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ASSIGNMENT 16 – NADIA’S OUTLINE VERSION 1
Title: “GRAHAMSTOWN”
Logline: Grahamstown, a dead quiet small college town with an unusually old population and young people terrified to go out at night.
HORROR OUTLINE OF “GRAHAMSTOWN”
1- INT. ROOM – NIGHT FALL
A computer screen shines in the darkness, a girl’s face reflecting in the monitor screen. She is reading a headline “GRAHAMSTOWN, OLDEST TOWN IN AMERICA – by Matthias Smith”.
2- INT. ROOM – CONTINUOUS
The horror situation: A young woman is alone at home in the dark, a, untouched birthday cake on the table; there’s a knock on the door, then a frail voice starts singing ‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, MIA!’; Mia screams hysterically.
NOTE: ON SCREEN – TITLE ROLLS IN: “GRAHAMSTOWN”
3- EXT. STREET – NIGHTFALL
The horror situation: It’s getting dark and a young man seems to be in a hurry, he decides to take a short cut through the park, goes through a dark tunnel and never comes out the other side.
4- EXT/ INT. IMPOSING BUILDING ON WELL KEPT GROUNDS – DAY
Establishing shot of upmarket old age home.
ANNA – early 20’s with the face of an angel – is reading to some old folks who look at her in awe.
STEPHEN – 20’s and typical geek – also volunteers at the establishment, looking at Mia, loved struck.
5- INT. COFFEE SHOP – DAY
NAOMI & JAMES – a beautiful young couple in their twenties – are at a table, gazing in each other’s eyes.
JOANNA – plain and lonely – is at another table, alone, making notes and eavesdropping at the couple’s conversation.
The WAITRESS –woman in her 60’s – comes to chat to the couple; Joanna is eavesdropping; When the waitress walks away, Joanna quickly gets up and whispers “THEY’ cannot be trusted, they’re dangerous” to the couple and leaves; they shrug it off, thinking she’s just a loony lonely girl seeking attention.
6- EXT. STREET, DOWNTOWN – NIGHT
There’s an eerie atmosphere: the streets are deserted, doors locked. Somewhere, a dog’s bark dies in a painful whine.
7- INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT
JOANNA is peering into the street from behind her bedroom’s curtain, behind her the dim light of the bedside lamp; A dog barks then whines and silence; as she looks down she sees an old man breaking a dog’s neck; she gasps as he looks up, straight at her.
8- INT. NEWSPAPER ROOM/ EDITOR IN CHIEF OFFICE – DAY
MATTHIAS – striking looking, thirties but looking much younger – storms in the Editor’s office without bothering to knocking; a smart business looking middle age woman is sitting behind the desk; He threatens to resign if he doesn’t get to cover real stories. She smiles, throws his way a police report about strange cases of MISSING YOUNG PERSONS in GRAHAMSTOWN and tells him to go get the story.
9- EXT/INT. MATTHIAS RUSTY OLD CAR – DAY
The car hiccups then stalls, smoke coming out from under the hood. Matthias exits, opens the hood and swears; he looks around at the deserted road and starts walking towards a sign down the road that reads “GRAHAMSTOWN WELCOMES YOU!”
10- EXT – ROAD – LATER
Matthias is walking, sweat marks on his shirt. Ahead of him, a DINNER with a squad of few Harley Davidson a couple of old cars parked outside.
11- EXT./ INT. DINNER – CONTINUOUS
Matthias walks in, the brouhaha stops and the oldest bikers he has ever seen check him out. He walks to the bar to order a beer and the bartender asks to see his ID, all eyes on her as she does so; she shakes her head and the brouhaha returns. Matthias want to call a tow truck but is told that there is no towing company in town.
Matthias downs his beer quickly and exits.
12- INT/EXT. DINNER – CONTINUOUS
A young man built like an ox – ANDREW – comes out of the Dinner’s outside toilet and gets in his pick-up truck; He sees Matthias walking alongside the road and offers to give him a lift into town. During the driver Andrew offers to take care of his car in the morning before dropping him at the town’s only hotel.
13- EXT. DOWNTOWN, HOTEL – NIGHT
Matthias notices a young woman – JOANNA –hurrying on the other side of the street and some HOMELESS GUY further down the street, holding an empty wine bottle.
14- INT. HOTEL SMALL RECEPTION ROOM – CONTINUOUS
A nervous looking teenage girl stands behind the check-in counter; she hands him the key to ROOM 21.
15- EXT/INT. ROOM 21
Matthias drops his bag, walks to the window; he sees JOANNA disappearing around the corner, the homeless guy in tow.
16- EXT. MAIN ROAD – NIGHT
The horror situation: Isolated/ Pursued: Joanna is walking in the street alone when night falls, she sees someone get up from behind a trash bin that starts following her; she thinks it’s one of the monsters!
· Dread: As Joanna hears some noise behind her down the road and sees a dark shape rise from behind the trash bin.
· Release: It’s just a homeless guy.
· Surprise/ Fear: The homeless guy is an OLD man AND that there’s no one else but her in the street.
· Panic: As she homeless guy starts following her; she picks up the pace and he hurries after her.
· Surprise/ Release: She runs into MARY, the elderly friendly coffee shop owner; she is relieved as she is no longer alone and she sees a friendly face, a familiar trusted person.
· Surprise: Joanna realizes they are not alone in the coffee shop.
· Release: The people in the coffee shop are all familiar faces.
· Dread/ Shock: Joanna realises the people inside the place are all old and grinning at her; when she turns around towards Mary, she is busy locking the door behind her: she is trapped!
17- INT. COFFEE SHOP – DAY
Matthias is sitting at a table, reading the headlines: ‘Joanna Templar, another missing person in the quiet student town of Grahamstown!’
Andrew walks in and calls for him to join him at a table and meet his friends: NAOMI, JAMES, STEPHEN and ANNA; Matthias and Anna share a moment.
They talk about Joanna’s and other disappearances of young people and the gruesome murders – mutilated young bodies – but they seem to believe it’s a urban legend although they look uncomfortable talking about it; Matthias feels there’s something going on in the town and sees his chance at getting the Pulitzer price; he decides to investigate.
18- EXT/INT. COLLEGE LIBRARY – LATER
Matthias is sitting at a computer, going through the town’s archives, going through murder articles that took place in the town.
19- EXT – VARIOUS STREETS IN TOWN – NIGHT FALL
Young people, nervous and with dark cycles under their eyes, are rushing back from classes into their homes; old people, full of energy and loud, are walking the streets, spilling into bars and shops after dark.
20- EXT/ INT. DINNER AT THE EDGE OF TOWN – NIGHT
The horror situation: A group of young guys from out of town are in the dinner, having a few drinks to celebrate their friends’ 21<sup>st</sup>; the old bikers come into the dinner and turn on them.
· Dread: A stretch limo with out of town plates is parked in the parking lot. A group of Harley motorcycles pulls in and park right behind it.
· Suspense: The group of old bikers walk inside the bar, checking out the surroundings, their eyes set on a large table where a small group of loud young guys are drinking profusely. The old folks signal the waitress who nods; they settle at tables all around the drinking buddies.
· Surprise: One of the oldies approaches the group with a large pitcher of beer, asking ‘you guys have something to celebrate?’; one of drunks slurs ‘Here to birthday boy!’ pointing at his friend;
· Release: The old folk smiles and puts the pitcher down in front of the birthday boy with a ‘Happy 21<sup>st</sup>!’ The young guy smiles and slurs a ‘thank you’.
· Creepy moment: The old biker turns towards the other, nods, and they slowly get up and start circling the small group of celebrating friends.
· Fear: The guys notice something is not quite right as the oldies are breathing down their neck, chanting ‘Happy Birthday’.
· Horror: One of the biker lifts his helmet and, with incredible force, SMASHES THE SKULL OF BIRTHDAY BOY with it, repeatedly.
· Panic: The guys try to make an escape, stumbling, trapped and surrounded. One of young guys who managed to escape is pursued and killed viciously.
21- EXT./ INT. VERY UPMARKET BUILDING – DAY
MIA walks in the building, carrying a large box and takes the lift to the penthouse level; a YOUNG SECURITY GUARD in uniform is guarding the front door of her apartment; as she passes, he says ‘happy 21st miss!’; Mia looks around in panic before rushing inside her lavish apartment, triple locking the door behind her.
22- INT. MIA’S APPARTMENT – LATER
The horror situation: Mia is spending her 21<sup>st</sup> birthday alone and quiet in her apartment; suddenly, someone knocks at the door and she is terrified.
· Releases: Mia looks through the peephole and is relieved when she hears Brian says that he is delivering flowers; she thinks they are from her father and is both relieved and happy.
· Creepy Moments: Mia opens the door and realises it’s not Brian but some old folk but it’s already too late as some more old folks were hiding and are now invading the apartment; simultaneously, she realizes what was wrong with the flowers: she only liked white roses and her father always used to tease her about it!
· Panic: Mia freaks out and runs through the apartment, away from the monsters and onto the terraces; they follow her, sniffing around like animals, chanting with an evil grin on their face, hysterical, she jumps from the terrace, plummeting to her death.
23- EXT/ INT. – OLD AGE HOME – DAWN
A storm is in process.
The horror situation: Anna is working at the old age home; they are preparing a surprise party for her 21<sup>st</sup> but it’s a deadly trap.
· Auguish: Some of the residents in the old age home are gathering and acting increasingly aggressively and there is an ominous atmosphere about the place, like the presence of evil.
· Suspense: There’s something secret happening in the reception room; something organised by the elderly and they are guarding the room and will only let Anna in; it’s a surprise party for her birthday but there’s definitely something not quite right going on.
· Anguish: Anna enters the room and soon is surrounded by a mob and the door is blocked. She can feel the danger looming everywhere but she doesn’t scream for help; instead, she chose to kneel and pray.
· Creepy moment: Stephen sees Anna kneeling down and the oldies surrounding her; one of the men is gently stroking her hair;
· Horror: Suddenly, Anna is out of his sight as the old man stops stroking her hair and falls on top of her, ripping out her dress and mounting her, fast and hard;
· Panic: Stephen shouts and screams, grabs at a chair and CRASHES THROUGH THE DOOR WINDOW;
· Suspense: Stephen rushes in and grabs Anna into his arms and walks back through the door;
· Fear: He screams in pain as an old woman in a wheel chair drives a piece of glass through his thighs, sectioning an artery; blood spurs and he drops Anna to the floor while shouting for her to ‘Run!’
· Panic: She runs away as he is dragged back inside the room and massacred.
· Release: She escapes into the pouring rain, sees a car is parked on the ground, it’s unlocked and the keys are inside; she gets in and speeds towards town to warn the others.
24- INT. NAOMI’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Naomi is lying on her bed reading a text ‘meet me by the football field in 30mn, you won’t regret it. PS: I love U!’;
25- EXT. STREET – LATER
Naomi is cycling down the road and reaches an empty field; James’ car is already parked there.
26- EXT/ INT. JAMES’ CAR – CONTINUOUS
The horror situation: Naomi and James are on a romantic meeting on the football field at night; each one think the idea came from the other but none of them sent the message, so who did?!
· Fear: They start freaking out and James tries to start the car but it won’t start. He tells her to lock the doors while he goes check out under the hood; all look normal so he decides to look all around the car;
· Shock: He finds out that the petrol tank has been pierced; he then gets hit over the head and is knocked out.
· Panic: Naomi can’s see James in the rear mirror; she cranks the window open and calls out for him; there’s no answer.
· Dread: She is scared to leave the car but worried about James; she decides to unlock the doors and slowly starts getting out;
· Monster revealed: Naomi is pulled by the hair and dragged towards the rear of the car where James is lying unconscious and bleeding from a big gash on his head;
· Monster revealed: MR JONES, the butcher– a jovial man in his 60’s – is holding butcher’s knife to his throat; She is about to scream when MARY – from the coffee shop – shuts her up with duct tape and ties her hands behind her back, while ordering her to get on her knees.
· Horror James mouths ‘I love you’ as Mr Jones starts slicing his throat, slowly, leaving him alive while cutting his chest open, pulling his beating heart out and showing Naomi with a ‘his heart is yours forever’.
· Hysteria: Naomi cannot scream but tries to close her eyes but Mary threatens to blind her with an ice peak if she closes her eyes.
· Hysteria: Naomi faints.
When she wakes up and struggles to her feet; she is alone and James’ body is gone, only a pool of blood and his car testify that it wasn’t a nightmare. Suddenly, the car bright lights blind her and she sees Mary’s face poke out the passenger’s seat window as Mr Jones revs up the engine and chases her.
· Release: Naomi sees the road coming ahead; finds some energy out of desperation and reaches the road;
· Suspense: The car stops right before the road, switching its headlights off;
· Release: Naomi, standing in the middle of the empty road, is breathing hard but is now less hysterical, she starts looking around for help;
· Horror: Just as a HUGE TRUCK coming out of nowhere HITS HER HEAD ON, sending her body fly like a puppet in the bushes by the road; the truck doesn’t stop.
.
27- EXT. DOWNTOWN – NIGHT
Anna is driving through town, a vision of horror spread in front of her: a form of hysteria has taken over the town as young people get dragged out of their homes and massacred right into the streets by old people with evil smile and unusual strength and ferocity;
28- EXT/ INT. MATTHIAS’ HOTEL
She stops in front of Matthias’ hotel and runs in; she tells him about the horror happening in town and that she believes it has some religious meaning and is linked to the biblical numbers and that anyone of the age of 21 is not safe and will be killed and mutilated.
Anna convinces Matthias to come to the church, the only safe place; he calls Andrew on the way to meet them there.
29- EXT/ INT. CHURCH – LATER
Anna and Matthias arrive at the church where terrified young people are hiding. They run to the back of the church, a small office with shelves full of old biblical books; Anna starts paging through one and she tells Matthias it contains the key to the town’s killings: a group of fanatics religious elderlies believe that the number 21 is the key to youth and longer life and symbolizes the extreme sinfulness of sin and therefore must be killed and their organs consumed to regenerate their aging weakening bodies;
· Dread: Matthias points out that, if religion is behind all the killings then maybe the church is not a safe place but quite the opposite! The run to the nearest window in time to see Elderlies converging towards the church.
From the edge of the woods, ANDREW is hiding and sees the mob moving towards the church, soon his friends will be trapped;
· Suspense: Andrew comes out of the woods, shouting and screaming; the monsters turn around and come towards him;
· Release: As Andrew runs back into the woods he glances back and sees Anna and Matthias making a run for the car;
· Shock: Andrew picks up speed and, suddenly, falls with a painful scream – his right foot has been caught by a BEAR TRAP!
· Monster revealed: Andrew is on the ground; he sees a thick wooden stick, grabs it and as he looks up, a GRINNING OLD MAN looms above him.
30- INT./ EXT CAR – CONTINUOUS
Anna is driving, Matthias trying unsuccessfully to reach out Andrew on his mobile. Suddenly, something just jumps out of a curve of the road, Anna swerves and just avoids hitting Andrew, injured but alive!
· Dread: Matthias gets out of the car to help his friend to get in the back; he notices his right foot, injured by the bear trap, then only sees the soaked in blood cloth that Andrew is pressing on the side of his neck; they exchange a look, Andrew nods and explain that ‘they’ tried to make him their meal!
· Release: Anna hits the gaz and they speed away on the road leading them out of town.
· Surprise: She breaks so suddenly that Matthias nearly hits the windscreen.
31- EXT. TOWN LIMITS – CONTINUOUS
The horror situation: A mob armed with sticks, walking canes, knives are blocking the road, gathering next to the sign “GRAHAMSTOWN WILL MISS YOU!”
· Panic: Matthias shouts at Anna to put her foot on the gaz and ‘squash the mother fuckers!’
· Anna strong refuses to kill human beings, even if most of them are evil; while she and Matthias argue, Andrew quietly leaves the car and, still holding the stick that saved his life in the woods, limps towards the mob;
· Dread: Anna and Matthias finally notice Andrew, he is half way between the car and the mob; Matthias shouts at him and tries to get out of the car to go get him but Anna holds him back.
Using the gap, they speed pass the mob as they overtake Andrew, fighting like an ox but obviously losing his final battle, and pass the sign indicating the town limits.
32- EXT/ INT. CAR – LATER
They drive out of town in heavy silence; they come to a bus stop and Anna stops the car, instructing Matthias to take the next bus to the train station where he can catch a train back home; She tells him she has to go back to fulfil her calling and make sure the good that is left amongst the elderly prevails against evil.
Exchange their very first kiss, Matthias exits and watches helplessly as Anna drives back and pass the sign ‘GRAHAMSTOWN WELCOMES YOU!”
33- INT. CAR – CONTINUOUS
A single tear slides down Anna’s cheek as her hand
moves towards her stomach. -
Patrick Malone OUTLINE VERSION 1
TITLE: THE DEAD LAKES
LOGLINE: Despite reports of missing people and legends of a monstrous creature, a group of friends trek through the forests and swamps of the Dead Lakes in search of lost Confederate gold.
HORROR OUTLINE
1.EXT. FOREST, DIRT TRAIL – DAY
Super: 1863 Northern Florida
A band of Union soldiers have just ambushed six Confederate soldiers who were transporting gold to safe location. Confederate Sergeant Roland Johnson and a private, the lone survivors, look out from behind their wagon at the six dead Union soldiers and three dead Confederates.
Unexpectedly,
Union Colonel Cassius Fairfield gets to his feet. He steps toward the
Confederates. He aims his pistol at Sergeant Johnson. A loud thudding
sound moves through. Fairfield’s horse kicks up a fuss. Fairfield sees something, mounts his horse and rides away.A monstrous creature trudges onto the trail. It picks up a
corpse and bites into it. Terrified,
Sergeant Johnson
and the private escape into the forest. <div>Horror
Situation: A
monster steps out of the forest and eats a corpse.Anxiety: Johnson and Henderson have been attacked.
Release: They see all Union soldiers are dead. They are now safe.
Surprise: Union Colonel Fairfield gets to his feet. </div><div>
Fear: Fairfield aims his pistol
at Johnson.Surprise: A loud thudding sound scares
Fairfield’s horse.Shock: Fairfield sees something
and rides away.Release: Sergeant Johnson is saved from a bullet. He and the private are
safe.Surprise: A monstrous creature trudges onto the trail.
Horror: The monster picks up and
bites into a corpse.Panic: Terrified Johnson and Henderson
escape into the forest.2.EXT. APALACHICOLA, FORIDA – RIVER FRONT – DAY
Super: Present Day
Ollie Grier steps off one of the shrimp boats docked along the river. He is greeted by friend Bill Meriwether. They walk toward a bar/restaurant.
3.INT. OYSTER CITY BREWERY – DAY
Ollie sits with Bill, and his best friend Clark Grady. They discuss a plan to search for lost Confederate gold believed hidden by the Dead Lakes. They want Ollie, an outdoors man, to be their guide. Ollie declines.
Grant Fairfield, Max Sedgwick and Fred Dickson watch them from across the room. Grant and Max are Northerners also seeking the gold. Grant is a direct descendant of Colonel Cassius Fairfield.
Max tells Ollie that Grant is upset that he declined to guide their expedition. Max is threatening.
4.EXT. OYSTER CITY BREWERY – DAY
Fred Dickson, a local, approaches Ollie to tell him that he is lucky not to be going with Grant. Grant is a mean, narcissistic bastard who pushes the men too hard.
5.INT. CLARK GRADY’S HOUSE, KITCHEN – NIGHT
Clark and Bill go over their plans locate the lost Confederate gold. They have notes left by Colonel Fairfield and clues left by Clark’s grandfather who searched for the treasure.
When Bill mentions the grandfather vanished in the Dead Lakes, a framed photo of him mysteriously crashes to the floor. The men are spooked.
The backdoor slams and the lights flicker. Clark walks to the back of the house. The door is closed and locked. He returns to the kitchen relieved.
Moments later, a hand taps Clark on the shoulder. He jumps. It’s his fiancé Tammy.
She is concerned about the rumors of people never returning from the Dead Lakes, and of a beast called the Amaruga. Clark and Bill laugh it off.
She is upset that Ollie is not going to guide them as Clark is not well adapted for the wilds.
Horror Situation: Photo falls, door slams, hand touches Clark
Surprise: photo crashes to the floor.
Shock: the door slams
Apprehension: Who or what is in the house.
Creepy Moment: Clark searches house.
Release: Clark finds nothing unusual
Surprise: a hand touches Clark’s shoulder.
Release: it’s Tammy his fiancé.
6.EXT. OLLIE’S HOUSE – DAY
Clare, Ollie’s wife watches Ollie play catch with their five-year-old daughter, Presley.
7.INT. CAR – DAY
Tammy drives. She passes the Chestnut Street Cemetery.
8.EXT. CHESTNUT STREET CEMETERY – DAY
Creepy graves dating from 1831 sit amongst palm trees and moss-covered live oaks. Close on a stone grave marker that reads: <i style=”background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Colonel Cassius Fairfield, Union Army, Born, Dayton, Ohio 1832, Died June 10, 1871, Apalachicola.
9.EXT. CAR – DAY
Tammy’s car turns left by the cemetery and arrives at Ollie’s home.
10.EXT. OLLIE’S HOUSE – DAY
Tammy pleads with Ollie to guide Clark’s trek. Ollie assures her there is no Amaruga.
A bird smashes into the front window. Clare picks it up. They are relieved it’s alive.
Presley bounces the ball into the street. The adults hear the screech of brakes. They turn to see the car an inch from the little girl. They warn her to always be careful, they love her.
Clare says that Ollie needs to help his friends and guide the trek. He agrees as long as he is back home to celebrate Presley’s birthday.
Horror Situation:
Creepy Moment: bird flies into window.
Release: It is alive.
Shock: adults hear car screech to stop.
Apprehension: is Presley hurt?
Release: Presley is fine.
11.EXT. APALACHICOLA RIVER FRONT – DAY
Clark’s group of Bill, Tammy, Ollie and Emmet Floyd load supplies onto a
medium size riverboat. Ollie is acquainted with Emmet and doesn’t trust him.
12.EXT. THE APALACHICOLA RIVER – DAY
The boat cruses up the wide river. Marshes and forests boarder both banks. The boat hits a deadhead that punctures a sizeable hole. It takes on water. Bill relates how the Confederate ship encountered a problem. Sergeant Johnson had to abandon the ship on shore and had it burned to hide it from the Yankees. Ironically, they are close to the spot where the Confederate ship was burned. Clark manages to beach the boat.
Horror Situation: boat hits deadhead, starts to sink.
Surprise: boat strakes deadhead.
Anxiety: will boat sink?
Fear: Bill’s story about the Confederate ship
Release: boat makes it to shore.
13.EXT. RIVER BANK – DAY
They unload their boat. They find partially buried pieces of wood and metal in the muddy shore. Clark gets caught in quicksand. The others quickly extract him. Ollie warns them that there are more dangerous patches of quicksand ahead.
14.EXT. THE FOREST – DAY
A sense of excitement and adventure dominate the group as they hike through thick brush. Clark and Bill relate to the others how Colonel Cassius Fairfield returned after the Civil War and hunted for the gold. He uncovered a few coins, then went insane.
15.EXT. FOREST CLEARING – DAY
The group enters an open area. A middle age woman is tending a small vegetable garden. She is dressed in an old fashion garb. Clarks enquires if she knows where the old 1800’s road is. She senses they are searching for the lost gold. She points in a certain direction.
The group heads in the given direction. The woman stares at the sky as if communicating with someone or something.
16.EXT. THE DEAD LAKES – DAY
Sergeant Roland Johnson, dressed in his Confederate uniform, stands by three Cypress trees. He looks to the sky and receives a message. He brushes back the Cypress branches and enters an opening.
Horror Situation:
Shock: How can this Civil War soldier be alive?
Apprehension: What is he up to?
17.EXT. FOREST – DAY
Ollie doesn’t think this is the right direction. Suddenly their compasses go wonky, spinning wildly. Ollie and Clark argue about which way to go. Tammy backs Ollie and they head the way he suggests. They come upon:
18.EXT. FORMER 1800’S ROAD -DAY
This old dirt road is long overgrown. Soon they reach the spot where the 1863 ambush took place. Using a metal detector they uncover bullet casings, a Confederate belt buckle, and a rusted hand gun. And Bill finds two 1850s gold coins. Excitement all around.
19.EXT. FOREST – DAY
As they continue, Bill is pestered by insects, the others are not. A little later a cotton mouth tries to strike Bill. Then a few snakes slither after him and cross his path.
Horror Situation: Bill is plagued by insects and snakes.
Anxiety: why pester only Bill?
Fear: will snakes bite Bill?
20.EXT. FOREST CLEARING – DAY
Grant Fairfield and his men hike into the clearing and meet the forest woman. She recognizes their Northern accents. They ask if another group has come through here. She says yes and points Grant in the opposite direction. They continue on. The woman walks to her cabin.
21. INT. CABIN – DAY
As the forest woman enters the cabin she transforms from middle age into an ancient hag. She gets an old wooden container and takes out tiny shavings of gold. She mixes some with water and drinks it.
Horror Situation: woman turns from middle age to ancient.
Shock: for the audience, how and why did this happen?
Surprise. The woman drinks gold shavings.
22.EXT. FOREST – DAY
Clark finds a symbol etched into a tree; according to his map this is a mark left by the Confederates. They are on the right trail.
They hear the rustle of vegetation and twigs snapping behind them. They slow down and look back – nothing. Then a wild boar charges head-on at them. It skims inches past Bill. It stops, snorts, and paws the ground before talking off.
LATER:
The group stops to rest and eat. Insects continue to pester Bill. A copperhead tries to bite him. They have difficulty starting a fire.
The group hears footsteps and voices approaching. Grant Fairfield’s party appears. Clark is surprised and annoyed. Why are they here, how did they find them? Grant thanks Emmet for informing him about Clark’s venture.
Grant and Max pull guns on Clark’s people and tie them up. They take Ollie’s rifle. Max steals Clark’s map. Fred Dickson pockets Bill’s two gold coins. The Northern interlopers continue on their search.
23.EXT. FOREST – NIGHT
It’s two hours since Grant tied up Clark’s team. They are finally cutting themselves loose. They are angry with Emmett. Clark is furious that his map is gone. He wants to go after Grant, now. Ollie decides they will camp here tonight.
24.EXT. FOREST CAMPSITE – NIGHT
Tents are set up. All but Emmett are gathered around a campfire. No insects or snakes around Bill. Emmett startles them by tramping around in the bush. He’s drunk.
LATER:
Emmet sleeps in the open. A movement in the forest wakes him. He looks around. He sniffs the air; a foul smell. Several yards off through the trees he sees two glowing green orbs. More rustling. The orbs drift away.
Tammy is awakened by the pungent odor. She coughs. She starts to open her tent when she hears horrific shrieks far in the distance. She pulls her sleeping bag over her head.
Horror Situation: pungent odor, glowing green orbs, horrifying screech
Apprehension: Emmett smells something terrible
Fear: Emmett sees glowing green eyes.
Fear: Emmett and Tammy hear shrieks.
25.EXT. FOREST CAMPSITE – DAY
The next morning the group breaks camp. Tammy tells others about the shrieks. No one else heard it. Emmett says he saw glowing green orbs. No one believes him as he was drunk. Clark leads his troop further into the forest.
26.EXT. INDIAN BURIAL MOUND – DAY
They come upon an Indian burial mound. Neither Clark nor Bill recall any reference to this. Are they on the right path? Clark’s anxiety heightens. He needs the map.
They hear something crunch through the vegetation up ahead. Then moaning and gaging sounds. A breeze picks up a disgusting odor. A man struggles and crawls through the brush 50 feet ahead. They slowly walk toward the him. Clark screams. He almost stepped on a bloody human arm.
The man struggles to his feet and trudges into a thicket. Clark and Tammy refuse to go any further. Ollie, Bill and Emmett venture into the thicket.
They discover a badly beaten body with skin torn from half its face. The three men are in shock. They recognize the man as Victor Lennox, a member of Grant’s group.
Ollie believes the man was attacked by a wild boar. However, we see strange huge three-towed footprints.
Horror Situation:
Apprehension: the disgusting odor, a crawling man.
Shock: a human arm in a pool of blood
Fear: what did this?
Suspense/Dread: Ollie, Bill and Emmett follow crawling man into thicket.
Shock/Anguish: discovery of mangled dead man.
27.EXT. FOREST – DAY
The group debate if they should they continue on. Clark insists they do. But they must catch up to Grant’s men and get the map. Tammy decides to go ahead to retrieve the map. She is fleet of foot. The others tell her no. Emmet says he’ll go with her. They forbid that. Tammy goes on her own.
28.EXT. FOREST – DAY
Tammy hikes alone.
29.EXT. FOREST NEAR THE DEAD LAKES – DAY
Tammy hides in the brush and observes Max Sedgwick and Grant Fairfield studying the map. A copperhead slithers toward Tammy. She tenses and holds back a scream. The snake glides by her.
Moments later a man yells. Fred Dickson, who stole the two gold coins, fights off the copperhead. The two gold coins are attracting a negative force.
Max puts the map down. He and Grant go check on Fred. Tammy sneaks in and grab the map. Suddenly the wind picks up. Heavy footsteps thud in the distance. The campfire goes out. A putrid smell fills the air. A horrendous screech sounds. A mini twister hits the site.
In a panic, Fred runs directly by Tammy and knocks her off her feet. She looks up to see Fred dart through the trees. A pair of glowing green orbs move toward him. A moment later he lets out a dreadful scream.
Grant and Max are lying on the ground. Body parts are flung at them. Tammy gets up, map in hand, and scrambles away. After a few moments she hears something crashing through the forest behind her. She runs faster, but trips and falls. A hand grabs her. It’s Max. He hauls her up and drags her back to Grant.
Horror Situation:
Fear: Tammy and Fred confronted by a poisonous snake.
Apprehension: the putrid smell, the fire going out spell trouble
Fear: thudding footsteps, horrific screech.
Shock: mini twister levels the site.
Suspense: Tammy runs and is pursued by something.
Surprise: It’s Max chasing Tammy and capturing her.
30.EXT. FOREST NEAR THE DEAD LAKES – DAY
Clark and company stumble onto the site of the mini twister. Ollie finds his stolen rifle. They find a human arm and a foot and a mangled body. Ollie recognizes it as Fred Dickson from town.
Bill admits that Tammy was correct, there is a monster. He wants to turn back. Clark is the most terrified, but is determined to find the gold. Ollie reminds them that they need to find Tammy. They press on.
Horror Situation:
Shock/Horror: finding body parts and disfigured body
Anguish: over their dead acquaintance.
Apprehension: what horror may be ahead of them?
31.EXT. DEAD LAKES – DAY
A huge prehistoric swamp dotted with Cypress trees and thousands of skeletons of dead trees. Creepy nature sounds. Clark, Ollie, Bill, and Emmett trek along the shore.
Clark’s foot catches on a root. He loses his balance and hits the ground.
Suddenly a gator lunges from a thicket. Bill and Ollie freeze for a few seconds before Ollie grabs Clark’s arm and pulls him away. Bill waves his arms and yells at the gator and it slinks into the swamp.
Clark keeps an eye on the water as they hike.
Horror Situation:
Creepy moment: the spooky Dead Lakes
Surprise: Clark trips on a root.
Release: he is okay
Surprise: Clark trips on a rock
Shock: alligator lungers at him
Fear: danger from alligator
Release: Bill scares alligator away
32.EXT. DEAD LAKES – NIGHT
The men camp. Sounds of insects and frogs abound. Ollie, Bill and Emmett are eating by the campfire. Clark is alone, agitated, pacing by his tent. Ollie joins him. Clark confides to Ollie that he is worried about Tammy.
A figure lurks in the dark. It watches Clark amble away and Ollie head back to the fire. The figure steps between two of the tents. Clark gets a quick look. Emmett too glimpses it. It’s a Confederate soldier. Clark blinks and the Confederate is gone. Clark starts toward the other men, but instead goes to his tent.
LATER:
As Ollie, Bill and Emmett talk by the fire, a sudden breeze picks up. The insects and frogs go quiet. The fire goes out. A couple of snakes slither near them. A heavy thudding sound moves toward them through the woods. A horrendous screech echoes. The air smells like rancid meat. Emmett projectile vomits.
They see the glowing green discs – huge eyes. The breeze whips into a gale and tosses Emmett into the brush. Bill is flung against a tree. Ollie is knocked to the ground. He manages to crawl behind large rock.
The tents collapse. Clark’s tent is wrapped around him, trapping him.
Amaruga trudges toward Emmett. Ollie finds his rifle and fires. Amaruga halts and looks to Ollie. The terrified Emmett scrambles out of its reach. Ollie shoots Amaruga repeatedly. It grunts, turns away and slogs off into the forest.
Clark’s cries attract the others. They free him from the tent. He collapses whimpering and weeping. Bill is hurt, holds his side.
Emmett produces his liquor bottle and they all drink. Things calm down. They are safe.
Suddenly Emmett breaks into an angry rant. He grabs the rifle and dashes into the woods. He shoots randomly. A few snakes crawl toward him. Ollie runs after him. Emmett runs right into a nest of snakes. He falls. The vipers crawl all over him.
Amaruga unexpectedly appears. Ollie picks up the rifle. A long claw on one of the creatures three fingers reaches for Emmett. Ollie fires but the chamber is empty. The claw impales Emmett. It lifts him and sinks its fangs into him. Ollie and Bill scream at the monster. It turns and carries Emmett toward the swamp. Clark stares in disbelief.
Horror Situation:
Creepy Moment: the appearance of the Confederate soldier.
Apprehension: the putrid smell, the fire going out spell trouble
Fear: thudding footsteps, horrific screech, the glowing green eyes
Shock: the gale tosses the men, levels the site.
Horror: the men see the monster for the first time.
Surprise: bullets do not harm the monster.
Release: Amaruga leaves, the men are safe and relax
Panic: Emmett freaks out, irrationally runs.
Horror: Emmett is covered in snakes.
Shock: Amaruga reappears.
Horror: Amaruga kills Emmett.
33.EXT. THE DEAD LAKES – DAY
Grant and Max, with Tammy in tow, hike along the edge of a swamp by the Lakes as they follow the map. Several yards offshore the water bubbles. They glimpse something large move under water. Two glowing green orbs are visible just beneath the surface.
They start to run, but Max and Tammy get stuck in thick mud. It’s quicksand. Grant helps Max, out. They reach for Tammy, but a gator springs at them. The men run off leaving Tammy to her fate.
Horror Situation:
Fear: they see glowing green orbs under the water.
Surprise: Max and Tammy caught in quicksand.
Suspense/Fear: Tammy left stuck in quicksand.
34.EXT. THE DEAD LAKES – DAY
Ollie and Bill find an old wooden rowboat. They row it out into the lake. It’s a short cut to a point of land Bill believes is close to the hidden gold.
35.EXT. POINT OF LAND – DAY
Ollie and Bill spot Max on shore. Ollie rows the boat ashore, out of sight from Max. Bill remains by the rowboat as Ollie heads toward a cluster of three Cypress trees. Bill notices something huge moving under water toward the three Cypress trees.
36.EXT. THE THREE CYPRESS TREES – DAY
Behind the three Cypress trees, Ollie discovers a hollow that leads underground. He enters.
37.INT. TUNNEL – DAY
Ollie follows a passage. Suddenly, he is attacked by Grant. Grant knocks Ollie unconscious.
Grant turns into a second passageway. He is delighted to see a few gold coins and gold shavings scattered on the dirt floor. The treasure must be in reach.
The earth starts to rumble and shake. The tunnel floor erupts. Grant freezes. Amaruga explodes from the hole. Grant screams and runs. Amaruga plods after him. Grant finds a narrow opening in the ceiling and wedges himself in.
Horror Situation:
Surprise: the tunnel floor erupts
Shock: Amaruga erupts out of the ground
38.EXT. THE THREE CYPRESS TREES – DAY
Grant pulls himself out into daylight through a small opening in the rock. He runs along the shore of the lake.
Amaruga bursts from that main entrance. It spots Grant and starts its pursuit. Max signals to him to hurry. Grant trips. Amaruga closes in. Grant gets to his feet. Amaruga unleashes a mini twister. It engulfs Grant.
Ollie stumbles from the cave to see the twister rip off Grants clothes and peel away his skin. Amaruga pounces on Grant. Max screams and runs into the woods.
Bill waves to Ollie to get out of there. Ollie dashes into the forest. Bill rows out into the lake.
Horror Situation:
Suspense: will Grant out run Amaruga?
Fear: Amaruga can destroy Grant
Horror: Amaruga peels off Grant’s skin, kills him.
39. FOREST BY DEAD LAKES – DAY
Ollie hikes to safety. A gunshot rings out. Max steps out from behind a tree. He mocks Ollie and takes aim. The trees shudder. Amaruga shoots a long sharp claw that impales Max. It lifts him and dives into the lake drowning Max.
Horror Situation:
Surprise: Max appears and shoots at Ollie
Fear: will Ollie get shot?
Shock: Amaruga surprises Max
Horror: Amaruga impales and drowns Max.
40.EXT. FOREST THE DEAD LAKES – DAY
Ollie sloshes waist deep through a Cypress swamp. He reaches solid ground terrified and exhausted. He hears something tramping toward him. He takes cover. To his surprise, it’s Tammy and Clark.
We learn that Clark came across Tammy and extracted her from the quicksand. Ollie tells them about the cave and escaping from Amaruga.
They hear the screech. Amaruga is coming for them. The three scurry away. Heavy thudding footsteps follow them.
Ollie has lost his rifle to repel the monster. But Tammy has figured out that it must be fearful of fire; campfires go out when it’s nearby.
Quickly they gather wood and brush and start a line of fire. As Amaruga gets closer, Clark gets angry. His anger turns to panic. He picks up a burning stick and charges toward Amaruga. Tammy yells for him to stay back.
Amaruga exhales a monstrous breath toward Clark. The breath causes the burning sick to burst into a huge flame. Clark is set on fire. Tammy screams and runs to her fiancé. He collapses in a ball of fire. She falls to the ground weeping and wailing. Ollie is stunned seeing his best friend die.
Amaruga plods ever closer to Tammy. She is too hysterical to escape. Amaruga’s three clawed fingers reache for her. Ollie runs and yells at the creature. It turns its attention on him.
Ollie runs back through the wall of flames. He taunts the monster. Amaruga unleashes a mini twister. The twister hits the flames and the fire explodes. It roars back at Amaruga scorching the monster. The wall of flames obscures Ollie’s view, but he hears the creature’s agonizing screeches.
Ollie goes and holds the terrified Tammy.
Horror Situation:
Fear: Amaruga pursues Ollie, Clark and Tammy.
Suspense: will they escape the monster?
Hysteria: Clark freaks out and attacks Amaruga
Dread: Ollie runs toward Amaruga
Horror: Clark is burned alive.
Anguish: Tammy sees her fiancé die; Ollie sees his best friend die.
41.INT. OLLIE’S HOME – DAY
Four little kids and parents attend Presley’s birthday party. Clare, Ollie’s wife, is relieved he and Tammy are safe. But they are concerned that Bill is still out in the wilds. Tammy is listless.
Ollie’s gift for Presley are two gold coins and a gold ingot. They’re to be kept for the future. They are proof that there is a treasure of lost Confederate gold. But will they risk another attempt to retrieve it?
42.INT. FOREST WOMAN’S CABIN – DAY
Sergeant Roland Johnson sits with the ancient looking woman. He opens a sack and spills gold ingots onto the table. He trims off thin shavings. She tells him that he’s the most loving husband. She sprinkles the gold shavings on some food and takes a bite. She transforms back to middle age. Sergeant Johnson assures her that Amaruga has also been fed.
The End
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This reply was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by Patrick Malone.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by
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JAYE’S OUTLINE VERSION 1
Title: THE CREEK
Logline: A group of teens pick the wrong place for their prom afterparty: an abandoned house by the creek where urban legend tells of children who were murdered in cold blood.
EXT. A RURAL HOUSE – DAY
Circa 1950s. Walker and Son Tree Removal answers the call to chop a willow in the backyard by a creek. A freak “accident” kills DERRICK (father) and maims JOHNNY (son). A NUN (50s) watches from an upstairs window. A housemaid, NORA, screams and runs inside.INT. HIGH SCOOL AUDITORIUM – NIGHT – PRESENT DAY
Senior Ball. We meet the victims: DAVID, OLIVIA, ROBERT, SARAH, MARCUS, WHITNEY, KAREN.
Karen has just been dumped and everyone wants to leave.David persuades everyone to go to the creepy house of urban legend and continue the party there.
INT. DAVID’S CAR (MOVING) – NIGHT
David calls JOSH to invite him to party. Josh will bring alcohol.INT & EXT. CONVENIENCE STORE PARKING LOT – NIGHT
JOHNNY, now 85, crazy, and homeless, hears the kids talk about their plans. He warns them not to go. They laugh him off.EXT. HOUSE / BACKYARD – NIGHT
Josh arrives with alcohol and spray paint.David tells the haunting urban legend about the house and the creek. This is where unwanted newborn babies were drowned.
Josh wants to spray some artwork on the house… and remarkably the backdoor is unlocked, so he takes it inside….
INT. HOUSE – SAME
Josh finds a creepy altar room! Three pews, a prayer bench, candles on an altar and a crucifix. Shovels and a pitchfork against a far wall. Josh leaves quickly, and goes deeper into the house and we hear him start to spray. We hear scratching, and he stops. Calls out, but no one answers.BACKYARD
The kids discuss plans after graduation. Marcus is leaving the state and girlfriend Whitney is finding out right now.It’s getting cold and the guys want to go in the house. The girls don’t, especially Olivia, but a howling wolf in the forest beyond the creek sends most of them in. Olivia stays behind.
INT. HOUSE
The kids look lightly around for Josh while also nosing around the house. Josh is nowhere around. Whitney pulls Marcus to the kitchen for a conversation.EXT. BACKYARD
Olivia has a call from her mom, which is weird, because her phone has no service. She calls back, and what starts out sounding like her mom, turns out being a haunting voice from the past saying that she knows her baby was alive, she heard it crying!Olivia decides to be with her friends, but now it’s too late. Something takes hold of her and pulls her into the creek!
EXT. STREET – SAME TIME
Johnny walks to his tent under the bridge. The wind kicks up. It’s harsh and deadly, and carries a whisper that calls his name.INT. HOUSE / KITCHEN – SAME TIME
Whitney tells Marcus she’s pregnant. He says he has his life ahead of him and will not be there for her. She needs to be smart and get rid of the kid. Makes a sick joke about drowning it in the creek.LIVING ROOM
David, Karen, Robert and Sarah have taken their party to the living room where Robert and Sarah can’t stop making out. David and Karen make awkward conversation and finally tell them to get a room. They oblige…UPSTAIRS
The house is creepy as hell, but Robert leads Sarah to…BEDROOM
Robert and Sarah start to mess around, but she is less eager than he.LIVING ROOM
Conversation and hormones bring David and Karen a little closer, and as they start to kiss, the back door flies open, and a creek-soaked Olivia is standing there with a vacant expression.David rushes up to her and she promptly vomits creek water all over him. He thinks she’s drunk. She stumbles into the altar room, and David agrees that she should probably lie down.
(Although at this point, only Josh and Olivia have entered/seen this room).BEDROOM
As Sarah and Robert are getting into heavy making out and petting, the door creaks open…DOWNSTAIRS BATHROOM
David attempts to clean himself up. The faucet spurts, but no water comes out. And of course, we have a medicine cabinet with a mirror.EXT. STREET / INT. JOHNNY’S TENT – SAME TIME
Johnny sleeps… dreamsJOHNNY’S DREAM
A cryptic dream, his dad’s death. The nun. Warnings of an unborn child that the house wants for its own…INT. JOHNNY’S TENT
Johnny bolts awake, hyperventilating. He knows the kids need his help.INT. HOUSE / BEDROOM – SAME TIME
… and Karen walks in. She puts herself in the middle of their action and Robert doesn’t mind, until he’s pushed out.Next best thing: sit in the chair, smoke a joint and masturbate.
A dark, thick shadow extends across the wall in front of him mid toke. He opens his mouth to speak, but–
INSIDE ROBERT’S MOUTH
The cloud of smoke takes shape of a bony hand with elongated fingers, as it makes its way down his esophagus to start choking him.BATHROOM
Finally, something appears to be coming out of the faucet. It’s thick, dark. David leans in, and we see the horrific face of the nun behind him in the mirror.What looks like a plump slug coming out of the faucet finally drops into the basin and bursts all over David’s face. A blood clot! He comes back to the mirror and the nun is gone!
BEDROOM
Karen and Sarah try to ignore Robert’s choking sounds and writhing, which they assume are just over-the-top masturbation sounds. Finally when he falls over in the chair, it’s too much. They insult him and leave him there, alone, to die.LIVING ROOM
Karen and Sarah meet David at the bottom of the stairs, in his boxers from having removed vomit-soaked clothes. Whitney comes out of the kitchen, crying. Marcus wanders out, frustrated.Karen and Sarah seek privacy to continue their escapade. David goes upstairs to get Robert, it’s probably time to leave now… but the girls warn him he’s jerking off.
A SMALL CORRIDOR
Karen hears her name as she and Sarah pass a slightly opened doorway. It’s Josh. She and Sarah go to investigate.BASEMENT
Karen and Sarah walk side by side into the dankest basement.A cobweb to the face startles Sarah and she grabs Karen with such force, she almost drops her phone, which she’s using for a flashlight. The light, shooting in all directions for a minutes, reveals a very dead and very gutted Josh under the stairs.
Sarah now faces Karen, and Karen is looking over her shoulder. Her expression tells us that something hideous is coming up the stairs behind her.
Sarah sees, and they both run for the top. But Karen kicks Sarah backward, into the monster. And as we hear her dying, Josh reaches through an opening between the stairs and pulls Karen’s leg down. But her other leg stays, breaking her femur.
The phone drops at Josh’s feet, and the flashlight shines upward, revealing the full extent of his murder.
Karen stares into Josh’s contorted and hollowed out face as the monster now comes for her.
UPSTAIRS BATHROOM
heads toward the back bedroom door, which is closed, but a harsh, eerie scratching calls his attention to the upstairs bathroom. It’s only the wind.Outside, the willow tree is trashing around, but the forest in the back is calm, and the creek is looks quiet.
Just as he turns, a shadow passes by the doorway. He looks. No one is there.
EXT. BEDROOM
David listens at the door. There’s a low moan. David thinks better of it, then goes back to the stairs. But then the door opens… David goes back and–INT. BEDROOM
David discovers Robert is dead. No cell service to call for help! And he sees a shape of a person behind sheer curtains! A non-existent wind blows the curtains aside, and the nun is there!David runs for the door and it starts to shut, but he dives! He blocks it with his wrist and struggles to open it.
He finally gets it open and struggles to run.
STAIRS / HALLWAY
He falls down the stairs. It’s hard to breathe, stand, or walk!LIVING ROOM
Marcus and Whitney meet him and he tells them they have to leave!Olivia is standing the altar room doorway and David grabs her as they head for the backdoor.
But the door is locked!
And then suddenly, a dark silhouette slams up against the translucent window of the door, banging on the door and rattling the knob.
They duck into the altar room!
EXT. HOUSE.
Johnny stands outside the back door with a lead pipe, trying desperately to get in!INT. ALTAR ROOM
Whitney is begging David, the one who knows all about the urban legend to tell them how to get out of this!Olivia is chanting. The nun appears wrapped around David’s neck and shoulders! She’s been there since he left the bedroom!
EXT. HOUSE
Johnny goes looks for other entrances. Nothing gives! He’s dodging the tree, and then suddenly, the back door opens on its own. Johnny goes for it!INT. ALTAR ROOM
David stumbles backward, tries to keep his balance, knocks things over. He grabs at his throat, gasping, hungry for air. Marcus wields a pitchfork aiming at the nun’s (and David’s head).Johnny bursts in! Tells them the house wants Whitney! They have to hurry! The door’s open, and they can escape!
David crumbles to the ground, out of air, nun on his back. Dead.
And then Marcus, in hysteria, stabs Johnny in the chest!
HALLWAY
Marcus stabs Johnny repeatedly as he’s on the ground, and then suddenly notices the open back door, just twenty feet in front of him. He goes for it, and he makes it!The air is calm, and he falls to the ground in relief.
EXT. BACKYARD
Marcus lays in the grass, crying.Behind him, Olivia is dragged out of the altar room into the hallway. Olivia follows. The door slams shut.
Back to Marcus. He starts laughing. Can’t believe he made it! Starts to get up, and then…
A willow tree branch grabs his leg and drags him to the creek with amazing force. His screams are quickly muffled by sounds of him being bashed into rocks.
INT. HOUSE / BEDROOM
Whitney lays in the bed as the nun stands in the window. Olivia is tending to her. The bedroom door slams shut!-
Hi Jaye, If you haven’t hooked up with anyone else, I’d be happy to exchange my version 2 script with you for a read of your Version 1. Reply at your convenience. Best
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Hi Bob, did you want to exchange the outline?
My script is only about halfway through!-
Hi Jaye,
I read your outline and it’s full of great horror situations, but would suggest putting them in a form like the sample given in the lesson, for your Version 2 read/exchange. For example, from your basement scene.
BASEMENT
ANXIETY: Karen and Sarah walk side by side into the dankest basement.
SHOCK: A cobweb to the face startles Sarah and she grabs Karen with such force, she almost drops her phone, which she’s using for a flashlight.
REVEAL (The force of the monster): The light, shooting in all directions for a minutes, reveals a very dead and very gutted Josh under the stairs.
DREAD: Sarah now faces Karen, and Karen is looking over her shoulder. Her expression tells us that something hideous is coming up the stairs behind her.
PANIC: Sarah sees, and they both run for the top.
REVEAL: But Karen kicks Sarah backward, into the monster. And as we hear her dying, Josh reaches through an opening between the stairs and pulls Karen’s leg down. But her other leg stays, breaking her femur. The phone drops at Josh’s feet, and the flashlight shines upward, revealing the full extent of his murder.
HYSTERIA: Karen stares into Josh’s contorted and hollowed out face as the monster now comes for her.
And so on.
You’ve already written the brief scene descriptions, so it should be easy.
I think this has good potential for real scary classic horror script. One more thing, I would number the scenes so the reader could refer specifically to them for their comments.
Best,
Bob
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I appreciate this, Bob. I was being very lazy lol, but I will adjust for version 2.
Thank you!I will checks your outline out and respond with feedback today.
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BOB KIELY’S HORROR OUTLINE – VERSION 2
Strange occurrences and death occur to the builders and buyers of a new condo project built upon an old forgotten “potter’s field” cemetery.
What I’ve learned is in this lesson is to focus on the horror map of the story and make the scene descriptions short and pithy.
1. EXTERIOR – CEMETERY CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY
A bulldozer is moving earth in a new condo project built upon an old forgotten cemetery. The developer of the project visits the site and orders the operator to push 6 gravesites to the far end of the lot, in violation of his agreement with the town to disinter and re-bury the graves.
HORROR SITUATION:
. APPREHENSION: The bulldozer operator feels weird that the dozer keeps shutting off.
. ANXIETY: The developer tells him to plow over the gravesites.
. SUSPENSE: The operator sees an old woman in a shroud in the far end of the cemetery.
. SURPRISE: He jumps down into a SINKING ground.
. SHOCK: He feels himself sinking more SWIFTLY into the earth.
. MONSTER REVEAL: The power and ire of the unknown monster is revealed.
. ANGUISH: When he realizes he’s a goner.
. HYSTERIA: Screams turn gurgles in the mud as he is totally and rudely submerged into the ground.
. RELEASE: All is quiet with no hint at the horror that had just unfolded .
2. JOHN AND ANNE’S CONDO – NIGHT
First night in their new home, Anne and John make love and go to sleep. Anne is awoken by strange the sound of a wailing woman and later by a loud thud. She awakens John to help investigate the strange sounds.
HORROR SITUATION:
. APPREHENSION:Anne is awoken by a wailing sound.
. FEAR:She is very scared roaming around her new digs looking for the source of the wailing. Goes back to bed.
. SHOCK: The LOUD THUD wakes her up panting.
. SUSPENSE: Searching with John for the source of the loud thud.
. DREAD: The hear a noise in the closet. Both fear what’s in there.
. RELEASE: When cat emerges from closet and see that she knocked the golf clubs down.
. DENIAL: John dismisses Anne’s earlier apprehension.
3. INT. BASEMENT ROOM – DAY
The new buyers have a meeting about a range of strange occurrences in the building. They agree to have the town building inspector come and inspect the premises. He arrives by himself goes to the basement to inspect. Anne comes down later.
HORROR SITUATION:
. SURPRISE: The inspector seeing through a fog the outline of hooded entity coming toward him through what appears to be an opening to a tunnel off the room.
. MONSTER REVEAL: Still a vague persona, he can see the entity’s red eyes.
. SHOCK: The entity can be seen as a witch-like old woman tells him she considers him as one of those responsible for the desecration of the gravesites.
. DREAD: As the witch advances toward him.
. PANIC: When he sees witch is going to kill him.
. ANGUISH: When Anne comes down and sees the blood oozing from under the door to the room.
4. INT. BASEMENT ROOM – DAY
There is another board meeting to discuss the bizarre death of the inspector. Buyers, Steve and Peter, dismiss any consideration that it wasn’t just a natural accident. They all go down to the room where the inspector was killed. Steve decides to go into a tunnel. We hear blood curdling screams as he meets his end. His lover goes in to help.
HORROR SITUATION:
. APPREHENSION: Some in the group have trepidation on the expedition..
. ANXIETY: As they enter the room where the inspector was slain.
. DENIAL: Steve dismisses the threatening situation.
. SUSPENSE: Having to wait for Steve to come back.
. RELEASE: Hearing him says everything OK and he’s coming back.
. ANGUISH: Hearing the screams of Steve.
. MONSTER REVEAL: Monster escalates her lethal vengeance.
. PANIC: The group is besides themselves, particularly Peter.
. RELEASE: The calming presence of John who has come into the room.
. SURPRISE: Peter jumps up and tries to go into the room to retrieve his lover.
. RELEASE: John restrain him.
. SURPRISE: Peter darts off into the tunnel.
. ANGUISH: The group waiting for Peter’s fate.
. RELEASE: Peter coming back into the room.
. SHOCK: Peter is in physical shock, as all are emotionally.
5. INT. BASEMENT TUNNEL – NIGHT
In Anne and John’s unit, the buyers, Bill and Donna, discuss the now apparent adversity they are in. Bill is an attorney and Donna is his realtor wife. He arrogantly feels he can go in and confront the and convince her to negotiate for a “cease and desist.”
HORROR SITUTION:
. APPREHENSION: All are gravely concerned over the unknown outcome of this proposed meeting with the witch.
. FEAR: The group gingerly follows Bill into the tunnel.
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>. CREEPY MOMENT: The tunnel is damp and fetid and filled with spiders and rats.
. DREAD: The women are particularly repelled by the slimy sub-ground creatures.
. SHOCK: A bat flies closely over the heads of the entourage. DOUBLE SHOCK: Another bat wizzes by.
. DREAD: The women are very scared to go on.
6. INT. TUNNEL – NIGHT – LATER
HORROR SITUATION:
The witch emerges and agrees to hear Bill’s mock court case. His aurguments don’t convince the witch and she encloses him in a cell. She tells the other to leave as she’ll decide on his fate. The group except for Bill and return to the room. Donna, locks them in. The only salvation now is to find an escape hatch through the tunnel or its offshoots. John goes in, leaving Anne alone in the room.
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DREAD: Having been locked in the room, John and Anne know they are trapped and must use the tunnel to find Bill and help him escape.
. ANXIETY: John ventures into the tunnel. Anne stays behind.
. SHOCK: John finds Bill’s head on a pike.
. FEAR: Anne is terrified being alone in the room and enters the tunnel.
. CREEPY MOMENTS: Anne has to negotiate over spiders and a snake withering over her foot.
. SHOCK: She is jumped from behind and tightly held by an unseen man.
. RELEASE: Anne is released by the homeless squatter who jumped her.
. HOPE: She is buoyed by the hope of finding John and getting out of this hell hole.
. SURPRISE: Sees the shadow of what they believe is the witch.
. RELEASE: Turns out to be Anne’s cat.
. SUSPENSE: They see another more menacing shadow.
. RELEASE: Shadow turns out to be John .
. PANIC: Witch in hot pursuit.
. RELEASE: Squatter leads to hidden cave where he sleeps.
. HOPE: They resume their escape and run.
. TERROR: They get to the escape hatch and witch materializes in front of them.
. HYSTERIA: Looks like no escape and all are doomed.
. RELEASE: Squatter volunteers his life to make up the 6th victim. John and Anne escape through the hatch. Forcefield goes off and police and emergency rescue vehicles descend on the scene. Lights go back on in the condo.
THE END.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by Bob Kiely.
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That’s OK as there must be a few horror scenes that contain the various elements we learned so that’s more imp than the form of the script, for the purposes of the assignment. Feel free to critique mine and I’ll do yours later today. Best
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Your opening starts with intrigue and foreshadowing… Nothing good comes from moving gravesites in a movie! Your scene takes us through all these emotions!
Many of your scenes are filled with the horror emotions that were covered in class. You were very meticulous about addressing them and making sure to cover your bases. Nice work!
Sorry if I missed it, but do we know who the witch is? Is she one of the graves that was removed? Is she a sort of overseer?
Nice story, Bob!
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Thanks Jaye. Good point, I intertwined the moniker, “monster” with “the witch” which I should fix. I also introduced the witch in an action element earlier which I didn’t include in the ‘Horror Situations” which further led to confusion. I’ll clarify. Best
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This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by
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Greetings all. Who needs a feedback partner?
THE RESONANCE – OUTLINE 1
ACT 1 — SET UP FOR HORROR
Atmosphere of Evil established:
INT. MASTER BEDROOM – BEACH HOUSE – LATER
Jerry Scheckla, dying of terminal cancer, wakes and sees a beautiful woman on the beach, approaching the back door of his bedroom. Jerry is confused, thinks it’s an angel until he recognizes her.
Horror Situation: Old Man Scheckla sees a ghost.
Apprehension: Who is the beautiful woman approaching from the beach?
Surprise: The woman now stands at the glass French door!
Shock: He recognizes the woman from his past (His wife.)
Release: The door opens, but she’s gone.
Creepy Moment: Jerry hears the approaching sound of bare feet on hardwood floor. No one is there.
Panic: The heart rate monitor races.
Monster Reveal: Is it a ghost?
Hysteria: Jerry screams for help.
INT. KITCHEN – BEACH HOUSE – NIGHT
The Hospice Nurse hears the old man’s scream and drops what she’s doing.
INT. MASTER BEDROOM – BEACH HOUSE – NIGHT
Horror Situation: The Hospice Nurse investigates.
Dread: The Nurse thinks Jerry is a little old to be afraid of monsters and wants to get back to her homework.
Surprise/Scare: The nurse sees the back door is open.
Creepy Moment: The Nurse finds sandy feet print heading towards the bed.
Shock: The Nurse suspects Jerry’s been up walking around. She throws the bedding back to reveal clean feet.
Monster Reveal: The sound of a woman crying from behind the closet door.
Apprehension: The Nurse is apprehensive about checking the closet
Release: The closet is empty.
Suspense: The Nurse approaches the bed.
Surprise: The sound of the woman crying can be heard under the bed.
Suspense: The nurse kneels down slowly and lifts the bed skirt.
Release: Nothing is under the bed.
Monster Reveal: The nurse looks up and sees the face of a decomposed woman lying next to Jerry. It tells her to “Get out.”
Hysteria: The Nurse abandons Jerry and flees the room.
INT. LIVING ROOM – BEACH HOUSE – NIGHT
The Nurse trips on a piece of furniture and she’s dragged into the darkness.
INT. LIVING ROOM – DUPLEX – NIGHT
Abby Tillman, Tommy McLees and Noelle Johnson, (20s), investigate the home of a Single Mom and her two kids (Teenage Boy and Young Girl). The family claims to be experiencing paranormal activity. The investigators debunk it.
EXT. BEACH HOUSE – MORNING
Al Scheckla (40s) arrives to his childhood home with his wife Barbara (40s) and his teenage daughter, Ellie (17). The front door is open. The Scheckla’s proceed cautiously.
INT. LIVING ROOM – MORNING
Al steps in the front door and finds the house in complete disarray. Furniture is toppled, knickknacks and picture frames are scattered. It looks like a tornado went off.
INT. MASTER BEDROOM – BEACH HOUSE – MORNING
Horror Situation: Al discovers his dying father, abandoned.
Apprehension: Al enters the room
Suspense: Al searches the room
Shock: Al finds Jerry huddled in the corner under a sheet.
Surprise: A picture frame flies across the room and breaks against the wall.
Monster Reveal: It can attack during the day.
Anxiety: Al realizes his father soiled himself and he’ll have to give him a bath.
INT. MASTER BATHROOM – BEACH HOUSE – MORNING
The sound of a bathtub filling. Al carries his frail old father and carefully lowers him into a warm bathtub. He notices the bruising on the old man’s body. Al calls Hospice Care and exits the bathroom.
INT. DOLL ROOM – BEACH HOUSE – MORNING
Ellie enters the bedroom and discovers over 100 porcelain dolls of various sizes sitting on floor to ceiling shelves. She throws her bag on the bed and takes a closer look.
INT. LIVING ROOM – BEACH HOUSE – MORNING
Barbara finishes picking up the living room. Everything has been returned to its rightful place.
INT. OFFICE ROOM – BEACH HOUSE – MORNING
Ellie investigates the office. The main feature is a floor to ceiling bookshelf that takes up an entire wall. Ellie watches as the luminous light anomaly disappears into a safe. The door pops open.
INT. MASTER BEDROOM – BEACH HOUSE – MORNING
Al screams that he’ll just take care of his father himself. The Hospice Care warns that the old man’s condition is critical and that he should be in a hospital. The old man refuses to leave.
INT. OFFICE ROOM – BEACH HOUSE – MORNING
Ellie finds some kinky old Polaroids. She’s grossed out. We also glimpse an ornate key and a file folder. Al catches her and locks the safe. Explains Jerry’s rule: Stay out of the office.
INT. LIVING ROOM – BEACH HOUSE – MORNING
Al breaks the news that they need to take care of Jerry. He doesn’t have long.
INT. MASTER BATHROOM – BEACH HOUSE – MORNING
Jerry relaxes in the bath.
Horror Situation: Jerry is attacked and trapped under ice in the bathtub.
Apprehension/Surprise: Jerry begins to shiver and we see his breath.
Creepy Moment: A pair of decomposed hands massage Jerry’s scalp.
Monster Reveal: It can follow Jerry.
Dread: A woman’s voice speaks.
Shock: Jerry becomes alert. The hands washing him are gone.
Suspense: Jerry looks around the bathroom. No one is there.
Release: Jerry relaxes and closes his eyes.
Scare: Multiple hands grab Jerry and pull him under the water.
Monster Reveal: The entity can harm you.
Fear: Jerry screams underwater as the surface of the water turns to ice.
Panic: Jerry is trapped and can’t break the ice.
Creepy Moment: Al finds his dad trapped under ice.
Shock: Al can’t break the ice with his fists, it’s too thick.
Panic: Al looks around. What will break the ice.
Anguish: Al finds the metal towel rod and rips it from the wall.
Fear: Al smashes the ice with the metal rod.
Hysteria: Jerry gasps for air while coughing and flailing.
Shock: Al pulls Jerry from the bathtub and holds him.
Surprise: Barbara and Ellie run for a warm blanket.
INT. LIVING ROOM – BEACH HOUSE – MORNING
Barbara runs into the living room to find that it’s been completely wrecked, again. Ellie stops behind her. Barbara asks if it’s a joke. The photo album is gone, replaced by an old shoe box. Inside is Al’s childhood View Master collection. Barbara grabs the blanket and runs.
Denial of Horror:
INT. LIVING ROOM – BEACH HOUSE – DAY
Al, Barbara and Ellie discuss the creepy things happening in the house. Al knows the house is safe. A bird slams into the window and dies.
INT. PARAPSYCHOLOGY LAB – OREGON UNIVERSITY – DAY
Abby, Tommy and Noelle “work” on some equipment while eavesdropping on an argument in Dr. Tillman’s office. The lab has lost its funding. Dr. Tillman thinks it’s time to retire.
INT. LIVING ROOM – BEACH HOUSE – NIGHT
Barbara works the jigsaw puzzle, as Al rests on the couch. Pieces appear to be missing.
INT. MASTER BEDROOM – BEACH HOUSE – NIGHT
Horror Situation: Ellie teaches Jerry how to use a View Master.
Apprehension: Jerry is weary of his granddaughter’s contraption.
Surprise: Ellie holds the View Master to Jerry’s eyes and he thinks its magical.
Anxiety: With a pull of the lever the slide changes from a beautiful landscape, to a photo of an unhappy woman on the beach.
Fear: The next slide shows a different woman on the beach. This one is bleeding.
Suspense: The lever moves on its own. The slides are of different women, all in escalating states of decay.
Shock: The last slide is of Jerry’s wife.
Monster Reveal: The spirits are of dead woman?
Panic: Jerry pushes the View Master away.
Shock: The View Master flies out of Ellie’s hand and breaks against the wall.
Dread: The temperature drops, breath becomes visible. A foul odor fills the air.
Horror: The hold man is punched hard in the face by an invisible force.
Anguish: Ellie breaks down sobbing as the old man convulses and shakes.
Panic: Ellie calls for help.
Shock: Al witnesses his father being shaken mercilessly and jumps on the bed.
Panic: Barbara pulls Ellie away to protect her.
Anguish: Ellie cries for her grandfather and records the attack with her cell phone.
Surprise: The activity suddenly stops.
Hysteria: Jerry cries. He just wants to die. The family is in hysterics.
INT. LIVING ROOM – BEACH HOUSE – NIGHT
Ellie and Barbara discuss their need for help. They scour the internet and find Dr. Tillman’s name.
INT. MASTER BEDROOM – BEACH HOUSE – NIGHT
Al and Jerry talk. “I want to talk about Mom.” Al opens up about his marital problems. He Thinks Barbara may have cheated on him.
Monster: The nature of the beast:
INT. OFFICE – PARAPSYCHOLOGY LAB – MORNING
Abby receives an email from Barbara with some astonishing footage from the Scheckla house. She tries to convince her grandfather to investigate. The Professor declines.
INT. PARAPSYCHOLOGY LAB – MORNING
Abby refuses to quit and recruits Tommy and Noelle for one last investigation. It takes some convincing.
ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN
Isolated / Trapped / Abducted:
INT. LIVING ROOM – BEACH HOUSE – DAY
Investigation Day 1 – Tommy and Noelle load in equipment, while Abby interviews the Scheckla family. We learn that Al’s mother left the family in 1995 and never kept in contact. KITCHEN – DAY
INT. MASTER BEDROOM – BEACH HOUSE – DAY
Abby meets Jerry, who’s a bit grumpy about the strangers in his house.
INT. MASTER BEDROOM – BEACH HOUSE – NIGHT
The investigators perform an EVP session. Noelle snaps Polaroid photos to document. Jerry is attacked during the session.
Horror Situation: Night 1 attack on Jerry.
Anxiety: The investigators set up for an experiment. Jerry is grumpy about the disturbance.
Suspense: Abby and Noelle conduct an EVP session in Jerry’s room. They listen for responses to their questions.
Scare: Loud bangs on the back door.
Fear: Jerry is frightened and wants it all to stop.
Suspense: They ask another question and the floor flexes and creaks.
Fear: The back door opens and Jerry asks God for help.
Shock: Another question makes the lights flicker. Luminous balls of energy float through the back door and hover above Jerry.
Suspense: The balls of light dissipate into a mist that begins to snap and pop with electricity. Jerry reaches out to touch it.
Horror: Jerry is attacked by the electricity and writhes in pain. Al tries to help but is flung across the room.
Hysteria: Ellie runs in and begs for it to stop.
Surprise: The mist explodes into sparks and floats out the back door.
Dread: Is it over?
Fear: The house begins to shake.
Shock: The house loses power as the investigators equipment all explode at once.
INT. MOBILE LAB – RV – NIGHT
Abby is shaking with excitement and is eager to study the evidence. This could be their big break.
INT. MOBILE LAB – RV – NIGHT – LATER
Abby Tommy and Noelle review the recorded EVP session for evidence.
One of us killed (attacked):
31. INT. MOBILE LAB – RV – NIGHT – LATER
Horror Situation: While Tommy and Abby sleep, Noelle is lured inside the house.
Anxiety: Noelle watches the monitors closely. Al Sleeps in a chair next to Jerry’s bed.
Surprise: Who’s at the door. Looks like Ellie through the window.
Dread: Noelle opens the door, no one is there. A shadow disappears into the house.
Apprehension: Noelle doesn’t want to wake the others. She goes to take a look.
32. INT. LIVING ROOM – BEACH HOUSE – NIGHT
Searching for Ellie, Noelle is lured to the puzzle table and attacked by the Jigsaw Lady. It wants her to see the puzzle. It’s missing pieces.
Horror Situation: Noelle is lured to the Jigsaw Puzzle.
Dread: A whisper in the dark draws Noelle to the jigsaw table. The puzzle is unfinished and missing the center pieces.
Scare: Noelle catches a glimpse of the Jigsaw Lady and turns to run.
Shock: She can’t move. Her body is dragged backwards, spun around and then levitated in the air. It wants her to see the puzzle.
Panic: Noelle can’t breathe, she’s being chocked.
33. INT. MOBILE LAB – RV – NIGHT
Noelle’s screaming on the monitor wakes Abby and Tommy.
34. INT. MASTER BEDROOM – BEACH HOUSE – NIGHT
Jerry suffers another attack and begins coughing and choking. Al wakes, sitting in a chair at his father’s bedside. Jerry coughs up a number of bloody jigsaw puzzle pieces. Ellie comes in to check. Al sends her to get Abby and the crew.
35. INT. LIVING ROOM – BEACH HOUSE – NIGHT
Abby and Tommy burst into the house as Noelle crumples to the floor. She gasps for breath. Ellie calls for help.
36. INT. MASTER BEDROOM – BEACH HOUSE – NIGHT
Abby investigates the puzzle pieces. Noelle realizes they’re the missing pieces from the jigsaw puzzle in the living room.
37. INT. LIVING ROOM – BEACH HOUSE – NIGHT
Barbara, Ellie, Noelle and Abby assemble a few pieces of the puzzle. Barbara plans to finish it tonight.
MIDPOINT: The monster is worse than we thought!
Full pursuit by the killer:
38. INT. LIVING ROOM – BEACH HOUSE – MORNING
Dr. Tillman arrives, having sensed his team was in danger. He instantly feels “the resonance” and explains the meaning. He checks on Noelle’s bruised neck. The lesson? Tommy – “Always stick together, there’s strength in numbers.”
39. INT. AL’S BEDROOM – BEACH HOUE – MORNING
Barbara pulls Al and Ellie aside and wants to leave. She wants to take Ellie and go. Ellie refuses to leave her grandfather. It’s tense.
40. INT. MOBILE LAB – RV – DAY
Dr. Tillman debunks the photo evidence and EVP evidence. But he finds the high EMF readings interesting. He discovers the highest reading happen at low tide.
42. INT. MASTER BEDROOM – BEACH HOUSE – NIGHT
Horror Situation: The investigators conduct an experiment at low tide.
Fear: Jerry doesn’t know how much more he can take.
Dread: There’s still no power. Candles light the room. Low tide has come.
Surprise: Right on cue, the back door opens on its own.
Suspense: The balls of energy return, shooting across the room, into the wall.
Shock: Everything with a battery is drained of power. It’s gathering energy. The candles extinguish all at once.
Panic: The room is pitch dark.
Shock: A full torso apparition of a woman forms at the foot of the bed.
Monster Reveal: It takes a lot of energy to manifest.
Anguish: Jerry screams to leave him alone.
Fear: The apparition vanishes. The room begins to shake. Jerry is violently ripped out of bed and levitated in midair.
Horror: Jerry is beaten and rag dolled around the room by an invisible force. Objects swirl around, pelting Jerry like a hurricane.
Anguish: Jerry’s family watches helplessly, until he is thrown to the ground. They rush to his aid.
Surprise: A mist forms above them, cracking and popping with electricity.
Shock: Objects fall from the mist, out of thin air, and land on the ground. (Hairbrush, Jewelry, a porcelain doll, etc.)
Hysteria: Barbara screams at the entity.
Anguish: Al and Ellie protect Jerry from flying objects.
Shock: Tommy pulls out a cross necklace and prays. Dr. Tillman scolds him.
Hysteria: Barbara flees the room
43. INT. LIVING ROOM – BEACH HOUSE – NIGHT
Barbara is overwhelmed and stands crying in the hallway. She hears crying behind her and turns around to see the upper torso of a male corpse crawling towards her from the office.
44. INT. MASTER BEDROOM – BEACH HOUSE – NIGHT
The phenomenon suddenly stops. Al and Ellie fight back tears and console Jerry. The Doc is reinvigorated and is excited to review the evidence again.
45. INT. LIVING ROOM – BEACH HOUSE – NIGHT
Dr. Tillman reveals his theory of RSPK (recurrent spontaneous psychokinesis). He’s seen it before. Abby’s backstory and the death of her mom is explained.
46. INT. ABBY’S CHILDHOOD BEDROOM – FLASHBACK – NIGHT
Young Abby has a psychic tantrum and accidently kills her mother.
47. INT. LIVING ROOM – BEACH HOUSE – NIGHT
Abby is shocked. The doc had been keeping this from her. “I did not kill my mother with psychokinesis” Abby argues with her grandfather, then storms off. Al leaves to check on Barbara and Ellie.
Terrorized:
48. INT. AL’S BEDROOM – BEACH HOUSE – NIGHT
Al discovers Barbara’s luggage is missing. The car is gone. Barbara left them. He calls, but there’s no answer.
49. INT. MASTER BEDROOM – BEACH HOUSE – NIGHT
Al tells Ellie about Barbara and they argue. Ellie runs out the back door.
50. EXT. BEACH – BEACH HOUSE – NIGHT
Ellie finds Abby sitting on a driftwood log. They bond over Abby’s story of her dead mother’s lullaby. They are interrupted by Dr. Tillman. Ellie heads to bed. The Doc explains his reasoning for keeping his secret. He suggests a radical experiment using the “God Helmet” to stimulate Abby’s pineal gland and awaken her dormant 3rd eye. If they can tune to the same Resonance as the poltergeist agent, they can learn from it. Maybe even stop it.
51. INT. LIVING ROOM – BEACH HOUSE – NIGHT
Abby sits in a chair, wearing a garage made helmet, wired with electrodes and sensors. Wires run to a variety of monitoring equipment. The experiment gives Abby a vision.
52. INT. LIVING ROOM – BEACH HOUSE – NIGHT
Dr. Tillman brings Abby out of the trance.
53. INT. MASTER BEDROOM – BEACH HOUSE – NIGHT
Abby reveals her vision: Dead woman, steel box, an iron door and the ornate key. The Old Man Reveals to Al and the group the story of his missing wife and her lover. A man, he thinks was a serial killer. The Key reminds Al of his fondest memory; making a time capsule (the steel box) with his father after his mom left. They filled it with her favorite items as a way to grieve and buried it inside a cave on Haystack rock. The items that materialized out of thin air were his mom’s items. If the apported items are not in the time capsule, then what is? Al discovers her wedding ring is missing. Abby theorizes that the mother is trying to make contact. Maybe she’s attached to that ring and can’t rest until she’s reunited with it. Dr. Tillman think’s that’s nonsense. He thinks this is all emanating from Ellie.
54. INT. OFFICE – BEACH HOUSE – NIGHT
Al opens the safe and pulls the out the key sitting on top of a file of newspaper clippings. Abby, Noelle, Tommy and Al head out to Haystack Rock. Dr. Tillman stays with Jerry.
ACT 3 — FULL OUT HORROR
Fight to the death:
55. EXT. BEACH – BEACH HOUSE – NIGHT
The investigators hike towards Haystack rock, which land locked due to the low tide. Each carrying a shovel.
56. INT. MASTER BEDROOM – BEACH HOUSE NIGHT
Dr. Tillman explains to Jerry the psychic talent of Psychometry; the ability to discover facts about an event or person, simply by touching an item associated with them. Dr. Tillman wants to try it with the newspaper articles about missing woman.
57. INT. DOLL ROOM – BEACH HOUSE – NIGHT
Horror Situation: Ellie wakes to the sound of pitter patter of tiny feet on the hardwood floor.
Panic: Ellie wakes to the sound of small feet on the wood floor.
Release: Ellie searches the room with a flashlight. All clear.
Fear: Another loud noise.
Shock: The dolls have moved.
Panic: Ellie hides under the blankets
Suspense: Ellie slowly peaks out from under the blankets and shines her flashlight.
Horror: All of the dolls have disappeared!
Panic: Ellie’s flashlight dies.
Shock: She tries to run, but tiny hands trip her from under the bed.
Monster Reveal: The Porcelain Lady, hiding in the shadows.
Horror: The dolls are attacking Ellie, dragging her under the bed.
Hysteria: Ellie fights for her life.
Panic: Dr. Tillman bursts into the room and pulls Ellie to safety
Horror: The Porcelain Lady chases them out the door.
58. EXT. BEACH – HAYSTACK ROCK – NIGHT
The investigators make their way carefully through the tide pools of Haystack Rock. Al leads the way to a cave. A sign reads No Trespassing/Unlawful to Enter CITY CODE. They head inside.
59. INT. CAVE – HAYSTACK ROCK – NIGHT –
Al says this is the spot. They begin to dig.
Hysteria:
60. INT. MASTER BEDROOM – BEACH HOUSE NIGHT
The entire house is a paranormal storm of activity. Ellie and Dr. Tillman duck and dodge flying objects. Ellie wants to get her grandpa to safety. Dr. Tillman eyes go wide as he touches Jerry’s hand. The Doc is flung hard against the wall. Blood pours from his head. Before he passes out, he sees Ellie pulling her grandfather into a wheelchair.
The thrilling escape from death:
61. INT. HALLWAY – BEACH HOUSE – NIGHT
Ellie pushes Jerry down the hallway towards the living room. The house rumbles, picture frames explode and glass showers down on them. Spirits come from all directions and funnel them into the office.
62. INT. OFFICE – BEACH HOUSE – NIGHT
Ellie slams the door and leans against it. Jerry reveals he knows of a safe place to hide.
63. INT. CAVE – HAYSTACK ROCK – NIGHT
The investigators find the buried time capsule.
64. INT. OFFICE – BEACH HOUSE – NIGHT
Horror Situation: Jerry opens a hidden passage to a staircase with a stairlift.
Shock: Ellie is shocked when Jerry opens a secret door.
Panic: She straps Jerry into the stairlift and activates it.
Scare: The office door explodes open.
Suspense: The stairlift slowly descends as the ghosts pursue.
Panic: They’re getting close
Dread: Ellie opens a huge iron door and looks into the dark abyss.
Panic: Ellie drags Jerry into the dark room.
Shock: The iron door slams shut and the bookcase door resets.
65. INT. CAVE – HAYSTACK ROCK – NIGHT
The steel box finally gives and the lid is pops open. Al opens it to reveal the dismembered bones of his missing mother. Her wedding ring still on her hand. Al has a full-on emotional breakdown. Abby senses it – “Ellie’s in danger!”
66. INT. MASTER BEDROOM – BEACH HOUSE – NIGHT
Abby and the crew discover Dr. Tillman. He reveals that Jerry is the poltergeist agent.
67. INT. LIVING ROOM – BEACH HOUSE – NIGHT
The house looks like a bomb went off. The God Helmet is destroyed. Noelle – “Maybe you don’t need it?” Ellie focuses. The world falls away. It’s just her and the house. The spirits reveal themselves in human form. They point the way.
68. INT. OFFICE – BEACH HOUSE – NIGHT
Abby sees the ghost of her mom, who sings the same lullaby from her flashbacks. It clues her into what book to pull to open the secret door. She’s been getting this clue all her life!
69. INT. KILL ROOM – BEACH HOUSE NIGHT
Abby and Al discover Jerry’s private kill room. The Hospice Nurse and Barbara’s bodies are discovered. A scream leads them to another room.
A scream from the rear of the dark room. Abby and Al push through plastic hanging from the ceiling to discover Jerry, sitting on an old bloody sofa, holding a knife to Ellie’s throat. Abby negotiates the situation. Jerry makes to slit Ellie’s throat, but Abby screams, “No!” The knife flies out of Jerry’s hand and embeds in the wall. Ellie shoves the weak old man off and runs to her father. Jerry lay’s crying on the sofa.
Death returns to take one or more:
70. INT. MASTER BEDROOM – BEACH HOUSE – MORNING
Jerry has been returned to his bed. He’s too weak to move. Al sits quietly at his bedside. As the morning sun rises, Jerry confesses to the murder of Al’s mother. Al picks up a pillow and places it over his father’s face. The last thing Jerry sees is his dead wife holding the pillow, surrounded by all of his victims.
Horror Situation: The death of a serial killer.
Anguish: Al picks ups a pillow.
Fear: Jerry realizes it’s the moment of his death.
Horror: Jerry is proud that Al is going to kill him.
Horror: The last thing Jerry sees is his dead wife holding the pillow, surrounded by all of his victims.
Shock: Al can’t believe what he’s done.
Resolution
71. EXT. MOBILE LAB – MORNING
Cannon Beach Sheriff’s Department work the crime Scene. Bodies are bagged by the coroner. Al and Ellie are traumatized. The investigators wonder where to go from here. This case changes everything.
72. INT. BARN LABORATORY – DAY
6 months later – The team has set up a makeshift lab in a barn.
Dr. Tillman wants to introduce the newest member of the team. It’s Ellie Scheckla. Her father inherited a fortune and has saw fit to fund the teams research, as long as Ellie can learn. Good thing, because Abby just got an email lead. On to the next case.
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Hi Rob,
Happy to exchange feedback on our outlines!
I have sent you an invitation to connect.
Best,
Nadia
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Hi Nadia,
Invitation received! I look forward to exchanging outline’s.
– Rob
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Looking for someone to review my 3rd version and/or exchange critques. Best
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Bob,
Thank you for your feedback. I was surprised you could even get through my incredibly flawed script but your comments are amazing and give me a lot to chew on and use to make the next draft better.
Your script is pretty tight, and I am taking a lot of queues from it. The premise is a nice update to the misuse and mistreatment of a sacred burial site. The detail of 6 disturbed graves was paid off at the end.
#1 exterior scene was a nice set up for the action. The poor bulldozer operator is punished for the callousness of the developer and pops off the danger. I like the imagery of the operator’s demise. I think that can be shown vividly on screen.
In scene #2, when Anne hears the wailing woman, is it crying type of wailing or a tortured scream kind of wailing? The first would make me think she would look for the source and the latter for 911. You may have outlined that in your longer draft so I was just wondering.
In scene #3, you introduce the portal of the basement. Where is this set? Being from the South, I assume it is set in the North since Southern homes/condos don’t generally have basements. If you are going to allude to a location without mentioning it, something to keep in mind what the landscape would look like.
Also in scene #3, the demise of the inspector is particularly eerie and riveting. Red eyes and a witch are great moody elements. The witch’s interaction with the victim is unexpected and a nice twist.
In scene #4, after the board meeting, how many characters go the basement? I was not sure who was part of that scenario. John comes in later. Was Anne already there?
In scene #5, I like the idea of a lawyer trying to negotiate with a witch! But you opened up the audience to that when the witch interacted with the inspector so this is a good follow up. It gives her a voice in expressing her rage at what was done to a sacred space. Bold move!
In scene #6, the witch actually engages in a mock court which sounds like a lot of fun! I was a little confused at if the group returned to an adjacent room or forced into another room after Bill was sent to ‘jail’. Where John and Anne locked in the their room after the mock court or before? At any rate once they get out and start their final journey to freedom things look like the pick up and I want them to escape! The twists and turns are well laid out.
My remaining question is why did the squatter decide to sacrifice himself. Is there a back story that can be expressed in his clothing – maybe he is a veteran and has a sense of duty or a fallen man of the cloth and wants redemption. Some sort of shorthand that would make it plausible for a stranger to give his life in that way.
Overall, I like what you are doing with this and your economy of words is brilliant. Thank you again for your comments.
Pamela
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Hi Pam , thanks so much for your very helpful and in incisive review. I’m actually going to incorporate several of your observations and suggestions in my final outline. Particularly love the suggestion of giving the homeless squarer a “raisin de’tre” for his sacrifice and a military BG couldn’t be better as the cemetery dates to 1860, soon after the Civil War ended. Maybe he could be one of the immortals whose spirit animates once more to do something heroic great way to end the mayhem.
Best and thx again
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Pamela’s Outline Version 1
Outline of “TBD”
Screenplay by P. Carmichael-Raymond
Logline: As a hurricane barrels down on an eastern Louisiana community, a young woman finds the terrifying force she thought she’d outrun, has caught up with her and she may not be able to outrun it this time.
HORROR OUTLINE:
ACT 1
1. EXT – BAYOU CHENE SWAMP / CHURCH — NIGHT
Horror Situation: As Sybil flees through the back swamps of the Bayou Chene, branches rustle and fierce winds surround her. In a bid to escape and find shelter, she heads towards a desolate church building.
Dread: Something tugs at her jacket knocking her to the ground.
Apprehension: She makes it to the church and slams the door behind her, locking the iron bolt firmly.
Dread: Sybil realizes the alter enshrined in herbs, amulets, and dolls in a familiar configuration to the one she has seen before her ex-fiancé tried to kill her.
Fear: Through a rattling door, Sybil’s pursuers from the Care Center appear and attempt to rip her apart.
Release: Priest saves Sybil with a prayer and incantation that defeats her pursuers.
2. EXT – CATAHOULA PARISH / JEAN LAFFITE ELEMENTARY LOADING DOCK — DAY
10 Years Later:
3. INT — LAFFITE ELEMENTARY / SCHOOL BUILDING — DAY
News accounts warn the public of a dangerous storm coming, Hurricane Imogene. French teacher, Sybil, watches as a van pulls into the lot and heads towards the dock around the back of the school.
4. INT — LAFFITE ELEMENTARY / SCHOOL CLASSROOM — DAY
Carmel Washington, English 101 teaching assistant, talks to class about reading during the hurricane. Lily Thibodeaux, Miles and Chantel Pally are students in the classroom.
Clara Knox, school psychologist lets Miles and Chantel know their parents are driving in from Mississippi so they will have to stay at the school until they arrive.
INT — LAFFITE ELEMENTARY / SCHOOL HALLWAY — DAY
Principal LaPierre propositions Carmel while asking her to stay and help with the evacuation center at the school. She says no to his advances but yes to helping to help her application for the position.
INT — LAFFITE ELEMENTARY / SCHOOL OFFICE — DAY
Marie Slope, school secretary, is on the phone gossiping with her mother about possibly staying for the hurricane and that she plans on confronting Principal LaPierre about his inappropriate behavior and blackmailing him for a raise.
5. INT — LAFFITE ELEMENTARY / FOOTBALL LOCKER ROOM — DAY
Coach Ogilvy is giving the football team a pep talk about being heroes during the hurricane. Helping neighbors and being pillars of the community during this time. They huddle for prayer, and he dismisses them and heads toward the teacher’s lounge.
6. INT — LAFFITE ELEMENTARY / TEACHER’S LOUNGE — DAY
Principal LaPierre addresses teachers and staff regarding the evacuation center and confirms volunteers. Coach Ogilvy, Sybil, Clara, Carmel, and Marie agree to stay.
Marcus Pitney, math teacher, leaves the room while LaPierre address the teachers to take a cellphone call. He becomes belligerent with the caller when he does not get the position in the LSU math department.
7. INT — LAFFITE ELEMENTARY / SCHOOL GYM — DAY
Potter, world weary janitor, is putting up boards on the windows in the gym.
EXT – TRAILER PARK IN CATAHOULA / THIBODEAUX TRAILER — DAY
Jacob and Jill Thibodeaux watch the news on the hurricane, decide to go to the evacuation center at the school to steal electronics from the new media center during the worst of the storm.
8. INT – LAFFITE ELEMENTARY / SCHOOL BUILDING — EVENING
Terrance fills the last of the vending machines and finds Marie in the school office to sign the invoice.
Marcus enters the office in a foul mood and butts into the conversation. Marcus thinks everyone is overacting to the storm and that an evacuation center is a stupid idea. He plans to go home.
9. EXT – LAFFITE ELEMENTARY / SCHOOL PARKING LOT – EVENING
Storm clouds and lightening fills the sky. Branches in the tree start breaking off as if something is pushing through the tree line. Parking lot lights flicker then go dark just as Jacob and Jill make it to the front door of the school.
10. INT – LAFFITE ELEMENTARY / SCHOOL CAFETRIA – EVENING
LaPierre gets a call on his walkie talkie – looters attacking evacuation centers. State Police tell him to be vigilant and report any suspicious activity, but he may be on his own.
11. INT – LAFFITE ELEMENTARY / AROUND THE SCHOOL BUILDING — EVENING
Marcus runs to his car through the torrent of rain. As he approaches it, a tree on the perimeter of the lot falls on his car. He heads back to the school.
Anxiety: LaPierre is concerned about looters, so he has the doors chained shut and gives the key to Marie. The windows are also nailed with thick boards and industrial nails.
Dread: Electricity goes in and out.
Monster Reveal: The Care Center from 10 years ago are revealing themselves by inducing those affected by its power to experience disorienting thoughts, recurring disturbing memories to disarm them and make them more pliable to its infiltration.
Terrance shows up in the cafeteria. LaPierre wants to know why he is still there. Terrance claimed he didn’t close the door on the van all the way and his battery is dead. He’ll have to wait until the storm subsides.
ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN
12. INT – LAFFITE ELEMENTARY / SCHOOL GYM — EVENING
Sybil and Carmel are talking and checking on the building to make sure it is secure. They stumble upon the exit doors with chains. The enter the gym.
Horror Situation: Marie is found in the gym facing a boarded window with bloody scratch marks in the wooden boards, her face contorted, eyes gone (laying at her knees) with an open mouth midscream.
Dread: Marie is the key holder of the chains and is the only one with the combination to the safe holding the keys to the door chains.
Panic: Several people in the cafeteria hear the screams and come running.
Apprehension: Clara is upset and panicked but rational. Sybil is confused; tries to call for help but no signal. Carmel is overwhelmed and frightened, Potter is confused. Marcus arrogance changes to fear.
Coach Ogilvy puts a game plan to keep the remaining people safe. Principal LaPierre is quietly relieved that his blackmailer is dead until he remembers she has the code to the safe with the keys.
Jacob & Jill think their rival associates are the murderers.
Lily tells Clara she thinks her parents foreshadow this; Miles and Chantel are worried and asking when their parents will be coming to get them.
Carmel and Sybil mention the chains on the door and ask for the key to unlock them. LaPierre confirms Marie has the key, but it is not on her. Potter states the boards secured to the brick walls with industrial strength nails will not be easy to remove. They must think of another way out.
13. INT – LAFFITE ELEMENTARY / LAPIERRE OFFICE — EVENING
Horror Situation: Carmel, Clara, LaPierre, Sybil, Ogilvy, Potter, and Terrance convene in Marie’s office to find the key. They can’t and assume it is in the safe. Finger-pointing and paranoia set in with the remaining people.
· Tension: LaPierre tries to exercise authority but is outshined by Coach Ogilvy.
· Surprise: Marcus finds the others in the office followed by Jacob and Jill. He is angry that he wasn’t included in the discussion. Marcus’s fear switches to over-the-top behavior, causes the rifts and factions in the group to unfold. Some are drawn to Coach Ogilvy and some to Marcus.
· Tension: Sybil, Carmel, Clara, and Potter are in Ogilvy’s camp. Jacob and Jill, and Terrance are leaning towards Marcus. LaPierre sides with Marcus to gain power over his faction.
· Horror: The heightened uncertainty makes it easier for the Care Center to target the group, more difficult to recognize the danger and the saviors, causing paranoia in its targets and poor judgement, dividing the group physically and emotionally from one another.
14. INT — LAFFITE ELEMENTARY / CAFETERIA — EVENING
Lily, Miles, and Chantel wait in the cafeteria. Lily needs reassurance. Chantel & Miles feel lost and alone.
15. INT – LAFFITE ELEMENTARY / MEDIA CENTER – EVENING
Jacob and Jill pilfer electronics from the media room and leave it in the janitorial closet.
16. INT – LAFFITE ELEMENTARY / JANITORIAL HALLWAYS – EVENING
Horror Situation: Lily, Miles and Chantel play of hide and seek in the back corridors where storage and janitorial closets are.
· Apprehension: The flickering lights causing ominous shadows on the concrete walls. She sees a shadow that looks like it is coming towards her. The lights go out completely leaving Chantel in the dark.
· Release: The lights come back on Miles is standing in front her. He yells “Found you!” Chantel is startled, Lily and Miles laugh.
· Dread: The start the game over again and Lily hides. She decides to hide in the janitor’s closet.
· Suspense: As Lily loses her balance and falls backward on a lump. She reaches up to feel around and grabs hold of the chain to turn on the single light bulb in the closet.
· Shock: Lily pulls the cloth back from the lump and finds her parents, Jacob and Jill in the cleaning closet. Their eyes gone, with herbs, amulets, and sack cloth stitched doll held between them.
· Anguish: Lily screams.
Lily mumbles that her parents warned her about this.
Sybil knows the configuration looks familiar to the one she saw in the church ten years ago.
The remaining people are agitated. Dissent is beginning to grow.
LaPierre tries to bully the rest into leaving into the dangerous weather on a school bus, challenges anyone who wants to leave to come with him.
Marcus and Terrance volunteers to corral the people in the cafeteria and keep them away from the bodies and avoid mass panic and get them on the buses.
17. INT – LAFITTE ELEMENTARY / CLARA’S OFFICE – EVENING
Clara leads the kids and Sybil, Carmel, Potter, and Ogilvy to her office. The adults move to the opposite corner to whisper about next steps.
They agree that someone in the school is a killer. The evacuees in the cafeteria have been there the whole time so it has to be someone connected to the school.
18. INT – LAFITTE ELEMENTARY / POOL – EVENING
Sheriff’s Office comes on the walkie talkie and advises listeners on channel 1 to stay put stating the storm is potentially lethal, flooding is widespread.
LaPierre heads to the pool to get floatation devices just in case the buses get overrun by water.
Horror Situation: LaPierre finds all of the floatation devices cuts to shreds.
· Creepy Moment: On his way back to the cafeteria, LaPierre walks along the perimeter of the pool, scratching his arm.
· Dread: He sees a disturbing image. It is the tears and pain in a woman he raped 20 years ago. LaPierre remembered the incident as a mutual experience. It was not.
· Fear: Heaving, he grabs his chest. He pulls out his walkie talkie to call for help. He drops the gadget.
· Horror: Looking down he sees his intestines dangling to the floor. He tries to run and gasps for air. Stumbling along the pool edge, he can’t see because his eyes are gone. He falls into the water and dies.
19. INT – LAFITTE ELEMENTARY / CLARA’S OFFICE – EVENING
Terrance runs to Clara’s office. She blocks his entrance to the office, asks him to leave.
Terrance says LaPierre was found dead in the bloody pool water. He doesn’t give any more details before everyone, but Carmel leaves the office. Carmel stays with the kids.
After locking the pool so that no one would find LaPierre, Clara’s faction and the rest of LaPierre’s faction return to Clara’s office.
ACT 3 — FULL OUT HORROR
20. INT – LAFITTE ELEMENTARY / CLARA’S OFFICE – EVENING
Horror Situation: The group argues about who the killer is. Both factions believe it is someone connected to someone in the opposing camp.
· Tension: Coach Ogilvy suspects Marcus is the killer because he refused to work with the group.
· Shock: Marcus becomes enraged and picks up a baseball bat from the toy chest and goes after Ogilvy. A scuffle breaks out. The kids run behind the desk. The others move out the way and yell that them to stop.
· Release: Sybil, Ogilvy, Potter, and Clara corner Marcus and knock him out. They drag him to Clara ’s coat closet and lock him with a chair against the door.
· Creepy Moment: Carmel begins scratching her arm then begins acting strangely, acting out and contorting, eyes changing color. Something is pulling at her arms as she falls to the floor.
· Tension: The storm becomes increasingly frantic outside, branches crashing into the window.
· Shock: The group holds Carmel down thinking it is a seizure.
· Suspense: Sybil stands by watching. She knows what is going on but knows revealing this could be disastrous for her.
· Tension: Sybil whispers something into Carmel’s ear but the others don’t notice this action.
· Release: Carmel becomes herself again and tells the group about the Care Center.
· Surprise: Carmel tells the group that Sybil knows about the Care Center and ask why she didn’t warn them.
· Shock: During Clara’s trance/seizure, the Care Center revealed their presence and that Sybil was not the killer but knows who is.
The group is divided about what to do with Sybil. Sybil verbally defends her with a sanitized version of who the Care Center is and her relationship with Carras.
· Fear: Sybil tells the group the Care Center can cause physical injuries as well as psychic injuries through bringing your past back as a vision during an unstable emotional state.
· Apprehension: Clara, Ogilvy, and Lily look at each other. They have experienced the visions. They agree to all stick together since they think Marcus is the killer.
21. INT – LAFITTE ELEMENTARY / CLARA’S OFFICE – EVENING
Horror Situation: Coach Ogilvy remembers an old family hex to ward off bad omens, suggests finding the botany lab for flowers and herbs. Everyone sticks together and heads to the lab.
· Suspense: Terrane is hesitant to enter the lab, Sybil is suspicious. She didn’t tell the group that the Care Center members are forced to reveal their human form if exposed to the right herbs.
· Apprehension: Sybil thinks Terrance is from the Care Center, but he does enter the lab.
· Release: Sybil relaxes when Terrance enters the room. After the team creates amulets to do the hex, they head back to Marcus.
22. INT – LAFITTE ELEMENTARY / CLARA’S OFFICE – EVENING
· Suspense: The amulets are put around him. Ogilvy leads the incantation. Marcus starts moaning, groaning. They all think it is working.
· Release: Nothing happens. Marcus chastises them for being too loud and his head hurts.
· Monster Reveal: Then Terrance starts yelling and his eyes disappear, and his hands become big, and he reveals himself as a member of the Care Center.
23. INT – LAFITTE ELEMENTARY / HALLWAY – EVENING
Horror Situation: Sybil yells to run for the roof and takes the lead on getting the group to safety.
· Suspense: Except Lily runs the other direction down the hall and screams at the Terrance monster to come and get her.
· Tension: Lily has played a lot in the secret corners of the school and knew of another way to the roof and decided to use herself as a decoy.
· Shock: Sybil and Clara run towards her, and the Terrance monster knocks them back then disappears down the hall.
· Fear: Ogilvy follows them as they head in the direction that Lily ran. Potter hustles Miles and Chantel in the other direction to the roof.
24. EXT – LAFITTE ELEMENTARY / ROOF – EVENING
Horror Situation: Sybil finds the Terrance monster cornering Lily. Her safety in in peril.
· Anguish: Lily is screaming, crying, and angry that Terrane killed her parents.
· Surprise: The Terrance monster looks momentarily confused.
· Panic: In that moment that the Terrance monster is confused, Sybil threw an amulet at him. He treats in pain.
· Suspense: She grabs Lily and they run up the stairs with Potter and Carmel to the roof.
Horror Situation: Everyone makes it to the roof and storm is raging, winds gusting uncontrollably.
· Apprehension: Potter pulls out LaPierre’s walkie talkie he picked up after LaPierre’s death, calls for help and the Sheriff’s Office picks up.
· Shock: The Terrance monster appears on the roof and sets his sights on the children.
· Apprehension: Clara protects the kids and steps in front of them while reaching in her pocket for an amulet and finds that it must have fell out.
· Suspense: Sybil steps up and tells the Terrance monster to take her and not the kids.
· Dread: Potter finds a crowbar in a toolbox bolted to the roof floor and comes up behind the Terrance monster to hit him.
· Shock: The Terrance monster turns around and hits Potter. Potter gets up and makes a last effort to stab him with a crowbar, but the Terrance monster tossed him from the roof to his death.
Horror Situation: The Terrance monster turns back to the kids.
· Apprehension: Standing behind the kids and Clara is Ogilvy.
· Monster Reveal: Sybil sees Ogilvy’s hands grow large.
· Shock: Ogilvy was from the Care Center.
· Suspense: Sybil runs to stop Ogilvy from sneaking up on the kids.
· Horror: Clara sees the Terrance monster raising his arms to attack and throws herself on the Terrance monster; Clara’s intestines ripped from her. Clara sacrificed her soul for the kids.
· Dread: Clara did not know the Terrance monster was saving the kids and killing Ogilvy.
· Panic: The kids scream. Ogilvy laughs with delight. But the Terrance monster gets the last laugh.
Horror Situation: Sybil, Carmel, and Marcus watch in horror as the Terrance monster skewers Ogilvy with a large hand and rips out his intestines.
· Surprise: Ogilvy transforms into Carras.
· Shock: The Care Center was there for Carras all along because he broke the rules. The Care Center takes Carras and returns to wherever the Care Center resides.
· The Carras monster fights back and unleashes his power at the last minute in a fit of survival.
· Horror: The Terrance monster returns to the Care Center by disappearing into a fog.
· Surprise: The Care Center has rules that need to be enforced; children are sacred and even the Care Center will defend the truly innocent against the Carras monster.
· Shock: No one is sure how long Ogilvy’s body is compromised. Ogilvy/Carras was a wolf in sheep’s clothing and should not be trusted.
· Dread: Sybil slowly realizes that the Care Center had more than one faction in operation – one that is trying to capture one of their own and another trying to cause chaos, mayhem, and death.
25. EXT – LAFITTE ELEMENTARY / ROOF — DAWN
Release: As the sun comes up and military aquatic vehicles come to take the survivors to safety.
Creepy Moment: Sybil scratches her arm.
Dread: She knows you can run but you can’t hide from the Care Center but if Carras is gone, maybe it’s over. She climbs into the military vehicle.
Release: Miles and Chantel run to their parents’ arms. They start excitedly telling them about the evening’s event except they can’t seem to remember a lot of it.
Anguish: Marcus shows a lot less hubris upon his rescue.
Release: Lily sits next to Carmel when the load into the military vehicle. Lily does remember all of the events. She grows to believe that not all evil is totally evil. She squeezes Carmel’s hand. Carmel smiles at her.
Creepy Moment: Carmel scratches her arm. She tells Lily that she is a warrior even if she wasn’t born one, she could become one. Then Carmel turns to look out the window and her eyes disappear.
26. INT – LAFITTE ELEMENTARY / SCHOOL BUILDING – DAWN
The interior of the school shows the dead victim’s bodies intact, and authorities discussing a poison food outbreak must have killed them.
None of the bodies show the horrific injuries they suffered.
The Care Center covers its tracks and no one in the school will remember any of the horrors; only Sybil, Lily, and Carmel will remember.
Creepy Moment: The last shot is of all of them sitting together scratching their arms.
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Hi Pamela,
I read your outline and thought it had a lot of horror elements to it, but I would suggest tightening it up more and reducing the lesson to maybe 3 pages of the most important horror situations. Your script has a lot of colorful characters interacting and their actions fill up a lot of exposition. As I understand the lesson, it’s purpose was to present several of the horror situations and keeping the descriptions to the most essential and pithy, minimal presentations. Hard act to follow however, as your script seems filled with many character interactions. Re. the descriptive parts, I noticed that there are several lines of what the character are thinking or feeling and less of the dramatizations of their actions, which is what viewers will see or hear.
Re the horror situations, those that you gave are good representations of the stages of the low to high elements with appropriates breaks for relief so it seems you have the formula down, but it was relegated to a lesser position than the plot progression, which again, is not wrong, but not the focus of the exercise, as I understand it.
But, overall, seems like a real good atmosphere for a horror story and while I know it’s very hard to concisely paint a short, concise picture of a story progression in a couple of pages, I would strive for clarity over too much exposition. I don’t know if for a short exercise like this, that you need to present as many characters as you did, but maybe narrow it down to the essential main ones to eliminate confusion and have them dramatically show the horror. Maybe think of what you would show in a “trailer,” or say to a producer in an “elevator pitch” and cut non-essential parts and BG out.
Let me also say I’m by no means an expert in horror, as my writing background is otherwise, and this course for me is my first venture into the genre, so take it for what it’s worth:)
Look forward to your thoughts on my horror situation version 2 which is posted. If you have any trouble accessing it, just let me know. Best
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BOB KIELY’S HORROR OUTLINE – 3rd Version
What I’ve learned is using this novel format for me, wherein the plot gets subordinated to the emotional horror situations, but for the horror genre, seems to work well. It gets you really to think about and create the type of horror expectations the horror fans want to see, first and foremost, be scarred seeing real horror. Also appreciated the writers reviews of the outline, which were very helpful and incisive. I now feel that I can write a horror script and plan to write two, one being the subject case.
Strange occurrences and death occur to the builders and buyers of a new condo project built upon an old forgotten union military cemetery circa 1860
1. EXTERIOR – CEMETERY CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY
A bulldozer is moving earth in a new condo project built upon an old forgotten cemetery. The developer of the project visits the site and orders the operator to push 6 gravesites to the far end of the lot, in violation of his agreement with the town to disinter and re-bury the graves.
HORROR SITUATION:
. APPREHENSION: The bulldozer operator feels weird that the dozer keeps shutting off.
. ANXIETY: The developer tells him to plow over the gravesites.
. SUSPENSE: The operator sees an old woman in a shroud in the far end of the cemetery.
. SURPRISE: He jumps down into a SINKING ground.
. SHOCK: He feels himself sinking more SWIFTLY into the earth.
. MONSTER REVEAL: The power and ire of the unknown monster is revealed.
. ANGUISH: When he realizes he’s a goner.
. HYSTERIA: Screams turn gurgles in the mud as he is totally and rudely submerged into the ground.
. RELEASE: All is quiet with no hint at the horror that had just unfolded .
2. JOHN AND ANNE’S CONDO – NIGHT
First night in their new home, Anne and John make love and go to sleep. Anne is awoken by strange the sound of a wailing lamenting woman and later by a loud thud. She awakens John to help investigate the strange sounds.
HORROR SITUATION:
. APPREHENSION: Anne is awoken by a wailing sound.
. FEAR: She is very scared roaming around her new digs looking for the source of the wailing. Looks up at the HVAC venting grill. Goes back to bed.
. SHOCK: The LOUD THUD wakes her up panting.
. SUSPENSE: Searching with John for the source of the loud thud.
. DREAD: The hear a noise in the closet. Both fear what’s in there.
. RELEASE: When her cat emerges from closet and they see that she knocked the golf clubs down.
. DENIAL: John dismisses Anne’s earlier apprehension.
3. INT. BASEMENT ROOM – DAY
Six of the new buyers have a meeting about a range of strange occurrences in the building. They agree to have the town building inspector come and inspect the premises. He arrives by himself and goes to the basement to inspect. Anne plans to come down shortly.
HORROR SITUATION:
. SURPRISE: The inspector seeing through a fog the outline of hooded entity coming toward him through what appears to be an opening to a tunnel off the unused storage room.
. MONSTER REVEAL: Still a vague persona, he can see the entity’s red eyes.
. SHOCK: The entity can be seen as a witch-like old woman tells him she considers him as one of those responsible for the desecration of the gravesites.
. DREAD: As the witch advances toward him.
. PANIC: When he sees witch is going to kill him.
. ANGUISH: When Anne comes down and sees the blood oozing from under the door to the room.
4. INT. BASEMENT ROOM – DAY
There is another board meeting to discuss the bizarre death of the inspector. Buyers, Steve and Peter, dismiss any consideration that it wasn’t just a natural accident. They all go down to the room where the inspector was killed. Steve decides to go into a tunnel. We hear blood curdling screams as he meets his end. His lover goes in to help.
HORROR SITUATION:
. APPREHENSION: Some in the group have trepidation on the expedition..
. ANXIETY: As they enter the room where the inspector was slain.
. DENIAL: Steve dismisses the threatening situation.
. SUSPENSE: Having to wait for Steve to come back.
. RELEASE: Hearing him says everything OK and he’s coming back.
. ANGUISH: Hearing the screams of Steve.
. MONSTER REVEAL: Monster escalates her lethal vengeance.
. PANIC: The group is besides themselves, particularly Peter.
. RELEASE: The calming presence of John who has come into the room.
. SURPRISE: Peter jumps up and tries to go into the room to retrieve his partner.
. RELEASE: John restrains him.
. SURPRISE: Peter darts off into the tunnel.
. ANGUISH: The group waiting for Peter’s fate.
. RELEASE: Peter coming back into the room.
. SHOCK: Peter is in physical shock, as all are emotionally.
5. INT. BASEMENT TUNNEL – NIGHT
In Anne and John’s unit, the buyers, Bill and Donna, discuss the now apparent adversity they are in. Bill is an attorney and Donna is his realtor wife. He arrogantly feels he can go in and confront the witch and convince her to negotiate for a “cease and desist.” LOL
HORROR SITUTION:
. APPREHENSION: All are gravely concerned over the unknown outcome of this proposed meeting with the witch.
. FEAR: The group gingerly follows Bill into the tunnel.
. CREEPY MOMENT: The tunnel is damp and fetid and filled with spiders and rats.
. DREAD: The women are particularly repelled by the slimy sub-ground creatures.
. SHOCK: A bat flies closely over the heads of the entourage. DOUBLE SHOCK: Another bat wizzes by.
. DREAD: The women are very scared to go on.
6. INT. TUNNEL – NIGHT – LATER
HORROR SITUATION:
The witch emerges and agrees to hear Bill’s mock court case. His aurguments don’t convince the witch and she encloses him in a cell. She tells the other to leave as she’ll decide on his fate. The group except for Bill and return to the basement room. Donna, locks them in as she doesn’t want to be among the six souls the witch demands in retribution for the six violated grave sites. The only salvation now is to find an escape hatch through the tunnel or its offshoots. John goes in, leaving Anne alone in the room.
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DREAD: Having been locked in the room, John and Anne know they are trapped and must use the tunnel to find Bill and help him escape.
. ANXIETY: John ventures into the tunnel. Anne stays behind.
. SHOCK: John finds Bill’s head on a pike.
. FEAR: Anne is terrified being alone in the room and enters the tunnel.
. CREEPY MOMENTS: Anne has to negotiate over spiders and a snake withering over her foot.
. SHOCK: She is jumped from behind and tightly held by an unseen man.
. RELEASE: Anne is released by the homeless squatter who jumped her. He’s dressed in a tattered union army uniform.
. HOPE: She is buoyed by the hope of finding John and getting out of this hell hole.
. SURPRISE: Sees the shadow of what they believe is the witch.
. RELEASE: Turns out to be Anne’s cat.
. SUSPENSE: They see another more menacing shadow.
. RELEASE: Shadow turns out to be John .
. PANIC: Witch in hot pursuit.
. RELEASE: Squatter leads to hidden cave where he sleeps.
. HOPE: They resume their escape and run.
. TERROR: They get to the escape hatch and witch materializes in front of them.
. HYSTERIA: Looks like no escape and all are doomed.
. RELEASE: Squatter volunteers his life (military valor) to make up the 6th victim. John and Anne escape through the hatch. Forcefield around the condo grounds shuts down and police and emergency rescue vehicles descend on the scene. Lights go back on in the condo.
THE END.
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