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Post Day 10 Assignment Here
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18 Replies
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Pass for Emotional Dilemma and Theme is always a useful exercise so I did it but as I started the sluglines, I felt like I was slugged because I still must finish the third novel before the final screenplay. I am trying to juggle them together but it doesn’t work. Now I see why people go nuts doing adaptations of literary novels to the screen but I will keep trying.
Tell us your Emotional Dilemma and the answers to these questions:
BB must choose between honesty and punishment or more stealing and lying that may result in certain death or sacrifice. Ibrahim must choose between Islam and a lonely, humble life or more power and money as CEO of STEMGARCHS even if it means killing millions of humans to save the planet but really to save him. Litonya doesn’t choose—she documents and accepts natural events and human love after being a Green activist who killed her fracker dad during Sandy Storm by pushing him into Turtle Pond after a tree fell on his head. Jake must choose between forgiveness and compromise to get what he needs to make lives of family members better or revenge and retaliation against BB whom he hates now that he knows all his crimes.
A. How does the Emotional Dilemma first show up? Could these four dilemmas be summarized as fate versus will in the theme?
B. How are both sides of the issue built up? I must find little activities that are visual that symbolize these ideas since I can’t be expository and didactic.
C. When does the protagonist make the choice? BB decides at Crisis but the final action is not until the Climax. Ibrahim slowly lets go of Islam but Hurricane Ida sweeps it out of his brain. Jake must transform into a detective before he knows the extent of the evil he would have to forgive so he puts his foot down around PP2.
D. What do they lose in making that choice? Life, health, or freedom.
3. Tell us your Theme and the answers to these questions: My theme was transform, but that is too vague because everyone and everything transforms. That is just one of the plot elements.
A. What are both sides of your theme? Fate versus will.
B. How will both sides show up throughout your story? Fate is shown with climate catastrophes, aging, diseases, death and will with good actions, kindness, EMS, health care, parenting, the STEM brain research and drugs, but also crimes escalating to genocide.
C. How does the climax of the story demand your message? I am in favor of STEM research and human improvement but not the kind of genocide the STEMGARCHS does because I am afraid of natural phenomena like climate catastrophes and neurodegenerative diseases.
4. In the current version of your outline, fill in the events you’ve discovered during this process. List out your outline as you did in Day 7, with slug lines and the essence for each scene. I must have Betty raped just as he raped women years ago as a serial killer/rapist/arsonist. I need more cemetery scenes with surprising drama. I need to develop and perfect the Bright Space Brain Buffet and decide when Ibrahim and BB take it and how it changes them.
1) INT. BABY IN WOMB rocking blissfully.
2) EXT. STREET IN EAST HARLEM – DAY
A gang beats up Bobby until his right eye turns blue and bloody.3) INT. FUNERAL PARLOR- DAY
Bobby’s right eye is made of glass as he beautifies the corpse. His right hand slips under the table as his shoulder vibrates him to an ecstatic explosion.4) EXT. CLIMBING PITCH – DAY
Bobby has transformed into smiling LEO, the hospitality guy, selling food and drink to BEAUTIFUL BUFF CLIMBERS, especially LITONYA LENAPE, the top climber and a geology prof at the college.5) EXT. CLIMBING PITCH – NIGHT
SCREAMS as gorgeous climbers collapse on the ground. Bobby mounts them, then hides the evidence.6) INT. MUDDY MANSION – EVENING
Priceless is dancing in an exotic outfit on the stage of Leo’s new venue, a renovated barn for Gunkies, Junkies, and Gutter Punkies as Joe, JAKE, RODNEY, and his buddies watch. Leo cleans and serves food and drinks but his left eye is glued to her delicious, writhing body.7) EXT. CHURCH CEMETERY – NIGHT
Leo stalks Priceless as she walks home drunk and stoned but as he begins to grab her, she flirts with him, and agrees to be tied up. This is the first time a woman has reacted like this so he is confused. After a while, Rodney and Jake come by, fight, and untie her. A deal is made to give Priceless money for her dancing, but Leo is still arrested.8) INT. PRISON – DAY
No one cleans like Leo. He is released for good behavior. He never confessed to his real crimes and only served for assault.9) EXT. EAST RIVER ESPLANADE – DAY
Leo, aka, BB, has changed his identity to Boat Bob. He cleans his tent under the Asphalt Green sanitation dump. He chats with IBRAHIM, a millionaire from New Paltz, who lives in the Summit penthouse nearby. Papers are exchanged and they return to their different worlds, poor and rich.9) INT. LAUNDRY ROOM – DAY
BB puts lint and lighter fluid in laundry bags. MC, a NYC tour guide, returns to find the room in flames.10) A SERIES OF SHOTS
BB lights a match in the boiler room but leaves quickly. There is a natural gas explosion that decimates the building.
MC and her cat end up in the streets, the subways, the shelters, and finally the basement of an upscale pet store as BB stalks them.
BB studies boats on computers at the senior centers.
BB meets Ibrahim in his penthouse at the Summit and leaves with a package.
BB has the best sanitizers as the pandemic begins and uses them everywhere because they are secretly filled with condensed COVID, helping the old, sick, fat, and weak die faster.11) INT. PET STORE BASEMENT – NIGHT Could be Inciting Incident
BB enters the store to find MC dead from COVID. He mounts her but it doesn’t work this time. He is too old. Later, his son Joe, now a firefighter, comes to the rescue to bring her cadaver to NYU Langone for COVID research. Joe never suspects BB of anything because he is too naïve and busy being an essential worker.12) EXT. PALISADES – DAY
Ibrahim drops BB off near the wharf on his way to picking up Litonya who is a geologist at the Earth Observatory.13) EXT. BOAT – NIGHT
BB sails up the Hudson to Kingston, blissfully nursed by the water.14) EXT. GARAGE – DAY
The Feldmans’ huge garage for antique cars now has a place to build boats. Ten year old KISELE, OMAR, CORAL, and DELPHINE are working with BB on a new boat. After cleaning exhaustively, he sleeps blissfully in the boat on dry land.15) EXT. LAWN OUTSIDE COLONIAL MANSION – EVENING
During the Feldman’s super spreader academic event, BB sprays his sanitizer, secretly laced with COVID.16) INT. FELDMAN’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
As they have sex on their waterbed, JEN and ELIOT FELDMAN code. Jake and Rodney rush in to perform CPR. Then Joe arrives with two stretchers. Since they are obese it takes all their strength to get them in the ambulance.17) INT. HOSPITAL—NIGHT
The Feldmans are DOA. Rodney is detained for testing positive for COVID, low oxygen saturation and fever, but Jake and Joe go home.18) EXT. NEW PALTZ CEMETERY – DAY INCITING INCIDENT
A service is held for Jen, Eliot, and Rodney. Litonya, Jake, and Kisele stay longer at Rodney’s grave and leave together. BB is immaculately dressed as part of the morticians’ team.22) INT. COLONIAL MANSION
A series of shots inside shows BB cleaning and doing construction for the Feldman relatives, Lana, Keith, and Norm, filthy homeless rejects from Manhattan. This montage ends with Lana coding from COVID on the toilet from BB’s squirter but also because she was anti-vax. Jake and Joe enter but it is too late for CPR because rigor mortis has set in.23) EXT. SUMMIT HIGH RISE – DAY
BB and others watch as Hurricane Ida pummels the East River and the Summit pancakes down.
A SERIES OF SHOTS
The pile transforms for search and rescue. BB and Joe are working hard. Remains of OMAR and SANDRINE, Ibrahim’s wife and daughter are found.24) EXT. NEW PALTZ CEMETERY – DAY
A Muslim service for Omar and Sandrine. Everyone is there but Ibrahim is hollow, silent, devastated by this loss.25) INT. TUDOR MANSION – DAY
Ibrahim meets BB in his office. Papers are exchanged.
A SERIES OF SHOTS
as his home is transformed into a modern art gallery with the return of FADMA, his former wife, and their daughter MINA, also an artist. This time he doesn’t protest. He works harder.26) EXT. GARAGE – DAY
BB is designing a deluxe boat for Ibrahim with expert architects. He also toys with the last antique car, fixing the brakes.FLASHBACK
EXT. CAR – DAWN
Leo putters with a car fixing brakes.7) A SERIES OF SHOTS
His wife Natalia crashes the car on a snowy road. It blows up killing her.
Leo lovingly prepares her body for burial.
Leo lustfully satisfies himself after hours.
People come and cry, especially his handsome adopted son JOE.
Leo and his son JOE go to the funeral of Floyd Patterson at the same New Paltz cemetery.
Leo watches him box in his boxing conditioning studio as beautiful girls like PRICELESS watch.27) EXT. SOLAR HOUSE – DAY
The antique car blows up in the driveway instantly killing Norm and Keith. CS, Joe’s wife, runs out and passes out from flames. SIRENS scream and Joe arrives to pick up CS but the geothermal basement explodes, killing him and demolishing the house.28) EXT. CHURCH CEMETERY – NIGHT
Ibrahim and BB are screaming at each other. Then BB is left alone crying at Joe’s grave. Or is this PP1?29) INT. TUDOR TOWER – NIGHT
Ibrahim and BB are consulting in his new office overlooking Fort Washington Park. This time there are vials for neurodegenerative diseases. BB talks about sex reassignment. He would be more potent as a hit woman. Ibrahim must be convinced.30) INT. HOSPITAL – DAY
A SERIES OF SHOTS in various hospital rooms as BB slowly emerges as Betty, a sixty-something woman.31) INT. COLONIAL MANSION – DAY
Betty cooks as well as cleans for Jake, Litonya, Kisele, and their little ones, Aanadi, his granddaughter, and Jesse, their newborn. Betty’s first transformation is to develop a sense of humor.32) INT. LA ROCHE STONE MANSION – DAY
But Jake is no longer laughing because his dad is locked in with ALS and his mom is locked out with Alzheimer’s and he is desperate for something to help them. Betty occasionally helps out because she is stronger than most women. It takes both Jake and BB to bring his mom back from the woods.33) EXT. WOODS – NIGHT Is this Midpoint?
Betty goes for a moonlit canoe ride and is raped by the banks of the Wallkill the way he did it as Leo years ago. But her body is only raped, not murdered, and she has no idea who the masked gang was. Ironically, she feels more empowered.34) EXT. IBRAHIM’S BOAT – DAY
BB sails down the Hudson venturing into a secret lab with masked scientists looking as anonymous as the men who raped her. Ibrahim consults with them on the brain buffet. We see huge screens with radiographs. Delphine, one of his daughters, is a brain scientist.35) INT. HOSPITAL – DAY
This time Betty’s surgery is on her brain. Then she is given a precious vial of drugs. A FEW MONTHS LATER. She reads more quickly and holds a zoom conference talking faster and with bigger words than ever before like a STEM college student.36) INT. LA ROCHE STONE MANSION – NIGHT
Jake is helping his father, Jean, pass on to a better place with a massage. Tapes of former history lectures are playing. BB helps take out the corpse.37) EXT. CHURCH CEMETERY – DAY
Jean La Roche’s service is attended by townspeople, the kids, Litonya, and Jake but there is no sign of Ibrahim. His wife, doctor Joan, Jake’s mom, is so beset by Alzheimer’s she doesn’t realize her husband has died. Betty is even better at mortuary duties, a woman of all trades. After the service, Jake pleads with Betty to find out about Ibrahim’s research because he heard Delphine talking about it with Coral and Kisele.38) INT TURQUOISE CHURCH GYM – DAY
Jake loses his balance and drops weights because of his tremor as he works out with Coral, Delphine, Kisele et al. He hears more from the kids about Ibrahim’s research because they are also computer experts. He says he may have Parkinson’s andis desperate to find cures for him and his mom.
39) EXT. PALISADES – DAY
Litonya and Jake are walking along the cliffs to the boat where Betty and the kids are working. Litonya has the beginnings of pulmonary fibrosis with that horrible chest cough. They discuss the physiology of getting rid of the plaques and clots that make humans miserable, especially in old age. They sail to Inwood where Betty gets off to go to40) INT. TUDOR TOWER – NIGHT
As they consult, it is evident that Ibrahim and Betty have successfully turned back time with their secret brain buffet. Ibrahim says that the STEMGARCHS control the distribution and we cannot give it to anyone. Our mission is to get rid of as many people as possible. They have an argument over who is entitled but Betty backs down because she is now a submissive woman.41) INT. NEW PALTZ LIBRARY Years Later
Jesse is taking an interest in history, after his late grandfather Jean La Roche, and is intrigued by the unsolved crimes in the area, more cadavers and disappearances to which perpetrators are not attached.SERIES OF SHOTS
For Haunted Huguenot Street, Jesse attends all the events, talks to people of all ages, pores through books, and tries to uncover what happened years ago. He has a hunch that BB might be connected because of his arrest for assault and the way he or she is now. He finds a way to hypnotize Betty with the help of Aanadi who is a health care worker and yoga/meditation/hypnosis expert. The screams, details, visions, nightmares, and actions make them think Leo might have been the killer. The kids are good actors and follow Betty around, making notes. Delphine pretends it is a play they are rehearsing for a ship performance.42) INT. LA ROCHE STONE MANSION – DAY
Jake pleads with Betty for at least the Alzheimer’s drug to get the stick glue out of his mother Joan’s brain. Betty feigns ignorance because she is just a cook. They struggle with Joan and eventually she trips and falls because Betty secretly arranged the carpet that way. Her Living Will says DNI, DNR, no antibiotics, so Jake must refrain from giving her CPR.43) EXT. CHURCH CEMETERY – DAY
Joan is laid to rest beside her husband Jean, but their son Jake will not rest. His Parkinson’s is worse, and he is terrified it will progress to Lewy Body dementia. His wife Litonya coughs so badly she cannot run and hike the way she did. They need and deserve that brain buffet. But Betty didn’t come to this funeral for the first time. Where is she?44) INT. LA ROCHE LIBRARY – DAY
Litonya and Jake consult with Jesse, Aanadi, Kisele, Coral, and Delphine about Betty and the brain buffet. Arguments erupt about nature, nurture, and how far humans can go with science.45) EXT. BOAT – NIGHT Crisis
Jake confronts Betty with his crimes as Leo. At first she denies, but as the proof mounts, Jake hits her with a barrage of evidence. She then confesses to the COVID murders, the tenement and outdoor restaurant torches, and other non-sexual crimes. Jake makes a deal for secrecy in exchange for the precious drugs that Ibrahim will not give him, always pretending to be powerless.46) INT. TUDOR TOWER – NIGHT Climax
Betty cooks a delicious Mediterranean meal. Ibrahim sits by the fire overlooking the Hudson River, a little sleepier than usual. Betty talks on the phone to Jake. The food is carefully poisoned. As they sit down to eat, Betty tries to give Ibrahim the poisoned part, but Ibrahim wants to share everything. Torn between a possible death with him now or exposure of her past crimes and imprisonment, Betty chooses the former, but eats more slowly.TIME SLOWS DOWN.
Ibrahim sinks forever into his sofa so they think. Betty wobbles to the door opening for Jake and the kids who run in and up to Ibrahim’s office to get the secret drugs. Suddenly Ibrahim awakes and takes a weapon out of his pocket for a final, dramatic struggle that he loses when Jake is forced to finish him off. Jake takes the drugs right away but Litonya only takes one. She has more confidence in natural processes. Betty is delirious. Nothing can save her.
47) EXT. INWOOD COVE – NIGHT
Jake, Litonya, and the kids put Betty on her boat as her lights are going out. She gently rocks herself to death.FLASHBACK to the opening shot of Bobby rocking in the womb.
Jake and the kids get on their boat and sail to the Palisades. Magma rocks slide into the Hudson as the rock cycle continues. We transform to survive. We transform as we die.
FINIS
P.S. The above is a mess, it isn’t long enough, and I need more definitive plot points and a lot more action. But I realize the need for sewing dilemmas, themes, CDQ, plot points, and character arcs together.
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Armand’s NQ 3 and 4
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is…
I liked the clear connection between Dilemma and Main Conflict, and how we could use these questions to improve Act 2-3.
Concept.
A ghost haunting the house where he was murdered must save a group of college kids from impending death when the masked killer who was never caught returns for an anniversary spree.
2. Tell us your Emotional Dilemma and the answers to these questions:
Tyler, the ghost, faces two choices: To allow the serial killer to “win again” without interfering and “live” with the guilt of letting more innocent college kids die OR Intervene, having to confront his biggest fear and fail anyway.
How does the Emotional Dilemma first show up?
When Tyler discovers the masked serial killer has returned and the house is full of college kids, he freaks out. He takes comfort in knowing the killer can’t hurt HIM anymore but he soon feels guilty by thinking of Maddie and his friends killed in the past, and now Tyler sets out to do something.
Tyler attempts communicating with the college students to warn them but fails.
Tyler realizes Lex, who is a goth into true crime and paranormal events, can communicate with him using her ghost-hunting app.
Tyler wants to communicate to Lex to “get out” but the paranormal activity entices Lex instead.
These miscommunications with Lex push Tyler to intervene more, including trying to save a college kid from the killer.
B. How are both sides of the issue built up?
Tyler is scared of the serial killer’s return to the manor, vowing to not interfere while the massacre will take place. By interfering and trying to save the college kids early on: the killer becomes aware of a supernatural presence (Tyler). To the point that later on, it seems like the killer can see Tyler’s ghost.
C. When does the protagonist make the choice?
When he fails to save the college kid killed in the wood chipper, Tyler realizes he doesn’t have the skills to defeat the killer. And can’t let this happen again.
D. What do they lose in making that choice?
Tyler loses the “life” as a lonely ghost he’s used to. And he cannot longer avoid confronting his guilt.
3. Tell us your Theme and the answers to these questions:
Sooner or later, you must confront your fears in order to move on.
What are both sides of your theme?
Side 1: You can move on by avoiding your fears
Side 2: You can only move on if you face your fears
B. How will both sides show up throughout your story?
Tyler is a ghost who doesn’t need to confront his guilt, to the point that he purposefully avoids the part of the manor where he saw his friends being killed.
Tyler is a ghost trapped in the manor with his guilt, unable or (deep down) unwilling to move on.
But after failing to protect Lex and the college kids, Tyler realizes he can’t be a coward anymore.
C. How does the climax of the story demand your message?
Tyler realizes he could move on and rest in peace if he stops the killer once and for all.
Outline
1. OPENING
In slasher-film style: Tyler, a privileged college kid, has invited a group of friends including his girlfriend Maddie to party at his family’s remote summer manor.
A masked serial killer kills all of Tyler’s friends one by one. Tyler hides as his friends are murdered, making it second-to-last (with Maddie).
2. THE INCITING INCIDENT
Tyler, totally afraid, is killed (while trying to ditch Maddie and save himself) AND Maddie runs away from the serial killer.
Before we know what happens next: Tyler’s soul becomes “cursed” and he turns into a ghost.
3. BY PAGE 10, WE KNOW WHAT THE MOVIE IS ABOUT
We learn what Tyler can do as a ghost (supernatural abilities: being invisible, levitating/flying poorly, can touch or move some material things), but we also learn that he is not very good at it. Tyler regrets being a coward and not saving Maddie and his friends. But he refuses to visit the parts of the manor where his friends were killed, including the place where he was murdered.
We learn the manor was abandoned for 20 years, sold recently to a wealthy businessman.
A new crop of college kids show up to party for the weekend. We meet Dallas and Lex, paternal half-sisters who don’t get along. Dallas is a gullible college girl pushed by her college friends to host a weekend party at her father’s manor. Lex is a goth 16 y.o. who is secretly tagging along to investigate Tyler’s murder because she’s into true crime and haunted places.
Tyler deals with the arrival of the whole group, unaware the killer has entered the manor.
A stoner kid is murdered by the masked killer.
4. (FIRST TURNING POINT AT THE END OF) ACT ONE
Tyler runs into the killer as the killer leaves the crime scene. Tyler panics.
The killer walks through Tyler’s ghostly body and seems to notice he’s not alone. Tyler fears the killer will somehow get him… But the killer leaves quietly.
Tyler finds the victim’s dead body inside the room a friend of Tyler’s was killed 20 years ago. Tyler is afraid to enter that room, but once inside: Tyler takes comfort in knowing the killer can’t hurt HIM anymore.
The ghost of the stoner kid who just got killed appears in front of Tyler. Tyler has never seen another ghost or talked to anyone else since he became a ghost. The stoner ghost has the ability to know Tyler’s life and how coward he was. Tyler feels guilty about Maddie and the other innocents who were killed but he says he can’t help the new college kids.
The stoner’s ghost “moves on” to rest in peace in front of Tyler’s eyes.
Tyler attempts communicating with the college students to WARN THEM but fails. He tries to scare them to leave, but FAILS. Lex interprets Tyler’s increasing communication attempts as paranormal activity and goes further with her investigation.
Tyler tries to save one of the college kids being chased by the killer outside the manor by flying off with the (very confused) college kid… The confused college kid causes Tyler to accidentally drop him into a large wood chipper; that the killer calmly turns on to finish off the job. The killer leaves, but has “awareness” of (someone) Tyler’s presence.
Tyler realizes he doesn’t have the skills to defeat the killer as a ghost. And can’t let this happen again.
Tyler figures out how to speak with Lex using her ghost-hunting app. Tyler and Lex try warning Dallas and the college kids.
Tyler and Lex try looking for the killer in order to stop him. Lex is brave, while Tyler is scared of running into the killer.
Dallas doesn’t believe Lex until she sees the killer in action: killing one of her friends.
5. MID-POINT
Adult Maddie, now a badass, appears and HELPS fight the serial killer, saving Dallas from death.
Tyler re-connects with Maddie.
Lex discovers a clue to the killer’s identity.
As Tyler grows closer with Maddie and reconsiders his guilt, Tyler discovers his ghost body is “moving on” like the stoner’s. Tyler realizes he might be able to “rest in peace” if he stops the killer.
6. SECOND TURNING POINT AT END OF ACT TWO
The serial killer kills Lex.
7. CRISIS
Tyler has failed to protect the college kids. Maddie has also failed after all these years. Dallas gives up on everyone, wishing she was dead instead of Lex.
8. CLIMAX
Tyler and Maddie fight the serial killer. They unmask the serial killer and learn the motive for the original massacre and the anniversary spree.
9. RESOLUTION
Lex is alive. Lex and Dallas, still bickering, grow closer and become true sisters.
Tyler and Maddie defeat the killer. But Maddie also dies in the process. Tyler, freed from his ghost state, and Maddie, her soul appearing like her college years, move on to rest in peace together.
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[PS80] Emmanuel’s NQ 3 and 4
What I learned doing this assignment is digging into the necessary questions forces you to go deeper into the story and leading characters to figure out the emotional dilemma and overall theme.
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Jim’s NQ 3 and 4
The Transgressors
Concept: A painfully shy, lonely computer nerd stumbles upon a plot by the Russian mafia to deploy an EMP dirty bomb, then uses his growing maturity and awareness to defeat the crime boss and expose his plan, all while falling in love for the first time.
Every single person in Jake’s world has questionable motives. He can trust no one and must make decisions on his own, resisting pressure from all others.
Plot Choice: #9 Underdog and #13 Maturation/#14 Love. 2 equal plots, not a subplot.
Lead Characters:
Protagonist, Jake: The painfully shy 20ish computer geek who discovers the plot. was abandoned by his parents at 16 after he got out of juvenile detention for hacking his high school grades. He’a all alone in the world, so shy he can’t look people in the eye. He sits in his dark shabby apartment and hacks small companies. He is an angry young man, for obvious reasons, but matures and gets over it. Underneath he rages at the world
Antagonist, Simeon Mogilevich: Leader of a Russian mafia family with Kremlin connections, plans to use GIs loyal to Mother Russia to gain access to an EMP bomb.
Mary: Geeky girl next door who undertakes a trip of discovery with Jake
Jean Claude: Conspiracy theorist who also joins up with Jake
Harry: Jake’s older brother who provides the muscle and begins by helping the FBI
Protagonist Character Arc: Jake goes from a lonely boy unable to interact with humans on a personal basis and unwilling to let anyone else into his world, to a man willing to take risks on multiple levels to protect his country and save the one person he has finally let into his heart.
Part to be changed: Ability to risk letting anyone into his life
Biggest fear: Being abandoned and hurt again
Completion of arc: Jake matures quickly and ultimately lets Mary into his life and makes difficult choices to protect his country.
Dramatic Question: Can Jake defeat Mogilevich and stop his plan? Can Jake open his heart and find love?
· Where established: By page 10 we’ve seen a potential relationship between Jake and Mary. We’ve also seen Mogilevich seek to discover what Jake’s plan is.
· How does it increase in intensity?: With each confrontation with Mogilevich, he ratchets up his pursuit of Jake, finding ever more devious ways to threaten and intimidate.
· Where does the question get answered?: In the climax, Jake goes to Mogilevich’s hideout, confronts and kills him, and rescues Mary.
Main Conflict: Mogilevich aims to kill Jake and put his plan to release the bomb into motion. Jake must find a way to stop him and rescue Mary.
· When does it first show up: when Mogilevich vows revenge for Jake hacking into his social club.
· Ways to express the Main Conflict:
o Jake and gang are caught by the FBI
o The trio run away to Canada after being released, chased by M’s men and head to Jean Claude’s Uncle Louis’s cabin.
o Another set of men sent by M directly, find the trio, kill the uncle.
o With Harry’s help they escape to Uncle Louis’s cabin Le Puy, in the mountains of France, pursued by M’s men
· What brings it to a boiling point:
o M himself arrives in Le Puy, France, exasperated that his men can’t get the job done.
· How is the Main Conflict resolved:
o M kidnaps Mary and holds her for ransom.
o Jake kills M after a standoff over $1B.
Emotional Dilemma: Can Jake let his guard down and risk all for love and country?
· A. How does the Emotional Dilemma first show up?
o In the first few scenes, Jake shows how little importance he places on love, law, or other people.
· B. How are both sides of the issue built up?
o Jake keeps his heart closed early, caring only for himself
o Mary lets herself be vulnerable almost from the start
· C. When does the protagonist make the choice?
o In Act II he cares deeply about Mary AND the security of his country
· D. What do they lose in making that choice?
o As written, he wins twice. Probably need to make the loss of Mary more obvious
Theme: One must let down walls, risk pain, to truly experience love – both romantic love and of love of country.
· A. What are both sides of your theme?
o It is better to keep walls up and avoid possible pain
o Love is so important that it is worth opening oneself up and risking hurt
· B. How will both sides show up throughout your story?
o Jake starts out with walls sky high and avoiding all pain
o By the end of the movie, Jake understand the importance of letting down barriers, loving and caring
· C. How does the climax of the story demand your message?
o Jake has risked all for love and fully let down his barriers
Plot in Structure:
Opening Sequence
EXT. CONEY ISLAND SIDEWALK – DAY
Jake eyes glued to the ground, arms wrapped around his laptop, walks past the Tatiana Social Club, and is laughed at and tripped by a goon standing in front of the club. He vows revenge under his breath. This boy seethes with rage.
INT. JAKE’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
He chats on the dark web with his only pseudo-friend Jean Claude – another geek in Canada. On this night Jake seeks revenge by hacking into The Social Club’s website and emails, discovers millions of dollars’ worth of assets, and sends a ransomware note for $1million. We learn this is what he does “for a living”, sending ransomware to small companies for $3,000 or $4,000, enough to cover his living expenses. He’s a nice ransomware guy – and it keeps him under the FBI’s radar.
Inciting Incident:
INT. JAKE’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Jean Claude calls Jake telling him there’s chatter on the dark web about a Russian mafia kingpin coming after him. Clueless, Jake sees black vans pull up outside, so he grabs his computer and runs out of his apartment door.
INT. HALLWAY/MARY’S APARTMENT – CONTINUOUS
Jake runs into Mary, his doppelgänger (mousy, a bit heavy, geekish, Russian accent) in the hallway, coming in from waitressing third shift at the Social Club, run by her uncle. As men storm up the steps Jake looks Mary in the eye for the first time in the year since they met and asks if he can come in. Always interested in him, she lets him in. Together they watch through the peephole as unknown GI’s storm his apartment and search for him. They in turn are interrupted by the FBI pulling up below. The GIs beat it just in time themselves. The FBI has been watching and listening for weeks re his ransomware attacks. They search his apartment and assume he’s been kidnapped. Jake calls Jean Claude for more info, who convinces him it’s a vast CIA conspiracy. Jean Claude decides to steal his mom’s car and come down to help them escape. Jake calls his estranged brother for advice. Harry, a NYC beat cop. “What do you want Dingleberry?”. After Jake tells him the situation, Harry tells him to go to the police and hangs up. We learn that they are alienated after Harry sided with the parents in kicking Jake out.
INT. FBI FIELD OFFICE, NEW YORK – DAY
Agent Terry tries to figure out what happened to Jake. He enlists the help of brother Harry who knows nothing.
INT. MOGILEVICH’S ESTATE, MOSCOW – DAY
Mogelevich is pissed that someone has hacked into the Social club as it is used to funnel money to him through its activities in drugs, prostitution, and extortion. He’s more pissed that his men let Jake get away. What does Jake know of their plan? How powerful is this kid? Is it the CIA? He demands Jake be found and brought to him for questioning.
INT. MARY’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
They’ll make a run for it tomorrow. But for now, they’re alone. Neither has ever been kissed, so the intimacy is scary. He won’t sleep in her bed, so she sleeps on the LR floor with him. They don’t touch but after Jake is asleep Mary continues looking at him. We don’t know what that means.
By page 10:
INT. MARY’S APARTMENT – MORNING
Jean Claude arrives and pushes a conspiracy theory that it’s all a CIA plot. Jake decides to run for it, and the other two agree to go with him, each for their own reasons. Jean Claude because he likes chasing conspiracy theories; Mary because she’s tired of being alone, plus she is attracted to Jake.INT. CAR – DAY
The Trio is chased by the FBI, and eventually caught. We start to see a transformation in Jake as he stares the agents down and analyzes potential next steps – by himself. This guy is starting to show us how smart he is.
First turning point:
INT. FBI FIELD OFFICE – DAY
Jake, Mary, and Jean Claude meet with Jake’s brother and are then interrogated by the FBI, told they think M is planning some kind of attack based on dark web chatter. They don’t know what. They have a choice: jail time or help them catch M. They agree but
EXT. CAR – DAY
as soon as they are set free, and in response to Jean Claude’s conspiracy stories, they make a run for the Canadian border, closely pursued by a group of Russians in US Army uniforms. They make it across as the Army men break to a stop. They don’t want to expose their movement by going across an international border.
INT. MOGILEVICH’S ESTATE, MOSCOW – DAY
M discovers the trio has been talking to the FBI and is furious once again that Jake has escaped. What does he know? He could bring down the entire operation unless they find out what he knows. We learn more of M’s plan and meet his mignons both by his side and embedded in the US military.
Midpoint:
INT. SHABBY CABIN – CANADIAN WILDERNESS – DAY
The trio go to Jean Claude’s uncle’s remote cabin 50 miles north of Quebec, Uncle Louis, also an avid conspiracy theorist, because they don’t know where else to go. Jean Claude’s mother has filed a missing person and theft report. He invites them to his cabin as he’s lonely and loves to talk conspiracy. Jake calls his brother Harry, who again encourages them to come in but admits that the FBI knows almost nothing of the General’s possible plot. Jake logs back into the bank and discovers the details of the plot: to awaken US military members loyal to his cause and give him access to an Electromagnetic Pulse bomb to wipe out communications in the US. Although they have escaped, Jake makes the decision to go back to try and defeat M.
MEANWHILE: Jake and Mary continue to become closer – they talk incessantly, then Mary asks to be held at night. They kiss. Mary and Jean Claude fight constantly, both accusing the other of being in on M’s plot. Both have “evidence”. (1 set was planted). Jake must decide – but not now. Jake wonders who he can trust: Mary? Jean Claude? Harry? Uncle Louis? Each has a history, trait, or incident that makes him suspicious.
Second turning point:
INT. FBI HEADQUARTERS – DAYHarry tells the FBI what Jake has told him about the plot. They don’t believe him. Harry talks to his wife and does some heavy soul searching. We learn why they are estranged. Harry is much older, they never got along, and when Jake was arrested for hacking, he sided with the parents to kick Jake out. In the end he finally decides Jake is the only family he has. He calls Jake and agrees to fly up to help his little brother. FBI is pissed that he’s missing and assume Harry is now in on it.
INT. SHABBY CABIN – NIGHT
The four devise a plan to gather weapons, analyze M’s current strength and location. We see that Jake is now running the show. Mary is impressed. Tensions between Mary and Jean Claude finally come to a head when both show “proof” of the other’s involvement with M’s cause (1 set is planted). There is a 3-way standoff with Jake trying to calm things down. Ultimately, he sides with Mary (we question his motives) and Jake is wounded in the scuffle.
Jake checks his Cayman bank account (he had one!) and finds it frozen! But uncle Louis has money sown in a mattress – enough to fly them to Europe with new passports.
Crisis:
M has discovered where they are; Jake and Jean Claude narrowly escape with Harry’s help. But M successfully kidnaps Mary, flies her to Moscow, and holds her for ransom until Jake turns himself into M and tells him what he knows – and releases his ransomware.
INT. MOGILEVICH’S ESTATE, MOSCOW – DAY
M is furious at Svetlana (aka Mary) for not helping him – a fellow Russian loyalist! Mary remains silent. He grabs her and threatens to kill her unless she talks. She confesses her devotion to the plan, but not to killing people.
INT. SHABBY CABIN – DAY
Harry calls two ex-Marine buddies to come help. Harry holds target practice with Jake.
INT. MOSCOW AIRPORT – DAY
Harry, Jean Claude, the two Marines, and Jake fly to Moscow to rescue Mary (weapons are in the luggage). Their plan is to confirm all details and then tell their story to the press. On the plane, Jean Claude convinces Jake he is loyal. (So where does that leave Mary?) As they step from the plane they are immediately arrested. The two Marines are not known about and are ignored.
Climax:
INT. MOGILEVICH’S ESTATE, MOSCOW – DAY
Jake, Harry, and Jean Claude are taken to M where he demands to know what they know, or he will kill Mary. She is now tied up and looking like a captive. Jake is given a computer and told to release the ransomware on the Social Club. Instead, he freezes all $1billion of assets and tells M what he has done. He’ll now have to keep everyone alive if he hopes to get those funds released!
Meanwhile the two Marines have snuck onto the outside patio, killing 3 guards. They come through the glass doors, tossing Jake and Harry a rifle. (M does not have more protection because he’s in Moscow for goodness sake!) M pulls a gun and is killed by Jake.
Resolution:
INT. AMERICAN EMBASSY – DAY
The group of six hold a press conference at the embassy, revealing the extent of M’s evil plans. Jake and Mary hug for real this time, kiss tenderly, but as the credits roll and the couple continue their hug, there is an evil glint in her eye. She is still intent on completing M’s vision!!
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Quincy (Quinn)’s NQ 3 and 4
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is my dilemma was actually under developed. It’s a good thing to know this early in the process. Definitely have to hunker down and really give it some thought.
1. Tell us your concept.
A serial killer uses the unborn twin a woman absorbed in utero to go on a killing spree.
2. Tell us your Emotional Dilemma and the answers to these questions:
Cassie begins to understand Helen’s plight – she just wants a real life of her own. But, she’s killing to try to make it happen.
A. How does the Emotional Dilemma first show up?
When Helen tells Cassie what it is like to be imprisoned in someone else’s body
B. How are both sides of the issue built up?
Every time Cassie realizes Helen has murdered someone, she goes to Bellerophon to sort it out. When she discovers he’s behind the whole thing, she turns herself in, but is subsequently released because no physical evidence links her to the murders. She then tries to kill herself, but Helen prevents her from doing so.
All the while, Helen continues to up the stakes at Bellerophon’s behest.
C. When does the protagonist make the choice?
When she pushes Bellerophon out of the window.
D. What do they lose in making that choice?
Helen loses her life. Cassie loses her soul.
3. Tell us your Theme and the answers to these questions:
Everyone is corruptible.
A. What are both sides of your theme?
1. You can resist the temptation to descend into corruption.
2. Everyone has their breaking point.<div><div>
B. How will both sides show up throughout your story?
<div> Cassie begins as a non-violent person who wouldn’t hurt a fly. She’s timid and doesn’t even want to call out someone’s rudeness to her. As she begins to understand that her body is being used for horrible things, she begins to become desperate, making choices she wouldn’t usually make.<div>
C. How does the climax of the story demand your message?
Realizing she must embrace the violence in order to end it, she kills Bellerophon, but loses herself.
4. In the current version of your outline, fill in the events you’ve discovered during this process. List out your outline as you did in Day 7, with slug lines and the essence for each scene.
FADE IN:
EXT. ALLEYWAY – NIGHT
A homeless man is hunted down and brutally murdered by CASSIE, early 20s with two different colored eyes.
INT. CASSIE’S BEDROOM – 3:47 AM
Cassie wakes up screaming. She realizes it’s a dream and writes the dream in her dream journal. She gets out of bed.
INT. CASSIE’S BATHROOM – MINUTES LATER
Cassie washes her face in the bathroom sink. She dries off and stares at her reflection. She focuses on the reflection of her left eye. Her alarm offscreen goes off. It’s 5:00 AM. Cassie jumps and comes out of her daze. She turns off the alarm and prepares for her day.
INT. COFFEE SHOP – MORNING
Cassie has an incident where someone cuts in front of her and she doesn’t do or say anything. There is a brief moment with the female barista behind the counter flirting with her.
EXT. CITY STREETS – MINUTES LATER
Cassie, on her way to work, happens upon a crime scene blocked off by police. The coroners wheel a shrouded body to the van. Cassie glimpses the scene and sees that it matches her dream. She drops her coffee and rushes away from the scene. DETECTIVE JIM WALLACE, late 20s, fit, notices her.
INT. DR BELLEROPHON’S OFFICE – LATER
Cassie tells Bellerophon about her dream and coming upon the murder scene. She tells him about not feeling like she’s the one looking back in the mirror. BELLEROPHON, 50s, cliched professional, assures her it’s coincidence and talks to her about her condition with nightmares. He prescribes her a new medicine for her to take.
EXT DR BELLEROPHON’S OFFICE – LATER
Detective Wallace catches Cassie coming out of the office. He asks her a few questions about the murder scene and gives her his card.
INT. COFFEE SHOP – AFTERNOON
Cassie is back in the coffee shop. She has another moment with the barista from the morning. Cassie almost brings herself to ask the woman out, but can’t pluck up the courage.
EXT. CITY STREETS – NIGHT
A couple leave a late night movie. Cassie springs out from an alley and kills the husband. The wife runs, but Cassie chases her down and slaughters her.
INT. CASSIE’S ROOM – 3:47 AM
Cassie wakes up screaming again. She goes to write in her journal and notices what looks like dried blood under her fingernail. She rushes to the bathroom to wash up.
INT. CASSIE’S BATHROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Cassie is sobbing washing her hands, trying to get the blood out from beneath her finger nails. She looks up at her reflection to see, for the briefest of seconds, the evil rictus on her own face. She leaves the bathroom.
INT. CASSIE’S BEDROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Cassie calls Dr. Bellerophon in a panic. He assures her it is nothing, but tells her to come to his office when they open. Cassie re-opens the dream journal and sees that there are entries written in a different hand-writing with disturbing messages.
EXT. CITY STREETS – MORNING
Cassie is walking to her appointment. She bumps into Detective Wallace. Wallace tells her another murder came up this morning with a similar MO and wants to know where she’s been. It’s almost an interrogation. At the end he tells her he’ll keep in touch. Cassie goes into the building.
INT. BELLEROPHON’S OFFICE – LATER
Cassie is beside herself. She tells Bellerophon about the blood and shows him her dream journal. Bellerophon tells her it’s okay and tries to calm her down. He gives her something to drink. She calms down, almost to the point of passing out. Bellerophon says a strange phrase. Cassie’s eyes snap open.
It’s HELEN he’s talking to now. He chastises her for being sloppy, and for writing in the dream journal. Helen reminds him of his promise to get her a different body so she can be autonomous. Bellerophon chastises her again, but says he’ll keep his promise. He says another phrase and Helen goes under. He rips the pages Helen wrote on out of the dream journal.
Bellerophon brings Cassie back, but still under his control and gives her the suggestion that she will forget about the blood and will “not notice” any missing pages in her journal. She acquiesces. He brings her back full and assures her everything will be okay.
EXT. CITY STREETS – LATER
Cassie is passing by the coffee shop. The woman who keeps flirting with her comes out and calls to her. She said she was worried when Cassie didn’t show up for her normal coffee. After some awkward conversation, the woman asks Cassie out for a drink. Cassie initially refuses, but ends up agreeing.
INT. NIGHTCLUB – EVENING
Cassie and the woman from the coffee shop are having a drink at the table, getting to know one another. It’s a pleasant conversation, but when the woman asks Cassie to dance, Cassie balks. She excuses herself from the table and goes to the ladies room.
INT NIGHTCLUB LADIES ROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Cassie washes her hands and looks in the mirror. The rictus on her reflection is back. Someone comes out of one of the stalls. The reflection turns and attacks and kills the woman. Cassie is caught on the wrong side of the mirror, banging her hands against the glass.
INT. WOMAN’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Cassie wakes up in bed screaming. The light is turned on. The woman from the coffee shop is in bed beside her. It is her apartment. Cassie is confused at first, not remembering coming home with the woman. The woman walks her through the evening and Cassie says she remembers. She excuses herself to go to the bathroom.
INT. WOMAN’S BATHROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Cassie looks in the mirror and Helen looks back. They have a conversation about Helen’s need for a body and that Bellerophon is helping her. She also tells Cassie she was the one who agreed to go back with the woman because Cassie was too much of a coward. She says she enjoyed the experience so much she’ll have to do it again. Cassie swears it won’t happen. She leaves the bathroom and tells the woman she has to go home. She leaves the situation in an awkward state.
INT. CASSIE’S APARTMENT – LATER
Cassie calls Bellerophon. She tells him about the woman in the mirror. Bellerophon tries to calm her down but she says she thinks she might have hurt someone that night. Bellerophon tells her he will come over. Cassie, doubtful, calls Wallace.
INT. CASSIE’S APARTMENT – LATER
Detective Wallace arrives. He tells her about the murder in the club where she was earlier. Cassie confesses she is the murderer. Wallace doesn’t believe it’s her, but thinks she knows who it is. Helen arises and strangles Wallace.
Bellerophon appears at the apartment and surveys the scene. He tells Helen she will have to dispose of the body and tie up any loose ends.
INT. DETECTIVE WALLACE’S APARTMENT – LATER
Cassie and Helen use Wallace’s key to go in. Helen goes through the rooms and finds Wallace’s wife. She uses Wallace’s service pistol to kill her. She then stages Wallace’s body to look as though he shot himself. Before Helen leaves, Wallace’s young son finds her and asks what she’s doing. Helen kills the boy while Cassie’s reflection in the window screams.
INT. BELLEROPHON’S OFFICE – MORNING
Bellerophon comes into his office. Helen is sitting in his chair. She demands Bellerophon hold up the end of his bargain. Bellerophon tells her not yet. Helen jumps up to kill him, but Bellerophon says a phrase and Helen drops her weapon. Bellerophon tells her that he has been grooming her for a long time and has added fail safes so she wouldn’t harm him. He says she is ready to be the tool he needed from her. He gives her a kill list and tells her she won’t be able to get her own body until she’s done. She says she can just keep Cassie’s body, but Bellerophon tells her with a single phrase he can effectively kill off Helen and send her back to the “glob of neural material” that is “piggy-backing on your sister”. Helen complies.
SERIES OF SCENES
Helen goes on a killing spree. It’s not subtle.
INT BARISTA’S APARTMENT – MORNING
Cassie wakes up to discover Helen has killed her lover. She confronts Helen who admits she did it to try to claim the body.
INT CASSIE’S APARTMENT – MORNING
Cassie tries to commit suicide, but Helen stops her.
INT. BELLEROPHON’S OFFICE – AFTERNOON
Helen bursts in on Bellerophon as he’s with another client. The receptionist is trying to stop her, but Helen kills her effortlessly. Helen dumps out the bag she is carrying and it is the heads of the people she has killed. The client screams and tries to flee. Helen grabs her and tells Bellerophon to make good on his promise. That she’ll take this woman’s body.
Bellerophon laughs at her and says it’s impossible. Helen flies into a rage and launches herself at him, but he says the kills phrase and Helen drops.
Cassie wakes up in her own body. She sobs and tells Bellerophon she doesn’t understand what is going on. Bellerophon reassures her and embraces her. He tells Cassie it’s all over. Cassie agrees and pushes Bellerophon out the window. He plummets to his death. She waits for the cops and gives up when they arrive.
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM – LATER
Two detectives are questioning Cassie. They tell her they have found DNA evidence at the other murders which match hers on a familial level. They know she has a sister, and that she is protecting her. They keep asking her where her sister is. She doesn’t answer. They send her to a cell.
INT. JAIL CELL – LATER
The jailer leaves Cassie locked in the cell. She goes to the mirror. She looks into it, but can’t find Helen.
INT. POLICE STATION – MORNING
Cassie’s lawyer has convinced the DA to drop the charges as all the DNA evidence has pointed to someone else, a sister or a cousin. She is free to go, but to stay available for a while.
INT WOMAN’S APARTMENT – 5:00 AM
The alarm goes off. Cassie wakes up next to the woman from the coffee shop. She turns off the alarm. She moves to get out of bed, but the woman reaches for her and tells her to stay in. Cassie tells her she’ll be back to bed in a bit and gets up.
Cassie goes to the kitchen and pours herself a glass of juice. She sits at the kitchen table and pulls a notebook out of her purse. She flips a few pages and reads a note written in her handwriting, begging her stop killing and set her free. Next to Helen’s last entry Cassie writes, “I will find you a body.”
FADE OUT
</div></div></div></div>
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Rob Bertrand NQ 3 and 4
What I learned: I learned out to insert the Emotional Dilemma and the Theme into my outline.
1. Tell us your concept.
When two traumatized sisters become convinced that their house is haunted, their father accuses them of faking it for attention, but when the paranormal activity escalates and the father goes missing, the sisters discover a dangerous stalker, living in the walls, pretending to be their dead mother.
2. Emotional Dilemma:
Can Annie overcome her grief and learn to stand up for herself or will she let the guilt of her mom’s death ruin her life and relationships?
A. How does the Emotional Dilemma first show up?
The emotional dilemma starts in the first scene, when Nora Andrews (mom) dies in a car accident, while Annie is driving. It continues through the first 10 pages, as Annie is set up on a blind date. She doesn’t want to go, but can’t say no.
B. How are both sides of the issue built up?
The emotional dilemma is built up through Act 1, when Annie is forced to tell Danny that she just wants to be friends. She can’t bring herself to tell him that she’s not interested, so she ignores him and doesn’t answer his calls. This forces Danny to show up at her house. When the paranormal activity starts, Annie starts to believe that her mom is haunting the house and that she blames Annie for her death. In the climax, Annie will overcome her guilt when facing Danny, who’s been hiding in her home, playing mind games.
C. When does the protagonist make the choice?
Annie makes the choice in the climax, after discovering that Danny has been hiding in her walls and has taken her dad hostage. In the moment, she overcomes her guilt and stands up to Danny.
D. What do they lose in making that choice?
When Annie makes her stand, she loses the guilt and grief that has been on her shoulders since the death of her mother.
3. Theme:
To forgive yourself is to love yourself.
A. What are both sides of your theme?
Side 1: Annie learns to forgive herself because her mother’s death was not her fault.
Side 2: Annie can’t forgive herself because her mom’s death was her fault.B. How will both sides show up throughout your story?
Annie will struggle with the guilt of her mom’s death throughout the 1st and 2nd Act. She believes it was her fault because she was driving. This thought is firmly planted in her mind, when she over hears a discussion between her father and her uncle at the funeral reception. Annie is triggered by a response during the Séance that seems to confirm that the spirit of her mom blames her for her death.
C. How does the climax of the story demand your message?
In the climax, Annie is confronted by Danny, who forces her to face her demons. Danny asserts that Annie’s father blames her for Nora’s death. Jack opens up to his daughter and tells her it’s not her fault. Annie finally stands up for herself and saves her father.
4. Current Outline: 10/6/21
Opening: Annie Andrews drives her drunk parents’ home from a wedding and is involved in a serious accident. Nora Andrews (mom) dies on the scene. At the funeral reception, Annie is embarrassed by her father’s intolerant comments about gay people. She’s struggling with her own sexuality.
EXT. WEDDING VENUE – DUSK
Jack and Nora Andrews attend a wedding with their daughters Annie, 16 and Jessica, 12. Mom and Dad have a little too much to drink. Annie is handed the keys.
INT. ANDREWS CAR – NIGHT
The family is broadsided by another vehicle. Nora dies on the scene.
INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY
At the funeral reception, Annie is angered by her drunk father, who laughs at someone’s intolerant gay joke. Angry, the father snaps that he never should have let her drive. We are introduced to the friendly elderly neighbors.
Inciting Incident: It’s the day of Annie’s big date, but she doesn’t want to go.
INT. ANNIE’S ROOM – DAY
Jocelyn does Annie’s makeup and gives her a pep talk for her date with Danny. We learn that Danny and Annie have been talking online for a few weeks. Annie sends her sister Jessica to wake up their dad, Jack, for work.
INT. FATHER’S ROOM – DAY
Jessica enters to wake her father for work and discovers he fell asleep clutching mom’s wedding dress while watching his wedding video. Empty liquor bottles litter the floor.
INT. ANNIE’S ROOM – DAY
Jack pokes his head in to say goodbye before leaving for work. He won’t be home till 5 a.m. He remembers that Annie has that “thing.” He think’s getting out of the house and socializing is a good thing.
INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY
Annie answers the door and is thrown off. Danny looks nothing like how he described himself. Instead of blonde and athletic, he has greasy black hair and is super skinny. He’s sloppily dressed in dirty clothes. Jocelyn and Jessica decide to follow them from a distance.
EXT. COUNTY FAIR – DAY
The date with Danny is awkward and uncomfortable. Danny wants to know everything about Annie’s dead mother. Repulsed, Annie rejects Danny, who doesn’t take it well.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
The phone rings off the hook, but Annie doesn’t answer. She knows it’s Danny. Out of frustration, Jessica answers and hands to the phone to Annie. Annie politely tells Danny that she doesn’t want to be friends.
INT. LIVING ROOM – LATER
Annie and Jessica are awakened by the sound of footsteps from upstairs, followed by strange moaning.
By Page 10, you know what the movie is about: Annie tells her father that she’s think’s Danny is creepy and doesn’t want anything to do with him. Jessica tells her father that the house is haunted.
INT. KITCHEN – MORNING
Jack stumbles in from work, as Jessica and Annie eat cereal. Frank asks how the date went. Annie tells him about Danny. Jessica thinks the house is haunted. Frank tells them to clean their dishes before they leave for school.
First Turning Point, End of Act 1: Jack tells Danny to stay away.
INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY
Jack answers the front door and finds Danny on the porch. Jack tells Danny to stay away from his daughter. Danny tells Jack that Annie was right, it should have been him that died.
EXT. ANDREWS HOUSE – DAY
Annie and Jessica arrive home from school. Jack left a note, he picked up a shift and won’t be home till late. Money for a pizza on the fridge.
INT. KITCHEN – DAY
Annie finds a bowl of half-eaten cereal on the counter and gets on Jessica’s case for not cleaning up after herself. Jessica swears she did. There’s no money on the fridge.
INT. ANNIE’S ROOM – DAY
Annie finds her bedroom window open.
Mid-Point: After several occurrences of phantom voices, furniture moving around and unexplained footsteps, Annie and Jessica become convinced the house is haunted by their mother. Annie performs a séance with her little sister and Jocelyn, in hopes of finding closure with their dead mother. The girls are busted by Jack, who’s drunk and upset over what he considers witchcraft.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
As Jessica and Annie watch a movie, they hear the sound of heavy furniture moving from above their heads. Annie sets down the TV remote and the girls cautiously head upstairs to investigate.
INT. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY – NIGHT
Annie peeks into each room, flipping on lights as they go. Jessica’s imagination runs wild. From downstairs, the TV volume goes full blast. The girl’s scream.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Annie and Jessica run down stairs. The remote is missing. They search frantically for it, but it’s nowhere to be found. Annie finds the volume button on the TV and turns it down. The remote control flies out of the kitchen and explodes against the wall.
INT. LIVING ROOM – MORNING
Jack gets home from work and is pounced on by his daughters. They talk over each other, explaining the creepy phenomenon. Jack thinks they’re pulling pranks.
EXT. HIGH SCHOOL – DAY
Annie, Jessica and Jocelyn walk home from school. Jessica tells Jocelyn about the creepy things happening around their house. Jocelyn asks if it could be their mom. Jessica freaks out. Annie tells her to shut up. Jocelyn wants to do a séance.
INT. BASEMENT – ANDREW’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Annie, Jessica, Jocelyn and their flamboyant friend Robert, sit around a makeshift altar. Robert leads them in a self-taught séance. There’s a hint of flirtation between Annie and Jocelyn. Robert begins receiving answers to his questions in the form of knocks. The spirit knocks confirm that it’s the ghost of Nora Andrews. When asked if the spirit blames Annie for the death of Nora the spirit replies yes. They are interrupted by Jack, who’s a bit drunk. He’s furious at them for playing around with devil worship.
INT. ANNIE’S ROOM – MORNING
Annie and Jocelyn share the bed. Annie watches Jocelyn sleep. Jocelyn wakes and they share a “will they/won’t they” moment. They are interrupted by pounding on the wall. Jocelyn has to leave. From the hallway, the sound of Jocelyn falling down the stairs. Annie rushes to see what happened.
INT. LIVING ROOM – MORNING
Annie finds Jocelyn in a heap at the bottom of the stairs. Her arms are broken.
EXT. ANDREW’S HOUSE – MORNING
Paramedics load Jocelyn into the back of an ambulance, as she mutters about being pushed from behind. Annie has an argument with her father.
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY
Jocelyn’s parents argue with Jack in the hallway, as Annie steps inside the room. Jocelyn doesn’t remember what happened. She only remembers the feeling of being pushed.
INT. JACK’S TRUCK – DAY
It’s a tense ride home. Annie texts Jocelyn, but it goes unread.
Second Turning Point, End of Act 2: The paranormal activity increases when Annie and Jessica discover a threatening bloody message on the wall. After the police investigate and discover it was written in Ketchup, Annie is accused of faking it.
INT. ANNIE’S ROOM – EVENING
Jack pokes his head in to say goodbye. Annie doesn’t speak to him. She watches out the window as Jack backs out of the driveway. She’s startled by knocks on her wall and screams at them to go away. The knocking intensifies, then stops. Jessica runs in, scared by the noise.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Annie, armed with a kitchen knife and Jessica, armed with her father’s baseball bat, sit together on the couch. A mindless reality show plays, but no one is paying attention. They’re senses alert for trouble. Suddenly, noises from the basement.
INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT
Annie and Jessica, investigate the basement and discover a message written in blood. “I’m in your bedroom. Come find me.” Suddenly the freezer moves towards them.
EXT. ANDREW’S HOME – NIGHT
The sisters flee the house and head to the elderly neighbors.
INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT
Police search the house, but there’s no sign of anyone. A cop tells Jack that the message was written in ketchup and that the girls must be acting out for attention. Jack is furious.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Jack lays down the law. The girls are grounded until further notice. Reminds them of the story of the little boy who cried wolf.
Crisis: After a period of calm, Annie discovers another bloody message and is attacked by an unseen presence. Annie and her sister run to the neighbors. Annie’s father investigates the house, but disappears after seeing the “Woman in White.”
INT. ANNIE’S ROOM – VARIOUS
Montage – Annie secludes herself in her room as the season changes outside the window.
EXT. HIGH SCHOOL – DAY
Annie sits outside with Robert, eating lunch. She waves at Jocelyn, but it’s not reciprocated. Robert asks about the house and Annie reveals that it’s been quiet lately.
INT. ANNIE’S ROOM – NIGHT
Annie facetime’s with Jocelyn. Jocelyn explains that she can’t see Annie anymore.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Jessica watches TV on the couch. She’s startled by loud scream from inside the wall.
INT. ANNIE’S ROOM
Jessica bursts in, scaring Annie and Jocelyn half to death. Jocelyn has to go. A voice screams Annie’s name from downstairs. Annie, arms herself with a knife she hid on her desk.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Annie and Jessica ease their way down the stairs, searching for the signs of trouble. They search the living, but nothing is there. Suddenly, a crash from Annie’s room.
INT. ANNIE’S ROOM – NIGHT
The room looks like a tornado hit it. The bed and furniture have been toppled. Clothes and knickknacks have been thrown everywhere. On the wall is written: “Did you miss me?” One by one, pictures frames hung on the wall fly off the shelf, nail and all.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Annie and Jessica run down the stairs, as pictures fly off the living room wall. A cross slowly spins upside down. Annie pulls Jessica out the door.
EXT. ANDREW’S HOUSE – NIGHT
The sister’s run to the safety of the neighbors.
Climax: Annie discovers Danny, wearing a blonde wig and wearing her mother’s wedding dress, holding an axe to her dad’s throat. Danny has been living in the walls, faking the paranormal activity. He’s become obsessed with Annie and wants Annie to choose between him and her father. Annie overcomes her fear, tricks Danny and rescues her father. Police later find Danny hiding in a secret crawlspace. He’s been hiding there for months.
EXT. ANDREW’S HOUSE – LATER
Jack’s truck skids to a stop in front of the house. The elderly Neighbor greets him in the drive way. The neighbor says he looked around, but everything seemed normal. He didn’t call the cops.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Jack enters the house, only to discover the house is completely wrecked. Every light has been shattered. He’s drawn to the sound of static coming from upstairs.
INT. JACK’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Jack opens the door slowly to reveal a message on the wall that reads: “Marry me!” He’s knocked out from behind.
EXT. ANDREW’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Annie grows impatient. She heads inside her house to find her father.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Annie enters slowly, sizing up the mess. There’s no sign of her father. From upstairs, the sound of wedding music.
INT. JACK’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Annie finds her father, tied to a chair. Blood pouring from an open wound on his head. A shape stands behind Jack. It’s revealed to be Danny LaPlante, wearing her mother’s wedding dress and a dirty blonde wig. He’s holding an axe to Jack’s throat. Annie tries to plead with Danny. Danny wants to free Annie of her father and they can be together. Danny wants her to choose between him and her father. Annie tricks Danny and she escapes with her father.
EXT. ANDREW’S HOUSE – NIGHT
As the Andrew’s escape the house, Danny watches from the upstairs bedroom window.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Police use a dog to search the house. The dog catches a scent and barks at the basement door.
INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT
The search dog barks at the freezer in the corner. Police move the freezer and discover a large hole in the wall. A cop shines a flashlight into the hole and illuminates the face of Danny. He’s been living in the walls for months.
EXT. ANDREW’S HOME – NIGHT
Danny is placed in the back of a squad car as the Andrews family learns the reality of what he’s been doing.
Resolution: Annie finds the courage to come out to her father, who’s surprisingly supportive. Annie’s father quits drinking and the family moves away.
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY
Jack rests in a hospital bed, with bandages on his head. Annie opens up to him and finally comes out to him. Jack is loving and supportive.
EXT. LOCAL CEMETERY – DAY
Annie sets a bouquet of flowers down on Nora’s grave. She’s joined by her father and sister. They embrace, with tears in their eyes.
EXT. ANDREW’S HOME – DAY
A few weeks later, the Andrews watch as movers load a moving truck. The family gives the house one last look before saying goodbye. When it’s time to go, Jack opens his truck door and tosses Annie the keys. She hesitates, then overcomes her fear.
THE END
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Claudia’s NQ 3 & 4
What I learned… the NQ keep forcing you to go deeper and deeper to find the essential emotional core of your story and to make sure that you hold onto each of these through your story – your throughline. These are the things that will have an audience engaged and caring about you character and their journey.
Apply Necessary Questions 3 and 4 to your outline.
1. Tell us your concept.
An OCD, germaphobe Martha Stewart wannabe must take over the family’s cleaning business after her father becomes ill meets the man of her dreams, not knowing he makes Oscar Madison look like Felix Unger.
2. Tell us your Emotional Dilemma and the answers to these questions:
Emotional Dilemma: Abby knows that she has to step up and run her father’s business but she’s literally terrified of germs, at the same time she has to put aside her own dreams to be there for her family.
A. How does the Emotional Dilemma first show up?
At the hospital when her father asks her to take over running the business while he convalesces.
B. How are both sides of the issue built up?
Abby is upset that she needs to put her own dreams aside to help her family, but she does. She has to fight the phobia to be at the company and then engage in actual cleaning of the office and other people’s homes (germs). Her frustration makes her (in the maid’s eyes) overbearing and she quickly loses their respect and their help. Abby keeps telling herself that her way is right but sees how she’s cocooned herself from the joy of living. When Nick pushes her to experience life, she takes baby steps, but falls down a hole when she realizes he’s a terrible slob.
B. When does the protagonist make the choice?
When she realizes that unless she takes the risk, she will lose everything, Nick, her career, her father’s business.
C. What do they lose in making that choice?
Abby loses the safety net she’s built around herself.
3. Tell us your Theme and the answers to these questions:
It’s the risks we take that makes life worth living.
A. What are both sides of your theme?
If you don’t take the risks you will be safe but others will lose
If you do take the risks others will win but you lose your safety
B. How will both sides show up throughout your story?
Abby is safe in her routines; from having a home studio to doing everything online so no one can touch her (physically and metaphorically). She tries to work with people strictly via electronics.
Each time she is forced to step out, because the safe way isn’t working any more, she experiences fear, but also hints of life, love, pleasure in the tiny things.
C. How does the climax of the story demand your message?
Realizing she’s about to lose everything, including the respect of her family as well as the family business, the relationship that she’s started, her dream career and friends… she painfully pushes past the fear to do what is necessary and finds great joy and her new life in the process.
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Richard’s NQ 3 and 4
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is… with every assignment I believe my story/characters are getting stronger. Further elements come to mind as I think more and more about the situation and what I will put my characters through. I’m also starting to appreciate just how much all aspects of my writing must be in unison to create a stronger script.
Concept: Trapped in a castle, seven life-long friends must fight to the death so that the last one standing can receive a pardon from a foreign Lord and his army.
Tell us your Emotional Dilemma and the answers to these questions:
Emotional Dilemma: Can a group of lifelong friends, all connected by love or blood ties, betray, and ultimately murder one another for their own, and their country’s, survival?
A. How does the Emotional Dilemma first show up?
It shows up in the very first scene as one of the characters know they are pregnant but still chooses to go to war.
B. How are both sides of the issue built up?
The stakes rise throughout the story – with some characters torn between the choices they must make – and which of their family they must sacrifice for the greater good. Betrayal and loyalty are challenged constantly.
C. When does the protagonist make the choice?
The characters make their choices, or others make it for them, throughout the second half of the script.
D. What do they lose in making that choice?
A family friend. A true friend. An unborn child. It varies for each character.
Tell us your Theme and the answers to these questions:
Theme: Betrayal
A. What are both sides of your theme?
Side 1: Betrayal
Side 2: Loyalty
B. How will both sides show up throughout your story?
They constantly show up, our seven characters have bonds that have been built up since they were born, or at least since they were children. They have fought together; they have lived together and now they must make a decision that will stay with them for the rest of their lives.
C. How does
the climax of the story demand your message?When one character makes the ultimate sacrifice.
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BOB’S NQ 3 AND 4
What I learned doing this assignment is…?
A valuable step in building a screenplay to be real and consistent with theme.
All changes in my concept or outline that arise from my ‘discoveries’ in this module are in bold black.
1. Tell us your concept.
THE CONCEPT
WORKING TITLE: “’Moths Around a Flame:’ The Making of ‘The Blue Angel.’” (Based on a true story.)
LOGLINE: The making of the erotic thriller “The Blue Angel” (1930) has an impact on the principal actors, Emil Jannings and [then unknown] Marlene Dietrich and the director (Josef von Sternberg) that leads to success for von Sternberg, stardom for Dietrich, but ironically, began a fall for Emil Jannings in a manner that parallels his role as the professor in the film, whose infatuation with a cabaret showgirl leads to his ruin.
2. Tell us your emotional dilemma and the answers to these questions.
The Emotional Dilemma:
For Jannings: To swallow his jealousy and animus, at the director’s request in order to be artners in art with Dietrich to complete the film.
Later, with apparently no film career in Hollywood, does Jannings work with the Nazi propagandist film industry just to survive as a star in motion pictures.
A. How does the Emotional Dilemma first show up?
This is the inciting incident. When he is admitted to US Army headquarters in Berlin, 1945: The CO asks, How could an actor – a man of Jannings’ stature allow himself to be exploited in Nazi propaganda films. Jannings says his own life and that of his family would have been in jeopardy if I had refused to serve the Nazis.
B. How are both sides of the issue built up?
His hostility toward Dietrich and asserting that he is the star is said out of desperation to hold on to his star-status not only in “The Blue Angel” but in his career which he feels is in jeopardy.
The brutality of the Nazis which sways Jannings fear of the Nazis is demonstrated when marching Brown Shirts in the street hurl rocks through the windows of the gay Club Silhouette where he is dining with Magnus Hirschfeld, von Sternberg, Dietrich and Carola Neher.
Hirschfeld and Jannings have a dialogue about how to live under Nazi tyranny and survive it or escape the Nazis. Hirschfeld says he is leaving for Palestine (Then under the British Mandate) and he may stay there. Janning indicates, “I have to stay in Germany, I have no career in America because of my accent which doesn’t work in “’talkies.’” Hirschfeld: “I fear the day is coming where the issue is not career survival, but survial itself.”
C. How are both sides of the issue built up?
Von Sternberg appeals to Jannings to be a partner in art with Dietrich to make the movie work. He does and both he and his alleged rival turn in excellent performances.
A long-standing friend, Jewish actor, Kurt Girron, speaks with Jannings about survival in Germany. Says he would have to leave or he and his whole family would be persecuted if the Nazis take over. Perhaps you should too, Emil, even though you are not Jewish.” “Where would you go,” Jannings asks. Kurt answers: I don’t want to go to America but stay in Europe. I’d go to France or Netherlands. Come with me, Emil.”
D. When does the Protagonist make the choice.
After Studio Chief Alfred Hugensberg warns him that the Nazis will take over inevitably, he believes, and already you are admired by Herr Goebbels. You could be a star, Emil.”
E. What do they lose in making that choice.
He gains his life and survival but loses his reputation and ultimately his career when the Nazis are over-thrown in 1945, as he must go through de-nazification.
3. Tell us your Theme and the answers to these questions.
The uses and limits of survival-thinking. “What would a man give in return for his life?”
A. What are both sides of your theme?
The price of sacrifice and the gains for survival.
The U.S. Officer asks Jannings, “Fellow cast member Hans Albert continued his career but never associated himself or his work with the Nazis. Why didn’t you do that, Emil?” Jannings: “Because the Nazis asked me, and if I had refused, God knows what might have happened to me and my family. Look, remember Kurt Gerron? Even he, a Jew, did a propaganda film for the Nazis and the Nazis still sent him and his family to Auschwitz. If he had not gone to Auschwitz but survived, would you judge him for having made a propaganda film for the Nazis?”
B. How will both sides show up throughout your story?
Career survival underlies all the “acting out” of Jannings on the set of “The Blue Angel” against and about Dietrich. The survival of Nazi tyranny is part of the dialogue with Hirschfeld and Gerron. All of these are placed in the script in places where there is a continuum of the questions.
C. How does the climax of the story demand your message?
To survive tyranny by cooperating with it, will mean you are compromised but the alternative is death to yourself and those you love.
4. In the current version of your outline, fill in the events you ‘ve discovered during this process. List out your ooutline ass you did in Day 7, with slug lines and the essence for each scene.
THE OUTLINE
Here’s the outline: 9 Beat format. Added Insights and plot events from NQ 3 AND 4 are added below in bold.
1. OPENING:
Title Card: Berlin, July, 1945.
EXT. SQUARE IN FRONT OF US ARMY HEADQUARTERS -DAY
Brandishing an Oscar statuette, Emil Jannings (now 60) presents himself at US Army headquarters
JANNINGS
Don’t shoot! I won an Oscar!
2. INCITING INCIDENT:
INT. US ARMY HEADQUARTERS’ OFFICE – DAY
A US OFFICER (a film buff) INTERVIEWS Jannings and wants to know what it was like filming “The Blue Angel” and why an actor and man of his stature allowed himself to be exploited by the Nazi propaganda film industry to which Jannings replies by telling the story of this film and that he did the propaganda films so he and his family would survive the Nazis.
3 BY PAGE TEN:
INT. STUDIO OFFICES – DAY
Against the wishes of the studio brass and his star (Jannings), von Sternberg casts an unknown (Marlene Dietrich) in the role of the cabaret showgirl Lola Lola who is the love-interest of the professor portrayed by Jannings – who immediately believes Dietrich is upstaging him as the star which starts their conflict. Jannings is trying to preserve his star-status and survive the fact that he can’t get work in Hollywood because his German accent excludes him from “talkies.”
INT. SOUND STAGE – SET OF “THE BLUE ANGEL” – DAY
Jannings’ hostility toward Dietrich and asserting that he is the star is said out of desperation to hold on to his star-status not only in “The Blue Angel” but in his career which he feels is in jeopardy. He gets no satisfaction from von Sternberg who, Jannings believes, spends more time with Dietrich and none at all with him even though they have been partners in many previous Oscar-worthy films.
Von Sternberg asks Jannings to understand. He is the established star. Dietrich is a novice and needs his attention.
Jannings speaks with fellow actor, Kurt Gerron, who plays the magician in TBA, who tries to reassure Jannings that he need not worry about his star-status. “And if von Sternberg doesn’t spend time with his other actors, don’t worry, just keep doing what he tells you until he says, ‘Cut! Print!’”
3. FIRST TURNING POINT AT THE END OF ACT ONE:
INT. THE CLUB SILHOUETTE – NIGHT
To ingratiate herself further with von Sternberg (who needs none) and mend relations with Jannings (who wants none), Dietrich takes them out on a tour of the Weimar “Berlin of Lola Lola” where their party is stopped by Nazis who hurl rocks through the windows of a gay cabaret where they are having drinks.
Hirschfeld and Jannings have a conversation about how to live under what appears to be inevitable Nazi tyranny and survive it or escape the Nazis. Hirschfeld says he is leaving for Palestine (Then under the British Mandate) and he may stay there. Janning indicates, “I have to stay in Germany, I have no career in America because of my accent which doesn’t work in “’talkies.’” Hirschfeld: “I fear the day is coming where the issue is not career survival, but survial itself.”
5, MID POINT:
INT. SOUND STAGE – THE SET OF “THE BLUE ANGEL” – DAY
The conflict between Jannings and Dietrich escalates to violence when Jannings overacts a scene of strangling Dietrich’s character that he actually strangles Dietrich and injures her to which von Sternberg calls on both actors to partner up in the name of the art and finish the film..
6, SECOND TURNING POINT AT END OF ACT TWO: Von Sternberg’s intervention has worked and Dietrich and Jannings turn in stellar perfomances especially in Dietrich’s signature song, “Falling in love again” and Jannings’ scene of the ruined professor dying.
7, CRISIS:
INT. STUDIO OFFICE OF ALFRED HUGENBERG – DAY
After the film wraps, Jannings, convinced he has no future in Hollywood, asks a studio chief (and Nazi-supporter) for advice and he answers that he should work in Nazi cinema.
After Studio Chief Alfred Hugensberg warns him that the Nazis will take over inevitably, he believes, and already you are admired by Herr Goebbels. You could be a star, Emil in the new Germany.”
8. CLIMAX:
INT. US ARMY HEADQUARTERS’ OFFICE – DAY
The US Officer who asked he dramatic question informs Jannings that he must be de-nazified which effectively ends his acting career and ruins him in a manner that mirrors the ruination of his professor-character in “The Blue Angel.” Jannings protests: “Why should I be de-nazified. I was never a Nazi!” The U.S. Officer asks Jannings, “Fellow cast member Hans Albert continued his career but never associated himself or his work with the Nazis. Why didn’t you do that, Emil?” Jannings: “Because the Nazis asked me, and if I had refused, God knows what might have happened to me and my family. Look, remember Kurt Gerron? Even he, a Jew, did a propaganda film for the Nazis and the Nazis still sent him and his family to Auschwitz. If he had not gone to Auschwitz but survived, would you judge him for having made a propaganda film for the Nazis?”
9. RESOLUTION: Closing Titles:
Emil Jannings never acted again. He died in 1950 of liver cancer. He was given a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.
Marlene Dietrich and Josef von Sternberg went to Hollywood and made many acclaimed motion pictures through the 1930’s. Dietrich condemned Hitler and Nazism, She became an American Citizen and entertained the troops even as they marched against the German Army.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by Robert Smith.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by
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Suya Lee’s NQ 3 and 4
Outlining & Your Character Structure Day 10
Day 10: Adding Necessary Questions 3 and 4
“What I learned doing this assignment is…?”
These necessary questions must be in your script. You cannot write your story without it. I realized the Pirate leader also learned a lesson, too.
Concept: When a group of old timers at a veteran’s retirement home win the mega lottery, they buy an old cruise ship to sail around the world with their extended families, but pirates attack their ship in South-East Asia and the veterans must face the last battle of their lives to save their families.
Dilemma: Veterans can’t fight back, and find out the Pirates will blow up the ship anyway.
Tell us your Emotional Dilemma and the answers to these questions:
A. How does the Emotional Dilemma first show up?
When the Pirates get out their guns, Veterans don’t do anything. Pirates beat up a male Family member, and still the Veterans don’t want to give up the ransom money to the Pirates. Veterans haven’t fought in a war in a long time. They have fought in losing wars, and have lost their spirit a long time ago. When a Pirate points a gun to a grandchild’s head, one Veteran says there isn’t really any money left since all their money went into buying the cruise ship, but will give them whatever money is left over. They don’t say they won the mega lottery. Somehow, that money is worth more than family at this time. Veterans are also shocked like the rest of their Family members, crew and Refugees. Veterans start working together to fight the Pirates, but it takes the Pirates kidnapping all the grandchildren into the crew bunk bedroom before Veterans ‘wake-up’ to what’s really important here.
B. How are both sides of the issue built up?
Pirates are on a drug run to Australia, posing as People Smugglers, with real Refugees as props. They get the ransom money (the first time) as an added bonus. When Pirates find out the Veterans won the mega lottery, they really want that money (i.e, $100 million?). Stakes get higher. But when a Pirate’s son gets kidnapped, his emotional dilemma changes, and agrees to leave the cruise ship with his son. But, he has the only Pirate boat that’s working. The other Pirate calls for back-up, and a fight ensues between the Pirates.
Veterans were depressed and broke at the start of the story, at the Veterans’ retirement home. When they won the mega lottery, they thought their lives would be easy now. They never had it good especially since all fought in losing wars. Now, they can redeem themselves by saving their Families. They get to experience courage, bravery, grace, etc. once again. Especially at the end of their lives. They get to experience love (of Family), which they thought was gone, since all are widowers. They will die for their Family over the love of money (no matter how much). Love is priceless.
C. When does the protagonist make the choice?
When a Pirate points a gun at a grandchild’s head. One Veteran speaks up, saying whatever money is left over the Pirates can have. That Veteran colludes with another Veteran still on the cruise ship to scheme against the Pirates. Veteran disables the internet for the first ransom transfer. A fight in the luggage holding area.
D. What do they lose in making that choice?
That Veteran can lose his/her life. He/She knows the Pirates will be mad when the internet gets disabled and the ransom transfer crashes, but the Pirates will be off the upper deck as they go down to the luggage holding area. Away from the Family members, especially the grandchildren.
Theme: Sacrifice everything for the love of their families.
Tell us your Theme and the answers to these questions:
A. What are both sides of your theme?
Side A: Sacrifice family for the love of money.
Side B: Family is priceless, and nothing is worth any money for sacrificing family.
B. How will both sides show up throughout your story?
Veterans invite the extended Family on a worldwide cruise as a bribe to get Families together. It was a bribe to rekindle their Families’ love. They thought their Families will love them more if they had money, and showed it off with this lure of a cruise. Their Families were all around the USA, and most had meagre jobs. Veterans were still in a money bubble until a Pirate points a gun at a grandchild’s head. They slowly learn over the course of a few hours they would give all the money up in the world to save their Families. The first ransom transfer scheme ends up in a fight in the luggage holding area, even with the lights out. Veterans kidnap a Pirate leader’s son to reverse the situation. Veterans fight the Pirates to get back their kidnapped grandchildren, even when the ship is on fire and sinking. Even as they fight the Pirates racing to find the grandchildren (who were moved to another room). Two Veterans sacrifice their lives to save everyone onboard.
One of the Pirate leaders also learned a lesson in this theme, too. He tries to leave with his son and his crew on his Pirate boat, the only one that was functioning. He wanted to keep his word in front of his son. But, the other Pirate leader wanted the functioning Pirate boat to go to Australia to finish the drug deal.
C. How
does the climax of the story demand your message?
Even when the 3<sup>rd</sup> Pirate boat comes with more Pirates, Veterans risk
their lives to save the grandchildren down below in the sinking ship. They
don’t abandon the grandchildren, and get off the cruise ship. In the Third Act,
two Veterans lose their lives fighting for what they believe in now. They may
have survived losing wars. They will fight to win today. They will sacrifice
everything, even their lives. They trap the Pirates inside the cruise ship
(they drown), and get Families and Refugees off the boats. -
Pablo Soriano’s NQ 3 and 4
CONCEPT: A Mexican family attempting to sneak across the border think they have a guardian angel when a drone begins to drop off food and supplies, when in actuality they are being televised on the dark web as Americans place bets on their success and are simply trying to give them the advantage for their own gain.
THE EMOTIONAL DILEMMA
Does Irma stay in her small village and work for the bookies to pay off her husband’s debts or attempt to illegally cross the border to Texas at the risk of getting caught.
Choice A: Stay in her hometown and work for the bookies to pay off her husband’s debts.
Choice B: Hike through the desert and the border illegally with her two young sons as a game show on the dark web tracks their every move.
A. How does the Emotional Dilemma first show up?
Irma buys three bus tickets to El Paso with the intention of leaving her alcoholic and gambling addicted husband. When he is murdered, she is approached by the bookies that killed him threatening her son’s if she doesn’t work for them to pay off his debts. She takes the bus to Ciudad Juarez at the border and joins a caravan on a mission to cross the border while camera drones live-stream their location for entertainment.
B. How are both sides of the issue built up?
The bookies expect either her or her oldest son to report for a position at the casino at a set date. Irma and her sons rush out of their hometown. As they embark on their journey across the Chihuahuan Desert, they become the newest contestants on a twisted gameshow on the internet that intends to give their location to the Border Patrol.
C. When does the protagonist make the choice?
Early on. She buys the refundable bus tickets in case she changed her mind but once her husband dies, their house is burglarized and the bookies demand compensation, she has no choice but to escape. She is scared but she is dead set on making it to the US for the sake of her two sons.
D. What do they lose in making that choice?
They leave all that they know and love behind. And they also risk being apprehended by the US Border Patrol and being sent back to their hometown and working for the bookies of worse since they tried to leave.
The dehumanization of the poor and the needy simply for trying to obtain a better life.
Those that are striving to obtain the American Dream may actually be trying to escape a nightmare.
Theme: If there is no risk, there is no reward.
A. What are both sides of your theme?
Side 1: If you risk everything, you could lose everything.
Side 2: If you don’t take any risks, you will never be rewarded.
B. How will both sides show up throughout your story?
The story begins with Irma in a loveless marriage with an alcoholic, gambling addicted deadbeat. She’s afraid to leave him because she will be left to take care of two children and divorce is taboo in her Catholic upbringing. She always plays it safe. Miguel is a semi-professional gamer that is down on his luck. He needs money to help his aging mother. He discovers a twisted game show on the dark web and comes up with a scheme to enter the competition and cheat his way for the prize.
After a drunken night at the casino, her husband asks Irma for money. When she refuses, he becomes violent. She then decides to buy three bus tickets to El Paso, TX with the intention of leaving him. But without a plan or money, she later decides to return the tickets.
However, before she is able to do so, her husband is murdered by the bookies he owed and his home is burglarized for anything of value. All she has left are these three bus tickets.
The bookies show up to offer their condolences for her late husband but explain that money is still owed. She explains that she can’t offer anything, her wages at the factory are too low. They suggest that she work for them at the casino, although it’s apparent the work would be unpleasant. Frustrated and knowing that her husband was killed and her home was destroyed because of them, she angrily declines. The bookies then threaten to kill her and take her sons to work for them instead. She tells them she will comply and they tell her new job starts tomorrow. Irma has no intention of showing up. She has no choice but to take her sons on the bus to El Paso.
Without a passport, Irma and her sons join a caravan just before Ciudad Juarez, with the mission to cross the Chihuahuan desert and sneak across the border. But as they embark on their journey, they discover that drones are following their every move. Unbeknownst to them, they are contestants on a twisted game show online where people place bets on whether or not they make it across the border. Irma decides to break away from the caravan and she takes her sons to make the trek on their own. That’s when a drone, different from the others, drops off food and water as well as a map of the terrain. This drone belongs to Miguel.
As they get closer to the state line, drones are still tracking them. Irma makes the difficult decision to distract the drones and lure them away so that her sons can safely make it across. Furious that he was tricked, Frank uses a drone to push Irma off a cliff to her death. As her sons cross the border, they are immediately caught. They are not deported, as by law, the US is obliged to shelter them and provide care until they are 18 years of age.
Miguel exposes the gameshow to the media and it becomes a nationwide scandal. The two boys are safe, but the “better life” they hoped for feels like fallacy without their mother. Miguel’s mother dies and he applies to become a foster parent. He fosters the two boys and teaches them how to play video games.
C. How does the climax of the story demand your message?
Irma uses a slingshot that her son makes to take out the drones. She even takes out Miguels. She hands her oldest son the map and they split up. When the drones return, she lures them away from her sons. She sacrifices herself for her sons to make it across. She takes a risk and the reward is that her sons are now safe and not working for the bookies.
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DAY 10 Elizabeth’s Pass #4
What I learned: I can really see how this helps shorten the number of drafts. I’m personally not able to get these exercises done AND fully sunk everything into individual scenes with this turnaround time. But this document will be a gem when I do do the rendering…
Concept: a retired psychiatrist final does his own psychological work when he’s forced into the family he never wanted and rediscovers what he (and Freud) forgot.
Emotional Dilemma (directly connected to the Main Conflict)
Ed: avoid feeling the grief/guilt (with avoidance/repression/suppression and sublimation) – or LIVE (love, work and play) but feel guilty, since his dad and Susan can’t do this.
First shows up: see the sad longing mixed with restlessness when he walks past the card game-Walt, who he really likes and the concert that’s about to start
Both sides built up:
Keep the defenses
· restlessness is gone each time he looks at Susan’s alter (feels sad)
· Sense of stability/comfort in his nightly and daily routines
· He looks really stressed—you have to feel for the guy—each time each member of the family has a problem or there’s commotion. And Jewels REALLY makes him uncomfortable.
· There’s a bonding between Ed and Christopher over there same defenses. They get each other and that’s neat. They also see the torment of the other and show us as they do. (Second bullet above)
· He is MORE distressed when he isn’t sublimating, but asking for help/understanding from Grace, as he sees the distress he causes her when he’s a fallible person
· The less he avoids life, the more work/feelings he causes for others
· It’s a loss to not go to Susan’s grave and, whatever it is that he does at the warehouse
Get rid of the defenses
· Restlessness is also gone after he lets down his defenses and does something (that first is very stressful)—in a progressively greater, deeper way. This to be seen with EACH person.
· OTHER people in each instance are ultimately grateful/benefit when they’re forced to/allowed to do their own work/love/play
·
When is choice made: ultimately at the crisis/climax when he brings all of his grief about Susan (the wedding they never had) and dad (dead when he played rock music) into the light and shares with Grace—and adds the ability to play. But avoidance becomes progressively less interesting to him/hard to do, the more he does it and he stumbles into letting go of sublimation when he shares his guilt over sleeping with Susan outside of marriage.
What do they lose? He can’t just go back to the retirement home and REST. He’s got to hold the guilt about starting another relationship with a woman. He’s got a lot of people who will continue to need him now—it’s work to love, work and play.
Grace: slow down and FEEL anger at mom; disappointment/anger/sadness/helplessness about Mike; tired/overwhelmed and LOVE for herself and have to do things to manage/dissipate the feelings that annoy/make others feel and do WORK –or stay hypomanic, fail to solve her increasingly dramatic/costly/risky problems but don’t make other people feel their own feelings which stresses her out and feels wrong
First shows up: fight on the bus – Mike calls her frenetic, she calls it work
Both sides built up
Keep the defense:
· She’s the primary financial support for the family
· If she feels her feelings, Mike will be sad and Linda will be annoyed/mad
· The kids like her playful enthusiasm
· She and Mike bond in their high energy, chaotic, spontaneous playfulness—she’s always up for more
Get rid of the defense:
· Deepens her bond with Mike each time she feels, climaxing when Mark has an MI — and Grace sharing her feelings prompts Mike to get the treatment he needs—and she sees the benefit. Which helps her:
· Stop and express her feelings even more when Mark dies – helping Christopher step up and help them both set limits with Linda – which makes everyone ( but Linda) happier
· Calmer at work, on time
· More emotionally connected to kids, Ed, others, t
What do they lose?
· Doesn’t get as much done
· Not quite as much fun for her kids – a (good) loss for both
· Feels hard feelings
· The narcissistic gratification of being able to “do it all.”
Mike: feel the fear that treating his ADHD/substance abuse will change the PLAYFUL person he is – or be able to work and support his family so they don’t have to live with Linda who holds everyone back, psychologically but maybe lose his play
First shows up: if I can mold the fight right, here. If not, in the next scene, act 1, where we see the whole family, his impulsivity that makes him so much FUN- his expressed sense that the mj keeps him lose to do this.
Both sides built up
Keep the defense
· Stress over job loss – Snaps at kids. Tokes and is fun again.
· Scene at work showing distractibility – he really is FUN for everyone, and actually gets a lot done
· This is who I’ve always been
· They put me on meds as a kid and I got skinny and boring
Get rid of the defense
· Loses another job
· Grace is at her wits end
· Kids need more help than he can provide in this state
When is choice made: as Linda’s at risk for foreclosure, when Mark’s MI forces Grace to stop “doing” and share her financial and other fears with him.
What do they lose? A bit of his playfulness now that more of his time goes to work.
Christopher: feel depressed/lonely and like a failure, but not feel like he’s not taking care of/loving his mother or let his mother have her own feelings and do her own love, work and play and live his own life.
First shows up: first family scene when he emerges from basement and is uber-sensitive/responsive to his mother’s emotions and inane requests.
Both sides built up
Keep the defenses
· Here’s the connection to Linda
· It’s predictable/routine
· No risk of heartbreak
· Not a lot of work
Get rid of the defenses
· Lauren!
· His sister needs him to
· The kids need him to
· His mother, actually, pisses him off – and she needs him to
· Play!
When is choice made: at the second TP when he bolsters his sister’s realization and action – so they all can leave Linda’s house and make her get a job.
What do they lose? His mother acts sad/withdraws
THEME revised: everyone needs to love work and play – and our ability to do each depends on the others. Or something.
Side one: love, work, and play are interdependent human abilities and joys
Side two: some people can live a life that works for them and others by only doing one or two.
SUB THEME: an individual’s emotional health is affected by and affects everyone around them.
Both Sides Show up:
· In the beginning, Ed is unable to love, work or play.
· As he’s forced to again work, he can’t help but start to love
· Loving forces him to finally start to play (games with the kids, modeling after Judy and Wade, in his “marriage work” with Grace and Mike, word games with Jewels, and ultimately the music he loves.
· In the beginning, very playful Mike is unable to effectively, consistently work, but he gets the help he needs to do this when Grace shows how distressed she is and his love for her makes him.
· In the beginning Grace is unable to tell people what she feels, is working too much for everyone which is limiting her ability to deeply love – and commit. As she overcomes her fears about working less, committing, and sharing her feelings she starts to get help from others and can work less—and play and love more.
· Linda doesn’t work, love or play – but for everyone’s sake needs to…and starts to do a little of each by the end
· Baby Kristian embodies play
· I’m starting to think Adam/Eve character doesn’t help, overall and should be cut
Climax Demands the Message: Ed needs to play (as a manifestation of his love and work for…) so the wedding can happen where Grace commits her love to Mike who is now able to work—for the benefit of them and their kids.
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Budinscak 4th Pass – NQ 3 and 4
What I learned doing this assignment:
o I’ve had to make a couple of key changes to fix it. It is MUCH easier to make those changes in an outline than your first or second or … draft.
o Feedback from the SLW review was very enlightening and made me focus on the tone of my story – it needs fixing throughout.
o I found it easier address the first 2 questions than these 2.
o My story is constantly changing.
Apply Necessary Questions 3 and 4 to your outline.
1. Concept:
In 1986, a shady chef agrees to deliver a package from upstate NY to Burbank, CA as a favor to a local crime boss, even though he doesn’t know the contents of the package or that his two pesky preteen nephews are stowaways and he’s completely unaware of the consequences if he doesn’t deliver the package by 2:00 Monday.
2. Dilemma:
Will Jack ditch the kids to the fun he promised himself OR will he place the needs of his nephews in front of his own.
a. How does the Emotional Dilemma first show up? It shows up in the very beginning of the story when Jack voices his utter dislike for his two nephews when hearing their names. His demeanor visibly changes when he sees the boys. Once he realizes he’s driving to Burbank, he makes plans with an old girlfriend. Jack’s shocked and becomes vocal at the end of the first act when he realizes the boys are in the Caddy in Terre Haute, IN.
b. How are both sides of the issue built up? Jack establishes his baseline animus early and he doesn’t soften in Terre Haute, nor St. Louis, but he does ease up a bit at the OK Truck Stop at the story’s Midpoint. There’s no fun for Jack and the boys are irritating the hell out of him.
c. When does the protagonist make the choice? When Jack and boys leave Las Vegas, they use dry ice instead of regular ice. The dry ice leaks causing carbon monoxide poisoning and everyone passes out in the Cadillac as it bounces along half on the shoulder of the road half on asphalt. The two nephews are still unconscious when the uncle pledges to God he’ll change if God saves the boys. Sal immediately moves and Jack tries to recant.
d. For just about the first time in his life, Jack did NOT do what he wanted to do. He put the needs of the boys first, his family second, the restaurant third and Jack fourth.
3. Theme:
Family is more than just relatives, it’s all those who step up whenever you need them, that’s family.
YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE RELATED TO BE FAMILY.
a. What are both sides of your theme? Family can be related to you and not help. You don’t have to be related to be family.
b. How will both sides show up throughout your story? Sal and Puck quiz their uncle endlessly ‘what’s family’? Jack tells the boys the LC is family even though he’s not related. Jack explains it so the kids understand. There’s the other side of being related, but not really a part of the family based on the way someone acts or constantly questions you, bickers with you. Throughout the story, the kids will question Jack, he’ll answer and it will be accepted.
c. How does the Climax of the story demand your message? Jack, Sal and Puck get help from those they’ve met along the way to get them out of the situation they’re in at the Climax. And those people have been defined as family according to Jack. Also, Jack’s friend LC steps up in a big way to help. Also, the criminal family kind of looks out for one another and they don’t function very well as a team, the nephews exploit that in the Climax.
Opening:
SUPER: 1986
Carmine’s, a restaurant, sits on one end of a large parking lot with a funeral home on the opposite side.
Inside the restaurant, an extended family dines while chatting on a ‘speaker phone’ with two sisters who want Jack to pick them up at JFK in NYC on Tuesday. The two sisters are the mothers of Puck and Sal., and Jack agrees to pick them up.
Later, Jack takes out the trash and watches a hearse pull up to the funeral home across the parking lot. Men struggle pulling a body bag from the hearse, it jerks around wildly. Jack turns to leave and takes one step – Me-YOW! – he steps on a cat’s tail. The men by the hearse look over.
The next morning, a limo pulls into an open garage door at the funeral home. A local crime boss, Don Vito, aka The Weatherman, makes a phone call from the funeral home inquiring about the availability of a cleaning service. He’s told Monday at 2:00 PM is the first open slot – and he takes it. The Don sends two goons to the restaurant to ‘invite’ Jack to the funeral home – it’s the Don’s brother’s business.
Inciting Incident:
At the meeting, Don Vito hints that he’s pretty sure Jack knows more than he’s letting on about what he saw, but Jack denies everything. Don Vito tries another tact, he asks Jack for a favor – he needs him to deliver a package for his granddaughter and it’ll take him where there are new casinos. Jack says yes.
By page 10, you know what the movie is about:
Jack agrees to travel to Burbank to deliver a package, unaware his two young nephews, Puck and Sal, will tag along for the trip.
First turning point as end of Act 1:
Jack wakes up in his car in Terra Haute (IN) and the two boys pop up in the back seat.
Prior to this turning point, Jack drops his Cadillac off at the funeral home for ‘necessary modifications’ to carry the package. A large cooler is installed in the trunk of Jack’s Caddy.
To help his sister who volunteered to watch Puck and Sal while their mothers are out of town, Jack drugs the boys to keep them in line. He doesn’t realize that they snuck in the back seat of his Caddy and they’re fast asleep under a blanket lying on the floor of the car.
Jack meets one of his partners-in-crime, Lincoln Clogs, LC, in Terra Haute. Jack laments about finding his two incorrigible nephews in the car and tries to pawn them off on LC – LC says NFW to the request.
Jack and the boys leave and Jack immediately gets a premonition how poorly this trip with these two nephews is going to go – he’s pulled over by a state trooper, but smooth talks his way out of trouble. They stop by a restaurant outside of St Louis, but never go in. Instead, they pick up a tail – a box truck follows the Cadillac. The truck’s driver has Love and Hate tattooed on his knuckles.
Jack pulls into a rest area and buys snacks for the boys – and ice for the cooler. To make time and to do it quietly, Jack drugs the two boys again. They sleep, he drives like a madman. He spots the same headlights again and again – and thinks he’s being tailed. When Sal and Puck wake in Oklahoma, Jack pulls into the Truck Stop.
Mid-point:
Jack averts a crisis in an Oklahoma Truck Stop when he beats a trucker who had Puck trapped in a bathroom stall. The boys have never seen this side of their uncle – and never want to.
Jack has a run-in with the boys and they reveal they’re now terrified of their uncle. Jack contemplates how to best use this new information to his advantage. He practices divide and conquer, drugging them one at a time so as one sleeps, he can get to know the other one.
He teaches Sal about one of his favorite recipes while letting him drive the Caddy. Great times for Sal. They settle in to a hotel in Albuquerque. Jack constantly checks but doesn’t see anyone following him. He fills up the cooler with ice and goes to his room. A van slows by the hotel entrance before parking on the street, the hotel entrance in full view.
Next day, Sal sleeps, Jack and Puck bond a little. It’s nighttime when they come into view of Las Vegas – Jack’s enthralled and his enthusiasm carries over to the boys.
No hotel tonight. The Cadillac pulls into a large parking lot and parks in a back corner facing the front. Hack and the boys sleep. A truck pulls in and parks far enough away not to be noticed. Love and Hate decorate the driver’s knuckles.
Second turning point at the end of Act 2:
In Las Vegas, Jack loses all his money in the casino, then is shaken down by the FBI and forced to be their informant, including wearing a wire.
The boys and Jack have a lot of fun in Vegas and the nephews have eye-opening first-time experiences they won’t forget. Jack had scheduled a date with an old flame, but she gave him a lot of grief for ‘babysitting’ and wanted no part of it – and Jack’s pissed off.
After nothing goes right for Jack, the FBI shakes him down.
The next morning, Jack has the boys transfer the license plates from a Caddy that looks just like theirs as he searches for ice for the cooler. He can’t find ice, he can only find dry ice. He puts it in the cooler in the trunk.
Jack calls Don Vito and tells him he may be a little late for the delivery. Don Vito asks Jack is he knows why they call him the Weatherman? Jack does not. Don Vito explains that it’s due to his uncanny ability to know where and when lightning will strike and that lightning will strike Jack’s family’s restaurant, Carmine’s, at 2:01 Monday if he’s not there in time.
The FBI chase after the wrong Cadillac as Jack, Sal and Puck sneak out of the city. A flat bed tow truck follows – hands featuring the tats Love and Hate grip the steering wheel.
Crisis:
Jack doesn’t want any emotional attachments – nephews or otherwise, but when their lives are at peril from carbon monoxide poisoning, he promises to change if God saves Puck and Sal.
As they leave Las Vegas, the dry ice leaks and makes its way into the back seat of the car. Right before they pass out, Sal and Puck ask their uncle if they can ride horses, just like their favorite actor – Clint Eastwood. When Puck and Sal pass out – they dream they’re riding galloping stallions on the plains and Uncle Jack chases them on his horse. In reality, the Cadillac bounces all over the shoulder of the road and is cascading to an accident when the flat bed tow truck bangs into the Cadillac and saves Jack and the kids.
They load the Caddy on the flatbed and cover it with a tarp. They – Jack, Puck, Sal, and the Driver – head into Los Angeles.
Climax:
Jack and the boys deliver the package on time to a funeral home in Burbank. Once inside, Jack is separated from the boys. While Jack suffers, the two kids outwit their bad guy and save their uncle from his captors.
The FBI shows up – and they’re in cahoots with Don Vito. The local media shows up with LAPD and look like heroes.
Resolution:
Jack, Sal and Puck take a red-eye from LAX and arrive on the east coast in time to meet their moms at JFK – their mom’s find the boys and Jack asleep at the airport gate. Puck and Sal’s moms can tell the difference in their kids. While Jack feigns ignorance, the two boys vouch for their uncle’s story and add a few nuggets of their own.
A picture is taken of the trip and posted on the wall in the restaurant. That picture catapults us to the present time.
A family outing involving everyone in the movie wraps this up.
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Day 10 PS 80 Michelle Damis NQ 3 and 4
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is that I needed to correct/change my theme, I realized I had just picked something I thought would fit but it really didn’t. It started as “Family is worth fighting for” but “You can always choose a different path” is more accurate. I also cleaned up my dilemma a bit.
1. Concept: A Vampire forced to find a new place to live finds a home with empty-nester parents who unknowingly trade their soul-sucking daughter for a blood-sucking tenant.
2. Emotional Dilemma: What will Ted (the Vampire) choose to do when the family he has grown fond of is in danger? Can he fight his urges for blood? What will he sacrifice? Himself or the closest thing to a family he has ever had?
A. How does the Emotional Dilemma first show up? It is hinted at when he explains how/why he picks the victims he picks/ Then next when he tells his friend not to pick Nina.
B. How are both sides of the issue built up? Every time he protects someone, when he loses is appetite, apologizes to the deer, starts to have actual feelings etc…
C. When does the protagonist make the choice? When he tells the others that the family is OFF limits. Then when the elders give him the ultimatum. He kills them or they will, or he has to find a way to protect them. Either way he will lose them.
D. What do they lose in making that choice? The family or himself.
3. Theme: “You can always choose a different path”
A. What are both sides of your theme? You can always choose your path vs. you have no choice, you are stuck with the hand you are dealt and an inevitable outcome.
B. How will both sides show up throughout your story? Every time Ted makes a decision off his normal path. And how the other vampires don’t change.
C. How does the climax of the story demand your message? Ted changes after hundreds of years, as does Nina and her relationship with her mother and her overall destructive behavior. She chooses to forgive herself and her mother.
INT. TEDS “LAIR” ABANDONED BLDG – NIGHT
Narrated by Ted. He is telling his story of what his life is like being a vampire. Where he has lived, how he gets by, what other vampires do etc…(need to address usage of money/he is against greed/capitalism) Ted is getting ready to go out on the town-primping, choosing outfit etc….
EXT. DOWNTOWN STREETS – NIGHT
Ted walking to night club, narrating still. Explains more about vampires in general (folk-lore, misconceptions), etc… Observe humans being rotten to each other, more details about his feelings of disdain toward humans. We see Ted do something “kind” for a homeless human. “Just a bite” opportunity for humor/irony.
INT. NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT
Ted sees his vampire friend. Ted narrates background on “friend” more commentary on humans. We see Nina in night club in background. Waitress – “I’ll be having a drink later” comment.
INT. NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT
Nina sits down with a few friends, orders drinks, brings her friends up to date with her situation. She has had to move back home with parents-not happy.
INT. NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT
Ted narrating observing humans.
INT. NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT
Nina observes a guy being too pushy with a girl, she intervenes, Ted notices.
INT. NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT
Ted and friend select that nights victim(s) (they select someone that deserves it from audience perspective), Nina almost a target of his friend, Ted dissuades “I bet she only looks like a bitch, pick someone else” (she is clueless that she was almost “dinner”)
EXT. OUTSIDE CLUB ALLEY – NIGHT
Quick scene of victims (don’t show any gore) Ted narrating as he walks how and why he picks his prey.
INT. NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT
Montage of Nina partying into the night
INT. BEDROOM – EARLY AM
Alarm clock going off 5am. We meet Marin and Jim, Ninas parents. (Feel the love and security)
INT. WORKOUT ROOM – EARLY AM
Marin is working out. View some of her accomplishments. Get info from items in the room.
INT. ENTRY WAY
Nina comes home from partying, annoyed she can hear her Mom exercising. Rolls eyes/dirty looks at Marin as she walks past room. “Good Morning!” Nina ignores her. Marin exasperated.
INT. NINAS ROOM – EARLY MORNING
Ninas bedroom is a disaster, pulls shades as sun coming up. Flops into bed. Items in room show how much she is loved.
INT. HOUSE – EARLY MORNING
Marins finished with workout walks thru house to kitchen. Ninas path of destruction-leaves a mess everywhere. Picks up things as she goes. Obviously frustrated.
INT. KITCHEN – EARLY MORNING
Marin hands full of Ninas stuff, throws in laundry room. Jim in messy Kitchen having coffee, Marin joins him-grabbing coffee. They have conversation about Nina. “We can’t live like this” “ANYBODY” would be better than her! “Let’s get a tenant, and pay for her to live in the city” Epiphany/Idea.
EXT. TED BUILDING – EARLY MORNING
There is a guy posting a sign on a door to bldg. Ted reads sign. Building being destroyed to make way for fancy condos.
INT. HOME OFFICE – DAY
Posting “room for rent” notice, conflict scene with Nina. “I’m going to the gym…you should be happy” storms out.
INT. THERAPIST OFFICE –DAY
Nina enters.(don’t think we will get any info at this point) just IN therapy-lied to Mom.
INT. BAR – NIGHT
Ted telling vampire friend about having to move, there are no good bldgs anymore…all these new fancy condos. No history, no class. Friend talks about another friend that moved to the suburbs, and loves it. Ted likes the idea. Would be a nice change. They eye their “dinner” (we see a couple douchebags)
**1 week later.
INT. HOUSE – DAY INTO NIGHT
Various interviews with potential renters, one of whom will be Ted.
INT. KITCHEN –MINUTES LATER
Jim and Marin go to kitchen to agree they want Ted.
INT. HOUSE – CONT.
Jim and Marin offer room to Ted. Nina comes home unexpectedly. They have to tell her their brilliant plan… this is the new renter and she gets to move back to the city! He recognizes her from nightclub, she can’t put her finger on why he looks familiar. Set timeframe of 2 weeks for the transition.
INT. NINAS CITY APT – DAY
Nina in her new place with friend. Happy but suspicious.
EXT. HOUSE – NIGHT
Move in “night”, apologizes for it being dark. He doesn’t have that much stuff.
INT. HOUSE – NIGHT
Jim and Marin are super kind and helpful. Ted has never been treated like this before. Steak dinner scene.
EXT.HOUSE – NIGHT
Ted is sneaking out like a teenager to go to club. Already feeling guilty.
INT. NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT
With vampire friends, discusses new place he is living. One asks when he will drain them. The other informs that Vampires aren’t allowed to feed on their landlords or their family, forbidden. Only if they ASK to be turned. One says…”But WE can feed on them.” Ted immediately feels protective-not a normal emotion for him. Nina shows up, Ted sneaks out.
EXT. FIELD – NIGHT
Ted decides to feed on a deer instead of a human. Apologizes to the deer.
INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT
Ted does all the dishes and takes out the garbage before going to bed for the day.
INT. WORKOUT ROOM – EARLY MORNING (still dark)
Marin working out, Ted smiles as he passes by, opposite of Nina.
INT. KITCHEN – DAY
Marin joins Jim for coffee in spotless kitchen, “This is already working out”. Just then Nina calls, she has a great job interview today. Do you want to talk to Mom? NO! Jim consoles Marin.
INT. DOWNTOWN OFFICE – DAY
Nina has an interview, sitting in waiting room looking at newspaper. Missing person article, photo of nightclub, missing person-sees Ted in background. Suspicion grows. She rocks interview.
INT. BIG BOX STORE- DAY
Marin is shopping, getting all sorts of Halloween decorations and costumes.
INT. HOME – NIGHT
Marin is putting up Halloween decorations as Ted is “getting up” She LOVES Halloween- (this could be a great scene.) Jim comes home- she is excited to show him their costumes this year. VAMPIRES! Jim wants to see a movie, he asks Ted to join them-why not? He realizes he has never gone to a theater.(has to fake that he has)
EXT. THEATER – NIGHT
Gorgeous old theater. They see a classic that restores faith in humanity. Jim talks about movies and seeing them as a family and how the experience with his Dad was so impactful.
INT. THEATER – NIGHT
Ted sheds a tear?(can they cry??) or he just looks impacted??
EXT. THEATER – NIGHT
They are walking to car, Jim asks him how he liked it….Ted can’t stop talking. Jim- “Its like you’ve never seen a movie before” they laugh. Someone is watching (danger) Teds senses kick up….he knows.
INT. HOME – NIGHT
Ted makes an excuse to go to his room and he sneaks out.
INT. NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT
Ted meets his friend asks if he is following him and the humans. Oddly defensive, Ted threatens, Nina interrupts. Ted surprised. Tense conversation ensues. She doesn’t trust him.
INT. THERAPIST – DAY
Nina at therapist. (Not sure what ‘m going to reveal here)
EXT. THERAPIST BLDG – DAY
Nina is scared by a guy dressed up as a vampire as she leaves building. HAPPY HALLOWEEN! She sees some little trick or treaters. PHONE RINGS-Gets a call, she GOT THE JOB!
INT. HOME – DAY
Marin doing all sorts of Halloween craft/cookies….getting ready for trick- or –treaters.
INT. CAR – NIGHT
Nina driving talking with friend on cell, got job, going to pick up her Dad for a celebration dinner , then meet you for party later…its perfect…Mom won’t want to miss trick-or-treaters.
INT. HOUSE – NIGHT
Nina shows up at parents (dressed as vampires) with good news. I’m taking you out to dinner! It plays out like Nina expected but Ted has been listening…he walks into room and laughs aloud at their vampire costumes. ”I’ll hand out candy, it’ll be fun, you guys go” Nina very/annoyed (what is he up to?) Marin- “should we change” Nina “No, you are fine” now plans to embarrass her mom at a FANCY place.
INT. FANCY RESTAURANT – NIGHT
Marin embarrassed, Nina takes pleasure, as they check in with Maître D.
INT/EXT. FRONT DOOR – NIGHT
Montage of trick-or-treaters and Teds responses funny stuff.
INT. FANCY RESTAURANT – NIGHT
The dinner gets tense, Nina says she doesn’t like Ted, is she jealous. They get in a fight.
INT/EXT. FRONT DOOR – NIGHT
Montage of more trick-or-treaters and Teds responses funny stuff until his Vampire friends show up. SH*T…now they know where he is and the family is in danger. Nina drops Jim and Marin home.
EXT. CAR – NIGHT
Nina see “much too big” trick-or-treaters leave, she is suspicious and follows the two Vampires.
INT. HOME – NIGHT
Jim and Marin ask Ted how he liked answering the door etc….then he asks how their dinner went. The conversation turns into a bit of a therapy session. Jim and Marin explain to Ted how Nina has changed over the years, they confess all their frustrations, he tries to give them the limited advice he can. He sees how much they love her. Ted looks at the clock forgetting he needs to meet the other vampires. He claims he is tired as his excuse to exit.
EXT. MEETING PLACE/WOODED AREA – NIGHT
Ted arrives meeting the other Vampires they argue and fight over the family. They reveal themselves thinking they are alone.
EXT. CAR – NIGHT
Nina is shocked when she realizes what they are. She starts to call the police…wait….they won’t believe her. She waits for them to leave then starts driving. She sees an old church (Holy Water) and screeches to a halt in front of it. Grabs a few empty containers exits car.
EXT. OUTSIDE CHURCH – NIGHT
Nina sneaking in. Trick-or-treaters in background
INT. CHURCH – NIGHT
Still sneaking around, trying to find holy water, steals a few crosses, gets caught by a Nun. She has to confess what she is doing expecting the Nun to think she is crazy. The Nun takes her under the church to a secret room and schools her on Vampire stuff (will need to do some good cleaver research here- don’t want to be too cliché’)
EXT. VARIOUS STREETS – NIGHT
Ted walking, thinking, observes trick-or-treaters and families. A kid running, trips, crying a Dad picks him up and consoles. Ted is touched and forlorn. Mad at himself… What is he doing? He is a vampire! A killer! He starts to attack someone, the guy laughs…”Great costume man! You almost had me…” Ted lets him go.
INT. MANSION – NIGHT
Teds Vampire friends report him to Elders…he is breaking rules.
INT LIBRARY –DAY
Nina schooling herself on vampires
INT STORE – DAY
Nina outfitting herself with Vampire protection supplies.
INT. CAFE – DAY
Nina tells her Dad she thinks Ted is a Vampire, he of course doesn’t believe her.
INT. HOME – NIGHT
Jim is re-telling Marin about Ninas crazy accusations when Ted walks in (or maybe he overhears?) This could be a funny scene where they make all sorts of jokes… Ted decides he should confront Nina.
INT. NINAS APT – NIGHT
He knocks on door…”Who’s there?” “Ted” she has left all her vampire supplies in the car….so she grabs a jar of minced garlic and holds it for protection.(funny) Ted confronts Nina. She wants him to leave her parents alone. He explains he won’t feed on her or them, they are safe…BUT…he wants her to be nicer to her mother.(choose to be nicer) He explains how his family died. This should be a pivotal scene. He also explains that there are other dangers besides him. He teaches her how she can best defend herself against vampires. He tells her he plans to confess to her parents, and then leave town for their protection.
INT. HOME – NIGHT
Jim gets call from a neighbor to come help him, leaves Marin alone.
EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD – NIGHT
Jim leaves just before vampires arrive. Near miss.
INT. HOME – NIGHT
The Vampires take Marin.
EXT. OUTSIDE NINAS – NIGHT
Car pulls up and grabs Ted.
INT. NINAS – NIGHT
Knock at door, she thinks it is Ted. It is other vampires-they take her.
INT. MANSION – NIGHT
The Vampire Elders confront Ted. BIG ULTIMATUM
INT. HOME – NIGHT
Jim comes home, Marin is gone. He thinks she just ran an errand, not worried. Calls Nina, she doesn’t pick up….not worried…but odd. Texts
INT. MANSION – NIGHT
The Vampire Elders confront Ted. BIG ULTIMATUM (More of this scene) Ted leaves
INT. HOME – NIGHT
Ted arrive home…immediately smells that vampires were there….he freaks out. Jim comes out concerned…Ted-where is Marin? Ted realizes she has been taken, what about Nina? Not picking up…we need to check on her….I’ll explain on the way.
INT. CAR – NIGHT
Driving to Ninas…speeding….Ted tells Jim all (all the vampire stuff and all the “you are the first family I’ve known” stuff)…Jim is speechless
INT. NINAS – NIGHT
They arrive, she is gone- obvious struggle. What will they do…they could be anywhere if they are still alive. Wait…is her phone here? Do you have tracking on it? They track her location thru phone. .
EXT. CAR – NIGHT
Speeding to location
INT. DARK UNDERGROUND PLACE – NIGHT
Nina and Marin “come to”. They are tied up and alone. Nina has to bring Marin up to speed on Ted.
INT. CAR – NIGHT
Jims turn to talk and ask questions as they drive.
INT. DARK UNDERGROUND PLACE – NIGHT
Vampires come in give them a choice…die or become vampires. They discuss options.
INT. CAR – NIGHT
More Jim and Ted talking?? Maybe about Marin and Nina.
INT. DARK UNDERGROUND PLACE – NIGHT
Nina and Marin fighting about options, they have opposite views (do a pro-con list) turns into Marin asking why Nina hates her so much.
EXT. ABANDONED LOCATION – NIGHT
Ted and Jim arrive, Ted schools Jim on what they will come up against.
INT. DARK UNDERGROUND PLACE – NIGHT
Nina
breaks down and explains she was date-raped but couldn’t tell her Mom because of
her job and the disgrace plus it would break Dads heart. etc… Nina has always
felt so angry and so guilty. Marin
crying, so sorry. She confesses her own secret.
She was attacked when pregnant, lost baby boy-unable to have more from the attack…couldn’t
tell your father(he thinks I just mis-carried)…he always wanted a son.**STILL working on the end… each pass takes me a bit further.
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PS80 Amy’s NQ 3 and 4
What I learned from doing this assignment is that my climax wasn’t really a climax and didn’t demand my message.
Concept: A famous newscaster’s DNA is altered when she travels through time. When she gets back one year into the future, she must decide between her career and her family and also compete with the woman who is now engaged to her husband.
2. Tell us your Emotional Dilemma and the answers to these questions:
A. How does the Emotional Dilemma first show up?
When Andrea goes to the past, she realizes that she’s not at any of her family’s functions.
B. How are both sides of the issue built up?
When Andrea gets back from the past and realizes that she’s actually one year into the future and she’s been missing for a year, she immediately starts trying to get her job back. Her sense of self-worth is totally tied up in her career. Eventually, she is offered a reporter position with the network and again misses her son’s baseball game and daughter’s dance recital.
Andrea has to face the fact that her kids and her husband both resented her working so much before she disappeared. Even though she gets Josh to fall in love with her again, she eventually gets rejected by him because she is still choosing her career over him and the kids.
C. When does the protagonist make the choice?
Andrea announces her choice to turn down the anchor position and focus on her family on air during the climax.
C. What do they lose in making that choice?
She loses the anchor position and the feeling of importance it gave her and the purpose she thought it gave her life.
Theme: Realizing what’s most important in life.
A. What are both sides of your theme?
Having a career is more important than family
Having the love of your family is more important than a career
B. How will both sides show up throughout your story?
Even though Andrea has seen how her absence affects her family, she still pursues her career because that’s where so much of her identity is tied up. Andrea slowly comes around to the fact that she’d rather have the love of Josh and her kids than her career and that her true value comes from the love of Josh and her family. She does this by spending time with them and realizing that that is actually more fulfilling than her career.
C. How does the climax of the story demand your message?
Andrea has to choose between covering a breaking news story or attending her daughter’s dance recital.
Opening: Andrea lives an exciting life as a newscaster on a national network. She works too much and never sees her family.
INT. – STUDIO – NIGHT
It’s chaos and excitement as Andrea, the producer and the production crew rush to get on the air on time.
INT. –NEWSROOM – NIGHT
Breaking news happens. Andrea calls home to let her family know that once again, she will not be home for dinner.
INT. – KITCHEN – NIGHT
Josh helps the kids with their homework. They complain about their mom not being there.
EXT. – BASEBALL FIELD – NIGHT
Andrea’s family is at her son’s baseball game. Her son keeps looking back hoping she will show up. Meagan, one of Josh’s ex-girlfriends is there because her kid is also on the team.
INT. – NEWSROOM – DAY
Andrea discusses with her boss the exciting new development at the local university, the completion of a supercollider. Her boss assigns her the story.
INT. – AUDITORIUM – NIGHT
Andrea’s daughter has a swim meet. It’s her time to swim, but she cries because her mother isn’t there. She has to be coaxed into the pool by her dad.
Inciting incident: Andrea interviews a science professor at a local college about the university’s new supercollider and “accidentally” gets sent back in time. She arrives in the past, not the beautiful news anchor, but ugly.
INT. –UNVERSITY SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea interviews the professor who demonstrates for her how the supercollider works. Andrea gets sucked into the machine.
INT – UNIVERSITY SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea appears out of the machine, but she doesn’t look like herself. She notices she’s a different height and her hands look different. She runs out of the lab.
INT. –UNVERSITY LAB – BATHROOM – DAY
Andrea looks at herself in the mirror and is horrified.
INT. – NEWSROOM – DAY
Andrea tries to talk to her co-workers, but they don’t recognize her. They laugh when she tells them who she is.
INT. – STUDIO – NIGHT
Andrea peaks around a wall in the studio and watches the newscast air and her stand-in reporting on the fact that she got sucked into the machine and is missing. She sees the footage of herself disappearing.
INT – JOSH’S OFFICE – DAY
Andrea goes to Josh’s office and is surprised to find Meagan there coming on to him.
INT. – SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea convinces the professor to turn on the machine and she gets sucked in again.
Page 10: Andrea arrives back from the past and looks more like herself, only more beautiful.
INT. – BATHROOM – DAY
Andrea looks at herself in the mirror and is pleased that she looks more like herself now but perplexed that she’s even more beautiful than before.
End of Act 1: Andrea realizes a year has passed. Everyone assumed she was dead and her husband, Josh has gotten together with a girlfriend from his past, Meagan. Since the network thought she was dead, she is no longer the anchor of the news program.
INT – ANDREA’S HOME – DAY
Andrea drives to her home, but her key doesn’t work, so she rings the bell. Josh comes to the door and nearly faints at the sight of her. The kids come and are astounded. She tells them about getting sucked into the supercollider and traveling through time. Meagan comes to the door to see what’s going on. Andrea notices she’s wearing an engagement ring. Megan kisses Josh. Andrea’s family informs her that it’s the year 2023 and she’s been missing for a year.
EXT. – BASEBALL FIELD – DAY
Andrea tries to talk to her son, but he doesn’t want to talk to her. When she presses him, he explodes.
INT. – ANDREA’S HOME – NIGHT
Andrea tries to talk to her daughter, but her daughter won’t open up and accuses her of never caring about her.
INT. – OFFICE – DAY
Andrea visits Josh at work. She wants him to take her back, but he admits that things weren’t that great when she was around.
Mid-point: Andrea has done some digging and comes to the realization that Meagan conspired with the professor to send her back in time. Andrea gets the network to hire her back as a reporter.
INT. – COFFEE SHOP – DAY
Andrea overhears Meagan tell her friend that she got rid of Andrea by conspiring with the professor.
INT. –SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea talks to the professor and threatens to tell everyone what he did if he doesn’t help her send Meagan back in time.
EXT. – BASEBALL FIELD – NIGHT
Andrea confronts Meagan in front of everyone about Meagan conspiring with the professor to get rid of her. Josh doesn’t believe Andrea and gets mad at her.
End of Act 2-Andrea tries to send Meagan back in time but fails.
INT. – SCIENCE LAB – NIGHT
Meagan shows up. The professor tries to get her close to the machine. It almost works, but Meagan figures out what he’s up to and steps away. Andrea watches all this from the door.
Crisis-Although Andrea succeeds in getting Josh to fall in love with her again, he confesses that he and the kids are happier with Meagan than they were with her and rejects her. Andrea gets offered the anchor position again and must decide between her career and her family.
INT. – NEWSROOM – DAY
Josh visits Andrea at work. They talk about getting back together. While he’s there Andrea finds out she’s been offered the anchor position again. She excitedly tells Josh. He’s not so excited. He tells her he’s going to go ahead with his marriage to Meagan.
Climax: Andrea plans to go to her daughter’s dance recital, but a fire starts at the science lab and her boss wants her to cover it. She goes to the science lab where the professor tells them that Meagan started the fire and confesses that he conspired with her to send Meagan back in time. Andrea shows up to her daughter’s dance recital with the police who arrest Megan. Andrea signs off and says she’s going to watch her daughter’s dance recital. Her boss calls and fires her.
INT. – SCIENCE LAB – NIGHT
Meagan sets the science lab on fire to keep Andrea from going back to the present.
INT. – STUDIO – NIGHT
Andrea’s boss wants her to stay and cover the fire at the science lab. She says that she was planning on going to her daughter’s dance recital. Her boss tells her she has to stay or risk losing her job. Andrea leaves to go to the science lab.
INT. –AUDITORIUM – NIGHT
Andrea’s daughter proclaims that she’s giving on her mother, that she must not love her.
INT. – SCIENCE LAB – NIGHT
Andrea shows up just as the paramedics are wheeling the professor out with cameras rolling. The professor says that he saw Meagan just before the fire started and confesses that he conspired with her to send Andrea back in time.
INT. – AUDITORIUM
Andrea shows up with her cameras and the police. They arrest Meagan. Andrea announces that she is signing off to watch her daughter’s dance recital. Her boss calls immediately and fires her. She says that’s okay. Her family is more important. Suddenly…
INT. –SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea is back at the science lab. It’s the day she left. She looks like herself again. She announces to the camera that the professor conspired with Meagan to send her back in time. She also announces that she’s quitting her job to focus on her family.
Resolution: Meagan and the professor get arrested. Andrea is reunited with Josh and her kids.
INT- ANDREA’S HOME – NIGHT
Andrea, Josh and the kids watch the professor and Meagan get arrested on the news.
EXT. – BASEBALL FIELD – NIGHT
Andrea’s son is up to bat. He looks back at his mom, beaming. Andre and Josh kiss.
-
Janeen’s NQ 3 and 4
What I learned doing this assignment is that I had already added a lot of the proper scenes to examine these two items.
Concept: A wealthy fashionista learns mind control techniques and uses them to empower women at a shelter to take action against their abusers. As her ability to empower the abused grows stronger, the actions taken against the abusers turn deadly. <div>
Dilemma: Does the fashionista continue to use mind control techniques to empower the abused and save lives or is she empowering the abused women to become as abusive as their husbands?
How does the Emotional Dilemma first show up? Morgan shows up at the house and sees the abused Amber who then asks for help. She sees that Amber has been beaten and is afraid and uses a sign for needing help rather than speaking. Can she help her via Silva more than doing nothing? Is she obligated?
How are both sides of the issue built up? The police argue that they need evidence to arrest and the wife will have to testify in all of these cases. The court lets the men go or only imposes a restraining order which he ignores to beat her up. The cop’s partner says it’s unethical to “treat” people without their consent even though it is dangerous to even talk to them. The restraining order makes it harder for Morgan to help, but keeps Amber a little safer. Does it embolden Daniel? When other women injure their abusive spouses in getting away, is that a good thing? (warns the abuser not to try abuse again) or a bad thing? (Teaches kids to fight back, but in the right way? Is also abuse and against the law or justifiable?)
When does the protagonist make the choice? When one woman severely injures her husband and it looks like Amber may die if she doesn’t get help, Morgan decides regardless the legal issues, she has to go on helping. She couldn’t live with herself if she didn’t.
What do they lose in making that choice: Freedom from culpability of future violence in their own consciences, not in the courts.
Theme: Mind control techniques are an amped up version of “thoughts and prayers”. </div><div>
What are both sides of your theme?
People say they will pray for someone, but what are they really praying for? Deliverance? Tolerance? Strength? “God’s help?”
Silva said you couldn’t use his techniques for evil. Who can you help? You can’t punish the abusers. Can you stop them? Can you empower the abused?How will both sides show up throughout your story?
The cop takes the “it’s unethical” route.
The Silva instructor says it’s OK, but iffy, if you’re not a professional and don’t have the client’s permission..
The librarian says it’s akin to “thoughts and prayers” — nothing illegal or unethical about praying for people without their knowledge, is there?How does the climax of the story demand your message? The book club is arrested as accessories to murder.
A. Testimony from all concerned states that they never talked to Amber
B. They testify that they only offered Thoughts and Prayers
C. The Silva expert explains that it cannot be used for harm — it would come back on the person asking for harm.
D. They are vindicated as is Amber who acted in self-defense.
PLOT IN STRUCTURE
Opening: The fashionista, Morgan, leaves a Silva Mind Control class and donates money and clothes at a women’s shelter where she meets her favorite designer’s abused wife and kids, befriending them.
INT. CLASSROOM – DAY
Morgan leaves her class chatting with her classmates joking about how they hope they can get the techniques to work for them. Is it real or is it really just about boosting confidence? They debate it briefly.
INT. WOMEN’S SHELTER LOBBY – DAY
Morgan carries a few garment bags into the center and a young woman follows with a stack of shoe boxes. She sees Amber Richards, her designer’s wife, with their 2 kids and tries to talk to her. Amber does her best to hide bruises on her face and pretends she’s there on a charitable mission, not as a client, but Morgan sees the bruises and is distressed.
INT. SHELTER OFFICE – DAY
The woman who runs the shelter, a member of the bookclub, tells Morgan that Amber won’t press charges and is going back to her husband after being at the shelter for a couple of hours.
INT. DESIGN STUDIO – DAY
Morgan and Daniel Richards greet with fake kisses and she tells him she’s seen his wife at the shelter, donating clothes. He turns away with an evil leer.
INT. RICHARDS HOME – EVENING
We hear Daniel berating and slapping around Amber for trying to escape him and steal his kids while not keeping their private matters private. She is whimpering.
Inciting Incident: While providing feedback to the fussy designer at his house, Morgan secretly leaves a book on the Silva method for the wife. The wife gives her the signal for “help” and Morgan calls the police. As the arrest happens, a verbal contest between Morgan and designer erupts.
INT. MORGAN’S HOME – DAY
Morgan considers what she can do to help Amber and decides Amber needs to empower herself to leave so she puts her copy of Silva in her purse.
It will strengthen her self-confidence and help her feel she is capable of leaving Daniel.
INT. RICHARDS HOME ENTRY – EVENING
After greeting, Morgan follows Daniel to his studio. She sees Amber holding her kids in the dark in a living room and deliberately slips a Silva book onto a table with a significant look at Amber.
INT. RICHARDS HOME STUDIO – EVENING
Morgan and Daniel consult on the design of a dress and both are fussy about fit and embellishment. As he’s walking her to the door, she looks again for Amber and this time, Amber is giving her the covert sign for help (Hand up flat (like a “stop” position), fold the thumb into the palm, curl the fingers down over the thumb). Startled, she nods to Amber.
INT. MORGAN’S CAR – CONTINUOUS
Down the street from the house, Morgan stops and calls the police to report that a woman asked her to call for help at the designer’s address. She waits impatiently after the police pass her, finally turning her car around and returning to the home.
EXT. RICHARDS HOME – CONTINUOUS
Daniel is in cuffs, Amber is in tears and her kids are clinging to her in tears. Daniel stops to yell at Morgan as she rushes to Amber to comfort her, telling her to mind her own business and stay out of simple family spats, not anything more than that. The conversation gets heated.
By page 10, what the movie is about: The fashion designer cuts all ties with
INT. LAKE HOUSE 2 – AFTERNOON
While one bad guy is on the phone, they take out the other one and then the one on the phone. Using items from the cottage, the parents, Secret Service agent and hero (and his little dog) defeat the bad guys. Other bad guys (cleanup guys) are on the way, however, so they have to hurry.
Danger, Excitement, Adrenaline
NICK and IVY are sitting on the floor with their hands tied behind their backs, feet tied at the ankles. HOLLY and RUDY are sitting at the table. Their hands and feet aren’t tied, but they are tied to the chairs by ropes around their waists. BAD GUY 1 and BAD GUY 2 are pacing. A CLOCK is ticking.
Rudy is wiggling in his chair. Nick gives Rudy a nod.
RUDY
I have to go to the bathroom.
BAD GUY 1
You were in the bathroom when we got here.
RUDY
I just took my blood pressure medicine when you guys came in. I hadn’t taken it for a couple of days. That’s stuff’s a diuretic. You know what that means?
BAD GUY 1
Diarrhea?
RUDY
(disgusted)
No, you moron. It means I have to pee. A lot and often. I need to go now.
BAD GUY 1
Untie him and let him go, but don’t let him out of your sight.
RUDY
I can’t pee when someone’s watching. I’ll need a little privacy in the bathroom.
BAD GUY 1
Stand outside the door.
RUDY
Hurry. I don’t have any spare pants.
Bad Guy 1 fumbles with the rope while Bad Guy 2 watches. Nick catches Ivy’s eye and looks from there to the ropes tying her hands with a significant look.
HOLLY
I’m going to have to go as soon as he’s done. Can you untie me so I’m ready?
BAD GUY 1
Let me guess. Diuretics?
HOLLY
No. Two glasses of iced tea.
Bad Guy 1 sets to work on Holly’s ropes.
NICK
(whispering)
Bring your hands over to mine and I’ll get your ropes loose.
IVY
How are you going to do that?
NICK
Be quiet and do as I say.
Ivy is incensed at being ordered. Nick gives her a challenging stare and she relents. They skooch closer to one another, turning until their hands touch behind their backs.
BAD GUY 1
You two, shut up.
NICK
Yes, sir.
HOLLY
I really, really have to go. Isn’t there another bathroom in this place?
BAD GUY 1
There’s one in the master bath. Let’s go.
Holly winks at Nick and Ivy as she leaves the room.
Nick reaches under Holly’s hands and tugs. Her ropes are instantly loosened so she can slip her hands out.
IVY
(whispering)
How did you do that?
Ivy quickly unties Nick’s hands.
NICK
I was a Boy Scout.
IVY
You were special ops. I’ve seen your record.
They both untie their own feet and scramble to them quietly.
NICK
Checking me out, huh?
Ivy gives him a quick head shake and reaches for a glass angel from the counter. Nick grabs a ceramic Santa. (Danger)
IVY
Appropriate.
They both chuckle.
The bathroom door opens and Rudy shuffles out of the bathroom. He sees Nick with one finger to his lips and the Santa held aloft.
RUDY
Did I get my fly zipped? I can’t see in this light.
Bad Guy 2 leans over to see if the fly is zipped. Nick takes a couple of steps closer.
RUDY
Holly will give me hell if I come out with my fly only half zipped.
Nick whacks Bad Guy 2 on the head and pulls his gun from where he had it tucked in the waist of his pants as he slumps to the floor. (Excitement)
Nick looks around for something to tie him with Rudy hands him a curling iron from the bathroom. Nick ties Bad Guy 1’s hands behind his back with the cord, slipping the curling into the back of his pants for good measure.
RUDY
That’s a new kind of wedgie.
Nick smiles and looks around for something to bind his feet.
NICK
Gag him. Stuff a paper towel in his mouth and then tie one of those curtain ties around it.
Rudy toddles to the counter, gets a paper towel and takes the holiday themed tieback from a kitchen curtain while Nick uses the hair dryer cord to tie Bad Guy 2’s feet.
When Rudy gets back with the paper towel and tie, he hands them to Nick who deftly gags Bad Guy 2.
BAD GUY 1
Hey, what’s going on out there?
RUDY
I missed the toilet. Your buddy’s trying to clean it up for me. He’s a great guy, you know? Not many guys would clean up another guy’s pee, but I couldn’t reach it. Beside the toilet, you know? I couldn’t get down there.
INT. LAKE HOUSE 2 MASTER BATH – DAY
Bad Guy 1 shakes his head in disgust.
BAD GUY 1
What a moron.
He raps on the bathroom door.
BAD GUY 1
What’s going on in there?
HOLLY
Do you really want to know?
Bad Guy 1 rolls his eyes.
BAD GUY 1
Come back to the kitchen as soon as you finish. And use the exhaust fan.
HOLLY
What are you implying?
Bad Guy 1 waves in disgust and heads for the kitchen. Nick and Ivy stand at the ready with their Santa and angel at the ready. Nick mimes for Ivy to go for the guy’s gun. (Adrenaline)
When he is almost to the doorway where Nick and Ivy are hidden, Holly calls out.
HOLLY
Hey, big shot. Can you get this new package of toilet paper open for me?
Bad Guy 1 turns around to respond and Nick hits him on the head with the Santa figurine. The guy turns back to Nick, gun in hand.
Ivy whacks his gun hand with the angel. It shatters on the gun and he still holds it.
Grizzly jumps onto Bad Guy 1’s shoulder and bites his ear lobe. He howls in pain, reaching up to flick off Grizzly. Nick grabs his hand midway to his ear and deflects it from Grizzly, neatly wrenching it behind the guy’s back.
Ivy stomps on Bad Guy 1’s foot, grabs the gun from his hand and turns it on him.
IVY
On your knees now or I’ll shoot off your kneecaps.
Bad Guy 1 looks startled and gives Nick, who holds his arm behind his back a look of terror.
NICK
She means it. Get down.
IVY
(shouting)
Now!
Bad Guy 1 drops to his knees. Nick pushes him forward onto his belly, still holding his arm behind his back.
Rudy ambles into the hallway carrying a string of outdoor lights and an extension cord.
RUDY
Can you use these?
NICK
Thanks, buddy. You and the missus are good at this.
RUDY
Thanks! We watch a lot of McGyver.
Nick gives Ivy a smile, shakes his head, and binds up Bad Guy 1.
NICK
Where shall we stash them? It won’t be long before the rest of them show up.
IVY
Guest Room Closet. People always check the master, but never the guest room.
Holly comes in with the other kitchen curtain tie and a paper towel for Nick.
HOLLY
She’s right. They always figure it’s full of jigsaw puzzles and old quilts.
The women nod to one another.and gets a restraining order against her for harassment. The wife has refused to testify so charges have been dropped on the designer. Morgan must find another way to help the abused wife.
INT. LIBRARY CONF ROOM – EVENING
Morgan tells the group that Daniel has cut all ties with her and she’s not sure what she’ll wear to the gala.
INT. POLICE STATION – EVENING
Daniel is incensed and wants to capitalize on what the cops (two males) witnessed when Morgan rolled up and lit into
Daniel. Because Amber refuses to testify, they side with Daniel and ask for the restraining order.
INT. LIBRARY CONF ROOM – EVENING
The cop says his wife refused to testify against him. Morgan says that he got a restraining order against her for harassment and for trying to incite her to leave with the book she gave her. The book club members are sympathetic about her fashion choices and the wife’s refusal to testify. She wishes there was more she could do.
INT. CLASSROOM – DAY
Morgan chats with the Silva instructor who tells her that she cannot wish harm on anyone using Silva or it will come back on her, but she can try to empower the wife who is being abused and give her whatever strength she needs to escape. Silva can be done from a distance. She ponders that.
INT. MORGAN’S HOME – EVENING
Morgan uses a combination of Silva and NMT to heal Amber’s bruises. Then she does Silva to empower her. She finishes the evening by doing some NMT on Amber to reduce her fear and emotional pain. All of this is done from a distance.
INT. MORGAN’S HOME – EVENING
Morgan talks to the her husband, a wealthy writer, about her efforts. He tells her he doesn’t think it’s ethical to help someone without their permission — especially the NMT she’s into. She says the Silva instructor said she could do it from a distance. He counters that there is a restraining order against her that prohibits her from talking to Amber. She’d be violating the restraining order to help her in any way. She feels compelled to do something.
First turning point at end of Act 1: Morgan talks to her book club about how she can now help the woman. The book club includes a cop, a lawyer, an ER nurse and the woman running the shelter. They explore ways to help abused women and find that in this case, the husband is both powerful and totally in control of his wife. Since outside interference often makes things worse and already has gotten Morgan in legal trouble, they agree to try mind control techniques to help women in danger.
INT. LIBRARY CONF ROOM – EVENING
Morgan tells her book club about the woman and that she can only help her with Silva although she also does NMT at home. She explains each briefly. The book club includes a cop, lawyer, ER nurse and the woman who runs the shelter where Morgan was donating clothes in the beginning.
They empathize and explain abused women’s behavior and the fears/pride that govern their actions.
INT. CAFE – EVENING
Morgan chats with the shelter woman about what the women need most to leave. Besides deposits for apartments and utilities, they need jobs, etc. and most want to keep their kids in the same school district. They talk about one of the shelter’s current residents who really needs confidence and for her bruises to heal before she can even look for work.
INT. MORGAN’S HOME – LATER
Morgan watches an NMT lesson, tries the technique and seems to feel better. Her husband asks her what she’s doing and she explains intentional medicine. She writes down that she is going to test for confidence in Amber and for bruise healing and we leave her performing intentional medicine, with her husband looking on in amusement, but telling here he thinks it’s illegal to practice medicine without a license — and without the patient’s consent. She ponders that.
INT. LIBRARY CONF ROOM – TWO WEEKS LATER
The shelter woman tells Morgan that the woman they talked about has healed and developed the confidence needed to get a job at her old financial planning firm. Morgan is gratified and wonders what else she can do with her power. She gets the name and situation of someone else at the shelter who needs help, but this time, the person also needs a place to stay, which Morgan is unable to offer.
INT. LIBRARY CONF ROOM – TWO WEEKS LATER
The shelter woman asks Morgan if she has been helping the woman they talked about and the answer is yet. The shelter woman tells the other book club members about it. The cop is interested in learning it as are the nurse and the lawyer. Morgan shares books, web addresses and we see the other women joining her at a Silva class and watching the NMT videos.
Mid-Point: Since Silva says you cannot use his techniques to hurt others and they can be done without the consent/knowledge of the receiver, they devise ways to use Silva techniques to fortify Amber and some women in the shelter so they can monitor results. Three women have found the courage to leave their abusers, some striking back with violence, and the police have found reasons to lock up the abusers once they testify
INT. CLASSROOM – DAY
Morgan asks the Silva instructor if it is unethical to help people who don’t know she is helping them.
He stresses that since she cannot use Silva for evil against people, it is fine. She says, legally, is it OK. He says the law doesn’t recognize it as a true power and she can think of it as offering “thoughts and prayers” which people do for the unfortunate all of the time.
INT. LIBRARY CONF ROOM – TWO MONTHS LATER
BREAK THIS UP INTO PIECES TO SHOW, DON’T TELL BITES THAT ADDRESS HELPING LAW ENFORCEMENT BE MORE EFFECTIVE, CONVINCING LAW ENFORCEMENT AND PROSECUTORS THAT IT IS A PRIORITY, ETC. The shelter woman tells the group that three women who were repeat tenants of the shelter have now found the courage to leave the abusers for good. One woman struck back at her abuser, scaring him when she punched him in the gut after he hit her. The cop says that she has been able to find ways to lock up a couple more abusers on second calls by focusing on getting her boss to look more favorably on preventing further domestic violence. The ER nurse says that Amber came through the ER the day before, with a broken wrist. She again refused to press charges when consulted privately and Daniel hovered and eventually took her home. Morgan resolves to help her.
INT. MORGAN’S HOME – EVENING
Daniel calls Morgan and tells her that he will kill her if she continues to put thoughts of leaving into his wife’s head. She says she hasn’t talked to his wife since the night the police were at his house. Daniel says he knows that’s not true. Morgan is baffled, visibly shaken and shuts off the NMT video she was watching.
INT. CAFE – EVENING
The book club ladies tell Morgan she is making a difference and they applaud her efforts and congratulate themselves for each doing what they can as we see a stream of women getting pro bono legal work, the cop’s partner talking to the men while she talks to the women and the shelter woman smiling as women and children leave with their bags.
Second turning point at end of Act 2: The designer puts his wife in the ER in critical condition after she tries to fight back. Incensed, Morgan wants to actively push the abused wife to press charges and take the family into her home. The book club talks her out of it for legal reasons and uses all of their Silva efforts to empower the wife to protect herself and her children imbuing her with confidence, emotional strength and vision. After his next minor abuse, she drugs her husband’s meal with the pain pills they gave her at the ER and kills him with a kitchen knife.
INT. ER – EVENING
Amber is wheeled in by paramedics. She persists in not wanting to press charges saying she has been cut off from all of her friends, has no money or credit, hasn’t worked since the kids were born and Daniel has said he will take the kids if she even thinks about leaving and he seems to know what she’s thinking because she was considering it. He has taken away her phone and car keys and has shut off the internet to the house.
INT. LIBRARY CONF ROOM – EVENING
The ER nurse relays this to the group and they decide to use all of their combined efforts to empower Amber to protect herself and her children. We see concerted efforts by all of the members at various times of the day.
INT. RICHARDS HOME – EVENING
Amber hasn’t done something to Richard’s exacting taste and he slaps her around for it. Her bruises aren’t even healed. She seethes and hides her anger until after he leaves the room. Then says, “No more.”
INT. RICHARDS HOME – MORNING
Amber has a fresh bruise and she goes to a vase in the guest room and takes out her hidden stash of various pain pill prescriptions from her visits to the ER. She contemplates them.
INT. RICHARDS KITCHEN – DAY
Amber has baked what she tells the kids is their father’s favorite dessert and that he and mommy are having a special dinner tonight and they must eat early. Amber is smiling.
INT. RICHARDS LIVING ROOM – EVENING
She hands Daniel a big piece of cake and a cup of coffee. She excuses herself to clean up the kitchen.
INT. RICHARDS LIVING ROOM – LATER
With surgical precision, we see her set the knife on his chest, double checking that it is over his heart, and then push it in with great force. She pulls the knife out, sits down on the floor next to him. and when the blood is no longer gushing, she pulls a compact from her pocket and checks to see if he is breathing. Then she calmly calls the police.
Crisis: The group rallies around her when the call comes in to the police but the police charge the book club as accessories to the murder because the cop in the group has
told her partner about the prior successes they have had in getting women to safely leave their abusive spouses. The partner thinks they’ve taken their interference too far.
INT. POLICE STATION – LATER
Amber is in an interrogation room, her fresh bruise obvious, her manner stoic. The book club cop asks her what happened. She says she had no choice. There was no way out. No hope. He kept her prisoner with no phone, car, internet or money. She had nowhere to go and no way to get there and he was relentless. He was starting to get shorter with the kids — almost as angry as he got with her and she wasn’t going to let them go through what she did. She couldn’t divorce him because she had no one to help her or care for the kids while she worked and he had said he would get custody of the kids, declaring her unfit. This was her only choice.
INT. POLICE STATION – LATER
The book club are all in separate interview rooms. Morgan is being charged as an accessory to murder. She tells them they are insane. She hasn’t talked to or communicated with Amber since the restraining order went into effect. They say that the book club cop had said they were helping Amber with some mumbo jumbo and it apparently worked. They were being charged — even the cop — as accessories.
Climax: At court, the lawyer in the book club has them all swear that they haven’t talked to the woman directly — ever (except for Morgan, but only before the restraining order went into effect) — and that all they have done is offer “thoughts and prayers”, a term the cop who turned them in used derisively when he first heard about it from his partner, the cop in the book club. In a dramatic court battle discussing the difference between their techniques and religious “thoughts and prayers”, the lawyer argues that there is no proof and no way “to prove” that sending supportive intentional thoughts to someone concretely affects their actions. She cites Silva’s maxim that you cannot use the techniques to hurt others. Therefore, they are not accessories.
INT. COURT ROOM – DAY
One after another, we see the defendants, the book club, being asked to swear whether they had helped Amber. They all answer that she had been in their “thoughts and prayers” because they knew her husband was abusive. Nothing illegal about that, is there? On cross-examination, they say that their prayers were that she would be strong and heal quickly. They never prayed that she hurt her husband. Silva doesn’t work that way and it would be an evil thing to do. Wasn’t Amber killing her own husband evil? Not if he was abusing her and she saw no way out. It would be self-defense.
INT COURT ROOM – DAY
Amber’s stabbing of Daniel is determined to be self-defense and she is ordered to counseling, but not deemed a danger to herself or her kids. The book club celebrates.
INT COURT ROOM – DAY
The book club lawyer testifies that there is no legal proof that sending supportive and healing “thoughts and prayers” can cause someone to do something. The court drops the charges since the cops have no evidence of wrongdoing.
Resolution: After the drama in the courtroom, the judge rules in the book club’s favor and the rest of the club meets the designer’s wife for the first time. She asks to join the club.
INT. DESIGN STUDIO – DAY
Morgan is working with a female designer on a dress. The designer says her neighbor is being beaten by her husband. Is there anything she can do? Morgan hands her a Silva book with a link to NMT training written inside the front cover. “Thoughts and Prayers” are about all you can do.
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PS 80 – Jodi’s NQ 3 and 4 (pass 4)
“What I’ve learned doing this assignment is how to flesh out my theme by adding both sides of the theme to the outline. Also, expanding upon the dilemma helps create more drama and emotion for it.
Concept: TIMELY: Texas creates bounty hunters and vigilantism against any woman who chooses to have an abortion, along with the nightmare this creates for anyone trying to help a pregnant woman. This law tragically impacts family’s lives, future leadership roles and thousands of pregnant women and children that have been failed by the system.
Tell us your Emotional Dilemma and the answers to these questions:
Can Pam win the Governorship and overturn the TX law SB8? Will her family disown her?
How does the Emotional Dilemma first show up?
Her parents are livid and embarrassed by Pam when she speaks out against the Governor publicly on the destruction the ban on abortion has caused, and she is asked to run against him for his office seat.
How are both sides of the issue built up?
Pam’s parents tell her she is a traitor and abortion is a sin. The state is in dire financial needs but the misogynist Governor only cares about controlling women under the falsehood of an anti-abortion ‘Heartbeat’ law, which is in direct opposition to his and his conservative legislatures pro death penalty law.
When does the protagonist make the choice?
Pam makes the choice shortly after they are insultingly excused from the Governor’s office and realize he doesn’t want to work with any of the fiscally and socially concerned groups.What do they lose in making that choice?
Pam might lose her parents and brother who already don’t believe in her cause and are giving her ultimatums<br clear=”ALL”>
Theme and the answers to these questions:
The need to control others out of fear of becoming irrelevant. and also the theme: Don’t tread on me.
What are both sides of your theme?
Side 1: You can’t tell women what they can do with their bodies. It is in the Constitution.
Side 2: If you make it a law, you can control what women do with their bodies, regardless of their rights under the Constitution.
How will both sides show up throughout your story?
No woman has legal control over their own bodies after the SB8 law is enacted, but an evangelical anti-abortion priest changes his view to pro-abortion after witnessing the destruction the law creates. Some physicians are not scared of the law and want to be challenged in court when giving a woman an abortion. Hundreds of women daily flee to other states to have their abortions. Unfortunately, the low-income women can’t and are left raising a child on the welfare of the state. Pam’s family is very conservative and do not believe in abortion. Deputized citizens make 10,000. per lawsuit filed.
How does the climax of the story demand your message?Pam wins by a landslide proving that most people in the state want a woman to have control over their own body. The law was enacted for the conservative few, who kept the Governor in office.
OPENING SCENE:
A young teen finds out she is pregnant and is overwhelmed and scared.
INT. REPRODUCTIVE CLINIC – DAY
Eyelids open to see blurry champagne bottles popping and mostly men cheering as a newscaster on television says “This scene four years ago has brought about many changes since the Supreme court upheld the SB 8 Heartbeat law to ban abortion, the vigils”.
The eyelids start closing again into black, a loud pulse is heard, as well as a loud heartbeat sound. The heartbeat grows louder in the darkness. A Nurse is heard asking “Are you alright?” as she puts a packet of smelling salts under a young teen girl’s nose. The girl wakes up. “Welcome back” said the Nurse. The girl looks terrified like a deer in headlights. The Nurse says “Here are some pamphlets, please read these so you know what you can do. The young girl’s eyes shut again.
EXT. OUTSIDE THE CLINIC – DAY
The same teenage girl exits the clinic mandated by the state, she sees people watching her. It frightens her. At first she has a slow pace to her step, with each step her pace becomes faster. She fumbles for her keys. She is shaking, but doesn’t take her eyes off these people, in a nonchalant way. She presses her key fob as she reaches her car, quickly gets in and starts the engine.
EXT. SAME
It’s a frenzy, each person clamoring to be the first to follow her, she hears many engines start.
INT. CAR – SAME
The girl is shaken as she exits the parking lot and a monster truck with a confederate flag speeds to get behind her, and follows her close behind practically on her bumper. She punches on the gas.
EXT. HIGHWAY – DAY
The two Right to Life redneck bounty hunter members in the monster truck continue to follow the young girl closely on the road.EXT. SAME
The young girl is in a rural part of the state where windy roads are the normal terrain. She constantly looks back in the rear view mirror in terror as the monster truck stays close. She can hear them whooping and hollering at her. Now, more scared than ever and going too fast, looking back she misjudges a turn and goes off the highway. The girl’s car flips over and over, it eventually stops and the girl’s arm flaps out of the window, still and bloody.
EXT. SIDE OF ROAD – DAY
The rednecks had pulled to the side of the road watching the car flipping. They know they were the ones who accidentally caused her to flip her car, killing her.
INT. THE MONSTER TRUCK – DAY
“Let’s get outta here, aint’ gonna take no wrap for no bitch”. The passenger has a little bit of a conscience and looks at the driver with astonishment, wanting to stop and help her. The driver punches the gas, leaving the accident.
EXT. SAME – EVENING
Pam arrives on the scene. After looking through the car she finds the bloodied reproductive pamphlet and instantly surmises what happened as she’s seen this before.INT. CLINIC – DAY
Pam goes to the clinic and questions anyone who had seen the young girl there. She hits dead ends because of HIPAA.INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – DAY
Pam finds out the lack of funds to find justice and priority for the victim when it comes to pregnant women as the state is so financially overburdened is because of the SB8 Heartbeat Bounty Hunters law’s ban on abortion.
INT. WELLS HOME OFFICE – NIGHT
Pam reaches out to her Social Worker friend Chloe for advice on different avenues to get around this, and she is told the same thing.
INCITING INCIDENT:
INT. PAM’S HOME OFFICE – NIGHT
Doing research Pam’s goal is to find the root cause of the devastation. She finds masses of poverty stricken people, mostly women and children, when women were stripped of their constitutional right to have control over their own body. She finds that the state is almost bankrupt because of the many orphanages, increased foster care staffing and increased foster home payments, welfare spiraling out of control, from abused, molested, neglected, and unloved children, to miniscule adoption rates compared to the amount of mandated baby births. She investigates how many criminals are on death row, as they have heartbeats too, so why is there a false equation? Could it be about control over women instead of a legitimate reason? She tries to find answers. She realizes this is an attack on all women and must do something about it.INT. LIBRARY – NEXT DAY
Wanting to dive deeper into information that was limited at home, Pam asks the reference desk for updated stats on the state’s government budgets, surpluses, deficits and sources of the information.
INT. PAM’S PARENTS HOME – DAY
Seething Pam shares with her parents her findings. Her Father tells her to leave it alone. It’s God’s will who becomes pregnant and must carry this burden. Pam’s Mother acquiesces with his point of view. This way of thinking is unacceptable to Pam.INT. SHERIFFS OFFICE — DAY
Pam asks her friend in MIS to help her extract information on new orphanages and foster homes in the last four years. She is given a pile of pages representing hundreds of orphanages. She is told she has to speak to the TDFPS for foster information. She also needs the Right to Life database to find the harmful bounty hunters.INT. YOUNG GIRL’S HOME – DAY
Feeling like her hands are tied with her department’s budget cuts, Pam has no good news for the dead girl’s Mother. She makes promises she might not be able to keep.EXT. ORPHANAGE ROW – DAY
Pam is shocked to see row after row of shoddy orphanage buildings, like barracks. Very young children and toddlers play outside, with ratty clothes, one worker for thirty children. Older children are working. Each row of barracks repeats the same picture. She is in tears.INT. MESS HALL – DAY
She falsely flashes her badge pretending to have authority to see how the children are taken care of and fed. There is little time to show affection to a child as each worker has their duties to perform. The dished out food is without love or care, your daily basics.
By page 10, you know what the movie is about:
EXT. PARK – DAY
Talking to Chloe, Pam shares that she feels her hands are so tied that she can’t give proper justice for the many women who are dying either by hit and runs, domestic abuse or by back alley abortions and for these unwanted, unloved children. Chloe tells her she has some people she wants her to meet.
INT. STATE ASSEMBLY OFFICE – DAY
Chloe and her social worker group requests a meeting with the Governor by a State Assembly member.
INT. GOVERNOR’S OFFICE – DAY
Pam and the representatives from reproductive rights groups ask him for answers on how he is going to fix the fiscal and societal disaster he has created. He shuts them down as silly women and has his secretary escort them out.
INT. OUTSIDE THE GOV’S OFFICE – SAME
The group knows by his actions that the misogynist Governor only cares about controlling women under the guise and pretense of being concerned of all ‘Heartbeats’, and doesn’t want to work with any of the concerned groups. If he truly cared about heartbeats how could he be pro-death penalty for one, and also not care to work with these concerned groups?
INT. WELLES HOME – ENTRY WAY – LATE AFTERNOON
Disgusted, Chloe persuades Pam that the only way there will be change is to challenge the man who put this in law; The Governor. They can start their campaign for the Governorship as elections are coming up in the next few months. Pam is very reluctant to do this as she states that the Governorship was not in her family’s plan and she needs time to think about this.
INT. WELLES HOME – EVENING
Sitting on the couch petting the family cat, she’s talking to her Daughter, she speaks of the devastation all around for women, children and the state close to bankruptcy, Pam realizes during this discussion that she cannot turn her back on these thousands of unwanted children and the life they’ve been dictated to have. With deep budget cuts in many state funded programs and millions of new families living below the poverty line needing monthly financial help, along with the deepening deficit. Her Daughter asks her if she’ll try to challenge the status quo?
INT. WELLE HOME – MORNING
Pam reaches out to Chloe and tells her she is seriously thinking about running against the Governor to abolish the SB 8 Heartbeat law that has so blatantly stripped women of their constitutional right, but must first talk to her family about it. Chloe and Pam discuss who should be contacted next to create the plan; (unions, organizations, free clinics and a network of concerned Mothers from all over the state). Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. The debate is coming up soon so they need to enter asap.
INT. WELLES HOME – NIGHT
Pam calls a family meeting and discusses with her husband and with her daughter’s support, on why she wants to run. Stats are here. Her husband reminds her that the Governor is well established with the conservatives but there is a shot for her to beat him in the Governorship because the conservatives are actually an overall minority in the state. Unfortunately, it is a minority that is being catered to. Pam has their blessing to run.
INT. PARENT’S HOUSE – DAY
Pam’s Daughter innocently asks her Grandparents if they heard the good news? Her very conservative and pro-life parents are shocked, they tell Pam she is a traitor to run against their beloved Governor for what they believe is an sinful and amoral cause.
FIRST ACT TURNING POINT:
INT. WELLES HOME – DAY
Forced term women start calling her after hearing through the grapevine she’s trying to organize help.
INT. REPRODUCTIVE CLINIC – DAY
Pam reaches out to a physician who is still giving abortions and they organize with pro-choice organizations to challenge the bounty hunter law.
INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – DAY
Pam anonymously receives information on who’s on the bounty hunters hit list on the Texas ‘Right to Life’ website. She feels things are starting to turn in a positive direction.
INT. PARENTS HOME – DAY
Pam’s parents are embarrassed seeing her on television announcing how their new group (In retort to Right to Life) she calls it Right to Choose, will organize funding for any physicians who challenges this law in court. The physician stands next to her and his attorney takes over the sound byte. Her Mom is furious and her Dad is disillusioned.
Mid-Point:
INT. PARENT’S HOUSE – DAY
Pam’s family starts to shun her. Her Mother and Father give her an ultimatum to give up her endeavor or give up her family. She must choose.
EXT. LAKE – DAY
Pam is sad skipping rocks across the water. She sits down and stares straight, her dog comes up and licks her face, she kisses him back, then she puts her head down between her legs. She is contemplating.
INT. WELLES HOME – MORNING
She tells her Daughter her reservations but has decided to continue her mission. She asks for her Daughter’s help making a website for the ‘Right to Choose’ movement. She tells her Daughter that she wants to hear of women being harassed, stalked, sued and wants to hear from any child who has been abused or neglected at home, in Foster care or while in these state ran Orphanages. She is very happy to have this avenue open to them for communication.
INT. WELLES HOME – DAY
The next day Pam is trying to access her website and wonders why nothing is there. She has her Daughter help her, she finds out that it crashed and her phone starts ringing off the hook. She feels overwhelmed by the amount of children who feel unloved and neglected and women who resent their forced babies. On 267.00 per month that the state gives them in TANF (Texas stats) most low income women don’t know how they can raise these mandatory unwanted children.
EXT. PARK – DAY
Pam and Chloe discuss the funds they try to find to help the people that have reached out on their website but the need is greater than she can raise as each year over 100,000 abused and neglected children in the state need her help. (Texas stats) and knowing 31,000 children in state foster care (2019, Texas stats) are now growing exponentially.
EXT. MONTAGE
Meanwhile, a secret group is targeting with harassment, and auto and home property damage, any citizen who starts the private civil right of action for the 10,000.
INT. WELLES HOME – EVENING
Pam sees a news clip of this group and is happy initially that other people are involved but the news clip continues to reveal that someone killed one of these deputized citizen’s turned bounty hunter.
INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATIONS BRIEFING ROOM – MORNING
The Sheriff commands an all hands on deck directive to find this group, excluding Pam because she could be one of the suspects since she is publicly for the same cause. Some of her fellow officers shun her.
INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – DAY
Using the state-wide database Pam tries to find out the source and leadership of this secret group.
EXT. PARKING LOT – DAY
A man slips into Pam’s car while she is in the drivers seat. He has some information for her on the group.
Second turning point at end of Act 2:
INT. WELLES HOME – NIGHT
Under-funded, slandered and falsely blamed of organizing the hits on citizens that have brought lawsuits against women who have had an abortion, along with being outcast from her family, Pam feels the odds are against her and thinks about quitting.
INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – DAY
Pam gets a phone call from an evangelical preacher. She writes down an address.
INT. EVANGELICAL CHURCH OFFICE – DAY
Pam meets the evangelical anti-abortionist crusading preacher who is now pro-choice. He tells her why. Which gives her the faith to continue in this uphill battle.
INT. FATHER’S CHURCH – MORNING
The church is big. Pam’s Father looks out among his congregation and sees that a quarter of his congregation is missing. Visibly shaken he begins his sermon.
INT. SAME – LATER
While he is shaking hands he hears murmurs of ‘draft dodger’. One lady who is shaking his hand tells him of what is happening behind his back and let’s him know the church that some are now going to instead.
INT. WELLES HOME – DAY
It is the late afternoon of the debate, while Pam is getting ready her Mother visits. Her purpose is to blame Pam for the ‘trouble’ she is causing her Father. Pam is clueless about the incident. She leaves abruptly.
INT. TELEVISION STATION – EVENING
Pam shakes off her earlier confrontation with her Mother and breathes deep before walking on stage. She can fake composure very well.
INT. SAME – LATER
One candidate is finishing his speech, Pam is introduced and starts her concerns.
INT. WELLES HOME – MORNING
Ten days later, Pam’s telephone rings. She is congratulated for winning the primary.
INT. SAME
Pam has a smile on her face expecting another well-wisher. Her face soon turns to anger. She is threatened to pull out of the race.
INT. SAME
Pam writes an Op Ed piece on the devastation of the state and the enablers too willing to keep the status quo.
INT. RIGHT TO LIFE HEADQUARTERS – DAY
Pam serves the RTL president a court order to search the premises. She confiscates documents listing bounty hunters and their addresses.
MONTAGE
Pam starts knocking on doors and checking cars out for any indication of wreckage. She finds none.
INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT, PAM’S DESK – DAY
Pam gets an anonymous call from the passenger of the monster truck.
INT. MONSTER TRUCK REDNECK – NIGHT
Pam is told by the redneck driver that she can’t do anything. There’s no way she can prove he caused the girl’s death. She grabs him as he laughs. He taunts her by telling her his bounty hunter lawsuits bought him a dandy truck. He warns her that she better back off.
INT. WELLES HOME – NIGHT
The phone rings, it is the emergency room, a nurse tells Pam that Chloe has been beaten up and is unconscious, she is being notified as Chloe’s emergency contact.
INT. EMERGENCY ROOM – NIGHT
Seeing Chloe black and blue, swollen, and in a cast, Pam swears revenge for her.
EXT. MONSTER TRUCK REDNECK – NIGHT
Pam knocks on the door and the redneck opens it up, laughing again. She grabs his collar and bangs his head on her knee. She uses a stun gun on him and curses him for hurting her friend. He screams how he doesn’t know anything about it, she eventually is convinced, and walks away. She warns him that if he says anything about this she’ll become his worst nightmare and she’ll stalk him until his dying days, like he does with pregnant women.
INT. WELLES HOME – NIGHT
Her husband has a candlelight dinner ready for her at the dining table. He kisses her, and they have a long intimate hug. Her daughter walks out of the kitchen with their first course salads. This is one respite moment for Pam.
INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – DAY
Pam’s file for the dead girl is missing from her desk. She goes to the second team’s desk of the investigation, Detective Salt, to see if they were using it. She finds a small piece of paper that has Chloe’s name, address, and a time on it. She feels gut punched. She grabs her stun gun and runs out of the office.
EXT. POLICE DEPARTMENT BUILDING – DAY
As she is running towards her car she see Detective Salt with one of his friends. She warns the onlooker to back off and kicks Salt in the groin, doubled over she forces him to tell her who contracted him to rough Chloe up. It came from the Governor’s office.
INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – SAME
Pam marches into the Captain’s office ignoring his meeting and tells him what happened. She wants to formally charge Detective Salt and wants to start an investigation into the Governor’s office of who requested the attack on Chloe.
EXT. WELLES MAILBOX – MORNING
Pam starts making inroads and the opposition is nervous. Pam receives a threat in the mail that is a copy of her Father’s military record which shows her Father as a Draft Dodger. She is warned if she doesn’t pull out of the race and stop causing trouble her Dad will be exposed more publicly than just the rumors that are circulating, hurting his reputation, his congregation and more over her Mother’s position on the city council.
Crisis:
INT. EVANGELICAL CHURCH OFFICE – DAY
Pam confides her challenge with the Preacher that she is torn between wanting to help her parents or helping to create a better life for her Daughter, all the unwanted children in the state, and fighting for all women’s freedom of choice, she decides to continue in the fight for all women of the nation. He shares his experience.
INT. TELEVISION STATION – DAY
Pam has a televised debate with the current Governor. She annihilates him with statistics on those who favor abortion, the plight of mostly poor women who is held to this law (not affluent pregnant white women who could easily finance a trip to another state for an abortion), the heartbreaking realities of unwanted and unloved children, and the 50 death penalties executed in the state since 2015. Also, how broken the state has become financially with hundreds of thousands of more mouths to feed, housing, healthcare, joblessness, etc. The state is in dire financial needs but the misogynist Governor only cares about controlling women under the falsehood of an anti-abortion ‘Heartbeat’ law, which is in direct opposition to his and his conservative legislatures pro death penalty law
INT. TELEVISION STATION – NEXT MORNING
The Governor is interviewed by a local conservative talk show, a scheduled fluff piece interview to disparage and destroy Pam as a challenger to his seat. He falsely accuses her publicly as being a part of the vigilante group who are attacking the bounty hunters.
INT. WELLES HOME – MORNING
Pam opens the paper to the headline that another woman was found dead from an attempted self-abortion, which makes 112 now this year in their county alone. Pam asks the question to her husband at what point do the heartbeats of these women matter and the full lives they are living? their relationships and loved ones, their cares, their dreams, their goals, their careers or jobs, their friends and interactions, their memories, only embryo heartbeats matter? Not the actual human woman? The husband asks about the abortion pill and Pam tells him how very hard it is to get for most women especially low income women, some of whom don’t even have access to the internet.
INT. FATHER’S CHURCH – MORNING
The Pastor looking again at his congregation; there are only fifteen people in attendance in the church pews this time. Pam’s Father has a tear in his eye. Protesters are chanting outside against him as a draft dodger and baby killer. Trying to drown them out inside he starts a speech about unconditional love and support for family in the face of adversity. A man comes up to the pulpit with irreverence and flashes his state inspection badge telling him that he has been shut down for health violations, and shouts to the congregation that everyone must leave.
EXT. WELLES HOME – DAY
Pam and her Daughter drive off in their car and are followed by the Right to Life people.
INT. WELLES HOME – DAY
They get back with groceries and Pam asks her husband why he’s home instead of at the building site, he informs her that the state government contract was cancelled and he was locked out.
INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – DAY
Pam finds out who the leader is of the vigilante group attacking the bounty hunters. She goes out the door.
INT. DEAD GIRL’S MOTHER’S HOME – DAY
Pam confronts the Mother and the Mother blames her and her department for not carrying out justice for her Daughter. This is the way justice will be carried out now.
INT. WELLES HOME – NIGHT
The newscaster relays the execution of another death row inmate, this makes 50 ‘heartbeats’ killed since 2015 on his watch. The Governor proves himself a double-speak hypocrite.
INT. CONVENTION CENTER BALLROOM – NIGHT
Pam and her family arrive and look around in awe of the decorated and reverent appeal of the big room. They are told the waiting room is next to the hall off the ballroom.
INT. PARENT’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Watching the voting results and seeing his Daughter is way down in the votes and exit polling facts, Pam’s Father feels he must support and be there for his Daughter. He tries desperately to get a hold of her on her cell phone, but Pam’s aide is handling the phone calls and keeps putting him on hold. He gets frustrated, tells his wife and Son they must leave immediately and they leave with the television is still on.
EXT. CONVENTION CENTER BALLROOM – NIGHT
Without a pass Pam’s family try to enter the convention center where the celebration will be taking place, but is blocked by security detail, Pam’s Mom calls her Granddaughter.
INT. CONVENTION CENTER WAITING ROOM – NIGHT
Pam’s assistant offhandedly remarks how her sister’s friend’s boyfriend had a Dad who said that the Governors wife had an abortion in her younger years. It is enough information for her to pick up her cell phone.
INT. CONVENTION CENTER WAITING ROOM – NIGHT
The Granddaughter tells her Mother she’s going to run down to get the Grandparents and Uncle. Pam is surprised and pleased.
EXT. CONVENTION CENTER BALLROOM – NIGHT
The Granddaughter brings three security badges out and shows them to security who wave the Grandparents in.
INT. RITZY HOTEL BALLROOM – NIGHT
Pam with a possible bluff, calls the Governor and let’s him have it. She threatens to use the information about his wife if his people don’t back off and stop the threats and harassment of everyone involved with Pam. She states: Along with the death penalty, either you believe in pro-life, a heartbeat or you don’t, that doesn’t change by circumstance.
Climax:
INT. CONVENTION CENTER WAITING ROOM – NIGHT
Pam’s Dad lets her know that he is fine with being exposed as a draft dodger and he supports her no matter what she does, whatever her decision is as an individual, that she is always loved and is not excommunicated or banished from their lives.
Resolution:
INT. CONVENTION CENTER BALLROOM – NIGHT
The close circuit television that is in the waiting room shows that Pam is in the lead. She gets more votes as the night goes on. They are very excited but also know the votes can turn again.
INT. CONVENTION CENTER WAITING ROOM – NIGHT
2 hours later with the Grandparents napping in their chairs the final results come in. Everyone begins cheering. Pam, and her husband and Daughter rush out to the Ballroom. The family follows.
INT. CONVENTION CENTER BALLROOM – NIGHT
Pam wins the election by a landslide with the voters. In Pam’s acceptance speech she vows that her first line of business when she takes office is to obliterate the ‘heartbeat’ SB8 law.
EXT. REPRODUCTIVE CLINIC – MORNING
The Governor’s Daughter exits a care clinic looking forlorn. As she opens her car door she looks around and sees many cars with people standing outside of them. All is silent. As soon as she leaves the parking lot, many of those same cars start their engines and start the stalking process.
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Jennifer’s NQ 3 and 4
WHAT I’VE LEARNED:
This set of questions is incredibly helpful in terms of letting me see which emotional plot points need to take place to set up the heart of this story. I had sensed that something wasn’t quite right in the character arc of the protagonist, an antihero who wants to win at all costs, but needs to show a human side here and there along the way along with rejecting the humanity of others. I have found a couple different ways to show the main characters’ vulnerabilities in ways that strengthen the outline significantly.
CONCEPT: A Southern high school overachiever will do literally anything on her quest to beat her rival and win a prestigious award guaranteed to get her into her dream college — even commit murder.
EMOTIONAL DILEMMA:
Win and lose all her friends for life, or lose and destroy her chances of success but keep her loved ones close
OR
Win and lose her soul, or lose and no longer have her family’s approval
How does the Emotional Dilemma first show up?
Jessica really wants to win, to be the best in her class and in life, but initially she is just focused on winning individual competitions while preparing for college applications the following year, which she thinks is the conduit to the life she wants as an achiever. The emotional dilemma shows up when the scholarship competition is announced, and Jessica realizes that rather than competing in the casually intense way she has with her peers, now she’s either going to have to engage in hand-to-hand combat (figuratively speaking) with Amanda and Ethan and be cutthroat to win, which will impress her parents, or stay softer, gentler and maybe not win, but have the respect of her peers.
How are both sides of the issue built up?
I need to add more in at the beginning of the story to show Jessica’s initial innocence (if an intensely intellectually competitive Southern belle achiever type can be innocent — in the sense her soul isn’t lost yet to the dark side of competitiveness) so that the contrast is there between her original self and who she becomes as she starts playing dirty to get ahead. Jessica will be portrayed as well-intentioned but wanting to win initially, and behind the scenes her parents are encouraging her to be more aggressive in pursuing the win (subplot).
When does the protagonist make the choice?
She starts making the choice as she enters the scholarship competition, but tension builds as she and her fellow competitors do activities that increase in complexity and require more actual human kindness and understanding, which Jessica falls short of having already and struggles further to show while Amanda and Ethan are obviously better people than she. She still doesn’t want to go full evil, however, and thinks she can pull some strings, disqualify a few less capable candidates, and then she’ll be in the clear to win. But slowly she sees that the only way out is through: she will have to do dark deeds to have any chance of winning the scholarship and setting herself up for life.
What does she lose in making that choice?
Her soul, any innocence she had to begin with, any childlike wonder she still had before she decides to eliminate her competition permanently from the scholarship and life itself. She thinks she’s better off having her parents’ approval, but the audience sees she has lost herself in the process.
THEME: Does winning at all costs actually pay off?
What are both sides of your theme?
Winning at all costs pays off immensely.
Winning at all costs is not a true win in the end.
How will both sides show up throughout your story?
We will see Amanda and Ethan acknowledge that there is only so far they’re willing to go for a scholarship, even if they desperately need/want it. Their humanizing actions will illuminate how a sane, healthy human might react to a tough situation. When Amanda and Ethan team up, they need to debate how far they’re willing to go and reel each other in. One or both will be tempted by the devil on their shoulder, but they won’t ultimately go that route.
Meanwhile Jessica has the same thoughts along the way but chooses the dark route, a true winner in the end no matter what.
How does the climax of the story demand your message?
Jessica wins the scholarship and the life she wants in the end, but at the price of no longer even having peers at her school like her. But she has indicated another set of desires early in the story TBC that she gives up on by the end as well. It would seem she has won, but the younger student who emulates Jessica may just seek her revenge, so we know Jessica can’t rest for long before the game begins again for her.
PLOT IN STRUCTURE:
OPENING:
Jessica loses to Amanda and Ethan in the last round of the Young Philosophers Think-off. Judges declare Amanda the winner, but Jessica and Ethan are neck and neck. Jessica is crushed and kicks herself for not going for it in the final round.
INT. SCHOOL GYM — DAY
Jessica, Amanda, and Ethan compete in the last round of the Young Philosophers Think-off. These aren’t your average high school students slinging around high level philosophical concepts. Judges declare Amanda the winner, but Jessica and Ethan are neck and neck.
INT. JESSICA’S HOUSE — NIGHT
Jessica’s parents do a round of reverse engineering to determine why Jessica lost. We learn that Jessica’s parents are politicians.
EXT. SCHOOL — DAY
Jessica kicks herself for hesitating in the final round. Why didn’t she just go for it? She’s stressed almost to the point of unhinged.
INCITING INCIDENT:
A prestigious new scholarship competition for one lucky junior is announced. Jessica processes her competition and realizes this is her chance to get ahead despite her complete disregard for other people’s feelings to date. She, Amanda, and Ethan are the clear frontrunners.
INT. SCHOOL CLASSROOM — DAY
Jessica and Amanda learn of scholarship before AP World History class. Jessica instantly starts jotting down thoughts on how to win, but doubts herself when Amanda mentions she’s already fulfilled many of the scholarship’s public service requirements and Jessica has not. How can Jessica look the part of the good citizen and stat? Her secret hatred of Jessica and Ethan becomes clear. She texts her father that they need to make a plan.
BY PAGE 10:
We know that Jessica is on a mission to win at the competition and life in general at all costs. (We just don’t know which costs that entails yet.) She has her father as an ally.
FIRST TURNING PT AT END OF ACT 1:
The first phase of the scholarship competition requires applicants to complete a service project (TBC – to be confirmed). During Jessica’s project, she helps eliminate one of her competitors via a technicality in an underhanded way (TBC) — just to make herself look better to the judges.
INT. TBC — DAY
Jessica does service project TBC. She literally forces someone out of the way whom she’s there to help because it’s easier to pick on the “little guy” rather than a true peer.
EXT. RACE EVENT SIGNUP TABLE — DAY
Jessica sits at table signing people up for a charity race while sporting her own number for the race. Ethan walks up to get his number and casually notes that he, Jessica, Amanda, and 3-4 others are leading in the competition according to his inside source. He casually mentions oversleeping and hasn’t prepared for the race, which angers Jessica. Jessica walks away from the table to warm up for the race, and she seethes secretly to her father, who reminds her to save some of this anger to push through at the end of the race, harping on followthrough.
EXT. RACE FINISH LINE — DAY
Jessica sails past other runners (including a teacher who cheerfully says “It’s all for a good cause”) including a runner from another school — another scholarship competitor — who is hurt. Others stop to help the guy out while Jessica secretly mocks them for being weak in a voice mimicking her mother. In V.O. we hear Jessica share her desire to win and her anger at the current scholarship situation. Amanda has also been running the race but gives up cheerfully and walks instead. Jessica can’t understand how she can be so blase about losing. Ethan comes from behind to beat Jessica while we hear her V.O. hesitance as she thinks through her anger toward her scholarship competitors, which slows her down because she’s lost in thought and holds back at the end. Ethan and Amanda are grudgingly becoming friends as they speculate on what Jessica is up to.
EXT. RACE EVENT OFFICIALS’ STAND — DAY
Jessica secretly turns Ethan in on a strange technicality, so he loses his standing in the race.
MIDPOINT:
Jessica, Amanda, and Ethan are on the short list for scholarship. Jessica shows she’s willing to do far more during another academic competition with Amanda and Ethan to prove her superiority but pulls back before crushing the competition. Amanda and Ethan are starting to team up to fight her despite finding each other repulsive otherwise.
INT. SCHOOL ACTIVITY ROOM — EVENING
Amanda and Ethan discuss Jessica and themselves being the only semifinalists left in the competition while waiting for a history academic competition to start. Between their snark we see them start to trust one another enough to mention that Jessica is going a bit too far. Jessica enters. V.O. shares her insistence that she deserves this win.
Later:
Jessica competes, and when the opponent reveals a tiny weakness, Jessica twists the knife in the guy’s insecurity. He manages to answer correctly, winning the competition, but only barely. Jessica is visibly frustrated it didn’t work, knowing how close she came to succeeding.
INT. SCHOOL CLASSROOM — DAY
Amanda quietly checks on Jessica to ask if she’s OK after losing the night before. Jessica hisses a mean response, but softens in how she looks at Amanda. In V.O. Jessica shares that she can’t let herself get soft.)
SECOND TURNING PT AT END OF ACT 2:
After “helping” another competitor get disqualified for the scholarship, Jessica realizes that just beating or eliminating her opponents isn’t actually making her look good in the eyes of the scholarship committee. She has to take drastic action and starts plotting to eliminate the competition in a bigger way while looking far more decent than she technically is. Step 1: Engage Amanda and Ethan as friends in hopes it will reflect well on her. Right now Amanda and Ethan are still ahead as if the judges can smell that they’re better humans.
INT. CHARITY BALL — NIGHT
Jessica runs important fundraiser while two other scholarship competitors help out. She catches them doing something they’re not supposed to (TBC) and then …
INT. PUBLIC BATHROOM — NIGHT
Jessica calls and anonymously tips off someone (TBC) that the other competitors have done X bad thing. She smiles.
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY — DAY
Ms. Sarah Collins (teacher on scholarship committee) looks on with concern as Jessica subtly verbally abuses another classmate and greets Amanda cheerfully.
INT. JESSICA’S HOUSE — DAY
While Jessica’s mother drills her on facts for the next academic competition as Jessica stuffs items into bag for charity, Jessica interrupts to note that just eliminating competitors isn’t working. Her mother encourages her to “think outside the box.” How can Jessica get ahead? A gleam in her eyes.
INT. SCHOOL CLASSROOM — DAY
Jessica speaks conspiratorially with Amanda to befriend her. Amanda accidentally shares info that makes Jessica jealous (TBC).
EXT. SCHOOL PARKING LOT — NIGHT
Jessica works to befriend Ethan before a competition. He mentions a recent win that gives him more points toward the scholarship. He is in first, Amanda in second, and Jessica in third place for scholarship.
CRISIS:
Jessica has steadily been “helping” other competitors get disqualified in funny, torturous ways that she takes secret pride in. Now all other students besides Jessica, Amanda, and Ethan have been eliminated from the competition. As the final days of the competition near, Jessica is more committed to winning than ever but feels it’s her darkest day because she can’t measure up to Amanda or Ethan, who have bested her in a number of ways lately. Jessica contemplates throwing in the towel on life until her father walks in and gives her a creepy pep talk. Amanda or Ethan (or both? maybe they’ve teamed up?) have resisted her pleas for friendship, though she’s wearing them down. What can she do to push her application over the edge? She wracks her brain and comes up with a way that she thinks she can disqualify Ethan, though she knows she might not have the nerve to follow through. But that will still leave Amanda.
INT. SCHOOL — DAY
Jessica submits another … (TBC) for scholarship, thinking it will get her ahead.
INT. SCHOOL LUNCHROOM — DAY
Jessica checks her phone and sees she’s still in third place. Her world is rocked.
INT. JESSICA’S BEDROOM — NIGHT
Jessica starts overachieving at trying to find a way to kill herself by overresearching different methods, getting overwhelmed, and resolving to do X (funny). Just as she gets started trying to follow through, her father walks in and gives her a creepy pep talk about going the extra mile and needing this win. You got this, champ. Jessica smiles weakly and puts away what she was about to do. Her mother interrupts to talk political strategy with her father and says to her, “You’ve got to put yourself in front, Jessica. No one will do it for you.”
CLIMAX:
Jessica is on a mission to win now at all costs. First task: eliminate Ethan, which involves some sort of forgery (or other misdeed TBC) and is harder than anticipated. It works, but Amanda is still there and definitely a few points ahead of her. But Ethan is on to her now, and he realizes what Jessica is willing to do and tries to warn Amanda. Jessica catches on and finds a way to act — not hesitate — and truly eliminate Ethan forever, killing him before he can get to Amanda in a way she won’t get caught. She then has an argument with Amanda at a park. Amanda shoves Jessica, but Jessica dodges her such that Amanda loses her balance and slips off the side of the cliff. Jessica could help her in the moment but weighs her options – help Amanda and look like a good Samaritan, which would win her points in the competition? Or let Amanda fall. We then see Jessica walking away, a self-satisfied look on her face, as Amanda struggles and slips.
INT. SCHOOL LIBRARY — DAY
Jessica runs a protocol on the library computer that makes her work totally anonymous and shuts down the video camera. She then forges something implicating Ethan in a bad act TBC and forwards it to Ms. Collins.
INT. CLASSROOM — DAY
Ms. Collins speaks seriously to Amanda and Jessica about Ethan’s sudden elimination.
EXT. SCHOOL GROUNDS — NIGHT
Jessica and Ethan help put things away after an academic competition and walk outside to the parking lot carrying a heavy item TBC. Ethan has acted normal until now, but turns on Jessica once no one is looking because he knows she must have been the one to get him in trouble. He still has an “in” to get into Harvard, he says, but he really wanted Chapman and may not even get in, never mind losing the scholarship. He asks how she did it. Jessica makes sure no one is looking and kills Ethan (method TBC) in a way that looks accidental. For a moment she is shocked at what she did, then visibly relaxes and smiles, turns on fake tears, and runs inside screaming that she needs help.
INT. JESSICA’S KITCHEN — NIGHT
Jessica’s father asks how that night’s competition went while eating and reading a business magazine. She glibly says a contestant was killed. Her mother says, “Oh?” and gets back to eating her steak. Her father murmurs “Mmmm-hmmmm” and keeps reading. Jessica smiles.
INT. CLASSROOM — DAY
The next morning, Amanda is visibly shaken. Jessica leans over and says it’s just the two of them now. Amanda tells Jessica she doesn’t have to be strong and if she ever needs to talk to someone, she’s there for Jessica. A moment of recognition in Jessica’s eyes.
EXT. SCHOOL EXIT — DAY
Jessica flags down Amanda and asks if Amanda has time to talk after Ethan’s funeral, that her parents don’t understand what it’s like to lose “a peer and a friend” like Ethan. Amanda looks wary but says OK. Jessica tells her where to meet.
EXT. HIKING TRAIL WITH CLIFF — DAY
Jessica and Amanda walk the trail and talk about the funeral. Amanda first tries to talk kindly to Jessica, but Jessica keeps making digs to make Amanda self-conscious. They approach the top of the trail where there is a cliff. Jessica pretends to lose her balance. Amanda attempts to help Jessica, who dodges her such that Amanda loses her balance and slips off the side of the cliff, hanging on by a thread. Jessica could help but weighs her options – help Amanda and look like a good Samaritan, which would win her points in the competition? Or let Amanda fall. We then see Jessica walking away, a self-satisfied look on her face, as Amanda struggles and slips.
RESOLUTION:
Jessica attends both rivals’ funerals and says cryptic things revealing her role in their deaths that no one recognizes. Jessica wins the competition and rules the school. Jessica gives a speech talking about all the service and sacrifice it took to get where she is and how taking action is critical to success. “Always be the best, and forget about the rest.” We notice another younger student, a sophomore with a gleam in her eye, who’s been there all along looking on and wanting to follow in Jessica’s footsteps.
INT. JESSICA’S LIVING ROOM — NIGHT
Jessica puts on an act to convince the police that she is innocent of Amanda’s death. The detective asks if she thinks there is a connection between the two deaths. Jessica says they were all great friends and hints that Amanda took Ethan’s death hard. Jessica’s mother and father are the picture of concerned parents while police are there. Then her mother turns to Jessica and asks if this means she’s won the scholarship, a proud smile on her face.
INT. CEMETERY — DAY
Jessica attends Ethan’s funeral. She drops cryptic hints that she is responsible for his death, but everyone assumes she is being hyperbolic due to grief.
EXT. FUNERAL HOME — DAY
Jessica has taken over Amanda’s speech pattern (need to develop this in beginning) when speaking to classmates who ask how she’s holding up.
INT. SCHOOL AUDITORIUM — NIGHT
Ms. Collins announces the winner of the scholarship: Jessica. Much ado. Jessica gives a speech talking about all the service and sacrifice it took to get where she is and how taking action is critical to success. “Always be the best, and forget about the rest.” Someone asks Jessica what she hopes to do in the future. Her answer: Become the second female Senator from her state before heading to the White House. Her parents beam in the background. In the background is another younger student, a sophomore with a gleam in her eye, who has been there all along looking on, taking notes, and wants to follow in Jessica’s footsteps (or possibly will go after Jessica – TBC, and it might be several students, not just one, who do this).
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