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Post Day 24 Assignment Here
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14 Replies
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Charles Ferrell’s Filled in Missing Scenes
I added several scenes and more detail to existing, mostly focused on more establishing the old normal, relationships, ways of being with various people and also daily routine. This is to give the viewer more material to help recognize the arc. The two below are samples, so far I have added an additional 8 pages of material.
INT.TEACHERS LOUNGE – MIDDAY
Beginning: we meet some other staff, make reference to missing morning news on the lounge tv.
Middle: staff mentions they heard about yesterday, and how much of an ass Winfield can be.
End: Winfield swings by and tells Duncan he must stop by his office for a chat. We see Duncan’s demeanor change.
INT.PROFFESOR WINFIELDS OFFICE – AFTERNOON
Beginning: sits him down for a serious talk, references being embarrassed by his unpreparedness in front of the Regent.
Middle: I need you to teach the pre-req’s, he refuses to lower himself to non history major’s.
End: Duncan mentions he previous subject for his theme and Winfield seems accepting of that.
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Don Thompson Filled in Missing Scenes!
What I learned: I was fairly proactive in terms of documenting the required scenes. This was made easier by the fact that the script is an adaptation.
Filling in missing scenes will involve additional fleshing out of the current scenes to determine if there are opportunities to make the storytelling more full-bodied. In some cases, the current scenes are more along the lines of an outline. Also some additional scenes could be added.
Examples of additional scenes include:
1. Having Danskar interact with the other African-descended crew on the ship.
2. Flashbacks of Claggart’s relationship in London that led to his manslaughter charge and ultimately being forced to join the navy.
Examples of embellished scenes could include:
1. The final five pages or ‘denouement’ where Danskar goes to Madrid.
2. Additional banter of the crew.
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Robert Wood Filled in Missing Scenes
What I learned… I’ve not finished this assignment as there’s much more work to do than can be done in one day. I did add 6 pages today to my script, mostly in bits and pieces here and there, fleshing out scenes, weaving in certain threads more strongly, etc… The script is still only at 68 pages so there is a LOT of work still to be done.
There was no specific scene added that I feel like posting here today.
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Lesson 24: Fill in Any Missing Scenes
ASSIGNMENT
BG Filled In Missing Scenes!
What I learned doing this assignment: With scenes proliferating, I had trouble seeing the overall flow. I needed to disentangle my own stuff! So I went back to my original beat sheet. Things had evolved and changed as scenes got written. So I’m cleaning it up and updating it! I now find it very convenient keep a current beat sheet (date it after every change!). It will also help to write a 5-page treatment.
4. Tell us what scenes you added and why.
I added a new opening. I figured the opening needs more excitement, like weapons shipments and a conspiracy in full bloom. The old opening had a mousy reporter finding a tip for a story in his mailbox. Honestly, who would want to see a broken-hearted guy, when they can see combat drones?
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Patrick Downey – Filled in missing scenes
What I learned doing this assignment is that there was a lot of room to fill in missing dialogue and build on characters that went missing along the way.
1. I added a scene with Crutch and Cayman’s interaction after Dardanos seems to know more than they think he does.
2. I added a scene that develops more of a relationship between Cayman and his friends.
3. I added a scene that brought Ms. Nebhan back into the picture for purposes of having her around in the ending.
4. I added a few small other scenes to have the characters not disappear for such a long time and add depth to the overall story.
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Andrea Cabañas, Filled in Missing Scenes.
What I learned with this: I liked reading the script out loud so I could sense better the pace, what was working and what wasn’t.
I didn’t add any scene but worked more in some dialogues, changed one of my character’s age (I made her older than my protagonist so things make more sense). I cut some actions that didn’t make sense in some scenes and added extra beats on it. I had already put some placeholders and outlined other scenes and surprisingly, they were still making sense but haven’t writen anything else yet. I really wanted to focus on this exercise also to feel its pace.
Looking forward to the next assignment!
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VIC VALLEAU LESSON #24 FILLED IN MISSING SCENES
What I learned doing this assignment: Every effort improves story even though I can’t see it clearly.
THE BET, BY VICTOR VALLEAU : FADE IN
INT. ELEGANT RESTAURANT – WOMENS REST ROOM – NIGHT
ELIE
I see you smiling at my date!
NANCY
Hey stop it, why dont you put a leash on that guy or else I will.
ELIE
Stay away!
INT. RESTAURANT – MEN AND DATES TABLE
The men make a bet.Tesla V. Diamond Rolex on who has sex with both women first.
INT. RESTAURANT –
Nancy lures Lucky to follow her into restroom.
LUCKY
(to Elton)
Looks like I win this round!
He follows her into restroom.
EXT. LADIES RESTROOM – CONTINUOUS
Three women run out.
EXT. RACE TRACK – NEXT DAY
LUCKY
Are you sure you want to lose this fine automobile?
ELTON
Id look better driving it with a diamond Rolex.
EXT. GROCEREY STORE – CLOSING. 2 MONTHS LATER
Nancy looks at diapers, is shopping for dinner food for Lucky.
INT. NANCY’S APT.
Lucky is stuffed, pushes away from table. Nancy seems to be unablel to talk about his impending fatherhood.
NANCY
Some peach cobbler?
LUCKY
So, what is it?
NANCY
Some peach cobbler?
She scouts for his lip prints on glasses, etc anything for DNA. She retrieves a kleenix he used. He catches on, upset.
NANCY
We have a situation. Elton doubts we had sex.
LUCKY
(indicates peach cobbler)
Wrap it up. I gotta go!
NANCY
Elton doubts we had sex. Did you hear me? You lose your bet.
LUCKY
What bet?
If Lucky takes DNA test, he wins half bet but also child support.
Rolex I don’t want to lose this.
She swipes, there’child support.
INT. COFFEE SHOP
Nancy and Elie aargue.
Nancy: He thinks I’m trying to trap him into child support.
Elie: No worries there, the laws favor mothers. As a husband you don’t stand a chance of landing him, too many easy girlfriends.
INT. LUCHY’S HOUSE – DAY
She barges into his house confronts him, while he’s getting ready for a date, just gets out of shower. she seerves a court order.
LUCKY
Some visionare medium you are. Cant you tell I have lots of women?
NANCY
How many of them are pregnant?
LUCKY
Not mine, not mine, not mine!
NANCY
You remember restaurant laldies room?
LUCKY
I didn‘t even get my pants off, and neither did you.
NANCY
So you remember? That was the time. I was careful to be sure, peeded on a stick, no other men.
LUCKY
Be honest, do you really know what you want in a man? bESIDES GETTING PREGNANT?
NANCY
Why, are you offering?
LUCKY
Lock the door when you leave.
EXT. COUNTRY CLUB STEPS – DAY
Im here to cry on your shoulder. I tried, I faileld. Im weak, wolrthless, no reason to go on living!
ELIE
Don’t say that! I’s late for my meeting. We talk later.
NANCY
I think he’s spying on me, looking for a boyfriend to claim he’s not the father.
ELIE
The tests will prove it. He’s a smart man.
NANCY
I’m doomed, almost 40, single mother, no man. What should I do?
ELIE
Or maybe he’s trying to keep you sane, not suicidal. Or from seducing another attractive man. That’s your habit, isnt it?
ELTON COMES TO HER RESCUE COMMENTS ON HIS SHOES, SAME AS LUCKY ????AND THEY HAVE SEX.
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‘’;;
(ELIE, NANCY)
FIND #9
NANCY LOOKS UNDER WOMENS STALLS FOR MANS SHOES SEES BROGUES, BARGES IN, SEES ELIE AND LUCKY HAVING SEX.
Wrong person.
She talks to old girlfriends is he faithful?
Lucky’s party at bar with friends, men admiring his carefree approach to women.
HALF WAY THRU ACT 1, MANY MORE MISSING SCENES TO COME. IN AN EFFORT TO KEEP UP, ILL MOVE TO #25.
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Benito Selim’s Filled in Missing Scenes!
What I learned in this assignment is filling in missing scenes you find some scenes you originally cut may work better in your rewrite.
I had two scenes (as of now) I had thought of but did not include them. I have decided to insert them for more clarity in the script. As the drafts continue, I may come up with more.
INT. UNDERGROUND SHELTER- NIGHT
BEGINNING: Gary goes into detail about the farm’s past. Even to say the asylum is not a rumor.
MIDDLE: Darryl and Marcus grow nervous as Gary continues to tell the story of Johnny Vernon
END: Darryl is suddenly paralyzed with fear when he realizes Gary is the killer.
PLACEHOLDER: Darryl is learning to navigate his gift better as his gut tells him all the evidence he needed was always in front of his face. i.e., his good friend and roommate.
BEGIN FLASHBACK
INT. MENTAL HOSPITAL- DAY
SUPER: 1999
BEGINNING: Johnny Vernon is taken by Sheriff Young into a room of doctors.
MIDDLE: Johnny is nervous but sticks to the story of communicating with the dead. Johnny claims he killed bad people for the spirits speaking to him.
END: Johnny is strapped to a chair where he undergoes shock therapy.
END FLASHBACK
PLACEHOLDER: We learn that Johnny Vernon was not the saint that he manipulated Gary into thinking he was.
INT. UNDERGROUND SHELTER- NIGHT
BEGINNING: Gary reveals himself to be Johnny Vernon, Jr. He and Tina are companions, they lead Darryl back to the shelter.
MIDDLE: Gary reveals an old electric chair he found at the farm. He claims it was the same one they used on his father. He will use it on Darryl since he is to blame for everything
END: Darryl fights back and throws Tina into the chair, she is killed when Gary turns the chair on.
PLACEHOLDER: Darryl realizes he has to kill or be killed.
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TIM FILLED IN MISSING SCENES – DAY 24
What I learned doing this assignment is that I have a lot of space to work with as I fill in and expand scenes. This is good because most scenes are sparsely written, and some are little more than an outline right now.
ACT 1: I added a couple of small scenes but mostly need to expand what already exists. For instance, I wrote one section as a montage, but it would be better if I stretched these into individual scenes with some shorter scenes interspersed to break them up.
ACT 2: I added several scenes but more will be needed I’m sure. The protagonist-antagonist dance needs to be amped up, as does the “buddy” element between Duke and his squirrel friend Sunny. One more thing I added is the introduction of Emma earlier than originally written.
ACT 3: this is the most complete act of the script. There wasn’t a need to add much here.
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Rebecca Jordan’s filled in missing scenes.
What I learned from dong this assignment is that I have thoroughly confused myself. I didn’t have missing scenes; however I found myself stuck on structure and moved scenes around thinking that the order didn’t have the impact I was looking for. And too much material convoluting the concept. Only to go back to outline and put mostly everything back! So I spent this lesson picking everything a part. Frustration that I was dipping into next lesson without having satisfied with this one. Okay! Moving on now. Probably to write much of the same tale for the next lesson. Just playing shuffle board.
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Janeen Filled in Missing Scenes
What I learned doing this assignment is that I missed a few intermediate scenes that i filled in.
I had previously written these scenes in the Comedy or Action classes so it was an easy cut and paste for the most part. I added a couple of transition scenes and interspersed a few things (actions and observers of the action) in a couple of places too.
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Peter Birdsong’s Filled In Missing Scenes
(Fell behind because family was in town.)
What I learned: I certainly found some gaps in my screenplay. Places where time jumped too much, or perhaps the reader would not have been fully tracking what was going on.
I added two new sequences to pass the time spans and help the story along. One shows them reacting to the sudden death of Father/Husband. The second is a sequence taking them to the French boatyard to see the boat he had recently purchased.
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Dana Filled in Missing Scene
What have I learned from this assignment?
I only added one new scene to introduce a main character earlier in the story. But I deleted a placeholder scene I realized I didn’t need.
ADDED SCENE: Frank arrives at his halfway house and finds Oksana Volkov waiting for him. This scene introduces Oksana and reveals their physical relationship and alludes to their business relationship, which is fully revealed in Act 3.
EXT. HALFWAY HOUSE – EVENING
Frank steps off the bus and heads for the halfway house. He stops, recognizing a Lincoln town car parked at the curb and the Russian driver standing next to it. He looks to his window.
INT. FRANK’S ROOM – EVENING
BEGINNING: Frank enters to find Oksana Volkov stretched out in his bed waiting for him. She entices him until he surrenders.
MIDDLE: After they make love, Oksana is dressing. Frank still lays in bed. Oksana tries to lure him into her service, but Frank politely refuses. But she knows, he’ll come to her eventually.
END: Oksana leaves. Frank steps t the window to watch her and her two bodyguards climb into the Lincoln and drive off.
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Lori Filled In Missing Scenes
What I learned…reading through my script so far, I am happy with the story and characters, but it needs to be fleshed out much more.
INT. THOMAS’ HOUSE – DAY
Thomas cleans himself up and looks his best, preparing to meet his wife’s killer.
(This is important because Thomas needs to put his best foot forward and not look like he’s an emotional mess.)
INT. THOMAS’ HOUSE – DAY
Thomas allows Christmas back into his home, and the tree and decorations are put back in place.
Thomas looks at his wife’s picture once more and says her name once more, but this time it’s different.
(This scene is important because we need to see that change has occurred. Thomas has accepted his wife’s death and made peace.)
EXT. CHURCH – NIGHT
The live nativity scene is angelic and going off without a hitch this time. Miriam steps forward and leads the onlookers in “Holy Night.” Thomas joins in.
(This scene is important to end the script because it shows the town coming together and celebrating, leaving the audience with hope.)
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