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Day 12: Subplots That Have Meaning!
Armand’s Pass #6: Subplots with Meaning
Identify the subplots that have naturally emerged in your story and tell us the beginning, middle, and end of each, like I did above with the English Bob subplot.
Why is the killer murdering college kids (now and then)?
Beginning: The masked killer murders Tyler. Tyler makes eye contact with the killer before he dies and becomes a ghost.
Middle: ?
End: The killer’s motive is revealed: ?
Tyler and Maddie’s love story
Beginning: In the Opening: Tyler ditches Maddie, trying to save himself. Tyler gets killed, assuming Maddie is dead. Tyler looks for Maddie and his friends in the manor, realizing he is the only one who became a ghost.
Middle: Tyler discovers Maddie is alive. Tyler learns Maddie never told anyone how cowardly Tyler acted on the night of the massacre, which surprises Tyler.
End: Tyler apologizes to Maddie, owning up it to his guilt. With the killer defeated, Tyler and Maddie “move on” to rest in peace together.
Lex and Tyler’s friendship
Beginning: Lex uses her ghost-hunting app to communicate with Tyler. Lex is not afraid of ghosts.
Middle: Tyler and Lex bond. When the killer closes in on them and danger becomes real, Tyler tries to comfort her.
End: Lex doesn’t run away from her fear, saves Dallas as the killer attacks her. Gets killed.
Lex and Dallas, the half-sisters who don’t get along
Beginning: Lex and Dallas arrive to the manor. The only thing they have in common is that they share the same father.
Middle: Lex and Dallas grow closer as the danger increases, letting down the superficial barriers that have prevented them from getting along. Dallas compliments Lex’s courage.
End: Lex is stabbed by the killer, saving Dallas’ life.
Dallas grieves, becoming a “final girl” determined to stop the killer and avenge her sister and friends. Lex survives. Dallas and Lex grow closer and become true sisters.
Pick one subplot (or more) you’d like to improve and answer the question, “How can I make this more meaningful or emotional for my lead character?”
THE SERIAL KILLER SUBPLOT
Beginning: The masked killer murders Tyler. Tyler makes eye contact with the killer before he dies and becomes a ghost.
Middle: The killer shares a growing supernatural link with Tyler.
End: The killer’s motive is revealed: Tyler’s half-brother was jealous of Tyler’s relationship with Maddie and, discovering he also fantasized of killing people all his life, orchestrated the whole massacre and pinned it on the manor’s caretaker (who was never found alive because he killed and his body never found). 20 years later, Tyler’s half-brother didn’t win the love of Maddie before she went into hiding and he spent the whole family fortune in luxuries and bad investments. But the killer was so delighted with the memories of his killings in the manor, that he kept the manor as his last asset. He sold the manor to Lex and Dallas’ father recently and hopes to re-buy it at a lower price after he finishes his new killing spree.
Outline
1. OPENING
In slasher-film style: Tyler, a privileged and arrogant college kid, has invited a group of friends including his girlfriend Maddie to party at his family’s remote summer manor. Tyler is avoiding telling his intimidating father (and everyone else in his life) that he got kicked out of school.
Tyler speaks with his stuck-up half-brother. The half-brother knows Tyler’s secret, wondering when Tyler will tell their father what happened at school. They argue, the half-brother tells Ryan that he lacks the courage to confront danger or pain.
The half-brother leaves the manor. The college kids arrive.
Tyler gets drunk, he shows his arrogance by bossing around the mysterious and frightening caretaker in front of his friends.
A masked serial killer murders all of Tyler’s friends one by one. Tyler hides as his friends are murdered, making it second-to-last (with Maddie).
2. THE INCITING INCIDENT
Tyler, totally afraid, is killed (while trying to ditch Maddie and save himself) AND Maddie runs away from the serial killer.
Before we know what happens next: Tyler’s soul becomes “cursed” and he turns into a ghost.
3. BY PAGE 10, WE KNOW WHAT THE MOVIE IS ABOUT
We learn what Tyler can do as a ghost (supernatural abilities: being invisible, levitating/flying poorly, can touch or move some material things, possessing people’s body like the movie Ghost), but we also learn that he is not very good at it.
Tyler regrets being a coward and not saving Maddie and his friends. But he refuses to visit the parts of the manor where his friends were killed, including the place where he was murdered.
We learn the manor was abandoned for 20 years, sold recently to a wealthy tech guru.
A new crop of college kids show up to party for the weekend. We meet Dallas and Lex, paternal half-sisters who don’t get along.
Dallas is a gullible college girl pushed by her college friends to host a weekend party at her father’s manor. Lex is a goth 16 y.o. who is secretly tagging along to investigate Tyler’s murder because she’s into true crime and haunted places. Lex inherited her father’s tech genius.
Tyler deals with the arrival of the whole group by trying to spook them away, unaware that the same killer has entered the manor.
The college kids are too self-absorbed to notice Tyler’s attempts at haunting them, but Lex notices something paranormal is going on.
A stoner kid separates from the group and is murdered by the masked killer inside one of the rooms of the manor that Tyler refuses to walk inside.
4. ACT ONE
Tyler runs into the killer as the killer leaves the crime scene. Tyler freezes in panic.
The killer walks through Tyler’s ghostly body and after that, the killer stops and seems to notice he’s not alone (although the killer can’t see Tyler).
Tyler fears the killer will somehow get him… But the killer leaves quietly.
Tyler is afraid to enter the room, but once inside: Tyler finds the stoner’s dead body. Tyler takes comfort in knowing the killer can’t hurt a ghost.
The ghost of the stoner kid appears in front of Tyler. Tyler has never seen another ghost or talked to anyone since he became a ghost.
The stoner kid ghost has the ability to know Tyler’s life and how coward he was during the massacre. Tyler feels guilty about Maddie and the other innocents killed, but he tries to hide/avoid confronting it and says he can’t help the new college kids.
The stoner’s ghost “moves on” to rest in peace in front of Tyler’s eyes.
Tyler now attempts communicating with the college students to WARN THEM but fails. He tries to scare them to leave, but FAILS. Lex interprets Tyler’s increasing communication attempts as paranormal activity and goes further with her investigation.
Tyler tries to save one of the college kids being chased by the killer outside the manor by flying off with the (very confused) college kid in his arms… The confused college kid causes Tyler to accidentally drop him into a large wood chipper; that the killer calmly turns on to finish off the job.
The killer leaves, but has increased “awareness” of Tyler’s supernatural presence.
Tyler realizes he doesn’t have the skills to defeat the killer. And can’t let this happen again.
Tyler figures out how to speak with Lex using her ghost-hunting app. But the process kills the internet and cellphone service.
Tyler and Lex try warning Dallas and the college kids, who are more concerned about the lack of wifi.
While Tyler is scared of running into the killer. Lex is brave and wants to find the killer in order to stop him.
Tyler learns from Lex what happened to his family after the massacre. He finds out Maddie made it.
Tyler possesses Lex’s body (jumps into her body) to convince her sister Dallas about the serial killer and the ghost.
Dallas doesn’t believe Lex until she sees the killer in action: killing one of her friends.
The killer chases Dallas, Lex and Tyler.
After he prevents the killer from killing the sisters, the killer becomes “aware” of the ghost’s presence in the room.
The killer throws a machete at the ghost’s direction. The machete goes through the ghost’s body and lands on the wall. Tyler screams and runs for his “life.” The killer seems to be able to listen to Tyler’s screaming.
Dallas and Lex discover the killer slashed the tires of their vehicle. The killer chases Dallas and Lex.
Tyler attempts hitting the killer. The killer is able to momentarily hit Tyler.
5. MID-POINT
Adult Maddie, now a badass, appears and HELPS fight the serial killer, saving Tyler, Dallas and Lex from death. Lex deducts the killer has a great power over Tyler and it manifests from Tyler’s fear of him.
In a flashback/montage: we see college Maddie after Tyler is murdered. Defeating the killer, who is never caught by the cops. Maddie grows up obsessed with the massacre and the killer being out there. This alienates Maddie from everyone, including Tyler’s half-brother.
Lex performs a seance with Maddie and Dallas. This makes Tyler manifest.
As Tyler grows closer with Maddie and moves closer towards confronting his guilt, Tyler discovers his ghost body is “moving on” (dissolving into air) like the stoner’s. Tyler realizes he might be able to “rest in peace” if he stops the killer.
Lex and Dallas grow closer as the danger increases. They let down the superficial barriers that have prevented them from getting along. Dallas compliments Lex’s courage.
The killer cuts the power in the manor.
6. SECOND TURNING POINT AT END OF ACT TWO
Lex discovers the basement is the killer’s den. There she finds a clue about the killer’s identity. The killer appears and chases Lex and Dallas.
Tyler attempts being brave and uses his ghost powers to fight the killer, but the killer still outsmarts him.
Lex saves Dallas. The serial killer stabs Lex, killing her instead. Tyler wishes “it had been him” instead.
7. CRISIS
Tyler has failed to protect the college kids. Maddie has also failed after all these years. Dallas gives up on everyone, wishing she was dead instead of Lex.
Tyler can’t confront the guilt, walks away. He enters the room where he was murdered. Maddie follows him.
Dallas grieves, becoming a “final girl” determined to stop the killer and avenge her sister and friends. She looks for the killer. The killer abducts Dallas.
8. CLIMAX
Tyler and Maddie unmask the serial killer and learn the motive for the original massacre and the anniversary spree.
Tyler’s half-brother was jealous of Tyler’s relationship with Maddie and, discovering he also fantasized of killing people, orchestrated the whole massacre and pinned it on the manor’s caretaker. 20 years later, Tyler’s half-brother didn’t win the love of Maddie before she went into hiding and he spent the whole family fortune in luxuries and bad investments. But the killer was so delighted with the memories of his killings at the manor, that he kept the manor as his last asset. He sold the manor to Lex and Dallas’ father and hopes to re-buy it at a lower price after he finishes his new killing spree.
The killer was planning to pin the murders on goth Lex, but Dallas will do.
Tyler becomes tangible and fights the serial killer with Maddie’s help.
9. RESOLUTION
Lex is alive. Lex and Dallas, still bickering, grow closer and become true sisters.
Tyler and Maddie defeat the killer.
Maddie is badly injured. Tyler apologizes to Maddie for his cowardice.
Maddie dies. Tyler, freed from his ghost state, and Maddie, her soul appearing like her college years, move on to rest in peace together.
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Because this is a trilogy, I have tons of sub plots and back stories but this exercise forced me to link three main sub plots to the antagonist’s through line or character arc.
The main plot of this screenplay is BB/Betty. Will everyone find out about his criminal past?
Three subplots: Jake’s transformation into a caring essential worker committed to wellness of all kinds, social, spiritual, intellectual, physical, and medical. This includes his parents with ALS and Alzheimer’s as secondary characters. Betty has the drugs he needs to save them, himself, and Litonya from horrible diseases. This is clouded when Jake finds out that BB/Betty killed Felice, almost killed his former wife Priceless, was partly responsible for the deaths of the Feldmans, Joe, Julie his grandmother. Yet he must make friends with BB to get these drugs and stop Ibrahim.
Beginning, middle, end: The first novel was Jake’s coming-of-age story as a rebellious, drug addled, ADHD teenager who plagiarized in Ibrahim’s class and was thrown out of college to a NYC fitness star in the second novel and finally a loving family man and essential health care worker in the third novel. When Jake discovers BB’s past crimes, will he collaborate with a criminal who has killed many of his loved ones to potentially save his life? Will he forgive BB as he usually does or put enough pressure on him to get the precious drugs?
Litonya’s Green activism and ecoterrorist history. This includes Kisele and the kids as secondary characters. BB hides her true self by helping with ecoboats but he never cared about the environment or humans.
Beginning, middle, end: Litonya opens the trilogy with her spectacular free climbing in the Shawangunk mountains as a young geologist, secretly stalked by Leo/BB/Betty. She is too strong for him but marries Rodney Feldman and gives birth to Kisele in Central Park Valentine’s Day 2010. Her Green activism for their EE Company escalates into ecoterrorism when she deliberately pushes her fracker father Sam under a falling tree during Sandy Storm, hauling him into Turtle Pond, and becoming MIA for months with her baby Kisele, camping in caves in Inwood Manhattan until she is caught and convicted and sent to prison in Beacon upstate. Spring 2020 Litonya is released from jail because she gets COVID. She finishes a PhD at Columbia where she does research on seismology and hydrogeology and marries Jake and gives birth to Jesse when her husband Rodney succumbs to COVID. (BB is responsible for that.) When she gets pulmonary fibrosis from toxins, past COVID, and other fracking methane, Jake wants BB to give her the Brain Buffet. Will she take it or die naturally?
Ibrahim’s transformation from a true believing Muslim, loving family man, and brilliant eco engineer to a billionaire CEO of STEMGARCHS, a ruthless global company whose plan to save the earth kills millions and establishes another oligarchy of STEM people. When his wife and son die unexpectedly in the Summit collapse caused by Hurricane Ida, he goes to war with fate, god, nature and everyone else, trying to grab as much money, health, and power as possible, and the afterlife be damned. This makes Ibrahim even more willing to associate with a stealthy criminal like BB/Betty.
How can I make this better? Ibrahim does something after PP2 that causes him to lose his CEO position and billions of dollars so he grabs hold of the limited supply of drugs.
Is he given a last minute choice for redemption? What would he lose?
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Quincy (Quinn)’s Pass #6: Subplots with Meaning
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is how easy it is to forget to flesh out a subplot when you’re not paying attention, and how much a subplot can deliver on the main plot. Subplots are also a good way to deliver on the theme, and has given me a few ideas on where to twist the story a bit.
1. Identify the subplots that have naturally emerged in your story and tell us the beginning, middle, and end of each, like I did above with the English Bob subplot.
Subplot #1: Detective Wallace is trying to solve the murders and knows Cassie is involved somehow.
Beginning: Wallace sees Cassie’s reaction at the first crime scene and it puts her on his radar.
Middle: Wallace tricks Cassie into giving him a DNA sample and calls in a favor to run it fast.
End: Helen kills Wallace when Cassie calls him to confess.
Subplot #2: Cassie and the barista get involved leading to Helen killing the barista in an attempt to steal her body.
Beginning: Cassie and the barista have a few moments before the barista asks her out.
Middle: Cassie and the barista go on a date and end up in bed together.
End: Helen kills the barista in an attempt to steal her body.
Or if you don’t have any subplots, look at your supporting characters and identify how they might interact with your lead characters in a meaningful/emotional way to improve your story.
2. Pick one subplot (or more) you’d like to improve and answer the question, “How can I make this more meaningful or emotional for my lead character?”
Subplot #2: How can I make this more meaningful or emotional for my lead character? – I need to add more and earlier scenes with the barista. This is the sucker punch to tip Cassie over the edge.
3. Rewrite the beats of that subplot to add in the new emotion or meaning.
Beginning: Cassie and the barista have a few moments before the barista asks her out. Cassie discusses her solitude with Bellerophon early on.
Middle: Cassie and the barista go on several dates and end up in bed together. Her companionship starts to push Helen back down.
End: Bellerophon gives Cassie some new meds which allows Helen to come forward. Helen kills the barista in an attempt to steal her body.
4. Add the improvements to your outline.
FADE IN:
EXT. ALLEYWAY – NIGHT
A homeless man is hunted down and brutally murdered by CASSIE, early 20s with two different colored eyes.
INT. CASSIE’S BEDROOM – 3:47 AM
Cassie wakes up screaming. She realizes it’s a dream and writes the dream in her dream journal. She gets out of bed.
INT. CASSIE’S BATHROOM – MINUTES LATER
Cassie washes her face in the bathroom sink. She dries off and stares at her reflection. She focuses on the reflection of her left eye. Her alarm offscreen goes off. It’s 5:00 AM. Cassie jumps and comes out of her daze. She turns off the alarm and prepares for her day.
INT. COFFEE SHOP – MORNING
Cassie has an incident where someone cuts in front of her and she doesn’t do or say anything. There is a brief moment with the female barista behind the counter flirting with her.
EXT. CITY STREETS – MINUTES LATER
Cassie, on her way to work, happens upon a crime scene blocked off by police. The coroners wheel a shrouded body to the van. Cassie glimpses the scene and sees that it matches her dream. She drops her coffee and rushes away from the scene. DETECTIVE JIM WALLACE, late 20s, fit, notices her.
INT. DR BELLEROPHON’S OFFICE – LATER
Cassie tells Bellerophon about her dream and coming upon the murder scene. She tells him about not feeling like she’s the one looking back in the mirror. BELLEROPHON, 50s, cliched professional, assures her it’s coincidence and talks to her about her condition with nightmares. He prescribes her a new medicine for her to take.
EXT DR BELLEROPHON’S OFFICE – LATER
Detective Wallace catches Cassie coming out of the office. He asks her a few questions about the murder scene and gives her his card.
EXT. CITY STREETS – LATER
Cassie is passing by the coffee shop. The barista who keeps flirting with her comes out and calls to her. She said she was worried when Cassie didn’t show up for her normal coffee. After some awkward conversation, the barista asks Cassie out for a drink. Cassie initially refuses, but ends up agreeing.
EXT. CITY STREETS – NIGHT
A couple leave a late night movie. Cassie springs out from an alley and kills the husband. The wife runs, but Cassie chases her down and slaughters her.
INT. CASSIE’S ROOM – 3:47 AM
Cassie wakes up screaming again. She goes to write in her journal and notices what looks like dried blood under her fingernail. She rushes to the bathroom to wash up.
INT. CASSIE’S BATHROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Cassie is sobbing washing her hands, trying to get the blood out from beneath her finger nails. She looks up at her reflection to see, for the briefest of seconds, the evil rictus on her own face. She leaves the bathroom.
INT. CASSIE’S BEDROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Cassie calls Dr. Bellerophon in a panic. He assures her it is nothing, but tells her to come to his office when they open. Cassie re-opens the dream journal and sees that there are entries written in a different hand-writing with disturbing messages.
EXT. CITY STREETS – MORNING
Cassie is walking to her appointment. She bumps into Detective Wallace. Wallace tells her another murder came up this morning with a similar MO and wants to know where she’s been. It’s almost an interrogation. At the end he tells her he’ll keep in touch. Cassie goes into the building.
INT. BELLEROPHON’S OFFICE – LATER
Cassie is beside herself. She tells Bellerophon about the blood and shows him her dream journal. Bellerophon tells her it’s okay and tries to calm her down. He gives her something to drink. She calms down, almost to the point of passing out. Bellerophon says a strange phrase. Cassie’s eyes snap open.
It’s HELEN he’s talking to now. He chastises her for being sloppy, and for writing in the dream journal. Helen reminds him of his promise to get her a different body so she can be autonomous. Bellerophon chastises her again, but says he’ll keep his promise. He says another phrase and Helen goes under. He rips the pages Helen wrote on out of the dream journal.
Bellerophon brings Cassie back, but still under his control and gives her the suggestion that she will forget about the blood and will “not notice” any missing pages in her journal. She acquiesces. He brings her back full and assures her everything will be okay. He gives her a “sample” of a new drug he thinks will help.
INT. COFFEE SHOP – AFTERNOON
Cassie goes in and tells the barista she’s had a bad day and wants a drink. They agree to see each other later.
INT. NIGHTCLUB – EVENING
Cassie and the barista are having a drink at the table, getting to know one another. It’s a pleasant conversation, but when the barista asks Cassie to dance, Cassie balks. She excuses herself from the table and goes to the ladies room.
INT NIGHTCLUB LADIES ROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Cassie washes her hands and looks in the mirror. The rictus on her reflection is back. Someone comes out of one of the stalls. The reflection turns and attacks and kills the woman. Cassie is caught on the wrong side of the mirror, banging her hands against the glass.
INT. BARISTA’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Cassie wakes up in bed screaming. The light is turned on. The barista is in bed beside her. It is her apartment. Cassie is confused at first, not remembering coming home with the barista. The barista walks her through the evening and Cassie says she remembers. She excuses herself to go to the bathroom.
INT. BARISTA’S BATHROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Cassie looks in the mirror and Helen looks back. They have a conversation about Helen’s need for a body and that Bellerophon is helping her. She also tells Cassie she was the one who agreed to go back with the barista because Cassie was too much of a coward. She says she enjoyed the experience so much she’ll have to do it again. Cassie swears it won’t happen. She leaves the bathroom and tells the barista she has to go home. She leaves the situation in an awkward state.
INT. CASSIE’S APARTMENT – LATER
Cassie calls Bellerophon. She tells him about the woman in the mirror. Bellerophon tries to calm her down but she says she thinks she might have hurt someone that night. Bellerophon tells her he will come over.
Cassie, doubtful, calls Wallace.
INT. CASSIE’S APARTMENT – LATER
Detective Wallace arrives. He tells her about the murder in the club where she was earlier. Cassie confesses she is the murderer. Wallace doesn’t believe it’s her, but thinks she knows who it is. Helen arises and strangles Wallace.
Bellerophon appears at the apartment and surveys the scene. He tells Helen she will have to dispose of the body and tie up any loose ends.
INT. DETECTIVE WALLACE’S APARTMENT – LATER
Cassie and Helen use Wallace’s key to go in. Helen goes through the rooms and finds Wallace’s wife. She uses Wallace’s service pistol to kill her. She then stages Wallace’s body to look as though he shot himself. Before Helen leaves, Wallace’s young son finds her and asks what she’s doing. Helen kills the boy while Cassie’s reflection in the window screams.
INT. BELLEROPHON’S OFFICE – MORNING
Bellerophon comes into his office. Helen is sitting in his chair. She demands Bellerophon hold up the end of his bargain. Bellerophon tells her not yet. Helen jumps up to kill him, but Bellerophon says a phrase and Helen drops her weapon. Bellerophon tells her that he has been grooming her for a long time and has added fail safes so she wouldn’t harm him. He says she is ready to be the tool he needed from her. He gives her a kill list and tells her she won’t be able to get her own body until she’s done. She says she can just keep Cassie’s body, but Bellerophon tells her with a single phrase he can effectively kill off Helen and send her back to the “glob of neural material” that is “piggy-backing on your sister”. Helen complies.
SERIES OF SCENES
Helen goes on a killing spree. It’s not subtle.
INT BARISTA’S APARTMENT – MORNING
Cassie wakes up to discover Helen has killed her lover. She confronts Helen who admits she did it to try to claim the body.
INT CASSIE’S APARTMENT – MORNING
Cassie tries to commit suicide, but Helen stops her.
INT. BELLEROPHON’S OFFICE – AFTERNOON
Cassie bursts in on Bellerophon as he’s with another client. She tells Bellerophon that he and Helen took the only thing going well for her. Since Helen took her lover, she’ll take Helen’s hope. She shoots and kills Bellerophon.
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM – LATER
Two detectives are questioning Cassie. They tell her they have found DNA evidence at the other murders which match hers on a familial level. They know she has a sister, and that she is protecting her. They keep asking her where her sister is. She doesn’t answer. They send her to a cell.
INT. JAIL CELL – LATER
The jailer leaves Cassie locked in the cell. She goes to the mirror. She looks into it, but can’t find Helen.
INT. POLICE STATION – MORNING
Cassie’s lawyer has convinced the DA to drop the charges as all the DNA evidence has pointed to someone else, a sister or a cousin. She is free to go, but to stay available for a while.
INT WOMAN’S APARTMENT – 5:00 AM
The alarm goes off. Cassie wakes up next to her new lover. She turns off the alarm. She moves to get out of bed, but the woman reaches for her and tells her to stay in. Cassie tells her she’ll be back to bed in a bit and gets up.
Cassie goes to the kitchen and pours herself a glass of juice. She sits at the kitchen table and pulls a notebook out of her purse. She flips a few pages and reads a note written in Helen’s handwriting which says, “Behind you.”
Cassie turns and her lover is behind her wearing Helen’s rictus. She says, “Hello, sis.”
FADE OUT
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CLAUDIA’S PASS #6 SUBPLOTS WITH MEAN
What I’ve learned: It’s a new experience listing the subplots this way – it helps clarify each SP importance and whether they help or drag down the main plot.
Subplots:
Eileen
Nick
Maids/Adriana
Bill
Eileen is Abby’s friend and agent/manager.
Beginning: Eileen tries to get Abby to do a live in-person TV interview
Middle: Eileen bugs Abby throughout trying to get her to commit to the work Abby says is her dream.
End: Eileen gets Abby a big deal.
Nick – Abby’s boyfriend
Beginning: Young Nick tries to save Young Abby after the accident
Young Nick and Abby’s brother are on the same Little League team, they are coached by Bert.
Nick visits Bert in the hospital
Nick runs into Abby at the hospital, they don’t realize who the other person is…
Middle: Abby realizes Nick is a complete slop
Nick tries to help her with her phobia
End: Nick helps Abby save the business
Maids / Adrianna (head maid)
Beginning: Abby meets most of the maids at the business, early in the morning, maids are having coffee, don’t want to be bothered.
Middle: Tired of her demands, Adrianna convinces the maids to call out Sick.
End: After Abby apologizes, Adrianna convinces the others to help her save the business for Bert.
Bill – lawyer, college friend of Nick
Beginning: Bill and Nick are at a ballgame, Nick mentions Bert being in the hospital
Middle: Bill crashes a date with Nick and Abby to acquire info.
End: Bill tries to suck up Abby’s clients. Gets socked in the eye by Abby.
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Rob Bertrand Pass #6: Subplots with Meaning
What I learned: I learned how that subplots should have an emotional impact on the main character and how to plot them throughout my outline.
1. Identify the Subplots
Subplot 1 – Jack (Annie’s father)
Beginning: Has a strained relationship with his daughters after the death of his wife. Frank masks his pain with work and alcohol. He needs Annie to step up and help with Jessica.
Middle: Frank thinks Annie is lying about the paranormal activity and that’s it’s a cry for help. His relationship with Annie is pushed to the breaking point when Jocelyn is hurt in his house.
End: Jack finally opens up to his daughter about his feelings and grief, when faced with imminent death.Subplot 2 – Jessica (Annie’s little sister)
– Beginning: After the death of her mother, Jessica looks to her older sister, Annie, for emotional support. Annie doesn’t want to be her mom. Jessica becomes obsessed with horror movies.
– Middle: Jessica and Annie bond over the paranormal activity. Jessica sticks up for Annie with their father, who doesn’t believe the paranormal activity is real.
– End: Jessica comes to the conclusion that monsters are real.Subplot 3 – Jocelyn (Annie’s best friend and potential girlfriend.)
– Beginning: Helps Annie get ready for her blind date.
– Middle: Gets attacked by Danny and pushed down the stairs.
– End: Tells Annie they can’t be friends anymore.2. Pick one subplot (or more) you’d like to improve and answer the question, “How can I make this more meaningful or emotional for my lead character?”
Subplot 3 – Jocelyn
I can make this subplot more interesting by adding a deeper romantic curiosity between both Annie and Jocelyn and make it less one sided.
Beginning: After her boyfriend breaks up with her, Jocelyn starts spending more time with Annie. Jocelyn is a bit jealous she’s going on a date. Annie isn’t interested in the date with Danny, because she has feeling developing for Jocelyn. Jocelyn enjoys the attention and curiosity blooms.
Middle: Jocelyn and Annie take their relationship to the next level and share a kiss. Jocelyn is attacked by Danny and pushed down the stairs, shortly after.
End: Jocelyn breaks it off with Annie and gets back together with her boyfriend. Breaking Annie’s heart.Current Outline: 10/11/21
Opening: Annie Andrews drives her drunk parents’ home from a wedding and is involved in a serious accident. Nora Andrews (mom) dies on the scene. At the funeral reception, Annie is embarrassed by her father’s intolerant comments about gay people. She’s struggling with her own sexuality.
EXT. WEDDING VENUE – DUSK
Jack and Nora Andrews attend a wedding with their daughters Annie, 16 and Jessica, 12. Mom and Dad have a little too much to drink. Annie is handed the keys.
INT. ANDREWS CAR – NIGHT
The family is broadsided by another vehicle. Nora dies on the scene.
INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY
At the funeral reception, Annie is angered by her drunk father, who laughs at someone’s intolerant gay joke. Angry, the father snaps that he never should have let her drive. We are introduced to the friendly elderly neighbors.
Inciting Incident: It’s the day of Annie’s big date, but she doesn’t want to go.
INT. ANNIE’S ROOM – DAY
Jocelyn does Annie’s makeup and gives her a pep talk for her date with Danny. Jocelyn confesses that she broke up with her boyfriend and is a bit jealous of Annie’s date. We learn that Danny and Annie have been talking online for a few weeks. Annie sends her sister Jessica to wake up their dad, Jack, for work.
INT. FATHER’S ROOM – DAY
Jessica enters to wake her father for work and discovers he fell asleep clutching mom’s wedding dress while watching his wedding video. Empty liquor bottles litter the floor.
INT. ANNIE’S ROOM – DAY
Jack pokes his head in to say goodbye before leaving for work. He won’t be home till 5 a.m. He remembers that Annie has that “thing.” He think’s getting out of the house and socializing is a good thing.
INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY
Annie answers the door and is thrown off. Danny looks nothing like how he described himself. Instead of blonde and athletic, he has greasy black hair and is super skinny. He’s sloppily dressed in dirty clothes. Jocelyn and Jessica decide to follow them from a distance.
EXT. COUNTY FAIR – DAY
The date with Danny is awkward and uncomfortable. Danny wants to know everything about Annie’s dead mother. Repulsed, Annie rejects Danny, who doesn’t take it well.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Jessica wants to watch a scary movie and begs until Annie says yes. The phone rings off the hook, but Annie doesn’t answer. She knows it’s Danny. Out of frustration, Jessica answers and hands to the phone to Annie. Annie politely tells Danny that she doesn’t want to be friends.
INT. LIVING ROOM – LATER
Annie and Jessica are awakened by the sound of footsteps from upstairs, followed by strange moaning.
By Page 10, you know what the movie is about: Annie tells her father that she’s think’s Danny is creepy and doesn’t want anything to do with him. Jessica tells her father that the house is haunted.
INT. KITCHEN – MORNING
Jack stumbles in from work, as Jessica and Annie eat cereal. Frank asks how the date went. Annie tells him about Danny. Jessica thinks the house is haunted. Frank tells them to clean their dishes before they leave for school.
First Turning Point, End of Act 1: Jack tells Danny to stay away.
INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY
Jack answers the front door and finds Danny on the porch. Jack tells Danny to stay away from his daughter. Danny tells Jack that Annie was right, it should have been him that died.
EXT. ANDREWS HOUSE – DAY
Annie and Jessica arrive home from school. Jack left a note, he picked up a shift and won’t be home till late. Money for a pizza on the fridge.
INT. KITCHEN – DAY
Annie finds a bowl of half-eaten cereal on the counter and gets on Jessica’s case for not cleaning up after herself. Annie doesn’t want to be Jessica’s mom. Jessica swears she put the bowl away. There’s no money on the fridge.
INT. ANNIE’S ROOM – DAY
Annie finds her bedroom window open.
Mid-Point: After several occurrences of phantom voices, furniture moving around and unexplained footsteps, Annie and Jessica become convinced the house is haunted by their mother. Annie performs a séance with her little sister and Jocelyn, in hopes of finding closure with their dead mother. The girls are busted by Jack, who’s drunk and upset over what he considers witchcraft.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
As Jessica and Annie eat ramen, they hear the sound of heavy furniture moving from above their heads. Annie sets down the TV remote and the girls cautiously head upstairs to investigate.
INT. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY – NIGHT
Annie peeks into each room, flipping on lights as they go. Jessica’s imagination runs wild. From downstairs, the TV volume goes full blast. The girl’s scream.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Annie and Jessica run down stairs. The remote is missing. They search frantically for it, but it’s nowhere to be found. Annie finds the volume button on the TV and turns it down. The remote control flies out of the kitchen and explodes against the wall. Annie smells her mother’s perfume.
INT. LIVING ROOM – MORNING
Jack gets home from work and is pounced on by his daughters. They talk over each other, explaining the creepy phenomenon. Jack thinks they’re pulling pranks. Jack doesn’t want them watching scary movies anymore.
EXT. HIGH SCHOOL – DAY
Annie, Jessica and Jocelyn walk home from school. Jessica tells Jocelyn about the creepy things happening around their house. Jocelyn asks if it could be their mom. Jessica freaks out. Annie tells her to shut up. Jocelyn wants to do a séance.
INT. BASEMENT – ANDREW’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Annie, Jessica, Jocelyn and their flamboyant friend Robert, sit around a makeshift altar. Robert leads them in a self-taught séance. There’s a hint of flirtation between Annie and Jocelyn. Robert begins receiving answers to his questions in the form of knocks. The spirit knocks confirm that it’s the ghost of Nora Andrews. When asked if the spirit blames Annie for the death of Nora the spirit replies yes. They are interrupted by Jack, who’s a bit drunk. He’s furious at them for playing around with devil worship.
INT. ANNIE’S ROOM – MORNING
Annie and Jocelyn share the bed. Annie watches Jocelyn sleep. Jocelyn wakes and they share their first kiss. They are interrupted by pounding on the wall. Jocelyn has to leave. From the hallway, the sound of Jocelyn falling down the stairs. Annie rushes to see what happened.
INT. LIVING ROOM – MORNING
Annie finds Jocelyn in a heap at the bottom of the stairs. Her arms are broken.
EXT. ANDREW’S HOUSE – MORNING
Paramedics load Jocelyn into the back of an ambulance, as she mutters about being pushed from behind. Annie has an argument with her father.
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY
Jocelyn’s parents argue with Jack in the hallway, as Annie steps inside the room. Jocelyn doesn’t remember what happened. She only remembers the feeling of being pushed.
INT. JACK’S TRUCK – DAY
It’s a tense ride home. Annie texts Jocelyn, but it goes unread.
Second Turning Point, End of Act 2: The paranormal activity increases when Annie and Jessica discover a threatening bloody message on the wall. After the police investigate and discover it was written in Ketchup, Annie is accused of faking it.
INT. ANNIE’S ROOM – EVENING
Jack pokes his head in to say goodbye. Annie doesn’t speak to him. She watches out the window as Jack backs out of the driveway. She’s startled by knocks on her wall and screams at them to go away. The knocking intensifies, then stops. Jessica runs in, scared by the noise.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Annie, armed with a kitchen knife and Jessica, armed with her father’s baseball bat, sit together on the couch. A mindless reality show plays, but no one is paying attention. They’re senses alert for trouble. Suddenly, noises from the basement.
INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT
Annie and Jessica, investigate the basement and discover a message written in blood. “I’m in your bedroom. Come find me.” Suddenly the freezer moves towards them.
EXT. ANDREW’S HOME – NIGHT
The sisters flee the house and head to the elderly neighbors.
INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT
Police search the house, but there’s no sign of anyone. A cop tells Jack that the message was written in ketchup and that the girls must be acting out for attention. Jack is furious.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Jack and Annie have a brutal argument that ends with Annie wishing her father was dead.
Crisis: After a period of calm, Annie discovers another bloody message and is attacked by an unseen presence. Annie and her sister run to the neighbors. Annie’s father investigates the house, but disappears after seeing the “Woman in White.”
INT. ANNIE’S ROOM – VARIOUS
Montage – Annie secludes herself in her room as the season changes outside the window.
EXT. HIGH SCHOOL – DAY
Annie sits outside with Robert, eating lunch. She waves at Jocelyn, but it’s not reciprocated. Robert asks about the house and Annie reveals that it’s been quiet lately.
INT. ANNIE’S ROOM – NIGHT
Annie facetime’s with Jocelyn. Jocelyn explains that she can’t see Annie anymore because she’s getting back together with her boyfriend. It’s what her parents want. Annie has an emotional breakdown.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Jessica watches TV on the couch. She’s startled by loud scream from inside the wall.
INT. ANNIE’S ROOM
Jessica bursts in, scaring Annie and Jocelyn half to death. Jocelyn has to go. A voice screams Annie’s name from downstairs. Annie, arms herself with a knife she hid on her desk.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Annie and Jessica ease their way down the stairs, searching for the signs of trouble. They search the living, but nothing is there. Suddenly, a crash from Annie’s room.
INT. ANNIE’S ROOM – NIGHT
The room looks like a tornado hit it. The bed and furniture have been toppled. Clothes and knickknacks have been thrown everywhere. On the wall is written: “Be with me…” One by one, pictures frames hung on the wall fly off the shelf, nail and all.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Annie and Jessica run down the stairs, as pictures fly off the living room wall. A cross slowly spins upside down. Annie pulls Jessica out the door.
EXT. ANDREW’S HOUSE – NIGHT
The sister’s run to the safety of the neighbors.
Climax: Annie discovers Danny, wearing a blonde wig and wearing her mother’s wedding dress, holding an axe to her dad’s throat. Danny has been living in the walls, faking the paranormal activity. He’s become obsessed with Annie and wants Annie to choose between him and her father. Annie overcomes her fear, tricks Danny and rescues her father. Police later find Danny hiding in a secret crawlspace. He’s been hiding there for months.
EXT. ANDREW’S HOUSE – LATER
Jack’s truck skids to a stop in front of the house. The elderly Neighbor greets him in the drive way. The neighbor says he looked around, but everything seemed normal. He didn’t call the cops.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Jack enters the house, only to discover the house is completely wrecked. Every light has been shattered. He’s drawn to the sound of static coming from upstairs.
INT. JACK’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Jack opens the door slowly to reveal a message on the wall that reads: “Marry me!” He’s knocked out from behind.
EXT. ANDREW’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Annie grows impatient. She heads inside her house to find her father.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Annie enters slowly, sizing up the mess. There’s no sign of her father. From upstairs, the sound of wedding music.
INT. JACK’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Annie finds her father, tied to a chair. Blood pouring from an open wound on his head. A shape stands behind Jack. It’s revealed to be Danny LaPlante, wearing her mother’s wedding dress and a dirty blonde wig. He’s holding an axe to Jack’s throat. Danny speaks as if he is Annie’s mother. Annie tries to plead with Danny. Danny is giving Annie what she wants. If she kills her father, she can have her mother back. Annie learns that her father doesn’t blame her for Nora’s death. Annie tricks Danny and saves her father.
EXT. ANDREW’S HOUSE – NIGHT
As the Andrew’s escape the house, Danny watches from the upstairs bedroom window.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Police use a dog to search the house. The dog catches a scent and barks at the basement door.
INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT
The search dog barks at the freezer in the corner. Police move the freezer and discover a large hole in the wall. A cop shines a flashlight into the hole and illuminates the face of Danny. He’s completely insane and has been living in the walls for months.
EXT. ANDREW’S HOME – NIGHT
Danny is placed in the back of a squad car as the Andrews family learns the reality of what he’s been doing.
Resolution: Annie finds the courage to come out to her father, who’s surprisingly supportive. Annie’s father quits drinking and the family moves away.
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY
Jack rests in a hospital bed, with bandages on his head. Annie opens up to him and finally comes out to him. Jack is loving and supportive.
EXT. LOCAL CEMETERY – DAY
Annie sets a bouquet of flowers down on Nora’s grave. She’s joined by her father and sister. They embrace, with tears in their eyes.
EXT. ANDREW’S HOME – DAY
A few weeks later, the Andrews watch as movers load a moving truck. The family gives the house one last look before saying goodbye. When it’s time to go, Jack opens his truck door and tosses Annie the keys. She hesitates, then overcomes her fear.
THE END
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DAY 12 Elizabeth’s Subplots with Meaning:
What I learned: Great way to help stay focused. Which is hard for me to do…
ED and Mike: “guy-play” (bonding over the sexual aspect of his relationship with Grace/ Ed’s with Susan) helps Ed realize he may have gotten Susan pregnant when they were in 9<sup>th</sup> grade. Conflict: Ed’s just trying to get away but Mike’s stoned/psychotic and won’t let him leave for this “conversation.” “You look so much like Grace!” “You’re a doc, can’t you get pregnant with petting?” Other interactions, too, hint at sexual play that Ed’s embarrassed to enjoy.
· Beginning: on the bus during the fight, Mike tries to playfully bond with Ed re: something sexual that guys understand.
· Middle: stoned and psychotic from laced weed Mike SEES clearly the resemblance between Ed and Grace and now that it’s been revealed that Susan and Ed dated in middle school he joshes about the sexual exploits they must have had…
· End: Mike says “thanks Gramps” in poignant moment after the vows. We never could have done it without you.
ED and Christopher: so much like him, Christopher’s stuckness helps Ed see his own—and gain the resolve to help both of them get back into life. (Conflict: Ed just wants to deliver the box in MM3 or 4, but Christopher’s needs call to his professional responsibility- work)
· Christopher’s bedroom in the basement looks disturbingly like Ed’s apartment – details showing stuckness and waiting to die in bed. Why do you only work 12 hours a week? That gets me enough money to buy the food – my (mother’s) contract. So in the subsequent scenes Ed tries to motivate Christopher to get help.
· When Mark dies (and Christopher share’s he’s suicidal) Ed gets pissed. See you never know when your life will be taken from you (antagonism). Given the barriers to finding a counselor and being willing to go to one by oneself, Ed hauls Christopher to see the one who works part time at the retirement home — where he meets Lauren.
· Lauren and Christopher to Ed and Jewels at the wedding: thanks for hooking us up. (Need to thread the Jewels role here…)
ED and Jewels: Jewels’ ability to play/light-heartedness, and sharing of her own “being in trouble” teen pregnancy experience (she had a mid-term pregnancy demise in a home for unwed mothers) helps Ed do the psychological (trauma) work he needs to—putting together his life narrative: Susan being there for him when his parents were not. The not-quite-sex that must have gotten her pregnant, her sudden move — though her family did not! (Realization) then losing contact until he found her again on social media and they “hooked up.” But didn’t get the wedding he’d always wanted…
· Jewels blows into town, a very different woman than Susan, who stresses Ed immensely, even as there’s a hint of intoxicating chemistry. Their first interaction (TBD) is tense.
· One who cuts to the chase, having heard Mike’s theory, she tells him about her own “stint” at the Maternity Home, forcing him into the emotional reality of the literal reality that Mike just laid bare. As they reminisce about these days of their shared youth, a playfulness creeps in—as well as growing chemistry
· Ed and Jewels traveling the world – hotel door closing behind them, there’s going to be sex
ED and Kristian: seeing his younger self again through his great grandson, realizes it’s okay to play and make a mess of things. (Conflict: Kristian’s messes that he can’t escape stressing him out)
· First encounter with Kristian is the poop art on the wall which is way too much for Ed
· Ed smiles when Kristian runs on stage to announce he’s pooped in the potty as his parents are having an “expose-all” VO fight mic’ed over Grace’s headset as the actors are trying to continue and the donors and theater owner are not pleased.
· Ed (and Jewels) and Kristian (and Adam-Eve) at Disneyland. This will be a growing relationship as long as they’re alive.
Grace and Christopher: after Ed points them in the direction of each other, they help each other overcome what’s in their growth paths—their mother.
· Clear as day to Ed that Linda’s narcissism is an external antagonism to Grace’s and Christopher’s (her kids) psychological development, he suggests they spend some time together, talk to each other.
· After Mark dies, the fruits of this get picked when Christopher steps up to help his sister tell their mother they’re all moving out and she needs to get a job – gives her a list from Linked-In. Or something.
· Scene TBD (probably at the retirement home office v. Their duplex) where these two clearly talk (“work” is in here somehow) and playfully connect. (Love) – mirror opposite of how they interacted the first time we saw them together
#2 figure out all the TBD details above and flush out scenes focusing on emotions and meaning. And fully DO the outline. Currently it’s a mess.
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Budinscak 6th Pass – Subplots with Meaning
What I learned doing this assignment:
o Too many subplots may ruin a script.
o Subplots add emotion and deeper meaning to a story, and never forget it’s about the main character.
o I’ve examined my subplots and cut two out.
Subplots:
1. Identify the subplots that have naturally emerged in your story and tell us the beginning, middle, and end of each.
Puck is a kleptomaniac and hides everything in his backpack.
Beginning: Puck swipes the Statue of Liberty thermometer from the restaurant. No one knows who took it. Puck also steals a tape recorder from LC
Middle: The Statue of Liberty is left for the waitress at the Truck Stop in Oklahoma.
End: Puck records FBI ‘confession’ in Las Vegas hotel and plays it/leaves it for the LAPD in Burbank.
Sal and Puck and the Casket
Beginning: Sal says he doesn’t think Puck could fit in a casket and Puck accepts the challenge. Puck freaks when the lid is closed and he can’t get out.
Middle: Sal tries to trick Puck for the rest of the story and almost catches him, but doesn’t. Puck wises up.
End: As Puck and Sal are being escorted through the Casket Display room in the Burbank funeral home, Puck wonders if the big lug guarding them can fit in a casket. Sal picks up on it immediately and they go back and forth enough that the henchman gets in the casket to prove he can. He pulls out his gun, looks at Sal, thinks better of it and gives his gun to Puck.
Bringing the story to present
Beginning: There’s a question about a picture on the wall in the restaurant. Meet Puck in the present talking with CAT (one of his aunts) and he asks if she’d like to hear the real story about the Atlantic City trip.
Middle: Again pop into the present when Puck reveals that one guy was involved with the FBI
End: After a picture is taken of Jack, Puck and Sal in front of the Lincoln Continental, flash to present time for the finale.
Puck and Sal and the gun
Beginning: When the boys wake up at the picnic grounds in Terre Haute, they play a shooting game and Puck doesn’t know how to handle a gun – Sal laughs at him. One of LC’s guys show him how to use it.
Middle: At Circus Circus, Puck wins at the game shooting a water pistol into a clown’s mouth.
End: Puck cocks the henchman’s revolver in the Burbank funeral home freeing Uncle Jack.
Opening:
SUPER: 1986
EXT. PARKING LOT – NIGHT
Carmine’s, a restaurant, sits on one end of a large parking lot with a funeral home on the opposite side.
INT. CARMINE’S – NIGHT
An extended family dines and chats on a ‘speaker phone’ with two out-of-town sisters. The far wall is covered with pictures from family events held at the restaurant over the years.
EXT. CARMINE’S – NIGHT
As he takes out the trash, Jack watches a hearse pull up to the funeral home. Men struggle pulling a body bag from the hearse, it jerks around wildly. Jack turns to leave and takes one step – Me-YOW! – he steps on a cat’s tail. The men by the hearse look over.
EXT. FUNERAL HOME – DAY
A limo pulls into an open garage bay at the funeral home. A local crime boss, Don Vito, aka The Weatherman, emerges from the back seat. He motions and two large lackeys head over to the restaurant to invite Jack to the funeral home.
Inciting Incident:
EXT. FUNERAL HOME – DAY
Don Vito watches Jack cross the parking lot. An underling asks if he’s going to intimidate Jack, he answers no, he’s going to ask Jack for a favor instead.
INT. FUNERAL HOME – DAY
The Don asks Jack to deliver a package for his granddaughter and it’ll take him where there are new casinos. Jack gleefully says yes.
By page 10, you know what the movie is about:
Jack agrees to travel to Burbank and deliver a package for Don Vito, unaware his two young nephews, Puck and Sal, will tag along for the trip.
INT. FUNERAL HOME GARAGE – DAY
Jack drops his Cadillac off at the funeral home for ‘necessary modifications’ to carry the package. A large cooler is installed in the trunk of Jack’s Caddy.
INT. CARMINE’S – DAY
To help his sister who volunteered to watch Puck and Sal while their mothers are out of town, Jack drugs the boys to keep them in line.
INT. CADILLAC – DAY
Jack adjusts his walkman before he takes off from the funeral home garage. Jack never realizes the drugged and now passed out Puck and Sal are asleep under the blanket on the back floor of the Caddy.
First turning point as end of Act 1:
INT. CADILLAC – DAY
Jack wakes up in his car in Terra Haute (IN) and the two boys pop up in the back seat.
EXT. PICNIC GROUNDS – DAY
Jack meets one of his partners-in-crime, Lincoln Clogs, LC, – and Lincoln’s men – in Terra Haute.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
Jack laments about finding his two incorrigible nephews in the car and tries to pawn them off on LC – LC says NFW to the request.
INT. CADILLAC – DAY
Jack immediately gets a premonition how poorly this trip will be – he’s pulled over by a state trooper, but smooth talks his way out of trouble.
EXT. DINER PARKING LOT – DAY
They stop by a restaurant outside of St Louis, but never go in.
INT. TRUCK – DAY
Jack and the boys pick up a tail – a box truck follows. The truck’s driver has Love and Hate tattooed on his knuckles.
EXT. REST AREA – NIGHT
Jack buys snacks for the boys and ice for the cooler. Jack mixes a cocktail for the boys – he drugs them.
INT. CADILLAC – NIGHT
The nephews sleep, Jack drives like a madman. He spots the same headlights again and again – and thinks he’s being tailed. Jack pulls into the Truck Stop in Oklahoma.
Mid-point:
INT. TRUCK STOP BATHROOM – NIGHT
Jack averts a crisis when he beats a trucker who had Puck trapped in a bathroom stall.
INT. TRUCK STOP DINING ROOM – NIGHT
The boys have never seen this side of their uncle – and never want to.
INT. CADILLAC – NIGHT
Jack’s angry and the boys reveal they’re terrified of their uncle. Jack contemplates how to best use this new information to his advantage. He practices divide and conquer.
INT. CADILLAC – LATER
Jack drugs the nephews one at a time so as one sleeps, he can get to know the other one.
INT. CADILLAC – NIGHT
Jack teaches Sal one of his favorite recipes while letting the kid drive the Caddy. Great times for Sal.
EXT. TRAVEL LODGE PARKING LOT – NIGHT
They settle in Albuquerque. Jack constantly checks but doesn’t see anyone following him. He fills up the cooler with ice and goes to his room.
A van slows by the hotel entrance before parking on the street, the hotel entrance in full view.
INT. CADILLAC – DAY
Sal sleeps, Jack bonds with Puck. Puck drives and learns about family.
EXT. HIGHWAY – NIGHT
The Caddy cruises down the highway and the nighttime view of Las Vegas comes in focus. Jack’s enthusiasm carries over to the boys.
EXT. PARKING LOT – NIGHT
No hotel tonight. The Cadillac pulls into a large parking lot and parks in a back corner facing the front.
INT. CADILLAC – NIGHT
Jack and the boys sleep. A truck pulls in and parks far enough away not to be noticed.
INT. TRUCK – NIGHT
Love and Hate decorate the driver’s knuckles.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – DAY
Jack buys the boys ‘outfits’ for the day. The boys emulate their uncle getting ready – and dressed just like him.
INT. HOTEL CASINO – DAY
Jack and the nephews take one step in the casino and are tossed. Someone recommends Circus Circus for the kids.
Second turning point at the end of Act 2:
INT. CIRCUS CIRCUS – DAY
Jack loses all his money in the casino, the boys thrive.
INT. SHUTTLE – NIGHT
Jack is pissed as the boys show off their winnings.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Jack finds out the boys have never seen a naked woman before and orders one from the hotel. She’s there for only 1 minute when there’s a knock at the door – the FBI. The woman flees as Jack is shaken down by the FBI and forced to be their informant, including wearing a wire.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – LATER
Jack scheduled a date with an old flame, but she gave him a lot of grief for ‘babysitting’ and wanted no part of it, she cancels.
EXT. HOTEL PARKING LOT – DAY
Puck and Sal transfer license plates from the doppleganger Caddy while Jack searches for ice for the cooler – he can only find dry ice. He loads it in the cooler in the trunk.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – DAY
Jack calls Don Vito and tells him he may be a little late for the delivery. Don Vito asks Jack is he knows why they call him the Weatherman? Jack does not. Don Vito explains that it’s due to his uncanny ability to know where and when lightning will strike and that lightning will strike Jack’s family’s restaurant, Carmine’s, at 2:01 Monday if he’s not there in time.
EXT. HOTEL PARKING LOT – DAY
The FBI takes off after the wrong Cadillac.
Jack, Sal and Puck wave to the Parking Attendant as they sneak out of the parking lot.
INT. FLATBED TOW TRUCK – DAY
Hands featuring Love and Hate grip the steering wheel. The tow truck follows Jack’s Cadillac.
EXT. PLAINS – DAY
Cowboys ride galloping stallions on the plains next to the road. The boys ask if they can ride horses, just like their favorite actor, Clint Eastwood – a loud NO is the answer.
INT. CADIALLAC TRUNK – DAY
A small leak lets carbon monoxide enter the Cadillac’s interior.
Puck and Sal drop off to sleep.
EXT. HIGHWAY – DAY
The FBI check the license plates before they overtake the Cadillac. They find an elderly couple driving – it’s the wrong Cadillac.
The FBI spots a helicopter idling in an adjacent field. They claim command of the copter and force the pilot to take off.
INT. FLATBED TOW TRUCK – DAY
Through the windshield, the driver watches Jack’s Cadillac veer off the road. It bounces wildly riding half on asphalt, half on the shoulder of the road.
EXT. PLAINS – DAYS
In a dream sequence, Sal and Puck ride galloping stallions.
INT. CADILLAC – DAY
Jack and the boys are completely asleep. Through the front window – a major dip in the road, bridge, bad accident about to happen.
EXT. HIGHWAY – DAY
The flatbed tow truck bounces into the Caddy, then cuts in front stopping the car from plunging down the hillside/terrain/riverbank – whatever and a serious accident.
INT. CADILLAC – LATER
Jack wakes to find the tow truck driver pulling him from the Caddy. Jack and the Driver pull Puck and Sal from the Cadillac. Neither boy responds.
EXT. SIDE OF HIGHWAY – DAY
Crisis:
Jack screams and pleads to God to save Puck and Sal from carbon monoxide poisoning. In return, he pledges to turn his life around. As soon as he finishes, Sal moves – Jack immediately recants, but doesn’t do it.
INT. FLATBED TOW TRUCK – DAY
Jack, the boys and the driver take off with Jack’s dented Cadillac on the flatbed and covered with a tarp. Puck is still knocked out.
EXT. HIGHWAY – DAY
The FBI manned helicopter flies overhead looking for Jack’s Caddy. They don’t realize the car is covered on the tow truck.
INT. FLATBED TOW TRUCK – DAY
Puck wakens, spots the Driver and screams. Uncle Jack calms him down and Sal tells Puck the Driver saved their lives.
EXT. LOS ANGELES – DAY
The tow truck cruises by famous LA landmarks while the boys hang out the windows taking in the views.
INT. FLATBED TOW TRUCK – DAY
Jack directs Driver to the address – the Don’s other brother’s funeral home.
EXT. FUNERAL HOME PARKING LOT – DAY
Climax:
Jack gathers the package from the cooler and hands it to one of the Don’s men, who carries it inside.
INT. FUNERAL HOME LOBBY – DAY
There are a few MEN roaming around. Don Vito directs a MAN to take the kids away as he ushers Jack in another room.
CASKET DISPLAY ROOM
Puck pulls the same trick that Sal pulled on him earlier. They bet the MAN he couldn’t fit in the casket … he does fit, and the boys close and lock him inside. They take his gun.
ARRANGEMENT ROOM
Don Vito confronts Jack about the body bag at the funeral home, Jack claims ignorance as convincing as ever.
Sal walks in and everyone turns to him. He gets everyone’s attention.
CLICK – from the other side of the room, Puck pulls back the hammer on the revolver he’s aiming at Don Vito.
EXT. FUNERAL HOME – DAY
The FBI’s car speeds into the parking lot before it slides to a halt. Two men jump out and run to the front door.
INT. FUNERAL HOME ARRANGEMENT ROOM – DAY
FBI bust in – and we find out they were in cahoots with Don Vito, but he screwed them over. Lots of yelling and accusations flying about.
Driver quietly walks in and pumps/loads his shotgun. Everyone stops.
EXT. FUNERAL HOME – DAY
The helicopter the FBI commandeered leads the LAPD into the fray. Police swarm the grounds.
Out the back door, Driver leads Jack, Puck and Sal to the tow truck. They hop in and take off.
INT. FUNERAL HOME – DAY
LAPD filters through the offices and rooms, no one is around.
CASKET DISPLAY ROOM
Police hear muffled yells from all the closed caskets. They open to find Don Vito, his henchmen and the FBI guys.
EXT. FUNERAL HOME – DAY
From the helicopter’s view and the pilot’s narration, we watch LAPD lead numerous handcuffed people to cars. Prominent in the view are the FBI and Don Vito.
Resolution:
EXT. LAX – DAY
Jack and the boys say their goodbyes to Driver. What about the Caddy? It’s yours now. Gotta go.
MONTAGE OF SHOTS
The disheveled trio runs through the airport to their gate.
Jet leaves LAX
Jet lands at JFK
Jack and the boys sleep on a bench near a gate.
INT. JFK GATE – DAY
Jack’s sisters (Puck and Sal’s mothers) spot the three amigos sleeping – they wake them.
INT. LINCOLN CONTINENTAL – DAY
The mothers ask Jack why they’re in a Lincoln and not his Caddy, before he can answer, Puck jumps in.
The mothers notice a change in their boys, they ask Jack and he weaves a tale. The boys vouch for their uncle’s story and add a few nougats of their own.
EXT. CARMINE’S PARKING LOT – DAY
A picture is taken of Jack, Puck and Sal next to the Lincoln Continental.
INT. CARMINE’S – DAY
The picture is posted on the wall of pictures in the restaurant.
SPRING FORWARD TO PRESENT TIME
INT. CARMINE’S – DAY
Present day Puck talks with CAT, one of his aunts, about that picture and finishes the true story of the Atlantic City trip to swim in the ocean.
The idea is to give the illusion everyone is gathered for a somber event, when it’s actually the 30+ year of the family RE-union.
In comes Jack with Puck and Sal’s wives – the twins, Traci and Laci, from the opening scene. Everyone cheers.
EXT. CARMINE’S PARKING LOT – NIGHT
First thing you notice, the funeral home is now “Jack’s Steak Place”.
Everyone in the movie is there having fun, from LC and his group. Jules performs as he did in Vegas and Driver shows up with Jack’s Cadillac fully restored. Everyone’s in party mode.
Jack toasts everyone with a shot of Tequila – just like he and the boys did in Vegas. Everyone does a shot.
Someone asks who’s going to clean this mess, Jack says he’s got it.
Driver presents Jack with his keys, Jack shouts, “Who wants to go for a ride?” Puck and Sal’s kids, knockoffs of the fathers at the same age, run up waving their hands. Jack just looks in the camera and smiles.
EXT. CARMINE’S PARKING LOT – NIGHT
A cleaning truck pulls up, two MEN get out. One guy picks up a paper bag and pulls out a wad of cash.
Jack walks out of the shadows, ‘just like old times.’ The cleaning crew is the two disgraced FBI guys. They start picking up the trash, something the repeatedly said they would never do.
THE END
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BOB SMITH PASS #6 SUBPLOTS WITH MEANING
What I have learned doing this assignment is…?
The importance and fun it can be to discover subplots and deepen them by the process presented with this assignment.
ASSIGNMENT
1. Identify the subplots that have naturlally emerged in your story and tell us the beginning middle and end of each.
I discovered that I actually have a two pronged story that was begun in the inciting incident with the US OFFICER asking Emil Jannings about the making of “The Blue Angel.” However, he also asks how did he, an actor – a man of his stature allow himself to be used in Nazi Propaganda films. Both stories are interrelated, and grows out of inteeractions between the director and principal actors in the film
In the making of “The Blue Angel,” Von Sternberg’s directorial grooming of Dietrich for stardom, leads to their a romantic relationship.
2. In the rivalry between Jannings and Marlene Dietrich. The subplot is that he is angry at the upstaging he feels from Dietrich but is angered that he can’t get the creative partnership with director von Sternberg because of his attention to Dietrich.
really strangles her in a scene that calls for his character to do so. The rivalry ends when director, von Sternberg calls on them to put aside their rivalry and be partners in art and finish the film.
The answer the officer’s second question of Jannings appearing in Nazi propaganda films, begins on the night Dietrich takes von Sternberg, Jannings, and fellow cast members (Kurt Gerron and Hans Alber) to a gay cabaret, the Club Silhouette which on that night is vandalized by Nazi Brown Shirts. At their table is German Sexologist, Magnus Hirschfeld who speaks of how these Nazis will take over and it will be bad for Jews and homosexuals.” This begins a discussion of what to do if the Nazis take over. The choices are die, collaborate, or immigrate. Gerron, Albers, and Jannings are all effected. Gerron is a Jew, Albers mistress (Hansi Burg) is Jewish, and Jannings mother (living in Berlin) is Russian-born and of Jewish origin.
3. Pick one subplot (or more) you’d like to improve and answer the question, “How can I make this more meaningful or emotional for my lead character?”
1. In regard to von Sternberg’s relationship with Dietrich, von Sternberg’s wife (Riza Royce) confronts him and says, “Why don’t you divorce me and marry her?” He answers, “I’d sooner share a phone booth with a cobra.”
2. Jannings really strangles Dietrich in a scene that calls for his character to do so. The rivalry ends when director, von Sternberg calls on them to put aside their rivalry and be partners in art and they finish the film excellently in both their final scenes.
3. Jannings discusses his future in German films with studio chief Alfred Hugenberg, who it turns out is a Nazi sympathizer. He advises Jannings to stay in Germany and involve himself with Nazi films. “You will have the stardom you crave, and have state recognition. I know that one of your fans is Herr Josef Goebbels.” But this frightens Jannings as he is afraid that this is the only option if he stays and he must yield to it (against his conscience) for his survival and for the protection of his family – he fears a Nazi discovery of the Jewish origin of his mother.
At the Wrap Party, after speaking with Hugenberg, Jannings joins cast members Kurt Gerron (plays the magician in the film) and Hans Alber (plays Mazeppa who tries to seduce Lola Lola). Jannings explains what Hugenberg said and that he didn’t realize he was a Nazi, at first. They discuss the dilemma, flee Germany or stay and risk life . Alber says he will remain in Germany but walk the tightrope to preserve his life and not give solace to the Nazis. Gerron says he will flee to France but tells Jannings he consulted his Rabbi who says that to act in a Nazi film is permitted because the purpose is to save your life and the life of others. Jannings, on that basis decides he will make films for the Nazis.
2. Rewrite the beats of that subplot to add in the new emotion or meaning.
Beat 1: Jannings is fearful of the Nazi Brown Shirts starting with their attack on the Silhouette Club, prompting Magnus Hirschfeld, seated next to him at the table say how dangerous the Nazis will be not only to Jews and homosexuals but also the arts community, including motion pictures of which Josef Goebbels is such a fan. This will no longer be an enlightened Germany but a hell-hole of a dictatorship.” “Then what should we do?” Jannings asks. Hirschfeld says, “Leave Germany or collaborate but what is the price of your soul?”
Beat 2: First, Jannings speaks with Gerron who explains that he would move to France. (“If you are not going to Hollywood, Emil, come to Paris with me.”)
Beat 3 occurs after Jannings frightful talk with Hugenberg about inevitable Nazi rule and how he would do well to involve himself in Nazi films. Jannings asks Gerron for advice, Gerron said tha he has discussed that matter with his Rabbi and said that cooperation with the Nazis in a propaganda film is permitted if it is to save lives, your own and your loved ones.
Beat 4: Jannings recounts to his US Case Officer – a montage of the scenes described is included here, that Gerron fled to France, then to Netherlands where the Nazis arrested him and his family and interred them at Westerbork, then in Thereisenstadt, where Gerron did make a Nazi propaganda film which extoled Hitler for making the Jews a city of their own, i.e., Thereisenstadt, which was a ghetto-concentration camp. His cooperation with the Nazis didn’t help him, he and his family were deported to Auschwitz.
4. Add the improvements to your outline.
Additions are in RED and underlined.
1. OPENING: Berlin, July, 1945. Brandishing an Oscar statuette, Emil Jannings (now 60) presents himself at US Army headquarters shouting, “Don’t shoot! I won an Oscar!”
2. INCITING INCIDENT: His US CASE OFFICER INTERVIEWS Jannings and wants to know what it was like filming “The Blue Angel” and why an actor and man of his stature allowed himself to be exploited by the Nazi propaganda film industry to which Jannings replies by telling the story of this film. First, when the US Officer tells Jannings he must be de-nazified. Jannings protests he was never a Nazi and he made those propaganda films because if he refused he and his family would have been killed, and his mother, who lived in Berlin, was Russian born of Jewish origin. Then he tells the story of the making of “The Blue Angel.”
3 BY PAGE TEN: Against the wishes of the studio brass and his star (Jannings), von Sternberg casts an unknown (Marlene Dietrich) in the role of the cabaret showgirl Lola Lola who is the love-interest of the professor portrayed by Jannings. Jannings wanted an established actress to play the part, plus, Jannings believes Dietrich is upstaging him as the star which starts their conflict. After the shooting of a few scenes, Jannings complains to von Sternberg that Dietrich’s legs are getting too much exposure and upstaging him. Von Sternberg protests that he has to make Dietrich as alluring as possible who would Jannings’ professor be so seduced by her. In the rivalry between Jannings and Marlene Dietrich. The subplot is that he is angry at the upstaging he feels from Dietrich but is angered that he can’t get the creative partnership with director von Sternberg because of his attention to Dietrich.
PLOT EVENT: Jannings grows jealous of Dietrich and complains “We have Sergei Eisenstein and Charlie! We have those directors visiting the set. The only director we don’t have on the set of ‘The Blue Angel’ is the director of ‘The Blue Angel.’ Except when he is filming.” Jannings complains to fellow cast member Kurt Gerron. Gerron who reassures Jannings, “Don’t kill yourself with worry. When he shows up, just act as he directs until he says, “Cut, print!”
4. FIRST TURNING POINT AT THE END OF ACT ONE:To ingratiate herself further with von Sternberg (who needs none) and mend relations with Jannings (who wants none), Dietrich takes them out on a tour of the Weimar “Berlin of Lola Lola.” First they stop by the Boxing Studio where Dietrich works out. She knocks out friend and fellow actress Carola Neher but invites her with von Sternberg, Jannings, and fellow cast member, the veteran actor Kurt Gerron to the gay cabaret Club Silhouette. They sit at the table with sexologist Magnus Hirscheld is seated. He advocates gay rights and more freedom in matters of sexuality. Dietrich buys drinks for the house in celebration of her being cast as Lola Lola and forgives all those who said she can’t act. Carola good-naturedly says, “Just because you got the part doesn’t mean you can act!” to which Jannings add, “Only her legs can act!” Dietrich is insulted – not by Carola but Jannings. The party is stopped by Nazi Brown Shirts who hurl rocks through the windows of the gay cabaret where they are having drinks. Jannings is shaken by his first experience of Nazi brutality. Hirschfeld says, If they take over, Jews and homosexuals are finished. And I am both.” He speaks of how he could never survive the Nazis and his headed for Palestine, he might stay. But he knows he can’t stay in Germany can any of you. Gerron says he couldn’t because he is also Jewish. Von Sternberg says he doesn’t intend to stay. He’s an American. Jannings, shaken, asks if it could be possible for the Artistic community to survive. Hirschfeld says, “Only by collaboration somehow with the Nazis. And they will not take no for an answer.” (This sets up Jannings’ crisis of conscience and his justification for his actions later regarding collaboration.)
PLOT POINT In regard to von Sternberg’s relationship with Dietrich, von Sternberg’s wife (Riza Royce) confronts him and says, “Why don’t you divorce me and marry her?” He answers, “I’d sooner share a phone booth with a cobra.”
PLOT POINT: Jannings complains to von Sternberg who asks him for patience as Dietrich is a novice and needs mentoring and that Jannings as the star should support his leading lady. He is only left further frustrated.
5, MID POINT: Usually a man of subdued emotions if not sulking, the conflict between Jannings and Dietrich escalates to violence when Jannings overacts a scene of strangling Dietrich’s character, he actually strangles Dietrich and injures her to which von Sternberg calls on both actors to partner up in the name of the art and finish the film..
6, SECOND TURNING POINT AT END OF ACT TWO: Von Sternberg’s intervention has worked and Dietrich and Jannings faces the fact that his emotions are killing his star-power and resolves to work with Dietrich and dismiss his feelings of being upstaged. Both he and Dietrich turn in stellar perfomances especially in Dietrich’s signature song, “Falling in love again” and Jannings’ scene of the ruined professor dying. Thus, the rivalry ends
7. CRISIS: After the film wraps, Jannings, convinced he has no future in Hollywood, asks for advice on his future from studio chief Alfred Hugenberg whom Jannings does not know is a Nazi-sympathizer. Hugenberg tells Jannings that he should work in Nazi cinema where he will have the stardom he craves and will become a favorite of the state, he is already admired by Josef Goebbels. This frightens Jannings and he goes to his friends and fellow cast members, Kurt Gerron and Hans Alber
Crisis part 2: Jannings tells Alber and Gerron what Hugenberg said. Albers says he doesn’t know how but he would never work directly for the Nazis. Gerron said he would, he had even consulted his Rabbi who said that Jewish law permits it, as long as you do not cause the death of another you can collaborate in order to preserve your own life and those of your loved ones. Jannings is somewhat relieved but still troubled. Gerron says, I’m going to France if those Nazis take over. Come with me, Emil.” (This further sets up the Climax and Jannings tragic end as well explains his continued troubled conscience even when he feels morally justified for the sake of saving his own life and the lives of his family.
8. CLIMAX: Jannings’ US Case Officer who asked the dramatic question about how he could have allowed himself to be used by the Nazis, recounts to his US Case Officer – a montage of the scenes of what is described is included here, that Gerron fled to France, then to Netherlands where the Nazis arrested him and his family and interred them at Westerbork, then in Thereisenstadt, where Gerron did make a Nazi propaganda film which extoled Hitler for making the Jews a city of their own, i.e., Thereisenstadt, which was a ghetto-concentration camp. His cooperation with the Nazis didn’t help him, he and his family were deported to Auschwitz.
CLOSING SCENE: The case officer, however, cites that Jannings must be de-nazified because he also campaigned for the Nazi Party in 1938. Jannings protests, “How can you denazify me when I never was a Nazi? My actions were to protect myself and my family from Nazi terror. Jannings reminds the Officerhim, “Kurt Gerron did make a propaganda film for the Nazis. They still sent Gerron and his family to Auschwitz. But if he had survived would you dare to de-nazify him, a Jewish victim of the Nazis, because he did a propaganda film for the Nazis?” The Officer answers: “No, but you campaigned for the Nazis for seats in the Reichstag in the election of 1938, so you must be de-nazified” which effectively ends his stardom and acting career for good and ruins him in a manner that mirrors the ruination of his professor-character in “The Blue Angel.”
9. RESOLUTION: Closing Titles:
Emil Jannings never acted again. He died in 1950 of liver cancer. He was given a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame which was removed years later.
Marlene Dietrich and Josef von Sternberg went to Hollywood and made six more acclaimed motion pictures. Dietrich condemned Hitler and Nazism, She became an American Citizen and entertained the troops even as they marched against the German Army.
These are the fates of the principal players in “The Blue Angel.”
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Pablo Soriano Pass #6: Subplots with Meaning
What I learned doing this assignment: I just came up with two more subplots. One that helps move the story forward and shows the consequences of working the bookies. One that adds a little conflict for Irma. And one that helps wrap up the resolution so that at least one of the antagonists gets their comeuppance.
Subplots:
Elena
BEGINNING: Elena is an old friend of Irma’s and is her neighbor. She has two kids and no husband. They both joke about leaving their hometown and moving to the states.
MIDDLE: Elena is in dire need of money. Without a husband, she has to support her family on her own. Irma and Elena make a pact to leave their hometown and head to the states. Irma buys her tickets. Elena does not.
END: Elena begins working for the casino. While it does pay the bills, she is now under Sapo’s thumb and makes her do things that she isn’t proud of. Including telling them where Irma might be when she doesn’t show up for work.
Antonio and Andres
BEGINNING: Antonio is the eldest son of Irma. He is rebellious and fights Irma at every turn. He does not want to take care of his little brother and he definitely does not want to leave his hometown and all of his friends. Andres is Irma’s youngest. He is quiet and shy. He likes to build toys and gadgets out of things he finds.
MIDDLE: Antonio argues with his mother and questions her decision about leaving. Andres doesn’t care as long as he is with her. She won’t tell them that they are at risk of being taken by Sapo and his crime syndicate. Later on, Antonio realizes the danger they are in when they are in the desert. Andres is still oblivious and thinks is eager to get to the states.
END: With a slingshot that Andres makes from elastic bands and a stick, they find a way to take down one of the drones following them which gives them small window of time to head past the border undetected. When the next fleet of drones approaches, Irma and the boys split up. Knowing that the drones were following her, she lures them away so that her sons can make it safely across. Antonio realizes that he now has to take care of his little brother. He must now take on the responsibilities for both of them.
Miguel:
BEGINNING: Miguel is a semi-professional gamer in need of money to help his elderly mother suffering from dementia. Because she is an undocumented immigrant she has very limited medical coverage.
MIDDLE: Miguel discovers Franks gameshow on the dark web. He sees it as an opportunity to make some money and comes up with a way to cheat by building his own drone and providing aid to a contestant that he places a bet on: Irma.
END: Irma reminds Miguel of his own mother and is overcome with guilt by playing a part in this twisted game and now focuses on helping Irma make it across. Frank tries to find Miguel’s location to punish him for cheating. After Frank is responsible for Irma’s death, Miguel exposes Frank for his sick gameshow and it is all over the news. Frank is arrested for his crimes and Miguel turns himself in for his role in the illegal gambling operation. Ultimately, his mother dies. But he applies to be a foster parent in hopes he can take care of Antonio and Andres until they are 18.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by Pablo Soriano.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by
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Jim’s Pass #6: Subplots with Meaning
What I learned: Love delving into the subplots
Subplot #1: Jake and Mary slowly fall in love
Subplot #2: Mary and Jean Claude compete for control
Subplot #3: Mary and M are related and loyalty to his cause drives Mary’s actions
Making subplot #1 more meaningful:
* Develop Mary and her motivations more to determine why she’s genuinely attracted to Jake
* Develop Jake’s gradual attraction to Mary
* Increase the underlying competition each feels for their cause and how it keeps them apart
Opening Sequence
EXT. CONEY ISLAND SIDEWALK – DAY
Jake eyes glued to the ground, arms wrapped around his laptop, walks past the Tatiana Social Club, and is laughed at and tripped by a goon standing in front of the club. He vows revenge under his breath. This boy seethes with rage.
INT. JAKE’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
He chats on the dark web with his only pseudo-friend Jean Claude – another geek in Canada. On this night Jake seeks revenge by hacking into The Social Club’s website and emails, discovers millions of dollars’ worth of assets, and sends a ransomware note for $1million. We learn this is what he does “for a living”, sending ransomware to small companies for $3,000 or $4,000, enough to cover his living expenses. He’s a nice ransomware guy – and it keeps him under the FBI’s radar.
Inciting Incident:
INT. JAKE’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Jean Claude calls Jake telling him there’s chatter on the dark web about a Russian mafia kingpin coming after him. Clueless, Jake sees black vans pull up outside, so he grabs his computer and runs out of his apartment door.
INT. HALLWAY/MARY’S APARTMENT – CONTINUOUS
Jake runs into Mary, his doppelgänger (mousy, a bit heavy, geekish, Russian accent) in the hallway, coming in from waitressing third shift at the Social Club, run by her uncle. As men storm up the steps Jake looks Mary in the eye for the first time in the year since they met and asks if he can come in. Always interested in him, she lets him in. Together they watch through the peephole as unknown GI’s storm his apartment and search for him. They in turn are interrupted by the FBI pulling up below. The GIs beat it just in time themselves. The FBI has been watching and listening for weeks re his ransomware attacks. They search his apartment and assume he’s been kidnapped. Jake calls Jean Claude for more info, who convinces him it’s a vast CIA conspiracy. Jean Claude decides to steal his mom’s car and come down to help them escape. Jake calls his estranged brother for advice. Harry, a NYC beat cop. “What do you want Dingleberry?”. After Jake tells him the situation, Harry tells him to go to the police and hangs up. We learn that they are alienated after Harry sided with the parents in kicking Jake out.
<<Develop why each is attracted to the other.>>
INT. FBI FIELD OFFICE, NEW YORK – DAY
Agent Terry tries to figure out what happened to Jake. He enlists the help of brother Harry who knows nothing.
INT. MOGILEVICH’S ESTATE, MOSCOW – DAY
Mogelevich is pissed that someone has hacked into the social club as it is used to funnel money to him through its activities in drugs, prostitution, and extortion. He’s more pissed that his men let Jake get away. What does Jake know of their plan? How powerful is this kid? Is it the CIA? He demands Jake be found and brought to him for questioning.
INT. MARY’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
They’ll make a run for it tomorrow. But for now, they’re alone. They have a long conversation about backstory. Neither has ever been kissed, so the intimacy is scary. He won’t sleep in her bed, so she sleeps on the LR floor with him. They don’t touch but after Jake is asleep Mary continues looking at him. We don’t know what that means. <<They wake up and Mary asks him to hold her.>>
By page 10:
INT. MARY’S APARTMENT – MORNING
Jean Claude arrives and pushes a conspiracy theory that it’s all a CIA plot. Jake decides to run for it, and the other two agree to go with him, each for their own reasons. Jean Claude because he likes chasing conspiracy theories; Mary because she’s tired of being alone, plus she is attracted to Jake.INT. CAR – DAY
The Trio is chased by the FBI, and eventually caught. We start to see a transformation in Jake as he stares the agents down and analyzes potential next steps – by himself. This guy is starting to show us how smart he is.
First turning point:
INT. FBI FIELD OFFICE – DAY
Jake, Mary, and Jean Claude meet with Jake’s brother and are then interrogated by the FBI, told they think M is planning some kind of attack based on dark web chatter. They don’t know what. They have a choice: jail time or help them catch M. They agree but
EXT. CAR – DAY
as soon as they are set free, and in response to Jean Claude’s conspiracy stories, they make a run for the Canadian border, closely pursued by a group of Russians in US Army uniforms. They make it across as the Army men break to a stop. They don’t want to expose their movement by going across an international border.
INT. MOGILEVICH’S ESTATE, MOSCOW – DAY
M discovers the trio has been talking to the FBI and is furious once again that Jake has escaped. What does he know? He could bring down the entire operation unless they find out what he knows. We learn more of M’s plan and meet his mignons both by his side and embedded in the US military.
Midpoint:
INT. SHABBY CABIN – CANADIAN WILDERNESS – DAY
The trio go to Jean Claude’s uncle’s remote cabin 50 miles north of Quebec, Uncle Louis, also an avid conspiracy theorist, because they don’t know where else to go. Jean Claude’s mother has filed a missing person and theft report. He invites them to his cabin as he’s lonely and loves to talk conspiracy. Jake calls his brother Harry, who again encourages them to come in but admits that the FBI knows almost nothing of the General’s possible plot. Jake logs back into the bank and discovers the details of the plot: to awaken US military members loyal to his cause and give him access to an Electromagnetic Pulse bomb to wipe out communications in the US. Although they have escaped, Jake makes the decision to go back to try and defeat M.
MEANWHILE: Jake and Mary continue to become closer – they talk incessantly, then Mary asks to be held at night. They kiss. Mary and Jean Claude fight constantly, both accusing the other of being in on M’s plot. Both have “evidence”. (1 set was planted). Jake must decide – but not now. Jake wonders who he can trust: Mary? Jean Claude? Harry? Uncle Louis? Each has a history, trait, or incident that makes him suspicious.
Second turning point:
INT. FBI HEADQUARTERS – DAYHarry tells the FBI what Jake has told him about the plot. They don’t believe him. Harry talks to his wife and does some heavy soul searching. We learn why they are estranged. Harry is much older, they never got along, and when Jake was arrested for hacking, he sided with the parents to kick Jake out. In the end he finally decides Jake is the only family he has. He calls Jake and agrees to fly up to help his little brother. FBI is pissed that he’s missing and assume Harry is now in on it.
INT. SHABBY CABIN – NIGHT
The four devise a plan to gather weapons, analyze M’s current strength and location. We see that Jake is now running the show. Mary is impressed. Tensions between Mary and Jean Claude finally come to a head when both show “proof” of the other’s involvement with M’s cause (1 set is planted). There is a 3-way standoff with Jake trying to calm things down. Ultimately, he sides with Mary (we question his motives) and Jake is wounded in the scuffle.
Jake checks his Cayman bank account (he had one!) and finds it frozen! But uncle Louis has money sown in a mattress – enough to fly them to Europe with new passports.
<<Jake and Mary get together more>>
Crisis:
M has discovered where they are; Jake and Jean Claude narrowly escape with Harry’s help. But M successfully kidnaps Mary, flies her to Moscow, and holds her for ransom until Jake turns himself into M and tells him what he knows – and releases his ransomware.
INT. MOGILEVICH’S ESTATE, MOSCOW – DAY
M is furious at Svetlana (aka Mary) for not helping him – a fellow Russian loyalist! Mary remains silent. He grabs her and threatens to kill her unless she talks. She confesses her devotion to the plan, but not to killing people.
INT. SHABBY CABIN – DAY
Harry calls two ex-Marine buddies to come help. Harry holds target practice with Jake.
INT. MOSCOW AIRPORT – DAY
Harry, Jean Claude, the two Marines, and Jake fly to Moscow to rescue Mary (weapons are in the luggage). Their plan is to confirm all details and then tell their story to the press. On the plane, Jean Claude convinces Jake he is loyal. (So where does that leave Mary?) As they step from the plane they are immediately arrested. The two Marines are not known about and are ignored.
Climax:
INT. MOGILEVICH’S ESTATE, MOSCOW – DAY
Jake, Harry, and Jean Claude are taken to M where he demands to know what they know, or he will kill Mary. She is now tied up and looking like a captive. Jake is given a computer and told to release the ransomware on the Social Club. Instead, he freezes all $1billion of assets and tells M what he has done. He’ll now have to keep everyone alive if he hopes to get those funds released!
Meanwhile the two Marines have snuck onto the outside patio, killing 3 guards. They come through the glass doors, tossing Jake and Harry a rifle. (M does not have more protection because he’s in Moscow for goodness sake!) M pulls a gun and is killed by Jake.
Resolution:
INT. AMERICAN EMBASSY – DAY
The group of six hold a press conference at the embassy, revealing the extent of M’s evil plans. Jake and Mary hug for real this time, kiss tenderly, but as the credits roll and the couple continue their hug, there is an evil glint in her eye. She is still intent on completing M’s vision!!
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Janeen’s Pass #6: Subplots with Meaning
What I learned doing this assignment is that I thought I was including these subplots already, but I had holes in them. Spelling them out this way was helpful.
Existing Subplots:
The Cop and her Partner
Beginning: The cops show up at the designer’s house and argue that it’s not abuse if the wife won’t press charges, but he capitulates on that one so we know he’s reasonable
2. Middle 1: The cops discuss her involvement in the book club’s efforts to help Amber. He says she’s interfering, she says she hasn’t talked to or communicated with Amber at all. How can that be interference?
3. Middle 2: A wife breaks the nose of her husband during a fight. He thinks it’s abuse, but she checks the records and says it’s merely the wife fighting back instead of taking the beatings like she used to. He ponders.
3. Middle 3: Another wife pushes her husband down the stairs during an argument. Again, history is on her side and he begins to admit that their empowerment may be working. What happens now? The couple is splitting. Again, empowerment seems to be working.
3. End: He believes that something they have done has led Amber to kill her husband. She says they both know the pattern. He was amping up every attack. For Amber, it was kill or be killed. He says, if only she had pressed charges. She says, you know they wouldn’t even be at trial yet, he would have been abusing the kids by then or Amber would be dead. He says, what Amber did was wrong and they empowered her to do it. The book club is as guilty as she is. The cop says prove it. Her partner gets a warrant for their arrest and the trial ensues.
2. Morgan and her Husband
1. Beginning: Morgan’s husband warns her not to get involved as it may be dangerous. Stick to her little empowerment stuff, but stay out of Daniel’s way — he’s dangerous and if he will beat his wife, he won’t think twice about beating her if he runs into her.
2. Middle: Her husband questions her about what she is empowering these wives to do when more wives begin fighting back or leaving. She says she’s just giving them strength, taking away their fear and emotional pain so they can think clearly about their situations and giving them confidence to act. He says it’s a slippery slope. She says Silva can’t be used for evil. He says define evil. A man beating his wife? A wife striking back?
3. Ending: Morgan’s husband supports her in her court fight. He believes her when she says she never wished anything bad to happen to Daniel, but worries the court won’t see it that way.
3. Morgan and her Silva teacher
1. Beginning: Morgan asks him how she can stop Daniel. He says she can’t use Silva to harm someone so there is not much she can do.
2. Middle: Morgan asks how she can help Amber. He says she can invite her to the class. She says that’s not possible. Then there probably isn’t much you can do for her. What about distance work? That would require her permission or it would be unethical.
3. Ending: The teacher testifies that what the book club did would have been ethically wrong if they were professional practitioners, but that their work was the equivalent of “thoughts and prayers” for a woman in need. Who can fault someone for wanting a wife and children to be safe in their own home? Did he help them in their work? No. He didn’t know what they were doing. It would have been unethical for him to participate or advise them so he did not. The experts have testified that the situation was escalating to Amber’s death. Daniel would have spent the rest of his kids childhood in prison. How was that better than the current outcome? The children are safe with a loving mother. Isn’t that what anyone would have prayed for?
2 & 3. The above subplots were not spelled out in my outline in every case. I’ll add them to my outline.
4. Added/emphasized the subplots in the outline to ensure they are included.
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PS 80 Michelle Damis Pass #6: Subplots with Meaning
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is that developing sub-plots is probably one of the reasons we were dissuaded from “ensemble” casts. I can see where it may be challenging for a newer writer. I know I’ll be coming back to this topic and assignment as the story continues to develop. Perhaps this topic is one to be touched on earlier in the outline and then revisited?? But, we have a lot of assignments left, possibly that is already the plan.
1. Identify the subplots that have naturally emerged in your story and tell us the beginning, middle, and end of each.
The major subplot is the secret within the family that causes the conflict between Nina and her mom Marin. It also is a huge reason Jim is drawn to Ted and welcomes him so warmly into the family.
Nina was date-raped and holds anger and resentment that she takes out on her mother (who doesn’t know). This is the conflict that led them to bring in a renter to begin with.
Jim and Marin lost a baby boy (after she was assaulted-but only Marin knows-they think she miscarried) and Marin couldn’t have any more children. This leads to the kind loving treatment of Ted that affects him so much emotionally and pulls him in.
At the end Nina confesses due to the danger they are under and they think they are saying their goodbyes, Marin confesses her secret, and they “bond” and this helps resolve their relationship.
Jim always wanted a son and Ted fulfills that and vice versa.
In a way, you could look at this as 3 subplots or 3 perspectives of one subplot that all feed into the main story.
2. Pick one subplot (or more) you’d like to improve and answer the question, “How can I make this more meaningful or emotional for my lead character?” From this assignment, I’m contemplating creating more of a sub-plot with Ted’s vampire friend(s). I’m thinking I could make one of his “friends” far, far older, and cynical than even him. Quite bored with their existence in fact. If I decide to do the “twist” at the end I’m contemplating I can tie this friend in as an accomplice.
3. Rewrite the beats of that subplot to add in the new emotion or meaning. I’m not quite ready to add this subplot at all yet, but I’m making side notes regarding the possibility.
4. Add the improvements to your outline. I currently didn’t change much so I’m not going to post the entire thing, but I’ve made some significant notes for possible plots and outcomes.
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Amy’s Pass #6: Subplots with Meaning
What I learned doing this assignment is how important it is for the subplots to support the main story and the theme.
1. Subplots:
Andrea’s daughter, Chloe
Beginning-Choe is being bullied by one of the popular girls at school.
Middle-Chloe confides in Andrea about the bully. Andrea gives her advice that isn’t really helpful.
End-With Andrea’s support, Chloe confronts the bully and wins.
Andrea’s son, Benjamin
Beginning: Benjamin wants to be the pitcher on his baseball team.
Middle: Benjamin gets a chance to pitch, but walks every hitter.
End: Benjamin gets another chance to pitch. Encourage by Andrea, he does much better this time.
The professor
Beginning: The professor is excited about the new supercollider.
Middle: Andrea learns that the professor conspired with Meagan to send her back in time and blackmails the professor into helping her send Meagan back in time.
End: The professor gets arrested and fired from his job at the university
2. Subplot: Andrea’s daughter
How can I make this more meaningful or emotional for my lead character? Chloe’s bully is also part of her dance studio. Andrea realizes that Chloe will have to face the bully alone on the night of her dance recital if she’s not there to give her support. Andrea makes the decision to walk away from her job even though she’s being threatened with being fired to go help Chloe because she realizes that’s more important.
3. Rewrite the beats of that subplot to add in the new emotion or meaning.
Opening: Andrea lives an exciting life as a newscaster on a national network. She works too much and never sees her family.
INT. – STUDIO – NIGHT
It’s chaos and excitement as Andrea, the producer and the production crew rush to get on the air on time.
INT. –NEWSROOM – NIGHT
Breaking news happens. Andrea calls home to let her family know that once again, she will not be home for dinner.
INT. – KITCHEN – NIGHT
Josh helps the kids with their homework. They complain about their mom not being there.
EXT. – BASEBALL FIELD – NIGHT
Andrea’s family is at her son, Benjamin’s baseball game. He keeps looking back hoping she will show up. Meagan, one of Josh’s ex-girlfriends is there because her kid is also on the team. Benjamin asks the coach if he can pitch, but he says no.
INT. – NEWSROOM – DAY
Andrea discusses with her boss the exciting new development at the local university, the completion of a supercollider. Her boss assigns her the story.
EXT. – POOL – DAY
Andrea’s daughter has a swim meet. It’s her time to swim, but she cries because her mother isn’t there. She has to be coaxed into the pool by her dad.
Inciting incident: Andrea interviews a science professor at a local college about the university’s new supercollider and “accidentally” gets sent back in time. She arrives in the past, not the beautiful news anchor, but ugly.
INT. –UNVERSITY SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea interviews the professor who demonstrates for her how the supercollider works. Andrea gets sucked into the machine.
INT – UNIVERSITY SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea appears out of the machine, but she doesn’t look like herself. She notices she’s a different height and her hands look different. She runs out of the lab.
INT. –UNVERSITY LAB – BATHROOM – DAY
Andrea looks at herself in the mirror and is horrified.
INT. – NEWSROOM – DAY
Andrea tries to talk to her co-workers, but they don’t recognize her. They laugh when she tells them who she is.
INT. – STUDIO – NIGHT
Andrea peaks around a wall in the studio and watches the newscast air and her stand-in reporting on the fact that she got sucked into the machine and is missing. She sees the footage of herself disappearing.
INT – JOSH’S OFFICE – DAY
Andrea goes to Josh’s office and is surprised to find Meagan there coming on to him.
INT. – SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea convinces the professor to turn on the machine and she gets sucked in again.
Page 10: Andrea arrives back from the past and looks more like herself, only more beautiful.
INT. – BATHROOM – DAY
Andrea looks at herself in the mirror and is pleased that she looks more like herself now but perplexed that she’s even more beautiful than before.
End of Act 1: Andrea realizes a year has passed. Everyone assumed she was dead and her husband, Josh has gotten together with a girlfriend from his past, Meagan. Since the network thought she was dead, she is no longer the anchor of the news program.
INT. – SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea tries to get the professor to send her back to the present, but he refuses. However, he does let on that if the time she’s in collides with the time she came from by her getting her family to accept her just like they did before, things will automatically go back to the time she came from, the present.
INT. – NEWSROOM –DAY
Andrea convinces the network to take her back as a reporter.
INT – ANDREA’S HOME – DAY
Andrea drives to her home, but her key doesn’t work, so she rings the bell. Josh comes to the door and nearly faints at the sight of her. The kids come and are astounded. She tells them about getting sucked into the supercollider and traveling through time. Meagan comes to the door to see what’s going on. Andrea notices she’s wearing an engagement ring. Megan kisses Josh. Andrea’s family informs her that it’s the year 2023 and she’s been missing for a year. Meagan closes the door in her face.
INT. –SCHOOL HALLWAY –DAY
Chloe gets bullied by one of the popular girls.
EXT. – GROCERY STORE – DAY
Andrea’s daughter’s swim team is having a bake sale. Andrea threw something together late last night after work. Her daughter is embarrassed by the cookies. Meagan destroys the cookies.
INT. – RESTAURANT – DAY
Andrea and Josh are having lunch. Meagan shows up with an “emergency” and pulls him away.
EXT. – STREET – DAY
Meagan slashes Andrea’s tires.
EXT. – STREET – DAY
Andrea calls her daughter and tells her she’s on the way to her school play, but then discovers that her tires have been slashed.
INT. – OFFICE – DAY
Andrea visits Josh at work. She wants him to take her back, but he admits that things weren’t that great when she was around.
Mid-point: Andrea has done some digging and comes to the realization that Meagan conspired with the professor to send her back in time.
INT. – COFFEE SHOP – DAY
Andrea overhears Meagan tell her friend that she got rid of Andrea by conspiring with the professor.
INT. –SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea talks to the professor and threatens to tell everyone what he did if he doesn’t help her send Meagan back in time.
INT. – ANDREA’S HOME – NIGHT
Chloe confides in Andrea about her bully. Andrea gives her advice that’s not really helpful.
EXT. – BASEBALL FIELD – NIGHT
Andrea confronts Meagan in front of everyone about Meagan conspiring with the professor to get rid of her. Josh doesn’t believe Andrea and gets mad at her. Meagan pretends to be distressed and calls the police. They come and suggest that Andrea leave. Benjamin gets a chance to pitch but walks every hitter.
End of Act 2-Andrea tries to send Meagan back in time but fails.
INT. – SCIENCE LAB – NIGHT
Meagan shows up. The professor tries to get her close to the machine. It almost works, but Meagan figures out what he’s up to and steps away. Andrea watches all this from the door.
Crisis-Although Andrea succeeds in getting Josh to fall in love with her again, he confesses that he and the kids are happier with Meagan than they were with her and rejects her. Andrea gets offered the anchor position again and must decide between her career and her family.
INT. – NEWSROOM – DAY
Josh visits Andrea at work. They talk about getting back together. While he’s there Andrea finds out she’s been offered the anchor position again. She excitedly tells Josh. He’s not so excited. He tells her he’s going to go ahead with his marriage to Meagan.
Climax: Andrea plans to go to her daughter’s dance recital, but a fire starts at the science lab and her boss wants her to cover it. She goes to the science lab where the professor tells them that Meagan started the fire and confesses on camera that he conspired with her to send Meagan back in time. Andrea shows up to her daughter’s dance recital with the police who arrest Megan. Andrea signs off and says she’s going to watch her daughter’s dance recital. Her boss calls and fires her.
INT. – SCIENCE LAB – NIGHT
Meagan sets the science lab on fire to keep Andrea from going back to the present.
INT. – STUDIO – NIGHT
Andrea’s boss wants her to stay and cover the fire at the science lab. She says that she was planning on going to her daughter’s dance recital. Her boss tells her she has to stay or risk losing her job. Andrea leaves to go to the science lab.
INT. –AUDITORIUM – NIGHT
Andrea’s daughter proclaims that she’s giving up on her mother, that she must not love her. She gets bullied.
INT. – SCIENCE LAB – NIGHT
Andrea shows up just as the paramedics are wheeling the professor out with cameras rolling. The professor says that he saw Meagan just before the fire started and confesses that he conspired with her to send Andrea back in time.
INT. – AUDITORIUM
Andrea shows up with her cameras and the police. They arrest Meagan. Andrea announces that she is signing off to watch her daughter’s dance recital and goes to help Chloe stand up to her bully. Her boss calls immediately and fires her. She says that’s okay. Her family is more important. Suddenly…
INT. –SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea is back at the science lab. It’s the day she left. She looks like herself again. She announces to the camera that the professor conspired with Meagan to send her back in time. She also announces that she’s quitting her job to focus on her family.
Resolution: Meagan and the professor get arrested. Andrea is reunited with Josh and her kids.
INT- ANDREA’S HOME – NIGHT
Andrea, Josh and the kids watch the professor and Meagan get arrested on the news.
EXT. – BASEBALL FIELD – NIGHT
Andrea’s son is up to bat. He looks back at his mom, beaming. Andre and Josh kiss.
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[PS80] Emmanuel’s Pass #6: Subplots with Meaning
What I learned doing this assignment is subplots add more engagement with the lead and minor characters. However, subplots should be constructed carefully and not dilute the main plot/story and should not just be filler or solution to handle a problem in the story structure.
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Richard’s Pass #6: Subplots with Meaning
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is… again, this course is making me think about my script on a deeper level and while adding depths constantly, I am also improving scene after scene in my head. The first draft will be a lot stronger due to it.
1. Identify the subplots that have naturally emerged in your story and tell us the beginning, middle, and end of each, like I did above with the English Bob subplot.
Subplot #1 – Shane and Elena’s baby.
Beginning – A few subtle hints to her pregnancy.
Middle – She tells Shane
End – Does Shane make the ultimate sacrifice for his unborn child?
Subplot #2 – The English hampering their own colonial progression
Beginning – Disagreements
Middle – murder in the ranks
End – Retreat
Subplot #3 – What loyalty really means
Beginning – Leif and Pearse’s relationship
Middle – in progress
End – in progress
2. Pick one subplot (or more) you’d like to improve and answer the question, “How can I make this more meaningful or emotional for my lead character?”
Subplot #1 – Shane and Elena’s baby.
We soon learn that Elena is with child – but she will still fight the English against everyone’s wishes, putting not only herself at risk but that of her unborn child.
After our characters are trapped in the castle Shane learns about the pregnancy. As they are fighting to the last person standing the news complicates matters even more, with Shane prepared to do everything now for the safe escape of mother with child. What complicates matters is that Elena is convinced that Shane is the only man that can lead their country and change it for the better – and she is hellbent on making sure he is the last person standing.
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Jennifer’s Pass #6: Subplots with Meaning
WHAT I’VE LEARNED:
I already had a couple subplots informally laced into my outline, but this helped me formalize two of them more specifically so that I don’t forget key details. I also see the need for one additional subplot now that I have done this work to give the story an adult who does better (or tries to), but I will do this work later.
1.
SUBPLOT 1: Jessica (protag.) and her parents
Beginning: Jessica’s parents help her Monday morning quarterback a loss in an academic competition. We discover that Jessica’s father is teaching her how to be a success by the unethical political rules he embodies. This has led to him being successful at the local level. Jessica’s mother is a US senator — the first female senator from her state — and the more successful among the two parents. She finds trying too hard to be problematic and thinks success needs to come more naturally. Both parents are still full of “all” the answers.
Middle: When Jessica is not appearing to succeed in the scholarship competition, her parents give her notes that egg her into crossing over from being unsure of herself to a “winner.”
End: Her parents have backed off and are totally supportive as Jessica moves into the new winning phase of life reflecting their image, even when her “friends” die.
SUBPLOT 2: Amanda and Ethan’s friendship
Beginning: Initially Amanda and Ethan are rivals from different schools, but clearly they and Jessica are all top achievers and true peers for one another. They are not friends, but have a respect for each other’s intellect, if not kindness toward one another. They seem harsh and cold and calculating.
Middle: Amanda and Ethan start warming to one another as friends in part because they are horrified at how Jessica seems to be reacting to the pressure of the scholarship competition, which no one else sees. We see how below their high-performing surfaces, they are actually caring people.
End: Amanda and Ethan have become close enough that Amanda is shattered when he dies (by Jessica’s hands, secretly). We see Amanda want to protect Jessica from what A sees as J’s overly demanding parents, but Jessica has crossed over to the dark side and kills her too.
SUBPLOT 3: Ms. Collins
This one I haven’t figured out yet and will not incorporate in my outline until I have thought it through. But it’s on the to-do list.
2. Pick one subplot (or more) you’d like to improve and answer the question, “How can I make this more meaningful or emotional for my lead character?”
I have now figured out above how to make the parents of Jessica far more painfully unsupportive of her, which adds to Jessica’s urge to excel at all costs, and incorporated it in the outline below.
3. PLOT IN STRUCTURE:
OPENING:
Jessica loses to Amanda and Ethan in the last round of the Young Philosophers Think-off. Judges declare Amanda the winner, but Jessica and Ethan are neck and neck. Jessica is crushed and kicks herself for not going for it in the final round.
INT. SCHOOL GYM — DAY
Jessica, Amanda, and Ethan compete in the last round of the Young Philosophers Think-off. These aren’t your average high school students slinging around high-level philosophical concepts. Judges declare Amanda the winner, but Jessica and Ethan are neck and neck.
INT. JESSICA’S HOUSE — NIGHT
Jessica’s parents do a round of reverse engineering to determine why Jessica lost. We learn that Jessica’s parents are politicians (father is mayor or something like that, mother is a US senator), and her father wants to teach Jessica all the greasy ways he used to get ahead. Jessica’s mother isn’t impressed by that but still tells Jessica to focus on the goal, part of which is to go to Chapman U and create a “power base.” Jessica’s father confirms he and Jessica will go on a hike the next day. She balks, but he reminds her it was always her favorite, that it will be relaxing because she “knows it like the back of her hand.”
Later:
INT. JESSICA’S ROOM — NIGHT
Jessica kicks herself for hesitating in the final round. Why didn’t she just go for it? She’s stressed almost to the point of unhinged.
INCITING INCIDENT:
A prestigious new scholarship competition for one lucky junior is announced. Jessica processes her competition and realizes this is her chance to get ahead despite her complete disregard for other people’s feelings to date. She, Amanda, and Ethan are the clear frontrunners.
INT. SCHOOL CLASSROOM — DAY
Jessica and Amanda learn of the prestigious scholarship to Chapman U for one service-oriented junior before AP World History class. Jessica instantly starts jotting down thoughts on how to win and texts her father that they need to make a plan, but doubts herself when Amanda mentions she’s already fulfilled many of the scholarship’s public service requirements and Jessica has not, instead focusing on her tech skills (establishes tech expertise). How can Jessica look the part of the good citizen and stat? Her secret hatred of Amanda and Ethan becomes clear, knowing that the three of them are the clear frontrunners.
BY PAGE 10:
We know that Jessica is on a mission to win at the competition and life in general at all costs. (We just don’t know which costs that entails yet.) She has her father as an ally.
FIRST TURNING PT AT END OF ACT 1:
The first phase of the scholarship competition requires applicants to complete a service project. During Jessica’s project, she helps eliminate one of her competitors via a technicality (TBC) — just to make herself look better to the judges.
INT. SCHOOL CAFETERIA — DAY
Jessica does service project (chocolate truffle fundraiser for children’s charity). She literally forces a low-level (rankwise) scholarship competitor out of helping whom she’s there to help because it’s easier to pick on the “little guy” rather than a true peer. Amanda notices and defends the competitor’s actions, noticing that the competitor isn’t likely to outrank either of them in the scholarship competition. Jessica starts preparing for next “achievement” while still at event.
EXT. RACE EVENT SIGNUP TABLE — DAY
A couple days later Jessica sits at table signing people up for a charity race while sporting her own number for the race. Jessica walks up to get her number and casually notes that she, Amanda, Ethan, and 3-4 others are leading in the competition according to her inside source. She casually mentions oversleeping and hasn’t prepared for the race, which angers Jessica. Jessica walks away from the table to warm up for the race, and she seethes secretly to her father (mother is rarely there), who reminds her to save some of this anger to push through at the end of the race, harping on followthrough and showing outwardly that she’s calm and cool.
EXT. RACE FINISH LINE — DAY
Jessica sails past other runners (including a teacher who cheerfully says “It’s all for a good cause”) including a runner from another school — another scholarship competitor — who is hurt. Others stop to help the guy out while Jessica secretly mocks them for being weak in a voice mimicking her mother. In V.O. we hear Jessica share her desire to win and her anger at the current scholarship situation. Amanda has been running the race but gives up cheerfully and walks instead. Jessica can’t understand how she can be so blase about losing. Ethan comes from behind to beat Jessica while we hear her V.O. hesitance as she thinks through her anger toward her scholarship competitors, which slows her down because she’s lost in thought and holds back at the end. Ethan and Amanda discuss Jessica being on the verge of cracking from the pressure, bond over that and their own admissions of fear of failure.
EXT. RACE EVENT OFFICIALS’ STAND — DAY
Jessica secretly turns Amanda in on a strange technicality (either accidentally curses under her breath or wears ear buds and listens to music, which are against the rules), so she loses her standing in the race. She laughs it off, which angers Jessica as she attempts to convince Amanda how important this was for Amanda’s standing in the competition. Projection much?
INT. JESSICA’S BEDROOM — NIGHT
Jessica reads book on how to best others verbally. We see a stack of books like How to Win Friends and Influence People. V.O. Jessica shares that even though her parents have been grilling her like she’s in court for years, she’s decided to add to her rhetorical repertoire to include the subtle art of manipulation. Her mother thinks books like these mean she’s trying too hard, but Jessica doesn’t want to leave anything to chance. She knows she’s not likeable the way she is.
MIDPOINT:
Jessica, Amanda, and Ethan are on the short list for scholarship. Jessica shows she’s willing to do far more during another academic competition with Amanda and Ethan to prove her superiority but pulls back before crushing the competition. Amanda and Ethan are grudgingly starting to team up to help or fight her, whichever helps.
INT. SCHOOL ACTIVITY ROOM — EVENING
Amanda and Ethan discuss Jessica and themselves being 3 of the 6 semifinalists left in the competition while waiting for a history academic competition to start. They are concerned with Jessica’s behavior, decide to keep an eye on her. Jessica enters with stacks of notes and reviews her flashcards intensely. V.O. shares her insistence that she deserves this win.
Later:
Jessica competes with Amanda on her team (Ethan is there as moral support for Amanda; they are getting closer), and when the opponent reveals a tiny weakness, Jessica twists the knife in the guy’s insecurity using a tactic she just learned from her book. He manages to answer correctly, winning the competition, but only barely. Jessica is visibly frustrated it didn’t work, knowing how close she came to succeeding, tries to put on a stone face but doesn’t manage it.
INT. SCHOOL CLASSROOM — DAY
Amanda quietly checks on Jessica to ask if she’s OK after losing the night before. Jessica hisses a mean response, but softens in how she looks at Amanda. In V.O. Jessica shares that she can’t let herself get soft, practices the technique that didn’t work in the academic competition in the previous scene. (We need to see this play out in an upcoming scene TBC.)
SECOND TURNING PT AT END OF ACT 2:
After “helping” another competitor get disqualified for the scholarship, Jessica realizes that just beating or eliminating her opponents isn’t actually making her look good in the eyes of the scholarship committee. She has to try the principle of “Be magnanimous” that she learned from her book, needs to look convincingly kind outwardly and show good sportsmanship regardless of how she feels inside. If that doesn’t work, she will have to take drastic action and start eliminating the competition in a bigger way while looking far more decent than she technically is. Step 1: Engage Amanda and Ethan as friends in hopes it will reflect well on her. Right now Amanda and Ethan are still ahead as if the judges can smell that they’re better humans.
INT. SCHOOL GYM — NIGHT
Jessica runs important fundraiser at homecoming dance (she has forced her way into leadership as a junior) while two other scholarship competitors help out. She catches them doing something they’re not supposed to (TBC) and then …
INT. PUBLIC BATHROOM — NIGHT
Jessica calls and anonymously tips off someone (TBC) that the other competitors have done X bad thing. She smiles.
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY — DAY
Ms. Sarah Collins (teacher on scholarship committee) looks on with concern as Jessica subtly verbally abuses another classmate and greets Amanda cheerfully.
INT. JESSICA’S HOUSE — DAY
While Jessica’s mother drills her on facts for the next academic competition as Jessica stuffs items into bag for charity, Jessica interrupts to note that just eliminating competitors isn’t working and that she’s trying to show her commitment to service outwardly. Her mother encourages her to “think outside the box.” How can Jessica get ahead? A gleam in her eyes. Two words: oppo research.
INT. SCHOOL CLASSROOM — DAY
Jessica speaks conspiratorially with Amanda to befriend her. Caught up in the moment, Amanda accidentally reveals info that makes Jessica jealous (TBC).
EXT. SCHOOL PARKING LOT — NIGHT
Jessica works to befriend Ethan before a competition. He mentions a recent win that gives him more points toward the scholarship. He is in first, Amanda in second, and Jessica in third place for scholarship. Ethan notes he sees through Jessica while Amanda does not.
CRISIS:
Jessica has steadily been “helping” other competitors get disqualified in funny, torturous ways that she takes secret pride in. Now all other students besides Jessica, Amanda, and Ethan have been eliminated from the competition. As the final days of the competition near, Jessica is more committed to winning than ever but feels it’s her darkest day because she can’t measure up to Amanda or Ethan, who have bested her in a number of ways lately. Jessica contemplates throwing in the towel on life until her father walks in and gives her a creepy pep talk. Amanda or Ethan (or both? maybe they’ve teamed up?) have resisted her pleas for friendship, though she’s wearing them down. What can she do to push her application over the edge? She racks her brain and comes up with a way that she thinks she can disqualify Ethan, though she knows she might not have the nerve to follow through. But that will still leave Amanda.
INT. SCHOOL — DAY
Jessica submits another … (TBC) for scholarship, thinking it will get her ahead.
INT. SCHOOL LUNCHROOM — DAY
Jessica checks her phone and sees she’s still in third place. Her world is rocked.
INT. JESSICA’S BEDROOM — NIGHT
Jessica starts overachieving at trying to find a way to kill herself by overresearching different methods, getting overwhelmed, and resolving to do X (funny — possibly writing a program to help her make the decision of how to do it). Just as she gets started trying to follow through, her father walks in and gives her a creepy pep talk about going the extra mile and needing this win. You got this, champ. Jessica smiles weakly and puts away what she was about to do. Her mother interrupts to talk political strategy with her father and says to her, “You’ve got to put yourself in front, Jessica. No one will do it for you.”
CLIMAX:
Jessica is on a mission to win now at all costs. First task: eliminate Ethan, which is harder than anticipated. It works, but Amanda is still there and definitely a few points ahead of her. But Ethan is on to her now, and he realizes what Jessica is willing to do and tries to warn Amanda. Jessica catches on and finds a way to act — not hesitate — and truly eliminate Ethan forever, killing him before he can get to Amanda in a way she won’t get caught. She then has an argument with Amanda at a park. Amanda shoves Jessica, but Jessica dodges her such that Amanda loses her balance and slips off the side of the cliff. Jessica could help her in the moment but weighs her options – help Amanda and look like a good Samaritan, which would win her points in the competition? Or let Amanda fall. We then see Jessica walking away, a self-satisfied look on her face, as Amanda struggles and slips.
INT. SCHOOL LIBRARY — DAY
Jessica runs a protocol on the library computer that makes her work totally anonymous and shuts down the video camera. She then forges something implicating Ethan in a bad act TBC and forwards it to Ms. Collins.
INT. CLASSROOM — DAY
Ms. Collins speaks seriously to Amanda and Jessica about Ethan’s sudden elimination. Amanda is upset for Ethan and mentions Jessica’s parents putting pressure on her. Jessica is grateful but also too proud to admit it. V.O. Jessica lets us know she hadn’t counted on Amanda feeling worse because of Ethan’s elimination. Something to exploit?
EXT. SCHOOL GROUNDS — NIGHT
Jessica and Ethan help put things away after an academic competition and walk outside to the parking lot carrying a heavy item TBC. Ethan has acted normal until now, but turns on Jessica once no one is looking because he knows she must have been the one to get him in trouble. He still has an “in” to get into Harvard, he says, but he really wanted Chapman and may not even get in now, never mind losing the scholarship. He asks how she did it. Jessica makes sure no one is looking, gives a hint, and kills Ethan in a way that looks accidental even though she thought it through in advance. For a moment she is shocked she actually did it, then visibly relaxes, turns on fake tears, and runs inside screaming that she needs help.
INT. JESSICA’S KITCHEN — NIGHT
Jessica’s father asks how that night’s competition went while eating and reading a business magazine. She glibly says a contestant was killed. Her mother says, “Oh?” and gets back to eating her steak. Her father murmurs “Mmmm-hmmmm” and keeps reading. Jessica smiles.
INT. CLASSROOM — DAY
The next morning, Amanda is visibly shaken. Jessica leans over, buddy-buddy, and says it’s just the two of them now. Amanda tells Jessica she doesn’t have to be strong and if she ever needs to talk to someone, she’s there for Jessica. A moment of recognition in Jessica’s eyes.
EXT. SCHOOL EXIT — DAY
Jessica flags down Amanda and asks if Amanda has time to talk after Ethan’s funeral, that her parents don’t understand what it’s like to lose “a peer and a friend” like Ethan. Jessica tells her where to meet (making it look coincidental, but in V.O. Jessica shares how she makes this happen).
EXT. HIKING TRAIL WITH CLIFF — DAY
Jessica and Amanda walk the trail and talk about the funeral. Amanda first tries to talk kindly to Jessica, but Jessica keeps making digs to make Amanda self-conscious. They approach the top of the trail where there is a cliff. Jessica pretends to lose her balance. Amanda attempts to help Jessica, who dodges her such that Amanda loses her balance and slips off the side of the cliff, hanging on by a thread. Jessica could help but weighs her options – help Amanda and look like a good Samaritan, which would win her points in the competition? Or let Amanda fall. We then see Jessica walking away, a self-satisfied look on her face, as Amanda struggles and slips.
RESOLUTION:
Jessica attends both rivals’ funerals and says cryptic things revealing her role in their deaths that no one recognizes. Jessica wins the competition and rules the school. Jessica gives a speech talking about all the service and sacrifice it took to get where she is and how taking action is critical to success. “Always be the best, and forget about the rest.” We notice another younger student, a sophomore with a gleam in her eye, who’s been there all along looking on and wanting to follow in Jessica’s footsteps.
INT. JESSICA’S LIVING ROOM — NIGHT
Jessica puts on an act to convince the police that she is innocent of Amanda’s death. The detective asks if she thinks there is a connection between the two deaths. Jessica says they were all great friends and hints that Amanda took Ethan’s death hard. Jessica’s mother and father are the picture of concerned parents while police are there. Then her mother turns to Jessica and asks if this means she’s won the scholarship, a proud smile on her face.
INT. CEMETERY — DAY
Jessica attends Ethan’s funeral. She drops cryptic hints that she is responsible for his death, but everyone assumes she is being hyperbolic due to grief.
EXT. FUNERAL HOME — DAY
Jessica has taken over Amanda’s speech pattern (need to develop this in beginning) when speaking to classmates who ask how she’s holding up.
INT. SCHOOL AUDITORIUM — NIGHT
Ms. Collins announces the winner of the scholarship: Jessica. Much ado. Jessica gives a speech talking about all the service and sacrifice it took to get where she is and how taking action is critical to success. “Always be the best, and forget about the rest.” Someone asks Jessica what she hopes to do in the future. Her answer: Become the second female Senator from her state before heading to the White House. Her parents beam in the background. In the background is another younger student, a sophomore with a gleam in her eye, who has been there all along looking on, taking notes, and wants to follow in Jessica’s footsteps (or possibly will go after Jessica – TBC, and it might be several students, not just one, who do this).
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Jodi’s Pass #6: Subplots with Meaning – Day 12
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is by first simply writing the essence of beginning, middle and end, then expounding on that and fleshing it out can create an interesting subplot.
Subplot #1:
The dead girl’s Mother starts a group hunting the Bounty Hunters
B: Daughter dies in a hit and run accident
M: Getting no justice and no relief from her sorrow she takes action in a negative way.
E: She gets arrested for accomplice to murder but still vows to continue using the hunters until she get justice for her Daughter’s murder.
Subplot #2:
The Governor and his Daughter
B: The Daughter is in love with her boyfriend. Her parents tell her she is a whore and it is a sin to have premarital sex. They ignore the realities of how people live their own lives.
M: The Daughter digs in her heels, she and her parents become estranged
E: The Daughter ends up pregnant and the boyfriend has moved out of state for college. Heartbroken, the Daughter wants to get an abortion.
Subplot #3:
A young woman seeks an abortion
B: In the moment of passion, with absence of minds, leads a young woman into pregnancy
M: The guy takes not responsibility for the pregnancy, a baby is not in her plan either but she now has the burden
E: She and other young women are successful shaking off the Bounty Hunters and are able to get their abortions in another state.
I like them all. I need to ask the necessary questions for all the subplots. The Governor/Daughter scenario needs to be changed a bit. Pam is involved in the other two subplots to an extent.
Rewrite the beats of that subplot to add in the new emotion or meaning:
Subplot #1:
The dead girl’s Mother starts a group hunting the Bounty Hunters
B: Elizabeth’s Daughter dies in a hit and run accident
The indications are that the bounty hunters did it, it’s what Elizabeth has heard through the grapevine in her investigations. She also gets confirmation of this notion from other grieving Mothers who have gone through the same thing as she, when she attends her grief counseling meetings. .
Elizabeth is taking pills and drinking to numb the heartbreak
She is angry at the world as there has not been any justice for her Daughter, not by the backlogged police working with minimal funds from state budget cuts
Elizabeth is in the police department almost daily trying to get someone of power who’ll listen to her, that it is likely the bounty hunters that did this. She feels invisible and ignored, shut down.
Getting no justice and no relief from her sorrow Elizabeth takes action in a negative way.
M: Her boyfriend tells her to do something about it. So she starts a ‘Hunt the bounty hunters’ group.
She instantly gets many new members for her cause.
She unapologetically instructs members to stalk and attack any person who brings a civil lawsuit (for 10k) against a person involved in an abortion.
She helms the headquarters and dispatches her members throughout the state
E: Pam gets information that it is the dead girl’s Mother, Elizabeth that is running the operation, and Pam regretfully has to arrest her.
Being led out of her house in handcuffs Elizabeth screams that this will never end until we get the justice we deserve. She vows to continue using the hunters until she gets justice for her Daughter’s murder.
Subplot #2:
The Governor and his Daughter
B: The Governor’s wife Sheila is worried as Madison has not come home until early morning dawn each of the last three nights. Sheila wants Chad, the Governor, to speak to her and find out the problem. Chad blows his top when Madison naively tells them that she and her boyfriend are in love and no one can stop them from being together. He tells her she is a whore and it is a sin to have premarital sex. And she better not embarrass them publicly, or she can move out. The parents ignore the realities of how people live their own lives.
M: The Daughter digs in her heels, she and her parents become estranged and Madison moves out.
E: A few months later Madison ends up at their front door pregnant, the boyfriend has already moved on to another girl. Heartbroken, the Daughter wants to get an abortion.
She ends up going to the clinic where the first girl was stalked by the bounty hunters.
As she exits, she has a pamphlet in her hands.
Subplot #3:
A young woman seeks an abortion
B: In the throws of passion Maria has enough discipline to stop momentarily. She asks her sex mate to use a condom, he tells her to not worry, she won’t get pregnant, she hesitates. He swears to her that there is nothing to worry about because he draws blanks, she tells him that she is not on birth control and he reiterates that he is sterile. She is young and naive and conveniently believes him, as both their sexual emotions and desires have already kicked into overdrive.
M: Six weeks later Maria is concerned and calls her intimate partner and tells him that she hasn’t had her period yet. She is holding a pregnancy test box in her hands. She expresses that she needs to see a doctor (beat) “what? you don’t have any money to help?” “You were there in the room too, not just me, what’s your responsibility in this?” she pleads. “Hello? Hello?”
The guy takes no responsibility for the pregnancy, a baby is not in Maria’s plan either but she now has the burden, not him.
Maria hangs up scared and starts crying, rocking back and forth like a child would.
The Gynecologist gives her a pamphlet (the same one as in the opening scene), only now she adds a business card to it that says “Right to Choose” organization, with Pam’s name on it.
At home, the girl calls the number on the card “Hello, I’m pregnant, can you help me?”
She is assured that they’ll start the process but the clinics in the neighboring states are overwhelmed seeing hundreds of women from this state with the anti-abortion law. She can make an appointment for her but won’t be seen for three months.
E: Pam’s volunteer assistant makes arrangements for Maria to get a ride to the neighboring state to get her abortion. She tells her how Pam and her organization helped her the same way, and now she wants to help back by volunteering.
Pam introduces Maria to the driver at the pick up location, there are three other women in the car going for the same purpose.
They are chased about fifty miles before the bounty hunter turns back.
She and the other young women are successful shaking off the bounty hunters and are able to get their abortions in the neighboring state.
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ScreenwritingU, Sat., Dec. 4, 2021
[ProSeries #80] Suya Lee’s Pass #6: Subplots with Meaning
Outlining & Your Character Structure Day 12
Day 12: Subplots That Have Meaning!
“What I learned doing this assignment is…?”
Subplots are needed to give more depth to your story – deepen and improve your story with more meaning and emotion. I hadn’t thought of some of the storylines below. Like the drugs – how could I connect that with the Veterans somehow. Like the Pirate and his son – how could I connect that with the Veterans when the adult children are in their 40s – 50s. Brainstorming, I came up with a teenage grandchild to guide/save. I have added the first 3 subplots to my extended outline in Final Draft. I am now adding everything to that outline which will eventually become my screenplay, albeit a first draft.
Concept: When a group of old timers at a veteran’s retirement home win the mega lottery, they buy an old cruise ship to sail around the world with their extended families, but pirates attack their ship in South-East Asia and the veterans must face the last battle of their lives to save their families.
Protagonist Goal: The 4 old time veterans must save their families.
Protagonist Character Arc: The 4 old time veterans find the courage they lost. They all fought in losing wars, and now can win this time.
Main Conflict: The Pirates from South-East Asian attack their cruise ship.
Subplots and “How can I make this more meaningful or emotional for my lead character?”:
One subplot: A parallel father/grandfather and son/grandson story – One Pirate leader wants his teenage son to go to Australia and stay there, not to become a Pirate like himself. One Veteran wants her/his grandson/daughter (who joined cadets) to travel and explore the world and find his/her passion, not to become a military man like her/himself or a janitor like the father or a cashier like the mother. Each pushes the teenager out of their comfort zone. Unsure, if I should save this teenage Pirate at the end. The only surviving Pirate. He would have to do something to warrant the Veterans allowing him onto the tender boat at the end. He could tell the Veterans where the grandchildren are down below.
Another subplot: One of the Veterans used to be a drug addict (tosses his/her bongs into the trash when they leave the Veterans’ retirement home and to go cruising around the world). On the cruise ship, sees Pirates carrying the drugs to the elevator. As the Pirates and Veterans fight in the luggage holding area, the Veteran hides a bag between some crates/suitcases. Some of the Pirates sneak a snort while they are fighting (hence, they don’t pay as much attention when the Veterans fight back). Most of the Pirates are drug addicts. When the cruise ship sinks, the Veteran lets go of the bag of drugs.
Another subplot: The Veterans and the Refugee bond, help each other when the fighting starts. Both sets of people want to survive. Both the Veterans and the Refugees are unwanted people, seeking a better life somewhere else. The Veterans’ grandchildren and the Refugee children bond and save each other during the first fight in the dining room. This helps the Veterans’ grandchildren become proactive when they are held hostage by a Pirate in the crew bunk bed room. The grandchildren overwhelm that one Pirate guarding them in the crew bunk bedroom down below.
Another subplot: Still unsure, but thinking about – two of the Veterans start to fall in love. One of those 2 Veterans die?
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