-
Post day 11 Assignment Here
Click Reply to post your assignment.
-
18 Replies
-
Armand’s Pass #5: Action / Reaction
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is…
A solid technique to build more conflict and emotion into the Second Act.
Tell us the following:
– Concept:
A ghost haunting the house where he was murdered must save a group of college kids from impending death when the masked killer who was never caught returns for an anniversary spree.
– Protagonist Goal:
Save the college kids from being murdered too.
– Protagonist Character Arc:
What he wants: To stop the serial killer from murdering the college kids
What he needs: to admit his mistakes and confront his fear
Old trait: Coward/scared
Changed to: Brave
– Main Conflict:
Can Tyler, the ghost (with Maddie the final girl’s help), save this new group of college kids from being killed like he was years ago.
2. Create the Action/Reaction Events chart for your story and list it.
Tyler, the ghost
Protagonist / Antagonist
Warn the college kids / Slash the tires of the college kids’ vehicle
Warn the college kids / Cut the power in the manor
Try saving a college kid early on / Realizing the ghost is interfering with his killings
Possess Lex’s body to warn Dallas / Chase Dallas and Lex
Save Dallas and Lex with Maddie’s help / Kill all remaining college kids
Attempt killing the killer with his powers / Become immune to the ghost’s powers
Help the college kids run away / Kill Lex in the process
Become tangible/visible to fight the killer / Kill Maddie
3. Make a list of the emotional moments the Protagonist will go through that will cause him or her to face the change they need to make.
After he stops the killer from killing a college kid, the killer becomes “aware” of the ghost’s presence in the room. The killer throws a machete at the ghost’s direction. The machete goes through the ghost’s body and hits the wall, but the ghost runs away afraid for his “life.”
For the first time: the ghost enters the room where he was murdered.
Lex is brave and wants to stop the killer. The ghost tries to convince Lex to grab her sister and leave right away.
Dallas blames the ghost for Lex’s death. The ghost can’t confront the guilt and says nothing.
The ghost apologizes to Maddie for his cowardice.
4. Place the actions you like from #2 and emotional moments from #3 in your current outline — and list the outline.
Outline
1. OPENING
In slasher-film style: Tyler, a privileged and arrogant college kid, has invited a group of friends including his girlfriend Maddie to party at his family’s remote summer manor.
A masked serial killer kills all of Tyler’s friends one by one. Tyler hides as his friends are murdered, making it second-to-last (with Maddie).
2. THE INCITING INCIDENT
Tyler, totally afraid, is killed (while trying to ditch Maddie and save himself) AND Maddie runs away from the serial killer.
Before we know what happens next: Tyler’s soul becomes “cursed” and he turns into a ghost.
3. BY PAGE 10, WE KNOW WHAT THE MOVIE IS ABOUT
We learn what Tyler can do as a ghost (supernatural abilities: being invisible, levitating/flying poorly, can touch or move some material things, possessing people’s body like the movie Ghost), but we also learn that he is not very good at it.
Tyler regrets being a coward and not saving Maddie and his friends. But he refuses to visit the parts of the manor where his friends were killed, including the place where he was murdered.
We learn the manor was abandoned for 20 years, sold recently to a wealthy tech businessman.
A new crop of college kids show up to party for the weekend. We meet Dallas and Lex, paternal half-sisters who don’t get along. Dallas is a gullible college girl pushed by her college friends to host a weekend party at her father’s manor. Lex is a goth 16 y.o. who is secretly tagging along to investigate Tyler’s murder because she’s into true crime and haunted places. She also has her father’s tech genius.
Tyler deals with the arrival of the whole group trying to spook them away, unaware the killer has entered the manor.
The college kids are too self-absorbed to notice Tyler’s attempts at haunting them, but Lex notices something is going on.
A stoner kid drifts separates from the group and is murdered by the masked killer inside one of the rooms of the manor that Tyler refuses to go inside.
4. (FIRST TURNING POINT AT THE END OF) ACT ONE
Tyler runs into the killer as the killer leaves the crime scene. Tyler freezes in panic.
The killer walks through Tyler’s ghostly body and after that, the killer stops and seems to notice he’s not alone (although the killer can’t see Tyler).
Tyler fears the killer will somehow get him… But the killer leaves quietly.
Tyler is afraid to enter the room, but once inside: Tyler finds the stoner’s dead body. Tyler takes comfort in knowing the killer can’t hurt HIM anymore.
The ghost of the stoner kid appears in front of Tyler. Tyler has never seen another ghost or talked to anyone since he became a ghost.
The stoner kid ghost has the ability to know Tyler’s life and how coward he was during the massacre. Tyler feels guilty about Maddie and the other innocents killed but tries to hide/avoid confronting it and says he can’t help the new college kids.
The stoner’s ghost “moves on” to rest in peace in front of Tyler’s eyes.
Tyler now attempts communicating with the college students to WARN THEM but fails. He tries to scare them to leave, but FAILS. Lex interprets Tyler’s increasing communication attempts as paranormal activity and goes further with her investigation.
Tyler tries to save one of the college kids being chased by the killer outside the manor by flying off with the (very confused) college kid… The confused college kid causes Tyler to accidentally drop him into a large wood chipper; that the killer calmly turns on to finish off the job. The killer leaves, but has increased “awareness” of Tyler’s supernatural presence.
Tyler realizes he doesn’t have the skills to defeat the killer. And can’t let this happen again.
Tyler figures out how to speak with Lex using her ghost-hunting app. But the process kills the internet and cellphone service.
Tyler and Lex try warning Dallas and the college kids. While Tyler is scared of running into the killer. Lex is brave and wants to find the killer in order to stop him.
Tyler possesses Lex’s body (jumps into her body) to convince her sister Dallas about the serial killer and the ghost.
Dallas doesn’t believe Lex until she sees the killer in action: killing one of her friends.
The killer chases Dallas, Lex and Tyler.
After he prevents the killer from killing the sisters, the killer becomes “aware” of the ghost’s presence in the room. The killer throws a machete at the ghost’s direction. The machete goes through the ghost’s body and lands on the wall. Tyler screams and runs for his “life.”
Dallas and Lex discover the killer slashed the tires of the college kids’ vehicle. The killer corners Dallas and Lex.
Tyler attempts hitting the killer. The killer is able to momentarily hit Tyler. Lex deducts the killer has a great power over Tyler and it manifests from Tyler’s fear of him.
5. MID-POINT
Adult Maddie, now a badass, appears and HELPS fight the serial killer, saving Tyler, Dallas and Lex from death.
In a flashback/montage: we see college Maddie after Tyler is murdered. Defeating the killer, who is never caught by the cops. Maddie grows up obsessed with the massacre and the killer being out there. This alienates Maddie from everyone.
Tyler reconnect with Maddie using the ghost-hunting app.
Lex discovers a clue to the killer’s identity.
As Tyler grows closer with Maddie and moves closer towards confronting his guilt, Tyler discovers his ghost body is “moving on” (dissolving into air) like the stoner’s. Tyler realizes he might be able to “rest in peace” if he stops the killer.
The killer cuts the power in the manor.
6. SECOND TURNING POINT AT END OF ACT TWO
Tyler attempts being brave and uses his ghost powers to fight the killer, but the killer still outsmarts him.
The serial killer stabs Lex, killing her.
7. CRISIS
Tyler has failed to protect the college kids. Maddie has also failed after all these years. Dallas gives up on everyone, wishing she was dead instead of Lex.
Tyler can’t confront the guilt, walks away. He enters the room where he was murdered. Maddie follows him.
Dallas looks for the killer. The killer abducts her.
8. CLIMAX
Tyler and Maddie unmask the serial killer and learn the motive for the original massacre and the anniversary spree.
Tyler becomes visible/tangible and fights the serial killer with Maddie’s help.
9. RESOLUTION
Lex is alive. Lex and Dallas, still bickering, grow closer and become true sisters.
Tyler and Maddie defeat the killer.
The ghost apologizes to Maddie for his cowardice.
But Maddie also dies in the process. Tyler, freed from his ghost state, and Maddie, her soul appearing like her college years, move on to rest in peace together.
-
Quincy (Quinn)’s Pass #5: Action / Reaction
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is my MC does a lot more reaction than action, which can kill the character. I had to set up a progression in order to get her to go from a passive character to an active character. I’ll likely come back to this phase many times during writing to ensure that the characters are more active.
1. Tell us the following:
– Concept: A serial killer uses the unborn twin a woman absorbed in utero to go on a killing spree.
– Protagonist Goal: To stop Helen from using her body to commit murder.
– Protagonist Character Arc: Cassie goes from timid and non-violent to assured and capable of killing.
– Main Conflict: Bellerophon has promised Helen a body, but only after she succeeds in killing everyone on his list using Cassie’s body.
2. Create the Action/Reaction Events chart for your story.
and list it.
Cassie Helen Bellerophon
———————————————————————————————–———————————————————————————————–———————————————————————————————–—————————————————–——————
Goes to Bellerophon (reaction) Kills the first victim (action) Hides Helen from Cassie (action)
Goes to Bellerophon again (reaction) Kills second victim(s) (action) Destroys the evidence (reaction)
Calls Wallace (action) Kills Wallace (reaction) Makes Helen clean up the mess (reaction)
Tries to commit suicide (reaction) Kills the love interest (action)
Kills Bellerophon (action) Tries to stop her (reaction)
Turns herself in (action)
3. Make a list of the emotional moments the Protagonist will go
through that will cause him or her to face the change they need
to make.
Witnesses the murders
Meets Helen
Tries to turn herself in, but is used to kill Wallace
Lover is killed.
Tries to kill herself, but is stopped.
Kills Bellerophon so Helen doesn’t get a body
4. Place the actions you like from #2 and emotional moments
from #3 in your current outline — and list the outline.
FADE IN:
EXT. ALLEYWAY – NIGHT
A homeless man is hunted down and brutally murdered by CASSIE, early 20s with two different colored eyes.
INT. CASSIE’S BEDROOM – 3:47 AM
Cassie wakes up screaming. She realizes it’s a dream and writes the dream in her dream journal. She gets out of bed.
INT. CASSIE’S BATHROOM – MINUTES LATER
Cassie washes her face in the bathroom sink. She dries off and stares at her reflection. She focuses on the reflection of her left eye. Her alarm offscreen goes off. It’s 5:00 AM. Cassie jumps and comes out of her daze. She turns off the alarm and prepares for her day.
INT. COFFEE SHOP – MORNING
Cassie has an incident where someone cuts in front of her and she doesn’t do or say anything. There is a brief moment with the female barista behind the counter flirting with her.
EXT. CITY STREETS – MINUTES LATER
Cassie, on her way to work, happens upon a crime scene blocked off by police. The coroners wheel a shrouded body to the van. Cassie glimpses the scene and sees that it matches her dream. She drops her coffee and rushes away from the scene. DETECTIVE JIM WALLACE, late 20s, fit, notices her.
INT. DR BELLEROPHON’S OFFICE – LATER
Cassie tells Bellerophon about her dream and coming upon the murder scene. She tells him about not feeling like she’s the one looking back in the mirror. BELLEROPHON, 50s, cliched professional, assures her it’s coincidence and talks to her about her condition with nightmares. He prescribes her a new medicine for her to take.
EXT DR BELLEROPHON’S OFFICE – LATER
Detective Wallace catches Cassie coming out of the office. He asks her a few questions about the murder scene and gives her his card.
INT. COFFEE SHOP – AFTERNOON
Cassie is back in the coffee shop. She has another moment with the barista from the morning. Cassie almost brings herself to ask the woman out, but can’t pluck up the courage.
EXT. CITY STREETS – NIGHT
A couple leave a late night movie. Cassie springs out from an alley and kills the husband. The wife runs, but Cassie chases her down and slaughters her.
INT. CASSIE’S ROOM – 3:47 AM
Cassie wakes up screaming again. She goes to write in her journal and notices what looks like dried blood under her fingernail. She rushes to the bathroom to wash up.
INT. CASSIE’S BATHROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Cassie is sobbing washing her hands, trying to get the blood out from beneath her finger nails. She looks up at her reflection to see, for the briefest of seconds, the evil rictus on her own face. She leaves the bathroom.
INT. CASSIE’S BEDROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Cassie calls Dr. Bellerophon in a panic. He assures her it is nothing, but tells her to come to his office when they open. Cassie re-opens the dream journal and sees that there are entries written in a different hand-writing with disturbing messages.
EXT. CITY STREETS – MORNING
Cassie is walking to her appointment. She bumps into Detective Wallace. Wallace tells her another murder came up this morning with a similar MO and wants to know where she’s been. It’s almost an interrogation. At the end he tells her he’ll keep in touch. Cassie goes into the building.
INT. BELLEROPHON’S OFFICE – LATER
Cassie is beside herself. She tells Bellerophon about the blood and shows him her dream journal. Bellerophon tells her it’s okay and tries to calm her down. He gives her something to drink. She calms down, almost to the point of passing out. Bellerophon says a strange phrase. Cassie’s eyes snap open.
It’s HELEN he’s talking to now. He chastises her for being sloppy, and for writing in the dream journal. Helen reminds him of his promise to get her a different body so she can be autonomous. Bellerophon chastises her again, but says he’ll keep his promise. He says another phrase and Helen goes under. He rips the pages Helen wrote on out of the dream journal.
Bellerophon brings Cassie back, but still under his control and gives her the suggestion that she will forget about the blood and will “not notice” any missing pages in her journal. She acquiesces. He brings her back full and assures her everything will be okay.
EXT. CITY STREETS – LATER
Cassie is passing by the coffee shop. The woman who keeps flirting with her comes out and calls to her. She said she was worried when Cassie didn’t show up for her normal coffee. After some awkward conversation, the woman asks Cassie out for a drink. Cassie initially refuses, but ends up agreeing.
INT. NIGHTCLUB – EVENING
Cassie and the woman from the coffee shop are having a drink at the table, getting to know one another. It’s a pleasant conversation, but when the woman asks Cassie to dance, Cassie balks. She excuses herself from the table and goes to the ladies room.
INT NIGHTCLUB LADIES ROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Cassie washes her hands and looks in the mirror. The rictus on her reflection is back. Someone comes out of one of the stalls. The reflection turns and attacks and kills the woman. Cassie is caught on the wrong side of the mirror, banging her hands against the glass.
INT. WOMAN’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Cassie wakes up in bed screaming. The light is turned on. The woman from the coffee shop is in bed beside her. It is her apartment. Cassie is confused at first, not remembering coming home with the woman. The woman walks her through the evening and Cassie says she remembers. She excuses herself to go to the bathroom.
INT. WOMAN’S BATHROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Cassie looks in the mirror and Helen looks back. They have a conversation about Helen’s need for a body and that Bellerophon is helping her. She also tells Cassie she was the one who agreed to go back with the woman because Cassie was too much of a coward. She says she enjoyed the experience so much she’ll have to do it again. Cassie swears it won’t happen. She leaves the bathroom and tells the woman she has to go home. She leaves the situation in an awkward state.
INT. CASSIE’S APARTMENT – LATER
Cassie calls Bellerophon. She tells him about the woman in the mirror. Bellerophon tries to calm her down but she says she thinks she might have hurt someone that night. Bellerophon tells her he will come over.
Cassie, doubtful, calls Wallace.
INT. CASSIE’S APARTMENT – LATER
Detective Wallace arrives. He tells her about the murder in the club where she was earlier. Cassie confesses she is the murderer. Wallace doesn’t believe it’s her, but thinks she knows who it is. Helen arises and strangles Wallace.
Bellerophon appears at the apartment and surveys the scene. He tells Helen she will have to dispose of the body and tie up any loose ends.
INT. DETECTIVE WALLACE’S APARTMENT – LATER
Cassie and Helen use Wallace’s key to go in. Helen goes through the rooms and finds Wallace’s wife. She uses Wallace’s service pistol to kill her. She then stages Wallace’s body to look as though he shot himself. Before Helen leaves, Wallace’s young son finds her and asks what she’s doing. Helen kills the boy while Cassie’s reflection in the window screams.
INT. BELLEROPHON’S OFFICE – MORNING
Bellerophon comes into his office. Helen is sitting in his chair. She demands Bellerophon hold up the end of his bargain. Bellerophon tells her not yet. Helen jumps up to kill him, but Bellerophon says a phrase and Helen drops her weapon. Bellerophon tells her that he has been grooming her for a long time and has added fail safes so she wouldn’t harm him. He says she is ready to be the tool he needed from her. He gives her a kill list and tells her she won’t be able to get her own body until she’s done. She says she can just keep Cassie’s body, but Bellerophon tells her with a single phrase he can effectively kill off Helen and send her back to the “glob of neural material” that is “piggy-backing on your sister”. Helen complies.
SERIES OF SCENES
Helen goes on a killing spree. It’s not subtle.
INT BARISTA’S APARTMENT – MORNING
Cassie wakes up to discover Helen has killed her lover. She confronts Helen who admits she did it to try to claim the body.
INT CASSIE’S APARTMENT – MORNING
Cassie tries to commit suicide, but Helen stops her.
INT. BELLEROPHON’S OFFICE – AFTERNOON
Cassie bursts in on Bellerophon as he’s with another client. She tells Bellerophon that he and Helen took the only thing going well for her. Since Helen took her lover, she’ll take Helen’s hope. She shoots and kills Bellerophon.
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM – LATER
Two detectives are questioning Cassie. They tell her they have found DNA evidence at the other murders which match hers on a familial level. They know she has a sister, and that she is protecting her. They keep asking her where her sister is. She doesn’t answer. They send her to a cell.
INT. JAIL CELL – LATER
The jailer leaves Cassie locked in the cell. She goes to the mirror. She looks into it, but can’t find Helen.
INT. POLICE STATION – MORNING
Cassie’s lawyer has convinced the DA to drop the charges as all the DNA evidence has pointed to someone else, a sister or a cousin. She is free to go, but to stay available for a while.
INT WOMAN’S APARTMENT – 5:00 AM
The alarm goes off. Cassie wakes up next to her new lover. She turns off the alarm. She moves to get out of bed, but the woman reaches for her and tells her to stay in. Cassie tells her she’ll be back to bed in a bit and gets up.
Cassie goes to the kitchen and pours herself a glass of juice. She sits at the kitchen table and pulls a notebook out of her purse. She flips a few pages and reads a note written in Helen’s handwriting which says, “Behind you.”
Cassie turns and her lover is behind her wearing Helen’s rictus. She says, “Hello, sis.”
FADE OUT
-
What I learned: For the past week I have been torturing myself trying to make my main characters constantly thwart each other’s objectives secretly, verbally, or physically. Even though I have taught martial arts most of my life, I personally avoid this interpersonal conflict. As I write scenes, I must put in little conflicts even if it is lovers arguing. I hate this but realize it is necessary. It helped clarify my basic outline from the POV of the antagonist.
Concept: Bobby/Leo/BB/Betty, a serial killer/rapist/arsonist, transitions into a hit man and then a female chef who sacrifices her life to save Jake and Litonya, matured into loving family people and Green activists, killing Ibrahim the CEO of STEMGARCHS who has devolved into genocidal evil as rocks narrate and recycle through climate catastrophes.
Lead Characters: Bobby/Leo/BB/Betty, Ibrahim, Jake and Litonya, and rocks
Theme: Fate versus Will
Plot/Structure: Transformation. Horror or Drama with Fantasy, Fun, Fitness, and Fear
1. Set-Up. Introduction to the world of NYC and New Paltz with eco boats sailing up and down the Hudson River from the perspective of the Palisades igneous rock since this is an adaptation of the third novel of a rock trilogy. BB poses as a helpful, clean guy during the COVID pandemic, secretly squirting sanitizers filled with condensed COVID and lighting up outdoor restaurants near rent-stabilized tenements as he helps kids construct eco boats. IBRAHIM, LITONYA, and RODNEY run the EvergreenEnergy company. JAKE LA ROCHE is a fitness and wellness expert.
2. Inciting Incident: DREAM to NIGHTMARE of his Bobby/Leo/BB’s past as a serial killer rapist as he sleeps peacefully on a docked boat in 2020. Will BB’s past and present crimes be discovered? CDQ
3. What is the movie is about. The main conflict is between the secret STEMGARCHS who have unleashed viruses but are also developing vaccines and cures for neurodegenerative diseases and a Bright Space Brain Buffet (Ibrahim and his servant BB then Betty) and the Green activists (Litonya, Jake, and their kids) who respect nature and natural phenomena, exacerbated by years of injury and personal vendettas and current and forthcoming climate catastrophes. Theme is Fate versus Human Will.
4. First Turning Point: BB becomes Betty after setting the fire that killed Joe, his/her adopted son and his wife CS.
5. Mid-Point: Betty and Ibrahim get the Bright Space Brain Buffet to improve their aging brains and avoid the neurodegenerative diseases that are plaguing the La Roche family and others.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2: While walking down the East River Esplanade, Betty is attacked by a gang from East Harlem, similar to the (FLASHBACK) gang that beat him up as a teenager where he lost his right eye as Bobby. She hobbles to the boat where DELPHINE, Ibrahim’s and Jake’s daughter is fishing with other kids. The gangsters try to attack her, but she defends herself and Betty. As Betty is dozing off with pain killers, she has FLASHBACKS of her secret career as a serial kller/rapist/arsonist for fifteen years in the Shawangunk Mountains. Jake is so depressed about having to let his mom die of Alzheimer’s and the knowledge he may be getting Lewy Body dementia and Litonya’s fibrosis is worse. Jake becomes a detective with the help of his kids to uncover the crime history of Bobby, Leo, BB, and now Betty. Betty is older and sicker on her eightieth birthday. Jake tells her she must choose exposure over getting on the side of EvergreenEnergy and betraying her boss Ibrahim, head of STEMGARCHS. But Betty has a secret weapon because she is still the chef of the CEO of STEMGARCHS. She agrees to cooperate. Her dilemma is whether to expose her past crimes and go to jail or to keep taking Brain Buffet but risk sudden death by stealing the drugs from Ibrahim.
7. Crisis: BB has a fight with Litonya and Jake about STEMGARCHS and must make a choice about Ibrahim and the drugs. If Betty doesn’t give Jake and Litonya the Bright Space Brain Buffet, will reveal his criminal past as a serial killer/rapist/arsonist. How can she kill Ibrahim? Where are the best drugs? Is human will so strong that they can delay or overcome death?
8. Climax: Betty cooks a poisoned dinner that she and Ibrahim eat. The passive-aggressive conflict between master and servant is exposed and resolved with a final fight. Ibrahim fakes death and struggles physically with Betty but is saved by Jake and Litonya who must face his demons before death. Looks like his Brightspace Brain Buffet cannot save him, and he could roast in hell.
9. Resolution: Betty gives the drugs to Litonya and Jake, helping save their lives, but as she is dying, they put her on a boat near Inwood saltmarshes so she can rock herself to death as the rocks slide into the Hudson and humanity now has another arsenal of cures for neurodegenerative diseases and another fleet of ecoboats like Noah’s arcs for floods and other climate catastrophes. The Resurrection is the resumption of the rock cycle and the legacy of the kids to work on the imperfect human brain and ecoboats to tackle climate catastrophes and save humanity. Fate and will are married.
-
Richard’s Pass #5: Action/Reaction
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is… fail to prepare, prepare to fail. Much better going through these steps before rushing a first draft – the result will be much, much stronger.
Concept: Trapped in a castle, seven life-long friends must fight to the death so that the last one standing can receive a pardon from a foreign Lord and his army.
Protagonist Goal: Survival
Protagonist Character Arc: Shane goes from a man respectful of culture and chain-of-command to the leader of his people.
Part to be changed: His ability to act on what is needed for the betterment of his people.
Biggest fear: That without culture and chain-of-command the people will become feral and societal breakdown will happen thus weakening his people.
Completion of arc: He realizes that the old ways must change so they can better themselves and become a stronger country.
Main Conflict: Seven life-long friends/family members must fight to the death until one is left so they can receive a pardon.
Action/Reaction Events
Defeated in battle by the English / forced to retreat
Hiding in forest, questioning new leadership / English find them, flush them out
Arrive at seaside town, obtain boats / English slaughter locals for helping them
Arrive at isolated castle / debate about whether to let them stay / English arrive, surround them.
Told to leave the castle / our characters kill their own people
Defend castle against English aggression / English send for more reinforcements
Leadership questioned again / rifts in our group
The English announce pardon / debate amongst our group
Our group are divided / they begin to hunt one another
Characters begin to get eliminated / tensions rise, allegiances change
List of the emotional moments
Loses initial war against English, retreats
Argument in forest, questioning leadership for first time
Makes a deal for boats, doesn’t follow chain of command
Tries to negotiate their stay in castle
Kills his own countrymen
After pardon is announced, he tries to keep them unified
Must kill multiple lifelong friends
Watches the woman he loves die
Kills his best friend
Kills English leader
Must lead his people, which he never wanted to do. Change complete.
-
Rob Bertrand Pass #5: Action / Reaction
What I learned: I learned how to plot and track Action/Reaction between the protagonist and antagonist.
1. Tell us the following:
– Concept: A grieving teenager becomes convinced that her house is haunted, only for her father to accuse her of faking it for attention, but when her father goes missing, the teenage girl discovers a dangerous stalker, living in the walls, pretending to be her dead mother.
– Protagonist Goal: Annie’s goal is to find closure over the death of her mom and repair the relationship with her father.
– Protagonist Character Arc: Annie goes from a depressed teenager, burdened with guilt over the death of her mom, to a fiercely confident young woman
– Main Conflict: Annie keeps experiencing frightening paranormal activity, but her father Jack thinks she’s making it up as a desperate cry for help.
2. Create the Action/Reaction Events chart for your story.
and list it.Protagonist: Annie / Antagonist: Danny
Annie rejects Danny and dodges his calls / Danny secretly breaks into her house and begins living in the walls with the intent of playing mind games with the family.
Annie watches a horror movie with her little sister, while talking about Danny with Jocelyn / Footsteps and moaning from upstairs to scare them.
Annie makes a snide comment about Danny / Paranormal activity that ends with mom’s perfume lingering in the air.
Performs a séance to speak to her dead mother / Gives answer that the mom blames Annie for her death.
Shares a poignant moment with Jocelyn / Pushes Jocelyn down the stairs and breaks her arms.
Annie gets mad at her dad for grounding her / Leaves a threatening bloody message: “It’s your fault.”
Learns that Jocelyn can’t see her anymore and has a breakdown / Attacks the sisters from within the walls.
Has a major fight with her dad / Abducts her dad and holds him hostage
Confronts Danny and stands her ground. / Gives her a choice to kill her father.
3. Make a list of the emotional moments the Protagonist will go
through that will cause him or her to face the change they need
to make.Mother dies in a car accident, while Annie is driving.
Over hears conversation with her dad, that insinuates that he blames her for his wife’s death.
Father’s not ready for her to get back behind the wheel.
Goes on a date that she doesn’t want to go on.
Can’t be honest with Danny and lies to him to make him stop calling.
Father doesn’t believe her story and thinks she’s making it up.
At the séance, the spirit replies “yes” when asked if it blames Annie for its death.
Loses her best friend and love interest.
Blow out fight with her dad where they both reveal they wish they were dead.
Discovers her house isn’t haunted and confronts Danny, who’s holding her dad hostage.
While negotiating with Danny, Annie learns that her father does not blame her for Nora’s death. He blames himself.
Current Outline: 10/8/21
Opening: Annie Andrews drives her drunk parents’ home from a wedding and is involved in a serious accident. Nora Andrews (mom) dies on the scene. At the funeral reception, Annie is embarrassed by her father’s intolerant comments about gay people. She’s struggling with her own sexuality.
EXT. WEDDING VENUE – DUSK
Jack and Nora Andrews attend a wedding with their daughters Annie, 16 and Jessica, 12. Mom and Dad have a little too much to drink. Annie is handed the keys.
INT. ANDREWS CAR – NIGHT
The family is broadsided by another vehicle. Nora dies on the scene.
INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY
At the funeral reception, Annie is angered by her drunk father, who laughs at someone’s intolerant gay joke. Angry, the father snaps that he never should have let her drive. We are introduced to the friendly elderly neighbors.
Inciting Incident: It’s the day of Annie’s big date, but she doesn’t want to go.
INT. ANNIE’S ROOM – DAY
Jocelyn does Annie’s makeup and gives her a pep talk for her date with Danny. We learn that Danny and Annie have been talking online for a few weeks. Annie sends her sister Jessica to wake up their dad, Jack, for work.
INT. FATHER’S ROOM – DAY
Jessica enters to wake her father for work and discovers he fell asleep clutching mom’s wedding dress while watching his wedding video. Empty liquor bottles litter the floor.
INT. ANNIE’S ROOM – DAY
Jack pokes his head in to say goodbye before leaving for work. He won’t be home till 5 a.m. He remembers that Annie has that “thing.” He think’s getting out of the house and socializing is a good thing.
INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY
Annie answers the door and is thrown off. Danny looks nothing like how he described himself. Instead of blonde and athletic, he has greasy black hair and is super skinny. He’s sloppily dressed in dirty clothes. Jocelyn and Jessica decide to follow them from a distance.
EXT. COUNTY FAIR – DAY
The date with Danny is awkward and uncomfortable. Danny wants to know everything about Annie’s dead mother. Repulsed, Annie rejects Danny, who doesn’t take it well.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
The phone rings off the hook, but Annie doesn’t answer. She knows it’s Danny. Out of frustration, Jessica answers and hands to the phone to Annie. Annie politely tells Danny that she doesn’t want to be friends.
INT. LIVING ROOM – LATER
Annie and Jessica are awakened by the sound of footsteps from upstairs, followed by strange moaning.
By Page 10, you know what the movie is about: Annie tells her father that she’s think’s Danny is creepy and doesn’t want anything to do with him. Jessica tells her father that the house is haunted.
INT. KITCHEN – MORNING
Jack stumbles in from work, as Jessica and Annie eat cereal. Frank asks how the date went. Annie tells him about Danny. Jessica thinks the house is haunted. Frank tells them to clean their dishes before they leave for school.
First Turning Point, End of Act 1: Jack tells Danny to stay away.
INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY
Jack answers the front door and finds Danny on the porch. Jack tells Danny to stay away from his daughter. Danny tells Jack that Annie was right, it should have been him that died.
EXT. ANDREWS HOUSE – DAY
Annie and Jessica arrive home from school. Jack left a note, he picked up a shift and won’t be home till late. Money for a pizza on the fridge.
INT. KITCHEN – DAY
Annie finds a bowl of half-eaten cereal on the counter and gets on Jessica’s case for not cleaning up after herself. Jessica swears she did. There’s no money on the fridge.
INT. ANNIE’S ROOM – DAY
Annie finds her bedroom window open.
Mid-Point: After several occurrences of phantom voices, furniture moving around and unexplained footsteps, Annie and Jessica become convinced the house is haunted by their mother. Annie performs a séance with her little sister and Jocelyn, in hopes of finding closure with their dead mother. The girls are busted by Jack, who’s drunk and upset over what he considers witchcraft.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
As Jessica and Annie eat ramen, they hear the sound of heavy furniture moving from above their heads. Annie sets down the TV remote and the girls cautiously head upstairs to investigate.
INT. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY – NIGHT
Annie peeks into each room, flipping on lights as they go. Jessica’s imagination runs wild. From downstairs, the TV volume goes full blast. The girl’s scream.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Annie and Jessica run down stairs. The remote is missing. They search frantically for it, but it’s nowhere to be found. Annie finds the volume button on the TV and turns it down. The remote control flies out of the kitchen and explodes against the wall. Annie smells her mother’s perfume.
INT. LIVING ROOM – MORNING
Jack gets home from work and is pounced on by his daughters. They talk over each other, explaining the creepy phenomenon. Jack thinks they’re pulling pranks.
EXT. HIGH SCHOOL – DAY
Annie, Jessica and Jocelyn walk home from school. Jessica tells Jocelyn about the creepy things happening around their house. Jocelyn asks if it could be their mom. Jessica freaks out. Annie tells her to shut up. Jocelyn wants to do a séance.
INT. BASEMENT – ANDREW’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Annie, Jessica, Jocelyn and their flamboyant friend Robert, sit around a makeshift altar. Robert leads them in a self-taught séance. There’s a hint of flirtation between Annie and Jocelyn. Robert begins receiving answers to his questions in the form of knocks. The spirit knocks confirm that it’s the ghost of Nora Andrews. When asked if the spirit blames Annie for the death of Nora the spirit replies yes. They are interrupted by Jack, who’s a bit drunk. He’s furious at them for playing around with devil worship.
INT. ANNIE’S ROOM – MORNING
Annie and Jocelyn share the bed. Annie watches Jocelyn sleep. Jocelyn wakes and they share a “will they/won’t they” moment. They are interrupted by pounding on the wall. Jocelyn has to leave. From the hallway, the sound of Jocelyn falling down the stairs. Annie rushes to see what happened.
INT. LIVING ROOM – MORNING
Annie finds Jocelyn in a heap at the bottom of the stairs. Her arms are broken.
EXT. ANDREW’S HOUSE – MORNING
Paramedics load Jocelyn into the back of an ambulance, as she mutters about being pushed from behind. Annie has an argument with her father.
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY
Jocelyn’s parents argue with Jack in the hallway, as Annie steps inside the room. Jocelyn doesn’t remember what happened. She only remembers the feeling of being pushed.
INT. JACK’S TRUCK – DAY
It’s a tense ride home. Annie texts Jocelyn, but it goes unread.
Second Turning Point, End of Act 2: The paranormal activity increases when Annie and Jessica discover a threatening bloody message on the wall. After the police investigate and discover it was written in Ketchup, Annie is accused of faking it.
INT. ANNIE’S ROOM – EVENING
Jack pokes his head in to say goodbye. Annie doesn’t speak to him. She watches out the window as Jack backs out of the driveway. She’s startled by knocks on her wall and screams at them to go away. The knocking intensifies, then stops. Jessica runs in, scared by the noise.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Annie, armed with a kitchen knife and Jessica, armed with her father’s baseball bat, sit together on the couch. A mindless reality show plays, but no one is paying attention. They’re senses alert for trouble. Suddenly, noises from the basement.
INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT
Annie and Jessica, investigate the basement and discover a message written in blood. “I’m in your bedroom. Come find me.” Suddenly the freezer moves towards them.
EXT. ANDREW’S HOME – NIGHT
The sisters flee the house and head to the elderly neighbors.
INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT
Police search the house, but there’s no sign of anyone. A cop tells Jack that the message was written in ketchup and that the girls must be acting out for attention. Jack is furious.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Jack and Annie have a brutal argument that ends with Annie wishing her father was dead.
Crisis: After a period of calm, Annie discovers another bloody message and is attacked by an unseen presence. Annie and her sister run to the neighbors. Annie’s father investigates the house, but disappears after seeing the “Woman in White.”
INT. ANNIE’S ROOM – VARIOUS
Montage – Annie secludes herself in her room as the season changes outside the window.
EXT. HIGH SCHOOL – DAY
Annie sits outside with Robert, eating lunch. She waves at Jocelyn, but it’s not reciprocated. Robert asks about the house and Annie reveals that it’s been quiet lately.
INT. ANNIE’S ROOM – NIGHT
Annie facetime’s with Jocelyn. Jocelyn explains that she can’t see Annie anymore. Annie has an emotional breakdown.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Jessica watches TV on the couch. She’s startled by loud scream from inside the wall.
INT. ANNIE’S ROOM
Jessica bursts in, scaring Annie and Jocelyn half to death. Jocelyn has to go. A voice screams Annie’s name from downstairs. Annie, arms herself with a knife she hid on her desk.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Annie and Jessica ease their way down the stairs, searching for the signs of trouble. They search the living, but nothing is there. Suddenly, a crash from Annie’s room.
INT. ANNIE’S ROOM – NIGHT
The room looks like a tornado hit it. The bed and furniture have been toppled. Clothes and knickknacks have been thrown everywhere. On the wall is written: “Be with me…” One by one, pictures frames hung on the wall fly off the shelf, nail and all.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Annie and Jessica run down the stairs, as pictures fly off the living room wall. A cross slowly spins upside down. Annie pulls Jessica out the door.
EXT. ANDREW’S HOUSE – NIGHT
The sister’s run to the safety of the neighbors.
Climax: Annie discovers Danny, wearing a blonde wig and wearing her mother’s wedding dress, holding an axe to her dad’s throat. Danny has been living in the walls, faking the paranormal activity. He’s become obsessed with Annie and wants Annie to choose between him and her father. Annie overcomes her fear, tricks Danny and rescues her father. Police later find Danny hiding in a secret crawlspace. He’s been hiding there for months.
EXT. ANDREW’S HOUSE – LATER
Jack’s truck skids to a stop in front of the house. The elderly Neighbor greets him in the drive way. The neighbor says he looked around, but everything seemed normal. He didn’t call the cops.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Jack enters the house, only to discover the house is completely wrecked. Every light has been shattered. He’s drawn to the sound of static coming from upstairs.
INT. JACK’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Jack opens the door slowly to reveal a message on the wall that reads: “Marry me!” He’s knocked out from behind.
EXT. ANDREW’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Annie grows impatient. She heads inside her house to find her father.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Annie enters slowly, sizing up the mess. There’s no sign of her father. From upstairs, the sound of wedding music.
INT. JACK’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Annie finds her father, tied to a chair. Blood pouring from an open wound on his head. A shape stands behind Jack. It’s revealed to be Danny LaPlante, wearing her mother’s wedding dress and a dirty blonde wig. He’s holding an axe to Jack’s throat. Danny speaks as if he is Annie’s mother. Annie tries to plead with Danny. Danny is giving Annie what she wants. If she kills her father, she can have her mother back. Annie learns that her father doesn’t blame her for Nora’s death. Annie tricks Danny and saves her father.
EXT. ANDREW’S HOUSE – NIGHT
As the Andrew’s escape the house, Danny watches from the upstairs bedroom window.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Police use a dog to search the house. The dog catches a scent and barks at the basement door.
INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT
The search dog barks at the freezer in the corner. Police move the freezer and discover a large hole in the wall. A cop shines a flashlight into the hole and illuminates the face of Danny. He’s completely insane and has been living in the walls for months.
EXT. ANDREW’S HOME – NIGHT
Danny is placed in the back of a squad car as the Andrews family learns the reality of what he’s been doing.
Resolution: Annie finds the courage to come out to her father, who’s surprisingly supportive. Annie’s father quits drinking and the family moves away.
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY
Jack rests in a hospital bed, with bandages on his head. Annie opens up to him and finally comes out to him. Jack is loving and supportive.
EXT. LOCAL CEMETERY – DAY
Annie sets a bouquet of flowers down on Nora’s grave. She’s joined by her father and sister. They embrace, with tears in their eyes.
EXT. ANDREW’S HOME – DAY
A few weeks later, the Andrews watch as movers load a moving truck. The family gives the house one last look before saying goodbye. When it’s time to go, Jack opens his truck door and tosses Annie the keys. She hesitates, then overcomes her fear.
THE END
-
JIm Pass #5: Action / Reaction
What I learned: Wow. This has been so revealing. This chart made me realize how little interaction there is between the Antagonist and Protagonist. That’s that first thing I’m working on.
Concept: Geeky computer nerd hacks into a front for the Russian mob, must escape their clutches and find a way to defeat their plan of world domination, all while falling in love for the first time.
Protagonist’s plan: Defeat M’s plan to control the US by releasing an EMP over the US and hold for ransom.
Protagonist’s character arc: Severe: from wimpy kid unable to make eye contact to a man fighting for what he loves.
Main conflict: M against Jake
I hav a Matrix between M and Jake and Mary and Jake going both ways.
M threatens Jake. Jake runs. Fear
M chases Jake. Jake runs. Fear
M kidnaps Mary and threatens to kill her. Jake calls his bluff. Bravery
-
[PS80] Emmanuel’s Pass #5: Action / Reaction
What I learned doing this assignment is action and reaction should move the story forward and not consist of exposition that adds nothing to the story. The action/reaction exercise is a great way to quickly jot down protagonist/antagonist events in a story. Thinking about the emotional moment the protagonist will grow through is also a must, you’re able to isolate the moment and make it as engaging as possible.
-
Budinscak 5th Pass – Action/Reaction
What I learned doing this assignment:
o My story is a work in progress, but I believe it’s getting there.
o This was a fun module and definitely ramped up the intensity of the conflict.
o Can’t imagine the time I’ve saved filling in this outline versus my ‘old way’ of just go ahead and write. Amazing.
o Puts what we’ve learned so far into perspective. Looking forward to tomorrow’s lesson.
1. Tell us the following.
– Concept: In 1986, a shady chef agrees to deliver a package from upstate NY to Burbank, CA as a favor to a local crime boss, even though he doesn’t know the contents of the package or that his two pesky preteen nephews are stowaways and he’s completely unaware of the consequences if he doesn’t deliver the package by 2:00 Monday.
– Protagonist Goal: to continue living in his me only, me first lifestyle.
– Protagonist Character Arc:
What he wants – absolutely no accountability to anyone.
What he needs – to take care of those around him, specifically his nephews.
Old Trait – self-centered, me first a-hole.
Changed to – Caring and protective uncle.
– Main Conflict: How does Jack combat two inquisitive, ubiquitous kids OR will the two nephews wear their uncle down during the trip?
2. Create the Action/Reaction Events chart for your story and list it.
Protagonist:
– From the Midpoint – Jack checks to be sure they’re not being followed.
– Comes back in restaurant, Sal says Puck’s in trouble and leads Uncle Jack to the bathroom
– Jack beats up a Trucker threatening Puck – scares the boys
– Jack has to deal with the boys being traumatized
– Argument comes to a head in the car, the boys worry Jack will beat them – they cry.
– Jack worries about ice, pulls over. Watches for anyone tailing them.
– Sleep in parking lot in Las Vegas
– Check into hotel, can’t go to casino because the boys are well, too youmng …. They’re boys
– Go to Circus Circus, Jack loses all his money
– The girl he had plans with in Vegas has no interest ‘babysitting’ the nephews – she leaves.
– Jack hires a girl from downstairs – she comes in and the FBI storms in. Girl leaves.
– FBI shakes Jack down. Make him their informant and take the rest of his cash.
– Next morning, has to sneak out of hotel – has nephews swap license plate with an identical Cadillac
– Can’t find regular ice, has to settle for dry ice
– Calls Don Vito to say he may be late, the Don explains why he’s called the Weatherman – he can predict when and where lightning will strike. If Jack’s late, at 2:01 it’s striking Carmine’s restaurant.
– Just outside Las Vegas, the boys want to ride horses – Jack yells ‘NO’.
– Dry ice leak creates carbon monoxide poisoning. Everyone in the Caddy passes out.
– Jack’s Cadillac is dented
– The boys look like they’re dead from CO poisoning. Jack pleads to God to save the boys
3. Make a list of the emotional moments the Protagonist will go through that will cause him or her to face the change they need to make:
From the Midpoint – Jack goes from steely-eyed watch for whoever may be tailing them
Jack becomes a beast when he beats up the Trucker – scares the hell out of the boys.
When the boys flinch in the Caddy’s back seat worried that Jack may hit them, it sends Jack into a tailspin.
Jack stops for ice, fills up the car, watches every car/truck that goes by.
Running low on funds, Jack and the boys sleep in a parking lot – Jack’s exhausted.
Jack prides himself on preparing the boys for a night out, then is crushed to find he can’t take them in the hotel casino.
Jack takes the boys to Circus Circus – NOT where he wants to gamble – angry
Jack loses all his money – even angrier
Argument with woman he had plans with – more angry
Shaken down by FBI – venomous anger
Has boys swap license plates with another Cadillac – pissed at himself for having to teach the boys to steal in this teachable moment.
Complete shock and with a sense of urgency is how Jack is defined when he tells Don Vito he may be a little late.
Yells at his nephews when they asked about riding horses.
Pleads to God to save the boys from CO poisoning. Makes a promise to God he’ll have to keep.
Opening:
SUPER: 1986
EXT. PARKING LOT – NIGHT
Carmine’s, a restaurant, sits on one end of a large parking lot with a funeral home on the opposite side.
INT. CARMINE’S – NIGHT
An extended family dines and chats on a ‘speaker phone’ with two out-of-town sisters. The far wall is covered with pictures from family events held at the restaurant over the years.
EXT. CARMINE’S – NIGHT
As he takes out the trash, Jack watches a hearse pull up to the funeral home. Men struggle pulling a body bag from the hearse, it jerks around wildly. Jack turns to leave and takes one step – Me-YOW! – he steps on a cat’s tail. The men by the hearse look over.
EXT. FUNERAL HOME – DAY
A limo pulls into an open garage bay at the funeral home. A local crime boss, Don Vito, aka The Weatherman, emerges from the back seat. He motions and two large lackeys head over to the restaurant to invite Jack to the funeral home.
Inciting Incident:
EXT. FUNERAL HOME – DAY
Don Vito watches Jack cross the parking lot. An underling asks if he’s going to intimidate Jack, he answers no, he’s going to ask Jack for a favor instead.
INT. FUNERAL HOME – DAY
The Don asks Jack to deliver a package for his granddaughter and it’ll take him where there are new casinos. Jack gleefully says yes.
By page 10, you know what the movie is about:
Jack agrees to travel to Burbank and deliver a package for Don Vito, unaware his two young nephews, Puck and Sal, will tag along for the trip.
INT. FUNERAL HOME GARAGE – DAY
Jack drops his Cadillac off at the funeral home for ‘necessary modifications’ to carry the package. A large cooler is installed in the trunk of Jack’s Caddy.
INT. CARMINE’S – DAY
To help his sister who volunteered to watch Puck and Sal while their mothers are out of town, Jack drugs the boys to keep them in line.
INT. CADILLAC – DAY
Jack adjusts his walkman before he takes off from the funeral home garage. Jack never realizes the drugged and now passed out Puck and Sal are asleep under the blanket on the back floor of the Caddy.
First turning point as end of Act 1:
INT. CADILLAC – DAY
Jack wakes up in his car in Terra Haute (IN) and the two boys pop up in the back seat.
EXT. PICNIC GROUNDS – DAY
Jack meets one of his partners-in-crime, Lincoln Clogs, LC, – and Lincoln’s men – in Terra Haute.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
Jack laments about finding his two incorrigible nephews in the car and tries to pawn them off on LC – LC says NFW to the request.
INT. CADILLAC – DAY
Jack immediately gets a premonition how poorly this trip will be – he’s pulled over by a state trooper, but smooth talks his way out of trouble.
EXT. DINER PARKING LOT – DAY
They stop by a restaurant outside of St Louis, but never go in.
INT. TRUCK – DAY
Jack and the boys pick up a tail – a box truck follows. The truck’s driver has Love and Hate tattooed on his knuckles.
EXT. REST AREA – NIGHT
Jack buys snacks for the boys and ice for the cooler. Jack mixes a cocktail for the boys – he drugs them.
INT. CADILLAC – NIGHT
The nephews sleep, Jack drives like a madman. He spots the same headlights again and again – and thinks he’s being tailed. Jack pulls into the Truck Stop in Oklahoma.
Mid-point:
INT. TRUCK STOP BATHROOM – NIGHT
Jack averts a crisis when he beats a trucker who had Puck trapped in a bathroom stall.
INT. TRUCK STOP DINING ROOM – NIGHT
The boys have never seen this side of their uncle – and never want to.
INT. CADILLAC – NIGHT
Jack’s angry and the boys reveal they’re terrified of their uncle. Jack contemplates how to best use this new information to his advantage. He practices divide and conquer.
INT. CADILLAC – LATER
Jack drugs the nephews one at a time so as one sleeps, he can get to know the other one.
INT. CADILLAC – NIGHT
Jack teaches Sal one of his favorite recipes while letting the kid drive the Caddy. Great times for Sal.
EXT. TRAVEL LODGE PARKING LOT – NIGHT
They settle in Albuquerque. Jack constantly checks but doesn’t see anyone following him. He fills up the cooler with ice and goes to his room.
A van slows by the hotel entrance before parking on the street, the hotel entrance in full view.
INT. CADILLAC – DAY
Sal sleeps, Jack bonds with Puck. Puck drives and learns about family.
EXT. HIGHWAY – NIGHT
The Caddy cruises down the highway and the nighttime view of Las Vegas comes in focus. Jack’s enthusiasm carries over to the boys.
EXT. PARKING LOT – NIGHT
No hotel tonight. The Cadillac pulls into a large parking lot and parks in a back corner facing the front.
INT. CADILLAC – NIGHT
Jack and the boys sleep. A truck pulls in and parks far enough away not to be noticed.
INT. TRUCK – NIGHT
Love and Hate decorate the driver’s knuckles.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – DAY
Jack buys the boys ‘outfits’ for the day. The boys emulate their uncle getting ready – and dressed just like him.
INT. HOTEL CASINO – DAY
Jack and the nephews take one step in the casino and are tossed. Someone recommends Circus Circus for the kids.
Second turning point at the end of Act 2:
INT. CIRCUS CIRCUS – DAY
Jack loses all his money in the casino, the boys thrive.
INT. SHUTTLE – NIGHT
Jack is pissed as the boys show off their winnings.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Jack finds out the boys have never seen a naked woman before and orders one from the hotel. She’s there for only 1 minute when there’s a knock at the door – the FBI. The woman flees as Jack is shaken down by the FBI and forced to be their informant, including wearing a wire.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – LATER
Jack scheduled a date with an old flame, but she gave him a lot of grief for ‘babysitting’ and wanted no part of it, she cancels.
EXT. HOTEL PARKING LOT – DAY
Puck and Sal transfer license plates from the doppleganger Caddy while Jack searches for ice for the cooler – he can only find dry ice. He loads it in the cooler in the trunk.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – DAY
Jack calls Don Vito and tells him he may be a little late for the delivery. Don Vito asks Jack is he knows why they call him the Weatherman? Jack does not. Don Vito explains that it’s due to his uncanny ability to know where and when lightning will strike and that lightning will strike Jack’s family’s restaurant, Carmine’s, at 2:01 Monday if he’s not there in time.
EXT. HOTEL PARKING LOT – DAY
The FBI takes off after the wrong Cadillac.
Jack, Sal and Puck wave to the Parking Attendant as they sneak out of the parking lot.
INT. FLATBED TOW TRUCK – DAY
Hands featuring Love and Hate grip the steering wheel. The tow truck follows Jack’s Cadillac.
EXT. PLAINS – DAY
Cowboys ride galloping stallions on the plains next to the road. The boys ask if they can ride horses, just like their favorite actor, Clint Eastwood – a loud NO is the answer.
INT. CADIALLAC TRUNK – DAY
A small leak lets carbon monoxide enter the Cadillac’s interior.
Puck and Sal drop off to sleep.
EXT. HIGHWAY – DAY
The FBI check the license plates before they overtake the Cadillac. They find an elderly couple driving – it’s the wrong Cadillac.
The FBI spots a helicopter idling in an adjacent field. They claim command of the copter and force the pilot to take off.
INT. FLATBED TOW TRUCK – DAY
Through the windshield, the driver watches Jack’s Cadillac veer off the road. It bounces wildly riding half on asphalt, half on the shoulder of the road.
EXT. PLAINS – DAYS
In a dream sequence, Sal and Puck ride galloping stallions.
INT. CADILLAC – DAY
Jack and the boys are completely asleep. Through the front window – a major dip in the road, bridge, bad accident about to happen.
EXT. HIGHWAY – DAY
The flatbed tow truck bounces into the Caddy, then cuts in front stopping the car from plunging down the hillside/terrain/riverbank – whatever and a serious accident.
INT. CADILLAC – LATER
Jack wakes to find the tow truck driver pulling him from the Caddy. Jack and the Driver pull Puck and Sal from the Cadillac. Neither boy responds.
EXT. SIDE OF HIGHWAY – DAY
Crisis:
Jack screams and pleads to God to save Puck and Sal from carbon monoxide poisoning. In return, he pledges to turn his life around. As soon as he finishes, Sal moves – Jack immediately recants, but doesn’t do it.
INT. FLATBED TOW TRUCK – DAY
Jack, the boys and the driver take off with Jack’s dented Cadillac on the flatbed and covered with a tarp. Puck is still knocked out.
EXT. HIGHWAY – DAY
The FBI manned helicopter flies overhead looking for Jack’s Caddy. They don’t realize the car is covered on the tow truck.
INT. FLATBED TOW TRUCK – DAY
Puck wakens, spots the Driver and screams. Uncle Jack calms him down and Sal tells Puck the Driver saved their lives.
EXT. LOS ANGELES – DAY
The tow truck cruises by famous LA landmarks while the boys hang out the windows taking in the views.
INT. FLATBED TOW TRUCK – DAY
Jack directs Driver to the address – the Don’s other brother’s funeral home.
EXT. FUNERAL HOME PARKING LOT – DAY
Climax:
Jack gathers the package from the cooler and hands it to one of the Don’s men, who carries it inside.
INT. FUNERAL HOME LOBBY – DAY
There are a few MEN roaming around. Don Vito directs a MAN to take the kids away as he ushers Jack in another room.
CASKET DISPLAY ROOM
Puck pulls the same trick that Sal pulled on him earlier. They bet the MAN he couldn’t fit in the casket … he does fit, and the boys close and lock him inside. They take his gun.
ARRANGEMENT ROOM
Don Vito confronts Jack about the body bag at the funeral home, Jack claims ignorance as convincing as ever.
Sal walks in and everyone turns to him. He gets everyone’s attention.
CLICK – from the other side of the room, Puck pulls back the hammer on the revolver he’s aiming at Don Vito.
EXT. FUNERAL HOME – DAY
The FBI’s car speeds into the parking lot before it slides to a halt. Two men jump out and run to the front door.
INT. FUNERAL HOME ARRANGEMENT ROOM – DAY
FBI bust in – and we find out they were in cahoots with Don Vito, but he screwed them over. Lots of yelling and accusations flying about.
Driver quietly walks in and pumps/loads his shotgun. Everyone stops.
EXT. FUNERAL HOME – DAY
The helicopter the FBI commandeered leads the LAPD into the fray. Police swarm the grounds.
Out the back door, Driver leads Jack, Puck and Sal to the tow truck. They hop in and take off.
INT. FUNERAL HOME – DAY
LAPD filters through the offices and rooms, no one is around.
CASKET DISPLAY ROOM
Police hear muffled yells from all the closed caskets. They open to find Don Vito, his henchmen and the FBI guys.
EXT. FUNERAL HOME – DAY
From the helicopter’s view and the pilot’s narration, we watch LAPD lead numerous handcuffed people to cars. Prominent in the view are the FBI and Don Vito.
Resolution:
EXT. LAX – DAY
Jack and the boys say their goodbyes to Driver. What about the Caddy? It’s yours now. Gotta go.
MONTAGE OF SHOTS
The disheveled trio runs through the airport to their gate.
Jet leaves LAX
Jet lands at JFK
Jack and the boys sleep on a bench near a gate.
INT. JFK GATE – DAY
Jack’s sisters (Puck and Sal’s mothers) spot the three amigos sleeping – they wake them.
INT. LINCOLN CONTINENTAL – DAY
The mothers ask Jack why they’re in a Lincoln and not his Caddy, before he can answer, Puck jumps in.
The mothers notice a change in their boys, they ask Jack and he weaves a tale. The boys vouch for their uncle’s story and add a few nougats of their own.
EXT. CARMINE’S PARKING LOT – DAY
A picture is taken of Jack, Puck and Sal next to the Lincoln Continental.
INT. CARMINE’S – DAY
The picture is posted on the wall of pictures in the restaurant.
SPRING FORWARD TO PRESENT TIME
INT. CARMINE’S – DAY
Present day Puck talks with CAT, one of his aunts, about that picture and finishes the true story of the Atlantic City trip to swim in the ocean.
The idea is to give the illusion everyone is gathered for a somber event, when it’s actually the 30+ year of the family RE-union.
In comes Jack with Puck and Sal’s wives – the twins, Traci and Laci, from the opening scene. Everyone cheers.
EXT. CARMINE’S PARKING LOT – NIGHT
First thing you notice, the funeral home is now “Jack’s Steak Place”.
Everyone in the movie is there having fun, from LC and his group. Jules performs as he did in Vegas and Driver shows up with Jack’s Cadillac fully restored. Everyone’s in party mode.
Jack toasts everyone with a shot of Tequila – just like he and the boys did in Vegas. Everyone does a shot.
Someone asks who’s going to clean this mess, Jack says he’s got it.
Driver presents Jack with his keys, Jack shouts, “Who wants to go for a ride?” Puck and Sal’s kids, knockoffs of the fathers at the same age, run up waving their hands. Jack just looks in the camera and smiles.
EXT. CARMINE’S PARKING LOT – NIGHT
A cleaning truck pulls up, two MEN get out. One guy picks up a paper bag and pulls out a wad of cash.
Jack walks out of the shadows, ‘just like old times.’ The cleaning crew is the two disgraced FBI guys. They start picking up the trash, something the repeatedly said they would never do.
THE END
-
BOB’S PASS # 9 ACTION / REACTION
What I have learned doing this assignment is…?
Further building of a story through examination of action / reaction.
LIST
CONCEPT: WORKING TITLE: “’Moths Around a Flame:’ The Making of ‘The Blue Angel.’” (Based on a true story.)
LOGLINE: The making of the erotic thriller “The Blue Angel” (1930) has an impact on the principal actors, Emil Jannings and [then unknown] Marlene Dietrich and the director (Josef von Sternberg) that leads to success for von Sternberg, stardom for Dietrich, but ironically, the fall of Emil Jannings in a manner that parallels his role as the professor in the film, whose infatuation with a cabaret showgirl leads to his ruin.
PROTAGONIST GOAL: As this is a story of a dramatic triangle. The principal character Emil Jannings is in a conflict with Director Josef von Sternberg, and fellow actor Marlene Dietrich and they are antagonists to him by his POV. His goal is to maintain his star-status in “The Blue Angel” and in a career after the film.
PROTAGONIST CHARACTER ARC: Jannings remains in Germany believing he has no future in Hollywood (he has learned the hard way through screen-tests that his German accent doesn’t work in Hollywood “talkies.” and receives counsel from a studio executive that he should consider continuing his career in films for the Third Reich when asked he does, to save his life and that of his family. However, this sets him up for denazification after the war and the end of both stardom and an acting career.
MAIN CONFLICT: Between Jannings and Dietrich with von Sternberg trying to mediate as director in this feud between his discovery and lover Dietrich and his star, Jannings but at the end of the war, with the U. S OFFICER’s judgement that he must be subjected to de-nazification he protests, saying, “How can you de-nazify me when I never was a Nazi?”.
2. CREATE THE ACTION/REACTION EVENTS CHART FOR YOUR STORY AND LIST IT:
There are shifting actions and reactions because sometimes in this dramatic triangle, characters interchange protagonist and antagonist roles. Also action is spurred on by a protagonist’ supporter, Hirschfeld and Gerron. See below and outline.
ACTION:
US OFFICER tells him he must be de-nazified.
REACTION:
Jannings protests he never was a Nazi.
US OFFICER wants to hear about “The Blue Angel” Jannings tells the story of the film’s story of the making of it.
ACTION:
Von Sternberg casts Marlene Dietrich as Lola Lola
REACTION:
Jannings protests & so does Studio brass.
ACTION:
Von Sternberg devotes all his attention to Dietrich
REACTION:
Jannings grows jealous of Dietrich and complains “We have Sergei Eisenstein and Charlie! We have those directors visiting the set. The only director we don’t have on the set of ‘The Blue Angel’ is the director of ‘The Blue Angel.’ Except when he is filming.”
ACTION
Jannings complains to fellow cast member Kurt Gerron.
REACTION
Gerron reassures him.
ACTION
Jannings complains to von Sternberg who asks him
for patience as Dietrich is a novice and needs mentoring including support from Jannings, the star, for his leading lady..
ACTION
Jannings overacts and strangles Dietrich in a scene.
REACTION
Von Sternberg pleads for truce and partnership
ACTION
Jannings and Dietrich agree. AND turn in stellar performance
JANNINGS CONFLICTED CONSCIENCE
Jannings asks studio chief for career advice. Chief says make films for Nazis. They would want you to star because you are a star.
Jannings questions his conscience and speaks with fellow actors, Hans Alber and Kurt Gerron. Gerron, quoting Jewish ethics says it is permissible to cooperate in order to save lives, including ones own.
ACTION
US OFFICER brings his campaigning for the Nazis in ’38. Jannings reacts defensively
US OFFICER condemns Jannings to denazification.
REACTION
Jannings maintains he never was a Nazi even though he campaigned for the Nazis in the election of 1938. If he had refused he would have been killed.
2. LIST OF EMOTIONAL MOMENTS that protagonist must face:
The US Officer tells Jannings he must be de-nazified. Jannings protests he was never a Nazi he made those propaganda films because if he refused he and his family would have been killed.
Jannings has subdued emotions.
When his anger erupts at Dietrich. Strangles her.
His fear and crisis of conscience when told of Nazi peril invading film industry to whose wishes he may have to submit or die.
His condemnation to de-nazification and his protest in anger. He never was a Nazi and he did all that he did to save his life and that of his family. What would you have done?
REVISED OUTLINE: With combination of emotional moments and action / reaction
Additions to the outline from this assignment are in bold.
1. OPENING: Berlin, July, 1945. Brandishing an Oscar statuette, Emil Jannings (now 60) presents himself at US Army headquarters shouting, “Don’t shoot! I won an Oscar!”
2. INCITING INCIDENT: A US OFFICER INTERVIEWS Jannings and wants to know what it was like filming “The Blue Angel” and why an actor and man of his stature allowed himself to be exploited by the Nazi propaganda film industry to which Jannings replies by telling the story of this film. First, when the US Officer tells Jannings he must be de-nazified. Jannings protests he was never a Nazi and he made those propaganda films because if he refused he and his family would have been killed. Then he tells the story of the making of “The Blue Angel.”
3 BY PAGE TEN: Against the wishes of the studio brass and his star (Jannings), von Sternberg casts an unknown (Marlene Dietrich) in the role of the cabaret showgirl Lola Lola who is the love-interest of the professor portrayed by Jannings. Jannings wanted an established actress to play the part, plus, Jannings believes Dietrich is upstaging him as the star which starts their conflict. After the shooting of a few scenes, Jannings complains to von Sternberg that Dietrich’s legs are getting too much exposure and upstaging him. Von Sternberg protests that he has to make Dietrich as alluring as possible who would Jannings’ professor be so seduced by her.
PLOT EVENT: Jannings grows jealous of Dietrich and complains “We have Sergei Eisenstein and Charlie! We have those directors visiting the set. The only director we don’t have on the set of ‘The Blue Angel’ is the director of ‘The Blue Angel.’ Except when he is filming.” Jannings complains to fellow cast member Kurt Gerron. Gerron who reassures Jannings, “Don’t kill yourself with worry. When he shows up, just act as he directs until he says, “Cut, print!”
4. FIRST TURNING POINT AT THE END OF ACT ONE:To ingratiate herself further with von Sternberg (who needs none) and mend relations with Jannings (who wants none), Dietrich takes them out on a tour of the Weimar “Berlin of Lola Lola.” First they stop by the Boxing Studio where Dietrich works out. She knocks out friend and fellow actress Carola Neher but invites her with von Sternberg, Jannings, and fellow cast member, the veteran actor Kurt Gerron to the gay cabaret Club Silhouette. They sit at the table with sexologist Magnus Hirscheld is seated. He advocates gay rights and more freedom in matters of sexuality. Dietrich buys drinks for the house in celebration of her being cast as Lola Lola and forgives all those who said she can’t act. Carola good-naturedly says, “Just because you got the part doesn’t mean you can act!” to which Jannings add, “Only her legs can act!” Dietrich is insulted – not by Carola but Jannings. The party is stopped by Nazi Brown Shirts who hurl rocks through the windows of a gay cabaret where they are having drinks. Jannings is shaken by his first experience of Nazi brutality. Hirschfeld says, If they take over, Jews and homosexuals are finished. And I am both.” He speaks of how he could never survive the Nazis and his headed for Palestine, he might stay. But he knows he can’t stay in Germany can any of you. Gerron says he couldn’t because he is also Jewish. Von Sternberg says he doesn’t intend to stay. He’s an American. Jannings, shaken, asks if it could be possible for the Artistic community to survive. Hirschfeld says, “Only by collaboration somehow with the Nazis. And they will not take no for an answer.” (This sets up Jannings’ crisis of conscience and his justification for his actions later regarding collaboration.)
PLOT POINT: Jannings complains to von Sternberg who asks himb for patience as Dietrich is a novice and needs mentoring and that Jannings as the star should support his leading lady. He is only left further frustrated.
5, MID POINT: Usually a man of subdued emotions if not sulking, the conflict between Jannings and Dietrich escalates to violence when Jannings overacts a scene of strangling Dietrich’s character, he actually strangles Dietrich and injures her to which von Sternberg calls on both actors to partner up in the name of the art and finish the film..
6, SECOND TURNING POINT AT END OF ACT TWO: Von Sternberg’s intervention has worked and Dietrich and Jannings faces the fact that his emotions are killing his star-power and resolves to work with Dietrich and dismiss his feelings of being upstaged. Both he and Dietrich turn in stellar perfomances especially in Dietrich’s signature song, “Falling in love again” and Jannings’ scene of the ruined professor dying.
7, CRISIS: After the film wraps, Jannings, convinced he has no future in Hollywood, asks a studio chief (and Nazi-supporter) Alfred Hugenberg for advice and he answers that he should work in Nazi cinema. And he is suitable because he is already a star admired by Josef Goebbels. For the first time Jannings is now scared of what his star-power is drawing him to do. Jannings tells fellow actors, Hans Albers and Kurt Gerron what Hugenberg said. Albers says he doesn’t know how but he would never work directly for the Nazis. Gerron said he would, knowing the Nazi horizon that likely lies ahead, he had even consulted his Rabbi who said that Jewish law permits it, as long as you do not cause the death of another you can collaborate in order to preserve your own life and those of your loved ones. Jannings is somewhat relieved but still troubled. Gerron says, I’m going to France if those Nazis take over. Come with me, Emil.” (This further sets up the Climaxs and Jannings tragic end as well explains his continued troubled conscience even when he feels morally justified for the sake of saving his own life and the lives of his family.
8. CLIMAX: The US Officer who asked the dramatic question informs Jannings that no matter the excuses, he must be de-nazified because he also campaigned for the Nazi Party in 1938. Jannings reminds the Officerhim, “Kurt Gerron did make a propaganda film for the Nazis. It was a lying film that extoled Hitler for building a city for the Jews, Thereisinstadt, which was actually a ghetto-like concentration camp. They still sent Gerron and his family to Auschwitz. But if he had survived would you dare to de-nazify him because he did a propaganda film for the Nazis?” The Officer answers: “No, but you campaigned for the Nazis for seats in the Reichstag in the election of 1938, so you must be de-nazified” which effectively ends his stardom and acting career for good and ruins him in a manner that mirrors the ruination of his professor-character in “The Blue Angel.”
9. RESOLUTION: Closing Titles:
Emil Jannings never acted again. He died in 1950 of liver cancer. He was given a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame which was removed years later.
Marlene Dietrich and Josef von Sternberg went to Hollywood and made six more acclaimed motion pictures. Dietrich condemned Hitler and Nazism, She became an American Citizen and entertained the troops even as they marched against the German Army.
-
DAY 11 – Elizabeth’s Action/Reaction
What I learned: these passes are powerful. I really need to do them more than once, I suspect.
Concept: a retired psychiatrist final does his own psychological work when he’s forced into the family he never wanted and rediscovers what he (and Freud) forgot.
Ed’s goal: at beginning and throughout to avoid grief & guilt (with a hope he will soon be let out of this life to follow his beloved in death). Second goal at Lock-in: to deliver Susan’s box. Third Goal: to get through the funeral and wedding so he can go back to his deathwatch.
Ed’s character arc: wants to stay emotionally numb/safe, needs to get back (and more) fully into life by working, loving—and playing. Old trait: fearful/avoidant changed to all-in engaged. Grace’s arc: wants to take care of everything herself and distract herself from what she feels and knows (pain/loss of dad & anger-reality of mom and Mike). Needs to let others help. Old trait: overly self-reliant changed to supported.
From Ed’s POV
Goal #1: to be left alone so he can avoid his grief and guilt (and love, work and play)
1. Other residents try to lure him to play, love and work (cards, shows, motorcycle, Lauren suggests a lady friend, a potential lady friend)
2. Ed sees Grace and can’t help but think of Susan. Suggests Mike just listen, let Grace finish talking during their argument, which makes Mike and Grace hysterical – dissipating their fight for unclear reasons.
3. Grace shows up at Ed’s apartment. He tries to talk her into leaving but she TALKS, TALKS, and eventually he leaves her and goes to the gym.
4. Grace follows. An eligible lady friend follows and Grace encourages her interest in Ed.
5. Ed goes to his car. Grace pulls up and continues talking so he
6. Drives away – and drives so slow she can’t help but pass and move on.
7. REPEAT another version of 1
8. Grace shows up and Ed goes to the music performance during which Grace has to be quiet—and leaves, but Ed feels the pain of being in the music and goes back to his room
9. Pat subplot puts similar pressure on Ed’s avoidant defenses, interwoven above
10. Lockin Grace shows up again with the genetic test – and Ed sees Susan’s box
Goal #2: to get Susan’s box to Mark – without getting caught up in anything else.
1. Shows up at house but Mark’s not there and they won’t let him leave the box and plumbing problem gets him to call Walt. He barely helps another G & M fight
2. Now Walt is talking to him about the family at the Retirement Home (mult scenes)
3. Shows up at house again but Mark’s not there. Big fight over Mike’s lost job -too big for Ed. He calls in Wade and Judy.
4. Now Wade and Judy are talking about the family at the Retirement Home (mult scenes)
5. Shows up at the house a 3<sup>rd</sup> time and Mark has an MI -now they are at the hospital and Ed is triggered, in his emotional-bumbling, tells Grace he and Susan only hooked up and she tells him to not come again. But he still has the box and now he’s upset that he’s made things worse for Grace
6. MP and early MM 5: Comes back to the hospital later, gives Mark the box and resolves Mark and Susan’s issues but Mark dies. The house is in foreclosure. Adam-Eve wants him to play dolls, which he can’t bring himself to do—and he can no longer avoid seeing what he has all along: she has gender ID issues. He irritably blurts out to Mike he’s substance-addicted and has ADHD, and Mike actually quietly takes this in. Christopher asks him to play Gin Rummy during which he tells him he’s suicidal. When Mike circles back asking how he can get treatment, Ed is really stuck working.
Goal # 3: Bucket List of Professional Obligations before he goes back to his death watch.
7. Sends Mike to cannabis anonymous and PCP for Rx and gives him CBT work, which Mike does. Promotes G & M making great “marriage therapy” progress with Wade and Judy. Hooks Pat up with Adam-Eve and the fashion show stage gets built.
8. Sends Christopher to a counselor who works part time in the retirement home – and he meets Lauren
9. Funeral for Mark – on the fashion show stage. NOW there’s chemistry with Jewels.
10. Trying to get through the wedding but it’s chaotic as hell and now the bride’s decided that’s a sign that she shouldn’t get married – and he can no longer avoid the grief of his NOT getting to have his own wedding – sharing of which (so I killed my dad with rock music and my fiance with the joy of a wedding – the insight hits: decides that the benefits of having his dad/Susan when he did are worth the risk of this love/play) – so even if this IS a sign of trouble ahead, it’s worth it—gets Grace to the alter. Even with the risks and costs, loving, working and playing is worth it… Ed’s character arc: wants to stay emotionally numb/safe, needs to get back and more fully into life by working, loving and playing. Old trait: avoidant changed to engaged. Grace’s arc: wants to distract herself from what she feels and knows (pain loss of dad/loss & anger-reality of mom and Mike and prevent future bad things by reading the signs right and working really hard. Needs to let up, feel, get help from others and trust. Old trait: self-reliant changed to supported.
11. But she really wants music. So his LOVE for her drives him to finally PLAY
12. He’s completed his bucket list, but now he’s unlocked, dancing wildly with Jewels – and seeing Future. And everyone else in the ensemble is unlocked, too.
-
what I’ve learned doing this assignment: definitely a strong technique to build tension and momentum.
1. Tell us the following:
– Concept: An OCD, germaphobe Martha Stewart wannabe must take over the family’s cleaning business after her father becomes ill meets the man of her dreams, not knowing he makes Oscar Madison look like Felix Unger.
– Protagonist Goal: To save the family’s business
– Protagonist Character Arc: Abby has been suffering from phobias since was a kid, she will need to overcome them to save her family’s business and to have a real relationship with Nick.
– Main Conflict: Abby has to put aside her dreams (and her phobias) to help run her father’s cleaning business after he has a heart attack.
2. Create the Action/Reaction Events chart for your story.
and list it.
ACTION / REACTION EVENTS
Abby: Riding a horse
Brother causes horse to throw her into pile
Abby starts screaming, terrified
Nick, as a boy, pulls her out of the pile and yells at her brother
Abby does a video
Friend tries to get her to do an in-person interview
INCITING INCIDENT:
Abby goes to visit father in the hospital
Nick is just leaving the hospital after visiting her dad and runs into her with food.
Abby sees her Dad
Her Dad needs her to take over the company
FIRST T.P.
Abby starts helping at the company
The maids push back against her ideas
Abby realizes the accounting books aren’t accurate
Her father lies, claiming he had no idea
Abby pushes the maids to work harder
MIDPOINT:
The Maids stage a “Maid Flu” and quit working
Abby cleans homes on her own
It takes her 5 times longer because of the phobias
Abby looks to hire more maids
The maids sabotage her / scare off all applicants
Abby looks for ways to bring in more money
The Electric company shuts down the power
Abby appeals to the power company
Another cleaning company offers to buy their business
Abby looks for more sourcing, other ideas
Other business undermines her relationship with the clients
Abby gives up, decides to sell
Other business pulls offer, it can now get everyone on the cheap
Abby pleads to the maids
They come to help
3. Make a list of the emotional moments the Protagonist will go
through that will cause him or her to face the change they need
to make.
The emotional moments are built in throughout the above Action/Reaction as the lead Antagonist is the Fear/Phobia that she faces.
-
PS80 Amy’s Pass #5: Action/Reaction
What I learned doing this assignment is that this really opens up possibilities for your story. I really struggled with this assignment and finally decided I was getting too worked up about it and just sat down and did it. This is definitely first draft material.
1. – Concept: A famous newscaster’s DNA is altered when she travels through time. When she gets back one year into the future, she must decide between her career and her family and also compete with the woman who is now engaged to her husband.
– Protagonist Goal: To get her career back and to get her family back
– Protagonist Character Arc: Andrea goes from finding her worth in her career to finding her worth in having a family who loves her.
– Main Conflict: Andrea desperately wants her career as a news anchor back, but she also wants her family back and they’ve had it with her working so much and never being home.
2.
3. Make a list of the emotional moments the Protagonist will go
through that will cause him or her to face the change they need
to make.
1. In the past, Andrea sees Meagan coming on to her husband at his office.
2. In the past, Andrea shows up at her son’s baseball game and sees him looking for her.
3. In the past, Andrea goes to her daughter’s swim meet and sees her crying.
4. In the future, Andrea learns that Josh is now engaged to Meagan and her family has moved on without her.
5. In the future, Andrea realizes that her repeatedly choosing her work over her kids may have cost her her relationship with them.
6. Andrea’s hopes are dashed when Josh tells her he plans to go ahead with his plans to marry Meagan.
7. Andrea at first decides to cover the breaking news story, but realizes her family is more important and signs off the air causing her to get fired.
Opening: Andrea lives an exciting life as a newscaster on a national network. She works too much and never sees her family.
INT. – STUDIO – NIGHT
It’s chaos and excitement as Andrea, the producer and the production crew rush to get on the air on time.
INT. –NEWSROOM – NIGHT
Breaking news happens. Andrea calls home to let her family know that once again, she will not be home for dinner.
INT. – KITCHEN – NIGHT
Josh helps the kids with their homework. They complain about their mom not being there.
EXT. – BASEBALL FIELD – NIGHT
Andrea’s family is at her son’s baseball game. Her son keeps looking back hoping she will show up. Meagan, one of Josh’s ex-girlfriends is there because her kid is also on the team.
INT. – NEWSROOM – DAY
Andrea discusses with her boss the exciting new development at the local university, the completion of a supercollider. Her boss assigns her the story.
INT. – AUDITORIUM – NIGHT
Andrea’s daughter has a swim meet. It’s her time to swim, but she cries because her mother isn’t there. She has to be coaxed into the pool by her dad.
Inciting incident: Andrea interviews a science professor at a local college about the university’s new supercollider and “accidentally” gets sent back in time. She arrives in the past, not the beautiful news anchor, but ugly.
INT. –UNVERSITY SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea interviews the professor who demonstrates for her how the supercollider works. Andrea gets sucked into the machine.
INT – UNIVERSITY SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea appears out of the machine, but she doesn’t look like herself. She notices she’s a different height and her hands look different. She runs out of the lab.
INT. –UNVERSITY LAB – BATHROOM – DAY
Andrea looks at herself in the mirror and is horrified.
INT. – NEWSROOM – DAY
Andrea tries to talk to her co-workers, but they don’t recognize her. They laugh when she tells them who she is.
INT. – STUDIO – NIGHT
Andrea peaks around a wall in the studio and watches the newscast air and her stand-in reporting on the fact that she got sucked into the machine and is missing. She sees the footage of herself disappearing.
INT – JOSH’S OFFICE – DAY
Andrea goes to Josh’s office and is surprised to find Meagan there coming on to him.
INT. – SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea convinces the professor to turn on the machine and she gets sucked in again.
Page 10: Andrea arrives back from the past and looks more like herself, only more beautiful.
INT. – BATHROOM – DAY
Andrea looks at herself in the mirror and is pleased that she looks more like herself now but perplexed that she’s even more beautiful than before.
End of Act 1: Andrea realizes a year has passed. Everyone assumed she was dead and her husband, Josh has gotten together with a girlfriend from his past, Meagan. Since the network thought she was dead, she is no longer the anchor of the news program.
INT. – SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea tries to get the professor to send her back to the present, but he refuses. However, he does let on that if the time she’s in collides with the time she came from by her getting her family to accept her just like they did before, things will automatically go back to the time she came from, the present.
INT – ANDREA’S HOME – DAY
Andrea drives to her home, but her key doesn’t work, so she rings the bell. Josh comes to the door and nearly faints at the sight of her. The kids come and are astounded. She tells them about getting sucked into the supercollider and traveling through time. Meagan comes to the door to see what’s going on. Andrea notices she’s wearing an engagement ring. Megan kisses Josh. Andrea’s family informs her that it’s the year 2023 and she’s been missing for a year. Meagan closes the door in her face.
EXT. – GROCERY STORE – DAY
Andrea’s daughter’s swim team is having a bake sale. Andrea threw something together late last night after work. Her daughter is embarrassed by the cookies. Meagan destroys the cookies.
INT. – RESTAURANT – DAY
Andrea and Josh are having lunch. Meagan shows up with an “emergency” and pulls him away.
EXT. – STREET – DAY
Meagan slashes Andrea’s tires.
EXT. – STREET – DAY
Andrea calls her daughter and tells her she’s on the way to her school play, but then discovers that her tires have been slashed.
INT. – OFFICE – DAY
Andrea visits Josh at work. She wants him to take her back, but he admits that things weren’t that great when she was around.
Mid-point: Andrea has done some digging and comes to the realization that Meagan conspired with the professor to send her back in time. Andrea gets the network to hire her back as a reporter.
INT. – COFFEE SHOP – DAY
Andrea overhears Meagan tell her friend that she got rid of Andrea by conspiring with the professor.
INT. –SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea talks to the professor and threatens to tell everyone what he did if he doesn’t help her send Meagan back in time.
EXT. – BASEBALL FIELD – NIGHT
Andrea confronts Meagan in front of everyone about Meagan conspiring with the professor to get rid of her. Josh doesn’t believe Andrea and gets mad at her. Meagan pretends to be distressed and calls the police. They come and suggest that Andrea leave.
End of Act 2-Andrea tries to send Meagan back in time but fails.
INT. – SCIENCE LAB – NIGHT
Meagan shows up. The professor tries to get her close to the machine. It almost works, but Meagan figures out what he’s up to and steps away. Andrea watches all this from the door.
Crisis-Although Andrea succeeds in getting Josh to fall in love with her again, he confesses that he and the kids are happier with Meagan than they were with her and rejects her. Andrea gets offered the anchor position again and must decide between her career and her family.
INT. – NEWSROOM – DAY
Josh visits Andrea at work. They talk about getting back together. While he’s there Andrea finds out she’s been offered the anchor position again. She excitedly tells Josh. He’s not so excited. He tells her he’s going to go ahead with his marriage to Meagan.
Climax: Andrea plans to go to her daughter’s dance recital, but a fire starts at the science lab and her boss wants her to cover it. She goes to the science lab where the professor tells them that Meagan started the fire and confesses that he conspired with her to send Meagan back in time. Andrea shows up to her daughter’s dance recital with the police who arrest Megan. Andrea signs off and says she’s going to watch her daughter’s dance recital. Her boss calls and fires her.
INT. – SCIENCE LAB – NIGHT
Meagan sets the science lab on fire to keep Andrea from going back to the present.
INT. – STUDIO – NIGHT
Andrea’s boss wants her to stay and cover the fire at the science lab. She says that she was planning on going to her daughter’s dance recital. Her boss tells her she has to stay or risk losing her job. Andrea leaves to go to the science lab.
INT. –AUDITORIUM – NIGHT
Andrea’s daughter proclaims that she’s giving on her mother, that she must not love her.
INT. – SCIENCE LAB – NIGHT
Andrea shows up just as the paramedics are wheeling the professor out with cameras rolling. The professor says that he saw Meagan just before the fire started and confesses that he conspired with her to send Andrea back in time.
INT. – AUDITORIUM
Andrea shows up with her cameras and the police. They arrest Meagan. Andrea announces that she is signing off to watch her daughter’s dance recital. Her boss calls immediately and fires her. She says that’s okay. Her family is more important. Suddenly…
INT. –SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea is back at the science lab. It’s the day she left. She looks like herself again. She announces to the camera that the professor conspired with Meagan to send her back in time. She also announces that she’s quitting her job to focus on her family.
Resolution: Meagan and the professor get arrested. Andrea is reunited with Josh and her kids.
INT- ANDREA’S HOME – NIGHT
Andrea, Josh and the kids watch the professor and Meagan get arrested on the news.
EXT. – BASEBALL FIELD – NIGHT
Andrea’s son is up to bat. He looks back at his mom, beaming. Andre and Josh kiss.
-
PS80 – Janeen’s Pass #5 – Action/Reaction
What I learned doing this assignment is I needed more “emotion” on the antagonist’s side of the chart to further fan the flames.
Concept: A wealthy fashionista learns mind control techniques and uses them to empower women at a shelter to take action against their abusers. As her ability to empower the abused grows stronger, the actions taken against the abusers turn deadly.
Protagonist Goal: To save the designer’s wife — and other women — who are in abusive relationships
Protagonist Character Arc: Morgan is originally a fairly shallow woman who cares about fashion and takes Silva Mind Control classes and NMT to further her own interests in fashion and society.
As she becomes embroiled in Amber’s situation with Daniel, the designer, she starts to take what Silva and NMT can do more seriously and what she should be doing more seriously as well.
She begins to believe that she can help others and recruits her book club to help her help others.
Morgan eventually empowers Amber to stick up for herself which, in her case, means killing her tormentor, Daniel and Morgan has to decide if what she has done to empower Amber was ethical or not.
Morgan and a court of law see nothing illegal in what she has done and she resolves that it is also ethical as it was a case of Amber or Daniel’s lives at that point. Daniel held all of the cards and Amber was powerless, except for the pills and knife.
Main Conflict: Morgan feels obligated to help Amber escape from her abusive husband, Daniel, after she calls the cops on Daniel and ends up with a restraining order against her. She knows things are now worse for Amber and feels responsible, somewhat powerless and desperate to find a way to help her to escape for good from Daniel.
2. Action/Reaction Events
Morgan takes classes
3. Emotional moments for the Protagonist:
When she sees the designer’s wife for the first time
When she sees the designer’s wife bruised at the house
When she calls the cops and has a chance (and the safety) to light into Daniel
When Daniel gets the restraining order against her.
When she hears that Amber has been beaten worse after Daniel is freed
When her Silva instructor tells her it isn’t ethical for a practitioner to work on someone without their consent
When she finds they have helped someone at the shelter — multiple times
When she hears that Amber was in the ER again
When she hears that Amber killed Daniel
When she is arrested
When she is vindicated.
4. Modified Outline
PLOT IN STRUCTURE
Opening: The fashionista, Morgan, leaves a Silva Mind Control class and donates money and clothes at a women’s shelter where she meets her favorite designer’s abused wife and kids, befriending them.
INT. RICHARDS HOME – EVENING
Richard slaps and punches Amber because she didn’t have the kids in bed already when he got home. He yells at the kids.
INT. CLASSROOM – DAY
Morgan leaves her class chatting with her classmates joking about how they hope they can get the techniques to work for them. Is it real or is it really just about boosting confidence? They debate it briefly.
INT. WOMEN’S SHELTER LOBBY – DAY
Morgan carries a few garment bags into the center and a young woman follows with a stack of shoe boxes. She sees Amber Richards, her designer’s wife, with their 2 kids and tries to talk to her. Amber does her best to hide bruises on her face and pretends she’s there on a charitable mission, not as a client, but Morgan sees the bruises and is distressed.
INT. SHELTER OFFICE – DAY
The woman who runs the shelter, a member of the bookclub, tells Morgan that Amber won’t press charges and is going back to her husband after being at the shelter for a couple of hours.
INT. DESIGN STUDIO – DAY
Morgan and Daniel Richards greet with fake kisses and she tells him she’s seen his wife at the shelter, donating clothes. He turns away with an evil leer.
INT. RICHARDS HOME – EVENING
We hear Daniel berating and slapping around Amber for trying to escape him and steal his kids while not keeping their private matters private. She is whimpering.
Inciting Incident: While providing feedback to the fussy designer at his house, Morgan secretly leaves a book on the Silva method for the wife. The wife gives her the signal for “help” and Morgan calls the police. As the arrest happens, a verbal contest between Morgan and designer erupts.
INT. MORGAN’S HOME – DAY
Morgan considers what she can do to help Amber and decides Amber needs to empower herself to leave so she puts her copy of Silva in her purse. It will strengthen her self-confidence and help her feel she is capable of leaving Daniel.
INT. RICHARDS HOME ENTRY – EVENING
After greeting, Morgan follows Daniel to his studio. She sees Amber holding her kids in the dark in a living room and
deliberately slips a Silva book onto a table with a significant look at Amber.
INT. RICHARDS HOME STUDIO – EVENING
Morgan and Daniel consult on the design of a dress and both are fussy about fit and embellishment. As he’s walking her to the door, she looks again for Amber and this time, Amber is giving her the covert sign for help (Hand up flat (like a “stop” position), fold the thumb into the palm, curl the fingers down over the thumb). Startled, she nods to Amber.
INT. MORGAN’S CAR – CONTINUOUS
Down the street from the house, Morgan stops and calls the police to report that a woman asked her to call for help at the designer’s address. She waits impatiently after the police pass her, finally turning her car around and returning to the home.
EXT. RICHARDS HOME – CONTINUOUS
Daniel is in cuffs, Amber is in tears and her kids are clinging to her in tears. Daniel stops to yell at Morgan as she rushes to Amber to comfort her, telling her to mind her own business and stay out of simple family spats, not anything more than that. The conversation gets heated.
By page 10, what the movie is about: The fashion designer cuts all ties with Morgan and gets a restraining order against her.
The women nod to one another. Daniel gets a restraining order against Morgan for harassment. Amber has refused to testify so charges have been dropped on the designer. Morgan must find another way to help the abused wife.
INT. LIBRARY CONF ROOM – EVENING
Morgan tells the group that Daniel has cut all ties with her and she’s not sure what she’ll wear to the gala.
INT. POLICE STATION – EVENING
Daniel is incensed and wants to capitalize on what the cops (two males) witnessed when Morgan rolled up and lit into Daniel. Because Amber refuses to testify, they side with Daniel and ask for the restraining order.
INT. LIBRARY CONF ROOM – EVENING
The cop says his wife refused to testify against him. Morgan says that he got a restraining order against her for harassment and for trying to incite her to leave with the book she gave her. The book club members are sympathetic about her fashion choices and the wife’s refusal to testify. She wishes there was more she could do.
INT. CLASSROOM – DAY
Morgan chats with the Silva instructor who tells her that she cannot wish harm on anyone using Silva or it will come back on her, but she can try to empower the wife who is being abused and give her whatever strength she needs to escape.
Silva can be done from a distance. She ponders that.
INT. RICHARDS HOME – EVENING
Daniel slaps around Amber again, takes her car keys and phone away from her. He tells her to make a list of groceries she will need and he will take care of it. He spanks the kids for crying when they see their mom being hit.
INT. MORGAN’S HOME – EVENING
Morgan uses a combination of Silva and NMT to heal Amber’s bruises. Then she does Silva to empower her. She finishes the evening by doing some NMT on Amber to reduce her fear and emotional pain. All of this is done from a distance.
INT. MORGAN’S HOME – EVENING
Morgan talks to the her husband, a wealthy writer, about her efforts. He tells her he doesn’t think it’s ethical to help someone without their permission. She says the Silva instructor said she could do it from a distance. He counters that there is a restraining order against her that prohibits her from talking to Amber. She’d be violating the restraining order to help her in any way. She feels compelled to do something.
First turning point at end of Act 1: Morgan talks to her book club about how she can now help the woman. The book club includes a cop, a lawyer, an ER nurse and the woman running the shelter. They explore ways to help abused women and find that in this case, the husband is both powerful and totally in control of his wife. Since outside interference often makes things worse and already has gotten Morgan in legal trouble, they agree to try mind control techniques to help women in danger.
INT. LIBRARY CONF ROOM – EVENING
Morgan tells her book club about the woman and that she can only help her with Silva although she also does NMT at home. She explains each briefly. The book club includes a cop, lawyer, ER nurse and the woman who runs the shelter where Morgan was donating clothes in the beginning. They empathize and explain abused women’s behavior and the fears/pride that govern their actions.
INT. CAFE – EVENING
Morgan chats with the shelter woman about what the women need most to leave. Besides deposits for apartments and utilities, they need jobs, etc. and most want to keep their kids in the same school district. They talk about one of the shelter’s current residents who really needs confidence and for her bruises to heal before she can even look for work.
INT. MORGAN’S HOME – LATER
Morgan watches an NMT lesson, tries the technique and seems to feel better. Her husband asks her what she’s doing and she explains intentional medicine. She writes down that she is going to test for confidence in Amber and for bruise healing and we leave her performing intentional medicine, with her husband looking on in amusement, but telling here he thinks it’s illegal to practice medicine without a license — and without the patient’s consent. She ponders that, but feels no compunction about doing the same thing for the shelter’s current residents. They are not in any physical danger right now and they need support, courage and empowerment.
INT. LIBRARY CONF ROOM – TWO WEEKS LATER
The shelter woman tells Morgan that the woman they talked about has healed and developed the confidence needed to get a job at her old financial planning firm. Morgan is gratified and wonders what else she can do with her power. She gets the name and situation of someone else at the shelter who needs help, but this time, the person also needs a place to stay, which Morgan is unable to offer.
INT. LIBRARY CONF ROOM – TWO WEEKS LATER
The shelter woman asks Morgan if she has been helping the woman they talked about and the answer is yes. The shelter woman tells the other book club members about it. The cop is interested in learning it as are the nurse and the lawyer. Morgan shares books, web addresses and we see the other women joining her at a Silva class and watching the NMT videos.
Mid-Point: Since Silva says you cannot use his techniques to hurt others and they can be done without the consent/knowledge of the receiver, they devise ways to use Silva techniques to fortify Amber and some women in the shelter so they can monitor results. Three women have found the courage to leave their abusers, some striking back with violence, and the police have found reasons to lock up the abusers once they testify
INT. CLASSROOM – DAY
Morgan asks the Silva instructor if it is unethical to help people who don’t know she is helping them. He stresses that since she cannot use Silva for evil against people, it is fine. She says, legally, is it OK? He says the law doesn’t recognize it as a true power and she can think of it as offering “thoughts and prayers” which people do for the unfortunate all of the time.
INT. LIBRARY CONF ROOM – TWO MONTHS LATER
BREAK THIS UP INTO PIECES TO SHOW, DON’T TELL BITES THAT ADDRESS HELPING LAW ENFORCEMENT BE MORE EFFECTIVE, CONVINCING LAW ENFORCEMENT AND PROSECUTORS THAT IT IS A PRIORITY, ETC. The shelter woman tells the group that three women who were repeat tenants of the shelter have now found the courage to leave the abusers for good. One woman struck back at her abuser, scaring him when she punched him in the gut after he hit her.
The cop says that she has been able to find ways to lock up a couple more abusers on second calls by focusing on getting her boss to look more favorably on preventing further domestic violence. The ER nurse says that Amber came through the ER the day before, with a broken wrist. She again refused to press charges when consulted privately and Daniel hovered and eventually took her home. Morgan resolves to help her.
INT. MORGAN’S HOME – EVENING
Daniel calls Morgan and tells her that he will kill her if she continues to put thoughts of leaving into his wife’s head. She says she hasn’t talked to his wife since the night the police were at his house. Daniel says he knows that’s not true. Morgan is baffled, visibly shaken and shuts off the NMT video she was watching.
INT. CAFE – EVENING
The book club ladies tell Morgan she is making a difference and they applaud her efforts and congratulate themselves for each doing what they can as we see a stream of women getting pro bono legal work, the cop’s partner talking to the men while she talks to the women and the shelter woman smiling as women and children leave with their bags.
Second turning point at end of Act 2: The designer puts his wife in the ER in critical condition after she tries to fight back. Incensed, Morgan wants to actively push the abused wife to press charges and take the family into her home. The book club talks her out of it for legal reasons and uses all of their Silva efforts to empower the wife to protect herself and her children imbuing her with confidence, emotional strength and vision. After his next minor abuse, she drugs her husband’s meal with the pain pills they gave her at the ER and kills him with a kitchen knife.
INT. ER – EVENING
Amber is wheeled in by paramedics. She persists in not wanting to press charges saying she has been cut off from all of her friends, has no money or credit, hasn’t worked since the kids were born and Daniel has said he will take the kids if she even thinks about leaving and he seems to know what she’s thinking because she was considering it. He has taken away her phone and car keys and has shut off the internet to the house.
INT. LIBRARY CONF ROOM – EVENING
The ER nurse relays this to the group and they decide to use all of their combined efforts to empower Amber to protect herself and her children. We see concerted efforts by all of the members at various times of the day.
INT. RICHARDS HOME – EVENING
Amber hasn’t done something to Richard’s exacting taste and he slaps her around for it. Her bruises aren’t even healed. She seethes and hides her anger until after he leaves the room. Then says, “No more.”
INT. RICHARDS HOME – MORNING
Amber has a fresh bruise and she goes to a vase in the guest room and takes out her hidden stash of various pain pill
prescriptions from her visits to the ER. She contemplates them.
INT. LIBRARY CONF ROOM – EVENING
Morgan and the book club do Silva and NMT together to empower Amber to take care of herself and protect herself and her kids since the ER nurse says she fears for Amber’s life.
INT. RICHARDS KITCHEN – DAY
Amber has baked what she tells the kids is their father’s favorite dessert and that he and mommy are having a special dinner tonight and they must eat early. Amber is smiling.
INT. RICHARDS LIVING ROOM – EVENING
She hands Daniel a big piece of cake and a cup of coffee. She excuses herself to clean up the kitchen.
INT. RICHARDS LIVING ROOM – LATER
With surgical precision, we see her set the knife on his chest, double checking that it is over his heart, and then push it in with great force. She pulls the knife out, sits down on the floor next to him. and when the blood is no longer gushing, she pulls a compact from her pocket and checks to see if he is breathing. Then she calmly calls the police.
Crisis: The group rallies around her when the call comes in to the police but the police charge the book club as accessories to the murder because the cop in the group has told her partner about the prior successes they have had in getting women to safely leave their abusive spouses. The partner thinks they’ve taken their interference too far.
INT. POLICE STATION – LATER
Amber is in an interrogation room, her fresh bruise obvious, her manner stoic. The book club cop asks her what happened. She says she had no choice. There was no way out. No hope. He kept her prisoner with no phone, car, internet or money. She had nowhere to go and no way to get there and he was relentless. He spanked the kids harshly — was almost as angry as he got with her and she wasn’t going to let them go through what she did. She couldn’t divorce him because she had no one to help her or care for the kids while she worked and he had said he would get custody of the kids, declaring her unfit. This was her only choice.
INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
The book club cop’s partner talks to the prosecutor about the book club’s work in encouraging women to fight back. He believes that there is now a history of women harming their abusers and it is the book club’s fault. Now that a murder has happened, he convinces the prosecutor to charge them as accessories.
INT. POLICE STATION – LATER
The book club are all in separate interview rooms. Morgan is being charged as an accessory to murder. She tells them they are insane. She hasn’t talked to or communicated with Amber since the restraining order went into effect. They say that the book club cop had said they were helping Amber with some mumbo jumbo and it apparently worked. They were being charged — even the cop — as accessories.
Climax: At court, the lawyer in the book club has them all swear that they haven’t talked to the woman directly — ever (except for Morgan, but only before the restraining order went into effect) — and that all they have done is offer “thoughts and prayers”, a term the cop who turned them in used derisively when he first heard about it from his partner, the cop in the book club. In a dramatic court battle discussing the difference between their techniques and religious “thoughts and prayers”, the lawyer argues that there is no proof and no way “to prove” that sending supportive intentional thoughts to someone concretely affects their actions. She cites Silva’s maxim that you cannot use the techniques to hurt others. Therefore, they are not accessories.
INT. COURT ROOM – DAY
One after another, we see the defendants, the book club, being asked to swear whether they had helped Amber. They all answer that she had been in their “thoughts and prayers” because they knew her husband was abusive. Nothing illegal about that, is there? On cross-examination, they say that their prayers were that she would be strong and heal quickly. They never prayed that she hurt her husband. Silva doesn’t work that way and it would be an evil thing to do. Wasn’t Amber killing her own husband evil? Not if he was abusing her and she saw no way out. It would be self-defense.
INT COURT ROOM – DAY
Amber’s stabbing of Daniel is determined to be self-defense and she is ordered to counseling, but not deemed a danger to herself or her kids. The book club celebrates.
INT COURT ROOM – DAY
The book club lawyer testifies that there is no legal proof that sending supportive and healing “thoughts and prayers” can cause someone to do something. The court drops the charges since the cops have no evidence of wrongdoing.
Resolution: After the drama in the courtroom, the judge rules in the book club’s favor and the rest of the club meets the designer’s wife for the first time. She asks to join the club.
INT. DESIGN STUDIO – DAY
Morgan is working with a female designer on a dress. The designer says her neighbor is being beaten by her husband. Is there anything she can do? Morgan hands her a Silva book with a link to NMT training written inside the front cover. “Thoughts and Prayers” are about all you can do.
-
Pablo Soriano Pass #5: Action / Reaction
What I learned doing this assignment: This is a good exercise on how to tell a story in general. The seesaw of a protagonist moving forward while the antagonist pushes back. The antagonist is much more important than I realized. I put too much focus on the hero and not the villain.
PROTAGONIST GOAL:
Leave her hometown run by gangsters and illegally cross the border to get her sons to safety.
PROTAGONIST CHARACTER ARC:
Irma has always had poor luck so she always plays it safe but she learns to take risks and stay the course even if the odds are against her.
Part to be changed: Irma is penniless in debt to bookies in her small Mexican village.
Biggest fear: Being stuck all her life/ Her two sons being taken to work for the bookies.
Completion of arc: Irma finds a way for her sons to make it to the US, even if by illegal means.
MAIN CONFLICT:
With the use of drones, a group of ultranationalists create a gambling game show on the dark web where they live-stream illegal immigrants attempting to cross the border and ultimately inform the border patrol of the migrants’ location — Irma and her sons are the show’s newest “contestants.” The gangsters are actually in cahoots with the game show producers and tipped them off about Irma with the agreement that if they make certain that she is caught before she can cross the border.
ACTION/REACTION
Irma/Gangsters and Frank
Irma buys bus tickets to leave her gambling husband/ Gangsters murder her husband and tell her she owes for his debts.
Irma takes her sons to Ciudad Juarez to join a caravan on a mission to illegally cross the border/ The gangsters reach out to Frank to notify him of a caravan for his show and tell him to keep the camera on Irma.
Irma and her sons set out for Texas/ Frank sends out a fleet of drones to find their location.
The caravan makes some headway/ The drones stealthily track them as they head towards the border
Irma spots one of the drones and warns the other migrants/ As the migrants decide to split up, Frank sends more drones to follow different groups.
Irma finds a package of food and water left by Miguel’s drone/ Frank catches Miguel’s drone in the act of helping Irma and has one of his follow Miguel’s drone back to his home
After Miguel takes down one of Frank’s drones, Irma and her son’s find a way to take others down too/ Frank sends all extra drones to their location.
Irma lures the drones away from her sons/ Frank follows her and uses them to push her off a cliff to her death.
Irma’s son’s make it safely across the border/ Frank is arrested for his crimes.
EMOTIONAL MOMENTS
Losing her husband even though she wanted to him.
The gangster threatening to take her sons.
Making the decisions to leave her hometown with all of her friends and family.
Having to explain to her sons that they would be hiking through the desert, leaving Mexico and probably never coming back.
Having to break away from the caravan to avoid capture and make the trek alone.
Luring the drones away know that she may never see her sons again.
-
PS 80 Michelle Damis Pass #5: Action / Reaction
“What I’ve learned doing this assignment is that this has been a challenging one for me. I think it is because of the challenges of a “kinda” ensemble and that everything is affecting everything. So I just tried to get inspirations where I could and not close up my mind because I couldn’t quite put things in order or categories. I do know what I’m being asked to do and I think in other stories I would have been able to a better job.
– Concept: A Vampire forced to find a new place to live finds a home with empty-nester parents who unknowingly trade their soul-sucking daughter for a blood-sucking tenant.
– Protagonist Goal: Deep down he wants to be human again and experience a family. (but he doesn’t really know it because he doesn’t believe it is possible)
– Protagonist Character Arc: (I’ve put all the arcs- I’m finding it helpful. But if I had to pick the largest arc it would be Ted)The Vampire: Ted goes from a lonely, uncaring, vampire with disdain for humans to wishing he was human again so he could be part of a family.
Nina-The Daughter: goes from an angry, mean daughter with a chip on her shoulder to confessing a secret, forgiving her mother and finding peace.
Jim-The Dad: The gentle man that wouldn’t hurt a fly to being willing to kill to save his family and Ted.
Marin-The Mom: Marin goes from being confused and hurt by her daughters treatment of her, to understanding, forgiving and confessing her own deep secret.
Main Conflict(s): The vampire becoming connected to the family and not wanting to kill anymore and the daughter and her parents relationship.
2. Create the Action/Reaction Events chart for your story and list it.
Ted tells Nina that they got a renter because they couldn’t stand her anymore. His telling her the truth is a huge wakeup call.
3. Make a list of the emotional moments the Protagonist will go through that will cause him or her to face the change they need to make.
**In my case he doesn’t think he can change so these emotional moments are basically making it more and more tragic that he can’t ever have what he wants.
-doing household chores and enjoying that it will make them happy
-Jim teaching him how to do something a Dad would have taught a son.
-Experiencing something similar to sibling rivalry at the dinner table.
-Experiencing a movie for the first time as well as being moved by the story.
4. Place the actions you like from #2 and emotional moments from #3 in your current outline — and list the outline.
INT. TEDS “LAIR” ABANDONED BLDG – NIGHT
Narrated by Ted.(as if he is telling a story) He sharing what his life is like being a vampire. Where he has lived, how he gets by, what other vampires do etc…(need to address usage of money/he is against greed/capitalism) Ted is getting ready to go out on the town-primping, choosing outfit etc….
EXT. DOWNTOWN STREETS – NIGHT
Ted walking to night club, narrating still. Explains more about vampires in general (folk-lore, misconceptions), etc… Observe humans being rotten to each other, more details about his feelings of disdain toward humans. We see Ted do something “kind” for a homeless human. “Just a bite” opportunity for humor/irony.
INT. NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT
Ted sees his vampire friend. Ted narrates background on “friend” (very young in vampire years) more commentary on humans. We see Nina in night club in background. Waitress – Ted=“I’ll be having a drink later” comment.
INT. NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT
Nina sits down with a few friends, orders drinks, brings her friends up to date with her situation, she has had to move back home with parents-not happy.
INT. NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT
Ted narrating observing humans.
INT. NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT
Nina observes a guy being too pushy with a girl, she intervenes, Ted notices.
INT. NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT
Ted and friend select that nights victim(s) (they select someone that deserves it from audience perspective), Nina almost a target of his friend, Ted dissuades “She only looks like a bitch, pick someone else” (she is clueless that she was almost “dinner”)
EXT. OUTSIDE CLUB ALLEY – NIGHT
Quick scene of victims (don’t show any gore) Ted narrating as he walks how and why he picks his prey.
INT. NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT
Montage of Nina partying into the night
INT. BEDROOM – EARLY AM
Alarm clock going off 5am. We meet Marin and Jim, Ninas parents. (Feel the love and security)
INT. WORKOUT ROOM – EARLY AM
Marin is working out. View some of her accomplishments. Get background from items in the room.
INT. ENTRY WAY
Nina comes home from partying, annoyed she can hear her Mom exercising. Rolls eyes/dirty looks at Marin as she walks past room. Looks at a family picture-mixture of sadness and anger “Good Morning!” Nina ignores her. Marin exasperated.
INT. NINAS ROOM – EARLY MORNING
Ninas bedroom is a disaster, pulls shades as sun coming up. Flops into bed. Items in room show how much she is loved. But that she is self-sabotaging
INT. HOUSE – EARLY MORNING
Marins finished with workout walks thru house to kitchen. Ninas path of destruction-leaves a mess everywhere. Picks up things as she goes. Obviously frustrated.
INT. KITCHEN – EARLY MORNING
Marin hands full of Ninas stuff, throws in laundry room. Jim in messy Kitchen having coffee, Marin joins him-grabbing coffee. They have conversation about Nina. “We can’t live like this” “ANYBODY” would be better than her! “Let’s get a tenant, and pay for her to live in the city” Epiphany/Idea. Marin gets text from her sister.
EXT. TED BUILDING – EARLY MORNING
There is a guy posting a sign on a door to bldg. Ted reads sign. Building being destroyed to make way for fancy condos.
EXT. PARK/WALKING TRAILS – DAY
Marin walks with her sister Rachel, they have talk about Nina (good time to reveal some stuff) Marin tells her about renter idea, Rachel doesn’t like the idea. (tad bit of conflict)
INT. HOME OFFICE – DAY
Posting “room for rent” notice, conflict scene with Nina. “I’m going to the gym…you should be happy” storms out.
INT. THERAPIST OFFICE –DAY
Nina enters. (don’t know if we will get any info at this point) just IN therapy-lied to Mom about where she was going..
INT. BAR – NIGHT
Ted telling vampire friend about having to move, there are no good bldgs anymore…all these new fancy condos. No history, no class. Friend talks about another friend that moved to the suburbs, and loves it. Ted likes the idea. Would be a nice change. They eye their “dinner” (we see a couple douchebags)
**1 week later.
INT. HOUSE – DAY INTO NIGHT
Various interviews with potential renters, one of whom will be Ted.
INT. KITCHEN –MINUTES LATER
Jim and Marin go to kitchen to agree they want Ted.
INT. HOUSE – CONT.
Jim and Marin offer room to Ted. Nina comes home unexpectedly. They have to tell her their brilliant plan… this is the new renter and she gets to move back to the city! He recognizes her from nightclub, she can’t put her finger on why he looks familiar. Set timeframe of 2 weeks for the transition.
INT. NINAS CITY APT – DAY
Nina in her new place with friend. Happy for herself but suspicious of Ted.
EXT. HOUSE – NIGHT
Ted move in “night”, apologizes for it being dark. He doesn’t have that much stuff.
INT. HOUSE – NIGHT
Jim and Marin are super kind and helpful. Ted has never been treated like this before. Steak dinner scene.
EXT.HOUSE – NIGHT
Ted is sneaking out like a teenager to go to club. Already feeling guilty.
INT. NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT
With vampire friends, discusses new place he is living. One asks when he will drain them. The other informs that Vampires aren’t allowed to feed on their landlords or their family, forbidden. Only if they ASK to be turned. Ted is surprised-but also relieved. One says…”But WE can feed on them.” Ted immediately feels protective-not a normal emotion for him. Nina shows up, Ted sneaks out.
EXT. FIELD – NIGHT
Ted decides to feed on a deer instead of a human. Apologizes to the deer.
INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT
Ted does all the dishes and takes out the garbage before going to bed for the day.
INT. WORKOUT ROOM – EARLY MORNING (still dark)
Marin working out, Ted smiles as he passes by, opposite of Nina.
INT. KITCHEN – DAY
Marin joins Jim for coffee in spotless kitchen, “This is already working out”. Just then Nina calls, she has a great job interview today. Do you want to talk to Mom? NO! Jim consoles Marin.
INT. DOWNTOWN OFFICE – DAY
Nina has an interview, sitting in waiting room looking at newspaper. Missing person article, photo of nightclub, missing person-sees Ted in background. Suspicion grows. She rocks interview.
INT. BIG BOX STORE- DAY
Marin is shopping, getting all sorts of Halloween decorations and costumes. Phone call with some sort of conflict.
INT. HOME – NIGHT
Marin is putting up Halloween decorations as Ted is “getting up” She LOVES Halloween- (this could be a great scene.) Jim comes home- she is excited to show him their costumes this year. VAMPIRES! Jim wants to see a movie, he asks Ted to join them-why not? He realizes he has never gone to a theater.(has to fake that he has)
EXT. THEATER – NIGHT
Gorgeous old theater. They see a classic that restores faith in humanity. Jim talks about movies and seeing them as a family and how the experience with his Dad was so impactful.
INT. THEATER – NIGHT
Ted sheds a tear?(can they cry??) or he just looks impacted??
EXT. THEATER – NIGHT
They are walking to car, Jim asks him how he liked it….Ted can’t stop talking. Jim- “Its like you’ve never seen a movie before” they laugh. Someone is watching (danger) Teds senses kick up….he knows.
INT. HOME – NIGHT
Ted makes an excuse to go to his room and he sneaks out.
INT. NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT
Ted meets his friend asks if he is following him and the humans. Oddly defensive, Ted threatens, Nina interrupts. Ted surprised. Tense conversation ensues. She doesn’t trust him. This is where he tells her how rotten she is being that they didn’t just want her to be happy in the city….they couldn’t; take it anymore…you are hurting THEM, they are YOUR PARENTS….how can you do that? You don’t know how lucky you are!
INT. THERAPIST – DAY
Nina at therapist. She was affected by Teds “wake-up call” the night prior. Can you believe what he said??
EXT. THERAPIST BLDG – DAY
Nina is scared by a guy dressed up as a vampire as she leaves building. HAPPY HALLOWEEN! She sees some little trick or treaters. PHONE RINGS-Gets a call, she GOT THE JOB!
INT. HOME – DAY
Marin doing all sorts of Halloween craft/cookies….getting ready for trick- or –treaters. (add some threat or conflict)
INT. CAR – NIGHT
Nina driving talking with friend on cell, got job, going to pick up her Dad for a celebration dinner , then meet you for party later…its perfect…Mom won’t want to miss trick-or-treaters.
INT. HOUSE – NIGHT
Nina shows up at parents (dressed as vampires) with good news. I’m taking you out to dinner! It plays out like Nina expected but Ted has been listening…he walks into room and laughs aloud at their vampire costumes. ”I’ll hand out candy, it’ll be fun, you guys go” Nina very/annoyed (what is he up to?) Marin- “should we change” Nina “No, you are fine” now plans to embarrass her mom at a FANCY place.
INT. FANCY RESTAURANT – NIGHT
Marin embarrassed, Nina takes pleasure, as they check in with Maître D.
INT/EXT. FRONT DOOR – NIGHT
Montage of trick-or-treaters and Teds responses funny stuff.
INT. FANCY RESTAURANT – NIGHT
The dinner gets tense, Nina says she doesn’t like Ted, is she jealous. She tells them what he said to her. They get in a fight.
INT/EXT. FRONT DOOR – NIGHT
Montage of more trick-or-treaters and Teds responses funny stuff until his Vampire friends show up. SH*T…now they know where he is and the family is in danger. Nina drops Jim and Marin home.
EXT. CAR – NIGHT
Nina see “much too big” trick-or-treaters leave, she is suspicious and follows the two Vampires.
INT. HOME – NIGHT
Jim and Marin ask Ted how he liked answering the door etc….then he asks how their dinner went. The conversation turns into a bit of a therapy session. Jim and Marin explain to Ted how Nina has changed over the years, they confess all their frustrations, he tries to give them the limited advice he can. He sees how much they love her. Ted looks at the clock forgetting he needs to meet the other vampires. He claims he is tired as his excuse to exit.
EXT. MEETING PLACE/WOODED AREA – NIGHT
Ted arrives meeting the other Vampires they argue and fight over the family. They reveal themselves thinking they are alone.
EXT. CAR – NIGHT
Nina is shocked when she realizes what they are. She starts to call the police…wait….they won’t believe her. She waits for them to leave then starts driving. She sees an old church (Holy Water) and screeches to a halt in front of it. Grabs a few empty containers exits car.
EXT. OUTSIDE CHURCH – NIGHT
Nina sneaking in. Trick-or-treaters in background
INT. CHURCH – NIGHT
Still sneaking around, trying to find holy water, steals a few crosses, gets caught by a Nun. She has to confess what she is doing expecting the Nun to think she is crazy. The Nun takes her under the church to a secret room and schools her on Vampire stuff (will need to do some good cleaver research here- don’t want to be too cliché’) Nun surprisingly defends vampires a bit. It wasn’t their fault, such a sad existence.
EXT. VARIOUS STREETS – NIGHT
Ted walking, thinking, observes trick-or-treaters and families. A kid running, trips, crying a Dad picks him up and consoles. Ted is touched and forlorn. Mad at himself… What is he doing? He is a vampire! A killer! He starts to attack someone, the guy laughs…”Great costume man! You almost had me…” Ted lets him go.
INT. MANSION – NIGHT
Teds Vampire friends report him to Elders…he is breaking rules.
INT LIBRARY –DAY
Nina schooling herself on vampires
INT STORE – DAY
Nina outfitting herself with Vampire protection supplies.
INT. CAFE – DAY
Nina tells her Dad she thinks Ted is a Vampire, he of course doesn’t believe her.
INT. HOME – NIGHT
Jim is re-telling Marin about Ninas crazy accusations when Ted walks in (or maybe he overhears?) This could be a funny scene where they make all sorts of jokes… Ted decides he should confront Nina.
INT. NINAS APT – NIGHT
He knocks on door…”Who’s there?” “Ted” she has left all her vampire supplies in the car….so she grabs a jar of minced garlic and holds it for protection.(funny) Ted confronts Nina. She wants him to leave her parents alone. He explains he won’t feed on her or them, they are safe…BUT…he wants her to be nicer to her mother.(choose to be nicer) He explains how his family died. This should be a pivotal scene. He also explains that there are other dangers besides him. He teaches her how she can best defend herself against vampires. He tells her he plans to confess to her parents, and then leave town for their protection.
INT. HOME – NIGHT
Jim gets call from a neighbor to come help him, leaves Marin alone.
EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD – NIGHT
Jim leaves just before vampires arrive. Near miss.
INT. HOME – NIGHT
The Vampires take Marin.
EXT. OUTSIDE NINAS – NIGHT
Car pulls up and grabs Ted.
INT. NINAS – NIGHT
Knock at door, she thinks it is Ted. It is other vampires-they take her.
INT. MANSION – NIGHT
The Vampire Elders confront Ted. BIG ULTIMATUM
INT. HOME – NIGHT
Jim comes home, Marin is gone. He thinks she just ran an errand, not worried. Calls Nina, she doesn’t pick up….not worried…but odd. Texts
INT. MANSION – NIGHT
The Vampire Elders confront Ted. BIG ULTIMATUM (More of this scene) Ted leaves
INT. HOME – NIGHT
Ted arrive home…immediately smells that vampires were there….he freaks out. Jim comes out concerned…Ted-where is Marin? Ted realizes she has been taken, what about Nina? Not picking up…we need to check on her….I’ll explain on the way.
INT. CAR – NIGHT
Driving to Ninas…speeding….Ted tells Jim all (all the vampire stuff and all the “you are the first family I’ve known” stuff)…Jim is speechless
INT. NINAS – NIGHT
They arrive, she is gone- obvious struggle. What will they do…they could be anywhere if they are still alive. Wait…is her phone here? Do you have tracking on it? They track her location thru phone. .
EXT. CAR – NIGHT
Speeding to location
INT. DARK UNDERGROUND PLACE – NIGHT
Nina and Marin “come to”. They are tied up and alone. Nina has to bring Marin up to speed on Ted.
INT. CAR – NIGHT
Jims turn to talk and ask questions as they drive.
INT. DARK UNDERGROUND PLACE – NIGHT
Vampires come in give them a choice…die or become vampires. They discuss options.
INT. CAR – NIGHT
More Jim and Ted talking?? Maybe about Marin and Nina.
INT. DARK UNDERGROUND PLACE – NIGHT
Nina and Marin fighting about options, they have opposite views (do a pro-con list) turns into Marin asking why Nina hates her so much.
EXT. ABANDONED LOCATION – NIGHT
Ted and Jim arrive, Ted schools Jim on what they will come up against.
INT. DARK UNDERGROUND PLACE – NIGHT
Nina breaks down and explains she was date-raped but couldn’t tell her Mom because of her job and the disgrace plus it would break Dads heart. etc… Nina has always felt so angry and so guilty. Marin crying, so sorry. She confesses her own secret. She was attacked when pregnant, lost baby boy-unable to have more from the attack…couldn’t tell your father(he thinks I just mis-carried)…he always wanted a son.
****I have a bunch of stuff to insert here*****
EXT. OUTDOORS/NO COVER IN SIGHT – DAWN
Jim, Marin, Nina, and Ted huddle together. The sun is about to come up and Ted will die. They are all devastated but there is nothing they can do. They are saying their final words.
-
Jennifer’s Pass #5: Action / Reaction
WHAT I’VE LEARNED: I’ve now made sure that there is always an emotional impact clearly reflected in my outline, but this is a story about human emotion, so that was already there in the previous version as well. It is useful to use action/reaction and any meaningful consequences as a means of evaluating the logic of the plot. I keep enjoying these very specific steps because they complement how I write naturally at this point (as someone who has been a professional writer in other fields for a very long time) and give me a neat checklist to use in the future as well to improve literally any story.
CONCEPT: A Southern high school overachiever will do literally anything on her quest to beat her rival and win a prestigious award guaranteed to get her into her dream college — even commit murder.
PROTAGONIST GOAL:
Dilemma = Win and lose all her friends for life, or lose and destroy her chances of success but keep her loved ones close
OR
Win and lose her soul, or lose and no longer have her family’s approval
PROTAGONIST CHARACTER ARC:
Part to be changed: Jessica wants to win, but is forever afraid to go for it, often hesitates at the last minute and comes in second
Biggest fear: Losing/not being outstanding and first, losing the conditional love of her parents
Completion of arc: Jessica goes for it and ends up doing literally everything it takes to win (and succeeds), but loses her soul in the process
MAIN CONFLICT:
Jessica, the overachiever vs. her academic rival Amanda, who is a fellow overachiever type and is also up for the scholarship. Both want to win the scholarship, and both are willing to work hard to make it happen, but the rivalry with Amanda will push Jessica harder to force the win, while Amanda will provide one moral core as she tries to keep their competitiveness on a normal level and not the extremes she grudgingly begins to think Jessica is willing to go to.
ACTION/REACTION LIST:
Protagonist (anti-hero) J vs. Antagonist A
—————————————————–
J tries hard to win academic competition
A wins effortlessly
Jessica tries to reverse engineer A’s win, plans attack for scholarship
A knows she’s top candidate
J works svc project, eliminates comp. via technicality
A defends competitor, remains laid back
J signs people up for race
A hasn’t prepared, may not finish (need to switch A to main competitor in race; maybe Ethan (E) and A are best buddies)
J doesn’t help fellow runner in race
A breezes by after helping runner
J gets A disqualified
A laughs it off
J learns manipulation techniques
It doesn’t work on competitor
J is angry she didn’t win
A asks J, genuinely concerned, if J is OK
J softens secretly but still ups her game, decides to befriend A and E
A shares info with J that makes J jealous
J expects her next submission for scholarship to push her into 1st place, finds out she is still in 3rd
A tries to calm her down, humiliates J instead
J contemplates suicide, decides to eliminate E instead, thinking it will bring down A as well
A again shows compassion
J kills E secretly
A and J neck and neck in competition
A invites J to talk in support of their grief over E
A attempts kindness
J starts an argument with A
A wants to find common ground
J sets up A to fall
A dies
EMOTIONAL MOMENTS PROTAGONIST GOES THROUGH TO FACE CHANGE:
Nearly every action listed above is an emotional one for the Protagonist Jessica, whose entire identity is predicated on winning by Act 2 even if there were signs of hope initially. Rather than list them all here, I have simply done a bit of updating in the outline below to reflect emotional responses that weren’t clear previously in a couple scenes.
PLOT IN STRUCTURE:
OPENING:
Jessica loses to Amanda and Ethan in the last round of the Young Philosophers Think-off. Judges declare Amanda the winner, but Jessica and Ethan are neck and neck. Jessica is crushed and kicks herself for not going for it in the final round.
INT. SCHOOL GYM — DAY
Jessica, Amanda, and Ethan compete in the last round of the Young Philosophers Think-off. These aren’t your average high school students slinging around high-level philosophical concepts. Judges declare Amanda the winner, but Jessica and Ethan are neck and neck.
INT. JESSICA’S HOUSE — NIGHT
Jessica’s parents do a round of reverse engineering to determine why Jessica lost. We learn that Jessica’s parents are politicians. Jessica’s father confirms he and Jessica will go on a hike the next day. She balks, but he reminds her it was always her favorite, that it will be relaxing because she “knows it like the back of her hand.”
Later:
Jessica kicks herself for hesitating in the final round. Why didn’t she just go for it? She’s stressed almost to the point of unhinged.
INCITING INCIDENT:
A prestigious new scholarship competition for one lucky junior is announced. Jessica processes her competition and realizes this is her chance to get ahead despite her complete disregard for other people’s feelings to date. She, Amanda, and Ethan are the clear frontrunners.
INT. SCHOOL CLASSROOM — DAY
Jessica and Amanda learn of the prestigious scholarship to Chapman U for one service-oriented junior before AP World History class. Jessica instantly starts jotting down thoughts on how to win and texts her father that they need to make a plan, but doubts herself when Amanda mentions she’s already fulfilled many of the scholarship’s public service requirements and Jessica has not, instead focusing on her tech skills (establishes tech expertise). How can Jessica look the part of the good citizen and stat? Her secret hatred of Amanda and Ethan becomes clear, knowing that the three of them are the clear frontrunners.
BY PAGE 10:
We know that Jessica is on a mission to win at the competition and life in general at all costs. (We just don’t know which costs that entails yet.) She has her father as an ally.
FIRST TURNING PT AT END OF ACT 1:
The first phase of the scholarship competition requires applicants to complete a service project. During Jessica’s project, she helps eliminate one of her competitors via a technicality (TBC) — just to make herself look better to the judges.
INT. SCHOOL CAFETERIA — DAY
Jessica does service project (chocolate truffle fundraiser for children’s charity). She literally forces a low-level (rankwise) scholarship competitor out of helping whom she’s there to help because it’s easier to pick on the “little guy” rather than a true peer. Amanda notices and defends the competitor’s actions, noticing that the competitor isn’t likely to outrank either of them in the scholarship competition. Jessica starts preparing for next “achievement” while still at event.
EXT. RACE EVENT SIGNUP TABLE — DAY
A couple days later Jessica sits at table signing people up for a charity race while sporting her own number for the race. Jessica walks up to get her number and casually notes that she, Jessica, Ethan, and 3-4 others are leading in the competition according to her inside source. She casually mentions oversleeping and hasn’t prepared for the race, which angers Jessica. Jessica walks away from the table to warm up for the race, and she seethes secretly to her father, who reminds her to save some of this anger to push through at the end of the race, harping on followthrough and showing outwardly that she’s calm and cool.
EXT. RACE FINISH LINE — DAY
Jessica sails past other runners (including a teacher who cheerfully says “It’s all for a good cause”) including a runner from another school — another scholarship competitor — who is hurt. Others stop to help the guy out while Jessica secretly mocks them for being weak in a voice mimicking her mother. In V.O. we hear Jessica share her desire to win and her anger at the current scholarship situation. Amanda has been running the race but gives up cheerfully and walks instead. Jessica can’t understand how she can be so blase about losing. Ethan comes from behind to beat Jessica while we hear her V.O. hesitance as she thinks through her anger toward her scholarship competitors, which slows her down because she’s lost in thought and holds back at the end. Ethan and Amanda discuss Jessica being on the verge of cracking from the pressure.
EXT. RACE EVENT OFFICIALS’ STAND — DAY
Jessica secretly turns Amanda in on a strange technicality (either accidentally curses under her breath or wears ear buds and listens to music, which are against the rules), so she loses her standing in the race. She laughs it off, which angers Jessica as she attempts to convince Amanda how important this was for her standing in the competition. Projection much?
INT. JESSICA’S BEDROOM — NIGHT
Jessica reads book on how to best others verbally. We see a stack of books like How to Win Friends and Influence People. V.O. Jessica shares that even though her parents have been grilling her like she’s in court for years, she’s decided to add to her rhetorical repertoire to include the subtle art of manipulation. Her mother thinks books like these mean she’s trying too hard, but Jessica doesn’t want to leave anything to chance. She knows she’s not likeable the way she is.
MIDPOINT:
Jessica, Amanda, and Ethan are on the short list for scholarship. Jessica shows she’s willing to do far more during another academic competition with Amanda and Ethan to prove her superiority but pulls back before crushing the competition. Amanda and Ethan are grudgingly starting to team up to fight her.
INT. SCHOOL ACTIVITY ROOM — EVENING
Amanda and Ethan discuss Jessica and themselves being 3 of the 6 semifinalists left in the competition while waiting for a history academic competition to start. Jessica enters with stacks of notes and reviews her flashcards intensely. V.O. shares her insistence that she deserves this win.
Later:
Jessica competes, and when the opponent reveals a tiny weakness, Jessica twists the knife in the guy’s insecurity using a tactic she just learned from her book. He manages to answer correctly, winning the competition, but only barely. Jessica is visibly frustrated it didn’t work, knowing how close she came to succeeding.
INT. SCHOOL CLASSROOM — DAY
Amanda quietly checks on Jessica to ask if she’s OK after losing the night before. Jessica hisses a mean response, but softens in how she looks at Amanda. In V.O. Jessica shares that she can’t let herself get soft, practices the technique that didn’t work in the academic competition in the previous scene. (We need to see this play out in an coming scene TBC.)
SECOND TURNING PT AT END OF ACT 2:
After “helping” another competitor get disqualified for the scholarship, Jessica realizes that just beating or eliminating her opponents isn’t actually making her look good in the eyes of the scholarship committee. She has to try the principle of “Be magnanimous” that she learned from her book, and if that doesn’t work, she will have to take drastic action and start eliminating the competition in a bigger way while looking far more decent than she technically is. Step 1: Engage Amanda and Ethan as friends in hopes it will reflect well on her. Right now Amanda and Ethan are still ahead as if the judges can smell that they’re better humans.
INT. SCHOOL GYM — NIGHT
Jessica runs important fundraiser at homecoming dance (she has forced her way into leadership as a junior) while two other scholarship competitors help out. She catches them doing something they’re not supposed to (TBC) and then …
INT. PUBLIC BATHROOM — NIGHT
Jessica calls and anonymously tips off someone (TBC) that the other competitors have done X bad thing. She smiles.
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY — DAY
Ms. Sarah Collins (teacher on scholarship committee) looks on with concern as Jessica subtly verbally abuses another classmate and greets Amanda cheerfully.
INT. JESSICA’S HOUSE — DAY
While Jessica’s mother drills her on facts for the next academic competition as Jessica stuffs items into bag for charity, Jessica interrupts to note that just eliminating competitors isn’t working. Her mother encourages her to “think outside the box.” How can Jessica get ahead? A gleam in her eyes. Two words: oppo research.
INT. SCHOOL CLASSROOM — DAY
Jessica speaks conspiratorially with Amanda to befriend her. Caught up in the moment, Amanda accidentally reveals info that makes Jessica jealous (TBC).
EXT. SCHOOL PARKING LOT — NIGHT
Jessica works to befriend Ethan before a competition. He mentions a recent win that gives him more points toward the scholarship. He is in first, Amanda in second, and Jessica in third place for scholarship.
CRISIS:
Jessica has steadily been “helping” other competitors get disqualified in funny, torturous ways that she takes secret pride in. Now all other students besides Jessica, Amanda, and Ethan have been eliminated from the competition. As the final days of the competition near, Jessica is more committed to winning than ever but feels it’s her darkest day because she can’t measure up to Amanda or Ethan, who have bested her in a number of ways lately. Jessica contemplates throwing in the towel on life until her father walks in and gives her a creepy pep talk. Amanda or Ethan (or both? maybe they’ve teamed up?) have resisted her pleas for friendship, though she’s wearing them down. What can she do to push her application over the edge? She racks her brain and comes up with a way that she thinks she can disqualify Ethan, though she knows she might not have the nerve to follow through. But that will still leave Amanda.
INT. SCHOOL — DAY
Jessica submits another … (TBC) for scholarship, thinking it will get her ahead.
INT. SCHOOL LUNCHROOM — DAY
Jessica checks her phone and sees she’s still in third place. Her world is rocked.
INT. JESSICA’S BEDROOM — NIGHT
Jessica starts overachieving at trying to find a way to kill herself by overresearching different methods, getting overwhelmed, and resolving to do X (funny — possibly writing a program to help her make the decision of how to do it). Just as she gets started trying to follow through, her father walks in and gives her a creepy pep talk about going the extra mile and needing this win. You got this, champ. Jessica smiles weakly and puts away what she was about to do. Her mother interrupts to talk political strategy with her father and says to her, “You’ve got to put yourself in front, Jessica. No one will do it for you.”
CLIMAX:
Jessica is on a mission to win now at all costs. First task: eliminate Ethan, which involves some sort of forgery (or other misdeed TBC) and is harder than anticipated. It works, but Amanda is still there and definitely a few points ahead of her. But Ethan is on to her now, and he realizes what Jessica is willing to do and tries to warn Amanda. Jessica catches on and finds a way to act — not hesitate — and truly eliminate Ethan forever, killing him before he can get to Amanda in a way she won’t get caught. She then has an argument with Amanda at a park. Amanda shoves Jessica, but Jessica dodges her such that Amanda loses her balance and slips off the side of the cliff. Jessica could help her in the moment but weighs her options – help Amanda and look like a good Samaritan, which would win her points in the competition? Or let Amanda fall. We then see Jessica walking away, a self-satisfied look on her face, as Amanda struggles and slips.
INT. SCHOOL LIBRARY — DAY
Jessica runs a protocol on the library computer that makes her work totally anonymous and shuts down the video camera. She then forges something implicating Ethan in a bad act TBC and forwards it to Ms. Collins.
INT. CLASSROOM — DAY
Ms. Collins speaks seriously to Amanda and Jessica about Ethan’s sudden elimination. Amanda is upset for Ethan and mentions Jessica’s parents putting pressure on her. Jessica is grateful but also too proud to admit it. V.O. Jessica lets us know she hadn’t counted on Amanda feeling worse because of Ethan’s elimination. Something to exploit?
EXT. SCHOOL GROUNDS — NIGHT
Jessica and Ethan help put things away after an academic competition and walk outside to the parking lot carrying a heavy item TBC. Ethan has acted normal until now, but turns on Jessica once no one is looking because he knows she must have been the one to get him in trouble. He still has an “in” to get into Harvard, he says, but he really wanted Chapman and may not even get in now, never mind losing the scholarship. He asks how she did it. Jessica makes sure no one is looking, gives a hint, and kills Ethan in a way that looks accidental even though she thought it through in advance. For a moment she is shocked she actually did it, then visibly relaxes, turns on fake tears, and runs inside screaming that she needs help.
INT. JESSICA’S KITCHEN — NIGHT
Jessica’s father asks how that night’s competition went while eating and reading a business magazine. She glibly says a contestant was killed. Her mother says, “Oh?” and gets back to eating her steak. Her father murmurs “Mmmm-hmmmm” and keeps reading. Jessica smiles.
INT. CLASSROOM — DAY
The next morning, Amanda is visibly shaken. Jessica leans over, buddy-buddy, and says it’s just the two of them now. Amanda tells Jessica she doesn’t have to be strong and if she ever needs to talk to someone, she’s there for Jessica. A moment of recognition in Jessica’s eyes.
EXT. SCHOOL EXIT — DAY
Jessica flags down Amanda and asks if Amanda has time to talk after Ethan’s funeral, that her parents don’t understand what it’s like to lose “a peer and a friend” like Ethan. Jessica tells her where to meet (making it look coincidental, but in V.O. Jessica shares how she makes this happen).
EXT. HIKING TRAIL WITH CLIFF — DAY
Jessica and Amanda walk the trail and talk about the funeral. Amanda first tries to talk kindly to Jessica, but Jessica keeps making digs to make Amanda self-conscious. They approach the top of the trail where there is a cliff. Jessica pretends to lose her balance. Amanda attempts to help Jessica, who dodges her such that Amanda loses her balance and slips off the side of the cliff, hanging on by a thread. Jessica could help but weighs her options – help Amanda and look like a good Samaritan, which would win her points in the competition? Or let Amanda fall. We then see Jessica walking away, a self-satisfied look on her face, as Amanda struggles and slips.
RESOLUTION:
Jessica attends both rivals’ funerals and says cryptic things revealing her role in their deaths that no one recognizes. Jessica wins the competition and rules the school. Jessica gives a speech talking about all the service and sacrifice it took to get where she is and how taking action is critical to success. “Always be the best, and forget about the rest.” We notice another younger student, a sophomore with a gleam in her eye, who’s been there all along looking on and wanting to follow in Jessica’s footsteps.
INT. JESSICA’S LIVING ROOM — NIGHT
Jessica puts on an act to convince the police that she is innocent of Amanda’s death. The detective asks if she thinks there is a connection between the two deaths. Jessica says they were all great friends and hints that Amanda took Ethan’s death hard. Jessica’s mother and father are the picture of concerned parents while police are there. Then her mother turns to Jessica and asks if this means she’s won the scholarship, a proud smile on her face.
INT. CEMETERY — DAY
Jessica attends Ethan’s funeral. She drops cryptic hints that she is responsible for his death, but everyone assumes she is being hyperbolic due to grief.
EXT. FUNERAL HOME — DAY
Jessica has taken over Amanda’s speech pattern (need to develop this in beginning) when speaking to classmates who ask how she’s holding up.
INT. SCHOOL AUDITORIUM — NIGHT
Ms. Collins announces the winner of the scholarship: Jessica. Much ado. Jessica gives a speech talking about all the service and sacrifice it took to get where she is and how taking action is critical to success. “Always be the best, and forget about the rest.” Someone asks Jessica what she hopes to do in the future. Her answer: Become the second female Senator from her state before heading to the White House. Her parents beam in the background. In the background is another younger student, a sophomore with a gleam in her eye, who has been there all along looking on, taking notes, and wants to follow in Jessica’s footsteps (or possibly will go after Jessica – TBC, and it might be several students, not just one, who do this).
-
Jodi’s Pass #5: Action / Reaction – Day 11
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is that things are more clearer and connected when we make a visual list of Protag vs. Antag actions. We can see where we need to develop them more.
CONCEPT: TIMELY:
Texas creates bounty hunters and vigilantism against any woman who chooses to have an abortion, along with the nightmare this creates for anyone trying to help a pregnant woman. This law tragically impacts family’s lives, future leadership roles and thousands of pregnant women and children that have been failed by the system.
PROTAGONIST GOAL:
Pam Karras’ goal is to end the SB 8 Heartbeat law which will give back to every woman their right to choose and regain their constitutional civil right as all citizens of America has.
PROTAGONIST CHARACTER ARC:
Pam has been raised family-first and follow every law obediently. She realizes she must go against both ways of life to do what is right for all women’s freedom of choice. She’s encouraged to run for the Governor’s seat in the next election and she’s not comfortable with it, but someone must reverse the Heartbeat law before it damages any more people, so reluctantly she puts her hat in the ring. She is afraid her conservative family will disown her. In time she decides she’s better off alone and fighting for what’s right, even if unlawful.
MAIN CONFLICT:
Is between Pam and the Governor. Pam is the lead investigator of a hit and run and has to deal with deep budget cuts which have been redirected to state programs for new Mothers and their state dictated newborn babies below the poverty line. The deepening deficit of the state with newly created orphanages and institutions with an already overburdened budget brings Pam to the conclusion that the only way she can help women is to regain their constitutional rights that were stripped away with the new ban on abortion, the SB 8 law, by running for the Governorship.
Action/Reaction Events:
Protagonist: Antagonist:
The group meets with the Governor He laughs them off as ‘silly women’
Pam decides to run for office
Televised challenge to the law
Builds website in opposition Gov has his IT staff shut down her ISP (for ‘safety’ reasons)
Act 2
Pam uses the internal P.D. database The tracking Gov put on her reports her activity to I. A.
End Act 2
She wins the primary debate First threat to pull out of race
In response she writes an Op Ed piece
The court order to OLL comes through
Knocks on B. Hunter doors for H/R evidence
Goes to house of the Driver Second threat
Chloe is attacked
Thomas, Pam’s father, is slandered with his congregation
Pam requests investigation of the Gov Third threat
Crisis – Act 3
Debate against the Gov himself Gov slanders her on the exit interview
Father’s church is shut down from the Fire Inspector
Pam’s husband’s state contract is cancelled
Pam calls Govs bluff
Resolution
Pam wins the Governorship
EMOTIONAL MOMENTS FOR PROTAG:
Angry at the rights taken away from all women of the state
Angry by the hypocrisy that no male has to worry about the pregnancies, just the females
Sadness for the unloved babies forced to be born, knowing what will follow in most of those forced term children’s lives, of course there will be happy exceptions for some of them, but not enough of them
Insecurity and lack of confidence for delving into unknown waters running for a state position
She is hesitant and unsure about taking this huge position on as she is a working Mother and never had a career interest in public service
Distraught at times for the trouble the Governor keeps causing her and her family especially, as she doesn’t understand the underhandedness and the dirty fight of politics
Moments of joy when she realizes she can now change the law to give all women back their civil rights for freedom of choice in the state
OPENING SCENE:
A young teen finds out she is pregnant and is overwhelmed and scared.
INT. REPRODUCTIVE CLINIC – DAY
Eyelids open to see blurry champagne bottles popping and mostly men cheering as a newscaster on television says “This scene four years ago has brought about many changes since the Supreme court upheld the SB 8 Heartbeat law to ban abortion, the vigils”.
The eyelids start closing again into black, a loud pulse is heard, as well as a loud heartbeat sound. The heartbeat grows louder in the darkness. A Nurse is heard asking “Are you alright?” as she puts a packet of smelling salts under a young teen girl’s nose. The girl wakes up. “Welcome back” said the Nurse. The girl looks terrified like a deer in headlights. The Nurse says “Here are some pamphlets, please read these so you know what you can do. The young girl’s eyes shut again.
EXT. OUTSIDE THE CLINIC – DAY
The same teenage girl exits the clinic mandated by the state, she sees people watching her. It frightens her. At first she has a slow pace to her step, with each step her pace becomes faster. She fumbles for her keys. She is shaking, but doesn’t take her eyes off these people, in a nonchalant way. She presses her key fob as she reaches her car, quickly gets in and starts the engine.
EXT. SAME
It’s a frenzy, each person clamoring to be the first to follow her, she hears many engines start.
INT. CAR – SAME
The girl is shaken as she exits the parking lot and a monster truck with a confederate flag speeds to get behind her, and follows her close behind practically on her bumper. She punches on the gas.
EXT. HIGHWAY – DAY
The two Operation Life List, redneck bounty hunter members in the monster truck continue to follow the young girl closely on the road.EXT. SAME
The young girl is in a rural part of the state where windy roads are the normal terrain. She constantly looks back in the rear view mirror in terror as the monster truck stays close. She can hear them whooping and hollering at her. Now, more scared than ever and going too fast, looking back she misjudges a turn and goes off the highway. The girl’s car flips over and over, it eventually stops and the girl’s arm flaps out of the window, still and bloody.
EXT. SIDE OF ROAD – DAY
The rednecks had pulled to the side of the road watching the car flipping. They know they were the ones who accidentally caused her to flip her car, killing her.
INT. THE MONSTER TRUCK – DAY
“Let’s get outta here, aint’ gonna take no wrap for no bitch”. The passenger has a little bit of a conscience and looks at the driver with astonishment, wanting to stop and help her. The driver punches the gas, leaving the accident.
EXT. SAME – LATER
Pam arrives on the scene and gets the rundown from DETECTIVE SALT. After looking through the car Pam gets the registration from the glove box and finds the bloodied reproductive pamphlet and instantly surmises what happened as she’s seen this before.INT. CLINIC – MORNING
Pam goes to the clinic and questions anyone who had seen the young girl there, or if they saw anything. The RECEPTIONIST gets the NURSE who was present. The Nurse is saddened by the news but tells her that with the HIPAA regulations she has to get a court order for any further information. The Receptionist tells her about the bounty hunters who hang out there and follow women as they leave. Pam thanks them.INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – DAY
Pam finds out by the POLICE CHIEF, the lack of funds to find priority, and thereby justice, for a lot of the victims when it comes to pregnant women, as the state is financially overburdened because of the SB8 Heartbeat Bounty Hunters law’s ban on abortion.
INT. KARRAS HOME OFFICE – NIGHT
Pam’s asks her Social Worker friend Chloe for advice on different avenues to get around this and get info asap, as an upsurge on hit and runs.
INCITING INCIDENT:
INT. PAM’S HOME OFFICE – NIGHT
Doing research Pam’s goal is to find the root cause of the lack of funding. She finds masses of poverty stricken people, mostly women and children, when women were stripped of their constitutional right to have control over their bodies. She finds the state is almost bankrupt because of the many orphanages, increased foster care staffing and increased foster home payments, welfare spiraling out of control. She finds articles of abuse, molestation, neglect of unloved children, to miniscule adoption rates compared to the amount of mandated baby births. She investigates how many criminals are on death row, as they have heartbeats too, so why is there a false equation? Could it be about control over women instead of a legitimate reason? She tries to find answers. She realizes this is an attack on all women and something must be done about it. She’s in tears.INT. LIBRARY – NEXT DAY
Pam asks the reference desk for updated stats on the state’s government budgets, surpluses, deficits and sources of the information.
INT. WELLES HOME – DAY
Pam shares this information with her Parents THOMAS WELLES and PATRICIA WELLES and Brother EDWARD WELLES, her findings. Her Father tells her to leave it alone. It’s God’s will who becomes pregnant and must carry this burden. Pam’s Mother acquiesces with his point of view. This way of thinking is unacceptable to Pam. Her Parents are upset.INT. POLICE HEADQUARTERS – DAY
Pam asks her friend JAMES COLE in MIS, to help her extract information on new orphanages and foster homes in the last four years. She is given a pile of pages representing hundreds of orphanages. She is told she has to speak to the TDFPS for foster information. She also needs the Operation Life List (OLL) database to find the harmful bounty hunters.INT. PAM’S DESK – SAME
She gets back and the Police Chief says the court order not in yet, backlogged.
INT. YOUNG GIRL’S HOME – DAY
Feeling like her hands are tied with her department’s budget cuts, Pam has no good news for the dead girl’s Mother. She makes promises she might not be able to keep.INT. PAM’S CAR – DAY
Pam peruses the pile of papers glancing at the orphanage in disbelief. She is shocked to see row after row of shoddy orphanage buildings, like barracks. Very young children and toddlers play outside, with ratty clothes, one worker for thirty children. Older children are working. Each row of barracks repeats the same picture. She exits the car.INT. ORPHANAGE ROW BUNKHOUSE – SAME
She gets a childcare worker to talk to her. The worker tells her they are all loved and cared for which sounds like she’s said this a thousand times before, unemotional as a script the workers have to say. Pam looks at the forlorn children, some with sadness on their faces.
INT. MESS HALL – DAY
She falsely flashes her badge pretending to have authority to see how the children are taken care of and fed. There is little time to show affection to a child as each worker has their duties to perform. The dished out food is without love or care, your daily basics.
By page 10, you know what the movie is about:
EXT. PARK – DAY
Talking to Chloe, Pam shares that she feels her hands are so tied that she can’t give proper justice for the many women who are dying either by hit and runs, domestic abuse or by back alley abortions and for these unwanted, unloved children. Chloe tells her she has some people she wants her to meet.
INT. RESTAURANT – DAY
Chloe’s group is comprised of two social workers, one physician, and one reproductive rights attorney. They talk stats and the physician is going to challenge the law with his upcoming abortion civil lawsuit. Female Constitutional rights that have been taken away. They’ve got a meeting Monday set by a State Assembly member with the Governor. Can Pam meet them there?
INT. GOVERNOR’S OFFICE – DAY
The attorney and the representatives from the reproductive rights group asks him for answers on how he is going to fix the fiscal and societal disaster he has created. He shuts them down as silly women and has his secretary escort them out.
INT. OUTSIDE THE GOVERNOR’S OFFICE – SAME
The group knows by his actions that the misogynist Governor only cares about controlling women under the guise and pretense of being concerned of all ‘Heartbeats’, and doesn’t want to work with any of the concerned groups. If he truly cared about heartbeats how could he be pro-death penalty for one, and also not care to work with these concerned groups?
INT. KARRAS HOME – ENTRY WAY – LATE AFTERNOON
Chloe persuades Pam that the only way there will be change is to challenge the man who put this in law; The Governor. They can start a campaign for the Governorship as elections are coming up in the next few months. Pam is very reluctant to do this as she states that the Governorship was not in her family’s plan and she needs time to think about this.
INT. KARRAS HOME – EVENING
Sitting on the couch petting LILY the family cat, Pam shares with her Daughter ELIANA KARRAS, of the devastation all around for women, children and the state close to bankruptcy, Pam realizes during this
discussion that she cannot turn her back on these thousands of unwanted children and the life they’ve been dictated to have. With deep budget cuts in many state funded programs and millions of new families living below the poverty line needing monthly financial help, along with the deepening deficit. Eliana asks her if she’ll try to challenge the way things are?
INT. KARRAS HOME – MORNING
Pam reaches out to Chloe and tells her she is seriously thinking about running against the Governor to abolish the SB 8 Heartbeat law that has so blatantly stripped women of their constitutional right, but must first talk to her family about it. Chloe and Pam discuss who should be contacted next to create the plan; (unions, organizations, free clinics and a network of concerned Mothers from all over the state).
INT. KARRAS HOME – NIGHT
Pam calls a family meeting and discusses with her husband ELIAS KARRAS, and on why she wants to run. Stats are here. Her husband reminds her that the Governor is well established with the conservatives but there is a shot for her to beat him because they’re actually an overall minority in the state. Unfortunately, it is a minority that is being catered to. Pam has their blessing to run.
INT. WELLE’S HOME – DAY
Eliana innocently asks her Grandparents if they heard the good news? Her very conservative and pro-life parents are shocked, they tell Pam she is a traitor to run against their beloved Governor for what they believe is an sinful and amoral cause.
FIRST ACT TURNING POINT:
INT. KARRAS HOME – DAY
Forced term women start calling her after hearing through the grapevine she’s trying to organize help. One call is a lead on a physician who the caller just got an abortion from. She gets the info.
INT. REPRODUCTIVE CLINIC – DAY
Pam goes this physician who is still giving abortions, and asks him to join their legal challenge of the SB 8 bounty hunter law.
INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – DAY
Pam anonymously receives information on who’s on the bounty hunters hit list on the Texas ‘Operation Life List’ website. She feels things are starting to turn in a positive direction.
INT. WELLE’S HOME – DAY
Pam’s parents are embarrassed seeing her on television announcing how their new group (In retort to Operation Life List) she calls it Right to Choose, will organize funding for any physicians who challenges this law in court. The physician stands next to her and his attorney takes over the sound byte. Her Mom is furious and her Dad is disillusioned.
Mid-Point:
INT. KARRAS HOME – MORNING
Edward enters for the monthly family brunch only sees the Karras’s.
INT. WELLE’S HOME – DAY
Pam shows up with flowers, her Mother dismisses them and her, but keeps the door open and walks into the living room, Pam follows. They give her an ultimatum to give up her endeavor or give up her family. She must choose.
EXT. KARRAS GARDEN – DAY
Digging a hole for a pot of flowers sitting next to her, she stops. Contemplating she stares straight, her dog SIR comes up and licks her face, she kisses him back, she bends to a fetal position with her head in her hands. She brushes it off, wipes her eyes and continues digging.
INT. KARRAS HOME – MORNING
She asks Eliana for her help with making a website for the ‘Right to Choose’ movement. She tells her that she wants to hear from women being harassed, stalked, sued and wants to hear from any child who has been abused or neglected at home, in Foster care or while in these state ran Orphanages. She is very happy to have this avenue open to them for communication.
INT. KARRAS HOME – DAY
The next day Pam is trying to access her website and wonders why nothing is there. She has Eliana help her, she finds out that it crashed and her phone starts ringing off the hook. She feels overwhelmed by the amount of children who feel unloved and neglected and women who resent their forced babies. On 267.00 per month that the state gives them in TANF (Texas stats) most low income women don’t know how they can raise these mandatory unwanted children.
EXT. GARDEN – DAY
While watering her plants, Pam and Chloe discuss the funds they try to find to help the people that have reached out on their website but the need is greater than she can raise as each year over 100,000 abused and neglected children in the state need her help. (Texas stats) and knowing 31,000 children in state foster care (2019, Texas stats) are now growing exponentially.
EXT. MONTAGE
Meanwhile, a secret group is targeting with harassment, and auto and home property damage, any citizen who starts the private civil right of action for the 10,000.
INT. KARRAS HOME – EVENING
Pam sees a news clip of this group and is happy initially that other people are involved but the news clip continues to reveal that someone killed one of these deputized citizen’s turned bounty hunter.
INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATIONS BRIEFING ROOM – MORNING
The Police Chief commands an all hands on deck directive to find this group, excluding Pam because she could be one of the suspects since she is publicly for the same cause. Some of her fellow officers shun her.
INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – DAY
Using the state-wide database on the sly, Pam tries to find out the source and leadership of this secret group.
EXT. PARKING LOT – DAY
A man slips into Pam’s car while she is in the drivers seat. He has some information for her on the group.
Second turning point at end of Act 2:
INT. KARRAS HOME – NIGHT
Talking to Elias about being under-funded, slandered and falsely blamed of organizing the hits on citizens that have brought lawsuits against women who have had an abortion, along with being outcast from her family, Pam feels the odds are against her and thinks about quitting.
Build on
INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – DAY
Pam gets a phone call from an evangelical preacher. She writes down an address.
INT. EVANGELICAL CHURCH OFFICE – DAY
Pam meets the evangelical anti-abortionist crusading preacher who is now pro-choice. He tells her why. Which gives her the faith to continue in this uphill battle.
Re-read and quote from his article
INT. TELEVISION STATION – DAY
The station’s make-up artist ASHLEY LEE remarks how her sister’s friend’s boyfriend had a Dad who said that the Governors wife had an abortion in her younger years.
INT. TELEVISION STATION – EVENING
Elias and Eliana give her moments of encouragement before she goes on air. Pam squeezes their hands three times. They squeeze back once.
INT. SAME – LATER
One candidate finishes his speech, Pam is introduced and she starts her concerns.
INT. KARRAS HOME – MORNING
Ten days later, Pam’s telephone rings. She is congratulated for winning the primary.
INT. SAME
The phone rings again, Pam has a smile on her face expecting another well-wisher. Her face soon turns to anger. She is threatened to pull out of the race. She slams the phone down resolutely.
INT. SAME
Pam heads to her keyboard and starts typing an Op Ed piece on the devastation of the state and the enablers too willing to keep the status quo.
INT. OPERATION LIFE LIST HEADQUARTERS – DAY
Pam serves the OLL president a court order to search the premises. She confiscates documents listing bounty hunters and their addresses.
LIST – of MONTAGE
Pam starts knocking on doors and checking cars out for any indication of wreckage. She finds none.
INT. THOMAS WELLES CHURCH – MORNING
The church is big. Twelve choir members are singing. Thomas sees that a few of his singers are missing, then he looks out among his congregation and sees that a quarter of his congregation is also missing. Quizzically, he begins his sermon.
INT. SAME – LATER
Inside the exit door, while shaking members hands he hears murmurs of ‘draft dodger’. One CHURCH MEMBER tells him of the rumors and let’s him know the church that some of his congregation are now going to instead.
INT. KARRAS HOME – EVENING
Pam’s Mother visits. Her purpose is to blame her for the ‘trouble’ she is causing her Father. She is clueless about the incident. Patricia leaves abruptly.
INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT, PAM’S DESK – DAY
Pam gets an anonymous call from the passenger of the monster truck.
INT. MONSTER TRUCK DRIVER – NIGHT
Pam is told by the redneck driver that she can’t do anything. There’s no way she can prove he caused the girl’s death. She grabs him as he laughs. He taunts her by telling her his bounty hunter lawsuits bought him a dandy truck. He warns her that she better back off.
INT. CELL PHONE – SAME
Driving home from her confrontation with the redneck, she gets a call on her cell phone.
INT. KARRAS HOME – NIGHT
Her husband has a candlelight dinner ready for her at the dining table. He kisses her, and they have a long intimate hug. Her daughter walks out of the kitchen with their first course salads. This is one respite moment for Pam.
INT. KARRAS HOME – BEFORE DAWN
The phone rings, it is the emergency room, a nurse tells Pam that Chloe has been beaten up and is unconscious, she is being notified as Chloe’s emergency contact.
INT. EMERGENCY ROOM – NIGHT
Seeing Chloe black and blue, swollen, and in a cast, Pam swears revenge for her.
EXT. MONSTER TRUCK REDNECK – NIGHT
Pam knocks on the door and the redneck opens it up, laughing again. She grabs his collar and bangs his head on her knee. She uses a stun gun on him and curses him for hurting her friend. He screams how he doesn’t know anything about it, she eventually is convinced, and walks away. She warns him that if he says anything about this she’ll become his worst nightmare and she’ll stalk him until his dying days, like he does with pregnant women.
INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – DAY
Pam’s file for the dead girl is missing from her desk. She goes to the second team’s desk of the investigation, Detective Salt, to see if they were using it. She finds a small piece of paper that has Chloe’s name, address, and a time on it. She feels gut punched. She grabs her stun gun and runs out of the office.
EXT. POLICE DEPARTMENT BUILDING – DAY
As she is running towards her car she see Detective Salt with one of his friends. She warns the onlooker to back off and kicks Salt in the groin, doubled over she forces him to tell her who contracted him to rough Chloe up. It came from the Governor’s office.
INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – SAME
Pam marches into the Chief’s office ignoring his meeting and tells him what happened. She wants to formally charge Detective Salt and wants to start an investigation into the Governor’s office of who requested the attack on Chloe.
EXT. KARRAS MAILBOX – MORNING
Pam starts making inroads and the opposition is nervous. Pam receives a threat in the mail that is a copy of her Father’s military record which shows her Father as a Draft Dodger. She is warned if she doesn’t pull out of the race and stop causing trouble, her Dad will be exposed more publicly than just the rumors that are circulating with his congregation, and more over her Mother’s position on the city council, could be affected.
Crisis:
INT. EVANGELICAL CHURCH OFFICE – DAY
Pam confides her challenge with the Preacher that she is torn between wanting to help her parents or helping to create a better life for her Daughter, all the unwanted children in the state, and fighting for all women’s freedom of choice, she decides to continue in the fight for all women of the nation. He shares his experience.
INT. TELEVISION STATION – DAY
Pam is very glad to see Ashley Lee again, this time there are other people within hearing distance.
INT. TELEVISION STATION – DAY
It is the televised debate with the current Governor. She annihilates him with statistics on those who favor abortion, the plight of mostly poor women who is held to this law (not affluent pregnant white women who could easily finance a trip to another state for an abortion), the heartbreaking realities of unwanted and unloved children, and the 50 death penalties executed in the state since 2015. Also, how broken the state has become financially with hundreds of thousands of more mouths to feed, housing, healthcare, joblessness, etc. The state is in dire financial needs but the misogynist Governor only cares about controlling women under the falsehood of saving heartbeats, which is in direct opposition to his and his conservative legislatures pro death penalty law.
INT. KARRAS HOME – NEXT MORNING
The Governor falsely accuses Pam publicly as being a part of the vigilante group who are attacking the bounty hunters. Pam huffs and turns the television off.
INT. KARRAS HOME – SAME
Pam opens the paper to the headline that another woman was found dead from an attempted self-abortion, which makes 112 now this year in their county alone. Pam asks the question to her husband at what point do the heartbeats of these women matter and the full lives they are living? their relationships and loved ones, their cares, their dreams, their goals, their careers or jobs, their friends and interactions, their memories, only embryo heartbeats matter? Not the actual human woman? The husband asks about the abortion pill and Pam tells him how very hard it is to get for most women especially low income women, some of whom don’t even have access to the internet.
INT. FATHER’S CHURCH – MORNING
There are only five singers left in his choir. Thomas looking again at his congregation; there are only fifteen people in attendance in the church pews this time, one being his previous supporter. Thomas has a tear in his eye. Protesters are chanting outside against him as a draft dodger and baby killer. Trying to drown them out inside he starts a speech about unconditional love and support for family in the face of adversity. A man comes up to the pulpit with irreverence and flashes his state fire inspector’s badge telling him that he has been shut down for fire safety violations, and shouts to the congregation that everyone must leave.
EXT. KARRAS HOME – DAY
Pam and Eliana drive off in their car and are followed by the Operation Life List people.
INT. KARRAS HOME – DAY
They get back with groceries and Pam asks her husband why he’s home instead of at the building site, he informs her that the state government contract was cancelled and he and his crew were locked out.
INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – DAY
Pam finds out who the leader is of the vigilante group attacking the bounty hunters. She goes out the door.
INT. DEAD GIRL’S MOTHER’S HOME – DAY
Pam confronts the Mother and the Mother blames her and her department for not carrying out justice for her Daughter.
INT. KARRAS HOME – NIGHT
The newscaster relays the execution of another death row inmate, this makes 50 ‘heartbeats’ killed since 2015 on the Governor’s watch. The Governor proves himself a double-speak hypocrite.
INT. CONVENTION CENTER BALLROOM – NIGHT
Pam and her family arrive and look around in awe of the decorated and reverent appeal of the big room. They are told the waiting room is next to the hall off the ballroom.
INT. WELLE’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Watching the voting results and seeing his Daughter is way down in the votes and exit polling facts, Pam’s Father feels he must support and be there for his Daughter. He tries desperately to get a hold of her on her cell phone, but Pam’s aide is handling the phone calls and keeps putting him on hold. He gets frustrated, tells his wife and Son they must leave immediately and they leave with the television is still on.
INT. CONVENTION CENTER BALLROOM – NIGHT
Pam is nervous. Ashley Lee enters with her make-up kit. Pam is very happy to see her.
Pam picks up her cell phone Pam exits the room.
INT. RITZY HOTEL BALLROOM – NIGHT
Pam with a possible bluff, calls the Governor and let’s him have it. She threatens to use the information about his wife if his people don’t back off and stop the threats and harassment of everyone involved with Pam. She states: Along with the death penalty, either you believe in pro-life, a heartbeat or you don’t, that doesn’t change by circumstance.
EXT. CONVENTION CENTER BALLROOM – NIGHT
Without a pass Pam’s family try to enter the convention center where the celebration will be taking place, but is blocked by security detail, Pam’s Mom calls her Granddaughter.
INT. CONVENTION CENTER WAITING ROOM – NIGHT
The Granddaughter tells her Mother she’s going to run down to get the Grandparents and Uncle. Pam is surprised and pleased.
EXT. CONVENTION CENTER BALLROOM – NIGHT
The Granddaughter brings three security badges out and shows them to security who wave the Grandparents in.
Climax:
INT. CONVENTION CENTER WAITING ROOM – NIGHT
Thomas lets Pam know that he is fine with being exposed as a draft dodger and he supports her no matter what she does, whatever her decision is as an individual, that she is always loved and is not excommunicated or banished from their lives. Patricia is still mad but forgiving.
Resolution:
INT. CONVENTION CENTER BALLROOM – NIGHT
The close circuit television that is in the waiting room shows that Pam is in the lead. She gets more votes as the night goes on. They are very excited but also know the votes can turn again. Chloe and John are introduced, they beam at each other and are a little flirty.
INT. CONVENTION CENTER WAITING ROOM – NIGHT
2 hours later with the Grandparents napping in their chairs the final results come in. Thomas and Patricia are awoken out of their sleep when everyone begins cheering. Pam, and her husband and Daughter rush out to the Ballroom. The family follows.
INT. CONVENTION CENTER BALLROOM – NIGHT
Pam wins the election by a landslide with the voters. In Pam’s acceptance speech she vows that her first line of business when she takes office is to obliterate the ‘heartbeat’ SB8 law.
INT. THOMAS’S CHURCH – MORNING
Gospel chorus is singing an upbeat song with the two singers who stuck with him smile as they look at Pastor Thomas. Thomas smiling back nods and looks out at his full congregation again.
EXT. REPRODUCTIVE CLINIC – MORNING
The Governor’s Daughter exits a care clinic looking forlorn. As she opens her car door she looks around and sees many cars with people standing outside of them. All is silent. As soon as she leaves the parking lot, many of those same cars start their engines and start the stalking process.
-
[ProSeries #80] Suya Lee’s Pass #5: Action / Reaction
Outlining & Your Character Structure Day 11
Day 11: Action / Reaction
“What I learned doing this assignment is…?”
If you put an action in, the reaction has got to count. The back-and-forth of action and reaction between the protagonists and antagonists have got to matter. Every beat has got to earn it’s way in. Otherwise, delete it. Emotions are crucial. I have to think about the rollercoaster of emotions in this action thriller.
Concept: When a group of old timers at a veteran’s retirement home win the mega lottery, they buy an old cruise ship to sail around the world with their extended families, but pirates attack their ship in South-East Asia and the veterans must face the last battle of their lives to save their families.
Protagonist Goal: The 4 old time veterans must save their families.
Protagonist Character Arc: The 4 old time veterans find the courage they lost. They all fought in losing wars, and now can win this time.
Main Conflict: The Pirates from South-East Asian attack their cruise ship.
<div>
</div>What the protagonists want: to escape the Veterans’ home, just growing old there, like an old timers prison.
What they need: to be useful, be of service, again. To have one more hurrah, one more adventure. To feel alive, again.
Old trait: gave up too easily, surrendered to old age, to the system.
Changed to: being alive. Not going into old age
without a fight.<div>Antagonists/ Protagonists/Protagonists’ Emotions + Feelings:
#1. American
gov’t cuts Veterans’ subsidies. New retirement home admin kicks out Veterans./ The
Veterans buy their first lottery ticket (no choice), and win the mega lottery. It’s
beginner’s luck. Buy a cruise ship./ They
feel defeated. Let down by the American gov’t. Then, they say F-U to the
America gov’t, cruise around the world.#2. Pirates
wave to the cruise ship for help. On 2 Pirate boats with refugees./ Veterans
and Family help the ‘refugee’ boats./ They
feel good saving people.#3. Pirates
take out their guns, it’s a hijacking./ Veterans
fight back./ They
feel hoodwinked. Still got the fight in them.#4. 2
Pirates head off to the lagoon on one Pirate boat./ Veterans
make the Pirates shoot their guns to warn the other Veterans and Family members
at the lagoon./ Take
further action to save others.#5. At
the lagoon, Pirates attack Veterans and family members./ Veterans
need to get the Pirates away from the Family./ Shocked.
Feel ambushed.#6. Once
the shark spear goes into the engine, the Pirate boat stops on a jolt. One
Pirate falls into the water, a shark gets him./ [Veterans take first action] One Veteran spears the Pirates’ engine./ Veterans
feel elated.#7. At
the lagoon, a Pirate shoots one Family member in the calf./ Veterans
are given no choice, but to give up. They don’t have guns./ Defeated.#8. At
the lagoon, Pirates get the 2 Veterans and 2 Family members on 4 ski jets to
pull the damaged boat to the cruise ship./ Veterans
agree, but plot to escape./ Veterans
must make a plan or their Family lives are at risk.#9. On
the cruise ship, Pirates want ransom money./ Veterans
agree to give money. It’s down below,
get away from the grandchildren. One Veteran disables the internet./ Protect
the grandchildren, family members, refugees.#10. Pirates
fight in luggage area, but are disadvantaged./[Veterans take first action] Veterans
attack, have the advantage below. Kill one Pirate, shoot another./ Veterans
want to fight back.#11. Pirates
arrive from the lagoon with the damaged boat./ 2
Veterans escape on jet skis to the other side of the cruise ship./ Feel
brave.#12. Pirate
tries to fix the boat./ Veteran
scuba dives under the ship, damages the engine more, unhinges the engine so it
falls into the water./ Victorious.#13. Pirates
get the drugs, put on working Pirate boat. But, the refugees want to get on the
boat to Australia./ Veterans
see the chaos, fighting, etc. One Lagoon Veteran damages the remaining good
Pirate boat./ Feel
a chance to create more divide.#14. Pirates
try to release a tender boat. Force a Veteran to do it./ Veteran
fake tries, one end of the tender boat releases. But, not the other end./ Feels
relief.#15. Pirates
take the grandchildren hostage, take them down below./Veterans
must rescue grandchildren, then one Veteran dies./ Feel
brave.#16. One
Pirate encourages his son to get on their boat to Australia, and don’t come
back./ Veterans
see this. Kidnap that Pirate’s son./ Feel
encouraged. Another chess move to their advantage.#17. Down
below, Pirates get trapped in the sinking ship./ [Veterans take first action] Veterans
lock the Pirates in the rooms below./ Feel
safer, they are winning.#18. Pirates
drown as the ship sinks./ Veterans
release the tender boats, everyone is safe now. Radio for rescue./ Relief.
Brave.-
This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by Sung-Ju Lee.
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by
Log in to reply.