Lesson 9

[Jeff Cochran]

Hello, here’s my QE Cycle #2 re-write.

LOGLINE: John’s been asked to come out of retirement to help police find a kidnapping victim who’s suspected abductor is an unstable amateur MMA fighter who admires John.
ESSENCE: John’s distrust has made him an expert at manipulating people into giving up their secrets, and he needs to manipulate Nick into giving up his victim’s location before he leaves the auditorium so police can rescue her.
INT. AUDITORIUM – NIGHT
The MMA cage stands open. John (32) stands at the back of the cage. Head bowed in meditation. The cacophony of a small crowd drones on.
Then a spot light hits the back entrance. The crowd claps with little enthusiasm. It is only a Tuesday night fight.
Two men run through the crowd, followed by Nick (mid-twenties), muscular, yet skinny for a fighter.
His two friends quickly climb to the top rail of the cage and drape a banner over it. “Fuck city council. They can kiss my ass.”
Nick continues to jog through the crowd. He stops just before he reaches the cage. Sitting ring side is a middle-aged woman. Upset. Eyes red.
Nick kneels before her and opens his opened finger glove. Inside is a locket on a gold chain.
The woman’s face contorts into pain and torment.
Nick climbs the steps into the cage, like a returning champion. He walks right up to John. Extends both gloved fist. Exchanges fist bumps with John, then turns to his banner and blows it a kiss.
John smiles.
Two friskers walk into the cage. One nods to John and begins his examination of Nick. Nick stands arms out allowing himself to be searched.
The other frisker approaches John. John shakes his head.
JOHN
I’ll wait for the other guy.
NICK
You ain’t making no friends over there, John.
JOHN
You new guys wouldn’t know how to fight fair if you’re mother’s life depended on it.
NICK
Ahh, you ain’t gonna hurt my feelings, John.
JOHN
Night ain’t over yet.
Nick’s frisker is finished and stands. Nick notices an older man in the audience and moves toward him.
NICK
Hey, hey. Remember me, asshole. Never thought I’d get a chance to tell you what a piece of . . .
John moves between them. Stares down old Nick.
NICK
Lookie here. Maybe John does have a friend in the world after all.
The friskers move both men back to their positions.
The new frisker gives John a wink.
FRISKER
Good to have you back, John.
He motions for John to raise his arms.
JOHN
Thanks.
Nick looks over his shoulder to the upset woman. She’s buried her face in a friend’s shoulder.
NICK
Ah, boo hoo. Maybe I should’a kissed her.
JOHN
I bet your neighborhood is glad you’re hanging out with us tonight.
NICK
Nah, my neighborhood loves me.
JOHN
Oh yeah, they like their trash over in Taberville, do they?
NICK
Nah, nah, nah man, you got it all wrong. They appreciate me. I love living where I’m appreciated.
JOHN
North or south of Broadway?
NICK
South, why?
JOHN
(laughing)
They like pimping skinny little whites boy on the south side.
Nick goes after him. The ref and the friskers stop him.
John smiles.
JOHN
You like clowns, Nick?
NICK
Only the crying ones. Why?
JOHN
I heard you loved hanging at the Taberville Theme park. Wasn’t that you’re jam back in the day.
NICK
Until city council voted to condemn it and let those bastards build their condos.
JOHN
Sorta made you cry, huh?
John pouts.
NICK
I’m gonna enjoy beating the hell out of you. What made you come out of retirement?
JOHN
I heard a little punk thought he was better than me. I wanted to meet him.
NICK
Here I am.
JOHN
Nah. Can’t be you. A little Taberville clown like you. Nothing good ever came out of Taberville. Except that old Theme Park.
NICK
You better watch your mouth.
JOHN
How does getting your ass kicked prove anything, Nick? I hope you didn’t lose that job scrubbing toilets. Them Taberville pimps can’t whore you out with your jaw wired shut.
NICK
Fuck the bell, motherfucker. Let’s go right now.
JOHN
Hold on, Nick. You got all night to prove yourself. What’s the rush? Not like you got anything else going on, right?
NICK
Oh, you just wait, motherfucker. Councilman McCarthy is in for . . .
JOHN
I didn’t think you like councilmen, Nick.
NICK
I hate ‘em. Fucking hate ‘em. That motherfucker gonna pay too. Out. The. Ass. Mark my words.
JOHN
Sounds like marking your territory.
Nick rushes him. John throws him to the ground.
JOHN
Is that how they do it in Taberville? On their backsides?
Nick rushes again. This time John has him in a headlock.
Choking him.
JOHN
I hope you got something else to show off to the world. Cause, this ain’t gonna get you far, boy.
The ref taps John’s arm. He lets him go.
Nick is laughing.
NICK
You think I need to kick your ass. I got everything I need bundled up nice and tight. And old councilman McCarthy is . . .
JOHN
You aren’t talking about his daughter’s kidnapping, are you? Hell, they found her thirty minutes ago. She’s safe at home by now.
NICK
There’s no fucking way.
JOHN
Why? Cause you have her bundled up nice and tight. Come on Nick. When have you ever had anything bundled up nice and tight? She got out and called her mom.
NICK
No way. She couldn’t of.
JOHN
I’m telling you, Nick. She’s home. I talked to Detective Franklin just before I changed in the locker room.
Nick stands tall, looking down his nose at John.
NICK
Nah, you’re making that shit up.
JOHN
Alright, impress me, Nick, where do you think you had her?
NICK
In the old train depot south of the condo building site.
Several cops leap from their seats and rush out.
NICK
(yelling)
Where I cut her throat and let her bleed out.
Nick holds his arms in the air, dancing about the ring like he was just declared the winner of the fight.
John sinks to the floor.

[Karin Armbrust]

LOGLINE: Robert set up Nick in order to get a confession.

ESSENSE: Top dog isn’t always on top.

———————————-

INT. TEACHER’S LOUNGE – DAY

JOHN, a 30 something man who might be wearing yesterday’s clothes, is sitting at a table in the teacher’s lounge, working on his computer.

NICK, a put together 30 something man comes in and eyeballs John.

NICK

I’d tell you that you’ve been drinking too much coffee but damn, you look like you need a cup. Two sugars right?

John looks up at Nick.

JOHN

Huh? Oh, yeah, sure.

Nick makes John a cup of coffee with two sugars, gives it John and sits down beside him.

NICK

What got you all hot and bothered?

JOHN

Nothing, I’m fine.

NICK

I heard about Lizzie.

JOHN

You did? What did you hear?

NICK

She still hasn’t woken up yet. You have her in your Physics class don’t you?

JOHN

Yeah, there are a lot of kids in my Physics class. Did you hear if she’ll be okay?

NICK

They don’t know yet. It was quite a brutal attack. The police are still looking for the attacker. Let me at him. I’ll take care of it.

JOHN

Uh, sure. I hope they catch the bastard. Did you have her in any of your classes?

NICK

Me? No, I barely know her.

JOHN

I hate to think it, but it might have been a teacher. Remember that girl two years ago?

NICK

No way, none of us would do this. If you weren’t such a loner and got to know people, you’d see that.

JOHN

I’m happy with the friends I have, like you Nick.

NICK

Just sayin’

JOHN

The less people I hang with, the less I have to worry about being betrayed.

NICK

Someone did a number on you didn’t they? If you need to talk about it, I’m here for you.

JOHN

I don’t want to talk about it.

NICK

That’s good, I’d talk about it but it’s not really in my wheelhouse.

They both laugh a little.

JOHN

I wonder who did it.

NICK

Probably someone without any social skills. Someone who spends a lot of time alone.

JOHN

I spend a lot of time alone.

NICK

Well, not you of course. But someone out there is hiding in their house, just waiting to find some cute high schooler to walk by.

JOHN

You think Lizzie is cute?

NICK

Well, not that I really noticed but I guess so. For a student. What are you saying here, John?

JOHN

Nothing. I’m sure that you had nothing to do with it. But maybe someone else noticed she’s cute.

John takes a sip of coffee.

JOHN (CONT’D)

She is pretty popular. Cheerleader and all of that.

NICK

It always seems to be the popular ones who get targeted.

JOHN

Yeah, you’re right. Why do you think that’s true?

NICK

I don’t know, what do you think?

JOHN

Maybe because everyone seems to love them. They walk around like they own the school. Wearing almost nothing.

NICK

Are you saying it was Lizzie’s fault because she was prancing around in her cheerleading outfit?

JOHN

Oh course not! But someone might have gotten into their head that it was an invitation.

NICK

Just jossing you John, I know you didn’t do it.

JOHN

They do prance around a lot.

NICK

Yeah, they do.

The both look away and take a sip of coffee.

JOHN

Morals have gotten a bit loose in this school. These kids need discipline.

NICK

Yes, they do. What do you think we should do?

JOHN

I don’t know. Set some laws down. Something! What do you think we should do?

NICK

Prosecute their parents for letting them run naked.

JOHN

I’m serious. What would you do?

NICK

I know what you’re doing, John.

JOHN

What am I doing?

NICK

You’re trying to get me to say something to incriminate me. You’re the one aren’t you? You’re trying to throw me under the bus.

John gives him a long look.

NICK (CONT’D)

You’re the scruffy loner type. Clearly, you are the culprit.

JOHN

I see what you’re doing. Very clever.

NICK

You won’t get away with this.

JOHN

But not so clever. You were seen near Lizzie’s house.

Nick leans back in his chair and pauses.

NICK

So. They saw a scruffy guy wearing one of your coats. Who do you think they’re going to come for?

JOHN

You’re going down.

NICK

See, you’re the loner, John. I’m friends with Principal Owens. Who do you think they’ll believe.

Nick takes a sip of coffee.

John clicks something on his computer.

JOHN

(to computer)

Did you get all of that?

VOICE

Yeah.

The door opens and in walks Principal Owens.

JOHN

I’m friends with Owens too. Maybe a better friend. You should know that Lizzie is his niece.

NICK

What are you doing to do?

JOHN

Oh, I think we’re going to take care of this one ourselves.

John and Principal Owens move in for the kill.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by  Karin Armbrust.