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Post Day 14 Assignment Here
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Day 14:
Elizabeth’s Cliché busting scene
What I learned: okay certainly not fantastic and only one for now as I need to get back to re-working my outline (and hopefully thinking cliché busting all the while). But, I’ve known this Hal Trick for awhile, I believe from the Scene class—it’s brilliant. Today realized you can pick a brainstorm idea that ties into a critical question or pays off a set up.
PURPOSE: show the cake is a disaster. Was “ugly.” Yeah.
· Melting
· Missing
· Bright scarlet red
· Brown, neon, etc.
· Misshapen
· Falls into the snow
· Way too much/big; way too little
· Made of veggies
· Catches fire
· Is frozen and foggy from the dry ice in the center that Pat thought was cool
· Makes farting noises
· Smells like a fart
· Is shaped like a motorcycle
· Inexplicably starts to move
· Looks just like – poop
So, for better and worse I went with the poop-that moves, added the smell of anise that, well, makes you think. Basically, it got splattered with Pat’s ever-present coffee as she laughed hysterically with Adam-Eve and after failing to cover the spots adequately, added another — chocolate icing— that destabilized the cake—but was so much fun! This plays with the potty play from earlier and the child’s developmental milestone. And it could get re-labeled the groom’s cake when Judy brings in cupcakes to save the day—which I can hopefully set up some silly “guys’ potty” humor for before. A bit surprising (maybe not enough) given Adam-Eve’s meticulousness and gorgeous wedding gowns, which adds a little play to her arc, as well as becoming who she is. IF this character doesn’t need to be cut, in which case this whole scene goes. And, Well…
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Day 14: Cliché Busting
Rob Bertrand Pass #8: Cliché Busting!
What I learned: I learned that you can pull scenes from your script that feel cliché and brainstorm different ways to make them more unique, all while retaining the same essence.
Chosen Scene: Nora’s death scene.
Purpose: The scene’s purpose is to set up Nora’s death and to give a reason for Annie to feel guilt and responsibility for it.
Ideas:
A. While driving her drunk mom and dad home, Annie gets in a fight with her dad. She pulls over and starts walking down a rainy highway. Nora chases after her, but is hit by a car.
B. While driving her drunk parent’s home, Annie gets distracted while recording a TikTok with her mom and crashes through a guard rail, down a steep embankment. Nora is thrown from the car and killed instantly.
C. Annie is busted by the cops, drinking at a party. Her mom is called away from work, to pick her up. On the drive home, Annie and Nora are broadsided by a van.
D. After refusing to get the vaccine, Annie gets sick and infects her mother, who dies from Covid, in the hospital.
E. During a blowout fight with her mom, Annie screams, “I wish you were dead!” The next morning, Nora is found dead from an apparent suicide.
F. Annie forgets she’s supposed to pick up her mom from work and decides to party with her friends. Later, her mom’s dead body is found in an abandoned house.
G. After touring a college campus, Nora let’s Annie drive home. Annie loses control of the car, when another driver road rages and runs them off the highway, rolling their car. Nora dies on the scene.
H. Annie sneaks out of the house to go to a party, even though she’s supposed to be watching her terminally ill mom. When she returns, she discovers her mother died, while no one was home.
I. While driving her drunk parent’s home from an NFL game, Annie is involved in a minor fender bender. While investigating the damage, Annie’s mom is hit by a drunk driver.
J. While driving her drunk parents’ home from a sporting event, Annie runs a red light. Furious at her carelessness, Annie’s father makes her pull over as he lectures her. Annie refuses to drive any further. As Annie and Nora hop out to swap seats, Nora is hit by a car.
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I will use Hal’s great technique as soon as I start writing screenplay scenes but I went over my outline for an originality pitch. Because of my stand-up background, I can twist verbal cliches into laughs or poetry or something else. I have no car chases, no guns to kill because I use more innovative ways with COVID sanitizer, rocks, sticks, poison, very few scenes in bars and restaurants–just setting an outdoor restaurant on fire, and no standard NYC tourism shots in this last novel/film. I will need stock footage of outer space but I am twisting that Blue Origin so my Muslim character who lost his wife and son in the Summit condo collapse because of Hurricane Ida loses his faith and becomes CEO of STEMGARCHS, a genocidal company after he sees the blue below and black above. I am twisting common news events in unusual ways. My homes are not typical American–or rather they are historic American on the oldest street in America but I do diversity and inclusion by going against type. My Muslim character from Saudi Arabia marries a French woman and lives in a Tudor mansion, a Jewish and Black couple live in a confederate white colonial with the miniature dollhouse, and an Italian firefighter marries a Chinese banker. A Huguenot marries a Native American although they were enemies during colonial times. The serial killer/rapist/arsonist turned hit man turned female poisoner is Scottish. Scenes take place on boats, labs, libraries, mosques, churches, temples, but also caves and forests near rivers. I must imagine these locations better because they are unique because novels require this kind of specific description although screenwriters must be flexible about more generic locations.
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Armand’s Pass #8: Clichè Busting!
What I learned doing this assignment is… a technique to brainstorm and eliminate cliches in my script. First you choose a scene, then you identify the purpose the scene has for me (the writer) and then brainstorm other ways to accomplish the purpose that are original and fresh. Ask these questions: does it fulfill the purpose? Is it a departure from the cliché? Is it surprising to the audience?
CHOSEN SCENE: Tyler verbally abuses the manor’s caretaker in front of his friends
PURPOSE: To set up the caretaker as the Killer/Red Herring
IDEAS:
The caretaker spies on Tyler and his girlfriend Maddie while they have a private conversation.
The caretaker threatens an arrogant Tyler in front of Maddie
The creepy caretaker takes a Polaroid of Maddie when she’s not looking
The caretaker makes a move on Tyler. Tyler rejects him.
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Budinscak 8th Pass – Cliché Busting
What I learned doing this assignment:
o Interesting concept. I did not identify many scenes due it’s based in 1986 and there’s repetitious road scenes in-between locations.
o I have two other stories where this concept will provide a lot of creative help.
o There is one thing I found confusing. We’re looking at scenes which are cliché, yet the options provided had a whole new spin on the characters, different profiles …. But I guess that’s the point. Identify issues now and fix it at the outline stage.
o I find it difficult to not add dialog to the current outline structure.
1. I went through the script outline and identified the cliche scenes. Please note, 99% of the movie is based in the year 1986 there’s a uniqueness to it, and this road trip movie has the characters driving cross-country – lots of in-car/on-the-road scenes between location scenes.
2. Casino Scene, Hotel Room Scene, Cadillac Scenes.
CHOSEN SCENE: Casino Scene
3. Purpose
PURPOSE: After the FBI takes what he didn’t lose at the casino tables, Jack’s flat broke – he has nothing. Looking for an opportunity to make quick money, the more the better.
4. Brainstorm 5 to 25 other ways to accomplish the same purpose.
a. Jack watches ‘winners’ come out of the casinos, then has Puck and Sal bump into them scattering chips. The boys grab chips and head off in opposite directions as Jack comes over to help the man.
b. Jack knows a very high-end nuptial is scheduled this evening. As the band introduces “for the first time, Mr. and Mrs ….” Sal runs up to the gift table and turns, Puck’s in mid-flight before he tackles Sal. They crash into the gift table and knock everything over. Jack runs up and keeps the boys apart and drags them away. The three go through the envelops they stole and keep the cash.
c. Jack ‘sells’ his Cadillac for cash. Actually, it’s not Jack’s Cadillac, but his doppelganger.
d. Jack brings the boys back to Circus Circus. While the kids have fun upstairs in the children’s area, Jack takes vengeance on the blackjack table from yesterday.
e. Jack makes Sal and Puck pay their own way by making them ‘shoeshine boys’. He splits whatever money the boys make with the shoeshine attendant, who takes a break and offers his consulting opinion.
f. Jack has Sal ‘lead’ the scam about his hurt brother. Sal would start crying when a woman or couple walked by, and he’d tug on them until he brought them to his injured brother, Puck. Can you give us a ride … or just two dollars for a cab ride.
g. Jack undercuts the parking lot attendant and has the two nephews direct traffic to Jack’s area in the parking lot.
5. Use the three criteria to make your selection.
I’m using the nuptial scene. Jack and the boys working together to overcome their momentary monetary setback.
a. Does it fulfill the purpose/meaning that is important to me? Yes. It’s something they do for quick cash – a bit of scam, and it’s all Jack.
b. Is it a significant departure from the cliché scene? Not really. I’m in Las Vegas, and didn’t want to go back in the casino. Thought I’d take advantage of duping some big rollers.
c. Does it accomplish the purpose in a fresh and surprising way that will entertain audiences? Yes, I believe it will.
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Amy’s Pass #8: Clichè Busting!
What I learned from doing this assignment is that in every case, there is probably a better way to get an idea across than the one that first comes to mind. I still don’t’ feel like I came up with anything all that unique.
Scenes:
-Rush to get on the air
-Restaurant scene between Andrea and Josh
-Meagan visits Josh at work
-Andrea visits Josh at work
-Josh visits Andrea at work
CHOSEN SCENE: Rush to get on the air
Purpose: To introduce Andrea at work and show how dedicated she is to her career
Brainstorm 5 to 25 other ways to accomplish that purpose.
A. Andrea argues with her producer about the way a story is written just before going on the air. She thinks the story is biased. When the story comes up on the prompter, she doesn’t read what’s written. She says what she wants to say.
B. Breaking news happens while the newscast is on the air. Andrea wants to extend the newscast, but the producer says they have to get off. Andrea tries to change the producer’s mind on-air and wins.
C. Andrea interviews a Congressman during the newscast and asks him pointed questions and gets him to make a stunning admission on air.
D. Andrea chases the Russian ambassador down the street along with a bunch of other reporters. She asks him a question. He stops to answer her and talk to her though he usually doesn’t talk to reporters.
Selection:
A. Andrea argues with her producer about the way a story is written just before going on the air. She thinks the story is biased. When the story comes up on the prompter, she doesn’t read what’s written. She says what she wants to say.
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Pablo Soriano’s Pass #8: Clichè Busting!
WHAT I LEARNED: This changes some of my Setup/Payoffs but maybe it’s necessary. And I am having a hard time coming up with more than 5 ideas. This is fun though.
CHOSEN SCENE: Irma piecing together her son’s broken piggy bank, now empty.
PURPOSE: To reveal that her husband Ricardo is stealing and scrounging for any extra peso he can find to gamble with at the casinos.
IDEAS:
A. Antonio yells at his little brother, Andres, accusing him of stealing from his stash.
B. Antonio comes home to see his Super Nintendo is gone because Ricardo sold it for gambling money.
C. Irma wakes up to find their home ransacked but is not surprised because her Ricardo regularly steals their own property to sell it for gambling money.
D. Irma is looking for her two sons when she can’t find them at school. She later finds them selling candy at traffic lights to help fund their father’s gambling addiction.
E. Irma wakes up to find the chicken coop empty. At first she assumes the chickens were stolen but then later finds out Ricardo sold them for gambling money.
CHOSEN SCENE: Irma or her son’s using a slingshot to take down the drones.
PURPOSE: Simply to show a primitive weapon vs new age technology.
IDEAS:
A. Using nothing but school supplies, Andres builds a mini-crossbow with pencils and rubber bands. Later, it is used to take down a drone.
B. Andres loves baseball and has a pretty good arm. Irma tells him he can practice his throw by pitching rocks at the drones.
C. Black vultures follow Irma and her sons as the situation looks dire with no more water. When it appears all is lost, a vulture swoops in to take out a drone. A bit of good luck.
D. Using his jacket and stones, Andres creates a net to take down a drone.
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[PS80] Emmanuel’s Pass #8: Cliché Busting
What I learned doing this assignment is clichés should be avoided as much as possible. I think lead characters should not have clichés at all.
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Richard’s Pass #8: Clichè Busting!
What I learned doing this assignment is… I really must get an outline together for the first draft that will contain every scene. More than three quarters of my script is set in the one location, so I don’t have much room to play with in that regards. This lesson will help make scenes stronger, though. I just feel this has come a bit early for my process. But better start thinking about it now, than question myself later.
First, go through your outline and identify any scenes that you’ve seen in another movie or that feel familiar. Make sure you are rigorous about this.
Any scene that you’ve seen before gets flagged.– The other Irish clans betraying our clan/leaving the battlefield
– The fight for power in the forest
– The English General being killed by Captain
– The slaughtering of the local islanders
– The killing of the Captain
CHOSEN SCENE: The fight/fist fight for power in the forest
What are you trying to accomplish with that scene?
PURPOSE: I am trying to accomplish that even though the oldest O’Doherty is the rightful chief of the clan through succession, he does not have the support of his people. Shane, who does have the support of the people, will not break with tradition, even if it is to their detriment.
This fight is between Pearse and the oldest O’Doherty, who has taken control of the clan following the death of his father in the first battle scene. Shane, who has been a loyal clansman to the O’Dohertys his whole life will not get involved, but also lets the fight go as he uses it to convey to the eldest O’Doherty that he needs to get his foot out of his ass and become a better leader.
4. Brainstorm 5 to 25 other ways to accomplish that purpose.
– A conversation between Shane and the eldest O’Doherty that will broadcast his issues, but will also show their deep bond, strengthening both characters and making their fight in the third act more dramatic.
– Shane could fight the oldest O’Doherty – although I think this will be too early in the script for Shane’s transformation.
– The people could vote Shane the leader, but he steps up and shoots the plan down. Saying that the eldest O’Doherty must take the lead. It’s vital for the future of their country.
– The eldest O’Doherty addresses the group, tells them he understands their concerns, but they must stick together.
– His leadership is questioned, and he kills a background character to show he will rule by force.
5. Use the three criteria to make your selection.
The people could vote Shane the leader, but he steps up and shoots the plan down. Saying that the eldest O’Doherty must take the lead. It’s vital for the future of their country.
I like this scene better, even though it sounds cliched! We are dealing with 17<sup>th</sup> century Ireland here – the people did not get a say. It shows that they are progressing as a group, even if they are not sophisticated and cultured like the English. It foreshadows change. It strengthens Shane’s character as the unwilling and reluctant leader.
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Claudia’s Cliche Busting
What I learned… the importance of spinning ideas and scenes to never (knowingly) have anything be a cliche – cliches are the death of holding someone’s interest in your movie.
I hopefully will have time to create the full outline – as I have done previously in scripts, I always do a pass (after the first draft) to make sure nothing is cliche – I know I have written a couple of scripts in my younger days that did indeed, have similar scenes from other movies. Now seeing those it makes me ill. That said… while we try to be completely original, there is no way a person won’t have similar aspects to someone else’s scenes as there is no way we could watch all the films that are put out there, we can only make sure to be as creative and original as humanely possible with the information we have in our brains (memories of other films we’ve seen).
After reviewing my beats, I do not have any scenes I would consider cliche… as I threw them out in the initial beat phase (like where the lead would meet the boyfriend; what he did for a living; where is the film set; etc). I wrangled and wrangled with the boyfriend issue – what he did for a living and where they would meet waaaaaay too long, MONTHS… simply because an “easy” meet cute wouldn’t satisfy the story, it would push it to B level cable TV level. In fact, I only cracked what felt would truly work after I started the pro-series.
Now, going forward, when the time comes, I will do a pass for cliches and spin 12-25 new possibilities to make sure it’s smart and original and fun.
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Janeen’s Cliche Busting
What I learned doing this assignment is that I had some global cliches that needed attention. For me, I had a lot of talking head scenes which I placed in a book club at a library — ho hum!
Cliches being busted: Book Club, Library conference room meeting space — The purpose of the group contributes to the title of the movie as well so it’s important to get something that hasn’t been done.
Purpose: A place and organization that brings together disparate women with time/opportunity to chat about random topics/causes in relative privacy.
Ideas:
1. Community garden where they all contribute time <div>
2. Gym they all belong to
3. Church/religious prayer group
4. Yarn shop/Knitting group
5. Fiber guild — allows for any fiber craft that the actors may know or be interested in using.
6. Women’s Adventure group (tries lots of new sports/activities/events)
7. Sports group — tennis, pickle ball, golf, or even bowling)
8. Charity shop/drive (like Toys for Tots, Clothing for women reentering the work force, etc.)
My Criteria (besides non-cliche):
1. Must cross economic strata to include the members of my “club” </div><div>
2. Must meet regularly, can meet anywhere/any time
3. Must be a little trendy or able to follow trends
4. Must allow for the group’s conversations to be private and also allow one-on-one conversations.
Using the criteria above, I decided the following:
1. REJECTED: Community garden where they all contribute time — weather dependent, out in the open so privacy not assured, requires plants growing over weeks which may be an expensive setting and a hassle for shooting </div>
2. REJECTED: Gym they all belong to — gyms are rarely private
3. REJECTED: Church/religious prayer group — Too on the nose, plus may imply a religious endorsement
4. REJECTED: Yarn shop/Knitting group — Been done in many books already — all actors would have to knit/crochet
5. SELECTED: Fiber guild — allows for any fiber craft that the actors may know or be interested in using; teaching new crafts, working independently is par as are both group and private conversations. — Also, The Empowerment Guild has a nice ring to it.
6. REJECTED: Women’s Adventure group (tries lots of new sports/activities/events) — expensive to change sets for every “meeting”, implies a level of fitness and age that may not fit the actors, adventure “experts” for each meeting would be hard to block out of conversations
7. REJECTED: Sports group — tennis, pickle ball, golf, or even bowling) — actors would have to be involved in the sport, limiting choices, privacy not assured either
8. REJECTED: Charity shop/drive — boring and women aren’t likely to volunteer weekly as a group unless they belong to another overarching “group” or “organization”
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PS 80 Michelle Damis Pass #8: Clichè Busting!
What I learned doing this assignment is that stopping and brainstorming ideas to eliminate clichés gives you options for scenes that could come in handy for other reasons (mainly in production) for example if you wrote that the characters are paddleboarding but someone is cast that is terrified of water you need to be able to quickly make a change that will work for shooting purposes. I think that when you are writing the scene you can get stuck in cliché’s with the actual dialogue as well as with the logistics. For example, my script has to have a “interviewing potential tenants” scene. We have seen different versions of this in many things, It think it will be in the dialogue that I can differentiate and make it fresh, or perhaps have a fresh way that he “gets” the interview in the first place. I also think many of these passes just help you stop and try to think from a different perspective which I’ve found can open up creativity in other areas, and I believe that is why you (Hal) say that it is more important to just do the assignment than worrying about a perfect outcome. We are not looking to all have the same break-thru’s or solve the same problems or need to have the “right” answer. Whatever you learn from the process at the moment is the goal.
First, go through your outline and identify any scenes that you’ve seen in another movie or that feel familiar. Make sure you are rigorous about this. Any scene that you’ve seen before gets flagged.
-The interviewing potential tenant’s scene
-Therapy Session Scenes
-Marin and Nina in distress scene
-Main and her sister walking scene
2. Select at least one of those scenes for this assignment (If you claim you don’t have any clichè scenes, then select a scene that you want improved) and list it like this:
CHOSEN SCENE: Therapy Session scene(s)
3. Then list the purpose. What are you trying to accomplish with that scene?
PURPOSE: Revealing Ninas past emotional injuries and troubles, understand her soul and intentions better
4. Brainstorm 5 to 25 other ways to accomplish that purpose.
-change the person she is talking to from a therapist to someone else, an animal, an inanimate thing.
-change her activity to riding a horse, paddle boarding, hunting bonsai, painting
-journaling
-working a volunteer crisis line
5. Use the three criteria to make your selection.
A. Does it fulfill the purpose/meaning that is important to me? All the potions I think “could”
B. Is it a significant departure from the clichè scene? Some of the ideas are more of a departure than others.
C. Does it accomplish the purpose in a fresh and surprising way that will entertain audiences? I think some of them could lead to different dialogue options that might be less cliché’
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Jennifer’s Pass #8: Cliche Busting!
WHAT I LEARNED: I don’t know yet how to end this screenplay, but doing this brainstorming has been meaningful and given me a range of new options, at least one of which is far more in keeping with the satirical tone of the whole story. I need to sleep on these ideas, but the last one on my list helped me get a broader sense of the tone of the whole movie.
CHOSEN SCENE: Final scene
PURPOSE: This scene wraps up the movie, showing what happens to the protagonist after all of her misdeeds (and in a satire, it isn’t pretty). She wins the prize, gets the glory, is not held accountable, and seems geared to press on as the monster she’s become. But someone out there is either following in her footsteps or will hold her back in a terrifying way.
IDEAS:
–Ms. Mitchell goes up on stage to announce who wins the scholarship, and Jessica thinks it will be her, but she’s wrong. Ms. Mitchell says another name of a competitor Jessica thought had been out of the race but was brought back in once Amanda and Ethan died. Jessica is horrified, and her parents are embarrassed. As they walk away from the assembly, V.O. Jessica saying that Ms. Mitchell better watch her back, an evil glint in her eye. Jillian walks up to Jessica and says, “Let’s make her pay.” Jessica welcomes her into her fold.
–Jessica wins but isn’t satisfied, sets a new, even loftier goal, and her neighbor Jillian is close on her trail, ready to follow the leader or torment her.
–Jessica doesn’t win the scholarship. In fact, no one does because the scholarship committee (Ms. Mitchell) determines that Jessica doesn’t have the ethics to fulfill the qualifications. Jessica’s parents are outraged but put on cool politician smirks as they announce they will litigate this decision. Jessica melts down on stage, possibly hurting her parents and Ms. Mitchell. Jillian steps up to the mic, tentatively speaking at first but grabbing the limelight and talking about X.
–Jillian approaches Jessica right before she’s going to be awarded the scholarship and tells Jessica she knows what she did. Jessica threatens her, and Jillian threatens her right back with making everything public right here and now. “What do you want?” asks Jessica. Jillian: “To learn how to win, just like you.” Jessica puts her arm around Jillian and says, “Deal.”
–Jillian approaches Jessica right before she’s going to be awarded the scholarship and tells Jessica she knows what she did. Jessica says, “You can’t prove anything.” Jillian reveals what she knows, which is a lot. Jessica finds a discreet way to knock Jillian out backstage. V.O. “I play to win. She’s just an amateur.” Jillian grins and does a power walk toward her place on the stage for the announcement.
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BOB SMITH’S CLICHÉ BUSTING!
WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIHS ASSIGNMENT IS…?
A scene can be elevated and rid of clichés with imagination as long as you stick to the central purpose of the scene.
CHOSEN SCENE: INT. SCREENING ROOM – DAY.
The screening of Dietrich’s audition followed by dialogue among von Sternberg, Emil Jannings and the studio brass resembles too closely the opening scene of “Citizen Kane” with the newsreel and the reaction.
THE PURPOSE OF THE SCENE: To introduce Marlene Dietrich which unsettles Jannings and the studio brass who were hoping for an experienced actress. Von Sternberg says he will work with no other actress. Jannings is concerned the beautiful newcomer will upstage him as the star.
MY CHOICE OF REVISION: The setting of the screening room is gone. It is in a Conference Room at the studio where the meeting occurs. Present are: Von Sternberg, Jannings, support actors Hans Albers and Kurt Gerron, plus, producer Erich Pommer and studio chief, Alfred Hugenberg. Von Sternberg announces that Dietrich is his choice to portray Lola Lola. Disappointment is expressed that he has not chosen a more experienced actress as was hoped. Hugenberg and Pommer, leave the meeting. Von Sternberg introduces Dietrich. She compliments Jannings saying she is pleased to act opposite so great a star. She says, she is following von Sternberg’s direction to lose weight and would like to take him and everybody there out on the town to see “the Berlin of Lola Lola” after first visiting the gym where she has already been working out and learning boxing under the direction of Turkish Boxing Champion, Sabri Mahir … this sets up the next scene of the group, out on the town.
PURPOSE: Establish von Sternberg’s commitment to Dietrich and Dietrich’s magnanimity as well as moving the scene toward Mahir’s Boxing Studio where Dietrich’s exacting personality is revealed in a match with fellow actress, Carola Neher and they all go out (Dietrich’s treat) to a gay cabaret (Club Silhouette).
Other ideas
1. Eliminate the screening room scene and the meeting entirely, it’s Jannings and his wife Augusta, and he is retelling her what happened at the meeting and who was cast as Lola Lola. She warns him of how she as a cabaret singer could upstage him.
2. Private meeting of von Sternberg with Jannings, he introduces Dietrich to him and their dialogue covers the purpose of the scene.
3. Pommer and Jannings are in a cab and are recounting the choice of Dietrich. Pommer calls her a whore who shouldn’t be in the film.
4. .The scene takes place on the set where the announcement and introduction of Marlene Dietrich occurs. It plays out as intended.
5. The scene takes place at the executive office with the signing of Dietrich’s contract.
6. Dietrich is already cast and Jannings and the author of “Professor Unrat” the novel on which “The Blue Angel” is based, are viewing the rushes of the latest shoot, and Mann is disappointed that his book is gone, the only thing that grabs attention is “Miss Dietrich’s legs.” These words just reinforce Jannings fears of being upstaged by Dietrich whom von Sternberg has begun to groom for stardom.
7. Meeting is in the commissary over lunch. Same purpose and elements as above. But the added subject: Janning, but in your screentest you acted like you didn’t care what you were doing.” Dietrich: Because I didn’t think I’d get the part.” Von Sternberg says, “It is your “I don’t care” attitude that I want for the part of Lola Lola,.
8. The meeting is on the set but just among von Sternberg, Dietrich, Hans Albers, Kurt Gerron. Same purpose and direction.
9. The scene is eliminated entirely. All the elements go into the scene of Dietrich showing them her boxing gym, and later at the Club Silhouette.
10. The scene is eliminated and the elements are stated by Jannings voice-over narrative telling it to the US Intake Officer. In other words, it is a continuation of the dialogue of that scene of the inciting incident in INT. OFFICE US ARMY HEADQUARTERS – DAY.
11. If that option seems like boring exposition, then Jannings’ voice over narration still stays that links each scene to the other whatever option of what was the Screening Room scene.
12. The scene is actually the actors Gerron and Albers discussing the dynamic they see of Jannings’ professional jealousy of Dietrich.
13. Dietrich herself speaks as narrative voice-over of the story.
14. Gerron and Albers speak to each other of what happened at the meeting as they are principal supporting actors.
15. The scene is the same, only it’s on the set, and Heinrich Mann, author of “Professor Unrat” on which “The Blue Angel” is based narrates his disappointment that his book is being obliterated by von Sternberg. Then, we hear from Pommer, Hugenberg, Gerron, Albers. All aspects of the purpose of the scene are contained in the narratives spoken.
16. The pieces of dialogue intended for this scene are divided into quick splitscreen vignettes of the persons either speaking with one or two others, or alone about the meaning of the casting of Dietrich and the direction the film is taking under von Sternberg.
17. If not #16 then it is each of the characters speaking with Jannings which re-enforces his jealousy.
18. Turkish Boxing Champion Sabri Mahir visits the set to take Dietrich on a date. Dietrich introduces Mahir to the group (von Sternberg, Jannings, Gerron, Albers – no studio executives are present and they are criticized for standing against von Sternberg’s choice of Dietrich for the role of Lola Lola. Dietrich says, I am already training with Sabri, through his training, I will lose those extra pounds that you directed me to lose, Herr Direktor.” Mahir enters into the conversation that von Sternberg is right. He is like the trainer in film making, and he knows what is best for you. Mahir invites the group to his boxing gym. Albers is eager to go, says he could use some toning, as he will portray the Strongman Mazeppa in “The Blue Angel.” As a total outsider, Mahir has backed into the sour subject. “Von Sternberg will “train” Marlene into glorious stardom, I am sure.” Jannings says, “Just remember, I am the star of ‘The Blue Angel.’”
19. Actress Carola Neher visits the set and the same type of dialogue occurs, as above. She is an actress who sticks up for the director and Dietrich. She also goes with Dietrich and the other actors to the gym, where under the training of Sabri Mahir, I shall lose weight and our friend Albers will tone up for the part of Mazzeppa the strong man.”
20. The von Sternbergs take the Jannings, the Gerrons, the Albers, and Dietrich to their villa in the Bavarian Alps to discuss the film, all the elements and the purpose of the original scene are there: von Sternberg’s defiance of the studio brass and Jannings, Dietrich inviting everybody in the cast and von Sternberg to the gym and a night out at the Club Silhouette.
21. Same setup as #20 only it’s the Jannings invitation to their Berlin penthouse. In both #20 and #21, Dietrich says she’ll reciprocate by a night on the town in “the Berlin of Lola Lola” at the gym and Club Silhouette.
22. The scene takes place in Dietrich’s countryside home where she lives with her husband Rudy Sieber, their daughter, Riva (5years old), and Rudy’s mistress Tamara Matul.
23. The screening room location is gone. The same essential dialogue occur in taxis and limos on the way to Mahir’s Boxing Studio.
24. As in 23, the dialogue occurs while Dietrich is getting ready to box Carola Neher.
25. Same as in 24 only it’s in the cloak room of the Club Silhouette.
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Jodi’s Pass #8: Clichè Busting! – Day 14 I have a few talking head scenes in two home offices; Pam’s and Elizabeth’s. These kinds of scenes are in most movies I’ve seen, but the information is important so I felt I could change at least one of them to not be so cliche.
CHOSEN SCENE: Pam Karras’ home office
PURPOSE: I want to keep Pam’s inner conflict of trying to convince herself to run for the Governorship to change the dire situation of the state. She’s used to the status quo and never had the ambition to run for a public office before this.
IDEAS:
I like number 4 the best:
1. Pam and her Daughter, Eliana are hiking, she is out of breath pretty much the whole time, this juxtaposes the struggle she is feeling taking on such an overwhelming task. They have a few obstacles; big rocks, a snake, thorns in her shoes, a narrow trail. After her Daughter asks her what she’s going to do about it, she ponders. Once they talk about how she could help to change the situation, their hike becomes much more effortless and the path widens and leads to an open field.
2. Another juxtaposition: In the park Pam talks with her Daughter, Eliana about thousands more kids in foster care or up for adoption, and the growing poverty statistics while watching happy children playing and laughing with their Mothers and Dads, Nannies, etc.
3. Pam has a flat tire. As she turns the jack she talks about the troubling issue for women and children with the ban on abortion, which makes her mad, then the jack falls, she stands and kicks the tire which flattens it more.
4. While sleeping Pam dreams she is on a game show much like Jeopardy. The host of the show is asking questions about childhood poverty, how many women self-abort and die, how many children term out of adoption, and how many children are in abusive foster homes. All of these questions are answered by Pam hitting her buzzer and giving the answer in the form of a question. You hear a canned audio track of audience members cheering and clapping. It all seems a bit deformed. The host turns into her Daughter asking her “So what are you going to do about it Mom?” Pam looks confused and doesn’t hit her buzzer that she holds readily in her hand. A sound like she has lost the game is heard. Her 2500 points reset to 0. She wakes up moaning and sweating.
5. Pam stands on the corner of the busiest intersection handing out fliers and her website information and tells every passerby that stats of the impoverished, child abuse, abortion deaths. A fellow cop tells her she has to leave. So, she gets into her car and blasts a loud speaker repeating her diatribe.
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