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Post Day 15 Assignment Here
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13 Replies
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Bernadette Wilson – Lesson 15 – The Midpoint
What I learned in this lesson was that there is more plot points coming out that I could not think of before. The story is getting clearer. Everything still a bit of a mess, but I know that I can press on and fix it later.
INT. HOSPITAL – NIGHT
Brinda is sitting outside the hospital room of Sonya’s. Cal brings Brinda a cup of coffee.
CAL
She’s in bad shape but the doctors say she’ll be fine.
BRINDA
They’re getting closer.
CAL
Can you remember anyone. A client, a person part of the study that might want to do this.
BRINDA
They’re telling me something.
CAL
What? What are they telling you.
BRINDA
The person wants me to see that?
CAL
They’re getting cocky. And it didn’t work. Almost did.
BRINDA
I don’t know what the message is. Do they want to kill me? Get back at me some how?
CAL
For what? Don’t be silly. They trust you.
BRINDA
Trust me?
CAL
They want you to get close to them and then let you witness a killing to help them?
BRINDA
It’s not easy like that. It’s more. They want more than just speaking to me. They want revenge, somehow. From my mentor?
CAL
Is anyone want your job? Was anyone jealous of your position with the Professor?
BRINDA
No, never. I don’t know anyone really, not in my class, I don’t hang with them.
CAL
There’s gotta be someone who is after the people close to you.
Brinda thinks for a moment.
BRINDA
Wait. What about…
CAL
What.
BRINDA
The mental institution.
CAL
Silver Lake
BRINDA
Yes. She worked there for years before I got there. Maybe an angry patient.
CAL
We’ve got to go there.
INT. SILVER LAKE FACILITY – DAY
Brinda and Cal arrive at the Mental Instittuion.
CAL
We’re here without the bosse’s permission so let me do most of the talking.
BRINDA
Why do we need his permission?
They enter into the Institution and are greeted by guards. Heavily guarded gated facility.
Brinda is a little nervous being there. She hated it here.
CAL
We’re here to see the administrator.GUARD
Do you have an appointment?
CAL
No, just credentials.
The guard looks at his badge and calls the administrator.
GUARD
She’ll be right out.
BRINDA
She?
Brinda turns around and looks at Cal.
BRINDA
They’ve changed administrators.
An Ver Well Dressed ADMINISTRATOR, VIVIAN PEELE comes to the front.
VIVAN
How do you do?
CAL
I’m Cal Pratner. This is…my partner, Julie.
Brinda looks at him weird but she goes along with it.
VIVAN
Will you follow me please.
INT. VIVIAN’S OFFICE – DAY
VIVAN
It’s not really our procedure to go into someone’s private files detective unless you have a warrant.
CAL
I understand that but we need to answer a few questions. A Dr. Sonya has been hurt and we need to find out who might have done this to her.
VIVAN
Dr. Sonya Vieteg.
CAL
Yes.
VIVAN
She has not been here in 4 years let alone have any clients here any longer.
CAL
Did the Doctor leave with a good record.
VIVAN
As far as I know. I came after her.
CAL
Do you know anyone who might want to have hurt her. An angry patient. Someone psychotic.
VIVAN
From what I understand Dr. Vieteg had an impeccable reputation here. She was mostly on the side of the patient.
CAL
On the side of the patient.
VIVAN
Yes, I understand that she stopped many a lobotomy that was unneccessary.
BRINDA
We’re inquiring about a Miriam Cage, who was here.
VIVAN
One moment let me check.
Cal looks at Brinda weirdly.
CAL
What? A relative?
Vivian comes back.
VIVAN
I’m sorry there was no one under that name here within the past 10 years.
BRINDA
Not here?
VIVAN
I’m sorry?
BRINDA
Maybe an alias? Another name? Someone by the name of Baker?
Vivian looks again.
VIVAN
Yes – here we are. Mary Joe Baker.
Vivian take the file out and examines it. She hands it to Cal.
BRINDA
Mary Joe Baker was not lobotimized.
PLACEHOLDER:
Cal – How would that be?
Brinda – my father would not put his last name on me. I was in here as Brinda Baker.
Cal – Why
Brinda – My Dad was ashamed I guess.
Let’s see –
They look at the file. Only Baker was not lobotomized. There is no more of a record for her.
Admin – People are either taken away by their family or otherwise.
BRINDA
So this Miriam Baker was not lobotomized and has no record of being here as of 7 years ago.
CAL
It doesn’t say anything about that nor her release.
BRINDA
What happened to her?
ADMIN
We have no way of knowing.
BRINDA
Who was the doctor attending to her?
ADMIN
Dr. Sonya Vieteg.
BRINDA
PLACEHOLDER – Perhaps in this scene we see Mimi’s file, but there’s another file of a Miriam Baker.
In Mimi’s file we see that she was lobotomized for violent tendencies and died 7 years ago here.
Mary Joe Baker was releaased but there is no record.
Perhaps Mimi ran away, but is disguised as a hospital worker/nurse and getting the drugs from this hospital.
They pass by a woman who has a bunch of files with her. She looks at Brinda and Cal as they pass by.PLACEHOLDER:
Where is Mimi getting the money for expensive up keep?
Where is she getting the drugs to poison the men?
Why can’t she get to the BOSS and Jesse’s Father – Mr. Webber?
They were part of convincing jack that she was insane and tookk her away from Brinda and her family even though it was the BOSS and Webber in cahoots.
Mimi wants revenge and she wants her daughter back.
How does she know that Jack was killed by BOSS?
Was she there and then got away? -
Mary and Rich Chamberlin’s Act 2 TP – Midpoint
What I learned doing this assignment is that a buddy picture Comedy can get really emotional after all. The change in how Jax sees Morty thru the kids eyes softens how he sees himself, and allows him to be creative going forward. It is a major change in the story, the old ways will no longer do.
1. Outline your Key Scene 4: The Midpoint.
INT. MELANIE’S APARTMENT BUILDING DAY –
This is the first time audience sees Melanie and her son Kyle. Kyle is epileptic. Jax brushes off Morty as just some old guy he is forced to work with. Melanie makes him apologize. Kyle loves WWII planes which Morty’s Dad flew, so Morty tells him amazing stories that the kid cant get enough of. Morty charms Kyle with jokes and really hits it off with the kid. JAX sees him 100% different after Melanies apartment.
2. Write the Midpoint scene.
EXT. MELANIE’S APARTMENT BUILDING DAY –
Mabel pulls up to the high rise low rent apartments. Other cars on the street make Mabel look like a Rolls Royce. Morty
brough a tiny bouquet of flowers, that Jax stares at but doesn’t comment.
MORTY: Your friend lives in a tough neighborhood, Jax.
JAX: Yeah, I tell her to move, but whattya gonna do.
They huff and puff as they climb the outdoor stairs to the place. Jax rings the doorbell, but it doesn’t work. He knocks
and Melanie answers.
INT. MELANIE’S APARTMENT BUILDING DAY
She is young and tired looking, happy but with a dark cloud in her visage. A young boy runs over
and shouts.
KYLE: All aboard the plane!
MELANIE: Kyle! I told you not to go flying without a co-pilot.
JAX: Look what my writing partner brought – flowers! Can you believe it.
MELANIE: Well I think it’s sweet. Let me get a jar and some water. You kids get acquainted.
Kyle immediately takes to Morty, flying thru his legs with a ZOOM. Jax peels off and follows Melanie.
JAX: Sorry I had to bring him. He’s my writing partner for the class – he’s harmless, a bit of a loser.
MELANIE: Jaxson, you take that back right now!
JAX: What? I just wanted to warn you.
MELANIE: You know, my brother said the same thing about you when we met. Ponder on that while I make tea.
Jax then wanders into Kyle’s room, and see model airplanes all over. He never went in here before.
KYLE: Jap kamikaze incoming. Scramble!
MORTY: We got ’em, high Noon. Scrambling.
JAX: Ha! Second childhood?
MORTY: The kids great. Now, he knows who to pick between Shakespeare and Hitler.
JAX: You owe another dollar. Ka-ching. Besides, he doesn’t even know who Hitler is.
MORTY: Wanna bet?
Kyle laughs as he takes a Japanese Zero toward Morty’s Corsair, the same one Pappy Boyington flew in the Pacific.
The planes collide, and the Mitsubishi Zero crashes onto the rug. Morty laughs along, and Jax realizes he’s never
heard the boy laugh before.
MELANIE: Teas ready. Kyle, let us grown-ups have our time. Do you have homework?
KYLE: Ah, Mom. Alright.
When they sit, Jax allows Morty the comfy chair, the one he always sits in. Melanie smiles, realizing her protest
earlier wan’t in vain.
MELANIE: So tell me about yourself, Mr. Shakespeare. I bet you get teased a lot about the name.
MORTY: Ah, you’d be surprised. I love to write, but I’m a hack next to this guy. He knows all about what-holes. Oops,
I hope Kyle didn’t hear that.
JAX: Actually, I’m feeling like a what-hole myself right about now. Morty likes kids I understand, and now I see.
MELANIE: I’ll bet there’s a lot of interesting things about your new friend we’d love to know. Hmm?
They start to talk, and everyone has a lovelier time than they have in ages.
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Karin Hallén’s Act 2 – Midpoint
What I learned doing this assignment is that the midpoint is a very interesting place. I certainly donate have all the dialogue figured out for this scene, but I have learnt what it needs to bring to the story and structured accordingly. The journey continues, but now with a new twist – under new circumstances.
Outline Key Scene 4: The Midpoint.
INT. LECTURE HALL – DAY
Midpoint
Beginning
The lecture hall has a real stage. George is on stage speaking to a small, yawning audience. Geena sits at the side of the stage. Suddenly George gets an upset stomach and has to run to the bathroom.
Middle
There is an awkward silence. Then, the audience turns to Geena and start asking her questions. With her natural wisdom and common sense her answers and insights are a huge success. The audience loves her.
End
When George comes back from the bathroom he stops at the side of the stage in shock. He sees how successful Geena is on stage. He hears what she says and sees how she behaves.
(Opportunity for him to internalize and learn New Ways. He is not quite ready for that yet, but it’s visible in his expression and eyes that somehow that something starts brewing inside him.)
He rushes Geena off stage and the seminar is over.
For the first time a few books sell.
INT. CONVENTION CENTER LOBBY – DAY
Short scene of people as they exit the lecture talking about it being good. Some people stop someone in the lobby and ask how it was and they say it was pretty good, worth the time, some interesting stuff, etc. They mention his “sidekick.”
EXT. CONVENTION CENTER – DAY
Short scene of people outside the convention center, at lunch tables etc, talking and spreading the word that George’s lectures are actually worth checking out. They talk abut his “sidekick.
Write Midpoint Scene.
INT. LECTURE HALL – DAY
This lecture hall has a real stage. George is standing in the middle of the stage, speaking to a small, yawning audience. Geena sits at the side of the stage.
GEORGE
Like I said, it’s um, like statistic shows…, this is not my personal experience of course, but nonetheless, we can see, if you look at the diagram, that many with less discipline and…and…
Suddenly George’s face gets all red and he looks extremely uncomfortable. He puts both hands across his stomach and rushes off stage.
GEORGE
Excuse me.
There is an awkward silence among the audience. After a minute they start getting restless and impatient.
An IMPATIENT MAN in the audience turns to Geena.
IMPATIENT MAN
Hey, ma’am! You, over there!
Geena looks around hoping that he was referring to someone else, but there is nobody behind her. She points at herself questioningly.
IMPATIENT MAN
Yes, you! You must have heard this seminar enough that you know it in your sleep. Why don’t you take over until he gets back?
GEENA
Uhm, I’m new.
IMPATIENT MAN
So what, just give us something. Anything is better than just sitting here waiting, wasting time.
The rest of the audience agrees in unison.
A WOMAN WITH GLASSES stands up.
WOMAN WITH GLASSES
I want to hear your own take on it, as a woman, because it seems as women we have thrived more on community and togetherness and helping each other than men have all through history. Right? So this problem hits us even harder. And potentially leaves us even further behind.
The entire audience looks expectantly at Geena.
GEENA
Uum, well…
IMPATIENT MAN
Get up on stage so we can hear you!
The rest of the audience shout “yes” in agreement.
Geena glances at the exit, but the entire audience is between her and the door. She has no choice but to step up on stage.
GEENA
To address your take on history, when I was young, 3000 years ago…
The audience laughs.
GEENA
…first of all, things didn’t move so fast, word could only travel at the speed a camel walked…
The audience laughs again.
GEENA
…which gave you time to think, you know.
PLACEHOLDER: The audience interacts with Geena.
GEENA
(Insert dialogue with witty, wise, astute observations on loneliness feelings of separation etc… here)
AUDIENCE MEMBER
(Insert comments and questions)
Intercut Geena and Audience dialogue as needed
The audience goes from roaring with laughter to nodding in agreement and making comments of approval, to back to laughing again. They break out in applause several times. Geena’s natural wisdom, insights, and witty delivery are a huge success.
George hurries back from the bathroom. He hears the audience’s laughter and applause. He comes to a sudden stop at the side of the stage when he sees Geena. He stands in a spot where neither Geena nor the audience can see him.
He gapes, shocked, as he witnesses how successful Geena is on stage. How the audience hangs on every word she says. He hears what she says and observes how she behaves. She’s the complete opposite of George.
He gets sucked into it for a second and smiles and nods at something Geena says. He quickly pulls himself back and remembers to be furious. But something in his eyes has shifted. An uncertainty. He amps himself up. He rushes out on stage and pulls Geena off it and to the side. She bows to the audience while being pulled away.
The audience keeps applauding.
A SHORT MAN sitting next to the Impatient Man leans over and whispers to him.
SHORT MAN
Obviously part of the act. Really good performances. Totally believable.
IMPATIENT MAN
Totally.
George drags Geena to the table where his books are stacked. For the first time, a few books sell.
George stands over by the door as people leave and a couple of people ask him to sign their book.
INT. CONVENTION CENTER LOBBY – DAY
People talk about George’s seminar as they exit the lecture hall. They chitchat about it, mentioning liking it. A YOUNG GUY standing a few feet away, holding a program calls out to the people exiting the hall.
YOUNG GUY
Hey, how was that seminar?
SHORT MAN
It was pretty good, actually. Worth checking out.
IMPATIENT MAN
Especially his sidekick.
WOMAN WITH GLASSES
The woman.
EXT. CONVENTION CENTER – DAY
Short scene of people outside the convention center, in line at the cafeteria, at lunch tables etc, talking and spreading the word that George’s lectures are worth checking out. They frequently mention his “sidekick.
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THIRTY DAY SCREENPLAY #15
James E. Clark Act 2 TP Midpoint
What I learned from this assignment: The process of turning the beat into an outline and the outline into the scene makes the process much easier, more creative and exciting to write.
OUTLINE
Beginning
INT. CAMP OFFICE – DAY
The new Camp Director is now there. Carrie walks in the office still fuming from her bout with the bureaucrat. She runs straight into NELSON MURDOCK (40) the retired Navy SEAL she almost married twelve years earlier. She freezes and stumbles over her words.
INT. FIRE WATCH TOWER ON A MOUNTAIN TOP – DAY
Ten miles from camp the forestry fire watcher spots a lightening strike and a blaze. He calls it in.
Middle
INT. CHURCH OFFICE – DAY
Carrie is looking at Nelson. Her mouth is still open. The phone rings. The secretary hands the phone to Nelson. He listens then thanks the person on the other end. Fire just started ten miles away and the wind is blowing in the direction of the camp. His first question is what are the emergency procedures and how often are drills run. Most recent drill was just a two weeks prior. He wants to know if there’s a fire break. There is but it’s on the to do list for clean up.
The only people in the camp are the staff and the volunteers. Campers arent’ expected for another two weeks.
EXT. CAMP EQUIMENT – LOT
Carrie grabs a volunteer who knows how to use a skip loader. She goes to the bull dozer. They start to clear the fire break.
EXT. FRONT OF OFFICE BUILDING – DAY
Nelson coordinates the rest of the volunteers and the staff to wet down as much of the property as possible, line up vehicles for retreat, put together food that can be eaten quickly and taken with them if they need to leave.
EXT. CAMP PARKING LOT – DAY
A fire crew shows up with two trucks. They set up strategically. Smoke is filling the air.
EXT. FIRE BREAK – DAY
Carrie and the volunteer have cleared the fire break. Carrie gets a call on her walkie talkie. The fire is now moving in a different direction. Safe for now.
End
INT. CAMP OFFICE – DAY
Carrie is covered in soot. She’s moving very slowly and Nelson notices. Now they have to deal with their reunion. And she dumps the permit issue in his lap.
SCENE
INT. CHURCH OFFICE – DAY
Carrie storms through the door
CARRIE
Lousy bureaucrats. A complete waste of oxygen.
SECRETARY
Yeah. He can be very difficult.
Out of Carrie’s eyesite, NELSON MURDOCH (40) isstanidng in the doorway fo the Camp Administrators office looking at her. He’s smiling.
NELSON
Some people never change.
Carrie whips around and sees Nelson. Her jow drops and she can’t get any words out.
NELSON
Silence isn’t normal for you.
SECRETARY
Carrie, meet…
CARRIE
Nelson Murdoch. Navy SEAL and all around good guy – sometimes.
Nelson grins.
NELSON
Carrie Waters. All around genuine ground breaker – sometimes.
INT. FIREWATCH TOWER ON MOUNTAIN TOP – DAY
The forest service workier is scanning the forest with hi9s binoculars. Dark cluds are in the air. Lightening strikes. He turns the binoculars in that direction. He sees smoke and then flames. He logs the entry. He picks up the mic to his radio.
FOREST SERVIE WORKER
Command – towere five.
COMMAND CENTER (VO)
Tower five – Command Center.
FOREST SERVICE WORKER
We have a lightening strike in grid fourteen section 3. I have visual on smoke and flames.
He checks the weather vane just outside his window.
FOREST SERVICE WORKER (CON’T)
…wind from the northwest at five MPH.
COMMAND CENTER (VO)
Copy that tower five.
INT. CAMP OFFICE – DAY
Phone rings. Secretary picks it up.
SECRETARY
Got oit, thanks. Neslon, there’s a forest fire moving outr way.
NELSON
Give me the protpcol – quick.
EXT. FRONT OF OFFICE – DAY
Volunteers and staff are all bunched together.
NELSON
Do you have the equipment Carrie?
Carrie nods.
NELSON
Okay. Head out. The rest of you have your assignments. Fire crews are on their way.
EXT. CAMP EQUIPMENT AREA – DAY
Smoke can be smelled.
CARRIE
We each start at opposite ends of the fire break and move toward each other. Got it?
VOLUNTEER 1
Sure do Sr. Chief.
CARRIE
We’re civilians. Carrie will do just fine.
Volunteer smiles.
VOLUNTEER 1
Copy that Sr. Chief.
Carrie nimbly climbs up to the drivers seat of the bull dozer. She immediately starts the engine.
They both laugh.
INT CAMP KITCHEN – DAY
Camp cook staff is putting together emergency food.
EXT. CAMP GROUNDS – DAY
Volunteers and other camp staff are busy watering down the roofs of buildings.
EXT. FIRE BREAK – DAY
Smoke is in the air. Carrie is sweaty and covered in soot. She calls the other drive on her walkie talkie.
CARRIE
Now!
The engines of both vehicles start to rumble. Carrie throws her dozer into gear.
EXT. CAMP PARKING LOT – DAY
Fire crew shows up and tells Nelson that the fire is now moving in a different direction. They are safe for the moment.
END
INT. CAMP OFFICE – DAY
Carrie is exhausted, covered is soot and ashes stuck to sweat. Nelson smiles as he looks at her.
NELSON
Well done. No bullets this time. But it was still an enemy.
CARRIE
Thanks. I need to clean up.
She starts to leave, stops and turns back to Nelson
CARRIE (CON’T)
Enemies come in all kinds of packages.
Neslon watches her as she leaves the office, limping.
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THIRTY DAY SCREENPLAY #15
James E. Clark Act 2 TP Midpoint
What I learned from this assignment: The process of turning the beat into an outline and the outline into the scene makes the process much easier, more creative and exciting to write.
OUTLINE
Beginning
INT. CAMP OFFICE – DAY
The new Camp Director is now there. Carrie walks in the office still fuming from her bout with the bureaucrat. She runs straight into NELSON MURDOCK (40) the retired Navy SEAL she almost married twelve years earlier. She freezes and stumbles over her words.
INT. FIRE WATCH TOWER ON A MOUNTAIN TOP – DAY
Ten miles from camp the forestry fire watcher spots a lightening strike and a blaze. He calls it in.
Middle
INT. CHURCH OFFICE – DAY
Carrie is looking at Nelson. Her mouth is still open. The phone rings. The secretary hands the phone to Nelson. He listens then thanks the person on the other end. Fire just started ten miles away and the wind is blowing in the direction of the camp. His first question is what are the emergency procedures and how often are drills run. Most recent drill was just a two weeks prior. He wants to know if there’s a fire break. There is but it’s on the to do list for clean up.
The only people in the camp are the staff and the volunteers. Campers arent’ expected for another two weeks.
EXT. CAMP EQUIMENT – LOT
Carrie grabs a volunteer who knows how to use a skip loader. She goes to the bull dozer. They start to clear the fire break.
EXT. FRONT OF OFFICE BUILDING – DAY
Nelson coordinates the rest of the volunteers and the staff to wet down as much of the property as possible, line up vehicles for retreat, put together food that can be eaten quickly and taken with them if they need to leave.
EXT. CAMP PARKING LOT – DAY
A fire crew shows up with two trucks. They set up strategically. Smoke is filling the air.
EXT. FIRE BREAK – DAY
Carrie and the volunteer have cleared the fire break. Carrie gets a call on her walkie talkie. The fire is now moving in a different direction. Safe for now.
End
INT. CAMP OFFICE – DAY
Carrie is covered in soot. She’s moving very slowly and Nelson notices. Now they have to deal with their reunion. And she dumps the permit issue in his lap.
SCENE
INT. CHURCH OFFICE – DAY
Carrie storms through the door
CARRIE
Lousy bureaucrats. A complete waste of oxygen.
SECRETARY
Yeah. He can be very difficult.
Out of Carrie’s eyesite, NELSON MURDOCH (40) isstanidng in the doorway fo the Camp Administrators office looking at her. He’s smiling.
NELSON
Some people never change.
Carrie whips around and sees Nelson. Her jow drops and she can’t get any words out.
NELSON
Silence isn’t normal for you.
SECRETARY
Carrie, meet…
CARRIE
Nelson Murdoch. Navy SEAL and all around good guy – sometimes.
Nelson grins.
NELSON
Carrie Waters. All around genuine ground breaker – sometimes.
INT. FIREWATCH TOWER ON MOUNTAIN TOP – DAY
The forest service workier is scanning the forest with hi9s binoculars. Dark cluds are in the air. Lightening strikes. He turns the binoculars in that direction. He sees smoke and then flames. He logs the entry. He picks up the mic to his radio.
FOREST SERVIE WORKER
Command – towere five.
COMMAND CENTER (VO)
Tower five – Command Center.
FOREST SERVICE WORKER
We have a lightening strike in grid fourteen section 3. I have visual on smoke and flames.
He checks the weather vane just outside his window.
FOREST SERVICE WORKER (CON’T)
…wind from the northwest at five MPH.
COMMAND CENTER (VO)
Copy that tower five.
INT. CAMP OFFICE – DAY
Phone rings. Secretary picks it up.
SECRETARY
Got oit, thanks. Neslon, there’s a forest fire moving outr way.
NELSON
Give me the protpcol – quick.
EXT. FRONT OF OFFICE – DAY
Volunteers and staff are all bunched together.
NELSON
Do you have the equipment Carrie?
Carrie nods.
NELSON
Okay. Head out. The rest of you have your assignments. Fire crews are on their way.
EXT. CAMP EQUIPMENT AREA – DAY
Smoke can be smelled.
CARRIE
We each start at opposite ends of the fire break and move toward each other. Got it?
VOLUNTEER 1
Sure do Sr. Chief.
CARRIE
We’re civilians. Carrie will do just fine.
Volunteer smiles.
VOLUNTEER 1
Copy that Sr. Chief.
Carrie nimbly climbs up to the drivers seat of the bull dozer. She immediately starts the engine.
They both laugh.
INT CAMP KITCHEN – DAY
Camp cook staff is putting together emergency food.
EXT. CAMP GROUNDS – DAY
Volunteers and other camp staff are busy watering down the roofs of buildings.
EXT. FIRE BREAK – DAY
Smoke is in the air. Carrie is sweaty and covered in soot. She calls the other drive on her walkie talkie.
CARRIE
Now!
The engines of both vehicles start to rumble. Carrie throws her dozer into gear.
EXT. CAMP PARKING LOT – DAY
Fire crew shows up and tells Nelson that the fire is now moving in a different direction. They are safe for the moment.
END
INT. CAMP OFFICE – DAY
Carrie is exhausted, covered is soot and ashes stuck to sweat. Nelson smiles as he looks at her.
NELSON
Well done. No bullets this time. But it was still an enemy.
CARRIE
Thanks. I need to clean up.
She starts to leave, stops and turns back to Nelson
CARRIE (CON’T)
Enemies come in all kinds of packages.
Nelson watches her as she leaves the office, limping.
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Stafford’s Act 2 TP – Midpoint
What I learned from this assignment was how these scenes are helping me bridge the gaps. The more I keep watering the story, the easier it’s developing my draft.
INT. FUNERAL HOME – EVENING
POTRAIT
A younger version of Ricky in a tuxedo. Silent cries and whimpers can be heard in the background.
EXT. FUNERAL HOME – NIGHT
FUNERAL GUESTS come and leave out. Mateo and Marisol, dressed in black, both sad as they leave from paying respects to Ricky.
MARISOL
You’re gonna be okay?
MATEO
He was like a brother to me.
MARISOL
Poor Aylin. I couldn’t imagine what she’s going through. I’d be sick if something were to happen to you.
Mateo stares at Marisol as Glorivette approaches them —
GLORIVETTE
Mateo?
Mateo shoots a startled look at Glorivette.
MATEO
Glorivette… hi. Coming to pay your respects? We were just leaving?
GLORIVETTE
<font face=”inherit”>I just met Ricky, but he was nice to me when I first started. Wanted to show support for his family. Is this your </font>fiancé<font face=”inherit”>?</font>
<font face=”inherit”>Glorivette shakes Marisol’s hand –</font>
<font face=”inherit”>MARISOL </font>
<font face=”inherit”>Yes, I am.</font>
<font face=”inherit”>Awkward. Mateo’s stuck between a rock and a hard place.</font>
<font face=”inherit”>MATEO</font>
<font face=”inherit”>How rude of me. Glorivette, my </font>fiancé<font face=”inherit”> Marisol. Mari, my co-worker, Glorivette.</font>
<font face=”inherit”>GLORIVETTE (to Marisol)</font>
<font face=”inherit”>Eres muy hermosa.</font>
<font face=”inherit”>MARISOL (flattered)</font>
<font face=”inherit”>Ay, gracias. So are you.</font>
<font face=”inherit”>GLORIVETTE</font>
<font face=”inherit”>You’re too kind. What I’d do to be 20 years younger.</font>
<font face=”inherit”>MARISOL</font>
<font face=”inherit”>No! You look… young! You can hook any man.</font>
<font face=”inherit”>GLORIVETTE (raises eyebrows)</font>
<font face=”inherit”>So I’ve been told.</font>
<font face=”inherit”>Mateo flares his nostrils.</font>
<font face=”inherit”>MATEO</font>
<font face=”inherit”>Mari, baby… I’m ready to go home.</font>
<font face=”inherit”>MARISOL</font>
<font face=”inherit”>Orale.</font>
<font face=”inherit”>Glorivette smirks.</font>
GLORIVETTE
Nice meeting you, Marisol. You two have a safe ride home. I’ll see you back the office, Mateo.
MATEO
Yeah… Have yourself a good night.
MARISOL(to Glorivette)
Good night.
Mateo locks arms with Marisol as they walk away.
Glorivette waves slowly with a sadistic grin on her face.
-
JUDITH ABINGDON Act 2 TP – Midpoint
“What I learned doing this assignment is…?” still juggling these scenes
Key Scene 4: The Midpoint.
After another big fight, no one has the will to continue in this endless cycle of disruption. Juliet’s mother speaks with her husband and they decide it’s best Juliet stays with her Godmother for a while.
Juliet is excited about this new turn of events but she is not ready for this new freedom and goes a bit off the rails, it’s all fun in the beginning but even her Godmother and her sister find it hard to contain Juliet’s enthusiasm
Midpoint scene.
INT. JULIAS BEDROOM NIGHT
LARRY
You have no control over her anymore
JULIA
Well we could try to look at it from her point of view, we were young once too
LARRY
Oh sure go all soft, that’s not going to fix anything. Strong discipline, that’s what I had. You have to be firm.
JULIA
Oh, so you were the perfect child.
LARRY
That’s beside the point. And anyway I was a male child, different expectations
JULIA
I don’t understand
LARRY
Anyway, we have different ideas in America. You spoiled her when she was young, and she had no strong father to look up to.
JULIA
So different rules for girls and boys? Maybe that is the problem!
LARRY
Don’t you worry, we will not be having these problems when my son is born.
JULIA
So you are a fortune teller now?
LARRY
OK, that’s enough smart talk, I think it’s rubbing off.
Julia looks away and rolls her eyes, she knows she has a mission
Julia
Speaking of which, I think maybe we all could use a break about now.
I need to get ready for the baby and we could use some quality time together. I was chatting with Inez the other week and she said the same. She has offered to have Juliet come stay with her for a bit and give us all a reset. I wanted to check with you, what do you think?
Larry takes a minute
LARRY
I would like some peace and quiet in my own house . Wadda I care! Sure fine.
JULIA
Oh, It will be great for us Larry! We can have some quiet dinners and you can help me get the nursery together!
LARRY
OH boy!
INT. INEZ’S HOUSE DAY
Juliet has arrived with a modest amount of boxes, clothes, some books but most importantly her record collection and portable record player.
INEZ
So you can’t have your own room right away, MICHAEL should be leaving soon for college, so you can share my closet for now.
JULIET
I don’t care about that, just tell me I can keep the record player in the living room!
INEZ
Of course, my Darling, just watch the volume, you know what a pill Madelyn can be!
JULIET
We will just teach her all the latest tunes and have a sing along!
INEZ
I would like to see that! Now, Im not going to lay a lot of rules on you, just promise me you will let me know what you are up to, I don’t want to be left wondering where you are. Deal?
JULIET
YES, for sure, yes! And thanks again for doing this Inez! I love you
INEZ
I love you too monkey, now let’s try and not screw this up. We want to prove to your Mother that we know what we are doing!
JULIET
High five!
After about a week of good behavior Juliet starts in on her new cultural education. She gives Connor her new number and they go to New York to see Art house movies ( A WOMEN UNDER THE INFLUENCE, PINK FLAMINGOS, LAST TANGO IN PARIS, PHANTOM of THE PARADISE and more, Visits to CBGB’S, to see Television, Patti SMITH, RAMONES, TALKING HEADS etc, mixed in with several trips to all the great Musuems, and free concerts in Central Park.
INEZ’S house consists of three apartments on so many floors, Inez has the middle apt, the downstairs is rented to an Indian couple and the third upper apt. has become empty. Juliet floats the idea of having it for herself, but Inez draws the line and says. No way, it’s business, but she does agree to let Juliet have her birthday party there before it becomes rented again.
Maybe the end of this scene?
-
JAYE’S ACT 2 TP – MIDPOINT
What I learned is:
1. The Midpoint changes everything. In this story, I have decided to make the Mayor the actual and unexpected antagonist.
2. My midpoint is only a placeholder at this point. This is very rudimentary, but I allowed it to slow me because I wanted to figure out the intricacies and complexities, and this goes against the conventions of high-speed writing.
INT. LAB – DAY [PLACEHOLDER]
Scientist and Mayor talk.We see Mayor’s plan to get rid of Hero, and Scientist’s ability to place lightning.
Here we learn that Mayor wants Hero dead (for reasons I am still working out) and lightning was intended only for Hero.
We see it didn’t kill Hero, but it scrambled his powers. Was this because it hit Villain too?Mayor still wants Hero out of the picture.
I will be expanding on this, but it will likely start with something simple like Mayor is trying to advance in his career, but his low crime rate is not credited to him, it is credited to Hero. Mayor is tired of hero receiving all the credit, and simply being seen as useless. If he can get rid of Hero himself and then Villain also, the glory will finally be his.
-
Rae’s Act 2 – Turning Point Mid-point
What I discovered this assignment is the turning points really help define the hero’s journey and add drama to the script.
TIME LAPSE
EXT. 20 UNIT APARTMENT BUILDING – MID-MORNING
Jesi is on the roof, working at a fast pace, calling down to Mario.
JESI
Mario, I need about six more tiles. Send them up on the pully.
Mario stacks the tile and sends it up.
EXT. THE STREET (CONTINUOUS)
Moments later, Henry pulls up in his BMW. Harold goes to the curb to greet him, shakes his hand.
POV
Jesi spots Henry and does not want to get down from that roof. She hides behind a chimney stack. Mario is calling out to her.
MARIO
Hey Jesi, you need any more of those tiles?
ON HENRY
He stops the conversation with Harold and looks to the roof.
HENRY
Who is that up there? Is that Jesi?
HAROLD
Yep, that’s my girl Jesi.
HENRY
(shouts)
Hey, Jesi, get down here. What the hell —
Jesi hesitates, then finally drops down the ladder. She’s in covered in dust and clay from the roof tiles. She approaches the two men.
HENRY
What are you doing here? Why are you up on that roof?
JESI
Oh, didn’t I tell you. My father died and left me his business. I rather like the freedom of it. It’s my grass roots, an environment I can always trust. No back stabbing here —
HENRY
Well, it becomes you —
(in the same breath)
Harold she is just a rookie. You know I’m the best man for the job.
HAROLD
(takes a beat)
Now Jesi, I don’t want you getting upset, but Henry’s right. So I will be listing the property with him. Remember, you are just starting out. You are still grieving, and you’re also busy running Jackson’s construction company. I’m sorry, I need to stay with a top producer.
JESI
Oh, I see —
(looks away, back again)
Henry, congratulations. And Harold I completely understand. But just as a side bar, I now have a project manager to run Johnson Construction, so that I can give my full, undivided attention to real estate.
HENRY
(anxious to leave)
Harold, I’ve got your listing price so I’ll forwarded you the contract digitally.
(avoids eye contact)
Jesi, see you back in the office.
JESI
Yeah, sure Henry.
After Henry leaves, Harold throws a compassionate arm around Jesi’s shoulder.
HAROLD
I’ve got a better plan for you. There’s this bunch of old geeza’s I hang with. We call it “The old boys apartment club.” They’re a scruffy lot, but filthy rich. They scooped up most of their buildings in the 1980’s when cash was king, and you could buy these buildings for a song. Some are even in Newport, on the water. Dear God, those were the good times. Even with the fumbling dictates of Ronald Reagan and Jimmy Carter. If you’re up for it our monthly get together is tomorrow night, the Harbor Yacht Club.
INT. HARBOR YACHT CLUB (LONG BEACH) – NIGHT
Jesi enters, sees Harold and the good old boys grouped around the bar. She stops, freezes. But Harold sees her and staggers over.
HAROLD
I didn’t think you’ make it. Sure you can handle it.
She nods as they keep walking to the GROUP OF FOURTEEN OLDER, WELL WORN MEN.
HAROLD
It’s pretty noisy, but it gets worse.
(shouts)
Hey fellas, meet Jesi, my protegee. And I must say, one helluva real estate agent. She works the entire coast from Redondo Beach to Laguna. So talk to her about your properties. She’ll trade them up or down whatever you want — besides that she drives a constructions truck, will fix your roofs and plumbing —
Harold takes Jesi’s hand, introduces her to the old codgers one by one. Each of them light up as they speak to her. A few of the men crowd closer, genuinely interested. JIM BAKER (75), JOE SCHMIDT (78), BOSS MULLER (70).
JOE SCHMIDT
Jesi, Joseph Schmidt, you can call me Joe. Who are you with?
JESI
Schindler Investments, Long Beach. Before that I was with — — for ten years. I was their top producer for ten years, but decided to jump into investment properties for the challenge.
JOE SCHMIDT
I sacked my agent last year. I was over him and his games, but I’ve got this thirty unit complex close to Long Beach Harbor. Talk to me — maybe I’ll give you a shot.
The noise pumps up as Jesi sits down with Joe, takes out her phone and enters his information.
INT./EXT. JOHNSON HOME/ OFFICE – DAY
Jesi makes a deal with Mario. Signs him on as an equal partner. They shake hands then walk outside to the Silverado construction truck.
JESI
I know how much my Dad trusted you. Even though he paid you half of what you deserved. So let’s do this! Take it away, the truck is yours.
MARIO
Are you interested in the work at all? I mean, you’re good at it.
JESI
No, my focus has to be on real estate. We’ll hire you a helper.
He honks the heck out of the truck as he waves and drives the truck away.
As Jesi walks back inside the home, her cell is flashing.
JESI
(into phone)
Yes, this is she.
(listens)
I know, I’m very aware that you need payment — but listen to me, I can’t do this unless we work out a payment plan. Look, can I speak to the Doctor. He seemed a reasonable man. What was his name — Doctor LeBlanc?
She waits on the line forever. Finally the doctor comes on.
GERALD LEBLANC
Miss Johnson, I remember you. The Sinatra story —
JESI
Doctor, I knew medical care was expenseive , but had no idea it could reach this amount.
(starts crying)
My father let his bridging insurance lapse —
GERALD LEBLANC
Look, Miss Johnson, I have a surgery scheduled — is it possible to meet somewhere — maybe for lunch? This Saturday I am free —
JESI
Yes, yes, let’s meet.
GERALD LEBLANC
Then The Honor Bar on Pine Street, one o’clock.
Another call is flashing on Jesi’s phone. She answers and listens.
JESI
Yes — I am Jesi Johnson.
(listens, long and hard)
What do you mean he has IRS debt? Look, I have no one else to turn to here. I have no mother, no siblings. My father has just died and I’m trying to hold all this together. Plus pay off his medical debt —
(listens)
A meeting at the IRS,
this week? You’ve got to be kidding me!
INT. THE HONOR BAR – DAY
Jesi is talking with Dr. LeBlanc over lunch.
JESI
I’m learning that my father’s spending was pretty reckless. I’ve even got the IRS calling me — turns out he liked to gamble. Doctor LeBlanc what am I going to do?
GERARD LEBLANC
Well first, you take it a step at a time. Would you like some wine —
JESI
I would love some.
GERARD LEBLANC
Then how about a bottle of French Rose?
She smiles and nods. He calls the WAITER over.
GERALD LEBLANC
A bottle of French Rose — from the Loire Valley if you have it.
As the waiter leaves.
GERALD LEBLANC
(grins)
So let’s talk about Sinatra —
JESI
I want you to know, really, I will pay the debt — you just have to give me time.
As the wine pours and the luncheon continues, it seems neither of them want it to end.
INT. HENRY’S OFFICE/ JESI’S CUBICLE – DAY
Jesi storms into Henry’s office. Sees he is finishing up his morning Haiku. He hands the page to her.
HENRY
This is for you —
She rips the Haiku page from his hands, tears it in shreds.
JESI
Fuck Haiku. You’re a snake. And this is war!
HENRY
What!
JESI
You had better guard your clients. I mean it.
She storms out as fast as she stormed in. Goes to her cubicle and writes a deadly Haiku that takes a few drafts.
HAIKU
Snake is a good word, When describing Henry Wu, Although asshole is better
She goes back to Henry’s office, slaps the Haiku on his desk, and leaves.
-
Mickey Gonzalez Act 2 TP – Midpoint
“What I learned doing this assignment is writing to be coming up what is going on with them. Because of the millions. Because of The “ARTIST” symbol.
Outline your Key Scene 4: The Midpoint.
EXT. APARTMENT – DAY
A Sicilian detective 37, Mark can tell he is a narc. Short. He is standing up against a unmarked Chrysler blue four door sedan.
Mark walks out. As he walks pass to the detective. He steps in front of Mark.
He says to Mark, “there is nothing going on in there”. Two women walk up behind. They stand. Mark remembers them from the police dispatcher room.
Mark his car was hit by vandals.
The detective and the two women get back in their cars.
Mark watches as they drive off. One car one way and the other the other way.
EXT. RAQUEL APARTMENT – NIGHT
Mark is down at the sidewalk door entrance. He starts going up the staircase to Raquel apartment.
INT. RAQUEL’S – NIGHT
Mark standing looking at her. As she goes into the phone cabinet stars to dial on a black phone. She hangs up.
She says to Mark that not his car. Mark says yes, it is. He explains how he got the car. He asks what she means? She walks over to him. Mark asks her if she has been talking to somebody telling her something different? Mark does not know where she been or who she be talking to.
They start to get into an argument about if he not getting his work. Who is? His manuscript and a vast collection. Mark dresses as Mark Fox a twenty-year-old in dark mechanic pants and no shirt or shoes. He starts to get into. With his palm of his right hand hits the wall above her head.
They get together and she starts to cry. He kisses her on her wet lips.
-
Christi’s Act 2 TP – Midpoint
I realized I had a twist ending that belonged at the Midpoint. Just some spacial jenga. Now that I’ve realized I can let them in on one secret, I’m happy that the killer will be the mystery they’ll be excited to learn. Even if they already guessed the killer, the fact that the secret of the detective is out will keep them engaged.
-
Lora’s Act 2 TP – Midpoint
What I learned doing this assignment is it’s easy to second guess yourself. Just trying to keep pushing ahead!
Act 2 – Midpoint:
Beginning: Chandler and Protagonist hang out frequently, but their romance remains innocent.
Middle: There is a birthday party for Chandler’s roommate. He tells the Protagonist how much he likes her. Later they get into a fight and he screams at her. The next day he swears he doesn’t remember the fight, but she can’t forget the horrible things he said.
End: We get to see our main character struggling to fit in with her classmates. Though she gets along with most of her class, she never feels like she belongs. She is bullied by an older girl, Katrina, in regards to Chandler. Protagonist cries in the bathroom while her friend consoles her.
INT. CHRISTOPHER, WILLIAM AND DARREN’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Phoenix and Haley are hanging out with William and Christopher when the phone rings. Williams answers it in the next room. After a few minutes, he calls out.
WILLIAM
Phoenix, you have a phone call!
PHOENIX (giving him a strange look as she takes the phone)
Hello?
CHANDLER
Hey.
Phoenix smiles into the receiver but doesn’t say anything.
CHANDLER
It’s Chandler.
PHOENIX (playing it cool)
Oh, hey. What are you upto?
CHANDLER
We’re playing card games. I was wondering if you wanted to come over and join us?
William is making kissy faces and obscene gestures. Phoenix turns away from him while trying not to laugh.
PHOENIX (slowly)
Sure, I could do that.
CHANDLER (smiling)
Okay, I’ll see you soon.
Phoenix hangs up the phone.
PHOENIX (to William)
You’re a dork.
WILLIAM
Are you gonna get lucky tonight?
PHOENIX (blushing)
No. He invited me over to play cards. Do you want to come with me?
WILLIAM
Are you sure I won’t ruin the mood?
PHOENIX (swatting at him)
Stop it. Are you coming or not?
WILLIAM (taking a drink of beer)
Alright, but you’re driving.
PHOENIX (rolling her eyes playfully)
What else is new?
INT. CHANDLER AND JOEY’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Phoenix, Haley and William arrive at Chandler and Joey’s house. They enter and Chandler gives Phoenix a hug. He is wearing his blue visor. They sit at the table and play cards for awhile. Most of the games involve alcohol, but they never pressure Phoenix to drink. They offer alternatives and make her feel like part of the group. Phoenix’s phone rings and she goes into another room to take the call.
PHOENIX’S MOM
Hi, honey. It’s getting late and it’s a school night. What time are you coming home?
PHOENIX
Sorry, Mom, I lost track of time. I’ll be home soon, in less than an hour.
PHOENIX’S MOM
Okay, be safe. I’ll wait up for you. I love you.
PHOENIX
I love you, too, Mom.
Phoenix returns to the kitchen. Chandler looks at her and smiles.
PHOENIX (to William and Haley)
That was my mom. I’ve got to get home. Are you guys ready to go?
Chandler looks disappointed. Phoenix feels insecure about her age again.
EXT. CHANDLER AND JOEY’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Haley and William get into Phoenix’s car. Chandler walks her outside.
CHANDLER
Are you coming to Joey’s birthday party this weekend?
PHOENIX
I plan on it.
CHANDLER
Okay. I can’t wait to see you.
Chandler kisses her and William whistles from the car.
PHOENIX (embarrassed)
I’ve got to go. I’ll see you soon.
Chandler waves at them as they drive off.
INT. CHRISTOPHER, WILLIAM AND DARREN’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Phoenix, Haley, Eden and Gabrielle arrive to see lots of cars parked up the lane. The music is pulsating as soon as they get out of the car. This is a very similar scene to the first night she met Chandler. The girls head into the house. There is a keg and Chandler is already very drunk.
CHANDLER (slurring)
Hey, pretty girl! I’m glad you’re here!
Chandler is wearing his blue visor and he puts his arm around Phoenix, kisses her on the cheek and stumbles. Phoenix is not impressed. Eden, Haley and Gabrielle start drinking. Chandler participates in beer bongs, keg stands and shots. By the end of the night, he is trashed. The party has thinned out and Phoenix is tired.
CHANDLER (to Phoenix)
Let’s go upstairs.
PHOENIX
No thanks.
CHANDLER
Why not?
PHOENIX (quietly)
Because I don’t want to.
CHANDLER (offended)
You don’t really like me very much, huh?
PHOENIX (scoffs)
You’re drunk.
CHANDLER
So? You could be, too, if you pulled that stick out of your ass.
PHOENIX (angry)
I’m driving my friends home. One of us has to be responsible.
CHANDLER (mimicking Phoenix)
I can’t have fun, I’m a good kid.
CHANDLER (blows raspberry)
You’re fucking lame. I guess that’s what I get for trying to date a high school kid.
Chandler walks into the next room as Phoenix’s eyes fill with tears. Haley comes around the corner and sees her sad friend.
HALEY (drunk, but concerned)
What’s wrong?
PHOENIX (wiping her eyes)
Nothing. Can you grab Gabrielle and Eden? I’m ready to go home. I’ll meet you outside.
Phoenix takes another look at Chandler, who is now hanging on another girl. She pushes her way outside angrily. She is waiting at the car when her friends stumble out, singing and laughing as they try to walk. Despite herself, Phoenix smiles at her friends. The girls envelope Phoenix in a group hug and tell her they love her. Phoenix dries her eyes as she gets behind the steering wheel. The girls chat animatedly as Phoenix drives towards home, her mind elsewhere.
INT. PHOENIX’S HIGH SCHOOL – DAY
Phoenix and Haley are the lobby during lunch when Katrina saunters down the hall with her friends. As they approach Phoenix, Haley nudges her hard and nods towards Katrina.
Phoenix does a double take as Katrina stands in front of her wearing a baby blue Playboy visor.
KATRINA (touching the bill and adjusting it)
Do you like my new hat? Chandler gave it to me.
Everyone within earshot stops what they are doing to watch the confrontation. Phoenix is dumbfounded.
KATRINA (laughing cruelly)
You’re pathetic! Chandler doesn’t want anything to do with you!
Katrina and her friends laugh as they continue down the hall.
KATRINA (over her shoulder as she waves the visor around)
Thanks for the new hat!
Phoenix is humiliated as she storms off to the bathroom. Haley follows her.
INT. WOMEN’S HIGH SCHOOL BATHROOM – DAY
Phoenix locks herself in a stall and cries for a minute. Haley leans back against the sink and waits.
HALEY
Katrina is a dumb bitch.
Phoenix comes out with a blotchy face and red eyes. Haley gives her a hug.
HALEY
I don’t get it. Chandler loved that gift. Why would he give it away?
PHOENIX (dabbing her eyes with a tissue)
I don’t know. I guess it was all just an act.
HALEY
No way, I was there! I saw his face. You can’t fake that kind of enthusiasm.
PHOENIX
Maybe he doesn’t like me that much and this is his way of letting me know?
Haley grabs Phoenix by the shoulders and gives her a shake.
HALEY
Do you hear yourself? You know that’s not true. Everyone knows he likes you.
PHOENIX (clearing throat)
Apparently not.
Haley folds her arms and leans back while Phoenix tries to compose herself in the mirror.
HALEY
I’m going to get to the bottom of this.
PHOENIX (swallowing a lump in her throat)
No! Just leave it alone. He’s already spoken loud and clear. Whatever he and I had for a fleeting moment is over.
HALEY
Phoenix–
PHOENIX (sadly)
Haley, I can’t face him. I’m too embarrassed. Actions speak louder than words. Maybe Chandler and Katrina have something going on?
HALEY (sternly)
Not possible. I don’t believe that for a second.
PHOENIX (shrugging)
I’m really not so sure anymore. Time will tell.
HALEY (bewildered)
You mean you’re not going to call him and ask him about it?
PHOENIX (clicking tongue)
And be humiliated all over again? No thanks.
Phoenix throws the soaked tissue in the trash and both girls exit the bathroom.
INT. PHOENIX’S HIGH SCHOOL – DAY
Katrina makes a point to run into Phoenix every day for the rest of the week, always with the visor hanging off of her wrist or sitting on her head. Katrina taunts Phoenix with it every time she passes by. Finally the bell rings on Friday afternoon and the students leave school, excited for their Christmas break.
EXT. PHOENIX’S HIGH SCHOOL – DAY
Phoenix is sitting in her car after school, getting ready to go home. Katrina circles around her in her car, pointing at the visor hanging off her rearview mirror. She rolls down her window.
KATRINA (laughing)
Have a nice Christmas vacation, bitch! And remember not to waste your money on presents for boys who don’t like you!
Katrina drives off cackling. Phoenix sighs and then punches her steering wheel before starting the car and driving home.
-
Kim Michael McCarthy KEY SCENE 4:
TURNING POINT 2 — MIDPOINT EVERYTHING CHANGE
What I learned: Keep writing @ 20 % OK… the rest could be CRAP! Who cares at this point, write with the structure of Beginning Middle, End, then build your scene from there: 😊
Act 2 SCENE 3 Not only does their plan fail, but…
Beginning:
EXT. METALBAUM’S ENCAMPMENT – NIGHT METALBAUM orders his crew to dam up the mountain river for the much-needed water that is to wash the gold for processing, after the mountain is exploded by dynamite.
Middle: The next morning all the oasis pond creatures awake to a mostly dried up muddy pond. Panic take place. All the creatures are covered in or stuck mud. DUCK #1 flies to the SCORPIO DEN and tells SAM, WILLAIM, TANNER and AADYA what has happened. All of them head to the oasis pond to see for themselves.
Note TURTLE WITH OUT THE h2o I’LL OVERHEAT
FISH WITH OUT THE WATER WE CAN’T BREATHE!
Loud blasts are heard from the summit of GOLD MOUNTAIN. Everyone is scared except WILLIAM and SAM. WIILIAM bravely goes up to the summit encampment to see what is going on. SAM wants to go too. Her mother won’t let her. During the accent WILLIAM keeps scratching an itch in his beard.
End: WIILIAM climbs up to the mountain summit and gets to METALBAUM’S ENCAMPMENT at dusk. He observers the mining crew digging and setting up more dynamite charges. He sees that the dam the is blocking the mountain river from flowing down to the oasis pond. He quietly sneaks around back of the dam that METALBAUM’S crew built. WILLIAM ties break the structure by butting it. Nothing moves.
CHUBBY who is in the chuck wagon looking for something to eat hears WILLIAM. WILLIAM then tries to pry wooden boards that are crisscrossed holding back the water. CHUBBY appears behind WILLIAM with a large steak knife he has in his belt. CHUBBY throws it at WILLIAM as WILLIAM’S back it to CHUBBY. SAM who has been hiding in WILLIAM’S beard sees CHUBBY throw the knife at WILLIAM. SAM takes her claw pincers and squeezes one of WILLIAM’S ears as hard as she can. WILLIAM JERKS his head sideways in pain, see the knife coming at him and ducks just in time missing him and sticking into the crisscrossed wood. WILLIAM laches a counterattack at CHUUBY and sends him flying into the dam water pool with a splash. WILLIAM and SAM duck in behind brushes, feet away.
CHUBBY starts screaming. “HELP, I CAN’T SWIM” several times.
Several men including METALBAUM coming running to see what the excitement is about. They arrive at the dammed water pool, all laughing at CHUUBY as he flays around in the water.
CHUBBY sinks under the water only his hat floats on top. METALBAUM reaches in grabs CHUUBY pulls him over to the containment wall. METALBAUM yells ‘What are you doing in there?”
CHUBBY holding on for life. CHUBBY’S out of breath, thanks METALBAUM for saving him. Tells everyone there that he saw a mountain goat ramming the pool and the goat attacked him. All laugh.
METALBAUM orders CHUBBY to “stand up you idiot, the pool is only 4 ft deep”. METALBAUM grabs CHUBBY’S hat and slams it full of water on CHUBBY’S head.
SAM whispers to WILLIAM, “We are outnumbered, let’s get out of here”. They quietly disappear into the now darkness and head back down to the desert.
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