-
Post Day 10 Assignment Here
Click reply and post your assignment here.
-
16 Replies
-
THIRTY DAY SCREENPLAY # 10
James E. Clark Act 1 Inciting Incident
What I learned from this assignment: This gives me a simple process for writing drama in to the Inciting Incident.
Opening:
EXT. COMPANY HEADQUARTERS – DAY
Sr. Chief Carrie Waters I inspecting her sailors for morning “Formation”.
EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY
Sr. Chief Waters is berating a young sailor for not remember how to operate the heavy earth mover. She does it nicely but firmly.
INT. CHAPEL CONFRENCE ROOM – NIGHT
Sr. Chief Waters I at a Women’s Bible study on the Navy base. The younger women gravitate to her for advice.
INT. DOJO – NIGHT
Sr. Chief Waters is at a dojo wearing a 3<sup>rd</sup> degree Black Belt. She’s teaching children the art of Tai Kwon Do.
Inciting Incident:
INT. NAVY MEDICAL OFFICE – DAY
Carrie is in the doctor’s office on base. She’s been given the news of a terminal diagnosis. We don’t hear what it is, but we see her reaction.
OUTLINE
OPENING
EXT. COMPANY HEADQUARTERS – DAY
Beginning
Sailors are scrambling to be in the right place in formation and on time. Everyone is at attention. One lone sailor is five seconds late and has to work is way into his place
Middle
Facing the Sailors is a diminutive Sr. Chief Carrie Waters. Five foot nuthin’ and a hundred pounds. She’s wearing immaculate Khaki’s with lots of ribbons including a Purple Heart.
End
She sarcastically thanks the late sailor for joining his shipmates. She tells the whole formation that she will inspect them prior to the Commander inspecting them and woe to anyone who’s not prepared.
EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY
Beginning
Sr. Chief Waters is watching a Seaman struggle with the operation of a large earthmover
Middle
With ease she scrambles up to the cab. Asks the sailor a few questions. Walks him through the operative procedure and has him restart the earth mover. It works.
End
She kindly confirms that the sailor is able to go through the steps to enforce is learning.
INT. CHAPEL CONFERENCE ROOM – NIGHT
Beginning
Women are milling around chatting and drinking coffee or bottled water. Some are in uniform, some in civies. Carrie is in civies. She calls them all to the table.
Middle
The are going through the story of Deborah in the Book of Judges. Carrie asks pointed questions of the participants to keep them engaged.
End
Bible study is over. Someone asks Carrie what she’ll do once she retires. She tells them she wants to visit every state in the US
INT. DOJO – NIGHT
Beginning
Carrie, 3<sup>rd</sup> degree Black Belt is teaching a class of kids ages 8-15.
Middle
An 11-year-old boy gets too rambunctious and hurts a girl in the class. She orders him off the mat where he must kneel and watch the rest of the class continue.
End
She confronts the boy by asking him how much he likes being at the Dojo. He loves it. She gives him a serious reprimand.
INCITING INCIDENT
INT. NAVY MEDICAL OFFICE – DAY
Beginning
Carrie sitting on the exam table. The physician is reading lab reports then looks at MRI results.
Middle
Physician gives Carrie bad news. One to two years at most.
End
EXT. FRONT OF MEDICAL CENTER – DAY
Carrie stands and stares into nothingness. Then starts to shake.
INT. BATALLION COMMANDERSERS OFFICE
Beginning
Sr, Chief Waters enters the Commanders office dressed in Khakis. She reports. Commander welcomes her. Command Master Chief observes and smiles at her.
Middle
Commander informs her she will have to retire. She has sixty days left in the Navy. She will not make Master Chief and she won’t have a thirty year career.
ACT 1 TURNING POINT
REACTION TO INCITING INCIDENT
EXT. AUCTION SITE – DAY
Beginning
Carrie walks around checking out various school busses.
Middle
Carrie bids on her favorite and loses. She bids on her #2 choice and gets it.
End
She drives it off the lot.
EXT. NAVY BASE MECHANIC SHOP – DAY
BEGINNING
Carrie is ripping the seats out of the bus. She’s angry, crying and forceful as she works.
Middle
All the seats are out. She’s curled up in a ball on the floor of the bus crying and pouring her heart out to God.
Command Master Chief finds her in that state and prays with her. His wife her to come over for dinner.
Carrie lifts the hood and starts taking note of what mechanical issues need to be resolved.
End
Carrie texts the Command Master Chief, thanks him for the invitation and asks for a rain check.
INT. CARRIE’S HOUSING – NIGHT
BEGINNING
Carrie has a map of the US. She’s coloring in all the states she has been to – total of 36. She pours herself a drink.
Middle
Carrie is on Youtube watching videos of RV life. She simultaneously is making a list of what she wants to see in the fourteen states she’s never seen. She’s now drinking straight from the bottle.
End
Carrie is passed out on her bed. Her cat is curled up next to her. The empty bottle is tipped over on the night stand.
EXT. NAVY BASE MECHANIC SHOP – NIGHT
Beginning
Carrie is putting the finishing touches on the inside of her RV. Very functional and yet feminine.
Middle
The Women’s Bible study are having their study in the RV. They spend more time giggling about fond memories than in the Word.
End
Carrie wishes them goodbye.
EXT. BATALLION PARADE GROUNDS – DAY
Beginning
Retirement ceremony for Sr. Chief Waters. Carrie stands next to the Battalion Commander and the Command Master Chief and watches as the Battalion marches in and then stands in formation to honor her.
Middle
Commander and Command Master Chief honor her.
Speeches are over and people crowd around Carrie wishing her well. She busy shaking hands and thanking people who have helped her in her career.
End
INT. RV – DAY
Carrie is driving her RV. She pulls out the gate of the base.
-
Mary and Rich Chamberlin’s Inciting Incident
What I learned doing this assignment is that it gives more chances to brainstorm structure and figure out more ways the script can go. We had to rearrange several things, but that’s no problem, as we know we will be editing and doing so again over several drafts.
1. Outline Key Scenes 2 & 3 & 4 for Act 1.
KEY SCENE 1
INT.-SCHOOL-DAY
Opening – A close-up of various feet walking on shiny floors. Keds loafers shuffle through. We see Morty, a 60 year
old guy navigating his way through the hall.
KEY SCENE 2
INT.-CLASSROOM-DAY
He enters a classroom. Bumps into a young woman. “Well, Hello Jane.” She gives him a dirty look. He looks for an empty seat.
Morty heads toward the back of the class, sees Jax, immediately turns away. But there’s no seats left – he has no choice but
to sit by the strange kid. Jax is a punkish 20 something. He has purple hair and dresses in black heavy metal gear.
KEY SCENE 3
The teacher, Bella Bustamonte, enters the class. She explains the new semester’s class and introduces the contest with
winnings of $500 for first place. Now she asks people to pair up.
Morty is stuck with Jax as no one else wants to pair with either of them. Morty says, “Hey, pencil man. Are you gonna’ continue
to torture that pencil or can we listen to class?”
KEY SCENE 4
He’s paired with Jax on the first and biggest assignment. Morty is serious, but Jax acts like its a game and plays along. They go to the teacher after class, but they are stuck together, pass or fail. Morty says, “I’ve never failed anything in my life and I’m not starting now.”
2. Write your Inciting Incident scene.
Inciting Incident Outline:
While standing in front of the teacher, Jax receives a text from his father, upsetting him.
SCENE:
Jax gets a ping on his cell phone – it’s his Dad. He groans and looks skyward.
It says, “Remember, this is your last chance. Pass or you WILL be cut off from ANY money.”
Jax looks skyward, then at his feet, crestfallen. He looks at Morty, then at his phone.
3. Write the scene for the Reaction to the Inciting Incident.
Reaction to Inciting Incident Outline:
Jax texts his father back and insults Morty, who reads it on the phone Jax is holding. They call a truce and head for dinner out.
SCENE:
“Gimme a minute.”
“Sure Kid. I’ll just hang loose right here.” Morty immediately starts to stare at Jax’s phone, looking at the screen, protective case, etc.
Jax types a text back to his father. It says, “The teacher assigned me a partner for the final grade. He’s an old loser.”
Morty says, “I can read that over your shoulder. I’m not that old.”
Jax shoves his phone back in his pocket. “Nothing personal, Morty. I know I’m a loser, too. Guess we’re stuck together.”
“Let’s talk about it over dinner. I heard the diner nearby is cheap.”
“Not the only thing.” Jax mumbled.
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by Mary Chamberlin.
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by
-
JAYE’S INCITING INCIDENT
What I learned is the inciting incident and the reaction must occur quickly, as the inciting incident is the catalyst for the story, and the reaction is the first step of the journey.
This scene picks up where we left off yesterday:
EXT. HIGH RISE / ROOFTOP – NIGHTFALL
[EPIC BATTLE SCENE]
Rain has turned to downpour. The two Supers swing, throw each
other to the ground. Punches and blocks, kicks and ducks,
headlocks.Villain punches Hero across the face, a sharp ring cuts deep into
his flesh. Almost instantly the wound heals itself.They grab each other. Bodies and arms locked tightly together, in
an embrace of will and strength. Torso to torso, hip to hip, utility
belt to utility belt.[LOTS OF DAMAGE IN THEIR WAKE]
And then… LIGHTNING STRIKES!
Bright LIGHT breaks the sky, and a jagged bolt of electricity
consumes the two men.The lightning releases their stronghold, and they drop to the
ground.It seems to have taken a toll on them both. Villain stands, worse
for the wear. He kicks Hero in the chest and starts to run for the
fire escape.But Hero rushes him. And before he can reach the ladder, Hero
throws his arm around Villain’s waist, extends the other arm
forward, and leaps off the rooftop, soaring outward…And SLAMS to the ground!
Sidewalk crumpled; Villain sits up.
VILLAIN
What the fuck was that?Hero is dazed. Laying on his back staring up at the sky. Rain
quietly splashing his bewildered face.Villain glares at Hero, staring at him with heat vision that refuses
to work. Instead, he sees Hero’s skull. Villain choke gasps and
hurries to his feet.Hero stands; studies Villain, his head still rattled.
The two Supers back away from each other. Mirror images of
confusion.Villain turns and runs west, at NORMAL SPEED! He panics as he
turns the corner.He leans against a building wall, hyperventilating.
VILLAIN
(quietly freaking out)
What’s wrong with me??Hero watches Villain as he rounds the corner. He raises an arm and
determination sets in his eyes.He takes a deep breath and leans forward, but doesn’t take off.
He lowers his arm.HERO
The hell..?He looks around. He’s surprised and embarrassed at the crowd
that has gathered. Mouths covered, pointing, aghast.WOMAN
He can’t fly!Hero swallows hard and walks east. Gobsmacked.
He rounds a corner and checks back over his shoulder. The crowd
has repositioned itself down the street, watching him leave.Hero runs — takes off at BULLET SPEED! And SLAMS into a building.
As bricks crumble around him, he drops on his ass, further stunned.
LAUGHTER from behind him.
MAN
He’s broken!INT. CITY BUS (MOVING) – SAME
A BUS DRIVER drives a bus filled with PASSENGERS. He HUMS and
taps the wheel as he navigates through the streets.Through the windshield, Villain steps out into the middle of the
road.Bus Driver yells out in alarm and SLAMS ON THE BREAKS. The bus
screeches and skids to a halt. Passengers GASP as they are thrown
forward.BUS DRIVER
Everyone off the bus!!He opens front and rear doors as Villain approaches.
Passengers and Driver scream and flee in all directions.
Villain climbs aboard and takes a seat at the wheel. Shuts the
doors.In the rearview mirror, he spots a MAN (20s) frozen in fear.
VILLAIN
(vile)
GET OUT!The man whimpers and scrambles to the rear door, fumbles it open
and drops to the ground outside.Villain drives onward. Focused. Angry.
INT. HERO’S HOUSE / LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Girlfriend sits on the couch as Hero paces.
GIRLFRIEND
So then we’re not going to Paris?Hero shoots her a look and fire bursts from his eyes.
Girlfriend screams and ducks while a pillow she was leaning
against ignites into flames!GIRLFRIEND
What’s the matter with you?!Hero stares, frozen as Girlfriend extinguishes the fire with
bottled water.HERO
(barely audible)
I. Don’t. Know. -
Karin Hallén’s Inciting Incident.
What I learned doing this assignment is to find and define the beginning middle and end of a scene while outlining, which helps in writing the scene itself.
Inciting Incident Scene Outline.
EXT. HOTEL TENNIS COURT – DAY
Beginning
George tries to find a tennis partner. He asks several, but can’d find anybody to play with. His behavior annoys some people.
Middle
George plays with a tennis ball machine. Brad Brightly playing with a tennis partner on the court next to him. George hovers around them trying to look nonchalant while hitting balls from the machine. When Brad and his partner leaves George “happens” to walk right in front of them. Brad introduces George to his full-time tennis partner that travels with him on tour to keep him in shape. Brad leaves.
End
George pales with envy. He talks out loud to himself, walking back to the hotel. “Full-time tennis partner.” That’s now the epitome of success in George’s eyes.
Reaction Scene 1 Outline
EXT. HOTEL AREA – DAY
George walks back to the hotel fantasizing about being interviewed on TV by a famous talk show host, casually mentioning that he has his own full-time tennis partner that travels with him on his book tour. The Talk Show Host acts impressed.
Reaction Scene 2 Outline
INT. HOTEL ROOM – DAY
Beginning
George rubs the lamp and Geena appears. George says she knows what his first wish is. His wish is that Geena plays tennis with him any time he demands it. She doesn’t know what tennis is.
Middle.
George shows Geena a tennis game on TV. She pales. That looks like a lot of work, she says. She argues that she is only obliged to fulfill any wish of a repeated activity for the duration that she is tied to him. So, until he’s asked for his 3 wishes. Which she says she hopes will be by tomorrow. George says that he doesn’t care, he insists on his wish.
End
Geena sighs and reluctantly says “As You Wish.
Write Inciting Incident and Reactions Scene(s)
EXT. HOTEL TENNIS COURT – DAY
George enters the hotel tennis court area, which has four courts. One of them is occupied. He warms up with big stretches and gestures, looking around. He approaches a tennis player, NICK, 30s who stands alone on one of the courts.
GEORGE
You wanna play a game?
NICK
Sorry man. My partner is coming right now.
Nick nods towards the gate. Brad Brightly approaches them and waves at Nick.
GEORGE
Oh, ok.
George leaves before Brad reaches them. He keeps looking around. He sees four young guys playing double. One of them injures his ankle. He falls to the ground in pain. George hurries up to them. He pays no attention to the injured guy, almost tripping over him.
GEORGE
You need a new partner to replace him?
GUY 1
Really?
GUY 2
No, we’re good.
An elderly lady hits balls by herself. She is clearly a beginner. George approaches her.
GEORGE
Ouch, that hit sucked. Here, play with me, I’ll show you a few tricks.
The elderly woman looks at him, offended. Just then one of the guys who played double calls over to them.
GUY 2
Hey, ma’am! You want to play a game with us? We have a man down.
The elderly woman heads over to the young guys.
George stands alone in the middle of the court. He looks very alone. He looks around. He spots a tennis ball machine and starts it. He hits a round of balls on the court next to Brad Brightly and Nick. It’s obvious that he’s a pretty good player. And he makes sure to off in any move he can. He keeps glancing over at Brad and Nick to check if they are looking at him. They are not.
Brad and Nick stop playing and wipe the sweat of their foreheads. George stops playing, too. Brad and Nick leave the tennis court. George leaves, too. He nonchalantly crosses their path right in front of them.
BRAD
Hey, George.
George stops and looks up, feigning surprise, as if he just now noticed them.
BRAD
That’s your name right? We met in the lobby.
GEORGE
Sure, uhm… uhmmm
George pretends to be searching for Brad’s name.
BRAD
Brad. And this is Nick, my full-time tennis partner. He travels with me.
George chokes on his water. The words “full-time tennis partner” ECHOES in his head.
NICK
We met actually when I was waiting for you. Did you find someone to play with?
GEORGE
What? Well, uhm, it’s not like I looking for one. I have my own partner. Full time. Of course. I gave him the day off. He pulled a muscle. I worked him too hard at our last game. But, yeah, he travels with me too. Naturally.
BRAD
Cool. Well, we’re leaving town tomorrow morning, but good luck on the rest of your book tour. See you down the road.
Nick and Brad leave. George walks in the other direction. He mutters to himself.
GEORGE
Full-time tennis partner.
GEORGE’S FANTASY:
INT. TV STUDIO – DAY
George is being interviewed by a famous TALK SHOW HOST.
GEORGE
And so my full time tennis partner, who travels with me, of course…
The Talk Show Host interrupts.
TALK SHOW HOST
Whoa, wait, wait, wait. You have your own private, full-time tennis partner.
The Talk Show Host turns to the live audience.
TALK SHOW HOST
That’s what it’s like to be really successful, people. His own private tennis partner. That’s when you’ve made it. George Wallow everyone.
The audience cheers and applauds. George nods a thank you at them.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – DAY
George, still dressed in tennis gear grabs the oil lamp from the dresser, sits down on the bed and vigorously rubs the lamp.
GEORGE
C’mon, c’mon.
Geena appears.
GEORGE
Oh, I’m so glad it worked. This is so awesome. I have my first wish. I want to make it right now.
GEENA
Yeah? Your swish ish my schommand.
She is clearly intoxicated.
GEORGE
Oh, no, the vodka. Goddamn it. Here.
George hands Geena a Starbuck’s to-go cup.
GEORGE
Here. Drink it.
Geena downs the coffee in one sweep. She coughs and spits out coffee through nose and mouth splattering it all over George’s white t-shirt.
GEORGE
I don’t believe this! First, you’re drunk and now you spit coffee all over me.
GEENA
I didn’t spit. I coughed. There is a difference. And anyway, what I didn’t COUGH out seems to have done the trick. I feel sober. And as far as drunk. I thought it was water.
GEORGE
Yeah, well I’m ready to wish now.
Geena makes a “go ahead” gesture.
GEORGE
I wish for you to play tennis with me anytime I demand it.
GEENA
What? I do what?
GEORGE
Play tennis with me. Any time I ask you to.
GEENA
I’m not even sure I know what that is.
George turns on the TV and flips channels until he finds a tennis game. Geena pales.
GEENA
Oh. Oh, uhm. That uhm, looks like a lot of work. You know uhm, I’m only obliged to fulfill any wish of a repeated activity for the duration that I am tied to him. So, until you’ve asked for your three wishes. Which will probably be by tomorrow.
Geena crosses her fingers behind her back.
GEORGE
I don’t care. That’s what I want. You are to be my private tennis partner anytime I ask. C’mon, say it.
GEENA
I mean there are so many other wishes.
GEORGE
Say you will grant it!
Geena sighs heavily.
GEENA
As you wish.
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by Karin Hallen.
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by
-
JUDITH ABINGDON LESSON 10
I think my scenes are too short?! I will think on it
Key scenes 2 & 3 First act
Scene 2 BEGINNING
The girls talk Juliet into letting them go to her house while her mother is still at work . They play records, share some dance moves and sing together. Juliet takes some photos of the girls and keeps one of her and her black friend Grace and hides it in the bottom of her drawer.
INT. JULIET’S HOUSE DAY
The girls throw their stuff down, kick their shoes off, get some snacks and retire to the living room, with the stereo. They spin some tunes, sing along and have a great time.
JULIET
This is way more fun than class! Wish we could do it every day.
GIRL 1
Yeah, soon we will be able to get our own places and hang all the time.
GRACE
More likely we will go our own ways and lose touch.
JULIET
Grace why would you say that?
GIRL 1
The terrific three, no way!
GRACE
I just know life will get in the way.
JULIET
Oh, get over here and stop being so serious. I’m going to go get my camera and take a picture to mark this super day.
Juliet gets her Polaroid Instamatic and snaps a few pics in front of the fireplace, gives them some, and keeps the one of her and Grace.
They help Juliet tidy up and leave. Juliet starts dinner, peels some potatoes, and puts them to boil.
MIDDLE
SECOND SCENE OUTLINE
INCITING INCIDENT
A few days later her mother comes into her room as she is looking at the photo, she tries to shove it back in the drawer and her mother is suspicious and asks to see it. She has no choice but to hand it over. Her mother sees that it was taken in the house and knows she was not there. She questions Juliet as to how and when this could happen.
Juliet tries to be casual but her Mother is not having it. The volume of the argument escalates and her stepfather enters, sees the photo, loses it and makes a scene.
SECOND SCENE
A few days later Juliet is in her room listening to music( Carole King, You Got a Friend) and looking at the photo of her and Grace when her mother comes in, she tries to shove the pic back in the drawer and her Mother asks to see it.
MOTHER
What is that?
JULIET
Nothing
MOTHER
If it’s nothing then why can’t I see it?
Juliet
It’s nothing interesting.
Mother
Give it here, please.
Juliet hands it to her, and a puzzled look forms on her Mothers face.
Mother
Who is this?
Juliet
It’s me.
MOTHER
And?
JULIET
and a friend from school.
MOTHER
Who?
JULIET
Her name is Grace, if that matters.
Her mother starts to raise her voice
MOTHER
Don’t get smart with me, It’s a simple question. I think I deserve to know who was in my home when I was not here.
JULIET
She’s just a friend from school, not an axe murderer. If I could have some friends over sometimes maybe we would not have to do it in secret.
MOTHER
I will be the one to decide that.
END
At this point, her stepfather has heard the commotion and enters the room.
STEPFATHER
What’s all this racket?
Juliet and her Mother exchange glances, Juliet is trying to convey that she wants to keep this between them. Waiting for an answer he sees the photograph in her Mothers hand and takes it.
STEPFATHER
When the hell did this happen?
Juliet looks blank.
MOTHER
Well?
JULIET
It was a few days ago, we were just
STEPFATHER
That’s enough, I don’t need to hear your reasons. You let people in the house when we were not here
JULIET
Well it’s my house too
STEPFATHER
Don’t interrupt me! And not only that you brought a nigger in here!
Juliet’s face is incredulous. Her mother says nothing.
JULIET
Why would you use that horrible word? She is a person, a lovely human being and
STEPFATHER
Facts are facts
JULIET
What are you even talking about? Don’t you send me to church to learn to be kind, do unto others
STEPFATHER
And honor your mother and father, don’t forget that one.
JULIET
Well, YOU are not my father
He comes over and slaps her. She stays stone still and stares him down.
Mother
Let’s all calm down
She tries to guide him out of the room
STEPFATHER
Don’t tell me to calm down in my own house, I’ve had enough of this!
Just know this you are grounded, Miss
Juliet bites her lip, waits till they leave then slams the door. As she readies for bed she can hear the opening music to ALL IN The Family, She gets out her transistor radio and puts it under her pillow, and tunes into her favorite station, WNEW out of NYC, to drown out the offensive show.
-
Bernadette Wilson –
Lesson 10 – Inciting Incident and Key Scenes – The thing I learned was just to keep pressing forward. Creativity happens fast. I can fix it later. Pressing on.
FADE IN
INT – NYU POLICE MORGUE – DAY
Brinda walks into the morgue and the MORGUE ATTENDANT pulls out the coffin case.
Brinda looks at Jesse’s dead body and his missing eye.
CAL
Is this your fiancee, Miss Cage?
Brinda nods yes and almost faints.
Cal goes to hold her and take her out of there.
INT – POLICE DETECTIVE DESK – DAY
CAL PRATNER (38), is sitting typing up info on Brinda, as the other police officers stare at her.
The BUREAU SECRETARY – LUCY brings Brinda some coffee.
LUCY
Here you are sweetie.
BRINDA
Thanks Lucy.
Lucy goes back to her desk. She sees the OTHER OFFICER by her.
LUCY
Recognize the girl?
OFFICER
No. Who is it?
LUCY
That’s Jack Cage’s daughter.
OFFICER
The one he put away.
LUCY
Yup. Never thought I’d see her again. Like a phoenix.
Cal starts talking to Brinda.
CAL
Miss Cage. Can you tell me when you last spoke with Jesse?
BRINDA
Two nights ago I think?
CAL
And where were you?
BRINDA
I spoke with him on the phone. He does photography for cover art and I help him put together the models for the shoot this evening.
CAL
And that was the last time you heard from him?
BRINDA
Yes.
CAL
He’s your fiancee and you don’t see him or talk to him for a few days?
BRINDA
I have my own apartment. I am a PHD student in Psychology at NYU and I’ve been bust these past couple of days.
CAL
Writing your thesis?
BRINDA
Yes.
CAL
Did you notice anything strange about where he was going or who was seeing or anything?
BRINDA
No, just that I prepared the clothes for the shoot at the studio yesterday in between my classes and that he wasn’t there. I called and left a message at his answering service that everything was ready.
CAL
Did he respond.
BRINDA
No.
CAL
Did you find it strange?
BRINDA
No.
CAL
Why not?
BRINDA
I don’t…Don’t talk to him everyday. Where was he? Where did they find him?
CAL
At a drive-in in Queens.
BRINDA
Doesn’t make sense.
CAL
What doesn’t?
BRINDA
He doesn’t even own a car.
DR. SONYA VIETEG, Brinda’s mentor and professor comes in with her ATTORNEY and stops CAL from talking any more to Brinda.
DR. SONYA
Brinda, Are you alright?
Brinda is surprised. She starts crying on Dr. Sonya’s shoulder.
CAL
I’m Sorry Maam. I’m trying to talk to her.
DR. SONYA
My name is Dr. Sonya Vieteg. I’m Brinda’s doctor. How do you do?
CAL
I’m a little…
DR. SONYA
There will be no more questions. CAn’t you see, she’s traumatized?
Cal is a bit pissed by this.
CAL
Dr. I was only asking her when she last spoke with the deceased.
ATTORNEY
Please, there will be no more questions without me being here, is that clear?
Brinda comes to and says
BRINDA
No, no, I want to answer the questions.
ATTORNEY
Are you sure.
BRINDA
Yes, of course.
Brinda assures Dr. Sonya that she’s fine.
CAL
You say he didn’t own a car.
BRINDA
Not to my knowledge, no.
PLACEHOLDER – Jesse’s father and mother The HAMPTONS Mr. And Ms. Hampton come in.
Jesse’s mother slaps Brinda.
MRS. HAMPTON
You did this. How could you have done this to my boy.
Everyone is shocked.
BRINDA
I didn’t. I swear I didn’t.
DR. SONYA
That’s enough.
Mrs. Hampton speaks to Dr. Sonya.
MRS. HAMPTON
I wanted you to save my boy. You corrupted him. With her and that filthy crowd.
Cal steps in.
CAL
Ok everybody calm down.
Mr. HAMPTON steps in
MR. HAMPTON
I want to talk to your boss.
ATTORNEY
This is over. Let us know when we can come into a more agreeable environment.
Dr. Sonya, Brinda and Attorney leave.
CAL
This way Sir.
Mr. Hampton gestures to his wife.
MR. HAMPTON
Calm yourself dear. I’ll be back.
PLACE HOLDER – needs to be a meeting with Cal’s boss.
Here Mr. Hampton tells and important info – about how Brinda and Jesse met. About how they met in mental institution. That Jesse was almost lobotomized to solve his problem.
When he met Brinda that they both thought that Jesse was calming down his deviant urges and marrying a fine woman. As it turns out she does not come from the best of circumstances. Which pisses off the Boss.
Mr. Hampton then says that Brinda has got a hand in it. She’s not as innocent as she appears.
That she and that Doctor are up to something. Had I handled it the way I wanted, this would not have happened. But my wife insisted.
He commands that there be justice or he will take it to a higher authority than you, pal.
PLACE HOLDER: BOSS WITH CAL
Cal and Boss have a chew down session. Hampton is pretty big wig in big circles in this town.
It’s not gonna be pretty.
I want you to check her out. Make sure she’s clean.
These shrinks are sometimes crazier than the patient.
Cal says , you got me there boss.
INT. DR. SONYA’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Brinda is asleep in the guest bedroom of Dr. Sonya. Dr. Sonya dn Attorney are talking.
ATTORNEY
She must eventually give a statement.
DR. SONYA
She’s been through enough for one night.
ATTORNEY
I’m working on it. I will call in the morning and see what the next step will be.
DR. SONYA
Thank you for your help.
Attorney leaves. Dr. Sonya goes and pours herself a cocktail from her wet bar.
THE PHONE RINGS. Dr. Sonya answers
DR. SONYA
Hello?
AN ODD AND SCARY VOICE (O.C.)
Don’t you touch her.
DR. SONYA
Who is this?
AN ODD AND SCARY VOICE
You touch her I’ll kill you too.
Dr. Sonya hangs up in terror. She goes and locks the door.
FADE TO:
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by Byrne Wilson.
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by
-
Mickey Gonzalez Inciting Incident
“What I learned doing this assignment is I am thinking to be able to write through the inciting incident (s). Here you can keep on all the way to the very last draft. (s) Just write the script. Trying to make it work.
Outline Key Scenes 2 & 3 for Act 1.
ACT 1 BEAT SHEET
EXT. football stadium – DAY
Mark is walking with cop who he had made arrangement to meet. He is writing a draft on the high school football team.
INT. MODELING SCHOOL – DAY
A model sits at a typewriter. She is working what is going to be going on during the day. When Mark comes to her door. She closes the door and locks it.
EXT. APARTMENT – DAY
Mark pulls up and there is a girl name Sandy waiting for him. He does not know her. But is nice. She makes her way into the apartment.
INT. APARTMENT – DAY
Mark is tapping away on a typewriter. He is working on what is going to be a highly sought out manuscript. This is the start of Vast collection of writings. When the phone rings. There is a strange woman on the phone.
INT APARTMENT – DAY
Mark makes a phone call. He sets up a time. He wants to get a TV producer to air his story.
EXT. TV BUILDING – DAY
About a ten to twelve people including one woman. They walk out of the side door entrance. All at once. They are smoking cigarettes, wearing suits and ties and see Mark coming. When Mark gets closer, they start to go off to the side making a pathway him to walk through. Some of them say things as he walks pass. He enters the TV building.
ACT 1 OUTLINE
EXT. FOOTBALL STADIUM – DAY
Beginning: Mark pulls up. There is a three foot fence that surrounds the football field. There are four cops, and one opens a small gate. Mark views the football field. Another cop gets Mark to walk with him to go under the bleachers.
Middle: He can hear chatter and the sound of cleats on the marble floor. He is writing on a clip board. As the cop watches on. He is done with the draft. He turns to the cop and says, he is done. He is going to stop by the concession stand. He leaves the stadium.
End: He feels damn good. Now he did something. He picked up on a high school football game and is making way to becoming a writer.
INT. MODELING SCHOOL – DAY
Beginning: He drives to a big building. He goes inside and find the inside beautifully lined with glass doors and offices with portraits of fashion design.
Middle: He sees a fashion model. She starts to come his way. She decides to go another and closes the door and locks the door behind her. He wants to get to her and talk to her. But she insists on not seeing him.
End: Mark drives back to his apartment. He will continue to work on his material.
EXT. APARTMENT – DAY
Beginning: Mark wants to use his idea to get involved in anything that will get him success in the industry.
Middle: When Sandy meets him. She asks him what he wants to do. Mark says all he wants to do is write. A girl that is with Sandy comes up, goes through her purse and hands Mark fifty dollars.
End: He gets Sandy to go to the modeling school to pick up a brochure. She leaves gets one and comes back. She works her way up to Mark. She gives him a brochure. She sees that Mark is working on what is going to be a highly sought out manuscript. She stays with Mark…. leaves. Sandy seems to disappear. Mark thinking, she is married.
INT. APARTMENT – DAY
Beginning: Mark’s table has a lamp. He is overlooking his work. This is the start of Vast collection of writings.
Middle: He gets to it. He is manifesting a manuscript. In four parts of work that is extraordinary.
End: After weeks of writing Mark’s manuscript is completed. In addition, to other writings. He gets an idea. The best thing to do now is to search out universities to get out in the publishing world. When the phone rings. There is a strange woman on the phone.
-
Lesson 10 Act 1 Inciting incident
What I learned doing this assignment
A strong inciting incident is key to the story.
Act 1 Scene 2 Key Scene:
1.The mars base is destroyed by an unknown alien force.
2.Jackson is convinced a large invasion is imminent.
3.Kendra is still not convinced there will be an attack
Act 1. Key Scene three:
1. The military begins to prepare for an attack.
2. Kendra cannot get rid of her one-night stand.
3. Jackson starts to prepare for the attack.
Inciting Incident:
Beginning: Kendra notices a pattern in all of the recent UFO sighting.
Middle:
Jackson tells Kendra she is not safe in New York and tells her to make the trip to his house before it is too late. Kendra is still not convinced it is an alien attack.
End: The aliens destroy the mars base and begin their journey to earth.
I
Inciting incident Reaction
Beginning: Jackson starts to put his escape plan in action.
Middle: Kendra begins to hear the truth in what Jackson is saying about an attack.
End: The global communication system goes down, and Kendra decides she must make the one-hundred-mile trip to her family.
-
Kim Michael McCarthy Lesson 10: Act 1 Inciting Incident
What I learned is that if you have not done these types of exercises BEFORE writing a first draft while creating a screenplay story concept from just an idea, then it is a quick way to FLUSH OUT the building blocks of your story to get you started, with initial basic parts and structure of your story which are necessary for a good entertaining screenplay that moves forward with a beginning, middle and end. Since I have already done that stuff intuitively months ago, I’m just going to post my first draft manuscript up to the fist 10 minutes of the my feature animation. 😊
WILLIAM
Ma, you know they really aren’t my friends. Except for SUREFOOT and maybe BERRY.
WILLIAMINA
Well then, after your chores play time can be all planned out.
WILLIAM
Why did it have to be me?
A TRUMPET toot toot sound comes from WILLIAM.
WILLIAMINA
Now William. You know better than that. You have a special gift.
The other kids are a little envious. Wishing they all had a special gift like yours.
EXT. GOLD MOUNTAN PLATEAU HIGH GRASSLANDS – MIDDAY
The heard is meeting. Chatter and discussions take place. BUCK calls the meeting to order by stamping his right leg three times.
BUCK
Alright. Alright. Settle down everyone. Let’s get started. Is there any old business?
The herd murmurs to each other shaking their heads. Some say no, no.
BUCK
Ok then, who wants to be recognized for any new business?
Several front legs get raised in the group.
BIG HORN HEARD MEMBER #1
As the family that lives furthest out on the platue, I feel it is my duty to inform the heard that a group of wagons…
Another heard member quickly interrupts.
HEARD MEMBER #2
Now slow down, BIG HORN. You know it’s the Calvary preparing for a training exercise. Don’t be an alarmist.
BIG HORN
These wagons are similar. Only thing is there are no US Cavalry markings on the wagons.
Some gasp and others laugh in disbelief.
BUCK
Order, order. Come to order!
BUCK pounds his right leg/hoof several times until the group becomes silent, PAUSE
BUCK
(BUCK is calmly stern)
I make a motion to investigate what BIG HORN said he saw. Does anyone second it?
Several heard members say “Aye.”
BUCK
The motion is adopted. I’ll put together some of us to take a look. Meeting adjourned.
BUCK gavels down his right front leg/hoof.
INT. GOATS DEN EATING AREA – MIDDAY
WILLIAMINA
Thanks for helping me WILLIAM.
WILLIAM
I love to help you Ma.
WILLIAM smiles with adoring eyes and his tail wages in excitement.
WILLIAMINA
We’re going to need more grass. On your way home from playing, stop by the valley and bring home as much as you can get, please.
WILLIAM
Sure mom. No problem.
WILLIAMINA
William, you are such a good boy. Don’t you ever forget that.
WILLIAM looks at his MOM with the most loving eyes as he tears up.
WILLIAM
I love you so much Mom.
WILLIAMINA
I love you too son. Now get going, so you have as much time as you want to play with your friends.
EXT. PLATEAU GRASSLANDS – MIDDAY
WILLIAM is frolicking in the lust tall grass, humming, barely seen. Butterflies and grasshoppers are abundant. Birds are flying about chirping their songs. A beautiful butterfly lands on WILLIAMS nose. The wings gently spread then close.
WILLIAM is pleasantly surprised.
WILLIAM
Hello. How nice to see you. Are you looking for a sweet grass to eat?
The Butterfly flaps it wings twice as if to say yes.
WILLIAM
Come with me. I know a secret spot.
WILLIAM with the butterfly on his nose walk through the tall green grass AS WILLIAM hums a pleasant tune.
As WILLIAM and the BUTTERLY enter the thickest part of the grass a swam of grasshoppers are jumping through engulf WILLIAM and the BUTTERFLY, covering his head. WILLIAM screams out in fright.
Panicked WILLIAM jumps up and down frantically. The BUTTERFLY zoom’s away disappearing. WILLIAM realizes jumping isn’t working to rid the swam. He rolls on his back kicking his legs all about. Aggressively twisting his head side to side, WILLIAM’S trumpet sounding head horn shriek’s out loud high-pitched sounds. The swam scatters all but one, who is buried in WILLIAM’S bushy mane on his head.
WILLIAM
You guys better watch out where you are going. I was walking here.
GRASSHOPER
We’re grasshoppers. Where would we go?
WILLIAM
Be more careful. Watch out for the other guy.
GRASSHOPER
That works both ways you know.
WILLIAM
Well, you scared my friend off. That’s not nice.
GRASSHOPER
How do you know he was your friend? Could have been hitchhiker.
WILLIAM
Do you mind getting off my head? I have errands to do. My Mother is expecting me to bring home dinner soon.
GRASSHOPER
Here I am, making conversation and you want me to leave. That’s a funny way to make friends.
The GRASSHOPPER crawls down from the top of WILLIAM’S bushy head mane and hangs upside down looking into WILLIAM’S sparkling blue eyes.
WILLIAM
Your right. I’m sorry. It’s just that you scared me, jumping out of nowhere.
GRASSHOPPER
That’s what we do.
WILLIAM
(WILLIAM looks puzzled.)
Say what’s that stuff on your legs?
GRASSHOPPER
Ya see, we were hopping around looking for a good place to rest. All of a sudden, from nowhere, wagons rumble though. We hopped aboard for the ride. Boy, were they in a hurry! When they stopped all our legs where covered. Don’t know what it is, but it sure looks nice.
Proudly shows off his gold covered legs as if it were bright jewelry.
WILLIAM
It certainly dazzles the eye. I wonder what it is!
GRASSHOPPER
I’m not sure but those wagons were cover in it. Time to get hopping along. I hear there is a large flower garden not far from here, so me and the boys are dining out. I have to hop to it so I don’t lose my place at the dinner table.
The GRASSHOPPER hops away in two big bounds leaving WILLIAM still puzzled about the “gold colored stuff” on the GRASSHOPPERS legs.
WILLIAM realizes he is far behind on his chore of gathering fresh grass to bring home to his mother for dinner. He quickly begins to “rake-up” as much grass as his head horns will hold, piling it in a clearing.
EXT. TALL TREE ON RIVERBANK – AFTERNOON
The BEAR FAMILY has arrived at a spot that there is a large beehive hanging high off the tree’s limb.
BULLY BEAR
There it is just like last spring. Ready for the taking.
HONEY BEAR
Well it sure is here. I think it is much higher up than last year.
WOOLY
It sure looks like a long way up Dad. How are you going to get it?
BULLY BEAR
Don’t worry son. Just stand on my shoulders. Go ahead climb up. There you go.
WOLLY climbs on BULLY’S shoulders wobbling from side to side.
-
Stafford’s Inciting Incident
What I learned from this assignment and previous courses, is that your “inciting incident” should occur very early in the script. At least in the first 15 pages, perhaps earlier. It’s an attention-getter that’ll get the wheels of the story in motion.
Inciting Incident Outline
- Beginning – Mateo walks into the break room to get coffee.
- Middle – Mateo meets Glorivette; there’s an attraction between the two.
- End – Glorivette leaves the break room without giving Mateo her name.
INT. EMPLOYEE BREAK ROOM – DAY
Mateo steps inside with his coffee mug. Walks over to the coffee machine.
Mateo puts his focus into preparing his coffee.
GLORIVETTE (O.S.)
The coffee here any good?
Mateo looks to his right…
GLORIVETTE GOMEZ, 42. 5’11. Long black hair. Looks young for her age. So hot it hurts. Any man will kill to have her. You’ll get lost in her eyes.
Mateo looks at Glorivette star truck. Refrains from letting his jaw drop as Glorivette has his full attention.
MATEO
Uh-um… It isn’t Starbucks, but it’ll do. Won’t kill you.
Mateo chuckles.
GLORIVETTE
All I needed to know.
Glorivette grabs a foam cup to prepare her coffee.
Mateo looks away; can’t keep his eyes off Glorivette.
MATEO
You-you new here?
GLORIVETTE
Temp-to-hire for the office. Is it that obvi?
MATEO
My first time seeing you here, that’s all.
GLORIVETTE
My first day. You’re full-time?
MATEO
Yeah… in the config department. I’m Mateo.
Glorivette eyes Mateo down. Likes what she sees.
GLORIVETTE
Mateo…?
MATEO (chuckles)
I’m sorry. Vargas. Mateo Vargas.
GLORIVETTE
Working here long?
MATEO
Little over a year and a half.
GLORIVETTE (deep sigh)
Hm. Good for you. (stirs coffee) Guess I’ll get back to my desk. Enjoy the rest of your day, Mateo.
Glorivette walks away with her coffee.
Mateo thinks to himself for a beat.
MATEO
Wait! I-I didn’t catch your name.
Glorivette stops in her tracks; turns to Mateo —
GLORIVETTE
That’s because I didn’t give it to you.
Embarrassed. Mateo twirls his tongue around his mouth. Lost for words.
MATEO
Well, pardon me.
Glorivette smirks.
GLORIVETTE
I’m joking.
Beat.
MATEO (nods)
You got me, huh?
They laugh.
GLORIVETTE
You’ll find it out soon enough… bye
Glorivette leaves.
Mateo lets out a sigh of relief —
MATEO (SUBTITLES) (in Spanish)
Fuck… She’s beautiful.
Mateo shakes his head.
Reaction Scene Outline
- Beginning – Mateo and Marisol are out on a double-date with Ricky and Aylin.
- Middle – The women go off to the bathroom while the men discuss Glorivette.
- End – Mateo is curious to know more about Glorivette.
INT. RESTAURANT – NIGHT
Not a fancy environment. Has a “Chili’s vibe to it. Music plays in the background.
Mateo and Marisol sit on one side of the booth. On the other — RICKY SANCHEZ, 32. Mustache. Tattoos. Next to him, AYLIN SANCHEZ, 31. They enjoy tequila shots with laughter, and a keg of beer on the table.
MATEO
We have to stop drinking; we got work in the morning.
AYLIN
Teo’s right, we’re behaving irresponsibly.
RICKY
Ay, you guys are just lame. Bunch of old folks.
Marisol laughs.
MARISOL
It’s getting late and I have to use the bathroom.
AYLIN
Ay, Mari, I’ll come with… Let me out, Ricky.
RICKY
Come on, I’m too drunk to move.
AYLIN
Vamos!
RICKY
Alright!
Ricky slides out the booth to free Aylin —
AYLIN
The two of you behave while we’re gone.
RICKY
I’m always on my best behavior, babe.
MARISOL (to Mateo)
That goes for you, too.
MATEO (points to Ricky)
What he said. Ha ha.
MARISOL
You better. Come on, Aylin.
Marisol and Aylin depart from the table.
RICKY
What, you don’t believe us?
Ricky chuckles.
RICKY
They’re crazy, aren’t they, Teo?
Meteo chuckles as his sips his beer.
MATEO
They’re gone?(off his nod)Dude, have you seen the new temp? She’s fine as fuck, man! Ay!(pounds tables)It was so hard to keep my pelotas in tact.
They laugh.
RICKY
She’s that hot, eh? I heard a few of the guys talking about her. Didn’t get myself a look.
MATEO
Does she have a name? I met her on break earlier– she wouldn’t tell me.
RICKY
Uh… it start’s with a “G” or somethin’. Not sure. I can’t act too interested; I’m married. And you’re damn near married.
MATEO
I know, I know. But you had to see her bro. It’s, like, we had a connection when we met. I haven’t stopped thinking about her since.
RICKY
Well, you better jerk-off if you know what’s good for you. You got a great thing going with Mari, don’t fuck it up. It’s best to leave the “unknown” not knowing, Teo.
MATEO
I’m not gonna screw up things with Mari. It’s just… A woman like that… will make any man curious, ya know?
Beat. Mateo sips his beer.
-
Rae’s Inciting Incident:
Outline key Scenes 2&3 for Act I.
What I learned this assignment is the story flows beautifully when you let it and give up the struggle.
INT. JOHNSON RESIDENCE – NIGHT
Jesi walks in exhausted. While Frank Sinatra is blasting out, “The Summer Wind.” She smiles, goes over and kisses her Dad’s forehead.
JACKSON
Hey baby, want me to turn it down.
JESI
No, it’s all good, Dad.
JACKSON
It was one of your Mom and my favorites —
JESI
I know.
JACKSON
I guess you’ve heard it a few times, right?
JESI
(grins)
Like, a couple of hundred.
JACKSON
I can’t help it. Sinatra is how we met. Are you okay?
JESI
I love your story Dad, keeps me close to Mom, but not tonight. How Was your day? Did you dry out the unit?
JACKSON
Yeah, we put half a dozen fans down there.
Jesi pours a glass of wine, sits with him.
JACKSON
Tell me about your move. Any leads?
JESI
No. It could be a big problem.
JACKSON
Shit, I thought it was a given.
JESI
No, they lied to me. They’re channeled straight to the top producers.
Sinatra blasts out again, this time with, “Come Fly with Me.” Jackson turns up the volume.
JACKSON
You know this song is why I left Ohio and your Mum left Virginia — only to meet in London.
JESI
I know Dad, and it’s a lovely story.
(sips her wine)
I’m gonna need to change my game plan, Dad. I was wondering — how many apartment owners you know? And how well you actually know them?
JACKSON
Hmmm, I’d say sixty, minimum. Been doing this a long time.
JESI
Can I get your list?
JACKSON
Because?
JESI
I was thinking — they could be my future client base.
JACKSON
Sweetie, those dudes have all got leasing agents. They’ve got this clause in their contracts where the agents get the listing.
JESI
Not all of them. It’s worth a try. It’s a place to start.
JACKSON
Okay baby, okay. Then let’s do it. Let’s jump in, play their game.
INT. THE BULL PEN – NEXT DAY
Jesi arrives early at her desk, starts making cold calls from the Apartment Owner’s Directory.
JESI
(into phone)
Mister Shuster, how are you? I’m Jesi with Schuler Investment Properties. Sir, you may not be thinking of selling at this moment, but — Sir?
She gets a disconnect, calls another. Soon she’s on speed dial.
A few hours later Suze interrupts.
SUZE
Um, Jesi, sorry to interrupt but it’s important. It’s your father. There was an accident. He’s in the hospital —
INT. HOSPITAL – NIGHT
Jesi sits at her father’s bedside. She gently strokes his eyelids, his head, then sits and slowly strokes his hand. He has passed but she can’t accept this. Finally the male DOCTOR interrupts.
DOCTOR
Jesi, I’m so sorry, but the fall caused a hemorrhage, and his heart wasn’t strong enough.
Jesi’s crying, shaking her head, accepting nothing. Then finally, through her tears.
JESI
Do you know how he and my mother met? It was because of Frank Sinatra and his music. They had this mutual love affair, with every song he ever sang. Starting with the “Come Fly with Me” album. It propelled them both to London, Paris and Rome. and once there, a mutual friend heard about their addiction and insisted they meet each other. It was at a party in London, the mid seventies, they danced to Sinatra all night long. It’s hard to pin down my father’s favorite song, but I think it was “The Summer Wind.”
She finally breaks down sobbing.
SUPERIMPOSE: THREE MONTHS LATER
INT. JOHNSON RESIDENCE / HOME OFFICE – DAY
Jesi makes morning coffee, turns on a Sinatra song, goes to her fathers office. It’s disheveled, like he was. She wades through his books, opens a client log. It’s messy, crammed with client names, addresses.
She sits and cries, then opens the book again, picks up the phone and dials a number.
JESI
(into phone)
Mr. Shuman, this is Jesi Johnson.
(pauses)
Mr. Shuman, I don’t know if you heard, but my father has died.
(chokes up, then listens)
Thank you Mr. Shuman. I also wanted you to know that I will be taking over his business.
(listens)
Well, thank you Chuck, and yes, I may have to hire a helper or two, but I definitely can handle it.
-
Lora’s Inciting Incident
What I learned doing this assignment is the more you make the dialogue conversational, the easier it comes to you.
Act 1:
SEVERAL YEARS BEFORE – EXT. OUTSIDE STERLING’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Phoenix meets Chandler and a few friends outside Sterling’s house. They exchange hugs and greetings. Three guys including Sterling walk out of the house.
CHANDLER (To Phoenix)
I’d like you to meet Sterling.
Sterling and Phoenix smile and nod at each other. There is an instant connection between them. Chandler passes out beers to everyone, including Phoenix, who looks at him strangely.
CHANDLER
You’re not driving tonight, which means you’re going to drink with us.
As Phoenix starts to protest, Chandler reaches over and opens the can for her. Giving in to peer pressure, she takes a drink and balks at the flavor.
CHANDLER (grinning)
It’s an acquired taste, you’ll get used to it.
CHANDLER (to group)
Alright, let’s get this party on the road!
INT. DRIVER’S CAR – NIGHT
Chandler, Sterling, Phoenix, PRESTON (short in height, dark hair cut short, very laid back attitude) and the driver climb into the car and take off with no real destination in sight. Phoenix is tucked away behind the driver, with Preston next to her and Sterling on the other side of him. She is still trying to slowly choke down the beer. Chandler is controlling the music in the passenger seat. Phoenix is trying to relax and have fun. They drive aimlessly over gravel roads, just chatting and listening to music. Eventually they come across a party and decide to stop.
EXT. DAMIEN’S HOUSE – NIGHT
There is a small crowd hanging out around a bonfire. They greet the boys warming while Phoenix hangs back. She doesn’t know anyone at the party. DAMIEN (athletic build, blonde hair, ice blue eyes) and Chandler exchange a bro hug and chat before Damien sees Phoenix.
DAMIEN (standing tall)
And who is this?
CHANDLER (smiling)
That’s Phoenix.
Chandler waves Phoenix over to where they are standing.
CHANDLER
Phoenix, meet Damien.
Damien kisses the top of Phoenix’s hand.
DAMIEN (smiling seductively)
It’s nice to meet you.
PHOENIX (blushing)
It’s nice to meet you, too.
DAMIEN
Where are you from? Heaven?
Damien continues to flirt with Phoenix. Sterling is watching them. He grows annoyed with Damien’s pickup attempts and steps between them.
STERLING
It’s time to go!
DAMIEN (calmly)
You just got here.
STERLING (glaring and through gritted teeth)
It doesn’t matter. We’re leaving. Now!
Sterling rounds his companions up and ushers them towards the car.
DAMIEN
Thanks for stopping by my house! Phoenix, please come back anytime!
Damien winks at Phoenix, which pisses Sterling off even more.
INT. DRIVER’S CAR – NIGHT
Sterling has changed seats with Preston to sit next to Phoenix. Phoenix finishes her first beer, and Chandler celebrates by opening another and handing it to her. Phoenix is slightly drunk and is now more laid back. She dances and sings along to the music Chandler is playing. There is a lot of laughs.
Every time the car goes around a corner, Sterling squishes Phoenix into the side of the car. Phoenix laughs and pushes him back. This continues for awhile and Sterling tries to touch her. She slaps his hand away and her hand lands on his thigh. There’s a major spark of electricity between them. He smiles at her as he laces their hands together and rubs his thumb across her hand.
STERLING (over the music)
Can I kiss you?
PHOENIX
What?
Sterling kisses her. Time stops and the rest of the car fades away.
Preston sees this and slaps the back of Chandler’s seat, trying to get his attention. Phoenix pushes Sterling off of him just as Chandler turns around.
CHANDLER (to Preston)
What’s up?
PRESTON
Uhh… never mind.
Chandler shrugs and returns the music volume to a deafening level. Phoenix is slightly shaken from the force of the kiss. Sterling tries to kiss her again and she turns away, pulling her hand out of his grasp.
STERLING
What’s wrong?
PHOENIX
We can’t do this.
STERLING
Why not?
PHOENIX
Chandler and I… we… have history.
STERLING (looking skeptical)
Alright.
There is tension and awkwardness in the car. Phoenix feels bad. She never drinks; she isn’t thinking clearly. She’d give anything to be able to get out of this car right now.
EXT. STERLING’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Phoenix practically jumps out of the car as soon as they arrive back to Sterling’s house. She wants to leave immediately.
CHANDLER (to Phoenix)
Would you give me a ride back to my house?
PHOENIX
Yeah, I can do that.
Sterling watches the two of them as they head to Phoenix’s car.
STERLING
Hey, Chandler, do you want to have another drink?
CHANDLER (shrugging)
Sure.
STERLING (winking at Phoenix)
Good! I’ll meet you at your house.
Phoenix looks bewildered as she raises her eyebrows at Sterling. What was he doing?!
EXT. OUTSIDE OF TOWN – DAWN
Chandler and Phoenix drive outside of town. He instructs her to park in the middle of the gravel road and they step out of the car.
CHANDLER (pointing)
Over there is where our supplier would drop off our beer in high school.
They lean back against the car and take in the view overlooking the small town. The sky is starting to get light in the distance. Chandler puts his arm around Phoenix.
CHANDLER
The real reason I brought you here is because this is the best place to watch the sun rise.
PHOENIX
Sun rise? Holy shit, what time is it? I’ve got to go!
CHANDLER (looking disappointed)
Okay, raincheck on the sun rise. Let’s head back to my place.
They get in the car and drive back to Chandler’s place. Sterling is waiting in his car out front. The three of them walk into Chandler’s house to find the stereo blasting at full volume, while his roommate is passed out already.
INT. CHANDLER’S HOUSE – DAWN
Sterling and Chandler crack open another beer. Chandler turns on the tv and stretches out on one couch, Sterling claims the other. Phoenix sits on the back of the couch watching the boys settle in. Chandler looks at Phoenix and pats the spot in front of him.
PHOENIX (shaking her head)
I’ve got to go.
CHANDLER
Not yet you don’t!
Chandler pulls Phoenix over the couch and rolls her into a lying position in front of him. Chandler’s puppy is bouncing around and as Phoenix scratches his ear, Sterling’s hand closes over hers. She looks up into his dismal eyes and feels guilty. She quickly pulls her hand back. As the puppy continues to jump on them, Chandler pulls the blanket up around them and kisses Phoenix. He pulls back and strokes her cheek.
CHANDLER (with emotion)
I like you so much.
PHOENIX (casually)
I like you, too.
CHANDLER
We should date, you and I.
Seeing Phoenix’s shocked expression, Chandler rambles on.
CHANDLER
I’m serious! I think we’d be great together.
PHOENIX
Maybe. Let’s see how things go and talk about dating again down the road.
CHANDLER
I’m really glad you came out tonight.
PHOENIX (smiling)
Get some rest and I’ll see you soon, okay?
CHANDLER (innocently)
Will you stay until I fall asleep?
Phoenix nods and Chandler snuggles against her. He is asleep within a few minutes. Phoenix crawls out from the cover tent and tucks him in. As she turns to leave, she sees Sterling sleeping soundly on the other couch. She covers him with a blanket and gives him a hug as she does so.
PHOENIX (whispering)
I’m sorry.
Phoenix takes one last look at both men before she closes the door quietly behind her. She realizes she cares about both of them and we see the stress on her face as she gets into her car and drives towards home.
-
30 DAY SCRIPT – Day#10
Rae’s Turning Point 1 Scenes.
What I learned from this assignment is, great process – my script is now beginning to flow.
OUTLINE – ACT 1 TURNING POINT
BEGINNING:
INT. JOHNSON RESIDENCE – DAY
Jesi awakens, looks a mess, makes coffee. Goes to the living room, collapse into her father’s recliner and cries.
She goes to the office next, finds a letter marked, “Jesi.” It reads, “ My sweet girl, if I should die whatever you do try to hold onto the house – do it for me and your mother. And keep the Sinatra collection, those songs will make you happy.”
MIDDLE:
INT. OFFICE CUBICLE – TWO WEEKS LATER
Jesi is at her desk, on the phone with her father’s Doctor’s office. Learns her father had no bridging insurance, and the surgery bill alone is over one million.
Jesi replies, “What do you mean he’s got Medicare! She listens. “He let his bridging insurance payments lap? He owes that much? Holy Shit!”
INT. HENRY’S OFFICE – DAY
She barges into Henry’s office and says, “I need a friend. But more that that I need leads. Can you help me drum up a few clients?”
She then realizes Henry is completely immersed in something. She asked what it is. He shows her his Haiku. Asks her to sit, shows her the format, tells her it’s a stress reliever. She sits for awhile, but soon gets impatient with the process, thanks Henry and leaves.
END:
INT. OFFICE CUBICLE (CONTINUOUS)
Jesi sits at her desk, throws her head in her hands, looks up and makes a call to her father’s client, the apartment owner. She tells him she is now running Johnson Construction and wants to set up a meeting. And yes, she will be doing all of the building repairs.
-
Tyberius Asante’s Inciting Incident
What I learned doing this assignment is creating a more detailed picture of the characters such as where they live, neighborhood, laws of the state pertaining to the story, etc.
Key Scene 2: Inciting Incident propels the protagonist onto the journey!
Key Scene 3: The protagonist reacts emotionally to the Inciting Incident.
INT. RESTAURANT – NIGHT
BEGINNING: Dante, Margot, and Tiffany enter the restaurant to celebrate Dante’s win and to catch up.
MIDDLE: Dante talks about Tiffany’s innate ability to catch criminals since they were kids.
END: Margot speaks judgmentally of her mother and blamed her for her father’s drinking problem. Tiffany listens intently.
INT. DANTE AND MARGO’S HOME – LATE NIGHT
BEGINNING: Dante talks to Tiffany about the latest developments being made on his revolutionary motorcycle engine. Margot pressures Dante to get the home security system fixed.
MIDDLE: Tiffany settles in for the night, but hears a noise coming from the lower part of the house. Believing Dante and Margot have retired for the night, she investigates.
END: Dante and Margo make love in the kitchen… Tiffany believes that was the noise.
EXT. OUTSIDE HOME – MORNING
BEGINNING: The trio leave to head out for breakfast and a day of sightseeing. They take Tiffany to breakfast. Tiffany continues to caution Dante about his reckless attitude towards basic safety. She tells him that he is not as invincible as he thinks.
MIDDLE: Tiffany receives an urgent call that she must return as there has been a break on one of her cases
END: The trio return from brunch, but Tiffany has to catch the next flight back home. Dante rushes her to the airport.
EXT. OUTSIDE HOME – DAY
BEGINNING: Dante returns from taking Tiffany to the airport.
MIDDLE: Dante arrives at the airport and exchanged goodbyes with his sister.
END: Dante returns home, but remembers he had a meeting with the team to discuss buyers for the new engine.
INT. HOUSE GARAGE – DAY
Key Scene 2: Inciting Incident propels the protagonist onto the journey!
BEGINNING: Dante leaves for an important meeting with the racing team and rushes out without his helmet.
MIDDLE: Dante decides to take a faster route on the freeway to avoid traffic on the local roads. Because he is now traveling at a higher rate of speed, he is in greater danger without his helmet.
END: Dante crashes trying to avoid the debris of a truck tire blowout just ahead of him.
INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY
Key Scene 3: The protagonist reacts emotionally to the Inciting Incident.
BEGINNING: Margot is at home preparing dinner when the phone rings. Margot is notified by police that Dante was in a serious accident.
MIDDLE: Margot is joined by the other racing teammates as they are notified by Margot about what happened.
END: Margot is devasted with the prospect that Dante may not survive. She cannot bear the thought of her perfect life being turned upside down. She feels like she has entered a nightmare.
-
Christi’s Inciting Incident
It was helpful to know I created the moment correctly, even including a twist.
I learned some helpful tips but am unsure where my rewrite assistance is located. When he announced the course in the call, he mentioned we could bring scripts in need of a page 1 rewrite. Unsure where those directions are but there’s still many pages left.
-
Subject line: Daisy Ridgway Khalifa’s Inciting Incident [10]
What I learned doing this assignment: I thought I liked writing dialog and, at least for the time being, it makes me very nervous. Alas, I need to relax. I also realize my beat sheet be might off.
ACT 1 INCITING INCIDENT
KEY SCENE 2 — Mia meets Charles; Two worlds converge, Mia’s and Charles 1974 & 1947
KEY SCENE 3 — PINECLIFF – Charles world, 1947 [The Protagonist Reacts]
EXT. PINECLIFF – GARDEN — CONTINUOUS
MIA runs to the garden at the side of the house. She goes toward the fringes, where there is a brick storage building. She reaches a dark garden path, covered by pine trees, where a massive unused fire pit sits in a circle. In a daze, the child picks up rocks to toss into the pit. She is kneeling by the fire pit, lost on thought, if a little bewildered. Out of nowhere appears a short, plump man with rolled up shirt sleeves and loose, wrinkled pants.
CHARLES
Well, who do we have here?
MIA is startled but doesn’t run, though she peers toward her house, knowing she is safe.
MIA
Hello. Are you working in the garden?
CHARLES
Yes. I am working in the garden. Are you?
MIA
I live here. That is my playhouse.
Mia points toward some citrus trees, though it is hard to see through the garden.
CHARLES
Play house? In the garden?
Charles goes along with the child, not sure what to think- but how harmful could she be.
MIA
Are you Charles Laughton?
CHARLES
I am.
They are quiet until Mia works up the nerve to speak.
MIA
Were you the Hunchback of Notre Dame?
CHARLES
I was the Hunchback of Notre Dame. Did you see that picture?
MIA
Yes. It was good. It is one of my favorites.
Beat.
MIA
You used to live in my house. In this house. Do you know my parents? And Elsa Lan-kaster.
Charles looks at the child, completely perplexed.
CHARLES
It’s “Chester”. Elsa Lanchester. And I am afraid I don’t know your parents. But, young lady, I thought I lived in this house.
MIA
Chester. Else Lanchester. We’re moving.
CHARLES
You’re moving.
MIA
And my parents are having a really big garage sale in our driveway soon.
CHARLES
I am moving too, but I don’t want to. How about you?
Mia shakes her head.
MIA
My mother said our new house is a treehouse. So, I am excited.
CHARLES
I love the sea. I grew up by the sea in England. And I’ve also lived in a treehouse.
Mia smiles.
MIA
Really? You sound like Mrs. Buttle. Are you Cockney?
Charles is bemused.
CHARLES
No, dear. I am not. Is your Mrs. Buttle Cockney?
MIA
Yes. She said so because she was born near the BAWBELLs. Sometimes I don’t understand what she says. She calls Du-h. Listen, Du-h.
Charles laughs.
CHARLES
She might well be a cockney (name-term). You know, I have a feeling she likes you very much. Because she is calling you, Duck, actually.
Mia’s eyes light up.
MIA
Duck! Duck! Oh. That’s it …duck.
Mia smiles and is lost in the thrill of knowing this, as if she has just discovered a buried treasure.
[The dialog above is place holder text;(—more dialog tk] Charles drops something that Mia finds and keeps, a pen or paper. Mia picks it up and keeps it. They part.
ON CHARLES
As he makes his way out of the garden, we follow him to the terrace. It has the same splendid view, but it is not the same terrace of Mia’s house.
It is PINECLIFF, but it is 1947.
Two people are standing on the terrace: his agent, PAUL GREGORY, and CHARLES’ WIFE, ELSA LANCHESTER.
[-THEY ARE DISCUSSING CL’s speaking tour; she is on her way to the Turnabout Theater.TK]
ELSA
There you are! Paul told me all about your reading tour. This might be just the thing, Dear. [see notes] Charles, I must go but would you kindly ask your student, Miss Winters, not to block my driveway. And kindly ask the rest of your troupe to park on the street.
CHARLES
Yes, of course. Have you ever seen a child in our garden before? A lovely little girl with bright, golden hair. She had on the most unusual orange plaid play clothes, pants. Sweet thing. But she said she lived here.
ELSA
I like her imagination. Probably one of the neighbors, of course.
Paul is strolling around the terrace.
PAUL
There is no one in the garden now. Where is the mudslide damage? It looks wonderful today.
CHARLES
Oh, we cleaned that up right away. I was distraught. We looked as hard as we could for the x sculptures. They just absolutely disappeared. A bit ominous, actually. Gone.
Beat.
CHARLES
This child. She said she was moving. From this house. Am I loosing my mind?
ELSA
Sounds like you are. Have a good class. It’s a lovely day for it. Paul, should we be worried that a little girl is milling around our house? Maybe she’s an English spy.
They laugh, and Elsa departs.
Log in to reply.