Post Day 17 Assignment Here

[Julia Keefer]

If I understand Hal’s emails correctly, our final condensed outline, sans sluglines, should be posted here before we move to characters and subtext.

Concept: Confronted with the obstacles of adoption, psychopathic genes, bad luck, and characters smart enough to uncover his crimes, Bobby/Leo/BB/Betty, a serial killer/rapist/arsonist, transitions into a hit man and then a female chef who sacrifices her life to save others.

Lead Characters: Bobby/Leo/BB/Betty, Ibrahim, Jake and Litonya, and rocks
Theme: Fate versus Will

Plot/Structure: Transformation. Horror or Drama with Fantasy, Fun, Fitness, and Fear

1. Set-Up. BB poses as a helpful, clean guy during the COVID pandemic, secretly squirting sanitizers filled with condensed COVID and lighting up outdoor restaurants near rent-stabilized tenements, hiding his crimes as he helps kids construct eco boats and IBRAHIM, LITONYA, and RODNEY take care of their lives, businesses, and loved ones.

2. Inciting Incident: DREAM to NIGHTMARE of his Bobby/Leo/BB’s past as a serial killer rapist as he sleeps peacefully on a docked boat in 2020 on Huguenot Street beside the place where he secretly squirted COVID sanitizer to expedite COVID deaths among the older or weaker Feldmans.

3. The main conflict is between BB/Betty, himself, herself, genes, fate, climate disasters, and the good guys Jake, Litonya, and the kids, and a powerful good guy turned bad, Ibrahim al Harbi.

4. First Turning Point: BB becomes Betty after setting the fire that killed Joe, his/her adopted son and his wife CS, convincing Muslim Ibrahim to pay for this expensive sex change since he was the one who ordered the fire to kill CS who knew too much.

5. Mid-Point: Betty convinces Ibrahim to give her the Bright Space Brain Buffet to improve their aging brains and avoid the neurodegenerative diseases that are plaguing the La Roche family and others.

6. Second turning point at end of Act 2: Betty is attacked by a gang from East Harlem, similar to the (FLASHBACK) gang that beat him up as a teenager where he lost his right eye as Bobby. Jake is so depressed about having to let his mom die of Alzheimer’s and the knowledge he may be getting Lewy Body dementia that he becomes a detective with the help of his kids to uncover the crime history of Bobby, Leo, BB, and now Betty.

7. Crisis: If Betty doesn’t give Jake and Litonya the Bright Space Brain Buffet, they will reveal his criminal past as a serial killer/rapist/arsonist.

8. Climax: Betty cooks a poisoned dinner that she and Ibrahim eat. Ibrahim fakes death and struggles physically with Betty but is saved by Jake who finishes him off with a sharp basalt rock he keeps in his pocket.

9. Resolution: Betty gives the drugs to Litonya and Jake, helping save their lives, but as she is dying, they put her on a boat near Inwood saltmarshes so she can rock herself to death as the rocks slide into the Hudson and humanity now has another arsenal of cures for neurodegenerative diseases and another fleet of ecoboats like Noah’s arcs for floods and other climate catastrophes.

[Michelle Damis]

Janeen do you still need feedback, would you like to exchange?

[Janeen Johnson]

Janeen’s Request for Exchange

Concept: A wealthy fashionista learns mind control techniques and uses them to empower women at a shelter to take action against their abusers. As her ability to empower the abused grows stronger, the actions taken against the abusers turn deadly.

Plot Choice: Maturation

Character Structure: Protagonist vs. Antagonist

Lead Characters:

Morgan is a wealthy fashionista who learns mind control techniques to empower a woman who is being abused by her husband.
Daniel Richards is a fashion designer who keeps his wife and kids isolated in his home and suspects the protagonist of being in contact with them and working against him, growing angrier and even getting a restraining order against the fashionista.

Dramatic Question: If you use mind control methods to help people without their knowledge are you a criminal if the result is murder?

Main Conflict: As abuse escalates in a household, who will survive? The husband or the wife?

Dilemma: Does the fashionista continue to use mind control techniques to empower the abused and save lives or is she empowering the abused women to become as abusive as their husbands?

Theme: Mind control techniques are an amped up version of “thoughts and prayers”.

Character Arc of Lead Character:

Morgan amuses herself with mind control techniques using them only for self-improvement. She fears getting so deeply into helping others that someone hurts her in revenge of her actions. She saves her designer’s wife and kids, avoids being charged with anything and realizes her power.

Structure:

Opening: Morgan meets Daniel’s abused wife, Amber, and kids, befriending them.

Inciting Incident: At Amber’s request, Morgan calls the police to arrest Daniel for abuse and a verbal contest between Morgan and Daniel erupts.

What the movie is about: Amber has refused to testify so charges have been dropped against Daniel, so Morgan must find must find another way to help Amber.

First turning point at end of Act 1: Morgan and the rest of her fiber arts guild, including Cinda, a cop, realize that outside interference often makes abuse worse, they agree to use mind control techniques to help women in danger.

Mid-Point: Since Silva says you cannot use his techniques to hurt others, they devise ways to use them to fortify the women in the shelter before they leave some strike against abusers with violence and the police are locking up more abusers.

Second turning point at end of Act 2: Amber lands in the ER in critical condition so the guild empowers the her to protect herself and her children which she does by killing Daniel after his next abusive action.

Crisis: The police charge the guild members as accessories to the murder because Cinda’s partner heard about the guild’s prior successes getting women to safely leave their abusive spouses and he thinks they have taken it too far.

Climax: At court, the guild and expert witnesses testify that their techniques are the equivalent of powerful “thoughts and prayers” and Amber is acquitted.

Resolution: After the drama in the courtroom, the judge rules in the guild’s favor.

[Julia Keefer]

Hi Janeen, Since I occasionally eat food with abused women from the Armory, I am intrigued by your story. Do you want to exchange? Julia

[Julia Keefer]

Janeen Johnson’s Condensed Outline
I love the story because of its profound timeliness and the unique twist of involving the wealthy fashionista since people often lump abused women in with the poor and the homeless the way they do around here.

Concept, dilemma, conflicts on a personal and societal level, and character arcs are clear but other than thoughts and prayers, what is YOUR stand on the theme?

Your plot points are clear but what is the WORLD of your opening? Do you have a unique place, urban or rural?

I understand the objectives of Plot Point One and Midpoint, but could you specify a dramatic activity to be filmed, not just agreement and discussions?

Since your plot choice is maturation, could you add a clause precisely describing her transformation?

I am intrigued by your outline and look forward to how these characters will lie, hide, flatter, and cajole to develop subtext.

[Michelle Damis]

PS 80 Michelle Damis DAY 17 Essence Only outline for feedback

LOGLINE: A Vampire forced to find a new place to live finds a home with empty-nester parents who unknowingly trade their soul-sucking daughter for a blood-sucking tenant.

Plot #12 METAMORPHOSIS: This plot is a magical one. It usually begins with a curse that is generally cured by some type of love — either parental, romantic, love of others, or love of God. This is about a transformation back to humanity through love.

Ensemble Cast-Lead Characters:

The Vampire: Ted is a several hundred-year-old Vampire looking for a new place to live due to his abandoned building being torn down to make way for fancy condos.

The Daughter: Nina couldn’t find an affordable apartment after graduating college and was forced to move back in with her parents. She harbors resentment and blames her mother for an event that happened in high school.

The Dad: Jim is a recently retired grade school principal, beloved by all with a heart of gold. He wouldn’t hurt a fly. He always wanted a son.

The Mom: Marin is a recently retired highly respected public defender that hasn’t gotten along with her daughter for years. She also holds a secret, after a sexual attack she was unable to have more children.

DRAMATIC QUESTION: How will the family survive living with a Vampire?

MAIN CONFLICT: The vampire becoming connected to the family and doesn’t want to kill anymore and the daughters tense relationship with her mother.

DILEMMA: What will Ted (the Vampire) choose to do when the family he has grown fond of is in danger? Can he fight his urges for blood? What will he sacrifice? Himself or the closest thing to a family he has ever had?

THEME: “You can always choose a different path”

Character Arc:

The Vampire: Ted goes from a lonely, uncaring, vampire with disdain for humans to wishing he was human again so he could be part of a family.

Nina-The Daughter: goes from an angry, mean daughter with a chip on her shoulder to confessing a secret, forgiving her mother and finding peace.

Jim-The Dad: The gentle man that wouldn’t hurt a fly to being willing to kill to save his family and Ted.

Marin-The Mom: Marin goes from being confused and hurt by her daughters treatment of her, to understanding, forgiving and confessing her own deep secret.

9 beats of Structure:

1. Opening: We meet Ted the Vampire and get to know him (VO background life info narration), going to night club with a vampire friend. We meet Nina at same night club, learn her “life” thru conversation with friend.(the two characters parallel somewhat)
2. Inciting Incident: Ted comes home to notification of demolition. Parents have epiphany “anybody” better than her they decide to get a tenant so they can afford to pay Nina’s rent in the city.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about: Parents interviewing possible tenants, Ted interviews…and they adore him. Nina is thrilled to get to move out but not happy with their choice, she kind of recognizes him, but can’t put her finger on it.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1 Ted learns he can’t kill landlord or family, starting to become fond…feeling like a family, Nina becoming jealous and suspicious.
5. Mid-Point: Nina discovers Ted is a vampire, goes to her parents-who don’t believe her. One or some of Jim and Marin’s friends go missing.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2: Nina confronts Ted, Elder vampires confront Ted-he is cornered.
7. Crisis: Ted wants to protect the family, but he doesn’t want to leave. Marin and Nina go missing. Ted has to tell Jim, Jim asks Ted to turn him to help save his wife and daughter. Ted says No-he promises to save them.
8. Climax: Marin and Nina are tied up together, Why Nina is so angry at her mother comes out after years (explaining her terrible behavior) Marin confesses a shocking secret as well. Things go VERY BAD. Ted has to turn Jim to save them.
9. Resolution They save Ted from the sun, and have taken him into their family.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________

INT. COZY LIBRARY-ISH ROOM – NIGHT

Open on an unidentified man sits in a leather chair, cozy room, fireplace.

INT. TEDS “LAIR” ABANDONED BLDG – NIGHT

Narrated cont. He is sharing what his life is like being a vampire. Where he has lived, how he gets by, what other vampires do etc… Ted is getting ready to go out on the town-primping, choosing outfit etc….

EXT. DOWNTOWN STREETS – NIGHT

Ted walking to night club, narrating still. Explains more about vampires in general (folk-lore, misconceptions), etc…Show Ted do something “kind” for a homeless human

INT. NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT

Ted sees his vampire friend. Ted narrates background on “friend” (very young in vampire years) explains a bit about other vampires in his life. We then see Nina in the night club in the background.

INT. NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT

(we leave narration) Ted sits down at bar with his vampire friend, they start chatting.

INT. NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT

Nina arrives at bar next to Ted, orders drink she observes a guy being too pushy with a girl nearby, she intervenes, Ted notices.

INT. NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT

Nina sits down with a few friends, brings her friends up to date with her situation, she has had to move back home with parents-not happy. No job, etc…

INT. NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT

Ted narrating mor of his thoughts on humans.

INT. NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT

Ted and friend select that nights victim(s) (they select someone that deserves it from audience perspective), Nina almost a target of his friend, Ted dissuades.

EXT. OUTSIDE CLUB ALLEY – NIGHT

Quick scene of victims (don’t show any gore) Ted narrating as he walks how and why he picks his prey.

INT. NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT

Brief montage of Nina partying into the night.

INT. BEDROOM – EARLY AM

Alarm clock going off 5am. Meet Marin and Jim, Ninas parents. (Feel the love and security) reference to being newly retired.

INT. WORKOUT ROOM – EARLY AM

Marin is working out. View some of her accomplishments on walls. Get background from items in the room.

INT. ENTRY WAY

Nina comes home from partying, annoyed she can hear her Mom exercising. Looks at a family picture-mixture of sadness and anger Rolls eyes/dirty looks at Marin as she walks past room. Nina ignores her. Marin exasperated.

INT. NINAS ROOM – EARLY MORNING

Ninas bedroom is a disaster, pulls shades as sun coming up. Flops into bed. Items in room show how much she is loved. But that she is self-sabotaging

INT. HOUSE – EARLY MORNING

Marins finished with workout, walks thru house to kitchen. Nina’s path of destruction-leaves a mess everywhere. Picks up things as she goes. Obviously frustrated.

INT. KITCHEN – EARLY MORNING

Jim in messy Kitchen having coffee, Marin joins him. They have a conversation about Nina. “We can’t live like this” “ANYBODY” would be better than her! “Let’s get a tenant, and pay for her to live in the city” Epiphany/Idea. Marin gets text from her sister.

EXT. TEDS BUILDING – EARLY MORNING/STILL DARK

Ted is walking up to his building. There is a guy posting a sign on a door to bldg. Building being destroyed to make way for fancy condos.

EXT. PARK/WALKING TRAILS – DAY

Marin walks with her sister Rachel, they have talk about Nina (good time to reveal some stuff) Marin tells her about renter idea, Rachel doesn’t like the idea.

INT. HOME OFFICE – DAY

Marin on computer, posting “room for rent” notice, (conflict scene with Nina). Lies to her Mom.

INT. THERAPIST OFFICE –DAY

Nina enters. She lied to her Mom about where she was going.

INT. BAR – NIGHT

Ted telling vampire friends about having to move. Friend suggests move to the suburbs, and loves it. Ted likes the idea. Would be a nice change. They eye their “dinner” (a couple douchebags)

EXT. STREET – NIGHT

Ted has finished “dinner”. Walking home past a coffee shop, sees a room for rent ad in window, takes down number.

**1 week later.

INT. HOUSE – DAY INTO NIGHT

Various interviews with potential renters, one of whom will be Ted.

INT. KITCHEN –MINUTES LATER

Jim and Marin go to kitchen to agree they want Ted.

INT. HOUSE – CONT.

Jim and Marin offer room to Ted. Nina comes home unexpectedly. They have to tell her their brilliant plan. He recognizes her from the nightclub, she can’t put her finger on why he looks familiar.

INT. NINAS CITY APT – DAY

Nina in her new place unpacking with a friend. Happy for herself but suspicious of Ted.

EXT. HOUSE – NIGHT

Ted move in “night”, apologizes for it being dark. He doesn’t have that much stuff.

INT. HOUSE – NIGHT

Jim and Marin are super kind and helpful. Ted has never been treated like this before. Funny “Vegan” dinner scene.

INT. CALL CENTER – NIGHT

Nina consoles a victim and shares part of her story.

EXT.HOUSE – NIGHT

Ted is sneaking out like a teenager to go to club. Already feeling guilty.

INT. NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT

With vampire friends, discusses new place he is living. Ted immediately feels protective-not a normal emotion for him. Nina shows up, Ted sneaks out.

EXT. FIELD – NIGHT

Ted decides to feed on a deer instead of a human. Apologizes to the deer.

INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT

Ted does all the dishes and takes out the garbage before going to bed for the day.

INT. WORKOUT ROOM – EARLY MORNING

Marin working out, Ted smiles as he passes by, opposite of Nina.

INT. KITCHEN – DAY

Marin joins Jim for coffee in spotless kitchen, “This is already working out”. Nina calls, she has a great job interview today.

INT. DOWNTOWN OFFICE – DAY

Nina at interview, sitting in waiting room looking at newspaper. Missing person article, photo of nightclub, missing person-sees Ted in background. Suspicion grows. She rocks interview.

INT. BIG BOX STORE- DAY

Marin is shopping, getting all sorts of Halloween decorations and costumes. Phone call with her sister talking about how well everything is going.

INT. HOME – NIGHT

Marin is putting up Halloween decorations as Ted is “getting up”. Jim comes home- she is excited to show him their costumes this year. VAMPIRES! Jim invites Ted to a movie.

EXT. THEATER – NIGHT

Jim talks about movies and seeing them as a family and how the experience with his Dad was so impactful.

INT. THEATER – NIGHT

Ted mesmerized by movie.

EXT. THEATER – NIGHT

Ted can’t stop talking about movie. Someone is watching (danger) Teds senses kick up….he knows.

INT. HOME – NIGHT

Ted makes an excuse to go to his room and he sneaks out.

INT. NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT

Ted meets his friend asks if he is following him and the humans. Nina interrupts. Tense conversation. She doesn’t trust him. He tells her to stop being a bitch. Nina storms out.

INT. THERAPIST – DAY

Nina at therapist. She was affected by Teds “wake-up call” the night prior.

EXT. THERAPIST BLDG – DAY

Nina is scared by a guy dressed up as a vampire as she leaves building. PHONE RINGS-Gets a call, she GOT THE JOB!

INT. HOME – DAY

Marin doing all sorts of Halloween craft/cookies….getting ready for trick- or –treaters. Threat introduced.

INT. CAR – NIGHT

Nina driving talking with friend on cell, got job, going to pick up her Dad for a celebration dinner.

INT. HOUSE – NIGHT

Nina shows up at parents (who are dressed as vampires) Nina takes them to celebrate.Ted stays to hand out candy.

INT. FANCY RESTAURANT – NIGHT

Marin embarrassed about costume, Nina takes pleasure in her embarrassment, as they check in with Maître D.

INT/EXT. FRONT DOOR – NIGHT

Montage of trick-or-treaters and Teds responses funny stuff.

INT. FANCY RESTAURANT – NIGHT

The dinner gets tense, Nina says she doesn’t like Ted, is she jealous. She tells them what he said to her. They get in a fight.

INT/EXT. FRONT DOOR – NIGHT

Montage of more trick-or-treaters and Teds responses, funny stuff until his real Vampire friends show up. SH*T…now they know where he is and the family is in danger. Nina drops Jim and Marin home.

EXT. CAR – NIGHT

Nina sees “much too big” trick-or-treaters leave, she is suspicious and follows the two Vampires.

INT. HOME – NIGHT

Jim and Marin ask Ted how he liked answering the door etc….then he asks how their dinner went.

EXT. MEETING PLACE/WOODED AREA – NIGHT

Ted arrives meeting the other Vampires they argue and fight over the family. They reveal themselves thinking they are alone.

EXT. CAR – NIGHT

Nina is shocked when she realizes what they are. She sees an old church, screeches to a halt in front of it. Grabs empty containers, exits car.

EXT. OUTSIDE CHURCH – NIGHT

Nina sneaking in to church.

INT. CHURCH – NIGHT

Still sneaking around, gets caught by a Nun. She has to confess what she is doing, Nun surprisingly defends vampires.

EXT. VARIOUS STREETS – NIGHT

Ted walking, thinking, observes trick-or-treaters and families. Internal conflict

INT. MANSION – NIGHT

Teds Vampire friends report him to Elders…he is breaking rules.

INT LIBRARY –DAY

Nina schooling herself on vampires

INT STORE – DAY

Nina outfitting herself with Vampire protection supplies.

INT. CAFE – DAY

Nina tells her Dad she thinks Ted is a Vampire, he of course doesn’t believe her. Either she storms out or he has to go somewhere.

INT. HOME – NIGHT

Jim is re-telling Marin about Ninas crazy accusations when Ted walks in (or he overhears?) Ted decides he should confront Nina.

INT. NINAS APT – NIGHT

Ted confronts Nina. She wants him to leave her parents alone. He also explains that there are other dangers besides him. He teaches her how she can best defend herself against vampires. He tells her he plans to confess to her parents, and then leave town for their protection.

INT. HOME – NIGHT

Jim gets call from a neighbor to come help him, leaving Marin alone.

EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD – NIGHT

Jim leaves just before vampires arrive. Near miss.

INT. HOME – NIGHT

The Vampires take Marin.

EXT. OUTSIDE NINAS – NIGHT

Car pulls up and grabs Ted.

INT. NINAS – NIGHT

Knock at door, she thinks it is Ted. It is other vampires-struggle/they take her.

INT. MANSION – NIGHT

The Vampire Elders confront Ted. BIG ULTIMATUM for Ted.

INT. HOME – NIGHT

Jim comes home, Marin is gone. He thinks she just ran an errand, not worried. Calls Nina, she doesn’t pick up….not worried…but odd. Texts

INT. MANSION – NIGHT

The Vampire Elders confront Ted. BIG ULTIMATUM (More of this scene) Ted leaves

INT. HOME – NIGHT

Ted arrives home…immediately smells that other vampires were there- freaks out.

INT. CAR – NIGHT

Driving to Ninas…speeding….Ted tells Jim all (the vampire stuff and the “you are the first family I’ve known” stuff)…Jim is speechless

INT. NINAS – NIGHT

Nina is gone- obvious struggle. They track her location thru phone. .

EXT. CAR – NIGHT

Speeding to location

INT. DARK UNDERGROUND PLACE – NIGHT

Nina and Marin are tied up and alone. Nina has to bring Marin up to speed on Ted being a vampire.

INT. CAR – NIGHT

It is Jims turn to talk and ask questions as they drive.

INT. DARK UNDERGROUND PLACE – NIGHT

Vampires come in give Nina and Marin a choice…die or become vampires. They discuss options.

INT. CAR – NIGHT

More Jim and Ted talking?? Maybe about Marin and Nina.

INT. DARK UNDERGROUND PLACE – NIGHT

Nina and Marin fighting about options, they have opposite views (do a pro-con list) turns into Marin asking why Nina hates her so much.

EXT. ABANDONED LOCATION – NIGHT

Ted and Jim arrive, Ted schools Jim on what they will come up against.

INT. DARK UNDERGROUND PLACE – NIGHT

Nina breaks down, confesses her own secret. Marin confesses an even bigger secret.

INT. DARK UNDERGROUND PLACE – NIGHT (each line below is a scene somewhere in the underground place)

-Vampires come and take the girls to another room. The girls see Ted and Jim. They have to stall.

-Jim and Ted make a plan.

-They start executing the plan.

-Nina and Marin stalling.

-Plan goes sideways.

-Sacrifices are offered up…from all parties (all are willing to sacrifice for the others)

-Vampires frustrated.

-Unexpected interruption –The Nun(s) arrive

-the escape and chase and escape.

EXT. OUTDOORS/NO COVER IN SIGHT – DAWN

They come up out of ground thru a metal “port” which slams down & locks leaving them above ground. How will they hide him from the sun?

INT. DARK UNDERGROUND PLACE – NIGHT

Nuns facing off vampires. Head Nun looks at watch it shows it should be dawn, sun coming up.

EXT. OUTDOORS/NO COVER IN SIGHT – DAWN

Jim, Marin, Nina, and Ted huddle together. The sun is about to come up and Ted will die. They try to cover him with all their clothes and their bodies to protect him from the sun.

INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT (50+ years in Future)

Ted is telling 2 teenagers (approx. 18yr old twins) what happened when the sun came up.

[Richard McMahon]

feedback being exchanged with another member through the message system.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Outline Version 1 – Day 17

CONCEPT: TIMELY:

Texas creates bounty hunters and vigilantism against any woman who chooses to have an abortion, or anyone trying to help them. This law tragically impacts family’s lives, and thousands of pregnant women and children that have been failed by this five year-old system.

PLOT CHOICE:

#16. Sacrifice – Belonging to a very conservative family, a forensic investigator fights the system that created the bounty hunting abortion ban having witnessed first hand the devastation this horrific unconstitutional law has created. She is afraid she will lose her family ties with this fight.

CHARACTER STRUCTURE:

Dramatic Triangle

Lead Characters:

Pamela Karras is a Forensic Investigation Officer who eventually runs for Governor to stop the destruction the SB8 law has created.

Chloe Carter is a Social Worker who is Pam’s best friend, they battle through the devastation inflicted from the SB8 law and forge a new alliance with concerned organizations.

Governor Chad Babbitt wants to keep his seat of power at all costs, even if that means hurting people to do it.

Dramatic Question: Can Pam win the Governorship and overturn the SB8 law? Will her family disown her if she does?

MAIN CONFLICT: Pam decides that the only way she can help the women and children of the state is to run for the Governorship to abolish the SB8 law.

DILEMMA: Having a very conservative pro-life family, Pam runs the risk of being disowned by them.

Theme: Don’t tread on me. America is not a dictatorship…yet.

PROTAGONIST CHARACTER ARC:

Pam has been raised family-first and follows every law obediently. She realizes she must go against both ways of life to do what is right for all women’s freedom of choice. Someone must reverse the Heartbeat law before it damages any more people. Reluctantly, Pam puts her hat in the ring for the Governorship. She is afraid her conservative family will disown her. Eventually she decides she’s better off alone and fighting for what’s right, even if unlawful.

STRUCTURE:

OPENING SCENE: A young teen finds out she is pregnant and is overwhelmed and scared.

INCITING INCIDENT: Right to Life members follow the teen too close on the windy rural road which accidentally causes her to flip her car, killing her.

By page 10, you know what the movie is about: Pam decides the only way to fight this attack on women is from the top.

First turning point at end of Act 1: Pam teams up with women from all over the state to organize a plan to take on the Governorship.

Mid-Point: Pam’s family starts to shun her. She’s given an ultimatum to give up her endeavor or give up her family. She must choose.

Second turning point at end of Act 2: Pam feels the odds are against her and her Pastor Father who will be exposed as a draft dodger if she doesn’t quit.

Crisis: Pam is torn between helping her Dad and choosing to fight for all women’s freedom of choice.

Climax: Pam finds out about a secret the Governor and his wife share. Pam’s Father tries to reach her.

Resolution: Pam wins the election and tells the voters
that she will abolish the ‘heartbeat’ bill.
Her family accepts that she has a different point of view. The Governor’s Daughter goes to a
reproductive clinic while the Right to Life stalkers lie in wait.

[Jennifer McCay]

DAY 17

(Essence Outline is posted in the Request for Feedback thread)

CONCEPT:

A Southern high school overachiever will do literally anything on her quest to beat her rival and win a prestigious award guaranteed to get her into her dream college — even commit murder.

PLOT CHOICE: Rivalry

CHARACTER STRUCTURE:

Dramatic triangle (I mention 4 characters above because it will take a number of characters for the story to work out, but only 3 will be main characters)

HOW CHARACTER STRUCTURE WILL PLAY OUT:

Jessica is a cold-blooded Southern belle high school senior who desperately wants to win a prestigious statewide scholarship competition that will get her into her dream college and pay for her future, but first she needs to eliminate the competition. Her rivals from her own high school and others in the area — mainly Amanda and Ethan — are sharp enough to know she’s the cutthroat type. But when they set out to win themselves or, at a minimum, keep Jessica from winning, they put themselves in imminent danger.

LEAD CHARACTERS:

Jessica is a Southern belle nightmare of a “perfect dream girl” high school senior who has always been focused on winning at any cost. She is profoundly lonely.

Amanda is a sharp-as-a-tack fellow senior with no patience for nonsense and Jessica’s main academic rival at their Southern high school.

Ethan is a nerdy math geek from a nearby high school who rivals Jessica academically and secretly has a crush on her.

Jessica’s father is the local mayor and Jessica’s biggest influence, giving her “helpful” success advice so that she can shine in the ways he and his wife, a senator, deem appropriate, a la high achievement.

DRAMATIC QUESTION:

How far will Jessica go to win the scholarship (and at life), and will she win?

MAIN CONFLICT:

Jessica, the overachiever vs. her academic rival Amanda, who is a fellow overachiever type and is also up for the scholarship. Both want to win the scholarship, and both are willing to work hard to make it happen, but the rivalry with Amanda will push Jessica harder to force the win, while Amanda will provide one moral core as she tries to keep their competitiveness on a normal level and not the extremes she grudgingly begins to think Jessica is willing to go to.

DILEMMA:

Win and lose all her friends for life, or lose and destroy her chances of success but keep her loved ones close

OR

Win and lose her soul, or lose and no longer have her family’s approval

THEME:

Does winning at all costs actually pay off?

CHARACTER ARC:

Part to be changed: Jessica wants to win, but is forever afraid to go for it due to insecurity, often hesitates at the last minute and comes in second

Biggest fear: Losing/not being outstanding and first, losing control

Completion of arc: Jessica goes for it and ends up doing literally everything it takes to win (and succeeds), but at the cost of her soul

ESSENCE OUTLINE:

OPENING:

INT. SCHOOL GYM — DAY

Jessica, Amanda, and Ethan compete in the last round of a prestigious Southern high school philosophy competition. These aren’t your average high school students. Judges declare Amanda the winner, but Jessica is crushed and kicks herself for not going for it.

INCITING INCIDENT:

INT. SCHOOL CLASSROOM — DAY

Jessica and Amanda learn of the prestigious scholarship to Chapman U at the beginning of honors English lit. Jessica instantly starts making a plan, but Amanda mentions she’s already fulfilled many of the scholarship’s public service requirements and Jessica has not, instead focusing on her tech skills. Jessica’s secret hatred of Amanda and Ethan becomes clear.

BY PAGE 10:

We know that Jessica is on a mission to win at the competition and life in general at all costs. (We just don’t know which costs that entails yet.) She has her father as an ally.

FIRST TURNING PT AT END OF ACT 1:

The first phase of the scholarship competition requires applicants to complete a service project. During Jessica’s project, she helps eliminate one of her competitors via a technicality just to make herself look better to the judges.

MIDPOINT:

Jessica, Amanda, and Ethan are on the short list for scholarship. Jessica shows she’s willing to do far more during another academic competition with Amanda and Ethan to prove her superiority, while Amanda and Ethan are grudgingly starting to team up to help or fight her, whichever helps.

SECOND TURNING PT AT END OF ACT 2:

Jessica realizes that just beating or eliminating her opponents isn’t actually making her look good in the eyes of the scholarship committee, so she has to try to look convincingly kind outwardly. If that doesn’t work, she will have to take drastic action.

CRISIS:

All other students besides Jessica, Amanda, and Ethan have been eliminated from the competition, and Jessica still can’t measure up. Jessica contemplates throwing in the towel on life. What can she do to push her application over the edge?

CLIMAX:

Jessica is on a mission to win now at all costs. First task: eliminate Ethan, which is harder than anticipated. But Ethan is on to her now, so Jessica eliminates Ethan forever, then tricking Amanda into falling off a cliff to her death at a local hiking park. Jessica walks away, a self-satisfied look on her face.

RESOLUTION:

Jessica doesn’t get caught in her role in her peers’ deaths, instead attending both rivals’ funerals and saying cryptic things revealing her role in their deaths that no one recognizes. Jessica wins the competition and rules the school, her transformation finally complete. Another younger student Jillian, Jessica’s next-door neighbor, a sophomore who has been keeping a quiet eye on Jessica all along, approaches Jessica and wants to follow in her footsteps. Jessica welcomes her into her fold.

Alternative to final scene (not sure yet):

At the assembly to announce the scholarship winner, Jessica doesn’t win, the prize going instead to a competitor Jessica thought had been out of the race but was brought back in once Amanda and Ethan died. Jessica and her parents are horrified. Another younger student Jillian, Jessica’s next-door neighbor, a sophomore who has been keeping a quiet eye on Jessica all along, approaches Jessica and wants to follow in her footsteps. Jessica welcomes her into her fold.