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Lesson 9 Assignments
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Module 4 – Lesson 9: Dialogue 3 – 6
Elizabeth Dickinson’s Dialogue 3 – 6
What I learned doing this assignment is I unconsciously integrated a lot of these already, but these are the newest ones.
First example:
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A. Setup / Payoff
</div>I gave the Abbess lines.
– Set up her character – (before she didn’t actually speak until season 2!)
B. Anticipatory Dialogue
– Abbess sets up what Oversoul must do to become an angel
C. Ironic Dialogue
– “None of us are healed until we say we’re healed. You’re not healed until all of us are healed.”
Second example:
A. Setup / Payoff
Marta had no line to establish that she expected Coran to ‘await the will of the goddess’ and now there’s an explicit ‘that includes you, too, Coran’ establishing that if he leaves it will be against her will.
B. Anticipatory Dialogue
Coran now replies “What if the gods wait on us?” which establishes he’s not waiting.
C. Ironic Dialogue
That line also does double duty as irony because Coran just doesn’t buy the wise woman’s advice.
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Tim Barley’s Dialogue 4-6
What I learned doing this assignment is that I liked this dialogue better than the attack/counterattack. It made more sense to me. Plus, going through and revising some of the scenes of dialogue really helped out some of those scenes.
A. Set up / payoff:
Using this dialogue, I was able to rewrite the initial meeting with Alex and Feenix to set up further meetings.
B. Anticipatory dialogue:
I used this to set up the reputation for Alex as someone much smarter than he displays outwardly in a attack/counterattack with his boss and his ability to speak in any language at ease.
C. Ironic Dialogue:
Using words opposite actions, I was able to use ironic dialogue in Act 4 in the aftermath of the attack of the No-Things.
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Laurie Brown’s Dialogue 4 – 6
What I learned from doing this assignment is that I’ve done a pretty good job of anticipatory dialogue and set ups but pay offs and especially irony needs some work..
I made many changes, adding ironic dialogue/vs. action . I worked on pay offs, making them more succinct and positioned them as reveals, but in many cases decided to pay off by revealing only a clue, often creating another set up in the reveal, or an open loop.
I don’t have examples because I changed it all on my script before I read that I needed examples. I’ll consider that in the future.
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3. Answer the question, “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.
I already have all three techniques in the source material. I’ve been able to find more small touches to improve an already well-crafted book. In some ways, the pilot is better than the book. I’ll use the pilot dialogue enhancements when I do my special hyperactive edition of book 1, so this has been useful even without a pilot sale.
1. Go through your dialogue and find at least two opportunities to use each of these three dialogue skills.
A. Setup / Payoff
B. Anticipatory Dialogue
C. Ironic Dialogue
2. Tell us how that improved the dialogue and give us an example of the Before and After on each line.
When he says to hand over the cancellation fee, he follows which I know you don’t have. A setup/payoff on one line.
I added a line about the fallout with his brother which builds anticipation of what did he say that makes them not brothers anymore.
One improvement in the pilot is I moved up the lines about selling his furniture to make rent. Now he tells Maria he’s going to sell his furniture to make rent, just as she’s opening the door to a ransacked apartment with destroyed furniture. So we see the visual irony behind him as he’s stating his plan.
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Assignment #9
Wendy Weising Dialogue 3–5
What I learned doing this assignment is that my dialogue is getting so much stronger and more meaningful.
3. Setup/Payoff
Original:
DAN
OK. Now it’s your turn.
JANE
Not tonight–please?
DAN
You’re starting to hurt my feelings.
Changed to:
DAN
OK. Now it’s your turn.
JANE
Not tonight–please?
DAN
You’re starting to hurt my feelings.
JANE
I think I’m coming down with that stomach virus that’s been going around. Wouldn’t want to give it to you. It’s pretty nasty. (setup)
DAN
I think you’re lying. Stop stalling.
He stands up and unzips his pants. He grabs her head and forces it toward his pants.
DAN (CONT’D)
You know how I like it.
Suddenly, his intestines make a disturbing noise, and he stops. He goes back to what he was doing. Another disturbing noise expresses itself, and he grabs his stomach. He duck-waddles to the bathroom with his pants around his ankles.
JANE
Yup. Definitely a nasty virus. (Payoff)
Original:
POLLY
OK, OK. Bad news. Jane’s not in her room.
AVA
Oh, no!
POLLY
We better find her before Jones does.
I added a last line to Polly’s: “or our lives won’t be worth living.” (setup)
Later
DR. JONES
Consequences. Can either of you tell me what that word means? (payoff)
POLLY
Cause and effect. When a planet is sucked into a black hole, th—
DR. JONES
Polly, no.
POLLY
Too hard? Easier answer. A monkey takes a baboon’s banana. This causes the big ugly baboon to chase the cute little monkey and hurt it.
DR. JONES
You will not derail this conversation. Letting Jane out of her restraints was reckless and dangerous. I don’t think you understand your positions here. When I give an order, you follow it–period–or I have no further use for you. And believe me, Polly, I know you took the key.
4. Anticipatory Dialogue
I already had a lot of this.
Original:
DR. JONES
I think we both know that it’s more than that. I’m going to nip this in the bud now. Nol Zyn, as the matriarch of this facility, I choose you as my rightful mate. We will mate tonight. Go and prepare my bedroom. You’ll need the flowers.
DR. ZYN
Wait. We didn’t even discuss this. I don’t want to be with you. I don’t love you.
I added to the end of Dr. Zyn’s line: “I will always love Jane. Someday, she’ll remember me.” (Jane will remember him in a future, and they will fall in love).
3. Irony
Original
DAN
There’s glass everywhere. You better clean it up. I almost cut myself. You look like shit! Where’s dinner?
JANE
I’ll make it right away.
Changed:
DAN
There’s glass everywhere. You better clean it up. I almost cut myself. You look like shit! Where’s dinner?
JANE
It’s your favorite. I’ve been working on it all day. I just have to warm it up.
Jane takes a store-bought, pre-made lasagna out of the refrigerator, pulls the plastic wrap off, and pops it into the microwave. (words opposite action)
Original
He comes back in. She gives him the coffee, but he sets it down and shoves her against the wall. He begins kissing her neck. She grimaces.
DAN (CONT’D)
We need to make up for the night we missed. I’ll be home early. Be ready.
Changed:
He comes back in. She gives him the coffee, but he sets it down and shoves her against the wall. He begins kissing her neck. She grimaces.
DAN (CONT’D)
We need to make up for the night we missed. I’ll be home early. Be ready.
JANE
I’m doing cartwheels.
DAN
What?
JANE
Just excited.
DAN
That’s my girl!
The school bus honks, and Dan pulls away. Dan slaps Jane on the butt and heads out to his gold Mustang. She grabs disinfecting wipes and wipes her kissed places down. (Words opposite action)
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Avi Kapurala’s Dialogue 4-6
What I learned doing this assignment is: the techniques in this lesson definitely heightened the tension in crucial scenes. Once again, it took a little bit to figure out how to start using them, but once I did, things definitely looked up.
Ex: A. Setup / Payoff – Act 1 dialogue between my antagonist and his aide began with a setup/payoff structure and improved the scene.
B. Anticipatory Dialogue – I incorporated the anticipatory dialogue in my teaser and it made it a lot better.
C. Ironic Dialogue – using this technique in scenes with the protagonist and antagonist made them more vibrant, definitely.
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