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Lesson 9
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Sunil Pappu Presents Non-Stop Intrigue
“What I learned doing this assignment is… to be intentional about creating intrigue and setups/payoffs are a great way to do that. I improved some fluff and added more intrigue using the intrigue patterns and setups/payoffs. This helped me improve the bible, especially the character, episode and season descriptions.”
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BWTV Module 2, Lesson 9
Lenore Bechtel presents non-stop intrigue
What I learned doing this assignment is that the way a sentence is worded can add to the intrigue.
I went through my bible sentence by sentence and asked myself if each sentence had an element of intrigue. I ended up doing a lot of rewriting and am putting the new rewritten version here.
Hypnotized by Hope, one hour/comedy
Concept:
Lilly Brandon—Hypnotist Joshua’s straight-laced and efficient girl Friday—is his ghostwriter who must navigate the chaos of his zany methods and the antics of his new hires while keeping a scandal reporter at bay. All goes awry when Joshua’s illegal past and Lilly’s own secrets threaten their goal of attaining national recognition.
Intriguing World:
The hypnotic world of Joshua’s office in Tulsa’s Traveler’s Tower, which also has a bank, shops, a cafeteria, a spa, and a nightclub frequented by past life regressors.
Summary:
Lilly wants national publicity for the book she’s ghosting for Joshua Hope, hypnotist extraordinaire, but not the kind scandal reporter Quinten Quebeck will write. He thrives on destroying reputations, so Lilly needs to keep him from discovering Joshua’s many zany cures.
Like the one for Timothy, a schizoprenic who thinks he’s invisible, referred to Joshua by Dr. Dan even before his insurance ran out. Knowing his hypnotic suggestions must be confirmed by reality, Joshua has Lilly arrange a fake bank robbery to be carried out by Timothy and his two new invisible buddies—gleeful Joshua himself and reluctantly helpful Dr. Dan.
Lilly also has to find a malfunctioning safe that can’t be opened as part of a treatment for Tyrell, an unexpected client whom Joshua sees for free. Much later she’ll discover that Tyrell and Joshua were cellmates in prison—a past he’s hidden from her and one Joshua’s afraid will destroy his chances of the national fame he desires.
Joshua has already achieved local Tulsa fame with his weekly TV show featuring fat clients who’ve lost weight with his group hypnosis classes. Alas, if Quinten finds out that Maudie, the subject of this week’s show, is a fake fatty—disaster! Discovering this truth, Lilly must quickly arrange a refilming of the bad show, but she can’t keep simple Sally from playing the show for Quinten. Lilly’s cross to bear is one inept girl after another—like Sally—hired by Joshua, sometimes she thinks just to annoy her—which he loves doing.
Quinten arrives as Lilly is recording past life regressor Bernadine’s breakthrough to her 1800s life when Sally interrupts with Joshua’s master hyypnosis CDs she’s destroyed. At the same time a frightened Timothy runs from Joshua’s office, announcing that Joshua is crazy, and flees.
Quinten’s ears perk up, Lilly’s hopes zoom down, but Joshua remains his usual cheerful self, telling Lilly “He’ll be back” and welcoming Quinten to drop by anytime to sit in on his weight control and stop smoking sessions whenever he wants.
Characters:
Main characters who will appear every season =
Lilly Brandon, frequently rejected novelist divorced by her gay husband, seeks writing recognition through Joshua and happiness that’s eluded her since her secret teenage pregnancy.
Joshua Hope, superb hypnotist and star of a weekly Tulsa TV show, will do any wild thing to help a client, always fearing his secret past imprisonment for impersonating a doctor might come back to haunt him.
Dr. Dan Dreiden, money-hungry psychiatrist and wannabe womanizer who refers his hopeless cases to Joshua, but would love to prove long term psychiatry bettter than speedy hypnotherapy.
Vicki Hope, Joshua’s 20ish cousin and perky receptionist dumped by her boyfriend and fired by her previous employer, who flirts with male clients and makes nervous mistakes on the job.
Bernadine Dione, nightclub singer/drummer and past life regressor, who’s afraid her soul group might move on without her if she doesn’t discover and pay her karmic dues in this lifetime.
Minor characters who might or might not appear every season =
Shay Zigler, who comes to Joshua’s office to see if he wants a relationship with Lilly, his birth mother who gave him out for adoption.
Kathy York, who used to be Kevin York, Lilly’s gay exhusband who now wants to live with her and be her best friend.
Tyrell Black, Joshua’s prison cellmate, who needs Joshua’s help to regain his safecracking skill and whose nimble fingers play marvelous piano jazz.
Quiten Queback, antagonist, mean-spirited, scandal reporter who hope to win a jounalistic prize for writing a scathing expose on Joshua.
First season characters who will be replaced by other clients in season 2 through 5:
Sally Singleton, Joshua’s new hire whose ineptness is faked because she’s really undercover for a publisher wanting to know if Joshua is truly legit.
Maudie Patterson, who’s so enthralled with Joshua that she pads her body to attend his weight session, creating chaos when he chooses her as a subject for his TV show.
Timothy Graves—referred to Joshua by Dr. Dan—is a schizo who thinks he’s invisible and struggles to adjust to visibility after being seen in a fake bank robbery arranged by Joshua.
Season 1 Episodes
Episode 1: Invisible Intrigue
Lilly must keep Joshua’s zany treatments secret from scandal reporter Quinten, while writing their details in the book she’s ghosting to make them both famous. She’s miffed at Joshua’s secrecy about new client Tyrell and more miffed about incompetent Sally. The treatment he plans for Timothy, Dr. Dan’s patient who thinks he’s invisible, scares him so much he runs away.
Episode 2: Crfme and Visibility
Lilly is dismayed when Joshua asks Sally to teach an exercise class. Meanwhile, Timothy’s treatment gets under way with Joshua and Dr. Dan accompanying Timothy in a fake bank robbery she’s arranged. As chaos unfolds, Joshua introduces Timothy to past life regressor Bernadine, who’s eager to convince Timothy he has a physical body. Lilly’s gay ex-husband—now female Kathy—wants to live with her again.
Episode 3: The TV Show Shuffle
Joshua and Lilly discover that Maudie, the subject on this week’s TV show, is not actually fat. While Lilly arranges a replacement episode, she must keep Quinten from seeing Timothy who doesn’t like visibility. In a private with Joshua, Shay reveals Lilly is his birth mother. Joshua promises to keep his secret and hires him to help Sally, who offers to show Quinten the bad TV show.
Episode 4: Exercise Extravaganza
Sally’s exercise class gets her promoted to be in the TV show, infuriating Lilly. Quinten gloats over Joshua’s and Sally’s chitchat and the big money Joshua makes. Timothy’s new crisis necessitates another bank prank after which Bernadine recognizes Timothy in a past life breakthrough and—with Joshua’s encouragement—takes him for a lunch date. WithTyrell’s failed safe-cracking attempt which Libby arranged in Dr. Dan’s office, she still has time for a lunch date with Kathy.
Episode 5: Showtime Surprise
Dr. Dan scolds Joshua for Timothy’s premature date with Bernadine, leading to another treatment. Later, Bernadine’s new show opens, and the entire office attends, including Vicki with Shay. While the show’s in progress, police catch Tyrell making a second attempt to crack Dr. Dan’s safe. He blames Joshua, so police drag him to the show where Joshua sits front row. Bernadine’s breakthrough gets hand-cuffed Tyrell’s confession on stage with Quinten gleefully filming it all.
Episode 6: Hypnotic Hijinks
Shay makes points with Lilly when tries but fails to keep Sally from finding a file Quinten wants to complete his story. Quinten confronts Joshua after learning the whole truth from Maudie, Timothy, and Bernadine. Joshua hypnotizes Quinten, a somnabulist, and Lilly and Dr. Dan and Lilly argue about what suggestion he should give him. Joshua kicks them out of his office, and tells Quinten he’ll take pride in following his suggestion about what to write in his story.
Episode 7: Fame and Revelations
Phones are busy with people wanting an exercise class with Sally, thanks to Quinten’s story about only good things he’d seen in the office, as Joshua had suggested. Lilly’s rage turns to joy when Sally confesses she’s been investigating Joshua for her publisher uncle who will now publish Lilly’s book. Shocking revelations reveal all secrets, and Shay and Lilly are exceedingly glad.
Episode 8: New Beginnings
With Joshua on book tour, the office bustles with phone calls and new opportunities. Lilly’s book becomes a bestselle in every city of Joshua’s tour, and all relationships evolve. However, Joshua—from afar—hires a new girl to help with the busy phones, and Lilly decides to quit working for such an unappreciative man. That is, until Joshua comes back, tells her he missed her, and wants to get started on their next book.
Five Seasons:
Season 1: Lilly Brandon—Hypnotist Joshua’s straight-laced and efficient girl Friday—is his ghostwriter who must navigate the chaos of his zany methods and the antics of his new hires while keeping a scandal reporter at bay. Joshua goes on a book tour, the book becomes a bestseller, but brings in an ex-con from Joshua’s illegal past, while Lilly copes with her secret son and her gay ex-husband, now Kathy, who wants to live with her.
Season 2: Lilly goes undercover to find who’s spearheading the picketers at Joshua’s office. It’s Dr. Mindbender, an Oklahoma City hypnotist who’s losing business since Joshua’s TV show started on an OC station. Joshua’s in the news again with Tamara, a psychic who claims his hypnosis gave her the skill she uses to help police. Lilly manages all, booking Joshua for an OC State Fair show to get back at Mindbender, while preventing ex-con Hugh Hitman from wiping him out.
Season 3: Joshua’s big cases this season are petty thief Rachel, who’s following a ghost’s orders, and her brother David who’s a time traveler needing help understanding his experiences. Joshua wins a prestigious hypnotism competition, outshining other hypnotists by doing tricks hated by Lilly. Riots erupt among ladies wanting tickets to his TV show, and Lilly’s ingenuity prevents police from making arrests. She needs to corner ex-con Victor Ramirez who’s established a business selling phoney diet pills to Joshua’s clients.
Season 4: Joshua faces a lawsuit filed by a female shoplifter extraordinare who claims she was hypnotized watching his TV show. Dr. Mindbender is exposed for impersonating a doctor without a license, and Joshua is called as a witness. His own illegal past is revealed, but his cheerful confession brings new admiration. While dealing with a man suffering recurring nightmares and a street performer who prefers being a living statue more than a moving human, Joshua is threatened by a mobster he refused to help in prison.
Season 5: The mobster Joshua refused to help is a rapist who wanted his guilt feelings erased from his mind, but now he wants to rape any woman close to Joshua. Lilly warns Vicki, Sally, Maudie, Bernadine, Tamara, Rachel, and others who form a club, Hope’s Hit List Lasses. They go unexpectedly public on Joshua’s TV show, when Lilly reveals she’s written a personal book, Coping With Hope, which becomes a hit. Joshua finally gets the mobster to reform, and he finally recognize romantic feelings for Lilly, the feelings she’d hoped for from the beginning.
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Margaret presents Non-Stop Intrigue
What I learned: I could feed A.I. the assignment and asked it to review each section.
What I changed: I had to change elements of each section, taking about fluff, writing in lines to increase the intrigue.
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Denice Presents Non-Stop Intrigue
What I learned doing this assignment is that this process is easier to take one line at a time. It’s made the bible much better, more concise, and exciting. I even had a couple of ideas that I had never thought about before. Mine is six pages and I wonder if that’s long enough. I may need to add a few more details.
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Placeholder so i can mark Complete and move ahead.
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Bob Presents Non-Stop Intrigue
What I learned: The pre-lesson bible was full of AI generated “blah” phrases. This technique cleared up that little problem.
When I looked at some of the lines in a standalone fashion, they tended towards fluff words that did not tell much of the story or the characters in the story. I took apart many of the paragraphs, pulled out the meat, and reinserted it in a more intriguing way.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase Presents Non-Stop Intrigue
What I learned doing this assignment is that working backwards from the end of my bible helped me to work on just the paragraph in question without any expectation of reading the subsequent paragraph. I made sure I had setups and reveals and was able to make the bible flow better. I also found some rascal spelling errors.
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Jerry Robbins Presents Non-Stop Intrigue
What I learned from this assignment is that nothing is just an isolated event. It has a purpose and must be seen as a setup that will payoff in the end. I tried starting from the end as was suggested. In doing so, I did ask for some responses from AI and about wore it out as it stalled but then took a deep breath and completed the task.
In reading the Season 5 “Beyond the Horizon” description, which was the end of my Bible, I found the very places that I most needed help with, completely listed out for me.
Season 5: Beyond the Horizon
Alexia and Cipher lead a final confrontation.
Mara Voss’s ambitions climax, threatening the city’s existence.
Dr. Adrian Black’s plan unfolds, reshaping the world’s future.
Cliffhanger: A revelation about the nature of holographic entities changes everything.
I knew if I could answer these questions, I could fill in the blanks for everything previous to that. These were the questions that reviewers had been asking me, and I needed to find the answers to those questions.
What was in Season 5 were the very questions about my story that I had not yet answered:
1. What is the confrontation between the cyborgs (modified humans with AI brain chips) and the robobs (modified robots with wih biological AI brain chips)? This I still had not answered, so I turned to AI for 5 brainstorming suggestions and got some very good answers.
2. Exactly what are Mara Voss’s ambitious plans, keeping in mind that her objectives are profit and control? I also want to change her last name.
3. Dr. Adrian Black is the mysterious creator of the robobs. He initially took a robot and put a “biological” brain into it, and covered it with a 3D halographic shell so that it would look and feel human. He was hailed as a genius and Mara Voss tried to steal his design but her scientists couldn’t figure out the combination. She tried to blackmail Dr. Black, and now he hides out on one of the many decks of Holo-Network City. No one knows he’s still alive, even Cipher, who believes he killed him, and thus wants redemption.
4. The cliffhanger – what I won’t reveal here, but Dr. Black holds a special secret that no one knows about and has an ambitious comeback plan that is only revealed at the end of Season 5. I now know what that plan is. Elon Musk, step aside.
These are the very things I need to know for the whole story, and I have made my choices. I am now reviewing and changing as I move forward towards the front now.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 4 months ago by Jerry Robbins.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 4 months ago by Jerry Robbins.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 4 months ago by Jerry Robbins.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 4 months ago by
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BRIAN BULL – Presents Non-Stop Intrigue
“What I learned from doing this assignment is…
My Pitch Bible is a living document and there is room for improvement. I need to check back on this from time to time.ASSIGNMENT
Using Intrigue Patterns, elevate as many lines in your bible as you can.1. Pull out your TV Pitch Bible. Read through it and highlight any paragraphs that need more interest or that you would like to be even more intriguing.
2. Check the Setups/Payoffs and brainstorm possible replacement lines.
3. Rewrite any parts you feel could be improved.
4. Tell us what this has done for your TV Pitch Bible.
I went through my Pitch Bible line by line and made the improvements necessary making it more intriguing. It has made a substantial difference in the quality. There are still some areas I would like to improve on but for now I feel I must move on.
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