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Post Day 12 Assignment Here
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Karin Hallén’s Finished Act 1
What I learned doing this assignment is that it’s harder to write these scenes that are in between the Key Scenes. It’s harder to create essence in them, harder to find the conflict. I find that I repeat myself a lot. I learned that I very well might have too many of these scenes. Already omitted one from the beat sheet, and I sense some others might have to be taken out or combined into one for the story not to be repetitive or drag. But that’s for the rewrite.
Outline any scenes left in Act 1
Scenes after Opening scene.
INT. CONFERENCE ROOM – day
George holds a lecture in front of a very sparse audience. His speech is boring. He is nervous and stutters. He mainly promotes himself. People leave the room.
INT. HOTEL RECEPTION – DAY
Beginning.
George enters the conference room, which is next to anther conference room where Brad Brightly held a seminar. George complains to the hotel manager and blames Brad Brightly for the poor attendance at his lecture. He says that Brad intentionally sabotaged him, stealing his audience.
Middle
Brad Brightly comes out of another conference room surrounded by fans. The manager stops him. George and Brad stand face to face. Brad is very nice. He’s never heard of George and introduces himself. Sincerely wishes him good luck.
End
George storms out and away from the hotel.
Scenes after George wishes for Geena to play tennis:
EXT. TENNIS COURT – DAY
Transformational Event 2.
Beginning
George and Geena arrive at the tennis court. George “casually mentions” to other players that Geena is his full-time tennis partner.
Middle
George and Geena play tennis.
Geena sweats, huffs and puffs and it’s obvious she’s out of shape. Instead of helping and encouraging Geena, George uses her obvious struggles on the court as an opportunity to make himself look better.
George struts his stuff on the court, in an attempt to show off in front of everyone else on the court. It backfires. Instead the people around him look at him with disdain and come to Geena’s support offering her water and encouraging words like “You’ll get it” “Great effort, hang in there“ Someoene offers her a suggestion for how to hold her racket. Someone says: Poor woman she must really need a job.” One of them calls George “Asshole” as they walk by him. George looks surprised. It’s obvious from his reaction that he doesn’t get it.
End
He gets an idea. He runs over and helps Geena. Says that he’s doing it for her for free because she asked him to help her get in shape and asked her to be tough with her. He’s taking his valuable time as a popular self help coach and speaker to help this woman for free get healthy and feel better about herself. Someone buys his lies and says. Oh, that’s so nice of you. I might come check out your lecture.
EXT. HOTEL POOL – DAY
Beginning
On the way back from tennis George and Geena stop at pool.
Middle
George tells Geena to disappear into lamp. She says that he has no say over that until they’re back in the same room as the lamp – and since they are still on their way back from tennis she’s still under tennis assignment. He orders her to be nicer and she says that’s not included in the wish.
End
Geena also discovers all kinds of fun modern things, like floating toys, margaritas and a radio.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Placeholder:
Beginning
Geena keeps trying to make George make the next wish.
Middle
He forces her back into lamp, saying he hasn’t come up with the perfect wish yet.
End
Maybe she comes with suggestions? Maybe she tries to bribe him on some way, as she disappears into the lamp?
After restaurant scenes
EXT TENNIS COURT – DAY
Beginning
George and Geena play tennis.
Middle
Geena gets sick from the mountain of food she ate at breakfast and barfs on the court. Someone tells George to clean up after his poor friend as they run to her help Geena looks smug. He is pissed.
End
What is it about Geena that makes everyone respond to her and not to him. What voodoo black genie magic is she using to trick people, he asks. She says no tricks. That’s his arena. I’m keeping it real. He doesn’t get it. Makes fun of her because she says a genie is real.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
PLACEHOLDER: Last night at this hotel. Scene between George and Geena. Geena wants George to wish. She urges him on. George refuses to make any more wishes. Geena calls George out on why he won’t make any wishes. Because nobody will be around him unless he forces them. He angrily stuffs her back into the lamp. She is heard furiously yelling through the lamp, that she will “make him” wish.
INT. LAMP – NIGHT
Geena is sad. She talks to herself in the lamp. About that George will never set her free. Then she talks herself up and vows to out-trick him. She brainstorms plans out loud to herself.
2. + 3 Write the scenes left in Act 1.
Act 1:
INT. HOTEL RECEPTION – DAY
GEORGE, 45 walks up to the front desk with a carry-on suitcase in one hand and a printed paper in the other. He glances at a sign in the lobby announcing a seminar by “Brad Brightly.” He frowns. There is nobody behind the desk. George hits the bell on the counter several times in a row, impatiently. He waits less than five seconds before he rings again.
GEORGE
Hello! Hello! Anyone here?
A receptionist appears, wearing a name tag that says ELLA.
ELLA
Hi! Checking in?
GEORGE
Yes! What does it look like? Suitcase, check, reservation printout, check, arriving at check-in time, check.
George waves the paper at Ella. She takes it.
Ella looks at her computer. She makes a puzzled face.
GEORGE
This is the first stop on my book tour. You might have heard of my book already. (Insert book title here.)
George pauses for Ella’s response, to no avail. She types on her keyboard.
GEORGE
It’s expected to be the next New York Times Bestseller. George. George Wallow. THE George Wallow.
George leans over and points at his name on the reservation printout.
ELLA
I’m sorry, Mr. Wallow it seems you don’t have a reservation.
GEORGE
What? It’s right there! On the paper. That’s my reservation number.
ELLA
Is it possible that you cancelled it by mistake?
GEORGE
No! It is not possible that I cancelled it by mistake. Ella. You made a mistake! And now you’re blaming it on me. Do you know who I am?
Ella shakes her head “no”. George looks disappointed. Ella turns around with the reservation printout and whispers to a co-worker.
ELLA
Do you know who he is?
The co-workers glances at George and shakes his head.
ELLA
I am really sorry Mr. Wallow. We’ve been extremely busy with everything surrounding the Brad Brightly event. Our computer system crashed and possibly your reservation got lost then.
Just then BRAD BRIGHTLY, late 30s handsome, smiling, walks through the lobby. Everyone in the lobby stop what they are doing and look at him and whisper. He waves to Ella as he walks by. She blushes.
GEORGE
So, you do know who Brad Brightly is. Well, that’s just great! (Pause)
Just get me a room.
ELLA
Unfortunately, we’re fully booked.
George fumes.
GEORGE
Oh, but if Brad Brightly needed a room, I’m sure you’d have one, right? Huh? His book is like a frigging comic book. I am saving people from the deadliest disease in modern times. And you can’t even get me a room? Do you even know how to read?
A bypassing guest glances at George, reacting to his rude tone and manners. Ella works hard to stay calm and succeeds.
ELLA
Oh, wait. There is a room. It was under repair, but looks like it’s ready now.
Ella hands George keys. George casually “forgets” a copy of his book on the counter. The title indicates that it’s a personal development book on how to overcome loneliness in today’s society.
INT. HOTEL CONFERENCE ROOM – DAY
George holds a lecture in front of a very sparse audience. He points at a diagram on a sitting on a large easel. He is fidgety and nervous.
GEORGE
So, uum, here you see how this has changed since the 1990s. Oh, oops, this is upside down. Hold on.
He turns the whiteboard right and tips over the easel in the process. He scrambles to put it back in place.
GEORGE
So, anyway where were we. Uum.
He takes out his notes and searches for what to say.
People leave the room.
INT. HOTEL – DAY
Beginning.
George exits the conference room, which is next to another conference room. There is a sign outside the other conference room informing us that Brad Brightly’s seminar is being held there. George spots the HOTEL MANAGER, 50s. He waves him down.
GEORGE
Hey, hey! What is this? How can he be allowed to book the room right next to me for a seminar at the same time? That’s bullshit. It’s a conflict of interest. I’m gonna need to get reimbursed for the cost of that room.
HOTEL MANAGER
Actually he booked his room long before you booked yours.
GEORGE
Well, he sabotaged me. Intentionally.
HOTEL MANAGER
Are you sure of that? How?
GEORGE
Ask him?
Brad Brightly comes out of his conference room surrounded by fans.
HOTEL MANAGER
Let’s ask him right now.
The manager waves Brad down. The fans dissipate. George and Brad stand face to face. George looks uncomfortable.
Brad offers George his hand.
BRAD
Hi, I’m Brad.
GEORGE
George.
BRAD
Nice to meet you, man.
HOTEL MANAGER
George here wanted to talk to you about something.
BRAD
About what?
George gets tongue tied. The other two look expectantly at him.
HOTEL MANAGER
I believe it was about the possible conflict of interest of holding seminars next to each other at the same time.
BRAD
Oh, don’t worry about it, brother. No need to apologize. They told me about it when you first booked the room, but I’m like, I’m cool with it. There’s room for everyone. I saw your poster. We’re in the same field. We gotta stick together. I’ll point people in your direction. It’s all about helping folks, right.
GEORGE
Uh, sure, yeah.
A woman comes up to Brad and wants her book, written by Brad signed. He takes her pen.
BRAD
Alright, see you around, George. Good luck!
George leaves, quietly fuming. He walks through the lobby with clenched fists and exits the hotel.
EXT. YARD SALE – DAY – MINUTES LATER
George, still upset enters a residential neighborhood, oblivious to his surroundings. He rehearses things he should have said at the lecture and to Brad out loud. He only looks up when a couple carrying a big coffee table steps out in front of him. He stops and notices that he’s right outside a nice house holding a yard sale. A WOMAN IN GARDEN HAT addresses him.
WOMAN IN GARDEN HAT
Hi! Did you want to have a look, too before we close up? C’mon on in.
George enters the yard sale. He browses among the tables with knick knacks and stops by a very dusty, very old looking oil lamp. He picks it up and looks at it. He puts it down and looks around a bit more. He returns to the lamp and picks it up again.
WOMAN IN GARDEN HAT
That lamp has travelled a long way.
GEORGE
How much?
WOMAN IN GARDEN HAT
Oh, a dollar is fine. We just don’t have room.
George buys the lamp.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – DAY
George rubs the lamp clean with a washcloth. Suddenly, there is a WEIRD SOUND, coming from the lamp and it starts shaking in George’s hands. The shape of a woman squeezes out of the lamp and pushes herself through with great effort and grows into a full size person. GEENA, 50s, a bit chunky lands heavily on the floor. George screams out loud in shock and fear.
Geena stands up with some effort.
GEENA
Ouch. Stiff joints.
Geena smiles at George. She makes a dramatic gesture.
GEENA
Geena. Your wish is my command.
George looks like a deer caught in headlight.
GEORGE
Huh?
Geena does some stretching exercises. She takes up most of the floorspace.
GEENA
Aahh, feels good to be out.
GEORGE
Who are you? What is going on? What are you doing in my room?
GEENA
In which order would you like me to address those questions?
GEORGE
Get out! I’m calling The Police!
George tries to push Geena. She stands rock solid, not moving and inch.
GEENA
Sorry, no can do. Not until you’ve asked for your wishes.
GEORGE
My what?
GEENA
Your wishes! Are you deaf or what? Why did you rub a lamp in the first place if not to call a genie. Or did you mistake it for your, uhum…?
Geena nods at George’s crotch. George tugs on his shirt to cover his crotch area.
GEORGE
Stop! I have no idea of what’s going on right now.
GEENA
Clearly.
GEORGE
First of all there are no genies.
GEENA
Oh? So who then do you think squeezed out of a 2 inch oil lamp opening? The house keeper? (fake squeaky voice) Good evening sir, we thought it was more efficient to enter your room this way. Tomorrow we’ll flow in through the air vent with your fresh towels. (end squeaky voice) Or is it you, hallucinating? Are you crazy maybe? Is this all in your head? And if it is, how come you get marks from this?
Geena leans over and bites George’s forearm hard. He jumps in pain.
GEORGE
Ouch!
George looks at his arm. The bite has left distinct, red marks. he sinks down on the bed, looking very confused.
GEENA
Now, let’s start over. I can’t wait to be done with you!
GEORGE
What?
GEENA
Ok. Here’s the deal. I’ve been waiting 3000 years for you and the last thing I want to waste time on is chit chatting. Get to it!
George looks shocked.
GEORGE
I’m not…I don’t want to…I’ve had a long day… uhm, you’re not my type…
GEENA
To wishing, you moron!
GEORGE
Oh.
GEENA
Ok, you obviously need more basic info than I anticipated. Here’s the deal. I’m a genie.
GEORGE
But you’re a woman?
GEENA
So? Another fact that got skewed in the history books. Do you really think men would take a service job that would require them to appear on demand with a “Your Wish Is My Command” for their entire career? Come on. That only got changed in the books when genies became cool. Can I continue my story now?
George nods.
GEENA
I was a really popular genie back in the far East 3000 years ago. I was great. I worked fast. And I only had one last person left to grant wishes, before I could retire when I was, well, my lamp, my home, with me in it, was dropped in the desert during a sand storm. I was buried in the sand. And I lay there forgotten. For 3000 years. I know the time because I drew a line every year. Look.
Geena nods at the lamp. It does indeed look like there are 1000s of very thin scratches on the inside of the glass.
GEENA
I lay there until an American tourist found me and brought me here last month. I was so excited. I couldn’t wait for her to rub me, but she never did. I heard her husband call my lamp ugly. And then they sold me to you. And here we are. So, hurry up already! Make a wish! Oh, I can’t wait to be done and retire. And I gotta pee.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – BATHROOM – DAY
Geena pees for a very long time.
GEORGE (O.S.)
Oh, wow! You’re really a genie! Oh, my this is crazy. This is amazing! This changes everything! I’m gonna be famous! Yeeehaaaww! Hurry up, I’m ready to wish! Jeez, you’ve been peeing forever!
GEENA
I’ve been holding it since before he was born.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – DAY
Geena comes out of the bathroom.
GEORGE
Ok, so help me out here. Should I ask to be rich first or should I ask for unlimited wishes right of the bat? What’s the best strategy?
Geena sighs and rolls her eyes.
GEENA
It doesn’t work that way. Everyone knows that you can’t ask for more wishes. It’s against the rules. If you even try to ask for any more than three wishes you forfeit your wishes altogether. Here are the rules and limitations. No more and no less than three wishes. You can ask for anything you want, but for measurable wishes my powers are set to the starting date of my employment as a genie. So, you asked to be rich. Let’s see… in my programming that means that you will instantly be the owner of eight goats.
GEORGE
Eight goats!? What? Well, what about filthy rich?
GEENA
Eight goats and two camels.
GEORGE
Noooo! Ok, what if I wish for huge success.
Geena thinks.
GEENA
You won’t die of starvation and you’ll live past the age 40. Awesome, right?
GEORGE
I’m 45, almost 46 now!
George looks extremely disappointed and upset. He throws a pillow at the wall in frustration.
GEORGE
This is useless! You are useless. You’re just wasting my time! This is not fair!
GEENA
Life is not fair.
GEORGE
Well, that’s what your job is. To see to that I get my fair share.
GEENA
Interesting how quickly you went from not believing in genies to taking my services for granted.
GEORGE
Go away. Nothing ever works out for me. I should have known better.
Geena looks concerned.
GEENA
No, hey, hey now. Don’t be like that. It can work out. C’mon just think of something to wish. You can do it. C’mon, make a wish. Please. Oh, pretty please. Just wish for something. Anything. I just want to retire.
GEORGE
Just get out of here. Get back in your lamp or whatever.
The last sentence sends Geena back into her lamp. She gradually shrinks and “swoshes” back into the lamp right in front of George’s eyes, under loud protest.
GEENA
Nooo! Wish something! I’m thirsty. Give me some water!
George ignores her protests. Geena reaches out and grabs a bottle of vodka from the open minibar just before her arm fully disappears into the lamp.
EXT. HOTEL TENNIS COURT – DAY
George enters the hotel tennis court area, which has four courts. One of them is occupied. He warms up with big stretches and gestures, looking around. He approaches a tennis player, NICK, 30s who stands alone on one of the courts.
GEORGE
You wanna play a game?
NICK
Sorry man. My partner is coming right now.
Nick nods towards the gate. Brad Brightly approaches them an waves at Nick.
GEORGE
Oh, ok.
George leaves before Brad reaches them. He keeps looking around. He sees four young guys playing double. One of them injures his ankle. He falls to the ground in pain. George hurries up to them. He pays no attention to the injured guy, almost tripping over him.
GEORGE
You need a new partner to replace him?
GUY 1
Really?
GUY 2
No, we’re good.
An elderly lady hits balls by herself. She is clearly a beginner. George approaches her.
GEORGE
Ouch that hit sucked. Here, play with me, I’ll show you a few tricks.
The elderly woman looks at him, offended. Just then one of the guys who played double calls over to them.
GUY 2
Hey, m’am! You want to play a game with us? We have a man down.
The Elderly Woman heads over to the young guys.
George stands alone in the middle of the court. He looks very alone. He looks around. He spots a tennis ball machine and starts it. He hits a round of balls on the court next to Brad Brightly and Nick. It’s obvious that he’s a pretty good player. And he makes sure to off in any move he can. He keeps glancing over at Brad and Nick to check if they are looking at him. They are not.
Brad and Nick stop playing and wipe the sweat of their foreheads. George stops playing, too. Brad and Nick leave the tennis court. George leaves, too. He nonchalantly crosses their path right in front of them.
BRAD
Hey, George.
George stops and looks up, feigning surprised, as if he just now noticed them.
BRAD
That’s your name right? We met in the lobby.
GEORGE
Sure, uhm… uhmmm.
George pretends to be searching for Brad’s name.
BRAD
Brad. And this is Nick, my full time tennis partner. He travels with me.
George chokes on his water. The words “full time tennis partner” ECHOES in his head.
NICK
We met actually, when I was waiting for you. Did you find someone to play with?
GEORGE
What? Well, uhm, it’s not like I was looking for anyone. I have my own partner. Full time. Of course. I gave him the day off. He pulled a muscle. I worked him too hard at our last game. But, yeah, he travels with me too. Naturally.
BRAD
Cool. Well, we’re leaving town tomorrow morning, but good luck on the rest of your book tour. See you down the road.
Nick and Brad leave. George walks in the other direction. He mutters to himself.
GEORGE
Full time tennis partner.
GEORGE’S FANTASY:
INT. TV STUDIO – DAY
George is being interviewed by a famous TALK SHOW HOST.
GEORGE
And so my full time tennis partner, who travels with me, of course…
The Talk Show Host interrupts.
TALK SHOW HOST
Whoa, wait, wait, wait. You have your own private, full time tennis partner.
The Talk Show Host turns to the live audience.
TALK SHOW HOST
That’s what it’s like to be really successful, people. His own private tennis partner. That’s when you’ve made it. George Wallow everyone.
The audience cheers and applauds. George nods a thank you at them.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – DAY
George, still dressed in tennis gear grabs the oil lamp from the dresser, sits down on the bed and vigorously rubs the lamp.
GEORGE
C’mon, c’mon.
Geena appears.
GEORGE
Oh, I’m really glad it worked. This is so awesome. I have my first wish. I want to make it right now.
GEENA
Yeah? Your swish ish my schommand.
She is clearly intoxicated.
GEORGE
Oh, no, the vodka. Goddamn it. Here.
George hands Geena a Starbuck’s to go cup.
GEORGE
Here. Drink it.
Geena downs the coffee in one sweep. She coughs and spits out coffee through nose and mouth splattering it all over George’s white t-shirt.
GEORGE
I don’t believe this! First you’re drunk and now you spit coffee all over me.
GEENA
I didn’t spit. I coughed. There is a difference. And anyway, what I didn’t COUGH out seems to have done the trick. I feel sober. And as far as drunk. I thought it was water.
GEORGE
Yeah, well I’m ready to wish now.
Geena makes a “go ahead” gesture.
GEORGE
I wish for you to play tennis with me anytime I demand it.
GEENA
What? I do what?
GEORGE
Play tennis with me. Any time I ask you to.
GEENA
I’m not even sure I know what that is.
George turns on the TV and flips channels until he finds a tennis game. Geena pales.
GEENA
Oh. Oh, uhm. That uhm, looks like a lot of work. You know, I’m only obliged to fulfill any wish of a repeated activity for the duration that I am tied to you. Which is until you’ve asked for your three wishes. Which will probably be by tomorrow.
Geena crosses her fingers behind her back.
GEORGE
I don’t care. That’s what I want. You are to be my private tennis partner anytime I ask. C’mon, say it.
GEENA
I mean there are so many other wishes.
GEORGE
Say you will grant it!
Geena sighs heavily.
GEENA
As you wish.
EXT. TENNIS COURT – DAY
George and Geena arrive at the tennis courts where several people are playing. Geena, dressed in new tennis gear tugs on her t-shirt and wiggles her feet as she walks. George whispers to her.
GEORGE
What are you doing? Walk normally.
GEENA
I’ve never had anything like this on my feet before.
GEORGE
You mean shoes?
Two of the guys that were playing double last time George was on the court walks by them. George addresses them with forced casualness.
GEORGE
Hey! Great seeing you again. I’m here with full-time tennis partner today. She travels with me.
The guys nod a restrained hello at him and keep walking.
George and Geena enter their court where the Elderly Woman from last time exits plays with a tennis ball machine.
GEORGE
Good morning, ma’am! I think it’s time for me and my full-time tennis partner to get on this court now.
The Elderly Woman nods and stops playing. She leaves the court.
George and Geena get in position and George serves. Geena misses the ball. George yells at her to look at the ball and serves again. Geena manages to hit the ball with great effort.
They play and Geena sweats, huffs and puffs. It is obvious that she’s out of shape. Instead of helping and encouraging Geena, George uses her struggles on the court as an opportunity to make himself look better.
George struts his stuff and makes grand gestures of victory to make sure he gets noticed.
Instead, the people on the other courts and people waiting for their turn look at him with disdain.
The Elderly Woman passes their court again, now with her husband. She shakes her head and looks at her husband.
ELDERLY WOMAN
Poor woman, she must really need a job.
George serves again and they play a few balls which have Geena rushing all over the court trying to keep up. She falls from exhaustion after chasing a ball.
A YOUNG WOMAN runs into the court comes to Geena’s support offering her a water bottle and encouraging words.
YOUNG WOMAN
You’re doing great. You’ll get it, just hang in there.
The Young Woman’s boyfriend joins Geena and his girlfriend and helps Geena up. He offers Geena a suggestion on how to hold her racket.
A TENNIS WOMAN has been watching from the sideline for a minute, where a small crowd has gathered on Geena’s side. She turns to George, standing all alone on the other side.
TENNIS WOMAN
Asshole.
George looks genuinely surprised. He looks at the supportive crowd Geena has around her. He looks around himself, all alone on his side of the court. He frowns but suddenly perks up, as if getting an idea. He rushes over to Geena’s side of the net. He wraps his towel around her neck and pats her shoulder. He addresses the Tennis Woman.
GEORGE
I’m just helping her. That’s why I’m doing this. I’m a very in-demand personal development coach and I am taking my valuable time to help this poor woman for free, yes you heard it right, for free, to get healthy and feel better about herself. Because she doesn’t have any money. But money means nothing if I can help one person lift themselves out of the misery of their own life.
Geena shakes her head, still too out of breath to say anything. The Tennis Woman looks uncertain.
TENNIS WOMAN
Oh, ok.
GEORGE
Here, take my card. I have a book signing tomorrow.
TENNIS WOMAN
Ok. I might check that out. I’m sorry, I misunderstood.
The Tennis Woman leaves.
EXT. HOTEL POOL – DAY – CONTINUOUS
George and Geena pass the hotel pool on their way back from tennis.
GEORGE
Go back to your lamp. I’m gonna hang out by the pool for a while.
GEENA
Naw, I don’t think so.
GEORGE
I said go back and get into your lamp.
GEENA
Ok, so, this is how it works. You have no say on that until we’re in the same room as the lamp and since we are still on our way back from tennis I am still under tennis agreement. Which means I am to be by your side.
George sighs.
GEORGE
Well, be nice then.
GEENA
That’s not included in the wish.
George finds them two pool chairs and he lays down on one of them and promptly falls asleep.
Geena discovers all kinds of fun modern things by the pool, like floating toys, margaritas and a radio. She jumps into the pool and floats around on a large pink flamingo. She floats up to the edge of the pool next to a young handsome POOL WAITER carrying a drink tray.
GEENA
What’s that?
POOL WAITER
Frozen watermelon Margarita. Would you like one?
Geena nods. While she’s waiting for the Pool Waiter to return with her drink she notices a small radio on a towel, within reach. She grabs it and starts fidgeting with it tuning into different channels. She has clearly not used a radio before. She looks delighted.
The Pool Waiter returns with her Margarita.
Geena floats around on the flamingo, sipping Margarita and listening to the radio on loud volume. She looks very pleased.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Geena and George enter. They are both bright red from sunburn.
GEORGE
You could have woken me up!
GEENA
I didn’t know that the ozone layer has disappeared! This world is weird.
GEORGE
Weird? I don’t even know how to respond to that, coming from a genie.
GEENA
Just by making another wish. That’s the best way for you to respond to anything.
GEORGE
I haven’t come up with anther good wish yet. GO back to your lamp. I order you.
Geena starts the shrinking process against her will.
GEENA
Noo! Just ask for anything. For the sunburn to go awaaayyy.
Geena swooshes back into the lamp as she finishes her sentence.
INT. CONFERENCE ROOM – DAY
George holds a lecture in front of a sparse audience.He talks about himself in a superficial way.
GEORGE
( Insert self serving dialogue here. Something along the lines of: )
I’m a very caring person. I can’t help but caring about everyone. I know so many people who struggle with loneliness. Who do all the wrong things. So, you know, I took it upon me to solve the most prevalent problem in today’s society. Loneliness. Because, you know, I’m one of those guys who everyone talks to, pours their heart out to. I have so many friends who feel lonely. Sometimes I think I’m their only friend. Who would I be if I did not put my own life aside to help them. You see, my purpose is to serve. And I am here to be your friend. And to guide you right. All the information and the in depth research I have done over more than three months is in this book. You can pick up a copy today and your life will change. And don’t forget to sign up for my newsletter and Youtube channel.
A MIDDLE AGED WOMAN raises her hand.
MIDDLE AGED WOMAN
How did you do your research? Where?
GEORGE
Well, uhm, everywhere. I mean we live in a lonely society. You know, social media and everything.
The Tennis Woman who said she’s check put his lecture at the tennis court shakes her head, stands up and leaves, muttering loud enough for people to hear.
TENNIS WOMAN
Waste of time.
MIDDLE AGED WOMAN
I’m asking for my daughter. I’m worried about her. Did you come to any new findings or conclusions?
A BEARDED MAN leans over and whispers to her.
BEARDED MAN
He doesn’t have anything. He’s just trying to sell books. Can’t you tell?
The Bearded man stands up and leaves. So does the Middle Aged Woman. George is left in the room by himself. He looks out over the empty chairs. He slowly gathers his untouched pile of books.
INT. HOTEL LOBBY – DAY – MOMENTS LATER
George sits down in an armchair and puts the box of books by his side. He takes out his phone and scrolls through contacts. He calls several people just to talk to them. Nobody picks up. He leaves several messages along the same lines.
GEORGE
(Insert several similar messages here: Something along the lines of:)
Heeey, man. What are you up to. It’s me George. Georgie. George the man. I’m here on my awesome super busy book tour. It’s going amaaazing. Anyhooooeew, I just thought I’d give you a call and say hi, but I’m sure you’re out and about doing something. Maybe you forgot your phone at home. Anyway, we’ll talk soon. Call me a’right. Later.
George makes four phone calls before he gives up. That concludes most of his contact list aside from “Mom”. He scrolls past her name several times hesitating, but he refrains from dialing her.
He stands up and walks over to the front desk, where Ella is on duty. He smiles.
GEORGE
Well, hey there. Ella.
Ella doesn’t pay attention. He leans in over the desk tries to check what she’s doing on the computer.
GEORGE
What did you think of my book?
Ella looks irritated. She turns the screen away from George.
ELLA
I didn’t have time to read it. Please, Mr. Wallow. This is confidential. I have people’s credit card information here.
GEORGE
Well, how abut a drink at the pool when you get off and I’ll recite my book to you personally?
ELLA
No thank you. Excuse me I have work to do.
Ella turns to a family standing behind George, gives them her brightest smile and waves them up to the desk. The family pushes themselves between George and the front desk, as if he is invisible. One of the two children drops her sticky lollipop in George’s open box of books. She cries. Her mom gives George a dirty look as if it’s his fault. She bends down and picks up the lollipop, which has already stuck to the paper. It rips half the book cover off. What’s left of the title is (Insert words that communicates that George is utterly alone)
INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
George rubs the lamp for Geena to come out. She pops up, grimacing with muscle pain from playing tennis.
GEENA
Your wish is…ouch… my command. Thank you sweet Mama Genie in Heaven, that you’re ready for your next wish. Retirement has never looked better.
GEORGE
Actually, no I am not going to make a wish right now. I thought we could just talk, you know. Get to know each other. Like friends.
GEENA
That’s not under my agreement.
GEORGE
I know, but just for fun.
Geena’s eyes widen in disbelief.
GEENA
Fun? You need to wish!
GEORGE
And you need to stop being condescending.
GEENA
Ok, bye.
Geena starts shrinking to swosh back in the lamp.
GEORGE
Actually, I was actually calling you out to play tennis. We’re playing tennis!
Geena stops shrinking at half size.
GEENA
No, please.
GEORGE
Yes! Now.
Geena returns to normal size looking sullen. George hands her a tennis racket.
EXT. TENNIS COURT – NIGHT
It’s pitch black around the court, where the lights don’t reach. George and Geena enter the court from the darkness.
GEORGE
…so then I just continued on that track. I mean it’s not that my mother didn’t care. I mean I’m sure she cared in her own way. You know what I mean right?
GEENA
Sure. Do you want to play, or what?
GEORGE
Yeah, yeah, of course.
They go to their positions and George serves. Geena misses the ball. The entire time they play George talks and vents to Geena about things.
GEORGE
(Insert dialoge here that shows that George needs to vent and talk to a friend. End with something like:)…people Don’t get it. They just think about themselves.
Geena runs herself ragged at the court and George keeps talking, oblivious to her exhaustion and misery.
INT. HOTEL RESTAURANT – DAY
George sits by himself at a breakfast table with a laptop. He looks at a registration page for an upcoming speaking engagement of his. There is only one name registered. It’s his own. George closes the laptop, with a tired sigh. He takes out a notepad and starts scribbling. He makes three columns. On the top of the first one he writes: What I have going for me: The second column is titled: Success ideas. Third column: Ideas for Wishes from genie. He brainstorms with himself, and writes down ideas, thoughts and possible wishes. Also ideas on to become more successful. Writes down thoughts and ideas. He ponders.
George looks up and sees other people around him, in couples and in groups. They all look like they are having a good time together, laughing, talking. He’s the only one by himself at a table. He looks around for a long time at all the people enjoying themselves together. He looks lonely.
He returns his attention to the notepad. Suddenly he scribbles something and gets excited. Under the column “What I have going for me” he has scribbles. Power! Geena under my control until I’ve made three wishes. Must do what I ask. Under Success Ideas he writes: Never ask for last wish!
He puts a napkin over his cup and plate and rushes from the table. He returns with a protesting Geena.
GEENA
This is not under our agreement.
GEORGE
Of course it is. We’re on our way to play tennis.
Geena sighs.
GEENA
I don’t know whats more sore from your tennis, my ears or my legs.
Geena notices the breakfast buffet and her whole demeanor changes. She instantly perks up.
GEENA
Oh!
Geena heads for the buffet.
Geena returns to the table with several plates filled to the brim with bacon, eggs, home-fries, pancakes with lots of syrup and whipped cream etc.
George fakes having a great conversation at the table. He speaks and laughs loudly, making sure people around notice what a good time he is having. He calls Geena “my friend” several times. It’s a one sided conversation. Geena gives George no attention. She has a huge appetite and eats with great enthusiasm. She tries to wave down a waiter for a refill of her coke. George sees the opportunity to interact and show his helpful nature.
GEORGE
Hey waiter! More coke for my friend here! And syrup, more syrup.
The Tennis Woman, who George bragged to about helping Geena with her health stops by the table. She eyes Geena wolfing down bacon and pancakes with impressive speed. Geena spills on her T-shirt. The waiter brings her more coca cola. The Tennis Woman looks at George with contempt.
TENNIS WOMAN
I thought you said you were helping her get healthy.
EXT. TENNIS COURT – DAY – CONTINOUS
George and Geena play tennis. Geena still wears her stained breakfast T-shirt. She burps out loud and makes loud complaining sounds from being excessively full. She chases a ball and barfs on the court.
The Elderly Woman comes to Geena’s help.
ELDERLY WOMAN
Oh, my, are you ok?
The Elderly Woman leads Geena to the side, while yelling to George.
ELDERLY WOMAN
Clean up after your poor friend, will you! Or I’ll tell the management you’re abusing your employees.
The Elderly Woman leaves. Geena watches from the sideline as George swabs the court. He finishes.
GEORGE
Let’s get the hell out of here.
They walk in silence for a moment.
GEORGE
I don’t get it. What is it you do to people to get them all on your side. What kind of freaky voodoo black genie magic are you using to trick people? Whatever it is should be illegal.
GEENA
I don’t use any tricks. That’s your arena. I’m keeping it real.
George drips with sarcasm.
GEORGE
Hahaha! That’s strong coming from you. A genie. Keeping it real. Right! Hahaha!
INT. HOTEL ROOM – DAY
George packs his suitcase. Geena comes out from the bathroom in her own genie clothes and hangs up her newly washed tennis t-shirt on a hanger.
GEENA
Can you ask for your next wish now?
GEORGE
Nope.
GEENA
Please.
GEORGE
No.
GEENA
When then?
GEORGE
I don’t know. Maybe next week, or next year.
GEENA
Next year?
GEORGE
Maybe. Or maybe not.
Geena gets furious. She steps up on the bed to be taller than George and looks down at him.
GEENA
You….. son of a merlin …bastard! I know what you’re doing. I see through you. You’re not making any more wishes because nobody will be around you unless you force them.
GEORGE
That’s not true!
GEENA
Yes, it is! You’re unbearable.
GEORGE
Go back in your lamp now! I order you!
Geena shrinks and swoshes back into the lamp under protest.
George sinks down on the bed. He stares into nothing.
INT. LAMP – DAY – SIMULTANEOUSLY
Geena is sad. She talks to herself in the lamp. About that George will never set her free. Then she talks herself up and vows to out-trick him. She brainstorms plans out loud to herself.
GEENA
(Words that goes from given-up to empowered, something along the lines of:)
He will never set me free. I’m doomed. I’m going to be in here forever. No! Nobody treats me like that. You wanna fight you’re gonna get it. You wanna play tricks you’re gonna get it. This is not over.
-
THIRTY DAY SCREENPLAY # 12
James E. Clark Finished Act 1
What I learned from this assignment: The freedom to write without having to stop and “fix” stuff is empowering.
OUTLINE
OPENING
EXT. COMPANY HEADQUARTERS – DAY
Beginning
Sailors are scrambling to be in the right place in formation and on time. Everyone is at attention. One lone sailor is five seconds late and has to work is way into his place
Middle
Facing the Sailors is a diminutive Sr. Chief Carrie Waters. Five foot nuthin’ and a hundred pounds. She’s wearing immaculate Khaki’s with lots of ribbons including a Purple Heart.
End
She sarcastically thanks the late sailor for joining his shipmates. She tells the whole formation that she will inspect them prior to the Commander inspecting them and woe to anyone who’s not prepared.
EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY
Beginning
Sr. Chief Waters is watching a Seaman struggle with the operation of a large earthmover
Middle
With ease she scrambles up to the cab. Asks the sailor a few questions. Walks him through the operative procedure and has him restart the earth mover. It works.
End
She kindly confirms that the sailor is able to go through the steps to enforce is learning.
INT. CHAPEL CONFERENCE ROOM – NIGHT
Beginning
Women are milling around chatting and drinking coffee or bottled water. Some are in uniform, some in civies. Carrie is in civies. She calls them all to the table.
Middle
The are going through the story of Deborah in the Book of Judges. Carrie asks pointed questions of the participants to keep them engaged.
End
Bible study is over. Someone asks Carrie what she’ll do once she retires. She tells them she wants to visit every state in the US. Someone asks her about SEAL she was once engaged to. She brushes off the question .
INT. DOJO – NIGHT
Beginning
Carrie, 3<sup>rd</sup> degree Black Belt is teaching a class of kids ages 8-15.
Middle
An 11-year-old boy gets too rambunctious and hurts a girl in the class. She orders him off the mat where he must kneel and watch the rest of the class continue.
End
She confronts the boy by asking him how much he likes being at the Dojo. He loves it. She gives him a serious reprimand threatening to expel him if he targets anyone else.
INT. CARRIE’S HOUSING – NIGHT
She’s researching online RV life and places to travel in the US. A drop of blood drips from her nose and onto her desk.
INCITING INCIDENT
INT. NAVY MEDICAL OFFICE – DAY
Beginning
Carrie wonders why she’s in the Dr’s office and not the exam room.
Middle
Physician gives Carrie bad news. One to two years at most.
End
EXT. FRONT OF MEDICAL CENTER – DAY
Carrie stands and stares into nothingness. Then starts to shake. She screams. She hears a voice behind her. It’s a Rear Admiral asking if she’s okay. She salutes and excuses herself
INT. BATALLION COMMANDERSERS OFFICE
Beginning
Sr, Chief Waters enters the Commanders office dressed in fresh Khakis. She reports. Commander welcomes her. Command Master Chief observes and smiles at her.
Middle
Commander informs her she will have to retire. She has sixty days left in the Navy. She will not make Master Chief and she won’t have a thirty year career.
End
EXT. BATTALION COMMAND HQ – DAY
Carrie stands and stares into nothingness. She kicks a concrete bench and SCREAMS!
A staff car with a one star flag drives by. The same Admiral rolls down the window and watches Carrie as the car drives by. She salutes.
ACT 1 TURNING POINT
REACTION TO INCITING INCIDENT
Beginning
INT. CARRIE’S HOUSING – NIGHT
She researches projects on turning a school bus into an RV
Middle
EXT. AUCTION SITE – DAY
Carrie walks around checking out various school busses.
Carrie bids on her favorite and loses. She bids on her #2 choice and gets it.
End
She drives it off the lot.
NAVY BASE MECHANIC SHOP
INT. SCHOOL BUS – DAY
BEGINNING
Carrie is ripping the seats out of the bus. She’s angry, crying and forceful as she works.
Middle
All the seats are out. She’s curled up in a ball on the floor of the bus crying and pouring her heart out to God.
Command Master Chief finds her in that state and prays with her. His wife wants her to come over for dinner.
Carrie lifts the hood and starts taking note of what mechanical issues need to be resolved.
End
Carrie texts the Command Master Chief, thanks him for the invitation and asks for a rain check.
INT. CARRIE’S HOUSING – NIGHT
BEGINNING
Carrie has a map of the US. She’s coloring in all the states she has been to – total of 36. She pours herself a drink.
Middle
Carrie is on Youtube watching videos of RV life. She simultaneously is making a list of what she wants to see in the fourteen states she’s never seen. She’s now drinking straight from the bottle.
End
Carrie is passed out on her bed. Her cat is curled up next to her. The empty bottle is tipped over on the night stand.
NAVY BASE MECHANIC SHOP
INT. RV – NIGHT
Beginning
Carrie is putting the finishing touches on the inside of her RV. Very functional and yet feminine.
Middle
INT. RV – DAY
The Women’s Bible study are having their study in the RV. They spend more time giggling about fond memories than in the Word.
EXT. RV – DAY
Carrie is washing the RV. A Harley pulls up next to her. The rider removes his helmet. It’s the Admiral. He’s sorry that she has to leave the Navy. If she ever needs anything, he’ll make sure the Navy will be there for her.
End
Carrie wishes them goodbye.
INT. NAVAL PERSONNLE OFFICE – DAY
Carrie is outprocessing.
EXT. COMMAND MASTER CHIEF’S HOUSING – DAY
Carrie knocks on door. She has flowers.
INT. COMMAND MASTER CHIEF’S HOUSING – DAY
Surprise party of the base Chiefs to say goodbye to Carrie. She’s touched
EXT. BATALLION PARADE GROUNDS – DAY
Beginning
Retirement ceremony for Sr. Chief Waters. Carrie stands next to the Battalion Commander and the Command Master Chief and watches as the Battalion marches in and then stands in formation to honor her.
Middle
Commander and Command Master Chief honor her.
Speeches are over and people crowd around Carrie wishing her well. She busy shaking hands and thanking people who have helped her in her career.
End
INT. RV – DAY
Carrie is driving her RV. She pulls out the gate of the base.
CALIFORNIA CENTRAL COAST
EXT. OCEAN OVERLOOK – DAY
Carrie wears a ball cap that reads Retired US Navy Sr. Chief. She sits on a folding chair. She prays for her food. Stars eating her lunch as she looks out at the ocean.
-
BERNADETTE WILSON – LESSON 12 – FINISH ACT 1
WHAT I LEARNED FROM THIS LESSON IS THAT I HAVE MORE PLOT AND IDEAS IN HERE THAN I THOUGHT. LOTS OF PLACEHOLDERS BUT SO BE IT. PRESSING ON! And the script is beginning to make sense to me.
FADE IN:
INT. 1964 – NYU THERAPY OFFICE – DAY
A MAN, dressed in full wig and makeup is lying on the couch talking in therapy. His therapist, BRINDA CAGE (26) is taking notes and listening to him.
THE SOUND OF A TAPE RECORDER begins taping.
BRINDA
Let us begin. August 5, 1964 at 2:00 pm at the NYU lab of Dr. Sonya Vieteg, interviewing patient number 220. Can you tell me how long you have had your feelings?
MAN
It’s funny. I think I’ve always known that I would love to be a woman. Loving the male attention and glamorous clothes.
INTERCUT – INT. PHOTOGRAPHER’S STUDIO – DAY
A WOMAN – MIMI – WHO RESEMBLES MARILYN MONROE is rolling through satin sheets on a bed but hiding her face except for one eye at a time while JESSE, a photographer is shooting her with his Hasselblad Camera.
MAN (V.O.)
Like a movie star. Like Rita Hayworth or lovely Marilyn.
CAMERA CLICKS
INT. 1964 – NYU THERAPY OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
MAN
I’m hoping that my trip to Denmark will be worth it. I’ve waited so long.
BRINDA
And what outcome are you hoping for?
MAN
Freedom. So that I can walk down the street in my lovely dresses and have my hair and nails done when I want, like all those ladies on the Upper East Side.
INTERCUT – INT. – JESSE’S LOFT – CONTINUOUS
CAMERA CLICK
The back of Mimi rises from the bed and goes up to Jesse, almost to kiss him. Jesse kisses her back.
INT – NYU THERAPY OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
BRINDA
We are now ending Session 1 of Patient 220 of Dr. Sonya’s Vieteg’s experiment.
SHE SHUTS OFF THE TAPE RECORDER.
The man gets up from the couch.
MAN
Thank you.
BRINDA
Of course. See you next week.
The man leaves the office
INT – NYU MENS ROOM – DAY
The man, still in wig and makeup, goes into ladies room and hides in a stall. In the stall she takes out some mabeline cream and takes off all of his makeup. He then removes his wig. He flushes the toilet, comes out of the stall, and goes to the mirror, washing his hands, and then exits the mens room.
INT/EXT – NYU PSYCHOLOGY BUILDING – DAY
The man walks out of the building and puts his sunglasses on and assumes his role as a man in broad daylight, carrying his shopping bag of wig and makeup.
FADE OUT.
FADE IN
INT – BRINDA’S APARTMENT – DAY
SOUND OF A SMITH CORONA TYPEWRITER
Brinda is typing part of her thesis, while the rest of her apartment is full of books and scattered papers. She finishes typing and takes the paper out of the typewriter.
She roams into the
INT – BRINDA’S BATHROOM – CONTINUOUS
She looks into the rusty mirror and begins her speech.
BRINDA
The topic of my thesis is based on the extended work of Dr. Evelyn Hooker. On the normalcy of homosexuality in life in…
She forgets the speech.
BRINDA
Oh Damn it!
THE PHONE RINGS
Brinda walks to the phone and picks up
BRINDA
Hello?
MAYBELLE, a DRAG QUEEN and model answers.
MAYBELLE (O.C.)
Hey Honey – what’s goin on? Where’s the man?
BRINDA
He’s not there?
MAYBELLE
No,he’s not here and we been waitin over 30 minutes in the heat. And these girls are gettin nasty.
BRINDA
Ok, ok – I’ll come down and open up ok. Tell them not to leave.
MAYBELLE
I’m waitin…
END OF PHONE CALL
Brinda hangs up. Grabs her purse and leaves.
THE RADIO IS STILL ON and is saying something about the death of Marilyn Monroe as definitely a suicide.
EXT./INT. OUTSIDE JESSE’S LOFT – DAY
Brinda shows up.
The girls are really pissed. And they are arguing about who they are going to be and Maybelle calms them down.
MAYBELLE
Honey, I don’t know how long I can stay. I got a party uptown. What is he? Snoozin up there.
BRINDA
I left a message for him last night. I don’t know.
Brinda opens the door to loft. They all pile in old loft elevator and go up to 3rd floor. They pile out of elevator.
INT – JESSE’S LOFT – DAY
Brinda and the 3 DRAG QUEENS pile in. Maybelle and the 2 other girls get into modeling clothes for cover shoot. Maybelle notices the clothes hanging.
MAYBELLE
OOH, I’m a pirate’s girl today.
Brinda walks over and notices the bed is unmade but cold. She notices that there is undeveloped shot film in the camera. She takes the camera off the tripod.
BRINDA
I have to change the film.
She walks into the darkroom. Takes the film out of the camera. She reaches for the phone. She rollo dials a number.
OPERATOR (O.C.)
Bells Are Ringing?
BRINDA
Yes, hi, ah this is Brinda Cage and I was wondering if Jesse picked up my calls?
OPERATOR
No, I’m sorry Ms. Cage he has not picked up any of his messages.
BRINDA
Thank you.
THERE”S A LOUD KNOCK AT THE DOOR.
Brinda hangs up the phone and puts the film in her pocket.
MAYBELLE
Oh No! It’s Lillian!
Brinda opens the door.
There are TWO COPS standing in the doorway.
COP 1
Is this James Webber’s apartment?
BRINDA
Yes. I’m his fiancee. What’s happened?
COP 1
We need you to come with us Miss?
BRINDA
Cage. Brinda Cage.
FADE OUT.
FADE IN
INT – NYU POLICE MORGUE – DAY
Brinda walks into the morgue and the MORGUE ATTENDANT pulls out the coffin case.
Brinda looks at Jesse’s dead body and his missing eye.
CAL
Is this your fiancee, Miss Cage?
Brinda nods yes and almost faints.
Cal goes to hold her and take her out of there.
INT – POLICE DETECTIVE DESK – DAY
CAL PRATNER (38), is sitting typing up info on Brinda, as the other police officers stare at her.
The BUREAU SECRETARY – LUCY brings Brinda some coffee.
LUCY
Here you are sweetie.
BRINDA
Thanks Lucy.
Lucy goes back to her desk. She sees the OTHER OFFICER by her.
LUCY
Recognize the girl?
OFFICER
No. Who is it?
LUCY
That’s Jack Cage’s daughter.
OFFICER
The one he put away.
LUCY
Yup. Never thought I’d see her again. Like a phoenix.
Cal starts talking to Brinda.
CAL
Miss Cage. Can you tell me when you last spoke with Jesse?
BRINDA
Two nights ago I think?
CAL
And where were you?
BRINDA
I spoke with him on the phone. He does photography for cover art and I help him put together the models for the shoot this evening.
CAL
And that was the last time you heard from him?
BRINDA
Yes.
CAL
He’s your fiancee and you don’t see him or talk to him for a few days?
BRINDA
I have my own apartment. I am a PHD student in Psychology at NYU and I’ve been busy these past couple of days.
CAL
Writing your thesis?
BRINDA
Yes.
CAL
Did you notice anything strange about where he was going or who was seeing or anything?
BRINDA
No, just that I prepared the clothes for the shoot at the studio 2 days ago, in between my classes and then he wasn’t there. I called and left a message at his answering service that everything was ready.
CAL
Did he respond.
BRINDA
No.
CAL
Did you find it strange?
BRINDA
No.
CAL
Why not?
BRINDA
I don’t…Don’t talk to him everyday. Where was he? Where did they find him?
CAL
At a drive-in in Queens.
BRINDA
Doesn’t make sense.
CAL
What doesn’t?
BRINDA
He doesn’t even own a car.
DR. SONYA VIETEG, Brinda’s mentor and professor comes in with her ATTORNEY and stops CAL from talking any more to Brinda.
DR. SONYA
Brinda, Are you alright?
Brinda is surprised. She starts crying on Dr. Sonya’s shoulder.
CAL
I’m Sorry Maam. I’m trying to talk to her.
DR. SONYA
My name is Dr. Sonya Vieteg. I’m Brinda’s doctor. How do you do?
CAL
I’m a little…
DR. SONYA
There will be no more questions. CAn’t you see, she’s traumatized?
Cal is a bit pissed by this.
CAL
Dr. I was only asking her when she last spoke with the deceased.
ATTORNEY
Please, there will be no more questions without me being here, is that clear?
Brinda comes to and says
BRINDA
No, no, I want to answer the questions.
ATTORNEY
Are you sure.
BRINDA
Yes, of course.
Brinda assures Dr. Sonya that she’s fine.
CAL
You say he didn’t own a car.
BRINDA
Not to my knowledge, no.
PLACEHOLDER – Jesse’s father and mother The WEBBERS Mr. And Ms. WEBBER come in.
Jesse’s mother slaps Brinda.
MRS. WEBBER
You did this. How could you have done this to my boy.
Everyone is shocked.
BRINDA
I didn’t. I swear I didn’t.
DR. SONYA
That’s enough.
Mrs. Hampton speaks to Dr. Sonya.
MRS. WEBBER
I wanted you to save my boy. You corrupted him. With her and that filthy crowd.
Cal steps in.
CAL
Ok everybody calm down.
Mr. HAMPTON steps in
MR. WEBBER
I want to talk to your boss.
ATTORNEY
This is over. Let us know when we can come into a more agreeable environment.
Dr. Sonya, Brinda and Attorney leave.
CAL
This way Sir.
Mr. Hampton gestures to his wife.
MR. WEBBER
Calm yourself dear. I’ll be back.
PLACE HOLDER – needs to be a meeting with Cal’s boss.
Here Mr. Webber tells and important info – about how Brinda and Jesse met. About how they met in mental institution. That Jesse was almost lobotomized to solve his problem.
When he met Brinda that they both thought that Jesse was calming down his deviant urges and marrying a fine woman. As it turns out she does not come from the best of circumstances. Which pisses off the Boss.
Mr. WEBBER then says that Brinda has got a hand in it. She’s not as innocent as she appears.
That she and that Doctor are up to something. Had I handled it the way I wanted, this would not have happened. But my wife insisted.
He commands that there be justice or he will take it to a higher authority than you, pal.
PLACEHOLDER: The BOSS used to be the partner of Jack Cage before he was killed in action. It was the BOSS who knew Jack and his wife. It’s why he’s the Chief of Police. Something with Mimi, Jack and Mr. WEBBER went down.
PLACE HOLDER: BOSS WITH CAL
Cal and Boss have a chew down session. Webber is pretty big wig in big circles in this town.
He won’t stop until they find someone.
It’s not gonna be pretty.
I want you to check her out. Make sure she’s clean.
These shrinks are sometimes crazier than the patient.
Cal says , you got me there boss.
INT. DR. SONYA’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Brinda is asleep in the guest bedroom of Dr. Sonya. Dr. Sonya dn Attorney are talking.
ATTORNEY
She must eventually give a statement.
DR. SONYA
She’s been through enough for one night. I’ve given her a sedative so that she can sleep.
ATTORNEY
I will call in the morning and see what the next step will be.
DR. SONYA
Thank you for your help.
Attorney leaves. Dr. Sonya goes and pours herself a cocktail from her wet bar.
THE PHONE RINGS. Dr. Sonya answers
DR. SONYA
Hello?
AN ODD AND SCARY VOICE (O.C.)
Don’t you touch her.
DR. SONYA
Who is this?
AN ODD AND SCARY VOICE
You touch her I’ll kill you too.
Dr. Sonya hangs up in terror. She goes and locks the door. There’s a look of terror on her face.
EXT. – NY APARTMENT BUILDING ENTRANCE – NIGHT
ATTORNEY come out of the building and a shadow in the background comes out of a phone booth. The shadow has blonde hair. The Attorney gets into cab.
The Blonde Shadow gets in another cab and follows the Attorney.
FADE TO:
INT – DR. SONYA’S GUEST BEDROOM – DAY
Brinda wakes up early. She realizes the horror of yesterday and wants to somehow fix something she can’t.
She puts her clothes on and slips out of the door.
INT. – ELEVATOR – DAY
While taking the elevator down, she reaches into her pocket and notices the film that she took out of Jesse’s camera.
She knows what she has to do.
INT. POLICE OFFICE – CAL’S DESK
PLACEHOLDER:
Have to have a scene with Dr. Sonya here with attorney talking about Brinda and her cases. Was Jesse one of your patients – Yes – Could it be one of the patients from the mental institution. I Have no idea. Gives a glimmer of how Brinda knows Jesse and the mental institution and more info about Brinda. I’m happy to help the police department but not to mess up the research I am doing now. Brinda is assisting me.
Would there be any case files that you are working on that would do something like this? Dr. Sonya knows that Jesse was troubled but he was doing fine. Brinda and he were good together. Dr. Sonya – was Jesse a homosexual?
INT. JESSE’S LOFT DARKROOM – DAY
Brinda gets to the loft. And inside the darkroom.
She proceeds to develop the film.
The pictures are of blonde woman, but she hides her face underneath the satin sheets in every frame. There’s a little of a eyelined eye. She looks as though she’s imitating Marilyn Monroe.
THERE’S A SOUND OF SOMEONE COMING INTO THE LOFT.
Brinda listens from the door. She’s scared about who might be there.
She looks around for an instrument to use but there is nothing.
She turns off the red light in the room.
She peeks out of the room.
It’s Cal looking around and for something.
PLACEHOLDER: Maybe make this from Cal’s perspective.
He gets scared because he knows someone is in there. He takes out his gun and almost pulls the trigger. Out comes Brinda.
CAL
Jesus.
BRINDA
I’m sorry. I…
CAL
You almost bought it kid, like your boyfriend.
BRINDA
I’m sorry.
CAL
What are you doin here?
BRINDA
I remembered this morning that when I came to the loft yesterday, I noticed some shot film in his camera so I wanted to develop it and bring to you.
CAL
Really.
BRINDA
It wasn’t like I was hiding it.
CAL
You shouldn’t be here.
BRINDA
This is Jesse and my space too.
CAL
It’s a crime scene.
BRINDA
Doesn’t a crime scene have blood in it?
Cal is just incensed by this. He can’t answer.
BRINDA
I’m developing the film.
CAL
And?
BRINDA
Have a look.
They walk into
INT. – JESSE’S DARKROOM – DAY
The pictures are developing in the trays. Some are hanging up.
CAL
Do you know this person?
BRINDA
Never saw her in my life, but she could be familiar.
CAL
Familiar. Like one of the patients.
BRINDA
It could be, but I can’t recognize someone by just seeing half an eye. The hair is a wig, maybe.
PLACEHOLDER: They need to look into Jesse’s appointment book. Brinda knew some of the appointments, but lately since she’s been busy, she has not been able. But I responded to this appt by setting up the shoot. What kind of a shoot. Model shoot. Sometimes he does acting headshots. He told me to set up the clothes. They were lingerie. He does all kinds of things.
CAL
Let’s take this to the station.
INT. POLICE OFFICE – CAL’S DESK – DAY
CAl’s boss is looking at the prints.
BOSS
How could we possibly have any idea who this is.
CAL
I’m sayin it’s a start.
BOSS
The report came back. The body was full of oleander.
CAL
So he was dead before she cut it out of him.
BOSS
You sure it’s a girl? With all the crazies these two were hangin with/
CAL
You think it’s a queen?
BOSS
Would a broad do this. I don’t know.
PLACEHOLDER: They find out that Jesse was poisoned first before the victim had his eye cut out.
They find out that he car was registered to a Dr. Jacobson on the upper east side.
CAL
Swanky guy.
BOSS
Go up and see what he’s about.
Cal is looking at Brinda. What do we do about her and her friend?
BOSS
Let’s talk to the queers too.
The jailers take Maybelle out of the cell and he is led into the office where Brinda is. She is beaten up a little.
BRINDA
Did you have to do this?
BOSS
You need to shut up missy, you’re not off the hook.
Maybelle sits down. They show her the pics.
BOSS
You recognize this person, sweetie?
MAYBELLE
I have no idea. Looks like a nice wig.
BOSS
One of you girls know where to get nice wigs?
MAYBELLE
A few places. That looks like a Bergdolf. Not a woolworths.
PLACEHOLDER: This is where they try to rough her up a bit but Brinda protects her friend. The Boss goes a little psycho.
What they do next is go to Dr. Jacobson’s place.
INT. DR. JACOBSON’S TOWNHOUSE – DAY.
PLACEHOLDER: Dr. Jacobson is the notrious dr. Feelgood who had a party that Jesse attended.
Cal asks Doc and Mrs. Jacobson if Jesse was there at the party. Who was he with and when did he leave.
Why does he have your car?
Doc Jacobson said he did not know he had the car. I reported it stolen that next morning.
Cal is frustrated.
INT. BRINDA’S APARTMENT – DAY.
Brinda is mending the eye of Maybelle.
Placeholder: This should be as they establish their friendship and think about what Jesse might have done.
MAYBELLE
Ouch.
BRINDA
I know it hurts but it won’t leave a scar this way.
MAYBELLE
So much for trick trade tonight.
BRINDA
You’ll be alright.
PALCEHOLDER: They are really good friends. Maybelle is really protective of Brinda as well as Jesse was.
Maybelle says he’ll stay with her until they get this figured out.
Brinda is happy about that.
EXT. MUSTANG CONVERTIBLE – NIGHT
Mimi and another man are driving on a empty but swirly highway. Who is the man she killed? Someone close to Jesse Webber and Brinda? THE ATTORNEY
PLACEHOLDER: Maybe this could be in a movie theatre.
In silouette Mimi drugs the guy and he falls asleep. It’s a midnight movie. The movie is a Marilyn Monroe Movie – Some like it hot.
EXT. OFF THE CLIFF – NIGHT
The next scene we see the mustang go off the cliff. With Mimi staring from the cliff, smoking a cigarette.
TURNING POINT:
They try a setup at a gentlmen’s club with drag queens who dress up as Marilyn Monroe. Only they have the wrong person. It goes badly.
They do an undercover job at the club only for it to go wrong because someone comes back and finds that someone went off a cliff with the same eye torn out.
PLACEHOLDER:
SCENE with Brinda and Dr. Sonya in her office telling her to take it easy on the thesis.
Brinda says if she doesn’t work on the thesis she will not know what to do.
Dr. Sonya insists. Brinda is sad. Can’t she still interview patients?
We have to keep the integrity of the study.
“So you’re taking me off the study? How am I going to get my degree.”
Don’t worry. We can work something out.
Turning Point:
They figure out that the killer might be coming for Brinda next. Or killing the people close to her.
Another person is killed. Brinda can’t participate in the thesis work with Dr. Sonya. She asks if she can help solve the problem.
Maybe the ATTORNEY or someone who is close to Brinda. The police decide to train her in how to shoot a gun and how to be girly so that she can portray a cigarette girl in another club.
They have to plant Brinda as the bait that will bring the killer forward.
She finally agrees after another person who is close to her is killed.
END OF ACT 1
-
Mary and Rich Chamberlin’s Finished Act 1
What I learned doing this assignment is to look at the Act as an entirety and change up the order now while still in an early draft and minimal impact. Again no wordsmithing just bones with a little meat.
1. Outline any other scenes left to write in Act 1.
Change up order – they walk after class to the Diner. Move text scene to just after they sit at the Diner. Morty sees and complains about old callin Jax kid. They finally draw a truce on each other calling each other “kid” and “old man.” If ones does, he has to put money in the jar. Then continue Diner as before.
2. Write a 20% draft of those scenes.
Done
-
JAYE’S FINISHED ACT 1
What I learned is that the most important thing is to get the first draft down. I hate most of my dialogue, and it overall the story feels like it falls short in many places, but I have the bulk of it down and perfection will come later. The point is to keep moving forward. (I confess, I had to stop myself from wordsmithing on more than one occasion!)
EXT. A HIGHRISE BUILDING – LATE AFTERNOON
A luxury apartment highrise. A penthouse takes up the entire top floor.
INT. HERO’S PENTHOUSE / LIVING ROOM – SAME
A loft, ballroom layout. Simple, yet high-class design throughout. Windows all around show a stunning view of the city.
An upbeat WHISTLING comes from the bedroom.
INT. HERO’S PENTHOUSE / BEDROOM – SAME
HERO (30s), Caucasian, stands before a full-length mirror with wet hair and a towel wrapped around his waist.
He stops whistling and admires himself. Tight muscles, ripped abs, unnatural good looks.
Steam dissipates from the bathroom beside him.
He pops his pecs, right, then left, in a rhythmic dance. Winks at his reflection, and wait… was that a kiss?
INT. HERO’S PENTHOUSE / LIVING ROOM – SAME
Hero stands before a bureau. Wears form fitting tights, black and gold. Cape. Utility belt. Puts on his watch. Pockets a cell phone.
He opens a small, velvet jewelry box; reveals a 4-carat diamond ring.
Pockets it.
He runs his fingers through his hair. It’s perfect. Goes to the front door.
EXT. CITY STREETS – LATE AFTERNOON
Hero signs autographs amidst throngs of fans under a cloudy sky.
He points finger guns at admirers and poses for selfies with his million-dollar smile.
On his arm is GIRLFRIEND (20s). Trophy. Self-absorbed. Sequined dress. She basks in Hero’s limelight as if it were her own.
A flyer is stapled to a nearby telephone pole. A BLACK MAN (30s) MISSING. Reward: $10,000.
FAN 1
Where you headed?Hero’s voice is deep and commanding.
HERO
We’re flying to Paris.A beat as he looks at his doe-eyed girlfriend.
HERO
I have a special evening planned.A TRUMPETED rendition of GOD BLESS AMERICA sounds and the crowd quiets in response.
Hero pulls the cell phone from his utility belt.
HERO
Mayor.Hero listens, his face gets stern, a little embellished for the sake of the onlookers. Hero hangs up and puffs out his chest.
HERO
Duty calls.The crowd waits with bated breath as Hero checks his watch and turns to his now pouty girlfriend.
HERO
I won’t be long.The crowd “AWWs” as he pulls her in at the waist and kisses her, like the hero that he is.
Without further ado, he raises his fist to the sky, and flies off like a rocket, ruffling skirts and blowing hats from heads.
THUNDER RUMBLES IN THE DISTANCE.
EXT. BANK – LATE AFTERNOON
An alarm goes off inside the building as VILLAIN (30s), African American, tight braids, emerges from the front doors. Dark gray and black tights.
He carries a large silver case. He is confident, also ripped, but nature has been less aesthetically kind to him. He’s rough around the edges.
He’s relaxed, and no one is around to stop him. SIRENS approaching from the distance.
A flyer is stapled to a telephone pole. A BLONDE MAN (20s) MISSING. Reward: $10,000.
He turns to the right, stopping abruptly as Hero lands in front of him.
No words. Just searing eye contact. Hero swings! Villain blocks the blow with the case, denting it.
Villain spins and brings the case around again, hitting hero in the side of the head.
Hero takes a step back and Villain sees a CITIZEN roughly 50 feet beyond, gawking.
VILLAIN
Looks like you have a more urgent matter to tend to.Villain focuses, eyes glowing red. LIGHT shoots out and Hero turns around to see the gawker burst into FLAMES!
The man screams and runs as Hero gives chase.
Villain chuckles. That was too easy. He turns the other way and takes off running at bullet speed.
Hero reaches the flaming man and tackles him. Covers him with his cape.
Police cars and an ambulance turn the corner.
Hero stands, cradling the man in his arms.
Emergency response vehicles stop to render aid.
MORE THUNDER. CLOSER. DISTANT LIGHTNING.
EXT. ROOFTOP – SUNSET
Hero scans the streets. A light rain falls as thick dark clouds roll in overhead.
Hero’s x-ray vision sees through buildings. Reveals Villain in the distance, running at high speed toward the edge of the city.
Rolling hills and a large lake in the distance. Hero flies after him.
EXT. SUBURBS – SUNSET
Villain runs. Rain is now coming down hard.
Behind Villain, Hero flies in fast. Sounds like an incoming FIGHTER JET.
Villain checks over his shoulder and makes a sharp left.
Hero follows as Villain reaches the edge of the lake, then SPRINTS across the surface of the water!
A cave is barely visible in the distant hillside.
Hero narrows the gap.
VILLAIN
How bout we go for a swim?Villain plunges into the lake. Hero follows like a guided missile.
UNDERWATER
Hero reaches Villain and head-butts him in his thoracic spine, thrusting him further into his descent. Villain turns to face Hero as he continues closing in.
Villain kicks Hero in the face and chest.
Villain drops the steel case and grabs Hero’s arm, twisting him and putting him in a headlock.
Hero pulls forward; flips Villain over his head. And as Villain’s body comes out of its roll, Hero heel kicks him in the chin.
Villain takes a deep breath and smiles with confidence as he sees Hero struggling for air. Hero extends an arm upward. Swims urgently toward the top. Villain follows.
Villain grabs Hero’s ankles just as Hero leaves the water.
ABOVE THE LAKE
Hero flies upward as Villain holds.
Tall buildings line the shore. They’re closing in.
VILLAIN
It’s been a nice ride, He, but I gotta get back to my bounty!Villain releases himself, turns to a diving position as he nears the water.
Hero comes in and grabs Villain’s waist, swooping him back.
HERO
Ride’s not over, Vil.He hurls Villain toward the shore, in a fast-pitch sidearm motion, and Villain smashes into a spire at the top of a highrise.
The spire breaks and crumbles to the rooftop, along with Villain.
EXT. HIGH RISE / ROOFTOP – NIGHTFALL
As Hero arrives, Villain stands waiting on spire rubble.
Hero grabs Villain’s incoming swing by the wrist. Gives an elbow strike. Twists Villain’s arm behind his back, spinning him round. Punches him in the side of the head.
Hero takes Villain by the throat and pulls him to the ground, straddles to pin him.
Lightning in the distance as Villain kicks Hero in the abdomen. Flips Hero over his shoulders.
Villain takes to his feet and punches Hero across the face, a sharp ring cuts deep into his flesh. Almost instantly the wound heals itself.
More blows. The fight is rough, old school. Gritty.
Rain turns to downpour as the two Supers let loose with Punches and blocks, kicks and ducks, body slams.
Finally, at their feet, they’re holding on to each other. Bodies and arms locked tightly together, in an embrace of will and strength. Torso to torso, hip to hip, utility belt to utility belt.
And then… LIGHTNING!
Bright LIGHT breaks the sky overhead, and a jagged bolt consumes the two men.
The jolt releases their stronghold, and they drop to the ground, jarred.
It seems to have taken a toll on them both. Villain stands, worse for the wear. He kicks Hero in the chest and goes for the fire escape.
But Hero rushes him. And before he can reach the ladder, Hero throws his arm around Villain’s waist, extends the other arm forward, and leaps off the rooftop, soaring outward…
And SLAMMING to the ground!
Sidewalk crumpled; Villain sits up.
VILLAIN
What the fuck was that?Hero is dazed. Laying on his back staring up at the sky. Rain splashing his bewildered face.
Villain glares at Hero, staring at him with heat vision that refuses to work. Instead, he sees Hero’s skull. He yells and scrambles to his feet.
Villain turns and runs west… at NORMAL SPEED! He panics as he turns the corner.
He leans against a building wall, hyperventilating.
VILLAIN
(quietly freaking out)
What’s wrong with me??Hero stands as Villain rounds the corner. He raises an arm, determination setting in his eyes. He takes a deep concentrated breath and leans forward.
He isn’t moving.
He lowers his arm.
HERO
The hell..?He looks around. He’s surprised and embarrassed at the crowd that has gathered. Mouths covered, pointing, aghast.
WOMAN
He can’t fly!Hero swallows hard and extends his arm, with the same result.
MAN
No way!Hero heads east, head down. Gobsmacked.
He rounds a corner and checks back over his shoulder. The crowd has repositioned itself down the street, watching him leave.
He runs — takes off at BULLET SPEED! And SLAMS into a building.
As bricks crumble around him, he drops on his ass, further stunned.
LAUGHTER from behind him.
MAN
He’s broken!Another MISSING PERSON FLYER is stapled to a telephone pole. AN ASIAN MAN (40s) MISSING. Reward: $10,000.
INT. METRO BUS (MOVING) – SAME
Filled with PASSENGERS. BUS DRIVER hums and taps the wheel as he navigates through the streets.
Through the windshield, a battered Villain steps out into the middle of the road.
Bus Driver yells out in alarm and SLAMS ON THE BREAKS. The bus screeches and skids to a halt. Passengers GASP and complain as they are thrown forward.
BUS DRIVER
Everyone off the bus!!He opens front and rear doors as Villain approaches.
Passengers and Bus Driver scream and flee in all directions.
Villain climbs aboard and takes a seat at the wheel. Shuts the doors.
In the rearview mirror, he spots a MAN (20s) frozen in fear.
VILLAIN
(vile)
GET OUT!The man whimpers and scrambles to the rear door, fumbles it open and drops to the ground outside.
Villain drives onward. Focused. Angry.
He doesn’t notice that his bruises and wounds are healing in real time.
INT. HERO’S PENTHOUSE / LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Girlfriend sits on the couch as Hero paces. The TV is on in the living room at low volume.
A NEWS ANCHOR (50s) mustache, suit, strait-laced, gives a report.
NEWS ANCHOR
Another person has been reported missing today. The sixth this year.A graphic of a MALE LATINO (22) appears over his right shoulder.
NEWS ANCHOR
–is another local citizen who has been reported missing. Last seen yesterday morning by his mother, who says he never came home from work. His employer states that he didn’t show up–Girlfriend turns off the TV with the remote. Sighs with deep frustration.
GIRLFRIEND
So, no Paris?HERO
I can’t fly.She slumps back into the couch; pout-sips wine.
GIRLFRIEND
Planes still fly.He freezes, insulted.
HERO
What would people say if they saw me get on a plane?GIRLFRIEND
Your voice is different.He drinks beer from a bottle.
HERO
Babe… I was struck by lightning.
(beat)
And I’m fine, thank you for your concern.GIRLFRIEND
(mumbles into her glass)Are you though?
Hero shoots her a look and fire bursts from his eyes.
Girlfriend screams and jumps to the side, slinging wine in all directions. The pillow she was leaning against ignites into flames!
GIRLFRIEND
What’s the matter with you?!Hero stares, frozen as Girlfriend beats out the fire with another pillow.
HERO
(barely audible)
I. Don’t. Know.INT. MAYOR’S OFFICE – NIGHT
Mayor is at his desk on the phone.
MAYOR
It struck them? Both?
(he listens/sighs)
You’re sure?Mayor stands and looks out his window. Five stories up. It’s a decent view.
He looks at Hero’s Penthouse off to the right. Lights are on.
MAYOR
Looks like he’s home. I might stop by later. Check in on him.
(beat)
I wonder how the other one fared.EXT. HILLSIDE – NIGHT
A cave by the lake. Metro bus parked outside.
Villain stands at the water’s edge. Sees the city far out ahead. He’s estimating distance.
He exhales long and slow, brings his hands to a point over the top of his head and dives into the lake.
Seconds later, he pops back up, frantic. Choking. Coughing up water. He swims back to the surface and crawls to shore, gagging violently.
INT. HERO’S PENTHOUSE / BEDROOM – NIGHT
Hero and Girlfriend lay in bed, under a silk sheet. She’s in her bra. They stare up at the ceiling.
GIRLFRIEND
Welp… we found something else that’s not working.HERO
Babe…GIRLFRIEND
Shh shh. Just… No.She sits upright. He touches the small of her back.
HERO
It’s not you.She laughs.
GIRLFRIEND
No shit.He draws his hand back.
HERO
I’m off, babe.She gets out of bed and slinks into her sequined dress.
GIRLFRIEND
I thought tonight was gonna be special.He sighs and lowers his eyes.
She sits on the edge of the bed, her open back to him. He leans over and zips up her dress.
GIRLFRIEND
I was supposed to have an orgasm on top of the Eiffel Tower. And I didn’t even get one in your bed.She pouts her way to the couch and puts on her heels. She looks at the charred pillow.
GIRLFRIEND
And you almost set me on fire.HERO
Babe–GIRLFRIEND
What kind of hero sets his girlfriend on fire?HERO
It was an accident. I’m still your hero.She stands and goes to the door. Her clutch sits beside his utility belt. She snaps up the purse.
GIRLFRIEND
I was even gonna let you come in the rear entrance tonight.She opens the front door, and before it closes behind her:
GIRLFRIEND
Some birthday this turned out to be.The door shuts and he drops his head back onto his pillow, focused once more on the ceiling.
HERO
But it’s my birthday.INT. HERO’S PENTHOUSE / BATHROOM – MORNING
Hero stands in front of a bathroom mirror, towel around his waist.
He studies his face. Touches his chin, puzzled. Left profile, then right. Is he less handsome?
HERO
(to self)
Everything’s fine.
His voice is a few octaves higher. He clears his throat. Goes deeper.HERO
Everything’s. Fine.He closes his eyes and drops a heavy sigh.
A FART ekes out, like air being slowly released from the neck of a wet balloon.
Hero looks back in the mirror. A distinct frown on his face.
HERO
Oh God–His eyes get bloodshot and tear up profusely.
EXT. STREET – MORNING
Hero walks down the street. Tall, confident, and proud. Greeting passersby, who seem less enthralled with him.
HERO
Who wants a selfie?No one acknowledges.
A YOUNG MOM (late 20s) and her SON (8) approach. Hero prepares himself for youthful praise as the boy points.
SON
That’s him, Mommy!Mom gives an awkward glance.
YOUNG MOM
Mmm hmm.The boy runs up to Hero.
HERO
Hey there, fella. Would you like an autograph?SON
You’re in the paper!HERO
Well, yes, I uh… I’m in the paper a lot, big guy.The mom holds out a folded newspaper. Hero takes it. She raises a sarcastic eyebrow.
YOUNG MOM
Need a pen?Hero’s smile fades as he opens the paper.
INT. FASHION BOUTIQUE – SAME
Girlfriend stands at the register, dressed to the nines. Her COWORKER (30s), equally stunning, slaps an open newspaper on the counter in front of her.
COWORKER
That’s your boyfriend, ain’t it?The front page of THE CHRONICLE shows two side-by-side pictures of Hero on his ass. 1- lying on his back on the broken sidewalk next to Villain, and 2- sitting on the ground surrounded by crumbled bricks.
Girlfriend groans with humiliation.
GIRLFRIEND
(whispers)
Oh God.COWORKER
More like a super zero.A BELL CHIMES as a CUSTOMER walks in the front door. Girlfriend pulls the newspaper off the counter and stuffs it in the trash. She beelines to the customer.
GIRLFRIEND
Good morning, ma’am. Is there something I can help you find?EXT. STREET – MORNING
Hero hands the paper back to the woman.
YOUNG WOMAN
Don’t wanna sign it? You wanna break a little kid’s heart?Hero looks at the boy, who stares blankly.
SON
It’s okay, Mommy. I don’t want it.YOUNG WOMAN
Never mind. Looks like you already did.She walks away, leading her child by the hand.
They pass a telephone pole with a flyer: The Latino from last night’s news report. MISSING. Reward: $10,000.
A WOMAN’S SCREAM calls Hero’s attention. Onlookers stare down an alley. Hero runs toward the commotion.
EXT. ALLEY – SAME
A BLONDE WOMAN (30s) covers her mouth while her BOYFRIEND gets his ass kicked by a MUGGER in a ski mask.
Boyfriend lays on the ground while Mugger kicks him. Mugger wields a switchblade.
BLONDE WOMAN
Please stop! Just take it! Please stop!She throws her purse at him as Hero rounds the corner.
HERO
Hey!Mugger looks up, see’s Hero closing in. He swings his blade swift and hard, cutting Hero’s face as he runs past.
Hero is focused on Boyfriend on the ground, reeling in pain. He kneels and places his hand on the man’s shoulder.
HERO
Are you okay, pal?The man groans.
HERO
(to Blonde Woman)
Call an ambulance. I’ll get the Mugger.Blonde Woman cries. Streaks of mascara run down her face as she calls 911.
Hero stands and scans the surroundings for the Mugger, but starts setting things on fire.
People scream as Hero sets a man ablaze.
BLONDE WOMAN
What are you doing?!Hero stops. A slight smile is barely visible on his face.
He looks at the woman, staring in horror.
BLONDE WOMAN
You’re supposed to help us!HERO
I’m still the hero.BLONDE WOMAN
Get the Mugger!!Hero snaps out of it. Onlookers point as Hero faces the crowd. They run as he makes his way to the sidewalk. He looks lost, abandoned.
HERO
I’m still the hero!!EXT. CITY – DAY
A Metro bus drives through town. Passes a bus stop and an angry CITIZEN (40s) yells and waves his hands and coffee in the air.
INT. BUS (MOVING) – SAME
Villain catches sight of the man in the mirrors. Screeches the bus to a halt.
EXT. BUS STOP – SAME
The Citizen watches as the bus slams on its brakes. The doors open.
He grumbles and makes his way to the waiting bus.
CITIZEN
Fuckn’ incompetent…INT. BUS – SAME
The man steps aboard and scans his pass as Villain closes the doors behind him.
CITIZEN
What the hell’s wrong with you? Didn’t you see me stan–The man’s voice trails as he lowers his pass and makes eye contact with Villain, who is taking to his feet.
Citizen drops his coffee and his jaw drops, regret immediately fills his eyes. He takes a step backward, hitting his back against the closed door.
VILLAIN
I’ve been having a bad day.Beads of sweat break out across Citizen’s forehead.
CITIZEN
I… I didn’t–Villain grabs his throat.
VILLAIN
I was gonna let you live, but you just couldn’t let me go.He raises the man off the ground.
Citizen drops his briefcase and he gasps for words.
CITIZEN
I’m– sorry.Villain throws the man down the aisle of the bus. His head CLANGS against a handrail before he hits the ground.
Villain walks toward the man as he tries to scramble to his feet. The man’s head is sliced open.
Villain reaches him and grabs a chunk of his blood-soaked hair.
VILLAIN
What’s your name?The man’s eyes fill with tears.
VILLAIN
You ever had a bad day, huh?The Citizen nods and his nose forms a bubble of snot. Villain shakes the man’s head violently up and down.
He pulls him close, face to face.
VILLAIN
You ever think you’d have this bad a day?!The man squeezes his eyes shut and a trail of blood rolls down his forehead and down his eye like a tear.
CITIZEN
(pleads)
I’m sorry.Villain laughs and shakes the man’s head left to right.
VILLAIN
I’m sure you are!The man opens his eyes. Stares directly into Villain’s face. His lip trembles and he wets his pants.
Villain stops, caught in the man’s gaze. Suddenly uncomfortable.
VILLAIN
What are you doing?The man quaking with fear, begs.
CITIZEN
I don’t know.Villain looks at him like he’s an alien creature. He lets the man go like he’s been infected. He stands upright.
Villain goes back to the driver’s seat and opens the doors. The rear door opens, but the man doesn’t seem to notice.
Villain stares at him in the mirror.
VILLAIN
Get the fuck outta here!The man snaps back to reality. Grateful. He scrambles to the door, slipping on blood, and runs out.
Villain shuts the doors and covers his face with his hands.
VILLAIN
(agonized)
What’s happening to me??INT. HERO’S PENTHOUSE – DAY
Hero at the bureau mirror. His cut has not healed. He touches it.
Cell phone sits next to the jewelry box with the engagement ring. He picks up the box and his phone. Holds the HOME button.
HERO
Call Girlfriend.PHONE
Calling Girlfriend.Phone on speaker, he sets it on the bureau and opens the jewelry box.
GIRLFRIEND
Hey, babe, I’m kinda busy right now.He takes the ring out and studies it. Its brilliance catches the light.
HERO
Can I take you out to dinner tonight?Her voice perks up.
GIRLFRIEND
Paris?!HERO
The Grand Moritz.GIRLFRIEND
Oh.He puts the ring back.
HERO
On 9th.GIRLFRIEND
I know.HERO
It’s the best place in town.GIRLFRIEND
Yeah, okay. I gotta go, babe. I’ll see you tonight.HERO
Okay; love–The call ends.
HERO
–you.He puts the jewelry box in the top drawer of the bureau right as his phone rings GOD BLESS AMERICA.
Hero answers tentatively.
HERO
Mayor, I’m not feeling well today–The muffled, urgent voice of the Mayor through the phone. Hero’s face drops.
HERO
I’ll be right there.INT. MAYOR’S OFFICE – DAY
Hero bursts through the doors. Villain has the Mayor pinned against the wall, held by the throat, feet dangling in mid-air.
Hero throws his hands to his hips; chest puffed; voice forced baritone pitch.
HERO
Let him–Villain drops the Mayor. Mayor’s knees buckle and he rubs his throat.
Villain rushes to Hero with unexpected desperation. He takes Hero’s shoulders and stares deep into his eyes.
VILLAIN
You’re fucked up, aren’t you?Hero looks at the Mayor. Mayor looks confused as hell.
VILLAIN
(a desperate whisper)
I know you are. You’re fucking fucked.Hero purses his lips and looks back at Villain. Villain pleads.
VILLAIN
Please help me. -
Mickey Gonzalez Finished Act 12
“What I learned doing this assignment is hey listen to the “OUT OF THE BOX” get on and write according to the idea from the 20%. Pick it up later. Incorporate the extraordinary. The Outline and any other scenes left to write in Act 1. Needs to be twenty or thirty pages.
After he returns from the universities. He is back at work with skill.
INT. APARTMENT – NIGHT
Beginning: Mark is effortlessly writing to produce new material. And he does produce.
Middle: The rain is light. In the night lights it lights up the night sky and the sidewalks. He sees a man and a woman. They are wearing white French trench coats. They stroll pass.
END: Quickly, Mark makes a police call.
EXT. APARTMENT – Night
Beginning: Mark walks up to his car. His car is vandalized. The antenna is broken off and the windshield is shattered.
Middle: Mark is mad. He thinking that is has something to do with the strange woman on the phone.
End: Mark at the auto store counter. He pays and picks up an antenna.
EXXT. APARTMENT – DAY
Beginning: Seymour is watching Mark’s apartment from inside a car.
Middle: Raquel knocks on the door. He lets her in.
End: the phone rings. Mark picks it up and it’s Seymour. Mark has not meet Seymour. Seymour threatens Mark over the phone.
-
Stafford’s Finished First Act
What I learned from this assignment is how to stop being a damn “perfectionist.” Just get it all out and revise later. A script will take forever to write if we don’t get out of our heads. This is fast-paced, but it’s definitely get the creative juices flowing.
INT. UNIVERSITY AUDITORIUM – NIGHT
PEOPLE scattered throughout. A graduation ceremony has come to a close. Guest and graduates mingle. Some exit, others take pictures.
FLASH-FLASH-FLASH — MATEO VARGAS, 24. Husky. Wears glasses. All smiles in his cap and gown as he stands next to — MARISOL HERRERA, 24, and his FAMILY MEMBERS (Father, Mother, and brother.) They pose for the camera.
SCOTT, 23. White. In his gown as he wraps up taking pictures of Mateo’s family.
SCOTT
Nice pic, guys!
Scott hands the camera to Mateo —
MATEO
Thanks, Scott.
The two embrace in a hug.
SCOTT
No worries, man. Congratulations.
MATEO
Same to you. We had some awesome times.
SCOTT
Gonna miss you as my roommate.
MATEO
We’ll definitely keep in touch.
MATEO’S FATHER
I’ll get the car.
Mateo’s father and brother make their exit.
MATEO’S MOTHER
Teo, hurry. We have reservations…
MATEO
Okay, Ma.
SCOTT
Dude, enjoy your family. Don’t forget– party at Austin’s next Saturday.
MATEO
Wouldn’t miss it for the world. See you then.
Scott wanders off.
Marisol approaches Scott. Wraps her arm around him —
MARISOL
Congratulations, handsome. I’m so proud of you, Teo. Time to celebrate, eh?
MATEO
Your support means everything. Couldn’t imagine any of this without you.
Mateo pulls Marisol closer. They kiss.
MARISOL
You pulled it off by yourself. Your hard work, dedication… Won’t go unnoticed in the future. You’re lucky for what life has in stored for you.
MATEO
Yeah? Maybe I should add a touch of spice to that luck…
Mateo gets on one knee —
MARISOL (surprised)
Wait–What-what are you doing?! Teo, stop kiddin’ around!
ENGAGEMENT RING
2 carats. Sparkles in a black box as Mateo holds it up Marisol.
MATEO
What do you say? Will you marry me, Mari? Be my good luck forever?
Marisol’s eyes fill with water.
MARISOL (eager)
Yes! Yes, yes! I will!
MATEO
Yeah?!
Mateo slides the ring onto Marisol’s left finger as he stands to his feet. He and Marisol hug and kiss. Everyone APPLAUDS them.
MATEO (CONT’D)
I love you so much.
EXT. ACEVEDA LOGISTICS – DAY
4-story corporate building with a warehouse connected to it.
SUPERIMPOSE: 2 YEARS LATER
INT. ACEVEDA LOGISTICS – CONFIG DEPARTMENT – DAY
Mateo, in a cubicle, now bearded. Wears a casual polo and khakis as he types away at his computer in a focused manner.
RAY, 37. Walks past, then back-tracks to talk to Mateo —
RAY
Do you ever take a break?
MATEO
Bill Gates never took breaks; look at him now.
Mateo chuckles.
RAY
That’s why they pay us the big bucks, no?
MATEO
Sure we can use more.
RAY
Damn company’s in the green. Hopefully we’ll receive raises in the upcoming quarter.
MATEO
Tell that to Sue and Gayland.
RAY
The rate you’re going, they’ll be throwing a ton of incentives your way.
MATEO
Hm.
INT. EMPLOYEE BREAK ROOM – DAY
Mateo steps inside with his coffee mug. Walks over to the coffee machine.
Mateo puts his focus into preparing his coffee.
GLORIVETTE (O.S.)
The coffee here any good?
Mateo looks to his right…
GLORIVETTE GOMEZ, 42. 5’11. Long black hair. Looks young for her age. So hot it hurts. Any man will kill to have her. You’ll get lost in her eyes.
Mateo looks at Glorivette star truck. Refrains from letting his jaw drop as Glorivette has his full attention.
MATEO
Uh-um… It isn’t Starbucks, but it’ll do. Won’t kill you.
Mateo chuckles.
GLORIVETTE
All I needed to know.
Glorivette grabs a foam cup to prepare her coffee.
Mateo looks away; can’t keep his eyes off Glorivette.
MATEO
You-you new here?
GLORIVETTE
Temp-to-hire for the office. Is it that obvi?
MATEO
My first time seeing you here, that’s all.
GLORIVETTE
My first day. You’re full-time?
MATEO
Yeah… in the config department. I’m Mateo.
Glorivette eyes Mateo down. Likes what she sees.
GLORIVETTE
Mateo…?
MATEO (chuckles)
I’m sorry. Vargas. Mateo Vargas.
GLORIVETTE
Working here long?
MATEO
Little over a year and a half.
GLORIVETTE (deep sigh)
Hm. Good for you. (stirs coffee) Guess I’ll get back to my desk. Enjoy the rest of your day, Mateo.
Glorivette walks away with her coffee.
Mateo thinks to himself for a beat.
MATEO
Wait! I-I didn’t catch your name.
Glorivette stops in her tracks; turns to Mateo —
GLORIVETTE
That’s because I didn’t give it to you.
Embarrassed. Mateo twirls his tongue around his mouth. Lost for words.
MATEO
Well, pardon me.
Glorivette smirks.
GLORIVETTE
I’m joking.
Beat.
MATEO (nods)
You got me, huh?
They laugh.
GLORIVETTE
You’ll find it out soon enough… bye.
Glorivette leaves.
Mateo lets out a sigh of relief —
MATEO (SUBTITLES) (in Spanish)
Fuck… She’s beautiful.
Mateo shakes his head.
INT. RESTAURANT – NIGHT
Not a fancy environment. Has a “Chili’s vibe to it. Music plays in the background.
Mateo and Marisol sit on one side of the booth. On the other — RICKY SANCHEZ, 32. Mustache. Tattoos. Next to him, AYLIN SANCHEZ, 31. They enjoy tequila shots with laughter, and a keg of beer on the table.
MATEO
We have to stop drinking; we got work in the morning.
AYLIN
Teo’s right, we’re behaving irresponsibly.
RICKY
Ay, you guys are just lame. Bunch of old folks.
Marisol laughs.
MARISOL
It’s getting late and I have to use the bathroom.
AYLIN
Ay, Mari, I’ll come with… Let me out, Ricky.
RICKY
Come on, I’m too drunk to move.
AYLIN
Vamos!
RICKY
Alright!
Ricky slides out the booth to free Aylin —
AYLIN
The two of you behave while we’re gone.
RICKY
I’m always on my best behavior, babe.
MARISOL (to Mateo)
That goes for you, too.
MATEO (points to Ricky)
What he said. Ha ha.
MARISOL
You better. Come on, Aylin.
Marisol and Aylin depart from the table.
RICKY
What, you don’t believe us?
Ricky chuckles.
RICKY
They’re crazy, aren’t they, Teo?
Meteo chuckles as he sips his beer.
MATEO
They’re gone?(off his nod)Dude, have you seen the new temp? She’s fine as fuck, man! Ay!(pounds tables)It was so hard to keep my pelotas in tact.
They laugh.
RICKY
She’s that hot, eh? I heard a few of the guys talking about her. Didn’t get myself a look.
MATEO
Does she have a name? I met her on break earlier– she wouldn’t tell me.
RICKY
Uh… it start’s with a “G” or somethin’. Not sure. I can’t act too interested; I’m married. And you’re damn near married.
MATEO
I know, I know. But you had to see her bro. It’s, like, we had a connection when we met. I haven’t stopped thinking about her since.
RICKY
Well, you better jerk-off if you know what’s good for you. You got a great thing going with Mari, don’t fuck it up. It’s best to leave the “unknown” not knowing, Teo.
MATEO
I’m not gonna screw up things with Mari. It’s just… A woman like that… will make any man curious, ya know?
Beat. Mateo sips his beer.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
GAYLAND ORTON, 50s. Crisp suit. Sits at his mahogany wood desk.
Mateo stands at his office door.
MATEO (taps door)
Mr. Orton? Sue Manning said you wanted to see me?
GAYLAND (clears throat)
Yes. Come in, have a seat.
Mateo steps inside the office. Sits on the opposite end of Gayland’s desk.
MATEO
I do something wrong, sir?
GAYLAND
No, not at all. Complete opposite. Um… you like working for the company, Mateo?
MATEO
As a matter of fact, I do. It’s an amazing company, with a lot of potential for growth.
GAYLAND
That’s good to hear. And if you keep up the good work, you’re gonna go very far with us.
MATEO
Thank you, sir, that’s very encouraging.
GAYLAND
Sue Manning has been reporting to me the amazing job you’ve been doing– The way you handled Verizon and Laboy project was astounding.
MATEO
I’ve been limiting the amount of fun in my life to get my work done, sir.
They laugh.
GAYLAND
Very well! Spoke with the board, and you’ve nominated to receive the “Rising Star” Award at the company party.
MATEO
Uh, wo-wow! I don’t know exactly what to say!
Mateo laughs.
GAYLAND
You deserve it. Keep up the good work. We have big plans and changes coming your way.
Gayland extends his arm to shake Mateo’s hand. Mateo shakes with a giddy smile on his face.
INT. APARTMENT – LIVING ROOM – EVENING
Marisol sit on the couch. Watches TV with a bowl of popcorn and glass of wine.
Mateo walks in. Sets his work bag down with an excited look on his face.
MARISOL
Teo, you’re just in time babe. The “Friends” reunion airs tonight.
Mateo sits on the couch —
MATEO
Oh, nice! Babe, you won’t believe what happened today at work.
Marisol sets the popcorn and wine of the coffee table —
MARISOL (interested)
What? What?
MATEO
I’ve been nominated for an award at my job.
MARISOL
Really?! That’s awesome, Teo! Congratulations!
MATEO
Right! My hard work is finally starting to pay off! They’ll announce it at the company party this weekend.
MARISOL
I have to figure out what I’m wearing! And my hair! I have to look nice for you, baby!
MATEO (kisses Marisol)
Don’t be silly, honey, you’re always beautiful.
MARISOL
You’re so sweet, but I have to look nice for you that night.
MATEO
Start the show while I go get a beer.(stands to his feet)Wooo! Fuck, yeah, man!
Mateo goes into the kitchen. Grabs a beer from the refrigerator.
MARISOL (O.S.)
I’m so happy for you! Wait my father’s calling.
Marisol answers her phone —
MARISOL (CONT’D)
Hey, Papi!(then)Oh, my God, what’s wrong?
Mateo sips his beer. Notices Marisol’s mood switch.
MARISOL (CONT’D)
No… Are you serious? Okay, calm down. I’ll be on the next train tomorrow, sit tight.(then)I’m so sorry, Papi. I’ll be there. Love you, bye-bye.
Marisol hangs up. Places hand over her mouth.
MATEO
What was that about? Everything okay?
MARISOL
My Aunt Bartola passed away.
MATEO
Shit, Mari. I’m sorry to hear that, baby.
Marisol fans her tears away.
MARISOL
My father is heading to Indiana from Wisconsin. I told him I’ll meet everyone there.(thinks to herself)Shit! Your job’s party! Fuck! Teo…
Mateo sits to console Marisol —
MATEO
Baby, it’s okay, go. Your family needs you. Maybe I should tell Gayland to give the award to someone else–
MARISOL
No!
MATEO
You need me there for support. Fuck that party–
Marisol holds Mateo’s face.
MARISOL
You’ve worked your ass off. You’re going to that party. I’ll be fine.(kisses Mateo)Stay. We’ll celebrate when I get back.
Mateo nods…
INT. MATEO’S CAR – NIGHT (MOVING)
Mateo drives with Glorivette in the passenger seat.
GLORIVETTE
I appreciate you giving me a lift. You didn’t have to.
MATEO
Not a problem. I, uh, didn’t have anywhere to be tonight, so…
GLORIVETTE
Got it.
Few beats. Silence in the car.
MATEO
How ’bout some music, huh?
Mateo turns on the his radio —
GLORIVETTE
Go for it.
Rap music begins to play. Mateo nods his head as he cruises.
GLORIVETTE (CONT’D)
You listen to rap music, huh?
MATEO
You mind?
GLORIVETTE
No… not at all. Can’t say I’m surprised.
MATEO (shrugs)
What I can I say? When you’ve been raised around Mexican music all your life, you grow tired of it.
GLORIVETTE
I agree. You’re not alone, and I’m almost twice your age.
Mateo quick glances at Glorivette in disbelief —
MATEO
Shut up. How old are you? I mean, I know you’re not supposed to ask a woman her age, but… Twice my age? No!
GLORIVETTE
Yeah, I’m 42, believe it or not.
MATEO
Get the fuck…
GLORIVETTE
Seriously.
MATEO
You look damn for your age, Glorivette. Like, seriously. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying “42” is old… but you look damn good.
GLORIVETTE (flattered)
Thanks for the compliment.
MATEO
I’m not shittin’ you! Like, you look better than most girls my age.
GLORIVETTE
You’re full of it.
MATEO
No, I’m not. All truth. What’s your secret?
GLORIVETTE (chuckles)
A lot of fruit and agua, I don’t know…
Glorivette giggles.
MATEO
You need to tell me the fountain of youth you’re getting your water from, eh?
They laugh.
GLORIVETTE
Why are you so funny, Mateo?
Beat.
MATEO
So where’re you’re from?
GLORIVETTE
Originally from Mexico. I left and relocated to New York for school. Then I was forced to moved because of an abusive relationship.
MATEO
Good thing you got out when you did.
GLORIVETTE
I’d rather not talk about it, okay?
MATEO
Of course. My apologies.
GLORIVETTE
It’s fine. Just hard to discuss, you know?
MATEO
You don’t have to explain; I understand.
Glorivette sniffs and nods.
MATEO (CONT’D)
How far we got?
GLORIVETTE
This is the street. That building there.
Mateo pulls in front of an apartment; puts the car in park.
MATEO
So… here we are.
GLORIVETTE
You wanna come in? For a drink.
Beat. Mateo isn’t sure how to respond.
MATEO
Uh… nah, I should get home.
GLORIVETTE
Just a drink for the road. Come on, it’ll be quick. It’s the least I can do.
Mateo thinks on it.
MATEO
Ah, one drink won’t hurt, huh?
Glorivette smiles.
INT. GLORIVETTE’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Mateo sits on the couch. His phone VIBRATES. He looks at his phone —
MATEO
Shit!
PHONE SCREEN
Marisol’s calling.
Mateo ignores the call.
GLORIVETTE (O.S.)
You OK?
MATEO
Uh, yeah…
Mateo’s phone vibrates again —
MATEO
Fu…(answers phone)Marisol? Mari, what’s up, baby? Everything okay?
MARISOL (V.O.)
Yeah. Teo, you’re sleep?
MATEO
No. No. I am really tired, though. How was the service? Your familia hanging in there?
MARISOL (V.O.)
We’ll get through, baby. How was the party? I feel like shit for missing you accept your award–
MATEO
It’s fine, baby. It’s fine. Family first. I know you would’ve been here otherwise.
MARISOL (V.O.)
As long as you know. I love you, Teo.
MATEO
I know(fake yawns)Baby, it’s been a long day, and I just want to get some shut eye.
MARISOL (V.O.)
Oh… okay, babe, get you some rest. I’ll keep you posted on when I’ll be home.
MATEO
Sounds good. Give everyone my love.
MARISOL (V.O.)
I will. I love you, and congrats on your award.
MATEO
Love you too, baby. Bye.
Mateo hangs up.
Glorivette wears a night gown with lingerie hidden underneath. A bottle of tequila and shot glasses in her hands.
Mateo gulps. In awe at Glorivette’s attire as she joins him on the couch —
GLORIVETTE
Thought I’d slip into something more comfortable before I went to sleep.
MATEO (clears throat)
Uh, someone is gonna sleep well tonight. Comfortable, I see.
Glorivette giggles. Pours she and Mateo a shot each.
GLORIVETTE (raises glass)
One drink.
Mateo raises his glass —
MATEO
Salud.
They down their drinks. Set their glasses on the table.
MATEO (CONT’D)
Ahh… Wooo! Guess I should hit the road. Good-night.
GLORIVETTE
Why do you always give me that look, Mateo?
Beat.
MATEO
What-what look?
GLORIVETTE
Like you wanna fuck me.
Mateo’s eyes widened.
GLORIVETTE (CONT’D)
Do you wanna fuck me, Mateo?
Glorivette gives Mateo a seductive stare.
Mateo, gawks at Glorivette like a piece of meat.
They begin to aggressively kiss each other. Mateo lies Glorivette on her back.
Mateo and Glorivette have sex on the couch.
-
JUDITH ABINGDON Finished ACT 1
“What I learned doing this assignment is… don’t overthink, just write. There is time to fix it later.
FADE IN
EXT. SCHOOL GROUNDS DAY
wide shot of high school grounds ( coed catholic school) as school is ending for the day. Panning around we get snippets of conversation from various characters then we focus on two girls talking, a third joins them.
JULIET (to girl 1)
What a waste!
GiRL 1
Right?! Let’s shake this bummer mood and have some fun. Here comes Grace now.
A third girl comes to join them, she is the tallest, slim, with an air of elegance and she is black.
GRACE
Hey girls, howzit going?
JULIET
Juliet puts up her hand in a patrol boy stop signal and starts singing, STOP, In the name of Love…. and they all break into giggles.
GIRL 1
I’d love to go play some tunes and do some singing! Juliet let’s go to your house, your Mom doesn’t get home until late.
GRACE
Yeah, we could kick back, have some snacks, and be gone in a flash.
JULIET
I don’t know, you know my Mom doesn’t like people over when she is not home.
GIRL 1
Like she’s ever gonna know!
GRACE
We’ll be cool! Please!
GIRL 1
PLEEEESE!
JULIET
OK, but you have to leave on time so I can get dinner started, as usual.
GIRL 1
Deal!
GRACE
SOLID!
They high-five and hug and set off for Juliet’s house. On the way they start singing again, Baby Love, my baby love, laughing at the people they pass. They get looks not only for singing but because Grace is with them. They are oblivious.
INT. JULIET’S HOUSE DAY
The girls throw their stuff down, kick their shoes off, get some snacks and retire to the living room, with the stereo. They spin some tunes, sing along and have a great time.
JULIET
This is way more fun than class! Wish we could do it every day.
GIRL 1
Yeah, soon we will be able to get our own places and hang all the time.
GRACE
More likely we will go our own ways and lose touch.
JULIET
Grace why would you say that?
GIRL 1
The terrific three, no way!
GRACE
I just know life will get in the way.
JULIET
Oh, get over here and stop being so serious. I’m going to go get my camera and take a picture to mark this super day.
Juliet gets her Polaroid Instamatic and snaps a few pics in front of the fireplace, gives them some, and keeps the one of her and Grace .
They help Juliet tidy up and leave. Juliet starts dinner, peels some potatoes, and puts them to boil.
A few days later Juliet is in her room listening to music( Joni Mitchell) and looking at the photo of her and Grace when her mother comes in, she tries to shove the pic back in the drawer and her Mother asks to see it.
MOTHER
What is that?
JULIET
Nothing
MOTHER
If it’s nothing then why can’t I see it?
Juliet
It’s nothing interesting.
Mother
Give it here, please.
Juliet hands it to her, and a puzzled look forms on her Mothers face.
Mother
Who is this?
Juliet
It’s me.
MOTHER
And?
JULIET
and a friend from school.
MOTHER
Who?
JULIET
Her name is Grace, if that matters.
Her mother starts to raise her voice
MOTHER
Don’t get smart with me, It’s a simple question. I think I deserve to know who was in my home when I was not here.
JULIET
She’s just a friend from school, not an axe murderer. If I could have some friends over sometimes maybe we would not have to do it in secret.
MOTHER
I will be the one to decide that.
At this point, her stepfather has heard the commotion and enters the room.
STEPFATHER
What’s going on in here?
Juliet and her Mother exchange glances, Juliet is trying to convey that she want’s to keep this between them. Waiting for an answer he sees the photograph in her Mothers hand and takes it
.
STEPFATHER
When the hell did this happen?
Juliet looks blank.
MOTHER
Well?
JULIET
It was a few days ago, we were just
STEPFATHER
That’s enough, I don’t need to hear your reasons. You let people in the house when we were not here
JULIET
Well it’s my house too
STEPFATHER
Don’t interrupt me! And not only that you brought a nigger in here!
Juliet’s face is incredulous. Her mother says nothing.
JULIET
Why would you use that horrible word. She is a person, a lovely human being.
STEPFATHER
Facts are facts!
JULIET
What are you even talking about? Don’t you send me to church to learn to be kind, be my brother’s keeper
STEPFATHER
And honor your mother and father, don’t forget that one.
JULIET
Well, YOU are not my father
He comes over and slaps her. She stays stone still and stares him down.
Mother
Let’s all calm down
She tries to guide him out of the room
STEPFATHER
Don’t tell me to calm down. I’ve had enough of this, and after the day I had!
Just know this you are grounded, Miss
Juliet bites her lip, waits till they leave then slams the door. She can hear the starting theme music to his favorite show ALL IN THE FAMILY playing and gets her transistor radio and puts it under her pillow and tunes into her favorite station, WNEW out of NYC, and is lost in the tunes.
INT. INEZ’S HOUSE EVENING
INEZ
What is going on over there Julia? I thought everything was good now that you decided to have this baby.
JULIA ( JULIET’S MOTHER)
Larry is happy about that or was at first, now he is just impatient and teenagers are not easy. I know it must be hard for her not knowing her own father
INEZ
And whose fault is that?
JULIA
I know, I know but I could never let her know how reckless I was, and you must keep your promise about that.
INEZ
I told you, you have my word, and I always keep it don’t I?! But maybe that would just make you more human in her eyes.
JULIA
I just can’t
INEZ
Hmmmmm! So what is it this time?
JULIA
We found a photo of Juliet and a friend taken in our house when we were not home
INEZ
Well, I guess that’s the first time in the history of parenting that that’s ever happened!
JULIA
the other girl in the photo was black and Larry went crazy!
INEZ
Are you serious now! Julia this is not like you at all. Hell, I remember when Josephine Baker was in town and you begged and pleaded me to go with you and I know you have a Bo Diddly record, you know that black people are no different than us, maybe just more talented! And what did you say to this outrage?
JULIA
You can’t talk to Larry when he gets like that. Best to let it blow over.
INEZ
Well, that sets a good example! Look we are living in a different world now. It’s not like back home. Women are waking up and demanding a better life, did you see those women marching for equal rights the other day?
Julia
N – NO
INEZ
Well, you can be sure Juliet knows about it and wishes you would join them.
JULIA
I just don’t know how to talk to Juliet anymore.
INEZ
Well, can you blame her for acting up when her own mother does not stand up for her?
I’ll blame it on your hormones for now, but there is a gulf between you two as wide as the Atlantic ocean, you are going to have to work on that. In the meantime, I propose you let Juliet come stay with me, at least till the baby comes. That way everyone gets a break and cools off.
JULIA
Really, do you want to take that on?
INEZ
Juilet and I get on great. Mary ( her sister) may be a hard sell but I think we can give it a shot.
JULIA
I think it might be a good plan, of course I’m going to have to lay it out so Larry feels like it was his idea, let me work on it.
INEZ
Don’t worry, I get it , I’m going to have to work a little magic with Madelyn too.
JULIA
OK cuz, I’LL leave it with you. Thanks for being there for me again!
INEZ
Always and forever, Love ya cuz!
They part ways, each looking pleased.
-
Kim Michael McCarthy Finished Act 1 WILLIAM’S MOTHER IS KILLED
What I learned is to just write something as the story line evolves. FIX IT LATER.
Beginning of ACT 2 BEATS
The desert scene / B Story / the love scene starts on pg. 30
EXT. DESERT OASIS – NIGHT
Beginning: WILLIAM sees the rockslide kill his mother caused by the test dynamite charges exploded by METALBAUM’S crew. WILLIAM descends to the desert floor to aid his mother who doesn’t know yet that she is dead.
Middle: WILLIAM on the desert floor kneeing next to his mother’s lifeless body, talks to her telling her how much he loves her and that she will be fine she just had a nasty fall and will get well soon. WILLIAM now believes that it is all his fault which caused this tragedy because he ran away from home. He tries to get her to “wake up”. Realizing that she is gone, WILLIAM is uncontrollably weeping. WILLIAM cries so much that a pool of tear drops forms on the desert ground between his two front legs where his head is lying. His head horn is sounding a low melancholy drone.
END: Two tiny twins (one boy and one girl) Scorpios appear from the pool of water on the desert floor caused by WILLIAMS uncontrollable sobbing. The young twins are complete opposites in personalities. The boy a pristine, a neat freak, a bit on the conservative upper crust side. The girl a fun-loving tom boy ready to get down and dirty with everyone but real street wise and whip smart. The twins are having fun in what is a rarity, water in the desert, and the sight of an animal they have never seen before a mountain goat. WILLIAM doesn’t know what to make of it. He becomes distracted in amazement of these two new creates. The girl Scorpio is all over WILLIAM wanting to play, the boy more reserve and cautious ready to defend himself with a string. The mother Scorpio arrives hearing the commotion of her daughter wanting to engage WILLIAM whose head horn is now tooting out sounds of wonderment and a little bit of joy jousting with his two new playmates. The mother scorpion calls her kids to get over here, not sure if this mountain goat is a danger. WILLIAM assure her that he is not a danger, is in grief and not sure where he is, the desert that he has never seen or has been to before. The four begin to form a bond of trust feeling WILLIAMS lose of his mother. The mother Scorpio realizing WIILIAMS pain and loss, and that he is not a threat to the Scorpios offers WILLIAM comfort at their rock hideaway burrow home. All four-fall asleep that twinkling starlight night (WILLIAM’S mother watching over him from the heavens above) with the twins clinging to WILLIAM’ two head horns as a new place to hang out. A LOVE INTEREST BETWEEN THE FOUR OF THEM BEGINS.
-
30 Day Script – #12
Rae’s finished Act 1
What I learned is, as each lesson unfolds this story is taking on a life. However, I’m hoping I’m doing this correctly and not posting too many pages!
INT. JOHNSON RESIDENCE / MAIN BATHROOM (LONG BEACH) – DAY
JESI JOHNSON (38), lifts the entire toilet solo and then places it to one side. While her father JACKSON (68), is kicked back in a recliner watching TV, calling out instructions.
JACKSON
So, you turned off the water, pulled off the toilet? Now do you see that wax seal underneath? Well you need to replace it then put the toilet back on, okay honey?
JESI
Got it, Dad.
Jesi makes the repairs, resets the toilet and then tightens the screws at the base. While Jackson is till kicked back in his recliner watching TV.
JACKSON (O.S.)
Did you tighten those screws and put the toilet back on?
JESI
(still tightening screws)
Of course, Dad.
JACKSON (O.S.)
That’s my girl. You know, if you’re ever gonna run my truck, you gotta know this stuff.
JESI
(to herself)
Not any time soon, Dad.
As Jesi cleans up at the sink, we see a beautiful long limbed, well-toned woman. There’s an air of grace and confidence that says she knows who she is.
EXT. 20 UNIT APARTMENT BUILDING – SAME DAY
A Silverado double cab contractors utility truck pulls up. “Johnson Contractor Services” etched on both sides. Jackson jumps out, meets owner HAROLD SHUMAN (60). Jesi buckles on a tool belt, grabs some coveralls, and follows.
JACKSON
Hey Chuck, how’s it going? Meet my daughter Jesi, my apprentice for the day.
HAROLD
A chip off the old block, eh.
JESI
Well first of all I’m a real estate agent. But it doesn’t hurt to know the trades, right?
HAROLD
(strides ahead)
It’s the rear unit. Goddamn tenant left the bath water running then breezed off to work for the day.
JACKSON
Good thing you’ve got a raised foundation, so all that water has some place to go.
JESI
Did you call for a mold inspection, Sir?
HARROLD
It’s Harrold, or Spud if you like.
JACKSON (TEASES)
Spud! You’re kidding me!
JESI
Dad! That’s rude.
HARROLD
Nah, Jackson and I are buddies. But back to those mold inspection companies, they are all a rip off. They find mold no matter what. You should know, you’re in real estate.
Harold unlocks the rear unit door, complaining. A German Shepherd leaps at him, growling hard.
HAROLD
She didn’t tell me she had a goddamn dog. And of course there’s no deposit. I’m sick of these fly by night goddamn tenants. I’m gonna sell the goddamn place.
Jesi calms the dog down so that they can all enter.
JESI
Mr. Schuman, if you really do want to sell I know a great agent —
HARROLD
Thanks, but I got my guy Henry, Schindler Investments. I know the broker owner as well. I can get you a job there if you want.
JACKSON
(grins)
Hey Spud, where’s your crawl space again?
HARROLD
(grind back)
Right over there. That wire gated trap door.
A rusty wire grated trap door is located beside the building. Jesi slips into the coveralls, opens the trap door, disappears under the building. Harold throws Jackson a look.
JACKSON
Yep, she’s a go getter.
Minutes later Jesi exits the crawl space covered in mud.
JESI
It’s a cesspool under there —
INT. REAL ESTATE OFFICE – DAY
The office broker hands Jesi a check. She gapes and throws it back at him.
JESI
You’re kidding me! You took fifty percent of my commission! My cut is eighty! I slaved over those asshole sellers for six months and this is what I get?
TIME LAPSE
Jesi has packed up her desk. She’s saying goodbye to her fellow AGENTS. Her best friend GIZELLE won’t stop hugging. Gizelle is tall and slim, and can’t help but look sexy.
GIZELLE
Are you sure about this, hon?
(off her nod)
How will I survive without you?
JESI
(leaving)
Come visit. Schindler Investment Properties. The office is drowning in testosterone. I’m their first female agent in a long while, or maybe ever.
She smiles, leaves with the stack of boxes.
INT. SCHINDLER INVESTMENTS (DAY)
The halls and offices are crawling with MALE AGENTS.
Jesi enters the managers office. JASON SCHINDLER (55) is good looking, direct, imposing. He shoots Jesi a smile and then hands it to her straight.
JASON
Right, I’m giving you sixty days to make a deal and bring us an A-list client. As for leads, they go mainly to the big producers. Look, I’ll try to slip you one here and there, but you can’t count on it, okay.
JESI
It’s okay. I know it will be an uphill battle, but then I’m used to finding my own way. So, where is my office?
POV
HENRY WU (42), watches intently from a glass enclosed office as Jake steers Jesi to a cubicle. He has beyond good looks, a mix of Asian and Euro. Also has a reserve that no man or woman can read.
Jesi follows Jason, all geared for her own private office. Instead he leads her to a cubicle in the middle of the bull pen.
JESI
Wait a minute. What happened to my private office? When we interviewed, you told me —
She protests, but it makes no difference. She’s now stuck in a bull pen with TWENTY SALES MEN.
JASON
Not to worry, Suze will take care of your orientation.
He calls SUZE HICKS (30), the assistant manager, over for the orientation. He can’t wait to leave.
JASON
Now Jesi, you give a yell if there’s anything you need, okay.
Suze steps in as he leaves.
SUZE
Okay girl, let’s go over these rules. Number one rule, this is a man’s world. But you already know this —
Henry approaches, interrupts the two women. He’s smooth, clean cut, bordering on elegant. His suit is stylized, immaculate. He and Jesi have immediate chemistry, hands down.
HENRY
Hey there.
(extends a hand)
Henry Wu. Jesi, right? Can I ask who you came from, I mean your brokerage company? Who and where you plan on prospecting? Your track record, etcetera —
JESI
(she’s heard enough)
Well, actually, you could say I’m a rookie. I’m starting clean, which means I’m hungry, so you’d better watch out. But hey, if you ever decide to share your leads, then I’m all ears.
HENRY
(laughs)
I wasn’t quite expecting that. Well, if you need anything — I’m right next door.
As he leaves, Suze throws Jesi a look, then waits a minute.
SUZE
Don’t believe a freaking word he says. Trust me, they’re all snakes. He’ll steal any lead you happen to name drop, or accidently leak. You’ve gotta hide them, everyone, every single lead. They are all toxic in here, every one of them. And by the way, don’t keep your leads on that computer. They’ll hack into them. Keep you names, addresses and contact info, on your old fashioned index cards, and keep them under lock and key. Better yet, take them home with you.
JESI
C’mon, be serious. I hear it gets pretty lethal, but not that bad.
Jesi returns to her cubicle to orient herself, and is looking quite lost.
TIME LAPSE
MICHAEAL FIORE (40), the office nice guy, throws his head inside Jesi’s cubicle. He’s obviously Italian, has great looks, and is immediately likeable.
MICHAEL
Hey, I’m Michael. I hear you just started. Man it’s nice to see a pretty face.
JESI
Thanks, but I prefer to be genderless if that’s okay, or even possible. I just want to work, don’t want my gender working against me.
MICHAEL
How do you like the bull pen?
JESI
The what?
JACKSON
It’s what we call these cubicles. The bull pen.
JESI
(smiles)
Watch me. I won’t be here long.
Jesi bursts out laughing. Most of the agents stop work, and for the first time check her out, pretty satisfied with what they see.
INT. JOHNSON RESIDENCE – NIGHT
Jesi walks in exhausted. Frank Sinatra is blasting through the room, the song, “The Summer Wind.” She smiles, goes over and kisses her Dad on the forehead.
JACKSON
Hey baby, how was the first day? Want me to turn it down.
JESI
No, it’s all good, Dad.
JACKSON
It was one of your Mom and my favorites —
JESI
I know.
JACKSON
I guess you’ve heard it a few times, right?
JESI
(grins)
Would you believe a few hundred?
JACKSON
Can’t help it. Sinatra is how we met —
JESI
I love your story Dad, keeps me close to Mom, but not tonight.
JACKSON
Hey, are you okay?
JESI
I’m okay — how was your day? Did you dry out the unit?
JACKSON
Yeah, we put half a dozen fans down there and it did the job.
JESI
That’s great, Daddy.
Jesi leaves the room, returns with a glass of wine, sits with him.
JACKSON
Tell me about this new job. Did they give you any leads?
JESI
No, not one. But I’m not turning it into a big problem.
JACKSON
Shit, I thought leads were a given.
JESI
Dad, they lied to me. The company leads are channeled straight to the top producers.
Sinatra blasts out. This time with, “Come Fly with Me.” Jackson listens a minute and then turns down the volume.
JACKSON
You know, this song is why I left Ohio, and why your Mum left Virginia — only for us to meet in London.
JESI
I know Dad, it’s a lovely story.
(sips wine)
I’ve been thinking all day — I’m gonna need to change my game plan, Dad. And I was wondering, how many apartment owners you know? How well you actually know them?
JACKSON
Hmmm, I’d say around sixty or so. Been doing this a long time.
JESI
Can I get a copy of that list? Names, addresses, phone numbers?
JACKSON
Why would you wanna do that?
JESI
I was thinking they could be my future client base.
JACKSON
Wow. You don’t muck around, do you my girl?
(takes a beat)
Look sweetie, those dudes have all got leasing agents. They’ve got this clause in their contracts where the agents get the listing —
JESI
Not all of them. It’s worth a try, Dad. At least it’s a place to start.
JACKSON
Okay baby, okay. Then let’s do it. Let’s jump in and play their game.
INT. THE BULL PEN – NEXT DAY
Jesi arrives early at her desk, starts making cold calls from the Apartment Owner’s Directory.
JESI
(into phone)
Mister Wyman, my name is Jesi Johnson. I’m with Schindler Investments. How are you today?
(stops, listens)
Well sir, you may not be thinking of selling your property at this very moment, but — sir, sir?
She gets a disconnect. She takes a breathe, calls another. A few hours later she’s on speed dial. Until Suze interrupts.
SUZE
Jesi, sorry to interrupt but it’s important. It’s your father. There was an accident. He’s in the hospital —
Jesi flies out of her cubicle, runs through and out the office.
INT. HOSPITAL (LOS ANGELES) – NIGHT
Jesi sits at her father’s bedside. She closes his eyelids, gently strokes his head, then sits and slowly strokes his hand. He has passed, but she can’t accept this. Finally the male DOCTOR interrupts.
DOCTOR
Miss Johnson, I’m so sorry. You see, his fall caused a hemorrhage, and then his heart wasn’t strong enough.
Jesi is crying, shaking her head, accepting nothing. Then finally, through her tears.
JESI
Do you know how my Dad and my mother met? It was because of Frank Sinatra and their love of his music. They had a mutual love affair with every song he ever sang, starting with his “Songs for Swinging Lovers” and “Come Fly with Me” albums. Those songs propelled them both to London, Paris and Rome. Then, once there, a mutual friend heard about their Sinatra addiction and insisted they meet each other. It was at a party in West London in the mid seventies, they danced to Sinatra all night long. It was hard to pin down my father’s all time favorite song, but I think it was “The Summer Wind.”
Finally she breaks down sobbing.
INT. JOHNSON HOME – LATE AT NIGHT
SUPERIMPOSE: THREE MONTHS LATER
INT. JOHNSON RESIDENCE / HOME OFFICE – DAY
Jesi makes morning coffee, turns on a Sinatra song, goes to her fathers office. It’s disheveled, just like he was. She wades through his books, opens his client log. It’s a mess, crammed with client names and addresses.
INT. JOHNSON HOME / LIVING ROOM/ OFFICE – DAY
Jesi wanders around aimlessly, finally pours some wine, then curls up in her father’s recliner and cries her heart out.
TIME LAPSE
Jesi polishes off her wine, gets up and goes to her father’s office.
Jesi flips through a stack of bills, checks the file cabinet, pulls the Lender’s Bank file. Jackson has a reverse mortgage with very little equity left.
She opens a sealed envelope marked, “Jesi” and reads:
JACKSON (V.O.)
Dearest girl, if I should die any time soon, and I probably will, do whatever you have to do with the business. Sell it. Run it yourself, because you’d be great at it. But whatever happens I’m asking you to hang onto our home. Keep it in the family, give it your kid’s. Do it for your mother and me, please. Also, you must keep our Sinatra collection. Don’t give it up. Play those songs often, for you, for they will keep you happy.
She wipes her tears, then takes a 78 record from the sleeve, puts Sinatra’s “Songs for Swinging Lovers” on the turntable and turns up the volume.
She sits down and cries. Then after a while she opens the client book up again, flips the pages. She then picks up the phone, sucks a breathe and dials a number.
JESI
(into phone)
Mr. Shuman, this is Jesi Johnson.
(pauses)
I don’t know if you heard, but my father has died.
(chokes up, listens)
Thank you Mr. Shuman. I also want you to know that I’ll be taking over his business.
(listens)
Well, thank you Chuck. And yes, I may have to hire a helper or two, but —
(listens)
Yes, of course, I definitely can handle it.
INT. OFFICE CUBICLE – TWO WEEKS LATER
Jesi sits at her desk. She’s on the phone with the Doctor’s office, her father’s surgeon.
JESI
What do you mean there’s still a large balance? My father’s got Medicare!
(listens)
What does that mean? He’s let his bridging insurance lap.
(listens)
And the balance is still that much, over a million?! You’re freaking kidding me!”
-
Lora’s Finished Act 1
What I learned doing this assignment is it’s good to read your writing out loud. You catch more errors that way!
Act 1:
INT. PHOENIX’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Beginning: Phoenix is badly beaten and near-unconscious on the floor of the shower. Blood washes down the drain.
Middle: A collage of scenes flash behind her closed eyes – she and Sterling in better times. Hope for their future is fleeting at the moment; tears stream down her face.
End: There is a pounding on the door. Her roommate, Camelle, calls out her name again and again. Her voice echoes and sounds far away as Phoenix tries to come out of the darkness. There’s a close up on her face as we see the cuts, bruises and river of tears, and then she opens her eyes and gasps.
INT. LOCAL BAR – NIGHT
Beginning: Phoenix is the bartender, exchanging drinks for a living wage and tips. Her attitude is carefree, a high contrast from the previous scene. She smiles as she works the room. She hops on stage to sing with the band. She is far from the shy, nerdy girl in high school. The regular bar patrons adore her.
Middle: STERLING (brown hair, caramel eyes, attractive) walks in with a brunette woman on his arm and they take a seat at the bar. The sight of it takes Phoenix’s breath away.
GARRETT (blue eyes, military haircut, attractive), Phoenix’s coworker/friend and friend to Sterling appears at Phoenix’s side.
GARRETT
I got this.
Phoenix pretends to be busy as Garrett steps over to take care of them.
STERLING (to Garrett)
I’d like you to meet Jenna.
Garrett stares at her outstretched hand and leaves it hanging in the air.
GARRETT (monotone)
Nice to meet you.
GARRETT (to Sterling)
What can I get you to drink?
Sterling pays for both drinks and calls his date “babe” – a word that feels like a knife in Phoenix’s heart.
Sterling talks to a stone-faced Garrett while Phoenix dreadfully watches the clock tick closer to the end of Garrett’s shift, knowing she will soon have to face Sterling and his date on her own.
ALBERT (late 30s, stocky, soft), owner of the bar enters as Garrett’s shift is ending as takes Garrett’s place as Sterling’s bartender.
GARRETT (to Phoenix)
Are you okay?
Phoenix swallows a lump in her throat and nods.
GARRETT
Do you want me to stick around?
PHOENIX (shaking her head then forcing a smile)
No, I’m sure you have plans of your own. Get on out of here!
GARRETT
Promise me you’ll call me when you get off work.
PHOENIX
I promise.
Garrett leaves the bar without saying goodbye to Sterling.
PHOENIX (quietly to Albert)
I’m so glad you’re here.
ALBERT (nodding towards Sterling)
What is he doing?
PHOENIX (sadly)
I really don’t know.
ALBERT
He’s a real piece of shit.
BAR PATRON (to Phoenix)
Who is the slutty girl with your man?
PHOENIX (sadly)
He’s apparently not my man anymore.
BAR PATRON
What a fool. She ain’t got nothin’ on you!
WILLIAM (tall, late 20s/early 30s, cowboy type), a friend of Phoenix, pulls up a seat at the bar. Albert acts as a human barricade by waiting on Sterling all night so Phoenix doesn’t have to. As Jenna becomes more intoxicated, she starts hitting on every male in the bar. She sits on William’s lap and steals his hat. She gives Albert her number. Sterling has to drag her off William’s lap and out of the bar at the end of the night.
It is an emotionally-taxing night for Phoenix. Her usual happy personality is gone. She has to force a smile all night. The neon lights are off and the “closed” sign is displayed. Phoenix is busy wiping down the bar when the door opens.
PHOENIX (Without looking up)
Sorry, we’re closed!
GARRETT
I know.
Phoenix looks up to see Garrett’s exquisite blue eyes and smiles. Garrett locks the door and helps with closing chores.
GARRETT (gently)
How did it go?
PHOENIX (sadly)
She flirted with everyone who had a penis. I can’t believe he’d rather be with her than me.
ALBERT
She’s crazy and Sterling is nuts. They deserve each other.
The two boys laugh. Phoenix does not.
ALBERT
Why don’t you guys head out and I’ll finish up.
EXT. SIDEWALK IN FRONT OF LOCAL BAR – NIGHT
GARRETT (chirps his car lock)
Do you want to go for a drive?
PHOENIX (smiling)
I thought you’d never ask.
SEVERAL YEARS BEFORE – EXT. OUTSIDE STERLING’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Phoenix meets Chandler and a few friends outside of Sterling’s house. They exchange hugs and greetings. Three guys including Sterling walk out of the house.
CHANDLER (To Phoenix)
I’d like you to meet Sterling.
Sterling and Phoenix smile and nod at each other. There is an instant connection between them. Chandler passes out beers to everyone, including Phoenix, who looks at him strangely.
CHANDLER
You’re not driving tonight, which means you are going to drink with us.
As Phoenix starts to protest, Chandler reaches over and opens the can for her. Giving in to peer pressure, she takes a drink and balks at the flavor.
CHANDLER (grinning)
It’s an acquired taste, you’ll get used to it.
CHANDLER (to group)
Alright, let’s get this party on the road!
INT. DRIVER’S CAR – NIGHT
Chandler, Sterling, Phoenix, PRESTON (short in height, dark hair cut short, very laid back attitude) and the driver climb into the car and take off with no real destination in sight. Phoenix is tucked behind the driver, with Preston next to her and Sterling on the other side of him. She is still trying to slowly choke down the beer. Chandler is controlling the music in the passenger seat. Phoenix is trying to relax and have fun. They drive aimlessly over gravel roads, just chatting and listening to music. Eventually they come across a party and decide to stop.
EXT. DAMIEN’S HOUSE – NIGHT
There is a small crowd hanging out around a bonfire. They greet the boys warming while Phoenix hangs back. She doesn’t know anyone at the party. DAMIEN (athletic build, blonde hair, ice blue eyes) and Chandler exchange a bro hug and chat before Damien sees Phoenix.
DAMIEN (standing tall and gesturing towards Phoenix)
And who is this?
CHANDLER (smiling)
That’s Phoenix.
Chandler waves Phoenix over to where they are standing.
CHANDLER
Phoenix, meet Damien.
Damien kisses the top of Phoenix’s hand.
DAMIEN (smiling seductively)
It’s nice to meet you.
PHOENIX (blushing)
It’s nice to meet you, too.
DAMIEN
Where are you from? Heaven?
Damien continues to flirt with Phoenix. Sterling is watching them. He grows annoyed with Damien’s pickup attempts and steps between them.
STERLING
It’s time to go!
DAMIEN (calmly)
You just got here.
STERLING (glaring and through gritted teeth)
It doesn’t matter. We’re leaving. Now!
Sterling rounds his companions up and ushers them towards the car.
DAMIEN
Thanks for stopping by, Phoenix! Please come back anytime!
Damien winks at Phoenix, which pisses Sterling off even more.
INT. DRIVER’S CAR – NIGHT
Sterling changes seats with Preston to sit next to Phoenix. Phoenix finishes her first beer, and Chandler celebrates by opening another and handing it to her. Phoenix is slightly drunk and is now more laid back. She dances and sings along to the music Chandler is playing. There is a lot of laughs.
Every time the vehicle goes around a corner, Sterling squishes Phoenix into the side of the car. Phoenix laughs and pushes him back. This continues for awhile and Sterling tries to touch her. She slaps his hand away and her hand lands on his thigh. There’s a major spark of electricity between them. He smiles at her as he laces their fingers together and rubs his thumb across her hand.
STERLING (over the music)
Can I kiss you?
PHOENIX
What?
Sterling kisses her. Time stops and the rest of the car fades away.
Preston sees this and slaps the back of Chandler’s seat, trying to get his attention. Phoenix pushes Sterling off of him just as Chandler turns around.
CHANDLER (to Preston)
What’s up?
PRESTON
Uhh… never mind.
Chandler shrugs and returns the music volume to a deafening level. Phoenix is slightly shaken from the force of the kiss. Sterling tries to kiss her again and she turns away, pulling her hand out of his grasp.
STERLING
What’s wrong?
PHOENIX
We can’t do this.
STERLING
Why not?
PHOENIX
Chandler and I… we… have history.
STERLING (looking skeptical)
Alright.
There is tension and awkwardness in the car. Phoenix feels bad. She never drinks; she isn’t thinking clearly. She’d give anything to be able to get out of this car right now.
EXT. STERLING’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Phoenix practically jumps out of the car as soon as they arrive back to Sterling’s house. She wants to leave immediately.
CHANDLER (to Phoenix)
Would you give me a ride back to my house?
PHOENIX
Yeah, I can do that.
Sterling watches the two of them as they head to Phoenix’s car.
STERLING
Hey, Chandler, do you want to have another drink?
CHANDLER (shrugging)
Sure.
STERLING (winking at Phoenix)
Good! I’ll meet you at your house.
Phoenix looks bewildered as she raises her eyebrows at Sterling. What is he doing?!
EXT. OUTSIDE OF TOWN – DAWN
Chandler and Phoenix drive outside of town. He instructs her to park in the middle of a gravel road and they step out of the car.
CHANDLER (pointing)
Over there is where our supplier would drop off our beer in high school.
They lean back against the car and take in the view overlooking the small town. The sky is starting to get light in the distance. Chandler puts his arm around Phoenix.
CHANDLER
The real reason I brought you here is because this is the best place to watch the sun rise.
PHOENIX
Sun rise?! What time is it? I’ve got to go!
CHANDLER (looking disappointed)
Okay, raincheck on the sun rise. Let’s head back to my place.
They get in the car and drive back to Chandler’s place. Sterling is waiting in his car out front. The three of them walk into Chandler’s house to find his roommate passed out already and the stereo blasting at full volume.
INT. CHANDLER’S HOUSE – DAWN
Sterling and Chandler crack open another beer. Chandler turns on the TV and stretches out on one couch. Sterling claims the other. Phoenix sits on the back of the couch watching the boys settle in. Chandler looks at Phoenix and pats the spot in front of him.
PHOENIX (shaking her head)
I’ve got to go.
CHANDLER
Not yet you don’t!
Chandler pulls Phoenix over the couch and rolls her into a lying position in front of him. Chandler’s puppy is bouncing around and as Phoenix scratches his ear, Sterling’s hand closes over hers and squeezes. She looks into his dismal eyes and feels guilty. She quickly pulls her hand back. As the puppy continues to jump on them, Chandler pulls the blanket up around them and kisses Phoenix. He pulls back and strokes her cheek.
CHANDLER (with emotion)
I like you so much.
PHOENIX (casually)
I like you, too.
CHANDLER
We should date, you and I.
Seeing Phoenix’s shocked expression, Chandler rambles on.
CHANDLER
I’m serious! I think we’d be great together.
PHOENIX
Maybe. Let’s see how things go and talk again about dating down the road.
CHANDLER
I’m really glad you came out tonight.
PHOENIX (smiling)
Get some rest and I’ll see you soon, okay?
CHANDLER (innocently)
Will you stay until I fall asleep?
Phoenix nods and Chandler snuggles against her. He is asleep within minutes. Phoenix crawls out from the cover tent and tucks him in. As she turns to leave, she sees Sterling sleeping soundly on the other couch. She covers him with a blanket and gives him a hug as she does so.
PHOENIX (whispering)
I’m sorry.
Phoenix takes one last look at them before she closes the door quietly behind her. She realizes she cares about both of them and we see the stress on her face as she gets into her car and drives towards home.
INT. PHOENIX’S HOUSE – MORNING
Phoenix is late for her school function. She barely has enough time to shower, throw on her uniform and dash out the door.
INT. PHOENIX’S HIGH SCHOOL – MORNING
Phoenix arrives to school with her hair soaking wet. HALEY (light brown hair, sassy attitude) is there, in the same uniform, waiting for her.
HALEY
Good morning, sunshine! What time did you get in this morning?
PHOENIX (sighs)
I haven’t been to bed yet.
HALEY
Holy shit! How did it go?
Phoenix notices LEVI (tall, athletic, short brown hair, brown eyes) hanging nearby, listening intently.
PHOENIX (lowering her voice)
It was… interesting. I’ll tell you about it later.
After the event is over, Phoenix can hardly keep her eyes open.
HALEY
Will you go to that demo derby with me this afternoon?
Phoenix shakes her head, but before she can say no, Haley sweetens the deal.
HALEY
I’ll drive and you can take a nap on the way.
Phoenix groans.
HALEY
Please?
PHOENIX (sighs)
Ugh, fine.
EXT. DEMO DERBY – NOON
Phoenix is sitting on a picnic table, trying not to fall asleep. Haley, JOEY (Chandler’s roommate, brown hair, backwards hat), BRYCE (stocky, blonde, glasses) and others are chatting nearby.
JOEY (in a singsong voice to Phoenix)
Did you have a good time last night?
PHOENIX (exhausted, but nonchalant)
It was pretty fun.
JOEY (smiling coyly)
I know, I heard. Chandler is still at home sleeping it off.
Joey winks at her before he is pulled into a different conversation a little further away. Bryce puts his foot on the bench of the picnic table and leans into Phoenix.
BRYCE (quietly)
You’ve got to stop messing around with Chandler.
PHOENIX
Huh?
BRYCE (lighting a cigarette and taking a drag)
I’m serious. He doesn’t deserve you.
PHOENIX (amused)
Why do you say that?
BRYCE (blowing out smoke and waving his cigarette in the air)
Look, Chandler is a great friend of mine. He does like you, but the two of you are never going to go anywhere. He’s got a lot of growing up to do and it’s not going to happen anytime soon. Do yourself a favor and don’t waste your time, you’re only going to get hurt.
Before Phoenix can reply, Joey and his friends come back. Bryce joins their conversation like he hadn’t just given Phoenix a warning.
HALEY (to Phoenix)
Are you ready to go?
Phoenix nods and hops off the table. Bryce gives her a hug before she leaves.
BRYCE (whispering)
Remember what I said.
Phoenix and Haley walk to the car and get in.
INT. HALEY’S CAR – MID AFTERNOON
HALEY
What was that all about?
PHOENIX
Bryce told me to stay away from Chandler. He said I’m wasting my time.
HALEY (shrugging)
Everyone knows Chandler likes you. I’d say if you like him, go for it.
PHOENIX
Last night, Chandler suggested that he and I should date exclusively.
HALEY
And you said yes, right?
Much to Haley’s dismay, Phoenix shakes her head.
PHOENIX
Things between us are good right now and I don’t want to mess that up. Also, he was drunk. It’ not a conversation I want to have while he’s intoxicated. I told him we should see how things go from here and talk about dating a little further down the road.
HALEY
That makes sense. It’s not like he’s going anywhere. He’s clearly smitten with you.
Phoenix smiles as she leans against the headrest and closes her eyes.
INT. PHOENIX’S BEDROOM – LATE AFTERNOON
Phoenix drags herself up the stairs and is asleep before her head hits the pillow. Several hours later her phone rings, which she answers before she’s even awake.
PHOENIX (groggily)
Hello?
STERLING
Hey.
PHOENIX (still half asleep)
Hi… Who am I talking to?
STERLING (casually)
This is Sterling.
PHOENIX (Suddenly awake)
Sterling?
STERLING
Yeah. We met last night.
PHOENIX
Oh, hey. (pauses) I’m really sorry about last night. I didn’t handle things very well.
STERLING (breezily)
It’s not a big deal. (Lengthy pause) Do you think that maybe you and I could go out sometime?
PHOENIX (flustered)
Maybe?
STERLING
I’d like that.
Phoenix and Sterling chat on the phone for another hour. Conversation is easy and seamless. After they finally hang up, Phoenix sets her phone down on the nightstand and settles back into bed. She rolls to face the camera, closes her eyes and grins.
-
Christi Finished Act 1
This was completed easy. I’m always good at setting up the inciting incident then the transitioning into the second half. I’ll probably have some difficulty with the next step. I think that’s where I run out of real estate.
I learned that finishing a script before I started this course helps me blow through the assignments in record time!
-
Subject line: Daisy Ridgway Khalifa’s Turning Point Scene [11]
What I learned doing this assignment: This lesson is helping me really “beat out” story scenes and see the story.
ACT 1 TURNING POINT
Outline turning point scene and any scene leading up to it
INT. WASHINGTON, D.C. – MIA’S APARTMENT – 25 YEARS LATER
BEGINNING: Mia Pauley, 33, receives a phone call from her sister, CAREY. Carey, a drug addict, is chatty, high, and calls to tell her sister that their old house finally gave out, and is now abandoned, because of the Northridge earthquake. “You ought to come out.”
MIDDLE: MIA is preoccupied with thoughts about Charles and her old house.
END: MIA heads to work …
INT. WASHINGTON, D.C. – MIA’S WORKPLACE – DAY
BEGINNING: Mia works at a museum. Has a good job and has interesting work. [establishing]
MIDDLE: Mia tells her close friend and confidante at work, IAN GARDNER, about her old house.
END: Mia and Ian plan to go out after work to discuss PINECLIFF, because Mia has something on her mind.
INT. WASHINGTON, D.C. – BAR – EVENING
BEGINNING: Mia and Ian have fun at happy hour. Their relationship is affectionate but not romantic, at this point.
MIDDLE: Ian is awestruck and wants to know more about the house where Laughton lived. Mia shares fun facts, among them, Charles hosted for Ed Sullivan the night Elvis Presley appeared.
END: Ian helps Mia remember some key things about her meeting with Charles. They agree it all has to do with earthquakes, when they happened—and when they didn’t.
INT. WASHINGTON, D.C. – MIA’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
BEGINNING: Mia unearths, i.e. faces, old memorabilia about Charles.
MIDDLE: Mia comes across the “thing” Charles left behind that is proof that she met him. A PEN OR A NOTE FROM THE CLASS HE IS ABOUT TO TEACH, that Charles dropped.
END: Mia hears her sister’s voice: “You ought to come out,” and makes a plane reservation to go to L.A. and visit.
INT. WASHINGTON, D.C. – MIA’S WORKPLACE – DAY
BEGINNING: Mia arrives at work and learn Ian did not come in to work this morning.
MIDDLE: Mia and her colleagues learn that Ian has gone home because Ian’s father, MICHAEL GARDNER, a university professor, was killed in an auto accident the previous day.
END: Mia and Ian talk by phone. Ian, seeking answers, says he is game for helping Mia with the Charles memory and pretty much “believes anything is possible.”
INT. WASHINGTON, D.C. – MIA’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
BEGINNING: Ian is back and arrives at Mia’s. He is traumatized and mourning his father.
MIDDLE: Ian has some of his father’s papers, including correspondence from Charles Laughton, who sought information about Lord Byron from Michael Gardner. Mia promises jokingly, that if she meets Charles again she will somehow arrange for Ian to get an autograph from Elvis Presley.
END: Mia and Ian find discover information in which Charles told people about a little girl in “orange plaids” in his garden. They both begin to believe the meeting is real.
EXT. – PINECLIFF – DAY
BEGINNING: Mia, equipped with her research and all sorts of data, is in L.A. and arrives at Pinecliff
MIDDLE: Mia and Charles meet again. Long interaction about earthquakes, fate, her life and his life.
END: After an exchange about “the little girl in orange plaids” and earthquakes, Charles, whether convinced or not, see it as a sign that he should stay in the house and not move from PINECLIFF.
EXT. – WASHINGTON, D.C. – DAY
BEGINNING: Mia’s world is upside down.
MIDDLE: Mia learns details of her new life
END: Mia must find Charles and fix this—or not.
-
Subject line: Tyberius Finished Act 1
“What I learned doing this assignment is how to develop a fuller concept of the story putting prices together.”
FADE IN
Act 1:
INT. RACING STANDS – DAY
BEGINNING: Tiffany walks through the crowds in the racing stands to find Margot. She finds her and greets her warmly.
MIDDLE: Margot and Tiffany meet Dante in the winner’s circle at the podium
END: the three head out to celebrate and catch up.
(Turns to Tiffany)
“He’s doing great… I know he’s going to win,” Margot commenting with exuberance in her voice to Tiffany. I’m so glad you could make the race, Tiffany!
(Facing Margot)
“Me too… “It’s so hard to break away from The Bureau with so many cases on my docket,”
Margot
“You guys have always been so close… it’s going to mean the world to him that you were able to come, Margot said smiling approvingly.
Tiffany
Well, with what we been through… our experiences growing up made us close so that’s not an understatement…
Margot
No, but even more than that, the two of you always had a special bond that went beyond biology.
Tiffany
“That’s true…
Dante’s crew who working the pit stop are watching intensely as their biker takes the lead and wins the race.
Margot
(Both turning to face the track)
“Oh, here he comes,” said Margot excitedly! Let’s go meet him on the winner’s stand!
Margot, Tiffany and the whole pit crew rush over to congratulate their winner!
Dante pulls off his helmet to wave at the scores of cheering fans as he rides into the winner’s stand.
Tiffany
“I wish he wouldn’t do that! (disapprovingly)… he could still get hurt. This racing is dangerous enough… he should keep his helmet on as long as he’s on that bike!
“Oh, you know your brother… he wants to make sure he’s seen… Here he comes!
Margot runs to meet him and jumps into his arms kissing him.
Margot
“Baby that was a great race… you were TERRIFIC!
Thanks Babe…
Margot
Guess whose here… ???
Dante
(interrupting) Stop, you don’t even have to tell me… I felt it the minute she got here… my lovely sister… heeeyyyyy!!!
Tiffany
“Hey bro…
“
Tiffany stepping through the crowd of people
“That was a great race,”
she said as she embraced him tightly kissing him on the cheek
(Margot looking on)
“I’m so glad you could make it… knowing you were here gave me that extra confidence to push through that last lap and a half, extorted Dante! I could always feel when you were near!
Tiffany
“Well, this is cause for celebration,” said Tiffany. Dinner is on me!
Dante
Ha-ha, you don’t have to tell me twice… we’re outta here as soon as I get my trophy and wrap up!
Margot
Well, don’t let us stand in the way of your GLORIOUS MOMENT!
Dante steps up to the podium, accepts a trophy as tall as he is, gives a short speech thanking his racing crew, the fans and his beautiful wife and for his sister for being there.
Afterwards, the trio head out.
INT. RESTURANT – NIGHT
“What are you in the mood for Tiffany,” asked Margot? “Oh, I would kill for a good steak,” Tiffany replied! “I know just the place,” Dante chimed in. “Ooooo is Chester’s still open??? Yup, that’s the one , said Dante! We, may need reservations… said Margot. “Baby please… I’m DANTE ARAMIS VICOLI the greatest motorcyclist in the history of the sport AND now AMA Superbike Champion!” “OMG, I’m sorry… I forgot,” said Margot rolling her eyes. You forgot to mention, the MOST humble as well, chided Tiffany.
Later at Chester’s, “see I told you we wouldn’t have a problem. “Yeah, and the $100 you slipped the Matre D’ didn’t hurt none either,” added Margot! Tiffany, when we get back to the house you gotta see the engine I’m working on… its fast as a rocket and as quieter than a mouse pissing on cotton! “What makes it so quiet,” inquired Tiffany. Ahhhhhh, less moving parts! The engine combustion fires the pistons, but because they spin rather than go up and down, there’s less friction… less friction… less noise! I’m telling you, once I patton this this thing my racing days are over! Me and Margot will be rich and are going to travel the world! AND you will
be able to stop chasing serial killers or whatever the hell kind of maniacs are out there… “Hold on, just a minute,” Tiffany interrupted. I actually love my job! I enjoy bringing… yes, serial killers and maniacs… to justice so that nice law abiding MANIACS like you can live in peace, continued Tiffany. “Thats a good one,” chuckeled Margot.
Well, I never understood why you stopped racing… we could have been a great team. The first brother-sister international motorcycle champions in history! “I still love to ride, but I just dont have the time anymore,”added Tiffany. You were a great motorcyclist Tiffany… even better than me! “I had a calling Dante,” Tiffany interrupted. Its like when we were kids and I could almost feel what someone was going to do before they did it. I could recognize evil… And remember that kid we used to know in High school… who Jimmy? “Yeah, when his girlfriend disappeared and everybody thought he had something to do with it,” said Dante shaking his head. “I knew it wasnt him… something inside me knew they had the wrong guy,” recounted Tiffany. And you didnt stop until you basicallyfigured it out and told the police who you thought was really behind it. “Who the hell was it,” asked Margot??? It was the next door neighbor, added Dante.
She was kidnapped and held in the basement by this sicko who lived right next door to her. Tiffany somehow figured it out and convinced the police to check him out. When they did, that poor girl had been chained to a radiator in the basement of that guys house for weeks … she was barely alive. “Right, a sicko to us and everyone AFTERWARDS… but to the world a teacher who worked with hundreds of kids. He even ran a runaway shelter for troubled youths,” added Tiffany.
“How the hell did you ever come to suspect that guy,” asked Dante??? “Yeah, what the hell,” inquired a shocked Margot??? Truthfully speaking, I’m not even sure. I was there that day when her parents were making a statement to the press about their daughter and how they pleaded for someone… anyone to come forward with information. Well, out of the corner of my eye I saw this man. Everyone there had an expression of hurt, or concern for the missing girl… even the press… but this one man… All had was a blank stare. I dont know what about him even caught my eye, but somehow I just KNEW he had something to do with it. And that was the guy, asked Margot? “Yup…” chimed in Dante. “That’s right,” said Tiffany. “That’s crazy, girl… you got some gift” said Margot.
Yeah, so I felt this calling to go into law enforcement to get sickos like that off the street! “You got more guts than I’ll ever have girlfriend,” said Margot! “My sis has never been afraid of anything… especially when she’s on a mission,” added Dante. “Taking that track at 200+mph on two wheels makes you pretty fearless yourself, Dante” said Tiffany. “Well, I guess fearless runs in our family, doesn’t it,” Dante says with pride. “Yeah, but not smarts… what the hell were you doing out there today, taking a victory lap WITHOUT your helmet,” Demanded Tiffany! Oh Tiffy please… “Tiffy please, my ass… how many times I have to tell you to stop doing stupid stuff like that Dante… You only have ONE head and as big as it is it can still be broken,” Tiffany sternly
interrupted. “Haha… as the old saying goes, “the bigger it is the harder it falls,”” chimed in Margot. “I wish I could laugh, but it won’t be funny if he gets hurt… you’re going to have to take care of him… I’ve seen too many guys get hurt …. seriously hurt that was avoidable” scolded Tiffany. “Look Sis, when it’s my time it’s my time… a helmet won’t save me anymore than a bullet proof vest will save you when it’s your time, added Dante. “Okay, you two… I heard enough about either of you getting hurt,” interrupted Margot. “Okay, fine you’re the one whose going to be wiping his ass when he can no longer do it… I’ll be just coming to visit,” added Tiffany.
I guess this is a good time to get the check, added Dante. “No, I got it,” said Tiffany. “Beat you both to it,” said Margot! I cant deal with the viscious fight that ALWAYS ensues every single time we go out together… goodness gracious!
They all laugh as they pack up to head back home. I dont want to put you guys out, I can go to a hotel, said Tiffany. “Oh stop it aleady,” chided Dante. “We wouldn’t hear of it… the guest bedroom is already made up,” added Margot. “I’ve stayed with you guys before… I was hoping to get some sleep THIS TIME AROUND” said Tiffany as she rolled her eyes. We’ll try to keep it down for you Sis, reassured Dante. “Hmmmm… we’ll see ” murmured Margot. The trio drive home and settle in for the night.
EXT. DANTE AND MARGO’S HOME – LATE NIGHT
[Returning from the restaurant… walking up to the front of the house]
“Tiffy, I gotta show you this…” “are you kidding…This time of night,” interrupted Margot??? “WHAT Baby, it’s still early,” exclaimed Dante. “Oh I can’t… I’m going to bed,” responded Margot.
Are you tired Tiffy? We could do this tomorrow of you want… “No, I’m fine… far be it from me to dampen the enthusiasm! I want to see this new engine that’s going to make you a millionaire,” Tiffany responded. You think I’m playing, but I’m serious as a heart attack! “Oh, I know you dear brother and I know you are not playing at all,” responded Tiffany. C’mon it’s right in the garage… waved Dante… [Tiffany’s cell phone rings]
Oh, wait… let me take this… “Hey Babe… yeah, I’m good… missing you too…” [Dante overhears with eyebrows raised]… haha… yeah of course…
yeah we had a good time… he won the race! Yeah, it was great!what are you doing… hmmmmmm… that sounds like fun… we need to talk about that when I get back…. no, I’ll be back on Monday…. Oh I’m sure you’ll live… WHATEVER… okay, call you from the airport…. cant wait to see you too… miss you too… okay, babe… yeah, of course… no, you’re crazy! [Tiffany walks into the garage where Dante is] Okay, let me go… my brother needs to show me something he’s working on… yeah, I’m SURE he wants to meet you too… [Tiffany smiling at Dante… Dante eyes widened] … yeah, we can do that… we can make that happen… missing you too… haha… okay, let me call you back then… yeah, I’ll call you when I’m settled in for the night… okay, I promise… you’re so crazy! Okay, bye… love you too…[Tiffany hangs up the phone]
“WHO WAS THAT,” inquired Dante??? Oh that was Michael… this guy I’ve been seeing… “Sounds serious,” probed Dante. “Never-u-mind,” stifled Tiffany… what’s this contraption you need to show me that’s going to make us rich??? Okay, look at this [Dante starting the engine] …
“Wow, exclaimed Tiffany, I could barely hear it and I’m standing right here!” Isn’t it incredible??? “But what about safety, questioned Tiffany. “What do you mean… it’s totally safe… steady…” No, interjected Tiffany, “what I’m saying is that some bikers rely on the bikes NOISE to alert the traffic around them that they are there. Wouldn’t a nearly silent bike engine heighten the risk of being hit by a car or truck that didnt SEE or HEAR it coming, inquired Tiffany? Well, I’m not saying that it would be practical or even desired in all situations, but for those who desire… maybe law enforcement for example… who didnt want perps to be alerted … I dont know all of the possible uses… all I’m saying is that this prototype is a revolutionary technology and I’ll let the BUYER’S figure out how it would be used. I just want to get it patented and get it to market, said Dante. “Okay, I see your point… true… its definitely revolutionary,” added Tiffany. Tomorrow I’ll let you take it for a spin… you need to see how it handles, offered Dante. “Cool… let’s do it,” replied Tiffany. Okay, I’ll let you settle in, replied Dante. Yeah, that would be good… I’m a little tired. I know Michael’s waiting for his good
night kiss… lol, chided Dante. “Oh WHATever [eyes rolling]” replied Tiffany.
[Both walking back into the house when Tiffany notices an open basement window]
“Dante, have you noticed that window open like that,” inquired Tiffany??? What window??? That window right there leading to your basement… it’s open, exclaimed Tiffany! Hmmm… no, I never noticed, Dante replied. I’ll get it fixed… “You really should have that checked out,” demandedTiffany. Have you had any break-ins… anything gone missing, inquired Tiffany. “No, nothing… never… “said Dante.
INT. LIVING ROOM – LATE NIGHT
[Both are in the house now]
You need to be more careful… maybe put an alarm system in. Oh, sis you’re paranoid as usual…. what they hell would I need an alarm system??? “You take too many chances Dante! If not for you then for your wife,” scolded Tiffany! “Okay, okay, what the hell… I’ll look into it… I promise… you happy,” Dante asked sarcastically. I’m going to bed you coming up, asked Dante.
“No, I’ll be up in a while… let me make my call.” “Yes, you promised… lol…”chided Dante!
[A few hours later… Tiffany lying on the sofa still on the main floor of the house about 2am]
Yeah, babe love you too… yeah, miss you too… my phone is dying… yeah, I’m going to bed… [Tiffany hears a strange noise, but not sure where it came from] wait, babe… no, I thought I heard something… [Tiffany realizes it’s coming from upstairs] laughing… no, it’s just my hyper-sexual brother and his poor wife… what DO I MEAN…. the poor girl never gets a good nights rest….I see why shes always so tired …. oh, I’m sure you dont agree… whatever…LOL… I’ll call you tomorrow my phone is dying… okay… okay… love you too… sweet dreams… okay bye.
CUT TO – STAIRS LEADING TO SPARE BEDROOM – NIGHT
[Tiffany hangs up the phone, but still feels uneasy] She grabs her shoulder bad with her semi-automatic 9mm pistol in it and slowly walks upstairs towards the spare bedroom. Once in the room she undresses and puts on her bathrobe. She gathers her shower bag and towel and heads for the shower down the hall. She still has an uneasy feeling and returns to the room to get her shoulder bag… with her handgun in it. Maybe I really am paranoid, she says to herself… oh what the hell… and she takes it anyway and walks down the hall to the shower.
CUT TO – UPSTAIRS BATHROOM – NIGHT
[Tiffany in the shower… continues to hear strange noises that seem NOT to emanate from Dante’s bedroom] She finishes up in the shower, put on her bathrobe and takes the handgun out of her bag and places it in the pocket of her terry cloth robe. She opens the door and hears noises coming from the main floor. She slowly walks down the stairs listening intently as the creaking of the floor seems to be more distinct as she reaches the bottom of the stairs. Only the faint illumination of the kitchen night light fills the room. Tiffany now pulls the firearm out of her robe pocket and slowly walks towards the kitchen. Someone is there… I know it… Tiffany thinks to herself… probably some neighborhood kids breaking in on some type of prank. Dante better get that alarm ASAP! Tiffany now right outside the kitchen can hear audible gasps… she
CUT TO – STAIRCASE TO MAIN FLOOR – NIGHT
listens closely…What the hell, Tiffany said to herself in a whispered voice… “Oh Dante… not so loud… we are going to wake up your sister,” said Margot in a hushed voice on the kitchen counter. She’s in the shower… she’ll be in there at least an hour if I know her! “Oh, I cant with these two… [Tiffany rolling her eyes] I’m going to bed,” she exclaimed! [Tiffany turns slowly as not to be seen and walks back to her room upstairs and closes the door].
INT. KITCHEN – MORNING
[Tiffany coming in from an early morning run] Good morning Sis… I see you still get up early to run, said Dante! “
Good morning brother dear… yeah, I try to keep up my routine no matter what,” replied Tiffany. Where’s Margot? “Oh, shes still sleeping… I don’t know why she always sleeps so late some days… “
Maybe because the poor girl cant sleep through the night,” chided Tiffany.
“What do you mean,” asked Dante dumbfounded?
“I cant with you… Nevermind… let me take a shower and maybe by then we can go out for breakfast,” suggests Tiffany.
[As Tiffany goes up the stairs, she passes Margot coming down the stairs] Good morning Tiffany… how did you sleep, yawned Margot.
Mooornin… I’m good girl… trust me a lot better that you, laughed Tiffany! “Oh gosh, were we THAT loud,” asked Margot embarrassingly?
“Don’t worry about it… I’m looking forward to lots of neices and nephews,” laughed Tiffany as she reached the top of the stairs.
I’m going to take a shower and suggested to ‘D’ that we all go out for breakfast… Tiffany continued. “Oh, I would have loved to make you something here at home if I could have gotten up a little earlier,” interrupted Margot.
“Oh girl please, you need a break and besides I still have another day so you can whip something up tomorrow if you like, Tiffany responded.
“Okay, you got a deal,” Margo said smiling widely.
[Margot comes into view of Dante at the bottom of the stairs] Good morning… how did you sleep, my love, said Dante as he wrapped his arms
around his wife kissing her passionately. “Mmmm… wonderful darling,” replied Margot smiling.
Sis had a great idea for us to go out for breakfast and I know just the place… I’m going up to get ready! Okay, I’ll be up in a few minutes to finish getting dressed… what do you want to do today after breakfast , inquired Margot? I dont know… we can just play it by ear, said Dante.
[Margot noticing the front door was open and walked over to close it] “Babe,” Margot called out to Dante… “Why didnt you close the frint door? Dante, not hearing his wife went into the bedroom to get dressed to go out.
Upon reaching the door, Margot is startled by the mailman standing at the door. She exchanges pleasantries with the mailman and closes the door.
[Dante, Margot and Tiffany are out at the cruise boat buffet where they have brunch] I almost forgot how beautiful this view is, observed Tiffany!
Oh, I love it out here… wonderful choice Babe, said Margot kissing her husband. “You two have such a great relationship,” said Tiffany. “I have always wondered who in the world could put up with my psychotic brother,” Tiffany continued. Heeeeyyy what do you mean, I’m a great guy, said Dante proudly. Oh, I didn’t mean to imply your weren’t a “great guy” brother dear… only that you’re also certifiably CRAZY as well,” shot back Tiffany! [They all begin laughing] “But you know I love you,” added Tiffany. “I love you too Sis,” replied Dante.
EXT. OUTSIDE HOME – MORNING
PLACEHOLDER: They take Tiffany to breakfast. Tiffany continues to caution Dante about his reckless attitude towards basic safety. She tells him that he us not as invincible as he thinks.
[They begin leaving the brunch cruise when Tiffany’s cell phone rings]
“You are going to love where we are going next,” said Margot.
“Hello… yes, this is she… [VOICE ON THE OTHER END: Agent Vicoli…. Division Chief DuPont here…we got a break in your case and we need you back here right away. I know you took a few
personal days… and I feel terrible about interrupting, but this may be our only chance to crack this case! How how fast can you get back here?] You’re kidding! Oh crap… okay, okay… give me a few hours and I’ll catch the first flight back.
[Both Dante and Margot overhearing show immediate disappointment] Oh Tiffany dont tell me, said Margot disappointingly… “Sis, are you kidding me, how can they do that,” asked Dante annoyed? Look guys, I know… but they woukd not have reacehd out to me unless it was absolutely imperative, explained Tiffany. Im so sorry guys… D, Im going to need to pack and get me to the airport asap, pleaded Tiffany. “Okay, okay, but you owe us BIG TIME for the holidays,” chided Dante. I promise I’ll make it up to you guys, said Tiffany apologetically.
EXT. OUTSIDE HOME – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: Tiffany gets a call from her Special Agent in Charge (SAC) and must fly back early due to a break in the case she was overseeing. Dante gets her to the airport on the back of his motorcycle.
[Tiffany now packed and ready to head out to the airport] Dante, traffic is going to be a mess this time of day, said Margot. CRAP you’re right, said Tiffany and the next flight is less than an hour away she continued.
And if I was anything less than the greatest motorcyclist in the history of the world, that MIGHT be a problem, replied Dante walking outside and jumping on his custom Harley cruiser. Are you sure you want to do this, asked Margot to Tiffany. “Oh what the hell… lets go,” replied Tiffany! Just get there and back SAFELY, Margot exclaimed!
[Tiffany jumps on the back of Dante’s bike and they take off]
Zipping through traffic like a hot knife through butter, Dante gets Tiffany to the airport in record time. “Thanks brother… call you when I land.” “Okay, sis… you watch your ass out there,” advised Dante. “You know I will… be safe getting home,” Tiffany responded.
Tiffany shows her badge as airport security waive her through to board her flight.
INT. HOUSE GARAGE – DAY
Key Scene 2: Inciting Incident propels the protagonist onto the journey!
BEGINNING: Dante leaves for an important meeting with racing team and rushes out without his helmet.
MIDDLE: Dante decides to take a faster route on the freeway to avoid traffic on the local roads. Because he is now traveling at a higher rate of speed, he is in greater danger without his helmet.
END: Dante crashes trying to avoid the debris of a truck tire blowout just ahead of him.
INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY
Key Scene 3: The protagonist reacts emotionally to the Inciting Incident.
BEGINNING: Tiffany phones to let Dante know she landed okay. Margot is home about to start dinner. Margot is at home preparing dinner when the phone rings. Margot is notified by police that Dante was in serious accident.
MIDDLE: Margot is joined by the other racing teammates as they are notified by Margot about what happened.
END: Margot is devasted with the prospect that Dante may not survive. She cannot bear the thought of her perfect life being turned upside down. She feels like she has entered a nightmare.
[Tiffany’s plane lands in Florida from her flight from L.A. she calls her brother on their home phone… Margot answers]
Hey, Margot… just touched down. Yeah, I’m good. A little tired, but going to head straight to the office to see what they have for me on this case… no, no point in going home first… better to just get started and maybe I can get decent nights sleep tonight. Is my brother there?
“He’s out in the garage working on his bike, you want me to call him,” asked Margot?
No, just let him know Im okay and I’ll give him a call in a few days.
“Okay, be careful,” said Margot as she ended the call.
INT. HOSPITAL – DAY
Beginning: Margot arrives at the hospital after hearing that he was involved in a motorcycle accident.
Middle: Margot informs Tiffany and the racing teammates with the assistance of the hospital social worker.
End: Tiffany arrives back in Illinois and stays the night with Margot in the hospital.
Margot rushes into the hospital Emergency Room through the front doors up to the front receptionist desk frantically asking where her husband is. Hospital is very busy with many people in the waiting area as other medical cases are being attended to.
Margot
(hysterical)
Please, please… somebody… I got a call that my husband was in an accident…
Nurse
Please ma’am try to calm down… what is his name?
Margot
Dante… Dante Vicoli… please tell me what happened… can someone tell me what happened???
Nurse
Okay, please take these forms and fill out what you can…
Margot
(interrupts) Forms??? I need to know what happened to my husband now!!!!
Nurse
Okay ma’am… let me see if I can get a doctor to speak with you, but you will have to try to remain calm.
Margot
Please, just tell me what happened!
Please wait here… have a seat. I’m going to page the doctor.
The nurse shaking her head picks up the phone and pages the doctor.
Nurse
Doctor Elijah Haskins… please come to the front desk… Doctor Elijah Haskins, please come to the front desk…
Margot waits near the desk with papers still in her hands. She is looking around frantically not knowing what to do.
A few minutes pass and the Dr. Elijah Haskins, the neurosurgeon attending Dante walks up to the front desk and the receptionist points to Margot. Dr Haskins walks over to Margot.
[Dr. Elijah Haskins is a tall, fit, African American man about 60 years of age]
Mrs. Vicoli?
Margot
(Still frantic… turning towards the Doctor)
Yes, that’s me… what happened to my husband???
Try to remain calm Mrs. Vicoli… your husband is receiving the best care possible.
Margot
Okay, please tell me what happened…
Your husband suffered a traumatic brain injury from a motorcycle accident. He was brough in just a little while ago. He is stable, but not out of the woods yet. We have him into a medically induced coma for his own protection…
(Interrupting … staring to cry) Oh my God… nooooo…
I can assure you this is the best thing for him right now. We need to minimize the risk of swelling and inflammation of the brain tissue… he suffered a terrible trauma to the front and left side of his brain.
Margot
(Interrupting… crying ) Oh my God…
We are doing everything we can for him… is there anyone you can call?
(sobbing ) I… I … I don’t know…
(turning back to the front desk)
Okay, let me get you someone who can help… Jenny, page the social worker, Mrs. Holloway for Mrs. Vicoli, please?
Jenny
(receptionist – white woman in her 40’s)
Sure thing doctor…
[Jenny picks up the phone and pages Mrs. Holloway]
Jenny
Paging Mrs. Holloway to the front desk
Dr. Haskins
[motioning for Margot to sit in the nearby waiting area a few feet away.]
Please Mrs. Vicoli… sit over here… Mrs. Holloway is one of our best. She will be here in a few minutes. Just be patient… we’re doing Everything we can… please… I have to get back now… just be patient
(still sobbing) okay, thank you doctor
[Dr. Haskins walks away.]
Margot sits alone and looks around at all the other people there who area los waiting for news. Her mind goes back to when she last saw Dante leave… so full of life and hope. Now their lives are so uncertain. Severi minutes pass as Mrs. Holloway walks up to Margot.
Mrs. Vicoli?
Margot looking up at her. Somewhat calmer than before.
Yes, I’m Mrs. Vicoli… um, please call me Margot…
Mrs. Holloway reaching out her hand to shake Margot’s taking a seat next to her. Mrs. Holloway places her hand on her sholder as she sits down.
Margot… okay fine… I’m Janine… Let me say, I’m terribly sorry for what happened to your husband. We are going to do everything we can to support you through this crisis, but just know he will be receiving the best of care.
Margot
Thank you…
Okay, now first thing is there anyone you need to call? A family member, maybe?
[Janine opens a pad and pulls out her pen atgtached to the pad to take notes.]
I dont know… my husbands sister… her name is Tiffany
Okay, do you have a number for Tiffany?
Margot
Yes, I think so… here in my cell phone… yes, its here… 555-1789
Mrs. Holloway
Is that a local number?
No, she’s in Florida… area code 305
Okay, good… can you think of anyone else?
Well, mabe the his team from the racing track… he was on his way to meet with them. They would be worried by now.
Who should I reach out to? Is there a main contact?
Margot
Yes, um… Joey… well Joe… we all call him Joey
Mrs. Holloway
Okay, good… got it… and do you have a number for him?
Margot
Yes, I have it here somewhere… okay here… 555-5531
And thats local, right?
Yes, the track is a few liles from here… I just cant believe this…
Okay, we’re going to get through this. Let me makes these calls and I’ll be right back… can I get you anything? Coffee? Water?
Margot
No, nothing… i just cant believe this…
Mrs. Holloway
Okay, I’’l be right back… hand in there okay?
[Mrs. Halloway gets up and walks away.]
Margot sits there alone with tears streaming down her face. Shot widens to encompass the chaos that surrounds her as she sits there alone staring into nothingness.
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