Lesson 7

[ZhiMin Hu]

I re-examine the four important parts of the script. Although I didn’t make changes for the four parts, the re-examination confirms my choices. Thanks!

P.S.

I strongly recommend the movie The Whale, it has strong character, intro, conflict, and transformational journey.

When I watched this film, I have a deeper understanding of this lesson.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by  ZhiMin Hu.

[Rhonda Burnaugh]

Solve MAJOR PROBLEMS:

What I learned most from this lesson:

More major conflicts needed in ACT II:

Actions taken:

1. Joe – more conflicted about leaving the priesthood. Scene added to have him meet w the Bishop

2. Seraphine has 2nd thoughts about marrying Michael on her wedding day.

3. Anni gives advice to Michael on returning to Gloria.

4. Scene added where Michael attends the award ceremony and views Gloria holding a press conference. Terrified, he must go onstage, not knowing if she spilled his secrets.

[Tita Beal Anntares]

7. Tita Solves Major Problems

What I learned from this Assignment:

I learned how useful the guidelines in this assignment are, if turned into questions, for making improvements. I never would have seen these particular ways to strengthen the story without Croasmun depth charges. Thanks!!

List of Changes to Outline of the Script (NOTE: This is a stage play not filmscript)

What makes the Opening Strong? (C )<div>

Is the ordinary world interesting? I think so. Need to try it out with other people but – bam, the modern, ordinary world of the audience bursts onto stage before lights go down. Then we ease over to a mysterious tavern, campfire, settlers moving West with their covered wagon drawn up for the night… and something terrifying but typical.

· Is there a challenging situation the Hero/Antagonist must respond to? Yes. Will he or won’t he save a captive Native American – out of compassion? Or let his fellow settlers keep him chained, maybe kill him, to make sure they stay safe as they move West.

· Is the lead character introduced in action? Yes. He lets the Indian go free as settlers chase the captive shooting their rifles… but the lead character doubles over in what looks like grief, but vomiting.· Next Scene after the Opening, the Protagonist’s Ordinary world: He rejects being with fancy officers and has jumped off a carriage to meet his friends from the streets of Boston in a tavern down below. IMPROVEMENT – Merge this scene with next for pacing.

— Challenging situation: Celebrating veterans are fighting over spoils and vying for who will be richer and more powerful than others in new world.

— Character in Action: IMPROVEMENT: Protag gets Antag, his friend at the moment, to join him in getting others to give the spoils, celebrate each person, is equal.

—Twist / Insight: IMPROVEMENT: When soldiers and campfollowers laugh at the idea of equality, scorn each other. Protag scares them with his anger at their blindness to their victory – a vision of equality and rule of law by elected leaders not the rich and powerful… then they go back to celebrating. IMPROVEMENT– Merge Hill and Celebration Scenes for pacing

How does the Outline Show a STRONG TRANSFORMATIONAL JOURNEY with a meaningful Arc from beginning to end? (A )

Specifically:

o How does transformational journey start in a way that shows goal but one the Protag can’t achieve unless he changes? IMPROVEMENT– to show Protag with a clear goal that he can’t achieve because of who he is – have him gain people’s cheers for democracy by manipulating them, but show he’s controlling them

o What makes the ending so meaningful that the journey is worth the character’s effort and the audience’s time?IMPROVEMENT: Add hope to Protag’s desolation. And strengthen apology by Antag. In Inaugural scene with Protag not at very last epilog scene.

o How do the obstacles force learning and improvement? How are they difficult and outside what Protag has experienced before… how do they line up together to cause the learning and change the character as needed? Yes – obstacles build from just a Tory against democracy to all loyal veterans choosing violence vs waiting for elections. I think so, but need to try out in a reading with this in mind.

o Does the Structure force Protag out his comfort zone? Yes but IMPROVEMENT: Make it clearer that Protag recognizes he has failed, chooses new strategy.

o How does the solution of the story show, through the Protag, that Change is the only way to survive! IMPROVEMENT – Make Protag more active in this. Build this more strongly into Inauguration scene. Show Protag taking on a new way of being that will be better from this point on… not just the failure.

Does the Story have a STRONG CONFLICT OR NEED A STRONGER ONE? (B)

· What is the single conflict (not multiples), e.g., a disagreement, opposition, fight, or battle, that is present and explored deeply, experienced constantly by audience from Act 1 TP on? Violence vs vote. Control with violence vs. trust all with the vote… when people want to improve government and claim more rights will they use violence vs. organize to vote? IMPROVEMENT – strengthen the question – Can a leader who believes in using the vote, trust and let go when the people disagree with the leader?

· How does this Conflict escalate with each new act’s Turning Point and create more tension, increase the need to resolve the conflict by any means? IMPROVEMENT – I think this happens. Double check the increasing tension/determination and build it in.

· To what extent does this rising Conflict force the Protag to fight to survive, push him beyond his limits, turgently, not sit still, becoming more and more active and extreme? From cheering to manipulating to controlling to deploying army to refusing amnesty and calling for all to be hanged….

Does the Story have a STRONG ENDING or Need a STRONGER ONE? (D)

· Where is the scene in which the conflict reaches its ultimate expression at a highly dramatic level (climax)?Dawn visit and dungeon scenes. IMPROVEMENT: Double check to make sure the main theme of the conflict is clearly bursting open here?

· How does the ultimate expression of the conflict show that the Protag can only survive because he has changed? IMPROVEMENT: When Protag refuses to hang Antag, show Protag ready to be mocked by Antag as no different than others and show his decision’s connection to voting not violence theme

· How does this ultimate expression of the conflict demand the Hero operate at a higher level that requires they have changed? IMPROVEMENT: It does but clarify/foreshadow the change in future better.

· How is the ending Surprising, yet inevitable – because the story was always leading here? Yes – For this Protag to suddenly start to choose violence, then change… both are surprising. But IMPROVEMENT – Bring out the hanging as no different than other uses of violence rather than vote through Antag mocking. Dawn scene sets up expectation that Protag will hang, because he said he would hang own son.

· How has the change occurred in an interesting unique way or with a unique outcome that leaves audiences surprised and fulfilled? The final decision is awareness by Protag that he too is choosing violence…. Lost trust in the people – but IMPROVEMENT: build in more hope.

NEXT STEP – NOTE TO ME: copy these and put them where they belong in the Outline!

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[Katherine Davis]

Day 7: Find Your Script’s Entertainment ValueASSIGNMENT

BEAT SHEET

High Scenes E7 thru E10 = 20

Low Scenes E5 thru E6 = 5

What I learned doing this assignment – The low rated scenes were for movement and information. I need to find away to include the information in an entertaining way or possibly even delete the scene.

1. (E10) INT – MARY’S HOUSE — NIGHT Mary learns her boss has been found dead. Mary dispose of the drops she’s been giving the mayor in case the drug is found in the autopsy.
2. (E10) INT – HOODOO WOMAN’S HOUSE — NIGHT Mary goes to the woman who gave her the drops. She finds out it was only caffeine. Mary insist on a refund and threatens the woman with bodily harm if she ever speaks of her visits.
3. (E7) INT – MAYOR STONE’S OFFICE — NIGHT Mary goes to the office and retrieves the blackmail thumb drives.
4. (E8) INT – MARY’S HOUSE — NIGHT Back home, Mary check’s off ‘kill Liz’ from her mental to-do list and sleeps soundly.
5. (E10) INT – MAYOR STONE’S HOUSE — DAY The next day, Mary visits Mayor Stone’s house to recover any work Liz had at home and search for more blackmail evidence. The house has been burglarized. Mary calls Chief Walker. She comments about the heartless person who would vandalize the house after the mayor had a fatal heart attack. Chief Walker informs her, (not in a nice way) that the mayor was bludgeoned to death. He tells her to stay there until a policeman arrives and he hangs up on her.
6. (E10) INT – MARY’S HOUSE — DAY Mary leaves immediately, headed for her own house. She’s been burglarized in the hours since she left home. The burglar must think she has the blackmail information. She calls Chief Walker again. He tells her he will get to her.
7. (E10) INT – MARY’S HOUSE — DAY Chief Walker arrives. Mary is on the phone calling the city councilman. She insists he send her money immediately to pay for damages to both homes. He balks, she counters with putting his pervert activities on social media. He folds. She calls the plant manager and insists on the same and threatens the same if he doesn’t comply. He does. Chief Walker explains they have no evidence that either killed the mayor. Mary counters with their obvious guilt about their activities or they wouldn’t be sending the money.
8. (E10) INT – POLICE HEADQUARTERS — NIGHT Mayor Bennett of Atlanta arrives at Chief Walker’s office to discuss the murder of Mayor Stone. Chief Walker has always known about Mayor Bennett’s visits to the city to see Liz. Chief Walker would cover Mayor Bennett’s back while he was visiting the city. This is the first time they met. They always communicated by text. Mayor Bennett asks Chief Walker to keep him informed of the investigation and offers whatever assistance he may need. Mayor Bennett says there is one other person who may have information. Chief Walker says, yes…the secretary.
9. (E10) INT – POLICE HEADQUARTERS — NIGHT Mayor Bennett and Chief Walker meet with the media together which causes a media frenzy on TV and social media. Everyone wants to know the relationship between Mayor Bennett and Mayor Stone. Mayor Bennett ignores all questions regarding their relationship.
10. (E5) INT – SILVER SPRINGS MAYOR’S OFFICE — DAY Richard, the City Manager, calls Mary. Tells her to set up an emergency meeting of the city council to elect a mayor pro tem until an election can be scheduled. Mary and Richard were lovers until he stopped coming to her house over 6 months ago.
11. (E7) INT – SILVER SPRINGS MAYOR’S OFFICE — DAY Richard runs the meeting. He is nominated to be mayor protem. Percy, the pervert, nominates himself. Richard wins. He wants to set up another meeting of the city council as soon as possible to vote on the hospital development plans which Liz was blocking.
12. (E10) INT – SILVER SPRINGS MAYOR’S OFFICE — DAY After the meeting, Richard tells Mary to prepare a press release regarding his new position and send all information to his secretary, Sheila. Mary asks why. He tells her Sheila will be his secretary. He knows Mary will train Sheila in her duties and not to worry. They will give her a nice severage package for her years of service. She’s been fired.
13. (E5) INT – SILVER SPRINGS MAYOR’S OFFICE — DAY Mary is pissed again. She downloads everything from the mayor’s computer. Especially everything related to the hospital development. She has no intention of training Sheila or coming to the office anymore.
14. (E10) INT – MARY’S HOUSE — DAY Mary is back home. Chief Walker comes over to question her about Mayor Stone’s recent activities. She tells him Richard fired her and the only thing the mayor was working on was the hospital development. She was getting pressure to bring it to a vote. Mayor Stone was planning on voting no on the project, which would anger a lot of people. They agree to trust each other. They agree on the top suspects: Percy, the city councilman, Plant Manager, Joe, the funeral director and Mayor Bennett. Eli does not believe Mayor Bennett should be on the list. He insists on Richard being on the list. They agree to meet later that evening.
15. (E10) INT – FUNERAL HOME — DAY Mary goes to the funeral home to make arrangements for the Mayor Stone funeral. Joe is locked in his office. Crying over Liz’s death. Mary questions him about the last time he was with Liz. He says Liz was on the computer and finally says something like ‘I got you’. Meaning she had finally found out something about someone. It seemed important and she was excited. She never said who it was or what it was.
16. (E10) INT – MARY’S HOUSE — NIGHT Chief Walker is in civilian clothes. They discussed Mary’s conversation with Joe. She thinks he should come off the list. Too weak to kill Liz. Mary and Eli are attracted to each other. He spends the night.
17. (E10) INT – CHURCH — DAY It’s a short service. Citizens and one Female Politician spoke. Mayor Bennett did not speak at the service.
18. (E6) INT – CHURCH — DAY Mayor Bennett asks Mary and Eli to meet with him that evening at Liz’s house.
19. (E5) INT – MAYOR STONE’s HOUSE — NIGHT Mayor Bennett asks for an update on the investigation. Mary mentions she is concentrating on the people behind the hospital project. Liz was going to vote no on the project. It would have pissed off a lot of people. Percy the pervert was supposedly in traffic. The Plant Manager says he was at the plant. Richard had an alibi. Mayor Bennett says they both have a place in his administration when they are ready. But we must first take care of Liz’s killer.
20. (E10) INT – MARY’S HOUSE — NIGHT Mary has connected the dots. She knows of at least 3 men behind Mayor Bennett and they control most development in Atlanta and surrounding areas. Powerful men. She figures out the password to Eli’s thumb drive. It’s the case file on the murder of Eli’s daughter. Mary goes thru the entire file. And inside the file she figures out who killed his daughter and why Liz needed to die as well. Liz had finally figured it out too. It was Percy, the pervert.
21. (E10) INT – MAYOR STONE’s HOUSE — NIGHT Mary phones Percy to meet her at Liz’s house. When he arrives, Mary tells him what she knows. He killed Eli’s daughter. Liz finally figured it out and you killed her too. He starts talking about how much he loved Eli’s daughter. She wanted to leave him. She started screaming and he was just trying to keep her quiet. He didn’t mean to hurt her. Liz was going to tell Eli. He would have killed him. Mary says she is going to tell Eli. He comes after Mary. They fight all over the house. Mary knocks him out with a vase over the head. She has taped everything. She wants to kill him. But that would rob Eli of the pleasure. She calls Eli.
22. (E10) INT – POLICE HEADQUARTERS — DAY Chief Walker holds a press conference. Percy, the city councilman, has been arrested for the mayor’s murder. And the murder of his daughter.
23. (E10) INT – MARY’S HOUSE — NIGHT Mary invites the Plant Manager over. He is to turn over all the insurance money he received for his wife’s death. The children will be sent to one of his wife’s relatives to live. He will no longer be having sex with his underaged step-daughter. He’s to sell his house and forward the money to Mary. She will set up a trust fund for the kids. Which he will continue to put money into.
24. (E10) INT – MAYOR’S OFFICE — DAY Mary walks in on Richard and Sheila. She proceeds to show them the video she secretly recorded of Richard and Sheila in bed. Along with another man. Sheila runs out of the office in tears. Mary tells Richard he finished in public office. Starting immediately.
25. (E6) INT – MAYOR BENNETT — DAY Mayor Bennett announces his plans to start the AtlantaMissingChildren Alliance headed by Eli Walker. His secretary, Mary, stands behind him.

[Julie Dod]

Julie Dod Solves Major Problems!

4. Give us a list of the changes you made to your script. But don’t post the outline, yet.

I began making changes to my opening scene because I know it needs to be stronger. Not sure I’m done making changes, but I made a few. Still thinking about it.

I also have a big fight scene that I think needs elevated – thinking on that one as well.

I believe my Climax is in the right place – about 7 pages from the beginning of the resolution, and I think the scene is right, but not sure if the pages between it and the Resolution are good.

Ending scene – It’s the right scene in the right setting (it ends where it starts), but it could be better I think.

5. Answer the question, “What I learned from doing this assignment is…?”

What I learned is that pivotal moments in a film are what make them memorable, and this exercise (which I read and listened to several times) has reinforced how I need to take risks and got for it – whilst (personally) staying away from cliches.

Thank you!

[birgit keil]

7 – Find Your Script’s Entertainment Value

Birgit Keil – Scene Ratings

LEARNINGS : There’s always room to make things stronger and more engaging.

RELATIVELY NORMAL

LOG LINE

A successful big city marketing executive is forced to return home to take care of her ailing parents and finds out she may not be able to get back to the job she loves.

ACT 1

(E 9) INT – ADVERTISING CONFERENCE ROOM – DAY

Conference room chaos. A group of executives and creatives are passionately presenting to a client. John excitedly tries to convince the client not to fire the agency.

Lewis butt-kissing the client. Wiping spilled coffee off his lapel, picking up papers the client swept off the table in frustration.

Margot at the conference room table, hands steepled in front of her taking in all the chaos. She unfolds her hands and slowly stands up. Everyone stops mid-action. You could hear a pin drop. All eyes are on Margot. She convinces the client to let the agency to re-visit the campaign.

Inciting Incident

(E 9) 2. INT – OFFICE – DAY

Margot walks into her offices and finds an office full of shopping bags and her sister Lizbeth sitting the her chair behind the desk. Tells Margot that their dad has been missing for 3 days. Margot calls mom and finds out that it’s no big deal, it happens every so often.

(E 5) 3. INT – BOSS’S OFFICE – DAY

Margot lets her boss John know that she needs to check in on her parents. John is not happy because the client is putting the account up for review and she is the glue. He looks out the door and leers at Margot’s sister walking down the hallway.

Underling listens in and says he can help out while Riley is WFH.

(E 5) 4. INT – OFFICE – DAY

Margot throws some things into her bag and grabs Robert Plant from the window sill.

(E 5) 5. INT – OFFICE CUBICLES – DAY

Louis is eyeing/scoping out her office. Christina, Margot’s “right-hand man” takes notice.

Turning Point 1

(E 9) 6. INT – AIRPLANE – DAY

Margot struggles with flight attendant to let her keep Robert, her plant, with her during the flight. An enraged passenger allegedly is allergic to plants. A “Karen” episode ensues and the woman is escorted off the flight by an air marshal.

ACT 2

(E 5) 1. EXT – SUBURBAN CHILDHOOD HOME – DAY

Margot arrives and sees the grass is half mowed with mower sitting in the middle of the lawn, trash barrels scattered in the front, the shingles askew, mail scattered around the box.

Margot attempts to open the front door but it is locked. After knocking with no response, she fumbles around in her purse to find the house key.

(E 7) 2. INT – KITCHEN – DAY

Poppy is happily catering to Mom.. Mother is surprised because she thinks everything is OK. Margot rattles off a list of questions regarding the disappearance of her father. Poppy turns and her expression changes when she looks at Margot

Mom says it was her birthday and dad wanted to fix the door knob and went to the Big Box Hardware to get some parts and is convinced he’s still out looking for the right piece. She’s delusional, yet almost non-functional.

Someone is unlocking the back door, Officer Bozwell lets himself in – he’s got his own key! He saunters over to the cupboard gets his “Coffee Cop.” Margot turns her attention on him and asks what he is doing to help find her father. Bozwell (Boz) is seems nervous and tries to assure her everything is being done to find him.

As Stuart the dog scampers in to greet her she notices his ridiculous hair cut that much resembles the lawn. In order to save money, dad gave him a hair cut. Things inside are not quite right, either. The curtains are crooked. A bag of flour is in with the coffee cups.

Not making any headway, she scoops up Stuart and her plant Robert, a bottle of wine and heads to her childhood bedroom.

(E 8) 3. INT – BEDROOM – EVENING

Margot opens the door and the room is now a hobby room. It’s filled with easels and paintings, tin-foil sculptures, ornaments, gift wraps, a sewing machine, fabrics and a dressmakers mannequin. The bed is covered in bills and paperwork. She shuffles thru the paperwork and picks up a bill.

Margot finds a place for Robert, Stuart picks up an ornament and starts to play with it. She chases Stuart and wrangles the ornament away. He pees on Robert.

Margot calls the number on the credit card bill and asks the representative to help track her father. Under normal circumstances, that’s not approved of but the rep has an open screen and will keep it logged in to track dad’s activity.

MONTAGE OF SHOTS BETWEEN MARGOT AND REP TRACKING DAD’S WHERE-ABOUTS ACROSS THE STATE

• Dad has been to the East side of the state and got a hot dog at the gas station

• Dad has been at a marina bought a bottle of water and a snack.

• Dad has been at German Village and had a beer and a brat Mid-state.

• Dad has been to a micro brewery on the North side of the state.

Margot pushes the paperwork aside and falls asleep with phone in hand.

She is awakened by a voice (from phone) then notices someone hovering over her. She jumps out of bed only to realize it’s the dressmakers mannequin.

ACT 3

(E 6) 1 – INT – KITCHEN – MORNING

Margot walks in wearing scrubby pajamas, disheveled, mascara under her eyes, holding tablet and a notebook.

Mom is sitting at the table staring at a bowl full of un-peeled hardboiled eggs. Dad loves eggs.

Riley goes to the curb to get the newspaper.

(E 6) 3. EXT – HOUSE – MORNING

Margot checks to see if the coast is clear. The mail truck coming but makes a dash for it anyway. She grabs the paper and looks into the mailbox and fights to pull out the jammed mail.

Kent, the mail carrier pulls up and hands her the daily mail with a smile. Margot, brushes her fingers though her hair, tries to wipe the mascara under her eyes, and clutches her pjs. She explains that she’s just visiting.

She tries to get in the kitchen door but it’s locked and the mail stack of tumbles out of her arms as she tries to get in. Kent smiles and drives away.

(E 5) 4. INT – KITCHEN – MORNING

Mom takes the paper and smacks a fly with it.

Lizbeth dressed to the nines walks in with a half eaten cruller and offers it to mom for breakfast. Mom is so happy to see her and appreciative for the breakfast.

New Plan

Margot is uneasy about leaving mom in Lizbeth’s care, but has to go back to the office for a couple of days to square things away.

(E 6) 5. EXT – YARD – DAY

On her way out, she sees a steam of people coming in and out of the neighboring Poppy Shed. Now legal, Poppy is selling “recreational” candies and teas and paraphernalia.

Distracted, Margot backs out of the drive trying to avoid Poppy’s customer traffic and almost hits the mail truck.

(E 8) 6. INT – OFFICE – DAY

Lewis is sitting behind Margot’s desk and makes a lame excuse as to why he’s there. He leaves. She re-adjusts her chair to the correct hight and moves everything on her desk back into it’s rightful place.

John walks in and tells him she needs a week or so to sort things out with her parents. He says that WFH is fine. Besides, they are downsizing and the new plan will be “hotelling.” He advises Margot to pack her belongings because when she comes back, she won’t have her big office.

They discuss a big-budget production, John reminds Margot that the client is depending on her leadership and expertise. So, don’t drop the ball.

7. INT – OFFICE HALLWAY – DAY

Lewis is eavesdropping with his ear on the wall.

Margot and John walk out of the office into the hall and catch him listening.

(E 7) ACT 3

1. INT – KITCHEN – DAY

Margot, boxes in hand, struggles with the door lock and enters the kitchen. Eggs are boiling in a pot where the water has boiled off and are starting to pop off towards the ceiling. She removes the pot from the stove and calls for mom.

Mom enters, she was taking a nap and is wondering what all the fuss is about. Margot concerned that the house could have burnt down.

Mom reaches for a her pill case and starts to hand a pill to the dog by mistake.

Lizbeth enters and reaches into a crumpled bag and hands mom a half-eaten sandwich. As mom extremely is appreciative starts to pick at it. She walks to the door and locks it.

Margot looks in fridge and realizes there is no fresh food and leaves for the market.

Mom locks door behind her.

(E 4) 2. INT – GROCERY – DAY

Margot, in the produce section, basket with a few bottles of wine and some produce. She is on the phone with the credit card rep. The vegetable mist goes on, she drops the basket. Kent helps her pick up her produce and hands her the bananas. Margot’s mascara is running and her hair is flat.

She thanks him and mentions she’ll be staying with her parents for a bit. Kent says he’s noticed that things are amiss. Margot says she’ll be looking for some in-home help for her parents.

At register, cashier mentioned that Kent has the hots for Margot

Plan in action – The protagonist takes action on that plan:

(E 9) 3. INT – LIVING ROOM – DAY

Margot begins a series of elder-care interviews.

Enter nanny 1, Margot invites a rolly-polly “nanny” (older than the parents) into the house. Mom locks door behind them.

Enter nanny 2, Raven, 28. Goth. Facial piercings. Tattoos. Long black overcoat. Mom locks door behind them.

A third applicant knocks on the door Riley answers. Sanding there is a huge Hells Angel Type. Riley closes the door. Mom locks door behind them.

Knock on door. Enter 30ish blonde woman. Tight top and jeans. Man in tight jeans and wife-beater shirt is right behind her. Mom locks door behind them.

Miss Pringle. Small, frail woman when sitting in chair her feet don’t touch the floor. Mom locks door behind them.

Margot answers door and it’s Kent delivering mail. She brushes her hair back and it snags her ring.

Montage of door OPENING/CLOSING to reveal candidates:

• A flamboyant cross dresser

• Religious solicitation

• Prankster ringing bell / bag of flaming dog poop on the porch

Enter Girl Scout with an impressive list of accomplishments and resume including baby-sitting endorsements. So far she is the best candidate.

Opens door to let Girl Scout out and Poppy sweeps in with a bundle of freshly picked herb under her arm.

Lizbeth enters the room wondering what’s going on. Margot lets her know that the parents need help. Lizbeth upset because she thinks she’s handling things just perfectly.

Midpoint Turning Point 2

ACT 4

(E 6) 1. INT – KITCHEN – AFTERNOON

Poppy making an herbal salad for mom. Pushes Margot out of the way.

Boz (leery of the salad) is having a coffee.

Lizbeth is creating TikTok videos.

Margot exasperated as to why no-one sees the elephant in the room.

2. INT – BEDROOM – NIGHT

(E 7) Margot, while corresponding the credit card representative, falls asleep. Startled awake by the mannequin, she grabs Robert, phone and wine, blanket and pillow and drags herself out of the “craft-room”.

Resolution

3. INT – ATTIC – NIGHT

(E 8) Margot, with Stuart at her heels, sets Robert on a box.

She brushes off a day-bed and sits on it. As she’s looking through a box of childhood photos and contemplates that this is her life. At least for a little while.

Everything is Relatively Normal.

[J.R Riddle]

After reviewing my outline, I moved a scene closer to the beginning, which introduced my main characters with a stronger conflict and a stronger opening – more dynamic for a drama/thriller. Additionally, I moved other scenes around for a strong opener.

What I learned: Make changes if necessary and evaluate how those changes will affect your whole storyline and main characters with more intrigue, reveals etc.. Be bold and think more outside the box.