockdown. They both begin to relax. Archer tells Tyler that they only have an hour to wait until the lockdown is lifted and help should be right behind the door.
Archer lays out the last of the weapons, including Barrett’s big AA-12. He is loading the guns while he tries to reassure the teen that they’ll be okay.
Flashback: RESEARCH LABORATORY – HOLDING TANK – DAY
Tyler stands frozen in place. We see his eyes track the creature as it rears above him. Long, needle-like claws grasp the boy around his jaws.
It places a hand on the boy's head, his body begins to transform into clone of Tyler. The clone then opens its mouth and lunges at the boy.
INT: CARGO BAY – NIGHT
Hearing a noise, he turns to find Tyler’s face widening to reveal a massive mouth with rows and rows of teeth. It lunges and kills Archer.
INT: BOARDROOM – SAME TIME
We cut to a scene to an observation room where a scientist and a general witness the entire fight. The General likes what he has seen and orders the experiment to proceed to the next phase. The Chinese will never know what hit them.

• This reply was modified 2 months, 3 weeks ago by  David Wickenden.

[Deborah Daughetee]

I know I’m late to the party, but if you’d like to swap scripts, please reach me at dls3001@msn.com

Debbie’s Readable Outline V.1

This outline still has some gaps. Cassius virtually disappears and I’ll have to address that. But the basic idea is here in a structure that I think works. But it really needs some fleshing out.
What do you think???

The Revenant Queen

EXT. RIVERBOAT – ESTABLISHING

New Orleans port circa 1880s. A sidewheel riverboat called the Revenant Queen is loading passengers and, freight.

EXT. DOCK

SAMSON, a very large black man, is loading huge bags of mail in the below decks cargo area. An old man approaches him and tells him not to go on this boat, it’s cursed. Samson says he doesn’t believe in curses.

EXT. RIVERBOAT – PADDLEWHEEL

CAPTAIN HARLAN GRAVES stands with a CREW MEMBER above the paddlewheel which is covered with a strange seaweed. The crewman insists that it wasn’t there 10 minutes ago. The Captain berates him, calling him a liar, and tells him the seaweed better be gone by the time his guests get here or it’s his job.
The crewman gets in the water. He is attacked by the vines. He makes it back on deck, only to be pulled back by some muddy tendrils that snake up and grab him. He is pulled under the water and disappears. No one is around to see.

EXT. RIVERBOAT – LOADING RAMP

CASSIUS, a rich man who owns the newly refurbished Revenant Queen, welcomes SIX VERY RICH MEN aboard. One of them asks if the girls are there yet, Cassis says they’re coming now. He’s got an observation deck for their first looks.

QUINN joins them. He’s a gambler and will give them a good poker game.

EXT RIVERBOAT

Seven beautiful women approach the loading ramp. Cassius rushes down to meet them. We meet LILITH and the CanCan women. Cassius ushers them on board with great charm. Quinn, “Hello, ladies.” Lilith tells him hands off.

Lilith sees the men on the platform watching the girls, pointing and talking animatedly. This rings alarm bells in her head. She dismisses it.

INT. RIVERBOAT – CORRIDOR/ROOM

Cassius takes them to their rooms. Because this is a charger with very few passengers, they get to have luxury accommodations with only 2 beds per room. Lillith will have a private room. Lilith asks about the charter, but Cassius dodges the question.

EXT. RIVERBOAT

Samson finishes loading the cargo. The captain tells him to check on the progress of the paddlewheel. Samson finds the paddlewheel free of vines, but no crewmember. Samson finds his hat floating in the Mississippi.

EXT. RIVERBOAT – ESTABLISHING

The cruise begins.

INT. RIVERBOAT – SALON – NIGHT

This is where a high stakes poker game is taking place. Quinn is there among the rich men. Quinn is a very skilled at slight of hand and cheat.
Quinn splits the money with Cassius. He’s been hired by Cassius to fleece the rich men.

EXT. RIVERBOAT – PADDLEWHEEL

Samson is looking at the paddlewheel, holding the missing crewman’s hat. JONAS, another crewmember, asks him if he’s seen John as he was supposed to be tending the steam engine. Samson shows him his hat.
Jonas says, Damn. But men drown all the time. Samson mentions the curse and Jason scoffs.

INT. RIVERBOAT – MUSIC HALL – BACK STAGE

Lilith and the girls are backstage ready to dance the Can Can. BONNIE LOU says maybe they can catch a rich husband on this cruise. Lilith reminds them not physical contact. She still has that bad feeling.

INT. RIVERBOAT – FLOOR

The men are seated. Quinn and the Captain sit somewhat apart at the insistence of Cassius, who sits with the rich men. Quinn sees them talking quiety, and realizes that something is going on they don’t want him to know. He’s about to ask the captain when the girls make their appearance and dance a lively and provocative Can Can.

The girls leave to return to their rooms.

EXT. RIVERBOAT – SALON

The men adjourn to another room. Cassius excuses himself and says he’ll be back in an hour. This is all witnessed by Quinn and heightsens the mystery in his mind.
Jonas is the only one allowed in the room. He brings makes sure the men have plenty of alcolol.
Quinn asks the captain, he says what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.

EXT. RIVERBOAT – DECK

Lilith is out on the deck looking at the moon. Quinn approaches. We discover the women are all wives of men who died. And since women can’t own property, they were thrown out of the own homes. Most women like this turn to prostitution. She intends to keep that from happening.

INT. RIVERBOAT – SALON

Cassius returns. He opens the door and finds the room covered in water, mud and detritus from the river. Then men are all dead, and their corpses are terrifying.

EXT. RIVERBOAT – DECK

Lillith and Quinn rush to the Salon. They are shocked by what they see.

Lilith walks through the room, looking for supernatural clues. Quinn asks her what she’s doing. She tells him she’s a witch, and this is a strong, supernatural event. She’s trying to get a feel for what happened here. Quinn doesn’t usually believe in such things but this defies explanation.
The Captain makes the snap decision to return to shore.

Cassius has a private word with Jonas. The plan will go ahead. There are plenty of other rich men in New Orleans. (We don’t know what the plan is).

INT. RIVERBOAT – CORRIDOR

Quinn and Lilith are returning to their rooms. Lilith to tell the girls to pack. There is a sudden lurch. Quinn keeps Lilith from falling.

EXT. RIVERBOAT – DECK

Lilith rush out to the paddlewheel where Samson, Cassius and the captain are. The boat is tangled in a snag. It is Samson’s job to clear it.
While in the water, Samuel is suddenly attacked by two massive catfish, their aggression unnatural and relentless. They slam into him with crushing force, their rough mouths tearing at his flesh as they drag him deeper into the murky water. Quinn reaches down and grabs Samson, pulling him toward the deck, but both catfish grab his legs and pull him out of Qunn’s grasp and under the water.

Just then a thick, unnatural fog rolls in.

Lilith abruptly leaves the deck.

Cassius says they’ll wait for the fog to clear, then station men with guns on deck while someone clears the snag. The Captain is shaking in his boots.

INT. RIVERBOAT – LILLITH’S ROOM

All of the women stand in a circle around Lilith as she preforms a protection ritual. Bonnie Lou is MIA.

INT. RIVERBOAT – Corridor

Bonnie Lou slips away.

INT. RIVERBOAT – CASSIUS’ ROOM

He lets Bonnie Lou in and they embrace. The door closes.

INT. RIVERBOAT – LILITH’S ROOM

Quinn knocks on her door. She lets him in. He asks if she has any idea what is going on. She says there’s something in the river. She gives him a protection amulet. He sees a scrapbook and opens it. Discovers that Lilith’s grandmother disappeared on the Revenant Queen and that the boat has a past.

EXT. RIVERBOAT – DECK

Bonnie Lou is back from Cassius room. She is gruesomely killed.

INT. RIVERBOAT – PERFORMER’S ROOM

Jonas uses a pass key to open the door. He takes the two girls by gunpoint.

INT. RIVERBOAT – BELOW DECKS

Jonas takes the girls to a room where there is a big cage. The other four girls are already there. He puts the girls in and locks it. Then he leaves—he only has one more woman to get. Lilith.

EXT. RIVERBOAT – PADDLEWHEEL

Bonnie Lou’s body is found splayed out on the paddlewheel.

INT. RIVERBOAT – EMPTY MUSIC HALL

Lilith has set up an elaborate site for a ritual. She and Quinn sit inside the protection of a pentagram. She does a ritual to call for the entity to reveal itself.

Full look at a vaguely humanoid figure made of mud, water, and debris from the river. The shape is amorphous, always sliding into another shape. Lilith asks what it wants. The answer in many women’s voices at the same time. They whisper different things: retribution, truth, reckoning, justice, Cease, End.

Jonas enters, thinking to capture Lilith. The monster embraces him, when it lets him go, he is covered with leeches. Within moments he is sucked dry of blood. The bloated leeches fall off and explode with blood going everywhere, including on Lilith and Quinn. The monster is gone.

INT. CORRIDOR

Quinn and Lilith walk to their cabins to clean up. They discuss what they heard. What did it mean. Vengeance. Stop. Stop what? Vengeance for what? Quinn says Cassius holds the key. They can protect themselves with salt and fire.

EXT. RIVERBOAT

The captain is drunk. He uncovers a hidden row boat and lowers it into the water. He gets in a rows away.

The river comes to life and the creature splits, wraps around the boat and captain, then comes together with him inside it. He is screaming, but the creature returns to the river.

INT. WOMEN’S ROOM

Lillith goes to find the women. They are missing.

INT. CASSIUS ROOM

Quinn jimmies the lock and gets in. He finds newspaper clippings of the old RQ covered in muck and the headline reads: all lost to the river. He sees a picture of a woman who looks like Lilith.

He also finds a ledger and discovers that Cassius was selling off Lilith and her girls to the rich men who were killed. Cassius discovers him, and takes him out by gunpoint.

INT. CORRIDOR

Lilith is going to look for Quinn, but the monster finds her! There is a terrible chase through the claustrophobic corridors. Lilith goes down into the hold. The monster chases her, but Lilith hides. She pulls out the salt she has under her dress.

The monster stops in front of a door. She opens it, and goes in. All the girls in the cage inside start screaming.

Lilith goes running after the monster. She throws salt on it go get it away from her girls. It hisses and leaves. Lilith arms them with salt and tells them to go to the room and don’t open the door for anyone but her.

EXT. RIVERBOAT PADDLEWHEEL

Samson’s body is on the paddlewheel. We think he is dead, but suddenly a big breath. He’s alive! He carefully pulls himself up onto the deck. Then he grabs a lantern, and goes to Cassius. (He saw the captain killed)

INT. CORRIDORS

Lilith is navigating the corridors. There is a mud trail all over the place. She sees the monster and hides. Then keeps going until she reaches Cassius cabin.

INT. CASSIUS CABIN

knocks. No answer. She opens the door, and finds Quinn bound and gagged and Cassius with a gun. He “invites’ her in. Exposition here.

The monster finds them. Cassius pushes Lilith toward it, but it hesitates.

Samson burns in and throws the lantern on it. It hisses and steam rises as the oil spreads, along with the fire. The monster “melts” into the floor and becomes a puddle.

Quinn has freed himself and lunges for the gun. There a fight between he and Cassius with Lilith joining in. Samson is trying to figure out what is going on.

Cassius ends up with the gun and holds it on them. He orders Samson to tie them up but Samson refuses. Cassius has his back to the door. He doesn’t hear the monster come up behind him.

Cassius is killed. The trio face the monster. It doesn’t moved toward them. Instead, the mud around the face pulls back to reveal a face much like Lilith’s. It is her grandmother. Then the monster leaves.

EXT. RIVERBOAT

The three come back on deck. The fog has lifted. The snag is gone. It is over.

Lilith asks Samson to come and work for her. She needs security for the women. He agrees.

Quinn is about to say goodbye, when Lilith offers a partnership. Him the gambler, her the madame. They could make a great team for working the riverboats. Quinn smiles. We could at that.

[JD Oppen]

JD’s Horror Outline Version 2

What I learned is there will be some holes in the story that need brainstorming/filling/changing, and that I need to keep from throwing everything I think of into my outline if someone will read. While I cut out some things in v2, it’s a few pages too long. Will attempt more clean up as we go.

Outline v2:
Title: Wicked Angel: Screaming In The Night
Logline: A teen receiving experimental meds for his panic attacks finds himself host to an evil entity that mutilates his bullies.

ACT l
EXT. VENTURE LAKE RESORT – NIGHT
SOMETHING attacks and kills an 18 year old boy, violently ripping him to shreds.
ANGELO’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM TELEVISION:
Anchor talks about anniversary of a teen being killed at a now-closed-to-the-public cabin resort, Venture Lake.
NEW CONT’D – ON LOCATION:
A survivor talks. It’s Angelo’s mom. Angelo’s older brother was killed at the resort. They attribute the killing to a grizzly because the teen was badly clawed, bitten and mutilated. They never found the bear
In comes Angelo’s mother, yells at his father to shut it off.
EXT – HIGH SCHOOL BLEACHERS – DUSK
It’s Thursday evening. Champion football game has ended. A group of students, cheerleaders and a few of their friends hang out in bleachers post-game. The two cheerleaders are still in their uniforms. Candace texting on cell phone, Violet chats with Jazz, the school basketball captain and with her friend, Dina.
Angelo, an introvert and friend and neighbor of Dina’s, sits quietly next to her, listening to her conversation and nodding occasionally as if he is part of the conversation.
Jeff (Quarterback) and Bull (Linebacker) come to the bleachers with big duffle bags full of their sports equipment, they are still soaked from the game they just won, and tomorrow is the last day of high school for the summer.
Jeff comes up the bleachers. Candace stops texting and focuses on him as he puts a rest to the debate. Then Bull turns to Angelo as if he had not even known he was there and starts razzing him. Calls him a loser and teases him about being on drugs for his panic attacks. Dina tries to stop Bull’s bullying.
Jeff suggests they all go up to Venture Lake for the weekend. A goth couple, Spike and Trace, that have been making out under the bleachers all this time stop suddenly, and listen closely.
Dina, Angelo and Violet are apprehensive. They go on about the bear attack killing a family and how the place is still closed down. Bull says that’s what makes it such an adventure.
They all agree to go. Bull calls Angelo a Freakazoid, says he isn’t invited. Stay home and pop your pills. We don’t want you freakin’ out and spoiling our road trip anyway. Candace agrees and so does Violet. Dina says she is going, and that Angelo is, too. She puts her arm around Angelo.
The goth couple emerge – black leather, tattoos, piercings…. The group is startled. They say it’s not safe. Warn the group not to go.
DOCTOR’S OFFICE
Angelo’s father is upset, getting loud with the doctor about his son not trying any experimental drugs. Angelo’s mother calms him down. She wants Angelo to take them. The doctor says they don’t know the side effects, but if they work it will be a miracle. Angelo’s mother goes on to talk about how bad Angelo’s panic attacks. The doctor hands the drugs to Angelo’s father, he turns away. Angelo’s mother takes them.
INT – ANGELO’S BEDROOM – LATER
Angelo tosses and turns, can’t sleep. Sits up in a cold sweat. Takes a bunch of the new pills. Lays back.
Angelo is still fidgety. Jumps up again in a sweat, breathing even faster, tries to calm down. He can’t.
INT – DINA’S BEDROOM – CONTINUOUS
Dina sits at a desk in her bedroom. She’s on a laptop. She is watching a news clip on the death of Angelo’s brother and herself. They dated. She is startled when her bedroom door flies opens. It’s Angelo! She slams the lid down on her laptop. Holy shit, Angelo, you scared me.
NEXT MORNING
Dina and Angelo are walking out Angelo’s front door. His mom reminds him of his new meds. He says he has them. Dina asks how the meds are going. He says they are some new experimental stuff. As they walk out he says he is taking double what was prescribed because the dreams he has on them are incredible.
EXT. SCHOOL PARKING LOT – CONTINUOUS
School’s out. The classmates gather around Candace’s dad’s huge black Cadillac Escalade he let her take for the weekend. They throw their gear in and drive off.
EXT – GAS STATION IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE – LATER
The Escalade pulls up to the pumps.
INT – ESCALADE
Jeff says it’s they last stop for a few hours.
Some get out. Angelo and Dina, in the back row, stay in the vehicle. Angelo falls asleep.
Bull babbles about Angelo while he sleeps, Dina stands up for him. Bull and Violet both laugh. Jeff just shakes his head.
EXT – BARREN HIGWAY – DUSK
Dark clouds, lightning in the distance, and thunder seconds later as the Escalade pushes on through a more dense area.
INT – ESCALADE
Angelo, sound asleep, leaning on Dina. Jazz looks out the window at the brewing storm. Violet sleeps. Jeff shakes head as Bull snores, sound asleep.
Violet twitches slightly.
VIOLET DREAMS
It’s very dark. Violet is awake. Shadow passes by. She is scared. Starts running, frightened, as a shadow whisks by her from time to time.
INT – ESCALADE
Bull twitches slightly.
BULL DREAMS
Extreme darkness. Bull fights his way thru obstacles as a shadow passes by from time to time. The obstacles are unseen.
VIOLET DREAMS
She sees something bright in the distance. She is terrified, running in the darkness. As she runs towards the light in the dark. As she runs it appears farther away.
BULL DREAMS
Terrified, he fights his way through the obstacles as the shadow swiftly flies by here and there. The obstacles are football practice dummies. They can barely be seen.
VIOLET DREAMS
She is closer the the light. Closer. Closer. It’s very dim. The light is just huge cheerleading pom-poms. They are barely visible. Now she is tangled in them. Horrified, she claws through them. She gets through. There is barely any light, she runs faster and faster.
BULL DREAMS
Bull continues to smash through the football dummies. It gets harder and harder, until, finally he is through. Almost pitch black. He runs, faster, and faster, until… he runs by Violet running in the opposite direction. They quickly look back at each other, and in that instant –
INT – ESCALADE – DUSK
Bull and Violet both wake up instantaneously, in a violent frenzy and look at each other. Bull screams out, What the fuck!,” as a crack of thunder leads to a torrential downpour.
**I intend to add in more dreams later, maybe they will take turns driving so it works out where everyone gets a chance to doze off.
ACT 2
EXT – HIGHWAY
Rain pummels down as heavily wooded area.
thunderous lightning brings on a
the Escalade slows to turn into a Sign, VENTURE CABINS 30 MILES.
INT – ESCALADE
Jeff tells the others they will arrive soon. They are all looking out the window as the wooded area darkens their view. As light gives way to the dark, even Candace raises her head from her cell phone and GULPS. Jeff assures them it will be a much better day tomorrow.
EXT – MUDDY TRAIL
The Escalade bounces through the woods, down the muddy trail. Wheel hits a downed branch in the trail.
INT – ESCALADE
Screams as the vehicle veers off the muddy trail.
EXT – WOODS
The Escalade rolls upside down and broadsides a tree.
INT. ANGELO’S HOUSE
Angelo’s mom gets a call from the doctor. He says Angelo needs to stop taking the meds right away. There are some really bad side effects. As the doctor starts explaining she hangs up on him and tries to call Angelo.
INT – ESCALADE
Candace complains because she has no cell reception. The others look at their phones. None have reception. They can’t call for help. Violet says they can’t stay in a flipped over vehicle. Jeff says their best bet is to make the rest of the trip on foot. Angelo is really edgy, takes his meds.
EXT – WOODS – NIGHT
They walk a while, but eventually the trail ends. Signs warn them over the next several hundred feet, THIS AREA UNSAFE, TURN BACK, and CONTINUE AT YOUR OWN RISK. Angelo takes more meds. They continue on through the woods, fighting against the rainstorm, and the darkness.
Angelo’s anxiety is running rampant. Realizing they could have a medical emergency on their hands with Angelo, on top of the problems they have already, they all agree to stop for the night. Bull is against it and calls Angelo a pussy. Dina mouths back, and Jeff tries to control Bull. He says not everyone is cut out for the outdoors. Angelo hangs his head. Dina says they are asses.
Violet says they are right, and goes on to tell them of her cousin who went on a hunting trip and was hurt multiple times due to the rough environment and he was never the same after mentally. They all tell her to stop with her stories, they are making Angelo worse. Eventually they make a big lean-to and bunker down for the night.
INT – LEAN-TO
There are noises in the woods, and idle chatter becomes talk of the tragedy at the cabins and the fear of bears. Angelo get upset at everyone talking about his brother and his family.
Candace tells them all to shush. She thinks they’re being hunted. Bull says he’ll protect them, but not Angelo and not Dina because she is getting on his nerves. They hear noises. Angelo shakes in fear, takes more meds. Soon they all nod off.
Noises in the woods grow closer and closer. They all wake up startled at two blood-covered people screaming in front of the lean-to. They all freak out, except Angelo, whose meds make him sleep deep. It’s Spike and Trace. They intended to come to the cabins to scare the group, though not QUITE like this.
Bull freaks out and he and Spike start shoving each other. Jeff gets involved, too. Candace starts mouthing off to Trace and Violet backs her up. It’s Jazz that has to break things up this time. Their safety is in numbers if there ARE bears wandering around, so they better just work together to get to the cabins.
So Spike and Trace settle in under the lean-to. They explain the situation. With poor visibility they did not see the Escalade sitting upside down and half on the muddy trail. Trace was driving and slammed into it. They could not start their vehicle and also had to make their way on foot. They utter comments about Angelo sleeping through all this, but eventually they all fall asleep.
INT. ANGELO’S HOUSE
Angelo’s mom tries calling again. Angelo’s father suggests Angelo should be okay for just a couple more nights. Angelo’s mom says she will call the doctor tomorrow and get his opinion.
DREAM
Violet and Bull awake, but it’s a dream again, and they know it. Again a shadow whizzes by them. It’s very dark, and they cannot make out what the shadow is.
Violet is very frightened. Bull, not so much, but he is looking around trying to understand what’s happening.
The shadow passes by again and again, as if to taunt them. Violet grabs onto Bull. The shadow flies between them knocking them to the ground in separate directions. Bull is raised high off the ground. He kicks and punches but it’s just into air. He is dropped to the ground.
Violet runs over to help him up. They stand, but when they turn around, they see a bear. Just as the bear is about to grab them the shadow slips quickly by. They and the bear notice, but they cannot make it out. It’s too fast. The bear attempts to grab Violet and Bull again, this time the entity throws the teens out of the way, he wants them for himself.
The shadow, barely visible, faces the bear. The bear growls, ready to attack. The entity thrusts first, but the bear jumps out of harms way and the entity rips and tears at whoever in his path. It’s Dina, she’s in the dream. She had entered the dream and was behind the bear. Her lower body mutilated by the entity, she drops to the ground.
The shadow surrounds her, slowly. It circles her continuously. She smiles at it, then her life expires. The entity circles her faster and faster, growing more and more furious. It stops abruptly, turning toward Violet and Bull.
The entity is barely visible, no longer just a shadow. Almost man-like, but large, tall, long claw-like fingers and they get a glimpse of a mouthful of long sharp teeth as the entity lets out an eerie evil scream like they have never heard.
As if the scream was heard in real life, they all woke up, even Angelo. All of them except for Dina. Violet shakes Dina. She doesn’t wake. The others ask what’s going on. “This shit is fucked up,” says Bull. Violet opens up Dina’s sleeping bag. Her body is mutilated. They all run out of the lean-to, except Angelo. He’s over her, whimpering.
**Again, I intend to have more dreams with the others before Dina is killed.
EXT – WOODS
The group buries Dina in the woods as the rain barrels down. They tear down the lean-to and press on through the night to find the cabins. They finally find them in the middle of the night. There are three cabins. Jeff, Bull and Angelo take one, Candace and Violet take another, and Spike and Trace take the last one. They all get into dry clothing and try to sleep again.
EXT – DREAM – NIGHT
Violet and Bull are visited in their dreams by the entity. They are in the pouring rain. They barely make out the entity. Bull pulls Violet behind him, to protect her. The entity moves so fast he can barely keep his eyes on it. Then, he anticipates its movements, calculates and lunges towards it. Violet screams, “no, Bull!” He grabs the entity.
The entity bites into Bull’s flesh, tears at him with huge claw- like fingers, and rips him apart violently. Blood sprays everywhere, and covers Violet, who passes out. She wakes moments later to the monster still ripping away at Bull. Violet runs back to her cabin.
INT – CABIN (DREAM) – NIGHT
Violet opens the door and is startled by Candace standing there. Candace does not understand what’s happening. Violet tries to explain that it’s a dream, and about the monster. But, she can hardly catch her breath.
They hear commotion outside. Jeff is yelling for help.
EXT – DREAM
Everyone’s now outside standing over Bull’s shredded body. He is almost unrecognizable. The others do not understand what’s going on. Violet tries to explain.
“Where the fuck is Angelo?” Says Jeff. “How the hell can he sleep through this shit? Bull was right. He IS a freakazoid! Candace says maybe the monster has Angelo.
INT – JEFF’S CABIN (DREAM)
They all run into the cabin to find Angelo is asleep. “Well, at least we know he’s okay,” says Candace. “He has some kind of panic disorder. Might as well let him sleep.” Jazz agrees, “it would just be more shit we’d have to deal with.”
They decide staying in the one cabinet is best, but they are already asleep. Spike says they need to find a way to wake up. Jazz says they need to make some weapons. Violet is still trying to catch her breath. Candace tries to console her but she freaks out. She runs out of the cabin.
No one else wants to leave. Jazz decides to run after her.
EXT – DREAM
He finds her hiding outside, but convinces her to come back to the cabin. She is reluctant, but agrees. Demands Jazz protects her. He tells her she’s fine. They head back.
The entity attacks them and begins chewing Violet apart. Jazz manages to escape. He makes it back to the cabin. He pounds on the door to be let in. No one wants to open the door. Jazz pleads. Finally they open the door.
INT CABIN (DREAM)
As Jazz runs in, the entity flashes by him, ripping his arm from his socket. Blood shoot out everywhere. They pull him inside, help stop the blood from squirting. “Where’s Violet,” they ask? Jazz tells them the monster ripped her apart.
Topic turns to Angelo’s brother and sister. They are thinking he might have something to do with all this. They just cannot explain it. But Angelo is the only one that’s never around when these things happen. Trace says maybe none of this is real. Spike says look what happened to Dina, that was real. He says they must fight back. Jeff takes offense to the goth teen making suggestions as if he’s the leader. They argue.
Jazz agrees they have to do something. Spike has an idea: to keep the monster preoccupied while someone wakes Angelo, to see if he and the monster are one in the same. But they need a volunteer. No one does. They decide to draw different length pieces of cardboard from a writing pad. They decide to let Jazz hold the sticks they make so as not to include him.
They draw, one by one, until Violet has the shortest stick. She begins hyperventilating. Jazz steps up. “I’ll do it,” he says. He feels he might not survive this anyway, as he is losing a lot of blood still from his arm being ripped off. They all agree. Jazz leaves the cabin.
Jazz is attacked outside. While he is being mutilated the rest of them wake Angelo, which proves to not be an easy task. His meds are experimental and put him in to a coma-like state. Finally they wake him. He has a violent panic attack. He finally comes to. And at that instant the rest of them wake up from the dream, but when they do they are in their beds.
Candace runs into Jeff’s cabin screaming that Violet is in her bed and was mutilated in her sleep. Bull is a pile of guts strewn about his bed. They pull off Jazz’s covers covers to reveal his mutilated body and missing arm. They realize the monster is gone. Jeff freaks out and attacks Angelo, beats on him.
“It’s you, you fucking freak!” And with another blow to the head he knocks Angelo out. “That’s that,” says Jeff.

ACT lll
Spike says to Jeff, you knocked Angelo out, but if he is no longer awake there’s no telling what could happen. They pour some water on Angelo. He does not wake. Jeff starts shaking him. “Wake up, motherfucker. Wake up!” The cabin door smashes open. It’s the monster in plain view. And he is extremely angry. Thunder cracks!
The monster looks like a much larger and evil version of Angelo. They now see his long dagger-like fingers and his sharp teeth glistening like glass as he begins screaming again, an ear- piercing, horrific tone. *note to self, add all previous SCREAMS from the monster!!!
The monster is at full power. He pushes them all away from Angelo. He can now attack his victims while they are awake! Trace is mesmerized by the evil, finds the monster sexy. Spike sees it in her eyes. “What the fuck, Trace? Are you turned on?”
Just then a bear attacks the monster, yanks him out of the doorway and into the pouring rain. “No!” Trace runs out after the monster, to help him.
Spike goes ballistic. He runs out looking for a large stick. Jeff and Candace watch from inside. “Why don’t you help him,” she says? “Hey,” he says, “if they want to help or fight that thing let them have at it. I’m not getting ripped to shreds over those two weirdos.” “What if that was me out there,” she says? He is silent. They continue watching.
Spike attacks the monster, beating it with the stick. The monster lets out a scream and tears apart the bear. The monster turns to Spike. Spike lunges at him. The monster begins mutilating Spike. “Stop,” yells Trace. The monster looks at her. He jumps off of Spike and attacks Trace, an easy victim. She falls to the ground and hits her head on a rock. Her head bleeds.
Spike is up and cracking the monster over the back with the large stick. The monster screams and proceeds to rip him to shreds.
Jeff and Candace are terrified as the monster looks at them from outside. He turns his attention to them and slowly stands from Spikes lifeless torn up body. The monster tears Spike’s head off and throws it toward Trace, his head rolling up to hers.
INT – CABIN
The monster begins his attack on the two remaining victims. Just then in runs Trace with Spike’s stick. She’s still alive! She plunges the large stick into Angelo’s unconscious body – right into his heart. The monster screams, turns into a shadow-like entity and is slowly being sucked back into Angelo’s body. The survivors bolt for the door.
EXT – WOODS
They run, looking back occasionally, terrified of being chased by the monster, Angelo. They make it to the broken down vehicles. Jeff says they can push start Trace’s car. They do, and drive off, as fast as they can from this place.
INT – CABIN
The last of the entity is sucked into Angelo’s lifeless body. His eyes OPEN!
THE END

[Barry Barry Durbin Durbin]

Barry's Horror Outline Version two

Title: Terror on Calvary Mountain

Concept:
When college friends set search for an abandoned Calvary encampment and mistakenly disturb an Indian burial ground, they are trapped and terrorized by a giant, malevolent creature from the spirit world.

ACT 1
EXT. CALVARY ENCAMPMENT. DUSK
Three U.S. Calvary soldiers are running for their lives through the woods. One pulls out his Colt revolver and shoots over his shoulder as he runs. Their faces are gripped with terror. You can hear the grunts and of the creature that’s chasing them. Suddenly, with a flash, one soldier disappears. The others keep running. Another flash and a second soldier disappear. The last soldier makes it back to the encampment and tries to enter the watchtower. The door is locked. He screams at someone to let him in. He turns around with terror on his face. He just begins to scream, and we see blood splash on the side of the watchtower. We hear him gurgling and the creature lets out an ear-piercing scream.

INT.WATCHTOWER. SIMULTANEOUSLY
A group of Calvary soldiers are huddled inside listening to their fellow soldier being killed.

EXT. HOUSE DRIVEWAY. DAY
Alex, the leader, is loading backpacks into the vehicle. They discuss going on this hike as their last trip graduation. He tells Meghann, the Moral One, about he and his dad spending time hiking in the woods and mentions rumors of big, hairy monsters being seen in the woods. He demonstrates that he is very knowledgeable about the outdoors and is a capable leader.
Meghann shows anxiety about going to that location. He teases her, giving her a hard time.
She is sweet to him but shows her sassy and confident side by giving the hard time right back to Alex. Alex assures her that it’s just a rumor and he’ll protect her.

Beth, the Rule Breaker, arrives carrying her backpack. She doesn’t see Meghann and starts flirting with Alex until Meghann pops up. Beth’s demeanor instantly changes after seeing Meghann. She starts to put her backpack in the vehicle when Chad, the Obnoxious One, jumps out from under a blanket and scares her. She screams and punches him. The others laugh.

Chad lets the others know he doesn’t care what they think. He’s going to do his own thing. Alex gets in Chad’s face and lets him know that this is serious business and that his actions could get someone killed.

Bennie, the Complainer, is the last one to arrive. The others are already aggravated with him for making them wait. He makes excuses and blames his lateness on someone else. He makes a crude joke. Beth and Chad laugh, but Meghann and Alex are not amused.

EXT. NASHOBA’S HOUSE. DAY
Nashoba, the introvert, is outside helping his elderly Grandmother move items in her yard as the others pull up in the vehicle. He quietly greets the others. He is awkward and makes it seem that he’s not well acquainted with them.

Nashoba’s elderly Native American Grandmother warns them about the Shampe, the Hairy Man. Shampe is the Choctaw word for Bigfoot. She cautions them not to go. She explains that this creature is said to be a man-eater and that their spirit protects the Native burial grounds hidden in the forest. She says something evil happened in those woods. It’s sacred ground and shouldn’t be disturbed. It needs to be left alone.

The Grandmother gives Nashoba a spiritual item (maybe a necklace) and urges him to keep the item with him for protection. Nashoba assures his grandmother he will respect the spirits, and they will be okay.

INT. VEHICLE. DAY
Alex assures everyone that he is an expert woodsman, and they have nothing to worry about. Chad adds that the old lady is crazy. Nashoba warns him not to anger the spirits. Chad scoffs at him. Meghann agrees with Alex and angrily tells Chad the woman and Nashoba aren’t crazy. She tells him to be quiet. He rolls his eyes.
Bennie tries to convince himself that there is nothing to worry about. He complains that he didn’t want to go on this trip in the first place. He farts and gags the others. He tells them he ate cheese enchiladas and forgot to take his lactose pills.

EXT. WOODS. DAY
They get lost. They lose their sense of direction. Chad and Beth tease Alex for getting lost since he’s supposed to be a big woodsman.
Chad argues with Alex about the correct direction to proceed. Meghann jumps in to play peacemaker.

EXT. WOODS. LATER
There is movement in the trees. Meghann sees a figure, but then it is gone. No one else sees it.

EXT. WOODS. MOMENTS LATER
A clump of gray animal hair clings to a branch 7 feet off the ground.

EXT. INDIAN BURIAL GROUND. DUSK
They smell something with such a horrible stench, they blame Bennie.
They discover an Indian Burial marker. Chad throws it into the woods.

EXT.NASHOBA’S GRANDMOTHER’S HOUSE.DUSK
The Grandmother looks up to the sky. She says something in Choctaw. Then in English, “The spirits are angry.”

EXT. WOODS. SIMULTANEOUSLY
The creature appears through an inter-dimensional portal. From the Creature’s POV, it can see them.

EXT.WOODS-SWINGING BRIDGE.DAY
They cross a rickety, swinging bridge over a steep ravine. They argue about crossing because it looks dangerous. They begin crossing the bridge that has missing boards. As the first-person crosses, a board breaks, and they almost fall. As the last two cross, we see the bridge about to give way and collapse. Just as they are almost to the end, the bridge collapses. They grab part of the bridge and hold on. They are dangling over the ravine’s edge with a high ledge. The others scramble to pull them to safety. They are now isolated.

EXT. ABANDONED CALVARY ENCAMPMENT. DAY
They see a tall fence constructed of tree trunks. It’s grown over and abandoned. They begin to move closer. Suddenly, they hear loud snapping of tree branches. They freeze and listen. They hear more branches cracking and getting closer. They rush to the fence and look for an opening. They find a gate and tear away the overgrowth. As the gate is cleared, they see signs of the previous horror, blood splatter, deep claw marks, etc. The creature lets out a loud scream. They frantically try to open the gate. They can’t get it open. The sound is getting closer. They finally can pull the gate open enough to get inside.

INT. ENCAMPMENT. DAY
They push the gate shut and find a pole to help barricade the gate.

EXT. ENCAMPMENT. SIMULTANEOUSLY
From the creatures POV. It’s looking at the gate.

ACT 2
INT. ENCAMPMENT. NIGHT
Trapped inside the encampment with the creature outside. They now know that the creature they were warned about does exist. They look for a way inside one of the buildings behind the fence. Only two buildings and a watchtower near the main gate are still standing. Other buildings have collapsed. They find a way in one of the buildings and look for a way to secure the door.

Bennie starts to break down in fear. He yells at Alex for telling them it would be okay. They argue again about what to do next. How do they escape with the bridge out and the creature after them? Alex believes that the creature is most likely more active at night, and they should hunker down and wait until morning to leave. Others think they are sitting ducks. Nashoba tells them that his grandmother warned them about this and they laughed at her.

Meghann peaks outside through a window and thinks she sees the creature. No one else can see anything. The others are in denial and don’t believe her. They tell her it couldn’t get through the fence without them hearing it.

EXT. WOODS. NIGHT
We see the legs of the creature walking through an inter-dimensional portal and along the fence line.

INT.ENCAMPMENT. NIGHT
They hear the creature outside pounding against the fence and snorting. They hide inside and talk quietly.

INT. ENCAMPMENT.LATER
Beth ventures by herself into a different room using her cell phone for light. Her battery dies and she’s in the dark. She falls through the floor.

INT. HIDDEN ROOM. NIGHT
Beth lies on the floor as the others run to her rescue. She finds a lantern. Bennie throws her a lighter. The others look at him confused and he pulls out his weed. She finds old TNT and flares. They make a human ladder and pull her out.

INT.ENCAMPMENT. NIGHT
Chad to leave, others want to move to the watchtower. Beth agrees and the two leave. They leave the gate ajar.

EXT.WOODS. NIGHT (MIDPOINT)
The monster stalks them. they can’t tell which direction the monster is coming from. He eventually walks backwards cautiously searching for the monster and back into it. He screams and blood splashes on Beth’s face. She panics and runs back to the encampment.

INT. ENCAMPMENT. NIGHT
Those remaining react to the sight of Beth’s bloody appearance and Chad’s death.

EXT. ENCAMPMENT. NIGHT
The creature enters the encampment through the open gate.

INT.ENCAMPMENT. NIGHT (2nd TP)
They smell the same stench from earlier. They still wonder what the smell is. The others tease Bennie again. Bennie is angry and moves away from the others and sits near a window. The creature smashes through the window and pulls him out. They hear him screaming and gurgling before going silent. They light a flare pointing it at the creature and it retreats.

ACT 3 — FULL OUT HORROR

INT.ENCAMPMENT. NIGHT
Nashoba is calm, withdraws, and looks at his spiritual item. Beth is trembling and in shock. Alex goes into action to barricade the opening.
Meghann screams. She eventually regains control of herself and impatiently urges Beth to calm down and help.

INT.ENCAMPMENT. NIGHT
Alex decides on a new plan to move to the watchtower.

EXT. ENCAMPMENT. NIGHT
They begin moving to the watchtower using flares as protection. Alex protects the others and is the last to go. His flare is extinguished. He tries to light another one, but fails. There is suspense as he tries to light another flare. He begins to panic and runs towards the watchtower. The creature grabs his legs and pulls him away. He screams and the others are watching him being brutally killed.

INT. WATCHTOWER. NIGHT
. They react to the horror. Meghann comes up with a new plan to lure the creature to the explosives.

EXT. WATCHTOWER. NIGHT
The monster circles the watchtower, pounding on the walls.

INT.ENCAMPMENT. NIGHT
She rallies everyone to put her plan into place. The light flares and leave.

EXT.ENCAMPMENT. NIGHT
The monster is coming after them.

EXT.ENCAMPMENT. NIGHT
We now see the full Monster.
The monster is going after Meghann. Nashoba tries to distract the monster away from Meghann. The monster swipes its claw at her ripping her skin as blood flies. It slams Meghann across the room. She’s hurt and not moving. The monster slowly starts towards her, when Nashoba screams at it as he moves toward the trap. The monster leaps at him and they both fall into the trap. The building explodes.
Beth is traumatized, but alive. Beth is holding a flare. She begins to scream obscenities toward the monster. The monster emerges from the fire and kills Beth. The creature looks toward Meghann, she appears to be dead. It leaves. As soon as it’s gone, Meghann moves. She’s alive. We see police helicopters flying overhead.

EXT.MONSTER’S WORLD.NIGHT
The creature steps through the portal into a world with many more of his species.

• This reply was modified 2 months, 2 weeks ago by  Barry Barry Durbin Durbin.