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Post Day 14 Assignment Here
Reply to post your assignment.
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9 Replies
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Rebecca’s Great Action Set Piece
What I learned from doing this assignment is this is a long to do list; but, going through it in an organized manner provided many new ideas for my lackluster scene to make it much more engaging.
INT CURTISVILLE LOCK UP AND STABLE
Bucholtz stomps out of the stable. After a stunned pause the TROOPER, second in command, who worked under Bucholtz since their arrival in Russellton, takes charge.
TROOPER
Cooney, cut the carpenter down and throw him in the cell with the other bum.
COONEY cuts the binds and lowers Ervin to the ground, helps him to a standing position, and guides him to the cell. Just as Ervin steps inside, Cooney lands a swift hard punch to the mid-section under Ervin’s ribs. Ervin crumbles to the sawdust, his body doesn’t move. Cooney locks the cell and hands the keys to the main jailer, older than Cooney but taller and not too smart.
COONEY
Let’s get up a game.
The trooper and Cooney pull up stools and bucket around a bale of hay. The jailer shuffles the deck of cards and moves it towards Cooney who cuts it. The jailer deals out the cards, bets are made, and the game commences. Cooney converses as they play.
COONEY
I finished the job Bucholtz started. The carpenter won’t be causing any trouble and the other prisoner’s half-dead and won’t be a bother.
Cooney and the others check out their cards.
TROOPER
Don’t brag too hard. The boss will drink until he passes out. In the morning he’ll be meaner than a skunk. My guess is the poor shit will be dead shortly after Bucholtz gets hold of him. As usual, we get to clean up the mess.
COONEY
The commander can sure put away the booze. I wonder how long the company will keep him around.
No one answers as they each arrange their hands.
COONEY
Once I become a boxing champ, I’ll be out of this hell hole.
JAILER
You that good?
COONEY (IRRITATED)
Yes you dumb….I win most of my matches.
Cooney remains stoic while viewing his winning hand.
TROOPER
You as good as that pug boxing in the coal town’s last spring?
He’s about your size. He took on all comers either bare fisted or gloved, beat them all, yet quit boxing. You ever done that?
Cooney scrunches his face, offended.
COONEY
I train at a top gym and don’t fight amateurs only professionals.
EXT. RAILROAD NEAR CURTISVILLE – SAME TIME
Ragman and Albert use a rail handcar to sneak into town and avoid the guards.
INT CURTISVILLE LOCK UP AND STABLE – LATER
The men throw down their cards as Cooney lays out his hand. Cooney scrapes his winnings to the pile of coins in front of him.
TROOPER
Yintz play without me. I’m gonna go check on the boss.
He leaves. Cooney counts his winnings.
JAILER
Time to check on the prisoners.
The stable door bursts open. Ragman stands in the doorway armed with a shotgun, Albert behind him his fists ready for a fight. Ragman’s voice booms and echos off the walls.
RAGMAN
Stand away from that cell you god-damned sonofabitch or I’ll blow you apart.
Cooney looks up and jumps to his feet, the coins scatter across floor.
Ragman swivels his gun between the jailer and Cooney and back again.
RAGMAN
You with the keys stand still. One move and you’re all dead men.
Startled the jailer and guard freeze in place. Albert snatches the key ring from the jailer’s belt.
ALBERT
Irv, you Ok?
Albert approaches the cell. The trooper enters behind Ragman and grabs at him from behind. The flys through the air into the horse stalls startling the horses. Cooney rushes Albert and he throws the keys into the cell. Ervin rises to a sitting position and grabs them. Ragman and the trooper wrestle towards the stall and angry horses.
Albert, fists up, gets into a fighters stance to take on both Cooney and the jailer. Cooney does the same ready to strike the first blow but the jailer blocks his way. Cooney slams him aside and hard into the bars. He slithers down to the floor.
COONEY
Dumb shit.
Cooney moves in for his own action and manages to land a few solid punches on Albert. Albert weaves. Cooney land two more blows before his offensive dissolves into defensive mode. Albert deflects blows after blows before he strikes at Cooney with punches that land like sledge hammers. Boom, Albert slams his opponent against cold steel. Cooney goes for Albert’s eyes with his thumbs but Albert ducks and weave. Cooney connects with Albert’s mouth causing his lip to bleed. Albert secures several more hammers ending with forceful undercut to Cooney’s jaw. Cooney goes down for the count.
Ragman fights off his attacker and grabs a horse bit and reigns as he moves to retrieve his gun. The trooper moves in front to grab it. Ragman slings the bit and reigns around the man’s neck flings him away from the stall. Albert moves in to take him on as Ragman fights off the horse to retrieve his gun. The horse rears up hooves ready to strike. Ragman grabs a nearby hay rake, and pulls the gun to the safety of his hands. Ervin hands Albert the keys and he unlocks the cell.
ALBERT
Let me help you up. You don’t look so good.
ERVIN
Help the other prisoner first. He’s in rough shape.
Albert move over to the other man.
ALBERT
He doesn’t need any help. He’s dead.
Ervin pulls to standing and steps out of the lock up. Albert and Ragman drag the unconscious men into the cell. Albert locks cell door and throws the keys into the horses. Ragman and Albert help Ervin limp out of the stable.
INT CURTISVILLE LOCK UP AND STABLE – LATER
Three unconscious men lay on the floor inside the locked jail cell. Cold air from the open stable door teases them awake. Cooney rolls to once side focusing his eyes. The stable is empty except for the horses. Cooney uses the bars to pull himself to standing. He rattles the locked door. Humiliation and rage flood his face as he shakes the bars and bang his fists.
EXT. RAILROAD – SAME TIME
Ragman and Albert pump the handcar as Ervin rides shotgun. The car speeds down the tracks.
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Cameron Martin’s Great Action Set Piece!
What I learned doing this assignment is…to never be satisfied with an action piece. Even if the big picture doesn’t change much, there’s so much more to add by constantly thinking of different nuances that can contribute to both the meaning and excitement of the scene. Even if its a choreographers job to lay out the specifics of how the action is communicated for the camera, it’s the writer’s job to explore all of the possibilities and detail them for the story.
Pre-Action – Janus’ copy is on her side, committed to her mission, until she discovers that Janus can’t bring back the person she killed, whose body the copy now possesses.
Action – The copy attacks Janus, as the only redemption offered to her was to destroy Janus. The copy believes redemption can only be served through destroying the self.
Post-Action – Janus emerges victorious, having defeated the alternate, critical version of herself. She’s willing to chart her own path and forgive herself. She stops looking externally for meaning and redemption, and instead looks inward.
1. Suspense/Anxiety: Janus, her Copy, and Calvex enter, ready to reverse a death. Copy has been offered a place with Adam on the condition that she kill Janus.
2. Relief: Resurrection appears to work. The victim has been brought back to life! Janus succeeded and accomplished the impossible!
3. Surprise: It’s a trick played by Adam! Adam forces Janus to relive the experience that haunts her with warped and more violent detail than what actually occurred.
4. Shock: The Copy, filled with rage and a feeling that she doesn’t belong with Janus, even that she’s better than Janus, attacks and betrays her.
5. Danger: Janus is caught off guard and fights for her life. It’s like fighting a mirror, with Janus’ copy knowing every martial technique she knows, and with the same tendencies.
6. Excitement: Calvex and Janus start to gain the upper hand, with Calvex commanding a robotic leviathan or sentry sent by Adam. It’s now three against one.
7. Surprise: The Copy duplicates herself! Calvex and Janus are standing in a graveyard! Soon they’ll be fighting an army by themselves.
8. Adrenaline: The Copies take control of the fight. There’s too many of them and Janus refuses to duplicate herself again. With every copy Janus Judo throws, joint locks, or breaks with a well placed kick or punch, five more copies come alive. Janus is overwhelmed by her copy that represents her past and guilt.
9. Dread: Janus is out of options and watches Calvex die. The leviathan or sentry is torn limb from limb, and Janus is next. This is the end.
10. Excitement/Twist: Janus refuses to give in to her dark side, the voice in her head, and is able to forgive herself. She goes on the offensive and takes control of each additional copy, one by one.
11. Relief: Janus becomes one with her dark half. She is a complete person again.
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Matthew Frendo’s Great Action Set Piece!
What I learned doing this lesson was that you can elevate a scene even if you think it’s done. In fact, many times thinking it’s done just stops doing more and adding more when more is needed. I learned the best way to make action meaningful to the audience. I also learned how to make it engaging and more unique.
Nestor’s man goes to local low-level criminal who wants to be respected and powerful.
He tells him how the town will soon hate Jacob and how killing him will make him a hero.
He gives the man a gun and goes with him to find Jacob.
They go to Buddhist temple. Man doesn’t want to kill in there, but thug tells him to, reminding him that religion is now forbidden.
Jacob isn’t there, but they find him outside teaching a group of kids.
The man aims, but can’t do it with kids around.
Nestor’s man, irritated, yells at kids to leave then tells man to do it…with Jacob watching him.
The man tries to shoot, but hesitates too long.
And now they don’t see Jacob.
Until Jacob kicks him in the face and takes the gun.
Nestor’s man starts firing on Jacob.
Nestor’s man hits local man instead of Jacob.
Jacob gets gun from local man and fires back.
Man from town grabs Jacob, trying to stop him and help Nestor’s man.
Jacob runs into martial dojo. Nestor’s man follows.
While both in there, no shooting occurs. Both see it as a place where guns shouldn’t be.
But fighting should.
They both drop guns and start fighting with martial arts.
They battle it out, with Jacob winning. But the man reminds him that he can’t kill in the temple.
Jacob lets him go.
The man goes outside and laughs, then pulls a gun.
But a scream in the distance makes him turn and that’s all Jacob needs.
He hurries to the man and quickly breaks his neck.
Jacob sees Nestor’s army insignia on his chest.
Nestor is showing around his CIA friend when his man’s head comes floating up to him on a river.
Nestor is humiliated, pissed and ready to go full out against Jacob now.
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Brenda Lynn’s Great Action Set Piece!
What I learned doing this assignment is that utilizing this layering technique is a great way to add depth and dimension to a scene. It answers the question of why the action is important for the story. And makes the action holistic to the story. It was great to finally apply all of these great lessons.
Second Turning Point at end of Act 2: Someone at the FBI tells Marcus that they know where the painting is going to be hidden.
SETUP: Lisa has information on the location of the warehouse where the painting is hidden. She has made plans to go to the location that evening to retrieve the painting when Marcus gets a call from an informant telling him that the FBI knows where the painting is.
Pre-Action: Lisa puts on her headset and listening device as she goes for a swim in the pool. She finds out where the painting is but doesn’t know where it is going:
Action: After a night of passion, Lisa heads out to the warehouse to retrieve the painting when she realizes that she is being followed. A car chase ensues. Because she is in a black mini cooper she is able to go places that the big SUV can’t.
At Astor Place, she cuts across the concrete triangle reversing the direction of the chase. This gives her enough time to get to her hiding place.
She pulls into an alleyway that has a sloping driveway. The SUV flies past. She pulls a blond wig out of her bag and puts it on. She removes the tracking device on her car. FBI issue. Lisa grabs her bag and hails a cab. Putting the tracker on the cab, Lisa pays him $100 bucks to drive south to Tribeca. After he pulls away, she hikes to the Avenue where she hails a cab heading to the LaGuardia.
She has just sent the FBI on a wild goose chase searching for her. Lisa is on the way to the warehouse.
Post-Action: She realizes that it was the FBI following her and not someone for Marcus’ gang. She is on her own in this caper.
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Subject line: Joan Edwards’ Great Action Set Piece! What I learned doing this assignment is I don’t know enough about writing a script. There are so many factors to enter. I can only focus on one at a time.
Take an Action Set Piece from your outline and use the steps above to turn it into an amazing experience for the reader and audience.
SCENE ACTION Break into security company’s computer to steal secrets to locks on Bulwark Bank and Ansaca’s home.
Pre-Action Bladen knows he needs to know the lock combinations to get the evidence he needs.His family and other families depend upon his being successful in not only getting evidence but putting Ansaca in jail forever.
Action Bladen used to work here. They haven’t changed the security since he was there last time. That is a positive thing. Someone is working late in the office. That’s a bad thing. He has one of his buddies call and ask the person at their desk to meet them for coffee. It’s an emergency.
Person leaves and then Bladen goes to file cabinet and gets folder. It has the passwords and security set up for Ansaca. There is one thing he needs from the computer that lets him over ride any new configurations. He is locked out. He hears the elevator door ding. He wonders if that person is coming back. Suddenly the computer gives it the screen he needs. He turns off the computer and the head of the company comes in.
President: What are you doing here? You quit last week.
Bladen: Calvin asked me to help him with a new set up. He forgot how to code it.
President: “I’ll have to talk with him about that.”
Bladen: Have mercy on the poor boy. His wife’s having a baby and he needs his job. I’ll tell him myself to call you next time.
President: I can’t have that – baby or no baby! He’s out of here.
Bladen: The Home and health federal guidelines say you can’t fire a man whose wife is having a baby. It’s line 4325-f on the law that passed last month. They will put your company on their B list.
President: We have a lot of federal accounts. I can’t lose them. I’ll let him stay. But any other instances and he’s out of here.
Bladen: If you talk to him about this, it will be called harassment.
President: All right. What was the number of that law again? While he was getting his pen and paper out. Bladen disappeared. He went down the stairway. You could hear the elevator ding again.
Calvin came back from meeting the person who called for coffee.
Calvin: Went out for coffee with a friend. I’m almost finished with your reports.
President: Good. Take your time. Why didn’t you tell me you needed a night off to be with your Mrs. Go home and be with her. It’s late. You can finish tomorrow.
Calvin: Gee thanks, boss.
Post-Action Bladen knew he had to get out of there fast. He took the information and went back to his car. He took off and drove down the street. He checked behind him. No one seemed to be following him. Perhaps the young man didn’t rat on him after all. He went and parked outside the church.
Bladen: Lord, I need your help. Amen.
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Ramelle’s Great Action Set Piece
What I learned is to pick up the pace with Cinnamon Johnson’s life.
EXT<Chandler, AZ>
Cinnamon and Clash have settled outside of Phoenix with 1-year-old Catrina. The baby arrived with no stress and now Cinnamon will deal with the pain of leaving the family to start a family.
The rundown…Her mother Chay had a trial and was sentenced to life in prison for practically admitting murder of her husband to her own daughter. Then Cinnamon left her high profile job. Could it be that no one really cares if she really were killed in her own home?… Then one day at the grocery store.
Environment
Cinnamon is at the grocery store for the first time since she had her daughter. Yes, her husband Clash made all grocery runs or had groceries delivered but Cinnamon just wanted to do some normal grocery shopping but when she got in the store. Store clerks and customers noticed her as the ex-DA who arrested her own mother, and she is alive in Arizona.
Rules
The police comes into the store, walks right up to Cinnamon and asks her to come down to the police station to talk just talk to the Chief of Police, she was assured this was not an arrest. Cinnamon calls her husband and then she tells the Officer she will drive later with her husband and legal team.
Villian
Cinnamon and Clash are at the police station being questioned about the fire at the home.
Officer McCain: Obviously, you guys are alive and doing well, which we are happy to see but we need you to contact California Chief of Police before they come to your home and you don’t want that.
Lawyer: My clients’ life was threatened; you really think they would burn their own house down; we ask that consideration is to apply.
Cinnamon: No, I cannot keep running, I must deal with this.
Mission
Cinnamon and Clash’s plane land and they come out with tons of Media at the airport, shouting at the couple asking about their ordeal. The Media was looking to pay top dollar for any information.
Struggle
With her daughter in tow, she is ready to fight her battles head on.
Unique Skillset
Since having her daughter Catrina, Cinnamon has been training her body by taking boxing lessons to gear up for any battle.
Meaning
She wants to know who put a bomb in her home; Is it the same person who killed her dad?
Allies
Could it be that same dark shadow who pulled her from the car wreckage at 5 years old? Who would want her dead?
Weapon: Cinnamon will hire a Secret Agent to help her get justice.
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Tarina’s Great Action Set Piece!
“What I learned doing this assignment is…?”
By putting all of these steps together I worked on my opening scene that was far from satisfying. The rough framework that I now have is so much better than before and I can see potential in it. When I rewrite it as a scene and apply the whole process it should be more worthy of an action script. As I am still working out some kinks in this draft, I will continue with the next lesson so that I do not fall far behind and rewrite the scene in between. So this is just a draft and not a completely elevated scene.
Pre-Action
Create
the need for action.The government are also hunting her, they found out about the code and the program. They don’t want to destroy it; they want to use it and they need to kill or capture her to prevent her from destroying the program. She doesn’t need to unlock the code. She already have it but now Krueger and the government are hunting her, each for its own purpose.
Employee of government report to senior about assassinations over the last 48 hours that are questionable…
Especially after a British minister was in a fatal accident. Camera footage inside the car shows the security detail calmly shooting the driver and then the minister and then just sit in the car till apprehended. He is currently in custody for questioning and can’t even remember doing it.
Senior takes it up the command – this confirms their suspicions about Krueger’s global assassination program being used. They know about it because of the information that Nina gave them when she escaped and turned witness against Krueger’s father. They were however under the impression that Nina’s parents were developing it, but that it was destroyed with them when Nina escaped. Nina also told them that there are a kill code to the program should someone else develop it from the scraps that’s left.
Krueger are also on the hunt for Nina and will stop at nothing to catch or kill her. He preferably want her alive so that he can take out his revenge on her.
Demand
a change the characters need to go through.Later in the script Nina have to decide who she will trust, the operative following the orders of the government or the thug that once guarded her and her parents who made their lives miserable.
They Need to infiltrate Krueger and steal the program and destroy his copy. The government want to use it as their own weapon. But they don’t know Krueger’s base – he moved underground to a new facility after the incarceration of his father and even after all the fortunes that his family lost because of it – he still had millions in offshore accounts that they could not trace and therefore he were able to start again and this time even bigger than his father. They have been tracking him and his operations for a while but are unable to make leeway.
They need to find Nina to make sure she does not destroy the program with the code.
They ten find out that Krueger are also hunting her and that he knows about the code that she have.
They sent a team of three operatives that she knows and trust (they protected her during the pre-trail and afterwards) to bring her in.
They are dispatched to her location – the government kept tabs on her ( she did not know)
Action
Make
the Action UniqueThe hunt is on from Krueger who is using all available resources, money, men and civilians to find her.
The operatives go in prepared to get her out quickly and deliver her to the government. They do not know about the program of Krueger.
They are attacked by Krueger’s men as they escort her to the hand over. They have to change plans. Nina starts to suspect that there are more to this. She questions why the government need her so suddenly, Who are attacking her, If it is Krueger why… Can she trust the operatives?
The operatives are pissed and now they are on the run. They start to listen to the doubts that Nina have and have some questions of their own. They decide to disappear with Nina till they can figure it out. But they have trouble doing that as Krueger’s men follows them and civilians start attacking them. When civilians start attacking them Nina figures out what Krueger are doing. But what about the government?
Post-Action
Reveals
something new.
Deeper
relationship.
More
motivation to fight or defend.
Another
bad guy vanquished.
Discovered
a clue or piece of the puzzle.
Intrigue
has been uncovered.Several fight scenes later, the government threaten to send out operatives after them.
Train ambushes, car chases, fights etc brings them in contact with one of Krueger’s thugs. He provides information about Krueger’s new facility.
They contact the government and find out that they want to use the program as a weapon and lock Nina up as to keep her from killing the program.
? parents still alive????
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Diana T. Black…Great Action Set Piece…
What I learned doing this assignment – that every scene can be elevated and a large contributing factor is the need to structure each scene sequence as outlined in this lesson – Pre-Action, Action, Post Action and with the following attributes – Uniqueness, Emotions, and Twists.
Pre-Action
Ange gets the alarm call, Keylan questions why their firehouse…the firefighters with Keylan
leading, launch into action… The fire-truck heads towards the fire. Victor glares at Patrick.
Action
At the burning luxury car showroom – Keylan orders Patrick to stay with the truck and liaise over the radio with Ange. Reese and his co-workers douse the exterior of the building. Keylan and Victor head inside. Once inside the showroom Victor and Keylan see the burnt-out cars and the charred body behind the desk. Keylan orders Victor to douse the flames in the showroom while he heads towards the back of the building. Keylan discovers Louise’s bloodied bracelet in the trunk of the car parked out back. He pockets the bracelet as the SOUND of Police sirens approaching. Keylan goes back inside to help Victor and finds him staring at a flaming wall, beyond the charred corpse – he appears to be hallucinating, spellbound. Victor’s POV: Aleyna stands in the flames looking down at the corpse – she looks up at him as if trying to tell him something. Keylan douses the flames on the wall, the ghost that only Victor can see disappears and Keylan hauls him outside.
Post-Action
Back at the firehouse Keylan reveals the bracelet to no-one but Ange. He privately chews out Victor about what happened in the showroom. Victor recounts that she (Aleyna) was there – standing in the flames – looking at the corpse and back at him as if trying to tell me something. Keylan thinks he’s losing his mind. Keylan toys with the notion of standing Victor down on sick leave. Victor begs to stay on duty. Keylan reluctantly agrees, fearful that standing him down will only unhinge him further.
Uniqueness
The luxury car-showroom (with cars) in flames – it’s obviously deliberately lit. The charred body with a bullet hole in the back of its skull behind the showroom desk. Keylan’s missing girlfriend, Louise – her bloodied bracelet (unique design) is in the trunk of the car parked out the back. Victor hallucinating – staring into the flames and seeing the ghost of his dead first wife, Aleyna – looking down at the charred corpse then back at him.
Strategies for Uniqueness
Shocking discovery – burning of the luxury car showroom, Louise’s bracelet… Victor’s hallucination
Action Emotions
Shock, Anxiety, Fear, Adrenalin, Danger
Twists
Louise’s bracelet in the trunk of the car (reg plates and VIN removed) parked out the back… no known link to Louise and the luxury car showroom
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Christopher Dalbey’s Great Action Set Piece!
What I learned doing this assignment is that applying this approach greatly increases the depth and quality of scenes, making the action prominent and count so much more to the story. Thai was one of my personal favorite lessons of this class!
Turning Point at end of Act 1: Mayoral candidate, Ady Phara, didn’t know what she was getting into when attending an elite underground party, where she is raped and murdered by masked, corrupt politicians.
SETUP (Suspense): Ady is admitted into a mansion with the password – that she almost forgets – and is immediately drugged, blindfolded and taken to an undisclosed location in the mansion, while masked attendees keep to their mingling and indulging.
PRE-ACTION (Fear) & (Anxiety): Lisa regains consciousness and notices that she is in some cavernous dungeon, masked and clothed in an enticing gown. As she navigates her way through the maze-like dungeon, she comes to the bottom of a stairwell that leads to what sounds like the party she was attending.
ACTION (Adrenaline) & (Surprise): Ady comes to the top of the stairwell where she is greeted by a masked butler who won’t answer her leads her down long corridors where more masked attendees are engaging in sexual acts. The deeper she proceeds into the mansion, the greater the hedonism she witnesses. At one point, she frees herself from the escort but gets lost in a dead end section of the mansion.
POST-ACTION (Excitement): She passes a room where she encounters senator Triano and a political ally sharing drinks and laughs in a more quiet section of the mansion. Triano is a bit drunk but notices her distress and excuses himself from his company and goes with her.
PRE-ACTION (Relief) & (Suspense): Triano assures her that he had no idea of any of the mischievous activity that she is explaining to him, while seemingly helping her escape the mansion. It gets incredibly awkward when they encounter the butler/escort Ady liberated herself from. Triano plays dumb and puts on a show telling him ”that he and whoever orchestrated this sick and perverted behavior will suffer consequences” and then beats him to an unconscious state.
ACTION (Danger): Triano kills the escort with his savagery and is applauded and celebrated by the accumulated masked masses behind him and Ady. Ady realizes that this was all just a show and that Triano is their ringleader! She tries to get away but runs into a wall of masked attendees that carry her unwillingly away and is brutally raped and murdered.
POST-ACTION (Fear) & (Shock): Ady Phara has gone missing and nobody has seen her in days. In the backwoods of New Orleans, Ady Phara rises from the dead as voodoo deity incarnate, Maman Brigittee.
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This reply was modified 3 years ago by Christopher Dalbey.
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