-
Post Day 24 Assignment Here
Click reply and post your assignment here.
-
9 Replies
-
JAYE’S FILLED IN MISSING SCENES!
What I learned is that the most important thing in writing a 20% quality high-speed first draft is to get it down on the page. Even if you hit a roadblock, use a placeholder and keep moving forward. Problems I didn’t know I could solve (my [PLACEHOLDERS]) were easily solved once I completed my first draft. My first draft was 70 pages, and I was a little concerned at the shortage, but after a read through, I could easily identify other gaps in the story and put the necessary scenes in.
What I added:
EXT. POLICE STATION – NIGHT
The Commissioner talks to reporters briefly about the string of kidnappings that’s hit the city.EXT. COMMUNITY COLLEGE – MORNING
A citizen gets kidnapped.INT. MAYOR’S OFFICE – DAY
Villain threatens Mayor. Demands he get ahold of Hero.INT. LAB – EVENING
Hero calls Scientist. Wants to come in for help.INT. LAB – DAY
Scientist and Mayor discuss Plan B: an implanted explosive.INT. DRUG STORE – MORNING
Villain robs it.INT. LAB – DAY
Scientist and Mayor implant the explosive inside Villain
EXT. STREET – DAY
Girlfriend with new boyfriend. Gets purse snatched.
MONTAGE – DAY
Villain teaches Hero how to swim. -
Karin Hallén’s Filled in Missing Scenes
What I learned doing this assignment is that I discovered from the read through that need to take out more scenes than I needed to add. Some of my 3rd and a lot of my 4th act really lag and drag on. I know I tend to overwrite in early drafts trying to “find my way and words” and this just confirms that. So, seeing on the class schedule that lesson 25 will be to solve structural problems I know I’ll have a big task to tackle tomorrow.
The Scenes I added and why I added them
Pg 48 – added for transitional smoothness
INT. CORRIDOR – DAY – SIMULTANEOUSLY
George hurries through the corridor, from the bathroom. He approaches the lecture hall and hears the audience’s LAUGHTER and APPLAUSE before he opens the door.
Pg 60 – Added because I think the story needs one more encounter/near encounter between Rebecca and George before the resolution.
INT. RESTAURANT – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: Scene of Rebecca sitting at a table by herself, too far to hear what’s being said, but close enough to witness everything. She picks up her phone and calls here, mentions George. “There is this guy I keep bumping into…”
Pg 61 – Added because a travel scene was needed for clarity
INT. AIRPLANE – DAY
George sits crammed in a middle seat. He has an overstuffed open duffel bag in his lap with Geena’s lamp almost fully visible packed on top. Suddenly they fly into bad turbulence. A muffled but unmistakable GURGLING AND GAGGING SOUND comes from the lamp. The passengers on each side of George glance at him and the lamp. George grabs the paper bag from the seat pocket in front of him and makes gagging sounds to “cover up”. In his lap he sees the inside of the glass lamp get splattered with a pinkish mess.
Pg 62 – added because a follow up scene to the scene above is needed.
INT. HOTEL ROOM 3 – BATHROOM – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: Geena, wet hair dressed in a hotel bathrobe, washes the lamp thoroughly. She is mad at George for putting her through this and lets him know in no uncertain terms.
-
Mickey Gonzalez Fillled In Missing Scenes!
What I learned doing this assignment is writing the script anytime! Thinking for sale too. never leave without it. Don’t look back. dialogue for the characters is “come in you are welcome”. Road map it. Most of the scenes be writing as I get connected with dialogue and other characters.
Do a quick read of your script to pinpoint possible missing scenes. When you discover one, put a placeholder that you can return to.
For each missing scene, create a quick outline.
Write a high speed first draft for the most important of those scenes.
INT. MARK’S APARTMENT – DAY
in a room with desk on it’s top is cover with layers of drafts, and tattered manuscripts drafts. the discolor of the paper is overwhelming. there is nothing more than what Mark is wanting to do.
EXT. STREET – DAY
Through two windows that overlooks the intersection of the Sicilian neighborhood. let in a little of sun glare.
INT. MARK’S APARTMENT – MORNING
Mark Fox 15-year-old with a white muscle shirt and white boxers’ shorts on. Gets up out of bed. He leaves the room.
INT. BATHROOM
Opens the bathroom door. He is up at a mirror. and starts to wash up. he intentionally looks right into the mirror.
MARK
I had always washed my hands and face afterwards.
High-n-Dry
He has been with a girl the night b4.
He hears the phone ring from the other room.
INT. WRITING ROOM
Unaware who he is talking to. Is a woman. He can hear a voice. He start to read pages of a manuscript draft.
Tell us what scenes you added and why.
I want to get the protagonist Mark to be out more of him. His intentions in his life.
-
Christi Filled in Missing Scenes!
I learned from this assignment that in rewrite mode I’m much farther ahead. The script flows much better with the fixes implemented the first time around. My only pause is the group interrogation scene. I may have to workshop that with my writing group. I’ll actually do that this week when we regularly meet. Hopefully then I’ll get more of a sense of what should go there. I just don’t want anyone mentioning the vomiting sweater movie to me. So far, that’s the only scene that would be a call back to it.
Well, looks like I’ve caught up! Can’t wait for tomorrow’s drop. I’m printing it then will sit in a mall in air conditioning and work on the script.
-
JUDITH ABINGDON MISSING SCENES
What I learned doing this assignment is… I had to go back and get a one page of the whole script, I had been saving it in assignment segments, I made a few changes in dialog, but it still seems short, I am going over it and hope to resolve these issues.
I think I could see it better if I put it into my screenwriting software.
high speed first draft : I added more scenes to act ! & 2 they were light, and I needed more background leading up to the argument about having a black person in the home, and how the girls discuss it later.
In act 2 I added additional scenes that will build into later interactions.
New scene Act 1
Juliet bites her lip, waits till they leave then slams the door. She can hear the starting theme music to his favorite show ALL IN THE FAMILY playing and gets her transistor radio and puts it under her pillow and tunes into her favorite station, WNEW out of NYC, to drown out the offensive show..
OLD STOPPING POINT
EXT. STREET- DAY
The three friends meeting up from different directions are walking down the street, it’s Sunday, it’s quiet and they pass other people on their way to church, where they are headed.
GIRL 1
Hey, Juilet, Oh man tell me you saw Laugh-In last nite! It was the most
JULIET
No dammit, I’m grounded, they even took my stereo out of my room, the nazis!
GRACE
What the heck! That is uncivilized!
GIRL
1 WHY?
JULIET
They found the picture I took of Grace and me in front of the fireplace. My stepfather went mental.
GRACE
Geez, that punishment seems a little harsh tho
GIRL 1
Just for having friends over?! And I thought my parents were tough.
JULIET
Well, it’s a bit more deranged
GIRL 1
What? Did they accuse you of being in a cult or something?
JULIET
No, much worse.
GRACE
Well, spill it!
JULIET
It’s embarrassing and disgusting really
GIRL 1
I don’t think we wrote on the walls in blood,did we?
GRACE
It’s because of me isn’t it?
GIRL 1
What do you mean
GRACE
Oh, come on, you can’t be that innocent! It’s because of the color of my skin.
JULIET
I’m sorry to say that Grace is right. Well, it was my stepfather really, my Mother just stood there not saying much, as usual.
GIRL 1
Shit, damn, fudge! I can’t believe this. What the hell are they sending us to this school for if they are going to be such hypocrites?
JULIET
I did try and point that out, ergo: punishment.
GRACE
And I guess you are not supposed to hang out with me any more?
JULIET
Well we do go to school together, but, no not at the house. Anyway school will be over soon!
GRACE
I know it’s not your choice and I’m sorry you had to pay a price.
JULIET
Well, I’m not. Shows him for his true colors and makes we want to work harder to get away from him.
GIRL 1
I say the heck with them and their tiny little closed minds. Hey, lets ditch church and have a bit of fun.
GRACE
What do you have in mind?
GIRL 1
I say let’s head into town take this donation money and get an ice cream, then head over to the drugstore to check out the latest lip colors!
GRACE
Why not, we’ll just say a few extra Hail Marys’ and we should be good !
JULIET
Sound delightfully devilish!
They head off downtown, rip open their offering envelopes and take out the money, throwing the envelopes in the trash.
INT. LUNCHONETTE – DAY
The girls head for a booth in the back, and order various ice creams. They arrive at the table
GIRL 1 (Digging into her hot fudge sunday) Now this is a proper way to spend a Sunday morning!
GRACE Deliciously decadent!!!
JUILET
Just let me know if you see a lightning bolt headed my way. (They all laugh)
GIRL 1
Now as I was saying before things went sour, last nite on Laugh In they had a skit called A Salute to the Establishment, They are so cool, you know they take serious issues and turn a questioning eye on it.
GRACE
Yeah, I love how they take a serious issue and make you think about it thru comedy.
JUILET
I think they get away it because before the squares can figure it out, they move on to another subject and sock it to ya!
GRACE
There may be hope for our generation yet!
GIRL 1
You know it! Revolution Baby!
GRACE
Well the issues are certainly coming to the forefront. Our time is now.
JUILET
I second that emotion!
GIRL 1
And I say it’s time to move on. We have a mission and not much time left before church gets out!
GRACE
Lead on Sister!
They head to the drugstore and seek out the cosmetics aisle.
JUILET
Oh, they have the new soft pink shade from Baby LOve!
GIRL 1
And look at his eyeshadow, it glitters!
GRACE
Gee, I wonder why they don’t have anything for me?
JUILET
Because you look so beautiful naturally !
GRACE
Nice try, homefry! But somehow I don’t think that’s it.
JUILET
Here’s a nice beigy shade I think would work.
GRACE
Well, I spent all my money on ice cream anyway. I guess my Mom is not as generous as you guys with the donations.
GIRL 1
Don’t sweat it, I got ya covered
(Grace and Juliet look puzzled and shrug)
They goof around and head to the magazine rack, comment on the covers. Cosmopolitan/ How to keep your Man Happy!, Ladies Home Journal/ How to get the Cleanest Clean.
CASHIER
You girls find what you wanted?
JUILET Oh, Yes Ma’am
GIRL 1 Sure thing, we have been saving up for this!
GRACE Well…
They pay for their purchases and leave giggling
JUILET
Thank you Ma’am, you have a nice day now!
They head for a park bench and GIRL 1 empties the contents of her pockets. Lip glossed, blush, eye shadow and more
JUILET
Woah! How in the heck
GIRL 1
Well, I figured if we were going to hell for ditching church, we might as well make it worth while! Take your pick girls!
GRACE
Way to sock it to the Establishment!
GIRL 1
And you know what, I don’t feel one bit bad about it! You know how much my family spends in there!
JUILET
I get it! But please don’t make a habit of this. I don’t think Grace and I could afford bail if you got caught.
GRACE
No lie!
GIRL 1
Take it easy, I’m not going to make it a habit, it’s just that… The Devil Made Me Do It! (
They double over with laughter)
GRACE
Well, thanks for the bounty, tho I’m not sure peach blush is really me! Gotta go. See ya at the gulag!
JULIET
Yeah, guess I better scoot, don’t want to arouse any suspicion!
GIRL 1
OK, bye kids. I’m going to go practice my eyeliner application. Elizabeth Taylor here I come!
INT. INEZ’S HOUSE -EVENING
INEZ What is going on over there Julia? I thought everything was good now that you decided to have this baby.
JULIA
In scene two I added this clip to introduce a new character and set up a situation we will return to later and to end with a better flow into the scene with Lisa
JULIET Hey, I like that! later!
END OLD SCENE
INT. JULIET’S HOUSE – DAY
! (Juliet’s Mom calls to her upstairs)
JULIA Can you come down please, I need you to come help me with the shopping
JULIET Sure Mom, I’ll be right there. (She puts on some lip gloss and runs downstairs)
INT. GROCERY STORE- DAY
JULIA Go get me some potatoes please and some onions
DEAN (Clean cut, over achiever, trying to impress) Oh, hello Mrs. Burgur, I’m Dean, your neighbor from down the street. Let me get those for you. (He gets the items and hands them to her) And may I say you are looking well today. Juliet, how are you.
JULIA Thank you young man, how kind. Do you two know each other?
DEAN Well,I just graduated last year, but I recall Juliet from music class.
JULIA (looking unimpressed) Is that so, well I don’t recall you.
JULIA Juliet, no need to be snippy dear.
DEAN Well, I have been working my way up in the store and Mr. Tyler says I’m due for a promotion any time now.
JULIA That is wonderful news. Your mother must be proud.
DEAN Oh, yes Ma’am. And she likes the discounts! Well if theres anything I can do for you , you let me know. Just ask for me the next time you come in.
JULIA That is very nice of you Den, I shall do it. Thank you
DEAN Well bye now! Julia. ( nods)
Julia and her mother walk to the car
EXT. GROCERY STORE PARKING LOT – DAY
JUILET Jeez, what a suck up!
JULIA Juliet! He was a charming young man, so respectful and kind.
JUILET Oh brother!
JULIA He seems very polite and hard working. What is wrong with that?
JUILET Don’t you think he was just a little too nice?
JULIA I’m not sure I know what you mean dear.
JULIA Never mind, but something tells me that is not the last we will see of him.
JULIA I should hope not. It’s refreshing to see a young man that appreciates his elders.
JUILET OK, here let me put his away you go have a rest.
JULIA Thank you dear, see it’s working already!
As Juliet stashes the groceries Mel rings the bell.
MEL Hello Mrs. Burgur, is Juliet home.
JULIA In the kitchen dear.
MEL Hey Jules, can you get away, Lisa is home and I told her we would pop over.
JUILET Well, we may be in luck, I think my Mom is in a good mood.
JUILET Hey, Mom is it ok if I go see the girl across the street with Mel, I won’t be too long.
(Julia is stretched out on the sofa, drifting off)
JULIA Sure dear, just be back to start dinner.
JUILET Thanks, enjoy your nap.
MEL Bye Mrs. Burgur
INT. LISA’S BEDROOM -DAY
Lisa is dressed In transparent flowy clothes no bra, dirty bare feet, and is smoking a joint. Music is playing. Lisa talks in between puffs and painting watercolors on her wall.
-
Hi Cheryl, I realize you are in a holiday weekend, so I do not expect an answer till later next week. I’m in Spain, so no holiday. I sent you a message the other day, and I have tried to redimy it, but I don’t see why I can’t access all the forum answers. only a few show up , varies on different days. There are on the bottom right of the screen some numbers in red that say something like 1- 20 something but when I click on that, it takes me to a page that says , you are lost! NO kidding!
So after all this I would just like to know how is it possible to see all the lesson replies we posted.
Thanks and have a happy Fourth!
Judy
-
Rich and Mary Filled In Missing Scenes!
What I learned doing this assignment is we cant believe we missed these in first draft, but the process is easy to fill the gaps.
1. Do a quick read of your script to pinpoint possible missing scenes. When you discover one, put a placeholder that you can return to.
2. For each missing scene, create a quick outline.
3. Write a high speed first draft for the most important of those scenes.
4. Tell us what scenes you added and why.
These are the scenes with outline:
1 – EXT. CAR – DAY
Morty and Jax sit in Mabel. Jax professes that they should be working and how stupid this is.
Morty insists that they do this first. Jax goes to Melanies apartment. Stands below her balcony.
Rings her on the cell phone, and tells her to step onto the balcony. Melanie says this is crazy, but Jax tells her that
Morty insists on it. Morty waits in the car. Jax proceeds to profess his love for Melanie and wants a relationship that is more.
He tells her, he doesn’t have any more of his father’s money, though. Melanie says that all she ever wanted was Jax.
2 – INT. – DINER – NIGHT
They pull it together and work over thousands of cups of coffee into the night of the diner. The waitress is there as well. Jax’s father
texts him and has remorse about cutting off his son. He says he will continue to help him. The two now have seen each other differently
and work well together, even switching ideas and behaviors.
3 – PLACEHOLDER MONTAGE – INTERIORS OF BOTH MORTY’S AND JAX’S PLACE AND THE DINER PERHAPS
4 – INT. MORTY’S HOUSE – DAY
Over Morty’s now completely decked out computer area with big screen and speakers, etc., Morty is the one who pressed the “send” button to enter the manuscript into the teacher’s mailbox. They finish, entering the contest.
high speed first draft for each:
1 – INT. CAR – DAY
Morty and Jax sit in Mabel outside of Melanie’s apartment.
JAX: This is crazy. We should be working.
MORTY: Come on, what kind of space warrior are you anyhow?
JAX: A lame-o one.
MORTY: Well, you just walk through that wormhole and when you come out, you’ll be better than Rake Planttalker.
JAX: Come on Morty. What does it matter?
MORTY: Get out of the car. Go. Now, young Planttalker.
EXT. PARKING LOT – DAY
Jax opens the squeeky car door. He looks back at Morty through the open window.
JAX: Can you give me some lines?
MORTY: This is not Cyrano. Go.
Jax walks up to Melanie’s apartment. Her balcony is on the first level and juts out into the lot. Jax pulls out his cell phone.
He punches in the number and waits.
Jax (Into Phone): Yeah, hi, Mel. Uh, I..could you just come out onto your balcony for a minute? Yeah, okay. Bye.
Jax stuffs the phone back into his pocket. The sliding door opens. Melanie is on the balcony.
MELANIE: Jax, what’s this?
JAX: Yeah, hi Melanie. I uh.
Jax fidgets and looks at Morty still in the car. Morty sticks his hand out the window with a wave and a point.
JAX: I can’t count ways. I mean there are countless ways. Uh, like how many ways…
MELANIE: Jax, what’s going on? Why don’t you just come in?
JAX: No. No. Look Melanie. I’m not the best geek around, but…..
MELANIE: Jax, I’m coming out there.
JAX: No. No. Wait. Melanie. I love you.
MELANIE: What?
JAX: I know, I’m not the most classiest guy for you, and I’m not getting any of my Dad’s money anymore, but
I probably, eventually, yeah, most certainly will get a job. I just, I love you. I hope you can love me too.
MELANIE: Well, that’s a lot of words, but you are a writer. Jax, I love you too. I’ve been waiting. And I don’t need your money
nor your Dad’s. I love you because you are you.
JAX: Really? Uh, I mean. You do?
INT. CAR – DAY
MORTY: Oh, for cripes sake. Do I have to teach the kid everything? Won’t tell him about that ka-ching.
Morty opens the car door and steps out.
MORTY: (he waves) Hi, Melanie.
MELANIE: (waves back) Hi Morty.
MORTY: Jax, get up there and seal it with a kiss. Then, get your sorry butt back here. We’re on a deadline. Sorry Melanie.
Jax squishes through the bushes with some difficulty, leans over and Melanie and Jax kiss. He then, backs away trying to fix
the crushed bushes.
JAX: I’ll fix those later. Gotta’ go. See you later, Mel.
MELANIE: Always, Jax.
Jax stumbles back to the car, waving and smiling, gets in and noisy Mabel drives off.
2. INT. DINER- NIGHT
Morty and Jax ponder over papers and laptops strewn about the table.
MORTY: I think Weedblocka should fight for the organic compounds.
JAX: Maybe he goes through the wormhole with Hand Soaker to collect Layla’s Organics?
MORTY: Hey, I like that. A fight for the rebels of the garden planet.
Jax types into the computer. The waitress, Lois, comes over with more coffee.
WAITRESS: So, have we got the next award-winner yet?
MORTY: We’re working on it. We’re on Act Two.
WAITRESS: How many acts in a play?
JAX: Four.
WAITRESS: When’s it due?
MORTY: Next week.
WAITRESS: I better go make some more coffee.
Jax’s phone dings with the alert of a text. He picks it up.
JAX: Ahh. Huh. My Dad says he will keep financing me, as long as I continue school.
MORTY: Oh, well. That’s good, right?
JAX: I guess it’s his way of saying he’s sorry, though I’d never hear it from him.
MORTY: Some people just don’t know how. Maybe we should use that in our screenplay?
JAX: Yeah, Dark Pavers, was sorta written after him.
MORTY: I think we should make sure our characters fail then save the day in a triumphant battle.
JAX: Morty. Yeah. Now you’re talking. And they can be kind of be poetic along the way.
The two toast each other with a cup of coffee.
3 – MONTAGE – INTERIORS OF BOTH MORTY’S AND JAX’S PLACE AND THE DINER PERHAPS
4 – INT. MORTY’S HOUSE – DAY
Morty’s house now is decked out with a big computer area, with a big screen, speakers, etc. All kinds of the newest electronic stuff.
Morty and Jax sit side by side at the computer.
JAX: And so Rake Lawntalker, Layla Organic, Hand Soaker, and Weedblocka walk up the stairs to the town hall, triumphant music playing.
MORTY: And Layla and Hand kiss and she says, I loam you Hand. He says, I ho.
JAX: The end.
For a minute, Morty and Jax sit quietly, reveling in the fact that they finished.
JAX: We did it. Only thing left to do is press send. Morty?
Morty raises his hand to the key and stops.
MORTY: Let’s do it together, partner.
The two of them press their pointer fingers on the key, sending it along.
Over Morty’s now completely decked out computer area with big screen and speakers, etc., Morty is the one who pressed the “send” button to enter the manuscript into the teacher’s mailbox. They finish, entering the contest.
-
30 day script – #24
Rae’s Filled in Missing Scenes
What I got from this assignment is – lots of reworking, hours and hours of rewrite – so much I can’t imagine there is much more to do – but of course there is! I found myself editing again and again and had to stop myself – actually spent hours on this. But I did successfully achieve some of this assignment.
1. I created place holders for missing scenes.
2. I did a quick outline for missing scenes.
3. Write a high speed draft for missing scenes – still working on this. There is a lot more to go.
4. I added and deleted scenes. I mostly added real estate scenes that created more tension and dramatized my heroine’s journey. I still have a lot of work to do on the final scenes – where Jesi discovers the doctor has a seven year old son. There needs to be a scene where Jesi meets the boy. Also, a final scene where Jesi and Gerald sail away to Catalina for a honeymoon… and maybe take the boy along?
-
THIRTY DAY SCREENPLAY ASSIGNMENT #24
James E. Clark – Filled in missing scenes.
What I learned from this assignment: I have to force myself to just write and do first draft quality and ignore any need for correcting along the way.
1- I have completed Act 1
2- I’m working on the additional scenes for Acts 2,3 and 4.
Log in to reply.