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Sherri D. Coffee Module 4 Lesson 1 Teaser/High Speed Writing
I found it refreshing to write without trying to perfect the scene. I added the mental “I can do this” affirmation to motivate me to continue. And I gave myself permission not to know all the answers and completed a draft teaser with 8 pages.
What I learned is that the high speed writing module is effective when I have a detailed draft.
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Daniel Melin’s Teaser/ High Speed Writing
What I learned doing this assignment is the value of continuing to write, even if it feels bad. I wanted to stop several times, but I always forced myself to keep going. By the time I reached the end, I felt so much better for having just powered through.
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Renee Brown’s Teaser/High speed writing.
What I learned doing this lesson is: when I am not trying to figure out the structure so much in the draft, the characters have room to breathe because they are well formed. They jump onto the page with moxie right from the start.
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Emmanuel Sullivan’s High Speed Writing
What I learned doing this assignment is the high speed writing process works well when you remember to use the rules while writing. One key item to remember is to write in drafts and the first draft’s quality is only expected to be 20%.
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Donna Stockwell’s High Speed Writing
What I learned doing this assignment is I closed my eyes to see the images, and they became very vivid, playing in my head.
My experience of using the High Speed Writing Rules as I wrote my teaser: I had a vague image of what I wanted to show, and I just started writing piece by piece with this template, and it flows so quickly!
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So I’ve gone back and forth a bit on my outline so finally settling for this sticking to the original and this is my teaser First Draft.
What did I learn…to take out all the extraneous material certainly have tried to…for the 1st draft versus the original.
Module 4 Assignment 1 Teaser
Green Lake
A story: A Senior Detective solving cases.
B story: Relationships so Jess and Sheriff Moore; Jess and the Trafficking Network.
C story: Love story between Jess and Sarah, other family relationships.
Intriguing Concept:
After her ambitions are thwarted, Jess Pearson, a big city senior detective accepts a transfer to a remote jurisdiction. Within a day of her arrival, she’s sent to investigate the brutal murder of a married couple and the disappearance of their friend, Luke Smith, in similar circumstances to that of her brother Adam’s disappearance five years before and in the same small town, Green Lake, where her family used to summer vacation. Can Jess quickly solve both cases to become the Sheriff elect while bringing her brother home? And can she learn to live with the locals especially her one true love, Sarah Watson, architect and artist on a mission to green Green Lake.
Acts 1 & 2
Jess is presented as a Big City Detective who has recently been denied a promotion following the loss of a high profile case. Instead she’s offered a transfer to a remote jurisdiction and a demotion from Sergeant to Senior Detective. Within a day of her arrival, she’s sent to investigate the brutal murder of a married couple and the disappearance of their friend, Luke Smith, in the same small town, Green Lake, where her family used to summer vacation and where her brother, Adam disappeared five years ago.
Midpoint:
Jess believes that Sherriff Linda Moore botched the investigation of her brother’s disappearance and is determined to solve both cases with or without the Sheriff’s help.
As Jess reads file after file hidden away in the basement, she begins to realize that Green Lake is not the sleepy town she thought it was. Crime rates are high, yet the reported statistics are low. Jess starts searching the office and discovers Sheriff Moore’s little black book of actual crime statistics, now she suspects that the Sheriff is corrupt.
Lock In:
Against her better judgement, Jess uses her secret hacking skills that got her reassigned and demoted and soon uncovers a local Trafficking Network that may be connected to the recent murders and unsolved cases, including Adam’s. She goes along on a planned meet up to find out who is involved.
Inciting Incident:
At the meet up is Captain Anderson, Bill Smith (Luke’s father), Sarah Watson, and Sheriff Moore.
Act 1:
Essence: Senior Detective Jess Pearson is in court to give evidence on a high-profile money laundering case when she becomes unstuck by one of the judge’s questions.
Turning Point: Jess is reassigned to another jurisdiction – because her illegal hacking skills (not yet revealed) cost the department a high-profile case.
Act 1:
o Main Mystery: Why did the city team lose their case?
o Sub-Mysteries: Why was Jess sent to another office and not fired; why is she being sent to this office?
o Turning Point: Jess’ Boss gives her a second chance go work with Captain Anderson he supports the County Sheriff’s office out at Green Lake.
o Forced Decision: Must do the thing they would never do. Jess is reassigned to another department one that is in the same jurisdiction where she used to summer vacation which means she has to confront her past.
o Main Open Loop: How will Jess react to being reassigned to Green Lake which is where she used to summer vacation and where her brother disappeared?
o Sub-Open Loops: How will Jess react to being demoted?
Act 2:
Essence: Jess arrives at her new office and within a day is sent to Green Lake to investigate a double murder of Anna Cole and Steve Beresford, and the disappearance of Luke Smith.
Turning Point/Midpoint: Jess reads file after file hidden away in the basement, she begins to realize that Green Lake is not the sleepy town she thought it was. Crime rates are high, yet the reported statistics are low.
Act 2:
o Main Mystery: A couple (Anna & Steve) are stabbed at a Trail Head Rest Stop and their friend, Luke Smith, disappears. Who killed them and why?
o Sub-Mysteries: Why did they stop when they were only ten minutes from home?
o Main Open Loop: Will Jess solve the recent murder of the couple (Anna & Steve) and the disappearance of their friend, Luke Smith.
o Sub-Open Loops: Will we find out why Jess who just arrived was sent to investigate this case.
o Exposed: Something hidden about the character is uncovered, either good or bad. How does the character respond. Jess’ secret hacking skills (not widely known) derail her department’s high profile court case and they lose. Those skills are only known to some who will go on to exploit Jess who wants these skills to remain a secret for fear of losing her Detective’s badge.
Act 3:
Essence: Jess reconnects with her ex-lover, love of her life, and best friend, Sarah Watson for support.
Turning Point: Sarah’s boyfriend, Nick Milford, who found the victims bodies, is now the department’s prime suspects.
Act 3:
o Main Mystery: Is Nick their killer?
o Sub-Mysteries: Why was Nick at the Trail Head stop?
o Main Open Loop: Will Jess and Sarah rekindle their affair?
o Sub-Open Loops: Will we find out why Jess who just arrived was sent to investigate this case.
o Emotional Dilemma: Must choose between two equally distressing choices. Sarah must choose between Jess and Nick.
o Betrayal: The violation of a trust, relationship, or contract that results in physical or psychological damage. Jess and Sarah share a secret about Sarah’s parents death. However, both are oblivious to the fact that someone else witnessed the event and has already blackmailed Sarah and will blackmail Jess. But each believes they must have been betrayed by the other.
o Hurt those they love: The only way to survive is to do damage to their loved ones. Jess left the love of her life, Sarah Watson, to escape a good relationship gone bad. Will she do the same thing again?
Act 4:
Essence: Jess doesn’t believe that Nick is the killer.
Turning Point: Jess uses her hacking skills to delve into the lives of those involved in the unreported crimes in Sheriff Moore’s little black book.
Act 4:
o Main Mystery: Is Nick the killer?
o Sub-Mysteries: Why was Nick following Steve, Luke, and Anna?
o Main Open Loop: Will Jess and Sarah rekindle their affair?
o Sub-Open Loops: Will we find out why Jess who just arrived was sent to investigate this case.
o Must Make Decision with Future Consequences: Jess again uses her hacking skills to investigate Sheriff Moore and uncovers a wider network of illegal activity.
Act 5:
Essence: Jess uncovers a Trafficking Network that may be connected to the recent murders and other unsolved cases, including that of her brother, Adam.
Lock In: She goes along on a planned meet up to find out who is involved: Sheriff Moore, Captain Anderson, Dave Smith (Luke’s father), and Sarah Watson.
Act 5:
o Main Mystery: Who is involved in the trafficking Network?
o Sub-Mysteries: Is it really a Trafficking Network or something else?
o Main Open Loop: Will we find out whether Moore, Anderson, Smith, and Sarah Watson why they are meeting at the car park?
o Sub-Open Loops: Why is Sarah involved?
o Crucible: Trapped in a situation of severe test where great change takes place. Sheriff Moore and Jess are kidnapped by the Traffickers and only one of them gets to live.
GREEN LAKE:
TEASER
1 EXT. REMOTE HIGHWAY – DUSK
CAPTION: Present Day
A dark-blue PICK-UP TRUCK travels along a remote single-lane highway bounded by dense forest. (1st Draft)
2 INT. PICK-UP TRUCK – MOVING – DUSK
Two men (Steve Beresford and Luke Smith) and a woman (Anna Cole) travelling in a pickup truck. The male passenger in the front seat (Luke Smith) wants to pull over to go to the washroom. The male driver (Steve Beresford) protests. Luke grabs the wheel and pulls them onto a dirt track road. Steve and Luke almost fight. Female rear passenger (Anna Cole) calms things down. (1st Draft)
Original:
STEVE BERESFORD (34) is driving. LUKE SMITH (32) sits in the passenger seat. At first glance they seem like a married couple with their matching plaid shirts, hipster haircuts, and skinny jeans.
But Steve reaches behind and ANNA COLE (29), sitting in the back seat, punk goth, grabs his hand, caresses and kisses it, then lets it go.
Luke, jealous, throws Steve a look, Steve glances at Luke, purses his lips.
The pick-up’s headlights illuminate a ROAD SIGN “Bear Creek Rest Area and Trailhead 50m on the left”.
LUKE
Pull over. I gotta pee.
STEVE
Suck it up, man. We’re twenty minutes away.
Anna starts singing.
ANNA
Luke’s gotta pee. Luke’s gotta pee.
Luke leans over, grabs the wheel, and hangs a hard left. Steve hits the brakes as the pick-up leaves the highway and SKIDS along a single dirt track.
Steve angrily pushes Luke’s hand away from the steering wheel.
STEVE
Don’t do that again, buddy.
Luke gives him the finger.
3 EXT. BEAR CREEK REST AREA – DIRT ROAD – DUSK
The pick-up kicks up dust as it bounces over the dirt track.
4 INT. PICK-UP TRUCK – MOVING – DUSK
Nature protecting itself from humans. Anna protecting herself from nature.
Nature protecting itself from humans. Anna protecting herself from nature.
Anna grabs on to an overhead handle as she peers out at the dense overhanging branches as they SCRATCH and SCRAPE at the
pick-up’s doors and windows.
5 EXT. BEAR CREEK REST AREA – CAR PARK – DUSK
Luke exits the truck. Walks into human garbage. Is angry. Humans have damaged nature. The local wildlife are watching him. (1st Draft)
Original:
The pick-up SLIDES to a halt.
Luke gets out, SLAMS the door, and walks straight into a PILE of JUNKFOOD WRAPPERS and SODA CARTONS. He kicks at them. Some
fly into the air.
LUKE
Human fuckers.
He jogs to the OUTHOUSE.
A bird SCREETCHES from the forest.
Luke looks around and spots a BALD EAGLE perched at the very top of a tall Ponderosa Pine. The eagle SWOOPS DOWN and across the car park towards him.
Luke quickly opens the outhouse door and SLAMS it shut. The eagle pulls up and lands on a nearby tree, eyes fixated on the outhouse.
6 INT. BEAR CREEK REST AREA – OUTHOUSE – DUSK
Luke enters the outhouse. He’s afraid. Has a phobia about the monster in the toilet. He paces, waits to take the plunge. (1st Draft)
Luke enters the outhouse. He’s afraid. Has a phobia about the monster in the toilet. Is he on drugs or is he sick? (Original)
Luke locks the door behind him. He tears off some toilet paper, and carefully wipes the toilet seat, lifts it up, wipes the rim, then drops the seat.
Perspiring heavily, he grabs more toilet paper and wipes his forehead. He stoops over in pain, nervously pulling on his nose, as he stares into the darkness of the chemical pit and listens (for the imaginary monster DOWN THERE).
LUKE
(quietly to self)
Go on show yourself..
IN THE BACKGROUND: Punk rock music BLASTS from the pick-up.
LUKE (CONT’D)
Okay..
(exhales)
There’s nothing there..
Luke takes the plunge and sits on the toilet seat. Diarrhea SPLASHES and PLOPS into the bowels of the pit. His right hand shakes as he tears off another handful of toilet paper and wipes himself. Finished, he stands up.
LUKE (CONT’D)
(quietly to self)
Fuck…
He pushes the DISPENSER and rubs the liquid soap into his hands. He pulls out a RED HANDKERCHIEF and dries his hands.
7 EXT. BEAR CREEK REST AREA – CAR PARK – DUSK
Luke exits the outhouse. He’s happy. The birds block his path back to the truck. He hears their agitation then silence. He calls out to Steve and Anna. He soon sees that they’ve been attacked and are dead. A shadow of a figure flits behind him. (1ST DRAFT)
Original:
Luke exits the outhouse. He’s happy. The birds block his path back to the truck. He hears their agitation then silence. He calls out to Steve and Anna. He soon sees that they’ve been attacked and are dead. A shadow of a figure flits behind him.
IN THE BACKGROUND: Punk rock MUSIC from the pick-up.
The outhouse door opens and Luke exits. He pulls on a set of earbuds attached to the cellphone in his pocket and pushes up the VOLUME, mouths and head bangs on his way back to the pickup.
THREE RAVENS suddenly land in front of him, defiant, blocking his path. He STOPS, pulls off his headphones, and is met with the overwhelming sound of SHRILL birds.
He looks up at the surrounding trees: HUNDREDS of RAVENS have gathered, the BALD EAGLE hops to a closer vantage point, ready to swoop down.
He notices that all four doors of the pick-up are wide open and there’s a pool of blood on the ground next to the driver’s door. The MUSIC is still playing.
Luke, slowly spins around eyes searching the outhouse to the forest, and the outhouse to the car park, and back to the pick-up.
1st Draft:
LUKE
(shouts)
Steve..Anna..
The MUSIC from the pickup STOPS.
THE RAVENS fall SILENT.
FOOTSTEPS near the pick-up.
Luke, listens, eyes searching the truck and the forest beyond.
LUKE (CONT’D)
Anna….Steve…
THE RAVENS start CALLING again.
As Luke moves closer to the truck Steve comes into full view. He’s lying on his back across the driver’s seat, face up, head hanging off the edge, blood dripping from head and neck wounds forms a large pool of blood on the tarmac. His legs splayed across the passenger seat, his jeans ripped, legs cut and bleeding.
Luke, stunned, gets closer…
LUKE (CONT’D)
Oh shit..Steve?
A SHADOW FLITS behind Luke.
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Module 4 lesson 1
What I learned during the high speed writing task was that it was really easy to just keep moving on. I wrote far more than I think I was required to and it was nice to feel like I could finally free write! Kind of, the outline was extremely helpful.
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