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Post Day 11 Assignment Here
Reply to post your assignment.
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10 Replies
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Rebecca’s Level 2 Action Emotions
What I learned from this assignment is that by adding surprise, suspense, and shock to what I thought was a good scene made it even more engaging and a good set-up for Ragman’s jailbreak rescue of Ervin.
EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY
A worker at the grocery store/post office in Little Italy section of Curtisville delivers a message to Ervin.
MESSENGER
My boss at the store told me the union phoned. You need to meet the delivery driver in the field near Curtisville No. 1 around 4PM to accept and help unload the supplies.
Erwin reaches in his pocket and hands the guy a coin.
ERVIN
Thank you.
Suspense:
EXT. FIELD NEAR NO. 1 – LATER
Ervin waits in his car, still no supplies. One and a half hours later he starts his engine and drives across the short stretch of street towards the main road.
Suspense:
EXT. CURTISVILLE – SAME TIME
Armed Coal and Iron Police, mounted on horses, hide behind a building.
Surprise:
As soon as Ervin’s car enters the street, they surround his vehicle forcing it to stop. Bucholtz directs the action from a short distance away. He nods. A trooper approaches the car.
TROOPER
Get out of the car.
Ervin complies and at 6 feet two inches towers over the man. Bucholtz nods, and second trooper aims his gun at Ervin’s chest.
TROOPER
Show me your pass.
Ervin fumbles in his pocket, pulls out the pass. It drops from his hand and flutters to the ground. The officer holds out his open palm.
TROOPER
I asked to see your pass.
Ervin picks up the pass and hands it over. After a quick scan the trooper gives it to Bucholtz.
BUCHOLTZ
So, we meet again carpenter. This is a Russellton pass, not good for Curtisville. You are trespassing on Ford Colliery property.
ERVIN
I’m just crossing to the public road over there.
Shock:
He points to a road less than 20 feet away.
A young trooper pokes a gun into the Ervin’s spine. Ervin stiffens his stance.
BUCHOLTZ
You are still on company property, come with us.
ERVIN
But, your jurisdiction is Russellton.
Bucholtz answers, his words slow, deliberate, and cold.
BUCHOLTZ
My jurisdiction is wherever I am. Now, you can come with us without trouble or we can shoot you,…your choice.
Ervin raises his arms in surrender. A trooper shackles and cuffs him before shoving him into the car for the drive to the lockup.
Suspense:
INT STABLE LOCKUP — LATER
Bucholtz ties the prisoner to a post near one of the horse stalls. He unleashes his famous whip from the hook on his belt. Bucholtz demonstrates his skill and accuracy; loud cracking noises slice through the air.
With each crack, Ervin struggles against his ties.
BUCHOLTZ
You escaped death once, but not this time.
Surprise:
Ervin stops all movement, resolute about his fate.
BUCHOLTZ
Irishman, remove the prisoner’s shirt.
Cooney rips the garment down to around the man’s waist. Long scars criss cross Ervin’s back. Cooney runs a finger over the widest scar sensing its thickness and texture before stepping backwards to watch a master at work.
Surprise:
The first lash tears across the scars leaving a read streak in its wake. Ervin does not cry out or fight his restraints. His eyes remain closed, muscles tensed, breath deep in anticipation of the next bite of braided leather.
Shock:
Lash, lash, lash, Bucholtz contorts his face with each consecutive blow. Lost in lunacy, he remains silent so not to compete with the snap of the whip overhead and the slicing sound as it connects with flesh. Ervin winces at the pain as his skin tears away in bloody lines that dissect the older scars.
Surprise:
Bucholtz lifts his arm once more; it freezes overhead. His face eyes enlarge into an unfocused stupor that only enhances the horror of his twisted face like he’d seen Old Nick himself or one of his minions. Bucholtz throws down the whip, glares at Ervin’s bloody back.
Suspense:
BUCHOLTZ
Tomorrow you will be DEAD. Throw him in the lockup with the sick prisoner.
Bucholtz stomps out.
Stillness falls upon the stable; even the horses cease their stomping and snorting.
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Cameron Martin’s Level Two Action Emotions
What I learned doing this assignment is…What working in some of these emotions, particularly suspense, can do for a dialogue between two characters. Usually, I like to finish out the dialogue first, so as not to lose the natural flow of the exchange (Editing can happen later). But after that was done, it was a lot of fun to go back and play with how an element of suspense could be worked into the scene in both terrifying and humorous ways, before adding the elements of surprise and shock afterward. This scene could still use a little work, but it’s definitely been elevated from a simple conversation between two people.
INT. CATACOMBS
JANUS and her COPY traverse winding tunnels with skulls and artifacts lining the walls – The buried dead of a past millennia.
COPY – “Why’d you do it?”
JANUS – “You’re me, so you already know.”
COPY – “I’ve only been you for a little over a day.”
JANUS ignores.
Behind them, one of the SKULLS turns. Without a sound, spider-like legs emerge from behind the skull and take it out of the wall.
COPY – “It’s a fair question.”
JANUS – “Well, there isn’t a fair answer.”
COPY – “Janus—“
JANUS (Stopping) – “I don’t know. Okay?”
Deathly beat. JANUS reigns herself in.
The skeletal figure stalks in the shadows – Its figure unknown. Not a step, crack, or whisper is heard, and neither JANUS nor her COPY are aware.
JANUS (CONT’D) – “We’re going to fix it. That’s all that matters.”
JANUS continues her march—Into…
INT. CHASM
JANUS and her COPY peer into the unknown.
COPY – “Would you do it again?”
JANUS – “Can we please stop talking about this?”
JANUS takes a step and jumps into the depths. She braces the fall by using the sides of her feet and hands to slide down the opposite walls.
A piece of rock gives way, and…
JANUS slips and falls…
Hitting the ground with an ugly sound.
JANUS moans as her copy scales down the wall with careful ease.
COPY – “I can’t hide from it. I need to know there won’t be another me created at someone else’s expense.”
JANUS – “I didn’t know what I was doing.”
COPY (Helping JANUS to her feet) – “And you think that’s a fair excuse?”
Above the two, the shadow from before methodically crawls down the opening, careful to lurk only where it can’t be seen by the two.
JANUS (Holding herself) – “I didn’t know.”
JANUS thinks for a moment, looking east, then west, before picking a direction to walk in.
COPY – “You didn’t even think to ask.”
JANUS – “What do you want from me?”
COPY – “The same thing as you, and seeing as how my hands are clean, I want to make sure yours can stay that way after we’re done.”
JANUS – “They will.”
COPY – “Can you be sure of that? Really sure?”
JANUS – “I don’t what to hurt anyone.”
COPY – “But you did. That should scare you.”
JANUS stops, unable to move. The COPY takes point.
COPY (CONT’D) – “I’ll take care of us. I won’t let you forget, and I’ll make sure you stay clean.”
JANUS keeps flashing back, remembering the feeling of copying herself, recollecting the sensation of taking a life, a sensation branded into her memory that she may never allow herself to forget.
COPY (CONT’D) – “You’ve always been headstrong. Reckless even. Let me lead, before you or anyone else gets hurt.”
JANUS nods compulsively, like her body’s not her own.
The COPY takes JANUS’ hand…
And guides her forward.
The two navigate the path until they reach…
EXT. VALLEY – NIGHT
The chasm opens into a deep man-made gorge, with the sides perfectly carved into a flat edge. There’s no way down without a sheer drop.
At the bottom, a constellation of lights flicker from the network of buildings. Meanwhile, above JANUS and her COPY, the sky is starless from the light pollution coming from Arcadia and the city beneath them.
COPY – “We’ll have to find another way.”
The COPY begins back in the direction they came from.
JANUS peers over the edge.
COPY (CONT’D) – “Janus?”
JANUS considers it, looking for a long time.
COPY (CONT’D) – “Come on. I can’t do this without you.”
JANUS takes a breath…
And turns back to her COPY. She freezes.
Behind her COPY, two red lights flicker. The outline of some thing is barely in view.
JANUS – “Um—“
The two red lights BOLT!—
Tackling COPY and knocking JANUS over the edge.
JANUS, free falling, uses the momentum of her bio-engineered cords to position herself to see the figure, which is wearing a large cloak, covering up its body. The figure holds onto JANUS’ COPY, who is trying to punch her way out.
JANUS dives for the figure…
She readies her cords to strike…
A second and third HEAD emerge from under the hood of the beast, staring straight at JANUS.
JANUS – “Crap.”
A spider-like leg shoots toward JANUS.
JANUS’ cords launch toward the beast.
The paths of the two strikes cross.
JANUS twists in midair and she turns her head. The spider leg grazes past JANUS’ cheek, carving a subtle cut across.
Her cords strike into the hooded monster…
Who TURNS ON A DIME…
And runs across the wall!
Janus holds on tight, trying to hack the reaper. All she manages is to manipulate a couple of armor plates to grip the metal point of her cord.
The two additional heads look up and out of the reaper’s hood, staring at JANUS, at start to CRAWL on their own eight legs, heading straight for JANUS.
JANUS punches the wall-her cords stab at the slab. But her fist and metal cord ends just bounce off. She shakes her hand out in pain.
One of the heads leaps at JANUS—
JANUS catches it…
And SLAMS it into the wall!
Sparks fly as the skull is crushed and dragged across. JANUS flattens it.
The reaper cries in agony and makes for the bottom of the cliff.
When they reach the floor of the valley, the reaper throws JANUS from its back, seemingly with two arms, while holding onto JANUS’ COPY with a third.
It rears up, revealing that under the cloak its entire body is made up of thousands of legs – Its rib cage, its appendages, its stomach – Everything is moving, parting, resettling. The second head reattaches to the shoulder of the monstrosity, which is looking for its third head in JANUS’ hand.
JANUS looks at the head in her grasp and tosses it at what was once a three headed creature.
The reaper catches its head with two right arms and gazes at it in mourning. It roars at JANUS, tightening its grip on her COPY.
JANUS – “Yeah?”
The reaper explodes into a riot of legs as it lunges for JANUS.
JANUS dodges and weaves around the strikes.
JANUS (to her COPY) – “Don’t worry!”
JANUS strikes at the creature with her cords, landing a direct hit!
JANUS (CONT’D) – “I got you!”
The second head looks at the cords, then back at JANUS and screeches.
A number of legs part from the reaper’s body and pull the cords right out! JANUS won’t be able to hack it with more than one head.
The two continue fighting. JANUS is doing everything she can to stay alive.
The COPY makes a move of her own, locking the creature’s arm with her legs to break it. But the whole arm SEPARATES into a dozen or more legs, each with its own set of pincers. They pull the COPY off it, holding her at five different points.
The reaper pins JANUS to the ground with a web of legs.
JANUS digs her cords deep into any crevice she can get, including one of the reaper’s eyes.
The reaper gets in JANUS’ face. A metal tongue slips out from the skull and licks JANUS’ cheek. As it does, the tongue too parts into a network of different appendages.
BOOM!!
A cannon blast blows off the head of reaper!
The spare head looks up and sees…
A vehicle racing toward it with several people inside.
One of the riders smiles, aiming down his sights with barrel of his rifle still smoking.
Just as the reaper panics and starts to run away—
A cord stabs into the reaper’s eye socket, paralyzing it.
JANUS tears the head from the reaper’s shoulder…
And slams it repeatedly against the wall until it falls into tiny pieces.
The vehicle rolls up to JANUS and her COPY, with the body of the reaper frozen into its final shape.
JANUS (To her COPY) – “Are you okay?”
COPY – “Yeah. Just wish I wasn’t so useless.”
JANUS – “Nobody’s useless.”
JANUS pauses, eyeing the monstrosity they barely survived.
JANUS (CONT’D) – “At least, maybe nobody outside of him.”
The people from the vehicle jump out. JANUS turns to them.
JANUS (CONT’D) – “Hello—“
Electrified nets shoot out from one of the riders’ arms…
Enveloping JANUS and her COPY, stunning them both.
JANUS watches as the riders draw closer and closer to them, before blacking out.
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Brenda Lynn’s Level 2 Action Emotions
What I learned doing this assignment is to really enjoy the process. These are my favorites in a movie and it was really fun to take a jab at it to see if I could make it happen. Can’t wait to apply it to other projects. Fun! Fun! Fun!
3. Write the scene as a first draft, highlighting surprise, shock, and suspense.
INT. WAREHOUSE – DAY
FBI Agents scour the warehouse searching for the tube with the painting. Frantically searching here and there. Agent Dowd shouts out.
DOWD
Got it, Boss. This has to be it.SANDERSON
Carefully with that. It’s worth $500 million.DOWD
You think we should open it here.SANDERSON
Hell, yeah.They rush over to a dirty work table. Pushing the items off the table on to the floor.
SANDERSON (CONT’D)
Give me your jacket.DOWD
What for?SANDERSON
You think I am going to roll this masterpiece out on this filth.DOWD
Oh, sure. But you’ll use my jacket.SANDERSON
It’s replaceable. This is not.Taking out a Swiss Army knife, Sanderson gently cuts around the seal on the tube. Sliding the canvas out of the tube. With each turn of the canvas, Rembrandt’s Storm at Sea is revealed.
DOWD
I like that guy in the middle. Makes me laugh.SANDERSON
Yep. Hang on to your hats, fellas. It’s going to be one wild ride.Sanderson runs his hand over the signature. He feels something in his hand.
SANDERSON (CONT’D)
What the hell?It looks like paint on his fingertips.
SANDERSON (CONT’D)
It’s a fake.DOWD
What makes you say that?Sanderson shows Dowd the wet paint on his fingertips.
SANDERSON
How can a 400 year old paint still be wet?CUT TO:
Lisa flying away in a helicopter wearing a Mona Lisa smile as her hand caresses a portfolio on her lap.
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Matthew Frendo’s Level 2 Action Emotions
What I learned doing this assignment is how to add new elements to an action scene.
EXT. SOUTH AMERICAN JUNGLE – NIGHT
Green foliage all around…
Rain beats down, breaking the silence with beats…
A hand comes up and pushes back the bush in front of him…
And there’s a chain link fence, barbed wire on top. Behind it is a row of shacks and huts, with one large building in the middle.
ALPHA ONE
(whispering)
That’s the main hanger, where the whole group is meeting. The mission, again, is…
BRYCE (O.S.)
To stop them from meeting…
JACOB (O.S.)
And make sure they never meet again.
JACOB (36) quietly cocks his gun, Bryce (31) right beside him.
ALPHA ONE, head to toe in camo, looks back at the two.
Both are in all black outfits, with black masks. They blend into the night.
ALPHA ONE
Beta One?
BETA ONE, in dark camo, walks up and starts to quietly cut the chain link fence, as Alpha One talks to the other two.
ALPHA ONE
We’ll get in support positions. Once we’re good, you come in and we finish this.
BRYCE
Just a walk in the park.
JACOB
Sure. If that park was run by scumbag sociopaths using child soldiers as an army.
BRYCE
Always gotta ruin the fun with the serious.
The two look at each other and grin.
Beta One steps aside, showing a huge hole in the fence.
ALPHA ONE
(whispering)
Alright team, let’s go!
His team spreads out into the compound. Once they’re in, they’re damn near invisible.
Bryce and Jacob whisper back and forth.
BRYCE
You sure you want to quit this? Office jobs are so boring.
JACOB
My son was born two months ago. I’d give up anything to be with him. Hell, I haven’t even seen him yet.
BRYCE
I’m just saying, we’ve been partners for a long time–
ALPHA ONE
(on their radio)
In position. Get moving!
Just like that, conversation stops.
They enter. Jacob goes left, Bryce goes right.
Jacob moves in darkness. A man walks by, he hides next to a hut as the man slowly walks past.
Bryce gets to a building and stops – right before he was about to hit an alarm sensor.
He breathes deep and slowly backs away against the building.
Jacob is walking slowly, when two guards with dogs walk by. He hits the ground. One dogs stops.
He’s looking right at him.
GUARD
(in Portuguese)
What is it?
The dog just keeps looking at Jacob, as Jacob lays as quiet as he can, not even breathing.
Then the dog looks away and they start walking again. Jacob gives a big sigh of relief.
He starts to move up to the main compound.
He’s almost there when–
BARK! BARK!
BRYCE
Aah!
Jacob looks over and sees a dog has attacked Bryce and is biting his leg.
Bryce turns his gun on the dog.
BLAM! The dog flies backward off of him.
The guards aim at Bryce, but before they can shoot.
PFWAP! PFWAP! PFWAP!
Silenced pistols take out the guards from the men watching.
ALPHA ONE
(on the radio)
We’re toast! Finish it and let’s get out!
JACOB
(on radio)
On it.
Jacob goes to look into the window of the compound, when gunshots start coming out at him.
He quickly runs to the door and opens it. Only darkness inside.
He unloads his assault weapon into the hangar.
Then it’s silence.
JACOB
(into radio)
It’s done.
ALPHA ONE
(into radio)
Verify.
Jacob turns on a light, smiling. But then his smile drops.
At his feet are all the child soldiers he was saving.
And they’re all dead now.
He stands, just looking at it in shock.
Guns ring out in the distance, but he just drops to his knees, staring at one young child’s face.
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Subject line: Joan Edwards’ Level 2 Action Emotions What I learned doing this assignment is it helps you to learn more about your characters when you make them face surprise, shock, and suspense! SURPRISE:
Definition:
To come upon or discover
suddenly and unexpectedly; to elicit or bring out suddenly and without
warning.How
To: Create an unexpected
situation that startlesSHOCK:
Definition:
A sudden or violent disturbance
of the mind, emotions, or sensibilities.
How
To: Create a surprise that elevates
the level of fear and has significant repercussions.SUSPENSE:
Definition: A state or feeling of excited or anxious uncertainty
about what may happen. Doubt of safety
How
To: Set up a significant
consequence and delay the delivery.The difference between
Create a scene that uses all three of these Action emotions.
1. Look through your outline and choose a scene that could use surprise, shock, and suspense.
2. Create an outline of the scene that includes each of the three emotions: surprise, shock, and suspense.
Chase to get to Craig Newhouse first, would get the information. Turns out that someone else learned about it and wrapped Craig up and there was a note there when Bladen got there that said. What you seek is gone. With funny signature. Bladen decided to hide out to see what happened when Ansaca came. Evidently he had someone watching and he never showed up. Actually, his car ran out of gas. He sent one of his guys to look. They came back and told him about the note. Ansaca said, Huh. I think Bladen has it. “If Bladen enters my bank, I’m going to kill him.” One of his buddies said, he might not have the information with him. Ansaca says no one has the incriminating evidence except for me. Not to worry.
3. Write the scene as a first draft, highlighting surprise, shock, and suspense.
Bladen believes he is the only one to know about Craig Newhouse having proof of Ansaca’s guilt.
Niece: Help me with my homework, please.
Bladen: Can’t. I’ve got to go.
Niece: But you promised.
Bladen: I know. Pedro will help you. He’s good at math.
Niece: Okay, but next time it’s got to be you. Gives him a hug.
Bladen gets in car and puts blades in his hip pocket. Goes through a few red lights.
When he gets to Craig’s apartment. it’s eerie. There are no lights on. He parks at the back. He uses a flash light. He breaks in with a jutted key. He searches the kitchen with his flashlight and follows a blood trail to the bedroom. He kneels down beside Craig. Checks his heart beat.
Bladen: Too late.
Reads the note aloud: Don’t mess with me. I’ve got the evidence you seek. Signed with funny scrawled A.
Bladen: Damn you, Craig. You should have known Ansaca wouldn’t play fair. Your life is more important than money!
Bladen heard the sirens and left by the back door. He got in his car and headed for the restaurant. He didn’t want to leave any clues he’d been there. They might suspect it was he that killed him because he got a note, too. He couldn’t get arrested before the convention.
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Ramelle’s Level 2 Action Emotions
What I learned is that the proportion of tragedy and pain is contributing to the layout for the truth.
Surprise:
Ext (Cinnamon’s home)
Cinnamon sits up in her bed after the nightmare. The cell phone rings, and it is her mom, Chay.
Chay: Good morning, Love. It’s a gorgeous day and I love to see you. Are you busy later?
Cinnamon: No, Mom, I’m glad you called, I really need to talk to you so what time tonight?
Chay: Oh, 7 pm sharp; I have someone special joining us tonight. See you soon.
Cinnamon contemplates on (who) the (“someone special”) is coming over for dinner. She gets a
{Good morning, sweetheart} text from Clash.
Excitingly she texts back {Good Morning, How about dinner tonight at my mom’s house or we can meet afterward.}
Clash {I would love to meet you, mom.} See you soon!
Cinnamon is done at work at 5 pm, is home by 05:45, she showers, gets dressed; meanwhile she gets a test from Clash.
Clash {I can’t leave until 8 pm, please allow my raincheck to you, I will make it up.}
Cinnamon: {Was it meeting my mother already, scare you}
Clash: {No not at all; just catching up on much-needed work, I will call you once I’m done}
Cinnamon: {Talk soon}
Chay’s home interior; unlike Cinnamon’s dream, there is no smoke, everything is normal.
Cinnamon knocks on the door, it opens by Jerrod, Chay’s mom’s longtime butler.
Cinnamon: Hey, J, she walks in, and the table is set for four.
Chay walks into the dining area sees Cinnamon and hugs her, they sit and talk.
Chay: It’s so good to see my baby
Cinnamon: Same her. mom
Chay: I must tell you about your father, I know it has taken me a while to really speak about it and how better than now.
Shock:
This is starting to look like Cinnamon’s dream.
Chay: I will share this to give us both peace and calm. Your father died in a car crash, I was heartbroken, I could eat/sleep for an exceptionally long time, and I was very hurt, but I dealt with the pain of the loss of my husband. I miss him every day. Honey, he is dead, and I want him back much more than you do but we must move on.
Suddenly the doorbell rings
Cinnamon: Mom, (sighing with happiness) I am so glad you’re clearing up about this incident. I love you so much, mom. They stand and hug each other.
Jerrod: Madam Chay, your other guest has arrived.
Chay: Oh welcome
Cinnamon: Aunt Rebecca, Hi
Chay; I thought you were Pinksy.
Rebecca: Oh, I wanted to surprise both of you, I’ve been gone a long time.
Chay; Not long enough, where is your daughter, Pinksy?
Rebecca: She had some last-minute errands, she’ll come shortly.
Cinnamon: Mom and I were just talking about Dad and well, Rebecca I feel so much better
Rebecca: What did your mother tell you?
Chay: nothing, honey let’s sit down and eat something, you must be starving, Jerrod dear
Cinnamon: Well, she comforted me, I wanted to find my father’s killer, but she told me the truth.
Rebecca looks at Chay.
Rebecca: Did she tell you they never found a body?
Chay: Rebecca shush. We should really eat and
Cinnamon face look flushed
Cinnamon: You are telling me; my dad is alive.
Suspense:
Cinnamon faints.
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Dwight Tincher’s Level 2 Action Emotions
What I learned from this assignment is to accept turning in an assignment that isn’t the best it can be. Chopping up this scene to just emphasize the three elements felt like a cheat but if I used the whole scene, it would have been way too long.
I’m choosing a scene from towards the end of my outline. Because this scene in full is about 12 pages, I am editing it down for this assignment.
Scene
After the poachers’ elephant attack has been thwarted, our hero finds herself just regaining consciousness after being thrown from her team’s Humvee. She sees the head poacher walking towards her.
POACHER
You’ve ruined my plans for the last time, bitch.
As he walks towards Sage, she unholsters her pistol. She is just about to fire when from behind her she hears.
Ex-Friend/Traitor
Drop it marine!
Sage turns and is shocked to see her former friend with a rifle leveled at her head. As Sage drops her pistol the leader of the elephant herd walks up behind the poacher.
Sage
What the hell? I thought you were dead.
Ex-Friend/Traitor
Well guess what, I’m not. No thanks to you.
She turns to the poacher.
Ex-Friend/Traitor
She’s ruined two of our hunts, it’s time for her to die. Would do the honors for me.
Poacher
With pleasure.
Sage is sure she’s about to die as the poacher starts to bring up his rifle. That’s when the elephant nudges him aside. The poacher turns his rifle on the elephant who swipes him off his feet with his giant head.
While the poacher is down the elephant moves in close and looks him eye to eye. He rears back up and smashes his right foot down on the poacher’s head crushing it like a watermelon.
The traitor turns her rifle on the elephant but before she can fire, Sage sweeps her legs out from under her, dislodging the rifle. The two fight it out for a few minutes with each temporarily gaining the upper hand.
Finally, when the traitor is about to go in for the kill, from out of seemingly nowhere, the giant Cape Buffalo charges across the savannah and gores the traitor with his left horn. He carries her off about 20 feet before tossing her in the air and dumping her to the ground.
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Tarina’s Level 2 Action Emotions
“What I learned doing this assignment is…?
I used the surprise, shock, and suspense just after the level 1 emotions and it lifted the whole scene even more. Just when you think they can breathe, just when you think you understand the plot this level two emotion comes along and it is a brilliant, brilliant concept. Loved doing it.
INT. FACTORY – NOON
INT. FACTORY – NOON
NINA
Confusion and then recognition followed by disgust spread over her face.
YOU! She spat the word out at him.
THUG
Nina you have no reason to trust me, but please just listen me out.
PAUSES and takes a deep breath.
You may not believe me, but I hope you do. You parents gave me a word for this day. Cuddle Snuggles
NINA
Draws in her breath sharply and if possible she turned from green to white. Confusion, and memories flood her face.
No! That is impossible! That is our safe phrase…
THUG
My friend, your father gave it to me the day I helped you escape. The day I saw him and your mom die, unable to help them. The day I promised to protect you like my own.
NINA
Screaming
You were never his friend!
Spat in his face!
You hated us! You were the worst of them all!
THUG
Yes, I were. I were the worst of them all, but I never physically harmed them and always, always had their backs. Somehow me and your father clicked we became friends and to hide that friendship and everything I smuggled into them, to you I had to be the meanest mother fucker so that no one would suspect anything and so that they would keep posting me there as part of the mind games that they played with your family. At least with me your parents always knew what to expect and they knew that every time you left that room I would keep an eye out for you as far as possible.
And that day of your escape, if not for me causing a diversion you would never have escaped. It was the hardest thing I had to do in my life, because I knew they would die in the process. There was no other way.
Takes a deep breath.
I have been keeping watch over you ever since. I promised your parents to give you a normal life to give you space but to always watch over you. I stayed in business with Krueger’s father and after his capture stayed on with Krueger himself so that I could see the danger coming and be prepared. Since these guys started protecting you at the pre-trial hearings, I made contact with them, and we have all been looking out for you since then.
NINA
Breaths deeply in and out. This is too much. Her head is spinning, and she is so confused. First the attacks, then the flashbacks, memories, the puzzles and now this… With shaking hands and legs feeling like rubber she pushes herself from the chair and the salt and vinegar smell overwhelms her again… With her hand in front of her mouth she looks frantically for the bathroom.
THUG
Indicating a door.
This way.
NINA
Stumbles to the bathroom. Retching and vomiting can be heard and then quiet.
BRUCE
With concern on his face.
This might have been too much for her.
SLY
Slams his fist into the table in front of him. Frustration and guilt washes over his face.
Damn! We did not have a choice. We need a break, and we need to figure this out and Ben can help with both. It was time to play open cards.
ARON
Guys!
Aron is bending over Nina in the bathroom. She is having a full-blown panic attack. Shaking, sweating and breathing fast and with shallow gasps she sits on the bathroom floor hugging herself tightly. Aron sits down next to her and effortlessly pulls her onto his lap. His arms wraps around her, and he start to speak to her in a soft and comforting manner.
Ok girl, I’ve got you. Deep breath, deep breath. It’s ok.
All of the operatives file into the bathroom, concern and guilt clear on their faces. Ben comes in with a glass of liquid and a brown paper bag.
BEN
Handing the items to Aron.
It will help with the shock. I think it is best if I stay outside for now.
ARON
Holds the glass to Nina’s lips and help her to drink it. All the time talking very calmly to her.
SLY
You stay with her A; we will go and catch up with Ben.
ARON
Nods and pushes her head back into his shoulder. Holding the brown paper bag in front of her mouth he help her to take deep and calming breaths. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his cell phone.
How about some calming tunes?
He moves his finger over an internet screen searching for music.
CUT TO:
INT. FACTORY – NOON
Ben and the remaining operatives sit around the table.
SLY
So, explain to me how this fuck can target us the whole time. I get the facial software, but the civilians at Nina’s office and that shit on the train had nothing to do with facial recognition.
BEN
So, this program that Nina’s parents created. It can target anyone through the internet, using subluminal orders it can control them. They don’t understand what they are doing – like a person sleep walking.
So basically, if you are on the net and the device have a camera eye, you are vulnerable to become a puppet.
BRUCE
You’re shitting me!
SLY
Why the hell would they develop such shit?
BEN
This was one of several projects they worked on. They were probably the best scientists of their time and remember they were under constant duress since her birth. This program were actually never finished. We planned the escape before they could finish and as a failsafe they programmed the kill code into Nina’s brain. I was the only one that knew about it, but since the program were unfinished I had no concern about it.
SLY
So how the hell did they start to use it if it was never finished and how did you not know this in time.
BEN
Well as always Krueger sent me away to make the rounds at all his different facilities. It takes more than a while and I have to keep an eye on Nina as well. He started using the program in that time and I only found out yesterday when I checked in. Regarding the program he found another scientist and a Russian whizz kid with computers. Between the two of them and they are as crazy as Krueger, they figured out the glitches and made some of their own tweaks. So instead of just controlling people they programmed it to become a weapon.
BRUCE
So basically anyone, anywhere, anytime
can become an assassin.
A moment of silence follows as they try to absorb this information. Aron with his arm around a still shaking Nina walks in. He blinks rapidly in the bright light of the room and for a moment only looks a bit dazed. He shakes his head and lead Nina back to the chair. He joins the guys at the table and Sly brings him up to speed. Bruce moves over to Nina with the medical kit and start to administer some medicine and fluids to her for the vomiting and dehydration.
ARON
Moves to the fridge and takes out a soft drink, as he snaps open the can he seems a bit off. He takes a long drink and then calmly throws it in the air. The spinning can spew its content all over the room. Sly and Bruce reaches for their guns and aim at the can. In one smooth motion Aron pulls his gun and start shooting. One bullet hits Bruce centre mass and he drops down like a puppet whose strings are cut. Sly tips Nina and the chair over, he and Ben start to fire at Aron who are now turning to concentrate his fire on Nina.
SLY
What the FUCK Aron!
BEN
It’s no use! we need to go.
He pulls a smoke grenade and throws it under the table. Moments later the room is thick with smoke. Through the hazy smoke Aron ejects his clip and reload. Stepping over Bruce’s body without even glancing at him. Screeching tires can be heard moving away from the factory. He look calmly at their car with two flat tires. A series of lights start to rapidly blink in the corners of the room. He see it and quickly but deliberately leave the factory. He is only a few steps away when there are a huge explosion filling the sky with flames, smoke and debris. He are thrown into the air onto the gravel in front of the factory.
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Diana T. Black… Level 2 Action Emotions…
What I learned doing this assignment is that I do have scenes with surprise, shock, and suspense but not necessarily in that order; more often surprise, suspense, and shock via a scene sequence. The “Salt” example has the pay-off (the suspense component) much later on. Of those types of scenes, I have several. At this point these assignments are working as a checklist – do I have such scenes in the bag? It is also an extra opportunity to polish the Outline before writing each individual scene. The Outline is pulling “double duty” incorporating with each scene, the justification/rationale for the action and dialogue, which won’t find itself on the page as text but potentially as sub-text.
Listed below is a scene sequence. It would most likely also work as an “Action Set Piece” where these components – surprise, shock, and suspense are sequentially together.
Don’t get the color difference in the text below – not my doing/plan.
Scene Sequence Outline
Scene:
V11 (Surprise & Shock)…Keylan receives a post-card from “Louise” stating that she’s waiting for him in Acapulco, with the money. Her handwriting. It was delivered anonymously to the Firehouse. A5…Keylan confides with Ange who tells him there’s only one way to find out – go there and confront her.
Scene:
A6…(Surprise) Keylan arrives in Acapulco – surveils a yacht out in the harbor – it’s the “Undercurrent” – Louise’s father’s boat – normally stationed at Dana Point Yacht Club. It looks like it’s getting ready for a party. (Suspense) None of the locals will take him out to the yacht, and won’t say why – they seem terrified. V13…Keylan sees (through binoculars) “Louise” waving to him and blowing him a kiss. He tries her phone – it goes straight to message bank. V12 (Shock) Keylan is subject to a drive-by shooting by two men in a car – they narrowly miss. A6 (Cont’d)…Keylan steals a motorcycle and gives chase. V13 (Cont’d)… (Suspense) The car with Keylan in pursuit, heads out of town along the cliff road. The gunmen take a bend too sharply – the car heads for the cliff edge.
Scene:
V13 (Cont’d)…(Shock) The car flies over the cliff edge and comes to rest on the rocks below. (Suspense) Keylan climbs down the jagged rock face – both men are dead. They have Interpol badges (they’re fake… but Keylan doesn’t know that). A6 (Cont’d) Keylan takes their ID’s and heads back to the harbor.
Scene:
A6 (Cont’d)…Keylan watches the party happening on the yacht with him hidden on the shoreline.
LATER
The last of the guests are ferried back to shore by one of the crew members, who gets on a bicycle and rides away. Keylan bribes a young teenager to take him out to the yacht. The teen stops 200 feet away from the yacht and refuses to go any further – others have died (shot). (Suspense) Keylan swims the rest of the way to the yachtquietly, in the dark.
Scene:
A6 (Cont’d)…(Suspense) Keylan climbs onboard. V14...Keylan’s attacked by the two male crew members. A6 (Cont’d)…Keylan fights them and knocks them out (presumably) and both fall overboard. V14 (Cont’d)… (Shock) “Louise” turns out to be a fake. She tells Keylan she doesn’t have the money, that she never had it. That she’s just an actor paid to be a “look-alike”. She also maintains the real Louise is “old news”. M12...Keylan demands she explain herself. V14 (Cont’d) She tells Keylan, “You’ll have to ask the boss.” That’s as far as she gets – one of the crewmen who’s now back on the boat, shoots her dead. In a fight for the gun, the crewman strikes Keylan in the back of the head – knocking him out.
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Christopher Dalbey’s Level 2 Action Emotions
What I learned doing this assignment is that I fell in love with this process. I truly enjoyed setting up these action emotions diagrams in quite a few scenes in my script. In particular, I found that delaying the delivery sequences to be very effective and enticing!
3. Write the scene as a first draft, highlighting surprise, shock, and suspense.
EXT. BAR – NIGHT
Phara Ady looks like hell. She sits listlessly at the bar.
The few patrons in the bar are half in the bag and gearing up for Mardi Gras, some doused in hats, make up, and the usual Mardi Gras fanfare.
Except for the GENTLEMEN (late 40’s) at the dark corner at the end of the bar, in well tailored suits, a sinister glare in all three of them.
A random PARTY GOER (20’s), glitter everywhere, all sorts of beads around his neck, stumbles into Phara half- haphazardly. Phara doesn’t budge from her stool.
When Phara turns to him, instead of seeing a Party Goer she sees a ghastly presence in front of her. She bugs out and steams off her stool and dashes out of the pub.
The Gentlemen subtly follow suit through the fanfare in the bar.
EXT. BAR- BACK ALLEY – NIGHT
Phara strays down a puddled and dimly lit alley. Regale sounds from the surrounding streets reverberate through the alley.
– Hearing the sound of luxury footwear splashing in the alleyway puddles behind her, Phara ceases in her path –
GENTLEMAN #1 (O.S.)
Where are we off to in such a rush?
Phara warily turns to the Gentlemen standing in the shadows.
GENTLEMEN #2
Looking to party girlfriend?
Stepping out of the shadows and into the alley lights is GENTLEMAN #1 –
– Even in her disheveled state, she is shocked to recognize that she is once again faced with ONE OF THE PREDATORS WHO RAPED AND MURDERED PHARA!
Although the Gentlemen don’t recognize her.
As Phara takes a cautious step back, one of her heeled shoes gets caught in one of the loose cobblestones in the street and eats it hard!
One of the Gentleman lets out raspy laughter while the other two remain silent. Gentleman #1 steps towers over Phara.
Phara’s bloodied face is slightly illuminated from the dimly lit street lights reflecting off the puddle she lay in.
GENTLEMAN #1
Don’t worry sweetheart. We’ll make sure you have a real good time.
The shadows of the other two Gentlemen gathering around Phara have obstructed the light from Phara’s face. The sound of unbuckling belts and unzipping of zippers collide with the party roars in the streets nearby.
A hand from one of the Gentleman presses Phara’s head down, holding her steady against the cold cobblestones. One of the Gentleman penetrates her violently from behind.
She views someone in an elaborate costume passed out among the dumpster behind the bar as her face scraps back and forth in the street. She zones out on the sparkly costume when –
With supernatural force delivers a lethal blow with one of her arms to the Gentleman atop her that sends him unconscious across the dark alley –
GENTLEMAN #2 (O.S.)
FUCK IS THIS!? –
Phara soars into the air and lands stealthily on her feet! The other Gentleman, frozen in their tracks, among the shadows. –
A plethora of fireworks cover the skies above …
The other Gentleman lay bloodied and contorted in in human ways, among the puddles under the single street light of the alleyway –
– The back door to the bar SLAMS open with the Party Goer being shoved out into the alley by a bouncer. He lands in a puddle of his own.
PARTY GOER
(loudly)
IT’S FUCKING MARDI GRAS! ASSHOLE!
Party Goer immediately senses the shadowy presence behind him and looks up –
Its Phara Ady garbed perfectly in the elaborate costume of the person passed out in the alley!
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