Lesson 9

[David Thompson]

David Thompson’s Dialogue 4 – 6

What I learned doing this assignment is…? I learned I apparently already use irony a lot. Also sarcasm. So I went through and pulled some ironic examples. Although I did improve upon this small sample scene. Then some set-ups with my 2nd example.

Work continues… I need more anticipatory dialog, so I combine multiple uses of all three in most of my scenes.

Example 1:

Before:

Dan is walking along the main hallway. As he passes a door, CHIEF PARKER steps out.

Parker is a heavyset man, late 50s, typical almost-retired cop.

PARKER

Dan! Good job on that stand-off. Radio is calling you a hero.

DAN

I’m no damned hero. A hero is a sandwich. I just did my job.

PARKER

Understood. Reports on my desk by 5, alright?

DAN

Yeah.

Parker nods and steps back into his room.

After:

PARKER

Dan! Good job on that stand-off. The press is calling you a hero. They love you!

DAN

Today they love me, tomorrow they’ll want me hung. Besides, I was just doing my job.

PARKER

Alright. Reports on my desk by 5, alright?

DAN

Yeah.

Example 2: Set-ups/ pay-offs – very important for any pilot or movie. I use dialogue to anticipate future events. Although, I did find multiple areas where this needed extra work. An example is Fury Megaera’s obsession with Dan.

Before:

During a scene where the Furies take on a human smuggler, Alecto teases Megaera about her apparent crush on the cop, Dan.

I’ll pick this up in mid-scene. Alecto is teasing the human smuggler with her sword.

As Alecto toys with Pablo, she talks to Megaera.

ALECTO

See, this is how you deal with stubborn targets.

MEGAERA

Simmons wasn’t stubborn.

ALECTO

But you lost control.

Pablo mounts an attack. Alecto fends it off with ease.

MEGAERA

That damned cop. He interfered.

Alecto smiles.

ALECTO

You’ve lost your touch.

MEGAERA

I have not!

ALECTO

I’d have killed him. Not losing your touch, sister? Alright. Here.

Alecto tosses Megaera the katana. Megaera snatches it out of the air. Pablo turns and attacks.

Megaera steps forward and slices.

ALECTO

Then you’re just sweet on that cop.

MEGAERA

I am not!

ALECTO

Well, then, kill the bastard. It’s how I deal with my inner desires. You have a bad habit of losing control around mortals who get your blood moving. You’ve lost your touch.

Megaera quickly swings. Pablo head goes rolling across the desert sand.

MEGAERA

No, I’m not losing my touch.

Alecto pokes at the head with her toe.

ALECTO

No reason to lose your head over this.

After:

MEGAERA

That damned cop. He interfered.

Alecto smiles.

ALECTO

I would have killed him. You’ve lost your touch.

MEGAERA

I have not!

ALECTO

Alright. Here.

Alecto tosses Megaera the katana. Megaera snatches it out of the air. Pablo turns and attacks.

Megaera steps forward and slices.

ALECTO

Then you’re just sweet on that cop.

MEGAERA

I am not!

ALECTO

Yes, dear, you are.

Megaera quickly swings. Pablo’s head goes rolling across the desert sand.

MEGAERA

No, I’m not.

Alecto pokes at the head with her toe.

ALECTO

No reason to lose your head over this.

[David Wickenden]

David Wickenden Dialog 4-6

What I learned from doing this assignment?

Some more great tools to add to the toolbox for great dialogue. I have used similar tactics in my novels.

Setup/Payoff

JANICE

I’m worried that this might just be the start. The way the public is reacting to Goddard’s death, I don’t think this be an isolated event.

Of course, Janice’s prediction is dead on the money. The next killing is the Judge who took a bribe for a lesser sentence.

Anticipatory Dialogue

MOM

If you go after him, you’ll end up

in prison and then who’ll be here

to protect your daughters?

DAD

But…

MOM

But nothing. Susan needs both of us

to help her move on. I’m even

willing to move if it’ll help.

DAD

Move? We both have jobs. They just

don’t grow on trees you know.

The crayon moves faster across the page, filling in the large area of a unicorn’s flank.

MOM

I don’t care. It’s a small town.

It’s only a matter of time before

she runs into him. How is she

supposed to move on if he’s always

going to be there reminding her of

what happened.

DAD

That’s why, my solution works. I

might have to go to jail, but

she’ll never have to face him

again.

MOM

Damnit. Leave it alone.

Ironic Dialogue

Laura pulls the garrote and leans forward to whisper in her ear. Their eyes meet in the rear-view mirror.

LAURA

Just wanted you to know, that a

hacker friend of mine, was able to

find the account you have for all

your bribery payments. You’ve been

busy.

JUDGE

(hisses)

Let — me — go.

Her look is still defiant.

LAURA

Why? Because you’re a judge?

Panic begins to cross over the judge’s face.

JUDGE

I can — pay you.

Laura shakes her head and offers a sad expression.

LAURA

No, I’m afraid you can’t. First

off, the account has been drained.

You’ll never spend one dollar of

that blood money.

The judge groans as the wire bites a little deeper. Tears gloss over her eyes.

LAURA (CONT’D)

And second, I’ve come for a

different kind of payment. It’s

time you pay for all those children

who looked to you for justice.

[Wayne Petitto]

Wayne’s Dialogue 4 – 6

What I learned doing this assignment is how I can find much more useful dialogue to accelerate and support the essence of each scene focusing on the story line.

• Setup / Payoff
I used this to introduce the spaceship’s Onboard AI that Mike nicknamed HAL.
MIKE: “HAL, AOK with you?
HAL: “Onboard AI pre-ignition checklists complete, AOK for launch.

To expo the mission length: MIKE: “See ya in the spring, Bob. Spring of 2037 that is.”

[When Mike dreams of his return, he thinks about marrying his little sister’s beautiful friend. In his dream they’re putting their twins down for the night]
MIKE: There’s no place on Earth I’d rather be, or nothing I’d rather be doing than this, right now.
SAMANTHA: What about on some other planet?
MIKE: Haven’t you seen my picture of the Tomarians?
(They laugh as they lean into each other’s arms.)

• B. Anticipatory Dialogue
Foreshadowing a love story, during the opening launce scene:
LAUNCH CONTROL: I’ll be waiting, Mike. Don’t be late.
MIKE: Depends on what the women on Tomara look like.

Then to establish the length of the mission:
MIKE: Better late than never.
LAUNCH CONTROL: For sure, for sure, big buddy. Lots can happen in 13 years.

• C. Ironic Dialogue
LAUNCH CONTROL: …and in 5, 4,–
Mike Wake my up at zero.
LAUNCH CONTROL: 3, ha! 2, 1, 0. Ignition’s a go. You awake Mike?
Mike shouts over the thundering roar and violent shaking of the spacecrafrt.
MIKE I’ll let you know when I’m not so rattled.

[In Mike dream of returning home.]
MARGRET: All that time I wished I could catch up with you. But now? (sob, sniff, laugh)
Hey, have you seen a certain friend of mine?
There stands Samantha, a truly beautiful woman with flowing red hair.

When they get close enough for HAL to receive signals from the planet and decipher them into audio/visual, he plays if for Mike to see.
The video looks like bleachers with a dozen humanoid adults, all in uniform colored smocks, apparently singing in very unusual hollow harmonies of strange vocals.
MIKE: Looks like, Mitch Miller got here ahead of us.
HAL: Mitch Miller?
MIKE: 1960’s TV musical singing show.