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Post Day 13 Assignment Here
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A sustained action/reaction is my weak point because I personally run from these confrontations in real life though I teach kickboxing. I must do it in every scene because as a former actress, I know the director always says, “What is your objective and who or what is stopping it?” After imagining fights throughout my story, I abbreviated the basic outline with a one-two punch and a few hooks and upper cuts, focusing only on BB/Betty but I will keep the sub-plot stories and the visual symbol setups and payoffs for the long slugline outline.
Concept: Confronted with the obstacles of adoption, psychopathic genes, bad luck, and characters smart enough to uncover his crimes, Bobby/Leo/BB/Betty, a serial killer/rapist/arsonist, transitions into a hit man and then a female chef who sacrifices her life to save others.
Lead Characters: Bobby/Leo/BB/Betty, Ibrahim, Jake and Litonya, and rocks
Theme: Fate versus WillPlot/Structure: Transformation. Horror or Drama with Fantasy, Fun, Fitness, and Fear
1. Set-Up. BB poses as a helpful, clean guy during the COVID pandemic, secretly squirting sanitizers filled with condensed COVID and lighting up outdoor restaurants near rent-stabilized tenements, hiding his crimes as he helps kids construct eco boats and IBRAHIM, LITONYA, and RODNEY take care of their lives, businesses, and loved ones.
2. Inciting Incident: DREAM to NIGHTMARE of his Bobby/Leo/BB’s past as a serial killer rapist as he sleeps peacefully on a docked boat in 2020 on Huguenot Street beside the place where he secretly squirted COVID sanitizer. Will BB’s past and present crimes be discovered?
3. The main conflict is between BB/Betty, himself, herself, genes, fate, climate disasters, and the good guys Jake, Litonya, and the kids, and a powerful good guy turned bad, Ibrahim al Harbi.
4. First Turning Point: BB becomes Betty after setting the fire that killed Joe, his/her adopted son and his wife CS, convincing Muslim Ibrahim to pay for this expensive sex change since he was the one who ordered the fire to kill CS who knew too much.
5. Mid-Point: Betty convinces Ibrahim to give her the Bright Space Brain Buffet to improve their aging brains and avoid the neurodegenerative diseases that are plaguing the La Roche family and others.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2: Betty is attacked by a gang from East Harlem, similar to the (FLASHBACK) gang that beat him up as a teenager where he lost his right eye as Bobby. She hobbles to the boat where DELPHINE, Ibrahim’s and Jake’s daughter is fishing with other kids. The gangsters try to attack her, but she defends herself and Betty. As Betty is dozing off with pain killers, she has FLASHBACKS of her secret career as a serial kller/rapist/arsonist for fifteen years in the Shawangunk Mountains. Jake is so depressed about having to let his mom die of Alzheimer’s and the knowledge he may be getting Lewy Body dementia that he becomes a detective with the help of his kids to uncover the crime history of Bobby, Leo, BB, and now Betty.
7. Crisis: BB has a fight with Litonya and Jake about STEMGARCHS versus the EvergreenEnergy Compnay. If Betty doesn’t give Jake and Litonya the Bright Space Brain Buffet, they will reveal his criminal past as a serial killer/rapist/arsonist. How can she kill Ibrahim? Where are the best drugs?
8. Climax: Betty cooks a poisoned dinner that she and Ibrahim eat. Ibrahim fakes death and struggles physically with Betty but is saved by Jake who finishes him off with a sharp basalt rock he keeps in his pocket.
9. Resolution: Betty gives the drugs to Litonya and Jake, helping save their lives, but as she is dying, they put her on a boat near Inwood saltmarshes so she can rock herself to death as the rocks slide into the Hudson and humanity now has another arsenal of cures for neurodegenerative diseases and another fleet of ecoboats like Noah’s arcs for floods and other climate catastrophes.
P.S. This isn’t enough. I will need to manufacture conflict at every level in every scene.
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My bad: I am so obsessed with action/reaction I posted a new version of it in this forum instead of the SP chains.
I lack visual/spatial talents so I am deliberately finding visual symbols for SP chains connected to the setups and payoffs.
SP CHAIN 1: Igneous rocks: Basalt chips from the Palisades can be used as weapons.
Setup: Jake puts a sharp piece of the brownish rock in his pockets as a souvenir when he jogs across the GW bridge to the Palisades and back with a client.
Payoff 1: Litonya collects these rocks as a geologist.
Payoff 2: Jake pulls out the rock as he struggles with Ibrahim during the climax, using it to cut his throat.Payoff 3: When the Palisades rocks slide because of an earthquake in 2060, Jake and Litonya fall to their natural deaths, absorbed by the earth.
SP CHAIN 2: Trees can kill or be killed.
Setup: Flashback to the tree during Sandy Storm that killed Litonya’s father causing her to drown him in Turtle Pond and serve 7 years in prison.
Payoff 1: Jake picks apples and peaches from trees to bake pies for his mom when she gets COVID, a new domestic direction for him.
Payoff 2: A violent t-storm decapitates a thick green tree in Jake’s backyard, foreshadowing the mind body split of his mother’s Alzheimer’s but the tree survives and is lovely.
Payoff 3: After the solar house is burnt, a surviving chestnut tree is the memorial for Joe the firefighter. Every Thanksgiving they make roasted chestnuts, Nutella, and pie from this fruit.
Payoff 4: The kids plant a lilac tree at Jake’s and Litonya’s grave.SP CHAIN 3: There are many ways of sitting.
Amoeba like sandbags in Jake’s turquoise church
Park benches Homeless bend in two to sleep on park benches
Rocking chairs Jake rocks his dad to death from ALS
Toilets Lana dies of COVID and is found rigor mortis on the toilet
Ibrahim wrestles with Jake and falls to his death on the sofaSP CHAIN 4: Beds tell other stories.
The first novel ends with a sleep medley moving through all the bedrooms on Huguenot St.
Setup for third novel: Jake’s bed turned into an EE core and meditate bench
Mom’s COVID bed
The Feldmans code on their waterbedBB and Julie never sleep in a real bed, only the boat, a floor, a bench etc. except in the hospital
Jake must refrain from giving his mom CPR on her four poster because of her Living Will.
This is a good exercise for my novel that should have at least twenty SP chains of visual symbols or stimuli connected to action and activity so I can describe better.
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Rob Bertrand Pass 7: Setup/Payoff Chains
What I learned: I learned how to make non-linear decisions and developed a series of Set ups and Payoffs that helped to improve the overall story.
1. List ALL of the setup/payoff chains (SP Chains) from your story:
SP Chain 1:
Setup: Annie feels tremendous guilt for the death of her mother.
Payoff 1: Annie overhears her father say, “If hadn’t let Annie drive, Nora would still be alive.”
Payoff 2: Annie asks her dad when she can get her license. Frank doesn’t think she’s ready.
Payoff 3: Annie and Jack argue about grief and blame.
Payoff 4: Jack admits that Nora’s death was his fault, not Annie’s
Payoff 5: Jack surprises Annie with keys to her first car.SP CHAIN 2:
Setup: Danny wants to know everything about Annie’s mom.
Payoff 1: Danny says, “A mother is the soul of a home.”
Payoff 2: Danny assumes the identity of Annie’s mom.SP CHAIN 3:
Setup: Annie finds a dirty cereal bowl on the kitchen table and blames it on her sister.
Payoff 1: Jack blames Annie for missing beer and food.
Payoff 2: Police find food and beer bottles in the crawl space where Danny was hiding.SP Chain 4:
Setup: Annie has feelings for Jocelyn and doesn’t want to date Danny.
Payoff 1: Annie bails on Danny and leaves him at the fair.
Payoff 2: Annie and Jocelyn develop feelings for each other.
Payoff 3: Jocelyn gets back together with her boyfriend after being attacked at Annie’s.SP Chain 5:
Setup: Annie becomes convinced the house is haunted by her mother.
Payoff 1: Annie and Jessica hear footsteps and voices.
Payoff 2: At the séance, the spirit of Nora blames Annie for her death.
Payoff 3: Annie learns that Danny has been hiding in the walls, pretending to be her mom.SP Chain 6:
Setup: Danny tells Jack that Annie was right, it should’ve been him that died.
Payoff 1: Jack sees a ghostly woman in white and thinks it’s his dead wife.
Payoff 2: Danny, wearing Nora’s wedding dress, abducts Jack.
Payoff 3: Danny gives Annie the choice to have her father swap places with her dead mom.2. Select a setup/payoff chain you want to make stronger:
I’ve chosen to focus on SP Chain 6.
How can you make the setup more interesting or effective?
It would be interesting for Danny to develop an amplified hatred of Jack, based on Annie’s comments at the fair. Annie would admit that she often thinks the wrong parent died. This would give Danny motivation to want to kill Jack in the climax and replace him, dressed as Annie’s mom.
How can you make the payoffs more emotional or meaningful?
It will be more emotional with Annie struggling with the thought that the wrong parent died. It will be more emotional for Annie, when Danny gives her the “choice” of killing her father and bringing her mother back from the dead.
3. Tell us what difference this has made for your outline.
I feel this new focus has really helped to up the emotional rollercoaster that Annie and Jack are riding, together.
Current Outline: 10/12/21
Opening: Annie Andrews drives her drunk parents’ home from a wedding and is involved in a serious accident. Nora Andrews (mom) dies on the scene. At the funeral reception, Annie is embarrassed by her father’s intolerant comments about gay people. She’s struggling with her own sexuality.
EXT. WEDDING VENUE – DUSK
Jack and Nora Andrews attend a wedding with their daughters Annie, 16 and Jessica, 12. Mom and Dad have a little too much to drink. Annie is handed the keys.
INT. ANDREWS CAR – NIGHT
The family is broadsided by another vehicle. Nora dies on the scene.
INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY
At the funeral reception, Annie is angered by her drunk father, when she overhears him tell someone that if he hadn’t let Annie drive, that Nora would still be alive. We are introduced to the friendly elderly neighbors.
Inciting Incident: It’s the day of Annie’s big date, but she doesn’t want to go.
INT. ANNIE’S ROOM – DAY
Jocelyn does Annie’s makeup and gives her a pep talk for her date with Danny. Jocelyn confesses that she broke up with her boyfriend and is a bit jealous of Annie’s date. We learn that Danny and Annie have been talking online for a few weeks. Annie sends her sister Jessica to wake up their dad, Jack, for work.
INT. FATHER’S ROOM – DAY
Jessica enters to wake her father for work and discovers he fell asleep clutching mom’s wedding dress while watching his wedding video. Empty liquor bottles litter the floor.
INT. ANNIE’S ROOM – DAY
Jack pokes his head in to say goodbye before leaving for work. He won’t be home till 5 a.m. He remembers that Annie has that “thing.” He think’s getting out of the house and socializing is a good thing. Annie asks when she can get her driver’s license. Jack doesn’t think she’s ready. The conversation ends with an argument. Jack is saved by the doorbell.
INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY
Annie answers the door and is thrown off. Danny looks nothing like how he described himself. Instead of blonde and athletic, he has greasy black hair and is super skinny. He’s sloppily dressed in dirty clothes. Jocelyn and Jessica decide to follow them from a distance.
EXT. COUNTY FAIR – DAY
The date with Danny is awkward and uncomfortable. Danny wants to know everything about Annie’s dead mother. Danny thinks a mother is the soul of the home. Repulsed, Annie rejects Danny, who doesn’t take it well.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Jessica wants to watch a scary movie and begs until Annie says yes. The phone rings off the hook, but Annie doesn’t answer. She knows it’s Danny. Out of frustration, Jessica answers and hands to the phone to Annie. Annie politely tells Danny that she doesn’t want to be friends.
INT. JESSICA’S ROOM – NIGHT
Annie tucks Jessica into bed.
INT. ANNIE’S ROOM – NIGHT
Annie enters her room and finds her window open. She doesn’t remember opening it. Jessica screams from her bedroom.
INT. JESSICA’S ROOM – NIGHT
Annie rushes in. Jessica tells her there’s a monster in the closet. Annie blames it on the scary movie. She checks the closet, but nothings there.
By Page 10, you know what the movie is about: Annie tells her father that she’s think’s Danny is creepy and doesn’t want anything to do with him. Jessica tells her father that the house is haunted.
INT. KITCHEN – MORNING
Jack stumbles in from work, as Jessica and Annie eat cereal. Frank asks how the date went. Annie tells him about Danny. Jessica thinks the house is haunted. Frank tells them to clean their dishes before they leave for school and no more scary movies.
First Turning Point, End of Act 1: Jack tells Danny to stay away.
INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY
Jack answers the front door and finds Danny on the porch. Jack tells Danny to stay away from his daughter. Danny tells Jack that Annie was right, it should have been him that died.
EXT. ANDREWS HOUSE – DAY
Annie and Jessica arrive home from school. Jack left a note, he picked up a shift and won’t be home till late. Money for a pizza on the fridge.
INT. KITCHEN – DAY
Annie finds a bowl of half-eaten cereal on the counter and gets on Jessica’s case for not cleaning up after herself. Annie doesn’t want to be Jessica’s mom. Jessica swears she put the bowl away. There’s no money on the fridge.
INT. ANNIE’S ROOM – DAY
Annie finds her bedroom window open again.
Mid-Point: After several occurrences of phantom voices, furniture moving around and unexplained footsteps, Annie and Jessica become convinced the house is haunted by their mother. Annie performs a séance with her little sister and Jocelyn, in hopes of finding closure with their dead mother. The girls are busted by Jack, who’s drunk and upset over what he considers witchcraft.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
As Jessica and Annie eat ramen, they hear the sound of heavy furniture moving from above their heads. Annie sets down the TV remote and the girls cautiously head upstairs to investigate.
INT. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY – NIGHT
Annie peeks into each room, flipping on lights as they go. Jessica’s imagination runs wild. From downstairs, the TV volume goes full blast. The girl’s scream.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Annie and Jessica run down stairs. The remote is missing. They search frantically for it, but it’s nowhere to be found. Annie finds the volume button on the TV and turns it down. The remote control flies out of the kitchen and explodes against the wall. Annie smells her mother’s perfume.
INT. LIVING ROOM – MORNING
Jack gets home from work and is pounced on by his daughters. They talk over each other, explaining the creepy phenomenon. Jack thinks they’re pulling pranks. Jack doesn’t want them watching scary movies anymore.
EXT. HIGH SCHOOL – DAY
Annie, Jessica and Jocelyn walk home from school. Jessica tells Jocelyn about the creepy things happening around their house. Jocelyn asks if it could be their mom. Jessica freaks out. Annie tells her to shut up. Jocelyn wants to do a séance.
INT. BASEMENT – ANDREW’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Annie, Jessica, Jocelyn and their flamboyant friend Robert, sit around a makeshift altar. Robert leads them in a self-taught séance. There’s a hint of flirtation between Annie and Jocelyn. Robert begins receiving answers to his questions in the form of knocks. The spirit knocks confirm that it’s the ghost of Nora Andrews. When asked if the spirit blames Annie for the death of Nora the spirit replies yes. They are interrupted by Jack, who’s a bit drunk. He’s furious at them for playing around with devil worship. Annie and Jack have an emotional fight. Jack accuses her friends of drinking all his beer. Annie admits she thinks the wrong parent died.
INT. ANNIE’S ROOM – NIGHT
Jocelyn consoles Annie, who’s upset that her mom blames her for her death and that her father hates her.
INT. ANNIE’S ROOM – MORNING
Annie and Jocelyn share the bed. Annie watches Jocelyn sleep. Jocelyn wakes and they share their first kiss. They are interrupted by pounding on the wall. Jocelyn has to leave. From the hallway, the sound of Jocelyn falling down the stairs. Annie rushes to see what happened.
INT. LIVING ROOM – MORNING
Annie finds Jocelyn in a heap at the bottom of the stairs. Her arms are broken.
EXT. ANDREW’S HOUSE – MORNING
Paramedics load Jocelyn into the back of an ambulance, as she mutters about being pushed from behind. Annie has an argument with her father.
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY
Jocelyn’s parents argue with Jack in the hallway, as Annie steps inside the room. Jocelyn doesn’t remember what happened. She only remembers the feeling of being pushed.
INT. JACK’S TRUCK – DAY
It’s a tense ride home. Annie texts Jocelyn, but it goes unread.
Second Turning Point, End of Act 2: The paranormal activity increases when Annie and Jessica discover a threatening bloody message on the wall. After the police investigate and discover it was written in Ketchup, Annie is accused of faking it.
INT. ANNIE’S ROOM – EVENING
Jack pokes his head in to say goodbye. Annie doesn’t speak to him. She watches out the window as Jack backs out of the driveway. She’s startled by knocks on her wall and screams at them to go away. The knocking intensifies, then stops. Jessica runs in, scared by the noise.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Annie, armed with a kitchen knife and Jessica, armed with her father’s baseball bat, sit together on the couch. A mindless reality show plays, but no one is paying attention. They’re senses alert for trouble. Suddenly, noises from the basement.
INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT
Annie and Jessica, investigate the basement and discover a message written in blood. “I’m in your bedroom. Come find me.” Suddenly the freezer moves towards them.
EXT. ANDREW’S HOME – NIGHT
The sisters flee the house and head to the elderly neighbors.
INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT
Police search the house, but there’s no sign of anyone. A cop tells Jack that the message was written in ketchup and that the girls must be acting out for attention. Jack is furious.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Jack and Annie have a brutal argument that ends with Annie wishing her father was dead.
Crisis: After a period of calm, Annie discovers another bloody message and is attacked by an unseen presence. Annie and her sister run to the neighbors. Annie’s father investigates the house, but disappears after seeing the “Woman in White.”
INT. ANNIE’S ROOM – VARIOUS
Montage – Annie secludes herself in her room as the season changes outside the window.
EXT. HIGH SCHOOL – DAY
Annie sits outside with Robert, eating lunch. She waves at Jocelyn, but it’s not reciprocated. Robert asks about the house and Annie reveals that it’s been quiet lately.
INT. ANNIE’S ROOM – NIGHT
Annie video chats with Jocelyn. Jocelyn explains that she can’t see Annie anymore because she’s getting back together with her boyfriend. It’s what her parents want. Annie has an emotional breakdown.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Jessica watches TV on the couch. She’s startled by loud scream from inside the wall.
INT. ANNIE’S ROOM
Jessica bursts in, scaring Annie and Jocelyn half to death. Jocelyn has to go. A voice screams Annie’s name from downstairs. Annie, arms herself with a knife she hid on her desk.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Annie and Jessica ease their way down the stairs, searching for the signs of trouble. They search the living, but nothing is there. Suddenly, a crash from Annie’s room.
INT. ANNIE’S ROOM – NIGHT
The room looks like a tornado hit it. The bed and furniture have been toppled. Clothes and knickknacks have been thrown everywhere. On the wall is written: “Be with me…” One by one, pictures frames hung on the wall fly off the shelf, nail and all.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Annie and Jessica run down the stairs, as pictures fly off the living room wall. A cross slowly spins upside down. Annie pulls Jessica out the door.
EXT. ANDREW’S HOUSE – NIGHT
The sister’s run to the safety of the neighbors.
Climax: Annie discovers Danny, wearing a blonde wig and wearing her mother’s wedding dress, holding an axe to her dad’s throat. Danny has been living in the walls, faking the paranormal activity. He’s become obsessed with Annie and wants Annie to choose between him and her father. Annie overcomes her fear, tricks Danny and rescues her father. Police later find Danny hiding in a secret crawlspace. He’s been hiding there for months.
EXT. ANDREW’S HOUSE – LATER
Jack’s truck skids to a stop in front of the house. The elderly Neighbor greets him in the drive way. The neighbor says he looked around, but everything seemed normal. He didn’t call the cops.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Jack enters the house, only to discover the house is completely wrecked. Every light has been shattered. He’s drawn to the sound of static coming from upstairs.
INT. JACK’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Jack opens the door slowly to reveal a message on the wall that reads: “Marry me!” He’s knocked out from behind.
EXT. ANDREW’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Annie grows impatient. She heads inside her house to find her father.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Annie enters slowly, sizing up the mess. There’s no sign of her father. From upstairs, the sound of wedding music.
INT. JACK’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Annie finds her father, tied to a chair. Blood pouring from an open wound on his head. A shape stands behind Jack. It’s revealed to be Danny LaPlante, wearing her mother’s wedding dress and a dirty blonde wig. He’s holding an axe to Jack’s throat. Danny speaks as if he is Annie’s mother. Annie tries to plead with Danny. Danny is giving Annie what she wants. If she kills her father, she can have her mother back. Jack admits that Nora’s death was his fault, not Annie’s. Annie tricks Danny and saves her father.
EXT. ANDREW’S HOUSE – NIGHT
As the Andrew’s escape the house, Danny watches from the upstairs bedroom window.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Police use a dog to search the house. The dog catches a scent and barks at the basement door.
INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT
The search dog barks at the freezer in the corner. Police move the freezer and discover a large hole in the wall. A cop shines a flashlight into the hole and illuminates the face of Danny. He’s completely insane and has been living in the walls for months.
EXT. ANDREW’S HOME – NIGHT
Danny is placed in the back of a squad car as the Andrews family learns the reality of what he’s been doing.
Resolution: Annie finds the courage to come out to her father, who’s surprisingly supportive. Annie’s father quits drinking and the family moves away.
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY
Jack rests in a hospital bed, with bandages on his head. Annie opens up to him and finally comes out to him. Jack is loving and supportive.
EXT. LOCAL CEMETERY – DAY
Annie sets a bouquet of flowers down on Nora’s grave. She’s joined by her father and sister. They embrace, with tears in their eyes.
EXT. ANDREW’S HOME – DAY
A few weeks later, the Andrews watch as movers load a moving truck. The family gives the house one last look before saying goodbye. When it’s time to go, Jack tosses Annie the keys to her first car. She hesitates, then overcomes her fear.
THE END
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Armand’s Pass 7: Setup/Payoff Chains
SP CHAIN: Tyler has always been a coward. Can he change?
Setup: At the manor, Tyler’s half-brother mocks Tyler for getting kicked out of school. Tyler’s father calls Tyler to let him know he found out he got kicked out of school.
Payoff: After the massacre, ghost Tyler sees his father ordering his staff to shut down the manor. Tyler wishes he could contact him but doesn’t.
Payoff: 20 years later: Tyler finds out his father is dead, and regrets not being honest with him.
Payoff: Tyler finds an old painting of his late father. The ghost of his dad manifests and Tyler admits his mistakes. Ghost Dad moves on.
SP CHAIN: The caretaker is believed to be the killer who got away.
Setup: Tyler humiliates the manor’s ominous-looking caretaker in front of his friends.
Payoff 1: Lex, a true crime fanatic, points out that the caretaker is believed to be the serial killer who was never caught.
Payoff: Lex explains how the disgruntled caretaker killed the kids and ran away with some of Tyler’s father’s money. Going off the grid to avoid being caught.
Payoff: Maddie reveals the caretaker is alive and has been been sending her messages all these years, before she went off-the-grid.
Payoff: Dallas and Lex find a box with photos of Maddie.
Payoff: Tyler’s half-brother confesses he killed the caretaker first during the original massacre and got rid of his body as a plan to frame the disgruntled worker as the killer who finally snapped at Tyler and friends.
SP CHAIN: It’s the 20th anniversary of the original massacre.
Setup: The college kids stop by a general store, on their way to the manor, and are told by a shaggy MYSTERIOUS ATTENDANT about the urban legend: that the killer who was never caught and still roams the woods surrounding the manor. Waiting to strike back. The college kids are the first people going into the
Payoff: the Mysterious General Store Attendant shows up to fight the killer. And reveals to be Maddie in disguise, off the grid for the last few years.
Payoff: The sale of the manor triggered Maddie’s belief that the killer would come back.
Payoff: The killer, Tyler’s half-brother, has been obsessed with Maddie all these years.
SP CHAIN: Dallas wishes Lex was dead/was never born.
Setup: Dallas fights with Lex, wishing she was dead/never born.
Payoff: Lex saves Dallas.
Payoff: Lex is killed. Dallas feels guilty.
Payoff: Dallas becomes a final girl and is ready to fight the killer to avenge Lex.
SP CHAIN: We learn what Tyler can do as a ghost (supernatural abilities: being invisible, levitating/flying poorly, can touch or move some material things, possessing people’s body like the movie Ghost), but we also learn that he is not very good at it.
Setup: Tyler levitates slightly above the floor around the manor.
Payoff: Tyler levitates over the woods with one of the college kids.
Setup: Tyler discovers he can touch some material things with lots of effort and concentration required.
Payoff: Tyler is able to throw things at the Living several times.
Outline
OPENING
EXT. MANOR – SUNSET
Aerial view of the impressive manor in the middle of the forest.
INT. MANOR – CONT.
Tyler, a privileged and arrogant college kid, has invited a group of friends including his girlfriend Maddie to party at his family’s remote summer manor.
Tyler is getting drunk and avoiding telling his intimidating father (and everyone else in his life) that he got kicked out of school.
Tyler argues with his stuck-up half-brother Charles.
Charles knows Tyler’ secret, wonders when Tyler will tell Father what happened at school. Charles tells Ryan that he lacks the courage to own up to the consequences of his actions.
Charles leaves the manor. Tyler is upset, but deep down he knows is the truth.
The odd-looking manor caretaker Ivan tells Tyler his father is on the phone. Tyler sees Charles driving away as he speaks with their father.
Tyler has an opportunity to be honest with his father but he doesn’t…
EXT. MANOR – NIGHT
The college kids arrive.
Tyler shows his arrogance by bossing around the mysterious and frightening Ivan in front of his friends, humiliating the man.
INT. MANOR – NIGHT
In slasher-film style: A masked serial killer murders all of Tyler’s friends one by one.
Tyler hides as his friends are murdered, making it second-to-last (with Maddie).
2. THE INCITING INCIDENT
INT. MANOR – NIGHT
Tyler, totally afraid, is killed (while trying to ditch Maddie and save himself) AND Maddie runs away from the serial killer.
Before we know what happens next: Tyler’s soul becomes “cursed” and he turns into a ghost. The manor’s warm, wood cinematography becomes grey and ominous.
3. BY PAGE 10, WE KNOW WHAT THE MOVIE IS ABOUT
INT. MANOR – NIGHT
We learn what Tyler can do as a ghost (supernatural abilities: being invisible, levitating/flying poorly, can touch or move some material things, possessing people’s body like the movie Ghost), but we also learn that he is not very good at it.
After the massacre, ghost Tyler sees his father ordering to shut down the manor. Tyler wishes he could contact him but he can’t.
Tyler regrets being a coward and not saving Maddie and his friends. But he refuses to visit the parts of the manor where his friends were killed, including the place where he was murdered.
EXT. ROAD – DAY
A VAN drives through the woods.
INT. CAR – DAY
A new crop of college kids show up to party for the weekend. We meet Dallas and Lex, paternal half-sisters who don’t get along.
Plus: Socialite Girl 1 & 2, Jock, Stoner Kid & Gaymer Kid.
EXT. GENERAL STORE – DAY
The college kids make a stop for booze and snacks.
INT. GENERAL STORE – CONT.
We learn the manor was abandoned for 20 years, sold recently to a wealthy tech guru (Dallas and Lex’s dad). Lex, a true crime fanatic, points out that the caretaker is believed to be the serial killer who was never caught.
Dallas is a gullible college girl pushed by her college friends to host a weekend party at her father’s manor.
Lex is a goth 16 y.o. who is secretly tagging along to investigate Tyler’s murder because she’s into true crime and haunted places. Lex inherited her father’s tech genius. Lex explains how the disgruntled caretaker killed the kids and ran away with some of Tyler’s father’s money. Going off the grid to avoid being caught.
The college kids are warned by a shaggy MYSTERIOUS STORE ATTENDANT about the urban legend: that the Caretaker of the manor is believed to be the killer who was never caught and still roams the woods waiting to strike back. The college kids are the first people going into the manor since it was sold recently.
EXT. MANOR – DAY
Like an ominous ghost, Tyler stares out of the window as the college kids enter.
INT. MANOR – DAY
Tyler deals with the arrival of the whole group by trying to spook them away, unaware that the same killer has entered the manor.
The college kids are too self-absorbed to notice Tyler’s attempts at haunting them, but Lex notices something paranormal is going on.
EXT. MANOR – NIGHT
It’s night time and the party is getting started. Dallas is irritated by the presence of Lex.
INT. MANOR – NIGHT
A stoner kid separates from the group and is murdered by the masked killer inside one of the rooms of the manor that Tyler refuses to walk inside.
4. ACT ONE
INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT
Tyler runs into the killer as the killer leaves the crime scene. Tyler freezes in panic.
The killer walks through Tyler’s ghostly body and after that, the killer stops and seems to notice he’s not alone (although the killer can’t see Tyler).
Tyler fears the killer will somehow get him… But the killer leaves quietly.
INT. ROOM – NIGHT
Tyler is afraid to enter, but once inside: Tyler finds the stoner’s dead body. Tyler takes comfort in knowing the killer can’t hurt a ghost.
The ghost of the stoner kid appears in front of Tyler. Tyler has never seen another ghost or talked to anyone since he became a ghost.
The stoner kid ghost has the ability to know Tyler’s life and how coward he was during the massacre.
Tyler feels guilty about Maddie and the other innocents killed, but he tries to hide/avoid confronting it and says he can’t help the new college kids.
The stoner’s ghost “moves on” to rest in peace in front of Tyler’s eyes.
INT. MANOR – NIGHT
Tyler now attempts communicating with the drunk college students to WARN THEM but fails.
He tries to scare them to leave, but FAILS.
The college kids separate in small group as the party continues.
Lex interprets Tyler’s increasing communication attempts as paranormal activity and goes further with her investigation.
EXT. MANOR/WOODS – NIGHT
Tyler tries to save one of the college kids being chased by the killer outside the manor by flying off over the woods with the very confused college kid in his arms…
The confused college kid causes Tyler to accidentally drop him into a large wood chipper; that the killer calmly turns on to finish off the job.
The killer has increased “awareness” of a supernatural presence (Tyler). The killer leaves.
INT. MANOR – NIGHT
Tyler realizes he doesn’t have the skills to defeat the killer. And can’t let this happen again.
Tyler figures out how to speak with Lex using her ghost-hunting app. But the supernatural energy summoned by Tyler to communicate with Lex kills the internet and cellphone service.
Tyler and Lex try warning Dallas and the college kids, who are more concerned about the lack of wifi.
While Tyler is scared of running into the killer. Lex is brave and wants to find the killer in order to stop him.
Tyler learns from Lex what happened to his family after the massacre. He finds out Maddie made it.
Tyler possesses Lex’s body (jumps into her body) to convince her sister Dallas about the serial killer and the ghost.
Dallas doesn’t believe Lex until she sees the killer in action: killing one of her friends: Socialite Girl 2.
INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT
The killer chases Dallas, Lex and Tyler.
After he prevents the killer from killing the sisters, the killer becomes “aware” of Tyler’s presence.
The killer throws a machete at Tyler’s direction. The machete goes through the ghost’s body and lands on the wall. Tyler screams and runs for his “life.” The killer seems to be able to listen to Tyler’s screaming.
EXT. MANOR – NIGHT
Dallas and Lex discover the killer slashed the tires of their vehicle. The killer chases Dallas and Lex.
Tyler attempts hitting the killer. The killer is able to momentarily grab and hit Tyler. Tyler is confused.
5. MID-POINT
EXT. MANOR – NIGHT
The Mysterious General Store Attendant appears and HELPS fight the serial killer, saving Tyler, Dallas and Lex from death. The killer escapes.
INT. MANOR – NIGHT
The Store Attendant is Maddie in disguise, now a badass who has lived off-the-grid for the last years.
Tyler is shocked to see Maddie.
Maddie reveals the caretaker is alive and has been been sending her messages all these years, before she went off-the-grid.
INT. MANOR – FLASHBACK
We see college Maddie after Tyler is murdered. Defeating the killer and surviving the massacre.
EXT. MANOR – FLASHBACK
Maddie speaks with the cops next to an ambulance. Maddie explains how the cops assumed the caretaker is the killer and that he was never caught.
Maddie grows up obsessed with the massacre and the killer being out there. This alienates Maddie from everyone, including Charles, Tyler’s half-brother who is seen trying to be close to her.
INT. MANOR – PRESENT TIME
Tyler finds out his father is dead, and regrets not being honest with him.
Maddie is told Tyler is a ghost, which she refuses to believe at first.
Tyler feels pain for the first time since he became a ghost.
Lex deducts the killer has a great emotional power over Tyler and it manifests from Tyler’s fear of him.
Lex performs a seance with Maddie and Dallas. This makes Tyler manifest in front of them.
Maddie cannot believe her eyes. Tyler is in front of her, still a college-boy.
As Tyler gets closer to Maddie (again) and moves even closer towards confronting his guilt, Tyler discovers his ghost body is “moving on” (dissolving into air) like the stoner’s. Tyler realizes he might be able to “rest in peace” if he stops the killer.
Lex and Dallas grow closer as the danger increases. They let down the superficial barriers that have prevented them from getting along. Dallas compliments Lex’s courage.
The killer cuts the power in the manor.
6. SECOND TURNING POINT AT END OF ACT TWO
INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT
Lex discovers the basement is the killer’s den.
There, Lex finds clues about the killer’s identity and motive: Print outs of Lex’s social media posts about true crime and Tyler’s unsolved murder. A box with paparazzi photos of college-age Maddie.
INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT
The killer appears and chases Lex and Dallas.
Tyler attempts being brave and uses his ghost powers to protect the girls and fight the killer, but the killer still outsmarts him.
Lex saves Dallas. A moment of relief.
The serial killer stabs Lex, killing her instead. Dallas feels guilty.
Tyler wishes “it had been him” instead.
7. CRISIS
INT. MANOR – NIGHT
Tyler has failed to protect the college kids. Maddie has also failed after all these years. Dallas gives up on everyone, wishing she was dead instead of Lex.
Tyler can’t confront the guilt, walks away.
INT. ROOM – NIGHT
Tyler enters the room where he was murdered. Maddie follows him.
Tyler finds an old painting of his late father. He apologizes to his father’s painting. The ghost of Father manifests and Tyler admits his mistakes. They get closure. Ghost Dad moves on.
Tyler realizes he cannot longer hide.
INT. MANOR – NIGHT
Dallas grieves the loss of Lex, becoming a “final girl” determined to stop the killer and avenge her sister and friends. She grabs an axe and looks for the killer.
The killer abducts Dallas.
8. CLIMAX
INT. MANOR – NIGHT
Tyler fights the serial killer. But the serial killer can fight back and injure Tyler.
Tyler and Maddie unmask the serial killer. Tyler learns the motive for the original massacre and the anniversary spree.
Tyler’s half-brother Charles was jealous of Tyler’s relationship with Maddie and, discovering he also fantasized of killing people, orchestrated the whole massacre and pinned it on the manor’s caretaker Ivan.
Charles realizes Tyler is a ghost. Charles realizes he needs to “exorcise” Tyler out of his life once and for all.
EXT. MANOR – FLASHBACK
Charles confesses he killed the caretaker during the original massacre and got rid of his body as a plan to frame the disgruntled worker as the killer who finally snapped at Tyler and friends. We see Charles dumping the caretaker’s body in the back of his car before he left the manor.
INT. MANOR – PRESENT TIME
20 years later, Charles didn’t win the love of Maddie before she went into hiding and he spent the whole family fortune in luxuries and bad investments.
But deep down, Charles was so delighted with the memories of his killings at the manor and power he felt doing it, that he kept the manor as his last asset.
He sold the manor to Lex and Dallas’ father and hopes to re-buy it at a lower price after he finishes his new killing spree.
Charles has been obsessed with Maddie all these years. Sending her the messages until she disappeared.
Charles offers Maddie a chance to join him, and help him finish off Dallas and Tyler.
Charles was planning to pin the murders on goth, true-crime obsessed Lex (based on her social media posts about Tyler), but Dallas will do.
Tyler becomes tangible and fights the serial killer with Maddie’s help.
9. RESOLUTION
INT. MANOR – NIGHT
Tyler and Maddie defeat the killer.
Maddie is badly injured.
Tyler apologizes to Maddie for his cowardice.
Maddie dies.
Lex is alive. Lex and Dallas, still bickering, grow closer and become true sisters.
Tyler, freed from his ghost state, and Maddie, her soul appearing like her college years, move on to rest in peace together.
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Pablo Soriano’s Pass 7: Setup/Payoff Chains
What I learned doing this assignment: Stories within a story. Side character arcs. Irma must trust her children. Antonio has to grow up fast. Miguel has to become a hero instead of a passive character.
SP CHAIN 1: Irma watches American game shows only to become a “contestant” in one.
Setup: Irma’s tube television only has three channels. One of them shows old episodes of Wheel of Fortune.
Payoff 1: Elena asks her why she watches Wheel of Fortune and Irma says it helps her learn a bit of English.
Payoff 2: Elena starts to watch WOF as well so that she can learn English as they both make a pact to move to the US together with their kids.
Payoff 3: Irma is able to guess the answer to a final round in the WOF giving her the confidence to buy bus tickets but Elena instead starts to work for the casino.
Payoff 4: Irma joins a caravan on a mission to sneak across the border and drones follow them as they are live-streamed on a twisted game show on the dark web.
SP CHAIN 2: Andres plays with toys he makes from things he finds and one of those toys is a slingshot that helps them take down drones.
Setup: Andres’s teacher speaks with Irma about Andres making weapons out of school supplies and things he finds in the trash and suggests that videogames might be a safer outlet.
Payoff 1: Andres uses some elastic and a stick to make a classic sling shot and practices his aim on a street sign.
Payoff 2: Irma scolds Andres about making weapons and takes away his most recent one: the slingshot.
Payoff 3: Andres continues to pick things up off the street to create little trinkets that Irma is alright with since she can’t afford to buy him toys.
Payoff 4: Irma tells Andres to play video games next door with his brother but Andres refuses.
Payoff 4: While they are in the desert, Andres picks up little pebbles along the way.
Payoff 5: Irma needs to come up with an idea to take down the drones as she suddenly remembers she still has Andre’s homemade slingshot and Andres reveals he has collected dozens of perfect pebbles as ammo.
SP CHAIN 3: Antonio says that he should be in charge of the family and when his mother dies, he has to take care of Andres.
Setup: Antonio complains that he is the real man of the house when he discovers that his father has been stealing from his piggy bank.
Payoff 1: Antonio is hungry and complains so Irma teaches him to make a simple dish of fried egg on rice since he claims to be “the man of the house.”
Payoff 2: He argues with Irma about leaving and says he can find a job to support the family and allow them to stay but Irma avoids telling him that Sapo and his bookies want them to work for the casino, the same people that killed his father.
Payoff 3: When several families in the caravan sympathize that Irma has to take her two sons alone to cross the border, Antonio claims that he is old enough to protect them.
Payoff 4: When Irma convinces the boys to cross the border on their own, Antonio objects but Irma tells him that this is what the man of the house must do to protect his family.
Payoff 5: When Irma dies, Antonio must now look after his brother and himself.
SP CHAIN 4: Miguel uses his Twitch stream as video evidence to incriminate Frank and his goons.
Set Up: Miguel plays a game called League of Legends on his Twitch channel and has gained quite a few followers with the intention of making a little extra money
Payoff 1: Once Miguel discovers Franks game show, he takes a break from Twitch and focuses on earning more money by making a bet on Irma and cheating in the process.
Payoff 2: Miguels Twitch community reach out and ask why he hasn’t been on in the last couple of day.
Payoff 3: When Frank sends his goons over to kill Miguel, he escapes just in time with his mother but forgets to turn off his Twitch camera and microphone.
Payoff 4: While the goons are inside Miguel’s house looking for him, all of his followers are listening in on the goons talking about killing Miguel for cheating on their game show.
Payoff 5: Miguel uses the footage he recorded to incriminate the goons and Frank.
SP CHAIN 5: Frank wants to gain more viewership on his YouTube channel, but when his gambling ring is exposed and he is arrested, he gets the infamy and notoriety he wished for.
Setup: Frank complains to his small production that they aren’t gaining enough viewers and hence not enough sponsorship/income.
Payoff 1: Frank compares his channel to other conservative channels and realizes that it is all the same which is why not many people are watching his.
Payoff 2: Frank thinks the country is too soft on immigration so he decides to capitalize on it and comes up with his game show idea to televise and bet on immigrants crossing the border using drones.
Payoff 3: The show is a hit and money starts rolling in but when they discover Miguel’s drone, they worry that their whole operation will be compromised.
Payoff 4: Miguel exposes Frank and his gambling ring and the media puts Frank’s story on the front page as well as every news network online giving Frank the recognition he always wanted.
Antonio’s SP Chain is cliche but I’m keeping it in for now. These kids have to grow up fast so I think it is necessary. I do like that I put more focus on Antonio and Andres since they are such integral parts of the story. They both play their role to help Irma in her journey.
I’d like to make Frank’s SP Chain stronger. Not sure how yet. I feel like I need to have other competing youtube channels involved. As well as viewer involvement. His competitive nature is what makes him so angry that Irma’s sons make it across which is why he kills her. To him, immigrants are not people. This setup could do more to reveal that.
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BOB SMITHS PASS 7 SETUP/PAYOFF OCTOBER 13 2021
“What I learned doing this assignment is…? Thinking through payoffs and going back to creating setups for them and vice versa. Mapping SP Chains is so useful in building a story.
1. LIST ALL THE SETUP-PAYOFF CHAINS IN YOUR STORY
SP CHAIN 1
The entire film is impelled by a setup in the inciting incident.
Emil Jannings, a prominent actor who had made propaganda films for the Nazis and was the star of “The Blue Angel,” seeks freedom, so he reports to the US Military Headquarters in the American Sector of Berlin, he goes to the location with his Oscar in hand for identification.
Setup: Jannings’s US Case Officer (a film buff) asks what it was like filming “The Blue Angel”? However, he also asks the dramatic question, “How could an actor – a man of your stature, allow himself to be used in Nazi propaganda films?” Jannings answer to those two questions are the payoff of the entire film.
SP CHAIN 2
Set up: Josef von Sternberg, defying both Emil Jannings, star of “The Blue Angel,” and
the studio brass, ignores their desire to get an established actress for the part of Lola Lola and he
casts an unknown (Marlene Dietrich).
Payoff 1: Immediately, Jannings feels threatened that he will be nudged from
stardom by Dietrich. By von Sternberg’s exclusive focus on Dietrich to the neglect of himself as the star and the other members of the cast..
Payoff 2: Jannings confronts von Sternberg and gets a lecture from him about how he (Jannings) as the star could lend more support to Dietrich, the novice.
Payoff 3: After Jannings’ anger grows, he over acts a scene in which his character is supposed to strangle Dietrich’s character and he really strangles her.
Payoff 4: Von Sternberg coaches both Dietrich and Jannings to get over their rivalry and partner to finish a great work of cinematic art. They do and turn in stellar performances.
SP CHAIN 3:
Setup: The Nazi Brown Shirts vandalize the gay cabaret Club Silhouette, where Dietrich, von Sternberg, Jannings, Gerron and Albers) are sharing drinks with each other and with sexologist Dr. Magnus Hirschfeld “the Einstein of Sex.”
Payoff 1: Hirschfeld predicts a reign of terror when the Nazis take over, prompting a conversation among them all about what to do to survive under Nazism.
Payoff 2: The prospect of cooperating with Nazis for the sake of survival is raised by Jannings (whose mother is Russian-born of Jewish origin) with Gerron (a Jew) and Albers (who is in love with a Jewish woman).
Payoff 3: Studio Chief and Nazi-sympathizer Hugensberg counsels Jannings to consider making films for the Nazis when asked. That way he can have his stardom, a future career, and also honor with the Nazi state. Jannings is frightened by that prospect and he tells Gerron about it.
Payoff 3: Gerron inquires of his Rabbi about the permissibility of cooperation with the Nazis in film making in order to survive. Gerron says, the Rabbi says it is permissible as long as no lives are taken.
Payoff 4: Jannings notes to his Case Officer that Gerron did do a propaganda film but it didn’t save him from being sent to Auschwitz. Would Gerron need to be denazified had he survived?
Payoff 5: The Case Officer challenges Jannings: I can see doing films with the Nazis for he sake of your self-preservation, but why did you campaign for the Nazis in the 1938 Reichstag Elections? For that Jannings would have to be denazified and face ruin as an actor reminiscent of the ruination of the professor he portrayed in “The Blue Angel.”
Select a setup/payoff chair you want to make stronger.
In SP Chain 3, make the connection between the setup of Hirschfeld’s warning that cooperation with the Nazis might be necessary in order to survive and the Payoff of Gerron’s consultatioin with the Rabbi by having a scene related to that question that Gerron later reports the meeting with the Rabbi in a meeting with Jannings and Albers.
2. How can you make the setup more interesting or effective?
Hirschfeld first speaks of human rights in matters of sexuality before he changes his tone to a contrasting denunciation of the Nazi specifics (anti-semitism; homophobia) that will destroy the the freedoms that have been achieved.
3. Tell us what difference this has made for your outline and if it hasnn’t, find another setup/payoff chain to improve.
In SP CHAIN 3 especially, this exercise has brought me to look at contrasts that accentuate the increasingly important question of how to survive the Nazis. An extra scene of Gerron with his Rabbi is necessary to separate the discussion from Jannings’ rivalry to Dietrich to Jannings and the question of what to do to survive the Nazis.
4. Post your current outline with the improved setup/payoff.
OUTLINE:
Setups are underlined the payoffs are italicized.
1. OPENING: Berlin, July, 1945. Brandishing an Oscar statuette, Emil Jannings (now 60) presents himself at US Army headquarters shouting, “Don’t shoot! I won an Oscar!” He is coming to headquarters in order to find asylum.
2. INCITING INCIDENT: His US CASE OFFICER INTERVIEWS Jannings and wants to know what it was like filming “The Blue Angel” and why an actor and man of his stature allowed himself to be exploited by the Nazi propaganda film industry to which Jannings replies by telling the story of this film. First, when the US Officer tells Jannings he must be de-nazified. Jannings protests he was never a Nazi and he made those propaganda films because if he refused he and his family would have been killed, and his mother, who lived in Berlin, was Russian born of Jewish origin. Then he tells the story of the making of “The Blue Angel.”
3 BY PAGE TEN: Against the wishes of the studio brass and his star (Jannings), von Sternberg casts an unknown (Marlene Dietrich) in the role of the cabaret showgirl Lola Lola who is the love-interest of the professor portrayed by Jannings. Jannings wanted an established actress to play the part, plus, Jannings believes Dietrich is upstaging him as the star which starts their conflict. After the shooting of a few scenes, Jannings complains to von Sternberg that Dietrich’s legs are getting too much exposure and upstaging him. Von Sternberg protests that he has to make Dietrich as alluring as possible who would Jannings’ professor be so seduced by her. In the rivalry between Jannings and Marlene Dietrich. The subplot is that he is angry at the upstaging he feels from Dietrich but is angered that he can’t get the creative partnership with director von Sternberg because of his attention to Dietrich.
The SP CHAIN 2 has been followed:
Set up: Josef von Sternberg, defying both Emil Jannings, star of “The Blue Angel,” and
the studio brass, ignores their desire to get an established actress for the part of Lola Lola and he
casts an unknown (Marlene Dietrich).
Payoff 1: Immediately, Jannings feels threatened that he will be nudged from
stardom by Dietrich. By von Sternberg’s exclusive focus on Dietrich to the neglect of himself as the star and the other members of the cast..
Payoff 2: Jannings confronts von Sternberg and gets a lecture from him about how he (Jannings) as the star could lend more support to Dietrich, the novice.
Payoff 3: After Jannings’ anger grows, he over acts a scene in which his character is supposed to strangle Dietrich’s character and he really strangles her.
Payoff 4: Von Sternberg coaches both Dietrich and Jannings to get over their rivalry and partner to finish a great work of cinematic art. They do and turn in stellar performances.
PLOT EVENT: Jannings grows jealous of Dietrich and complains “We have Sergei Eisenstein and Charlie! We have those directors visiting the set. The only director we don’t have on the set of ‘The Blue Angel’ is the director of ‘The Blue Angel.’ Except when he is filming.” Jannings complains to fellow cast member Kurt Gerron. Gerron who reassures Jannings, “Don’t kill yourself with worry. When he shows up, just act as he directs until he says, “Cut, print!”
4. FIRST TURNING POINT AT THE END OF ACT ONE:To ingratiate herself further with von Sternberg (who needs none) and mend relations with Jannings (who wants none), Dietrich takes them out on a tour of the Weimar “Berlin of Lola Lola.” First they stop by the Boxing Studio where Dietrich works out. She knocks out friend and fellow actress Carola Neher but invites her with von Sternberg, Jannings, and fellow cast member, the veteran actor Kurt Gerron to the gay cabaret Club Silhouette. They sit at the table with sexologist Magnus Hirscheld is seated. He advocates gay rights and more freedom in matters of sexuality. Dietrich buys drinks for the house in celebration of her being cast as Lola Lola and forgives all those who said she can’t act. Carola good-naturedly says, “Just because you got the part doesn’t mean you can act!” to which Jannings add, “Only her legs can act!” Dietrich is insulted – not by Carola but Jannings. The party is stopped by Nazi Brown Shirts who hurl rocks through the windows of the gay cabaret where they are having drinks. Jannings is shaken by his first experience of Nazi brutality. Hirschfeld says, If they take over, Jews and homosexuals are finished. And I am both.” He speaks of how he could never survive the Nazis and his headed for Palestine, he might stay. But he knows he can’t stay in Germany can any of you. Gerron says he couldn’t because he is also Jewish. Von Sternberg says he doesn’t intend to stay. He’s an American. Jannings, shaken, asks if it could be possible for the Artistic community to survive. Hirschfeld says, “Only by collaboration somehow with the Nazis. And they will not take no for an answer.” (This sets up Jannings’ crisis of conscience and his justification for his actions later regarding collaboration.) This is the Setup for SP CHAIN 3
PLOT POINT In regard to von Sternberg’s relationship with Dietrich, von Sternberg’s wife (Riza Royce) confronts him and says, “Why don’t you divorce me and marry her?” He answers, “I’d sooner share a phone booth with a cobra.”
PLOT POINT: Jannings complains to von Sternberg who asks him for patience as Dietrich is a novice and needs mentoring and that Jannings as the star should support his leading lady. He is only left further frustrated.
5, MID POINT: Usually a man of subdued emotions if not sulking, the conflict between Jannings and Dietrich escalates to violence when Jannings overacts a scene of strangling Dietrich’s character, he actually strangles Dietrich and injures her. Note: This is a payoff to the setup of von Sternberg casting Dietrich (above). SP CHAIN 2 Setup.
Payoff: Von Sternberg calls on both actors to partner up in the name of the art and finish the film..
6, SECOND TURNING POINT AT END OF ACT TWO: Von Sternberg’s intervention has worked and Dietrich and Jannings face the fact that his emotions are killing his star-power and ne resolves to work with Dietrich and dismiss his feelings of being upstaged. Both he and Dietrich turn in stellar perfomances especially in Dietrich’s signature song, “Falling in love again” and Jannings’ scene of the ruined professor dying. Thus, the rivalry ends This is q payoff to the SP CHAIN 2 setup.
7. CRISIS: After the film wraps, Jannings, convinced he has no future in Hollywood, asks for advice on his future from studio chief Alfred Hugenberg whom Jannings does not know is a Nazi-sympathizer. Hugenberg tells Jannings that he should work in Nazi cinema where he will have the stardom he craves and will become a favorite of the state, he is already admired by Josef Goebbels. This frightens Jannings and he goes to his friends and fellow cast members, Kurt Gerron and Hans Albers.
Crisis part 2: Jannings tells Alber and Gerron what Hugenberg said. Albers says he doesn’t know how but he would never work directly for the Nazis. Gerron said he would, and in a flashback he recounts his consultation with his Rabbi who said that Jewish law permits it, as long as you do not cause the death of another you can collaborate in order to preserve your own life and those of your loved ones. Jannings is somewhat relieved but still troubled. Gerron says, I’m going to France if those Nazis take over. Come with me, Emil.” (This further sets up the Climax and Jannings tragic end as well explains his continued troubled conscience even when he feels morally justified for the sake of saving his own life and the lives of his family.
This follows CP CHAIN 3:
SP CHAIN 3:
Setup: The Nazi Brown Shirts vandalize the gay cabaret Club Silhouette, where Dietrich, von Sternberg, Jannings, Gerron and Albers) are sharing drinks with each other and with sexologist Dr. Magnus Hirschfeld “the Einstein of Sex.”
Payoff 1: Hirschfeld predicts a reign of terror when the Nazis take over, prompting a conversation among them all about what to do to survive under Nazism.
Payoff 2: The prospect of cooperating with Nazis for the sake of survival is raised by Jannings (whose mother is Russian-born of Jewish origin) with Gerron (a Jew) and Albers (who is in love with a Jewish woman).
Payoff 3: Studio Chief and Nazi-sympathizer Hugensberg counsels Jannings to consider making films for the Nazis when asked. That way he can have his stardom, a future career, and also honor with the Nazi state. Jannings is frightened by that prospect and he tells Gerron about it.
Payoff 3: Gerron inquires of his Rabbi about the permissibility of cooperation with the Nazis in film making in order to survive. Gerron says, the Rabbi says it is permissible as long as no lives are taken.
8. CLIMAX: Jannings’ US Case Officer who asked the dramatic question about how he could have allowed himself to be used by the Nazis, recounts to his US Case Officer – a montage of the scenes of what is described is included here, that Gerron fled to France, then to Netherlands where the Nazis arrested him and his family and interred them at Westerbork, then in Thereisenstadt, where Gerron did make a Nazi propaganda film which extoled Hitler for making the Jews a city of their own, i.e., Thereisenstadt, which was a ghetto-concentration camp. His cooperation with the Nazis didn’t help him, he and his family were deported to Auschwitz. (This completes CP CHAIN 3.)
CLOSING SCENE: The case officer, however, cites that Jannings must be de-nazified because he also campaigned for the Nazi Party in 1938. Jannings protests, “How can you denazify me when I never was a Nazi? My actions were to protect myself and my family from Nazi terror. Jannings reminds the Officer, “Kurt Gerron did make a propaganda film for the Nazis. They still sent Gerron and his family to Auschwitz. But if he had survived would you dare to de-nazify him, a Jewish victim of the Nazis, because he did a propaganda film for the Nazis?” The Officer answers: “No, but you campaigned for the Nazis for seats in the Reichstag in the election of 1938, so you must be de-nazified” which effectively ends his stardom and acting career for good and ruins him in a manner that mirrors the ruination of his professor-character in “The Blue Angel.” This completes Setup Chain 2 and the film which is the overall Setup based on the questions of the Case Officer in the Inciting Incident.
9. RESOLUTION: Closing Titles:
Emil Jannings never acted again. He died in 1950 of liver cancer. He was given a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame which was removed years later.
Marlene Dietrich and Josef von Sternberg went to Hollywood and made six more acclaimed motion pictures. Dietrich condemned Hitler and Nazism, She became an American Citizen and entertained the troops even as they marched against the German Army.
These are the fates of the principal players in “The Blue Angel.”
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This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by Robert Smith. Reason: Realized I didn't answer what I learned
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This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by
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Budinscak 7th Pass – Setups/Payoff Chains
What I learned doing this assignment:
o This is a nice way to dig into a component of the story and understand its impact – setup, payoff.
o Strange, but I find a few of my subplots are setups and payoffs.
o If the story’s building blocks are in place, we can freelance a little.
o I’ve noticed I’m using dialog to convey some of the setups and payoffs – adding flesh to the bones.
SP CHAIN 1:
Setup: Puck always wears his backpack or it’s within reach.
Payoff 1: Jack makes a reference as to why Puck’s the way he is – humorous reference to his buddy and they laugh at Puck.
Payoff 2: Things go missing when Puck’s around. The Statue of Liberty thermometer is missing from Carmine’s. In Terre Haute, LC can’t find his tape recorder.
Payoff 3: After Jack tells his nephews to treat women right, the statue of liberty shows up as part of the tip to the HOJ Truck Stop waitress. She mentions getting something special, but we don’t see the statue of liberty until much latter.
Payoff 4: When the FBI harasses Jack, the lead guy gloats about his deal with the Don on the witness and now they want more $$. Hey Jack, no one’s gonna believe you over us. You ain’t wearing that wire yet, don’t play us, Jack
Payoff 5: After the final showdown at the Burbank funeral home, the LAPD stumbles upon all the ‘bad guys’ trapped in caskets in the casket display room. On top of the lead FBI casket is LC’s tape recorder with a note that says, “Jack says play us”.
SP CHAIN 2:
Setup: In the funeral home in Geeville, Sal bets, and tricks, Puck he couldn’t fit in a casket. Puck bets he can, but once inside – he can’t get out.
Payoff 1: During the final confrontation in Burbank funeral home, on of Don Vito’s large men escort Sal and Puck through the casket display area. Puck turns to Sal and says he bets that the big lug guarding them can’t fit in a casket. Sal picks up on it immediately and they go back and forth enough that the henchman gets in the casket to prove he can. He pulls out his gun, looks at Sal, thinks better of it and gives his gun to Puck. The boys turn the sealing key locking the lackey in the casket.
SP CHAIN 3:
Setup: From the wall of pictures in Carmine’s, there’s a question about a particular picture from the 1980’s – that’s a Lincoln Continental, where’s Jack’s Cadillac?
Payoff 1: That picture unravels the true story about the boys’ trip with their uncle.
Payoff 2: That picture catapults us from 1986 to the present – and the resolution of our story. All pictures are updated, all relatives have aged and come to find out, we’re hear for a party, a family RE-union.
SP CHAIN 4:
Setup: FBI sold info to Don Vito – and the FBI wants more $$. They want to use Jack for leverage with the Don.
Payoff 1: The FBI uses their position for personal gain and they’re arrogant gloaters – “we don’t pick up trash”.
Payoff 2: When the shake down Jack in Las Vegas, they confess to their deal with Don Vito, they think they can get more and want to use Jack to secure it. “Who’s going to believe you? That wire isn’t live yet.”
Payoff 3: Puck recorded the FBI confession and plays it back to Uncle Jack. He leaves the tape for the LAPD – and it’s on top of the casket with the lead FBI guy in it.
Payoff 4: The very end of the movie, after the RE-union party, a clean up crew comes in – it’s the disgraced FBI team, and “they pick up trash”.
SP CHAIN 5:
Setup: Don Vito’s callous regard for Jack and the family restaurant, Carmine’s.
Payoff 1: The Don asks Jack a favor, deliver a package for him. Tell your family you’re doing me a favor. Or tell them you’re saving the restaurant. Both are true.
Payoff 2: Don Vito has asked Jack to keep in touch during the trip, during numerous phone conversations, Don Vito alludes to changes at Carmine’s, stating he’ll change the name to Jack’s Place.
Payoff 3: Jack’s conflicted when the FBI wants him to rat on Don Vito, but he won’t go back on his word.
Payoff 4: After the boys rescue Jack, he shuts the lid on the Don figuratively and literally in the casket display room.
Payoff 5: Final reveal, the old funeral home across the parking lot from Carmine’s is now called Jack’s Place.
2. Select a setup/payoff you want to make stronger.
How can you make the setup more interesting and effective? How can you make the payoffs more emotional or meaningful?
2. & 3. The setup/payoff I selected was the #5. For the setup, I’ve changed to tone of the scene from ‘you’re gonna do this or…’ to ‘do me a favor, Jack’ it’s softened the scene, but not the sense of urgency. And Don Vito turns up the volume on urgency later. For the payoff, the two nephews actively help their Uncle Jack still saves the day, and show their growth from the beginning of the movie. Puck’s got some street smarts and Sal’s not as big a sneaky little shit.
Opening:
SUPER: 1986
EXT. PARKING LOT – NIGHT
Carmine’s, a restaurant, sits on one end of a large parking lot with a funeral home on the opposite side.
INT. CARMINE’S – NIGHT
An extended family dines and chats on a ‘speaker phone’ with two out-of-town sisters. The far wall is covered with pictures from family events held at the restaurant over the years.
TOM, Jack’s brother-in-law drags two boys, PUCK and SAL, to the kitchen where Jack is cooking. Jack can’t hide his contempt for the two boys.
Tom points at a picture with Jack, Puck and Sal all smiles in front of Jack’s Cadillac. “This why you can’t stand them? The bank ride?” Jack “Yup”.
EXT. CARMINE’S – NIGHT
As he takes out the trash, Jack watches a hearse pull up to the funeral home. Men struggle pulling a body bag from the hearse, it jerks around wildly. Jack turns to leave and takes one step – Me-YOW! – and steps on a cat’s tail. The men by the hearse look over.
EXT. CARMINE’S – NIGHT
The back door opens, Jack slides a saucer of milk outside. “Sorry, Rusty.”
INT. CARMINE’S – NIGHT
The family eats, drinks and talks about their family – maybe evening having a celebration, a family reunion.
EXT. FUNERAL HOME – NIGHT
A limo drives past the dark Carmine’s and empty parking lot to an open garage bay at the funeral home. A local crime boss, Don Vito, emerges from the back seat. The men who pulled the jumping body bag from the hearse approach the Don and motion to Carmine’s. Everyone looks in the direction of the restaurant.
Inciting Incident:
INT. FUNERAL HOME GARAGE – DAY
Don Vito watches two large lackeys flank Jack as they cross the parking lot. An underling asks if he’s going to intimidate Jack, the Don answers no, he’s going to ask Jack for a favor instead.
INT. FUNERAL HOME – DAY
The Don asks Jack to deliver a package for his granddaughter and it’ll take him where there are new casinos. Jack gleefully says yes.
INT. CARMINE’S – DAY
Jack’s two sisters (Puck and Sal’s mothers) call and confirm that Jack will pick them up at JFK on Tuesday morning. Yes, I’ll already be there. DV ask me for a favor.
They ask if Jack’s new business idea is drumming up business? Jack proudly turns to a fax machine printing out lunch orders.
By page 10, you know what the movie is about:
Jack agrees to make a long trip to deliver a package for Don Vito, unaware his two young nephews, Puck and Sal, will tag along for the trip.
INT. FUNERAL HOME – DAY
In the casket display room, Sal tricks Puck into getting in an open casket, then Sal shuts the lid – Puck goes bonkers.
INT. FUNERAL HOME GARAGE – DAY
Jack drops his Cadillac off at the funeral home for ‘necessary modifications’ to carry the package. A large cooler is installed in the trunk of Jack’s Caddy.
INT. CARMINE’S – DAY
To help his sister who volunteered to watch Puck and Sal while their mothers are out of town, Jack drugs the boys to keep them in line.
Later, Jack meets with his large male friend, CHICK, who brings party favors – drugs – for Jack’s trip. Jack shares his thoughts about his nephews and Puck’s obsession with his backpack.
INT. CADILLAC – DAY
Jack adjusts his walkman before he takes off from the funeral home garage. Jack never realizes the drugged and now passed out Puck and Sal are asleep under the blanket on the back floor of the Caddy.
INT. CARMINE’S – NIGHT
Unknown to Jack’s sisters working at Carmine’s, the lead FBI guy comes in and asks for Jack. “Where’s the owner?” Cat, “You mean Joe?” “Yeah” “That’s not the owner’s name?” PUCK VO, “He’s FBI.” CAT VO, “FBI?!”
INT. CARMINE’S – DAY
PRESENT TIME PUCK AND CAT POINT TO A PICTURE ON THE WALL AND CAT ASKS ABOUT THE ATLANTIC CITY TRIP. “HOW OLD WERE YOU?” “A LOT OLDER THAN WHEN WE STARTED” “JACK NEVER TALKED ABOUT THAT TRIP.” PUCK – “DO YOU WANT TO KNOW THE REAL STORY?”
First turning point as end of Act 1:
INT. CADILLAC – DAY
Jack wakes up in his car in Terra Haute (IN) and the two boys pop up in the back seat.
EXT. PICNIC GROUNDS – DAY
Jack meets one of his partners-in-crime, Lincoln Clogs, LC, – and Lincoln’s men – in Terra Haute.
EXT. PICNIC GROUNDS – DAY
Puck and Sal race go-carts and go to the shooting gallery. Puck doesn’t know how to hold a gun and Sal makes fun of him.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
Jack laments about finding his two incorrigible nephews in the car and tries to pawn them off on LC – LC says NFW to the request.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
LC reflects on the tour of the call center with Jack and the boys. He can’t find his handheld tape recorder
INT. CADILLAC – DAY
Jack immediately gets a premonition how poorly this trip will be – he’s pulled over by a state trooper, but smooth talks his way out of trouble.
EXT. DINER PARKING LOT – DAY
They stop by a restaurant outside of St Louis, but never go in.
INT. TRUCK – DAY
Jack and the boys pick up a tail – a box truck follows. The truck’s driver has Love and Hate tattooed on his knuckles.
EXT. REST AREA – NIGHT
Jack buys snacks for the boys and ice for the cooler. Jack mixes a cocktail for the boys – he drugs them.
INT. CADILLAC – NIGHT
The nephews sleep, Jack drives like a madman. He spots the same headlights again and again – and thinks he’s being tailed. Jack pulls into the Truck Stop in Oklahoma.
Mid-point:
INT. TRUCK STOP BATHROOM – NIGHT
Jack averts a crisis when he beats a trucker who had Puck trapped in a bathroom stall.
INT. TRUCK STOP DINING ROOM – NIGHT
The boys have never seen this side of their uncle – and never want to.
Sal makes a snide comment about their waitress and Jack will have none of it. The boys flinch noticeably when Jack’s eyes narrow. After they leave, the waitress brags about her special tip – she smiles warmly recalling Jack, Puck and Sal. (The statue of liberty thermometer is her special tip and it’s revealed later).
INT. CADILLAC – NIGHT
Jack’s angry and the boys reveal they’re terrified of their uncle. Jack contemplates how to best use this new information to his advantage. He practices divide and conquer.
INT. CADILLAC – LATER
Jack drugs the nephews one at a time so as one sleeps, he can get to know the other one.
INT. CADILLAC – NIGHT
Jack teaches Sal one of his favorite recipes while letting the kid drive the Caddy. Great times for Sal.
EXT. TRAVEL LODGE PARKING LOT – NIGHT
They settle in Albuquerque. Jack constantly checks but doesn’t see anyone following him. He fills up the cooler with ice and goes to his room.
A van slows by the hotel entrance before parking on the street, the hotel entrance in full view.
INT. CADILLAC – DAY
Sal sleeps, Jack bonds with Puck. Puck drives and learns about family.
EXT. HIGHWAY – NIGHT
The Caddy cruises down the highway and the nighttime view of Las Vegas comes in focus. Jack’s enthusiasm carries over to the boys.
EXT. PARKING LOT – NIGHT
No hotel tonight. The Cadillac pulls into a large parking lot and parks in a back corner facing the front.
INT. CADILLAC – NIGHT
Jack and the boys sleep. A truck pulls in and parks far enough away not to be noticed.
INT. TRUCK – NIGHT
Love and Hate decorate the driver’s knuckles.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – DAY
Jack buys the boys ‘outfits’ for the day. The boys emulate their uncle getting ready – and dressed just like him.
INT. HOTEL CASINO – DAY
Jack and the nephews take one step in the casino and are tossed. Someone recommends Circus Circus for the kids.
Second turning point at the end of Act 2:
INT. CIRCUS CIRCUS – DAY
Jack loses all his money in the casino, the boys thrive.
INT. SHUTTLE – NIGHT
Jack is pissed as the boys show off their winnings.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Jack finds out the boys have never seen a naked woman before and orders one from the hotel. She’s there for only 1 minute when there’s a knock at the door – the FBI. The woman flees as Jack is shaken down by the FBI and forced to be their informant, including wearing a wire.
The lead FBI agent gloats about the money they made from a deal with Don Vito – and with Jack’s help, they’ll get more. They tell Jack, “no one will believe you, and that wire isn’t live yet.” “We don’t pick up trash” “Jack, don’t play us.”
INT. HOTEL ROOM – LATER
Jack scheduled a date with an old flame, but she gave him a lot of grief for ‘babysitting’ and wanted no part of it, she cancels.
EXT. HOTEL PARKING LOT – DAY
Puck and Sal transfer license plates from the doppleganger Caddy while Jack searches for ice for the cooler – he can only find dry ice. He loads it in the cooler in the trunk.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – DAY
Jack calls Don Vito and tells him he may be a little late for the delivery. Don Vito asks Jack is he knows why they call him the Weatherman? Jack does not. Don Vito explains that it’s due to his uncanny ability to know where and when lightning will strike and that lightning will strike Jack’s family’s restaurant, Carmine’s, at 2:01 Monday if he’s not there in time.
EXT. HOTEL PARKING LOT – DAY
The FBI takes off after the wrong Cadillac.
Jack, Sal and Puck wave to the Parking Attendant as they sneak out of the parking lot.
INT. FLATBED TOW TRUCK – DAY
Hands featuring Love and Hate grip the steering wheel. The tow truck follows Jack’s Cadillac.
EXT. PLAINS – DAY
Cowboys ride galloping stallions on the plains next to the road. The boys ask if they can ride horses, just like their favorite actor, Clint Eastwood – a loud NO is the answer.
Puck, “You haven’t liked Sal and I since the bank ride.” FLASHBACK – making a deposit.
INT. CADIALLAC TRUNK – DAY
A small leak lets carbon monoxide enter the Cadillac’s interior.
Puck and Sal drop off to sleep.
EXT. HIGHWAY – DAY
The FBI check the license plates before they overtake the Cadillac. They find an elderly couple driving – it’s the wrong Cadillac.
The FBI spots a helicopter idling in an adjacent field. They claim command of the copter and force the pilot to take off.
INT. FLATBED TOW TRUCK – DAY
Through the windshield, the driver watches Jack’s Cadillac veer off the road. It bounces wildly riding half on asphalt, half on the shoulder of the road.
EXT. PLAINS – DAYS
In a dream sequence, Sal and Puck ride galloping stallions.
INT. CADILLAC – DAY
Jack and the boys are completely asleep. Through the front window – a major dip in the road, bridge, bad accident about to happen.
EXT. HIGHWAY – DAY
The flatbed tow truck bounces into the Caddy, then cuts in front stopping the car from plunging down the hillside/terrain/riverbank – whatever and a serious accident.
INT. CADILLAC – LATER
Jack wakes to find the tow truck driver pulling him from the Caddy. Jack and the Driver pull Puck and Sal from the Cadillac. Neither boy responds.
EXT. SIDE OF HIGHWAY – DAY
Crisis:
Jack screams and pleads to God to save Puck and Sal from carbon monoxide poisoning. In return, he pledges to turn his life around. As soon as he finishes, Sal moves – Jack immediately recants, but doesn’t do it.
INT. FLATBED TOW TRUCK – DAY
Jack, the boys and the driver take off with Jack’s dented Cadillac on the flatbed and covered with a tarp. Puck is still knocked out.
EXT. HIGHWAY – DAY
The FBI manned helicopter flies overhead looking for Jack’s Caddy. They don’t realize the car is covered on the tow truck.
INT. FLATBED TOW TRUCK – DAY
Puck wakens, spots the Driver and screams. Uncle Jack calms him down and Sal tells Puck the Driver saved their lives.
EXT. LOS ANGELES – DAY
The tow truck cruises by famous LA landmarks while the boys hang out the windows taking in the views.
INT. FLATBED TOW TRUCK – DAY
Jack directs Driver to the address – the Don’s other brother’s funeral home.
EXT. FUNERAL HOME PARKING LOT – DAY
Climax:
Jack gathers the package from the cooler and hands it to one of the Don’s men, who carries it inside.
INT. FUNERAL HOME LOBBY – DAY
There are a few MEN roaming around. Don Vito directs a MAN to take the kids away as he ushers Jack in another room.
CASKET DISPLAY ROOM
Puck pulls the same trick that Sal pulled on him earlier. They bet the MAN he couldn’t fit in the casket … he does fit, and the boys close and lock him inside. They take his gun.
ARRANGEMENT ROOM
Don Vito confronts Jack about the body bag at the funeral home, Jack claims ignorance as convincing as ever.
Sal walks in and everyone turns to him. He gets everyone’s attention.
CLICK – from the other side of the room, Puck pulls back the hammer on the revolver he’s aiming at Don Vito.
EXT. FUNERAL HOME – DAY
The FBI’s car speeds into the parking lot before it slides to a halt. Two men jump out and run to the front door.
INT. FUNERAL HOME ARRANGEMENT ROOM – DAY
FBI bust in – and we find out they were in cahoots with Don Vito, but he screwed them over. Lots of yelling and accusations flying about.
Driver quietly walks in and pumps/loads his shotgun. Everyone stops.
EXT. FUNERAL HOME – DAY
The helicopter the FBI commandeered leads the LAPD into the fray. Police swarm the grounds.
Out the back door, Driver leads Jack, Puck and Sal to the tow truck. They hop in and take off.
INT. FUNERAL HOME – DAY
LAPD filters through the offices and rooms, no one is around.
CASKET DISPLAY ROOM
Police hear muffled yells from all the closed caskets. They open to find Don Vito, his henchmen and the FBI guys. On top of the FBI caskets, a cassette tape with a message, “Jack says play us.”
EXT. FUNERAL HOME – DAY
From the helicopter’s view and the pilot’s narration, we watch LAPD lead numerous handcuffed people to cars. Prominent in the view are the FBI and Don Vito.
Resolution:
EXT. LAX – DAY
Jack and the boys say their goodbyes to Driver. What about the Caddy? It’s yours now. Gotta go.
MONTAGE OF SHOTS
The disheveled trio runs through the airport to their gate.
Jet leaves LAX
Jet lands at JFK
Jack and the boys sleep on a bench near a gate.
INT. JFK GATE – DAY
Jack’s sisters (Puck and Sal’s mothers) spot the three amigos sleeping – they wake them.
INT. LINCOLN CONTINENTAL – DAY
The mothers ask Jack why they’re in a Lincoln and not his Caddy, before he can answer, Puck jumps in.
The mothers notice a change in their boys, they ask Jack and he weaves a tale. The boys vouch for their uncle’s story and add a few nougats of their own.
EXT. CARMINE’S PARKING LOT – DAY
A picture is taken of Jack, Puck and Sal next to the Lincoln Continental.
INT. CARMINE’S – DAY
The picture is posted on the wall of pictures in the restaurant.
SPRING FORWARD TO PRESENT TIME
INT. CARMINE’S – DAY
Present day Puck talks with CAT, one of his aunts, about that picture and finishes the true story of the Atlantic City trip to swim in the ocean.
The idea is to give the illusion everyone is gathered for a somber event, when it’s actually the 30+ year of the family RE-union.
In comes Jack with Puck and Sal’s wives – the twins, Traci and Laci, from the opening scene. Everyone cheers.
EXT. CARMINE’S PARKING LOT – NIGHT
First thing you notice, the funeral home is now “Jack’s Place”.
Everyone in the movie is there having fun, from LC and his group. Jules performs as he did in Vegas and Driver shows up with Jack’s Cadillac fully restored. Everyone’s in party mode.
Jack toasts everyone with a shot of Tequila – just like he and the boys did in Vegas. Everyone does a shot.
Someone asks who’s going to clean this mess, Jack says he’s got it.
Driver presents Jack with his keys, Jack shouts, “Who wants to go for a ride?” Puck and Sal’s kids, knockoffs of the fathers at the same age, run up waving their hands. Jack just looks in the camera and smiles.
EXT. CARMINE’S PARKING LOT – NIGHT
A cleaning truck pulls up, two MEN get out. One guy picks up a paper bag and pulls out a wad of cash.
Jack walks out of the shadows, ‘just like old times.’ The cleaning crew is the two disgraced FBI guys. They start picking up the trash, something the repeatedly said they would never do.
THE END
-
Day 13: Elizabeth’s Non-linear Decisions:
What I learned: ironically (or not) this helps keep me organized. I need a lot of help keeping organized.
SP CHAIN 1: (will Ed overcome his psychological defenses of repression & avoidance and get back in the game of life?)Ed overcomes defenses and starts Working again
· Ed, mentally and physically able to work—is on a death watch.
· Retirement home mates mention his illustrious/exhaustive psychiatric career (w/o details), important book contract.
· Through ACT 1, repeatedly see page 1 of his Psychiatric Text book (blank – with note to self to fix terrible title) and Ed not working on it.
· Through ACT 2 we learn all the things he did NOT do in practice (couples, kids, substance abuse – as he gives the family’s couples problems to Wade and Judy, gender dysphoria to Pat, Substance use/ADHD to AA and primary care; sends Chris to therapist at retirement home (since it’s SO hard to get into therapists) here he meets Lauren). What DID Ed do that was so important? As:
· Info meted out re: prolific publishing of papers/presentations gradually bringing into focus that Ed’s gift is:
· Bringing ideas and people together. E.g. Jewels reveals to family she looked up his papers (studied psychology in Divinity School) and he was famous for compelling/inspiring papers/talks bringing diverse practitioners together – using ALL healing modalities, not just one’s ‘camp’s’.
· He finally gets sucked back in to work with the CBT – since primary care can’t do it – for Mike’s ADHD that builds their bond (love). We also see his brilliant ability to motivate people to work, and work together here(and above)
· Jewels makes him come clean about why he’s not loving and working (developing the theme that working helps him love, loving helps him work, playing helps him work and love – and I’ll also need thread this throughout)
· Wedding day: cake looks like poop, but Eds not so distressed (as in beginning with the poop art) as Judy already has this handled, with replacement cupcakes.
· Completely non-plussed as Walt fixes plumbing and Mary directs Linda and theater kids to gather flowers from the retirement home grounds. Who’s going to refuse a nun?
· A bigger emotionally brilliant/motivating speech to Grace at her crisis/climax, where he ties in love, work and PLAY, as Jewels and all the retirement home friends trickle in to hear. After which:
· Pat, who knows he PLAYS MUSIC comments to him: who might be able to play the wedding music, now that the musicians are stoned.
· In Disney World where he’s Playing, we see him also furiously working on his book -excitedly exchanging ideas with Jewels, who he’s also beginning to Love.
SP CHAIN 2: (as above) Ed overcomes defenses starts Loving again
· Act 1 X3 Poignantly notices bond between Judy and Wade
· Walt surprised Ed doesn’t have a bucket list.
· Ed mentions Susan’s solitary personality, she was a librarian. Didn’t get out much. Something about this doesn’t add up, given we think they were married a long time.
· Someone mentions maybe he should get a dog.
· Alter with pictures of Susan late teens/early 20’s and 70’s. Wedding bands, candles, dried flower, a dried up piece of some kind of food, stack of business cards, locked box below. Clearly a huge loss.
· Antithesis of love between him and Pat
· Act 1 Goes to graveyard X 3 with flowers and little cakes (last a cupcake)
· CALL: on bus, can’t help but notice Grace’s similarity to Susan. As Grace (baby on lap) and Mike fight and Ed tries to help. Old woman on the bus rolls her eyes at Ed, “better in our day when you had to get married if you wanted sex.”
· Weakened by Susan-Grace similarity, shares an old picture of Susan.
· Act 1 Avoids prolonged contact with Grace after this when she shows up twice.
· Act 1 declines advances of eligible woman in exercise room
· LOCK-IN: Ed gets sucked into ACT 2 out of devotion to Susan (delivering the box) when he sees the genetic test
· Jewels shows up early Act II. Ed’s irritable but potential chemistry.
· Kids want a dog. Jewels comments maybe Ed wants a dog, since he’s not much into family.
· MP: When Mark’s MI is emotionally too much for ED, he blurts out (overcoming avoidance) that he and Susan weren’t married, it was a Facebook hookup and:
· Ed gets kicked out by Grace for this, a loss b/c he’s now emotionally involved.
· Also, still also hasn’t delivered his box, so he enlists Jewels help, expresses his embarrassment to Susan and Mike over his/Susan’s out-of wedlock sex – explaining they were, in fact engaged.
· Reveal (maybe Mike asks about the old picture): Ed does not spontaneously share this (doesn’t occur to him b/c of repression). But he knew Susan “when we were kids.” She was “kind to” him when his dad died. Before she moved. (Somewhere reveal that her family did not move) so that…
· Mark dies happy after explaining he just couldn’t live in a box and his bucket list is now overflowing.
· 2<sup>nd</sup> TP: When Mark’s death is REALLY emotionally too much for Ed, and he has another running-out/blurting convo, this time with Jewels while she possibly smokes a joint, tells Ed about her stint at a home for unwed mothers, second trimester miscarriage. It’s clear they’ve both wondered if Ed could be Mark’s biological father. “We didn’t have sex, sex.” “But you’re a doctor—was there enough?”
· Somewhere above bucket list: get through wedding. Get a dog. Make a will -dog and everything to Grace.
· Ed buys a Grandaddy And Me test and steals one of Susan’s hairs.
· Finally really emotional bonding (sharing how his dad died when he played rock music) with Susan on the swing at her crisis/climax (where she chooses to marry, rather than reading the sign), tells her about the genetic test he hasn’t had time to send in.
· She tells him not to. She already knows he’s her grandpa, and he’s going to walk her down the isle. Which he does. Loving her even more by:
· Playing music, as she very much wants.
· MM 8 begin montage with dog, pan up leash to see it’s Ed, watching as we see all the graves, people putting flowers from the wedding as described elsewhere.
SP CHAIN 3: (as above – but add sublimation) Ed learns to Play
· Act 1, X3 Poignantly drawn to the various forms of play in dining room (cards – crazy 8’s, old maid, gin rummy) and other games, but especially music) but never engages
· In action/dialogue – Ed is not a playful man. Life time of all work and no play.
· In bed while residents play, including croquet during fire alarm
· See this clearly in bus scene where Grace and Mike recover from their fight with playful actions/dialogue and Ed is uncomfortable, can’t laugh with them
· Act 1: Pat follows him to graveyard, to warehouse. Later we see her ear up to the warehouse, listening (later reveal – she hears him playing music)
· Act 2 X3 declines various forms of play with family, though he progressively gets sucked a bit more in each time – smiling, then laughing, then (?)
· Toddler Kristian embodies PLAY, including gross play (poop) that is a metaphor for Ed’s aversion to playing. It’s messy. Maybe dangerous.
· Ed encourages Adam-Eve to combine her playful creativity with the work of sewing as she develops the fashion she’s always dreamed of.
· Jewels’ play makes him very nervous – but he’s increasingly captivated.
· Susan’s children’s play: as everyone else see’s the disaster of the mic’ed over fight, Ed sees the play of Kristian running on stage to show his clean hands and announce: I pooped in the potty and washed! The only one smiling
· Jewels at Ed’s apartment: it’s like your whole life is this box – he doesn’t deny it. We learn the organic substance on the alter was a piece of cake from his and Susan’s cake tasting, the wedding bands for their wedding that didn’t happen. The flower from the visit to the florist where she had a stroke in her excitement
· Emotionally brilliant/motivating speech to Grace at her crisis/climax, this time he unites: love, work and PLAY. As, by now, Jewels and all the retirement home friends are here to hear. After which:
· Pat, who knows he PLAYS MUSIC comments to him: wonder who can step in (for the stoned musicians)
· Ed plays rock music for the wedding
· In Disney World where he’s Playing, we see him also furiously working on his book -excitedly exchanging ideas with Jewels, who he’s also beginning to Love.
· Wedding flowers (from retirement home grounds,) to Susan’s, Mark’s Jimi’s and other graves by Ed and rest of cast.
· Plays at Disney Land which unlocks his ability to write again. Title for book: Comprehensive Psychiatry, how to Love, Work and Play together -leave nothing good out when it comes to helping your patients. Or something.
· “Good Wife” motel – like scene, only after a kiss Ed goes to his own room. Though, someday… (is there a jewelry box? Necklace?)
SP CHAIN 4: (will Grace overcome psychological defense of hypomania). Grace works less and Loves more.
· Fight with Mike on bus. She has an issue with commitment, he has one with employment. But there’s a lot of play here to work with.
· MM 2: Grace overworking at theater. Paying most of bills at home. Doing housework/cooking – not enough time to love and play. She’s distracting herself from herself. Linda, perfectly capable not working. Brother, Christopher depressed in the basement – Grace and Chris have a bond, but no time to talk
· On Bus call: Ed unwittingly helps her a ton by saying to Mike if you just don’t interrupt for, say 30 seconds – during their fight. Mike can’t. Then holds his breath, turns red, baby poofs his cheeks and they end up in hysterics.
· Ed notices Grace’s hypomania/fatigue and Linda’s narcissism, Christopher’s depression and sends Grace and Christopher out to get ice-cream while he does the dishes, getting Linda to wash ONE. G & C return refreshed and connected.
· Wade and Judy come over to talk about their marriage with Grace and Mike – first time falls rather flat but –
· Subsequent (some in montage and wedding prep-related) visits show G & M fighting less as Wade and Judy connect more, too. But Grace is ADDING this to her over-flowing plate, so
· Midpoint: Grace’s hypomanic defense gets stressed to the max when Mark has an MI on her Children’s Play opening night (with donors present) and her fight with Mike gets broadcast into the auditorium. Finally she cries.
· TP 2: After Mark dies, Christopher interrupts her working in the kitchen after the burial, as she complains to their mother about how she doesn’t help – steps up to announce they’re all moving out and Linda needs to get a job – gives her a list from Linked-In. Or something. Mike backs her up and announces he his boss is so impressed with his work now that he’s sober, on meds and doing his CBT- more pressure off. The two men have found a duplex.
· But working less means she feels more. More anxious as wedding about to happen.
· Crisis/climax: back to relying on “signs” she interprets wedding problems as she shouldn’t get married. Until she and Ed share a cathartic moment.
· Duplex scene where Mike, Christopher, Grace talk as they work to move in and playfully connect. (Love) – mirror opposite of how they interacted the first time we saw this family together.
· MM8 see Grace relaxing. Working less at the theater. Playing more with kids.
SP CHAIN 5: (will Mike overcome his distractibility, impulsivity, forgetfulness) Mike treats his ADHD and gets sober: no real resistance here. He just needs help.
· MM2 and onward to second part of Act 2 see increasing marijuana in response to stresses of:
· Job loss
· Home stress
· He and Christopher longingly, hopelessly wish they could have a startup
· Second job loss
· Marijuana laced with hallucinogen leads to child’s mess he finds enlightening
· Drug dealer shows up and Grace is livid
· Ed gets him to goes to primary care provider. Then Cannabis Anonymous.
· Learns ADHD skills from Ed
· Just striking better. New boss is happy
· Ends up directing a growing Start Up with Christopher
SP CHAIN 6: (will Chris overcome his psychological defenses of repression/avoidance and get into the game of life?) Chris gets pissed—and gets a life.
· Introduced in dialogue MM2 by Grace who gushes about how great he is
· Meet in MM3: a sloth, unkempt, barely verbal as he takes food and disappears into the basement
· MM3,4 Ed gets his number: he’s depressed like Ed, and avoiding…
· Anger at his narcissistic mother who’s “trapped” him.
· Passive-aggression: his minimal work keeps the family financially on edge and his sister over-working. Which Ed points out. He cares about his sister
· Starts spending more time with her (sent for ice cream as above)
· Starts seeing his mother’s behaviors, now that Ed’s pointed out that Freud defined psychological health as love and work, neither of which she does.
· Steps up to help his sister (easier than helping himself), gives his mother info on finding a job, and works with a now more functional Mike to get a duplex.
· Avidly programming for the start up in MM8.
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Janeen’s Pass 7 – Setup/Payoff Chains
What I learned doing this assignment is that I had already done most of this in my earlier plotting. I missed one setup and added that here. This was a good check and made me look at scenes that I didn’t mark with a setup or payoff purpose to see what their purpose was.
1. Setup/Payoff Chains:
CHAIN 1: The designer’s abuse of his wife eventually leads to his death.
Setup: The designer’s wife is seen at a women’s shelter, but is returning home.
Payoff 1: She is beaten for daring to leave him, even for a little while.
Payoff 2: Amber gives Morgan the hand signal for needing help as Morgan leaves the designer’s house.
Payoff 3: Daniel punishes Amber by taking away her car keys and phone.
Payoff 4: The ER nurse says Amber came in with a broken wrist, but refused to press charges with Daniel hovering over her.
Payoff 5: Daniel suspects Amber is getting help and threatens Morgan for helping her — even though she has not seen or talked to Amber.
Payoff 6: Amber has had enough when Daniel slaps her around again and declares “enough”.
Payoff 7: Amber retrieves her secret stash of pain pills.
Payoff 8: Amber bakes a pain pill laced cake for Daniel — then she gives him a big piece of it.
Payoff 9: Amber pushes a large knife into Daniel’s chest while he is drugged, waits until he is dead and then calls the cops.
Payoff 10: Amber is interrogated and explains why Daniel’s death was the only answer.
Payoff 11: Amber’s stabbing of Daniel is deemed self-defense.
Payoff 12: The book club testifies that there is no legal proof of what they did, the teacher says it can’t be used for evil; Other experts testify that they prayed for the Amber to find a solution and this was the best solution for her family.
CHAIN 2: The fashionista learns how powerful Silva and NMT can be:
Setup: Morgan chats with Silva classmates about fashion, looks, health, etc. — lightweight uses for it.
Payoff 1: Morgan asks the Silva instructor about how to help and finds she cannot use Silva to harm Daniel.
Payoff 2: Morgan uses her powers to heal Amber’s bruises and reduce her emotional pain.
Payoff 3: The instructor suggests she invite Amber to class or do distance work on her. He can’t help because he is a pro, but she is an amateur so it wouldn’t be unethical.
Payoff 4: All of the book club people are involved and congratulate Morgan on the work they are doing.
Payoff 5: The entire bookclub works to save Amber and empower her to see herself.
Payoff 6: The defendants all swear that they knew her circumstances and offered thought and prayers. What they did empowered her to save herself. It did not encourage violence — Silva can’t do that.
Payoff 7: A designer asks Morgan for help for her neighbor. Morgan gives her a Silva book.
CHAIN 3: The cop convinces her partner and boss that patterns of abuse need to be taken more seriously.
Setup: The book club cop and her partner bump into the frustrated cops that responded to the Richards house and understand why Amber didn’t press charges.
Payoff 1: The book club cop works on her boss to take abusive patterns into consideration more often in charging and to include checks with a hospital, police and shelter before making decisions.
CHAIN 4: The cop’s partner learns that mind control can be powerful and get real results and thinks it is dangerous.
Setup: The book club cop fills in her partner on what the book club has done. He wonders if it’s ethical.
Payoff 1: The book club cop’s partner tells the prosecutor about the book club’s work. He believes they are to blame for the murder and the prosecutor charges them as accessories to murder.
Payoff 2: The book club members are interrogated in separate rooms and all tell the same story.
CHAIN 5: The fashionista’s husband thinks her mind control classes and work are fun until he sees how serious it is.
Setup: Morgan’s husband thinks it’s unethical to help someone without their permission.
Payoff 1: Morgan’s husband tells her not to get involved because it will be dangerous.
Payoff 2: Morgan learns more about healing while her husband believes she can actually do little to help from a distance.
Payoff 3: When Morgan’s husband hears how many of the women are fighting back, he cautions her that she may be getting herself in trouble. He questions whether getting the women to fight back might be considered evil. — causing violence.
Payoff 4: Morgan’s husband says he’ll testify that she never did anything physical or verbal to cause Amber to kill her husband.
CHAIN 6: The book club lawyer is amused by the notion of mind control, but ends up defending it as a powerful took that the law can’t touch.
Setup: The book club empathizes, but feel they can do nothing to help.
Payoff 1: Morgan has been helping a woman at the shelter from a distance and learns her work has been fruitful. Others in the book club decide to give it a try.
Payoff 2: The woman who works at the shelter asks the bookclub to help 3 specific women and one of them scares her abusive husband when she strikes back.
2. I had actually gone through my outline before and done these so there was only one setup I missed as it was lumped into another scene (with a note to split things out). It’s done now.
3. I only added one thing to my outline so I won’t post it again.
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Amy’s Pass 7: Setup/Payoff Chains
What I learned from reading the lesson is that setups and payoffs are important for a more satisfying experience for the viewer. What I learned from doing the assignment is that my story is woefully lacking in this area.
1. List ALL of the setup/payoff chains (SP Chains) from your story — One or two sentences per setup/payoff.
SP CHAIN 1: Andrea secretly sees Meagan come on to Josh when she travels to the past. Then when she comes back from the past, not in the present, but one year into the future, Josh and Meagan are engaged.
Setup: Meagan comes on to Josh at his office.
Payoff 1: When Andrea arrives one year into the future, Josh is engaged to Meagan
Payoff 2:
Etc.
SP CHAIN 2: Andrea is missing in her family’s life because of her career, but then she goes missing altogether.
Setup: Andrea misses her son’s baseball game and her daughter’s swim meet. She’s absent.
Payoff 1: Andrea gets sucked into the supercollider and goes missing.
Payoff 2: Andrea shows up one year into the future and she has been missing for a year.
SP CHAIN 3: Andrea gets laughed at when she travels back in time because she’s ugly. Later she has to counsel her daughter about her bully.
SP CHAIN 4: Meagan is a widowed and independently wealthy donor to the university. It ends up being her who was responsible for Andrea getting sucked into the supercollider.
Setup: Meagan gets the science building named after her and attends a gala where she meets the professor.
Payoff: Andrea finds out that Meagan conspired with the professor to send her back in time.
2. Select a setup/payoff chain you want to make stronger. #4
How can you make the setup more interesting or effective? Show Meagan meeting the professor and the dedication of the science lab.
How can you make the payoffs more emotional or meaningful? When Andrea goes travels to the past, she notices that the science lab hasn’t been named after Meagan yet. The professor is willing hasn’t conspired with Meagan yet, nor does he know that it’s possible to time travel with the machine. The fact that Andrea gets sucked into the machine and disappears surprises him.
3. Tell us what difference this has made for your outline and if it hasn’t, find another setup/payoff chain to improve.
Opening: Andrea lives an exciting life as a newscaster on a national network. She works too much and never sees her family.
INT. – STUDIO – NIGHT
It’s chaos and excitement as Andrea, the producer and the production crew rush to get on the air on time.
INT. – UNIVERSITY SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Meagan, a wealthy widow attends the dedication ceremony for the science lab which has just been named after her. She meets the top scientist who is working on the building of a new supercollider in the lab and instantly bonds with him.
INT. –NEWSROOM – NIGHT
Breaking news happens. Andrea calls home to let her family know that once again, she will not be home for dinner.
INT. – KITCHEN – NIGHT
Josh helps the kids with their homework. They complain about their mom not being there.
EXT. – BASEBALL FIELD – NIGHT
Andrea’s family is at her son, Benjamin’s baseball game. He keeps looking back hoping she will show up. Meagan, one of Josh’s ex-girlfriends is there because her kid is also on the team.
INT. – NEWSROOM – DAY
Andrea discusses with her boss the exciting new development at the local university, the completion of a supercollider. Her boss assigns her the story.
EXT. – POOL – DAY
Andrea’s daughter has a swim meet. It’s her time to swim, but she cries because her mother isn’t there. She has to be coaxed into the pool by her dad.
Inciting incident: Andrea interviews a science professor at a local college about the university’s new supercollider and “accidentally” gets sent back in time. She arrives in the past, not the beautiful news anchor, but ugly.
INT. –UNVERSITY SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea interviews the professor who demonstrates for her how the supercollider works. Andrea gets sucked into the machine.
INT – UNIVERSITY SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea appears out of the machine, but she doesn’t look like herself. She notices she’s a different height and her hands look different. She runs out of the lab.
INT. –UNVERSITY LAB – BATHROOM – DAY
Andrea looks at herself in the mirror and is horrified.
INT. – NEWSROOM – DAY
Andrea tries to talk to her co-workers, but they don’t recognize her. They laugh when she tells them who she is.
INT. – STUDIO – NIGHT
Andrea peaks around a wall in the studio and watches the newscast air and her stand-in reporting on the fact that she got sucked into the machine and is missing. She sees the footage of herself disappearing.
INT – JOSH’S OFFICE – DAY
Andrea goes to Josh’s office and is surprised to find Meagan there coming on to him.
INT. – SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea notices the science lab still has its old name. She convinces the professor to turn on the machine and she gets sucked in again, on purpose this time. The professor is astounded that Andrea disappeared and not really sure what happened.
Page 10: Andrea arrives back from the past and looks more like herself, only more beautiful.
INT. – BATHROOM – DAY
Andrea looks at herself in the mirror and is pleased that she looks more like herself now but perplexed that she’s even more beautiful than before.
End of Act 1: Andrea realizes a year has passed. Everyone assumed she was dead and her husband, Josh has gotten together with a girlfriend from his past, Meagan. Since the network thought she was dead, she is no longer the anchor of the news program.
INT. – SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea tries to get the professor to send her back to the present, but he refuses. However, he does let on that if the time she’s in collides with the time she came from by her getting her family to accept her just like they did before, things will automatically go back to the time she came from, the present.
INT. – NEWSROOM –DAY
Andrea convinces the network to take her back as a reporter.
INT – ANDREA’S HOME – DAY
Andrea drives to her home, but her key doesn’t work, so she rings the bell. Josh comes to the door and nearly faints at the sight of her. The kids come and are astounded. She tells them about getting sucked into the supercollider and traveling through time. Meagan comes to the door to see what’s going on. Andrea notices she’s wearing an engagement ring. Megan kisses Josh. Andrea’s family informs her that it’s the year 2023 and she’s been missing for a year. Meagan closes the door in her face.
INT. –SCHOOL HALLWAY –DAY
Chloe gets bullied by one of the popular girls.
EXT. –BASEBALL FIELD – DAY
Benjamin asks the coach if he can pitch, but he says no.
EXT. – GROCERY STORE – DAY
Andrea’s daughter’s swim team is having a bake sale. Andrea threw something together late last night after work. Her daughter is embarrassed by the cookies. Meagan destroys the cookies.
INT. – RESTAURANT – DAY
Andrea and Josh are having lunch. Meagan shows up with an “emergency” and pulls him away.
EXT. – STREET – DAY
Meagan slashes Andrea’s tires.
EXT. – STREET – DAY
Andrea calls her daughter and tells her she’s on the way to her school play, but then discovers that her tires have been slashed.
INT. – OFFICE – DAY
Andrea visits Josh at work. She wants him to take her back, but he admits that things weren’t that great when she was around.
Mid-point: Andrea has done some digging and comes to the realization that Meagan conspired with the professor to send her back in time.
INT. – COFFEE SHOP – DAY
Andrea overhears Meagan tell her friend that she got rid of Andrea by conspiring with the professor.
INT. –SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea talks to the professor and threatens to tell everyone what he did if he doesn’t help her send Meagan back in time.
INT. – ANDREA’S HOME – NIGHT
Chloe confides in Andrea about her bully. Andrea gives her advice that’s not really helpful.
EXT. – BASEBALL FIELD – NIGHT
Andrea confronts Meagan in front of everyone about Meagan conspiring with the professor to get rid of her. Josh doesn’t believe Andrea and gets mad at her. Meagan pretends to be distressed and calls the police. They come and suggest that Andrea leave. Benjamin gets a chance to pitch, but walks every hitter.
End of Act 2-Andrea tries to send Meagan back in time but fails.
INT. – SCIENCE LAB – NIGHT
Meagan shows up. The professor tries to get her close to the machine. It almost works, but Meagan figures out what he’s up to and steps away. Andrea watches all this from the door.
Crisis-Although Andrea succeeds in getting Josh to fall in love with her again, he confesses that he and the kids are happier with Meagan than they were with her and rejects her. Andrea gets offered the anchor position again and must decide between her career and her family.
INT. – NEWSROOM – DAY
Josh visits Andrea at work. They talk about getting back together. While he’s there Andrea finds out she’s been offered the anchor position again. She excitedly tells Josh. He’s not so excited. He tells her he’s going to go ahead with his marriage to Meagan.
Climax: Andrea plans to go to her daughter’s dance recital, but a fire starts at the science lab and her boss wants her to cover it. She goes to the science lab where the professor tells them that Meagan started the fire and confesses on camera that he conspired with her to send Meagan back in time. Andrea shows up to her daughter’s dance recital with the police who arrest Megan. Andrea signs off and says she’s going to watch her daughter’s dance recital. Her boss calls and fires her.
INT. – SCIENCE LAB – NIGHT
Meagan sets the science lab on fire to keep Andrea from going back to the present.
INT. – STUDIO – NIGHT
Andrea’s boss wants her to stay and cover the fire at the science lab. She says that she was planning on going to her daughter’s dance recital. Her boss tells her she has to stay or risk losing her job. Andrea leaves to go to the science lab.
INT. –AUDITORIUM – NIGHT
Andrea’s daughter proclaims that she’s giving up on her mother, that she must not love her. She gets bullied.
INT. – SCIENCE LAB – NIGHT
Andrea shows up just as the paramedics are wheeling the professor out with cameras rolling. The professor says that he saw Meagan just before the fire started and confesses that he conspired with her to send Andrea back in time.
INT. – AUDITORIUM
Andrea shows up with her cameras and the police. They arrest Meagan. Andrea announces that she is signing off to watch her daughter’s dance recital and goes to help Chloe stand up to her bully. Her boss calls and fires her. She says that’s okay. Her family is more important. Suddenly…
INT. –SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea is back at the science lab. It’s the day she left. She looks like herself again. She announces to the camera that the professor conspired with Meagan to send her back in time. She also announces that she’s quitting her job to focus on her family.
Resolution: Meagan and the professor get arrested. Andrea is reunited with Josh and her kids.
INT- ANDREA’S HOME – NIGHT
Andrea, Josh and the kids watch the professor and Meagan get arrested on the news.
EXT. – BASEBALL FIELD – NIGHT
Benjamin gets to pitch and strikes the hitter out. He looks back at his mom, beaming. Andre and Josh kiss.
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[PS80] Emmanuel’s Pass #7: Setup/Payoff Chains
What I learned doing this assignment is setup/payoffs work differently in each act. Act 1 has the most setups, which makes sense, then act 2 has a combination of setups/payoffs and act 3 has mostly payoffs. When looking at it that way, it’s a great way to understand setup and payoffs.
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Richard’s Pass 7: Setup/Payoff Chains
What I learned doing this is… all the lessons continue to add depth to the story and characters. It is really motivating me to start the first draft, which, I believed, will be much stronger than what I felt it was just a month ago.
SP CHAIN 1: Elena’s Pregnancy
Setup: We see Elena displaying signs of an early pregnancy. Rubbing stomach/vomiting
Payoff 1: Leif confirms her pregnancy.
Payoff 2: A kick. That precious moment a mother feels her first kick.
Payoff 3: Leif tells Shane
Payoff 4: Shane talks to Elana
Payoff 5: Does the baby have as future?
SP CHAIN 2: The main conflict
Setup: All my seven characters are bonded by blood or decades of friendship.
Payoff 1: Cracks in some relationships.
Payoff 2: after the clan leader is killed, relationships become tighter and some more distant. Sides are forming.
Payoff 2: They begin to kill each other for survival.
Payoff 3: Only on will remain.
SP CHAIN 3: English Regression
Setup: General questions Captain’s aggressive mentality – tells him the local people are needed for their future.
Payoff 1: Captain slaughters captives.
Payoff 2: Captain murders General.
Payoff 3: Captain murders locals.
Payoff 4: Soldiers question Captain’s orders.
Payoff 5: English retreat from island.
2. Select a setup/payoff chain you want to make stronger.
SP CHAIN 2: The main conflict
This is vitally important. These characters will have such strong bonds, albeit with some personality issues, from the beginning. I must show the cracks, the differences, the closeness right from the get-go. These personalities will change their minds, act irrationality, make clouded judgement calls… the whole way through the script. Then, after the pardon is announced, they will have to physically murder one another for their own survival. There will be twists and hopefully shocking moments as the audience goes through the emotional rollercoaster to see which one is the last person standing.
3. Tell us what difference this has made for your outline and if it hasn’t, find another setup/payoff chain to improve.
These setups/payoffs and putting them down in
writing is improving scene after scene, also character depth. It is helping to
make the outline much stronger. -
Set Up, Pay offs
Nick picking her up out of the muck
Nick and Abby’s brother – in Little League together
Nick takes Abby to a ballgame
Nick and Bill are at a ballgame together
Abby says lawyers are slimy / her brother is a lawyer
Bill (trying to steal the company) is a lawyer
Friend trying to get her on a talk show
Pay off – she’ll be on a show, and talking about her upcoming cable show
Abby, at the hospital, asks her father to promote one of the maids to help
Neither Abby not Adrianna respect each other. Abby feels Adrianna doesn’t care about the business, not her father.
Abby and Adrianna respect each other, Adrianna is made the manager
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PS 80 Michelle Damis Pass 7: Setup/Payoff Chains
What I learned doing this is that I am having a hard time identifying and quantifying ALL the chains I have. This however, I believe is a good thing as I’ve woven everything together pretty intricately. Years ago I took the Strengthfinder 2.0 personality quiz(Which I’m sure you are aware of this program from your corp experience). “Strategy” was my #1 strength, so I’m constantly seeing how things can and should tie together. Because I have so many and don’t want to take up a ton of space and time trying to “show my work” I’m going to do more of a summary.
1. List ALL of the setup/payoff chains (SP Chains) from your story — One or two sentences per setup/payoff.
SP CHAIN 1: Ted appears to be a human hating vampire, alone and misanthropic,/but he ends up really wanting the family he never had.
Setup: Thru narration we hear all the negative thoughts on humans and the world and how his life “is”
Setup 1: We observe him commit an act of kindness
Setup 2: He spares Nina because he saw her behavior with a guy a the barSetup 3: He is picking bad “victims” he has a conscience.
**I continue with these “humanizing:” setups thru out…mixing in little payoffs along the way.
SP Chain 2 Ted has to find a new place to live-decides to try the suburbs/
Payoff : This connects him to the family he “needs”SP CHAIN 3: Nina is awful to her mother and the parents really don’t know why/she reveals that she was date raped and blames her mother.
Setup: Nina observes a guy being pushy with a girl
Payoff 1: This saves her from being Teds victim that night
Payoff 2: She is in therapy
Payoff 3: things she says to her motherPayoff 4: other various comments
**Again I have spattered these setup thru out leading the way. SP CHAIN 4: The loving parents are so welcoming to Ted/treat him like a son/ In the end they lost a son and could never have another and there is a big secret Marin holds.
** little set-up/payoffs everywhere that tie into all the different lines of the story.
SP CHAIN 5: The nun the leaders, the other vampires: their input and actions.
**This is where I need more development especially if I’m going with the ending I’m thinking of.
One example here is when the Nun defends vampires a bit/in the end she will be part of the twist.
2. Select a setup/payoff chain you want to make stronger. How can you make the setup more interesting or effective? ***My chain that I need to work on involves the other supporting characters and how I’ll tie in into the twist in the end.
3. Tell us what difference this has made for your outline and if it hasn’t, find another setup/payoff chain to improve. *This has boosted my confidence as I have realized this “strength” of being strategic is a HUGE benefit to writing.
4. Post your current outline with the improved setup/payoff chain(s) in it.
INT. TEDS “LAIR” ABANDONED BLDG – NIGHT
Narrated by Ted.(as if he is telling a story) He sharing what his life is like being a vampire. Where he has lived, how he gets by, what other vampires do etc…(need to address usage of money/he is against greed/capitalism) Ted is getting ready to go out on the town-primping, choosing outfit etc….
EXT. DOWNTOWN STREETS – NIGHT
Ted walking to night club, narrating still. Explains more about vampires in general (folk-lore, misconceptions), etc… Observe humans being rotten to each other, more details about his feelings of disdain toward humans. We see Ted do something “kind” for a homeless human. “Just a bite” opportunity for humor/irony.
INT. NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT
Ted sees his vampire friend. Ted narrates background on “friend” (very young in vampire years) more commentary on humans. We see Nina in night club in background. Waitress – Ted=“I’ll be having a drink later” comment.
INT. NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT
Nina sits down with a few friends, orders drinks, brings her friends up to date with her situation, she has had to move back home with parents-not happy.
INT. NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT
Ted narrating observing humans.
INT. NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT
Nina observes a guy being too pushy with a girl, she intervenes, Ted notices.
INT. NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT
Ted and friend select that nights victim(s) (they select someone that deserves it from audience perspective), Nina almost a target of his friend, Ted dissuades “She only looks like a bitch, pick someone else” (she is clueless that she was almost “dinner”)
EXT. OUTSIDE CLUB ALLEY – NIGHT
Quick scene of victims (don’t show any gore) Ted narrating as he walks how and why he picks his prey.
INT. NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT
Montage of Nina partying into the night
INT. BEDROOM – EARLY AM
Alarm clock going off 5am. We meet Marin and Jim, Ninas parents. (Feel the love and security)
INT. WORKOUT ROOM – EARLY AM
Marin is working out. View some of her accomplishments. Get background from items in the room.
INT. ENTRY WAY
Nina comes home from partying, annoyed she can hear her Mom exercising. Rolls eyes/dirty looks at Marin as she walks past room. Looks at a family picture-mixture of sadness and anger “Good Morning!” Nina ignores her. Marin exasperated.
INT. NINAS ROOM – EARLY MORNING
Ninas bedroom is a disaster, pulls shades as sun coming up. Flops into bed. Items in room show how much she is loved. But that she is self-sabotaging
INT. HOUSE – EARLY MORNING
Marins finished with workout walks thru house to kitchen. Ninas path of destruction-leaves a mess everywhere. Picks up things as she goes. Obviously frustrated.
INT. KITCHEN – EARLY MORNING
Marin hands full of Ninas stuff, throws in laundry room. Jim in messy Kitchen having coffee, Marin joins him-grabbing coffee. They have conversation about Nina. “We can’t live like this” “ANYBODY” would be better than her! “Let’s get a tenant, and pay for her to live in the city” Epiphany/Idea. Marin gets text from her sister.
EXT. TED BUILDING – EARLY MORNING
There is a guy posting a sign on a door to bldg. Ted reads sign. Building being destroyed to make way for fancy condos.
EXT. PARK/WALKING TRAILS – DAY
Marin walks with her sister Rachel, they have talk about Nina (good time to reveal some stuff) Marin tells her about renter idea, Rachel doesn’t like the idea. (tad bit of conflict)
INT. HOME OFFICE – DAY
Posting “room for rent” notice, conflict scene with Nina. “I’m going to the gym…you should be happy” storms out.
INT. THERAPIST OFFICE –DAY
Nina enters. (don’t know if we will get any info at this point) just IN therapy-lied to Mom about where she was going..
INT. BAR – NIGHT
Ted telling vampire friend about having to move, there are no good bldgs anymore…all these new fancy condos. No history, no class. Friend talks about another friend that moved to the suburbs, and loves it. Ted likes the idea. Would be a nice change. They eye their “dinner” (we see a couple douchebags)
**1 week later.
INT. HOUSE – DAY INTO NIGHT
Various interviews with potential renters, one of whom will be Ted.
INT. KITCHEN –MINUTES LATER
Jim and Marin go to kitchen to agree they want Ted.
INT. HOUSE – CONT.
Jim and Marin offer room to Ted. Nina comes home unexpectedly. They have to tell her their brilliant plan… this is the new renter and she gets to move back to the city! He recognizes her from nightclub, she can’t put her finger on why he looks familiar. Set timeframe of 2 weeks for the transition.
INT. NINAS CITY APT – DAY
Nina in her new place with friend. Happy for herself but suspicious of Ted.
EXT. HOUSE – NIGHT
Ted move in “night”, apologizes for it being dark. He doesn’t have that much stuff.
INT. HOUSE – NIGHT
Jim and Marin are super kind and helpful. Ted has never been treated like this before. Steak dinner scene.
EXT.HOUSE – NIGHT
Ted is sneaking out like a teenager to go to club. Already feeling guilty.
INT. NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT
With vampire friends, discusses new place he is living. One asks when he will drain them. The other informs that Vampires aren’t allowed to feed on their landlords or their family, forbidden. Only if they ASK to be turned. Ted is surprised-but also relieved. One says…”But WE can feed on them.” Ted immediately feels protective-not a normal emotion for him. Nina shows up, Ted sneaks out.
EXT. FIELD – NIGHT
Ted decides to feed on a deer instead of a human. Apologizes to the deer.
INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT
Ted does all the dishes and takes out the garbage before going to bed for the day.
INT. WORKOUT ROOM – EARLY MORNING (still dark)
Marin working out, Ted smiles as he passes by, opposite of Nina.
INT. KITCHEN – DAY
Marin joins Jim for coffee in spotless kitchen, “This is already working out”. Just then Nina calls, she has a great job interview today. Do you want to talk to Mom? NO! Jim consoles Marin.
INT. DOWNTOWN OFFICE – DAY
Nina has an interview, sitting in waiting room looking at newspaper. Missing person article, photo of nightclub, missing person-sees Ted in background. Suspicion grows. She rocks interview.
INT. BIG BOX STORE- DAY
Marin is shopping, getting all sorts of Halloween decorations and costumes. Phone call with some sort of conflict.
INT. HOME – NIGHT
Marin is putting up Halloween decorations as Ted is “getting up” She LOVES Halloween- (this could be a great scene.) Jim comes home- she is excited to show him their costumes this year. VAMPIRES! Jim wants to see a movie, he asks Ted to join them-why not? He realizes he has never gone to a theater.(has to fake that he has)
EXT. THEATER – NIGHT
Gorgeous old theater. They see a classic that restores faith in humanity. Jim talks about movies and seeing them as a family and how the experience with his Dad was so impactful.
INT. THEATER – NIGHT
Ted sheds a tear?(can they cry??) or he just looks impacted??
EXT. THEATER – NIGHT
They are walking to car, Jim asks him how he liked it….Ted can’t stop talking. Jim- “Its like you’ve never seen a movie before” they laugh. Someone is watching (danger) Teds senses kick up….he knows.
INT. HOME – NIGHT
Ted makes an excuse to go to his room and he sneaks out.
INT. NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT
Ted meets his friend asks if he is following him and the humans. Oddly defensive, Ted threatens, Nina interrupts. Ted surprised. Tense conversation ensues. She doesn’t trust him. This is where he tells her how rotten she is being that they didn’t just want her to be happy in the city….they couldn’t; take it anymore…you are hurting THEM, they are YOUR PARENTS….how can you do that? You don’t know how lucky you are!
INT. THERAPIST – DAY
Nina at therapist. She was affected by Teds “wake-up call” the night prior. Can you believe what he said??
EXT. THERAPIST BLDG – DAY
Nina is scared by a guy dressed up as a vampire as she leaves building. HAPPY HALLOWEEN! She sees some little trick or treaters. PHONE RINGS-Gets a call, she GOT THE JOB!
INT. HOME – DAY
Marin doing all sorts of Halloween craft/cookies….getting ready for trick- or –treaters. (add some threat or conflict)
INT. CAR – NIGHT
Nina driving talking with friend on cell, got job, going to pick up her Dad for a celebration dinner , then meet you for party later…its perfect…Mom won’t want to miss trick-or-treaters.
INT. HOUSE – NIGHT
Nina shows up at parents (dressed as vampires) with good news. I’m taking you out to dinner! It plays out like Nina expected but Ted has been listening…he walks into room and laughs aloud at their vampire costumes. ”I’ll hand out candy, it’ll be fun, you guys go” Nina very/annoyed (what is he up to?) Marin- “should we change” Nina “No, you are fine” now plans to embarrass her mom at a FANCY place.
INT. FANCY RESTAURANT – NIGHT
Marin embarrassed, Nina takes pleasure, as they check in with Maître D.
INT/EXT. FRONT DOOR – NIGHT
Montage of trick-or-treaters and Teds responses funny stuff.
INT. FANCY RESTAURANT – NIGHT
The dinner gets tense, Nina says she doesn’t like Ted, is she jealous. She tells them what he said to her. They get in a fight.
INT/EXT. FRONT DOOR – NIGHT
Montage of more trick-or-treaters and Teds responses funny stuff until his Vampire friends show up. SH*T…now they know where he is and the family is in danger. Nina drops Jim and Marin home.
EXT. CAR – NIGHT
Nina see “much too big” trick-or-treaters leave, she is suspicious and follows the two Vampires.
INT. HOME – NIGHT
Jim and Marin ask Ted how he liked answering the door etc….then he asks how their dinner went. The conversation turns into a bit of a therapy session. Jim and Marin explain to Ted how Nina has changed over the years, they confess all their frustrations, he tries to give them the limited advice he can. He sees how much they love her. Ted looks at the clock forgetting he needs to meet the other vampires. He claims he is tired as his excuse to exit.
EXT. MEETING PLACE/WOODED AREA – NIGHT
Ted arrives meeting the other Vampires they argue and fight over the family. They reveal themselves thinking they are alone.
EXT. CAR – NIGHT
Nina is shocked when she realizes what they are. She starts to call the police…wait….they won’t believe her. She waits for them to leave then starts driving. She sees an old church (Holy Water) and screeches to a halt in front of it. Grabs a few empty containers exits car.
EXT. OUTSIDE CHURCH – NIGHT
Nina sneaking in. Trick-or-treaters in background
INT. CHURCH – NIGHT
Still sneaking around, trying to find holy water, steals a few crosses, gets caught by a Nun. She has to confess what she is doing expecting the Nun to think she is crazy. The Nun takes her under the church to a secret room and schools her on Vampire stuff (will need to do some good cleaver research here- don’t want to be too cliché’) Nun surprisingly defends vampires a bit. It wasn’t their fault, such a sad existence.
EXT. VARIOUS STREETS – NIGHT
Ted walking, thinking, observes trick-or-treaters and families. A kid running, trips, crying a Dad picks him up and consoles. Ted is touched and forlorn. Mad at himself… What is he doing? He is a vampire! A killer! He starts to attack someone, the guy laughs…”Great costume man! You almost had me…” Ted lets him go.
INT. MANSION – NIGHT
Teds Vampire friends report him to Elders…he is breaking rules.
INT LIBRARY –DAY
Nina schooling herself on vampires
INT STORE – DAY
Nina outfitting herself with Vampire protection supplies.
INT. CAFE – DAY
Nina tells her Dad she thinks Ted is a Vampire, he of course doesn’t believe her.
INT. HOME – NIGHT
Jim is re-telling Marin about Ninas crazy accusations when Ted walks in (or maybe he overhears?) This could be a funny scene where they make all sorts of jokes… Ted decides he should confront Nina.
INT. NINAS APT – NIGHT
He knocks on door…”Who’s there?” “Ted” she has left all her vampire supplies in the car….so she grabs a jar of minced garlic and holds it for protection.(funny) Ted confronts Nina. She wants him to leave her parents alone. He explains he won’t feed on her or them, they are safe…BUT…he wants her to be nicer to her mother.(choose to be nicer) He explains how his family died. This should be a pivotal scene. He also explains that there are other dangers besides him. He teaches her how she can best defend herself against vampires. He tells her he plans to confess to her parents, and then leave town for their protection.
INT. HOME – NIGHT
Jim gets call from a neighbor to come help him, leaves Marin alone.
EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD – NIGHT
Jim leaves just before vampires arrive. Near miss.
INT. HOME – NIGHT
The Vampires take Marin.
EXT. OUTSIDE NINAS – NIGHT
Car pulls up and grabs Ted.
INT. NINAS – NIGHT
Knock at door, she thinks it is Ted. It is other vampires-they take her.
INT. MANSION – NIGHT
The Vampire Elders confront Ted. BIG ULTIMATUM
INT. HOME – NIGHT
Jim comes home, Marin is gone. He thinks she just ran an errand, not worried. Calls Nina, she doesn’t pick up….not worried…but odd. Texts
INT. MANSION – NIGHT
The Vampire Elders confront Ted. BIG ULTIMATUM (More of this scene) Ted leaves
INT. HOME – NIGHT
Ted arrive home…immediately smells that vampires were there….he freaks out. Jim comes out concerned…Ted-where is Marin? Ted realizes she has been taken, what about Nina? Not picking up…we need to check on her….I’ll explain on the way.
INT. CAR – NIGHT
Driving to Ninas…speeding….Ted tells Jim all (all the vampire stuff and all the “you are the first family I’ve known” stuff)…Jim is speechless
INT. NINAS – NIGHT
They arrive, she is gone- obvious struggle. What will they do…they could be anywhere if they are still alive. Wait…is her phone here? Do you have tracking on it? They track her location thru phone. .
EXT. CAR – NIGHT
Speeding to location
INT. DARK UNDERGROUND PLACE – NIGHT
Nina and Marin “come to”. They are tied up and alone. Nina has to bring Marin up to speed on Ted.
INT. CAR – NIGHT
Jims turn to talk and ask questions as they drive.
INT. DARK UNDERGROUND PLACE – NIGHT
Vampires come in give them a choice…die or become vampires. They discuss options.
INT. CAR – NIGHT
More Jim and Ted talking?? Maybe about Marin and Nina.
INT. DARK UNDERGROUND PLACE – NIGHT
Nina and Marin fighting about options, they have opposite views (do a pro-con list) turns into Marin asking why Nina hates her so much.
EXT. ABANDONED LOCATION – NIGHT
Ted and Jim arrive, Ted schools Jim on what they will come up against.
INT. DARK UNDERGROUND PLACE – NIGHT
Nina breaks down and explains she was date-raped but couldn’t tell her Mom because of her job and the disgrace plus it would break Dads heart. etc… Nina has always felt so angry and so guilty. Marin crying, so sorry. She confesses her own secret. She was attacked when pregnant, lost baby boy-unable to have more from the attack…couldn’t tell your father(he thinks I just mis-carried)…he always wanted a son.
**I’m still working/thinking through the ending
EXT. OUTDOORS/NO COVER IN SIGHT – DAWN
Jim, Marin, Nina, and Ted huddle together. The sun is about to come up and Ted will die. They are all devastated but there is nothing they can do. They are saying their final words.
-
Jennifer’s Pass 7: Setup/Payoff Chains
WHAT I LEARNED:
This helped me see a couple details in the story that didn’t add up yet that I could sense weren’t right already but couldn’t put my finger on. I tend to write intuitively in the moment, but love having checklists of points to analyze after I have something down, and this is something I would already have known to check through for any writing assignment (not just screenwriting) but very much appreciate it being a part of the process being taught here.
1.
SP CHAIN 1:
Setup: Jessica upset about loss at philosophy tournament
Payoff 1: J plots with parents
Payoff 2: J uses new methods at later academic tournament, still loses
Payoff 3: J get Ethan disqualified from next academic tournament, but he knows she did it
Payoff 4: She kills Ethan and gets by with it
SP CHAIN 2:
Setup: Jessica is a subject-matter genius on many things, such as computers, diseases/pathology, entomology, politics
Payoff 1: She doesn’t win multiple academic tournaments because she holds back out of anxiety
Payoff 2: She later secretly kills Ethan using her knowledge
SP CHAIN 3:
Setup: She used to be obsessed with hiking a particular trail with her father
Payoff 1: She later kills Amanda by letting Amanda fall down a cliff
SP CHAIN 4:
Setup: Mother focuses on J going to Chapman U and creating a “power base”
Payoff 1: J works toward scholarship
Payoff 2: J eschews attempts to make friends at school except for “power base”
Payoff 3: J kills off “power base” to get to Chapman and start living “for real” and building her platform
Payoff 4: J gains sympathy and respect from classmates for winning scholarship to Chapman, while also developing either an enemy or a superfan in her next-door neighbor Jillian
SP CHAIN 5:
Setup: J’s tech skills are legendary, but her depth of knowledge of many topics is unparalleled
Payoff 1: She goes high tech to eliminate Ethan
Payoff 2: Ethan knows she did it but can’t prove it
Payoff 3: J kills E using low-tech means from her personal library and has already dumped the books she got her info from
SP CHAIN 6:
Setup: J reads up on how to manipulate people to her advantage
Payoff 1: It initially doesn’t work with competitor in competition
Payoff 2: She convinces A to trust her
Payoff 3: She continues to use the language she learned in the book to show off her prowess in the end
SP CHAIN 7:
Setup: From the start Amanda has a distinctive speech pattern and is confident, affectionate, if a showoff, and Ethan does as well
Payoff 1: At end J uses some of Amanda and Ethan’s exact phrasings as her own in her speech
SP CHAIN 8:
Setup: J lets us know from the beginning that she is secretly vulnerable and tentative but wants to win
Payoff 1: There are tons of individual payoffs, but she struggles initially to act/pretend to be bold
Payoff 2: She gets bolder in competition but doesn’t win
Payoff 3: We see J show one side of herself to a competitor and then immediately switch to a different persona with Amanda, which is new and frightening
Payoff 4: Through voiceover throughout, J transforms from vulnerable and tentative to decisive at the end, even if it costs her her soul
SP CHAIN 9:
Setup: J notes that just eliminating competitors isn’t working and that she’s trying to show her commitment to service outwardly. Her mother encourages her to “think outside the box.” J’s solution: Oppo research.
Payoff 1: She learns Ethan’s weaknesses and exploits them to kill him while making it look like an accident.
Payoff 2: She learns how to manipulate Amanda and kills her.
Payoff 3: POSSIBLY: Something to do with Ms. Mitchell, the scholarship supervisor from their school and one of their teachers
SP CHAIN 10:
Setup: Jessica has an extensive library in her room.
Payoff 1: Jessica buys books.
Payoff 2: Jessica burns books (but audience doesn’t know it yet).
Payoff 3: Jessica uses knowledge from one book to kill Ethan.
SP CHAIN 11: POSSIBLY:
Setup: News story in background on contaminated snack that reveals Ethan’s allergy
Payoff 1: Ethan’s allergy mentioned
Payoff 2: J later kills Ethan secretly by contaminating his drink with his food allergen
SP CHAIN 12:
Setup: Next door neighbor Jillian is a sophomore and another quiet, dark soul. Jessica says hello to her but doesn’t give her attention otherwise.
Payoff 1: Jillian is part of junior teams for same competitions as Jessica, so we often see her in the background helping out.
Payoff 2: Jillian sees Jessica at bookstore.
Payoff 3: Jillian sees Jessica sitting by fire in fire pit.
Payoff 4: In the background Jillian looks on when Jessica receives scholarship, takes notes, and wants to follow in Jessica’s footsteps.
PLOT IN STRUCTURE:
OPENING:
Jessica loses to Amanda and Ethan in the last round of the Young Philosophers Think-off. Judges declare Amanda the winner, but Jessica and Ethan are neck and neck. Jessica is crushed and kicks herself for not going for it in the final round.
INT. SCHOOL GYM — DAY
Jessica, Amanda, and Ethan compete in the last round of the Young Philosophers Think-off. These aren’t your average high school students slinging around high-level philosophical concepts. Judges declare Amanda the winner, but Jessica and Ethan are neck and neck.
INT. JESSICA’S HOUSE — MORNING
While drinking their morning coffee, Jessica’s parents do a round of reverse engineering to determine why Jessica lost. We learn that Jessica’s parents are politicians (father is mayor or something like that, mother is a US senator), and her father wants to teach Jessica all the greasy ways he used to get ahead. Jessica’s mother isn’t impressed by that but still tells Jessica to focus on the goal, part of which is to go to Chapman U and create a “power base.” Jessica’s father confirms he and Jessica will go on a hike the next day. She balks, but he reminds her it was always her favorite, that it will be relaxing because she “knows it like the back of her hand.”
Later:
INT. JESSICA’S ROOM — NIGHT
Jessica kicks herself for hesitating in the final round. Why didn’t she just go for it? She’s stressed almost to the point of unhinged. She looks out her window and sees her younger neighbor Jillian looking at her timidly. Jillian looks away instantly when caught.
INCITING INCIDENT:
A prestigious new scholarship competition for one lucky junior is announced. Jessica processes her competition and realizes this is her chance to get ahead despite her complete disregard for other people’s feelings to date. She, Amanda, and Ethan are the clear frontrunners.
INT. SCHOOL CLASSROOM — DAY
Jessica and Amanda learn of the prestigious scholarship to Chapman U for one service-oriented junior before AP Literature class. Jessica instantly starts jotting down thoughts on how to win and texts her father that they need to make a plan, but doubts herself when Amanda mentions she’s already fulfilled many of the scholarship’s public service requirements and Jessica has not, instead focusing on her tech skills (establishes tech expertise). How can Jessica look the part of the good citizen and stat? Her secret hatred of Amanda and Ethan becomes clear, knowing that the three of them are the clear frontrunners.
BY PAGE 10:
We know that Jessica is on a mission to win at the competition and life in general at all costs. (We just don’t know which costs that entails yet.) She has her father as an ally.
FIRST TURNING PT AT END OF ACT 1:
The first phase of the scholarship competition requires applicants to complete a service project. During Jessica’s project, she helps eliminate one of her competitors via a technicality (TBC) — just to make herself look better to the judges.
INT. SCHOOL CAFETERIA — DAY
Jessica does service project (chocolate truffle fundraiser for children’s charity). She literally forces a low-level (rankwise) scholarship competitor out of helping whom she’s there to help because it’s easier to pick on the “little guy” rather than a true peer. Amanda notices and defends the competitor’s actions, noticing that the competitor isn’t likely to outrank either of them in the scholarship competition. Jessica starts preparing for next “achievement” while still at event.
EXT. RACE EVENT SIGNUP TABLE — DAY
A couple days later Jessica sits at table signing people up for a charity race while sporting her own number for the race. Jessica walks up to get her number and casually notes that she, Amanda, Ethan, and 3-4 others are leading in the competition according to her inside source. She casually mentions oversleeping and hasn’t prepared for the race, which angers Jessica. Neighbor Jillian comes up, Jessica says hi, and Jillian runs in the race as well. Jessica walks away from the table to warm up for the race, and she seethes secretly to her father (mother is rarely there), who reminds her to save some of this anger to push through at the end of the race, harping on followthrough and showing outwardly that she’s calm and cool.
EXT. RACE FINISH LINE — DAY
Jessica sails past other runners (including a teacher who cheerfully says “It’s all for a good cause”) including a runner from another school — another scholarship competitor — who is hurt. Others stop to help the guy out while Jessica secretly mocks them for being weak in a voice mimicking her mother. In V.O. we hear Jessica share her desire to win and her anger at the current scholarship situation. Amanda has been running the race but gives up cheerfully and walks instead. Jessica can’t understand how she can be so blase about losing. Ethan comes from behind to beat Jessica while we hear her V.O. hesitance as she thinks through her anger toward her scholarship competitors, which slows her down because she’s lost in thought and holds back at the end. Ethan and Amanda discuss Jessica being on the verge of cracking from the pressure, bond over that and their own admissions of fear of failure.
EXT. RACE EVENT OFFICIALS’ STAND — DAY
Jessica secretly turns Amanda in on a strange technicality (either accidentally curses under her breath or wears ear buds and listens to music, which are against the rules), so she loses her standing in the race. She laughs it off, which angers Jessica as she attempts to convince Amanda how important this was for Amanda’s standing in the competition. Projection much?
INT. JESSICA’S BEDROOM — NIGHT
Jessica reads book on how to best others verbally. We see a stack of books like How to Win Friends and Influence People. V.O. Jessica shares that even though her parents have been grilling her like she’s in court for years, she’s decided to add to her rhetorical repertoire to include the subtle art of manipulation. Her mother thinks books like these mean she’s trying too hard, but Jessica doesn’t want to leave anything to chance. She knows she’s not likeable the way she is.
MIDPOINT:
Jessica, Amanda, and Ethan are on the short list for scholarship. Jessica shows she’s willing to do far more during another academic competition with Amanda and Ethan to prove her superiority but pulls back before crushing the competition. Amanda and Ethan are grudgingly starting to team up to help or fight her, whichever helps.
INT. SCHOOL ACTIVITY ROOM — EVENING
Amanda and Ethan discuss Jessica and themselves being 3 of the 6 semifinalists left in the competition while waiting for a history academic competition to start. They are concerned with Jessica’s behavior, decide to keep an eye on her. Jessica enters with stacks of notes and reviews her flashcards intensely. V.O. shares her insistence that she deserves this win. Jillian is a timid junior member of Jessica’s school team.
Later:
Jessica competes with Amanda on her team (Ethan is there as moral support for Amanda; they are getting closer), and when the opponent reveals a tiny weakness, Jessica twists the knife in the guy’s insecurity using a tactic she just learned from her book. He manages to answer correctly, winning the competition, but only barely. Jessica is visibly frustrated it didn’t work, knowing how close she came to succeeding, tries to put on a stone face but doesn’t manage it.
INT. SCHOOL CLASSROOM — DAY
Amanda quietly checks on Jessica to ask if she’s OK after losing the night before. Jessica hisses a mean response, but softens in how she looks at Amanda. In V.O. Jessica shares that she can’t let herself get soft, practices the technique that didn’t work in the academic competition in the previous scene. (We need to see this play out in an upcoming scene TBC.)
SECOND TURNING PT AT END OF ACT 2:
After “helping” another competitor get disqualified for the scholarship, Jessica realizes that just beating or eliminating her opponents isn’t actually making her look good in the eyes of the scholarship committee. She has to try the principle of “Be magnanimous” that she learned from her book, needs to look convincingly kind outwardly and show good sportsmanship regardless of how she feels inside. If that doesn’t work, she will have to take drastic action and start eliminating the competition in a bigger way while looking far more decent than she technically is. Step 1: Engage Amanda and Ethan as friends in hopes it will reflect well on her. Right now Amanda and Ethan are still ahead as if the judges can smell that they’re better humans.
INT. SCHOOL GYM — NIGHT
Jessica runs important fundraiser at homecoming dance (she has forced her way into leadership as a junior) while two other scholarship competitors help out. She is there alone with no allies so she talks to Amanda briefly, who came with Ethan. She catches two other competitors doing something they’re not supposed to (TBC) and then …
INT. PUBLIC BATHROOM — NIGHT
Jessica calls and anonymously tips off someone (TBC) that the other competitors have done X bad thing. She smiles. Jillian sees her there but walks away quickly when observed.
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY — DAY
Ms. Sarah Collins (teacher on scholarship committee) looks on with concern as Jessica subtly verbally abuses Jillian and accuses Jillian of stalking her, then turns around to greet Amanda cheerfully.
INT. JESSICA’S HOUSE — DAY
While Jessica’s mother drills her on facts for the next academic competition as Jessica stuffs items into bag for charity, Jessica interrupts to note that just eliminating competitors isn’t working and that she’s trying to show her commitment to service outwardly. Her mother encourages her to “think outside the box.” How can Jessica get ahead? A gleam in her eyes. Two words: oppo research.
INT. SCHOOL CLASSROOM — DAY
Jessica speaks conspiratorially with Amanda to befriend her, an act of manipulation using rules Jessica has learned through her reading. Caught up in the moment, Amanda accidentally reveals info that makes Jessica jealous (TBC) and shares that Ethan has a deadly food allergy like a news story that just popped up on her phone.
EXT. SCHOOL PARKING LOT — NIGHT
Jessica works to befriend Ethan before a competition. He mentions a recent win that gives him more points toward the scholarship. He is in first, Amanda in second, and Jessica in third place for scholarship. Ethan sees through Jessica while Amanda does not.
CRISIS:
Jessica has steadily been “helping” other competitors get disqualified in funny, torturous ways that she takes secret pride in. Now all other students besides Jessica, Amanda, and Ethan have been eliminated from the competition. As the final days of the competition near, Jessica is more committed to winning than ever but feels it’s her darkest day because she can’t measure up to Amanda or Ethan, who have bested her in a number of ways lately. Jessica contemplates throwing in the towel on life until her father walks in and gives her a creepy pep talk. Amanda or Ethan (or both? maybe they’ve teamed up?) have resisted her pleas for friendship, though she’s wearing them down. What can she do to push her application over the edge? She racks her brain and comes up with a way that she thinks she can disqualify Ethan, though she knows she might not have the nerve to follow through. But that will still leave Amanda.
INT. SCHOOL — DAY
Jessica submits another … (TBC) for scholarship, thinking it will get her ahead.
INT. SCHOOL LUNCHROOM — DAY
Jessica checks her phone and sees she’s still in third place. Her world is rocked.
INT. BOOKSTORE — DAY
Jessica buys a stack of true crime, chemistry, and medical books in cash while wearing a cap and plain sweatshirt/hoodie. Ms. Mitchell is also there and sees her, is going to say hello and hesitates. Jillian lurks in the background and takes a photo of the books Jessica just bought. Jessica doesn’t see either one and leaves.
INT. JESSICA’S BEDROOM — NIGHT
Jessica starts overachieving at trying to find a way to kill herself by overresearching different methods, getting overwhelmed, and resolving to do X (funny — possibly writing a program to help her make the decision of how to do it). Just as she gets started trying to follow through, her father walks in and gives her a creepy pep talk about going the extra mile and needing this win. You got this, champ. Jessica smiles weakly and puts away what she was about to do. Her mother interrupts to talk political strategy with her father and says to her, “You’ve got to put yourself in front, Jessica. No one will do it for you.”
CLIMAX:
Jessica is on a mission to win now at all costs. First task: eliminate Ethan, which is harder than anticipated. It works, but Amanda is still there and definitely a few points ahead of her. But Ethan is on to her now, and he realizes what Jessica is willing to do and tries to warn Amanda. Jessica catches on and finds a way to act — not hesitate — and truly eliminate Ethan forever, killing him before he can get to Amanda in a way she won’t get caught. She then has an argument with Amanda at a park. Amanda shoves Jessica, but Jessica dodges her such that Amanda loses her balance and slips off the side of the cliff. Jessica could help her in the moment but weighs her options – help Amanda and look like a good Samaritan, which would win her points in the competition? Or let Amanda fall. We then see Jessica walking away, a self-satisfied look on her face, as Amanda struggles and slips.
INT. SCHOOL LIBRARY — DAY
Jessica runs a protocol on the library computer that makes her work totally anonymous and shuts down the video camera. She then forges something implicating Ethan in a bad act TBC and forwards it to Ms. Collins.
INT. CLASSROOM — DAY
Ms. Collins speaks seriously to Amanda and Jessica about Ethan’s sudden elimination. Amanda is upset for Ethan and mentions being worried about Jessica’s parents putting pressure on her. Jessica is grateful but also too proud to admit it. V.O. Jessica lets us know she hadn’t counted on Amanda feeling worse because of Ethan’s elimination. Something to exploit? Then …
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY — DAY
Jessica exits classroom and sees Jillian watching her. She walks over to Jillian and tells her she doesn’t appreciate Jillian following her around. (This will link back to the materials in the book on manipulation that Jessica read, and it’s clear Jessica is getting more paranoid.) Jillian tries to defend herself, but Jessica insists Jillian back off.
EXT. JESSICA’S BACKYARD — NIGHT
Jessica sits in front of a fire burning in a fire pit. Her father peeks out at her and asks what she’s doing. Her answer: strategizing how to win. He nods his approval. Jillian looks out a window of her house and sees Jessica by the fire.
EXT. SCHOOL GROUNDS — NIGHT
Jessica arrives at the school with coffees in hand for herself, Amanda, and Ethan. An academic competition is about to start. Ethan confirms what’s in the coffee to make sure it’s safe and drinks. Amanda doesn’t make it to the event at the last minute.
INT. SCHOOL GYMNASIUM — NIGHT
Jessica and Ethan help put things away after competition and walk outside to the parking lot carrying a heavy item TBC.
EXT. SCHOOL PARKING LOT — NIGHT
Ethan has acted normal until now, but turns on Jessica once no one is looking because he knows she must have been the one to get him in trouble. He still has an “in” to get into Harvard, he says, but he really wanted Chapman and may not even get in now, never mind losing the scholarship. He asks how she did it. Jessica discusses it casually while grabbing something out of her bag. A glove and a bottle of … something. She makes sure no one is looking, puts the glove on while Ethan is wrangling the item around in his car’s trunk, and dabs the edge of the bottle carefully with one gloved finger. He is almost done loading the trunk and calls her a piece of work. She puts one finger up to his mouth and says, “Shhh.” He starts to feel strange instantly and breathes funny. He looks for his bag and collapses, asking Jessica to go inside and get his adrenaline shot. For a moment she is in shock, then visibly relaxes, turns on fake tears, and runs inside screaming that she needs help.
INT. SCHOOL GYMNASIUM — NIGHT
Jessica looks frantically for Ethan’s backpack and riffles through it to search for the medicine while the other couple people look on. An ambulance siren rings in the background.
INT. JESSICA’S KITCHEN — NIGHT
Jessica’s father asks how that night’s competition went while eating and reading a business magazine. She glibly says a contestant died from anaphylaxis and that it was horrible. Her mother says, “Oh?” and gets back to eating her bloody steak. Her father murmurs “Mmmm-hmmmm” and keeps reading. Jessica smiles.
INT. CLASSROOM — DAY
The next morning, Amanda is visibly shaken. Jessica leans over, buddy-buddy, and says it’s just the two of them now. Amanda tells Jessica she doesn’t have to be strong and if she ever needs to talk to someone, she’s there for Jessica. A moment of gratefulness (or is it recognition?) in Jessica’s eyes.
EXT. SCHOOL EXIT — DAY
Jessica flags down Amanda and asks if Amanda has time to talk after Ethan’s funeral, that her parents don’t understand what it’s like to lose “a peer and a friend” like Ethan. Jessica tells her where to meet (making it look coincidental, but in V.O. Jessica shares how she makes this happen).
EXT. HIKING TRAIL WITH CLIFF — DAY
Jessica and Amanda walk the trail and talk about the funeral. Amanda first tries to talk kindly to Jessica, and they talk about how Ethan died, Amanda noting how scary it must have been for him — and for Jessica to witness. They approach the top of the trail where there is a cliff. Jessica pretends to lose her balance. Amanda attempts to help Jessica, who dodges her such that Amanda loses her balance and slips off the side of the cliff, hanging on by a thread. Jessica could help but weighs her options – help Amanda and look like a good Samaritan, which would win her points in the competition? Or let Amanda fall. We then see Jessica walking away, a self-satisfied look on her face, as Amanda struggles and slips.
RESOLUTION:
Jessica attends both rivals’ funerals and says cryptic things revealing her role in their deaths that no one recognizes. Jessica wins the competition and rules the school. Jessica gives a speech talking about all the service and sacrifice it took to get where she is and how taking action is critical to success. “Always be the best, and forget about the rest.” We notice another younger student Jillian, the next-door neighbor, a sophomore with a gleam in her eye, who’s been there all along looking on and wanting to follow in Jessica’s footsteps.
INT. JESSICA’S LIVING ROOM — NIGHT
Jessica puts on an act to convince the police that she is innocent of Amanda’s death. The detective asks if she thinks there is a connection between the two deaths. Jessica says they were all great friends and hints that Amanda took Ethan’s death hard. Jessica’s mother and father are the picture of concerned parents while police are there. Then her mother turns to Jessica and asks if this means she’s won the scholarship, a proud smile on her face. Jessica walks into …
INT. JESSICA’S KITCHEN — NIGHT
She pours a cup of coffee, reaches into the spice cabinet and pulls out a bottle we’ve seen before, hazelnut extract, which is what she used to kill Ethan. She hums to herself, happy for a brief moment in time.
INT. CEMETERY — DAY
Jessica attends Ethan’s funeral. She drops cryptic hints that she is responsible for his death, but everyone assumes she is being hyperbolic due to grief.
EXT. FUNERAL HOME — DAY
Jessica has taken over Amanda’s speech pattern (need to develop this in beginning) when speaking to classmates who ask how she’s holding up.
INT. SCHOOL AUDITORIUM — NIGHT
Ms. Collins announces the winner of the scholarship: Jessica. Much ado. Jessica gives a speech talking about all the service and sacrifice it took to get where she is and how taking action is critical to success. “Always be the best, and forget about the rest.” Someone asks Jessica what she hopes to do in the future. Her answer: Become the second female Senator from her state before heading to the White House. Her parents beam in the audience. In the background is another younger student, a sophomore with a gleam in her eye, who has been there all along looking on and wants to follow in Jessica’s footsteps (or possibly will go after Jessica – perhaps a bit of both), looking at her own copy of one of the books Jessica had been poring over earlier.
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Quincy (Quinn)’s Pass 7: Setup/Payoff Chains
What I learned doing this is I had a hard stop. The perfectionist in me almost bounced me out of the process indefinitely. I basically had to just say “keep it as is and do a rewrite later” to continue. This one was a struggle.
1. List ALL of the setup/payoff chains (SP Chains) from your story — One or two sentences per setup/payoff.
SP CHAIN 1: Cassie goes from sweet and timid to someone capable of murder
Setup: Cassie is seen being timid with everyone.
Payoff 1: Cassie is pushed around by people in her life.
Payoff 2: Cassie starts taking control: she asks the barista out.
Payoff 3: Cassie takes the barista home.
Payoff 4: Cassie turns herself in after learning Helen is murdering people.
Payoff 5: Cassie tries to kill herself after Helen kills the barista
Payoff 6: Cassie kills Bellerophon to keep Helen from learning how to take someone’s body.
SP CHAIN 2: Helen seeks a body and finds one
Setup: Helen is seen in Cassie’s dreams killing people
Payoff 1: Helen tells Cassie she’s after a body
Payoff 2: Helen threatens Bellerophon
Payoff 3: Helen ups her body count
Payoff 4: Helen takes Cassie’s new lover
SP CHAIN 3: Wallace investigates the murders and gets killed by the murderer
Setup: Wallace is investigating a murder when he notices Cassie’s reaction
Payoff 1: Wallace trails her and asks her questions.
Payoff 2: Wallace obtains Cassie’s DNA from saliva
Payoff 3: Wallace calls in a favor to match Cassie’s DNA
Payoff 4: Wallace confronts Cassie and Helen kills her.
SP CHAIN 4: Cassie’s interest in the barista leads to the barista being killed.
Setup: Cassie has a moment with the barista
Payoff 1: Cassie plucks up the courage to ask the barista out
Payoff 2: They have several dates
Payoff 3: They go to bed together
Payoff 4: Helen kills the barista for her body
2. Select a setup/payoff chain you want to make stronger.
The first chain needs improvement. There needs to be more space on the spectrum. Need to really hammer home Cassie’s timidity and non-violence.
How can you make the setup more interesting or effective? – Need to see other places where Cassie is being pushed around. Then, there needs to be a push/respond stimuli between stages early on.
How can you make the payoffs more emotional or meaningful? – We need to feel both pity and kinship with Cassie. Make the stakes and horror deeper and more effective. Explore why she’s timid, why her asking the barista out and sticking up for herself are huge steps. Gaining control over her life, only to start losing it at the hands of Helen.
3. Tell us what difference this has made for your outline and if it hasn’t, find another setup/payoff chain to improve.
This let’s us delve deeper into Cassie’s character and truly feel the horror at how she is shredded. It deepens the emotional connection between the audience and the character.
4. Post your current outline with the improved setup/payoff chain(s) in it.
FADE IN:
EXT. ALLEYWAY – NIGHT
A homeless man is hunted down and brutally murdered by CASSIE, early 20s with two different colored eyes.
INT. CASSIE’S BEDROOM – 3:47 AM
Cassie wakes up screaming. She realizes it’s a dream and writes the dream in her dream journal. She gets out of bed.
INT. CASSIE’S BATHROOM – MINUTES LATER
Cassie washes her face in the bathroom sink. She dries off and stares at her reflection. She focuses on the reflection of her left eye. Her alarm offscreen goes off. It’s 5:00 AM. Cassie jumps and comes out of her daze. She turns off the alarm and prepares for her day.
INT. COFFEE SHOP – MORNING
Cassie has an incident where someone cuts in front of her and she doesn’t do or say anything. There is a brief moment with the female barista behind the counter flirting with her.
EXT. CITY STREETS – MINUTES LATER
Cassie, on her way to work, happens upon a crime scene blocked off by police. The coroners wheel a shrouded body to the van. Cassie glimpses the scene and sees that it matches her dream. She drops her coffee and rushes away from the scene. DETECTIVE JIM WALLACE, late 20s, fit, notices her.
INT. DR BELLEROPHON’S OFFICE – LATER
Cassie tells Bellerophon about her dream and coming upon the murder scene. She tells him about not feeling like she’s the one looking back in the mirror. BELLEROPHON, 50s, cliched professional, assures her it’s coincidence and talks to her about her condition with nightmares. He prescribes her a new medicine for her to take.
EXT DR BELLEROPHON’S OFFICE – LATER
Detective Wallace catches Cassie coming out of the office. He asks her a few questions about the murder scene and gives her his card.
EXT. CITY STREETS – LATER
Cassie is passing by the coffee shop. The barista who keeps flirting with her comes out and calls to her. She said she was worried when Cassie didn’t show up for her normal coffee. After some awkward conversation, the barista asks Cassie out for a drink. Cassie initially refuses, but ends up agreeing.
EXT. CITY STREETS – NIGHT
A couple leave a late night movie. Cassie springs out from an alley and kills the husband. The wife runs, but Cassie chases her down and slaughters her.
INT. CASSIE’S ROOM – 3:47 AM
Cassie wakes up screaming again. She goes to write in her journal and notices what looks like dried blood under her fingernail. She rushes to the bathroom to wash up.
INT. CASSIE’S BATHROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Cassie is sobbing washing her hands, trying to get the blood out from beneath her finger nails. She looks up at her reflection to see, for the briefest of seconds, the evil rictus on her own face. She leaves the bathroom.
INT. CASSIE’S BEDROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Cassie calls Dr. Bellerophon in a panic. He assures her it is nothing, but tells her to come to his office when they open. Cassie re-opens the dream journal and sees that there are entries written in a different hand-writing with disturbing messages.
EXT. CITY STREETS – MORNING
Cassie is walking to her appointment. She bumps into Detective Wallace. Wallace tells her another murder came up this morning with a similar MO and wants to know where she’s been. It’s almost an interrogation. At the end he tells her he’ll keep in touch. Cassie goes into the building.
INT. BELLEROPHON’S OFFICE – LATER
Cassie is beside herself. She tells Bellerophon about the blood and shows him her dream journal. Bellerophon tells her it’s okay and tries to calm her down. He gives her something to drink. She calms down, almost to the point of passing out. Bellerophon says a strange phrase. Cassie’s eyes snap open.
It’s HELEN he’s talking to now. He chastises her for being sloppy, and for writing in the dream journal. Helen reminds him of his promise to get her a different body so she can be autonomous. Bellerophon chastises her again, but says he’ll keep his promise. He says another phrase and Helen goes under. He rips the pages Helen wrote on out of the dream journal.
Bellerophon brings Cassie back, but still under his control and gives her the suggestion that she will forget about the blood and will “not notice” any missing pages in her journal. She acquiesces. He brings her back full and assures her everything will be okay. He gives her a “sample” of a new drug he thinks will help.
INT. COFFEE SHOP – AFTERNOON
Cassie goes in and tells the barista she’s had a bad day and wants a drink. They agree to see each other later.
INT. NIGHTCLUB – EVENING
Cassie and the barista are having a drink at the table, getting to know one another. It’s a pleasant conversation, but when the barista asks Cassie to dance, Cassie balks. She excuses herself from the table and goes to the ladies room.
INT NIGHTCLUB LADIES ROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Cassie washes her hands and looks in the mirror. The rictus on her reflection is back. Someone comes out of one of the stalls. The reflection turns and attacks and kills the woman. Cassie is caught on the wrong side of the mirror, banging her hands against the glass.
INT. BARISTA’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Cassie wakes up in bed screaming. The light is turned on. The barista is in bed beside her. It is her apartment. Cassie is confused at first, not remembering coming home with the barista. The barista walks her through the evening and Cassie says she remembers. She excuses herself to go to the bathroom.
INT. BARISTA’S BATHROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Cassie looks in the mirror and Helen looks back. They have a conversation about Helen’s need for a body and that Bellerophon is helping her. She also tells Cassie she was the one who agreed to go back with the barista because Cassie was too much of a coward. She says she enjoyed the experience so much she’ll have to do it again. Cassie swears it won’t happen. She leaves the bathroom and tells the barista she has to go home. She leaves the situation in an awkward state.
INT. CASSIE’S APARTMENT – LATER
Cassie calls Bellerophon. She tells him about the woman in the mirror. Bellerophon tries to calm her down but she says she thinks she might have hurt someone that night. Bellerophon tells her he will come over.
Cassie, doubtful, calls Wallace.
INT. CASSIE’S APARTMENT – LATER
Detective Wallace arrives. He tells her about the murder in the club where she was earlier. Cassie confesses she is the murderer. Wallace doesn’t believe it’s her, but thinks she knows who it is. Helen arises and strangles Wallace.
Bellerophon appears at the apartment and surveys the scene. He tells Helen she will have to dispose of the body and tie up any loose ends.
INT. DETECTIVE WALLACE’S APARTMENT – LATER
Cassie and Helen use Wallace’s key to go in. Helen goes through the rooms and finds Wallace’s wife. She uses Wallace’s service pistol to kill her. She then stages Wallace’s body to look as though he shot himself. Before Helen leaves, Wallace’s young son finds her and asks what she’s doing. Helen kills the boy while Cassie’s reflection in the window screams.
INT. BELLEROPHON’S OFFICE – MORNING
Bellerophon comes into his office. Helen is sitting in his chair. She demands Bellerophon hold up the end of his bargain. Bellerophon tells her not yet. Helen jumps up to kill him, but Bellerophon says a phrase and Helen drops her weapon. Bellerophon tells her that he has been grooming her for a long time and has added fail safes so she wouldn’t harm him. He says she is ready to be the tool he needed from her. He gives her a kill list and tells her she won’t be able to get her own body until she’s done. She says she can just keep Cassie’s body, but Bellerophon tells her with a single phrase he can effectively kill off Helen and send her back to the “glob of neural material” that is “piggy-backing on your sister”. Helen complies.
SERIES OF SCENES
Helen goes on a killing spree. It’s not subtle.
INT BARISTA’S APARTMENT – MORNING
Cassie wakes up to discover Helen has killed her lover. She confronts Helen who admits she did it to try to claim the body.
INT CASSIE’S APARTMENT – MORNING
Cassie tries to commit suicide, but Helen stops her.
INT. BELLEROPHON’S OFFICE – AFTERNOON
Cassie bursts in on Bellerophon as he’s with another client. She tells Bellerophon that he and Helen took the only thing going well for her. Since Helen took her lover, she’ll take Helen’s hope. She shoots and kills Bellerophon.
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM – LATER
Two detectives are questioning Cassie. They tell her they have found DNA evidence at the other murders which match hers on a familial level. They know she has a sister, and that she is protecting her. They keep asking her where her sister is. She doesn’t answer. They send her to a cell.
INT. JAIL CELL – LATER
The jailer leaves Cassie locked in the cell. She goes to the mirror. She looks into it, but can’t find Helen.
INT. POLICE STATION – MORNING
Cassie’s lawyer has convinced the DA to drop the charges as all the DNA evidence has pointed to someone else, a sister or a cousin. She is free to go, but to stay available for a while.
INT WOMAN’S APARTMENT – 5:00 AM
The alarm goes off. Cassie wakes up next to her new lover. She turns off the alarm. She moves to get out of bed, but the woman reaches for her and tells her to stay in. Cassie tells her she’ll be back to bed in a bit and gets up.
Cassie goes to the kitchen and pours herself a glass of juice. She sits at the kitchen table and pulls a notebook out of her purse. She flips a few pages and reads a note written in Helen’s handwriting which says, “Behind you.”
Cassie turns and her lover is behind her wearing Helen’s rictus. She says, “Hello, sis.”
FADE OUT
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Jodi’s Pass 7: Setup/Payoff Chains – Day 13
Enrich your story with Set ups and Pay offs, and it’s best to try to create S/P chains which connects the story together.
SP CHAIN 1: A reproductive pamphlet is given to pregnant women at the clinics, weeks later a ‘Right to Chose’ pamphlet is added to the pamphlet, which shows progress in getting information of ‘choice’ to the women.
Setup: Opening scene: The first young teen is given this pamphlet.
Payoff 1: The pamphlet is found at the young girl’s accident site, which gives Pam a lead.
Payoff 2: Another young woman receives the pamphlet but is also given the additional information for a ‘Right to Chose’ group.Payoff 3: End of Act 3, Madison is given the pamphlet and the ‘right to chose’ contact info before she exits the clinic where bounty hunters are waiting.
SP CHAIN 2: Elizabeth learns from other grieving parents at a support group that the bounty hunters more than likely caused her Daughter’s accident and ultimate death, as this has happened numerous times before.
Setup: Before first act turning point: The police have not helped her and when she has gone to them with leads, she gets blow off and shuffled around the department.
Payoff 1: Before mid-point: She starts a vigilante group that seeks revenge from bounty hunters and individuals who sue for 10K against anyone having an abortion.
Payoff 2: Mid-point. Elizabeth and her cohorts are deep into revenge and the lines start to blur. They start taking more than 10K from many robberies. Ultimately things go wrong and someone is killed.Payoff 3: Second turning point: Elizabeth gets a call from Veronica who is being stalked. She dispatches one of her men to help her.
Payoff 4: End of Act 2: Elizabeth starts receiving bank account numbers from her henchmen.
Payoff 5: End of Act 2: Elizabeth is living in luxury now, but still feels deep sorrow. Nothing is helping her heal the loss of her Daughter.
Payoff 6: Elizabeth and her gang get caught. She is relieved.
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