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Post Day 10 Assignment Here
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Charles Ferrell’s Inciting Incident
What I learned from doing this assignment to add more character setup of normalcy with average tension before igniting the inciting scene.
ACT 1
INT.UNIVERSITY CONFERENCE ROOM – DAY
Beginning: A panel of tenured professors is seated in a single table facing the room of candidates and calls Duncan Smalls.
Middle: Duncan nervously explains that his concept for his PhD thesis is almost ready, the board informs him that he is past the theme declaration deadline. The stern Pol Sci professor (old Sargent) lets him know his candidacy is on thin ice.
END: Duncan is in a hallway calling his girlfriend letting her know he will be late, he has more research to do in the library.
INT.UNIVERSITY LIBRARY – EARLY EVENING
His girlfriend shows up with coffee to help him research wearing scrubs and we get some exposition on her and the relationship.
INT.COFFEE SHOP – NEXT MORNING
Tired but a functioning Duncan and his girlfriend have coffee and establish the morning routine.
INT.CLASSROOM – LATER
Duncan teaches about history and the US reaction to WWII. He stops mid sentence to make a note. Students joke if he finally got an idea for his phd thesis.
EXT.UNIVERSITY HALLWAY – NEXT MORNING
Duncan with togo coffee cup in hand and an over stuffed shoulder bad walks into class to teach yawning.
Inciting incident
INT.CLASSROOM – DAY
Duncan see the little asian girl while teaching, no one else can see her. He looks away and then back, he begins to repeat himself nervously. Disturbing!
Beginning: Duncan is teaching a college class, where you learn name, position. A little runs behind back row chairs and no students react.
Middle:Duncan sees the girl standing in the aisle, small japanese girl about 7 years old, no students see her and comment on Duncan’s reaction.
End: Little girl in the back seat of his car causes near miss, other person sees no one in the seat. Duncan breaks down emotionally at the steering wheel in the parking lot. He assumes it is stress.
Reaction to Inciting Incident
INT.DUNCANS APT – EARLY EVENING
Beginning: Duncan comes home waves to his girlfriend as he passes her and says nothing in shock
Middle: She follows him asking about he shock, she asks how his theme is going. He reacts raw with defeat at what he belives is his failing mental/emotional state.
End: He tells her about the sitings of the little girl, he thinks she wouldn’t understand and there is relationship tension already. He thinks he is loosing his mind.
INT.DUNCAN’S APT – NIGHT
Beginning: camera view gliding above water on the lake, then looking down to see the girl under the surface
Middle: The water disappears and he is watching from inside the camp in the 1940’s.
End: He wakes in horror and blurry eyes thinks he see’s little wet foot prints
INT.COFFEE SHOP – MORNING
Beginning: Feeling of relief, a bit of normalcy as Duncan and his GF walk into the coffee shop, sit at their regular table.
Middle: Waitress walks up already carrying two cups of coffee for the regulars, Duncan asks for the whole pot today.
End: they discuss his lack of focus for his phd thesis as yawns through the conversation.
INT.TEACHERS LOUNGE – LATER
Beginning: Duncan looking tired with a to go coffee in his hands says hello to other teachers and professors tries not to make eye contact with the Pol Science professor (the old sargent).
Middle: Duncan mentions his crazy nightmare about some camp full of asians in the lake never mentions seeing the girl in class. The Old Sargent looks disturbed.
End: The old sargent suddenly and almost angrily that he should stop dreaming and get to work on this thesis, he is wasting a seat, storms out.
INT.CLASSROOM – MID MORNING
He teaches another day of classes and periodically he sees a small silhouette run behind the chairs, no one else reacts.
INT.DUNCAN’S APT /CLASS- MORNING
Sleep deprivation from nightmares is starting to affect his performance and make him question what is real or a dream. Did he dream about the camp or is it a thesis idea coming up from the back of his mind?
INT.UNIVERSITY LIBRARY – DAY
Duncan amasses a large number of books for research and become irate with staff when he doesn’t find what he expects. His demeanor and reputation are slipping further.
Next two scenes lock him in
INT.TEACHERS LOUNGE – DAY
Beginning: Duncan begins asking about secret camps, maybe some were off the books. He is starting to think this might be possible, something in the realm of belief.
Middle: Unnoticed by Duncan behind him while he talks the Old Sargent slips out of the room quietly.
End: The old sargent is in the hallway alone making a phone call while checking for anyone listening, looking upset. He suspects Duncan may have found something in his thesis search and is calling in backup.
INT.CLASSROOM/ HALLWAY /CHANCELLORS OFFICE – DAY
Beginning: Duncan receives a message to come meet with the chancellor this afternoon. He has never met the man before.
Middle: Duncan is on his way to meet with the chancellor after being called in, he passes the Pol Sci professor in the hallway going the opposite way.
Ending: Duncan is put on notice about his performance and conspiracy theories. His mental state questioned, suggests a staff therapist. He is accused of putting the University reputation in danger.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by Giles.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by
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Robert Wood’s Inciting Incident.
What I learned doing this assignment is that I suspect I don’t have enough material in my first Act to generate enough pages. Oh well, I guess I can flesh it out and come up with more stuff during re-writes.
My Inciting Incident / Reaction Scenes:
INT. FAMILY HOUSE – KITCHEN – DAY
Matt unpacks bags of groceries and a case of wine.
He opens the fridge freezer and finds a stack of frozen TV dinners. REACTION?
Bert enters, reading from a book on Ogopogo, and mumbling to himself.
BERT
…the creatures are most likely zeuglodons, a sort of primitive, snakelike whale… Yes, yes… it’s in the undulating motion…
MATT
You don’t ever give it up, do you?
Bert looks up from the book, seemingly surprised at Matt’s presence.
BERT
Hm? Ah, well, I don’t usually have to worry about entertaining much these days. Cryptozoology not to your taste at the moment?
MATT
Might be nice to talk about something real-world.
BERT
Real world?!
MATT
Exchange pleasantries. How’s you’re life going and shit like that.
Matt pours a glass of wine and takes a sip.
BERT
Did you just say your life’s shitty?
MATT
No. You heard that?
BERT
I thought I did.
MATT
Well, no. My life’s pretty great, actually.
Bert gets a glass and pours wine for himself. They clink glasses.
BERT
Good, I like to hear that. The liquor store?
MATT
Best sales year ever so far. People are drinking like fish.
Matt’s demeanor reveals he’s not truly happy.
BERT
You’re a good salesman.
MATT
Manager.
BERT
Probably have to be there a lot, I imagine?
MATT
Can’t leave it to the employees.
BERT
No, I imagine not.
Bert sips wine thoughtfully.
BERT
Of course I was a salesman, you remember. An employee…
MATT
Come on, it was different back then!
BERT
Dinosaur days.
Matt shrugs his shoulders like, “Yup!”
BERT
I’m practically a cryptozoology specimen myself!
MATT
You said it, old man!
BERT
Well, don’t knock it. Back then you could raise a family as a furniture salesman.
MATT
Good thing I don’t have a family to worry about.
BERT
And I had every weekend off to take my son out on the lake searching for Ogopogo–
MATT
And here we go again…
BERT
You enjoyed it.
MATT
Sure, when I was five or ten. Besides, wasn’t all that more for you than for me?
BERT
Back when kids could dream.
INT. FAMILY HOUSE – DINING ROOM – EVENING
At the dining table, Matt and Bert eat dinner and drink red wine.
BERT
Better than my usual.
MATT
Yeah, Stouffer’s have nothing on home cooking.
BERT
I eat well. Of course, it’s not like when your mother was around…
(shivers)
It’s getting cold in here.
MATT
It’s fine.
BERT
What did you do?
MATT
It’s normal room temperature.
BERT
Did you turn on the air conditioner?
MATT
It’s summer in the Okanagan. Yeah, I turned on the fucking air conditioner!
BERT
You know how much air conditioning costs?!
MATT
I’ll pay the bill — don’t worry!
BERT
You always did love to waste money. Since you were a kid. Never could save a penny, and we gave you a good allowance… Waste not, want not, I always say.
MATT
Yeah, you do.
BERT
What’s that supposed to mean?
MATT
I don’t need to hear it. I’ve heard it all before! You “always say” it, yeah — over and over!
BERT
Well, forgive me if I don’t know what you’ve heard before, or what you remember.
MATT
Just like everything — you just repeat the same old stories and bullshit.
BERT
Better to repeat myself graciously than be ungrateful to still have this doddering old fool in your life.
MATT
Yeah, that’s right — it’s all on me.
BERT
It’s not all on you.
MATT
Always was.
BERT
I’m the one torturing you with endless repetition. Seems that’s on me.
MATT
Good to know some things don’t change.
Matt pushes back his plate, stands, grabs his wine, and storms outside.
Bert is left staring at his meal.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by Robert Wood.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by
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Don Thompson’s Inciting Incident – Act I
What I learned: this exercise reinforced in me the idea that the inciting incident is pivotal and turns the action toward its logical conclusion.
INT. LOWER DECK – COMMON AREA – NIGHT
The men are gathered around for their evening meal. Billy sits at a table with maintopmen JENKINS (30), O’DANIEL (35), JONES (28), and TALBOT (30). Each of the men eat the ‘stew’ that has been prepared for them.
JENKINS
So Budd, how does this stew compare to ‘The Rights of Man’.Billy considers.
BILLY BUDD
It’s fillin’.O’DANIEL
So you don’t care for the taste of it?BILLY BUDD
It makes my stomach warm – that’s enough.Beat.
BILLY BUDD
Where are we headed?KINKAID
The coast of Spain. Reinforcements.BILLY BUDD
Are we winnin’ the war?JONES
They don’t tell us those things, Billy. It’s not our business. We just need to fight the battles so they can claim the glory.JENKINS
Are you up for it Billy? Winnin’ battles?BILLY BUDD
I suppose so. As much as the next man.JENKINS
You aren’t going to run and hide then when the French send the first volley?O’DANIEL
Leave him be, Jenkins. Give him at least a day before breakin’ him in.JENKINS
Might as well be now. How strong are you, Billy? You look too damn pretty to be much of a fighter.Jenkins turns to the others.
JENKINS
I’m not sure why they chose such a pretty boy.Billy looks him over.
BILLY BUDD
I can fight.JENKINS
I dare say you look like flower to me. You’ll wilt at the first sound of a cannon.Billy raises his arm for an arm wrestle.
BILLY BUDD
Come on then, show your stuff!Jenkins slaps his arm away and stands.
JENKINS
We wrestle or nothing!The others clear the tables, allowing for an ad hoc wrestling arena.
JONES
Don’t fall for it Billy. Don’t make any trouble.Billy stands and engages Jenkins in a wrestling match.
At first, Jenkins seems to have an advantage, but Billy is able to overcome him and throw him to the side. This just enrages Jenkins more.
The men CHEER as the two men have at it.
JENKINS
Beginner’s luck!Jenkins lunges at Billy, but Billy is able to move quickly and deftly and get Jenkins in an arm lock. He throws him again to the side. This time, Jenkins is defeated and holds his side in pain.
CUT TO:
INT. TABLETOP – SAME TIME
Claggart’s horsewhip HITS the table.
CLAGGART
All right. What’s the trouble?All the men fall silent and look at Claggart. Claggart eyes them over.
CLAGGART
Who started it?All the men look furtively at each other. Claggart looks at Billy Budd.
CLAGGART
Budd?Billy says nothing. He opens his mouth, but no words come out.
CLAGGART
Seymour said they called you the ‘Peacemaker’ on the ‘Rights of Man’. So much for that distinction!Claggart looks all of them over angrily.
CLAGGART
I expect all of you on deck at sunrise for McDaniel’s flogging. We need discipline on this ship, not fighting.Claggart leaves.
KINCAID
Bugger him.The men LAUGH.
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Rebecca Jordan’s Inciting Event, Lesson 10
What I learned from this assignment is that I am confused and accidentally did Lesson 9 and 10 simultaneously (I guess can be seen as a happy accident), causing me to notice that some scenes need to be flipped around, thereby making the story flow back and forth in time way better. Fingers crossed.
Key Scene 2: Inciting Incident
INT. SMALL BARN – MORNING
Beginning: Rachel 50’s in same clothes passed out on the couch.
Phone rings. She comes to, has a bad hangover. Answers and puts on speaker. Aunt N. talking way too loud. Rachel turns the volume down.
Aunt N: Hi Rachel, Your Uncle Ben is gone.
Rachel: What?
Aunt N: I know. It’s shocking. He went out to the garage and propped up the rifle and shot himself in the head.
Rachel: Oh my god! What?!!!
Aunt N: It’s horrible. T is in shock. You should call her. Maybe wait a few days.
Rachel: I don’t even know what to say.
Middle: Aunt N: Do you know where your Mother is?
Rachel: No. I haven’t talked to her in gosh, like 15 years. And that didn’t go well. Go figure.
Aunt N: Well, last numbers I have doesn’t work. I can hardly make out the numbers from erasing so much. I always put her number in pencil.
Rachel: I have to call you back.
End: Rachel, in shock and at a loss. Tries to process. Doesn’t have a clue where her Mom is. Hangs up.
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Key Scene 3: Protagonist reaction to inciting incident.
INT. PUB – NIGHT
Beginning: Rachel, 50’s, at the bar drinking beer and doing shots with a handsome farmer. They’re drunk. Rachel pays her buddy behind the bar. Leaves with the farmer.
INT. SMALL BARN – CONTINUOUS
Middle: Rachel and Farmer in the loft, doing cocaine and having drunk sex.
INT. SMALL BARN, LOFT – MORNING
End: Rachel, a hung over mess, dresses. Sees Farmer dude passed out in the bed. Ugh!
Rachel: Dude. Hey Dude, you gotta get up.
Grumbles… Rolls over.
Dude: Come on back to bed. Let’s get busy.
Rachel: No man. You gotta get up. I have work to do. Come on let’s go. You need to go.
Dude: Alright, alright. You’re one cold cucumber. Can I call you.
Rachel: Yeah, no. I’m sure I’ll see you at the bar.
Dude: Jeez woman. You’re a real piece of work.
Middle: Rachel’s already down the stairs. Makes coffee. Looks at story board and finds a beautiful picture of her Mom.
Dude comes down stairs disheveled still buttoning up. Noticing the artwork.
Dude: Dang, you’re sure dark.
Rachel walks to the door and holds hit open for him.
Rachel: I know. Don’t let the door hit ya on the way out.
Dude: Funny too. Later.
Rachel: We’ll see.
End: Rachel Closes the door.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by Rebecca Jordan.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by Rebecca Jordan.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by
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Subject line: Daisy Ridgway Khalifa’s Inciting Incident (Lesson 10)
What I learned doing this assignment: Do not wordsmith too soon because I will create a glut of good and bad language and ideas that might be hard to sift through. Also, not too convinced of my inciting incident at this point, but I am keeping the faith!
Inciting Incident/Key Scene 2/Outline/Revised from Lesson 9:
BEGINNING: Mia and Tina have just part ways, a trauma for Mia as she goes off into the garden.
MIDDLE: Mia encounters Charles Laughton in her garden. They talk and hint at moving away and earthquakes and lay the groundwork for their cosmic bond.
END: Charles leaves the garden and goes back toward the house, PINECLIFF, and tells a few people about the little girl. Mia leaves Charles by climbing over a wall that leads to the street and she joins some neighbors who are playing at the house next door.
Key Scene 3/Protagonist Reacts/Outline:
INT. WASHINGTON, D.C. – MIA’S APARTMENT – 25 YEARS LATER
BEGINNING: Mia Pauley, 32, receives a phone call from her sister, CAREY. Carey, a drug addict, is chatty but calls to tell her sister that their old house finally gave out and is abandoned because of damage years earlier in the Northridge Earthquake.
MIDDLE: MIA is hungover as she talks by phone to her sister and observes a mess in her apartment from her previous night of partying with her client/married lover.
END: Mia promises her sister — and herself — that she will somehow get to California to visit their old abandoned family home. After the phone call Mia goes to a shelf in her closet and pulls out an old small scrap book and some files. It contains memorabilia and papers about Charles Laughton. She hears her sister’s voice: “You ought to come out.”
Scenes:
EXT. PINECLIFF – GARDEN
MIA runs to the garden at the side of the house. She goes toward the fringes, where there is a brick storage building. She reaches a dark garden path, covered by pine trees, where a massive unused fire pit sits in a circle. In a daze, the child picks up rocks to toss into the pit. She is kneeling by the fire pit, lost in thought, bewildered. Out of nowhere a man with rolled up shirt sleeves and loose, wrinkled pants appears. It is CHARLES LAUGHTON. He is lost in thought, muttering a little. He spots Mia.
CHARLES
Hello there you.
MIA is startled but sees it is Charles. She rubs her eyes and brushes the tears away. She turns so he won’t see her red eyes.
MIA
Hello. Mr. Charles.
CHARLES
You know you’re welcome to call me Charlie.
(Beat)
Are you alright? You’re sad? Why are you sad, Mademoiselle Mia of the Palisade?
MIA
Tina is leaving. And, we’re moving.
CHARLES
Who is Tina? I do not know who tina is, I am afraid. Is she your friend? Funny. I have to move too.
MIA
She is our housekeeper. And she is my friend.
CHARLES
Oh, child, I do understand. You were close? People like that are so very important to us.
MIA
I called her my second mommy.
CHARLES
Well, you will always love her. And she will always love you. Always. That’s a nice thing. She’ll always be with you in some way, you know.
(Beat)
Who is going to take care of you now?
MIA
Probably Mrs. Buttle.
CHARLES
Buttle. Buttle sounds very English. Who is that?
Mia’s face brightens a little.
MIA
She is our babysitter. Yes. She is English like you. She is Cockney. Are you Cockney?
Charles smiles and laughs softly, as the child is not quite sure what she is even describing.
CHARLES
No. I am not cockney. How do you know she is Cockney?
MIA
She told us. She always tells us. She says she was born near the sound of the baw bells. I don’t know what she is saying.
CHARLES
Aaah. Within earshot of The Bow Bells. Does she talk like this, and does she have a loud, let’s say jovial, laugh? Those are the bells of a church. Did she tell you that? St. Mary Le-Bow Church. I’ll have to ask Elsa.
Charles puts on a perfect Cockney accent for Mia and Mia giggles, her sadness having almost fallen away.
MIA
Yes, and she sings a lot. She likes to sing. And she likes when my sister and I sing for her.
CHARLES
(in Cockney)
That is very sweet. Does she have a name for you? A special name. I suspect she does. They’ll call you anything but your real name. Right?
MIA
Yes! She does. She calls me Duh. But I don’t understand when she calls me Du-h. Listen, Du-h. Hello, Du-h. C’mon duh. Don’t be stupid, Duh.
Mia makes herself laugh and Charles continues in his Cockney which makes Mia laugh more.
CHARLES
Oh my! She certainly is Cockney.
(warmly, back in his regular English accent)
You know, even when she says don’t be stupid, I have a feeling she likes you very much. I think she is calling you, Duck, actually, because you are her little duck. And she probably has lots of ducks, right? Or are you her most important duck?
Mia’s eyes light up.
MIA
Duck! Duck! Oh. That’s it…duck.
Mia smiles as if she has just discovered a buried treasure. Charles hears his name called and looks toward the house.
CHARLES
(in Cockney)
Must go, Love. Oh, forgive me. Listen, Duck, I’ve got to go.
(back to his English accent)
By the way, I don’t know if I
want to move.
MIA
Well, why are you moving?
CHARLES
Oh, something about mudslides and earthquakes.
MIA
I’ve been in an earthquake here, at this house. When. was in kindergarten. It was scary. My sister and I got in bed with Mom and Dad and there termors. Tina was out in the living room, but near us.
CHARLES
I don’t recall an earthquake. I know kindergarten feels like a hundred years ago, but can you remember hpw long ago that was?
MIA
Well…I am in second grade now.
CHARLES
Hm. Two years ago..
Charles is contemplating what Mia is saying. He hears his name again.
CHARLES
Well, I’ve got to go. They’re calling me.
MIA
I didn’t hear anything. My mother says our new house is a treehouse.
CHARLES
How nice for you. I’ve lived in a treehouse. In England, with Mrs–with Elsa Lan?
Chalres is being playful with Mia.
MIA
Lan…CHESTER.
CHARLES
Very good, Mademoiselle. Now I must go. Are you going to climb over the wall again, that way?
Charles points to a far end of the yard that borders the street. Mia looks at him and nods playfully.
CHARLES
Next time we talk, do sing a song for me that she sings. Do you know any?
MIA
Well, not really. Oh, but one. It’s I’ve got a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts.
Mia doesn’t sing, but without hitch, Charles beginss the next line.
CHARLES
“…there they are all standin’ in row. Big ones, small ones, some as big as yer ‘ead.”
Mia nods and smiles from ear to ear, but is hesitant to sing.
CHARLES
C’mon you can do it. Sing with me. It’s just an English, um, affinity we have. It’s our way. We sing. We have to sing. “give us a twist, a flick of the wrist, that’s what the showman said…”
Mia whispers a few words but is too shy to sing. When she heads to the wall, she is sings quietly to herself. Charles whistles the song as he heads back to the terrace of PINECLIFF.
EXT. WASHINGTON, D.C. – 25 YEARS LATER (1999) – EARLY MORNING -ESTABLISHING
We see the outside of a Washington, D.C. townhouse. Upsound a phone rings.
INT. WASHINGTON, DC – MIA PAULEY’S APARTMENT – SAME
MIA PAULEY, 33, is in bed and opens her eyes to the ringing phone. She closes them again and cups her eyes with her hands, suffering the pangs of a hangover headache. She rolls over and eyes the caller i.d. It is her older sister, CAREY PAULEY. Mia is reluctant to answer, as Mia never knows what mood Carey will be in, gvien Carey’s drug problems, and Mia’s own hangover doesn’t help. Still, she answers.
MIA
Hello, there, Sister.
CAREY (V.O.)
Mi? I’m so glad you answered. Oh my God! I have to talk to you.
Mia sighs quietly in bed but is releived that her sister sounds cheery. She manages to sit up while they are talkig and proceeds get out of bed and roam around her apartment, which is in a post-party shambles.
MIA
It’s early for you, Girl. What are you doing up?
CAREY (V.O.)
Oh. I went running this morning. It was beautiful. I saw the sun come up.
Mia frowns and is quiet. She doesn’t want to ask. Carey’s voice was so normal, but an early morning good mood usually meant Carey was still high from snorting heroine.
MIA
It’s good of you to get up early. Early bird catches the worm. And, I’m late for work, Honey. Thank you, you’re my alarm clock.
CAREY (V.O.)
I won’t keep you. I know you have to get going. Let’s talk later, but I want to tell you that the house- our old house -is abandoned. Empty. Apparently in the Northridge Quake, it was totally wrecked. And now it is quarantined, or whatever, because it is unsafe. You know, it’s got, like, police tape around it.
Mia looks at her phone and rolls her eyes.
MIA
Which old house? Kidding. Pinecliff. Our house on Corona del Mar? Wow. How do you know? Did you go? You mean, no one is supposed to trespass cuz it’s maybe unsafe?
CAREY (V.O.)
Yeah. Yeah. It’s like, damaged, and dangerous.
MIA
I don’t think its that dangerous. Dad always said it was built so far back from the cliff that it would be the last house to fall.
CAREY (V.O.)
Oh my god! That’s exacly right. You won’t believe it. The house on the corner fell into the ocean. What did Mom call it? Lou Costello’s house. The observatory? And the Tobalina’s house–Carlos’ studio…is gone. It totally fell down the cliff.
They both laugh, as Carey lilts her voice in a sexy way with the word studio.
MIA
What? That cute little hacienda. That’s what happens when you tape shitty porn flicks in a house. It’s hexed. And then ours is just a solid body.. but with a lot of structural damage is what you’re saying.
CAREY (V.O.)
I dunno. Yeah. You gotta come out and check it out with me.
MIA
It finally happened. How’d you find out?
Carey launches into a short description of finding out through the grapevine about their old house as Mia eyes playing cards that are strewn everywhere in her living room.
MEMORY FLASH
Mia and PAUL GATTO, her married lover, are playing gin rummy. He puts a card face down, and Mia, relaxed and quite drunk, responds by throwing all the cards in the air in feigned frustration, then laughter, as she lunges toward Paul. They kiss passionatley and start to peel each other’s clothes off.
BACK TO SCENE
Mia snaps out of her daze and finds a note on the coffee table.
INSERT – NOTE
“I PUT YOU TO BED, LIKE A GENTLEMAN. TRAVELING NEXT WEEK. I’LL CALL YOU.”
Mia shakes her head as Carey’s voice comes back throuhg the phone.
CAREY
…apparently it was renovated, but it looked like a Ritz carlton lobby. And the basement is like a movie theater, or something.
MIA
Eew. I liked it as a basement. Why can’t people just leave basement old and dusty like they’re supposed to be? I wonder if they destroyed the train tracks.
CAREY
Whatever they did they kept Mom’s pretty pink sinks. Andrew told me that and he should know–we were all kids there. And the parquet floor was still there and some tiles in Mom and Dad’s bathroom were the same.
MIA
Damn stragiht they were. You’d hae to be really stupid and gauch to get rid of those. They were about as nice anything. The tiles were hand-painted from Portugal and the sinks were Italian and from some crazy artist. Mom got them from a dealer in Beverly Hills. Dad told me that. He hated how much mom spent on that room. Have you talked to mom.
CAREY
No. I guess I’ll call her and tell her about the house.
Carey’s voice dips a little and she sounds less upbeat. Mia is eager to get off the line before the conversation gets morose-or before they start to fight.
MIA
Yeah, I think about that amazing master bedroom. Mom put in a parquet floors and then covered it with a wool, custom-designed wall-to-wall carpet. Beautiful. Yes. Did it break the bank? I am thinking yes.
CAREY
Okay, I am gonna let you go.
MIA
Yeah. I have to clean up and get going.
CAREY
You have to get a plane ticket. You ought to come out here. You need to visit the house. We do.
MIA
I’ll do my best. I love you, Sis. Take care of yourself. And have a pretty day.
CAREY
Bye, Sweetie.
Mia puts the phone down and goes into her closet where she finds files and an album of Charles Laughton memorabilia— papers that are a little musty, given she had not looked at them in very long time.
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What I learned: My inciting incident was also the same scene where we first see my other main character. Thinking through that today, I’m not sure it works. So, I rewrote. One character received a name change. I feel like I’m missing a scene now. But I’m going to press forward and try to resist the temptation to edit.
Inciting Incident Scene:
Laurel on her phone in her husbands study. She’s insisting a business deal move forward.
Going through his things… sorting out his life.
Husbands phone rings. She discovers the boat.
Reaction Scene:
Laurel tells Carly about the boat… and that they are going to Europe. Not sure how long.
Carly refuses.
Laurel tells her she doesn’t have a choice.
——
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
LAUREL SIMMONS (50) would normally never be seen outside of professional power business suit. But, right now her eyes are bloodshot with fatigue. Her makeup is twelve hours old and hair has taken a form of it’s own.
An OFFICE ASSISTANT nearby stares at her waiting.
LAUREL
(on phone)
No. I’m fine. No.
Laurel points to a drawer and the assistant moves. She opens it and pulls everything out sorting as she goes.
LAUREL
(on phone)
The deal stays. Draw it up. Have it in my inbox by morning.
(beat)
I can. Don’t tell me can’t, Frank.
She hangs up the phone, and get’s lost for a moment staring nowhere in particular.
ASSISTANT
Ma’am?
LAUREL
Yes. Sorry.
ASSISTANT
I’ve sorted out as much as we have found. Bank records there. His personal ID and passports–
LAUREL
No one tells you how difficult it is to take care of someone after they die.
She sips from a wine glass nearby. A tear forms. Embarrassed, she quickly wipes it away.
The young assistant watches her helplessly.
LAUREL
Go home. It’s okay. Go on.
ASSISTANT
Is there… can I do–
LAUREL
No. Really.
BUZZZZ. They look at the desk.
LAUREL
That’s Philip’s phone.
Laurel takes the phone from the desk and swipes to answer.
LAUREL
Yes?
(beat)
This is his wife.
(beat)
I’m uh… Who?
(beat)
He’s… not–
(beat)
What? That’s… what??
INT. CARLY’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Music pounds her head from the headphones. Her eyes are red. Laurel appears in her doorway speaking almost imperceptibly. Carly pulls off the headphones, and looks at her as if to say impatiently, “what?”
LAUREL
Dinner.
CARLY
No thanks.
LAUREL
Come downstairs.
CARLY
I said no thanks.
Her headphones go back on. Laurel speaks again. Yelling, it almost comes through. Headphones back off.
CARLY
Jesus, what!
LAUREL
We’re going to France.
CARLY
The fu–France? I’m not going to France! I have finals.
LAUREL
We have to.
CARLY
I’m 18! I can make my own mind!
LAUREL
You’re 17.
CARLY
For six more weeks. Practically there already. What corporate bullshit is telling you to drag me to France?
LAUREL
Your father.
-
Patrick Downey – Act 1: Inciting Incident
What I learned doing this assignment is that there are a lot of moving pieces and it’s easier to just write away without any structure but the minute you have to throw a particular scene here, beat there and a turning point, WOW!
INT. FOOD TRUCK PARKED ON THE STREET IN DOWNTOWN CHICAGO – DAY
Team setting up the surveillance of the FBI on the HAVOC organization in downtown Chicago. Introduction of all the main players and their roles and the FBI’s case for bringing them down.
OPENING SCENCE OUTLINE
INT. FOOD TRUCK – DAY
BEGINNING: FBI veteran agent Belfiore exchanges some choice words with young rookie agent Greene who’s right out of the academy and think he has all the answers about this case just because he read through the files earlier. Agent Greene considers it a waste of his time and intelligence and Agent Belfiore blows up, curses him out and kicks him out of the truck to go get everyone some coffee.
MIDDLE: While in line waiting for coffee Greene recognizes former NFL Linebacker standout also from his alma mater, Mathis Crutchfield. They exchange some awkward conversation momentarily and Agent Greene finishes it with a request for a selfie. Upon returning to the truck, Agent Greene settles in as Agent Belfiore is going over the men under surveillance. Suddenly, Agent Greene burst out in excitement to tell everybody who Crutch is in great detail.
END: After Agent Greene finishes, Agent Belfiore looks at him dumbfounded and continues describing the organization’s purpose, methods, and operations. Agent Greene looks around for some sympathy but no makes eye contact with him.
SECOND SCENE BEAT SHEET
INT. H.A.V.O.C. OFFICE VAULT – DAY
Ray is standing at the head of the table discussing an important matter with his partners and we see Dardanos Alexandrite texting on his phone laughing to himself and totally ignoring Ray.
SECOND SCENE OUTLINE
INT. VAULT – DAY
BEGINNING: Ray notices Dardanos on his phone and questions him about a topic knowing full well he wasn’t paying attention. Dardanos stumbles around trying to fluff it and everyone looks at him like he’s an idiot. Ray snickers and continues, Kristos, Dardanos’s father looks at him with disgust.
MIDDLE: The meeting ends, and everyone heads out except Dardanos. He hangs back to confront Ray about his insults and tells him he’s an old man that is out to touch with the new ways of the world.
END: Ray waves off Dardanos and dismisses it as childish behavior like one of his toddler grandchildren and walks out of the vault.
ACT 1 BEAT SHEET
INT. CAYMAN’S ROOM -DAY
Cayman sits on his bed, it’s 6:30am in the Central Time Zone and Cayman still can’t adjust to the time change. He sits on the edge of his bed staring into space until he jarred by his grandmother’s touch. She hands him his school uniform fresh off the ironing board.
CUT TO CAR
As he rides with his grandfather to school, he wonders if this is all for him. His mother always talked to him about having a plan and executing it but here, he’s just here.
INT. SCHOOL ROOM – DAY
The teachers are sharing the many professions that deaf people from the past made a difference in people’s lives. She also talks about present ones that are current professions and how they’re contributing to society in a big way.
INT. H.A.V.O.C. OFFICES
Cayman decides that afternoon that he is going to stop feeling sorry for himself and do the very best he can for his mother and grandfather.
ACT 1 OUTLINE
INT. H.A.V.O.C. OFFICES
BEGINNING: Cayman has been really applying himself all over the office for about a solid month. It hasn’t gone unnoticed by Carmella, would has managed to get the approval of the partners to move him to his own desk looking directly into the vault. A prized possession!
MIDDLE: Cayman uses this platform to elevate his game by reading lips and anticipating what everyone needs a head of time. He is working the room and they don’t even know it. One day while eating a late snack at his desk he catches a conversation about a business move and he is floored to hear, or shall I say see that they are not a charity but a sports gambling organization. He can’t believe what is going on, they are actually talking about who they want to win the Superbowl this year.
END: Cayman first thought is one of utter shock. He thinks back about all those various games that he attended with his grandfather and how he seemed to know everybody from the players to the coaches all the way up to the owners. He thought his grandfather was a real big shot but it turns out he owned everyone of them and he was nothing but fake, a crook. He vowed to tell someone anyone who would listen and ruin them all. Just then he remembered some stored memory about the guys across the street in the food truck that Carmella and Crutch said were FBI.
INT. CAYMAN’S ROOM – NIGHT
BEGINNING: Cayman has books, magazines, and his laptop surrounding him on his bed. He is digging into everything betting related, odds, patterns, scandals, myths, and curses. He was an extremely smart young man and things came to him fairly easy. I guess he could thank his mother for having that lawyer type thinking.
MIDDLE: Cayman was furious at his grandfather for his criminal activity and even more so for pretending to good for other people. He had withdrawn from his grandfather over the next couple months, and it was getting noticeable. When asked he replied that his studies had consumed him as of late, but he never missed a day at the office. He was so torn because ultimately this would ruin his family and the lives of all the others in the office. He struggled mightily on how to handle this matter day and night.
CUT TO OFFICE
END: One day as Cayman was doing his own surveillance, he caught Dardanos in the vault all by himself with the door closed. Dardanos was discussing a meeting with a guy at a local restaurant, and he clearly saw him mention Ray at least two of three times. Cayman had Dardanos followed by a friend and later that night found out they were going to kill his grandfather. He dashed out of the office after hearing the news but his was too late when he arrived home. After almost getting killed himself while running through the streets in agony and falling in the middle of a busy road, he knew what to do. There was no more dilemma!
-
Vic Valleau Lesson 10 ACT ONE and INCITING INCIDENT
What I learned: Paint/write by numbers works, releases creativity where it’s needed. .
NANCY EXPANDED INTRODUCTION.
New in town, psychic visionary. Hippie, free and a lotta laughs but classy.
Doesn’t follow social rules or know when she’s in trouble.
JT EXPANDED INTRODUCTION
Rigid, social, Very respectable, rich, Lawyer. Talks marriage to get laid.
ACT 1 KEY beats/ 5 SCENES
BEATS
Nancy overhears two women talking in stalls about the BET.
INT. RESTAURANT LADIES REST ROOM – NIGHT
SCENE1 EXCITING OPENING \SCENE INTROS A MAIN CHARACTER, THE CONFLICT AND/OR WORLD.
NEW CHARACTER: Eleanor (Elie) is BLIND DATE LOCAL BEAUTY, SOCIETY WOMAN, CLUBS, COUNTRY CLUBS, PHI BETA KAPPA
Begin: Nancy looks under stalls hoping to recognize shoes. Elie watches her.
Middle: As women cycle thru, chat and wash hands, Nancy dawdles to hear more. .
End: Hears talk of BET of Rolex v. Tesla for first having sex with some woman.
“Why were you flirting with my boy friend? Says Elle to Nancy.
Nancy says just the opposite, he couldn’t take his eyes off of me”.
Nancy and Eleanor develop a plan to teach men to respect a woman.
Men are betting on their boldness, on their prowess
We own sex. We can seduce, then deny sex.
Plan: Each of us screws both men,
Proof is with video or engagement rings, etc.
SCENE 2 INCITING INCIDENT PROPELS PROTAGONIST ON THE JOURNEY.
BEATS
Inciting incident propels protagonist.
OUTLINE
BEGIN JT Lays his diamond Rolex on table. Elton lays his Tesla keys on top of it.
MIDDLE: Nancy notices JT covers it as she walks by.
Bet may be over her and JT looking at her.
End: She dangles her hand on him, whispers. He follows.
Eleanor stops her. They argue. JT leaves
Id rather seduced for revenge, then dump em.
No says Eleanor. That’s ordinary says Eleanor.
Her plan is elegant, no sex, all romance and diamonds!
The more they hold out, the more romantic men become, even diamonds.
We can see if Freud was right, romance blooms with denial, longing for sex.
Nancy I’m getting older and desperate for romance. Why not!
Eleanor: Every women is! We will save womankind!
Nancy: I’m in. I like romance.
SCENE 3 NANCY REACTS EMOTIONALLY TO INCITING INCIDENT.
BEAT: Stop and go awkward, almost sex.
Begins: She stops him, tests him. Why her? a prize for sex with her?
Middle: OK I’ll lie for you but we split the prize. He laughs at her.
End: Hysterical, she begs JT for romance. She storms out.
SCENE 4 TURNING POINT- LOCKS IN THE JOURNEY
Beat: Blind drunk and Seeking refuge with revenge sex with Elton.
SCENE:
ELTON BEDROOM – TESLA PARKED OUTSIDE
Begin: Elton denies their BET.
Middle: Elton claims they had sex.
End: She steals Tesla, drives away
SCENE 5
Eleanor’s bedroom. She steals Diamond Rolex from JT.
-
Janeen’s Inciting Incident
What I learned doing this assignment is that I will need to add more comedy in my rewrites.
INT. MALL – CONTINUOUS
NICK rounds the corner, following MERCENARY 1.
The mercenary aims at IVY, she turns, pulling her weapon, he fires.
IVY flies backwards with the force, hits a tchotchke cart on the way down, lands in a display of giant plush dogs with Christmas bows around their necks, lies motionless in the pile of dogs.
Mercenary 1 stops momentarily as Ivy falls. Nick bulldozes him from behind, landing a blow to the side of his head that sends him face first into an artificial Christmas tree decorated with a hundred mini-lights.
Nick grabs the lights from the branches, binds the guy’s hands and feet behind him with the cord, lights still glowing. The tree digs farther and farther into the guy’s face as the lights tighten around the trunk with every tug from Nick.
When the man is thoroughly trussed, Nick stands, takes a deep breath, hand automatically checking to ensure Grizzly’s pouch is still safely at his side.
DASHER is escorting HOLLY and RUDY down the hall. They move slowly.
Nick grabs the Mercenary’s gun, rushes at DASHER, flings the gun with incredible force at Dasher’s head. It lands solidly on the side of Dasher’s head and he goes down, groaning.
CUT TO:
INT. MALL – MOMENTS LATER
DASHER is trussed with an extension cord.
NICK grab’s Dasher’s FBI radio, stops, looks back at IVY, half buried in the dog pile, the two trussed up men, HOLLY, RUDY.
NICK
Are you okay?
Holly and Rudy exchange a quick glance.
HOLLY
Yes, but Ivy.
Nick shakes his head. Sorrow hits them all.
The MALL COP rounds the corner on his Segway, racing toward them, Nick glimpses another mercenary following him, trying to stay out of Nick’s line of sight behind the Segway.
The Segway draws up to Holly and Rudy. The mercenary reaches for his gun. Nick sees, knocks the man off his feet, wrestles with him on the ground.
The Santa suit padding gives Nick some protection, but the man gets Nick in a choke hold.
Nick clicks open the pouch and Grizzly leaps out, runs up the mercenary’s back to his head, bites his ear hard. Distracted by the bite, the man turns his head, all the opening Nick needs to wrest free of the man’s grip, deal a blow to his neck.
The man reaches for his gun again, they struggle with it, the gun goes off, both men freeze and blood oozes from the man’s shoulder.
Nick knocks him unconscious with one blow, places Grizzly back in her pouch as he rolls to his feet and stands face to face with the mall cop.
NICK
Get these two down to the west entrance. I’ll grab my go bag, pull my car around after I take care of this guy.
The mall cop, clearly shaken, nods vigorously, points to the west entrance.
Holly and Rudy begin walking, but it is slow.
Nick grabs the Segway, picks up Holly, places her on the Segway. Picks up Rudy, kicks his legs apart with one foot and plunks him behind Holly, feet on the Segway outside of Holly’s.
Nick spins the Segway so it’s facing him, puts Rudy’s thumbs on the brakes.
NICK
Lean forward to go, lean the handle to the side to turn, lean hard, go fast. Paul, run next to them. Keep them safe. I’ll be right there with my car.
He spins the Segway again so it’s pointing toward the west entrance. Holly and Rudy hang onto the handle for dear life.
NICK
Go!
Nick takes off at a run for the locker room, grabbing Dasher’s FBI radio from the floor as he passes it.
The Segway inches slowly forward, Rudy and Holly hanging on for dear life. The mall cop slows his walk to stay beside them.
-
Andrea Cabañas, Inciting Incident
What I learned from this: it was hard to keep pace after a hard long day at work but despite it, applying the techniques taught with a fresher mind was great to keep moving my story forward.
1. OUTLINE KEY SCENE 2 & 3
INCITING INCIDENT
INT. KATRINA’S HOUSE – DAY
BEGINNING: Katrina prepares a nice lunch for Zoe; everything seems okay. Both seem happy; no argument so far. Katrina wants to know what happened with James; Zoe reassures her that she broke up with Paula.
MIDDLE: Two police detectives appear after lunch. Zoe and Katrina are in shock with the news. Zoe still denies her involvement with Paula, but the detectives show pictures of them in intimate moments for Katrina’s disguise.
END: Katrina rages; they have a big argument. The police detectives leave the house. Katrina keeps their card/contact. She kicks her daughter out of the house.
2. Inciting Incident scene/Reaction to the Inciting Incident (Zoe’s emotional reaction).
INCITING INCIDENT
INT. KATRINA’S HOUSE – DINNER TABLE – DAY
Zoe and Katrina eat a lemon pie after lunch. Their plates and wine glasses are empty. Zoe picks up bits and pieces from her plate and licks her fingers. Katrina watches with a hint of a smile.
KATRINA
Did you like it?
ZOE
You know I love this pie.
Zoe picks up her spoon, takes a spoonful straight from the tray and eats it with pleasure.
ZOE
(full mouth)
The best in the world! Well, grandma’s was better, but you’re getting there.
The giggle.
KATRINA
No one beats that lady’s hands!
Someone knocks on the door. Katrina frowns.
KATRINA
Are you waiting for someone?
ZOE
Nope.
Katrina goes to the door while Zoe pours more wine on her glass. Katrina opens the door.
EXT./INT. KATRINE’S HOUSE – DOOR – DAY
CLAIRE TROUT (45), long hair tied in a ponytail, and MARK FERGUSON (50), fit for his age, wears aviator sunglasses.
CLAIRE
Mrs Muller?
KATRINA
Yes?
Claire shows their credentials from the Australian Federal Police.
CLAIRE
Detective Claire, and this is my colleague, detective Ferguson, AFP. Is Ms Zoe Muller here?
From the Zoe pokes her head from the inside, their eyes meet.
KATRINA
Is there any problem?
MARK
We need to speak with your daughter, Ma’am.
Katrina looks back to Zoe, who shrugs.
INT. KATRINA’S HOUSE – LOUNGE – DAY
Zoe, Katrina, Claire and Mark are seated around the coffee table.
CLAIRE
Miss Muller, sorry to bother you on a Saturday afternoon, but we’re running an investigation, and we need to make a few questions for you.
Clare glances at Katrina and then at Zoe.
CLAIRE
Could we speak in private?
KATRINA
(authoritative)
There’re no secrets between my daughter and me.
ZOE
Mom–
KATRINA
I’ll stay.
She stares at the investigators.
KATRINA
If you don’t mind.
Claire and Mark’s exchange looks, Mark nods. Mark turns to Zoe.
MARK
Ms Muller–
ZOE
You can call me Zoe, please.
Mark clears his throat.
MARK
Do you know Ms Paula Ortega?
Katrina reacts.
ZOE
Yes.
Zoe doesn’t look at her mother.
MARK
May I ask you what kind of relationship you both have?
ZOE
We’re friends. Good friends, why?
MARK
You made a few money transfers to her bank account. What was that for?
Katrina reacts, eyes frown, she stares at Zoe.
ZOE
She lent me some money to start my own business, and–
MARK
Your own business.
Claire puts up a hand on him.
MARK
Sorry. Go on.
ZOE
It’s been hard to find a job, you know, so she encouraged me to start my own business. I’m an interior designer, and I just started to pay her back–
KATRINA
This is what you did with my money? You said you hadn’t taken her cash! You told me you needed to buy another bloody software!
ZOE
Mom, please!
Katrina stands up and paces around the lounge. Claire glances at her.
MARK
Are you sure this money is for your own business? It seems there’s no profit yet for you to give her money back.
KATRINA
Of course, it’s my bloody money she’s giving to that bitch.
Zoe rolls her eyes.
MARK
If your mother has money, why not ask her to help you with your business instead of Paula?
Zoe scoffs, elbows on her knees; she eyes Mark.
ZOE
Do I need to go through all my family drama to explain why?
Katrina leans against the wall, arms crossed.
KATRINA
(to Zoe)
Tell them.
Claire and Mark’s exchange looks.
ZOE
Mom, stop.
KATRINA
What? Are you scared? Why don’t you tell them what you were doing with her?
Zoe turns to her, still on the sofa.
ZOE
What do you want, mom? Do you want me to say out loud that I slept with her? Yes, I did, and it was great, but it’s finished! I broke up with her, okay? It’s finished!
Katrina mutters something and walks toward the kitchen.
CLAIRE
Zoe, do you know Juan Estigarribia?
ZOE
I have no idea.
CLAIRE
Mr Estigarribia is a drug lord from the Sinaloa Cartel in Mexico. We found out he’s in Sydney, and he has connections with Ms Ortega.
ZOE
What?
MARK
Ms Muller… How long have you and Ms Ortega been in a relationship?
Katrina comes back, narrow eyes.
ZOE
Not too long. As I said, we broke up; I don’t know anything else about her.
Mark catches an envelope out of his bag and places a few intimate photos of Zoe with Paula. Zoe’s eyes widen.
Katrina snaps the pictures and stares at them in shock, jaws dropped.
KATRINA
You told me it was only a kiss!
ZOE
What is this? This is not right! Are you following me? I didn’t do anything!
CLAIRE
Ms Muller, you must understand that Paula has connections with Juan. She is a drug dealer and a powerful one.
Zoe leans back on the couch, hands over her open moth. She mutters
ZOE
This is not happening.
MARK
Are you buying frugs from her?
ZOE
For Christ sake, no! I don’t take drugs, I don’t buy drugs, and I don’t know anything about her! Anything!
Zoe stands up and paces; tears fall from her eyes, her hand massages her forehead.
Katrina teases.
KATRINA
I knew it. I could see the evil in her eyes. That woman never convinced me.
ZOE
Mom, shut up!
Katrina steps back, wide-eyed. A moment of silence. Claire breaks the ice.
CLAIRE
We had to make sure what was your involvement with Ms Ortega, that’s all.
ZOE
So you made it, thank you. Are you happy now?
Zoe points the door to them. Both stand up.
MARK
There’s a big cargo of cocaine arriving in Sydney. Juan is behind it, and we believe Paula is helping him.
He hands her a business card.
MARK
Let us know if you hear anything about it.
They move their heads, and Claire and Mark leave the house, Katrina’s at the door.
CLOSE TO THE DOOR
Claire steps back before leaving and stares at Zoe.
CLAIRE
And Ms Muller, be careful.
They leave. Zoe crumples the card and throws it away. Katrina catches hidden from Zoe.
-
Lesson 10: Act 1 Inciting Incident
ASSIGNMENT
BG’s Inciting Incident
What I learned doing this assignment: This site puts too much space between lines. Stuff becomes virtually unreadable. I was losing sight of the structure or where I was, when reading. So I decided to give up the traditional screenplay format of putting speaking character’s name on a separate line. Much easier to read this way.
Outline Key Scenes 2 & 3 for Act 1.
KEY SCENE 2: INCITING INCIDENT:
INT. NEWSROOM – DAY
BEGINNING: Reporter shows Editor the material he has received in a fat envelope in the mail and the research he has done on it.
MIDDLE: They discuss the contents
END: Editor thinks it is a tip, and it’s worth checking out. He decides to send Reporter to London to investigate.KEY SCENE 3: THE EMOTIONAL REACTION TO THE CALL:
INT. REPORTER’S APARTMENT — NIGHT
BEGINNING: Reporter calls his friend HACKER over secure video link for a second opinion on the anonymous package he has received.
MIDDLE: They discuss the contents, their meaning, and the potential danger from possession of classified material.
END: They decide on the next step.Write your Inciting Incident scene.
INT. NEWSROOM – DAY
Bustling newsroom, with computer screens everywhere. Contents of fat envelope are again laid out on a big table. EDITOR, mid-fifties, a fatherly type, stands by a giant monitor, watching curiously as information streams down and Reporter explains.
EDITOR: What the hell…
REPORTER: Wait till you see this.
ON THE SCREEN: Stream stops at a photo he’s taken with his cellphone. A blurry image of an important-looking man. Glamorous photos of the same man in various social occasions with other important-looking people stream down the screen.
REPORTER: Would you believe it, he’s BILLIONAIRE! What’s he doing in my mailbox?
ON THE SCREEN: Billionaire’s Wikipedia summary reads:
“British Billionaire, 65. Born in Czechoslovakia. He uses
his media empire to promote Western values. His foundation,
National Endowment for Freedom (NEF), provides billions
to democracy efforts worldwide.”
EDITOR: Well, Reporter, looks to me like somebody wants you to investigate something.
His eyes twinkle.
EDITOR: You’ve hit big time, kid.
REPORTER: Why me? I’m a nobody. Why not the New York Times? Or the Washington Post?
EDITOR: Okay. Let’s lose the self-pity. It’s clearly a tip. It’s worth a look.
Reporter stands looking mulish — his usual non-committal, unsmiling self.
EDITOR: No need to be so glum. You’ll have a great time in Europe. Just keep it cheap.Write the scene for the Reaction to the Inciting Incident.
INT. REPORTER’S APARTMENT — NIGHT
Images of the contents of the envelope stream slowly down the screen. In two little windows in a corner are Reporter and HACKER, his friend from grad school, same age, different departments.
Reporter sits in front of the screen at the keyboard, looking scruffy.
HACKER: Gee, some of these cables could be classified stuff.
REPORTER: Which is why I’m just letting you only look at images, not giving you copies. And wash your computer after this call.
HACKER: This is a secure connection. VPN.
REPORTER: Yeah, right. Moving on.
ON THE SCREEN: Images streaming. They stop at — the beautiful, 18th century building. Images found through reverse-image search have replaced some of the blurry paper copies.
HACKER: Well, I recognize the Club, of course, very posh, billionaire’s row and all that. All members are billionaires, oligarchs, international wheeler-dealers… Can I take another looksie at that bank statement again?
ON THE SCREEN: Stream stops at a video of Billionaire giving speech at a Davos conference. On the wall behind him, in wall-size letters, is the title of his talk:
“Changing the World for the Better
Through Pro-Democracy NGOs”
HACKER: You know, of course, all that ‘Pro-Democracy NGO’ stuff is just cover for doing regime-change operations in countries with governments we don’t like? Can I just take another looksie at that bank statement again?
REPORTER: I’m trying to protect you from from stuff with national security implications.
HACKER: Well, it looks to me like someone is putting together money to finance a nasty operation and someone else is trying —
REPORTER: The world is full of nasty stuff, let’s just stick to getting a story.
He turns off the streaming images. Only Reporter and Hacker, in bigger windows, are left on the screen now.
REPORTER: I’ll call when I get there. Keep safe. -
TIM’S INCITING INCIDENT – DAY 10
What I learned doing this assignment is hard to say but nobody reads this anyway. The key thing is that I nailed down the key scenes, leaving only the filler scenes to finish the act.
Key Scene 2 Outline:
BEGINNING: Duke sees Madison open Bob’s wallet.
MIDDLE: Duke barks ferociously to alert Bob.
END: Madison accuses Duke of attacking her for no reason
Int. BOB’S HOUSE – DAY
Duke’s lies on his bed in the laundry room. He is not happy.
He hears FOOTSTEPS and looks through the open door into the kitchen to see Madison strut by like she owns the place.
She opens the fridge, grabs a drink, then pauses, slowly closes the door.
On the counter, next to the fridge she spies Bob’s keys and wallet.
Madison looks around, picks up the wallet, and takes some cash.
Duke is pissed. He springs to his feet, barking bloody murder.
Madison drops the wallet on the counter, spins to face Duke.
Madison
(whispering)
Shh! Shut up you stupid mutt.
Duke gets closer, still barking fiercely.
Madison panics at the sound of quick footsteps on a stairway.
Bob (O.S.)
What’s going on in there?
Madison tries to fake tears. She looks terrified.
Bob rushes into the kitchen and surveys the scene.
Duke stops barking and looks very proud of himself.
MadISON
(sobbing)
He attacked me
Duke is shocked by the accusation.
BoB
That doesn’t sound like Duke.
MaDISON
Are you calling me a liar!?
Duke
No. I am!
bOB
Of course not. It’s just –
MadISON
(between sobs)
I came in for a drink. And he, when I closed the door, he was right there growling and stalking me.
Karen rushes to Madison and hugs her.
Karen
It’s okay, honey. Mommy’s here.
(to Bob)
We can not live in fear like this.
Bob stares at Duke, despondent.
Duke
She’s lying! Her pants have been on fire since the day they moved in. You know I would never…right?
Bob sighs.
Key Scene 3 Outline:
BEGINNING: Duke is banished outdoors, literally in the dog house.
MIDDLE: Bob is disappointed in Duke, says he used to be such a good boy.
END: Duke is heartbroken and angry. He runs away.
Ext. BOB’S HOUSE – night
In the backyard, away from the house, Duke has literally and figuratively in the dog house.
Bob kneels outside and rubs Duke’s head.
BOB
I’m sorry, boy. The girls just don’t feel safe around you.
Duke drops his eyes.
BOB (CONT’D)
You used to be such a good boy.
duke
(perk up)
Used to be? I’m still a good boy! They’re the bad boys, uh, girls. Please call me good boy. Please.
Bob rises and looks down at Duke sadly.
He opens his mouth to speak, then stops, turns and walks away.
LATER
Duke stares at the house. In one window appears Madison, on her cell phone, laughing. She waves to Duke and laughs more.
Duke has had enough. He watches as, one by one, the windows in the house go dark.
He stands – OUCH – bangs his head on the dog house opening.
He crouches and exits the dog house more cautiously.
Duke
He’s under their witch’s spell but he’ll miss me once I’m gone. Yeah, he’ll come begging me to come home.
Defiantly he marches away from the house, towards the woods.
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Benito Selim’s Inciting Incident
What I learn in this assignment is the inciting Incident sets motion the story the rest of the film will follow.
ACT 1
INT. MOVING VEHICLE- NIGHT
BEGINNING: Karen and Jeff ride along a lonely road. Jeff admits he hasn’t been trying hard enough to make the relationship work but wants to. Jeff parks the car on a lover’s lane turn out from the road.
MIDDLE: Karen appreciates his attempts but is still troubled by something on her mind. she then admits to Jeff, she’s been distant as well since her father has now reached out to her after years of being distant.
END: Jeff understands their troubled relationship and vows to help her through it. Jeff exits the vehicle to use the restroom. He is killed immediately as an unknown figure stands in front of the vehicle in Karen’s sight. Karen attempts to start the car, but Jeff has the keys. She flees the car.
EXT. STARKOAKS- FARM
BEGINNING: Karen runs down the road with the killer on her trail. She enters Starkoaks and hides under a pig troff.
MIDDLE: The Killer runs past and scrambles to find Karen. Karen waits a minute then runs in the opposite direction. She ducts into a barn.
END: In the barn, she discovers candles and dead animals along with other remains. The killer then appears from the shadows and proceeds to kill her.
INT. DARRYL’S DORMROOM- NIGHT
BEGINNING: Darryl dozes off while on his computer, the computer begins to act up then stops. Darryl figures he’s just tired and shuts down his computer.
MIDDLE: Darryl hears a faint voice followed by a piercing scream. He runs to his drawer and removes a bottle of pills. Darryl takes one and everything is silenced.
END: Darryl hears faint voices again followed by giggles, the door opens and his roommate Gary and his date stumble in. Gary apologizes he didn’t know Darryl was there, he exits with his date. Darryl lies down as a shadow on his blank computer screen moves out of frame.
EXT. DORM DUMPSTER- DAY
SUPER: 1 MONTH LATER
BEGINNING: Darryl and Gary take out garbage to the dump. Darryl overhears sorority girls talk about Karen missing. She was last seen with her boyfriend (Jeff)
MIDDLE: Darryl asks Gary if he knows them. Gary says Jeff is his frat brother, but he probably just ran off with some other chic. Gary continues he doesn’t get involved with his Frat bros drama.
END: The two enter the dumpster to dump the garbage, Darryl gives notice to an old 8MM camera someone threw out. He takes it despite Gary telling him it’s useless. As the two leave the dumpster, a slight wind closes the dumpster behind them.
INT. REC HALL- DAY
BEGINNING: Darryl and Gary meet up with Marcus. A love interest Tina joins the group and speaks with Darryl briefly. Gary pushes Darryl to talk to her.
MIDDLE: Darryl speaks with Tina reluctantly, but eventually asks her out on a date. She accepts and the two set a day.
END: Darryl is extremely happy and shares the news with his friends.
INT. STUDY ROOM- LATER
BEGINNING: Darryl goes over details of the group’s final project with Gary and Marcus. They are joined by Calvin, Lorraine, and Andrew who are part of the crew. Darryl tells them they will be filming at Starkoaks farm.
MIDDLE: The group is excited but unsure how they can get in. Darryl has a plan and announces they will shoot on the 8MM camera he found.
END: Gary and Calvin are reluctant but agree to do so. Darryl is happy he glances over to a group of sorority sisters who are handing out flyers. One of them approaches the group and gives them a flyer with Karen’s picture on it.
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Katherine Bennett-Greer’s Inciting Incident
What I learned from this assignment is that it is important to note the Protagonist’s emotional call to action.
Outline:
Emily sees Mitzi’s thugs at the back door of the school
Emily realizes they’re at the school to steal her dog
Emily’s Chihuahua puts its paw over its face when the dog sees the bad guys on the camera footage
Emily picks her dog up and promises to protect him.
SCENE:
INT. SCHOOL OFFICE – DAY
Emily sees figures on the closed-circuit camera. There are three figures, wearing winter ski caps.
EMILY
Can I help you?
THUG #!
Uh, yeah, we’re here to inspect the pipes.
THUG #2
Yeah, the pipes.
Thug #1 hits Thug #2 on the forehead. One cap comes off, and the other cap’s pulled off in a near fight among thieves. Emily recognizes them from the beach with Mitzi. Emily looks into her Mom’s office. Her Mom’s trying to get a live phone line.
EMILY
Um, yeah. Let me have you come in the back. Give me a few minutes. I need to get it cleared for you.
THUG #1
Around the back. Okay.
Emily looks at her dog, Churro. His head tilts sideways like he recognizes the bad guys also. Emily hurries to him and picks him up. Churro puts his paw over his eyes and buries his head into Emily’s hair, like he’s hiding.
EMILY
Churro, I promise. I won’t let them take you.
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Dana’s Act I Inciting Incident
What have I learned from this assignment?
Scripting the beat sheet with the basic idea of the scene, then scripting the outline to expand the idea into three separate acts made is easier for me to build the drama toward the Inciting Incident.
ACT I BEAT SHEET – SCENE 2
INT. GOVERNOR’S OFFICE – DAY
The governor is having a meeting with staff discussing his stalled budget. The governor’s wife enters. The conversation turns to the VP nomination and the release of Jack and Frank and what to do about them.
INT. COFFEE SHOP – DAY
Frank meets Jack in the coffee shop for a brief reunion. Jack wants to get his life back. Frank wants to forget everything and split. Jack implores Frank to investigate what happened to them. And it’s here we learn they used to be copes. But Frank refuses. Jack realizes he’s now completely alone on his journey.
ACT I OUTLINE – SCENE 2
INT. GOVERNOR’S OFFICE – DAY
BEGINNING: The governor storms into his office with Maggie and Hill. He’s angry his legislation is stalled, and they discuss ways to go forward. Margery Newbaum, the governor’s wife enters. The Maggie takes her leave, and as she passes the governor’s wife, they exchange glances suggesting the wife knows the woman is having an affair with the governor.
MIDDLE: Margery and Newbaum discuss the press conference and their plans for the VP nomination. The governor suggests they have another problem. Hill tells Margery about the release of Jack and Frank. She doesn’t care. They don’t matter. Newbaum disagrees. He suggests the possibility that they might violate parole and to go back to jail. Margery points out that would harm his early release program.
END: The governor decides it’s then best for Jack and Frank to just go away.
INT. COFFEE SHOP – DAY
BEGINNING: Frank enters and finds Jack at a table in the back facing the door. He joins Jack at the table. They’re two men with suppressed emotions, understand what’s happened to them. They discuss prison and being out.
MIDDLE: Jack talks about life outside. His daughter. He wants his life back. Frank tells him to move on. There’s no going back. But Jack wants to find out why they were sent to prison and learn the person responsible. We learn that they were cops wrongfully convicted. But Frank refuses. He suggests that someone wants them dead. He’s going to flee to Mexico.
END: Frank says goodbye to Jack. Jack realizes he’s alone on his journey without his partner.
INT. GOVERNOR’S OFFICE – LATE AFTERNOON
Newbaum storms into the office followed by Maggie Owens and Douglas Hill. Hill closes the door. Newbaum is seething.
NEWBAUM
How can it be stalled already?MAGGIE
Senator Digby won’t let it come to the floor. He says —NEWBAUM
Fuck what Digby says!(flops into his chair behind a desk like a little kid)
NEWBAUM (CONT’D)
That old fart hasn’t had an original thought in his head since he fucked his brother-in-law during the S&L scandal.
(Maggie looks confused)
You didn’t know he did that?MAGGIE
He wants something now.NEWBAUM
Of course, he wants something. He wants to gerrymander the fifth district to include his home so he can run for congress.
(shakes his head, frustrated)
It’d be worth sending that bastard to Washington just to get rid of him.MAGGIE
Should I schedule a meeting?Newbaum waves his hand, conceding, frustrated.
The door opens and MARGERY NEWBAUM enters, the governor’s wife, 40’s, stately, attractive, a formidable woman. Maggie notices her right away, almost her cue to leave.
MAGGIE (CONT’D)
I’ll go call the senator’s office.Newbaum’s eyes float over Maggie as she turns.
Maggie slips passed Margery. The two women smile cordially at one another. There’s something underneath. Jealousy? Hatred?
MAGGIE (CONT’D)
Mrs. Newbaum.MARGERY
Hello, dear.Maggie leaves.
MARGERY (CONT’D)
I saw your press conference from this morning. It could have gone better.NEWBAUM
Bunch of jackals.MARGERY
Why did you dismiss the question about the vice presidency so fast? You need to encourage that more.NEWBAUM
I have other concerns right now.MARGERY
This is our only concern. We’ve been working for this since law school. The vice presidency is the stepping stone to the presidency.Newbaum looks to Douglas.
HILL
Donovan and Valentino were released this week.MARGERY
So what? You’re afraid of a couple of ex-cons? You prosecuted them for God’s sake. Spin their release to your advantage.NEWBAUM
Where are they now?HILL
They met with their parole officers, moved into their halfway houses. They have a couple of shit jobs lined up. I can have a couple of my guys sit on them for a few days, keep an eye them.NEWBAUM
That’s not enough. They need to be out of sight, out of mind.Newbaum stands and moves to a window, peering out.
NEWBAUM (CONT’D)
They’re ex-cons. If they violate parole, they go back inside.MARGERY
That will draw attention. And undermine your early release program.CLOSE SHOT – NEWBAUM
He looks directly at Hill.
NEWBAUM
Then maybe they should just go away.Newbaum looks out the window again. Hill and Maggie glance at each other. It’s more than just concern. There’s something between them.
INT. COFFEE SHOT – MORNING
It’s a small coffee shop. A handful of people at tables enjoying coffee. Frank enters dressed in his rumpled prison suit. He takes off his sunglasses and looks around. Jack sits at a table, his back to the wall. He’s stirring his coffee, deep in thought. It’s been a bad few days.
FRANK (O.S.)
Still sitting back to the wall, facing the door?Jack looks up. Frank stands over him. They’re pleased to see each other, but just smiles. Two men with tempered emotions.
JACK
Old habits.Frank looks to the GIRL behind the counter.
FRANK
Black coffee. Large.The girl is startled by his abrupt order. Jack waves to her it’s okay. She starts the coffee.
Frank sits down.
JACK
When did you get into town?FRANK
Yesterday? You?JACK
A few days ago. Where do they have you living?FRANK
Some shit hole over by the tracks.JACK
I’m the other way, off Second and Grand. Meet your parole officer yet?FRANK
I met him — the fucking asshole.
(beat)
I used to enjoy fucking with ex-cons. Now I’m on the other side.JACK
Yeah.They sit quietly for a moment, realizing how their worlds have changed. The girl steps up with Frank’s coffee.
GIRL
That’s three dollars?FRANK
For a fucking coffee?The girl is startled by Frank. Jack waves it off.
JACK
He’s old.Jack pays with a five. The girl gives Frank one last look and leaves.
JACK (CONT’D)
You’re on the outside now. Take it down a notch.
(beat)
You look good — considering.FRANK
I heard you requested solitary.JACK
It wasn’t too bad. I worked in the infirmary — had a few privileges. I got out during the day.FRANK
You were always stronger than me.JACK
You take isolation wing?FRANK
And sit there with those fucking perverts and rapists?JACK
Gen pop? How did you — ?FRANK
I did what I had to do.Jack stares at his friend, saddened, realizing how Frank survived. Frank looks away and changes the subject.
FRANK (CONT’D)
Seen Sally, yet?JACK
I sat across from her school and watched her play at recess — until Janice showed up.FRANK
How’d that go?JACK
She still hasn’t told Sally I’m her father.FRANK
That bitch. You have rights, Jack. Sally’s your daughter, and she has a right to know you.JACK
What am I supposed to do? Walk up and say ‘Hi, I’m your real dad, and I just got out of prison?’FRANK
Yes. It might just be that simple.JACK
When I meet my daughter, it won’t be as an ex-con.FRANK
What do you intend to do, wave your magic wand?Jack stares directly at Frank with intend. It takes a moment for Frank to realize what Jack purposes.
FRANK (CONT’D)
Are you out of fucking your mind? Why do you want to go digging around in that shit?JACK
I want my daughter back. I want my life back.FRANK
Your old life is gone, Jack. And so is mine. We’re not cops any more. And you need to accept that and move on.JACK
I spend twelve years in a six by eight cell fixated on a face I couldn’t see. I want to know who did this to me — to us. I have to see his face.FRANK
You haven’t figured it yet, have you? Why do you think we both got paroled in the same week? Whoever put us into that hell wants us out. And I don’t intend to stick around to find out why.JACK
I never knew you to run scared. What are you afraid of?FRANK
Going back.
(beat)
And I’m not going back. I’m just going.JACK
Where?FRANK
My brother’s in Tuscan. And it’s a short trip from there to Mexico.JACK
You’re going to skip?FRANK
Nobody cares about missing ex-cons. And if you’re smart, you’ll do the same.JACK
I can’t.FRANK
You’re going to get yourself killed, Jack. And for what? The truth nobody wants to know. You think people will hail you as a hero? They’ll hate you for proving them wrong. They’ll hate you for taking away their hate.JACK
If somebody wanted us dead, why didn’t they kill us in prison?FRANK
Because they couldn’t get to us.JACK
How do you know that?Frank remains silent, refusing to answer. Then —
FRANK
Sorry, Jack. I can’t go with you on this trip.Frank stands and extends his hand. Jack stands and takes it. One last goodbye between partners.
FRANK (CONT’D)
Good luck, Jack. Do what you have to do. Just watch your back.JACK
You used to do that for me.Frank nods, almost ashamed he’s abandoning his friend. He leaves.
Jack watches his friend walk away. He’s now completely alone.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by Dana Abbott.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by
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What I learned from this exercise: As I get deeper into the first act, as I look over my potential scenes, decide upon my Inciting Event, the Refusal of the Call, and Answering the Call, a new pattern develops, one that makes more sense, the story becomes more clear.
INCITING EVENT:
INT. OLIVIA’S APARTMENT — DAY
Olivia goes home with takeout food, flips on the television, and sees the news about the First Lady.
BEGINNING: Olivia gets home and goes through her usual routine as the news comes on the TV.
MIDDLE: Olivia changes the channel repeatedly while preparing to eat, thinking that her remote is broken because the same footage is on every station.
END: It sinks in that the First lady has been murdered and she just hypnotized a suspect.INT. OLIVIA’S APARTMENT — DAY
Olivia enters her apartment with purse and take-out food. She kicks off her shoes, drops her purse near the door, and unbuttons her blouse while setting down the take-out on the dining table. The TV remote is on the table; she picks it up, flicks it in the direction of the tube. TV lights up, and Olivia slips behind the kitchen counter, grabs a wine glass from the rack and sets it down upright. She leans her head into the fridge for a bottle of Burgundy and the news of the First Lady comes on.
Olivia takes the bottle out of the fridge and pops the cork. Spotting the news through the counter opening,, she flips a channel with the remote while filling a glass. Still news. She taps the remote again. Same story. She draws a big slug of wine, a third of the pour. Some of the wine trickles down from the corners of her mouth, and she lets it, rolling the cold glass over her cleavage. Once more with the remote. Same picture; an ambulance being unloaded at NIH. Is the remote broken?
She shakes it and goes to the dining table to try from shorter range.
Olivia notices the chyron on the screen: First Lady Murdered — Suspect In Custody — F.B.I. Agent Townes has “No Comment” —
OLIVIA
What the fuck?
NEWS ANCHOR (O.S.)
… have arrested a young man of _____
descent, as yet unidentified, but we
believe this footage to be of the suspect…
The volume recedes as Olivia realizes it’s the man she hypnotized for Towne and Bowen. Her throat tightens and catches.
REFUSAL OF THE CALL
EXT. NATIONAL MALL — DAY
Olivia and Bowen have burgers and fries on a park bench. She tells him she’s never treated anyone of such magnitude as a President and is afraid of screwing up, that they need someone older and more experienced. She recommends her father.
BEGINNING: Bowen and Olivia meet on the mall and share fast food.
MIDDLE: Olivia tells Bowen that she doesn’t feel up to doing the job. Bowen tells her that they’ve had other psychiatrists in who couldn’t do what she can.END:
Olivia sits on a park bench, every muscle tense. Bowen drops a bag of fast food next to her. She flinches and gasps.
BOWEN
Hey, I know it’s probably not what you’re
used to, but I’m on a budget.
Olivia recovers.
OLIVIA
It’s, uh — exactly what I’m used to. I really
don’t make as much as you think.
BOWEN
Well, good, because the government doesn’t
pay much.
OLIVIA
I haven’t said yes. Why didn’t
you tell me about the First Lady?
BOWEN
We wanted you unvarnished, unbiased. It
was Townes’ idea, actually. Was it wrong?
Did you eat on the way?
Olivia breaks out of her haze. She opens the bag, pulls out the burger, drink, and fries. They eat.
OLIVIA
No, it probably wasn’t. I might have
done the same thing in your place.
BOWEN
Great minds think alike.
Olivia turns like a surprised cat.
OLIVIA
I’m not great. I wrote a book.
BOWEN
You developed a technique. And it
seems to work. We need you to treat
the President.
OLIVIA
Wait, all I did was question a suspect.
Bowen almost whispers.
BOWEN
The President is a suspect.
Olivia’s eyes pop.
BOWEN
I’m taking a big chance talking to you
like this. Townes and C.I.A. probably
have half a dozen mics and cameras
on us right now.
OLIVIA
Are you people that paranoid?
BOWEN
We have to be. Try the fries.
Olivia shakes her head and opens the fries bag. There’s a note written on the inside: “He had the knife in his bloody hands.”
BOWEN
Look, we need to get President
Munson in therapy. He’s been through
a heel of a shock, and he reminds me
of a lot of vets I know with PTSD.
OLIVIA
It would be highly unusual if he didn’t.
BOWEN
He’s a highly unusual man.
OLIVIA
He’d have to be.
BOWEN
That’s right. And he needs an unusual
therapist. We’ve got to get him back in
the saddle before others realize he’s
hanging on by the skin of his teeth.
OLIVIA
You’re mixing your metaphors. I don’t
think I’m the right one to do this. I haven’t
any political expertise, and the technique
isn’t foolproof. I might screw him up
worse.
Bowen leans back, chews his burger like it’s his last.
OLIVIA
I might screw him up worse. Have you
thought of that? Shouldn’t you try the
people at NIH first?
BOWEN
We did. The problem is, they all have
their own biases. They can’t even agree
on a plan of action.
OLIVIA
Then get someone outside who has lots
of experience in PTSD.
BOWEN
Anyone you care to recommend?
OLIVIA
Find my father. I haven’t spoken to him
in years, but he’d be the right man for
the job.
BOWEN
I had him in mind. Take a ride with me.
Bowen rises and waves. A car pulls up to the curb nearby.
OLIVIA
I don’t want to see him.
BOWEN
You won’t have to.
Bowen extends his hand to help her up.
EXT. ARLINGTON CEMETERY — DAY
Bowen and Olivia stand over a grave. It reads “Dr. Theobold Thurmond” and is dated two years ago.
OLIVIA
He was a brilliant man.
BOWEN
I expect so. Graduate of Johns Hopkins,
MA at Stanford, PhD at Harvard. Returned
to teach at Stanford, became head of the
Psychiatric Department and got a second
PhD in Political Science. Taught you, until
you transferred.
OLIVIA
We had a falling out.
BOWEN
I know. What I don’t know is why?
OLIVIA
He could be — emotionally abusive.
I tried to get my mother to leave him,
but she wouldn’t.
BOWEN
I’m sorry.
OLIVIA
There wasn’t anything anyone could do.
I couldn’t live with it anymore.
BOWEN
I’m sure you made the right decision.
Olivia lifts her eyes from the gravestone.
OLIVIA
Take me home, please.
Bowen offers his hand and leads her away from the grave.
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Lori’s Inciting Incident
The phone on Thomas’ desk RINGS and startles Thomas and John.
John answers with a cheerful tone that surprises.
JOHN
Good afternoon. This is Pastor Thomas.
As John listens, his face grows with concern, then bewilderment.
THOMAS
I’m leaving right now. It will take about ten minutes.
Thomas slowly puts down the phone.
THOMAS
Sometimes there really are no words.
JOHN
You always know what to say.
THOMAS
No, I don’t. Joan was always better with this sort of thing.
JOHN
Don’t consult the dead on behalf of the living.
Thomas glares at John.
JOHN
Sorry. You know I’m always on your side.
THOMAS
Don’t quote the bible to me.
JOHN
I didn’t mean it. Joan was always the best with people. What’s going on?
THOMAS
Chelsea Peterson was killed in a car wreck less than two weeks before Christmas.
JOHN
Oh, no…
Thomas grabs his coat and gloves.
THOMAS
The family has asked for me.
John jumps up.
JOHN
I’ll go with you.
As they leave, Thomas accidentally knocks over the wastebasket with all the yellow paper balls spilling out. The word “hope” peeks out and seems to taunt Thomas.
INT. MIRIAM’S HOUSE – DAY
Miriam is taking more pies out of the oven as her phone RINGS.
Miriam hurries and sets down a pie, and she answers it.
MIRIAM
Hello?
Miriam listens with concern.
MIRIAM
Where are they at?
MIRIAM
I’ll be right there.
EXT. CHURCH – DAY
Thomas and John make their way to Thomas’ truck. The snow has not been completely cleared around his truck.
JOHN
Did they say how it happened?
Thomas just shakes his head.
Thomas looks down the sidewalks toward the main street as he climbs into his truck.
The man in the black coat again appears, causing Thomas to almost slide down in the seat to hide.
John looks to see what Thomas is looking at, then looks at Thomas.
JOHN
You can’t keep avoiding…
THOMAS
I’m not!
John gives Thomas a look.
Thomas starts the truck and spins out, sliding sideways in the snow before gaining control and pulling out onto the cleared street.
INT. HOSPTIAL – DAY
Thomas and John enter the hospital and immediately see the GRIEVING FAMILY, Mark, Tammy, and Stefanie. They search Thomas’ face as if they hope he can give them hope.
Thomas stares at the floor as he makes his way toward them.
JOHN
(to family)
I’m so sorry.
Mark BREAKS down in tears.
TAMMY
Thomas?
THOMAS
I’m so sorry, Tammy, Mark.
Thomas looks at the young girl Stefanie and can’t speak.
Mark pulls himself together.
MARK
They haven’t let us see her yet. They said it was her car, and she had her id with her. Do you think there’s any chance that it’s not her?
Mark searches Thomas’ face.
THOMAS
I’ll talk with someone and see if we can find out more.
Mark nods his head and seems okay with that answer.
Miriam walks into the hospital.
Thomas seems somewhat relieved to see her.
MIRIAM
Oh, Tammy.
Tammy SOBS into Miriam’s arms.
THOMAS
(to Miriam)
I’m going to see if we can find out more information.
Thomas walks up to the nurses’ station and is met by a doctor.
DOCTOR
Pastor Thomas.
THOMAS
I’m here with the Peterson family. Is there anything you can tell us?
DOCTOR
The girl most likely died on impact. There were no other cars involved. We do ask that she be identified, just as a…
THOMAS
I can identify her.
DOCTOR
(beat)
Okay. Follow me.
Thomas briefly looks back at the others who are all looking at him.
He nods and follows the Doctor.
INT. MORGUE – CONTINUOUS
Thomas becomes more solemn as he follows the Doctor to a body covered in a sheet.
The Doctor pulls back the sheet and looks at Thomas.
THOMAS
(sobs)
It’s her.
The Doctor quickly covers the body back up.
DOCTOR
I’m sorry. Are you close to the Petersons?
THOMAS
Belong to my congregation.
DOCTOR
Do you want to pray over her?
Thomas gives the Doctor a look and edges closer to the covered body. He bows his head to pray silently and SOBS more.
THOMAS
Death has won again.
Thomas gathers his composer and wipes his face before heading back to the door.
THOMAS
Clean her up before you let the family see her.
The Doctor nods.
INT. HOSPITAL HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS
Thomas steps back into the hallway and looks toward the family.
They search his face and know. Tammy and Stephanie CRY loudly.
Thomas and Miriam’s eyes meet.
Thomas walks back toward them, and then he walks past them and out the doors without saying another word.
Miriam and John look shocked.
John shrugs his shoulders.
Miriam turns her attention back to supporting the family.
JOHN
I’m so sorry. If there’s anything you need at all, please call me.
John hurries out of the hospital toward Thomas, who is in the truck and ready to leave without him.
John jumps into the truck.
JOHN
What was that?
THOMAS
I’m going to find out how the accident happened.
JOHN
What did they tell you?
THOMAS
They said there were no other cars involved.
JOHN
Then there were no other cars involved. The roads were slick. It was an accident.
Thomas speeds off as John watches him with concern.
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