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Post Day 4 Assignment Here
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More of Margaret’s Funny situations
What I learned: combining comedic situations in one scene makes it funnier
Background to this scene: Irene has been sent to a nursing home after fracturing her hip. She lost her glasses and circled menu items without knowing what she was going to receive.
INT. PEACEFUL VALLEY – ROOM 107 – DAY
Mark brings in Irene’s breakfast tray. Maxine is asleep.
He takes the plate off the tray and places it onto Irene’s bedside table with a half piece of grapefruit, tabasco sauce and a pat of butter.
MARK
How do you want this?
Irene doesn’t answer. She is trying to figure that out herself.
MARK
Tabasco goes on the grapefruit?
Mark doesn’t wait for the answer. He sprinkles her grapefruit with the tabasco.
MARK
Where you want this?
Mark picks up the butter. Irene shrugs.
MARK
OK. Enjoy.
Mark leaves the butter on the bedside table and turns to leave.
IRENE
Oh, before you go. I need to use the restroom.
MARK
I am delivering trays now. Be back in a few.
IRENE
Thank you.
Mark leaves and Irene tries a bit of the grapefruit but the tabasco is too much. She gulps down water, pushes the bedside table away.
Irene lays back against her pillow.
IRENE
(praying)
Good morning, Father. I can’t read your Word this morning. No Bible, no glasses. But, I know you are here with me. Please heal me so I can go —
She picks up the call light and presses it.
IRENE
(to self)
I really need to go.
Irene notes her wheelchair on the other side of the room against the wall. She struggles to stand and walks along the bed, holding on. At the foot of the bed, she hesitates. The wheelchair is too far away.
IRENE
(to self)
I REALLY have to go.
She calls out.
IRENE
Hello? Hello? I need some help!
The only response – loud snores from Maxine.
Irene decides to go for it.
IRENE
Help me, Jesus.
She takes some steps. Just as Mark enters, she unwillingly pees the floor.
MARK
Hey. You shouldn’t be walking.
Mark notes the puddle on the floor.
MARK
They didn’t tell me you needed briefs. Here.
He helps her back to bed and then pulls out a large adult diaper from the closet.
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DAY 4 WILLIAM BEASLEY FUNNY SITUATIONS
WHAT I LEARNED FROM THIS ASSIGNMENT IS ANOTHER WAY TO CREATE A FUNNY SITUATION
HIM HOLDING HEAD
HIM What happened?
HER RISING
HER I’m not sure.
HIM I remember an explosion and you pushed me down here.
HER I didn’t mean to push you. I tripped.
HIM Where are we?
HER Looks like an old fallout shelter from the sixties.
MAN TAKES OUT CELL PHONE
HIM My cell’s not working.
HER Batteries dead?
HIM I charged it this morning.
HER Maybe there’s something on TV.
HER TURNS ON TV
No signal.
HIM No they didn’t.
HER Didn’t what?
HIM World War 3.
HER You might be right.
HIM PANICS
HIM We need to find shelter.
HER STRETCHES OUT HER ARMS
HER Hello.
HIM LOOKS AROUND
HIM Yeah. Water. We’ll need water.
HER GOES TO SINK AND TURNS ON WATER
HER Next.
HIM Fire, We need to start a fire.
HER TURNS ON STOVE BURNER
HIM Food. We’ve got to eat.
HER OPENS UP CABINETS
HER Looks like we’re well stocked.
HIM Oh, thank God.
HER Yes. Thank God. My name is Her.
HIM I’m Him. . . . We survived World War 3.
HER Looks we’ve got everything we’d need to survive.
HIM Everything . . . except . . .
HER Except what?
HIM You may look and act loke one but you’re not . . .
HER I’m not what?
HIM A man.
HER Thank God I don’t what I’d do if I had one of those things always dangling between my legs.
HIM You’re just jealous.
HER Ha. I’ve got several of them in all sizes, shapes and colors and I can them whenever I feel like and not be stuck with the same one for life.
HIM You ever have a real one?
HER Never wanted a real one. Have you ever had one of these?
HER POINTS TO HER GROIN
HIM Heavens no.
HER Guess what?
HIM Now, what?
HER We may be the last human beings on earth.
HIM Only us?
HER Just us.
HIM Humanity is doomed.
HER Unless . . .
HIM Unless what?
HER You and me . . .
HIM You and me what?
HER Keep the species going.
HIM How are we supposed to do that?
HER We’d have to have sex.
HIM Put my thing in your thing? Ugh. Can’t I just donate my sperm and you do whatever you have to do with it?
HER That would be my first choice, too. But what if it doesn’t work?
HIM It just has to work. Please, God. Make it work.
HER Guess we should start now.
HIM Right now?
HER Mankind is depending on us.
HIM FINDS A CUP
HIM For mankind.
HIM’S CELL PHONE RINGS
Hello? . . . Man, it’s you. You survived World War 3, too. . . . What? . . . No World War? . . . Where are you? . . . Home? . . . I’ll be right there.
HIM HANGS UP
Seems there was no World War and we’re not meant to be the saviors of mankind.
HER Thank God. How would we have delivered a baby and raised it? And my God, how would they have perpetuated the species?
HIM We’ll never have to know. Gotta go, Sweetie.
HER Nice meeting you, Him.
HIM Take care of yourself, Her.
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More (Patricia Ruland’s) Funny Situations
<b tabindex=”-1″ data-thread-perm-id=”thread-f:1700943140286608774″ data-legacy-thread-id=”179af6c62bebb586″>[Comedy 70] Day 4: More Comedy Situations!
What I learned from this:
Don’t be afraid to be outrageous. Then, don’t be afraid to be even more outrageous. Be fearlessly outrageous.
Caren Cay’s a morning person; her family are night people. She exemplified “early to bed, early to rise.” Her husband, FO!, and the twins, ok, believe late to bed and late to rise–oh, eff it. Today is the day of the festival, and Caren Cay is up at the crack of dawn.
Technique: Forced union of incompatibles
INT BOOMERS’ HOME, BATHROOM DAY
At the crack of dawn, Caren Cay jumps up off the couch in the family room, takes a good, long shower; the massive rain-showerhead floods her with a steamy deluge. She puts on a bathrobe, HUMS, “All Along the Watchtower” along with the soundtrack.
INT BOOMERS’ HOME, BEDROOM DAY
Caren Cay prods FO!’s shoulder.
CAREN CAY
(sunnily)
Hey, hey we need to get a head start—hey, hey—want to be early—
Caren Cay opens the window. Curtains lift with the gentle rush of a breeze. Caren Cay hears CRICKETS, CROAKS, TWEETS.
SOUNDTRACK changes to a Musak version of “Don’t Fear the Reaper” . . .
CAREN CAY
‘the door was open and–
FO!
(dreaming, smiling, bellowing)
I graciously accept our party’s nomination. I accept. I accept—
FO! Falls back into a sound, impenetrable sleep. CRICKETS CRESCENDO and stop.
Caren Cay too slowly closes the window, slams it shut. She stares over at FO!, stone-faced.
CAREN CAY
Crickets.
INT BOOMERS’ HOME, HALL DAY
Caren Cay rolls her eyes, exits the bedroom, and makes her way down the hall, earbuds in place. Lullaby version of “All Along the Watchtower” plays softly.
She TAPS on each bedroom door. She HUMS softly to the music.
CAREN CAY
Hey, there, time to get up . . . wanna get there early . . . big day is here.
She retraces her steps and RAPS on each door. No answer.
CAREN CAY
(effing crickets)
INT BOOMERS’ HOME, KITCHEN DAY
Caren Cay reaches the kitchen, reacts in horror to the horrible mess, evidence of her family’s midnight “gorgefest.”
INT BOOMERS’ HOME, KITCHEN DAY
Caren Cay bangs pots and pans and slams dishes in the massive dishwasher, soaps and sloshes the counters, leaves water running and bubbles rise in a luminous, undulating cloud,
She drops her robe and climbs in the sink—it’s a “farm sink”—massive, too—and she can sit in it—she mugs starlet “bath” sensuousness—still HUMMING “All Along the Watchtower.”
She grabs her bathrobe on the counter, pulls it on and around her as she stands up in the sink. She pulls up a mop and does pin-up poses and mock pole dancing moves.
She starts to put her earbuds in but slings them on the counter. HUMMING, still, she dances on the huge countertop, over to the island, over to the countertop on the other side.
She punches keys on the home PE system, steps back on to the center island countertop. OPENING STRAINS of “All Along the Watchtower,” Jimi Hendrix version, blare out top volume.
INT BOOMERS’ HOME, ‘MISTRESS’ BEDROOM, DAY
FO! bolts upright in bed.
FO!
What the eff?
FO! grabs his pants, puts them on; covers his ears; paces wildly for the door.
INT BOOMERS’ HOME, O’S BEDROOM, DAY
O jumps and falls out of bed. He jumps back up and runs for the door.
O
What the?
INT BOOMERS’ HOME, K’S BEDROOM, DAY
K’s eyes pop open; she listens, spellbound, and smiles broadly. She hops out of bed dancing, grabs a pencil and water cup, beats it to the beat, and dances for the door.
K
Party!
INT BOOMERS’ HOME, HALL DAY
FO! storms down the hall. O claps as K beats the cup with the pencil. They form a rock-conga line—doing vintage Sixties dances, like the Pony and the Swim. FO! gets even madder. They reach the kitchen door.
INT BOOMERS’ HOME, KITCHEN DAY
Caren Cay passionately strums a huge Cuisinart skillet—she shows she knows what she is doing. She wields the imaginary frets on the handle like a guitar boss. She SING-SCREAMS at the top of her lungs.
Outside, THUNDER BOOMS and LIGHTNING CRASHES.
Caren Cay smiles, looks to the heavens, suddenly turns up the volume even louder.
SOUND TRACK
‘There are many here among us who feel that life is but a joke . . . ‘
CAREN CAY
(singing very loudly)
‘The hour’s getting LATE. “
Caren Cay twirls and rocker stomps on each countertop. She air head-bangs up and down.
FO!
Very funny. You’re such a comediENNE.
SOUND TRACK
‘And the wind began to howl–
CAREN CAY
(with a blood-curdling howl)
–howl.
Caren Cay continues to HOWL, operatically, along with the guitar solo.
FO! SCREAMS out in anger. He lunges and turns off the intercom stereo system.
FO!
Are you cray-cray, Caren Cay? That’s what we should call you, “Caren Cray-Cray Cay, no, Caren Cray-Cray of the Cay.” Like that? Poetic enough? Get that printed on your Social Security card, your driver’s license, your birth certificate, and your Starbucks Gold Card.
CAREN CAY
Head-bang, hard-core rock-out . . . while I–
Caren Cay brandishes her arm across the spic-and-span kitchen. She crushes an empty milk carton on the counter.
CAREN CAY
(now sweetly saccharine)
–while I work.
Caren Cay WHISTLES the tune of “Whistle While You Work.” She mock-sings her adaptation of the lyrics.
CAREN CAY
I shopped and bought the food
Unloaded bags ‘n bshd for my brood
Put it up and took it down
Unwrapped the wrappers, every one
I chopped and cooked the food
Put it on the table and called you here
You ate and ate and ate and ate
Said you’d clean up with all good cheer–j
Just like a good family should
You need your rest you said
So get some Zzzzs, you sleepy-head–
FO!
O said ‘I got this’–K said ‘We got this.”
O
We were talking to Mom–
K
–not you, Dad.
CAREN CAY
(Still singing to the tune of “Whistle While You Work.” )
Tomorrow’s big, and we want you to knock ‘em dead,’ you said–
O
(sadly)
–but we just went to bed.
CAREN CAY
But we just went to bed.
Caren Cay polishes the counters and continues to whistle the song.
K
I’m sorry, Mom. I set my alarm–but I fell back asleep.
Caren Cay opens the refrigerator and takes out a six-pack of strawberry-banana yogurt. She tears two off and puts them in three places at the table.
CAREN CAY
I know you’re helpless,
but I want you to be well-fed–
”on my big day.”
FO!
They said they were sorry.
CAREN CAY
They did.
Caren Cay heads for the door.
CAREN CAY
I’m ahead of you–I obviously had my shower. Back by popular demand, super 20X whitening power Xtreme torpedo mint toothpaste. . . . I’m leaving for the festival in thirty minutes. “Be there, by the car, or be square.”
SOUND TRACK
“A wild cat did growl”–
(whispering)
Or . . . I’ll scratch your eyes out.
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Eclipse Neilson Day 4
What I’ve learned is that set ups, and opposites can make it funny. Originally I had written this with more sadness but when adding humor I feel it carries it along better.
(This is the opening scene. ) Radna is being sent to the retirement home. Clearly she comes from money. She and her niece are opposites. And it is a tragic moment.
FADE IN.
Sound of TIRES ON GRAVEL
EXT. FRONT ENTRANCE-DAY
Limo slowly enters through broken down large stone archway. Through window we see RADNA (80)a stoic woman with a strong presence. Dressed in a sophisticated hippie type flare and a colorful cloth hat staring out.
On the opposite side of the car seat her NEICE a younger (50)perfectly coifed blond, ascot, monogram jersey talks on her phone.
Radna watches two rabbits scamper. Fairy like folk dash to the bushes. Ghost like images of people dressed in different eras meandering around.
Niece observes her painted nails.
Limo stops at entrance steps of a small elegant retirement home needing some work. Chauffeur jumps out and opens door to help Radna out.
She refuses assistance. But hands him a bright green painted cane with a carved handle of a goofy looking grinning toad. He looks slightly embarrassed holding it.
Radna steps out, stands tall and clutches her tie dyed shoulder bag. The chauffeur hands her the cane. She strokes the toad’s head lovingly and raises it like a staff.
Niece steps out behind, her black slacks spike heals appear first she is still on the phone( some business transaction). She motions for chauffeur to carry bags to steps.
NIECE
Yes I said a hundred shares- no I mean…hold on one minute…
She stops talking but keeps phone to ear. Radna and her look at each other expressionless. They do a formal cheek to cheek kiss goodbye. In mid kiss goodbye, a black bird suddenly swoops over head. Both duck and squeal. Niece throws phone up in the air.
Phone bumps Radna’s face. It drops onto the ground. Radna rubs her nose. As niece looks for phone.
MAN ON PHONE
Hello, Hello, anybody there?
The Niece bends over to pick it up. Radna quickly places her cane on top of the phone to stop her. The helloes go silent. The Niece looks horrified and then furious.
Radna lifts her cane off the phone. Seri responds.
SIRI ON PHONE
Shall I look that up?
Both look down at the phone.
RADNA AND NIECE
No!
They return to their stare off.
A female receptionist, a little frazzled, rushes out and greets them. Runs down the steps.
RECEPTIONIST
So, so, so sorry I am late… here let me help…
She sees that she has walked into a “moment”. Smiles nervously.
Niece gets in the car closes the door and motions the chauffeur to leave.
Receptionist dismayed turns to help Radna up the stairs. Radna pushes her hand away never looking at her. Holds her head up high and slowly walks up the stairs. At the top she turns around looks at the grounds. Her eyes brim.
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More of Larry’s Funny situations – Comedic Tragedy
What I learned from this exercise is that one has to find a situation which will allow for extended development. I tried for a series of incongruities as to what might develop out of a torture scene with a Monty Python-esque air to it.
The Interrogation
INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT
The scene is a home basement with a small workbench, tools and other items scattered on it. MIGUEL, a Spaniard, has learned that RODNEY, a Brit, has had an affair for six months with his wife, Maria. RODNEY is tied to a chair and is stripped down to his shorts.
MIGUEL
(smoking a cigarette)
You do realize that I have to do this. You have pricked my pride, wounded my honour.
RODNEY
Yes, yes. I quite understand. You Spaniards need to uphold your honour and all that.
MIGUEL
Absolutely! We must not be seen to be cuckolded and so must avenge the wrongdoing.
RODNEY
Very well. Do get on with it, though. It is rather chilly. I’d hate to catch a cold.
MIGUEL
Very well. So tell me what do you like about my wife?
RODNEY
She has radiant, jet-black hair, often smelled like roses on a spring afternoon after a rain shower.
MIGUEL stands behind RODNEY and pulls hard on his hair. RODNEY yelps.
MIGUEL
Anything else?
RODNEY
Oh yes. She had perky breasts, nice and round. Reminded me pretty, flesh-coloured peaches in early autumn.
MIGUEL
You like her breasts, si?
MIGUEL stubs his cigarette against RODNEY’s chest. He yells again.
MIGUEL
Anything more?
RODNEY
Indeed. She has those cute little knees. Perfect for her slim, alluring figure.
MIGUEL
I see your point. You are perfectly right.
MIGUEL takes a hammer and smacks it against RODNEY’S kneecap. He screams in pain.
MIGUEL
And –
(beat. As MIGUEL is hesitating he is absently jabbing a screwdriver in RODNEY’S shoulder.)
RODNEY
(yelp)
Yes?
MIGUEL
And – you know …
(beat)
RODNEY
(yelp)
What is it, man?
MIGUEL
Was she good in bed?
RODNEY
(yelps)
Oh. To tell the truth
(beat)
MIGUEL has a battery jumper cables attached and holds them menacingly. RODNEY closes his legs firmly.
RODNEY
We had a platonic relationship.
MIGUEL
You did not find her attractive enough to want to make love to her?
MIGUEL touches the cable clamps causing a spark.
RODNEY
(tries to double over to protect his privates)
I did, but she said it was against her religion.
MIGUEL
(puts the cables down)
That is good to hear. But I am confused. She goes out with you, but she stays with me. So does she love me or not?
MIGUEL takes RODNEY’S hand and, with a pair of pliers, begins from the thumb to the pinkie, to pull out one fingernail at a time. With Each pull, RODNEY screams.
MIGUEL
She loves me.
(pulls a nail)
MIGUEL
She loves me not.
(pulls a nail)
MIGUEL
She loves me.
(pulls a nail)
MIGUEL
She loves me not.
(pulls a nail)
MIGUEL
She loves me.
(pulls a nail)
MIGUEL
This is a good sign. But how do I win her back?
MIGUEL goes back to absently poking RODNEY in the shoulder with the screwdriver as he ponders this.
RODNEY
Well, mate,
(ouch)
I should think
(ouch)
The way to get her back
(ouch)
Is to win her heart back.
(ouch)
MIGUEL stops the stabbing and, as he is talking, he applies a strip of duct tape on each of RODNEY’S forearms and one on his chest.
MIGUEL
What do you propose I should do? She has stopped loving me. And I do not want to lose my dear Maria.
RODNEY
What I did – I mean what any man would do to win his woman back is to shower with compliments and poetry.
MIGUEL rips a piece off RODNEY’S left arm pulling most of the arm hair off. RODNEY yells.
MIGUEL
(meditatively)
I see. Go on.
RODNEY
Then I – rather, any man would ply her with expensive gifts to show how much he values her.
MIGUL
Yes that makes sense. What else?
MIGUEL rips a piece off RODNEY’S right arm pulling most of the arm hair off. RODNEY yells.
RODNEY
Finally, take her on a long, romantic vacation to spend exclusive time with her.
MIGUEL rips a piece off RODNEY’S chest pulling most of the hair off. RODNEY yells.
MIGUEL
You know, senor Rodney, you have inspired me. I shall take your good advice and go immediately to rekindle the love between Maria and I.
RODNEY
That’s the spirit, mate. Glad I could be of service. Give my regards to your wife.
MIGUEL rushes up the basement stairs and turns off the light, darkening the basement.
RODNEY
Hello? Miguel? Anybody? Some help, please? It’s rather draughty down here.
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DAY 4 Assignment
More of darryl brant’s funny situations in film.
What I learned from this assignment is that some of the funniest and best films I have ever seen have used at least one of the 6 techniques we’ve covered. And learning about these techniques has given me more confidence as a writer.
This attached scene has two friends attending their first Slayer concert.
INT. ARENA – NIGHT
Paulie in a white AC/DC shirt and Chandresh in a lovely pastel three piece suit stick out in a sea of black cladded VIOLENT SLAYER FANS.
CHANDRESH
I thought you said there was no dress code.
PAULIE
At least I have a band tee.
VIOLENT FAN
AC/DC sucks!
The violent fan pushes Paulie on the ground as the lights go down.
PAULIE
Chandresh! Help me up.
The stage has been lit aflame. Two large crosses adorn the stage. Throngs of concert goers stampede knocking Chandresh on the ground.
The glow of the flames provides faint light as Paulie and Chandresh are stepped on and pushed.
PAULIE
My hand. Chandresh!
CHANDRESH
Ow. My neck. Paulie. Over here.
The flames are extinguished. The arena is dark save for the house black lights which make Paulie’s white shirt glow.
CHANDRESH
I’m coming.
Chandresh crawls through the legs toward Paulie.
The flames shoot up again. The fans go crazy.
SLAYER take the stage. The fans go apeshit crazy yelling out their name with their hands up in the air.
PAULIE
Chandresh put your hands in the air.
Chandresh tries to raise his arms but the sheer density of the crowd makes it impossible.
CHANDRESH
I can’t.
PAULIE
Put your hands up.
CHANDRESH
I’m trying.
A RABID FAN notices Chandresh without his hands up.
RABID FAN
You show respect.
Chandresh tries desperately to free his arms. He finally frees one. But instead of making devil horns, he makes a peace sign.
RABID FAN
Always war always! Ending bitter peace!
The rabid fan launches Chandresh into the air on top on the crowd.
CHANDRESH
Paulie. I’m surfing.
Paulie manages to get a hand on Chandresh. Tries to pull him down.
Then suddenly Paulie is on top of the crowd with Chandresh.
Concert goers toss Paulie and Chandresh around like rag dolls. Chandresh’s suit is torn.
CHANDRESH
This is a Paul Smith suit. Paulie why did you bring me to a Slayer show?
PAULIE
I thought it’d be fun.
Fans dump beer all over Paulie and Chandresh.
CHANDRESH
This never happens at a Cure concert.
PAULIE
Nothing happens at a Cure concert.
Paulie and Chandresh are being directed toward the stage.
PAULIE
I think someone took my wallet.
CHANDRESH
I think someone took my spleen.
A spleen is being held over by the crowd. Chandresh tends to his fresh wound.
PAULIE
Chandresh!
Chandresh feels weak. Drifts in and out of consciousness.
PAULIE
Chandresh!
Chandresh snaps back to reality.
CHANDRESH
Yeah?
PAULIE
I’m sorry. I didn’t expect this to happen.
CHANDRESH
You didn’t expect a brown guy to get killed at a Slayer show?
The music suddenly stops. The house lights go on. Slayer lead singer TOM ARAYA looks into the crowd.
TOM ARAYA
Who said that?
Everyone points to Chandresh.
VIOLENT FAN
Hey man that’s not cool.
RABID FAN
Yeah man. Slayer fans might be fervent devotees, we might be loud, sometimes violent, maybe even cannibalistic ….
A FEMALE FAN takes a bite out of Chandresh’s removed spleen.
RABID FAN
But we are not racist.
CHANDRESH
Then why are you torturing me?
RABID FAN
We’re not torturing you because of the colour of your skin. We’re sacrificing you to our gods.
The lights go out again. The fans yell ‘Slayer.’ The band starts playing.
The fan continue shepherding Paulie and Chandresh toward the two big crosses.
PAULIE
This might be it for us.
CHANDRESH
I never thought I’d die this way. Especially since I’m Hindu.
The music stops again. The house lights go on again. The lead singer looks directly at Chandresh.
TOM ARAYA
Someone tell this motherfucker.
The female fan wipes blood from her mouth.
FEMALE FAN
Slayer doesn’t care about your religion. Slayer accepts us for who we are, and encourages us to live peacefully and love one another. The crosses aren’t meant for worship. They are used for sacrifice.
VIOLENT FAN
Yeah lighten up already.
The lights go out again. The flames rise up. The music starts. The crowd in a frenzy.
Paulie and Chandresh are carried toward their respective crosses. Both are strung up using pulling mechanisms on all their limbs.
Together they hang vulnerably.
The ropes tied around their limbs are thrown into the crowd.
PAULIE
Never thought I’d go out like this.
CHANDRESH
Yeah. I figured I would immolate myself. Or get crushed at a Smiths reunion show.
PAULIE
Chandresh before we get torn apart limb by limb, I want to say one thing.
CHANDRESH
It’s okay man. I know. No need to say.
PAULIE
I have to. I want them to be my last words.
CHANDRESH
Wait let me think of my last words.
PAULIE
You are my best friend. I don’t want to die, but if I have to die, I am happy it is with you.
RADID FAN
That was so beautiful.
CHANDRESH
Wait wait. I got it. I need help though.
The fans start pulling their ropes. Paulie and Chandresh look like puppets.
PAULIE
Hurry up man. My leg is starting to tear away.
CHANDRESH
Okay okay. I just want to say …
A leg is passed over the crowd.
PAULIE
Hurry. Not many limbs left.
CHANDRESH
I just want to tell you that you are the only …
Two fans sword fight using arms as swords.
PAULIE
I can’t hold on much long …
CHANDRESH
Paulie you are the only … wait. Slayer can you play ‘The Boy With The Thorn In His Side’ by The Smiths.
Slayer denies his request. The fans go ballistic. They yank on the ropes.
Paulie and Chandresh’s screams are drowned out as the fans yell out ‘Slayer!’
The crosses are empty save for some blood smears.
The fans suddenly part as the severed heads of Paulie and Chandresh roll toward each other.
PAULIE
Best concert ever!
CHANDRESH
Slayer!
Chandresh head bangs causing his head to spin around in a circle.
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Christy Waites’ Funny Situations
Still keeping with my new screenplay first draft, I decided to write out a Montage from my outline that covers a big embarrassing scene for the protagonist that includes a Comedic Tragedy. I’ve been thinking this out as I was developing my outline, and now, from this lesson, I can see that I have been on the right track at making a terrible tragedy to the protagonist an actual funny bit after all.
In addition: This is an animation, so I’m working with adding funny sound effects where appropriate.
MONTAGE–TAVIS’S MISHAP ON THE PITCH
–Jack has the ball and is looking for a Red teammate.
–Tavis is leaving his position and is weaving around the Blue opponents without being seen. Finally, he jumps up and down waving his arms over his head.
BOING! BOING! BOING!
TAVIS
Me! Me! I’m clear! Throw me the ball! Throw me the ball!
–The ball flies over head in slow motion right into Tavis’s waiting hands. Noise of joy and anger raises in the stands.
–Tavis makes a large toothy smile while the force of the throw knocks him onto his back.
TAVIS
Oooooffffff!
THUD!
–The entire blue team is now aware of the fallen Tavis and the ball in his hands. One by one they zero in, run, and, THUMP, jump on top of him.
–A voice from an unknown source shouts something that spurs Tavis’s mates to also join the pile.
BOY (O.S.)
Dog pile on Tavis! Dog pile on Tavis!
–The umpire blows his whistle wildly, running across the field, but he’s unable to stop the dog pile from getting higher and higher. He blows one long trill over the pile.
TRILLLLLLL!
–Snickering, one by one, each boy leaves the pile. At the bottom, Tavis is still holding the ball, still smiling, but he is creating an impression into the field itself.
–The players on the field and most of the spectators point and laugh.
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More of Ron Basci’s Funny Situations
What I learned from this assignment is how dire or horrific scenarios can be fertile fields for comedy.
INT. NIGHT. JANUARY 19-20, 2021. A VAN TRAVELS NORTH TOWARDS TEXAS, USA. COYOTE MARCO DRIVES WHILE HUNCHED IN THE REAR ARE ESME, BENITO, RASHID, REXIN, MANNY AND MIRANDA.
The characters: MARCO, a forty five year old pot bellied Hispanic. MIRANDA, 16 years old is with her boyfriend, MANNY, 19, both are naive. She is seven months pregnant. REXIN, 35, a Chinese working class laborer, RASHID, 28, a dark and brooding Pakistani, ESMERALDA, heavy set upbeat 40something, and her traveling companion, BENITO 38, who has made this trip before.
MARCO
(shouting to the back)
One more stop in lovely Mexico. There you will turn over your valuables before the crossing.
Disgruntled mumbling ensues. Then
BENITO
That’s why I travel light. See? No rings.
MANNY
But Miranda and me, we gave everything. We have nothing. What will happen for us?
BENITO
Then you’ll be on your own.
MIRANDA
No. We will die here!
ESME
Don’t worry angel, there is always a way, you’ll be fine.
MANNY
Miranda and me. We are running away. She has my baby, but her family…you know.
REXIN
Keep your head down, mind your business. Wear blinders.
(demonstrates)
No one will bother you.
RASHID
I don’t like this. We’re too close to the border. Let’s jump Marco and throw him out.
He slowly reaches into his pocket, partially pulls a knife, replaces it, taps his pocket. No one notices.
REXIN
(scooting as far from all as possible.)
My brother will pay for me. I hear nothing.
BENITO
Be practical, Marco knows the route. We don’t.
RASHID
(displaying the weapon)
Then we need to take him hostage.
ESME
This is starting to get out of hand.
MANNY
Yes! This is the way! We are five six with Miranda. We will succeed!
ESME
Don’t be foolish, calm down.
RASHID
I don’t care if I’m alone. I will get him.
BENITO
And once you do, what next?
MIRANDA
We’ll tie him up!
REXIN
With what?
MIRANDA
Shoe laces!
ESME
How would he drive?
RASHID
He won’t. He’ll guide us. I’ll drive. You hold him, Rex.
REXIN
With shoe laces? You have the knife.
BENITO
I can drive.
ESME
Oh, God.
MIRANDA
(becoming enthusiastic)
Yes, yes!
ESME
I can’t believe this is happening.
REXIN
(to Rashid)
How do you approach him?
ESME
I have some apricot brandy. But this is crazy.
RASHID
Maybe, but it’s going to happen.
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DAY 4 Artūrs Kozels
Forced union of incompatibles
What i have learned? I have learned that there are more ways how to write comedy. And that you can NEVER forget about incongruity!
EXT/ESTABL. RESTAURANT – EVENING
INT. RESTAURANT – SAME
SIRI (28), skinny, sits at the table like a guy, legs wide opened. Here approach EVE (30), she also moves like a guy. Hands move along her body as if she comes from bicepss workout. Eve sits down.
Siri looks joyfull but indifferent. Eve looks depressed although tries to find someone like her. Eve stops by the table like…
Eve – Hi. Are you Siri?
Siri – Yeah. You Eve?
Eve – Yeah.
Eve sits down just like Siri.
Eve – Why are you Here?
Siri – Kids at home. I distract them. They told me not to Come home without new husband. You?
Eve – Grandkids at home. They just don’t want me at home. They are afraid of me. Told me to not to Come home, find wife and pack My bags.
Siri- What do you do?
Eve – Plan funerals. You?
Siri (laughs masculine) – Weddings.
Eve – You are like this IPhone voice? Siri, are you there? Put alarm at 7:00 o’clock. Siri, remind me to eat.
Eve gives depressed laugh.
Siri – Yeah… Agha. And what happened to Adam? Burried him? Hopefully he died as a very Lucky man. Appeared as the first male on this planet and hundreds of thousand years later he meets you and dies of what? Of euphoric life or of heart failure which got sick since you two met?
Eve – I feel we are not on the same note here…
Siri – You feel correct.
Eve – It’s how it should be, right?
Siri – I guess.
Eve – I got funerals to run in 10 minutes. Wanna join?
Siri – OK.
Siri and Eve stand up and exit.
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INT. THE WORLD IS ENDING IN 15 MINUTES CONFERENCE – DAY
The great-granddaughter of a Bolshevik and the daughter of a Marxist convince their only daughter, GREENA their little angel, that she must inform the world to follow orders, or they are complete toast. She addresses the World Conference with guns blazing. (Note: Forced union of incompatibles – A wacko nut job against people that believe the opposite.)
GREENA
You challenge ME. I should be back in Slovakia in the back seat of a Volvo getting some. This is all your fault. Don’t you feel ashamed? Is this working or not?
The dignitaries applaud wildly to her abusive mocking of everyone, including themselves.
INT. TELEVISION STATION – NIGHT
Going live with raw network feed, the anchor, CHET THOMAS, recaps the daily events of a little girl who tells the world they are toast unless the get on their knees and do as she demands – pronto.
CHET THOMAS
Well, folks, you heard it here first. Unless we kneel and bow to this mixed-up teenager, the world will die in a matter of minutes. oh, my… gee wiz. When I was in school, I was never even close to being this screwed up.
SUSIE ATKINS
Can you image anyone sending a brainwashed child to shame the world into such ridiculous ideas? How could anyone be this self-righteous and corrupt?
CHET THOMAS
I would start with their parents and move to any organization that would pay money to bring her to this country and pretend she is actually saving the world. Somebody definitely has a screw loose.
EXT. CITY PARK – DAY
The non-stop network cameras are rolling in another attempt to fool the audience into falling for a pile of bologna sandwiches. As it turns out, Greena has been led to the wrong venue and is addressing a crowd of right-wingers that find her non-stop lies totally laughable. The screaming lunatic is demanding the world do as they’re told, or else. (Note: Embarrassment)
GREENA
Are we going to let the world die in an environmental holocaust?
CROWD
Yes, yes, yes!
GREENA
What, are you people mad?
CROWD
Ha, Ha, Ha. What a loser! Loser! Loser!
The entire crowd is flashing the loser sign and laughing hysterically. The little girl is rushed off the stage and whisked away in a super-duper carbon footprint limo.
INT. TELEVISION STATION – NIGHT
Once again the news anchors are telling the sad story of how a brainwashed child is attempting to shame the world into absurd wacko ideas. (Note: Comedic tragedy)
CHET THOMAS
What started as a barrel of laughs, has suddenly turned into the reality that this child needs a great deal of psychotherapy. I hope she knows someone willing to give her the help she needs.
SUSIE ATKINS
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, a website has been formed for you to donate money for Greena to get a shrink to check out that totally screwed up mind. The site is http://www.greena-needs-help.com
CHET THOMAS
This just in, an Evangelical Preacher believes Greena’s hysterics are so wild and outlandish, that she like totally needs an exorcism. A once bright lovely girl has now hit rock bottom.
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Sherri D. Coffee – More Comedy Situations!
What I learned doing this assignment was to explore the comedy situations, brainstorm interactions, and create the scene.
Barbara is a self-made successful executive. Her doubles tennis partner Catherine is a silver spoon who has never worked.
EXT. Tennis Court – AM
The ladies break during a set. Score reads 5-2. Barbara drinks water. Catherine talks.
Catherine
We can do this Barbara. We can do this. What’s wrong with your serve? You have to get your serve in for us to have a chance to win.
Barbara stares, puts her water down and walks onto the court to serve.
Barbara (O.C.)
She’s such an ass. This is a tennis match, not a life and death situation.
Catherine takes position on the court.
Catherine
Let’s go Barb, you can do this.
Barbara serves the ball. Opponents return the ball to her; she returns and hits it into the net.
Catherine glares.
Barbara serves the ball again. Point plays long. Catherine hits the ball out and throws a fit.
Barbara
God. Please let me get off this court.
Barbara
Love-thirty.
They play another point and lose again.
Catherine approaches Barbara to huddle.
Catherine
C’mon. Just keep the ball in the court.
Barbara
Yes, let’s keep the ball in the court.
Barbara walks away.
Barbara
Love-forty
Serves the ball. Returns. Catherine hits an overhead out.
The ladies move to the net and shake hands with opponents. Catherine walks with Barbara to the bench.
Catherine
Well, I can’t play any better than that.
Barbara
Really? It’s a tennis match Catherine. Not all about you.
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