Lesson 9

[Tita Beal Anntares]

Tita’s Fascinating Scene Outlines!

What I learned from this assignment:

· I’m getting to know my Outline really well by now. I was surprised how many active interest techniques were already in the scenes and how easily I could improve, sharpen… probably the 12 interest techniques from several years ago have been unconsciously embedded in my mind since PS50/MSC4.

· These interest techniques are 4 more and easier to use than in previous Su courses…or I’ve learned more. I’ve used them in the past but did not have them all together as a mental checklist or brainstorming prompt for each scene. These step by step questions about structure, character, story, etc. are very helpful ways to think more deeply about a script. And working from the outline is genius. Saves so much time and bogged down freak-outs.

· The scenes will be much more interesting because of the following:

List of improvements to outline: (Note: Outline for stage play not filmscript)

I went through the 16 techniques, found and improved scenes that had at least one or created ways to use these interest techniques into existing or new scenes:

BIG PICTURE

A. More interesting setting. Brainstorm possible settings that could elevate the interest level. You’re looking for settings that are intriguing, unique, or put the characters or their goals in jeopardy.

From a kitchen to an 18^th century dungeon

B. Superior Position. We know something that the characters don’t know and it is even more powerful if the part they don’t know causes them to go in the opposite direction they should.

The protag seems to be supporting people’s independence but audience knows he is manipulating them into supporting his strategy not their own.

C. Misinterpretation. One or more characters has misconstrued a situation and continues to act out of an incorrect perspective.

When a rebel leader from another county comes to the Antag Shays’ home to beg him to join the armed rebellion, he thinks the Antag is just scared and that the Antag’s wife is keeping him tied to her apron strings… but soon Shays and his wife are hog-tying the rebel leader so he cannot join his own armed court closing.

D. External Dilemma. Two external choices where the main character will lose something no matter which they take.

Protag has claimed he would hang with his own hands his son if he did X, and has to decide whether to hang his friend who did the same thing (and feel despair) or give the friend and others amnesty (and lose respect and power for caving when he was refusing amnesty)

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CHARACTER

A. Character changes radically. We thought they were one person, then they turn out to be another. This could be a literal change or just a change of their position on the conflict.

Protag, man of the people, decides he will send out the army to shoot or arrest and hang his friends for rebelling against his government… despite understanding why they have valid grievances.

B. Betrayal. A character who is trusted turns against the main character.

The Protag has trusted the Antag to keep his promise to try to stop veterans from holding armed protests against Protag’s government. But when he hears the Protag is sending the army against veterans, he agrees to lead the armed protests.

C. Internal Dilemma. The character is struggling with their private quandary. It may be an identity dilemma –

Will Protag approve a Constitution that doesn’t dare mention the rights he and the Antag risked their lives to gain or will he refuse to approve on principle, even if that gives power to rebels and strengthens calls for an American ristocracy and monarchy?

or are they_________? Or they are struggling with their own values (right versus wrong ) or the direction of their life.

D. Uncomfortable Moment. One or more characters are placed in an awkward or embarrassing situation.

Protag, deeply committed to equal rights of people in his new democracy, finds out his friend, soon to be revealed as the Antag, has joined an association that is preparing for an American aristocracy… and the Antag tries to give reasons.

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TWIST

A. Major twist. A sudden change in direction causes the characters to have to deal with new circumstances and their consequences.

Protag has been asking for patience, peaceful organizing for the next election to redress grievances, but suddenly decides he must deploy his army to prevent the other 12 new American nations from invading Massachusetts to crush the rebellion by veterans before it spreads beyond borders

B. Surprise. Create (or identify) a predictable pattern, then shock us with an unexpected occurrence.

Protag has been compassionate to many and now to a captured rebel who is seriously wounded, asks questions that are attempts to get the rebel to say things that might excuse his actions, but suddenly Protag decides he should be put in chains.

C. Mislead / Reveal. Knowing what you want to reveal, take us in the wrong direction, then solve it with the reveal.

When the Antag leads some rebels to leave exile and sneak into the Protag’s home to beg for amnesty, Protag reconnects with his friendships with them, explains that he understands the despair that drove them to close at gunpoint the courts that were unfairly throwing them into debtors prison, their wives and children onto the dole, into poor houses or indentured servitude… As he speaks, he touches each rebel with gentle compassion, then pulls a rifle on them, saying if even his son had taken up arms against an elected government, he would hang him with his own hands. His wife stands between the gun and the rebels, helping them escape.

D. Cliffhanger. A startling conclusion with a major hook. Who shot J.R.? (only have a mild one)

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ANTICIPATION

A. Intrigue. Give clues that there are secrets that affect the other characters. Do this in a way that implies that one or more characters are being underhanded or scheming against the others.

The Protag champions the rights of each individual to be treated equally and with respect even if they have no wealth or title… but when several times when people disagree with him, he manipulates them to say what he wants them to say. The Protag justifies his manipulation on the grounds that he knows best but soon the yeomanry has lost trust in him and explodes in anger and contempt at him in ways that shatter his own confidence and trust in the “yeomanry” he has championed

B. Mystery. In any unknown situation, there are three corners — What happened, Who did it, and How it happened. The mystery gives us one or two of the corners and demands we discover the missing corners. We know what happened, but we’re obsessed with finding out who did it and/or how it was done.

When Protag is shown a wounded veteran who was his friend, Protag know the veteran had led an armed uprising against his government and that the government troops had wounded him, but the Protag does not understand why this veteran led an armed rebellion and keeps asking questions that give the Antag a way to sound innocent…

C. Suspense. We know something of consequence is going to happen and it is being withheld, thus causing us to wonder, worry, and want to know how it will play out.

People hear news that some rebels’ have been killed… but don’t know who as they wait to meet up with Daniel Shay’s wife who had to flee her home. Will she be okay? Was her husband shot – or any of his fellow veterans? Will Sam Adams call off the army?

D. Uncertainty. Alternate hope and fear by revealing details that make the goal appear likely, then unlikely.

In an early scene then woven throughout the first two acts, the Protag keeps hoping the people will embrace their hard-won right to self-government and a democracy where all men are equal regardless of wealth or titles… but he also keeps hearing the poor wanting to be better, richer than others and the wealthy wanting an American aristocracy, maybe a monarch, to control the common people and their mobs.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by  Tita Beal Anntares.

[Rhonda Burnaugh]

Fascinating Scene Outlines.

What I learned from this assignment: One thing I discovered is that I use reveal a lot. A character will drop a clue, and I later provide the reveal. My genre is a drama. I have about 130 scenes. I either made changes or added something to about 20 scenes. There are a couple scenes that are completely new.

Characters:

Michael: (MC) starts out as confidant and a bit egotistical. On stage, he has an embarrassing incident when he blows blood all over the stage. (Scene 2) When he is diagnosed with cancer, his world is turned upside down.

Gloria (Antagonist)- mother of his daughter Rose. She wants him back. He trusts her with his diagnosis and surgery, which leaves him sterile. She threatens to blackmail him, if doesn’t come back to her. (Scene 45)

Seraphine: Michael’s high school sweetheart. At the concert when he hemorrhages, she comes to visit him in the hospital and they both realize they still have a spark for each other. Twist: Sera lives with Russell, who proposes to her.

Father Joe: a Catholic priest for all the wrong reasons; befriends Michael in the hospital. He has a secret and when he lies to Michael, he gets called out. But doesn’t disclose the truth.

Anni: nurse that cares for Michael and Joe’s BF. Michael asks her to come home with him as his private duty nurse. But Joe isn’t happy about losing his friend.

Internal Dilemmas: Michael must decide between Gloria and Seraphine. It becomes clear that Father Joe & Anni are attracted to each other. Anni goes to Maui with Michael. While grocery shopping, she encounters a woman with a baby girl and struggles with emotions. (Scene 30)

External Dilemmas: Michael’s sister, Gina, shares with Joe and hands him a blue baby bracelet that Michael wore when born. When she walks away, Joe realizes he is still holding on to it.

Uncomfortable Moments: Michael’s nosebleed in Scene 2; Anni changes his surgical bandages; Michael has to go on stage at the award ceremony after viewing Gloria holding a press conference and not knowing what all she told the world (Scene 57); Russell (Scene 68) shows up when they are about to go on a cruise and punches Michael in the face; Michael has an accident in bed; interactions with Rose, who wants to know if her Papa will go to Heaven.

Superior Position: Michael takes custody of Rose and brings her on the cruise, then to spend the summer with him on Maui. Despite his fear, he goes back on stage.

Major Twists: Joe shows up in Maui. He and Anni have sex in Michael’s pool. Seraphine proposes to Michael. Will Joe leave the church? Will Michael choose Gloria or Seraphine? Will Seraphine leave Russell or accept his proposal? Is Anni willing to play mistress to a priest?

Something that surprises: While Michael is away at Gloria’s, Anni is snooping in Michael’s office and discovers Rose is not his biological daughter. Gina admits (Scene 121) that she is actually Michael’s birth mother. (Scene 115). Joe finally discloses to Michael that he was driving the car that caused his father’s death and becoming a priest was his penance. After Joe is released from the church, he proposes to Anni, who surprises him with news that she is pregnant. (Scene 108) Anni shares (with Joe) that she was married and lost a baby at 8 months and that’s why her husband left her.

Mislead/Reveal: Joe is talking to Michael, who is packing suitcases. Joe tells him he doesn’t need to pack for chemotherapy. But Michael is packing to go back to Gloria. Joe tells him to just get it over with and Michael totally misunderstands his remark.

Uncertainty/Hope/Fear: Michael goes into remission (hopeful). Then he falls ill again. (lost hope). Finally, his MD tells him a clinical trial is his last chance. The future looks uncertain. Anni: afraid to risk loving again; fearful of losing her baby and Joe. Seraphine: fearful of losing the only person she ever loved. Gina- what will happen to her relationship with Michael if she tells him she lied all those years?

[ZhiMin Hu]

I used these methods for the two main characters (Sarah and Jade) in the original idea. After this lesson, I also applied it for the third character (Cassie) and even the fourth (Lynn). It made the whole story much more interesting and have more depth.

Character:

Cassie

Cassie hides the fact that she is pregnant and her boyfriend dumps her. She doesn’t want Sarah look at her as a loser. Her secret comes out when her conflict with Sarah reaches the top. I use mislead/reveal technique.

Lynn

Lynn’s secret is that she has a child when she was teen and the baby was sent to adaption. She has a hole inside her.

I also use mislead/reveal/surprise/

[Julie Dod]

Julie Dod’s Fascinating Scene Outlines

I numbered my outline and also added the structure points. I have 99 scenes. I made some changes to my script in the opening scene, but it’s still not quite right – still thinking on it. I know the outline isn’t perfect.

What I learned from this lesson is that the interest techniques are an amazing guide to writing great scenes. I don’t think I’ve written amazing scenes, but there is action, intrigue or a dilemma in most of them. I’ve been writing this script for a very long time, and I have undergone at least 4 major rewrites. I’m anxious to have someone look at my outline and tell me what they think is missing.

Thank you!

[J.R Riddle]

What I’ve learned: My script now uses more genre-related scenes, more interest techniques. I’m not sure how to count scenes when it cuts back and forth between two locations? Do you count each cut back and forth, as a scene change, or only when the drama changes?

The script uses the following interest techniques:

Mystery – who done it? – several times

Suspense – who was in the Limo? Who survives chaos?

Intrigue – BIG one – who’s causing the chaos? Will business survive?

Cliff hanger – who’s dead? – several times

Surprise – Antag. not dead – several – who’s pregnant?

Twist – Helicopter won’t start – others? Who really loves who?

Betrayal – friends – several times

Dilemma – find his daughter? End pregnancy?

Character changes – better character changes all around

All around, my script has improved dramatically. Thanks everyone!

[J.R Riddle]

Julie, I would be happy to read your outline and give feedback.

Contact me via email. Have a beautiful weekend!

[Tita Beal Anntares]

Tita’s Elevated Scene Structures

What I learned from this assignment:

· Ways to strengthen scene structure: Chronological. Surprise. Suspense. Superior Position. Irony. Crucible. Twist. Mislead and reveal. Misinterpretation.Competitive Agendas. Investigation / Hiding

· Every scene in my play has one of the above attention-keepers

Current Scene Components:

With armed debtors and new rebels in closing courts to stop them from throwing neighbors into prison, Ruth, a conservative woman, mocks and shames Sam, the new progressive leader – once a rebel leader himself-for creating chaos not democracy. She tries to force him to sign an order that will allow police to arrest anyone just watching a court closing, even if just an observer. He is silent. Shamed.

Better Scene Structure

Beginning: Ruth comes in ranting, demanding, shaming Sam

Middle: Ruth mocks and shames Sam, the new progressive leader – once a rebel leader himself-for creating chaos not democracy. Demands he sign the Riot Act or else…

Ending: Sam grabs the document, says sure – he will sign it — because he is sure wealthy merchants have set up spies to agitate the poor debtors at all. He will catch her instigators – showing he is totally