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Lesson 9
Reply to post your assignment.
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16 Replies
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Jacqueline’s Fascinating Scenes outline
What I learned from doing this assignment is how much stronger it’s made my story and how much fun it was. I really enjoyed this and found it super creative.
Changes I made:
Jenny’s humiliated in the opening scene – uncomfortable moment
At her friend’s modernist masterpiece house, traditional Jenny is a fish out of water – more interesting setting
Chrissy lies about where she is travelling to – betrayal
Jenny’s husband sits in his study, shredding receipts suspiciously – suspense
Jenny’s got a secret box hidden at the back of her wardrobe – intrigue
Jenny lied to her husband – she paid for Chrissy’s trip to Uganda – intrigue
Neighbour Helen gives Jenny a vibrator as a holiday gift – uncomfortable moment
Jenny unexpectedly finds Lou’s estranged brother in a second hand book store – surprise
Lizzie breaks into Jenny’s house to save her books but then Richard arrives home – uncertainty
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Monica’s Fascinating Scene Outlines
What I learned doing this assignment is to see if I can use more than one Interest Technique per scene.
Changes I made:
More investigation of where the human trafficking ring is getting it’s victims – Mystery, suspense, surprise.
Several betrayals – The protagonist, Victoria, is looking for her sister. Lizzie, who was kidnapped by the antagonist, Jack – Lizzie betrays Victoria, then betrays Jack; Victoria betrays another undercover officer – all putting Victoria in danger – uncertainty, surprise because Lizzie has been an integral part of the human trafficking ring
Victoria goes off on her own leaving her undercover team and taking a big risk – uncertainty
Victoria unmasks a key figure and the competition – Twists, betrayals, uncertainty
I’ve made several others based on brainstorming and light bulb moments!
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Pat’s Fascinating Scene Outline
What I learned from doing
this assignment is how to have a beginning, middle, and ending to every scene and
to further apply interest techniques.Changes I made to my outline.
Character – Added Ronnie
is afraid of guns because his father was killed in the war.Intrigue – Mr. Greenfield
was giving things away and he may have a reason.Suspense& uncertainty –
George is desperate to get Rob for client. He’s about to lose his job.Mystery/ Suspense – Ronnie’s
in shock about learning about a murder and thinks the man knows, he knows. He
doesn’t know who these men are.Surprise – surprise of
shock when they watch the man being murdered. They stand up and reveal
themselves without realizing what they are doing.Emotion – Added a tear to
show emotion when he finds out it’s his mentor friend that’s killed.Suspense – added a scene
where George is walking through the lobby, and they don’t know he’s coming.</div>
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Denise’s fascinating Scene Outlines
What I learned doing this assignment is to keep elevating and applying the beginning, middle, and ending to each scene. I am still working at it. I was able to make my scenes more specific by applying this technique. It allowed me to see the characters transformational journey more clearer.
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FRAN’s FASCINATING SCENE OUTLINE
WHAT I LEARNED: There’s a lot of detail work in just the outlining!
Written by Frances Emerson
TITLE: BORN OF BLOOD AND FIRE
GENRE: HISTORICAL FICTION/FANTASY
LOGLINE: Her world torn apart by an uncle’s greed and lust for power for his brother’s throne, an innocent, young woman, along with her two sons, embark on a journey forged by the gods, who are destined to found the greatest empire the world has ever known.
General Geography Italy: before the dawn of Rome. The kingdom is situated close to the Tiber River: Alba Longa. Near mountains and a lake, the Seven Hills where Rome will be founded. Near its northern borders is the Land of the Sabines, a generally peaceful people, but when riled can be merciless and foreboding on the battlefield.
General Flora and Fauna: what is generally found in Italy today. And there is good hunting, deer. Good fishing. Grapes, olives. Many edible delights.
Resources Available: The Sabines trade with Alba Longa. They have a general peace treaty. They need salt from the Tiber River and free passage to and fro along the Salarian Way. In return, they trade their finest wines, oil and horses with the Albans. In the vicinity of the Palatine and Aventine Hills there are fertile valleys, various crops are grown, sheep and cattle are grazed. The Malitiosa Forest borders the valleys near the Land of the Sabines. Their greatest resources are salt and the Tiber River, both are essential for the Albans and the Sabines to live. And the land, fertile for crops, grazing land, hunting lands. Both sides lust after all.
General Culture and Conflicts: The Albans still hold dear the ways of the old Greeks, they are the descendants of Troy–now long destroyed. They carry on with the ways of the old kings and their bloodline. Kings still rule, and there is bitter rivalry between the present brothers who rule Alba Longa. There is war brewing in the kingdom. Brother against brother, the younger craving the power and glory and throne of his older brother–to rule the land with an iron fist.
Protagonist: ILIA. She is the young, sweet, innocent, trusting, but very stubborn, determined, only daughter of King NUMITOR. At the beginning of the story, she wants nothing, and wants for nothing, but to live her life out in peace and harmony with her father and older brothers and to live the life of a pampered princess. And to be happy.
Antagonist: UNCLE AMULIUS. Lustful, full of avarice, he craves his brother’s power and his throne. Narcissistic. Pure evil. But at the beginning of his reign, he does have a tender heart for his young, newborn son, Celeres. He will stop at nothing to get that throne–to the point of killing every heir his brother has produced and the possibility of any future heirs being produced by his children or him.
Relationship Character: ANTHO, the daughter of Amulius, Ilia’s cousin. Sad, tender hearted, resigned to her fate for a time, she tries to keep Ilia with her at the Vestal Virgin’s convent and out of harm’s way of her father, but will ultimately be the one to help Ilia escape and flee Amulius, Antho’s father. The attempt will fail. But she will succeed in fleeing her father.
Distraction Character: He is the war god MARS. He is a distraction for Ilia when she is escaping. He gives her love and protection for a short while from her uncle’s wrath. He will father one of her twin sons.
Emotion Character: This is TEZZA, Amulius new wife. The princess who is unfortunate enough to marry Amulius and bear him a son and heir. She ultimately dies a violent death at the hands of her husband. He strangles her.
Reason Character: Will have to be the gods themselves: JUPITER, NONA, FORTUNA. They have a plan, a goal. the founding of Rome and they stick to it. Also later, the twin son Romulus will be fairly reasonable, level-headed in his actions, as opposed to his brother Remus who will be more emotional, hot headed.
Support Character: Also the gods. They help Ilia every step of the way to stay alive and accomplish their goals. Also, her father’s old manservant. He will support her, care for her and save her twin sons from a drowning decreed by Amulius.
Opposition Character: This is CELERES, Amulius son from his marriage to TEZZA before she is murdered. He is the image of evil as his father is. Slick. Cunning. Narcissistic like his father. Is only a good friend when the need suits his goals or purpose. And he will do everything he can to secure his ascension to the throne after his father–to the point of murder himself.
Ilia’s Journey. ACT ONE Ilia’s world is destroyed by her evil uncle Amulius.
Big Picture: We learn at the beginning the gods are manipulating man’s fate again, this time through the descendants of the destroyed kingdom of Troy. Superiority from the beginning.
HOOK: As Jupiter argues with his son Mars, he tells him of his plan to build a new, greater empire on the old one that was destroyed through war because of Mars’ belligerence. And as his punishment for destroying Troy, he will use Mars’ seed to found and build it. Mars is then exiled from Olympus.
1. Beginning: She is the daughter of King Numitor, happy and content just to be a princess in the kingdom of Alba Longa. She loves her father, her brothers, her life.
Surprise twist: We learn just who Jupiter is really going to use to found his empire on Earth, the innocent young princess, Ilia.
2. Inciting Incident: But war looms in the kingdom. Uncle Amulius is in the process of usurping King Numitor’s throne. He kills Ilia’s brothers and then castrates Numitor before sending him into exile. He then sentences Ilia to a life as a Vestal Virgin. If she breaks her vows to remain untouched, she will die.
Suspense: the boo/hiss factor. We learn just how evil Uncle Amulius really is and what he will do to get and retain his power.
3. Refusal of the Call/Turning Point 1: Ilia, stubborn, determined, will not remain. She plans her escape, but it fails. She is beaten severely and brought back to the Vestal convent where her cousin, Antho, and her father’s old manservant care for her wounds and nurses her back to health.
Surprise: We also learn that Amulius has a daughter. As evil as he is showing us to be. It fills us with intrigue as to who she is and what her role in Ilia’s story will eventually be.
ACT TWO ILIA FINDS HER WAY INTO A NEW WORLD, A NEW LIFE
4. Quest into the New World: But Ilia continues to refuse to stay. She tries to escape yet again when she is recovered and can find a way to do it. This time with the help of the gods, she escapes. She finds her way to Mars’ temple near the Aventine Hill where she has learned her father resides. She tries to flee there, but has to stop to rest for a while. There, she encounters the war god Mars. They fall madly in love with the help of Jupiter, Fortuna and Cupid, make love and conceives her first born twin, Romulus, through Mars.
Surprise: We learn something new! That Ilia isn’t the sweet, innocent, helpless little teen we are introduced in the story. We now see a feisty, stubborn, recalcitrant young woman, defying her uncle’s evil deeds. She will not bend to his will if she can help it. It makes us root for her.
5. Midpoint: Amulius discovers he’s been betrayed by Tezza and rapes her, also learning Ilia has escaped. He goes to bring her back and to punish her for fleeing the Vestal convent. And to ensure she doesn’t do it again, he rapes her, too, only to conceive a second son, Remus, Amulius’ son. Antho and the old manservant have followed Amulius, sadly learning what he has done. They take Ilia back to the convent to nurse her back to health. It’s a long recovery, but nine months later and well again, and she gives birth to her twin sons, the first belonging to Mars.
Suspense: We are learning here just how evil Amulius really is and at what lengths he will go to secure his brother’s throne for himself. This suspense section is not over, it will carry over to give us a much need, later surprise in the story. We also learn the gods’ will is still in play here. It fills us with questions as to what is going to happen next. Will Ilia still try to defy her uncle and escape, now that she is a mother of twin sons?
6. Turning Point 2: Days later, recovered and well again. Ilia plans yet another escape. This time with Antho and the old manservant’s help. Antho is also going to leave the convent for good, she says. She will not stay there any longer. She hates her father for what he’s done. She knows what he has done. She even believes the boys are her little brothers. They plan their escape.
Intrigue: suspense. We are rooting for Ilia. Added Surprise. We learn this time Antho is going to go with her, help her to escape again this time successfully. Antho hates her father and wants nothing to do with him anymore. AND we know, as she suspects that the twins just may be her little brothers from the violence her father did on her cousin.
7. They make it to the Malatiosa Forest and the crossroads between the Palatine and Aventine Hills and the Land of the Sabines. There they part ways. Antho, to the Palatine, where she believes her father won’t look for her, and Ilia to the Aventine to search out her father. Antho has success in escaping her fate, But Ilia does not. She is caught yet again and taken back in chains to be sentenced,
ROLLER COASTER RIDE for the viewer. Suspense Ilia is yet caught again. This time we know Amulius has told her if she escapes another time, this time it will mean her life!
8. Dilemma: Amulius is finished with her and now he must get rid of the sons he believes he fathered with her. He sentences her to drowning in the Tiber River. She is to be thrown off a high cliff. Her sons are to be taken to the river as well and drowned. For his part in helping Ilia escape, the old manservant is sentenced to drown the twins. But as he watches Ilia being tossed into the river off the cliff, her hands bound, he cannot drown the boys. Instead, he wraps them in Ilia’s cloak, places them in a cradle and gently sends them down river where Mars’ wolves will find them, and care for them for a short time.
Suspense, terror: we are afraid for the characters as we watch and hear Amulius sentence Ilia to a horrible death by drowning. Her sons are also condemned to a drowning in the Tiber River. Will Amulius succeed in killing Ilia this time AND her sons. OR will the gods again help her escape, this time for good. We are still on the ROLLER COASTER RIDE HERE.
ON THE EDGE OF OUR SEATS:
9. Conflict: Ilia struggles to live. With the help of the gods, Tiberinus the river god, unbinds her ropes so she can swim freely, but she has little strength and she is failing to save herself. She cries out for help. An older man with his nephew, Gracchus and Titus, hear Ilia’s cries and go to her rescue. Gracchus recognizes her and tells Titus they must hide her from her evil uncle. They give her a new name RHEA SILVIA and spirit her away back to Cures, their city in the Land of the Sabines.
YES! The gods have saved her. And she is saved with the help of the Sabine king and his nephew. A BREATHER.
NOW we are in a superior position over Amulius. He believes Ilia and his misbegotten twins are now dead. But we know the twins are saved and Ilia is saved
10. Months pass. Faustulus, the shepherd, with his young son Lucius, are in the fields tending to their flocks near the Tiber River when they hear the cries of babies. They go to investigate to find Ilia’s sons alive and well and healthy in a nearby cave. Faustulus knows they must be the royal twins and tells his son Amulius must never know they are still alive. They swear each other to secrecy and make up a story to tell the villagers. They are foundlings, left by parents long dead. They take them home, to their village, to raise the boys themselves.
A TWIST! A SURPRISE! They boys are found by a shepherd and his son and taken home to be raised by them.
The IRONIC TWIST! The boys are raised by shepherds who work for Amulius!
We are left with a cliffhanger. What is to become of the twins? Of Ilia?
END OF PART ONE
PART TWO ILIA’S JOURNEY AS A SABIN WIFE AND MOTHER, SHE DISCOVERS HER TWIN BOYS ARE ALIVE
Eighteen years later …
11. Beginning: The boys are now grown, handsome young men. The twins, Romulus and Remus are shepherds in the house of Faustulus and Larentia. They are happy, healthy, contented to be shepherds. They are bold, fearless, regal, but with a temper, Remus is a bit hotheaded, Romulus a little more level-headed. They fancy themselves the leaders of their tribe. They believe only what they’ve been told about their birth. That they were foundlings and their parents are dead. They do not know who their mother or father are (though Faustulus does. He has a pretty solid idea). Romulus is the hunter, provider. Remus has a mischievous heart and can get himself into much trouble with his friend, Celeres. Celeres is the number one instigator, however. He makes no excuses for himself and he does whatever he wishes, when he wishes.
Start with some eye candy. The we build INTRIGUE. Are these the twins all grown up? We are led to think they are. Along with Celeres.
Celeres is rich, spoiled, cunning like his father, Amulius. But he is a coward. He will turn his back on his friends on a dime. He is selfish and makes demands even of his father. His father does give in to him, even though Amulius knows he is not the son and heir he thought he whould have in him when he was born.
Ilia, now known in the Land of the Sabines as Rhea Silvia, is Gracchus’ wife. She is the matriarch of the Sabines and stepmother to the heir apparent to his late father’s throne, Titus, now also a grown and a handsome young man. She has become the mother of a young, beautiful, of marrying age, daughter, SABINA. betrothed to Titus. Sabina will be queen of the Sabines one day. Ilia also has a newborn son, NUMA, who will in the future become the second king of Rome after its founding. (But Ilia does not really know that yet. Only the gods. She will be told.)
INTRIGUE Who is this beautiful young woman? And the young man who comes to carry her back home?
12. Inciting Incident: There is war in the valley between the Palatine and Aventine Hills, the shepherds and cattlemen of the brothers fight. Numitor’s men have stealing cattle from Amulius’ men and also sheep in retaliation for Amulius’ men’s many raids on their livestock–with Celeres and Remus’ help. Now Amulius’ men fight to get their stolen cattle back. Celeres is the instigator yet again, egging on the men to fight Numitor’s shepherds and cattlemen. Leading the fight with him again is Remus. Remus is all too eager to help, thinking he is fighting for justice and fairness for his village.
ACTION/SUSPENSE. What’s going on? What are these boys getting themselves into?
13. Refusal of the Call: In the skirmish, Remus is captured and Celeres, the coward he is, escapes to live another day. Remus is taken to Numitor by the men of Numitor’s herdsmen and shepherds to be judged. But Numitor says he cannot judge. He cannot judge this boy or Celeres as the herdsmen wish because Amulius must be the one to judge. He is the king. The herdsmen tell Numitor Amulius is not their king. Numitor is–their rightful king. He always has been. And one day with the help of the gods he will be again. But Numitor is doubtful.
We are in a SUPERIOR POSTION NOW KNOWING THE THIS ONE TWIN IS Remus one of Ilia’s boys. We are in a SUPERIOR position knowing the backstory.
As a new treaty is being negotiated between Amulius and Gracchus, there is tension, distrust. Gracchus senses Amulius is not playing fair in the negotiations. (Amulius is the one who killed Titus’s father, Gracchus brother in an earlier war.) He is right. Amulius is plotting yet another war with the Sabines. He finds he wants their fertile lands–to expand his empire—and his own pockets. And Celeres, who’s in love with Gracchus’s daughter, Sabina, adds his two cents into the negotiations. He tells his father, Gracchus he wants Sabina for his wife. But Gacchus must politely refuse, noting she is already betrothed to his nephew,Titus. But Gracchus knows now, as they return home to Cures, what Amulius really wants from the Sabines with these new treaty negotiations. It’s not land or goods for trade–but Sabina!
SUPERIOR POSTION. We know some backstory here, too.
14. Quest into the New World: Celeres, when Gracchus is gone, demands of his father, he wants Sabine for himself and he intends to get her one day or the other. Amulius is okay with that because he wants the Sabine land. He tells his son to be patient. He will kill two birds with one stone–in time. The right time. Amulius already has a plan for war in the works. They will both get what they want–in due time. Just be patient.
In the meantime, Faustulus has been badly hurt in the fracas and fears he may be dying. He calls for Romulus and Remus to tell them the truth of their life, their existence now before it’s too late. But Remus has been taken hostage, unbeknownst to the villagers for the moment. Romulus is quickly found and taken to his foster father. Alone, he must hear the true story of who their mother is and what happened to her. He is then sworn to tell Remus the story if Faustulus does indeed die. Romulus swears it. He hates Amulius. Always has, and he swears vengeance upon the pretender king for his mother and for his grandfather—the rightful king.
We are THRUST INTO A DIFFERENT DIRECTION.
Gracchus has returned home to inform Ilia what her uncle intends for their daughter. She is horror stricken. She CANNOT deal with her uncle ever again under ANY circumstances. But it looks like she has to—to save their daughter. And, if there’s any chance to restore her father to the throne of Alba Longa, she wants to take it.
15. Turning Point 1: Romulus must now go to find Remus, tell him the story of their true birth and heritage. He has heard he’s been taken hostage again and is with Numitor, the old king, their grandfather.
While Ilia and Gracchus get set for their war with Amulius, Numitor deals with Remus. He has a deja vu experience as he looks upon the boy’s face and discovers he is the spitting image of his daughter, Ilia. The resemblance is uncanny. He also suddenly has the feeling this boy just might, indeed, be one of the grandson’s he thought he had lost in the Tiber River long ago. He asks the boy questions. All Remus knows is that he was orphaned. He is a foundling and that he and his brother were raised by Amulius’ shepherds, Faustulus and Larentia. Numitor feels more pangs in his heart–a brother? Remus says, yes, his twin brother, Romulus.
INTERNAL AND EXTERNAL DILEMMAS
Numitor’s suspicions are confirmed. But the men want a judgment. Numitor says he must be taken to Amulius. But he fears, Amulius will see it, too, if Remus is taken to him. The resemblance. Should he take that chance?
Antho enters and sees Remus as he passes her, the resemblance. Antho hurries to Numitor and asks him, did he see it. Numitor says yes. He is certain of it. He is my grandson, Ilia’s son.
ACT THREE UNCLE AMULIUS RETURNS TO THREATEN ILIA’S WORLD AGAIN
16. Midpoint: Remus is taken to Amulius, who does see the resemblance as he examines him up close. It makes him think, is this my son with Ilia? He questions the boy as well and finds that he likes him very much. A brave lad, strong, like the son he wanted in Celeres—and finds he now has with Remus. He has always thought well of him–as his son’s companion he knew very little of otherwise. He wishes to get closer to Remus. Befriend him to the anger of Numitor’s men—and Celeres’. Amulius releases him, pardons him. Tells him to join him at his court. The men are enraged even further. As Remus is sent on his way, they vow to seek their own vengeance and plot to kidnap Remus once again when the time is right–the LUPERCALIA CELEBRATION—and punish him themselves.
INTRIGUE
A TWINGE OF UNCERTAINTY
As soon as all are gone, Amulius tells his son what a sniveling, weak, little coward he is. He’s not worthy to ascend the throne. Remus should have been his son. Celeres blows up in his father’s face, angry. Amulius orders his servants attending to take Celeres away and plant him in his mother’s grave to rot there with her.
TWIST
AWKWARD MOMENTS FOR CELERES. BETRAYED BY HIS OWN FATHER
But Celeres, cursing and vowing to get even one day, escapes before they can catch him and carry out Amulius’ orders.
Amulius invades Sabine country to massive destruction. He gives Gracchus an ultimatum. Sabina is to be handed over to him or face desolation of his city, of his country. Gracchus will not bend! It is war. They fight. Gracchus is mortally wounded as Titus tries to spirit Sabina away to safety. Sabia sees her father wounded before her eyes by Amulius, stabbed with a knife, and runs to him before he dies. Amulius finally gets to see her and begins thinking to himself, such a prize, a beauty, should only be reserved for a king. A new plan. Amulius will take Sabina for himself to sire a new heir to his throne through her. Ilia’s worst nightmare has come true, She must deal with her uncle more as Gracchus dies in her arms. She swears vengeance on his dying breath and tells Sabina to run to her grandfather’s for safety as fast as she can. Amulius gives Ilia 24 hours to decide. Amulius also has a deja vu experience when he finally looks upon Ilia once more. He feels he knows this Sabine woman. Ilia has veiled her face from him to hide her looks. the years have hidden more from Amulius. Amulius takes his leave, as Ilia decides, she will not have it. She tells Titus and Emmrys, Gracchus’ trusted right hand, they going to war—to save Sabina. She is going to kill him herself before he does anything to hurt her. She will not let that man touch her as he touched her–upon her own death if need be.
TWIST
Sabina runs to the Aventine Hill to be with Numitor, to meet up with Remus as he finds his way home to the Palatine Hill. They are immediately smitten with each other—with the help of the gods–as Celeres in his flight sees their meeting, their embrace, and becomes jealous and vengeful of the two.
A LOVE STORY PROMISING A VERY UNHAPPY ENDING
17. Turning Point 2 The Lupercalia celebration. Romulus and Remus are together tending to the flocks as the men celebrate the festival. They talk of more war in the valley. And it is a good time, Romulus says, for him to tell Remus the story he was told, and does. Remus reels from the story. They hear the bleating of one of the king’s prize lambs. Remus says he will go and go take care of it. Numitor’s men have tied the animal up as a lure, setting a trap. As Remus goes to rescue the lamb’s rescue, they pounce on him, tie the boy up in heavy ropes and chains and haul him away.
18. Dilemma: Sabina returns home to tell her mother. She no longer wants to marry Titus. She has found another, a wonderful, shepherd boy she wishes to marry instead. He lives among Amulius’ men, frightening Ilia to the core. She tells Sabina she should not have returned. It’s not safe for her, for anyone. But it’s too late. War is coming. Her time has run out. Ilia has one of her handmaiden’s take Numa and leave with him to safety. As Amulius returns even more determined than ever to claim his booty, he demands Ilia’s answer. Ilia says no. He then tells her she really has little choice in the matter. An army is backing him up. There are only two choices left to her now. Hand over Sabina to him, or the remainder of her Sabine family will be killed. Along with her. Amulius gives Ilia the awful feeling Amulius knows who she is. They struggle, fight. Sabina is taken hostage. As he leaves, Amulius tells Ilia he knows who she is and she will never see her daughter again–ever.
THE THREAT OF WAR, SUSPENSE, UNCERTAINTY
Ilia swears vengeance–to Titus and Emmrys–if that’s the last thing she ever does. There is no turning back now. She can no longer run and hide from her evil uncle. They must go to war to rescue Sabina. They must go to war on Alba Longa.
TURN OF EVENTS
19. Conflict: Celeres is back at the palace waiting for his father to return when Numitor’s men bring Remus in. They ask Celeres to judge now. He is more than happy to accommodate. In retaliation for his taking Sabina from him, he sentences Remus to death and tells the men to throw him in a cage below as they prepare him for his execution. Happily, they obey.
20. Climax: Romulus has been told Remus was taken to Numitor’s on the Aventine Hill. Faustulus recovered, tells Romulus to go there, reason with Numitor. Numitor is a good man–AND he will listen to his grandson. But he’s told Remus is not there when he arrives. Numitor finally gets to meet his other grandson, but he doesn’t look like Ilia or Amulius. No one he knows, in fact. He tells Romulus Remus was taken hostage again by the cattlemen. Numitor says they will take him to the palace again to be judged. Surely this time Amulius will kill him, if he knows who he is. Romulus says Remus knows the truth of his heritage. He looks so much like your mother, Numitor says. But you. Romulus tells him, we must take back Alba Longa, rescue Remus and restore Numitor to the throne—for the sake of their family.
MISLEADING/ REVEAL
21. Resolution: Romulus takes his rabble of cattlemen to set Remus free and take back Alba Longa as Ilia and her Sabine army head for the city. NUMITOR GOES WITH ROMULUS.
Amulius enters the city with his hostage, taking her to the cellars of the palace to put her in the cage with Remus. They immediately cling to each other. Amulius sees it and retaliates, giving her an ultimatum. You were betrothed to Titus. Celeres wanted you. It’s apparent you want this one. But you have only this one choice instead. In order to spare your life and the life of our mother and your people, you shall be my next queen–or the remainder of her family WILL be killed–along with her. That is her choice. He gives her two hours to decide! Amulius then leaves as unrest comes to the inner walls of Alba Longa.
Celeres has heard all from where he hides. In anger he vows to kill his father for taking his bride. He goes to the cage to taunt the two lovebirds also catching them in a lovers’ embrace. He tells Remus he knows how his father favored Remus over him. But no more, when Amulius dies and he is king, Remus will die right along with him. He then he tells Sabina, you could have been queen. He vows to kill her, too, for their betrayal. Celeres calls Sabina a worthless whore and disappears vowing to return to carry out his promise.
MAJOR TWIST (ROADBLOCK): Romulus and his rabble breach the city. Numitor thinks he knows where Remus might be. Ilia, too, approaches the city with her army, Titus, and Emmrys. She, too, knows where Amulius might be—where he might be keeping Sabina. Believing the worst, she says they must find her before what happened to Tezza and her happens to Sabina. In her search, Amulius has come to Ilia, confronting her and her army. Where is my daughter, she asks? She will not back down. He will die, she vows, if she is not returned immediately, safe and WHOLE. Amulius feigns defeat and tells Ilia he will take her to cellars of the palace. Silently, he bids his men to follow. There, Ilia finds Sabina in the cage with Remus. Ilia feels/knows in her heart, somehow, she has also found one of her twin sons. It shakes her to the core. Numitor enters with Romulus to find his daughter already confronting Amulius. It appears Amulius is surrounded. But he has one last maneuver up his sleeve. In desperation, he tells Ilia he knows who the boys are. They are his. He will spare them if she hands over Sabina. But Ilia has some news for Amulius. She tells him what he does not know. She and Mars made love before he came to her and raped her. They are his, not Amulius’s. They are Mars’ sons. Romulus and Remus hear all. Numitor whispers to Romulus Sabina is your sister. Amulius, in his zeal to escape orders his army to strike Ilia’s and Romulus’. He rips Sabina from the cage, striking Ilia down. He forces Sabina out as his hostage so that he might escape. Romulus moves to free her. But Amulius has his knife in hand and cries out if I cannot have her no one can! Quickly, he plunges his dagger into Sabina’s chest killing her, stopping all commotion. Dead before her eyes, in shock, Ilia takes the knife from her daughter’s chest and quickly thrusts it deep into Amulius’ heart. Celeres sees it all from his hiding place. He watches his father fall/die. Seeing his chanceto escape, he vows one day to return and take his place on the throne. He then disappears. Romulus and Remus retake the city and place Numitor back on the throne again to the great joy and cheers of the people.
ACT FOUR AN UNHAPPY ENDING FOR EVERYONE
22. Denouement: Days, months pass, in is sadness, his sorrow, Numitor recognizes his grandsons and asks them to stay that they may one day take the throne and rule when he dies. But they do not. They want to build their own city. Ilia, in her sadness, sorrow, says she is returning to the land of the Sabines to raise Numa, their little brother. She tells them, it was foretold to her, that one day I would return and I have my sons sit on the throne of the greatest empire the world would ever know. They go their separate ways. The boys go to the Palentine and Aventine to search for omens to tell them what hill shall they are to build their new city upon and who will rule over it first. When they have their “signs” from the gods—but not without a lot of quarreling and bickering over who’s sign is THEE sign, they begin building their city of light on the Palatine Hill. But as they begin their construction, it is Remus who bickers. Romulus, he says, may be the older, but it is he who was sanctioned to rule over the new city by the gods. HIS signs were the true signs. More bickering and quarreling and fighting commence as Romulus ploughs the first burrow of the city’s wall. Celeres has come to fulfill his promise. As the twins fight and quarrel, he sees his chance and strikes down Remus dead only to run away again before he is caught. But, this time, Celeres doesn’t get very far when Romulus, in his strength and temper and power, with the help of the gods, catches up to Celeres and kills him in retaliation for killing Remus. Jupiter looks on in the heavens, satisfied his work is now complete. Romulus mourns bitterly for his brother as Ilia comes to mourn the loss of him, too, and her family when she is brought the news. What is left of it all now, but for Romulus to build Rome alone. Until Numa, who will follow his brother on the throne when he is grown. Comes of age. In the meantime, Ilia returns to the land of the Sabines to care for her young son. Who was prophesied to reign at the side of Romulus in his new found city Rome, the second king after Romulus, who would be the first. They were born in the shedding of blood and in the midst of a vestal fire’s glow. To, one day, build Rome. the eternal city of the gods.
SAD ENDING, SUSPENSE TO THE END. TWIST, SURPRISE. WE LEARN AN NEW ENDING OF AN ANCIENT STORY. ONE THAT IS TOLD IN THE ANCIENT ANNALS BUT WE HAVE NOT HEARD.
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CJ’s Fascinating Scene Outlines
WIL: This was helpful as I identified at least 3 scenes that while I feel are important, they aren’t done in an interesting way. Now to brainstorm ideas!
I found one scene that would improve the action in the film if it was moved up earlier thereby adding to interest by now it is a suspenseful scene. – why was he kidnapped?
I added additional tension to a scene that adds to the mystery and provides more details on my lead character.
Had a bland scene where Claire was looking for William – by adding encounters out of the norm with the FBI and the Mercenaries tells us this is a bigger issue than we know – intrigue…
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David’s Fascinating Scene Outlines!
What I learned from this assignment is the necessity of milking every emotion out of every scene.
Changes (note: I use a template of the interest techniques for every scene I write, so there’s not too many alterations)
* Increase suspense of the cop pulling over the guys
* Adding the twist of the Rangers fan driving drunk- the cop chases him
* Adding the twist of the Rangers fan attending the party- first getting kicked out, then sneaking back in
* Increasing the emotion of Roski telling Charlie about the importance of being loved
* Twist at the end: Kate catches Charlie screaming at refs; he grins boyishly
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Connie’s Fascinating Scene Outlines!
What I learned by doing this assignment is…This was a good exercise to revisit the interest techniques from prior classes to make certain they were present in the majority of scenes. This was definitely a worthwhile pass. I feel like this screenplay is becoming a film that I would pay to see😊
I made several upgrades to the scenes and added additional interest techniques, but in the interest of expediency to finish getting caught up with assignments, I added them directly to the outline. Here are a few highlights:
I recognized the scene inequity between Daisy and Buck, with her appearing in 87 scenes and he in less than 20. When I first wrote the script, I approached it as being Daisy’s story with 3 potential love interests: Randall, her ex-husband, Michael, the too young hunky UPS guy, and Buck, her new dance partner.
But I realized that Buck needed to be present in far more scenes and be introduced earlier to enhance his interest and appeal. He now appears in 40 scenes. He still needs to be in more of the scenes. I added a few brief scenes and especially one where he welcomes other recovering addicts to an AA meeting. This was quite a breakthrough to show his vulnerability and secret past more than simply having it mentioned at the end by his friend Vicki.
I added Buck and Vicki together in the Farmer’s Market and Multnomah Falls hiking scenes to create mystery around who he is and who the heck is that chick that is half his age. Before they actually meet, Daisy keeps crossing paths with Buck and can’t place him. This added mystery and intrigue and foreshadowing.
I added some skullduggery behavior for Randall and need to add even more.
In the inciting incident, I added Daisy having a meltdown hissy fit in her office when her longtime dance partner calls to tell her he’s been transferred to MN. This showed a different side of the normally in control Daisy.
No Rom-Com is complete without a romantic wedding at the end. So, I added that to the final scene in Paris. Who wouldn’t want to be married under the iconic Eiffel Tower?
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Jen’s Fascinating Scene Outline
What I learned from doing this assignment is I added a lot of these elements to my original screenplay (because I wrote it in a class that had us use these) and now I have to make sure I add them back in. I will put in my outline each technique that I am using, that way every scene will have a least one.
BIG PICTURE
A. More
interesting setting – I am considering a fallout shelter that the kids
find where they can talk freely, maybe it even has a tunnel to the prison
and that is how they ultimately get into the processing center – maybe it
was an escape route for guards in case there was ever a riot – or underground
tunnels that my husband says are for water run-off, it doesn’t matter,
underground tunnels where the kids can go to talk because every where else
is under the scrutiny of cameras
B.
Superior Position – I added this somewhere already, but can’t remember
where – maybe something to do with the mother, that she doesn’t save her
or something, but it is in there.
C.
Misinterpretation – I had a big misinterpretation in the original, where Jack
says “they told me we would be mates” and Mariana takes that as they will
be mating – but Jack means “friends” (he is from Australia) – when he
explains it to her it kind of becomes a running gag – later when he says
she needs to tell him before she does something (i.e. goes to interview
the new resident) she says “oh are you my boss?” and he says that no, but
they are partners and he needs to know if she is doing something that could
get her caught because he wouldn’t know, and she says, “Great, we’re
partners now, not mates” – partners doesn’t work in this day and age
because it still has a romantic connotation (it didn’t when I first wrote this!)
In Australian lingo an “Offsider” is a helper/assistant and I could use
this – unfortunately this whole thing has been deleted because Jack is not
a new resident – I will have to bring him back as a new person but maybe
explain better – his parents were both arrested for the same crime and Jack
was taken from a foster home (a precursor to what would happen with
Mariana – but I actually never showed this). Also, this was funny/interesting
because it is part of Mariana getting her memory wiped and Jack says, “You
couldn’t have forgotten that I said that.”
D.
External DilemmaCHARACTER
A.
Character changes radically
B.
Betrayal – I am going to have Jack spying on Mariana for the guards and
she is going to find out
C.
Internal Dilemma
D.
Uncomfortable MomentTWIST
A. Major
twist – the whole story is a “twist” – it is going to seem like they live
in a cult (after being given away that it is not a post-apocalyptic world,
and then it is an organ farmB.
Surprise
C. Mislead
/ Reveal – I have added events that make it seem like a cult and then when
Felicity tells them it is a cult it seems believable
D.
CliffhangerANTICIPATION
A.
Intrigue
B. Mystery
C.
Suspense
D.
Uncertainty -
Lori’s Fascinating Scenes
What I learned is to keep looking at ways to improve each scene with the interest techniques.
I added a scene to a montage of Thomas attending Chelsea’s funeral and comforting the family, something he couldn’t bring himself to do earlier in the script.
I also added a few scenes with Seth’s love interest. This is to answer the theme question. “Is it better to have loved and lost than to never have loved before?”
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[Pro Rewrite] Lesson 9 – Assignment – Robert Daniel – Fascinating Scene Outlines!
What I learned from doing this assignment is how the use of interest techniques in each scene increase the ways to write a complex and unique scene every time.
Scaled up each scene of the outline with big picture, character, twist and anticipation interest techniques.
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What I learned is that there are always more stones to turn over when looking at your story. This particular screenplay I’m rewriting, “The Road Back,” doesn’t fit the classic ScreenwritingU model, so there is only so much more I can squeeze out of it. This is a dialog intensive script of two guys in a car on a cross country road trip so my hands are tied as to how much I can do with each scene. Plus, I think all the prep work I did before I began writing it pulled a lot of the possibilities out of it already. The story is what it is, and I accept that it may not be the most commercial as a result. Many of these new skills will be helpful for all future scripts I write. Still there have been some big revelations that have come to me applying some of these scene enhancers to my project. Beside what I have previously shared, today I realized that I could add a very big reveal by having Josh, the young recovering former drug addict, admit (half way through) that he was the one who passed the street drugs to the three fellow homeless friends who ended up overdosing on Fentynal. (someone had dropped them in his guitar case so he gave it to his friends since he is no longer partaking) Consequently, he is carrying guilt for this. This new reveal will require that I go back through the prior pages of the script and change his attitude and the tenor of his conversation to reflect this secret he is hiding. A major improvement to the story, I think.
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Elisabeth’s fascinating scene outlines
What I learned doing this assignment is that it is not a problem to improve the scenes, but to SEE what needs to be improved!
Basically, the old script I used to have is completely gone and I have a totally different story now. And I still find scenes that had to move into a different place or had to be changed all over.
I have put the revelation of Tobias’ identity to the end, and I have inserted a stronger goal for Lilianna, for she didn’t seem to have one at all.
I hope to have finished the new outline to a minimum of satisfaction by Thursday to be ready for feedback.
Thanks Hal for this absolutely great course! All your courses are stunning, but this one has given me so much insight already that my writing will never be like it was (thank God) and hopefully good enough to finally make my dream come true and make people enjoy my stories and be able to sell them.
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Susan’s Fascinating Scene Outlines<div>
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What I learned: I learned the value of paying homage to your genre and making sure it is carried out for the entire story.
Changes made:
- I went through and made sure each scene had at least two of the interest techniques
- Each scene must have (at a minimum) either suspense, mystery, or intrigue
- I eliminated scenes that were not necessary to truly move the story, or could not emanate the theme of suspense, mystery or intigue
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Tracy’s Fascinating Scenes Outline for Sorority Mom
What I learned is that it took me a long time to string scenes together to tell the story.
I added a reason for Evelyn to be out walking by the fraternity Rush so we can see the stark contrast between the male and female events. This gave me a new sequence that’s fun.
I discovered there wasn’t follow-up to some set-ups.
Leading up to the climax, I needed to bring back some of the fun sorority moms who had only appeared once.
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Stuart’s Fascinating Scene Outlines!
What I learned from doing this assignment is…
This step of being aware of Interest Techniques in every scene was a huge help. Even though I moved to scenes that need the Interest infusion, awareness of existing interest is valuable as I look ahead toward the transition from outline to script. It allowed me to elevate low-interest scenes, and evaluate scene purpose (elevate the scene interest and dramatic purpose or cut it) as I continue to carve away and shape the script into a marketable length.
The Changes I Made:
I crafted more tension in the opening sequence, so the revelation of Wayne’s beautiful voice is a surprise (using “Character Changes Radically”, rather than the weaker “and, then” exposition in the older outline)
I elevated the scenes of Wayne/Marvin’s subplot, giving it more purpose in Act I, which in turn will give a deliver a stronger emotional payoff when they reunite in Act IV
I elevated Aunt Willie’s purpose in the Act I plot point.
I continue to give Donna more purpose and focus, and during this process sought ways to elevate the Interest in her scenes when she’s facing Wayne’s alcoholism and miraculous recovery. These greatly impacted her scenes with Wayne in Act III crisis sequence, and Act IV.
I elevated Terry’s purpose in Acts III and IV through his scenes.
I elevated the mystery that sets up Wayne’s transformation of the Bingo Hall.
I loved using Mislead/Reveals in Act IV, opening sequence, when he finds the church, giving his discovery more emotional impact.
I elevated Margaret’s role as an oppositional force in Act IV.
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