Screenwriting Mastery Forums The 30 Day Screenplay 30 Day Screenplay 7 Post Day 16 Assignment Here

  • Giles

    Member
    January 19, 2022 at 1:13 am

    Charles Ferrell has completed Act 2 Draft 1

    What I learned while doing this assignment is keep hashing out new scenes and let the characters take you where they want to go.

    ACT 2

    INT.EMERGENCY ROOM – SAME TIME

    TRIAGE NURSE

    Burst’s through the double doors from the ER waiting area into the treatment area

    EMT’s called they are in route with multiple units, along with Fire Rescue. They have one burn, two serious lacerations, another with some broken bones. Oh and one Fire Rescue is still trying to cut out of a car, that is pinned under a Semi Trailer…

    All piled up in the construction zone, lets hope we don’t end up with more.

    ATTENDING PHYSICIAN

    Ok, thank you.

    Listen up, I know its shift change but for now no one goes home in case we see more..and will someone put on a pot of coffee..it maybe a long night.

    Hitomi who had just removed her lab coat, took a deep breath and turned taking it back off of the wall hook.

    INT.DUNCAN APT – 2 AM

    Hitomi is quietly entering the apartment exhausted, sits on the couch and falls asleep within minutes

    INT.DUNCAN APT – 8 AM

    Duncan hurriedly as he is walking out the door mentions to Hitomi

    DUNCAN SMALLS

    I can’t do coffee, I have to go to see a shrink or declare my thesis theme

    A half asleep Hitomi gets up and grabs him by the sleeve.

    HITOMI NAKAMURA

    Therapist? I mean (rubbing her eyes) Therapy is always a good thing but this is sudden. I’m confused, what does a therapist have to do with your theme?

    DUNCAN SMALLS

    I was given umm….its an ultimatum from the chancellor

    HITOMI NAKAMURA

    Wait.. wait, you spoke with the chancellor and you have an ultimatum? I’m so lost, after spending the night stitching up bleeding children, I’m trying to catch up here.

    DUNCAN SMALLS

    Somehow, the Chancellor found out about my nightmare or um.. my visions…I’m not sure which or how but he said either declare it as a thesis theory or declare I’m crazy.

    HITOMI NAKAMURA

    Surely, he didn’t say crazy

    DUNCAN SMALLS

    Well, no not crazy but he did say declare or go see a therapist.

    HITOMI NAKAMURA

    Consider, that both might be an option. Declare to take some pressure off and see a therapist. Honey, in the span of a decade you lost your entire family…a therapist is not an all-together terrible idea. You should talk to someone about it.

    DUNCAN SMALLS

    I don’t know how to talk about it, and now I don’t have a choice

    HITOMI NAKAMURA

    It’s ok, no one knows how…just go talk and declare..do both and you will be ok

    INT.THERAPIST OFFICE – MORNING

    Opens the therapists office door, peeking in shyly

    DUNCAN SMALLS

    Morning, I don’t have an appt. I’m Duncan Smalls

    THERAPIST

    It’s quite all right, I normally do my admin paperwork at this time. I can work you in, come on in.

    Duncan comes in and takes the seat that she motions too

    THERAPIST

    So, how can I help?

    DUNCAN SMALLS

    I don’t know, not sure how this works.

    THERAPIST

    Fair enough, tell me about the people or situations in your life where you feel ….lets say pressured or stressed.

    DUNCAN SMALLS

    Well, I’m a phD candidate, that is the definition of stress and I also teach level 1 history courses.

    THERAPIST

    That is good clarity, is your family supportive in your efforts?

    DUNCAN SMALLS

    I..I have no family, my parents died in a car accident when I was 14. My grandmother who raised me after that, died when i was a junior in college…that’s really it.

    THERAPIST

    Ok, so who are you close too, who do you spend time with?

    DUNCAN SMALLS

    Uhhh, my girlfriend Hitomi..not sure I have anyone else.

    THERAPIST

    Good to know, anything else that I should know about..maybe anything that doesn’t fit, or feels out of place in your life?

    DUNCAN SMALLS

    I have seen…well I’ve had trouble sleeping lately.

    THERAPIST

    Got it, has anyone else seen anything unusual that would make them not sleep well?

    DUNCAN SMALLS

    Duncan pauses and notices a large brass vase about 4 feet high to the right behind the therapist and in it sees the reflection of the little girl standing beside him.

    No, I guess not yet

    INT.UNIVERSITY – DAY

    Duncan sees Professor Winfield in the Hallway near the History department teachers lounge and corners him

    DUNCAN SMALLS

    Prof Winfield, can I bother you? I believe I’m ready to declare my theme.

    PROFESSOR WINFIELD

    I’m running behind but can give you two minutes and two minutes only.

    DUNCAN SMALLS

    My thesis theme will be “Undocumented Japanese internment camps”

    Professor Winfield physically moves back slightly in reaction, he is obviously triggered

    PROFESSOR WINFIELD

    Tha..that’s a ridiculous choice..pure conspiracy theory and the board will reject it.

    DUNCAN SMALLS

    (intrigued and confused by the reaction)

    I’m not sure why its ridiculous, the object of a PhD is to uncover the unknown.

    PROFESSOR WINFIELD

    (starting to walk away)

    Look, declare whatever you want but that is nonsense

    INT.UNIVERSITY LIBRARY – DAY

    Seated at a library computer Duncan is searching library archives and declassified information about locations of US Japanese internment camps, student library staff walks up.

    DUNCAN SMALLS

    Hi there.

    LIBRARY STAFF

    Oh, its you again, Great. Did you book this computer time? You can’t just take it.

    DUNCAN SMALLS

    Uh, no I don’t think so

    LIBRARY STAFF

    I know you didn’t, because someone is waiting. I need you to go over to the reading area or leave.

    He moves to the overstuffed chair in the reading area with one book he has and falls asleep. He dreams of the camp again, he sees men in lab coats and it begins to rain metal paperclips. The paperclips quickly pile up and he cannot move, they are about to over take his face he begins to panic. He wakes from the dream with a scream, the book goes flying the whole library is now looking at him, Including the Chancellor who is leading an Alumni tour group. He locks eyes with the Chancellor.

    INT.UNIVERSITY CONFERENCE ROOM – NEXT DAY

    A board of professors including the Lead Panel Professor is meeting to accept PhD thesis themes for Science Doctorates, Duncan slips into the back of the room.

    LEAD PANEL PROFESSOR

    Calling Candidate William Trilio

    Young man well dressed but in clothes that are not his size approaches the seated panel of professors.

    PHD CANDIDATE 3

    Thank you board members, the theme for my thesis is “Cell Mytosis in high altitude environments”

    LEAD PANEL PROFESSOR

    Very nice, (he looks at the other members nodding their heads) Approved…Next Candidate (looking at his list) Oh, that was the last one.

    Duncan rushes forward and steps forward in front of the panel

    LEAD PANEL PROFESSOR

    Yes, may I help you…did we skip you?

    DUNCAN SMALLS

    No, sir…I’m not on the list but I would like to declare my theme

    LEAD PANEL PROFESSOR

    I appreciate your enthusiasm but that is not how this works, however you do look familiar

    DUNCAN SMALLS

    Yes, sir I’m Duncan Smalls, I was here presenting for the History Board last week.

    LEAD PANEL PROFESSOR

    (has a little chuckle) That is definitely not how this works, this is the Science Board. I do remember you now, are you still working on it?

    DUNCAN SMALLS

    I’m ready sir, I’m sorry to interrupt or break the rules, I promised you I would deliver.

    LEAD PANEL PROFESSOR

    No one is here from the History Department. But since we finished early and being that I am on the State Board of Regents, I’ll listen, go ahead.

    DUNCAN SMALLS

    Thank you sssir, My theme, my thesis theme that is….is Undocumented

    (his voice shaking, he closes his eyes takes a deep breath and sees the paperclips raining again, then abruptly blurts out) Undocumented U.S. Japanese Internment Camps and their relationship to Operation Paperclip.

    LEAD PANEL PROFESSOR

    That sounds interesting, thank for doing what you promised, even as unorthodoxed as it maybe. I’ll take it upon myself to approve it and assign Professor Winfield to supervise it…Thank you

    INT.DUNCAN APT – EARLY EVENING

    DUNCAN SMALLS

    Lets go to the Library and celebrate

    HITOMI NAKAMURA

    We have something to celebrate? Ok, I’m game.

    DUNCAN SMALLS

    I followed your advice and it worked! I’ll tell you more when we get there.

    HITOMI NAKAMURA

    Oh wonderful! Yeah, lets go!

    INT.THE LIBRARY BAR – MOMENTS LATER

    Duncan walks in the door and motions to the bartender

    DUNCAN SMALLS

    I’ll take a Dark Draft and (turns to Hitomi)

    HITOMI NAKAMURA

    A malbec, 6 oz is good

    DUNCAN SMALLS

    (repeats) 6oz Malbec, thank you

    They grab a nearby booth and take a seat

    HITOMI NAKAMURA

    Sooo, lets have it…I want to hear the good news

    DUNCAN SMALLS

    So I declared today..yep yep and it was accepted

    HITOMI NAKAMURA

    Yeah!

    DUNCAN SMALLS

    (interrupts slightly) Oh and I saw the therapist

    The drinks arrive at their table

    HITOMI NAKAMURA

    I didn’t know you were on the schedule to present today….did Win..

    DUNCAN SMALLS

    Winfield

    HITOMI NAKAMURA

    Yeah, Winfield..did he get you added?

    DUNCAN SMALLS

    No, not exactly..I.I walked into the back of the Science presentation and they worked me in

    HITOMI NAKAMURA

    Wooooorked you in,,Ok? I guess it worked. How did it go with the therapist? Not that you have to tell me.

    DUNCAN SMALLS

    Ok, I guess, she asked me about my family I told her and told her about you and well,,,I guess that was it…I don’t know how it should go.

    HITOMI NAKAMURA

    Ok, so when are you going back for the next one?

    DUNCAN SMALLS

    I don’t think I am, didn’t seem very helpful

    HITOMI NAKAMURA

    Therapy is not a “once and done” kind of thing. Oh and what did you declare? I forgot to ask

    DUNCAN SMALLS

    Undocumented U.S. Japanese Internment Camps and their relationship to Operation Paperclip.

    HITOMI NAKAMURA

    That is a pretty specific mouthful, sticking with the dream theme? Oh and whats the paperclip thingy?

    DUNCAN SMALLS

    It’s from another dream I had

    INT.COFFEE SHOP – NEXT MORNING

    Already at their normal table with early morning smiles in the sunshine as it comes into the shop

    DUNCAN SMALLS

    What a great morning, really feels good

    HITOMI NAKAMURA

    It’s always good to mark somethings off your list.

    DUNCAN SMALLS

    Yes it sure is (coffee arrives)

    HITOMI NAKAMURA

    I do wish you would consider seeing the therapist again, if even just for me.

    DUNCAN SMALLS

    I don’t know…not sure what to say, or what I’m supposed to get out of it? How do I know if I’m doing it right?

    HITOMI NAKAMURA

    I’m pretty sure there is no “doing it wrong” you just go and talk. You could talk about your dreams?

    DUNCAN SMALLS

    Looks off into space, refusing to make eye contact with her

    I can’t,,I don’t…I just don’t think she would understand

    HITOMI NAKAMURA

    Oh, I see…that again, well I need to get to work.

    DUNCAN SMALLS

    I have a drive myself to make (they part awkwardly)

    INT.PROFFESOR WINFIELDS OFFICE – SAME TIME

    At his computer drinking coffee and catching up on administrative work when he reads about his assignment to Duncan’s thesis declaration.

    PROFESSOR WINFIELD

    What in the Holy Hell? What the fuck can he possibly he know?

    He pulls his cell from his pockets and dials, looking rattled.

    PROFESSOR WINFIELD

    Put me through to the Colonel, no he’s not expecting me. Yes, I know he is retired. Tell him its Winfield and its urgent, he will take my call.

    EXT.STATE ARCHIVES – MIDDAY

    Duncan arrives in the Capitol City and parks at the building housing the state archives, he pulls an empty file box from his trunk before going inside.

    DUNCAN SMALLS

    I need all palarm creek land records prior to 1951

    ARCHIVES ASSISTANT

    Here are land records, arial photograph, platts and newspapers are still on microphish in the corner

    DUNCAN SMALLS

    Finds promising records, some sketchy transactions between the fed, the state and fed funding

    finds records transferring the land to the state and the federal grant to damn the creek and create the lake. Starts making copies to go in his file box.

    As he is making copies he gets a call from the hospital that hitomi has been in a car accident. He quickly dumps the files in the “reshelve” bin and rushes out.

    INT.EMERGENCY ROOM – EARLY EVENING

    He rushes an hour away to the hospital, through traffic and road construction.

    Local police are in the waiting room, waiting for him. Question him about his whereabouts today if he knows of anyone that would want to hurt her.

    Learns that she was followed then purposefully run off the road by two black cars that left the scene. By the time he is finished with the police, Hitomi is asleep on pain meds. Attending says she has a broken wrist and a concussion they want to keep her overnight for observation.

    His car was broken into at the hospital and the copies of the records stolen. He returns home to find his apartment ran sacked.

    INT.DUNCAN APT – NEXT MORNING

    he is cleaning up the mess, putting things back in place. Looks out the window at his car trunk being held shut with string due to the broken lock, gives him an idea.

    He calls the state archives and asks if they could make additional copies of the files he left in the bin for reshelving.

    After waiting on hold, the files are missing and not reshelved. Hitmomi was targeted while he was out of town, the records were stolen where anyone knew he would come to see her and now the originals are gone, he’s onto something big.

    INT.CHANCELLORS OFFICE – MID MORNING

    He is called to the Chancellors office

    The chancellor is visibly angry, doesn’t appreciate Duncan going over Prof Winfield and his head to the Regent.

    Chancellor puts his position on suspension for going to the Regent, he can’t remove him from the PhD program since the Regent approved it. He can suspend his teaching position and require him to see the therapist to stay in the program.

  • Don Thompson

    Member
    January 19, 2022 at 1:53 pm

    Don Thompson has completed Act 2 Draft 1

    What I learned: To write quickly and not obsess about wordsmithing on the initial draft. To try to find sparks of creativity in the moment by throwing myself into the process.

    EXT. MAIN DECK – A HOUR OR SO LATER

    The men gather around the sea casket that hold’s Johnson’s body. Radcliff reads from a prayer book.

    RADCLIFF

    Enoch Johnson performed his duties well as Captain of the Foretop. We, therefore, commit his Body to the Deep, to be turned into Corruption, looking for the resurrection of the Body and the life of the world to come, through our Lord Jesus Christ, who at his coming shall change or vile body, that it be like his Glorious Body, according to the mighty working, whereby he is able to subdue all things to himself. Amen.

    The men silently watch. Danskar crosses himself. TWO SAILORS lift up a plank and the body slides from the coffin’s bottom and out to the sea.

    The men all observe silently.

    RADCLIFF

    Dismissed.

    Seymour, who has been standing next to Radcliff, approaches Billy.

    SEYMOUR

    Budd – the Captain wishes to see you.

    Billy nods.

    INT. CAPTAIN’S QUARTERS – SAME TIME

    The Captain sits at his deck. There is a KNOCK on his door.

    CAPTAIN

    Enter.

    Seymour and Billy enter.

    CAPTAIN

    At ease.

    The Captain stands and approaches the two men.

    CAPTAIN

    Budd, I’ve conferenced with Lts. Seymour and Radcliff and they agree you should become Captain of the Foretop.

    Billy is somewhat astonished and smiles.

    BILLY

    Thanks for that, Captain. I don’t like the circumstances of it, but thank you. Did you tell Mr. Claggart?

    CAPTAIN

    Don’t mind Claggart. I’ll inform him soon enough. Do you want the position?

    BILLY

    I’d be honored, sir.

    CAPTAIN

    Do you feel you’re ready?

    BILLY

    I feel ready, sir.

    CAPTAIN

    You’re well-liked among the men, Billy Budd. You engender a natural affection from them.

    BILLY

    Ah… it’s nothing sir. Just trying to do my best.

    Beat, the Captain eyes him over.

    CAPTAIN

    Good then. Lt. Seymour will fill you in with any details tomorrow morning when you’ll officially take the post.

    Billy nods.

    CAPTAIN

    I have one other question for you, Budd.

    BILLY

    Yes sir.

    CAPTAIN

    Who, in your mind, was responsible for Johnson’s death?

    Billy ponders.

    BILLY

    Well… I suppose if I was to pinpoint it, sir, it would be Mr. Claggart.

    CAPTAIN

    Really? Now, in front of God and me and with Mr. Seymour as a witness, why do you believe this?

    BILLY

    Mr. Claggart knew Johnson was ill. He should have ordered him to the sick berth. He let him work.

    CAPTAIN

    He knew he was ill?

    BILLY

    Yes sir. I witnessed him ask Johnson to pick up a bowl of soup that was spilled, and Johnson couldn’t do it because of the pain. Claggart should have sent him to the sick berth straightaway, in my opinion.

    He examines Billy.

    CAPTAIN

    You wouldn’t lie to me now, would you lad?

    BILLY

    No sir. I respect you too much sir.

    Beat.

    BILLY

    With your permission, sir?

    CAPTAIN

    Go ahead.

    BILLY

    Mr. Claggart rules with an iron fist. If he loosened it up a little, he would do better.

    The Captain nods.

    CAPTAIN

    Thank you Budd. Dismissed. Mr. Seymour, stay here please.

    Billy leaves, and Seymour stays behind. The Captain returns to his desk and sits.

    CAPTAIN

    Have a seat.

    Seymour sits in front of the Captain’s desk.

    CAPTAIN

    What do you think about Budd’s assessment of Claggart?

    SEYMOUR

    I agree with it.

    CAPTAIN

    We also knew Johnson wasn’t well. We could have stepped in.

    SEYMOUR

    But Claggart had the closest proximity to Johnson. And we were working to replace Johnson with Budd.

    Beat.

    CAPTAIN

    I’m concerned about Claggart. About the men not taking orders properly.

    SEYMOUR

    He is a little harsh.

    CAPTAIN

    We need balance. If we tighten the grip too much we will lose the men. I won’t have a mutiny on this ship.

    There is another KNOCK on his door.

    CAPTAIN

    Yes?

    Claggart enters.

    CLAGGART

    With your permission, sir?

    CAPTAIN

    What is it?

    CLAGGART

    About Kinkaid.

    CAPTAIN

    Yes – what do you advise?

    CLAGGART

    I would say a hundred lashes, sir. As soon as possible while the event is fresh in the minds of the men.

    CAPTAIN

    A hundred?

    CLAGGART

    A hundred.

    CAPTAIN

    Do ten.

    CLAGGART

    Ten. That’s hardly enough for the infraction, sir, in my opinion.

    CAPTAIN

    Yes, in your opinion. (he turns to Seymour) Mr. Seymour, is ten lashes enough?

    SEYMOUR

    It should suffice.

    CAPTAIN

    You see, Mr. Claggart. Mr. Seymour agrees. It will be 10.

    Beat.

    CLAGGART

    As you wish.

    He turns to leave.

    CAPTAIN

    Mr. Claggart. Claggart turns around.

    CAPTAIN

    I’ve decided to promote Budd to Captain of the Foretop. Not O’Daniel.

    Claggart stares ahead silently.

    CAPTAIN

    I… advise you to be supportive of Mr. Budd. Give him a chance to succeed. I believe he will.

    CLAGGART

    You know my opinion of Budd, sir.

    CAPTAIN

    Hmm. That I do. Thank you, Mr. Claggart. You may go.

    EXT. MID-SHIP DECK – DAY

    Kinkaid is tied on mid-deck, ready for his lashing.

    Claggart nods to the sailor holding the staff to begin the punishment.

    CLAGGART

    One… two… three… four…

    five… six… seven… eight…

    nine… ten… el…

    (Claggart almost says ‘eleven’ but holds his tongue.)

    Claggart nods to the sailor with the lash, who releases Kinkaid. Kinkaid has suffered some, but clearly not to the extent that Claggart would like.

    Seymour stands in front of the crew.

    SEYMOUR

    Dismissed.

    INT. CAPTAIN’S QUARTERS – MINUTES LATER

    There is a KNOCK on the Captain’s door. The Captain looks out the rear window of his cabin.

    CAPTAIN

    Come in.

    Seymour enters.

    SEYMOUR

    You called for me.

    The Captain nods for him to sit then sits at his desk.

    CAPTAIN

    As you know, I’m concerned about Claggart. There’s something about him, something underneath his skin, that concerns me.

    SEYMOUR

    May I speak frankly?

    CAPTAIN

    I expect you must.

    SEYMOUR

    Well… he has, shall we say, a mixed background. He was forced into the Navy, more or less.

    CAPTAIN

    Forced?

    SEYMOUR

    As is rumored, it seems he may have killed a man. But the circumstances are somewhat murky. I knew of these things from his onboarding documents but for various reasons have kept them to myself.

    Beat.

    SEYMOUR

    It was a friend of his that was killed. A close friend – a very close male friend, if you catch my meaning.

    CAPTAIN

    Really? He wasn’t married?

    SEYMOUR

    No. And he has confirmed this to me.

    CAPTAIN

    And this ‘close friend’ was a casualty of sorts. Perhaps.

    SEYMOUR

    It appears so. Again… I don’t know the specifics. But apparently if he wasn’t on board this ship Claggart would be rotting in a London jail.

    CAPTAIN

    That’s comforting.

    SEYMOUR

    It’s that way with half the men on this ship. Meaning the impressments. We know that it’s hard to find willing recruits in these heady days of freedom, liberty, and the Rights of Man.

    The Captain nods.

    CAPTAIN

    I need Claggart. For now. I need him for the fear he instills. But I can’t let him take it too far. We’ve seen the results already.

    Beat.

    CAPTAIN

    I hope by promoting Budd I sent a signal to him. He needs to know who commands this ship. And Budd can provide a little balance – at least that’s my hope.

    Beat. The Captain moves to his map table and splays a world map out in front of the two of them.

    CAPTAIN

    You see this, Mr. Seymour. (he points)

    CAPTAIN

    Here, here and here is the current extent of our Empire. How long do you believe it will last?

    SEYMOUR

    All empires end. The Byzantine, the Roman, the Ottoman. We’re just the next in line in a long list.

    Beat.

    SEYMOUR

    But all that’s philosophy sir, and not good for morale. We have a war to fight. I, for one, will not turn against my country in times of trouble.

    The Captain nods and looks at him intently.

    INT. LOWER DECK – NIGHT

    Squeak approaches Billy’s hammock. He looks around, seemingly intent on making it seem like it wasn’t tied properly.

    Suddenly, Danskar appears.

    DANSKAR

    What are you doing?

    Squeak is surprised, and moves back.

    DANSKAR

    Messing with Billy’s gear again?

    SQUEAK

    I ain’t messin’ with his gear.

    He grabs Squeak’s arm and holds it tight.

    SQUEAK

    Let me go!

    DANSKAR

    Just because I fear God doesn’t mean I haven’t broken an arm or two!

    Squeak glares at him.

    SQUEAK

    Let me go! You’ll be on the report for this!

    DANSKAR

    On the report like Billy? I’ll slash you in your sleep. In God’s name I’ll do it.

    Squeak glares at him, and Danskar loosens his grip.

    EXT. MID-SHIP – NIGHT

    Billy is on watch. Claggart also walks the deck. Billy notices Claggart looking out over the ocean and approaches him. The sea is calm, and there is very little wind.

    BILLY

    Good evenin’, sir.

    CLAGGART

    Good evening Budd.

    BILLY

    It’s a calm night. The ocean is peaceful.

    Claggart gives an ironic LAUGH.

    CLAGGART

    Yes. Peaceful on the surface. Underneath, I guarantee it’s quite different.

    Beat.

    BILLY

    Sir, may I speak to you about something… personal.

    Claggart tuns to him.

    CLAGGART

    Personal? (he turns away) I’m not the one to confide in, Budd.

    BILLY

    But I’d like to be your friend, sir. I’d like to count you as one.

    Claggart looks out to the ocean.

    CLAGGART

    I don’t have any friends. Never been good at it.

    Beat.

    CLAGGART

    I suppose I did have a friend, once. A good friend. He died, though.

    BILLY

    Sorry about that, sir.

    CLAGGART

    Died of consumption. You know that ailment, Budd? Many in London contract it.

    BILLY

    I’ve heard it is a bitter disease.

    CLAGGART

    Bitter and painful.

    He looks down.

    CLAGGART

    I couldn’t stand it, really.

    Billy is silent. Claggart continues.

    CLAGGART

    Day in and day out, the hacking cough. His suffering. I had to end it.

    BILLY

    End the friendship, sir?

    Claggart looks at him intently.

    CLAGGART

    He was going to die, you know.

    Billy nods.

    Claggart has tears in his eyes.

    CLAGGART

    You remind me of him.

    Billy smiles.

    Claggart looks him over, then his face contorts in rage.

    CLAGGART

    Get away from me! I see through you. Butter me up, get me to admit things and talk to the men behind my back. Get them to laugh. Mock me. I won’t have it.

    Billy backs up, somewhat astonished.

    CLAGGART

    You think you’re so clever! You cannot get inside me, Billy Budd. There is nothing here! There is nothing left but a deep blackness. That is all he left me with.

    Beat.

    BILLY

    Do you really take pleasure in cruelty, sir? That’s what they all say. I can’t believe that. No man can be like that. I believe you hate yourself, Mr. Claggart.

    Claggart glares at him.

    CLAGGART

    Hate myself? That’s a good one, Budd. I hate myself. But I disagree. It’s you I hate.

    BILLY

    But I remind you of your friend.

    CLAGGART

    No… I was wrong. You are not like him.

    Again, Claggart tears up.

    CLAGGART

    Go!

    Billy jumps back. Then he nods and leaves.

    Claggart continues to walk the deck. Squeak approaches him.

    SQUEAK

    I can’t get anything more on Budd, sir.

    CLAGGART

    What do you mean?

    SQUEAK

    I mean his Black friend watches his hammock like a hawk. It seems anytime I try to mess with it he’s there to stop me.

    CLAGGART

    Try harder.

    SQUEAK

    I am. But I’m tellin’ you it’s getting tougher. The men are on to me and they don’t like it.

    Beat.

    CLAGGART

    Do what you can. Get him to admit they’re thinking of mutiny. I’m convinced they are – Budd and the other impressments.

    Beat.

    SQUEAK

    Aye, sir. I’ll do what I can.

  • BG

    Member
    January 19, 2022 at 11:36 pm

    Lesson 16 – Finish Act 2

    ASSIGNMENT

    BG Has Completed Act 2 Draft 1

    What I learned doing this assignment is: I’m trying to stick to my 4 Act Transformational Structure, my Beat Sheet, and High Speed Writing. I’m trying to keep it short. A 90-page screenplay.

    A CLUB FOR PATRIOTS

    ACT 2 DRAFT 1

    Write the “Reaction to the ACT 1 Turning Point” scene.

    INT. CHEAP HOTEL – LONDON – NIGHT
    Reporter is seated in front of his laptop at the cheap hotel desk.
    ON THE SCREEN: Reporter and Hacker are in their separate little windows. In Hacker’s window, the part of his apartment visible behind him is nice.
    REPORTER: There I was, working up my courage to go inside, when this big lady comes up from behind. She grabbed me and took me — walked me right into the Club and hired me.
    HACKER: Really hard up for waiters, huh?
    REPORTER: Said she remembers me from Chez Jean. I have zero recollection of her.
    HACKER: Hmm… Moving faster than I expected, I wonder if you’re ready —
    REPORTER: And I have to meet Mr. Billionaire tomorrow — for inspection!
    HACKER: Oh dear, do you have anything to wear?
    REPORTER: Not really. Clean jeans?
    HACKER: No! Fortunately for you, London has many used-clothing shops. We like to buy things we can’t afford. A nice navy-blue sports jacket, nice shirt, gray wool slacks…
    ON THE SCREEN: Already scrolling on the screen are store-front photos of several used-clothing shops, their addresses and a map.
    HACKER: You want to be humble, pleasant and compliant. Delightful would help, but you can’t handle delightful. Don’t mention you are a mechanical engineer, or that you have been dumped. Don’t volunteer, wait to be asked. Remember, you are a servant now. Not an equal. Nobody wants an uppity servant.
    REPORTER: Yeah, yeah.
    HACKER: And lose the attitude. If he likes you, he’ll keep you around and you can find out things. Smart is optional, compliant is key!
    REPORTER: How am I going to explain what I’m doing in London?
    HACKER: You’re an expat who wants to see the world. Got that? An expat who wants to see the world.
    REPORTER: I hate to lie.
    ON THE SCREEN: In his window, Hacker throws up his hands.
    HACKER: Fine scruples for an undercover reporter!

    Write Key Scene 2: Protagonist takes on a plan and executes it.

    INT. LOBBY – THE CLUB – DAY
    Three-story high lobby. The Carrara-marble floor shines like glass. Hostess spots Reporter standing hesitantly at the entrance. She glides toward him like an ocean-liner.
    HOSTESS (whispering): Mr. Billionaire is on the floor! This way.
    She takes firm charge of his arm and leads. Billionaire spots them approaching.
    BILLIONAIRE: Welcome to the team.
    REPORTER: Thank you, sir.
    BILLIONAIRE: Ms. Hostess here tells me you worked at Chez Jean.
    REPORTER: Yes, sir.
    BILLIONAIRE: I was thinking of having flounder au gratin for dinner. What wine, do you think?
    REPORTER: Perhaps a Sauvignon Merceau ’86, sir?
    Billionaire’s eyebrows shoot up.
    BILLIONAIRE: You know your wines!
    REPORTER: I know my labels, sir.
    BILLIONAIRE: You can serve me dinner at 8.
    He marches off. Hostess smiles — pleased with herself.
    HOSTESS: Haaa! He was expecting you to say, White wine! You don’t really know all the wines in the world, do you?
    REPORTER: Just the top two hundred, Ma’am.
    Hostess pats him hard on the back. He gets pushed forward a foot.
    HOSTESS: I knew you were smart and you would pick up on that ‘if you can read foreign wine labels’ talk!

    INT. CHEAP HOTEL – LONDON – NIGHT
    Reporter sits in front of his laptop at the desk.
    ON THE SCREEN: Reporter and Hacker are in their separate little windows.
    REPORTER: Well, your plan to ingratiate myself worked. He wants me to serve his dinners.
    HACKER: I don’t know, they’re probably desperate. Nobody wants to serve anymore!
    REPORTER: I had to lie to him, I had to lie to that hostess woman, I had to lie to my fellow kitchen staff… Why can’t I just tell him I’m a reporter and would like to interview him —
    HACKER: If we’re right about what we think is going on over there, then, you better tell me now what kind of flowers you’d like me to send to your wake.
    (beat)
    HACKER: That is, assuming they find your body.
    REPORTER (thoughtful): As a reporter, I’m kind of protected, but you’re not.

    Write Key Scene 3: Not only does their plan fail, but…

    INT. CORRIDOR OUTSIDE BILLIONAIRE’S OFFICE – THE CLUB – NIGHT
    Reporter approaches, pushing the serving cart. Knocks on the door.
    REPORTER: Your dinner, sir.
    BILLIONAIRE (calling from inside): Please leave the cart outside the door.
    REPORTER: Very good, sir.

    INT. CORRIDOR OUTSIDE BILLIONAIRE’S OFFICE – THE CLUB – NIGHT
    The door opens. Billionaire pushes the serving cart out. Stops short, staring. In the distance, the Reporter is visible from behind, turning the corner.

    INT. LOBBY – THE CLUB – DAY
    Hostess waits near the entrance. She grabs Reporter as he enters. Reporter cringes slightly — it hurts!
    HOSTESS: Number 1. You enter by the service entrance! Number 2. He saw you last night! He’s angry! Says you were loitering near the St. Michael conference room! He never lets anyone near there. He has his most important meetings there. Told me to keep you away from the whole floor!
    She looks at him strangely.
    HOSTESS: I’ll give you a floor-plan so you don’t get lost like that again.

    Write the Midpoint scene.

    INT. CHEAP HOTEL – LONDON – NIGHT
    Reporter sits in front of his laptop at the desk.
    ON THE SCREEN: Images and instructions for various listening devices, electrical circuitry…

    EXT. BUSTLING STREET – LONDON – DAY
    Reporter enters a shop. The sign above the door reads: “You-Do-It Electronics.”

    EXT. OUTSIDE THE CLUB – NIGHT
    Reporter, dressed in dark slacks and turtle-neck, stands eyeing a partially-open, second-floor rear-window that overlooks the dark alley behind The Club. He starts to climb up the drain-pipe, steps on the decorative ridges and disappears into the window.

    INT. INSIDE THE CLUB – NIGHT
    Using a tiny screwdriver, Reporter opens the thermostat of the St. Michael conference room and installs a tiny device.

    INT. ST. MICHAEL CONFERENCE ROOM – NIGHT
    A modern-day star chamber in an Empire-style conference room, with computer screens everywhere. Billionaire sits at the head of the 15-foot long table, presiding. Around the table are an ENERGY MOGUL, a DEFENSE MOGUL, a retired 4-star GENERAL, and a former PRIME MINISTER.
    BILLIONAIRE: Gentlemen, Northstar’s foundation is in place. We are ready to launch.
    The Energy Mogul shifts uncomfortably in his seat.
    ENERGY MOGUL: So the 20 billion is in the bank and we can start to transfer some funds to our Turkish friends running the ops?
    He is an American oil and gas billionaire, whose goal in life is growing his energy empire by selling LNG (liquefied natural gas) to Europe. A big, ruddy man, he sits with his right leg propped up on a velvet-covered Ottoman – painful, his gout is acting up.
    GENERAL: Are we really sure we can trust their action plan?
    PRIME MINISTER: Our experience has been that militants they transferred to other theaters have not stayed loyal.
    BILLIONAIRE: I think we have no choice but to trust their judgment at this point. The media campaign I have initiated is showing success. Public demand for military action is growing.
    (beat)
    BILLIONAIRE: Well, that’s it, gentlemen.
    He stands up — terse, not a man who would brook insubordination.

    INT./EXT. REPORTER’S CAR – STREET NEAR THE CLUB – NIGHT
    Reporter, sitting in his car, looks upset and pissed off. Using a hand-held remote, he turns off the listening-device and pulls out his cellphone. He touches the secure-link icon on the phone.

    INT. NEWSROOM – DAY
    Editor, sitting at his desk, is visible through the glass wall of his office. His desk phone RINGS with a special sound.

    INT. EDITOR’S OFFICE – NEWSROOM – DAY
    Editor presses a special button on his desk phone and picks up.
    EDITOR: Keep it short, I’ve lost faith in secure connections.
    REPORTER (on Editor’s intercom, blurting): Just who the hell do these guys think they are?
    Editor shakes his head and smiles — Kids! They need time to figure things out.
    EDITOR: Masters of the universe?
    REPORTER (on the intercom): This whole Northstar thing is just to stop Nord Stream 2!
    EDITOR: You better watch your ass, kid!

    INT. CIA CONFERENCE ROOM – LANGLEY – DAY
    DEPUTY DIRECTOR for Eastern Europe in a meeting with several STAFFERS.
    DEPUTY DIRECTOR: We have received an alert from the NSA. Their keyword monitoring systems have picked up a reference to Northstar in an encrypted overseas communication.
    STAFFER 1: So they don’t yet know who was communicating with whom?
    DEPUTY DIRECTOR: No. They just deciphered the word Northstar.
    He looks around the table.
    STAFFER 2: It looks like some new players have entered the game.
    STAFFER 3: We should warn MI6 so they can inform our Northstar friends.

    • This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by  BG ERENGIL.
    • This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by  BG ERENGIL.
  • Robert Wood

    Member
    January 20, 2022 at 12:03 am

    Robert Wood has completed Act 2 Draft 1

    What I learned is that my script is becoming much more complicated and interesting than it started out as, but that much of that is going to have to come out in rewrites because this process is too fast to allow time for major research along the way.

    Act 2 Draft 1

    INT. FAMILY HOUSE – KITCHEN – DAY

    Matt prepares breakfast. Bert sips coffee meditatively.

    MATT

    You want to talk about it?

    BERT

    About what?

    MATT

    Last night.

    BERT

    Not really.

    MATT

    Where were you trying to get to out there in that old canoe? It probably wouldn’t even stay afloat.

    BERT

    I don’t remember.

    MATT

    You said you were going out to face it. The monster on the lake.

    BERT

    Did I… Did I go?

    MATT

    No. I stopped you.

    BERT

    Yes, I remember now… the monster is out there. I know it.

    MATT

    Sure it is.

    Matt slides scrambled eggs onto a plate and places it in front of Bert.

    MATT

    There’s toast, bacon, tomatoes… take what you want.

    Bert reaches for toast and notices the old newspaper clipping of the classified ad sitting on the counter.

    BERT

    Where did you find this?

    MATT

    It was in your office.

    BERT

    That’s where it should have stayed.

    MATT

    Sorry.

    Bert holds the clipping, lost in memory.

    MATT

    It took me a while to remember, too. Harris placed that ad, didn’t he?

    BERT

    Harris… yes, I suppose it was. You remember him?

    MATT

    Bits and pieces…

    EXT. FAMILY HOUSE – FRONT YARD – DAY

    Young Matt plays outside in the summer sun with his dinosaur figures.

    A taxi pulls up and a man exits: HARRIS, 24, looking like he’s fresh off a boat from Europe. He pays the cab driver, then spots Young Matt. Approaches with a smile…

    HARRIS

    Hi! I’m Harris.

    YOUNG MATT

    I’m Matt.

    HARRIS

    Good to meet you, little man… I like your dinosaurs!

    YOUNG MATT

    Thanks.

    HARRIS

    You know what they’re all called?

    YOUNG MATT

    Of course! Tyrannosaurus, Triceratops, and Stegosaurus.

    HARRIS

    Top of the class! Where are your parents?

    YOUNG MATT

    Mom & sis have gone to Saskatchewan to help my granny for the summer –- she’s sick.

    HARRIS

    Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. Hope she’ll be okay.

    YOUNG MATT

    I think she will.

    HARRIS

    Good. And what about your dad?

    YOUNG MATT

    He’s inside.

    HARRIS

    Want to introduce me?

    YOUNG MATT

    Sure –- come on!

    INT. FAMILY HOUSE – DAY

    Young Matt brings Harris inside.

    YOUNG MATT

    He’s probably in his office — that’s where he usually is.

    (calls out)

    Dad!

    YOUNG BERT (O.S.)

    Yeah? What is it?

    YOUNG MATT

    Company!

    YOUNG BERT (O.S.)

    Oh? Who is it?

    YOUNG MATT

    Harris!

    Young Bert emerges.

    YOUNG BERT

    Oh, hello. You’re the fellow from the newspaper ad.

    HARRIS

    Harris MacKay — good to meet you.

    YOUNG BERT

    And you. It’s so rare to find someone who shares this particular interest.

    HARRIS

    Indeed it is.

    YOUNG MATT

    What interest?

    YOUNG BERT

    Harris here has come all the way over from Scotland, isn’t that so?

    HARRIS

    That’s right. All the way from Loch Ness, actually.

    (to Young Matt)

    Have you heard of Loch Ness, laddy?

    YOUNG MATT

    Of course! The Loch Ness Monster!

    HARRIS

    That’s right.

    YOUNG BERT

    So you can probably figure out what brings Harris here to the Okanagan.

    YOUNG MATT

    Ogopogo!

    HARRIS

    That’s it, exactly. I think we’ve got rather a lot to discuss.

    YOUNG BERT

    We’ve got work to do, Matty, maybe you should go outside–

    YOUNG MATT

    No, I can help! I know a lot about sea monster dinosaurs — there’s the Plesiosaur, and Megalodon, and–

    Harris and Young Bert look at each other with a smile and nod.

    HARRIS

    Okay, the kid’s got what it takes!

    YOUNG BERT

    We’ll work in my office. Can I get you a drink first?

    HARRIS

    Sure.

    They walk through the kitchen, where Bert and Matt are finishing breakfast.

    BERT

    What the hell are we doing here, anyway?

    MATT

    We just finished breakfast.

    YOUNG BERT

    Coffee okay for you?

    HARRIS

    Fine, thanks.

    Young Bert pours two coffees.

    BERT

    I haven’t completely lost my mind, you know.

    MATT

    I know.

    Young Matt grabs a pop can from the fridge.

    MATT

    We’re gonna have to get to work soon, you know…

    BERT

    Work?

    MATT

    Packing.

    BERT

    No.

    MATT

    No?!

    BERT

    I’m not going anywhere. I’ve already told you that.

    MATT

    It’s already arranged. This place goes on the market Monday — same time you move into Silver Springs.

    BERT

    They can give my room to someone else. I’m sure there’s a line-up of old fogies waiting to get in there.

    MATT

    There is, but Jill and I were lucky enough to get you a room — better take it while you still can.

    BERT

    Jillian and you — you’re both in on it.

    MATT

    We’re only doing what needs to be done. You’re not safe on your own anymore.

    BERT

    You could stay here.

    MATT

    Oh no — we’re not even going there.

    Bert flies into a sudden rage.

    BERT

    Well, what the hell do you want me to do?! You come into my home — my home — and want to kick me out? What the hell is that about?!

    He heads upstairs, leaving Matt to reassess his approach.

    INT. FAMILY HOUSE – BERT’S BEDROOM – DAY

    Bert paces the room, agitated.

    Young June sits on the bed, watching him sadly.

    BERT

    I don’t know what to do, June. They’re trying to take me away from you… but I won’t let them. I can’t…

    Bert sits on the bed next to her.

    BERT

    There’s too much to do. And I must find the monster — must, must, must find it.

    (to June)

    I’m so sorry, June… they’re leaving me no choice!

    Bert resumes his pacing…

    June disappears.

    Matt enters carrying an empty box.

    BERT

    What is that for?

    MATT

    If I’ve got to pack everything myself I’ve got to put it somewhere. Thought I may as well start in here…

    BERT

    You wouldn’t dare. Not my room…

    MATT

    If it’s a choice…

    A BEAT as Bert considers his options.

    BERT

    All right, God damn it!

    Bert grabs the box and looks around for a place to begin. He puts the box down by the bedside table and sits on the edge of the bed. He is reluctant; dejected.

    MATT

    Are you going to be okay in here?

    BERT

    Go… just go — do whatever you need to do.

    MATT

    I’m just down the hall if you need anything.

    BERT

    Fine.

    Young June appears again, sitting next to Bert; her hand on his back.

    Bert starts pulling small items from a bedside table drawer: a small box… a watch… a woman’s hairbrush…

    Matt exits.

    INT. FAMILY HOUSE – HALLWAY / MATT’S BEDROOM – DAY

    Matt passes the open door to his room and glimpses the box inside out of the corner of his eye. A moment’s resistance, and then he goes to the box.

    He picks up a few papers from inside. One is a photo of himself and Harris on a boat…

    EXT. BOAT ON LAKE – DAY

    Young Matt, Young Bert, and Harris are out searching. Young Bert steers the boat on a slow course through the water while the others peer through binoculars.

    YOUNG BERT

    Seeing anything?

    HARRIS

    Nothing. Just waves and more waves.

    YOUNG MATT

    Me too. This is getting boring.

    Young Matt puts down his binoculars dejectedly.

    HARRIS

    Don’t give up, mate. It’s early days yet.

    YOUNG MATT

    And I don’t think I feel too good…

    Young Bert looks back at his son.

    YOUNG BERT

    You are looking a little green around the gills.

    Young Matt makes a break for the edge of the boat; Harris steadies him as he leans over the edge.

    HARRIS

    Whoa. Take it easy.

    Young Bert shuts the engine off and goes to Young Matt’s side as he vomits over the edge. He rubs his son’s back.

    YOUNG BERT

    It’s okay — don’t worry about it. Just let it out.

    HARRIS

    Happens to the best of us.

    As they both comfort Young Matt, still bent over the side of the boat, their arms brush against each other with electric effect.

    They exchange looks, and Harris brings a hand up to Bert’s back.

    Matt leans back from the edge of the boat.

    HARRIS

    A little paler, but none the worse for wear, huh?

    YOUNG MATT

    I’ll be okay.

    YOUNG BERT

    Sure you will. Hey, it’s time to head back anyway.

    HARRIS

    Right — we’re not finding anything today, anyway.

    YOUNG BERT

    I’ll see if I can get that sonar device for next time — then we’ll really be searching!

    HARRIS

    Yeah, we’ll be sure to find Ogopogo then. There’ll be no hiding from us in this lake.

    YOUNG MATT

    Okay…

    INT. FAMILY HOUSE – ENTRYWAY – DAY

    The trio — Young Bert, Young Matt, and Harris — arrive back inside.

    Matt is there, holding a piece of paper, watching… remembering…

    Before Young Matt takes off his shoes:

    YOUNG BERT

    Hey, weren’t your dinosaurs out there?

    YOUNG MATT

    Maybe.

    YOUNG BERT

    You better clean them up. Toys don’t get left in the front yard.

    YOUNG MATT

    Now?

    YOUNG BERT

    Yes, now.

    Young Matt mopes back out, closing the front door behind him.

    YOUNG BERT

    He’ll get caught up playing with them and be out there for another hour.

    HARRIS

    You think so?

    YOUNG BERT

    Oh yeah.

    Matt looks at the paper he’s been carrying around.

    ON THE LETTER

    “Thanks for yesterday. The boat trip was great but apres was better! Let’s do it again soon – xx H.”

    Matt watches Young Bert lead Harris into the office.

    They kiss, then passionately start pulling each others shirts off and undoing zippers…

    Matt leaves them alone in the room.

    INT. FAMILY HOUSE – BERT’S BEDROOM – DAY

    Matt enters.

    Bert is still sitting on the edge of the bed, holding the hairbrush. Confused and sad.

    BERT

    Matty… This was your mother’s brush… What am I doing with it?

    MATT

    You’re packing, Dad.

    BERT

    Packing… Are we going away?

    MATT

    Yeah… but it’s not a rush. You got time.

    BERT

    Good, good. I know there’s something I should be doing. We’re going to go out on the lake again, aren’t we, Matty?

    MATT

    Sure, Dad.

    BERT

    We have to find it.

    MATT

    I know.

    BERT

    The monster’s out there, somewhere…

    MATT

    Sure it is.

    (BEAT)

    Hey, Dad, can I ask you something?

    BERT

    Of course.

    MATT

    Tell me about Harris.

    BERT

    Harris? I’m surprised you even remember him.

    MATT

    I do.

    BERT

    That was so long ago.

    MATT

    Humor me.

    BERT

    He was a recent university graduate. Studied anthropology, with a special interest in cryptozoology.

    MATT

    And that led him to come over here, place that ad, and meet you.

    BERT

    Yes, the similarities between the Loch Ness Monster and Ogopogo seem greater than the differences.

    MATT

    So you studied the monster together.

    BERT

    We did, yes.

    MATT

    What else?

    BERT

    We didn’t find it. What else is there?

    MATT

    Just curious.

    BERT

    Well, you were there for a lot of it, weren’t you? We took you out on the boat…

    MATT

    Yeah, I was there some of the time. But I’m thinking about the times I wasn’t there…

    BERT

    I’m not following you.

    Matt looks at the old man, still clutching the hair brush.

    MATT

    You had an affair, Dad.

    BERT

    What?! Nonsense! Where did you get that idea?

    MATT

    I’ve seen the letters, photos. Put two and two together.

    BERT

    That’s ridiculous. You’re imagining things!

    MATT

    I’m not, am I?

    BERT

    Making it up, that’s what you’re doing!

    Bert puts the brush down, rises, tries to find something else to focus his attention on.

    MATT

    Don’t avoid it.

    BERT

    You were a kid — you don’t know what you saw, or what you remember!

    MATT

    I’m remembering things, and stuff like this is filling in the blanks…

    Matt holds up Harris’s letter after the boat trip.

    Bert grabs it and reads it.

    BERT

    A simple thank you from a polite young man. That’s all I see here.

    MATT

    Come on — there’s more to it than that.

    BERT

    Besides — maybe you’re the one who was attracted to Harris!

    MATT

    I was 10!

    BERT

    Exactly! Don’t go on about things you don’t understand!

    Bert waves him off.

    BERT

    Now, get out. Out!

    MATT

    I’m going to make dinner soon.

    BERT

    I don’t want any. I’m not hungry… and I’m feeling rather tired now…

    MATT

    I can bring you some–

    BERT

    Just leave me be! You’ve done quite enough already.

    Bert resumes puttering in the bedside table drawer as Matt leaves.

    INT. FAMILY HOUSE – MATT’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

    Matt lies in bed, drinking wine, surrounded by assorted papers from the box.

    The sound of SHATTERING GLASS from downstairs sends Matt leaping from bed…

    INT. FAMILY HOUSE – KITCHEN / BACK PATIO DOOR – NIGHT

    Matt runs into the kitchen.

    Bert stands in his bathrobe at the broken patio door; a plant pot thrown through it now smashed on the deck.

    Bert stands amid broken glass, his bare feet bleeding.

    MATT

    Jesus, Dad!

    BERT

    It wouldn’t open.

    MATT

    It was locked! So you smashed it?

    BERT

    I don’t know what happened.

    Bert starts to step toward Matt.

    MATT

    Wait a minute! Let me sweep the glass first. Jesus, you’re already bleeding!

    Matt grabs the broom from the kitchen pantry; quickly sweeps a path through the glass for Bert.

    MATT

    What were you doing going outside anyway?

    BERT

    I have to find it. It’s out there Matty–

    MATT

    The damn creature. You can’t keep trying to get to the lake like this.

    Matt leads Bert back inside to the kitchen. From their perspective neither looks down toward the boat dock…

    EXT. FAMILY HOUSE – BOAT DOCK – NIGHT

    As Bert and Matt re-enter the house, Young Bert and Harris go down to the dock, drinking beers, making out and stumbling goofily in the dark on their way

    YOUNG BERT

    Shhh! Don’t wake Matty.

    HARRIS

    Don’t worry about me — I’m not gonna be talking.

    On the dock, Harris drops to his knees to give Young Bert a blow-job.

    INT. FAMILY HOUSE – KITCHEN / BACK PATIO DOOR – NIGHT – RESUME

    Matt sits Bert down on a chair; examines the cuts on his feet.

    MATT

    Seriously, Bert — I don’t know what I’m going to do with you.

    BERT

    I’ve got to find it. I’ve got to face it!

    MATT

    I know, I know–

    Matt wets some paper towel and cleans the blood on Bert’s feet.

    MATT

    It’s not too bad — we’ll get you a couple bandages and you’ll be good as new… Almost.

    BERT

    Matty, you’ve got to take me.

    MATT

    It’s winter! No-one’s out on the water for a reason — it’s fucking cold! I don’t think that’s–

    BERT

    You’ve got to!

    (calming himself)

    Take me out on the lake… just one last time. It’ll be like old days. I’ve got to find it.

    (BEAT)

    Please.

    MATT

    Okay, Bert… Okay.

    BERT

    Tomorrow?

    MATT

    Sure. We’ll go tomorrow.

    INT. FAMILY HOUSE – MATT’S ROOM – MORNING

    Matt digs through the last contents in the box and finds — rattling around at the bottom — a pin of NESSIE, the Loch Ness Monster. Harris has been wearing it the whole time.

    Harris and Young Matt are in the room now…

    YOUNG MATT

    I like your Nessie pin.

    HARRIS

    Thanks. It was given to me by my mentor at university, Professor Hancock. He taught me everything there is to know about cryptozoology.

    Harris sees the envy for the pin in Young Matt’s eyes.

    YOUNG MATT

    Can I have it?

    HARRIS

    I’d love to give it to you little man, but this is real special to me so I’m going to hold on to it…

    Young Matt’s optimistic envy turns to sadness

    HARRIS

    Tell you what –- I’ll find one just like it and send it to you after I’m back home. How’s that?

    YOUNG MATT

    Okay!

    In a blink, Young Matt and Harris are gone.

    Matt holds the pin in the palm of his hand. Harris would never have left it behind when he went home.

    MATT

    So why is it here?

    INT. FAMILY HOUSE – KITCHEN – MORNING

    Matt finds Bert sipping coffee.

    BERT

    Coffee’s on. See — I’m not completely useless.

    Matt pours a cup.

    MATT

    How are your feet this morning?

    BERT

    Oh, fine. I’d almost forgotten about them until you mentioned it.

    MATT

    Good.

    Matt goes silent; something’s on his mind.

    BERT

    Come on — out with it.

    MATT

    What happened to Harris?

    BERT

    What do you mean?

    MATT

    I don’t remember him saying goodbye. When he left, I mean…

    BERT

    I’m sure he did. You’ve forgotten.

    MATT

    I don’t think so.

    BERT

    You’re talking out of your ass again!

    MATT

    Nice.

    BERT

    He went home –- end of conversation!

    MATT

    Yeah, I guess it is.

    BERT

    Are we going or not? Ogopogo’s not getting any younger.

    MATT

    Yeah… Yeah, we’re going.

    Bert smiles.

    MATT

    Out on the lake in the middle of winter.

  • Patrick Downey

    Member
    January 20, 2022 at 12:45 am

    Patrick Downey – Has completed Act 2 Draft 1

    What I learned doing this assignment is that my original work needed so much more texture to it and I’m only 60% through this class but it has already opened my eyes to the art of screenwriting!

    Act 2

    It was September 6<sup>th</sup> just after the Labor Day holiday and “The Handlers” were back in the office but with a much different feel without Ray, Audie, and Carmella. They were somewhat surprised to see Cayman but greeted him with respect and courtesy. After a brief catching up, they dove right into business as usual, and it was indeed Dardanos who took the reins. While they went through the routine of selecting who would be the next Superbowl winner, there were other issues brought to the table and one of them surrounded their security.

    INT. H.A.V.O.C. OFFICES

    Dardanos

    We should look elsewhere for security especially after what happened to Ray and Crutch was brought in by Ray and Audie.

    Graham

    Dardanos, I trust Crutch more than I trust you, so let it go.

    Patrick’s eyes grew wider expecting a brawl right in front of him. Dardanos shakes his finger at Graham, bites his lip and runs his fingers through his hair as he exhales. Kristos can see the tension building in his son and quickly stands up.

    Kristos

    We have no reason to replace Crutch and no time to find a replacement. Do you all have your top three teams written down yet?

    Patrick

    I’ve got mine ready!

    Graham

    Me too.

    Kristos

    Son, son are you with us?

    Dardanos sitting with his arms crossed looking like a little child that had just been scolded.

    Dardanos

    Yeah, yeah of course.

    Cayman breathed a sigh of relief thinking he might experience a major setback right out the gate.

    Each of the men came ready with their own thumb drive filled with information supporting their choice for the eventual Superbowl winner. This was an elaborate, thought provoking, heavily constructed performance of why the men had selected each of their three teams. It covered the marketing method of SWOT on steroids. SWOT stands for strength, weakness, opportunities and threats. Now this was no generic reasoning but almost a science of predictions based on the suspension of players/length of suspension, drug related occurrences of a particular player, finishing ability of a team’s character, coaching by position, health of key personnel, weather, inside vs. outside games and the play calling ability of the offensive and defensive coordinators. If you notice in this process, most of these attributes are things they cannot control from within the HAVOC organization. So, these qualities are paramount to their positioning and argument of their top three choices to advance into the Superbowl.

    In the interim, the always overly cautious Dardanos did have Cayman relocate to where Carmella used to sit which means he could no longer see the men in their meetings. At least that is what Dardanos thought but Cayman had Jam-Sabo install hidden mini cameras and microphones throughout the vault all tied into Cayman’s laptop and a back-up mobile unit.

    To set the plan in motion the group leaked a rumor to Graham O’Brien who has a big mouth and can’t keep a secret.

    Graham

    The word on the streets is that the mob was on to an organization on the Nevada Indian reservation which is trying to muscle in on their racket. Supposedly, they were going to deal with them and anyone who was dealing with them in their own way.

    Dardanos

    That’s a bunch of bullshit! No one would ever try and take on the mob in Vegas. It was a suicide mission but the fact that they were on the Indian reservation is very clever because the mob can’t touch them there.

    Just hearing of this speculation sent Dardanos into a frenzy, as soon as the meeting was over, he bolted outside and placed a call to Aaron “Two Tongues” Yazzie who was his contact within the organization. Mr. Yazzie answers the phone call from Dardanos.

    EXT. SIDEWALK OUTSIDE BUILDING – DAY

    Yazzie

    What up bro!

    Dardanos

    I was hoping you would tell me. I’m hearing rumors that the mob is sniffing around about us.

    Yazzie

    I assure you those rumors are impossible because we have kept an almost invisible profile up until this point, following ever instruction that you have given us bro.

    Mr. Yazzie went on to explain that each bet that was placed with them was farmed out with a group of young Native American boys between the ages of 16 – 22 that call themselves the “painted ponies”.

    Yazzie

    Each boy would carry the wager slip along with the cash to a side bookie who would call the bet in as an anonymous client and receive an additional $10,000 for his autonomy. They used as many as 12 different ponies to carry out a single bet depending on the total amount.

    Mr. Yazzie promised him that their end was checked backwards and forwards and there were no leaks in the operation. As they hung up Dardanos was still perplexed by the news and paced back and forth with anxiety. He felt he had no choice but to make his money in one large sum and then break ties just in case there was some truth to this rumor. Typically, the men would bet on five different games each week dropping about 10 million per game so as not to raise any suspicions within the ranks. Then double those bets during the divisional playoffs and doubling them again for the NFC & AFC championships. The Superbowl bet amount fell between 200 – 350 million depending on the interest of the teams playing that year. Bets were always placed with at least a dozen different Las Vegas booking agencies under a fictious name each year as to not bring awareness upon HAVOC. Cayman’s plan was to nickel and dime them into a position where they felt they had to place larger bets as the season moved along eventually placing the largest Superbowl bet in HAVOC’s existence. As the season got underway, it was business as usual and weeks 1 through 8 went off without a hitch. The group was sending Crutch out on a very regular schedule, and it was obvious that their payments were going off as usual.

    EXT. O’HARE INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT TERMINAL – NIGHT

    Crutch

    What up Lieutenant?

    Lt. Lundy

    What’s up bossman? I see you are playing road warrior again.

    Crutch

    Ya man! That time again.

    Lt. Lundy

    Where you off to this time?

    Crutch

    Need to visit a player in Miami. A holdout.

    Lt. Lundy

    Don’t these guys know that they are throwing money away?

    Crutch

    Most of them are playing football for a reason if you know what I mean.

    Crutch winks at Lt. Lundy gives him a fist bump and walks towards his gate.

    EXT. HARD ROCK STADIUM – DAY

    Crutch pulls up to the players entrance in an all black on black Range Rover. Rolls down the tinted window and hands the guard a crisp $100 bill. He slaps hands with Crutch and waives him on through. Crutch pulls up to silver coupe Mercedes pops the trunk and places a large duffle bag inside then closes it.

    The Dolphins suffered their biggest home opening lost in history that day by turning the ball over 5 times and only scoring 9 points all on field goals.

    However, in week 9 the wheels started to come off the train. Teams that they had poised for the playoffs started losing games and there was no explanation of why. In the midst of watching his plan fall into place Cayman was set back for a moment as he watched with millions of others as the Chicago Cubs won the World Series for the first time in 108 years. Cayman was again enraged with determination because he knew if his grandfather was alive this never would have happen. Caymen went back to his notes to see that it was indeed the Cleveland Indians that were supposed to win the World Series. This also meant that Ray had someone on the payroll that was supposed to make this happen but without his supervision and Audie also gone history took an unimpeded step forward. It happened just the way it was supposed to, naturally, for the first time in 12 years without HAVOC’s interference. However, Cayman didn’t find himself swept up in the emotion of the city over an historic win watched by millions of people or the parade celebration that went right by the office following the World Series. His friends invited him out for drinks, but he was all business making sure there were no holes in his plan.

    EXT. O’HARE INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT – NIGHT

    Lt. Lundy

    Hey Stranger! Where in the world is Crutch going tonight?

    Crutch

    Oh hey Lt., I’m off to Three Rivers

    Lt. Lundy

    Well at least you’re going before the real cold hits.

    Crutch

    Tru dat! Lt., tru dat!

    Lt. Lundy

    See you next time bossman.

    Crutch

    Will do!

    EXT. HINES FIELD, PITTSBURG, PA. – DAY

    Crutch pulls up to the stadium drives around to the players entrance rolls down his window hands the guard a crisp $100 bill and pulls inside. However, this time he walks down the tunnel and on to the field. He greets several of the players and coaches, talks with the halftime show host and flirts with a few cheerleaders before leaving just before halftime. The difference this time was no bag drop for anyone. This process would repeat for the next three weeks in a similar fashion but in a different NFL stadium.

    By week 12, two of their playoff teams were on the bubble of even making a wild card spot and their choice for winning the whole thing was on a two-game losing streak. Referees they had on their payroll to make calls were overruled by instant replay, GM’s who demanded players be pulled for rest and lack of performance were overruled by ownership, and players who had been paid to mail it in were outshined by others on their team with career performances. The Handlers were extremely upset with Dardanos and called a special meeting just before the divisional playoffs. Cayman was not invited but Crutch was on hand and he sent a text to Cayman that you could cut the tension amongst the men with a knife as they entered the vault, as the meeting got underway Cayman sat outside the building in an unmarked van with his crew. The van was equipped with a large screen HGTV, state of the art hearing devices for the impaired, a video game type device that allowed Cayman to fix the cameras directly on their mouths as they spoke, and he had ever angle possible covered. Jam-Sabo had on a thermal infused monitor that gave him the ability to read body temperatures when mood changes from anger to anxiety and every emotion in between. This gave them the ability to pick up on non-verbal motion and body language that was not being captured from the cameras. Back at their temporary staged office was Cornelius getting direct feed of the meeting and crunching the numbers they had lost thus far and what they needed to bet to win back their loses and have a huge payday.

    Patrick

    What is this I am hearing about side bets going on with our money? Not to mention we are still behind on this current money play you sold us.

    Graham

    Dardanos, you had better not be screwing us over! So help me if I catch wind of any funny business going on, I will personally beat you right out of this organization.

    Dardanos

    Are you two threatening me? If I remember correctly, it was my plan that put us in the driver’s seat of this company. So, sit down and shut the hell up!

    Patrick

    You son of a bitch, who do you think you are talking to?

    Dardanos

    A bunch of grown men that didn’t have the balls to stand up to Ray and Audie.

    Kristos

    Dardanos that’s enough!

    As Dardanos looks towards his father, Graham draws back his cement block of a fist and cold cocks Dardanos right in his jaw. Dardanos stumbles back flips over a chair and lays on the ground bewildered. Graham starts at him again when Crutch breaks into the room and grabs Graham by both arms.

    As the shouting continued the O’ brothers were clearly upset and came just short of blaming Dardanos for this mess. Kristos said that without his friend Audie there and Ray gone that this was his last year in the business. Then Graham asked Dardanos point blank what he knew about this organization on the Indian reservation and swore that if he had got them mixed up with this group, he would suffer the same consequences as Ray. As the room erupted in chaos Crutch had heard with his own ears that they were the ones that killed Ray but their egos were too inflated with rage to realize someone was in the room that wasn’t part of the crime. This division and untrust amongst the Handlers gave Cayman the perfect opportunity to implement his final plan. Only the AFC & NFC Championship games remained and then the Superbowl, with only 3 games left on their betting docket and millions to recover Dardanos knew he had to work fast and assured the others it was all going to be okay and just to trust him. He reminded each of them if it weren’t for him, they would still be pulling in chump change under Ray’s reign.

    If Cayman was not already motivated enough, that was the nail in the coffin that set it all in motion. Cayman recorded an audio file in James Earl Jones voice and had it delivered via bike messenger at the Mac-N-Cheeze truck the Thursday before the Championship games. Agents Belfiore and Greene still on the case listened intently to every bit of evidence they were given and connected the missing links together. At the end of the tape there was one final demand before they were handed over to them the final instructions to bring down the HAVOC four. The FBI was instructed to give immunity to Audie, Carmella, and Mathis who had helped to gather the information about the others. If they were in agreement, they were to deliver a pan of their famous mac-n-cheeze with lobster meat to Cayman the young kid helping out at the office across the street the next Friday at 12 noon sharp. They would also need to have signed documents giving complete and total immunity to the three. The agents took this information back to their superiors for guidance and to decide whether it was worth the cooperation to get the remaining four behind this long running and elusive operation.

  • Peter Birdsong

    Member
    January 20, 2022 at 1:20 am

    Peter Birdsong Has Completed Act 2 Draft 1


    What I learned: Having my main points and filling in the gaps (the needed scenes that lead up to the main events) worked very well for me. I struggled the most today with the need to go back and edit–and I did once or twice, but for the most part I was able to keep going.


    <font face=”inherit”>Here’s my act 2 as it is today. </font>Definitely<font face=”inherit”> 20% quality… but as I read once, and I’m paraphrasing, your crappy first draft is way better than your unwritten one…</font>

    <font face=”inherit”>
    </font>

    INT. SALON – DAY

    The creaking of mast rigging can be heard as the boat moves across the open water. The whole studio apartment sized salon rocks fore and aft under Laurel’s feet as she holds herself steady in the galley.

    Her decorations are everywhere they shouldn’t. Objects are sliding and rolling on the floor back and forth. She watches the chaos helpless and unsure. She moves for the door…

    I/E. YACHT

    Laurel carefully maneuvers to the helm station. The WHEEL turns slightly back and forth as the autopilot does it’s job.

    FLAPPING overhead. Above her she notices a corner of the sail fluttering in the wind. She just stares at it, uncertain.

    Laurel attempts to pull on a line, loosen another, but nothing seems to work.

    INT. CARLY’S CABIN – DAY

    Carly lays on her back moaning with each downward movement her room makes.

    She moves gingerly to her BAG and opens the zipper. Inside is a health food bar. She stares at it considering.

    The room sinks on her again and her eyes roll back.

    CARLY

    My God, STOP!

    She THROWS the bar across the cabin.

    INT. SALON – DAY

    Laurel sits the NAV STATION. The computer screen shows a live map with their location and direction.

    She stares at the mess. Carefully she begins to clean up putting things back where she intended.

    The boat doesn’t let up. No sooner does she set a SALT SHAKER in place does it slide off the table and BANG on the floor.

    She grabs the SALT and PEPPER and chucks them into a cabinet and quickly SLAMS the door shut.

    She sees Carly standing at the top of the stairs. They study each other for a moment.

    Carly looks at the mess around the room.

    CARLY

    What happened here?

    LAUREL

    Why do you look like that?

    CARLY

    I’m sick. You don’t have anything, by chance?

    LAUREL

    Dramamine.

    CARLY

    Does it work?

    Laurel heads to a storage compartment and opens it. She pulls a small bag out and opens it. Inside is a cough-drop like CANDY wrapped in paper.

    LAUREL

    I’ve been fine all morning. It will help. Coming up top may help too.

    CARLY

    Really?

    LAUREL

    I honestly don’t know. Fresh air. That’s all I’m saying.

    Carly unwraps the candy and pops it into her mouth.

    She heads for the door.

    LAUREL

    You need this outside.

    Laurel hands her an EPIRB attached to a lanyard.

    CARLY

    What is this?

    LAUREL

    If you go overboard, that will save you. I’m honestly not sure I could get the boat back around to get you.

    CARLY

    What a comforting thought.

    Carly takes it and steps out…

    I/E. YACHT

    Carly walks on the deck carefully taking her to the front of the boat. On the horizon she can still make out some mountain peaks.

    The boat skirts over a wave and splashes forward. SEA SPRAY covers Carly’s face and hair. Her makeup runs.

    The boat bucks agains and she falls for on the Catamaran’s trampoline face first. She grabs hold and she can just see the water rushing up to her face.

    The salt-water baptizes her completely. Carly lays there, her hair destroyed, her dress soaked, her makeup a runny mess. Completely defeated.

    INT. SALON – DAY

    Carly steps in — water dripping off of her once perfect hair.

    Laurel watches her daughter come in, hiding her amusement as best she can.

    CARLY

    Not a word.

    LAUREL

    No. Did you happen to see–

    CARLY

    Not!… A word.

    LAUREL

    I have some clothes you could borrow.

    Carly stops at the steps. Thinking.

    CARLY

    Like what.

    LAUREL

    Just a minute.

    Laurel heads down to her own cabin.

    Carly takes the time to look around a minute. Her mother’s decorations are strewn all over the floor — sliding back and forth with the boat.

    LAUREL

    Here you go.

    Carly takes the clothes. Certainly more practical than what she’s currently wearing.

    CARLY

    Is that it?

    LAUREL

    Is that okay?

    Carly looks around.

    LAUREL

    Yeah… I guess I’m not much of a sailer. Neither of us.

    CARLY

    Definitely not. Anyway…

    (holds up clothes)

    Thanks.

    LAUREL

    Sure.

    Carly disappears down the stairs.

    INT. SALON – NIGHT

    Laurel opens a tin CAN of beans. She dumps the entire thing into a POT.

    INT. SALON – MOMENTS LATER

    Laurel sits at the nav station eating black beans from a bowl. The floor still littered by her failed decor.

    Carly appears slowly. She looks around trying to ignore her mother.

    LAUREL

    There’s dinner.

    Carly moves to the stove and lifts the lid on the pot.

    CARLY

    Dinner?

    LAUREL

    Feeling better?

    CARLY

    Some.

    Carly grabs a BOWL and SPOON and empties the pot into her bowl.

    Grabbing hand holds with her free hand she heads back downstairs and shuts the door.

    INT. SALON – MORNING

    Laurel works her can-opener on a tin of PEACHES. It pops open and she sticks a fork in.

    The floor is still a mess, and Laurel takes to kicking things out of the way as she moves around.

    Carly emerges. She’s clearly showered again, but she hasn’t dolled herself up like before. She’s wearing mom’s practical outfit — dressed for a day on the coast.

    LAUREL

    Morning. Did you sleep?

    Carly looks around. Laurel holds up a can of peaches.

    LAUREL

    Hungry?

    Carly grabs a bowl and offers it to her mother. Laurel pours half of her can into the bowl.

    Carly take a fork and makes her way back down the steps to her cabin.

    The door shuts.

    I/E. YACHT – DAY

    Laurel sits at the helm staring at the horizon. In the distance there are still signs of land. A stray mountain peak here and there.

    Movement in the Salon’s windows catches her eye. It’s Carly searching the cabinets.

    Laurel watches her find food and then head back downstairs. She sighs to herself.

    I/E. YACHT – NIGHT

    Ahead, sparkling over the black waters Laurel can easily see the lights and city of an island.

    LAUREL

    (into radio)

    Marina Santa Cruz. Marina Santa Cruz. This is Sailing Vessel Redeemer.

    Laurel waits.

    HARBOR MASTER

    Sailing Vessel Redeemer. We hear you.

    INT. SALON – NIGHT

    Carly listens as Laurel begins to speak to the Harbor Master, relaying their intention to dock and resupply before heading into the North Atlantic.

    She watches through the window as the lights shimmering ahead.

    I/E. YACHT – MOMENTS LATER

    Laurel tosses a LINE to a dockhand who expertly secures it to the dock. Laurel moves around her boat stowing lines and tossing new ones as she goes.

    She returns to the helms and shuts the engines down.

    CARLY

    So, where are we?

    LAUREL

    Hey.

    (beat)

    The Canary Islands.

    (to Dock Hand)

    Is anything still open tonight?

    DOCK HAND

    Sí!

    LAUREL

    I need your passport.

    Carly already has it, and hands it to her.

    EXT. OLYMPO MALL – DAY

    The island market is surprisingly busy. Tourists of all kinds walk back and forth sampling each shop and pop-up vendor they find.

    Carly climbs STEPS leading to a different level of the mall she’s exploring. A tent catches her eye. HATS.

    She walks over to sample one SUN HAT that stands out. Carly hears someone speak in Spanish. An OLD MAN, tanned, with bright eyes and a friendly smile looks at her waiting.

    CARLY

    I’m… sorry. I don’t–

    OLD MAN

    Ah. English? American?

    CARLY

    Yes.

    He opens his arms.

    OLD MAN

    Welcome to my humble shop. So, you like?

    CARLY

    It’s not really my style.

    He stares at her, still grinning.

    CARLY

    Yes. I do.

    OLD MAN

    My wife. She–

    He moves his hands over the hat as if forming it.

    CARLY

    You wife made this?

    OLD MAN

    Sí!

    (gesturing to rest of stock)

    All! This; just for you, I think.

    Carly smiles at this awkwardly. She DOES like the hat. He gestures for her to put it on. Carly smiles and complies.

    The Old Man’s smile grows even wider. He says something in Spanish that–judging by his gesture–was meant as complimentary.

    OLD MAN

    Just for you. If you don’t buy, I’ll remove it from the shelf.

    Carly holds the hat and looks around more. She sees a folded MAP on a rack.

    OLD MAN

    You need a map?

    CARLY

    I’m not sure.

    OLD MAN

    Are you lost?

    CARLY

    Most definitely. I’ll take the map.

    The old man pulls it from the rack. He reaches to a different shelf and pulls a small, cheap COMPASS.

    OLD MAN

    A gift. Map’s no good without this.

    CARLY

    Thank you… and the hat.

    OLD MAN

    I will tell my wife how much you love it.

    EXT. MARINA SANTA CRUZ – DAY

    Laurel stands on the docks. Phone in hand. An earbud in her ear.

    GRANT (V.O.)

    You got his vote. Laurel? Did you hear me?

    LAUREL

    Yes.

    GRANT (V.O.)

    You’re going to be the new CEO.

    Laurel watches the boat in the water. Dock workers are topping off the fuel.

    GRANT (V.O.)

    How’s the trip going?

    LAUREL

    Just fine. We should make it to the Virgin Islands in three weeks.

    GRANT (V.O.)

    How’s Carly?

    LAUREL

    She’s fine. Your boat’s in good hands.

    BEAT

    GRANT (V.O.)

    Laurel? Congratulations.

    LAUREL

    Yep.

    She hangs up the phone.

    INT. MARKET – DAY

    Laurel fills a shopping cart like someone preparing for the apocalypse.

    INT. MARKET – MOMENTS LATER

    She waits at the checkout watching others with their own selection of groceries. Most not near the size of order she has.

    She notices a newspaper on a rack. The headline reads:

    DALLENTS SET TO MERGE WITH KNOX INT.

    INT. SALON – DAY

    The groceries are sorted in groups piled throughout the room. Cabinets are storage lockers are wide open and Laurel puts things where they belong.

    INT. SALON – MOMENTS LATER

    Laurel picks up her decorations that are still strewn on the floor.

    INT. STORAGE LOCKER

    Laurel chucks her cheap decor into the closest corner.

    INT. SALON

    Laurel sweeps, removing all evidence of the disaster her decorations were.

    The door slides open and Carly enters. The new SUN HAT on her head. Laurel looks at it for a bit.

    LAUREL

    I like it.

    CARLY

    It’s handmade.

    LAUREL

    What’s in the bag?

    CARLY

    Nothing important.

    Carly heads toward her stairs.

    CARLY

    You bought more than beans, right?

    LAUREL

    I bought bait.

    CARLY

    What?

    LAUREL

    For fishing.

    CARLY

    When have you ever gone fishing?

    LAUREL

    How hard can it be?

    Carly lets out a sigh and descends the steps.

    I/E. YACHT – DAY

    The open blue water of the Atlantic Ocean surrounds the catamaran on all sides to the horizon.

    The rigging creeks and DINGS, and The MAINSAIL is full with wind.

    Laurel sits on the deck with a FISHING ROD in several pieces laid out in front of her. She looks closely at a set of instructions next to her, anchored under a glass to keep from blowing away.

    INT. SALON – DAY

    Carly spies her mother through the sliding glass door. She watches for a minute. Then, rolls her eyes.

    The horizon catches her attention through the windows. She leans against the glass looking. It’s all blue.

    She heads to the other side of the boat and looks as far as she can see.

    BLUE.

    She walks to the door and SLIDES it open.

    I/E. YACHT

    Carly, barefoot, steps out onto the deck. Studying the horizon behind her.

    Laurel watches her.

    LAUREL

    What’s up?

    CARLY

    N-nothing.

    Laurel looks at her closely, then follows her gaze.

    LAUREL

    It’s just us.

    Carly sighs loudly.

    CARLY

    So? What of it?

    LAUREL

    Interested in learning how to fish?

    CARLY

    Are you? Apparently you are.

    LAUREL

    Well… I don’t know. I figure the city life made me soft. I can open an app on my phone and get fish just the way I like it delivered straight to my office.

    CARLY

    Salmon.

    LAUREL

    Salmon. On a rice bed with butter sauce and asparagus.

    CARLY

    I never liked the asparagus.

    (beat)

    So, are you catching a salmon?

    LAUREL

    (laughs)

    No. Salmon aren’t here in the Atlantic. I don’t think they are anyway.

    CARLY

    Then what?

    LAUREL

    I’m honestly not sure. It’s a blue fish. Saw a picture in that book I have in there.

    Laurel slips the final piece of the rod together, and turns it over. She then begins to attach the reel.

    CARLY

    Good luck.

    Laurel pauses and watches her daughter head back inside.

    INT. SALON

    Carly walks to the Nav Station and taps the DISPLAY to wake it. The display shows a GPS location for the boat. She studies it for a moment. Next to the display… a book on sailing. It has a few sticky-note bookmarks sticking out from the pages. Carly grabs it and after one more glance at her mother sitting outside, she heads down stairs.

    INT. CARLY’S CABIN

    She shuts the door behind her and drops the book on her bed. She lifts her mattress. Under it she pulls out the MAP. She opens it just enough to see the Atlantic. A couple of small ‘X’s are marked through the Mediterranean and the Canary Islands. She marks a new X in the Ocean.

    She then pulls out the compass from under her bed. She looks at it for a bit. Thinking. She’s almost transfixed by the needle dancing inside.

    I/E. YACHT – DAY

    Laurel positions the newly assemble rod into a BRACKET on the rear of the boat. She begins to pull line out for slack. She takes the end and fixes a LURE on it. Then, she drops it in the water behind the boat.

    She watches the slack in the line get dragged out behind them.

    LAUREL

    Bring on dinner.

    I/E. YACHT – NIGHT

    The boat continues steadily. Laurel sits on the deck still watching the line. The ROD and LINE that show no sign of a fish.

    LAUREL

    Shit.

    Laurel looks at her watch. Then she stands and walks over to the ROD. She starts reeling it back in.

    I/E. YACHT – MORNING

    Laurel pulls out some line and drops the lure into the water. Again, she watches the line drag out some ways behind the boat.

    She finds a comfortable seat and sits down. She sips from a coffee mug and waits.

    I/E. YACHT – DAY

    That catamaran moves smoothly over the water. The bow barely splashes as it cuts into each wave and then rides over top.

    Laurel’s eyes are closed.

    Carly is standing nearby watching the water. She looks up at the mainsail overhead. The corner FLOPPING in the wind.

    Carly tightens her EPIRB around her wrist and walks carefully around to the bow. As she does she looks at the rigging.

    She sees a line strewn across the front. She picks it up and looks it over, then drops it.

    She opens one hatch. Peeking inside she sees fenders piled on top of each other.

    She opens another hatch. There are two large duffle-like BAGS inside, and a thick CHAIN.

    She heads to the front, and grabs hold.

    She hears a splash! Looking in the direction of the noise she sees something dark in the water.

    SPLASH! The DOLPHIN crests and dives just in front of the racing catamaran!

    Carly is taken back! She watches and sees two more crest the waves!

    Then a fourth in front of the PORT HULL! She watches them. Their gracefulness. The way that dart back and forth sharing with each other whatever thrill they were experiencing in front of the boat.

    She turns around looking for her mother — a brief moment to call her, and it passes. She frowns a little and turns her eyes back to the dolphins.

    The catamaran cruises onward, gliding alone on the vast ocean.

    INT. SALON – DAY

    Carly sits at the NAV STATION watching the screen. She taps through menus, exploring.

    ZZZZZZZZZZZZ!

    Carly jumps, looking outside. She hurries to the door!

    I/E. YACHT – DAY

    ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!

    Carly runs out and sees the line on the roc spool out to the ocean.

    Laurel sits up!

    CARLY

    What do we do?

    LAUREL

    Quick!

    Laurel jumps to the rod and grabs the handle. She flips a switch and the spool SNAPS to a stop!

    She starts to turn the reel.

    LAUREL

    Jesus! It’s heavy!

    Carly watches her trying to contain her enthusiasm.

    LAUREL

    Grab the net!

    CARLY

    Where?

    Laurel GRUNTS trying to reel the line in.

    LAUREL

    Never mind! Help!

    CARLY

    How??

    LAUREL

    Help me turn this–

    The reel loosens in her grip. They exchange questioning looks. Laurel begins to reel the line in. It’s MUCH easier. The line comes in effortlessly.

    Carly’s demeanor sags a bit. Disappointment washes over both of them. The line continues in, and then the LURE. Nothing on it.

    CARLY

    What happened?

    LAUREL

    We lost it.

    INT. SALON – NIGHT

    Laurel stands at the counter, a loaf of bread plaid out next to cheese and various meats.

    Laurel assembles a sandwich and puts it on a napkin. She hands it to Carly at the table.

    Laurel returns to the counter and gets to work on her own sandwich.

    She sits across from Carly.

    LAUREL

    So?

    Carly looks at her suspiciously.

    LAUREL

    What did you do today?

    CARLY

    Really?

    LAUREL

    There has to be something.

    CARLY

    There wasn’t.

    LAUREL

    Is this so horrible to–

    CARLY

    Yes.

    Carly gets up and heads to the stairs that lead to her cabin.

    CARLY

    I saw dolphins this afternoon.

    LAUREL

    Dolphins?

    CARLY

    They were racing the boat, or something.

    LAUREL

    I wish I had seen that.

    CARLY

    Yeah.

    (beat)

    Thanks for the sandwich.

    Carly descends downstairs.

    Laurel slams her sandwich down. She leans back, breathes out, and rubs her temples.

    She stands up abandoning the sandwich and heading for a cabinet. She pulls a GLASS and a bottle of GIN, and pours.

    INT. SALON – DAY

    Carly climbs the steps taking in the eerie calmness of the vessel. The boat is barely rocking. She’s managing quite well as she moves around.

    She looks at the display showing the boat’s GPS position and relative speed: 0 knots.

    CARLY

    What the hell?

    She looks around more urgently now. He spots her mother on the bow. DRINK in hand. Sunbathing.

    I/E. YACHT – DAY

    Laurel bikini-clad lays out on cushions. She takes a sip from her MARTINI.

    CARLY

    What are you doing?

    Laurel looks at her squinting in the sun.

    CARLY

    Why are we stopped??

    LAUREL

    No wind.

    CARLY

    So you’re drinking!?

    LAUREL

    I can’t make wind.

    CARLY

    I don’t believe this.

    LAUREL

    It’s been a long voyage, and I’m a crew of one.

    CARLY

    I didn’t even want to be out here! Where the HELL ARE WE!?

    Carly gestures out into the ocean. Nothing but water in all directions!

    LAUREL

    You want to get underway.

    CARLY

    Yes!

    LAUREL

    Then help! I’ve single-handed this boat since we left, cutting corners where I could–

    CARLY

    You could have sold the boat in France!

    LAUREL

    But I didn’t and here we are!

    CARLY

    Here we are! Trapped in the middle of the goddamned ocean!!

    (beat)

    Why are we doing this? We might die out here!

    LAUREL

    We’re not going to die.

    CARLY

    Why are we here?

    Laurel sips her drink.

    LAUREL

    Your father wanted to sail.

    CARLY

    Oh. I get it. You feel guilty.

    LAUREL

    Guilty? It’s because of me he could even afford this boat.

    CARLY

    You feel guilty! You were never around.

    LAUREL

    Don’t be ridiculous. I sacrificed–

    CARLY

    You sacrificed alright. You gave us both up for your stupid job!

    LAUREL

    If it wasn’t for this job you’d have nothing.

    CARLY

    I have nothing now!

    LAUREL

    You ungrateful–I have given you everything you need!

    CARLY

    Except a mom! And dad never had a wife! And it took him dying for you to finally get it!

    LAUREL SLAPS CARLY! The shock shoots through them both and Laurel’s eyes begin to water.

    Carly caresses her cheek. They stand in silence for a minute. Carly begins to tear up.

    LAUREL

    When we get home, you can get off the boat. We both can.

    Laurel empties her glass over the side of the boat and heads back in.

    Carly continues nursing her face for a moment. She looks up at the sails laying limp against the mast.

    INT. LAUREL’S CABIN – DAY

    Laurel lays on her side of the bed, hand resting in the empty space next to her. Tears stream down her face.

    LAUREL

    I need help.

    INT. SALON – DAY

    Carly can hear her mother crying. It may be the first time she’s ever heard that sound.

    She sits at the table with the sailing book. She opens it and begins to flip through the pages.

  • Janeen Johnson

    Member
    January 20, 2022 at 5:04 pm

    Janeen Has Completed Act 2 Draft 1

    What I learned doing this assignment is that it’s easier for me to write chronologically. I had already finished the extra scenes I needed. I have one fight scene to write yet, but will do that later.

    I didn’t add any new scenes.

    I edited mostly for continuity. Everything else seemed okay for now.

  • Benito Selim

    Member
    January 20, 2022 at 10:42 pm

    Benito Selim has completed Act 2 Draft 1

    What I learned from this assignment is flushing out the scenes more allowed me to tighten up the story by eliminating scenes that dragged or just took up unnecessary space.

    ACT 2

    INT. CLASSROOM- DAY

    Darryl meets with Lorraine and Calvin before class who insure him the footage has been fixed. Darryl enters the class with them, Andrew, Marcus, and Gary to screen their project.

    The project screens successfully then in the end it begins to act up again. More brutal images of Karen’s death are shown. Karen makes eye contact with Darryl and asks for help. No one else can see this.

    Their teacher cuts off the film and Darryl asks if anyone else has seen Karen talking to him. Darryl receives blank stares. All the class saw was the torture and blood, Karen’s face is not visible to anyone but Darryl.

    The film and camera projector itself burst into flames. All evidence Darryl had, is gone.

    INT. RESTAURANT- EVENING

    Darryl is reluctant to take Tina out on a date because of the earlier events but does anyway. Darryl attempts his best to not seem awkward, but Tina can spot it.

    Tina eases Darry by having him talk about it. Darryl begins to feel better, Tina excuses herself from their dinner table.

    While Tina is away, a woman named Ellen Paisley approaches Darryl and tells him he is not sick, but instead possesses a gift. Ellen leaves her contact and tells Darryl to contact her; alone. Darryl reluctantly accepts. Darryl is informed he is a medium not schizophrenic.

    EXT. TINA’S APARTMENT- LATER

    Darryl walks Tina to her apartment, she wants to invite him in, but declines. Darryl is not disappointed but feels he has a real chance with her.

    Darryl gets a kiss goodnight and begins to exit when he is approached by Detective Will Garnett. Garnett informs him of a missing person case he is working on and asks Darryl to come by the station when he is available.

    Garnett shows Darryl a picture of Karen and Jeff. Darryl tries not to act surprised, but Garnett catches his reaction. Garnett does not let on and leaves his info with Darryl. When Garnett exits Darryl removes Ellen’s contact from his pocket along with his phone.

    INT. ELLEN’S HOUSE- DAY

    Darryl contacts Ellen who invites him over. Darryl believes she is bluffing with him until she reveals details of his past. Ellen informs him that she can’t tell him who the girl (Karen) is since she is not attached to her but can only sense her presence.

    Ellen tells Darryl that as a kid he helped solve a major crime. Ellen brings up Emily, Darryl is thrown into a trance-like state as Ellen speaks.

    BEGIN FLASHBACK

    EXT. CASE HOUSE- NIGHT

    Police knock on the Case house door, Darryl opens it, officers ask for Mrs. Case. The officers inform her that the body of her husband has been found. Mrs. Case faints as Darryl stares on in confusion.

    END FLASHBACK

    INT. ELLEN’S HOUSE- LATER

    Ellen nurses Darryl back and tell him about her past. Darryl learns Ellen survived a killing spree by one Johnny Vernon, a man who claimed he was being experimented on and that Starkoaks had a secret medical asylum under its grounds.

    Ellen informs Darryl his father was one of his victims as well.

    INT. MRS. CASE’S APARTMENT- LATER

    Darryl pays his mother Natalie a visit to learn the truth about his father’s death. Natalie tells the truth.

    BEGIN FLASHBACK

    EXT. PARK- DAY

    Darryl age 8 Plays in the playground while his mother looks on. Emily joins him and the two talk and laugh. Emily tells Darryl she met his father. Darryl rejoins his mother and tells her about Emily, Natalie becomes angry and tells Darryl to stop making up stories.

    Silvia, Emily’s mother posts a flyer on a tree, and Darryl tells him mom that’s Emily’s mom. Silvia then asks Darryl how he knows her, but Natalie becomes defensive and pulls Darryl away. Darryl looks back to a distraught Silvia not understanding why she is upset.

    END FLASHBACK

    EXT. PARK – DAY

    Darryl reaches out to Tina to meet up with him. Tina joins him and the two talk about their college experience.

    Darryl opens to her about his father’s death and rocky relationship with his mother. The two share an intimate kiss and Tina invites him back to her place.

    INT. TINA’S APARTMENT- NIGHT

    Darryl and Tina make love, it being Darryl’s first time. They talk after about how they will make the most out of college.

    Tina expresses her disdain for certain sorority sisters and feels they hold her back. They both fall asleep in each other’s arms, a new feeling for Darryl.

    BATHROOM- LATER

    Darryl grabs his clothes and gets dressed in the bathroom. Darryl puts his pants on and slides his hand in his pocket. He removes the locket he found at Starkoaks, upon examining it he opens it and in shock. The pictures inside are Karen and Jeff.

    The bathroom grows cold, and Karen appears behind him. She whispers in his ear, he’s the only one that can help her. Darryl is frozen with fear, Tina grabs his shoulder, and he snaps out of the trance. Darryl falls to the ground.

    Tina gets him up and mentions how cold the bathroom is, she checks the window, it’s closed and locked. Darryl then asks for his pills in his bag. Tina questions and Darryl confides in her that he’s schizophrenic. Tina consoles him and the two head back into her bedroom.

    After they exit the bathroom, the shower curtain moves.

    EXT. DARRYL’S DORM- DAY

    Darryl looks at the locket again, he grabs his pills and throws them away. The events the night before make a true believer out of him. He proceeds to call Ellen and wants to know more about the Vernon case. Ellen invites him to meet.

    EXT. DARRYL’S DORM- LATER

    Darryl exits and is met by Detective Garnett stops by to visit Darryl and ask him questions about the classroom incident. Darryl gives vague answers and Detective Garnett asks him to keep in contact if he hears of any information.

    EXT. PARK- DAY

    Ellen meets with Darryl; she informs him how she rarely comes out because of her traumatic past. Detective Garnett follows the two since he believes Darryl knows more than what he is saying.

    Ellen informs Darryl that Karen was the daughter of the sheriff who caught Vernon and saved Ellen’s life. Darryl now makes it his personal mission to not only avenge his father but catch Karen’s killer as well.

  • Timothy McDevitt

    Member
    January 21, 2022 at 1:58 am

    <div>

    TIM HAS COMPLETED ACT 2 DRAFT 1 – DAY 16

    What I learned doing this assignment is that no matter how weak my filler scenes are, it’s good enough to get them down in crappy form for a first draft. I am so tempted to cycle back to every scene to make them better, but that is what always spoils my writing process. Onward.

    I haven’t outlined all of these scenes using the Beginning-Middle-End strategy, but I’ll give that proper attention as I rewrite and fix these scenes.

    </div>

    INT. DOG POUND – NIGHT

    After hours. It’s dark and quiet, but Duke is wide awake and getting angrier by the second.

    Sunny still perched outside his window trying to console him.

    She tells him not to give up on humans; he’ll certainly be adopted by a new family; and she’ll stay with him no matter what. But there’s no consoling him.

    Duke just wants to get out. He wants nothing to do with humans.

    They strike a deal: Sunny will help him escape if he promises to help her find her family. She needs protection.

    Sunny bites and claws through the screen.

    She hops inside and opens the latch to his cage.

    They are careful not to make too much noise, but when Duke pushes the emergency door open, alarms and flashing lights go off and they run off into the woods.

    Ext. WoODS – niGHT

    Duke wants to hook up with the Bad Boys Crew as Sunny tries to dissuade him.

    He says being good got him nothing, so he might as well be bad and have some fun.

    Sunny says he’s not like the other bad dogs. Deep down, he’s good and will always be man’s best friend.

    Anyway, he promised to help her find her family.

    He responds that he didn’t say WHEN.

    She’s disappointed, but needs his protection so she stays.

    Suddenly, the bad dogs leap out to scare them and Sunny goes scrambling up a tree in terror.

    Duke responds so bravely and ferociously that he scares Mort and Daz.

    Rex likes the new Duke. He is one of them.

    Ext. TOWN – DAY

    Bob drives around town.

    He stops every so often to put up “Lost Dog” posters on telephone poles.

    After he leaves one location, squirrels take down one of the posters and run off with it.

    EXT. tOWN – dAY – series of shots

    The Bad Boys Crew causes trouble in town.

    1. They knock over trash cans just for fun.

    2. They chase cats and scare people walking on sidewalk.

    3. They poop in front of “Please Pick Up Your Poop” signs.

    4. They run through traffic and cause a fender bender.

    Ext. Chinese restaurant – nIGHT

    In the back alley, Sunny and Duke finish eating dinner.

    DukE

    That was great. Bob never did Chinese.

    SunnY

    You miss him, don’t you?

    DUKE

    I don’t miss anything and I don’t need anybody, especially him.

    SUNNY

    You can’t be bitter the rest of your life. You’re not like Rex and those other jerks.

    DUKE

    No, I’m even more bitterer. I’m the bitterest and I’m gonna rule the Crew one day.

    Sunny pities him.

    A CHINESE MAN in a chef uniform exits the back door with a bag of trash and walks to the dumpster, throws the bag in.

    As he returns to the door, he sees Duke and Sunny.

    Duke BELCHES.

    CHINESE MAN

    (smiles and nods)

    Thank you.

    He reaches in his pocket for some fortune cookies and throws them in their direction.

    He re-enters the restaurant.

    Sunny opens the wrapper, cracks the cookie, and reads the fortune.

    SunnY

    Love is an action, not a feeling.

    (lets it soak in)

    Deep. What does yours say?

    Duke coughs up the plastic wrapper and spits it out.

    Duke

    (embarrassed)

    Uh, I’ll let you know tomorrow.

    MORE HAPPENS HERE – TO BE DETERMINED

    ExT. tOWN – DAY

    Karen and Madison walks down Main Street. It’s not busy but they smiles at the few SHOPPERS and DOG WALKERS they pass.

    Without breaking her stride Karen nonchalantly pulls down one of Bob’s “Lost Dog” posters from a telephone pole and slam dunks it in a trash can.

    They continues down the street,alternating turns at taking down posters as they come across them.

    They laugh like it’s a game.

    A WOMAN pushing a baby in a stroller turns the corner and see them taking down a poster.

    Woman

    Oh good. Your dog is safe?

    Karen and Madison panic.

    KarEN

    Um, yes, he’s –

    MadISON

    He’s exactly where he belongs.

    The woman gives a confused smile and strolls away.

    Int. Amistad house – nIGHT

    The Dog Catcher’s home. DON AMISTAD (40), stern but fair, and his wife BONNIE (37), have a serious talk in the kitchen.

    Through the door opening to the living room, they see Emma spread out on the couch with headphones on and reading a book.

    Bonnie amistad

    She never leaves the house. She doesn’t want to see her friends.

    Don amistad

    She doesn’t cooperate with rehab.

    Bonnie amistad

    She won’t wear the prosthetic.

    They glance at Emma again.

    DON AMISTAD

    We have to snap her out of this funk.

    (epiphany)

    A dog!

    BONNIE AMISTAD

    A service dog?

    DON AMISTAD

    No. Well, maybe. But just a dog to be hers. To feed, to walk, to play with, to be…girl’s best friend.

    Emma catches them looking at her and frowns.

    She adjusts her position to face the other way.

    Ext. WoODS – NIGHT

    Duke and Sunny return to the Crew’s home base.

    Rex teases and scares Sunny because “that’s what real dogs do”.

    Duke defends Sunny or it’s just an opportunity to challenge Rex as alpha dog.

    The Crew teases Duke, accusing him of being a squirrel-lover and asking if Sunny is his squirrelfriend.

    Duke has the will, but Rex has the street smarts and the backup muscle of Mort and Daz.

    After a brief struggle, Duke submits again to Rex.

    Angry and ashamed, he runs off into the dark, with Sunny following close behind.

    EXT. wOODS – dAY

    Duke and Sunny have another heart to heart talk about friendship, finding Sunny’s family, and choosing to be good.

    Rex and the Crew show up and invite Duke back into the club. They say last night was all good fun and no hard feelings.

    Duke reluctantly agrees, to Sunny’s disappointment.

    ext. TOWN – DAY

    The crew roams around town.

    They eat breakfast from dumpsters.

    Things seem to be fine and friendly.

    Rex secretly tells Mort and Daz that they have to teach Duke a lesson.

    They tell him to stay put as look out while they do some mischief.

    He doesn’t realize they’re at the mayor’s house.

    He can’t see what they’re up to. They poop on the front step of the mayor’s house and bark loudly.

    They run away through the back yard, away from Duke.

    Duke steps into view of the front door to see what’s going on.

    The mayor barges out of the house and steps in the poop.

    He slips and falls on it.

    Duke instinctively runs to him to see if he’s okay.

    The mayor grabs him by the collar and won’t let go.

    Duke is caught. Again. And in big trouble. Again.

    Int. DOG POUND – DAY

    Duke is in the cage again, with Sunny perched outside on the window sill.

    They discuss their options.

    DUKE

    Tonight, we bust me out of here like last time.

    SunnY

    (pushes on screen)

    Will be even easier this time.

    Duke laughs. Stupid humans.

    SunnY

    You’re not going back to them, are you?

    DuKE

    Who else do I have?

    (off her reaction)

    Oh yeah, I have you of course, but dogs are my people, well not people, but you know what I mean.

    Sunny is still hurt.

    SUNNY

    Well, squirrels are my people…

    (sternly)

    If you want my help this time, you have to promise to help me find my family.

    DUKE

    Sure, sure, but first –

    SUNNY

    No! I’m first. Then you can do whatever you want. You won’t ever have to hear my annoying voice again.

    Duke feels like a jerk. He nods.

    SunnY (CONT’D)

    Say it.

    Duke

    Ok, I promise.

    The dog catcher stops by to see Duke.

    Dog CATCHER

    This is strike two, Duke. You’ve got one last chance to turn things around.

    Duke casts him a mean look.

    DOG CATCHER (CONT’D)

    Strike three gets you a one way ticket to doggie heaven, or worse.

    Sunny gasps but by the time Dog Catcher looks that way, she’s ducked out of view.

    To distract him from staring too closely at the ripped screen, Duke barks fiercely at him.

    DOG CATCHER

    Tsk. That’s not the winning attitude.

    The door at the end of the kennel swings open and Emma enters, on crutches, with Mrs. Dog Catcher.

    Dogs in nearby cages respond with friendly barks.

    Dog Catcher gives them a smile, but Emma is grumpy.

    Emma

    This is stupid. I don’t want a pet.

    Mrs. Dog catcher

    You say that, but once you have one, in no time at all you’ll be B-F-Fs.

    (feeling cool)

    You kids still say that?

    EMMA

    Not anymore. Once parents use an expression, it’s dead.

    MRS. DOG CATCHER

    Cool. I’m jiggy wit it.

    EMMA

    (eye roll)

    Ugh, what century are you from?

    MRS. DOG CATCHER

    Ooo, maternal unit burnt to a crisp.

    EMMA

    Dad! Make mom stop!

    DOG CATCHER

    Sorry, uber-cool mom is unstoppable.

    Duke watches with amusement, but with angry facade in tact.

    Emma wants it to end, so she studies the dogs.

    She strolls from cage to cage, met by a variety of cute, friendly faces and wagging tails.

    DOG CATCHER

    Whatever one you want, honey.

    Mrs. Dog Catcher can’t help but comment on each dog.

    Mrs. DOG CATCHER

    This one is so cute.

    (next cage)

    Oh, isn’t this guy adorable?

    (next cage)

    This one has some Golden in him.

    DOG CATCHER

    These are all good choices.

    Emma isn’t satisfied. Cutesy just isn’t her, not today.

    Finally, she reaches Duke. He looks miserable, like her.

    They scowl at each other.

    Dog CATCHER

    No, no, not this one.

    EmmA

    I kinda like him.

    Duke and Dog Catcher are shocked.

    DOG CATCHER

    He’s bad news. His last owner said he was incorrigible and bad with kids!

    EMMA

    (wicked smile)

    I’m bad with kids too.

    Mrs. DOG CATCHER

    He’s a drooler.

    EMMA

    So he already has something in common with dad.

    Dog CATCHER

    Hey, I’m not responsible for my actions once I fall asleep.

    Emma’s parent exchange looks – what can we do?!

    EMMA

    He looks like he needs somebody but doesn’t want anybody.

    Dog catCHER and mrs. Dog catcher

    (relieved)

    Exactly!

    EMMA

    I’ll take him.

    Everyone is stunned, especially Duke and Sunny.

  • Rebecca Jordan

    Member
    January 21, 2022 at 3:52 am

    Rebecca Jordan has completed Act 2, Draft 1, Lesson 16

    What I learned from doing this assignment is that I have taken on a beast of a story. It’s a very challenging reimagining, structurally. However, it’s funny how it feels like things are inherently landing in the right spot at the right time, in spite of moving back and forth in time. Fingers crossed. But plenty of time to go back later for edits. NO LOOKING BACK!! I’m trying to keep moving forward quickly.

    INT. SMALL BARN – MORNING

    Rachel, 50’s, on speaker phone waiting. Pacing. Lights a joint. Pours another cup of coffee.

    OFFICER

    Hi Rachel.

    RACHEL

    Hi.

    OFFICER

    So, we did send an officer over to the address you gave us. However, there was nobody there.

    RACHEL

    Oh.

    OFFICER

    The officer said he left a note for your Mom. So hopefully you’ll hear from her soon.

    RACHEL

    Oh. Okay. Great. Thank you so much.

    OFFICER

    No problem. Let us know if you need anything else. We’re here to help.

    RACHEL

    Thanks.

    OFFICER

    You’re very welcome. You have a nice day now. Okay?

    RACHEL

    You as well. Take care.

    OFFICER

    You too. Take care.

    INT. SMALL BARN – DAY

    Rachel, just out of the shower, dresses and packs up a bag and her guitar and her computer, etc.

    EXT. SMALL BARN – CONTINUOUS

    Loads up the truck and heads into the big barn.

    EXT. PICK UP TRUCK – MOMENTS LATER

    Rachel, in her truck, waves to the farm owners on her way out.

    RACHEL

    Hey, thanks so much for getting me covered. I owe ya.

    They wave back. “No worries.” “Be safe.

    RACHEL

    I’ll keep ya posted.

    INT. PICK UP TRUCK – EVENING

    Rachel drives. Tired of her thoughts, turns on music loud. Sings.

    INT. DAD’S HOUSE IN PR – DAY

    1973. Dad, 30, talks to Mom on phone. Rachel, 9, plays with her step siblings. Within earshot.

    With a thick Spanish accent..,

    DAD

    Listen Beth, You put Willy on the plane. I arranged the reservation. And once / I know he’s on the way /

    Muffled yelling..,

    MOM

    That’s absurd. Just send her home.She needs to be ready to start school.

    DAD

    Once I know from my colleagues, that he’s coming, I can put Rachel on the plane to go home / it’s easy.

    Rachel yells toward the phone.

    RACHEL

    Mom!! Please just let me come home. I’m homesick and I want to come home! Please.

    DAD

    You see. This is what we’re dealing with, Beth. You’re torturing your daughter. And Willy. He’s not yours. He belongs in Puerto Rico with / la Vieja.

    BETH

    No G. He belongs with his Mother. He belongs with me. He doesn’t have his / Dad.

    DAD

    You have the information. Get Willy to the airport, so you can get Rachel back to school with her friends on-time.

    EXT. MOM’S HOUSE – NIGHT

    Rachel, 50’s, pulls up in front of the house. Then pulls up a little further. Parks. She pull out a pint of Jack.

    Looks toward the house. The lights are on. Puts the pint back without drinking.

    Finally, Rachel gets out. skulks toward the front door, rings the bell.

    GLEN, 60’s, answers the door.

    RACHEL

    I’m so sorry. Looks like you’re in the middle of dinner.

    Turns to leave.

    SHEILA

    Who is it Glen?

    SHEILA, 60’S, joins him.

    GLEN

    It’s okay. It’s way past our dinner hour. Can we help you?

    RACHEL

    Well, this is gonna sound strange, but I thought this was my Mom’s house.

    The couple look a each other, perplexed.

    GLEN

    Hm.

    RACHEL

    I apologize. It’s later than I thought.

    She turns to leave again.

    SHEILA

    Who’s your Mom? We’re renting / from a woman.

    RACHEL

    Her name is Beth. She goes by Beth.

    GLEN

    We’ve met her a couple of times. She still owns the house but moved…

    RACHEL

    Oh.

    Tries again to leave.

    SHEILA

    You’re welcome to come inside. You look tired. You must’ve driven a long way.

    Rachel already on her way to car..,

    RACHEL

    That’s okay. I need to get back home.

    GLEN

    Maybe we can help you find out where she is.

    Rachel at her truck..,

    RACHEL

    Sorry to bother you.

    SHEILA

    Well good luck.

    Already in. Drives away. The couple waves.

    INT. PICK UP TRUCK – CONTINUOUS

    RACHEL

    Fuck! Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!!!

    Rachel sees a gas station and pulls in. There is a pub next door.

    RACHEL

    What the fuck is this place? Really Mom? This was where you lived? You gotta be fucking kidding me. This piece of shit podunk nowhere nothing town. “Where everyone knows your name.” Everyone is so nice. Uck.

    EXT. GAS PUMP – CONTINUOUS

    Rachel finishes pumping gas. Sees the pub. Checks the time.

    EXT. PUB – CONTINUOUS

    Rachel pulls up and parks in front of the pub. Just a hand full of cars and trucks.

    INT. PUB – LATER

    Rachel, 50’s, drunk, parties with a GUY, 50’s, at the bar. He gives her a couple of bumps of coke from a key. After throwing back a couple beers and shots, she waves off the man’s advances. Puts her jacket on. He’s belligerent. She flips him off.

    RACHEL

    Fuck you, asshole!

    GUY

    Fuck you, you uppity bitch!

    She smiles back. Exits.

    INT. PICK UP TRUCK – CONTINUOUS

    Rachel sits in car. smokes a joint. Then drives off.

    INT. PICK UP TRUCK – CONTINUOUS

    Rachel’s phone rings. She’s sees it’s her band mate, Paul.

    RACHEL

    Shit!

    Answers. Puts on speaker..,

    RACHEL

    Hi. I’m so sorry. Fuck. I completely–

    PAUL

    Missed rehearsal, love. We’re all here waiting.

    RACHEL

    I had–

    PAUL

    Well, not anymore. We’re just hanging. And you promised me a dinner date. Remember?

    RACHEL

    I know. Things are messed up right now.

    PAUL

    Everthing okay?

    RACHEL

    Yea. No. Well…

    PAUL

    It’s alright. We can reschedule. We have gigs coming up.

    RACHEL

    I know. I’m heading back now. I’ll call you tomorrow.

    PAUL

    Okay, beautiful…

    Rachel uncomfortable..,

    PAUL

    You sound a little fucked up. Maybe shouldn’t be driving. Need a ride?

    RACHEL

    No. I’m okay. I’ll pull over for a bit. I’m a good three hours out.

    PAUL

    Ouch! Well get some shut eye. We’ll talk tomorrow.

    RACHEL

    Yea. Bye.

    PAUL

    Later.

    INT. PICK UP TRUCK – NIGHT

    Rachel 50’s, distracted, looks for lighter, crashes the car into a light post.

    EXT. ROADSIDE – NIGHT

    Rachel has pulled off to side of the road. TOW GUY, 40’s, hooks her truck up to his rig..,

    TOW GUY

    You’ve obviously been doing some partying.

    Under her breath..,

    RACHEL

    Like that’s any of your business.

    TOW GUY

    Excuse me? I should report you to the cops. Leave you here and let them pick you up.

    RACHEL

    Really? Come on. Jesus.

    TOW GUY

    Sleep it off at the station.

    INT. TOW TRUCK – NIGHT

    Tow Guy drives with Rachel in the passenger seat. Silence.

    He pulls up to the nice couple’s/Mom’s house. Waits for her to get out.

    RACHEL

    Thanks.

    He ignores her.

    Exits truck. Slams door.

    EXT. FRONT DOOR – NIGHT

    Apprehensive, Rachel walks toward the house. Stops. Looks back and flips Tow Guy the bird.

    Tow Guy, same to you, and drives off.

    Rachel rings the bell.

    TURNING POINT 2: MIDPOINT

    INT. GUEST ROOM – MOMENTS LATER

    Glen and Sheila, in their pajamas and robes, set Rachel up in guest room. Sheila brings towels, etc.

    SHEILA

    Here ya go. Make yourself at home.

    RACHEL

    This is so embarrassing.

    SHEILA

    Don’t worry honey. Get some rest.

    Glen and Sheila are perplexed. They avoid asking questions.

    GLEN

    Help yourself to the kitchen. If you need something to drink or if you’re hungry. Lots of left overs in the fridge.

    RACHEL

    You’re both so nice.

    SHEILA

    Bathrooms right down the hall. Help yourself to a shower.

    RACHEL

    You don’t even know me.

    SHEILA

    We’ll have a nice breakfast waiting for you when you wake up. Just come on down whenever you’re ready.

    GLEN

    You won’t be able to resist. Sheila here is a great cook. Just follow your nose.

    Sheila waves him off with modesty.

    SHEILA

    Alright, honey. Sleep well. Let us know if you need anything. We’re right down the hall there.

    RACHEL

    I don’t know what to say.

    GLEN

    That’s alright. We can talk tomorrow.

    RACHEL

    Thank you so much.

    They leave her.

    RACHEL

    Good night.

    SHEILA AND GLEN

    Nighty-night.

    Rachel watches them go. Closes the door.

    INT. GUEST ROOM – CONTINUOUS

    Rachel gets into sweats and t-shirt.

    She sits on the bed. Opens her computer.

    She gets back up. Finds the weed in her bag. On second thought, wraps it up in a sock and buries it deep into her duffle bag.

    Back on the bed. She types.

    EXT. STREET — EVENING

    1977. Rachel, 13 yrs. old, average looking, brown hair with brown eyes, briskly crosses the street.

    Heads toward a row of brown stone apartment buildings, Rachel stops in front of a doorway.

    She spits into the tissue she’s just pulled from her purse, quickly rubs the makeup from her face with it, then pops a piece of gum in her mouth.

    INT. BROWN STONE – HALLWAY — CONTINUOUS

    Rachel skulks down the dark hallway toward her bedroom door.

    Voices come from the dimly lit dining room at the end of the hall.

    Just as Rachel ducks into her room.., Beth, 31, enters from the dining room. She wears a kimono.

    BETH

    You’re late for dinner. I told you to be home before dark. RACHEL Ppphhh! Sorry.

    Rachel avoids looking at her Mom.

    From the doorway..,

    BETH

    What do I have to do to get you to obey my rules.

    RACHEL

    Since when?

    BETH

    He does not understand this kind of behavior. Children in Japan do not stay out all night. It’s unheard of..,

    RACHEL

    Well, we’re not in Japan. Are we?

    BETH

    Hurry up and wash your face and come to dinner. You stink like smoke. It’s disgusting.

    INT. BROWN STONE, DINING ROOM — MOMENTS LATER

    At the dinner table. Silence. Beth and MASA, 28, Rachel’s Japanese stepfather, athletic build, watch disapprovingly as Rachel moves the food around on her plate.

    BETH

    Nani? Rice u wa deska, kurasai?

    MASA

    Hai.

    BETH

    Hai, hai. Dozo.

    Rachel’s leg shakes under the table causing the table to rattle. She dumps soy sauce over her rice. She has separated all of the water chestnuts from the rest of her meal.

    Masa pounds on the table.

    MASA

    Nan deo!

    RACHEL

    What?! I don’t like water chestnuts.

    MASA

    You eat ya food da way ya mada make it. Don’t insult ha.

    BETH

    It’s an insult to dirty your rice.

    RACHEL

    I don’t like it plain. It tastes like paper.

    BETH

    I don’t care Rachel.

    RACHEL

    At least i didn’t put ketchup on it.

    BETH

    You don’t dirty the rice. It’s disrespectful.

    RACHEL

    Says who?

    BETH

    In Japan, it’s / disrespectful.

    RACHEL

    This isn’t Japan. Is it?

    MASA

    Hontoni Wwwa!!!

    Beth gives Masa the go ahead.

    BETH

    I give up.

    Suddenly, Masa’s arm swings across the table back hands Rachel across the face.

    She flies from her chair and lands on the floor.

    Screaming..,

    RACHEL

    Fuck you! You mother fucker! You have no right! You’re not my Dad. And I can get you in so much trouble for that.

    BETH

    Oh stop it. Go to your room.

    Rachel runs to her room still screaming..,

    RACHEL

    I fucking hate your guts. You’re fucking phony. Trying to make him think you’re some kind of goody two shoes. Wearing that stupid outfit.

    BETH

    I mean it Rachel. Don’t humiliate me.

    RACHEL

    Since when do you care where I am or what I’m doing? You were never even home before. I hate you! You make me sick.

    Silence. Then..,

    RACHEL

    You’re so fucking phony! “Hai hai. Ano ne. So deskua”.

    Rachel slams her bedroom door.

    Beth finds an extension cord. Turns it into a whip. Heads toward Rachel’s bedroom. Pushes her way into the room.

    RACHEL

    Get out of here. I hate you.

    Blood curdling screams.

    RACHEL

    Stop. Stop. Leave me alone.

    More screams, crying. Cracking of the whip in sink with..,

    BETH

    You. Have to. Obey my. Orders!

    RACHEL

    Stop. Please leave me alone.

    Masa gets up from table.

    MASA

    Beth! Come on!

    Walks down the all.

    INT. HOME – BEDROOM — LATER

    Rachel, fully dressed, shoves clothes into a bag.

    INT. HOME – HALLWAY — CONTINUOUS

    The bedroom door opens and Rachel’s head peaks out. She looks toward both ends of the house.

    The lights are dim. It’s quiet.

    She slips into the hallway, pulls the door shut, and tip toes toward the kitchen. Then quietly slips out the back door.

    INT. GUEST ROOM – NIGHT

    Rachel, 50’s, wakes up with open computer lying next to her. She digs in her duffel bag for her weed but again resists the urge.

    She sits on the bed and reads what she’s written.

    Gets under the covers. Closes her computer.

    INT. STEW’S APT – HALLWAY – NIGHT

    CARLEE, 40, eccentric, Stew’s mom, in her bedroom at the end of the hall. She wears a long silk robe over a black negligee. smoking a joint. She sashays about the room, looking at herself in the mirror. Hums along to MUSIC.

    Carlee stubs out the joint. She is agitated.

    CARLEE

    Stew?

    She saunters down the hall, stops in front of Stew’s bedroom door. She listens for a moment.

    Knocks.

    CARLEE

    Stew?! Tell Rachel to go home now.., I want her to go home.

    INT. STEW’S BEDROOM — CONTINUOUS

    Stew’s room is the party pad with a couch and coffee table in the center of the room. Killer stereo.

    Stew, 15, and Rachel,13 sleep entwined on the twin mattress on the floor.

    More knocking startles them both from sleep.

    CARLEE

    Stew! Come on. I know you can hear me. I can hear your music in there. Tell Rachel she has to go home now.

    STEW

    Now?! It’s.., What time is it?

    CARLEE

    Just Tell Her To Go Home.

    Now Stew! Come On!!

    STEW

    It’s 2:30 in the morning Mother.

    CARLEE

    I don’t care. Come on you guys.

    STEW

    Where is she supposed to go? And how is she supposed to —

    INT. HALLWAY — CONTINUOUS

    CARLEE I DON’T CARE STEW. HOME. SHE’S GONNA EVENTUALLY ANYWAY.

    TELL HER TO GO HAVE TO GO HOME

    (MORE)

    CARLEE

    Rachel honey, come on, go home now.

    Just do it. Please.

    STEW

    It’s the middle of the night, Mother.

    Are you insane? You said she could stay here for a while.

    CARLEE

    I don’t care Stew. I changed mind. Okay? Come On tell her to go home.

    INT. STEW’S BDRM – CONTINUOUS

    RACHEL

    Just Fuck it man. I’m going Carlee. Relax.

    CARLEE

    Oh don’t tell me to relax you little bitch. Go home now. Come On.

    RACHEL

    What the fuck is her problem?

    STEW

    (whispering)

    I take it flavor of the week booked on her.

    RACHEL

    He never even showed up. That’s why she’s pissed.

    Rachel, is up. Dressing and shoving her stuff into a bag.

    RACHEL

    If she’s miserable, everyone else has to be miserable. Grow up bitch.

    Carlee back at the door.

    CARLEE

    Oh yes, and why don’t you grow up?

    RACHEL (sotto.)

    Maybe because I’m thirteen.

    CARLEE

    Please. Go home now. It’s about time. Just talk to your mother and figure it out. You can’t stay here forever.

    RACHEL

    So I get to suffer cause she didn’t get laid?

    CARLEE

    I can hear you little brats. Come On Rachel. Just go. Now Stew. Please. Tell her to leave. She’s gonna have to go home.

    STEW

    Relax Mother. Please. She’s getting her things together.

    CARLEE

    Fine. Just hurry up.

    RACHEL

    This is bullshit.

    STEW

    Sorry babe.

    RACHEL

    She’s like Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde.

    Stew wraps his arms around Rachel, but she pulls away.

    She sits on the couch, lights a cigarette and puts her shoes on. Gathers her things. Then hits the bong.

    Rachel sits. When she is finished, she stubs out her smoke. Stew hands her a flannel button down jacket.

    RACHEL

    Thanks.

    CARLEE

    Come on you guys.

    RACHEL (sotto.)

    God!!!

    STEW (whispering)

    Do you wanna sleep down stairs. In the locker?

    Rachel glares at Stew.

    STEW

    Forget it. Come here.

    Stew pulls Rachel toward him and holds her in his arms.

    STEW

    What do you want to do?

    Rachel shrugs.

    STEW

    Do you want to go home?

    She pulls away.

    Stew pulls her back in.

    STEW

    Okay. I’m sorry. What then? Hmm?

    RACHEL (defensively.)

    I don’t know.

    Rachel sits. takes another bong. She picks up the classified adds and shoves them in her bag. Then gathers the rest of her stuff.

    INT. HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS

    Rachel walks down the hallway and turns into the kitchen. Stew follows her.

    Carlee is in her room at the other end of the hall smoking a joint and singing to herself while doing a silly dance with big sashay moves.

    INT. KITCHEN — CONTINUOUS

    Rachel and Stew exit out the backdoor.

    INT. STAIRWAY — CONTINUOUS

    Rachel heads down the stairs. stops and looks up at Stew.

    STEW

    Where ya gonna go?

    She shrugs and takes off quickly down the stairs.

    EXT. STEW’S APT BUILDING – MOMENTS LATER

    Rachel looks up at Stew who sits in the window watching her. He waves.

    She turns and slowly walks away carrying her bags over her shoulder.

    EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD STREET – CONTINUOUS

    Rachel walks down a street. Peers into doorways of apartment buildings.

    She walks up to a door and turns the handle. It’s locked.

    She tries a couple more until finally, one opens. She slips inside.

    INT. FOYER OF APARTMENT BLDG – CONTINUOUS

    Rachel piles up her bags in the corner under the stairwell to make a pillow. She curls up. tries to get comfortable and as concealed as possible. Her eyes are bloodshot, pupils dilated.

    INT. FOYER OF APARTMENT BLDG. – DAWN

    Rachel sleeps, still curled up in the same position.

    The SOUND of a door being closed and locked just a couple of flights above her.

    Rachel jolts awake.

    The SOUND of footsteps descend the stairs.

    Rachel jumps up, quickly gathers her things and quietly slips out the door.

    EXT. OUTSIDE APARTMENT BUILDING – CONTINUOUS

    Rachel walks quickly to the sidewalk.

    A BUSINESS MAN, 30’s, emerges from the building. Walks briskly as he buttons up his jacket. He is startled when he looks up to see Rachel standing in his path, but immediately dismisses her and continues down the street.

    Rachel walks, uncertain of where to go.

    EXT. BEACH – CONTINUOUS

    The sun rises over the lake.

    Rachel crosses the street toward the beach. She stops in the sand and looks out at the lake.

    Then, Rachel turns back. Sizes up the house on the corner. Walks toward the house. Crosses the street and disappears into the hedges that line the lawn.

    EXT. IN THE HEDGES – CONTINUOUS

    Rachel finds a small concealed clearing on the grass between some hedges. stops. Piles up her things to make a pillow. And curls up in a tight ball to get warm.

    Rachel digs into the side pocket of a bag and pulls out a little pipe and some matches. She pulls off the piece of cardboard covering the bowl, takes a big hit of pot, puts it away, then curls back up.

    she exhales the smoke. Dew drops glisten on blades of grass. Her eyes are sad vacant.

    INT. GUEST ROOM – MORNING

    Rachel, 50’s, wakes up. Shuns from the bright like. She’s hungover. Takes a drink of water from the bottle in her bag.

    Looks in the mirror at the bags under her eyes. Finds the rolled up sock. Takes a little bump from last nights packet.

    Grabs the towel and her toiletries.

    INT. SHOWER – CONTINUOUS

    Rachel showers.

    INT. STEW’S KITCHEN – MORNING

    1977. Rachel peeks her head in. listens for a moment, then tip toes through the kitchen and stops at the threshold. peers down the long hallway.

    Once certain that nobody’s home, Rachel quickly moves down the hall and disappears into the bathroom.

    The SOUND of the shower being turned on.

    INT. DINER – MORNING

    Rachel sits at a table near the window. She is dressed nice. Wears make-up.

    Rachel studies the want ads. Several ads have been circled, but one in particular is heavily circled with notes written on it. She circles a couple more then stubs out her cigarette in the already full ashtray.

    A WAITRESS, 50’s and surly, approaches the table carrying a coffee pot.

    WAITRESS

    More coffee?

    RACHEL Sure. Thanks.

    WAITRESS

    Honey, sorry, but are you gonna be eating?

    Rachel looks up from the paper..,

    RACHEL

    What.., Oh, sorry. What?

    WAITRESS

    Will you be ordering food?

    RACHEL

    No. But I’ll be gone in a few minutes. I’m just waiting for a ride.

    WAITRESS

    Uh-huh.

    RACHEL

    Seriously. I’ll leave you a good tip. I promise. Waitress turns to leave.

    RACHEL

    Wait. Can I please just have a little more coffee?

    Waitress comes back and begrudgingly pours some more coffee into Rachel’s cup.

    INT. KITCHEN – MOMENTS LATER

    Rachel, cleaned up, hair wet, at the table with Glen and Sheila eating breakfast. Glen takes a piece of paper out of his pocket.

    GLEN

    Hey Rachel. So I wrote down the Post Office Box address where I send our rent checks.

    Hands it to her.

    RACHEL

    Oh my God. That’s awesome. Thank you.

    GLEN

    I don’t know if it’ll help. But you can start / there.

    RACHEL

    No. This is great.

    Looks at the paper.

    RACHEL

    Oh my. That’s quite a ways away.

    GLEN

    Indeed.

    Sardonic. Hesitant. Put out. Rachel tries..,

    RACHEL

    Road trip!

    GLEN

    Well it’ll be an adventure, if nothing else.

    RACHEL

    I’ll say. I’ll have to figure out my schedule…

    SHEILA

    You’re mother. I remember that she was nice. And very handy. Right honey.

    GLEN

    Yes she was. More so than I could ever be.

    Sheila points out ornate wood work and kitchen cabinets.

    SHEILA

    Apparently, she did all of this herself.

    RACHEL

    Doesn’t surprise me.

    SHEILA

    I remember when we came to look at the house the first time. She had all the big tools out. Saws and drills.

    GLEN

    Pretty impressive.

    Rachel smiles knowingly to herself. Gets up.

    RACHEL

    Well, I better get my stuff together. Are you sure you don’t mind giving me a ride.

    GLEN

    Sure no problem.

    SHEILA

    We need to go into town anyway.

    RACHEL

    Okay. I really appreciate it. I’ll be right down.

    SHEILA

    Take your time, honey. Oh, and we have a little care package her for you to take.

    RACHEL

    Oh my goodness. You’re both so kind. Too kind.

    SHEILA

    It’s no big deal. Just some snacks and drinks for the ride.

    RACHEL

    I don’t know what to say.

    SHEILA

    You don’t have to say anything.

    GLEN

    Really. It’s our pleasure.

    RACHEL

    Well. I don’t know how to thank you.

    EXT. TOW TRUCK LOT – CONTINUOUS

    Rachel 50’s, exits the Tow truck office, carrying her duffel and the care package. She waves graciously at the nice couple. They drive off. She finds her truck and loads up.

  • andrea cabanas

    Member
    January 23, 2022 at 3:28 am

    Andrea Cabañas has completed ACT 2 Draft 1.

    What I learned from this (one more time!) is that every time I saw myself stuck, I did my best not to overthink much about the scene/dialogue and kept writing.

    EXT. STREETS – DAY

    Zoe walks on the street proud of the meeting she had with Juan. She speaks over the phone with Georgia.

    ZOE

    … Yeah, that’s what I thought, right? He didn’t even try to put the price down. I told him and he just said yep, let’s do it. Yes!

    She laughs while hearing. Then she stops.

    ZOE

    … Can you believe I’ll have a deposit to buy the studio next to yours? Let’s celebrate!

    (pause)

    Okay, but I just can’t on Friday, I’m going to check his house, he also wants me to do some landscape.

    What? What did you say?

    She laughs.

    ZOE

    Yep. He is hot, girl! You should– Oh okay then, talk to you soon. I’m going to mom’s to pick up more clothes so I’ll be there later on. Cheers, buy.

    Zoe turns off her mobile and sees Paula leaning over her car at the other side of the road. Their eyes met, she hesitates but keeps walking.

    Paula approaches, she’s elegantly dressed in white pants.

    PAULA

    Hi.

    ZOE

    Hi.

    PAULA

    Are you okay?

    ZOE

    Yes. You?

    Paula looks sideways and places her hands in her pockets.

    PAULA

    We must talk.

    ZOE

    What’s going on?

    Paula doesn’t say much, she opens the car door and motions Zoe to get in.

    Zoe stares at her for a second, takes a deep sigh and enters.

    INT. CAR – DAY – CONTINUOUS

    Zoe and Paula are seated behind the car. DIEGO (50), with dark hair and a big scar on his chin, drives the car. The inside window between the driver and passengers is closed.

    ZOE

    What’s happening?

    PAULA

    Where were you?

    Zoe frowns.

    ZOE

    Eerrr… Working?

    PAULA

    Working?

    ZOE

    Yeah, I had a meeting with a client, what is it? Do I need to give you details about everything I do during the day now?

    Paula sighs.

    PAULA

    I just need to know who’s your client, that’s all.

    Zoe scoffs.

    ZOE

    Got it. You lent me money to open my business and now you want to control my clients.

    PAULA

    There’s nothing to do with it. Just answer me, who was the client?

    Zoe looks away reluctant, places her hand in her mouth and nip bites her thumb before talking.

    PAULA

    Please.

    ZOE

    His name is Matias, Matias Gon… Forgot his surname. He’s from Colombia, lives here for–

    Paula scoffs nervously and mutters.

    PAULA

    (in Spanish)

    Hijo de puta.

    ZOE

    What did you say?

    Paula reaches for her mobile phone, opens some pictures and hands them to Zoe. Pictures of Juan.

    ZOE

    What is this?

    PAULA

    Keep scrolling till the last pictures.

    Zoe scrolls it and sees her picture of having lunch with him. She stares at Paula with wide eyes.

    ZOE

    What… Are you following me? This is ridiculous.

    She hits the glass window.

    ZOE

    Stop the car! Stop this fucking car!

    Diego looks over his shoulder but doesn’t pay much attention to her.

    Paula speaks with a lower voice tone but is authoritative.

    PAULA

    This man is Juan Estigarribia, the one the police detectives are looking for.

    Zoe stops but doesn’t face Paula.

    PAULA

    We worked together a long time ago. They set me in a trap and he went to jail…

    She stares at the window outside. Zoe leans back to her sit, staring at the other side nibbling her thumb again.

    PAULA

    … And I was blamed for it. Now I understand why he’s here in Sydney. You must stop seeing him.

    A moment of silence.

    ZOE

    And why should I believe in you?

    PAULA

    Because it’s the truth.

    ZOE

    The truth? Really? So please tell me, who are you!

    Paula smiles and answers calmly.

    PAULA

    Paula Ortega.

    ZOE

    Where are you from?

    PAULA

    I was born in Tijuana, Mexico, had some business with the narco–

    ZOE

    (scoffs)

    Fuck.

    PAULA

    … But gave up this life years ago. Moved to Barcelona, where I lived for almost eight years and now I’m here, with you.

    Zoe faces Paula.

    ZOE

    I can’t do this.

    Paula places her hand onto Zoe’s hand and squeezes it.

    PAULA

    You need to stay away from him. For sure he’s up to something.

    ZOE

    (to herself)

    This project is my freedom. I’ll buy my own place and–

    PAULA

    Is it the money that you need? I’ll give you money but stay away from him!

    ZOE

    I don’t want your bloody money! Thank you for everything you gave to me and I’m glad I paid you back but now it’s my time to do my things!

    PAULA

    Hey, listen to me.

    They stare at each other.

    PAULA

    This man is dangerous. Don’t get involved with him.

    ZOE

    I’m already involved since the first time I met you, Paula.

    INT. KATRINA’S HOUSE – ZOE’S BEDROOM – DAY

    Zoe’s wardrobe is open, she puts some clothes in a backpack placed on her bed. She picks up a few shows and a perfume.

    Katrina appears at the door. Hesitates but comes in. She leans against the wall. Her voice tone is soft.

    KATRINA

    I didn’t hear you coming.

    Zoe doesn’t make eye contact with Katrina. She’s focused on her stuff.

    ZOE

    I didn’t want to bother you.

    Katrina glances at Zoe’s belongings and sees a PORTRAIT with Zoe and her brother Cris together. They were around ten years old. Katrina grabs it with fond and smiles.

    KATRINA

    I love this photo. I remember it was so difficult to make him take a picture, remember? He never liked being in pictures, don’t know why.

    Zoe glances Katrina over her shoulder.

    ZOE

    He was ashamed of what happened to him.

    Katrina reacts, her semblance changes. She goes to the window and stares outside.

    KATRINA

    I tried to help him. Oh lord, how I tried.

    ZOE

    You didn’t do anything. You just pretended nothing had happened. You and Frank.

    KATRINA

    He’s your father.

    ZOE

    And he didn’t do anything to defend his own son!

    Katrina cringes, a tear drops from her eye. She dries it with the back of her hand, clears her throat and faces Zoe.

    KATRINA

    You don’t need to do this.

    ZOE

    I’m just doing what you told me to.

    Katrina moves closer, tries to make Zoe stop.

    KATRINA

    Let’s put this behind us. I… I was angry, I wasn’t thinking clearly when I said that. Please…

    She holds Zoe’s hands.

    KATRINA

    Stay. This is your home. You don’t need to go anywhere.

    Zoe stares at her mother.

    ZOE

    I already made my mind.

    Zoe lets go of her mother and continue packing. Katrina comes closer again, but Zoe ignores her.

    KATRINA

    Look, I promise I’ll change. You can date whoever you want. I… I won’t interfere in your relationships anymore. If you like this woman… it’s your choice, what can I do… huh?

    She forces a smile. Zoe glances at her, rolls her eyes and scoffs.

    ZOE

    You’re funny, Katrina Muller.

    Katrina follows Zoe.

    KATRINA

    It’s true. Look, I really don’t care, okay, you can do whatever you want with your life. You’re a grown woman and–

    ZOE

    That’s why I’m doing what I’m doing. I can’t be living with you for the rest of my life. It’s time to let it go, isn’t it? Both of us.

    KATRINA

    But what about work? Where are you staying?

    ZOE

    I’m staying at Georgia’s, she’s is helping me–

    KATRINA

    Georgia? But he–

    Zoe puts her hand up.

    ZOE

    Mom, stop! She is my friend, okay, and she is helping me a lot.

    Katrina plops down on Zoe’s bed with shoulders down, head down. She murmurs.

    KATRINA

    Please, don’t do this.

    She starts to cry. Zoe hesitates for a moment but keeps going, although in a slow rhythm.

    ZOE

    Don’t do this, Mom.

    As Katrina speaks, her anxiety increases, her voice tone becomes almost desperate.

    KATRINA

    What have I done to deserve this? I always did my best to help you, to protect you, you and your brother. When Chris died, part of me also died. Don’t let my other part die too, Zoe.

    Zoe sighs deeply; she hates seeing her mother cry.

    ZOE

    Mom, I’m not leaving you forever. Think it’s like I’m getting married but instead of getting married, I’m going to live with a friend, save money and buy my own house.

    KATRINA

    You can’t do this to me!

    Katrina storms out of the room. Zoe hears when Katrina starts throwing things on the floor, glasses breaking, portraits breaking.

    Zoe rushes.

    INT. KATRINA’S HOUSE – LOUNGE – DAY – CONTINUOUS

    Zoe halts seeing some furniture overturned on the floor, a broken vase, shattered wall paintings on the floor. Katrina’s defeated, seated on a couch, shaking with sobs.

    Zoe takes a deep breath, approaches and sits. Katrina curls up in her daughter’s arms, who rocks as if she was a baby.

    INT. GEORGIA’S STUDIO – DAY

    Georgia is working on a clay sculpture in the middle of the lounge; she is covered in mud, happy with the results of her art. The furniture is dragged to make space.

    Seated comfortable with her knees bent over the chair, Zoe watches Georgia working. Zoe has elbows resting on her knees with clasped hands.

    ZOE

    You’re not going to say anything.

    GEORGIA

    (scoffs)

    I knew she would do something like that.

    She glances at Zoe.

    GEORGIA

    As she always does, hey.

    Zoe sighs heavily, drops her head backwards.

    ZOE

    Ahhhh, I hate when this happens.

    GEORGIA

    She plays with you.

    Zoe shakes her head.

    ZOE

    I hate when she does that. It’s just–it breaks my heart seeing her like that. I feel sorry for her.

    GEORGIA

    And what about you? What about your independence, the idea of having your own space, having your own life?

    ZOE

    I’m not giving up this, I’m just–staying a bit longer with her, that’s all.

    GEORGIA

    I wonder about the day you’ll get married. She’s going to kill herself.

    Zoe scoffs.

    ZOE

    You know I won’t get married.

    GEORGIA

    You already told James you love him.

    Both laugh. Georgia has a good glance at her art and cleans her hands. She turns to Zoe.

    GEORGIA

    Fancy a wine?

    ZOE

    Sure.

    Georgia walks to the small wine fridge, takes a bottle of red and reaches for wine glasses. She pours the wine, hands one glass to Zoe and seats on the floor, facing Zoe.

    They toast.

    ZOE

    To your surgery.

    GEORGIA

    To our happiness.

    They smile and sip their wines. Zoe appreciates it with eyes closed. Georgia looks at Zoe and squints.

    ZOE

    What?

    GEORGIA

    Do you still have this crazy idea of taking the job with the drug dealer?

    ZOE

    Girl, this is the beginning of my freedom.

    GEORGIA

    He’s a drug dealer, woman!

    ZOE

    This is what Paula said.

    GEORGIA

    Paula and the investigators who went to your place.

    Georgia comes closer, still seated on the ground.

    GEORGIA

    Have you never watched Narcos? They are dangerous people.

    Zoe rolls her eyes.

    ZOE

    You’re watching too much Netflix, hun. Look, I know what I’m doing. I’m doing what I love, it’s a big project, and I’ll be able to buy my own place. We’ll be neighbours!

    Zoe toasts, Georgia smiles and also toasts.

    GEORGIA

    I don’t know. Paula seems really worried. And oh my god!

    ZOE

    What?

    GEORGIA

    I always admired Paula, you know, she’s chic, has a style. And who’ll believe that she’s also a narco!

    Georgia opens and covers her mouth with her hands, a smile with wide eyes.

    GEORGIA

    You can be the new Queen of the South!

    Zoe puts her hands up in the air.

    ZOE

    Oh my goodness! Stop, woman! You’re crazy.

    Zoe taps Georgia’s shoulder and they laugh again. Then, Georgia changes her mood to be more serious.

    GEORGIA

    I need to tell you something.

    ZOE

    Uh oh…

    GEORGIA

    I’m seeing someone.

    Zoe opens her mouth in awe.

    ZOE

    No way! Who’s he? Do I know him?

    GEORGIA

    (smiles)

    He’s the father of one of my students. His wife died a few years ago.

    ZOE

    Since when?

    GEORGIA

    It’s been a couple of months.

    ZOE

    And why didn’t tell me anything?

    Georgia’s sarcastic.

    GEORGIA

    I thought he was just another one, you know. Those guys who are just curious, want to have a different experience and when they have what they want, that’s it, finished it.

    ZOE

    But not him.

    Georgia sighs with her head up, looking at the ceiling.

    GEORGIA

    Nope.

    Zoe smiles.

    ZOE

    I can see the glitter in your eyes.

    GEORGIA

    I know. It’s been a long time since your uncle died.

    Zoe looks away and sighs. Back to Georgia, she stares at her friend, places her loose fringe behind her ear.

    ZOE

    I knew you would find someone as special as him.

    GEORGIA

    Thank you.

    Zoe frowns.

    ZOE

    Thank you?

    GEORGIA

    You know how hard this world is with someone like me. Your uncle was the most adorable man, he helped me so much going through all stages of my–

    (she blows out)

    To find my new me.

    ZOE

    He loved you a lot.

    GEORGIA

    And oddly enough he didn’t know how to deal with what he really was.

    A tear drops from her eyes and Zoe’s.

    ZOE

    I’m sure he’s happy for you, wherever he is now.

    GEORGIA

    Yep. So, let’s make a toast for the most loving man in the world, who introduced us and blessed our lives with this strong friendship the way it was supposed to be.

    ZOE

    Cheers, my friend.

    They drink and embrace each other. Georgia teases Zoe.

    GEORGIA

    Mmmm, don’t hug me too tight otherwise I get horny.

    ZOE

    Come on, I know you’re not a lesbian.

    They laugh.

    GEORGIA

    And talking about lesbos…

    (clicks her tongue)

    How’s our queen Paula? Does she know you’ll keep working to the narco guy?

    ZOE

    No, she can’t even dream about it. I don’t know how I’m gonna do it but I’ll think about it later.

    She takes a sip of her wine with a worried glare, narrowed eyes.

    INT. KATRINA’S HOUSE – ZOE’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

    Zoe works on her computer listening to some funky, groovy music. There is some paper scattered on the table, the TV is on but on mute. She finishes something and happy with the results, makes a little dance still seated. She has a sip of her water.

    Her phone rings, it’s Paula.

    ZOE

    Hey.

    PAULA

    How are you?

    ZOE

    Busy, but okay. And you?

    PAULA

    You’re not taking my calls.

    ZOE

    I told you, I’m a bit busy at the moment. I got another project and it’s a bit challenging.

    PAULA

    Really. What about?

    ZOE

    Err… A couple of friends from Georgia are opening a new business and want to renovate the old space. It’s a dental practice, it seems interesting.

    PAULA

    Congratulations.

    ZOE

    Thank you.

    Paula’s voice is soft, sexy.

    PAULA

    I made a vegetarian paella, the one you like. And I think I cooked too much just for myself so I wondered if you’d like to come over.

    ZOE

    Oh… I can’t go now.

    PAULA

    Why not? Because of your mom?

    Zoe scoffs.

    PAULA

    Sorry. I didn’t want to be rude.

    ZOE

    It’s okay.

    PAULA

    I also bought some wine from New Zealand. You told me once that they have the best white wines in the world.

    ZOE

    Paula look, I–

    PAULA

    I’m wearing soft, new lingerie that I bought from Gucci… It’s so soft that I feel naked.

    Zoe licks her lips, closes her eyes.

    PAULA

    I miss you…

    (she moans softly)

    I think we should talk about… you know… Extraño tus labios… Tu boca en mi boca…

    Zoe bites her lips, rolls her eyes, takes a deep breath.

    ZOE

    Give me a few minutes.

    Zoe hangs up.

    INT. KATRINA’S HOUSE – LOUNGE – NIGHT

    Katrina watches TV laid on the sofa, a glass of wine at her side. She sees Zoe passing by, glances at her watch.

    KATRINA

    Going where at this time?

    ZOE

    Georgia called. She needs help with something.

    KATRINA

    Can’t she wait until tomorrow? It’s nine pm!

    ZOE

    Nope. And don’t wait for me. I may stay with her overnight. Bye.

    Katrina squints. She gets up, takes her phone and grabs in a drawer the police detective business card.

    She goes to the window and stares at Zoe getting in the car, driving away. She calls them.

    KATRINA

    Can I speak with Mrs Trout, please? It’s Katrina Muller.

    (pause)

    Hello? Hi, Mrs Trout, sorry to call you this late at night. Err… I think my daughter is still seeing that woman… Paula.

    INT. PAULA’S HOUSE – ENTERTAINMENT ROOM – NIGHT

    Clothes are scattered on the ground, the TV is on and plays flamenco music with a dancer (bailaora) performing.

    Zoe and Paula make love, Paula still wears the top of her fancy lingerie top.

    Images of the dancer merge with the movements of Zoe and Paula making love.

    INT. PAULA’S HOUSE – DINING ROOM – NIGHT

    Paula and Zoe eat paella in a romantic atmosphere, with few lights on and candles scattered around the table.

    They toast with a glass of white wine; they talk, they laugh. They have a good time.

    INT. PAULA’S HOUSE – BEDROOM – NIGHT

    Paula and Zoe make love again, and fall asleep holding each other.

    INT. PAULA’S HOUSE – BEDROOM – DAY

    Paula sleeps, her body turned to the glass window. Below the white silk sheet, a hand caresses her legs, going up gently from her foot to her thigh.

    Paula smiles softly, enjoys the touch. She opens her eyes slowly and sees, through the reflection in the window, that it’s not Zoe who’s there.

    At a slow pace, she moans, stretches, and reaches for her gun hidden under her bed. She points at the intruder’s head: it’s Juan.

    PAULA

    Where is she?

    Juan keeps calm and charming. They speak in Spanish with subtitles.

    JUAN

    How rude. You never woke up this grumpy, my love.

    PAULA

    Where is she? What did you do to her?

    Juan seats calmly, charming.

    Don’t worry. Your girlfriend left early, the sun hadn’t risen yet.

    Paula pulls the sheet to cover herself and gets up, gun still pointed at him.

    He scoffs softly, eyes locked on her.

    JUAN

    You don’t need to cover yourself like this as if I never saw your body. Please… I came here in peace.

    Paula stares at him and wears some clothes carefully. Juan watches with a half-smile on his face.

    INT. PAULA’S HOUSE – KITCHEN – DAY

    Juan is at the table having a coffee. Paula’s leaned at the kitchen bench, arms crossed.

    He feels the coffee aroma and sips. They speak Spanish with subtitles.

    JUAN

    Ahh… You still make the best coffee in the world. Thanks.

    Paula taps her feet on the ground.

    PAULA

    What are you doing here?

    He finishes his coffee and leans back in the chair.

    JUAN

    I have a big shipment coming here and I need your help.

    PAULA

    You know I’ve been out of this game for a long time.

    Juan scoffs, tilts his head and gets up. He walks towards her.

    JUAN

    I know. And in the meantime I spent my time counting the years while I was in jail.

    He comes closer, faces her. They stare at each other, Paula doesn’t fear his presence at all.

    JUAN

    I believe this is the best time for you to pay back what you owe me for everything you did to me.

    PAULA

    I was on your side. The Rodriguez set you up, I had nothing to do with it.

    He stares at her, scans her face, licks his lips and tilts his head. They speak in English now.

    JUAN

    Why am I still hard to believe you?

    PAULA

    I’m telling you the truth.

    Juan talks in a defiant tone.

    JUAN

    I want my money back and you will help me with this shipment.

    PAULA

    I’m not in this business anymore.

    JUAN

    But you know people in Sydney airport. I meant, one person.

    PAULA

    I won’t talk to him.

    Juan scoffs softly.

    JUAN

    It’s this or a million dollars in cash.

    PAULA (in Spanish with subtitles)

    You’re crazy? I don’t have this money.

    He scans her kitchen and back to her. He also speaks Spanish.

    JUAN

    You have until the first of July to decide what to do. Talk to him or give me the money…

    PAULA

    Or what?

    He whispers in her ear in Spanish.

    JUAN

    Your little sweetheart will pay with her life.

    He steps back, takes her hand and places a soft kiss on it.

    JUAN

    I’ll see you soon, cariño.

    He leaves.

    PAULA

    ¡Coño!

    MONTAGE

    Zoe works day and night in her bedroom on Juan’s project.

    She talks over the phone while scribbles over drawings scattered on the table.

    She visits Juan’s office, talks to workers doing their jobs.

    Katrina argues with Zoe back home while Zoe tries to concentrate on her work.

    Zoe makes love with Paula.

    Sleepy, Zoe works on her computer later at night.

    Zoe shows Juan the project on her computer screen.

    Paula’s security man watches them from a distance. Zoe notices.

    The first payment comes into her account. She dances on her own celebrating.

    INT./EXT. JUAN’S HOUSE – DAY

    ADRIANO (’40), Juan’s security guard leads Zoe to a spacious room where a grand piano stands. There’s a nice view of Sydney’s Tamarama Beach.

    Zoe walks through the beautiful, spacious lounge. There are paintings of Frida Kahlo and Andy Warhol on the walls. She stares at Frida Kahlo’s.

    Juan arrives wearing bright linen trousers and a white T-shirt. He’s hot.

    JUAN

    Sorry to keep you waiting.

    ZOE

    That’s okay. It didn’t take too long.

    He looks at the painting Zoe is looking at.

    JUAN

    Do you know her work?

    ZOE

    She’s one of my favourite artists.

    JUAN

    Really? I’ll take note of that. Fancy some wine?

    ZOE

    No, I’m okay, thanks. I’m driving.

    JUAN

    Any water or juice? Maria makes a delicious errr, how do you call sandia…?

    Zoe squints, tighten her lips.

    JUAN

    A big fruit, green outside and red–

    ZOE

    Watermelon?

    JUAN

    That’s the one. Maria makes delicious watermelon juice. Do you want to try?

    ZOE

    Sure.

    Juan motions to Adriano, who comes quickly to his command.

    JUAN

    Please, ask Maria to prepare her special jugo de sandia for my guest. We’ll be outside.

    Adriano nods and disappears.

    Juan motions Zoe to the garden.

    JUAN

    Shall we?

    Juan leads Zoe outside.

    EXT. GARDEN – DAY

    Juan and Zoe seat at a table near the swimming pool under a big umbrella. The sun is shining and the ocean views is astonishing.

    Zoe drinks her WATERMELON JUICE while Juan has a whiskey. She notices TWO MEN, both in their forties, dressed in black, each one carrying small devices similar to radio transmitters.

    JUAN

    Are you okay?

    Zoe smiles nervously, dissimulates.

    ZOE

    Err.. Are you afraid of being assaulted or something?

    Juan eyes his employees.

    JUAN

    I like the feeling of being protected. Don’t you?

    ZOE

    We’re in Australia, you don’t need to worry much about it.

    JUAN

    It takes only one tentative to make you feel uncomfortable even living in a safe country like this, cariño.

    ZOE

    What did you call me?

    JUAN

    Sorry, I didn’t mean to insult you. I said cariño. It’s hard to translate some words to English because they lose the real meaning. It’s something like saying my dear, or sweetie. But see? Calling you sweetie doesn’t have the same power as cariño.

    ZOE

    I heard someone saying that if you translate Gabriel Garcia Marques into English, the novel had two hundred pages less.

    They laugh.

    JUAN

    Exactly.

    Zoe takes a deep breath and picks up her computer. She opens it and starts making notes.

    JUAN

    You’re an amazing professional. You brought life to my office.

    ZOE

    I haven’t finished yet.

    JUAN

    My bad, sorry. Bad English. I meant you bring life.

    ZOE

    Thank you. And your English is great.

    JUAN

    I’m glad that I found you.

    She smiles but doesn’t answer. She starts taping some notes nervously.

    ZOE

    Well, me too. I mean, I’m really glad to work for you on this project. It really means a lot to me.

    JUAN

    Good to know.

    A moment of silence.

    ZOE

    I’m just writing down some notes we discussed if you don’t mind.

    JUAN

    No, of course.

    He gives a sip on his drink, lays back and crosses his legs comfortably. He squints and locks his eyes on her.

    JUAN

    May I ask you something?

    ZOE

    Sure.

    JUAN

    Is there any mister Muller in your life?

    Zoe blushes. It’s impossible not to resist his flirt but she keeps taking notes.

    ZOE

    Err… No, no mister Muller in my life.

    JUAN

    Any misses?

    She stops writing for a second, clears her throat, takes another sip of her juice.

    ZOE

    No. No misses, no one in my life.

    JUAN

    Que desperdicio una mujer tan linda como vos.

    Zoe scoffs softly.

    ZOE

    What did you say again?

    JUAN

    Nothing. I was just thinking out loud here. Let’s get back to work, shall we? Another juice?

    Zoe nods nervously and takes a deep breath, while Juan motions to one of his men to grab another juice.

    EXT./INT. KATRINA’S HOUSE – DAY

    Zoe arrives and sees her mother getting out of a car but doesn’t see the driver.

    Katrina tells Zoe it’s her father. Zoe rages. She wants her to see her father again as she knows she’s still with Paula.

    They argue. Zoe drives away and notices she’s been followed.

    EXT. PAULA’S HOUSE – NIGHT

    Zoe arrives at Paula’s house; she waits anxiously for the driver who is chasing her to pass.

    Paula’s man, Victor, passes slowly with the car, greets Zoe and moves on.

    Zoe rings the bell; there’s no answer.

    She calls Paula, but it goes to her voice mail. She gets in the car, waits a while. Tries to find some music on her Spotify, but nothing pleases her.

    She taps her fingers on the steering wheel, looks around. She takes a deep breath, exhales, starts the car engine and drives away.

    EXT. STREETS/FRONT OF RESTAURANT – NIGHT

    A bit further away, Zoe sees Paula’s car in front of a close restaurant. She parks the car and walks around.

    At the back of the restaurant, there’s a nice garden; Zoe hears someone talking. Her eyes wide seeing Paula with another VIVIAN (30), well-groomed, slim woman with long, dark hair.

    Zoe stands still watching them. When they are about to kiss each other, Vivian notices Zoe. Paula looks back, they eyes met. Zoe’s mouth “FUCK YOU” and leaves.

    Paula follows her.

    EXT. STREETS – NIGHT

    Zoe cries, drives dangerously through the quiet streets.

    EXT. BOTANIC PAR – NIGHT

    Zoe stops the car in front of the botanic park, slams the car door, walks through the darkness and yells.

    Paula arrives. (She begs Zoe to don’t go anymore to Juan’s house, that she’s in danger and she can’t protect her for much longer. They argue.)

    ZOE

    Why are you doing this to me?

    PAULA

    Because I love you.

    END: Zoe retreats, no action, like James when he heard it from her. Zoe runs to her car and leaves.

    EXT. STREETS OF SYDNEY – NIGHT

    Zoe cries while driving through the streets. She stops at the red traffic light, signalling left. Above, a sign indicating Tamarama ahead, city to the left. She stares at it for a moment, wonders.

    The traffic lights to the left turn green and she doesn’t move; she taps her fingers on the steering wheel nervously.

    The main light turns green, she mouths “FUCK”, and speeds driving forward.

    —– MIDPOINT —-

    EXT. FRONT OF JUAN’S HOUSE – NIGHT

    Zoe parks her car in front of Juan’s house and stares at it. She looks at herself in the car’s rearview mirror, rubs her face, smooths her hair. She stares at her image and leans back against the car seat.

    She looks sideways at the house and sighs heavily.

    ZOE

    (to herself)

    What are you doing, Zoe?

    Zoe closes her eyes gives another sigh, and when she moves to turn on her car, Adriano appears out of nowhere and knocks at her window. She jumps in fright.

    ZOE

    For Christ sake!

    ADRIANO

    Sorry if I scared you.

    She opens her window breaths heavily.

    ADRIANO

    Mi patrón waits for you.

    Zoe frowns glances sideways. Adriano waits patiently with a soft smile.

    She hesitates for a moment, takes a deep breath and follows him.

    INT. JUAN’S HOUSE – MAIN LOUNGE – NIGHT

    Zoe walks in, followed by Adriano, who closes the door softly and leads her to the main lounge. A piece of soft Cuban music plays in the background.

    Adriano leads her to sit on a comfortable sofa when Juan appears. He wears bright, comfy clothes contrasting beautifully with his tanned olive skin.

    JUAN

    There she is.

    He approaches, holding a glass of whisky. He kisses her softly, stops for a second, moves slightly close to her neck and smells her skin.

    JUAN

    Not sure if I recognize this perfume.

    Zoe clears her throat nervously.

    ZOE

    I’m not wearing any perfume.

    JUAN

    A natural sense, then.

    He backs away and stares at her.

    JUAN

    I like it.

    She glances at his soft, tempting lips and looks away nervously.

    Juan scoffs softly, charmingly, and motions her to another area of the house.

    INT. JUAN’S HOUSE – ENTERTAINMENT ROOM – NIGHT

    The living room is large, with a glass wall overlooking the sea. The lights of the surrounding mansions add to the charm of the look. The music comes from there.

    Colourful artwork frames are hung on the wall. Zoe eyes everything in detail while Juan pours brandy on a glass. She notices there’s cocaine lined in a plate nearby.

    Juan approaches and gives the glass to her. He glances at the drug.

    JUAN

    I hope you don’t mind.

    ZOE

    No, not at all.

    They toast, she sips her drink. He doesn’t stop admiring her.

    JUAN

    I wonder why you took so long to come in and knock on my door.

    ZOE

    How did you know I was here?

    JUAN

    You didn’t answer my question.

    ZOE

    (blows her mouth)

    I wasn’t sure if it was the right move to make.

    JUAN

    Did you argue with someone?

    She avoids eye contact.

    ZOE

    Mom… She drives me crazy sometimes.

    JUAN

    I see. Mothers can be too controlling. They believe they own us till the end of their lives.

    He takes the cocaine and prepares another line. He motions it to her, but she doesn’t accept it.

    JUAN

    My mother was a little bit like that, sometimes too much. We used to have big arguments, mainly when I took some girlfriends home, you know.

    He snorts a line, closes his eyes for a second, exhales with pleasure and takes a sip of his drink.

    JUAN

    Then she would come and make me pray with her because it was a sin what I was doing. No, no, no, I couldn’t have sex before marriage; it was a nightmare for her.

    He giggles softly, stares at the view outside for a moment and places a kiss on the golden cross of his neckless.

    JUAN

    I learned how to pray with her.

    Juan stares at her.

    JUAN

    Do you know how to pray?

    ZOE

    Yes.

    JUAN

    And what about dancing to Cuban music?

    Zoe scoffs softly and locks eyes with him.

    SERIES OF SHOTS

    Juan and Zoe dance to Cuban music.

    They have sex; they talk a lot. They laugh.

    Juan snorts cocaine, Zoe watches, he offers her, and she accepts. They have more sex.

    Zoe snorts more cocaine while he talks; she rolls her eyes, yells and jumps excitedly; they dance more, they laugh more, they have a good time.

    INT. JUAN’S HOUSE – BEDROOM – NIGHT

    Juan sleeps deeply, but Zoe can’t relax. She looks sideways and slowly gets out of the bed. Silently, Zoe wears her clothes and eyes a small pack of cocaine intact placed on top of a small table near the bed.

    She walks towards it and hesitates for a moment. She looks at Juan over her shoulders; he sleeps deeply. She opens the drawer curious and finds more. Zoe twists her lips, glances at him again, grabs two small packs when she sees a gun inside the drawer. She walks back, eyes wide open. She closes the drawer slowly, places the cocaine in her bag and leaves.

    Juan opens her eyes but doesn’t say anything.

    EXT. JUAN’S HOUSE – NIGHT

    Zoe is about to enter her car when she hears a noise coming from the back of the wall. She looks sideways. There’s no one. She moves forward and hears that someone is getting beaten up.

    She identifies a car parked nearby. It’s from the man who was chasing her.

    Suddenly, her eyes are wide open, and we only hear the sound of someone hitting a person with hardwood, followed by the sound of a body falling to the ground.

    Zoe’s eyes well, jaws dropped. She moves backwards and rushes to her car. She opens the door nervously and speeds.

    Adriano sees her leaving. He holds a baseball bat with a bloodstain.

    INT./EXT. CAR – NIGHT

    Zoe cries, speeds, mumbles inaudible words. She drives careless; doesn’t pay attention to traffic lights when she passes through a police car.

    The policeman turns on his car lights and follows her.

    Zoe looks through the rearview mirror.

    ZOE

    Shit!

    She pulls over, breaths heavily. She opens the car window and waits for the police officer, who carries a flashlight in his hand. She mumbles a few words as if praying, nip biting the tip of her thumb.

    The policeman checks her driver license, they talk briefly, she nods. He gives her the breathalyzer, she blows it for a few seconds, sees the results.

    POLICEMAN

    I need to seize your driver’s license, Ms Muller. You can call someone to pick up your car. You must come with me, please.

    She sighs heavily, doesn’t argue. Grabs her bag, locks the car and gets into the police car.

  • Dana Abbott

    Member
    February 12, 2022 at 9:05 pm

    Dana has completed Act 2

    What have I learned from this assignment?

    I wrote all my scene during the previous lesson. Once I had a clear vision and could see the Midpoint, scripting became easier and faster. It’s not perfect, but it’s close to what I want.

    SCENES COMPLETED.

  • Lori Lance

    Member
    March 11, 2022 at 4:17 pm

    Lori Has Completed Act 1

    What I learned from this assignment is to keep pressing on and to be okay with the first draft. There’s still lots of work to be done.

    Short Transition Scene:

    INT. THOMAS’ HOUSE – NIGHT

    Thomas is in his chair. The blank yellow legal pad sits on the table next to him, and his holding his closed Bible in his hands.

    A SIREN is heard from the street in front of Thomas’ house.

    Thomas looks toward the window as the lights from an ambulance going by can be seen through the curtains.

    THOMAS

    Dear, God.

    Thomas bows his head.

    The phone RINGS.

    Thomas doesn’t answer it.

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