Screenwriting Mastery › Forums › Writing Killer Action Scripts › Action 19 › Lesson 9
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Lesson 9
Posted by cheryl croasmun on October 30, 2023 at 6:10 amReply to post your assignment.
Mary Goldman replied 1 year, 5 months ago 6 Members · 5 Replies -
5 Replies
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Tim’s LESSONS 8 & 9 ARE TOGETHER
[LESSON #8]
TIM’S LIKABILITY/EMPATHY/JUSTIFICATION
What I learned from doing this assignment is that it’s quite hard to fit the likability into the script naturally; not because they’re not likable, but because it’s not easy to put something that seems overtly artificial into the story. But I decided to do it low key (see below).
I have three heroes:
Sylvia Marlowe:
Likability:
After her announcement, she’s at her house making food for the agency heads and authorities
Telling funny stories – witty, funny and ribald
She’s kind to everyone from the directors to the guys watching from the tree lines
Empathy:
Her husband is missing, presumed dead
Justification:
Even in retirement, she is constantly threatened
She has been the victim of attempts on her life
She’s lost her husband and through this, her kids
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; color: var(–bb-body-text-color);”>Emily Marlowe:
Likability:
She saves a dog from wannabe killers
Despite their estrangement, she loves her brother and mother
She’s thinking she’s got to save her mom
She funny, and droll
Empathy:
Her mom’s ultimatum/challenge intrudes on her life
She’s lost her father whom she was close to
<u style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; color: var(–bb-body-text-color);”>Justification:
She might find those who “killer” her father
Recent break up – “I just broke up with _____. What else was I going to do this weekend?”
Thomas Marlowe:
Likability:
Handsome
Funny, incredulous that this is actually happening
Kind, pretends he’s the boyfriend of a waitress being harassed
Out to save his mother. Nothing’s stopping him
Empathy:
Mother’s challenge breaks him from his recent divorce
Loss of his father
<u style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; color: var(–bb-body-text-color);”>Justification:
All the other assassins in the world are desdending on his mother’s house. He has to stop them.
They are killers. No one will miss them
ACT I sequencing:
After her announcement, Sylvia is at her house making food for the agency heads and authorities, Telling funny stories – witty, funny and ribald
She’s kind to everyone from the directors to the guys watching from the tree lines
They ask where her kids are. She tells them she is sure they will turn up.
On the way into town, Emily saves a dog from wannabe killers by taking them all out easily and tying them up and leaving them for the cops to find
On the other edge of town, Thomas saves a waitress at a dive bar by kissing her (it’s his old girlfriend). He leads the harassers around back and kicks the shit out of them.
At dusk, Sylvia takes out cookies and coffee to the guards on her patio.
Thomas and Emily meet up in an old tunnel leading to the house. Their angry estrangement softens as they reconnect and realize they are both her to save their mother.
[TIM’S LESSON #9]
TIM BARLEY’S FAVORITE TWISTS
What I learned from doing this assignment is that it was actually fun to create as many fun twists and THEN winnow down to just a few major ones, leaving smaller ones as breadcrumbs for what’s really going on.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 5 months ago by
Timothy Barley.
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Mary’s Favourite Twists
What I learned doing this assignment:
Twists/reversals are what keep the audience fully engaged and on the edge of their seats. They trigger questions that the audience wants answered and will keep watching to get those answers.
Five Favourites:
Setup/Twist (New Threat): As Skye follows up on a lead to the location of where the Russian crime boss, Andros, is keeping her sister, she is pursued/attacked by another faction: a squad of mercenaries—she discovers that they are not Russian, but from China. Now she is being pursued by two different factions!
Setup/Twist (Betrayal): Skye confronts her best friend Jade about the false lead and discovers Jade actually betrayed her. Andros had threatened to kill Jade’s child if she didn’t betray Skye.
Setup/Twist (Safety to Danger): Andros discovers the location of Skye’s safe house (where she has taken her sister after she rescues her) and orders an ambush.
Setup/Twist (Safety to Danger): Skye and her sister successfully fight off their assailants… …only to find they’ve been lead into a trap where they are caught and brought to Andros.
Setup/Twist (Safety to Danger): As Skye and her sister escape another team of mercenaries show up. Skye and her sister fight them off, evading them.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 5 months ago by
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Raz Ray Favorite Twist.
What I learned from doing this assignment?: I knew that doing unique twists could be good, but too much can distract from the story.
19th Century Japan. Young Maiko is living in a unique Okyia house. She is on stage in front of many wealthy businessmen in the country, performing a ceremonial dance. The men will bid for her to become their wives.
Danger/ Safety: Maiko is in danger of being purchased by a ruthless overlord who is unaware she is the one he is looking to kill. Safety: The Baron is not focused on her face and can’t focus on his task.
New Threat: The Baron has placed a pretty high bid for her.
Unexpected Support: A monk tries to outbid the Baron.
Plans fail: The Baron has announced the highest Bid in the room for the girl.
Plan succeeds: The girl is rescued by the Monk.
Identity or Plan exposed: The Monk tries to outbid the Baron with the monastery’s money.
Identify Hidden: The Monk is a friend of the girl’s dad.
Deceived: The girl is just an ordinary orphan.
Surprising Truth: The girl is a champion warrior who will fight for humanity.
Betrayal: The Monk kidnaps the girl after the ceremony.
Surprising Alliance: The Girl wants to be with the Monk.
Attacked: The Kidnapper ambushes the girl.
Protected: Lady Yoshiko goes against her word and lets the girl leave with the Kidnapper.
Lost Resources: She loses her security of living in the Geisha house
New Resources: She is exposed to unknown elements and a monastery.
It Just got worse: The rich Baron receives word that his Geisha has been kidnapped and is furious.
It just got better: The Kidnappers want to take her far away from the Baron.
Unexpected Weapon: The Geisha is a born warrior.
Surprising Response: She is a pacifist and does not believe in violence.
Trap/Trick: The Monastery is a cult of futurists.
Escape: The futurist wants to take her into the future to fight.
Reverse: The Baron is hunting the Geisha.
reverse the reversal: The Geisha turns into the Bugeisha and hunts the Baron.
Five favourite twists: 1). The hunted becomes the hunter. 2). The Monk tries to outbid the Baron. 3) The Monk kidnaps the Geisha. 4) The Baron overpays for the Geisha. 5). The girl the Baron was looking for turns out to be the girl he paid for.
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Dave’s Favorite Twists
What I learned doing this assignment:
When your brainstorm is a dense fog, keep going anyway.
A scene that needs twists:
I don’t know yet but it will probably be a kind of double reverse at the end of Act 2.
Identity/Plan Exposed >>>>>> Plan Hidden
The man behind the robot service is the Villain, long time enemy of the Hero. >>>>> The scope of his plan goes well beyond the competition with the Hero.
Deceived >>>>>>>>>>>> Supporting Truth
The Hero’s ex becomes engaged to the villain.>>>>>> She discovers his true colors eventually.
Attacked >>>>>>>>>>> Protected
Relentless assault on the hero. >>>>> Backlash from the townsfolk. Who doesn’t love an underdog?
Unexpected Weapon >>>>>>>>>>>> Surprising Response
An eavesdropping robot. >>>>> Or is it something more?
Betrayal >>>>>>>>>>>>> Surprising Alliance
One of the Hero’s regular customers is blackmailed by the Villain to reveal the Hero’s weak spot. >>>> One of the Villain’s robots downloads a cryptic message to the Hero’s command center.
Lost Resources >>>>>>>>>>>> New Resources
The hero’s crew have all been waylaid. >>>>>> The Hero leaves the command center and goes on the road alone.
The Hero’s trusty Vespa GS is stolen >>>>>>>>>> He brings his vintage microcar out of retirement.
Trap >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Escape
The Villain bribes a public official to close a small bridge along the Hero’s secret shortcut. >>>>> The Hero has souped up his old microcar with a steampunk device that enables him to leap over a brook to escape.
Danger >>>>>>>>>> Safety
The Villain kidnaps the Hero’s pet. Beagle, Canary, Other? >>>>>> The Hero enters the Villain’s fortified compound, rescues the pet.
Now the Hero is trapped. >>>>>> His pet helps him escape.
New Threat >>>>>>>>> Unexpected Support
In the Villain’s lair, the Hero learns of the Villain’s plan to completely mechanize the village. >>>> But who will believe him without proof? Could a robot come to his aid?
Plan Fails >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Plan Succeeds
The Hero’s seems to have lost the race, his business, and his girl. >>>>>>> In the end, the Villain is flown out of town by his drones.
Five Favorite Set-ups > Twists:
I don’t know about favorites but I’ve arranged them into a basic structure.
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Kevin Lobo’s Lesson 9: Twists that Engage Us!
What I learned…is that each of these twists that will lend the surprise element cannot be done on the fly. A meticulous planning, gels right in with the plot of the story as it moves and this brainstorming helps build the plot of the story itself.
Brainstorm ways to use one or more of these twists:
<ul type=”disc”>
- Danger
========================= SafetyThe immediate danger – the hero’s brother seems lost – kidnapped and lost but the hero finds that he has a way of saving his brother. He can put his expert cyber skills to saving his brother and getting him back.
<ul type=”disc”>
- New Threat
====================== Unexpected SupportThe hero sets out to set up an alternate base from where he can execute his cyber attack. However, he finds himself in instant danger as the hidden, crime ridden set up where he has paid his way through is gunning for him. He finds unexpected support from his controlling gang as they wipe out the petty criminals and extortionists and open up the path for him to launch his attack.
<ul type=”disc”>
- Plan Fails
========================Plan SucceedsThe hero’s initial attack on the rival gang fails instantly as they are expecting the attack. It is a setup, a false gateway to attract the main controlling gang in a bid to expose their secret leader. With their help he is able to simulate an attack while drawing in his own controlling gang into a trap.
<ul type=”disc”>
- Identity or
Plan Exposed ============ Identity HiddenThe hero believes he has uncovered the rival gang, and with their help his own controlling gang but it all goes to waste as the gang lord who got him to attack in the first place is a hidden entity.
<ul type=”disc”>
- Deceived
====================== Surprising TruthThe hero has to go back to his sources, infiltrate the government’s most secret resources to be able to find the keys to hack down his controlling gang. As he breaks through those resources, he finds out that all of his activities have been tracked and recorded.
<ul type=”disc”>
- Betrayal
======================= Surprising AllianceThe hero thus finds himself betrayed from someone inside, either his own controlling gang or the government has betrayed his mission. His only resource becomes the rival gang who he has to take down, who now become his allies, and his mission is reversed.
<ul type=”disc”>
- Attacked
====================== ProtectedThe hero’s journey which was meant to be just a cyber one, well within his own comfort limits, gets very physical. He has to embrace a life of physical violence and gun battles. Again, he finds the government agents, past friends, who see through the intricate web he has been trapped in and rescue him from being gunned down.
<ul type=”disc”>
- Lost Resources
================= New ResourcesJust when the hero thinks, he has the rival gang and the government agents on his side, and ready to complete his mission, his secret lab is discovered and bombed. He has lost all the infrastructure he set up. He finds new resources in the rival’s gangs elaborate IT set up and relaunches his mission.
<ul type=”disc”>
- It Just Got
Worse ============== It Just Got BetterThe mission now seems to be on track, but his wife decides to leave him. It gets even worse when he realizes she has been trapped in a false romantic relationship with a business man from his controlling gang. It all comes full circle as in her capture and confinement, he gets news of his brother, who is still alive and well, and he can now rescue both his wife and brother and win her back as well.
<ul type=”disc”>
- Unexpected
Weapon ============= Surprising ResponseSimulating an attack, as a foreign power, with the resources of the government, and the rival gang, a false front set up by the government as his unexpected weapon and a surprisingly well set up resource.
<ul type=”disc”>
- Trap/Trick
===================== EscapeAs the hero’s attack goes full frontal, the secret gang lord begins to expose him. All of his secret activities known only to the secret gang lord have been traced, logged and being used to trap him. He has to infiltrate further, trusting non one, destroy the evidence compiled on him and escape the vicious cycle.
<ul type=”disc”>
- Reversal
====================== Reverse the ReversalHis own government boss, the very powerful government executive is exposed as the secret gang lord. It comes full circle as he realizes that the rival gang set up was a front set up to expose and trap the innermost mole in the government. The executive had been using him all along to destroy this rival set up that would expose him. The gang lord, the hunter, becomes the hunted and has to escape – this being the final mission for our hero, the cyber specialist who has to physically battle and capture the gang lord.
Rather than just five, I hope to use all of these twists in my plot. Each of these stand out as powerful elements to create a powerful plot.
- Danger
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