-
Post day 12 Assignment Here
Reply to Post your assignment.
-
5 Replies
-
Emmanuel’s Finished Act 1
What I learned doing this assignment is following the high-speed writing rules allows you to move forward. Looking at act 1 in its current form, I have 10 scenes in the beat sheet. No dialogue or action yet, but just sluglines and description. At times I feel this is not good enough but it’s the writing process and I remind myself this is the first draft; the quality should only be 20% at this point.
-
30 Day Script Lesson 12: Kimbal Thompson’s Finish Act 1 09.18.21
What I learned doing this assignment is the satisfaction Turning Points can to turn to different locations, likely a better location. .
ASSIGNMENT
1. Outline any other scenes left to write in Act 1.
2. Write a 20% draft of those scenes.
3. With those scenes done, do a quick read of Act 1 and add/improve anything you’d like. No wordsmithing!
4. Answer the question “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.
5. Post your assignment in the forums at http://ScreenwritingU.com/forums
EAGLE STALLION (Act 1 Turning Point)
BEGINNING: Kai decides to take on the airplane project.
MIDDLE: Kai and his dad go see the weathered 2+ story high steel sculpture of a paper airplane stuck into a planter in the courtyard of Kalaheo High School. Kai chooses that as his project although schemes to have the restoration put out to bid for the actual restoration work.
END: School insists he also restore the life-size bronze horse sculpture in which Kai must perform the actual restoration work. Kai accepts.
EXT. SCHOOL COURTYARD – DAY
SCHOOL PRINCIPAL
Kai, we like your idea to restore the Airplane sculpture, but also have something else.
KAI
That’s great, Mahalo. That’s the else?
SCHOOL PRINCIPAL
we have a horse in need of restoration.
KAI
What kind of horse?
INT. STORAGE BUILDING – DAY
The Principal takes Kai to a storage building behind the school and show him a full-size musty crusted metal sculpture of a horse.
HIGH SCHOOL PRINCIPAL
The School team is the Mustangs and this, once restored, will be our mascot.
KAI
(scratching the horse)
It looks like it may be bronze below all this uh, crust.
HIGH SCHOOL PRINCIPAL
That’s what we were lead to believe way back when the horse was donated fifteen or twenty years back.
KAI
How come it’s been kept in here for so long?
HIGH SCHOOL PRINCIPAL
We were just waiting for you to come along.
KAI
In other words, the price is right.
HIGH SCHOOL PRINCIPAL
Then you accept?
KAI
Yes
HIGH SCHOOL PRINCIPAL
Great, now you can bring in a statue refinishing consultant, but we insist you to do all the refinishing on the horse yourself.
-
Lee’s Act 1
What i learned doing today’s lesson is…that, after adding a few scenes and corrections, this story doesn’t sound as stupid as I thought it might. It almost sounds cool! Glad I kept pushing through. I’ll be able to “cheer myself on” a bit better going forward.
Added scenes
A Brief Montage – Milly and Justin at school
BEGINNING – Milly and Justin in their first classes. Milly’s in a lab class. She works alone, carefully examines things, makes notes, etc. Behind her, two other girls gossip, mimiic her working away, giggle. She looks around, sees them, uncomfortably goes back to her work—less diligently.
Justin works on a project in a History class. He’s alone too. Guys behind him mimic him, make fun of him. He rolls his eyes, stays on task.
MIDDLE – Milly jogs steadily around the school track. A gaggle of girls lolly-gag ahead of her. As she passes them, they call out that’s it’s a WALK/run period. Others say that she’s too good to just walk, just sucks up to the teacher. Milly reddens, speeds up to get away from them. Tears seep out.
Justin plays basketball with other guys at PE. He’s a total klutz, but still tries. He attempts a sky hook. It misses totally. Other guys ask what kind of shot was that. He tells them it’s a sky hook, made famous by the great Kareem Abdul-Jabar. The guys have no idea who he’s talking about, laugh it up. Justin says he was one of the greatest players of all time—played with the Lakers in the 80s. The guys laugh even harder. Justin trots away, mumbles about how ignorant people are.
END – Milly gets stuff from her locker, readies to go home. Rah-rah go by, ask her if she’s going to RUN home too. She’s sullen, reddens, then, after they pass, she sends a puff of air their way. It’s strong enough to lift up the girls’ cheerleader skirts right in the hallway. They squeal. Milly smiles.
As Justin leaves hurriedly, a couple guys try to trip him. He makes them miss. He cheers for himself as he leaves school.
Going home in Justin’s truck
BEGINNING – Justin and Milly talk.
MIDDLE – Milly talks about her troubles during the day.
END – Justin tells Milly not to take stuff so hard. Bullies are such pathetic people. She is who she is. Which is way more than those girls are.
FADE IN:
EXT. DESERT – NIGHT
Complete dark, pierced by the light of a flames. They emanate from a burning craft.
It’s crashed.
NEARBY…
Soldiers in camos with night vision equipment burst from a truck, dash toward the crash sight
SOLDIER
Go, go, go!
MOMENTS LATER…
Soldiers tussle with a woman. They’ve thrown a net over her, but she’s fierce, snarls.
Some poke at her with prods that glow with sparks. She flails wildly. Soldiers FLY backwards.
As they struggle, a tall, imposing officer, COMMANDER JANUS, strides into the group. He grabs a prod from a soldier.
JANUS
Give me that!
Janus walks close to the writhing woman, jams the prod into her thigh before she can react.
Her body gyrates uncontrollably, then motionless.
JANUS
Get her to the truck. Restrain her.
Several soldiers move in. Then…
SCOUT SOLDIER
Commander Janus, look! Over there!
Silhouetted by the flames of the burning craft, a man and a small girl run toward the black desert.
JANUS
Quick, you and you, follow me.
They dash toward the running figures. They quickly close the gap between them, but find no one.
Janus shines a light into the night. The others do the same. There’s no one anywhere.
JANUS
Back to the truck.
The soldiers leave. Janus lingers; one last look. Then he leaves.
The fire continues to blaze…and reveals what Janus didn’t see barely a foot from where he stood.
A frightened, bespectacled man, skinny, 30s. Clinging to him, a small child, a girl, 4-5. The blaze glints off her bright green hair.
They crouch behind a rock. But it’s really just a bit bigger than a good-sized throwing rock.
And they’re just over two inches tall.
EXT. MILLY’S HOUSE – DAY
A quaint country cottage. Watered desert greenery and a sturdy picket fence mark its lawn.
Brown desert stretches out before it, dry foothills and purple mountains rise up behind it.
SUPER: Ten years later…
INT. MILLY’S HOUSE
A modest-sized kitchen dining area.
Breakfast time. MARCUS, a bespectacled middle aged man (same as the tiny man in the previous scene, just older), munches on bacon and eggs, reads from his tablet.
MILLY, 14, cute, slim, bright green hair (the 4-year-old from the previous scene, mostly grown up), enters, dishes herself up the same from pans on the stove.
She sits by Marcus, wolfs down her food.
MILLY
Haven’t left yet?
MARCUS
The bus broke down. They’re sending another driver from the lab.
MILLY
That sounds weird. There always so tight on you about all that.
MARCUS
I’ll be careful. How about you?
Milly finishes, dumps her dishes in the kitchen sink.
MILLY
No bus today. Justin’s coming. I’m going with him.
Marcus eyes her.
MARCUS
Not on the dirt bike?
MILLY
The truck.
The rumble of a not-very-well-tuned engine approaches. The sound of skidding tires.
MILLY
Jesus, he’s here already.
She bustles around, grabs a purse pack and a larger backpack.
MILLY
I’ll do those dishes when I get home.
She steps near Marcus.
MILLY
Come on. Up-up.
Marcus smiles, stands, and he and Milly share a tight embrace.
MILLY
I love you, Daddy. Have a good day. Make sure you come home.
MARCUS
I will as always.
He looks into her eyes.
MARCUS
My dear little alien. Be good out there.
MILLY
I will, and don’t call me that. I’m not like you, you know. I keep telling you that.
Marcus sighs, shakes his head.
MARCUS
One of these days…
MILLY
But not today. Gotta go.
She pulls away, opens the door, then spots her phone on the table. It ZIPS into her hand, she leaves.
INT./EXT. JUSTIN’S TRUCK – DAY
It’s a pretty old beater. Milly hops in. There’s Justin (15-16), long and lanky, red hair, freckles. A happy face.
MILLY
To school, slave.
JUSTIN
Watch it, your mud-jestry.
A sedan approaches along the road that comes in from the desert. Milly sees its Department of Defense markings.
MILLY
Huh. That must be Dad’s ride.
INT. MILLY’S HOUSE
Marcus puts dishes in the sink, grabs his things.
His gaze lingers on a shelf filled with miniature weapons, trucks, tanks, etc. They look like they’re from a child’s play set.
He smiles. There’s a honk outside. He heads for the door.
EXT. SCHOOL – DAY
Old adobe-style buildings. There’s two large ones.
Justin parks the beater in a dirt parking lot. He and Milly get out.
JUSTIN
Same time as yesterday?
Milly nods. They fist-bump, head out. Milly goes to one building (signed “Grades K-8”), Justin to the other (“High School”).
INT./EXT. SCHOOL – DAY
BRIEF SERIES OF SHOTS – Milly and Justin at school.
– IN THE LAB, Milly works alone on a lab experiment. Two groups of girls goof around, giggle, mimic how careful she is. Milly turns, reddens as they laugh, goes back to work.
– IN WORLD HISTORY CLASS, Justin works diligently on an intricate map. Guys behind him mimic and mock him, too. He just rolls his eyes at them, continues to work.
– ON THE SCHOOL TRACK, Milly runs alone, passes a huge crowd of girls who walk along, laugh, giggle. One calls out…
SNOOTY GIRL
Hey Speedo! It’s a run/walk class, you know. Tryin’ to make us look slow?
ANOTHER SNOOTY GIRL
Nah, she’s just showing off for that skinny little 7th grader boy that passed us. They’d make a perfect pair.
Milly speeds up. She reddens, tears of anger flow.
– IN THE HIGH SCHOOL GYM, Justin plays basketball with classmates. The real jocks show off, do layups and try to slam dunk. Justin works on his sky hook shot. He misses every one. The jocks laugh.
JOCK 1
What the hell kinda shot’s that?
JUSTIN
It’s a sky hook, made famous by Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.
JOCK 1
Who the hell’s that?
JOCK 1’S FRIEND
I think he said Jafar, you know, the guy in Aladdin.
They all laugh, shoot some more. Justin does more sky hooks.
JUSTIN
Such ignorance…
– IN THE HALLWAY, Milly grabs stuff out of her locker. The “walking” crowd ambles by.
SNOOTY GIRL
You going to to run home too?
The girls laugh. Milly gives them a wicked glance. As they walk by, she purses her lips, sends a puff of air their way.
The “puff” hits the girls like a sharp gust of wind. Skirts and dresses fly up. Squeals of embarrassment. Milly smiles, leaves.
– IN THE HIGH SCHOOL DOORWAY, a couple “cool” guys try to trip Justin. He makes them miss, cheers as he leaves.
END SERIES OF SHOTS
EXT. SCHOOL PARKING LOT – DAY
Milly and Justin meet at the beater.
JUSTIN
How’s the day, Mills.
MILLY
Same old drag.
The get into…
INT. JUSTIN’S TRUCK (MOVING) – MOMENTS LATER
Justin drives.
MILLY
They’re just so mean. Why does everyone have to be so mean?
JUSTIN
That’s probably an unanswerable question. You know that, right?
He turns onto the road that leads out of town.
JUSTIN
You just can’t let them get to you. That’s what they love. At some point, you just have to be you, whatever that is, and say to hell with’em.
MILLY
I try, but it just hurts, you know. And who the hell am I, anyway. I don’t know.
JUSTIN
(professorially)
Perhaps I can be of assistance with that, young Millicent.
MILLY
That’s not my name, Doctor Doofus.
EXT. MILLY’S HOUSE – MOMENTS LATER
Justin let’s Milly off, rumbles off as she goes into…
INT. MILLY’S HOUSE
Milly does dishes, then homework.
EXT. DESERT – LATER
Milly goes jogging, occasionally taking long, almost flying leaps.
INT. MILLY’S HOUSE – LATER
She takes a shower, cleans up, messes around on her phone. She checks her watch.
LATER…
She puts frozen pot pies into the oven, chops fresh veggies. She checks her watch again, makes a phone call on it.
MILLY
Hey Dad, you’re late. You’re never late. This is not allowed. Consequences will result. Cold pot pie…wilted veggies. Seriously, call me. What’s up?
EXT. MILLY’S HOUSE – MOMENTS LATER
Milly looks around. The sun’s nearly down behind the mountains.
She goes out into the road, looks both ways.
INT. MILLY’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Milly eats her pot pie as a sit-com plays on TV. She pays no attention to it.
She makes another phone call, hangs up when the message machine answers.
LATER…
Milly reads in the living room, a single light on. She wipes a tear away, tries to focus.
LATER…
Milly checks her phone. It’s midnight. She calls…
MILLY
(through sobs)
Please Daddy, come home. I miss you.
She lays back…
INT. MILLY’S HOUSE – DAY
THUMP-THUMP-THUMP! Loud knocks on the door.
Milly leaps up from the recliner, stumbles, falls. She picks herself up, staggers to the door, opens it.
It’s Justin.
JUSTIN
Dang, Mills, it’s time to–
Milly throws her arms around him, bursts into tears. She gasps out barely intelligible words.
MILLY
He didn’t come home. He never came home.
JUSTIN
Whoa-whoa! Easy there. Take it easy there. What–what–what’s wrong?
MILLY
(still sobs)
He never came home, Justin. He always comes home. I don’t know where he is. I’m so afraid. I’m so afraid.
Justin gently peels Milly off of him, looks her in the eye, wipes tears away.
JUSTIN
There, there you go. Who didn’t come home?
MILLY
(perturbed)
Who do you think? Who the hell else lives here?
JUSTIN
Your dad? Your dad didn’t come home?
Milly tearfully nods.
JUSTIN
Well, why not? Where did he go?
Milly’s face twists angrily.
MILLY
How am I supposed to know? You think if I knew I’d be all–crying like this?
JUSTIN
I don’t know! You just said he didn’t come home. I thought maybe he–
MILLY
He left for work in that car from the lab that was out front when we left, and he never came back. He didn’t answer his phone. He didn’t call.
JUSTIN
Well maybe he had to stay over or the car broke down or–
MILLY
(furiously)
My dad always comes home, Justin!
Justin steps inside, moves Milly along with him to the kitchen table. They sit. Milly calms down some.
JUSTIN
Okay, okay. I get it. He didn’t come home and that’s really weird. Did you call anyone else, like the sheriff, or the lab, or–
MILLY
No. I thought about it, but the lab’s number is secret, and the cops wouldn’t do anything. He hadn’t been gone long enough.
Suddenly, Milly’s phone chimes in her cute “Hello Kitty” ring tone). The caller ID says simply “The Lab.” Milly answers.
LAB CALLER
Hello. Is this Milly?
MILLY
Yes.
LAB CALLER
Forgive me but I must ask you some questions to verify your identity.
Lab Caller asks Milly her full name, her address, her father’s phone number, his middle name, then…
LAB CALLER
Who is your mother.
MILLY
Flavia Costner. She’s been dead since before I can remember.
LAB CALLER
So sorry…and thank you. Now that you’re verified, my question is, are you aware of your father Marcus’s whereabouts?
MILLY
No, aren’t you?
LAB CALLER
He didn’t come on the bus yesterday.
MILLY
He got a call that the bus was broken down. Another car came for him. I saw it.
LAB CALLER
Did the caller follow protocols.
MILLY
Yeah. I heard him–it was all the same questions as normal.
LAB CALLER
There appears to be a problem. Your father never came to work yesterday, and access to both his and your numbers were blocked.
MILLY
He never came home either.
Silence, then…
LAB CALLER
I see. We will be working on this from our end. If you wish to contact local authorities, you may, but keep in mind that they will know nothing about anything having to do with your father’s job, where he works or anything else.
MILLY
So will you be–
The line’s dead. Lab Caller’s clicked off. Milly and Justin sit back, silent. Finally…
MILLY
Justin, what do we do now?
JUSTIN
Well, I guess first we should call school and tell them we’re sick.
EXT. FOOTHILL LOOKOUT – HOURS LATER
Dry, dusty, rocky, a few trees. From it, a clear view of Milly’s house, Justin’s truck, etc.
A guy dressed in camouflage sits behind a big rock. A sniper rifle with a sniper-scope is mounted on a nearby log.
The guy talks on a satellite phone.
CAMO GUY
They just got back from going for a drive. The drone tracked them … Nah, nothing. They didn’t find a thing.
INT. UNDERGROUND HANGAR
Janus (ten years older) talks on a small cell phone.
Behind him, two sleek trucks filled with several armed men dressed in black head for the light of an opening hangar door.
A mini-tank type vehicle follows them.
INTERCUT with Camo Guy at the Foothill Lookout.
JANUS
They’ll be there in a few hours–approach from your rear. Wait until dusk, then eliminate everything.
CAMO GUY
Understood.
JANUS
Remember her abilities. You’ll have to physically confirm she’s there.
CAMO GUY
Don’t worry. We’ll take her out, then wipe the place off the map.
He clicks off his phone.
INT. MILLY’S HOUSE – DUSK
The place is mess. Cupboards open, papers all over, books, dishes, clothes lay out all through it.
Justin goes through things in a Marcus’s bedroom.
JUSTIN
(calls out)
Anything ring a bell yet?
MILLY
Not yet. Found anything?
JUSTIN
Just more of the same.
Justin gets up, paces around the room, notes several pictures. He smiles, goes to one, takes it down. Blank wall behind.
He goes to another, then another, then…
JUSTIN
Whoa! Hey Mills? Think this might be it?
Milly appears at the doorway. She sees what Justin sees–something that looks like a safe behind a picture.
MILLY
That’s it! I remember now. He said the stuff was in a safe.
They both examine it. It’s a medium-sized wall safe with a combination lock and a handle. Milly spins the lock’s dial.
MILLY
Great. I have no idea what the combination is. In fact, I don’t think he even said anything about a combination.
She tries the handle. Locked.
MILLY
Damn! He said you could just open it–something about saying open up and you could…
As she continues to jiggle the handle, suddenly it works when she pulls it down. The safe swings open.
The two sit, stunned.
MILLY
What happened? How come it–
JUSTIN
Who cares. There’s a folder inside.
He pulls it out. Written on it in black Sharpie… “In case I don’t come home.”
They look inside. A single sheet of paper. Milly reads.
MILLY
First, call this phone number. Tell the machine that I didn’t come home. Second, put my miniature models into a bag and wait for an old woman to show up. When she does, do as she says. She will also give you some instructions. Leave and follow them.
Milly and Justin give each other confused looks.
MILLY
Third, if anyone else comes before the old woman, they will be there to kill you. Do not let them in. Say to yourself “Make me small.” If someone else is with you, say “Make him small” or “Make her small.” Then leave the house. When you’re safe, say “Restore,” find a vehicle, and leave. The woman will find you and give you your instructions.
Even more confused looks.
MILLY
Fourth, do not deviate from these instructions. When we meet again, I’ll explain everything. Be careful. I love you…
Silence, then…
JUSTIN
What the hell is that all about? Do you have any idea what he’s talking about?
MILLY
No! This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. It’s almost like a joke. I mean…
Suddenly, there’s a loud knock on the door. The two look at each other as if to say “Oh my god!”
JUSTIN
What do we do?
Milly starts to edge toward the foot of the bed they sit on.
JUSTIN
W-w-wait! What’re you doing?
MILLY
Going to answer the door?
She edges off the bed, stands.
JUSTIN
But it says not to let anyone in until the old woman comes, that they’ll kill us.
MILLY
It also says I’m supposed to tell you to become small, and me to become small. It’s all stupid.
She heads for the door. The knocking gets louder.
JUSTIN
That’s not a good idea!
MILLY
What if it’s the old woman? We don’t want to leave her standing out there.
She walks to the door.
JUSTIN
Huh? I never thought of that.
INT. MILLY’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM
MILLY
Coming!
Instantly, the front door CRASHES down. Armed men in black stand in the doorway. Milly SCREAMS!!!
Every window in the room shatters! The men in black cower, drop weapons, cover their ears.
A second later, an old woman, GRANNY SUE, with a curious-looking weapon barges in.
GRANNY SUE
Shut up!
Milly shuts up.
GRANNY SUE
You didn’t follow the instructions, did you? Stupid teenagers. Get back into that room and do what you’re supposed to do. I’ll take care of these fellas. And take these.
She hands Milly a small round metal container.
GRANNY SUE
Do what they say once you’re safe and outta here. I most likely won’t be seein’ you again. Now git!
She shoves Milly back into Marcus’s room, turns just as the men in black recover their weapons.
GRANNY SUE
Begone, morons!
She fires an invisible blast from her weapon. All four of the men in black fly off their feet and into the night as if swept away by a tornado.
Then she sees the tank-like weapon approach out of the dark.
GRANNY SUE
Get the hell away from my granddaughter!
INT. MILLY’S HOUSE – MARCUS’S ROOM
Milly, half-sobbing, looks to Justin.
MILLY
Make him small!
Justin instantly becomes two inches tall.
MILLY
Holy shit!
She grabs the bag of her father’s military toys and the metal cylinder given to her by Granny Sue.
MILLY
Make me small.
She joins Justin as a mini-person. What she carries is tiny as well. They run from the room.
EXT. JUSTIN’S TRUCK – NIGHT
Milly and Justin materialize at their normal size beside it.
JUSTIN
What the hell! I was almost attacked by some ants that were as big as Saint Bernards! I could have used a machete to get through the grass in the front yard.
MILLY
I don’t know! I have no idea.
They see Granny Sue on top of the tank-like vehicle, weird weapon at the ready.
JUSTIN
Come on. We gotta go!
They jump into the truck. Justin burns rubber as they head toward the desert.
Behind them, an EXPLOSION! The house is flattened instantly.
EXT. FOOTHILL LOOKOUT
Sniper notes the truck’s exit. He turns, aims his rifle at it, fires away. It keeps going, disappears into the dark.
The sniper sights on its headlights. Has them in the crosshairs.
A sudden gust of hurricane-force wind sweeps across his position. The gun flies from his hands. Rocks and dust fly everywhere.
It quickly subsides. After Sniper gets his bearings back, the truck is long gone.
-
What I learned: make the Turning Point definiaitive. Have the Protagonist commit to journey no matter her ignorance.
EXT. TURLOCK RANCH – DAY
Trucks unload Fran, Maggie and her neighbors near the cows and the slaughterhouse. Cows eye them. Fran reassures them.
FRAN
I’m vegetarian.
It stinks and there are flies everywhere. Fran and Maggie close up their noses and swat at the insects.
A neighbor, SAM, a doctor neighbor, joins them.
SAM
We’re here to survive.
FRAN
I can do that.
Sandy and the Army steer them toward farmhand huts. Sandy steers Fran, Maggie and Sam to the low-life huts.
FRAN
You don’t expect us to live here, do you?
SANDY
Why not? This is the way you expected those farmhands to live. The ones who provided food for you.
FRAN
You’re right. We deserve this. But how long do we have to do this?
SANDY
How long did the Cultural Revolution last?
SAM
Till 20 million died.
Fran and the others scream and try to jump back on the trucks to escape.
The revolutionaries shoot one of their comrades. Fran, Maggie and Sam retreat.
SANDY
It’s for the cause. You dirty, elitist pigs. This resettlement is re-education. Get it?!
-
Ed Lusk’s Finished First Act
What I learned doing this assignment is how to speed write while constructing the structure writing the key scenes first. This facilitating writing then the supporting scenes and connecting the dots using the beat sheet.
OPENING SCENE
BEGINNING – Christmas music over montage of of online TOY ordering
MIDDLE – Blend to Online Posts – @HenryPelznikel
END – Packages on conveying system
INT. PELZNIKEL TOYS FULFILLMENT CENTER – DAY
BEGINNING the package from opening – pull back to The FC a crazy busy place, Christmas music , count down clock before Christmas. Cheerful yet employees working frantically
MIDDLE – Henry on the floor , taking pictures looking for selfie victims
END – Henry leaves scene – not well like / appreciated by employees – bosses kid syndrome
ALFREDA INTRODUCTION
INT. NORTH POLE – OFFICES – CONFERENCE ROOM – DAY
BEGINNING – Typical business meeting , dark room, projector /screen, except they are elves.
MIDDLE – Alfreda speaking to data , Mystery man complimenting Alfreda – the rest of the room resentment.
END -Henry and Samwise enter – Reveal Santa Claus – President and CEO
SUPER: One phone screen. A thumb scrolls through toy listings. The phone screen multiples , enlarges into five phone screens filling the shot. They scrolling phones become so fast they might as well be slot machine wheels. They stop in slot machine order. A drone, doll house, video game, print camera, the last one, stops, a robot.
The robot screen, enlarges, the thumb presses SELECT, GIFT WRAP? YES, CONFIRM? Huge letters across the screen – THANK YOU FOR YOUR ORDER.
INT. PELZNIKEL TOYS FULFILLMENT CENTER – DAY
Joyful Christmas music. A single carton, the toy Robot, traverses a network of conveying belts. Above it all a large COUNTDOWN CLOCK to Christmas reads: 2 Days, twelve hours, fifty one minutes and nine seconds, then eight seconds , the 6 seconds.
The facility is massive network of pallet storage racks, forklifts, loading docks. Employees, adorned eld hats and Christmas necklaces, snatching toys from bins, boxing them up at lighting speed.
In the middle of it all, HENRY PELZNIKEL, 12. His father, and owner of the company, gave him the job of social media influencer during the Christmas break. Henry’s trying to making the most of the opportunity despite his lack of maturity.
Henry stops, snaps off a selfie with the countdown clock in the back ground.
SUPER: Henry’s social media post. @HenryPLovesToys. Henry’s photo with the clock. Text: No pressure, Pelznikel Toys has your back. #PleznikelToys, #ChristmasToys, #Christmas, #GotSantaBeat
INT. FULFILLMENT CENTER – PACKING STATION – DAY
An employee is busy filling orders – boxing up the robot toy. She’s dressed like and elf. Henry interrupts her frantic pace.
HENRY
How about a selfie for my blog?
ELF-LIKE EMPLOYEE
Sorry Henry, I got to pack them up and ship them out. Pelznikel toys is what’s it all about.
HENRY
Thanks, anyway. I’ll tell my dad you’re working really hard.
Henry leaves the employee wondering if that was a threat or a compliment.
Another employee pushes a cart of toys past Henry so quickly he doesn’t even get a chance to ask.
INT. FULFILLMENT CENTER – AISLE – DAY
There’s a forklift ahead, adorned with Christmas lights. It carriers a pallet of toy cartons on it. Driver, DARRYL, long time employee, stops.
DARRYL
You know it’s not safe for you to be out here, Henry.
HENRY
I need content for my social.
DARRYL
How many followers you up to my man?
HENRY
Five hundred and three! I’m an influencer.
DARRYL
Alright, not bad, not bad. Come on over here, real quick.
Henry stands next to Darry, takes his phone out snaps a selfie with Darryl.
HENRY
Thanks, Bro.
Darryl drives off chuckling.
Henry posts.
ON HENRY’S PHONE
Social media post – @HenryPLovesToys, The photo of Henry and Darryl. Henry types, I’m going all out to get your toys for Christmas. #PelznikelToys, #Christmas, #AllOutHenryP
BACK TO HENRY
Quite proud of himself, Henry clicks ‘post’. He wanders off , head down attention to his phone. Employees are going out of their way to avoid him.
At the employee’s packing station, the elf dressed employee, Darryl, and the cart pusher watch as Henry walk away. They’re in the clear.
Elf dressed employee has her phone out.
ELF EMPLOYEE
Surprise, Surprise, Henry’s taking credit for our work. Merry Pelznikel Christmas.
CART PUSHER
I heard he’s paid like a manager
DARRYL
Boss’s kid. What you expect? Get back to work now.
The trio breaks up.
INT. FULFILLMENT CENTER – RETURNS – DAY
The returns area packed with broken , smashed, and otherwise unwanted cartons. Its disshelved and unloved. In the middle of it all, KIM, 50’s, working through the backlog with one eye on Henry, sorting through the managerie of rejects. Henry finds a drone and controller.
HENRY
Cool.
Kim not stopping the bosses son. Henry activates the drone. It propellers whirl into a high pitched buzz. Henry quickly gains control. The drone hovers , dives at down at Kim. She ducks. Henry laughs.
KIM
You break it you bought it.
HENRY
It’s already mine.
The drone zips away with Henry at the controls running behind it.
KIM
All this be yours, some day.
Kim goes back to her processing.
INCITING INCIDENT SCENE
INT. PELZNIKEL FULFILLMENT CENTER – DAY
BEGINNING – Frank P and George discuss the business might not make it. Henry crashes his drone into the window
MIDDLE – Henry called to the office. While there a sheriff and banker arrive shutting down the business for lack of payment
END – Henry post all orders will be delivered by Christmas or they are free. Frank loses his temper with Henry.
INT. PELZNIKEL FULFILLMENT CENTER – DAY
A drone zips around the fulfillment center. POV drone, employees ducking out of the way.
INT. PELZNIKEL FULFILLMENT CENTER – OFFICES – DAY
Christmas tree in the corner. A collection a vintage Santa Claus figures on the desk. FRANK PELZNIKEL, 50’s , President of Pelznikel Toys and , GEORGE , 40’s accountant, at the garland adorned window overlooking the center.
FRANK
Are we going to make it George?
GEORGE
It doesn’t look good. Creditors are threatening legal action.
FRANK
At least our employees will get their bonuses.
GEORGE
About that.
Frank spins, agitation growing.
FRANK
You said we’d cover them. I personally passed out the checks.
GEORGE
Nothing would leave this building unless we pay the trucking companies.
Frank picks up a present from under the tree. He tears off the wrapping paper and rips the empty box open.
FRANK
See this.This is what I’ve given my employee. Nothing!
GEORGE
It may not be hopeless , Frank.
FRANK
I should have listened. Thirty million dollars for this place.
GEORGE
The stores were dying.
FRANK
We were dying!
INT. PLEZNIKEL FULFILLMENT CENTER – FLOOR – DAY
The drone hovers outside the office window. Henry watches on his monitor as Frank and George shout and argue.
INT. PLEZNIKEL FULFILLMENT CENTER – OFFICES – DAY
The drone crashes into the window breaking it up. Frank picks up a phone.
FRANK
Please get Henry off the floor…Yes, bring him up here.
He slams down the phone.
FRANK (Cont’d)
Does anyone else know?
GEORGE
Not yet.
FRANK
Show me the hope.
INT. PLEZNIKEL FULFILLMENT CENTER – FLOOR – DAY
Darryl escorts Henry into the offices. Darryl hands overt the broken drone to Henry.
DARRYL
Maybe if you ask Santa for a new one
HENRY
I don’t believe in Santa anymore. I’m twelve!
DARRYL
Uh-Huh. Merry Christmas, my man.
HENRY
Merry Christmas, bro.
INT. PLEZNIKEL FULFILLMENT CENTER – OFFICES – DAY
Muffled, raised voices from outside the door. Henry walks right in interrupting Frank and George.
FRANK
You’re supposed to knock.
Henry, surprised Frank’s rare anger.
HENRY
Sorry.
FRANK
Sit.
George and Frank huddle behind the monitor on Frank’s desk. They speak in hushed voices.
GEORGE
If we sell off the remaining stores.
FRANK
Carol won’t be happy.
GEORGE
It will buy us time.
Henry feebly attempts to put the broken drone back together.
FRANK
We need more than time.
GEORGE
We got in too late. The debt on this building.
SARAH, Frank’s assistant burst into the room followed by JIM, a Sheriff, old friend of Frank’s, the other is sharp dressed LAWYER, the smirky kind that enjoys making life difficult for others.
ASSISTANT
I’m sorry Mr. Pelznikel.I tried to stop them.
FRANK
It’s alright, Sarah. Jim, you’re a little early for the hot chocolate and
Cookies.
Before Jim, can speak, the Lawyer takes charge.
LAWYER
Mr. Pelznikel. I’m Jessica Tate-Kay , I represent your creditors.
She thrust a legal document from her brief in Frank’s face. Frank takes it and hands it over to George.
HENRY
What’s going on dad?
JESSICA
Wha’t going on is we are shutting down Pelznikel Toys for lack of payment (add other legal jargon here)
GEORGE
I wouldn’t do that.
JESSICA
Why not?
GEORGE
If we’re shut down, we can’t make sales. If we don’t sell, our vendors don’t get paid.
JESSICA
They haven’t been paid in months. Everyday Pelznikel Toys is open the more losses mount.
I am here to take over this business and liquidate it’s assets. Whatever isn’t covered Mr. Pelznikel is liable for. Shut it down, now!
HENRY
You can’t do that. It’s Christmas.
What about the kids waiting for their toys?
Jessica relishes situations like this. She casually walks across the office to Henry.
JESSICA
You can tell all your five hundred and four follower…
HENRY
…Five hundred and three
JESSICA
I’m five hundred and four. Yes, Henry, I’m following you – closely.
You’re father will assure you the non-disclosure section of the cease and
Desist paragraph seven , section nine is quite blunt.
FRANK
Leave him alone. He’s just a kid.
HENRY
I’m an influencer.
Jessica leans in. Menacingly.
JESSICA
You are a Pelznikel. You’r culpable .
Henry’s anger grows. He snaps away on the laptop keys.
Jim steps in.
JIM
That’s enough. Frank, I’m sorry. This is your last day. Close of
Business today shut it down. My boys will be back to padlock it.
Jessica looks down on the broken drone.
JESSICA
Pity. My son ordered this same drone from Pelznikel.
It will break my heart to tell him he’s not getting it.
HENRY
He’ll get it. I promise. All the toys will be delivered
By Christmas.
Henry swings around the laptop. Jessica leans in.
SUPER LAPTOP
@HenryPLovesToys. Pelznikel toys delivered by Christmas. Guaranteed!! #MerryChristmas, #Believe.
PINGS, DINGS, AND RINGS the post goes viral. Shares and likes blossom across the screen until it’s full.
BACK TO HENRY
Jessica pulls out her phone from the brief. She taps away. Puts the phone away.
JESSICA
Good luck with that. Merry Christmas.
SUPER LAP TAP
Reply from @JesicaTate-KayLawyer I shut down Pelznikel #BankruptPelznikel, #HenryLies, #Henrysepicfailure, #NoPelznikelToysNoChristmas. #Merry Christmas.
BACK TO HENRY
Henry fumes as Jim escorts Jessica out the door.
JIM
I’ll be back at five, Frank. I’m sorry.
FRANK
That was foolish! No more posts!
The Pelnikel name means more than toys. It’s three generations of keeping our word!
You can’t make promises you can’t keep.
Your word is everything. It’s the only thing you have.
Get out! Go make yourself useful.
We have real work to do.
Henry runs out, holding back the disappointment and the tears.
INT. A CONTROL ROOM – NIGHT
A series of monitors, red and green lights blink and flash across a panel. A list of toy companies scroll up the screen. It stops at PELZNIKEL TOYS. The names flashes Red. Close in on a FACE with headset.
FACE
Pleznikel Toys has gone off line.
Close in on a crooked smile, one lip red, one lip green , smiles a crooked smile.
HENRY REACTS EMOTIONALLY TO THE INCIDENT
BEGINNING Henry enters a quiet shopping mall. Halcyon days long gone.
MIDDLE Henry and Carol, is mom offers motherly advice.
END – Henry talks with Santa text to enter the North Pole contest
INT. SHOPPING MALL – DAY
Henry, dejected, mopes along the festooned Christmas decorations. Piped in holiday jingles ring out over the shopping quietness for this time of year. A family with two children pass by. They stare at Henry. Is it his imagination they hate him now?
Second hand stores, mixed along shuttered store fronts. In the middle of the decline, a Pelznikel Toy store. Despite the lack of shoppers looks inviting. A toy train circles a Christmas village. Animated reindeer and Santa Claus. Christmas sale signs everywhere.
INT. PELZNIKEL TOY STORE – DAY
CAROL PELZNIKEL, 40’s, Christmas personified, – behind the register.
No words needed. Henry into the safe embrace of his mother.
HENRY
I wanted to help.
CAROL
I know sweetheart.
HENRY
I’m in big trouble, aren’t I?
CAROL
No Henry. Your dad and I would never let that happen.
HENRY
Dad’s in trouble.
CAROL
We’ll figure it out. Things are never as bad as they seem.
At the front of the store , Sheriff Jim and a deputy take up a position. Carol acknowledges them.
JIM
Let’s get a cup of coffee.
Jim and his deputy walk away.
HENRY
Can you help me keep my promise?
CAROL
Henry you made an honest mistake. Sometimes our emotional get the best of us.
HENRY
It’s not a mistake. I meant every word. I have over three thousand followers now. They’re on my side.
CAROL
Do me a favor. Promise me no more posts. Please.
HENRY
But dad gave me this job. He trusted me. I have to show him I can do it.
CAROL
There’s other jobs.
Henry pulls away.
HENRY
Not any more! Not for any of us. We’re finished and it’s all my fault!
Henry runs out of the store leaving Carol beyond worried about him.
INT. SHOPPING MALL – SANTA CLAUSE PLAZA – DAY
MALL SANTA CLAUS naps on his throne. The young, bored photographer, dressed like an elf fiddles on the smart phone.
Behind Santa is a glittery fake snow covered North Pole Castle facade. Stanchions lead no one to a double arched door. “ENTER” sign above it.
Henry running past Santa. He gets a little too close. Santa stretches his boot trips up Henry. He tumble down into the fake snow. The photographer briefly looks up from the phone, unfazed.
MALL SANTA
My bad. You okay, Henry?
Henry shakes it off. Santa offers him a hand up. Henry takes it.
HENRY
How do you know my name?
Santa pulls his cell phone half way out from his pocket. Henry understands now his influence has grown. Santa returns the phone to his pocket.
SANTA
I know a little about over promising too.
HENRY
How do you do it? Kids ask you for impossible things.
MALL SANTA
You can’t do it alone. True everyone knows me. Millions even like me.
However few actually believe in me. It comes down to we all have to believe in ourselves.
If I didn’t , well there be no Christmas, would there? It’s up to me to make it happen.
Henry looks around the the depressing setting.
HENRY
Who are you talking about?
SANTA
What would you like for Christmas, Henry?
HENRY
I made a big mistake. I don’t suppose there’s a present for that?
Mall Santa scratches his beard contemplating such a profound request. RATTLING of the store front gates across the mall. Henry and Santa watch as Sheriff Jim and Deputy close up and padlock Pelznikel Toys. Carol bundled up and off in tears.
MALL SANTA
Redemption. Too big for a stocking. I’ll see what my elves can do.
HENRY
Sound like the standard answer.
MALL SANTA
Here,
Santa takes a card out from his pocket.
SUPER CARD
Text and win a free trip to the North Pole.
BACK TO SANTA
Henry takes the card and reads it. The tacky North Pole Castle looms behind him.
MALL SANTA
It’s a five dollar value.
HENRY
Great. Thank, Bro.
The photographer blows a gum bubble which bursts. Mall Santa winks at Henry. His eye twinkles.
ACT ONE TURNING POINT
EXT. WINTER NIGHT SKY – NIGHT
Twinkling stars, snow gently falling. Somewhere out in the darkness jingle bells, coming closer. Christmas lights on the house flicker. There is magic in the air.
INT. HENRY’S HOUSE – BEDROOM – NIGHT
It’s late into the night. Henry’s sitting up in bed, still dressed from the day, playing a video game. Ear buds muffle the sound.
INSERT VIDEO GAME
A boy rides on a dragon. They are being chased by a wizard. The boy dodges lighting bolts. Until the a fatal blow strikes.
HENRY
Gotcha!
The game continues. Somewhere above, there’s a THUMP and a THUD. Henry’s unaware, the game ear bud’s are loud enough. Another thump and thud. Henry pauses the game. He listens.
HENRY
Mom?
No reply. Back to the game, except there is the disturbance again from above, even louder. THUMP, THUD, THUMP THUD.
Light snow is falling outside the window. Henry goes to it and opens it.The street below is quiet. From above on the dormer’s roof there’s a light JINGLE of bells. Henry leans out the window, in the dark of night he sees tip of an antlers and a puff of steam from an unknown source.
HENRY
What the heck?
He throws on a jacket and gingerly climbs out onto the roof.
EXT. HENRY’S BEDROOM – ROOF – NIGHT
He slips and falls on the snow.
The snout of a beast comes into view. It snorts then nudges Henry. Henry scrambles away in terror. Before him is a magnificent reindeer. Its coat shines in the moonlight. Eyes like jewels. Its antler rack wide and strong as oak tree.
The beast’s head nods. The strands of bells around its main jingle softly. The reindeer lowers it’s head,
HENRY
You want me to get on?
The reindeer again nods. It bends at the knees.
HENRY
This is the weirdest dream ever.
Henry cautiously mounts the beast. It snorts and stomps.
A light goes on behind a window on the neighbor’s house. The silhouette of a young girl, BASIL, 12, Henry’s friend and secret admirer.
INT. NEIGHBOR BEDROOM – NIGHT
BASIL, 12, Henry’s neighbor and admirer, stumbles out of bed to the window. She opens and looks out. Without her eye glasses on, Henry and the reindeer are nothing more than a blurry apparition.
BASIL
Henry? What’s going on?
EXT. HENRY’S HOUSE – ROOF – NIGHT
HENRY
Basil, are you in my dream too? Okay, reindeer no funny business because ….
Before Henry can finish the beast is off, nearly straight up into the night sky. Henry holds on for dear life. He screams out of fear and out of excitement.
EXT. BASIL’S BEDROOM – WINDOW – NIGHT
Basil scrambles to get her glasses on. By the time she does she looks again and the apparition of Henry and the reindeer are gone into the darkness. The snow falls lightly in the moonlight before the stars. The faint ring off JINGLE BELLS drifts away to silence.
EXT. SEATTLE SKYLINE – NIGHT
Henry and reindeer zoom over the skyline shooting between office towers and the clouds. They dive.They climb, more screaming and bells jingling.
HENRY
Hey! Do you now where you are going? Whoaaaa!
Henry and the reindeer zip across the moon and the two are gone from sight.
EXT. NORTH POLE CASTLE – NIGHT
Descending from the clouds there is a towering castle trimmed in silver and gold. The towers and pinnacle topped with pennants and flags. Henry and the reindeer circle it slowly. The ride is now controlled, steady.
On a closer pass the Castle sits atop an ice mountain. A slushy, dripping, cracking ice mountain. A chunk of ice cracks off the falls into deep chasm. A frozen wonderland it is not.
HENRY
Weird.
The reindeer breaks right towards an open archway on one of the castle towers.
INT. NORTH POLE CASTLE – REINDEER STABLES – NIGHT
The reindeer glides through the arch landing softly on the cobble floor. It bends for Henry to slide off. As Henry walks off the sourness, he passes stately oak and chestnut stables. The wood shines.The hay fresh and clean. In each stall a reindeer just as magnificent as his ride.
From around the corner the squeaking of wheels and someone humming. A cart being pushed by an old elf, SAMWISE, senior reindeer keeper.
SAMWISE
There you are. You had me worried. Two days before Christmas
And you up and disappear. Back in the stall you.
The reindeer shakes off the snow and enters its stall. Samwise closes the gate. Behind it stands Henry, much to the shock and surprise of Samwise and Henry. They both scream at the site of each other.
SAMWISE
Who the dickens are you?
Samwise address the reindeer.
SAMEWISE
Is that where you were off to? But who sent you? I’m not taking the blame for this.
That’s for penguin poop sure.
HENRY
You’re an —— elf?
SAMWISE
And you’re a human. Not polite to point out, mind you.
HENRY
Where am I?
SAMWISE
North Pole Castle. Where do you think you are?
HENRY
Am I dreaming?
Samwise sucker punches Henry right in the gut. Henry buckles over. Gasping.
SAMWISE
Guess not.
HENRY
Okay that’s a trigger.
SAMWISE
Who sent you here?
HENRY
I got a text. I won a contest.
Henry reaches for his phone only to realize he does not have it.
SAMWISE
Loose something?
HENRY
Everything.
Stay right here. Don’t move.
Samwise pushes the cart around the next corner and out of site. Henry wanders off in the opposite direction.
Log in to reply.