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Lesson 9
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27 Replies
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Megan’s Act 1: Opening Scenes
What I learned doing this assignment is…wow! This has been so much fun! Fairly quick and easy to following the process of beat sheet, simple outline, and then writing without critique. Extremely happy with the speed I was able to achieve!
INT. Anna’s office at the women’s history museum — Day
ANNA, a 30-something punctilious-looking professional in a pencil skirt, heels, and glasses, sits at her desk, leaning over and breathing frantically into a brown paper bag.
KARA, her coworker, pokes her head in at the office door in concern.
Kara
Anna?
Anna looks up abruptly. She’s been caught. She crumples the paper bag in her hand and hides it under the desk.
Anna
Yes?
KARA
Are you okay?
ANNA
Fine. Just fine.
Kara enters the office, clearly skeptical.
KARA
It’s just a bunch of junior high girls. You don’t need to be nervous.
ANNA
Of course not. I’m not nervous. Just . . . mentally reviewing my notes.
KARA
You were breathing into a paper bag.
ANNA
My stomach is still a little upset. I think the tuna I had for lunch was bad.
EVAN, Anna’s twin brother, pokes his head into the office. He is dressed in coveralls.
EVAN
(to Kara)
Don’t let her fool you. Anna hates public speaking.
(to Anna)
But if you are feeling sick, for God’s sake, don’t do it in here. This carpet’s a bitch to clean.
Anna rolls her eyes and smoothly gets to her feet.
ANNA
Thank you, Evan. I’ll be sure to keep that in mind the next time I have to hurl.
EVAN
Hey, no sense in making my job any harder than it has to be.
Evan points at Anna with a playful smile.
EVAN
Good luck out there today, Anna Banana. Watch out for spit wads.
Evan leaves and Kara watches him go.
KARA
Sometimes it’s so hard to believe you two are related.
ANNA
More than related. We shared the same uterus for nine months. I’m surprised I made it out alive.
KARA
Men.
Kara exits. Once Anna is certain Kara is gone, she opens her desk drawer. A positive pregnancy test is staring back at her. After a moment, she shuts the drawer and strides out of the office.
INT. Senate meeting — Day
VICE PRESIDENT NOVA WALKER is sitting at a table in the front of the room. The Senate is entirely female.
NOVA
Would the committee responsible for Bill S.4138 – Early Mandatory Education Release please rise and report your findings?
COMMITTEE SPOKESWOMAN rises just as the doors to the Senate suddenly swing open. Heads swivel as PRESIDENT BIANCA HARRIS enters with her secretary MAURA. They take a seat obtrusively in the back row.
BIANCA
Apologies for the interruption. Please. Continue.
NOVA’s brows furrow in concern but she nods at the committee spokeswoman to begin.
SPOKESWOMAN
Bill S.4138 – Early Mandatory Education Release has been proposed to allow all males after grade six to opt out of the educational system in favor of pursuing a vocational trade. We believe that allowing such an option will continue to encourage young men toward areas of future employ that are best suited for—
BIANCA stands. She needs no microphone to be heard. Her clear, commanding voice resonates through the room.
BIANCA
Pardon me for interrupting, but am I to understand that this bill is still under discussion and review? How has it not yet been put to a vote?
NOVA
Madame President, your presence and input is always greatly valued at these sessions of the Senate. But as you know, there is a process that these proceedings must follow—
BIANCA
For issues that are much more controversial, I’m sure. But surely not a single woman present here today would be able to voice a serious concern in opposition to an obvious piece of legislation such as this?
NOVA
Madame President, we are talking about rewriting a piece of legislation that has been present in American society since—
SPOKESWOMAN
The Compulsory Attendance Act of 1852, passed by the Massachusetts state legislature.
NOVA
Exactly. Surely it is worth a few months of research and discussion.
BIANCA, eyes locked on Nova, considers the sentiment momentarily. She then rises and makes her way down to the Senate floor. Maura jumps to her feet and is quick to follow her.
BIANCA
1852, did you say? In 1852, women did not have the power to make contracts, to own property, to vote. Her life’s work was simply to bare children and manage her household well. And now, look how far we have come. The first female President and now the first all-female Senate in the history of this country. What a responsibility to uphold! And what has made all this possible, you may ask? How has this good fortune come about? But it is not good fortune at all. It is through a series of carefully crafted decisions made at crucial moments in history that bring us to this time and place today.
Bianca now stands at the podium in the front of the room, all eyes trained on her.
BIANCA
And we have a responsibility to maintain this position, this precarious balancing act. Bill S.4138 will allow young men to find their life’s vocation in a field of service much sooner in life. Resources previously diverted toward male secondary and post-secondary education can be channeled toward our educational centers for women. This is a win-win situation for every woman present, both within and without this room.
NOVA
Madame President, as this bill was introduced at your request, I have no doubt that you have strong opinions about seeing it through. But if we could just continue with our proceedings—
BIANCA
I request that Bill S.4138 — Early Mandatory Education Release be brought to a vote.
NOVA
Bianca! This is completely out of line!
BIANCA
Madame Chair? A roll call vote, if you please.
Nova is still sputtering as Bianca steps back from the microphone and Spokeswoman takes the President’s place. The President makes her way slowly toward the back of the Senate, Maura hurrying to follow.
Names are called one by one, each responds with “yea.” Bianca smiles, slowly, smugly. Her eyes meet Nova’s challengingly before she opens the door and exits. The doors shut with a bang behind her.
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Jane’s Act 1: Opening Scenes
By doing this assignment I realized that what I am thinking now is very basic and is mostly what we’ve seen before. In order to write it fast, I’m not going to worry about that, about making scenes unique in any way. I will do that in another draft. I’m trying to give my self the freedom to not think too much and just write.
INT. BIG BOX STORE – DAY
CHELSEA WALTERS, late 20’s, could be beautiful if she tried, stocks shelves.Through the shelf she’s stocking she sees two punks shoplifting. One turns and sees her staring at him.
He turns, pockets one more thing, looks back at her and they leave. Chelsea stocks the shelf.
INT. EMPLOYEE BREAK ROOM
Chelsea grabs her bag and sweater. A co-worker tells her the boss wants to see her.INT. BOSS’S OFFICE
The boss shows Chelsea a video of the punks getting nabbed by store security.Boss shows Chelsea a video that captures her watching the punk steal something. He wants to know why she didn’t alert security. Why a shopper had to alert them.
Boss tells Chelsea that she’s fired.
INT. CHELSEA’S HOME – LATER
Chelsea’s husband MARTY is home when she arrives. He’s on the phone but hangs up when she arrives.She asks him how his day was. Fine. He asks her. She says fine.
He goes to take a shower. She looks at his phone. He was talking to a woman.INT. CHELSEA’S BEDROOM
Chelsea looks for work on the computer. She migrates to FaceBook and discovers she has a friend request – her childhood best friend Julie Wallace.Chelsea hesitates, then accepts. She looks at Julie’s FaceBook page. Julie is a super model. Lots of gorgeous photos. If Chelsea took notice of her looks, she and Julie would be almost identical twins.
Marty comes out of the shower, sees Julie’s photo and makes a comment about her beauty and Chelsea’s lack of beauty. He leaves.
By the time he has gone, Chelsea has a message from Julie, asking how she is.
Chelsea responds that she’s fine. Julie wants to see her and asks her to be a bridesmaid at her upcoming wedding. Chelsea says that she’s sorry but she can’t.INT. CHELSEA’S KITCHEN
As Chelsea makes dinner, she remembers how she and Julie used to play in the kitchen, making a mess and giggling.Marty returns, smelling of booze and cheap perfume. As they eat dinner, he tells her that he’ll be gone for a week on business. His plans are sketchy.
She know he’s off somewhere with a woman.
INT. CHELSEA’S BEDROOM
While Marty watches television, Chelsea goes back to the computer. Julie has sent another message. She’ll pay all of Chelsea’s expenses. She just wants to share this special day with her oldest friend.Julie talks about their friendship as little girls and Chelsea’s mind goes back to a more wonderful time, when everything was great.
Chelsea responds to Julie and agrees to be a bridesmaid.
INT. CRUISE SHIP RECEPTION AREA
Julie waits for Chelsea. Julie is Chelsea’s doppelgänger, except that money and fine living have created super beauty. No one in the room can take their eyes off her. This makes her smile.Chelsea, intimidated by Julie, pauses at the door, then hides behind a plant and watches Julie enjoy the spotlight. She turns around to leave but bumps into a porter and causes a crash of luggage.
Julie sees her and glides over to greet Chelsea as if nothing had happened. Julie sweeps Chelsea into the room and her world.
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Talking Pictures–opening scene
What I learned: My view of the hero is changing already!
INT. BUILDING DEMOLITION SITE–DAY
A plaque on a brick porch pillar says AD 1958. A WORKER hits the concrete capstone with a sledgehammer. Shards fly everywhere–but the concrete falls into an unexpected cavity.
The incredulous worker gazes into the hole. Others join him as he reaches in and pulls out a film reel.WORKER 2
The hell is that?WORKER 1
Looks like a movie.Worker 2 pulls out two more reels. There are still more.
WORKER 2
Whattya do with something like this?The workers look at each other and shrug.
INT. FILMFIXER—DAY
The workspace of CAMERON CHANEY has a desk with two screens and a console on it–but there’s also a screen that covers an entire wall. It’s about the size of a screen in a theater.
Boxes full of reels rest on a shelf. Cameron opens one and looks inside. His boss, RICHARD MACON, looks over his shoulder.RICHARD
I told them the original reels might come in handy. Everything they found in the time capsule has been digitized, but there are big chunks missing.CAMERON
Big chunks. The usual damage?RICHARD
In some cases. Also places where it seems that no footage exists.CAMERON
I looked all over for information on a movie called “Morning in Paradise.” Any information at all. It doesn’t exist.RICHARD
Apparently it went into turnaround.CAMERON
Someone still spent money on nine reels.Cameron sits at the console and opens a file. On the giant screen, a movie starts running. It’s grainy and in black and white. Even though it’s been restored, signs of scratches and bad edits are still apparent.
Cameron fast-forwards past scenes shot in some gritty L.A. locations and in the Mexican desert in 1958. He stops when a pretty young actress appears in a shot.
She looks to be about 20 years old–if that. She has an open, angelic face with eyes that sparkle. Nice figure. She’s wearing a WHAT IS THAT KIND OF OUTFIT WITH TWO PIECES that shows it off.
CAMERON
I recognize the other actors. Who’s this?RICHARD
No one knows.He goes up close to the screen and examines the actress.
CAMERON
Tell, me Richard, how does nobody know someone this gorgeous?RICHARD
It’s not our job to figure that out.CAMERON
They want us to do a restore without paying attention to the star?RICHARD
She’s not the star. Just some pretty girl. Maybe a “friend” of the director.Cameron examines the woman even more closely.
RICHARD
I know what you’re thinking, Cameron. You want to find out everything there is to know about this young lady. Get that idea out of your head. Get a crowbar and jerk it the fuck outta there, if you have to. Our job is to smooth things out, make the movie look nice so that other people can figure out the rest.Richard glares at Cameron. Cameron looks defeated.
CAMERON
Yeah. Sure. Stay focused on the task at hand.Richard leaves. Cameron looks back at the young woman. Something about her calls out to him.
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KAREN SINCLAIR’S ACT 1 OPENING SCENES (Character Introductions)
What I learned doing this assignment is…?
What I learned doing this assignment is that having organizing principles or a prescribed structure, such as a BEAT SHEET followed by a SCENE OUTLINE can really contribute to speedier writing. I like it.
Sometimes a scene can be quite small which can feel insignificant. I’m not sure what that means in the long run but trust I will figure it out.
ASSIGNMENT 9
OPENING SCENE BEAT SHEET (Introduction of Protagonist)
INT. OFFICE/HALLWAY – DUSK
The CEO of New York’s Harder Global Advertising Group offers Sadie an opportunity to start a new branch office in Vancouver, BC. As she is leaving the CEO’s office Sadie receives a text from a supposed-to-be ex-boyfriend telling her ‘Dinner is almost ready’.
OPENING SCENE OUTLINE
INT. OFFICE/HALLWAY – DUSK
BEGINNING: Sadie’s head is spinning over an offer from the CEO of Harder Global Advertising Group to start a new branch office in Vancouver, BC. It would Sadie’s dream job to be in charge have all that control.
MIDDLE: Sadie receives a text from THOMAS, her long-time boyfriend, who she broke up with that morning, telling her that dinner is almost ready.
END: Sadie crushes her empty paper coffee cup against her leg and slams it into the garbage can in the hall.
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SECOND SCENE BEAT SHEET
INT. OFFICE BULLPEN – DUSK
Sadie paces back and forth while processing the fact that she is not in control of the situation at home. She responds to Thomas’ text.
SECOND SCENE OUTLINE
INT. OFFICE BULLPEN – DUSK
BEGINNING: Sadie ran to work this morning so now she is dressed to run home. The last to leave, she thrashes about outside of her office, flicking off lights, pulling doors shut and locking doors.
MIDDLE: Sadie picks up her backpack, flips it onto her back, looks down at her phone and the message from Thomas about dinner and types back ‘GET OUT!’
END: Sadie walks to the elevator door and slams it with her hand. The door opens, she walks in, turns around and leans against the back wall as the doors slowly close.
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THIRD SCENE BEAT SHEET
OUT. STREETS – DUSK
Sadie bursts out of the elevator on the main floor and heads out running into the city.
THIRD SCENE OUTLINE
OUT. STREETS – DUSK
BEGINNING: Sadie runs out of the elevator on the main floor and out through the revolving front doors.
MIDDLE: She ducks and weaves between cars, both parked and moving, not waiting for crossing lights but eager to get home.
END: She leaves the road and heads toward a crowded sidewalk.
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FOURTH SCENE BEAT SHEET
OUT. SIDEWALKS – DUSK
Sadie runs recklessly, shoulder-bumping people as she heads down a busy sidewalk on a Thursday evening. Her backpack knocks someone off their bike as she demonstrates total disregard for bystanders.
FOURTH SCENE OUTLINE
OUT. SIDEWALKS – DUSK
BEGINNING: Sadie hops onto a sidewalk and off the busy street.
MIDDLE: Sadie runs recklessly, shoulder-bumping people as she heads down a busy sidewalk on a Thursday evening. Her backpack knocks someone off their bike as she demonstrates total disregard for bystanders.
END: She hops off the sidewalk and turns the corner to her street.
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FIFTH SCENE BEAT SHEET
OUT. SADIE’S STREET – DUSK
Feeling the pressure build, Sadie starts to sprint at full speed down her street to the foot of the steps of her townhouse.
FIFTH SCENE OUTLINE
OUT. SADIE’S STREET – DUSK
BEGINNING: Sadie slowly picks up speed until she is at a full out sprint down her street.
MIDDLE: She runs up the sidewalk to the foot of the steps of her townhouse, stops abruptly, and bends over, out of breath. Catching her breath, she glances up to see a shadowy figure moving about her kitchen.
END: Sadie rips her backpack off her back, stomps up the stairs and bursts through the door throwing her pack in the corner. She can smell something cooking; evidence that Thomas is still not taking her seriously about it being over.
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SIX SCENE BEAT SHEET (Introduction of Antagonist)
INT. TOWNHOUSE KITCHEN – DUSK
Sadie storms into the kitchen and confronts Thomas. He is playing a video game through the doorway on the TV in the adjoining family room. The table has two place settings, a couple of beers and condiments for spaghetti and meat sauce. She yells this is it, they are done.
SIX SCENE OUTLINE
INT. TOWNHOUSE KITCHEN – DUSK
BEGINNING: Sadie storms into the kitchen confronting Thomas who is playing a video game through the doorway on the TV in the adjoining family room. The table has two place settings, a couple of beers and condiments for spaghetti and meat sauce. She yells, this is it, they are done. He still doesn’t seem to get it and suggests they sit down for a meal and talk.
MIDDLE: To prove they are done Sadie yanks the garbage can out from under the sink and dumps everything on the table into the can. She walks over to the island and clears all contents to the can as well. Sadie grabs a pot of hot water with spaghetti noodles from the stove. She tells him she is done being held hostage by him in her own house. She throws the boiling water against the back of the sink. The boiling water splashes up on the window behind the sink and the glass cracks.
Thomas, with a controller in one hand, takes a step towards her.
Sadie picks up the pot of simmering spaghetti sauce and an oven mitt threatening to throw it in his direction if he doesn’t leave right now.
END: He finally gets the message and snaps, yelling obscenities as he storms out and slams the door, taking nothing and creating yet another reason for returning.
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David’s Act 1 Opening Scene
What I learned – I had an opening scene for this already written. So I used this exercise to create a new opening scene from scratch at a different point in the story. It will allow me to set up the characters and story earlier than the inciting incident which is where I started the previous version. Interested to see how this changes things.
INT. UNDERGROUND OFFICE ROOM – DAY
Commander Read. A 72yo Computer Engineer is talking to Jacob, the 32yo security manager for (ULLF) Underground lab and living facilities.
COMMANDER READ
No, no, no. We are leaving for the fabrication base tomorrow. If you can’t complete the preparations I will find someone else and eliminate your status to custodial work on the midnight shift.
JACOB
I still think we need to wait until next week. The tests have not been completed. The parts we need: we haven’t found a source for them yet.
COMMANDER READ
It will work. My whole life has been dedicated to this project and you, you think, YOU can understand the qualities of this research? Those parts are auxiliary.
Turns away from Jacob and starts working at a control panel.
COMMANDER READ
Go, and get your parts. Leave me alone. Don’t bother me until we are ready with the vehicles and equipment.
JACOB
Stares at the back of CR’s head thinking about something else to say. But turns and leaves the room.
Foolish old man. He can only destroy the world once.
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Margaret’s Opening Scene What I learned completing this assignment is when you follow the rules of writing quickly you really can make a lot of progress fast. OPEN
INT. MOM’S SPARE ROOM – DAY
Lake, 30s, a failed corporate type, is under the covers with a pillow over her head, her eyes stubbornly shut. The faint SOUND of an alarm barely perceptible.
LAKE
No.
Blake, 30s, a well dressed man sits on the edge of the bed fiddling with his wedding ring.
The two get into an argument.
Alarm NOISES getting louder.
Lake sits up and shouts. Over the insistent SOUND of a blaring alarm.
LAKE
Shut up!
The mattress she is on is surrounded by all manner of junk and paraphernalia. A hoarders dream.
She looks around. She is alone in the room.
She fumbles for her phone. She grabs it but it falls off the side of the bed onto the floor.
The floor is cluttered. Lake’s hand locates the phone and shuts of the alarm.
The door of the room bursts open revealing mom (description).
MOM
How could anyone sleep through that? Do you know how long its been going off?
LAKE
Sorry, I couldn’t sleep last night.
MOM
You weren’t up cleaning I hope?
LAKE
For the last time I didn’t trow anything away!
MOM
I don’t think you’re thriving here.
LAKE
It hasn’t even been three months.
MOM
I’m only looking out for what’s best for you.
LAKE
I’m late. I’ve gotta start my shift.
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Tita’s Act 1 Opening Scene (and Intro to Antagonist)
What I learned from this assignment:
· This structure is so helpful. I could feel my “old ways” of resisting the challenge of starting a new play but I could overcome that by going through the Assignment instructions and points, outline them and match them up with my beat sheet description of the opening and other Act 1 scenes.
· When I was outlining the scenes and one felt too crowded, another was too light, it was easy to move a chunk out of one to another while staying aligned with the general storyline/theme and development of the characters/conflict.
· Feels like the visions of this play that have meandered through my mind for years are suddenly being inseminated and are growing so fast – boosted by the Hal Croasmun dramaturgy.
· Such a joy to know, if I can keep prioritizing these assignments no matter what else in my life wants my time, I will have a draft of a play* that, even if lousy in its first draft, after revisions may capture something important about our roots of democracy that is also too relevant today.
· Rather than hearing/seeing a scene in my mind and getting committed to it too early, I set the scene up by looking for/creating an action that could trigger a revelation of character
· And very difficult. I had to copy the dramaturgical notes about each scene as well as the scene’s beat sheet, outline and then write the script under the outline. Feels rigid but I am learning on these “trainer wheels” and the structural elements/guidelines/ instructions are triggering the more artistic flow. Growtowski or Peter Brook said something like: “Creativity is the intersection between discipline and spontaneity.”
(* I’ll be translating the filmscript back to stage play so I can put it on for friends in an empty warehouse or whatever if I can’t find producers)
SU Instructions for Assignment 9 Opening Scene/Main Character Intros
Your opening scenes and character introductions become the reader’s first experience of your story and characters. While we want it to be exciting, much of that will happen in future drafts – so make sure you focus on getting the big picture ideas onto the page, rather than aiming for perfection in details!
For Act 1, these are the Key Scenes:
Act I. Set up and see the Old Ways (25-30 pps)
Key Scene 1: Exciting opening scene intros a main character, the conflict and/or world.
Below is a list of components you can brainstorm for the opening scene and character intros. You don’t have to get all of them, but this gives you a chance to make these scenes more interesting. After you outline the Key Scenes for each day, you’ll write them.
1. Opening Scene
The purpose is to lure us into the journey with a strong opening! Here are a few key components to consider as you build your opening scene.
Introduce us to a lead characters in action. Show us the world as the character experiences it.Show us their Old Ways as their natural way of being. Make sure there is some kind of conflict present.End the scene with a twist.
2. Character Introduction for the Protagonist
Introducing your Protagonist helps us know who we are going on the journey with and gives us a taste of what this movie will be like. For character introductions: Introduce us to the lead characters in action. Show us the Old Ways as their natural way of being. Here are a few key components to consider as you present this character:
Introduce their “regular life” that is filled with the “Old Ways.”Challenge them in some way that requires a response.Put them in action. Have them say interesting lines.Conclude the Character Introduction with an insight into who they are.
Key Scene 2: Inciting Incident propels the protagonist onto the journey!
Key Scene 3: The protagonist reacts emotionally to the Inciting Incident.
Key Scene 4: Turning Point – Lock in the journey.
Background:
Theme in a cyberbyte:
Focusing rigidly only on law and order or only freedom and rights, we cannot listen to each other and end up achieving nothing but chaos and violence.
Main Characters – Assignments 2-4:
Protagonist – Thomas Hutchinson; Antagonist – Sam Adams (a unique switch because in most American histories, tv-film-stage scripts, he’s the hero or sidekick to a hero)
I built Sam into most of the Beat Sheet but will tweak and add a little more – without describing details of each scene and how he interacts
To Get Started:
Go to your Beat Sheet and find the opening scene and a second lead character introduction. Create a simple outline those scenes for those two scenes.
Step 1. Copy the scene from your beat sheet.Step 2. Outline the scene.
· Definition of Outline: A general sketch, indicating the main features of the screenplay, book, or project.
· For this program, we’re using an overview outline that will be very short and cover big picture decisions only.
· This is a simple process where you are going to take your scene from your beat sheet and add a beginning, middle, and end in order to make it a very light outline.
Step 3. Write a minimum level first draft.
OPENING SCENE WITH INTRO OF PROTAGONIST
SU NOTES:
The OpeningL
· Introduces us to lead characters in action.
· Shows Old ways as their natural way of being, e.g., Order is priority, despite promised to include all citizens in decisions that affect their lives, most wealthy and influential people hold the power and make the decisions.
· Set us up for the journey that starts with the Inciting Incident. Maybe preview a sign of potential transformation
Introducing your Protagonist helps us know who we are going on the journey with and gives us a taste of what this movie will be like. For character introductions: Introduce us to the lead characters in action. Show us the Old Ways as their natural way of being. Here are a few key components to consider as you present this character:
· Introduce their “regular life” that is filled with the “Old Ways.”
· Challenge them in some way that requires a response.
· Put them in action.
· Have them say interesting lines.
· Conclude the Character Introduction with an insight into who they are.
From BEAT SHEET:
EXT. BOSTON DOCKS 1764 – MORNING
Newly inaugurated Governor Hutchinson greets the pompous, foppish royal tax Commissioner Robinson from London as he disembarks then suddenly must protect him from two Boston mob leaders fighting over holiday. Judge Peter Oliver, also greeting Commish, rants against colonials as, except for a few civilized elite, are the worst of the worst from the jails and poorhouses of England and European serfs. Hutchinson reassure the terrified visitor that he has it under control but tells Sheriff Greenleaf to get them out of the way [Sam Adams, referred to only by Oliver]-antag- is in background hanging out with leaders of the South and North End mobs and other workers.]Theme Intro: When people of all classes find out the visitor is the new royal tax commissioner, they react in two opposite ways – some approving the Commissioner coming to the colony to enforce laws so everyone does their fair part in helping the nation repay the war debt; others – OTIS – angrily saying their own Boston Town meeting and colonial assembly can tax them – they have a right to be taxed only by their elected reps not pompous poppycocks from the Mother Country. SAM guides him away.
OUTLINE – OPENING SCENE
Beginning: Sheriff Greenleaf guides Gov Hutchinson and Judge Peter Oliver through the crowds – and even mob leaders fighting (but take a second to bow, then go back to fighting) – on the dock greeting a ship from London to greet the new elegantly foppish Tax Commissioner Robinson.
Middle: Commissioner rants against such an uncivilized horde from worst jails and poorhouses of Great Britain., Judge Oliver rants about Hancock, country preacher’s son, and mobs, tries weakly to defend them to but Judge Oliver rants. Hutchinson caves and tells sheriff to get the mob leaders out of the way
End: Hancock tries to help, rebuffed by Hutch, panned by Oliver who rants about Hancock, rich only because his uncle had no heirs – just empty headed country preacher’s son and prances around in a gold carriage. Sam Adams guides Hancock away, reassuring him he’s the best…
DRAFT 1 SCRIPT – Act I
I.1 FIRST DRAFT SCRIPT – OPENING
EXT. BOSTON DOCKS 1764 – DAY
[Ship has arrived from London to busy, chaotic docks, as wealthy travelers disembark down one exit ramp, the poor of England and parts of Europe disembarking down a second exit ramp, crowds on dock greeting, hawking wares, just watching. A sheriff (Greenleaf) forces people to part the way for an elegant American man, 50s, in light blue satin (Acting Governor Thomas Hutchinson) and his hunched over companion in black (Judge Peter Oliver).
Hutchinson’s African slave (Andrew), well dressed as a European servant, pushing an empty cart, helps the sheriff clear the way. In the hub-bub, they pass a gold plaited carriage near a wooden wagon with working men hanging effigies, two trading punches near the wagon.
Near the carriage an even more elegantly dressed man (John Hancock) in red satin with lace cuffs and neck collar tries to stop them but all three ignore him… when the working men on the wagon jump down to the street to salute the man in blue, Sheriff Greenleaf pushes them aside – but Hutchinson, stops for a second, to nod acknowledgement to them.
At exit ramp, Sheriff Greenleaf calls out the name “Commissioner Robinson?” and a flamboyant Londoner waves to identify himself, gesturing for his servants to push through the crowds to connect with the group.
GOV. THOMAS HUTCHINSON
Commissioner Robinson?… So sorry about this. Untimely.
COMMISSIONER JOHN ROBINSON
Governor Hutchinson?
HUTCHINSON
And my cousin, Judge Peter Oliver. Just leave your bags here. Andrew will handle them.
[Andrew starts to take the bags from the Commissioner’s white servants, confused and envious, hesitate giving them. Hutchinson snaps his fingers for them to put the bags on cart, They obey]
COMMISSIONER
Disgusting – oh, excuse me: Not just Boston – London has worse rabble. But I thought – envisioned a quiet little shipping town carved into woodlands
JUDGE PETER OLIVER
The crew probably raced to get here in time for Pope’s Day. What we call Guy Fawkes Day here.
COMMISSIONER
Thank God, then you’re not always – ah – like this.
[Hancock, the elegantly dressed man in red and lace pushes close up.]
JOHN HANCOCK
Welcome to Boston, Commissioner. I’m John Hancock.
[to HUTCH]
I brought my carriage for him. Keep him safe from all this.
COMMISSIONER
How kind! Where…?
HUTCHINSON
No, ours is right over here. Come, Mr. Robinson –
[Abruptly guides Commissioner away from Hancock. Judge Oliver hurries to catch up, Andrew and servants follow with suitcases. Hancock stands rebuffed]
[As he rushes to catch up, explaining to Commissioner]
JUDGE OLIVER
He’s just a country parson’s son. His uncle had no heirs.
COMMISSIONER
Better than most of them – thrown out of our poorhouses and jails. I hope my quarters will be far from the crowds.
[Behind them, as they hurry off, a man (Sam Adams) puts his arm around Hancock and guides him back towards his carriage]
HUTCHINSON
No worries. A private residence next to the best inn. Fully equipped. Servants have prepared it.
COMMISSIONER
. Your savages are probably more civilized than the excrements we sent off to the New World. Just –
HUTCHINSON
When you get to know them…
COMMISSIONER
I won’t be staying long in this God-forsaken place, thank heavens
HUTCHINSON
Ah… many came here with nothing, no one helping them – and they…
COMMISSIONER
Terribly sorry, Mr. Hutchinson. I forgot you – I should have remembered from your accent. You’re one of them, too. They told me your grandmother fought off the Indians-
HUTCHINSON
Come – our carriage is right over there. We can settle you in, talk over lunch.
COMMISSIONER
Well, I hope you’ll be able to control them better than our former governors. Which governor did they tar and feather before they shipped him back home?
###
SCENE I.2 INTRO OF ANTAGONIST
SU NOTES:
The scene that introduces the other lead character (Antagonist) Making the Antagonist’s first appearance interesting engages the audience because this is the character who will create anticipation and drive the conflict. A great character intro also helps to hook an actor.
· Introduce them as a representation of the conflict they’ll cause the Protagonist.
· Put them in action.
· Have them say interesting lines.
· Conclude the Character Introduction with them being a formidable opponent.
NOTE: If you have a relationship movie (Rom-Com or equal buddy movie), then assume that both characters are the Protagonist and the other character’s Antagonist. They will push each other’s buttons and create issues that must be resolved for them to have a real relationship
From BEAT SHEET:
EXT. GANGS’ TWO CARTS WITH EFFIGIES FOR “POPE’S DAY CELEBRATION” – CONTINUOUS TIME (Intro of Antagonist) Sam Adams guides the mortified Hancock over to leaders of South and North End mobs who are planning their holiday rumble. Sam gets mob leaders cheering and flattering Hancock. James Otis Jr, lawyer, bursts in ranting and warning about Parliament planning a tax on almost every Boston transaction (from cards and newspapers to weddings and funerals) Hancock doesn’t want politics, Sam eases Otis away from his prey.
Theme: H restricts Hancock’s respect and therefore sense of full freedom/rights while Sam nourishes Hancock’s need to feel free and first class citizen with all right
OUTLINE – SCENE INTRODUCING ANTAGONIST
Beginning: Sam invites Hancock looking rejected and forlorn to join them – they go to mob leaders who have come up to mock Hancock – richest in colony and can’t even…
Middle: Mob leaders fight over who will win the fight on the bridge tonight, knock the others into the Bay. Swift says we – dockworkers should throw the tax collector over too. Sam says no royals – each will be equal. Mobs laugh. Mac looks at Hancock, him too- all the rich ones claiming God chose them while living off our backs, … and Mac says he will be as rich as kings.
End: Sam interrupts. He’s happy not to be rich or famous – but if you need a king – until you get Hancock cares about the people – country farmer, pastors son – don’t hold it against him that his uncle got rich shipping – I’m sure wants all of us to prosper, not just the Lords and Ladies – encourages H to give some coins – is he our own is our own king right now. Cheers
DRAFT 1 SCRIPT, I.2 Introduction of Antagonist
EXT. WOODEN CART ON DOCKS – CONTINUOUS TIME
[Sam Adams, the man we saw earlier in the distance, has guided Hancock back to his golden carriage – but near it, workmen are hanging effigies. A large muscular man, Ebeneezer Mackintosh, leader of Boston’s South End mob, mocks him]
MAC
Aw, poor Mr. Hancock. Richest man in the colony of Massachusetts Bay – and the nobs still won’t give you the time of day!
[A smaller, wirey man jumps off cart to hit Mac – he is Henry Swift, leader of Boston’s North End mob]
SWIFT
Stop riding him, Mac.
HANCOCK
Thank you, Henry Swift.
MAC
Watch out, Mr. Hancock – When Swift kisses up, he’s ready to swindle you out of something.
SWIFT
No problem, Mr. Hancock, Sir. By sundown, me and my North Enders’ll meet on the bridge and dump his wagon and all his stinking boys into the Bay. We should throw that tax collector from the ship with them tonight. Mr. Adams – you found out what the King’s taxes will be for?
SAM ADAMS
Parliament’s taxes. We’ll let you know as soon as we know.
MAC
Swift don’t got no money to tax. But me and my men – soon as our King hears how tough we are – you’ll be looking at me, leader of his royal guard in the colonies. And I’ll be mopping up dock scum like you!
SWIFT
Lords of Parliament already told me to protect that fellow that just come off the boat.
MAC
Hell with the damn Lords. We’re in a world of kings. Every nation’s got one. When King George hears how me, Ebeneezer Mackintosh and my South-
SWIFT
Our king – you’re nothing. The king’ll hang you before he ever asks your name.
SAM ADAMS
Do you care what the king actually thinks of you? Don’t you realize each of you is just as fine as any king or aristocrat on earth?
[Swift and Mac laugh, ridicule the idea by prancing around like foppish rulers. Hancock is edging away.]
SAM ADAMS
Every one of you is as fine as any nobleman or king.
[More laughter]
Are you gentlemen blind?! Mr. Swift – Mr. Mackintosh – don’t you see the gold right in front of your eyes?
MAC
Where?!
SWIFT
You jerk. He’s pulling your leg again.
SAM
No, I’m being very serious. John Hancock, would you ever claim you’re better than other people just because of your uncle’s fortune, would you?
HANCOCK
Of course not!
SAM
Or blind you to the troubles regular people?
HANCOCK
No!
SAM
You hear that? Mr. Hancock is proud to be one of us.
HANCOCK
A year ago, I was regular people. I never expected –
SAM
You said it yourselves. Every nation’s got a king. But what about the people, not just the rulers of nations. Have we got a king looking out for us? A king to stop people like Governor Hutchinson filching all the royal appointments for himself and his family – treating a fine citizen like dirt. Didn’t we all see how he treated Mr. Hancock today?
HANCOCK
He never would have treated my uncle.
SAM
The people respect you. We see who you really are, don’t we?
MAC
Who… what?
SAM
John Hancock comes from a country town. He knows how hard farmers work the fields, moving rocks, clearing land, caring for the food that feeds all of us in Boston, doesn’t he?
SWIFT
What’re you –
SAM
[To Swift, with a wink]
Did you see how Hutchinson and his fancy tax collector showed no respect for our own Mr. Hancock.
MAC
“Our own”?!
SAM
Yes! Mr. Hancock has received the gift of riches but he has not forgotten us. A true leader of the people of the earth! We live in a world ruled by kings – but can’t the people have their own…? Can’t we honor a very wealthy man who knows he is one of us? The people’s own leader…
SWIFT
Or King?
MAC
King!
[Grabs a bottle of rum]
Come on, Swift – get your men to give a toast to King Hancock!
[All men on wagon hold up cups, empty bottles as MAC pours a round and all burst out with cheers, of “King Hancock!” Swift toasts to Sam with an admiring smile.]
###
-
Alex’s Act One
What I learned: I was really fast and got ‘er done!
As I usually wordsmith and then have to kill my darlings, I’m happy to say I could strike and rewrite these in a heart beat (I just did… while brushing my teeth I thought: I don’t want to introduce Oona to be a victim, I want to give her a witty comeback – so I did!)
Well… maybe not the opening scene… I already had and really love that one, LOL.
But I did for sure not want to do school scenes. It’s just a great generic place to start with 17 year olds!
PAGE ONE
INT. JAIL – DAWN (1854)
BERNHARD MATTER is in his execution cell.
A blinding guardian angel appears.
(It is Oona with the flashlight on cell phone in hand.)
He begs for absolution of his soul.
The executioners come in.
As Bernhard has slipped away, they take the angel… a 17 year old girl… dressed in an oversized white hoodie.
EXT. EXECUTION SCAFFOLDING – DAWN
OONA is sitting tied up on the execution chair, the executioner swings his sword.
She looks out to the audience rubbernecking, gasping at her in dismay and excitement.
Act 1
INT. CLASSROOM HISTORY – DAY (2024)
Oona awakens with a scream, struggling. Hoodie over her eyes.
She has fallen asleep on her chair head back drooling.
Wrapped in her laptop and cellphone charging cables.
The class laughs. No one comes to her aid, but watches her unravel herself.
HOT TEACHER calms class down and wipes black board: History lesson Switzerland Justice Reform: The right for men to vote was introduced in 1848. For women it lasted until 1971.
Oona’s BFF Hot Mess ROSEMARY sends her a text: Meet me after class for ‘Field Research Justice Reform’.
EXT. YOUTH PRISON LENZBURG – DAY
Rosemary drags Oona up the hill to the prison.
Juvenile delinquents are out in the yard playing soccer.
ALPHA BOY signals gang to fence towards the girls… or better, directly over to cute blonde Rosemary in her short summer dress.
She looks over to Oona: ?? What are you waiting for? Film me on Insta Live!
BETA BOY saunters over to Oona: You’re cruel. I sense under that baggy hoodie you’re hiding a really nice pair of tits – why don’t you let the world see them?
Oona turns bright red. Alpha wants to call Beta off.
But Oona counters: You’re cruel! I sense unter those swooping bangs you’re hiding a few brain cells – why don’t you let the world see them?
To the sound of thunderous laughs from the mates, Oona does a hair flip, an expert booty twerk and sashays away down the hill towards the trees.
From a safe distance, she wipes a tear from her cheek with her sleeve, takes out her cell and snaps a few artistic shots of the apes behind the fence drooling over her girlie friend.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by Alex Surer.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by
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Wendy’s Act 1: Opening Scenes
What I learned doing this assignment is that I need to be flexable and be able to move scenes around and put first things first.
FADE IN:
INT. MICHELE HOUSE KITCHEN – EVENING
The kitchen is spacious, tile flooring, long bar area where Michele sets the bags down and puts her phone on speaker setting it onto the counter and listens to her messages. Michele begins to put the groceries away.
CAROL (V.O.)
Hi, it’s just me calling you to remind you that it is our movie night tonight. I hope you didn’t forget the popcorn.
MICHELE
Right here.
CAROL (V.O.)
And I do hope you picked a comedy. I am NOT in the mood for drama or excitement tonight.
MICHELE
(surprised, apologetic)
Oh my gosh! I forgot it was my turn to get the movie!
CAROL (V.O.)
Well, I should be there about 7, See you then. Bye.
Michele looks at her watch. {6:48}
MICHELE
Oh great, it is almost seven now. It looks like an out movie tonight.
Michele continues to put away the groceries. The phone beeps signifying that it is a different phone call.
MEGAN (V.O.)
Mommy?
MICHELE
Hi, sweetheart.
MEGAN (V.O.)
Mommy, Daddy told us you died yesterday,
Michele stands up in surprise and hits her head on the cupboard door.
MICHELE
(surprised and questioning with disbelief)
What??!
MEGAN (V.O.)
Is that true? Daddy says our house caught fire and he didn’t want to have us sad so we are gonna’ go live somewhere else.
MICHELE
(stunned, whispering)
NO!
MEGAN (V.O.)
Daddy’s friend says he is going to take us to hear the monster song to lift our spirits. What’s a spirit mommy?…. Well, I guess daddy was telling the truth or you would be home from work now. I love you, mommy… bye.
MICHELE
(voice escalating)
NO NO NO NO!!!!
She looks at the OVEN WINDOW where there is a silhouette of a bomb with a blinking light.
MICHELE (CONT’D)
NO!!!
EXT. COUNTRY HOUSE – EVENING
Michele’s friend CAROL CAMP has just pulled up to the house in her CAR. Michele scrambles to get in.
MICHELE
(great urgency and distress)
We have to get out of here! GO GO GO…..NOW, Carol, NOW!
Carol is stunned but speeds off. The HOUSE in the distance explodes.
CAROL
Oh my gosh! Please don’t tell me that was the electrical problem you told me about.
Michele stares intently into the distance with a set determined look on her face.
MICHELE
(low toned, almost a growl)
I need to borrow your car tomorrow.
CAROL
(confused)
Um, Yeah… sure.
ANTAGONIST: DEAN
INT. FBI OFFICE RECEPTIONIST’S DESK – DAY
Michele is in the middle of a conversation with the RECEPTIONIST.
MICHELE
I don’t think you understand, they blew up my house I have to talk to someone immediately!
RECEPTIONIST
Ma’am, did you go to the police and file a report?
MICHELE
That is the exact part you are not grasping. They need to think I’m dead!
Just then DEAN SHERR, mid 40’s, tall, slender medium build. his face is set in anger and it appears to be like that permanently, enters the lobby. His walk is hurried but meaningful. His mind is cluttered and his eyes seem to look right through people.
DEAN
(to the receptionist)
Can I help you?
RECEPTIONIST
She……
MICHELE
Save it!
Michele holds out her hand in a “STOP” fashion.
MICHELE (CONT’D)
Sir, my name is Lisa Edmonson, my kids have been kidnapped by the Krensha and they blew up my house trying to kill me.
DEAN
Oookayy, this should be interesting. Follow me, this way.
MICHELE
Fine.
INT. DEAN’S OFFICE – DAY
Dean’s office is small and compact. A large desk, matching chair, and a single visitor’s chair is the only furniture that will fit. A large window overlooks the outside world. The top of the desk has a few folders and typical desk top items all in neat arrangement. Dean definitely has OCD quirks.
Dean sits and begins to work on some papers while talking without looking up.
DEAN
Please, start from the beginning.
MICHELE
(deep breath)
I received a phone call from my daughter stating that my ex-husband has taken them and is moving somewhere else with them and she thinks I am dead…
DEAN
So if your daughter thinks that you are dead.. then why did she call and who are THEY?
Dean briefly glances up at Michele.
MICHELE
THEY, would be my children and my daughter is only 5, she doesn’t quite understand.
DEAN
(snorting)
She is not the only one.
MICHELE
If you would just listen!
DEAN
So tell me why you didn’t go to the police?
MICHELE
They have to think I am dead or I don’t stand a chance of getting my kids back!
DEAN
Who has to think you are dead, the police or your children?
Michele stands.
MICHELE
The Krensha, you idiot!!
Dean finally looks up from his paperwork. As he talks he leans back in his chair.
DEAN
You want me to believe that the mob has taken your children, and now they are trying to kill you.
(smirking with a “whatever” attitude)
And just why is all this happening?
MICHELE
FIRST off, my husband has my kids and is being held by the mob, and SECOND, my real name is Michele, I used to be an…….
Dean throws pen down, stands, puts hand on hip and gestures with the other hand.
DEAN
(interrupting)
Hold it right there, NOW you are telling me that you are someone else. Lady, I think what you need right now is a straight jacket and a good psychiatrist!
Enter MR. EDWARD HENDERSON a man in his late 50’s, medium height, pot belly, stern face calloused by the years, very distinguished business appearance.
EDWARD
What is going on here Dean?
DEAN
Mr. Henderson….
MICHELE
(interrupting Dean)
Edward!
DEAN
You know this lunatic?
Edward holds out arms to hug Michele. They embrace with warmth and affection. Dean is completely astounded. Michele starts to cry.
EDWARD
I thought that was your voice I heard.
MICHELE
They have my kids!
EDWARD
I’m sorry.
(beat)
Come with me, I have something for you.
Edward walks down the hall towards his office, practically dragging Michele behind.
EDWARD (CONT’D)
You too Dean, my office, NOW!
DEAN
WHAT?!
INT. EDWARD’S OFFICE – DAY
The office is large, spacious, with a lavish décor. Anyone can see that this corner office is of great importance. The large windows have a great view of the city skyline.
DEAN
Would someone like to tell me what is going bon here?
Michele and Edward talk as if Dean does not exist. Michele’s tears are drying up.
MICHELE
Well, I see you got quite the promotion.
EDWARD
You know this office would belong to you if you hadn’t left. But… because I was your partner through the bust…. I was next in line for the promotion.
DEAN
What bust?
Edward retrieves a locked box from the bottom drawer, talks as he fumbles for the key and opens the box, treating it as if it were precious jewels.
EDWARD
(to Dean)
Thirteen years ago Michele and I were partners, and together we took out most of the Krensha.
DEAN
You mean to tell me that she… she is the one who…
(beat)
But this can’t be possible.
MICHELE
And just why not?
DEAN
Because….
MICHELE
Because I am a girl, or just that I’m not an ugly, nerdy girl, and not your idea of an FBI agent.
DEAN
Well..
MICHELE
Ugh! You are a male chauvinist!
DEAN
(backpedaling)
No.. I..
Edward hands Michele the opened box. Michele stares intently as if she has seen a loved one come back to life.
MICHELE
Oh my gosh, I can’t believe you kept all this stuff. And my resignation papers
(beat)
You never turned them in!
EDWARD
I kinda’ did. Look closely at the papers. I sent you on a special assignment… to Turkey.
Michele squints in an effort to focus.
DEAN
TURKEY?
EDWARD
Dean? Do you have something to add?
Dean motions a sarcastic “no”
EDWARD (CONT’D)
Michele, I knew you would be back someday. Frankly, I’m glad to have you back where you belong. I know that with the two of you as partners this whole mess about your children will get solved quickly.
MICHELE
WHAT!? Him as my partner?!… Never!…. He can’t help me find my kids; I’m surprised he can find his way to work every day.
DEAN
HEY!!
EDWARD
Then it is settled. You two will make a fine team.
DEAN AND MICHELE
WHAT???!
DEAN
Why me?
MICHELE
Yeah, why HIM!
EDWARD
Dean, you picked up where she left off, you are up to date with the most information and… quite frankly YOU need her expertise on this matter.
DEAN
What expertise?
EDWARD
SHE has already taken them down once, which is something you have failed to do so far.
DEAN
No, there are regulations against this.
EDWARD
And they would be?
DEAN
Well…department members cannot work on personal issues.
EDWARD
You may have a valid point
(stares out the window and points at it)
Out there she is known as Lisa Edmonson.
(gestures to inside of building)
In here her real identity is Michele Dunn. Two different people entirely, and if you have a problem with it there is a special assignment needing to be filled …
(voice escalating)
In Turkey, where she just came from! GOT IT!
DEAN
(deflated)
Yes sir.
EDWARD
Both of you sit. Now Michele, tell me what you know.
DEAN
(under his breath)
This should be rich.
Michele carefully thinks about each event before answering.
MICHELE
My kids were at their fathers for the summer break… There was a phone call from my daughter, she left a strange message… she said that they were moving somewhere else to lift their spirits, because I was dead…. Then I saw the bomb and ran. She did say…
Michele sits up straight in her chair and almost falls out
MICHELE (CONT’D)
That they were going to go…
Michele’s eyes become full of thought and it almost seems as if she has mentally left the room.
EDWARD
And that means… where?
Michele’s eyes widen with glee.
MICHELE
Yes, YES, that’s it! The monster song!
DEAN
Goody, we get to sing a song.
MICHELE
Its not just a song.
DEAN
Oh, so we are going to be chasing monsters?
MICHELE
No, No, NO! What I mean is Trout Fishing In America…
DEAN
(interrupting)
Perfect. First we are singing, then chasing monsters, now we are going fishing. What next… a safari?
MICHELE
No. You must lead a sheltered life. It’s a band.
DEAN
The monsters are a band?
MICHELE
Nooo. Trout Fishing in America is the band.
DEAN
A band of what?
MICHELE
Musical, you know instruments, singing, the usual kind of band things.
DEAN
Singing fish?
MICHELE
Humans!
(to Edward)
Look, my ex may be an idiot, but I don’t think that he would have told the kids that they were going to see them and not go through with it.
EDWARD
So what you are saying is that if we find this band we will find your children.
MICHELE
Yes, but I’m afraid that it is not as simple as it seems.
EDWARD
Why is that?
MICHELE
Finding them is not the problem, the problem is keeping up with them and not being caught.
DEAN
Hey, I’ve got it! We will just be groupies. I know that I have waited my whole life for this kind of opportunity to become a roadie.
Michele and Edward glance at each other with surprising interest, then together they look at Dean.
DEAN (CONT’D)
Aw, common. You don’t think that I was being serious… do You?
-
What I learned…fun and fast…keeps me going.
BEN, 32, self-assured, athletic and overtly handsome, is constantly sizing up the group with his piercing brown eyes. NAYA, 31, is Ben’s wife. She’s the definition of a polite beauty queen- long brunette hair, twisted purposefully into a messy bun, hazel eyes and a smattering of freckles over her petite nose. JAMES, 30, is build like a truck- stocky and broad shouldered with untamed auburn hair, crystal blue eyes and a goatee. His wife CAMERON, 29, is waifish and sinewy with thin, straight, blonde hair and intelligent brown eyes. Then there’s NICK, 33, the single member of the group; his maverick good looks are accented by his unassuming yet dazzling smile and his penchant for woven bracelets. One of the bracelets, called a mala, is made from 100 small peach wood beads.
BEN
(teasing, to James)
Come on now, fess up dude. You almost shit your pants on your first jump.
JAMES
Shut the fuck up. What are you? High?
BEN
I’m serious, I saw your face…you were like, “Oh God..oh God please…these are my only pants!”
They LAUGH
NAYA AND CAMERON
(over each other)
Stop it, Ben. Knock it off.
As Ben Laughs, he gives Cameron a flirtatious look, unnoticed by everyone except Nick.
NICK
Okay, Okay, it’s time for a toast. Raise your, your…mugs. To Ben and Naya. Three years ago you took the dive and….
BEN
I’ve been taking it ever since! In more ways than one, if you get what I mean. Ha!
NAYA
(embarrassed)
Ben, Jesus.
NICK
Um, whatever…filth doth prevail, cheers!
TOGETHER
Cheers!
They drink. Ben chugs his drink until he empties his mug.
BEN
(to James)
Hit me again.
JAMES
Really, dude?
BEN
Yes. Don’t be a pussy, James. I’ll come over there and beat your ass.
JAMES
Like you could.
CAMERON
Oooooooo.
James smiles and fills Ben’s mug to the brim.
BEN
(under his breath, drinking)
What are you, my father, Bitch?
NAYA
Anyway…Cameron, how are your parents doing with their documentary? Have you heard from them since they got to Africa?
CAMERON
They’re on location in Zimbabwe right now, but shooting is really difficult. The terrain is rough.
NAYA
That’s so cool. My parents would never do anything like that.
CAMERON
In total truth, That’s one of the hardest things to come to grips with.
BEN
(drunk teasing)
What can’t you grasp Cameron?
CAMERON
The fact that people really don’t care about killing the earth.
JAMES
And there’s my pretty little tree hugger.
-
Risa’s Scene OOPS…last post was incorrect.
Again…Fun. fast. Like this process
FADE IN:
EXT. TROLLTUNGA CLIFF, NORWAY – BASE CAMPSITE – NIGHT
The GROUP of four adventurers around a stone fire pit enjoying the evening. Nick, 33 is their guide. BEN, 32, is cocky, athletic and overtly handsome. NAYA, 31,BEN’s fiance, is the definition of beauty queen- long brunette hair, twisted into a messy bun, hazel eyes and a smattering of freckles over her petite nose. JAMES, 30, is build like a truck- stocky and broad shouldered with untamed auburn hair, crystal blue eyes and a goatee. His wife CAMERON, 29, is waifish and sinewy with thin, straight, blonde hair and intelligent brown eyes. Then there’s NICK, 33, their guide. His maverick good looks accented by his unassuming yet dazzling smile and his penchant for woven bracelets. One of the bracelets, called a mala, is made from 100 small peach wood beads.
BEN
(teasing, to James)
Come on now, fess up dude. You almost shit your pants on our jump last year.
JAMES
Shut the fuck up, man. You’re high.
BEN
I’m serious, I saw your face…you were like, “Oh God..oh God please…these are my only pants!”
NAYA
Stop it. Knock it off, Ben.
LAUGHTER.
BEN
Yo, Cam. You know I’m right.
CAMERON
You’re a dick, Ben.
NICK
Okay, Okay, it’s time for a toast. Raise your, your…mugs.
The GROUP raises their Yeti mugs.
NICK
We’re about to embark on yet another great adventure. To Ben and Naya. Three years ago this month you took your first jump with me…
BEN
I’ve been falling ever since!
THE GROUP does a collective Aw.
NICK
But seriously, it was a full moon that night, we have a full moon tonight. The tides will rise, and we’ll be closer to our third eye as we will ever be. To tomorrow.
THE GROUP
To tomorrow!
They drink.
JAMES
What the fuck is this stuff, Nick?
NICK
Pure butterfly pea matcha.
BEN
With rum.
NAYA
(embarrassed)
You did not. Ben. Shit, no booze!
(to NICK)
Sorry.
NICK smiles at NAYA, his eyes linger on her longer than they should.
NICK
No worries. Yeah, um no big deal.
BEN
(to James)
Hit me again.
JAMES
Really, dude?
BEN
Yes. Don’t be a pussy, James. I’ll come over there and beat your ass.
JAMES
Like you could.
CAMERON
I’m going to turn in, big day tomorrow.
JAMES
Okay, babe, coming with you.
CAMERON
No. That’s cool. Stay up a bit if you want. I want to get a little research done before the night’s out. Kay. Night everyone.
CAMERON walks toward her little cabin.
NAYA
Hey I was wondering, how’s Cam’s documentary coming along?
CAMERON
She’s trying to get into
(((add stuff about mid-east here)))
Really difficult. The terrain is rough and the violence against Americans…I won’t let her go alone.
NAYA
She’s so brave.
JAMES
After two tours, I don’t really want to go back there, but…
BEN
Yeah, I know…freedom isn’t free.
JAMES
It isn’t man, that’s no joke.
BEN
Money. Money is freedom, am I right, Nick?
NICK
It sure seems like it, but original thought is freedom and that’s actually free, so…
BEN
Okay, don’t get all woo-woo on us. Full moon, original thought. Wow. I just want to bed my beautiful fiance and throw her off a cliff tomorrow…isn’t that the best kind of freedom…I ask you?
EXT. TROLLTUNGA CLIFF, NORWAY – MORNING
A cloudless day. THE GROUP stand at the edge of the gravity defying cliff jutting 700 meters out over Lake Ringedalsvatnet into open air. ~They all wear helmets, goggles and base jumping suits.
NICK adjusts the group (((says stuff about gear))) (((gives last minute instruction)))
VARIOUS HOOTS and HOLLERS. Then SILENCE.
They walk in V-shape formation; and, one by one, walk off the cliff’s edge with Lemming-like commitment. The WIND is deafening as each Friend slices through it. The BILLOWING of bright jump suits. The acceleration past jagged rock formations, bristled tree tops and a few icy remnants of winter. Parachutes deploy. Everyone lands safely, except for BEN who falls, partially in a ditch and breaks his ankle.
He WAILS in pain.
INT. BEN AND NAYA’S LOFT – DENVER, CO – DAY
BEN is watching television his leg propped up with ice. He has several pill bottles on the end table next to him.
NAYA
Hon, can you lower the volume on that? I’m getting ready for a zoom meeting with a client.
BEN
Whatever.
NAYA
Let’s get sushi tonight.
BEN
Not that last place. It was shit.
On the television an ad for U-Meret – a revolutionary treatment for pain.
BEN
Fuck this. I should do that.
NAYA
I don’t know, seems too good to be true.
BEN
Call the doctor for me, refill the prescription.
NAYA
You don’t need any more of those pills, Ben. You’re out 3 months from your break.
BEN
Shut the fuck up. Just do it get me this U-Meret thing. It fuckin hurts still.
NAYA gets text from NICK. They talk about BEN’S condition.
BEN
Who the fuck is texting you, Nick again? Fuckin’ sponge…looking for my next twenty g’s for a trip?
NAYA
No. He genuinely cares about you.
BEN
Yeah, right. My pills.
NAYA
We’re listening to this doctor of yours and the media…these pills..they’re no good.
BEN
Every five minutes there’s an ad for a pill. If you call about this U-Meret thing…it’s no pills.
NAYA
Maybe I will. Okay. Maybe.
NAYA texts NICK…will he research U-Meret.
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Kevin’s opening scenes
What I learned doing this assignment is that writing these scenes opens up the characters even more.
INT. WAYNE MANOR – NIGHT
BRUCE WAYNE, 62, sits in a comfortable easy chair, beer in hand, chips strewn about, eating a NY slice of pizza. He is 80 pounds overweight in a T-shirt and shorts, looking more like Archie Bunker than Batman.
An NFL game is on the wall sized television in front of him. He tosses a handful of chips at the screen.
BRUCE
Damn it, catch the fucking ball! You have hands, not flippers, what are you, a penguin?!
He grabs a dart from a box full of then on a side table and squints at the wall to his left. It’s full of news articles of past villains he has defeated. He chugs his beer.
He takes aim at the article with a photo of Penguin on it and flings the dart. It misses wildly and lands amongst the plethora of other darts scattered across the wall.
BRUCE
Fuck you too. Rot in hell with the other cockroaches!
EXT. PLAYGROUND PAGODA – DAY
THE JOKER, 65, too thin, is in typical clown gear, clearly drunk, moping about trying to scare the children who are running around him. The theme of the party is super heroes. The Children are all capes and logos.
JOKER
Come here you little Bat!
He swipes at a mini Batman, who evades his grasp and punches at the bells on his tunic, setting them jingling.
JOKER
I’ll get you next time, just wait!
He sticks out his foot and trips a Green Lantern who is trailing… he lets out a cackle. Wonder Woman whips at his head and pulls off the green wig atop his balding head.
JOKER
You little cowards! Come here, I’ll make you pay for that!
He falls awkwardly, his jester’s stick locking itself between his legs as he falls, causing him to double up in pain. The children laugh and mock him.
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Chris Dorsey Act 1: Opening Scenes
What I learned doing this assignment is to continue to move forward even if I don’t have all the answers or think a scene might not work.
Concept — When an innocent man is incarcerated with some of the country’s most dangerous psychopaths, he must rely on/embrace his voices/his mental illness to win his freedom.
Main Conflict — The Antagonist and the system try to shut up, stop, and eventually kill the Protagonist, because the Protagonist is a threat to the prison’s status quo — SURVIVAL.
Old Ways — Avoidant/hiding (hiding his own MH symptoms), super helpful and optimistic, Polly Anna-ish. Connects with others but through his “silver lining” approach.
New Ways — Empathetic/connects to others on a real level, group leader, courageous, fights for the rights of mentally-ill inmates.
THEME (add): Fair and humane treatment of the mentally ill. Good verses evil and the apathetic. Overcoming challenges to heal and/or live with a mental illness; acceptance and healing.
BEAT SHEET
ACT I
INT/EXT. PRISON GATE – DAY
The sign outside reads: “XXX [insert].”
OPENING: A caged bus transports Wilbert McNutt and a dozen inmates through the prison gates. Wilbert, unlike the other inmates, is wearing a straight jacket. He’s also relaxed and smiling. The other inmates keep their distance.
INT. SHOWERS – LATER
Wilbert showers by himself. Another inmate enters and checks him out. Wilbert smiles, uncomfortable, then turns to the side to hide his private parts.
INT. INMATE BARBER SHOP – LATER
Wilbert gets a haircut from the PRISON BARBERS. It’s the worst haircut he’s ever gotten. His bangs cut down to the nub, his sides kept longer. The Barbers hand in a mirror to Wilbert and laugh at his reaction. He begrudgingly thanks the Barbers for the haircut.
INT. LARGE ROOM – LATER
Beginning: Wilbert starts chatting to another new, mental health inmate. The other inmate gives him some tips on how to stay safe and survive prison.
Middle: Antagonist Beat #1: Meets Wilbert McNutt in intake. The Antagonist stares at another inmate (his new roommate) and other inmate drops dead on the spot — “if looks could kill?” The officers are slow to respond. The officers give in and give the Antagonist a cell of his own.
End: He gets shouted at by the DEPUTY WARDEN for asking too many questions. Wilbert might be responding to a voice in his head. The officer responds, “I wasn’t talking to you, McNutt. And, by the way that has to be the dumbest haircut I’ve ever scene. No wonder you’re here.”
INT. MEDICAL UNIT, EXAMINATION ROOM – DAY
Wilbert undergoes a medical/psychiatric evaluation. He’s on medications to help control his voices.
Beginning:
Middle:
End:
INT. CELLBLOCK – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: Insert dorm scene where another inmate jumps off the second floor and lands on the ground right in front of Wilbert. The Antagonist seems to somehow be responsible for this.
TE1: Wilbert witnesses the Antagonist, and his group, rev-up another mental health inmate before this inmate freaks out. The inmate is cuffed and hauled off by the officers. He realizes that mental health treatment might be the last thing he’s going to receive in this prison.
Antagonist Beat #2: He takes on the current dorm alpha dog and wins. He takes over the dorm businesses and lays down the law to his “workers.”
PLACEHOLDER: Snapshot — “He [the Antagonist] did this at another prison… Stay away from him.”
PLACEHOLDER: Wilbert seeks legal to have his case appealed.
INT. COUNSELING OFFICE – DAY
INCITING INCIDENT: Wilbert “snitches” to his therapist that the Antagonist is bullying and causing harm to other inmates in the dorm. Shortly after, the Antagonist gets cuffed and hauled off to the Isolation Unit. He threatens to kill whomever ratted him out.
PLACEHOLDER: Wilbert in therapy and resistant to tackling his issues.
PLACEHOLDER: The Antagonist doing everything he can not to get transferred to general population at a new prison (charms, fakes a suicide attempt, etc.).
Turning point: Instead of being transferred to another prison, the Antagonist manipulates his way back onto the cellblock. An additional 5 years have been added to his time and he is out for blood. Wilbert realizes the system is broken and the guards are in on it.
ACT II
New plan — Win the Antagonist over at any cost.
Wilbert has to handle/fix this situation himself.
Plan in action — He is going to kill the Antagonist with kindness. He’s going to ignore the voices in his head.
INT. ANTAGONIST’S CELL – NIGHT
PLACEHOLDER — Wilbert is going to win the Antagonist over at any cost. He is going to kill the Antagonist with kindness.
Antagonist Beat #3: Investigates/interrogates other inmates to see who ratted him out.
INT. CELLBLOCK – NIGHT
PLACEHOLDER — Wilbert uses self-help techniques with the other inmates in his circle.
Antagonist Beat #4: Shuts Wilbert down/argues with during group therapy.
INT. THERAPIST’S OFFICE – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: A therapy session to challenge Wilbert’s defense mechanisms. Wilbert expressed concerns that his medications are keeping him from living a real life.
INT. AUDITORIUM – DAY
The Antagonist requests Wilbert be transferred to his cell.
INT. CELLBLOCK – MORNING
PLACEHOLDER: Wilbert stops taking his psychiatric medications and his voices slowly shift from nice and manageable to mean and out of control.
Midpoint Turning Point: The Antagonist tries to kill Wilbert.
INT. ANTAGONIST’S CELL — NIGHT
The Antagonist manipulates Wilbert in to fessing up to snitching on the Antagonist. The Antagonist goes berserk and strangles Wilbert almost to death. Wilbert is saved by the other inmates. The Antagonist goes back to “the hole.”
Wilbert seeks external legal help for protection after this event. He also asks for his case to be appealed.
TE 3: Wilbert stops taking his medications and learns his auditory hallucinations may actually help him survive in prison.
TE 4: Wilbert uncovers evidence that could lead to his conviction being overturned in the appeals process.
TE 5: Wilbert gets shanked in the back.
PLACEHOLDER: The voices start telling/making Wilbert do bad things. It gets him some respect but also gets him sent to “the hole.”
Antagonist Beat #5: Manipulates Wilbert, through Wilbert’s auditory hallucinations, to turn on the other inmates.
INT. LAW LIBRARY – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: Wilbert researches case law for his appeal.
PLACEHOLDER: A newly assigned pro bono attorney responds to one of Wilbert’s letters and meets him in person.
ACT 3:
Antagonist Beat #7: Plots to kill Wilbert by someone else’s hands and to make it look like an accident. Wilbert, by dumb luck alone, escapes these attempts.
Rethink everything — He discovers that acknowledging one’s own pain, instead of being in denial, and “getting real” is the only way he will ever be able to defeat the Antagonist.
New plan — Wilbert realizes that the voices in his head (i.e. Auditory hallucinations) are actually there to help him. He embraces the voices and he taps into his bad side.
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift — His bad voice takes control and forces him to fail.
INT. VISITATION ROOM – DAY
TE 6: After his friend dies (by suicide or homicide), he discovers that prison staff (i.e. Guards and the Warden) are purposefully putting his life at risk and covering up other crimes/inhumane treatment of inmates.
Antagonist Beat #6: Manipulates the mental health and prison staff to stay in the mental health dorm when others point out that he may not be mentally ill. Bribes others.
INT. THERAPIST’S OFFICE – DAY
TE 7: Wilbert has a breakthrough in therapy that helps him discover why he is the way he is — he’s too nice. This is the information he needs for his internal transformation. He learns that he developed a reactionary set of coping mechanisms from loss that no longer suit him.
PLACEHOLDER: He discovers that acknowledging one’s own pain, instead of being in denial, and “getting real” is the only way he will ever be able to defeat the Antagonist.
INT. CELBBLOCK – DAY
TE 8: Wilbert verbally calls out the Antagonist in front of the whole cellblock. With more than half of the inmates in the dorm on Wilbert’s side, Wilbert spells out and challenges all of the Antagonists warped ways of thinking and behaviors. The Antagonist challenges Wilbert to a fight to the death.
ACT 4:
CLIMAX: Wilbert fights the Antagonist in mortal combat and beats the Antagonist. He realizes that somewhere in the middle, between overly positive voices and bad voices, is where he should be. He spares the Antagonist’s life. He exposes the corrupt prison system and makes the corruption public (through either a counselor or another outside source).
INT. PRISON YARD – NIGHT
RESOLUTION: Wilbert wins his freedom and does a press conference. With his new found confidence, is able to confront his ex-wife, win his children back, and take control of his life in a real and meaningful way. He starts an organization to help incarcerated inmate with mental health disorders.
EXT. PRISON GROOUNDS – DAY
Wilbert tells his story to the news.
INT. COURT – DAY
Wilbert is granted a divorce and keeps his house. He is granted half-custody of his two children.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
Wilbert opens his office and welcomes his new employees; ex-inmates with mental health disorders.
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Lonnie’s Act I Opening Scene
What I learned from this assignment: To speed write, without editing, while following a high level outline. Introduce main characters as quickly as possible, include antagonist early as well.
ACT I
(1) OPENING SCENE – Set up Antagonist
(Robert F. Kennedy’s Final Speech Los Angeles, CA, June 1968)
SUPER: Ambassador Hotel, Los Angeles, CA June 1968
Start: 7:53 “…the Country wants to move in a different direction…”
End: 8:02 “…. Peace in Vietnam.”
Freeze Frame
Black Screen
One, echoing gunshot.
(Martin Luther King’s “I’ve Been to the Mountain Top” speech, Memphis, TN, April, 1968)
SUPER: Memphis, TN, April 1968
Start: 40 seconds to 1:02
Freeze Frame
Black Screen
One, echoing gunshot.
(John F. Kennedy’s Peace Speech/American University June 1963)
SUPER: American University June 1963
Start: 2:55 “…I’m talking about genuine peace..”
End: 3:28 “…total war makes no sense…”
Freeze Frame
Repeat: “…total war makes no sense”
Black Screen
One, echoing gunshot
CLIP of actual audio tape recording of Nixon in ‘69 talking with Henry Kissinger at White House.
SUPER: PRESIDENT RICHARD NIXON DISCUSSING NUCLEAR BOMBING OF VIETNAM WITH HENRY KISSINGER – SUMMER 1969
NIXON
Henry, the only place we disagree is about the bombing. You’re so goddamned concerned about the civilians…I don’ give a damn! I don’t care.
Blank screen.
(beat)
NIXON (V.O.)
…I don’t give a damn…I don’t care–
(2) SCENE – introduce two characters
MUSIC OF ‘70’S FADES IN (“suggest: PEOPLE GOTTA BE FREE” YOUNG RASCALS)
SUPER: MUNCIE, INDIANA MAY 4TH,1970
INT. SMALL RENTAL HOUSE – NIGHT
TWO COUPLES (all four 20ish) watch a black & white TV with rabbit ear antennae in an unkept living room, all four sipping Stroh’s beer, laughing, jovial mood. Cigarette smoke fills the room.
JEFFREY SHELTON (PROTAGONIST) , in cut-off jeans and T-shirt sits in old recliner, with REBECCA, a cute blond co-ed, sits in his lap. Jeffrey’s hair now in pony tail, face rough shaven.
Rebecca lights a joint, but Jeffrey puffs a cigarette and shakes head on the joint, declining.
The other couple, JACK STIDHAM , conservatively dressed, short hair, and STEPHANIE , tall neatly-dressed brunette, are stretched out on the worn couch.
JEFFREY
I gotta study, guys, big physics test tomorrow. Didn’t do so hot on my last one.
He puts his cigarette out.
JACK
Hey, check that out!
Jack sits up, points to TV emphatically. Jumps to old turntable, turns it off.
JACK
Shee..it!
JEFFREY
Are you shitting me?
All four sit up in attention.
Evening news shows National Guard at Kent State University marching down a hill, firing rifles at students hundreds of feet away.
NEWS ANCHOR (V.O.)
…and the names of the four students killed today at Kent State University are being held until all the families have been notified…
Living room is silent. The four are dumbfounded. They all shake their heads, stare at each other.
Rebecca, frozen, watches the ashes build on her joint, then falls on the dirty carpet.
Jeffrey sets his beer down on a dilapidated end table next to other empty beer cans and a glass astray packed with cigarette butts.
JEFFREY
Now they’re shooting students for Christ sake! First they kill us in wars, they assassinate our Presidents and leaders, and now us!
He pulls a cigarette out of his shirt pocket. The six-foot-tall Jack Stidham stands up, scratches his near burr-cut head.
JACK
Don’t know what to say–
JEFFREY
Nothin’ to say, man. This government is out of control with their control. Nixon said he would get us out of ‘NAM–
JACK
Dude, this wasn’t caused by Nixon–
JEFFREY
Hell if it wasn’t, he sent troops into Cambodia. We’ve got to do something about this madman! He’s got the country believing killing innocent Vietnamese is good for our country!
INT. PENTAGON – RAND DIVISION – DAY
Dan Ellsberg (protagonist) opens safe, and takes secret files from office…. the “Pentagon Papers”
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Rita’s Act 1: Opening Scenes
What I learned doing this assignment:
I had already first drafted these scenes a few weeks ago. The second pass came easy with work we’ve done in early lessons.
OPENING SCENE OUTLINE
INT. LECTURE HALL – DAY
BEGINNING: DAWN closes the semester with her psychology. Students love her.
MIDDLE: Dawn tells them she’s doing home projects this summer. ZAK volunteers to help. Other student insinuates he’s not so reliable.
END: Zak is particularly friendly in a loyal puppy kind of way, bounds down the stairs to talk to her when the rest of the class leaves.
SECOND SCENE OUTLINE
TE1
INT. PAINT STORE – MORNING
BEGINNING: Planning a small, home project for her summer off, Dawn tries on some painter’s whites.
MIDDLE: ABERNATHY a handsome contractor, assumes she’s an actual painter with a company.
END: Impulsively (follows her intuition) plays into a misunderstanding with Abernathy, at the paint store. She pretends to own a painting company, even gives it a name — Blue Dawn Painting. Zak shows up and inadvertently backs up the lie which gives it momentum. But Dawn is quickly horrified by what she’s done.
FADE IN:
INT. UNIVERSITY CLASSROOM – MORNING
Tiered lecture hall is packed. Students sit awake and engaged. Several hands raise.A petite and breezy professor, Dawn (40s) turns toward her rapt audience. Small but in charge of her familiar environment. She points to STUDIOUS GIRL in the front row.
STUDIOUS GIRL
What will you be reading this summer Ms Dawn?
Several students get their pens ready for a hefty list.
DAWN
To tell you the truth, I think I might give my brain a break. Maybe do some home improvements.
Studious Girl’s pen drops in disappointment.
ZAK (20) who looks more like a surfer than a psychology student, volunteers.
ZAK
Need any help? I’m good with a paintbrush. And a hammer.
Someone in the back pipes up.
ANONYMOUS STUDENT
Good at getting hammered.
Chuckles from most seats. Studious Girl rolls her eyes.
Dawn ignores all of it.
DAWN
Just remember, the most important aspect for mental health is honesty and engagement. Find your passions and spend your summer pursuing them.
(directed at Zak)
Whatever they are.
Zak shoots her back a thumbs up and a nod.
DAWN
See you next semester!
The class files out but Zak barrels down the steps toward her like a happy puppy.
INT. PAINT STORE – MORNING
Dawn slides fabric swatches across the counter. Dark blue, light blue and other blues.
FRANK, the store manager (50s) looks at her with magnified eyes through thick glasses. Even he can see that she might need a little variety in her life.
FRANK
Do you maybe want a warm accent?
DAWN
I have it all planned.
(points to one swatch)
Just a quart of this one.
Frank waves the swatches at his clerk with a look while Dawn browses the painter’s pants.
FRANK
(to clerk)
The psychology professor looks like she wants to be depressed.
DAWN
May I try these on? Might as well look the part, right?
Dawn heads for…
INT. PAINT STORE BATHROOM – DAY
Dawn admires the fit. Turns and twists to see the back view.
DAWN
Maybe I’m a closet blue collar girl.
She flings the yoga pants she wore in over her shoulder.
MUFFLED VOICES pass through the closed door. Friendly banter of working men.
Dawn wrestles with the stuck door to get out.
INT. PAINT STORE – MORNING
A tall, handsome, man TOM ABERNATHY (40s) whose wardrobe says construction wear model, slaps Frank on the back. They both laugh. He turns toward Dawn after she gets the door unstuck.
Rattles from the bathroom door gets louder.
Tom steps up to the rescue.
Dawn frees herself and tumbles out, just as Tom reaches the door. He wears a collared shirt with a contractor’s logo. Handsome, rugged, astute, he eyes Dawn looking good in her painter’s whites.
Dawn registers the presence of testosterone and quickly shoves her sweat pants into her bag.
TOM
You’re new. Are you holding out on me, Frank?
FRANK
No, I… she just —
Dawn nervously moves past Tom, and he follows. She grabs a random tools and some tape. Slaps them down on the counter.
Adds a can of turpentine to look cool.
FRANK
I don’t think you’re gonna need —
Dawn moves in to pay.
Frank shrugs and loads her paint into a box.
TOM
My painter just bailed on me. Are you reliable?
DAWN
Me? Of course, I work over at the Allen State.
TOM
You won that bid? Wow, good for you. They’re doing a lot of renovation over there this summer.
Frank opens his mouth to interject but Zak charges through the door. His painter’s whites are already smeared with various colors.
ZAK
Sorry I’m late!
TOM
(to Dawn)
Typical, am I right? Just be glad he showed up.
DAWN
Yeah, I know what you mean. But Zak’s a good one.
Zak beams. At everybody.
ZAK
Are these yours? I’ll load ’em up.
He takes paint cans out to her car.
TOM
Maybe I can come by and see your work. I a have new house that’s about ready for finish work.
He hands her a card.
TOM
What’s your schedule look like?
DAWN
I um…
FRANK
No, she works at the college.
TOM
Yeah, I bid that job for drywall but Curley got it.
FRANK
No, I mean she —
Dawn cuts him off, offers Tom a handshake.
DAWN
Nice to meet you. I um…She scans the showroom for what to say next.
Frank puts her blue fabric swatches in a bag for her. A sunrise poster hangs behind the counter.
DAWN
Blue… Dawn… Blue Dawn Painting. That’s me.Frank stands immobilized. Stares at Dawn, dumbfounded.
A quart of blue paint rolls off the counter, hits the floor.
Tom pulls out his phone.
TOM
What’s your number?
(typing)
Blue. Dawn…Dawn waves his card.
DAWN
I’ll hit you up when I get a break in the schedule.
TOM
Great! We need a new paint company around here. Glad I stopped in. See you later, Frank.
Zak holds the door open Tom.
ZAK
Have an awesome day, man.
TOM
You too, buddy.
(to Dawn)
This one’s a keeper. Treat him right.
Gives Zak a friendly punch on his way out.
ZAK
I always get an A+ from Ms Dawn.
Frank eyes Dawn as he rings up her bill.
FRANK
Are we starting an account here, Blue Dawn?
Dawn doubles over onto the counter.
DAWN
What did I just do?
ZAK
What did you do?
FRANK
You just told the biggest builder in town that you’re a painting company.
ZAK
We are? Cool!
(fist bumps with Frank)
Follow your passion, dude.
FRANK
That sounds about right.
DAWN
Please don’t rat me out.
Frank shakes his head.
FRANK
I’m just here to sell paint.DAWN
I’ll figure out a way to explain whatever happened here.
FRANK
So as far as I know, you have a crew somewhere waiting for you.
ZAK
Nice. Can I be the foreman?He pulls out his phone and thumbs away.
Dawn hands Tom’s card to Frank.
DAWN
Take it. There’s no way —Zak slumps in a rare frown as pathetic as a golden retriever waiting for someone, anyone to pick up his ball.
ZAK
Aw, so I’m not a foreman? I already texted my mom.Dawn snatches the card back.
DAWN
Maybe he’ll see it as endearing.
FRANK
I’ve known Tom a long time. I’ve seen him fire guys for less. Just look at his card.Zak takes the card from Dawn and reads.
ZAK
“Abernathy Builders. Honesty. Integrity. Passion.” Hey, just like your last lecture!
DAWN
Great. Perfect. I blew it. Give me that!She shoves the card in her stiff new, white painter’s pocket and stomps out. Zak follows, loyal companion that he is or hopes to be.
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Alice’s Act 1 Opening Scene
My first dialog is totally generic, like nothing in it. Maybe I agent use it.
EXT. STREETSIDE – DAY
Sweden at Winter.
SUPER: 2005
Elizabeth comes back to Sweden from US. phone rings. that’s Michael.
Lisbeth runs onto Stieg Larson’s first Millennium novel on book counter, with dragon tattoo on the cover.
EXT. STREETSIDE – DAY
BEGINNING:
Elizabeth returns from the trip, pulls her baggage. Michel calls her, knowing she is back.
MIDDLE:
Suddenly, book cover jumps in her view. This is just published novel by Stieg Larson, which instantly becomes bestseller in Sweden.
END:
She starts, seeing Dragon Tattoo on the cover, and title, ‘Girl with Dragon Tattoo’. That must be her. She even looks around before grabbing the book.
EXT. STREETSIDE – DAY
Winter in Sweden. It’s busy.
Elizabeth Salander in coat, knitted hat and scarf gets out on the street, pulling middle sized luggage. Her phone rings.
Elizabeth picks up the phone. This is Michael.
MICHAEL BLOMKVIST (O.S.)
Lisbeth! Are you back?
ELIZABETH
Yes. I’m here.
MICHAEL BLOMKVIST (O.S.)
How was your trip to US?
ELIZABETH
Fine.
MICHAEL BLOMKVIST (O.S.)
OK. Settle down. I will call you soon.
ELIZABETH
OK. See you.
She keeps moving along the street. Stops near book counter where bright book covers catch her attention.
‘Girl with Dragon Tattoo’ by Stieg Larson! Book looks like just published instant bestseller.
Her eyes fixed on Dragon image. Girl with Dragon Tattoo! That must be her.
She starts. Looks around, on moving past her busy crowd. Huge eyes of rabbit.
Looks back on the book, grabs it slowly, as a finding.
INT. PRIVATE CLINIC IN FRANCE – AFTERNOON
Under the name of …, Elizabeth Removes wasp tattoo from her neck
INT. PRIVATE CLINIC IN FRANCE – AFTERNOON
BEGINNING:
Elizabeth is getting examined. She’s under disguise name.
MIDDLE:
Questions.
END:
Starting removing Wasp Tattoo.
INT. PRIVATE CLINIC IN FRANCE – AFTERNOON
Elizabeth enters.
NURSE
Please, take a seat.
She must call her this another name.
NURSE
Which tattoo you want to remove?
ELIZABETH
Wasp! On my neck.
Nurse starts preparation.
NURSE
Are your breasts artificial?
ELIZABETH
Yes, it was done in private clinic here, in France.
INT./EXT. SIDEAY CAFE – DAY
Accidentally Observes how Michael hangs around Figuerola and recognizes her mistake of being jealous to Erica Berger
INT./EXT. SIDEAY CAFE – DAY
BEGINNING:
Elizabeth near window, drinks hot coffee looking outside.
MIDDLE:
There, Michael Blomkvist on the street, with Figuerola. The way they interact, it is clear, she’s his girlfriend.
END:
Recognition on Elizabeth’s face. And think only! I was jealous over Erika Berger! But she happens just his old lover. And here is much younger Figuerola! No surprise.
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Day 9 Act 1 Opening and Character Introductions
James’ Act 1: Opening Scenes
What I learned doing this assignment is… by outlining a scene with a beginning, middle and end lets me create an arc for the scene. My opening scene has an arc and also introduces the hero facing off with the antagonist. I was able to introduce part of the world as well as a conflict that will flow in the story.
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Lesson 9 LD’s Act 1 Opening Scene
What I learned from this assignment: That if a scene seems it needs more time, to let it sit and keep going. I experienced that with the opening scene. I know what’s in it, but I’m not certain how to present it yet. A lot keeps repeating, some things get left behind or lose their purpose.
Outline
Act 1
Opening Scenes
INT. RADIO STATION – GLASS STUDIO – LATE NIGHT
Beginning
Jaxon at radio station. He’s on the last few minutes of streaming his Podcast inside a studio with three glass sides. Very competent at the mic and operating the audio board and including sound effects, he’s playing both host and guest. Hight of confidence
Middle
Jaxon ends his podcast exhausted from doing every job from sound effects to host to guest.
End
Outside the glass booth, the group is having a birthday party for Pit, one of the other late night hosts. Someone knocks on the door and Jaxon lets him in. The woman tells him they want to light the candles. Jaxon acts completely enthused. He tells her he’ll be right there. Instead, he puts had on and slips out the door of the studio and into the parking lot.
Second Scene to Introduce lead character
Beginning
Jaxon arrives home, a duplex with doors next to each other. Inside the hallway, he finds several boxes delivered and he brings them inside. He lives alone.
Middle
Quickly, goes to his computer and accesses his email. He composes an email to Pit. He apologizes for having to leave. Excuses himself from the party because of a sudden migraine. Knock at door. It’s Jaxon’s current lover. She comes in blowing a horn. They either drink or smoke to get high. She announces a surprise: She’s made reservations at a ski lodge. It’s an office party. They’ll all live together for the four days.
End
Jaxon finds an excuse for not going. His girlfriend becomes very upset at his refusal to ever do anything social. They fight more. She dumps him.
Introduce Antagonist
Beginning
Jaxon tries to return, for an exchange, an unwanted turtle, an emotional support animal, to a pet store (or maybe a shelter).
Middle: Angela shows up with new book on animal trauma and suspicions about the owner of the pet store.
End
Jaxon ends up leaving the pet store not only with the turtle but with a sleeping dog Angela insists will be the perfect support dog.
-
FADE IN.
beginning
EXT. LEE COUNTY – FLORIDA – EVENING
Dense cloud covers the horizon when a police car chases van
truck. The van tumbles and sneaks through .When
police lost his way. Jeff accelerates his truck and ends up in
a ditch, he tries to take it out. The engine makes soundJEFF
S.o.b
middle
Finally able to gets it out of the ditch. police Still
chases van. JEFF escapes as he is sweating and panting
when police cars stop him. Among The flashing lights of
police cars, we see JEFF. Policemen knock the window. The
dog barks.POLICEMAN
Get out of the car!
end
Jeff smokes cigarette and refuses to open the van door.
Police bang the door and takes of the guns The dog barks on him; Police breaks the van window. Jeff puff on police
officer face and they Ass him and arrest him. -
<div>I learned that each scene has beginning, middle and ending.</div>
EXT. FORT MYERS – DAY
Few cars load with luggage, bikes and boats are going on the
road while it’s raining outside.INT. ROBINSON HOUSE – DAY
MIKE 14 and ANDREW 12 looking outside the window. It’s partly
sunny and raining, tree twigs are flowing back and forth.
Andrew shiver.ANDREW
Mike, are we going to school
tomorrow?MIKE
I don’t think so.
This storm will
change into the hurricane.ANDREW
Is Hurricane dangerous?
MIKE LAUGH
You scary cat!
-
As I stated before, I am using this class to get me back to working on my big script again. It helps. Thanks
Mindshift – First Draft, 1997. Registration copyright: PAu-4-056-820 – November 27th 2020.
—————
FADE IN:
A MONTAGE OF PLANETARY AWAKENINGS:
Images roll. Stock footage from 1990-2023.
MALE NEWS ANCHOR (V.O.)
We are experiencing an unprecedented amount of spiritual events and paranormal activities around the world. This is happening globally. We are still working on the story…
Social Media, Newsweek, Time reflect this. Millions of people kneel to the East in worship. Mother Mary Apparitions appear and Jesus statues bleed… many fall and faint in worship. Some are committing suicide, some go crazy.
Secret Vatican documents hidden for centuries are released.
Worldwide, people scream and cry in emotional clearing workshops. Millions of angel books, statues, and candles are sold. Save the Earth, Global warming, signs waving. Many return to the earth for substance.
Ghost encounters increasing… Fear spreads. Angel, occult, conspiracy, ET, Mutant and Superhero movies flood the market. Some are thriving, many others are sick and suffering.
Bible sales have never been better… The worlds are splitting.
OFF WORLD IN MISTY REALM:
Millions of Light Beings flock to the planet Earth to witness.
LIGHT BEINGS (OS)
“The Great Awakening has started, let’s hope we aren’t too late… ”
TIME LAPSE:
Meditation, awakening and natural products become priorities and value systems change as spiritually replaces materiality. Some expect blood baths, some expect Love Ins, and some experience both.
WE AWAIT CHRIST…
TEASE
EXT. – A WHITE HOUSE – MISTY REALM
As we flow thru a dreamlike misty cloud a distant majestic white house in a garden setting emerges into view. We hear a faint calling. An older white haired BEARDED MAN is on the porch holding the door open beckoning and calling gently.
BEARDED MAN
Come HOME, time to come in now dear one….
LITTLE GIRL
….
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This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by Lisa Long.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by
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Susan’s Act 1: Opening Scenes
What I learned doing this assignment: Sticking to the speedwriting formula is liberating! I just have to write whatever presents itself to me and not worry about the little details that inevitably bog you down.
ACT 1
INT. TENT – NIGHT
Six-year-old, SHELBY, snuggles with her ragdoll, Pink Baby, in her sleeping bag beside her older brother KYLE (age 9). She reaches out of the bag with a twig and runs it through Kyle’s hair. He jumps startled, swatting at the object. Shelby GIGGLES.
KYLE
Cut it out, Shelby, and go to sleep!
SHELBY
I’m not tired.
KYLE
Of course, you’re not tired, you don’t ever have to do anything.
SHELBY
What am I supposed to do?
KYLE
Nothing, you’re too small.
Kyle rolls over in his bag, presenting his back to his sister.
SHELBY
Am not!
She attacks him again with twig. He sits up.
KYLE
I mean it Shelby, knock it off before you get us in trouble!
SHELBY
Don’t be mad, Ky, I can’t sleep.
Outside the tent, THUNDER claps and heavy rain drops SPLAT against the canvas. From across the tent, DAD SNORTS in response to the incoming storm, the siblings GIGGLE.
KYLE
Well, Dad’s having no problem sleeping.
The rain falls now in earnest, beating against the tent.
SHELBY
Ky, why don’t you like camping? I love it!
KYLE
I don’t hate it, it’s just a lot of work. I’d rather go to a game or just go fishing.
Water drips through the canvas on top of Shelby’s head. Kyle tries to hold back his laughter, GIGGLING at her shocked face.
SHELBY
Hey, that’s not funny!
KYLE
Yeah it is. Come here, you can sleep with me.
Shelby no sooner settles in with Kyle and Pink Baby when the heavy rains begin flooding the tent. The sleeping bags are quickly drenched.
KYLE & SHELBY (in unison)
MOM! DAD!
Their father, BOB, and mother, TERRY, pop up on the air mattress. Bob turns up the lantern readily surveying the interior.
BOB
Shit!
TERRY
Bob, language.
BOB
Terry, get the kids to the truck… NOW!
Terry rolls from the mattress stepping into ankle high water.
TERRY
Oh Shit! Kids come on!
Terry grabs her children’s hands leading them from the tent.
EXT. CAMPSITE – NIGHT
The rain is cold and unrelenting. Bob is frantically throwing gear into storage bins as he eyes the water rushing down the mountainside, overflowing the narrow river along their site. Terry takes the kids hands and links them together.
TERRY
Kyle, take your sister and get to the truck!
Kyle helps Shelby into the back seat, her teeth chattering.
KYLE
Do you still LOVE camping?
SHELBY
Ye… ye… yes, this is awe… some!
KYLE
Stay here, I’ll be right back.
He closes the door running back to the tent shielding his eyes from the pelting rain. He nearly collides with his parents as they carry bins to the SUV.
BOB
Kyle, get in the goddamn truck!
KYLE
I have to get something.
Ignoring, his father’s angry scowl, Kyle scurries into the tent.
Shelby face is pressed against the window to get a glimpse of the activity outside. Her curiosity turns suddenly to panic as she sees Pink Baby floating toward the racing river. She BANGS the glass.
SHELBY (from inside the truck)
Daddy! Pink Baby!
They are too distracted to see or hear Shelby. She opens the door and jumps out, slogging through the mud to save Pink Baby.
Kyle exits the tent with a blanket from his parents bedding. He races to the empty truck finding the door open.
KYLE
Here, this should keep you warm…
He spins frantically around searching for his missing sister. Bob and Terry cram more equipment into the SUV.
KYLE
Shelby! Dad, Shelby’s gone, she was just here!
All at once the family sees Shelby reaching into the water for her rag doll before the heavy stream carries it away. She slips in the mud, sliding to the river’s edge, the current snatching the child into the rushing waters. Shelby SCREAMS.
SHELBY
Mommy! Daddy!
TERRY
SHELBY!
Without a word, Bob throws the keys to Terry and takes off.
Shelby clings to Pink Baby and a fallen branch holding fast against the hungry current. Her hands slip on the moss coating the branch. Just as her strength fails her, she is yanked from the chilly waters. Clutching the fragile child in his arms, Bob takes off.
As he nears the SUV, the passenger door is thrown open. Bob practically vaults into the front seat, hand SLAMMING the dash.
BOB (yelling)
Go! Go! Go!
Terry guns it. All four wheels spin for a second before gaining traction and taking off. The parents watch in the mirrors as a landslide races down the mountain and consumes the remains of their campsite. Kyle gingerly passes the blanket to the front seat.
SHELBY (sniffling)
Daddy, me and Pink Baby don’t ever want to go camping again!
BOB
No, baby, if you don’t want to, you’ll never have to go camping.
Shelby pulls the blanket tightly around herself and Pink Baby.
SHELBY (mumbling)
I hate camping.
INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT, 20 YEARS LATER
The open kitchen rings with feminine LAUGHTER. Shelby, now 26, tall and lithe with flowing dark hair, uncorks a wine bottle. Her best friend, ABBEY, is smaller in stature, with lighter golden features, places the glasses on the island counter. They are both still wearing their flight attendants’ uniforms.
SHELBY
God, I hate camping! Thank heavens, that is Liam and Sam’s gig. I think I would curl up and die if I EVER had to go through that hell again!
ABBEY
Come on, you always say that, but it wasn’t that bad.
As Shelby contemplates Abbey’s statement, she pours the wine, and they each take a seat on a barstool.
SHELBY
We have been friends since we were each 10.
ABBEY
Best friends.
SHELBY
Best friends, since we met.
ABBEY
At camp.
SHELBY
And we became blood sisters…
ABBEY
At camp.
Shelby cocks her head, annoyed by the constant interruptions.
SHELBY
AND, we played spin the bottle and kissed our first boy.
ABBEY (sighs heavily)
At camp.
The best friend takes a sip of wine. She then twirls the glass, staring mesmerized by its dark contents.
ABBEY
Do you see a pattern here? It wasn’t all bad.
Shelby empties her glass, reaches for the bottle and pours cabernet nearly to the rim.
SHELBY (slow and deliberate)
I… am… a… jinx! Every summer was a debacle!
ABBEY
Not true.
SHELBY
No? What about the year I started my period? In the pool no less! I thought I would die… Oh, God, I feel the panic coming on as we speak.
ABBEY
At least you weren’t Flabby Abbey.
SHELBY
No, I was Bloody Shelby! Mary had nothing on me!
ABBEY
Touche!
They clink glasses, and drink.
ABBEY
Ok, ok then. YOU didn’t get shot by an arrow.
Shelby is in mid-sip. She chokes and wine spills from her nostrils. Several seconds pass before she can speak.
SHELBY
No, I shot the arrow.
ABBEY
Oh, yeah, (shrugs) at least it was a clean shot.
SHELBY
Lucky for you, they were practice shafts and not true arrowheads. Admit it, I’m a jinx, and have been since I was six.
She immediately holds up her hand to silence any rebuttal from Abbey.
SHELBY
And don’t even get me started on that!
From the foyer, they hear the front door OPEN and CLOSE. Shelby raises her index finger to her lips, halting their conversation.
Shelby’s finance, LIAM (28), strides into the kitchen carrying a bag of Chinese food and a bottle of wine, she catches her breath. After five years together, she still admires this epitome of masculinity created from working construction, hair and skin kissed by the sun.
LIAM
Hey babe, Abbey, welcome home.
Liam comes behind Shelby, nuzzling her neck, his arms come around her, placing his offering on the counter.
LIAM
I know you ladies just flew in, so I come bearing food and drink.
Abbey observes the lovers, not envious, but happy for her best friend, then empties her glass and sighs.
ABBEY
Enough already. Shel, where can I get one of those.
SHELBY (blushing)
Ask my man here, his best friend Sam, has recently become available.
Abbey openly scoffs.
ABBEY
That oaf? No thank you, I’d rather break down and get a dog.
LIAM
Same difference.
He refills their glasses with the remaining wine.
LIAM
Speaking of Sam though, Shel, I’ve got great news. Sam’s father took a spill at work and his mother needs him to come home to help out for a week or two.
SHELBY
That’s great news? That’s horrible! Is his dad ok?
LIAM
No, no, I mean yes. His dad will be fine. The great news is I want you to join me on my annual camping trip.
The color drains from Shelby’s face, her glass shattering on the floor. Liam lunges forward to catch her before she lands amongst the shards at his feet.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Shelby lies on the couch and GROANS. She reaches for the cold compress across her forehead.
Abbey, in a nearby chair, peeks over the top of her book.
ABBEY (ghoulishly)
SHE’S ALIVE!
From the couch, Shelby opens and closes her mouth, trying to create some moisture so she can speak.
SHELBY
Where’s Liam?
ABBEY
In the shower. He hasn’t left your side, but I finally convinced him when you woke up the last thing you’d want is his sweaty body over top of you.
Shelby raises an eyebrow.
ABBEY
Ok, well maybe not, but I guarantee you he won’t be long.
SHELBY
What happened?
Her friend closes the book and moves to the edge of the seat.
ABBEY
In a nutshell? Your man announced that he was taking you camping and you… Well, you didn’t curl up and die, but you did pass out at his feet.
Shelby sits upright trying to breathe, grabbing at her chest.
SHELBY
No, no, no, I can’t. It’s not possible. You have to help me, I can’t go camping with him!
ABBEY
Oh, honey, it is, I can’t, and I don’t think you have a choice.
Shelby WINCES and falls back on the couch throwing the blanket over her head.
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OPENING SCENE BEAT SHEET
Protagonist
INT.BEDROOM- DAWN
A car horn sounds in the morning and a woman urgently rouses from her beautific sleep and reaches out across the bed to an empty place.
She pats around frantically and finding no-one there wakes up abruptly, and hears muted sounds of lovemaking coming from the next room.
As she launches half-naked out of bed, and bumps into a bedside table, a magazine falls off to the floor with a young mans face on the cover.
with “Next Big Thing” written in large letters. The womans shouts and bangs on the wall for the noise to stop which it does. She grabs an axe from a drawer
INT.CORRIDOR- DAWN
She rushes to the bedroom door into the corridor brandishing the axe. As she burst into the other rooom. The young man from the cover
looks back half dressed,climbing out of the window. while the womans’ daughter is sitting up in bed covering her modesty.
EXT.ROOF BACK OF FARM- DAWN
The young man slides down the roof and onto a haystack as the axe whistles past his ear and lands in a wooden beam. The woman drags her daughter
by the hair back into her bedroom, opening the window. She leans out and hails her husband returning from a business trip and points to the back of the house
dragging her daughter to the window.
EXT.FRONT OF FARM – DAWN
The man reaches into the boot of the car and lifts out a shotgun. He rushes around the back of the house and fires at the fleeing young man who is racing towards
his parked car.
INT.CAR – DAWN
He dives into the driving seat, as the back window explodes, although the car initially stalls he manages to drive away out of
the reach of the husbands shotgun before he can reload.
EXT.VILLAGE – DAWN
As the car careers out of the village and down a hill,the same magazine falls from a stack on the back seat,
onto a pristine guitar lying on the floor. The young man laughs in panic and drives on with a triumphant smile on his face
EXT. FRONT OF FARM – DAWN
The husband reloads the gun and places it back in the car. He turns to look at his wife and reaching into his shirt retrieves a chain from around
his neck with several odd charms attached. He brandishes a particular satanic symbol at the wife with a vengeful smile. The wife looks on in horror and crosses herself
moving her daughter away and closing the bedroom window
Antagonist
INT.BARN – MORNING
The barn is dark and lit only by candles. A goat lies in the straw ,its throat bloodied and severed. The farmers daughter is laying on an altar of sorts and dressed as if for a sacrifice. The farmer is anointing
her head with blood from a chalice. The mother is weeping as she watches the screne. After several incantations. The farmer awaits for something to happen
Something imperceptably moves from the shadows in the barn behind the group.
INT. BARN – SHADOWS
A pale, woman – Lady D’Abola – with a beautiful but cruel face appears out of the shadows and addresses them.
The farmer and his wife crying even more kneel down before their master.
She listens to the farmers request and stabs their daughter through the heart, as the mother shrieks in dispair
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Allen’s Act 1: Opening Scenes
What I learned doing this assignment is… by just letting go, ideas kept popping into my mind and I put them on paper without going back trying to improve what I had already written. I just wanted to introduce the characters impacted at the start of the movie.
Act 1:
INT. LOCAL RESTAURANT – EVENING
Engaged couple, TIANNE CHAMBERLIN, 21, beautiful, statuesque, light-skinned Black, and OSKAR KUTA, 20, pleasant-looking medium Black guy, enjoying their meal and each other.
TIANNE
Can you believe we’re about to graduate, then get married?
OSKAR
Graduation is great, but becoming your husband will be a dream come true for me. Of all the guys who you could have had, I’m the one who will be honored to have you as my wife… You’re so beautiful, so smart, so everything good and wonderful!
On the other side of the restaurant STU, a jilted suitor, watches the couple, with growing jealousy.
STU
Hey Dude! You’re just going to have to get over her. She doesn’t want you. She’s made her decision and you’re not it.
CAL
She just doesn’t know what she want. That Oskar is a loser and she’ll come to realize what she’s missing out on.
FREDDIE
C’mon Cal. She’s just a cute girl. Why do you care? She’s just another Black girl.
CAL continues to watch the couple and notices that they are paying their check. He motions to their waiter.
CAL
Hey they’re leaving. Check please. You guys have to help me.
TiAnne and Oskar walk hand in hand into the evening. Cal and his friends follow cautiously, waiting for their opportunity. As the couple approaches an open parking garage entry, the group rush to overtake the couple. Cal grabs TiAnne taking her behind a parked car. The other boys take Oskar.
FREDDIE
Behave yourself and you won’t get hurt.
Oskar struggles trying to break free.
OSKAR
IiAnne! I’ll…
The group are struggling with Oskar to keep him quiet. As Oskar picks himself up, the boys drag him further into the parking garage.
Cal overpowers TiAnne.
CAL
You’re going to enjoy this.
TIANNE
Please Cal, don’t.
Cal accosts TiAnne.
INT. POSH DOWNTOWN RESTUARANT – EVENING
Married couple TINA Allan, very beautiful, blond, 22, and husband JAMES, 25, typical geek looking high tech-type, finishing up their cocktails after their evening snack.
JAMES
A nice end to our latest efforts at baby making.
TINA
You make it sound so mechanical. I thought it was lovely.
JAMES
You do know, you’re wearing me out?
TINA
I’ll add more vitamins to the shopping list.
JAMES
You just don’t want a wimpy son.
TINA
He can be just like you, and I’ll be a happy wife and mother.
JAMES
Well I want her beautiful and loving like her mother.
TINA
And I want him to be smart like his father.
The couple obviously in love, cuddle in restaurant booth.
JAMES
Well, let’s get out of here and have another go at it.
TINA
Another go at it…! How sweet!
EXT. CITY STREET – NIGHT
Tina and James walking toward their condo building.
As the couple passes an alley, a group of Black youths force the pair into the alley striking James, who falls to the ground. The group grab DANA KUTA, light-skinned, blond shaved head, 17 or 18, tall, slender, athletic boy.
DRAGON
Go on man. If you’re one of us, do it. You wanted to prove yourself.
DANA
What about him? Is he okay?
DRAGON
Just do her or you’ll be in his position, albino boy!
While two of the boys hold down the young woman, Dana accosts the woman.
DANA
I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!
As Dana repeatedly apologizes, tears stream down his face onto his victim.
-
What I learned doing this assignment is that I can write quickly when I do the Empowerment exercise before writing.
30-Day Screenplay Lesson 9: February 11, 2023
<b class=””>Bonnie’s Opening Scenes Act 1 Opening & Character Introductions
ACT 1
EXT. SCHOOL YARD – DAY
Key Scene 1: OPENING:
BEGINNING: As kids, (10-12) Rafi and Yuri are bullied at school because of their synesthesia.
MYKA, 10, sturdy, square build, wearing a red sweater, plays with her curly red lion’s mane. She leans against the wall watching three Bullies approach two of the new kids, shy Yuri, in blue teeshirt and jeans, and Rafi, hiding behind her green hoodie.
In golden orange sundress, whispy blonde-haired GABI, 10, looks on from the opposite building corridor. Her eyes meet Myka’s, she swoops in like a whirlwind.
Two bullies shove Yuri against a bench, get in his face. One bully plays with Rafi’s hood, flipping it on and off of her head, laughing and mocking.
MIDDLE: Myka and Gabi step in and let the bullies know it’s not okay. Myka says something that floors the big one. Gabi reacts in kind to the other two bullies.
END: The four of them strut off in victory, glancing back at the disgruntled bullies.
===
INT. UNIVERSITY – CONFERENCE ROOM – DAY
Key Scene 2: INCITING INCIDENT:
BEGINNING: At her “Master’s Thesis Defense” meeting, Myka, 20’s, presents her Master’s Thesis: “The Dreamscape of a Synesthete” to the Thesis Committee.
The lights are dim. Gabi, Yuri and Rafi, all in their 20’s, lay on mats in the center of the floor, their heads on pillows, each covered with a blanket, eyes closed. Myka explains what she’ll be demonstrating.
MYKA
The three subjects have consumed mugwort
tea a few minutes earlier, and are now in REM
dream state. It’s as if they’ve entered another
dimension together.
MIDDLE:
20 MINUTES LATER
The three wake up. Myka demonstrates their experience in a multimedia holographic presentation, including sight, sound, and scent, a typical example of their shared dream in which they’ve explored heightened synesthetic dream experiences.
COMMITTEE CHAIRWOMAN
Well, Myka, I believe my colleagues
and I would agree that was an
extraordinarily delightful and
entertaining experience.
Myka exchanges glances with Gabi, Yuri and Rafi, who are now seated next to her opposite the Committee.
MYKA
Thank you.
MALE COMMITTEE MEMBER
Four star, Myka! It was missing
Only one thing.
Myka shrugs, crosses her arms.
MALE COMMITTEE MEMBER
(chuckles)
Hot buttered popcorn!
COMMITTEE CHAIRWOMAN
As delightful as it was, Myka,
I’m afraid it’s not Masters
Material, as I’ve often said.
It appears you’ve simply
chosen to ignore my advice.
END: She is crushed and humiliated by the Committee, as they give her a harsh critique. Myka overhears the male committee member whisper to the Chairwoman that the thesis was outrageous and a mad woman’s fantasy.
Gabi grabs Myka and tries to pull her out the door.
GABI
Myka, come on, time to go!
Myka, speechless, storms off in a fury.
===
INT. HALLWAY / COMMITTEE ROOM – 2 MINUTES LATER
BEGINNING: Key Scene 3: Myka reacts emotionally, tells off the Committee members, and blames her friends for the failure.
The four of them strut along the hallway, Gabi and Myka arm-in-arm in the middle. Myka’s face is red. Gabi speaks softly to her, trying to calm her down.
MYKA
No.
GABI
What do you mean, no?
Myka turns on her heels and marches back into the Committee Room.
She walks determinedly up to the long table where the Committee members are still gathering their belonging and pushing in their chairs. Places her hands on the table and leans in, speaking in a calm, but firm voice.
MYKA
This is some classic bullshit.
You call yourselves advisors?
Sitting up there in judgement
At my innovative field of study?
Gabi, Yuri and Rafi enter and move cautiously towards Myka.
GABI
Myka?
Myka continues without a hitch.
MYKA
Pull those sticks out of
Your assess and wake up!
My friends and I are visionaries
so far ahead of you, you just
can’t see us. Your minds
are just so locked up
behind outdated irrelevant
rules and regulations, you’ve
become a flock of baahing sheep.
Yuri steps up next to her.
YURI
Myka, stop, it’s enough.
MYKA
Unimaginative philistines!
GABI
Let’s go.
END: Gabi takes her by the hand, they turn and walk away.
RAFI
It’s not a complete bust. We can
fix this, but we have to leave now.
GABI
Shit, Myka, you’ve really outdone
Yourself this time.
YURI
Yup, there goes that Master’s.
RAFI
It’s going to be okay. She just
Needs to cool off.
Myka has just jeopardized her chances of ever receiving her Master’s Degree. Worst of all, she’s alienating her friends, who have had enough of her.
===
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This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by Diane Denham.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by
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Laura Woodworth’s Act 1: Opening Scenes
What I learned doing this assignment is to get in quick and leave early, simply making sure I’ve hit my beginning, middle and ending beats. Choosing speed over quality. Keep moving.
FADE IN:
INT. EXT. STREET/RUSSIA – DAY 1953
A child runs through the streets of Moscow, blonde pigtails bouncing, a heavy school bag in tow. 6-year old NATALIA (TALI for short) passes the oppressive scenes of Communist Russia during the Cold War; a war-torn country not yet recovered from WWII. A SHOPKEEPER waves and she waves back with a happy smile as she passes the long line of weary BABUSHKAS shopping for their family’s meal.
She nears a long row of houses and climbs the steps, oblivious to the TWO DARK-SUITED MEN positioned kitty-corner to her family home. She leaves the gray world behind as she pushes through her door.
EXT. PLAYGROUND – DAY
A ring of CHILDREN surround Natalia, screaming INSULTS, kicking dust into her face.
VARIOUS CHILDREN
Stupid! Scum. You’re nothing. You’re no patriot.
She stands, humiliated, shamed, undefiant.
Tall for his age, ALEX (8) watches from the sidelines. Finally he’s had enough. He pushes into the circle and forms a shield in front of Natalia.
ALEX
Prove it. Prove her guilt. If you can.
A scrappy boy kicks towards Alex.
SCRAPPY BOY
What about her parents?
Alex makes a move towards the boy and he scatters, along with the others. Alex turns to Natalia, tears forming tracks down her dirty cheeks.
ALEX
No one to taunt you now, is there?
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Lesson 9 Act 1 Opening And Character Introductions
Subject Line: Patrick McCormick’s Act 1 Opening Scenes
What I Learned: Stripping away all extraneous story material is the key to efficient assignments. Also, doing something so basic as a Beginning Middle End from the beat sheet shows where your story needs work to bring it up to high-quality standard.
Title: THE THRIFT STORE
Genre: Sci Fi Drama
Lead Protagonist: Cody Thayer
Lead Antagonist: Jesub
Overall Theme: Change – the Constant in the Universe
Antagonist Theme: Order and Balance
OPENING SCENE BEAT SHEET
INT. THRIFT STORE/CUSTOMER AREA – DAY
Cody/Protagonist comes in to apply for the assistant summer job.
…becomes…
OPENING SCENE OUTLINE
INT. THRIFT STORE/CUSTOMER AREA – DAY
BEGINNING: A customer brings in an antique to Elizabeth/Other Protagonist. Elizabeth admiring it touches it and has a vision the object was involved in some major historical event, and takes it.
MIDDLE: Elizabeth was straightening items in her store when Cody arrives and applies for a summer job. She wants the job but is unsure of herself.
END: Cody feeling better now that she’s hired eyes this quaint collectible thrift store as she’s leaving.
SECOND SCENE BEAT SHEET
INT. TEMPLE ROOM – ETHERIAL DAY
Jesub/Council God/Antagonist contacts Elizabeth to inform her the soul counts are off.
…becomes…
SECOND SCENE OUTLINE
INT. TEMPLE ROOM – ETHERIAL DAY
BEGINNING: Jesub/Council God/Antagonist contacts Elizabeth/AI/Other Protagonist to inform her the soul counts are off.
MIDDLE: Elizabeth reveals she found that even atomic particles of matter have strange readings, she’s investigating why, & that could account for soul numbers being off.
END: Jesub lets her know he will be investigating this storage planet of Earth of hers, and he doesn’t know the human/laggard souls exist on her Earth world.
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