-
Post Day 26 Assignment Here
Click reply and post your assignment here.
-
7 Replies
-
Rich and Mary’s Solved Character Problems!
What I learned doing this assignment is these questions pointed out several problems we hadn’t anticipated earlier. This is good – some of the ideas for solutions sound hilarious already, and add fodder to the humorous script.
1. Check your lead characters to see if they have any of the problems listed in this lesson.
A. Weak protagonist or antagonist. A buddy Movie – Each Protag is the others Antag, adding/enhancing their quirks and the impact on the other will improve this. Need to add.
B. Protagonist Too Good or Antagonist Too Bad. Not an issue here – both have redeeming strengths and quirks that irritate the other and probably the audience.
C. Weak character intros. Here their profiles are highlighted well in the intro, subtext for their fears, their quircks. The initial intro shows them as the odd-couple, paired together by default. No one else in the classroom wants Jax, the loser,
and Morty, the old guy.
D. Characters not in action. This is an issue – many classroom scenes and diner sessions working on their script. Solution – add quirks that exist (Morty calls Jax “penkiller!” or pencilkiller)—Morty eventually gives Jax a fidget spinner.
Also, in the diner Jax peels open the jelly packs while Morty talks, then slurps them down. This drives anal Morty crazy no end, but finally, Morty says that he appreciates the fact that Jax doesn’t want to inflate the bill.
Ditto other actions, the waitress hovers over them, spying on them or similar. Or even have Morty be a knitter, which seems odd then later at his place see amazing creations. Jax is a musician.
E. Protagonist journey not strong. Not an issue, here they have deep fears from their pasts that are masked. They unleash each others demons, confronting them, then finally they are fully in the new ways and freed.
F. All the characters seem the same. Limited cast, but all speaking parts are diverse characters in race, age, gender, etc.
G. Lead characters not present. Less than 10% of scenes don’t include main characters.
2. For any character problems you find, make the prescribed improvements.
-
Christi’s Solved Character Problems!
What I learned was there were too many scenes at rest. I needed to shake things up in a scene, ensuring the actions were as engaging as the dialogue.
I’m actually excited as I think that I’ve found a way to break up the painful interrogation scene. I don’t think rich people -UBER rich- would cooperate with interrogations in the normal sense. So, I’m going to take it and run with it. I could fail spectacularly but I guarantee you it hasn’t been done before.
I must say this is an amazing distance way to learn. I thought it would be frustrating without direct input and contact from an instructor but the lessons are structured in a way that clearly directs you to any and all problem areas. When I save up enough for professional coverage, that’ll be the last polish needed as the lion’s share of the work will have been done.
Then, I’ll just stick it in a drawer while I email Producers. Lol.
-
JAYE’S SOLVED CHARACTER PROBLEMS!
What I learned is that by going back over the story with the perspective of character only, it helped me to see right away what needed fixing.
What I improved:
– I was able to identify why the Mayor was the true evil one and back it up with actions as opposed to just intent.
– In turn, this helped me to see hoe the Scientist was too flat of a character, and much in the way my Hero and Villain play off each other, I wanted the same for the Scientist and the Mayor.
– I made my Scientist a cyborg. Something that I put clues of in the story, and then finally reveal as his head gets bashed into he marble flooring. This actually came to me at the last second, because I liked bashing his skull in, but I needed him to continue living so he could further attack. And as my mind was searching how he could survive this before making one last strike… it occurred to me to make him a robot! In this way, I could give him more strikes, as opposed to a final one, and he goes on to flee the scene, thereby dragging out the climax and elevating tension and suspense.
– I gave the Villain and Hero more depth, in giving them (what I hope) is a heartfelt and touching final scene
– I even added some extra parts with Hero’s Girlfriend, who breaks up with him early on and I just left her out of the rest of it. It felt incomplete to just leave her as forgotten, so I put a few more scenes of her life without Hero and I think this works well.
-
Karin Hallén’s solved character problems.
What I learned doing this assignment is that I have some issues with my protagonist that comes down to me not having completely identified who he is. Therefore he comes across as one-dimensional. There are choices I haven’t made yet about him and I struggle with what choices will be best and how these choices will play out in the story.
I do realize that his subconscious goals have to drive him more than his conscious goals in order for him to be relatable and in the end likable. And even though both the subconscious and conscious reasons steer him towards the same behavior this requires changes to clarify who he is and his journey. I am working on it but have not pinpointed it all yet. There is something about him that I haven’t grasped yet, I feel it percolating under the surface but it has not crystallized yet. It’s frustrating but I have faith that it will reveal itself to me as I keep working. On that note, I will keep working on today’s assignment beyond today.
A. <div>
Weak protagonist or antagonist. – This is what I have been working the most on. I have been trying to work in ways to make the protagonist more dimensional and layered in order for the internal struggle to have more meaning and for the audience to connect with something real in him. I’ve gone through the scenes and made adjustments where I felt I could, and also added an action scene, but there are still several places I have not been able to solve this yet. Especially in the protagonist’s dialogue. I have identified that what truly drives the protagonist is that he more than anything wants a friend. A real friend.
B.
Protagonist Too Good or Antagonist Too Bad. – Actually my problem has been that the protagonist is Too Bad, which I am still working on solving. I have added a scene in which the protagonist is nice to a lonely child is to balance this.
C.
Weak character intros. – I did a small rewrite of the opening to add a stronger character intro for the protagonist, in which I worked in a few more of his characteristics.
D.
Characters not in action. – This is not really a problem I have in this script.
E.
Protagonist journey not strong. – The journey is strong, but can and will be made stronger and more interesting when I have solved the problem I have with not knowing my protagonist as well as I need to, yet.
F.
All the characters seem the same. – This is not a problem in this script.
G.
Lead characters not present. – This is not a problem I have in this script.
</div>
-
JUDITH ABINGDON SOLVING CHARACTER PROBLEMS
What I learned doing this assignment: still plenty to figure out. Scenes need to be added and characters strengthened.
A. Weak protagonist or antagonist.<div>
I think I do need to go back and beef up the antagonist’s involvement.
<div>
B. Protagonist Too Good or Antagonist Too Bad.
I think I am ok here, just as I say beef up the antagonist’s presence
C. Weak character intros.
I feel ok about this. Since it is a drama not an action film I think they fit the material
D. Characters not in action.
Still considering having her run into at least one character from act 1 in later acts
E. Protagonist journey not strong.
I feel she is constantly working thru her main objective which is leaving home, I think that runs strong.
F. All the characters seem the same.
I don’t think so
Lead characters not present.
I think my character list is small, so most of them reappear constantly.
</div></div>
-
THIRTY DAY SCREENPLAY ASSIGNMENT #26
James E. Clark – Solved Character Problems
What I learned from this assignment: I focused on Protagonist/Antagonist too good/bad, Weak character intros and all characters the same. I learned to use my character outlines to develop stronger representations of who they are.
ACT 1
OPENING
EXT. COMPANY HEADQUARTERS – DAY
Signage reads “Company A Seabee Training Facility, Port Hueneme, CA”
Beginning
Sailors are scrambling to be in the right place in formation and on time. Everyone is at attention. One lone sailor is five seconds late and has to work is way into his place.
Middle
Facing the Sailors is a diminutive Sr. Chief Carrie Waters. Five foot nuthin’ and a hundred pounds. She’s wearing immaculate Khaki’s with lots of ribbons including a Purple Heart.
CARRIE
Seaman Quincy front a center.
The late seaman comes forward and faces Carrie.
CARRIE
About face.
Seaman Quincy performs a clean about face.
CARRIE
Explain to your shipmates why you were late to formation.
QUINCY
I was in the restroom Sr. Chief.
CARRIE
Seconds count. If we were in combat you just risked the lives of your shipmates. DO YOU UNDERSTAND SEAMAN?
QUINCY
Yes Sr. Chief. But…
CARRIE
Quincy, I don’t give a rats rosy red hindquarters about your excuses. Understand that and your life will be better. Now, stand at attention and apologize to your shipmates.
Quincy squares his shoulders.
QUINCY
Shipmates, I apologize.
CARRIE
Quincy, fall in.
Quincy goes back to his location.
CARRIE (CON’T)
As a result of Quincy being late. The whole company will all stand at attention until the Company Commander and the Master Chief arrive.
As if on cue, the Company Commander and the Master Chief come around the corner.
CARRIE (CON’T)
All present and accounted for Sir.
MASTER CHIEF
Any problems Sr. Chief.
CARRIE
No Master Chief. We are tight as a drum
Quincy relaxes his facial demeanor.
EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY
Beginning
Sr. Chief Waters is watching a Seaman struggle with the operation of a large earthmover.
Middle
With ease she scrambles up to the cab.
CARRIE
Hobart, who taught you how to operate this mover?
HOBART
You did Sr. Chief.
CARRIE
And when was your last class session.
`HOBART
Two days ago Sr. Chief.
CARRIE
Are you unable to retain information Hobart?
Hobart can’t look her in the eye and doesn’t respond
CARRIE
Seaman, do you plan on embarrassing your Sr. Chief this close to graduation day.
HOBART
No Sr. Chief.
CARRIE
Well then, walk me through the start up procedures.
TWI MINUTES LATER
Carrie is on the ground.
Hobart shifts a control. The earth mover begins to move forward.
INT. CHAPEL CONFERENCE ROOM – NIGHT
Beginning
Women are milling around chatting and drinking coffee or bottled water. Some are in uniform, some in civies. Carrie is in civies.
CARRIE
Okay ladies, grab Bible, your coffee and treats. Time to start.
Middle
PLACEMARKER
The are going through the story of Deborah in the Book of Judges. Carrie asks pointed questions of the participants to keep them engaged.
End
Bible study is over.
WOMAN 1
What do you want to do when you retire?
CARRIE
Assuming I make Master Chief, I’ve got seven more years left for a round thirty. After that, I want to visit all of the states I haven’t been to yet. Right now I’ve checked of thirty seven states.
INT. DOJO – NIGHT
Beginning
Carrie, 3<sup>rd</sup> degree Black Belt is teaching a class of kids ages 8-15. She pairs the kids up by age and size on the mat.
Middle
An 11-year-old boy gets too rambunctious and hurts a girl in the class.
CARRIE
Andrew, to the side and kneel. You will remain there until the end of class.
End
She confronts the boy by asking him how much he likes being at the Dojo. He loves it. She gives him a serious reprimand.
As the students leave the mat and pick up their belongings, Carrie approaches Andrew.
CARRIE
How long you been coming to class?
ANDREW
My fourth week.
CARRIE
And now you think you know it all. Do you like coming to class.
ANDREW
Yes sensei.
CARRIE
If I see that again, you’ll be out of class. And remember, I’m in Bible study with your Mom.
Andrew drops his head.
ANDREW
Yes sensei.
INCITING INCIDENT
INT. NAVY MEDICAL OFFICE – DAY
Beginning
Carrie sitting on the exam table. The physician is reading lab reports then looks at MRI results. Carrie studies him for any hints. None.
Middle
PHYSICIAN
Life isn’t always fair Sr. Chief. Pancreatic cancer is no respector of persons. Your in superb physical shape. You’ll probably be able to last longer than most. But, it could be anywhere from six months to two years.
End
EXT. FRONT OF MEDICAL CENTER – DAY
Carrie stands and stares into nothingness. Then starts to shake. Then SCREAMS. She turns and faces.
REAR ADMIRAL
Everything okay Sr. chief Waters?
CARRIE
Nothing I can’t resolve Admiral.
She salutes him. He salutes back and they part ways.
INT. BASE GYM – NIGHT
Carrie is wailing on the body bag. She gives it one final punch with a SCREAM.
She turns. Yup, the Admiral in sweats just finishing his workout.
REAR ADMIRAL
Chief?
Firmly.
CARRIE
All under control, Sir.
REAR ADMIRAL
Uh huh. I can see that.
INT. BATALLION COMMANDERSERS OFFICE
Beginning
Sr, Chief Waters enters the Commanders office dressed in Khakis. She stands at attention
CARRIE
Sr. Chief Waters reporting as ordered Sir.
CAPTAIN
At ease, Sr. Chief.
Carrie laces her hands behind her back and relaxes, slightly.
The Command Master Chief of the base is standing to the side of the Captains desk. He smiles at Carrie.
CAPTAIN (CON’T)
Thank you for coming in Sr. Chief.
CARRIE
Sir.
The Captain looks down then back up at Carrie and purses his lips.
CAPTAIN
We met with your physician earlier today.
Carrie looks from the Captain to the Command Master Chief and then back. She straightens her back and raises her head high.
CARRIE
Sir.
CAPTAIN
You must be aware of what’[s coming.
CARRIE
Yes Sir. No promotion to Master Chief and no thirty year career.
CAPTAIN
We’ve known each other since I was an Ensign and you were a recruit.
CARRIE
Yes Sir.
The Captain walks around the desk, take her hands into each of his.
CAPTAIN
I’m so sorry Carrie. I wish…
CARRIE
I know sir. It’s okay.
EXT. BASE HOUSING – DAY
Carrie turns to walk into her unit. She kicks over her flowers in front of her place and SCREAMS, just a s a Harley pulls up and stops. She looks. The helmet is taken off and there sits the Rear
Admiral. He gets off the bike and stops at her property line.REAR ADMIRAL
I spoke with your Captain today. I’m very sorry
Sr. Chief. I was looking forward to having you on my staff as Master Chief.CARRIE
That would have been nice Admiral.
They shake hands. She watches as he drives away. Then turns and cries.
REACTION TO INCITING INCIDENT
EXT. AUCTION SITE – DAY
Beginning
Carrie walks around checking out various school busses. She makes a notation on two of them. Her notes indicate how much she will bid.
Middle
The auctioneer is getting bids on her first choice. He calls out her top number.
AUCTIONEER
Twenty Two thousand.
Carrie raises her hand.
AUCTIONEER
I have twenty two do I hear twenty three?
No response. Carrie looks around the room.
CARRIE (VO)
I’ve got it.
MALE VOICE (VO)
Twenty two five.
Carrie scratches that one from her list.
LATER
The auctioneer is getting bids on her second choice. Her nots read eighteen thousand max.
AUCTIONEER
I’ve got fifteen six. Di I hear sixteen
Carrie raises her paddle.
AUCTIONEER
I’ve got sixteen. Do I hear seventeen?
No response.
AUCTIONEER
So I hear sixteen five?
No response.
AUCTIONEER
Sold to the lady in the Navy sweatshirt.
End
She drives it off the lot.
EXT. NAVY BASE MECHANIC SHOP – DAY
BEGINNING
Carrie is ripping the seats out of the bus. She’s angry, crying and forceful as she works.
CARRIE
Why? Why, God?
Middle
All the seats are out. She’s curled up in a ball on the floor of the bus crying.
CARRIE
I’ve loved you and followed you, I’ve given my life to you and now this .
Command Master Chief sticks his head in the door of the bus. He sees and hears Carrie. He comes inside the bus. He places his hand on her shoulder.
COMMAND MASTER CHIEF
Lord, give her the peace that surpasses all understanding. Give her joy in you.
Carrie sits up, wipes her eyes with her forearm and nods to him.
COMMAND MASTER CHIEF (CON’T)
Martha expects you for dinner this Sunday after church. Don’t make me have to order you, ‘cause I’ll never hear the end of it from her if you’re not there.
CARRIE
Aye, aye, Command Master Chief.
Carrie lifts the hood and starts taking note of what mechanical issues need to be resolved.
End
INT. CARRIE’S HOUSING – NIGHT
BEGINNING
Carrie has a map of the US. She’s coloring in all the states she has been to – total of 37. She pours herself a drink.
Middle
Carrie is on Youtube watching videos of RV life. She simultaneously is making a list of what she wants to see in the fourteen states she’s never seen. She’s now drinking straight from the bottle.
End
Carrie is passed out on her bed. Her cat is curled up next to her. The empty bottle is tipped over on the night stand.
EXT. NAVY BASE MECHANIC SHOP – NIGHT
Carrie is putting the final touches on her Bus. Functional but feminine.
INT. BUS – DAY
The Women’s Bible Study is having their last meeting with Carrie. They’re laughing and giggling.
CARRIE
So that’s it. I admit I drank myself into oblivion.
The women surround her letting her know how much she’s loved by them.
INT. DOJO – NIGHT
The kids surround Carrie giving her hugs which she returns. A little girl gives her a bouquet of daisies.
CARRIE
I’m so gonna miss you guys.
Act 2 additional scenes Pre mid point
Beginning
EXT. NAVY BASE GATE – DAY
Carrie’s RV is pulling out of the gate at Port Hueneme, CA.
EXT. PACIFIC COAST HIGHWAY – DAY
Carrie is driving through the countryside north of Santa Barbara.
EXT HILLS – DAY
Carrie pulls into Ronald Reagan’s ranch Casa de La Cielo. She visits the museum.
EXT. PACIFIC COAST HIGHWAY – DAY
Carrie is pulled over just south of Big Sur and watching the ocean and waves as she eats her meal. She’s enjoying the view and serenity.
She gets out and walks a path down to the water.
INT. RV – NIGHT
Carrie is cleaning up form dinner and watching other campers at the campground move about.
Middle
EXT. CHURCH PARKING LOT – DAY
Sacramento, CA. Carrie has found a small church that needs some sprucing up. She offers to do work at not cost and she will cover materials.
Carrie replacing a door. Carrie fixing a toilet. Carrie painting a room. Carrie fixing the sprinkler system. Carrie planting flowers.
EXT. BRYCE CANYON – NIGHT
Carrie exits the RV with her coffee cup. She wanders over to the edge of the canyon and waits.
The sun starts to rise. She watches as the canyon walls change color with the rising sun. She’s satisfied.
INT. RV – DAY
Carries is driving through a rural area. She passes a private Christian school. In the front is a flag pole that is leaning with a tattered and faded US flag.
End
INT. HARDWARE STORE – DAY
Carrie has a bag of cement, a rope, a two by four and a new US flag.
EXT. SCHOOL – DAY
The flag pole is straight . It has a new lanyard and a new flag flying in the breeze
Students are standing around. The principal shakes Carrie’s hand.
EXT. PICNIC TABLE CAMP GROUND – DAY
Carrie is looking at a Christian website that posts volunteer positions. She sees one for a church camp in need of someone with construction experience. She copies her resume, pasts it into the volunteer application and off it goes.
INT. BUS – DAY
Carrie pulls up to the entrance to the church camp. The sign is missing boards so the whole name is not visible.
CARRIE
First impressions last. I’ll start there.
INT. CAMP OFFICE – DAY
Carrie is standing at the counter.
SECRETARY
… and we’re so excited to have you with us Miss Waters.
CARRIE
I’ve seen some of your needs. Glad to help. Can I meet the camp director.
SECRETARY
He’s out of town for a few days. He gave me a list of things to be done.
CARRIE
Where can I park my bus?
INT. BUS – NIGHT
Carrie is looking at the list. The front sign is at the top of the list. Second on the list is a new fire suppression system for the kitchen oven.
CARRIE
My sentiment too.
INT. COUNTY BUILDING PERMIT OFFICE – DAY
COUNTY OFFICIAL
I’m familiar with your kitchen. It’s a mess. You’re going to have sixty days to bring it all up to code.
Carrie reads the list.
CARRIE
I came in regarding the fire suppression system. I’ve assessed the rest of the kitchen. Your list seems aggressive. This will add twenty thousand dollars to the cost.
COUNTY OFFICIAL
Not my problem. The camp has been skirting the code for years. Christians think there above the law.
INT. CAMP OFFICE – DAY
CARRIE
… and the guy was an absolute jerk. He doesn’t think highly of the camp or Christians. Bureaucrat!
NELSON(VO)
You still don’t suffer fools well do you?
Carrie freezes, then slowly turns to see Nelson the Camp Director. She can’t respond.
NELSON(CON’T)
Speechless eh?
Carrie storms out of the office.
EVERYTHING BELOW THIS LINE IS A PLACE HOLDER
Act 2 additional scenes post mid point
Beginning
EXT. WOODS – DAY
Carrie and Nelson are walking and talking
Middle
INT. FINE DINING RESTAURANT – NIGHT
Nelson slides a ring box to her. She opens it and sees it’s the same one she wore twelve years earlier.
Carrie revels her illness to Nelson. She tells him she needs to compete her journey or until she can’t do any more. He asks her to wear the ring until she is done with her journey or has to return. She says she’ll think about it – but keeps the box.
EXT. CAMP GROUND – DAY
Carrie is in Vermont in the Green Mountains. She runs into some nomads she met at her first Boondock site. They’re heads south to Florida.
Carrie’s headed north to Maine. She tells them she might see them in Florida later.
Carrie’s energy level is declining.
EXT. MOUNT KADYDIN MAINE – DAY
Carrie hikes to the top, slowly.
EXT. TOP OF MOUNT KATYDIN – DAY
Carrie looks at the panorama. There’s a plaque at the top that reads “Terminus- Appalachian Trail.
End
INT. RV – NIGHT
Carrie is reading and drinking a cup of tea. Her nose starts to bleed.
She opens her map. She has three states left, South Carolina, Georgia and Florida. She opens the jewelry box and looks at the ring. She taps her ring finger on the Florida Keyes.
EXT. CAMP WORKSHOP – DAY
Carrie is teaching the volunteers how to use specific tools.
Carrie asks who want to learn how to operate the skip loader.
EXT. FIRE BREAK – DAY
Volunteers watch and listen to Carrie as she gives instructions. A twenty something gal jumps up as the first student. The skip loader jerks around as she tries to drive it.
TE 10b
INT. DINING HALL – NIGHT
Nelson and Carrie are enjoying some quiet time together. He slides a ring box across the table. She recognizes it. It’s the same engagement ring she wore twelve years earlier.
He asks her to marry him. She confesses she’s still in love with him.
She tells him her journey isn’t over yet and she has to do it on her own. She keeps the ring box but doesn’t opens it.
INT. NELSON’S OFFICE – DAY
He’s on the phone with his sister who’s a producer of documentaries.
EXT. BUS – DAY
Sarah, Nelson’s sister is interviewing Carrie about her journey.
At the end of the interview Sarah tells Carrie she glad Carrie is back in Nelson’s life and that he has not had a relationship since they ended their engagement twelve years earlier.
Carrie agrees to do a video blog on the rest of her journey.
TE 11
Sarah books Carrie for an interview on TBN.
INT. STAGE – DAY
Interview asks Carrie why the Navy. Carrie gives her story. Orphan. Was given a birth name by the orphanage. She changed it legally to Carrie Waters because she liked the serving concept of Chop Wood and Carry Water. The Navy was another opportunity to serve and have a great career.
INT. BATTALION COMMAND MASTER CHIEF’S OFFICE – DAY
The TV is on TBN. The interview finishes up. Battalion Commander is also watching.
COMMAND MASTER CHIEF
Thata girl.
Battalion Commander smiles and nods.
TE 14
INT. MOTEL ROOM – DAY
Carrie asks Nelson to mark off Florida and bring her the map. All fifty states have been marked off.
NELSON
Proud of you Babe.
Write The Outlined Scenes
Te9B
EXT. CAMP WORKSHOP – DAY
Carrie is holding up a pair of safety glasses.
CARRE
Again, how many pairs of eyes do you have?
VOLUNTEERS
ONE!
CARRIE
So the glasses…
VOLUNTEERS
SAVE EYES!
CARRIE
Who wants to learn how to drive the skip loader?
Every hand goes up.
EXT. FIRE BREAK – DAY
The volunteers are lined up next to the skip loader. Carrie has a young twenty something gal behind the controls.
CARRIE
Keep the clutch down unless your driving. This controls the bucket. Forward is down, back is up right tilts the bucket up, left tilts the bucket down. Got it?
Carrie jumps of and signals the girl to start. The engine starts, she lifts the bucket off the ground. She tries to put it in gear and the gears grind.
CARRIE
Push in the clutch. Then put it in gear.
The girl follows Carrie’s instruction. The skip loader lurches forward and dies. Crowd laughs. Girl does too.
EXT. CAP – DAY
Carrie and the volunteers are walking back for lunch.
CARRIE
You all did a great job.
VOLUNTEER
When do we get to try the road grader?
CARRIE
That’s a track vehicle. Operates very differently than a wheeled vehicle. Tell you what. Join the Army and sign up for Armor. You’ll get all the track driving you could ever want.
VOLUNTEER
Just might do that.
TE 10b
INT. DINING HALL – NIGHT
Carrie is sitting at a table. Nelson walks up with two cups in his hands
NELSON
Hot chocolate as requested.
Carrie smiles.
CARRIE
Thanks. Why here?
NELSON
It’s peaceful. And… anyway, I love the outdoors.
CARRIE
I understand.
NELSON
Why help out for free and cover the materials too?
CARRIE
Chop wood – carry water.
Nelson slides the ring box across the table to her. It’s the same one she had twelve years prior.
CARRIE (CON’T)
I love you. I do. But I’m not sure.
NELSON
Got it. Keep the ring. If you decide to wear it, so much the better.
NELSON
You mind if I share your story with Sarah?
CARRIE
I haven’t talked to her in years. She still with TBN?
NELSON
Yeah. This might make a great documentary.
CARRIE
I don’t know…
NELSON
What better way to chop wood and carry water than to share your story?
CARRIE
Who’s story?
NELSON
Yeah, got it. Jesus.
TE 11
EXT BUS – DAY
TBN is set up with directors chairs, lights and camera. Sarah and Carrie are miced.
SARAH
Carrie, why are you making this journey?
LATER
SARAH
Wrap. (TO CARRIE) I’m glad you and Nelson have reconnected.
CARRIE
That doesn’t mean th…
SARAH
Of course. No matter the outcome, your relationship is built on Christ. Did you know that he hasn’t gone out with or dated anyone since you guys broke up.
CARRIE
That’s like him. Me too.
SARAH
Not surprised.
INT. COMMAND MASTER CHIEF’S OFFICE – DAY
TV is on TBN.
CHIEF
Thata girl.
Battalion Commander is in the office. He smiles.
TE 14
INT. MOTEL ROOM – DAY
Carrie’s in bed.
CARRIE
Please, hand me my map and a marker.
Carrie marks Florida. She’s hit all fifty states.
NELSON
Proud of you Babe.
CARRIE
My purse please.
Nelson hands her the purse. She reaches in and pulls out the ring box. She hands it to Nelson. He opens the box and she holds out her left ring finger. He slides it on. It’s very loose on her hand.
CARRIE
One of the downsides of weight loss.
INT. RV – DAY
Carries interview with Sarah on TBN has gone viral. She opens her blog to see hundreds of responses. She shows Nelson.
NELSON
What are you going to do?
CARRIE
Respond to every one of them.
Nelson pulls her hand to him and kisses it.
NELSON
So proud of you.
MONTAGE
-Carrie blogs while Nelson drives. As she blogs she listens to instrumental praise music.
-At every stop along the way she takes incognito photos of people and posts them on her blog.
– Nelson and Carrie are in a diner. She’s in her wheel chair. Two pre-teen girls come up to her and ask for her autograph. She obliges. Nelson takes a photo of Carrie the girls and their Mom. Carrie posts the photo on her blog
– The town where the camp is located has banners welcoming Carrie back. Nelson drives slowly through the town. People are lining the street waving and cheering.
EXT. CAMP – DAY
Camp staff are out in full force to welcome Carrie and Nelson back.
Snow is on the ground. Nelson helps Carrie from the bus and helps her into a wheel chair.
WOMAN 1
We set up a cabin for you.
CARRIE
Thanks. I’ll like that.
INT. CABIN – DAY
Carrie blogs that her time is near. She’s sorry to be leaving this life but excited for the next. This will be her final blog. She reminisces about her life as an orphan, legally changing her name to Carrie Waters, her Navy career as a Seabee, being one of the first females in the Seabees, breaking Nelson’s heart and him taking her back 12 years later, her walk with Christ, Her opportunity to have been in every state.
CARRIE’S FINAL ENTRY: “Thank you to all of you who have been following with me on this path. To those of you who are Today Friends, I pray the very best for you. To my Forever friends, I’ll see you soon.”
INT. CABIN – DAY
Nelson is putting wood in the fire place.
CARRIE
Thanks. I’ll be fine. Go get settled back in.
NELSON
See you at dinner. Cook’s making your favorite.
CARRIE
Chicken feet. Yum!
NELSON
Cook can do that too.
INT. DINING HALL – NIGHT
The dining hall is decorated for Christmas. The countdown to Christmas reads six days.
Carrie is seated at a table. Staff is going through the chow line.
Nelson approaches the table with two trays. He sets one in front of Carrie. It’s meat loaf, mashed potatoes and peas. On tip of the mashed potatoes is a yellow PEEP.
Carrie looks at Nelson then at the staff watching her and she breaks out laughing.
EXT. CAMP – DAY
Nelson pushes Carrie on a trail by the pond.
NELSON
Warm enough?
CARRIE
Uh huh.
INT. WORKSHOP – DAY
Carrie visits with the Maintenance man.
MAINTENANCE MAN
How would you run new electrical lines for the exterior spot lights?
Carrie and the Maintenance man are going over a drawing of her ideas.
EXT. FIRE BREAK – DAY
Nelson lifts Carrie into the seat of the Grader. He stays with her. She starts the engine.
Carrie clears snow from the fire break.
CARRIE
I’d say I’m going to miss this. But I have a mansion waiting and I’m looking forward to being there.
NELSON
I’m sure it’s a beaut.
INT. CABIN – DAY
Carrie’s in bed. Nelson brings her breakfast.
NELSON
Merry Christmas Eve. I bring sustenance.
CARRIE
You’re too good for me.
NELSON
Not so. Yet, thanks.
CARRIE
Do me one more favor?
EXT. FIRE BREAK – DAY
Nelson lifts Carrie into the seat of the Grader. He stays with her. She starts the engine.
Carrie clears snow from the fire break.
CARRIE
I’d say I’m going to miss this. But I have a mansion waiting and I’m looking forward to being there.
NELSON
I’m sure it’s a beaut.
EXT. CAMP PARKING LOT – NIGHT
Nelson lifts Carrie from the wheel chair and puts her in his truck.
EXT. ROAD – NIGHT
The headlights shine off the snowy trees.
NELSON
One of my favorite spots coming up.
EXT. LAKESIDE – NIGHT
Nelson
Looks like we got the timing right.
CARRIE
What?
NELSON
Shhh. Just watch, over those trees.
Nelson points
Slowly a full moon that’s bright orange begins to rise over the trees. Carrie cries.
CARRIE
Oh Nelson, it’s beautiful.
Carrie snuggles into his arm.
NELSON
You’re my full moon.
They watch as the moon rises higher. Nelson hears a long exhale. She’s no longer breathing.
Nelson cries, then deep sobs.
NESLON
Someday, I’ll come visit you in your mansion.
-
30 Day Script – Day #26
Rae’s Solved Character Problems
What I learned from this assignment. I got to finally write the last scene that was hanging out in my head but not yet realized. It was also great to go back and round out some of the characters. But I am still at 80 pages and that seems a little short. So, I will be continuing with these noted character changes.
Character changes:
Jesi (protagonist) makes a new and unlikely friendship. He is Agent Whipple at the IRS. He helps her out of a jamb and she starts seeing him through different eyes – more like a father figure.
Joe Schmidt (antagonist) ends up being more of a pain in the arse – although he keeps on handing Jesi new business.
Michael is Jesi’s gay sales assistant and agent, so busy taking care of Jesi’s business he has no life of his own. He starts to feel unappreciated. I also need to find him a new lover.
Jesi gets “Rookie of the Year” and she is embraced by the guys in the bull pen, plus her manager Jason becomes her new best friend. She is moved to a corporate office, just like Henry’s.
Jesi has one last fling with Henry and then immediately regrets it.
Gerard spies on Jesi, sees her with Henry and calls her on it. They are about to part ways, forever.
I think I still need to round out Michael with a gay partner, and Gizelle will end up with Henry.
Henry Woo – antagonist – I still need to smooth him out, make him more dislikeable.
Log in to reply.