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Post Day 7 Assignment Here
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Quinn’s 1st Pass
What I learned doing this assignment is…
1. Logline: The twin a woman absorbed in utero takes over her body while she sleeps in order to hunt for a body of her own.
2. Plot/Plot Summary: Escape – Your hero is confined against his will (often unjustly) and wants to escape. In this case, the hero is the victim. The natural
progression: imprisonment, initial attempts to escape fail, new plan is made that is also thwarted, and finally, the actual escape.
3. Structure:
Opening: Cassie has a dream that she murders someone violently.
Inciting Incident: Cassie sees a news report about the murder.
Page 10: Cassie goes to Dr. Bellerophon, the therapist she has been seeing for trauma, to get help with the dreams.
First Turning Point/End of Act I: Cassie wakes up covered in blood.
Mid-Point: Helen makes herself known to Cassie by talking to her in the mirror and tells her about her plan.
Second Turning Point/End of Act II: Cassie passes out and Helen takes over during the day.
Crisis: Cassie discovers Bellerophon is a serial killer who has been purposefully drawing Helen out and using her as a tool to commit murder. He has been promising Helen he can find her a body if she kills.
Climax: Cassie decides to commit suicide to keep Helen and Bellerophon from killing anyone else.
Resolution: Cassie’s body is resuscitated, but Helen is in charge.
4. Protagonist Character Arc:
Part to be changed: Cassie is timid and afraid to take actions.
Biggest fear: Her actions will end up hurting someone.
Completion of arc: She takes action to keep more people from being hurt and killed.
5. Plot in Structure:
FADE IN
Opening: Cassie has a dream that she murders someone violently.
1. EXT. ALLEYWAY – NIGHT
A homeless man is hunted down and brutally murdered by CASSIE, early 20s with two different colored eyes.
2. INT. CASSIE’S BEDROOM – 3:47 AM
Cassie wakes up screaming. She realizes it’s a dream and writes the dream in her dream journal. She gets out of bed.
3. INT. CASSIE’S BATHROOM – MINUTES LATER
Cassie washes her face in the bathroom sink. She dries off and stares at her reflection. She focuses on the reflection of her left eye. Her alarm offscreen goes off. It’s 5:00 AM. Cassie jumps and comes out of her daze. She turns off the alarm and prepares for her day.
4. INT. COFFEE SHOP – MORNING
Cassie has an incident where someone cuts in front of her and she doesn’t do or say anything. There is a brief moment with the female barista behind the counter flirting with her.
Inciting Incident: <strike>Cassie sees a news report about the murder.</strike> Cassie happens upon a murder scene which matches her dream.
5. EXT. CITY STREETS – MINUTES LATER
Cassie, on her way to work, happens upon a crime scene blocked off by police. The coroners wheel a shrouded body to the van. Cassie glimpses the scene and sees that it matches her dream. She drops her coffee and rushes away from the scene. DETECTIVE JIM WALLACE, late 20s, fit, notices her.
Page 10: Cassie goes to Dr. Bellerophon, the therapist she has been seeing for trauma, to get help with the dreams.
6. INT. DR BELLEROPHON’S OFFICE – LATER
Cassie tells Bellerophon about her dream and coming upon the murder scene. She tells him about not feeling like she’s the one looking back in the mirror. BELLEROPHON, 50s, cliched professional, assures her it’s coincidence and talks to her about her condition with nightmares. He prescribes her a new medicine for her to take.
7. INT. COFFEE SHOP – AFTERNOON
Cassie is back in the coffee shop. She has another moment with the barista from the morning. Cassie almost brings herself to ask the woman out, but can’t pluck up the courage.
8. EXT. CITY STREETS – NIGHT
A couple leave a late night movie. Cassie springs out from an alley and kills the husband. The wife runs, but Cassie chases her down and slaughters her.
First Turning Point/End of Act I: Cassie wakes up covered in blood.
9. INT. CASSIE’S ROOM – 3:47 AM
Cassie wakes up screaming again. She goes to write in her journal and notices what looks like dried blood under her fingernail. She rushes to the bathroom to wash up.
10. INT. CASSIE’S BATHROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Cassie is sobbing washing her hands, trying to get the blood out from beneath her finger nails. She looks up at her reflection to see, for the briefest of seconds, the evil rictus on her own face. She leaves the bathroom.
11. INT. CASSIE’S BEDROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Cassie calls Dr. Bellerophon in a panic. He assures her it is nothing, but tells her to come to his office when they open. Cassie re-opens the dream journal and sees that there are entries written in a different hand-writing with disturbing messages.
12. EXT. CITY STREETS – MORNING
Cassie is walking to her appointment. She bumps into Detective Wallace. Wallace tells her he noticed her at the previous murder and when another murder came up this morning with a similar MO he was curious. He had her followed to see where she went. It’s almost an interrogation. At the end he gives her his card and tells her he’ll keep in touch. Cassie goes into the building.
13. INT. BELLEROPHON’S OFFICE – LATER
Cassie is beside herself. She tells Bellerophon about the blood and shows him her dream journal. Bellerophon tells her it’s okay and tries to calm her down. He gives her something to drink. She calms down, almost to the point of passing out. Bellerophon says a strange phrase. Cassie’s eyes snap open. It’s HELEN he’s talking to now. He chastises her for being sloppy, and for writing in the dream journal. Helen reminds him of his promise to get her a different body so she can be autonomous. Bellerophon chastises her again, but says he’ll keep his promise. He says another phrase and Helen goes under. He rips the pages Helen wrote on out of the dream journal. Bellerophon brings Cassie back, but still under his control and gives her the suggestion that she will forget about the blood and will “not notice” any missing pages in her journal. She acquiesces. He brings her back full and assures her everything will be okay.
14. EXT. CITY STREETS – LATER
Cassie is passing by the coffee shop. The woman who keeps flirting with her comes out and calls to her. She said she was worried when Cassie didn’t show up for her normal coffee. After some awkward conversation, the woman asks Cassie out for a drink. Cassie initially refuses, but ends up agreeing.
15. INT. NIGHTCLUB – EVENING
Cassie and the woman from the coffee shop are having a drink at the table, getting to know one another. It’s a pleasant conversation, but when the woman asks Cassie to dance, Cassie balks. She excuses herself from the table and goes to the ladies room.
16. INT NIGHTCLUB LADIES ROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Cassie washes her hands and looks in the mirror. The rictus on her reflection is back. Someone comes out of one of the stalls. The reflection turns and attacks and kills the woman. Cassie is caught on the wrong side of the mirror, banging her hands against the glass.
17. INT. WOMAN’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Cassie wakes up in bed screaming. The light is turned on. The woman from the coffee shop is in bed beside her. It is her apartment. Cassie is confused at first, not remembering coming home with the woman. The woman walks her through the evening and Cassie says she remembers. She excuses herself to go to the bathroom.
Mid-Point: Helen makes herself known to Cassie by talking to her in the mirror and tells her about her plan.
18. INT. WOMAN’S BATHROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Cassie looks in the mirror and Helen looks back. They have a conversation about Helen’s need for a body and that Bellerophon is helping her. She also tells Cassie she was the one who agreed to go back with the woman because Cassie was too much of a coward. She says she enjoyed the experience so much she’ll have to do it again. Cassie swears it won’t happen. She leaves the bathroom and tells the woman she has to go home. She leaves the situation in an awkward state.
Second Turning Point/End of Act II: Cassie passes out and Helen takes over during the day.
19. INT. CASSIE’S APARTMENT – LATER
Cassie is home and starts to call Bellerophon. There is a knock at her door. It is Detective Wallace. He comes in and asks Cassie where she was. It turns out there was a murder in the club where she was earler. He shows her a picture of the murdered woman in the stall that Cassie had seen in what she thought was a dream. He tells her that a camera caught her going into the bathroom around the time of the murder. Helen arises and strangles Wallace. As soon as she’s done, Cassie screams. Helen talks to Cassie directly telling her they will have to dispose of the body.
20. INT. DETECTIVE WALLACE’S APARTMENT – LATER
Cassie and Helen use Wallace’s key to go in. Helen goes through the rooms and finds Wallace’s wife. She uses Wallace’s service pistol to kill her. She then stages Wallace’s body to look as though he shot himself. Before Helen leaves, Wallace’s young son finds her and asks what she’s doing. Helen kills the boy while Cassie’s reflection in the window screams.
Crisis: Cassie discovers Bellerophon is a serial killer who has been purposefully drawing Helen out and using her as a tool to commit murder. He has been promising Helen he can find her a body if she kills.
21. INT. BELLEROPHON’S OFFICE – MORNING
Bellerophon comes into his office. Helen is sitting in his chair. She demands Bellerophon hold up the end of his bargain. Bellerophon tells her not yet. Helen jumps up to kill him, but Bellerophon says a phrase and Helen drops her weapon. Bellerophon tells her that he has been grooming her for a long time and has added fail safes so she wouldn’t harm him. He says she is ready to be the tool he needed from her. He gives her a kill list and tells her she won’t be able to get her own body until she’s done. She says she can just keep Cassie’s body, but Bellerphon tells her with a single phrase he can effectively kill off Helen and send her back to the “glob of neural material” that is “piggy-backing on your sister”. Helen complies.
22. SERIES OF SCENES
Helen goes on a killing spree. It’s not subtle.
Climax: <strike>Cassie decides to commit suicide to keep Helen and Bellerophon from killing anyone else.</strike> Cassie kills Bellerophon to keep him from killing anyone else.
23. INT. BELLEROPHON’S OFFICE – AFTERNOON
Helen bursts in on Bellerophon as he’s with another client. The receptionist is trying to stop her, but Helen kills her effortlessly. Helen dumps out the bag she is carrying and it is the heads of the people she has killed. The client screams and tries to flee. Helen grabs her and tells Bellerophon to make good on his promise. That she’ll take this woman’s body. Bellerophon laughs at her and says it’s impossible. Helen flies into a rage and launches herself at him, but he says the kills phrase and Helen drops. Cassie wakes up in her own body. She sobs and tells Bellerophon she doesn’t understand what is going on. Bellerophon reassures her and embraces her. He tells Cassie it’s all over. Cassie agrees and pushes Bellerophon out the window. He plummets to his death. She waits for the cops and gives up when they arrive.
24. INT. INTERROGATION ROOM – LATER
Two detectives are questioning Cassie. They tell her they have found DNA evidence at the other murders which match hers on a familial level. They know she has a sister, and that she is protecting her. They keep asking her where her sister is. She doesn’t answer. They send her to a cell.
25. INT. JAIL CELL – LATER
The jailer leaves Cassie locked in the cell. She goes to the mirror. She looks into it, but can’t find Helen.
Resolution: <strike>Cassie’s body is resuscitated, but Helen is in charge.</strike> Helen is in charge.
26. INT. POLICE STATION – LATER
The woman from the coffee shop bails out Cassie. She asks Cassie what’s going on and Cassie tells her it is mistaken identity. They leave together.
27. INT WOMAN’S APARTMENT – 5:00 AM
The alarm goes off. Cassie wakes up next to the woman. She turns off the alarm. She moves to get out of bed, but the woman reaches for her and tells her to stay in. Cassie tells her she’ll be back to bed in a bit and gets up. She goes to the kitchen and pours herself a glass of juice. She sits at the kitchen table and pulls a notebook out of her purse. She flips a few pages and reads a note written in her handwriting, begging her stop killing and set her free. In Helen’s handwriting, she writes “NO”. She smiles the rictus smile…it’s Helen, and she’s gotten her body.
FADE OUT
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What I learned is that another story and structure emerge when my language is emptied out and the other characters shoved into the background but for this class, focusing on this one character may help me finish my last novel.
Horror or drama with streaks of red. TRANSFORMATION. Bobby transforms into Betty to erase his serial killer/rapist/arsonist/COVID spreader past and becomes such a good chef to Ibrahim, the CEO of STEMGARCHS, that she poisons him to steal drugs for neurodegenerative diseases to give to needy friends who are blackmailing her about her past.
Greatest Fear: A strong woman who castrates him. Must kill them first to make them obedient. Gets excited when they are scared. But he is attracted to strong women. And hides behind his strong son. His power comes from controlling death first as mortician, then serial killer, then hit man, then hit woman. No, he is more afraid of life than death.
Here is an abbreviated outline, focusing on Bobby/Leo/BB/Betty’s character arc.
1) INT. BABY IN WOMB rocking blissfully.
2) EXT. STREET IN EAST HARLEM – DAY
A gang beats up Bobby until his right eye turns blue and bloody.3) INT. FUNERAL PARLOR- DAY
Bobby’s right eye is made of glass as he beautifies the corpse. His right hand slips under the table as his shoulder vibrates him to an ecstatic explosion.4) EXT. CLIMBING PITCH – DAY
Bobby has transformed into smiling LEO, the hospitality guy, selling food and drink to BEAUTIFUL BUFF CLIMBERS, especially LITONYA LENAPE, the top climber and a geology prof at the college.5) EXT. CLIMBING PITCH – NIGHT
SCREAMS as gorgeous climbers collapse on the ground. Bobby mounts them, then hides the evidence.6) EXT. CAR – DAWN
Leo putters with a car fixing brakes.7) A SERIES OF SHOTS
His wife Natalia crashes the car on a snowy road. It blows up killing her.
Leo lovingly prepares her body for burial.
Leo lustfully satisfies himself after hours.
People come and cry, especially his handsome adopted son JOE.
Leo and his son JOE go to the funeral of Floyd Patterson at the same New Paltz cemetery.
Leo watches him box in his boxing conditioning studio as beautiful girls like PRICELESS watch.8) INT. MUDDY MANSION – EVENING
Priceless is dancing in an exotic outfit on the stage of Leo’s new venue, a renovated barn for Gunkies, Junkies, and Gutter Punkies as Joe, JAKE, RODNEY, and his buddies watch. Leo cleans and serves food and drinks but his left eye is glued to her delicious, writhing body.9) EXT. CHURCH CEMETERY – NIGHT
Leo stalks Priceless as she walks home drunk and stoned but as he begins to grab her, she flirts with him, and agrees to be tied up. This is the first time a woman has reacted like this so he is confused. After a while, Rodney and Jake come by, fight, and untie her. A deal is made to give Priceless money for her dancing, but Leo is still arrested.10) INT. PRISON – DAY
No one cleans like Leo. He is released for good behavior. He never confessed to his real crimes and only served for assault.11) EXT. EAST RIVER ESPLANADE – DAY
Leo, aka, BB, has changed his identity to Boat Bob. He cleans his tent under the Asphalt Green sanitation dump. He chats with IBRAHIM, a millionaire from New Paltz, who lives in the Summit penthouse nearby. Papers are exchanged and they return to their different worlds, poor and rich.12) INT. LAUNDRY ROOM – DAY
BB puts lint and lighter fluid in laundry bags. MC, a NYC tour guide, returns to find the room in flames.13) A SERIES OF SHOTS
BB lights a match in the boiler room but leaves quickly. There is a natural gas explosion that decimates the building.
MC and her cat end up in the streets, the subways, the shelters, and finally the basement of an upscale pet store as BB stalks them.
BB studies boats on computers at the senior centers.
BB meets Ibrahim in his penthouse at the Summit and leaves with a package.
BB has the best sanitizers as the pandemic begins and uses them everywhere because they are secretly filled with condensed COVID, helping the old, sick, fat, and weak die faster.14) INT. PET STORE BASEMENT – NIGHT
BB enters the store to find MC dead from COVID. He mounts her but it doesn’t work this time. He is too old. Later, his son Joe, now a firefighter, comes to the rescue to bring her cadaver to NYU Langone for COVID research. Joe never suspects BB of anything because he is too naïve and busy being an essential worker.15) EXT. PALISADES – DAY
Ibrahim drops BB off near the wharf on his way to picking up Litonya who is a geologist at the Earth Observatory.16) EXT. BOAT – NIGHT
BB sails up the Hudson to Kingston, blissfully nursed by the water.17) EXT. GARAGE – DAY
The Feldmans’ huge garage for antique cars now has a place to build boats. Ten year old KISELE, OMAR, CORAL, and DELPHINE are working with BB on a new boat. After cleaning exhaustively, he sleeps blissfully in the boat on dry land.18) EXT. LAWN OUTSIDE COLONIAL MANSION – EVENING
During the Feldman’s super spreader academic event, BB sprays his sanitizer, secretly laced with COVID.19) INT. FELDMAN’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
As they have sex on their waterbed, JEN and ELIOT FELDMAN code. Jake and Rodney rush in to perform CPR. Then Joe arrives with two stretchers. Since they are obese it takes all their strength to get them in the ambulance.20) INT. HOSPITAL—NIGHT
The Feldmans are DOA. Rodney is detained for testing positive for COVID, low oxygen saturation and fever, but Jake and Joe go home.21) EXT. NEW PALTZ CEMETERY – DAY
A service is held for Jen, Eliot, and Rodney. Litonya, Jake, and Kisele stay longer at Rodney’s grave and leave together. BB is immaculately dressed as part of the morticians’ team.22) INT. COLONIAL MANSION
A series of shots inside shows BB cleaning and doing construction for the Feldman relatives, Lana, Keith, and Norm, filthy homeless rejects from Manhattan. This montage ends with Lana coding from COVID on the toilet from BB’s squirter but also because she was anti-vax. Jake and Joe enter but it is too late for CPR because rigor mortis has set in.23) EXT. SUMMIT HIGH RISE – DAY
BB and others watch as Hurricane Ida pummels the East River and the Summit pancakes down.
A SERIES OF SHOTS
The pile transforms for search and rescue. BB and Joe are working hard. Remains of OMAR and SANDRINE, Ibrahim’s wife and daughter are found.24) EXT. NEW PALTZ CEMETERY – DAY
A Muslim service for Omar and Sandrine. Everyone is there but Ibrahim is hollow, silent, devastated by this loss.25) INT. TUDOR MANSION – DAY
Ibrahim meets BB in his office. Papers are exchanged.
A SERIES OF SHOTS
as his home is transformed into a modern art gallery with the return of FADMA, his former wife, and their daughter MINA, also an artist. This time he doesn’t protest. He works harder.26) EXT. GARAGE – DAY
BB is designing a deluxe boat for Ibrahim with expert architects. He also toys with the last antique car, fixing the brakes.27) EXT. SOLAR HOUSE – DAY
The antique car blows up in the driveway instantly killing Norm and Keith. CS, Joe’s wife, runs out and passes out from flames. SIRENS scream and Joe arrives to pick up CS but the geothermal basement explodes, killing him and demolishing the house.28) EXT. CHURCH CEMETERY – NIGHT
Ibrahim and BB are screaming at each other. Then BB is left alone crying at Joe’s grave.29) INT. TUDOR TOWER – NIGHT
Ibrahim and BB are consulting in his new office overlooking Fort Washington Park. This time there are vials for neurodegenerative diseases. BB talks about sex reassignment. He would be more potent as a hit woman. Ibrahim must be convinced.30) INT. HOSPITAL – DAY
A SERIES OF SHOTS in various hospital rooms as BB slowly emerges as Betty, a sixty-something woman.31) INT. COLONIAL MANSION – DAY
Betty cooks as well as cleans for Jake, Litonya, Kisele, and their little ones, Aanadi, his granddaughter, and Jesse, their newborn. Betty’s first transformation is to develop a sense of humor.32) INT. LA ROCHE STONE MANSION – DAY
But Jake is no longer laughing because his dad is locked in with ALS and his mom is locked out with Alzheimer’s and he is desperate for something to help them. Betty occasionally helps out because she is stronger than most women. It takes both Jake and BB to bring his mom back from the woods.33) EXT. WOODS – NIGHT
Betty goes for a moonlit canoe ride and is raped by the banks of the Wallkill the way he did it as Leo years ago. But her body is only raped, not murdered, and she has no idea who the masked gang was. Ironically, she feels more empowered.34) EXT. IBRAHIM’S BOAT – DAY
BB sails down the Hudson venturing into a secret lab with masked scientists looking as anonymous as the men who raped her. Ibrahim consults with them on the brain buffet. We see huge screens with radiographs. Delphine, one of his daughters, is a brain scientist.35) INT. HOSPITAL – DAY
This time Betty’s surgery is on her brain. Then she is given a precious vial of drugs. A FEW MONTHS LATER. She reads more quickly and holds a zoom conference talking faster and with bigger words than ever before like a STEM college student.36) INT. LA ROCHE STONE MANSION – NIGHT
Jake is helping his father, Jean, pass on to a better place with a massage. Tapes of former history lectures are playing. BB helps take out the corpse.37) EXT. CHURCH CEMETERY – DAY
Jean La Roche’s service is attended by townspeople, the kids, Litonya, and Jake but there is no sign of Ibrahim. His wife, doctor Joan, Jake’s mom, is so beset by Alzheimer’s she doesn’t realize her husband has died. Betty is even better at mortuary duties, a woman of all trades. After the service, Jake pleads with Betty to find out about Ibrahim’s research because he heard Delphine talking about it with Coral and Kisele.38) INT TURQUOISE CHURCH GYM – DAY
Jake loses his balance and drops weights because of his tremor as he works out with Coral, Delphine, Kisele et al. He hears more from the kids about Ibrahim’s research because they are also computer experts. He says he may have Parkinson’s andis desperate to find cures for him and his mom.
39) EXT. PALISADES – DAY
Litonya and Jake are walking along the cliffs to the boat where Betty and the kids are working. Litonya has the beginnings of pulmonary fibrosis with that horrible chest cough. They discuss the physiology of getting rid of the plaques and clots that make humans miserable, especially in old age. They sail to Inwood where Betty gets off to go to40) INT. TUDOR TOWER – NIGHT
As they consult, it is evident that Ibrahim and Betty have successfully turned back time with their secret brain buffet. Ibrahim says that the STEMGARCHS control the distribution and we cannot give it to anyone. Our mission is to get rid of as many people as possible. They have an argument over who is entitled but Betty backs down because she is now a submissive woman.41) INT. NEW PALTZ LIBRARY Years Later
Jesse is taking an interest in history, after his late grandfather Jean La Roche, and is intrigued by the unsolved crimes in the area, more cadavers and disappearances to which perpetrators are not attached.SERIES OF SHOTS
For Haunted Huguenot Street, Jesse attends all the events, talks to people of all ages, pores through books, and tries to uncover what happened years ago. He has a hunch that BB might be connected because of his arrest for assault and the way he or she is now. He finds a way to hypnotize Betty with the help of Aanadi who is a health care worker and yoga/meditation/hypnosis expert. The screams, details, visions, nightmares, and actions make them think Leo might have been the killer. The kids are good actors and follow Betty around, making notes. Delphine pretends it is a play they are rehearsing for a ship performance.42) INT. LA ROCHE STONE MANSION – DAY
Jake pleads with Betty for at least the Alzheimer’s drug to get the stick glue out of his mother Joan’s brain. Betty feigns ignorance because she is just a cook. They struggle with Joan and eventually she trips and falls because Betty secretly arranged the carpet that way. Her Living Will says DNI, DNR, no antibiotics, so Jake must refrain from giving her CPR.43) EXT. CHURCH CEMETERY – DAY
Joan is laid to rest beside her husband Jean, but their son Jake will not rest. His Parkinson’s is worse, and he is terrified it will progress to Lewy Body dementia. His wife Litonya coughs so badly she cannot run and hike the way she did. They need and deserve that brain buffet. But Betty didn’t come to this funeral for the first time. Where is she?44) INT. LA ROCHE LIBRARY – DAY
Litonya and Jake consult with Jesse, Aanadi, Kisele, Coral, and Delphine about Betty and the brain buffet.45) EXT. BOAT – NIGHT
Jake confronts Betty with his crimes as Leo. At first she denies, but as the proof mounts, Jake hits her with a barrage of evidence. She then confesses to the COVID murders, the tenement and outdoor restaurant torches, and other non-sexual crimes. Jake makes a deal for secrecy in exchange for the precious drugs that Ibrahim will not give him, always pretending to be powerless.46) INT. TUDOR TOWER – NIGHT
Betty cooks a delicious Mediterranean meal. Ibrahim sits by the fire overlooking the Hudson River, a little sleepier than usual. Betty talks on the phone to Jake. The food is carefully poisoned. As they sit down to eat, Betty tries to give Ibrahim the poisoned part but he wants to share everything. Torn between a possible death with him now or exposure of her past crimes and imprisonment, Betty chooses the former but eats more slowly.TIME SLOWS DOWN.
Ibrahim sinks forever into his sofa. Betty wobbles to the door opening for Jake and the kids who run in and up to Ibrahim’s office to get the secret drugs. Jake and Litonya take them right away. Betty is delirious. Nothing can save her.
47) EXT. INWOOD COVE – NIGHT
Jake, Litonya, and the kids put Betty on her boat as her lights are going out. She gently rocks herself to death.FLASHBACK to the opening shot of Bobby rocking in the womb.
Jake and the kids get on their boat and sail to the Palisades. Magma rocks slide into the Hudson as the rock cycle continues. We transform to survive. We transform as we die.
FINIS
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PS80 Amy’s First Pass
What I learned doing this assignment is that doing an outline this way opens up a lot of creativity. For me, it also showed me a lot of problems. Maybe it’s my story and struggling with the logistics and plausibility of time travel. At one point, my story had completely fallen apart and I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to complete this assignment. I also learned that everything I’ve done up to this point is still evolving from my structure right down to the logline. I’m not sure that’s how it’s supposed to work, but I keep having to go backward and remake some decisions that I already made.
1. Logline: A nationally known newscaster who has been neglecting her family travels through time and comes back as someone else and one year into the future. She then has to compete with her husband’s ex-girlfriend who has inserted herself into her family’s life while she’s been gone.
2. Plot/Plot Summary: #12 Transformation – The protagonist goes through a transforming incident that propels her into a crisis, starting the change. As she experiences the transformation she concentrates on self-examination then experiences the final stage of the transformation, a significant change in her life.
3. Structure:
Opening: Andrea lives an exciting life as a newscaster on a national network. She works too much and never sees her family.
Inciting incident: Andrea interviews a science professor at a local college about the university’s new supercollider and “accidentally” gets sent back in time one day.
Page 10: Andrea arrives back from the past and finds herself at the newsroom assistant, Joanie’s desk.
End of Act 1: Andrea realizes a year has passed. Everyone assumed she was dead and her husband, Josh has gotten together with a girlfriend from his past, Meagan.
Mid-point: Andrea has done some digging and comes to the realization that Meagan conspired with the professor to send her back in time.
End of Act 2-Andrea tries to send Meagan back in time but fails.
Crisis-Although Andrea succeeds in convincing Josh and her two kids that she’s who she says she is, they confess that they are happier with Meagan than they were with her.
Climax: Andrea (who’s convinced a colleague of her true identity) does an expose’ on the professor and gets him to confess on air that he conspired with Meagan to send her back in time. Andrea admits to neglecting her family and pleads with them to take her back even though she doesn’t look like herself. . Josh and the kids see the report and have a change of heart about Andrea.
Resolution: Meagan and the professor get arrested. Andrea is reunited with Josh and her kids.
4. Protagonist Character Arc
Meagan goes from being a woman who finds her significance in her career to a woman who finds her significance in those who love and depend on her.
Part to be changed: Andrea is focused on her career and neglectful of her family.
Biggest fear: Without a career, her life has no significance.
Completion of Arc: Andrea realizes that being a wife and mother gives her life significance and steps down at work to have more time for her family.
5. Plot in Structure:
Opening: Andrea lives an exciting life as a newscaster on a national network. She works too much and never sees her family.
1. INT. – STUDIO – NIGHT
It’s chaos and excitement as Andrea, the producer and the production crew rush to get on the air on time.
2. INT. –NEWSROOM – NIGHT
Breaking news happens. Andrea calls home to let her family know that once again, she will not be home for dinner.
3. INT. – KITCHEN – NIGHT
Josh helps the kids with their homework. They complain about their mom not being there.
4. EXT. – BASEBALL FIELD – NIGHT
Andrea’s family is at her son’s baseball game. Her son keeps looking back hoping she will show up. Meagan, one of Josh’s ex-girlfriends is there because her kid is also on the team.
5. INT. – NEWSROOM – DAY
Andrea discusses with her boss the exciting new development at the local university, the completion of a supercollider. Her boss assigns her the story.
Inciting incident: Andrea interviews a science professor at a local college about the university’s new supercollider and “accidentally” gets sent back in time one day.
6. INT. –UNVERSITY SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea interviews the professor who demonstrates for her how the supercollider works. Andrea gets sucked into the machine.
7. INT – NEWSROOM – DAY
Andrea realizes there are two of her as she sees herself having the conversation she had with her boss earlier.
8. INT. – STUDIO – NIGHT
Andrea peaks around a wall in the studio and watches the newscast air and her stand-in reporting on the fact that she got sucked into the machine and is missing. She sees the footage of herself disappearing.
9. INT – JOSH’S OFFICE – DAY
Andrea goes to Josh’s office and is surprised to find Meagan there coming on to him.
10. INT. – SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea convinces the professor to turn on the machine and she gets sucked in again.
Page 10: Andrea arrives back from the past and finds herself at the newsroom assistant, Joanie’s desk.
11. INT. – BATHROOM – DAY
Andrea/Joanie looks at herself in the mirror and sees that she indeed looks like Joanie.
End of Act 1: Andrea realizes a year has passed. Everyone assumed she was dead and her husband, Josh has gotten together with a girlfriend from his past, Meagan.
12. INT – ANDREA’S HOME – DAY
Andrea/Joanie drives to Andrea’s home and rings the bell. Josh and her kids come to the door but don’t recognize her. She tells them she’s their wife/mom. They don’t believe her. Meagan comes to the door to see what’s going on. Andrea notices she’s wearing an engagement ring. Megan kisses Josh.
Mid-point: Andrea has done some digging and comes to the realization that Meagan conspired with the professor to send her back in time.
13. INT. – COFFEE SHOP – DAY
Andrea overhears Meagan tell her friend that she got rid of Andrea by conspiring with the professor.
14. INT. –SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea talks to the professor and threatens to tell everyone what he did if he doesn’t help her send Meagan back in time.
15. EXT. – BASEBALL FIELD – NIGHT
Andrea confronts Meagan in front of everyone about Meagan conspiring with the professor to get rid of her.
End of Act 2-Andrea tries to send Meagan back in time but fails.
16. INT. – SCIENCE LAB – NIGHT
Meagan shows up. The professor tries to get her close to the machine. It almost works, but Meagan figures out what he’s up to and steps away. Andrea watches all this from the door.
Crisis-Although Andrea succeeds in convincing Josh and her two kids that she’s who she says she is, they confess that they are happier with Meagan than they were with her.
17. INT. – ANDREA’S HOME – NIGHT
Andrea begs her family to believe the things she’s telling them. They start to come around but end up confessing they are happier with Meagan than they were with her.
Climax: Andrea (who’s convinced a colleague of her true identity) does an expose’ on the professor and gets him to confess on air that he conspired with Meagan to send her back in time. Andrea admits to neglecting her family and pleads with them to take her back even though she doesn’t look like herself. Josh and the kids see the report and have a change of heart about Andrea.
18. INT. – STUDIO/ANDREA’S HOME – NIGHT
Andrea/Joanie convinces her boss to let her go on the air with a big story. She does an expose’ about the professor and Meagan and everything that has happened to her. She admits to neglecting her family and pleads with them to take her back even though she doesn’t look like herself. Josh and the kids see the report and have a change of heart. Suddenly, everything changes and it’s the day Andrea disappeared again.
19. INT. – SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea is back at the science lab. She’s herself again. She walks away from the supercollider and out of the lab.
Resolution: Meagan and the professor get arrested. Andrea is reunited with Josh and her kids.
20. INT. – NEWSROOM – DAY
Andrea asks her boss to go back to just being a reporter and not an anchor anymore so she can focus on her family.
21. INT- ANDREA’S HOME – NIGHT
Andrea, Josh and the kids watch the professor and Meagan get arrested on the news.
22. EXT. – BASEBALL FIELD – NIGHT
Andrea’s son is up to bat. He looks back at his mom, beaming. Andre and Josh kiss.
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[PS80] Emmanuel’s 1st Pass
What I learned doing this assignment is organizing the first pass from logline to the protagonist arc is a great start to the story puzzle. Seeing all the pieces come together is very helpful with developing ideas to weave into beats further down as the story develops.
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Budinscak 1st Pass
What I learned today:
o The comments from the two optioned writers were impressive and a testament to trusting the process.
o I’ve already made a significant change in my story from this lesson – changing the protagonist.
o How nicely everything ties together.
o This model simplifies the re-write process.
1. Logline: Two young cousins are taught about life and family on a long trip with their uncle, a conniving chef who’s agreed to deliver a package cross-country to save his family’s restaurant from being burned to the ground.
2. Plot/Plot Summary: #2 – Adventure:
The protagonist journey to new and strange places and events. The story is as much about the journey and places visited as it is about the protagonist. Usually, the hero is going in search of fortune but often finds love instead.
Two young cousins stowaway in their uncle’s car unaware he’s driving cross-country to deliver a package for a local crime boss. During the trip, the two boys meet their uncle’s friends, visit places they’ve only heard about and learn lessons about family and life their experience.
3. Structure:
Opening:
While an extended family chats over dinner inside their restaurant, two preteen cousins play outside when a hearse pulls up to the funeral home across the parking lot from the restaurant. Men pull a body bag from the hearse that jerks around wildly.
Inciting Incident:
Jack, the uncle, simply has to agree to deliver a package or his family’s restaurant will be burned to the ground
By page 10, you know what the movie is about:
Jack agrees to deliver a package to Burbank, and he’s unaware he’s making the trip with his two young nephews, Puck and Sal.
First turning point as end of Act 1:
Jack wakes up in his car in Terra Haute (IN) and the two boys pop up in the back seat.
Mid-point:
Jack averts a crisis in an Oklahoma Truck Stop when he beats a trucker who had Puck trapped in a bathroom stall. The boys have never seen this side of their uncle – and never want to.
Second turning point at the end of Act 2:
In Las Vegas, Jack loses all his money in the casino, then is shaken down by the FBI and forced to be their informant, including wearing a wire.
Crisis:
Jack doesn’t want any emotional attachment to the nephews, but when their lives are at peril from carbon monoxide poisoning, he promises to change if God saves Sal and Puck.
Climax:
Jack and the boys deliver the package on time to a funeral home in Burbank. Once inside, Jack is separated from the boys. While Jack suffers, the two kids outwit their bad guy and save their uncle from his captors.
Resolution:
Jack, Sal and Puck arrive on the east coast in time to meet their mom’s – and the mom’s can tell the difference in their kids. While Jack feigns ignorance, the two boys vouch for their uncle’s story and add a few nuggets of their own.
4. Protagonist Character Arc:
Part to be changed: completely self-centered, doing whatever he wants.
Biggest fear: being responsible for someone.
Completion of arc: stands up for the kids.
5. Plot in Structure
FADE IN:
1986
EXT. PARKING LOT – NIGHT
A large parking lot is shared by two businesses – a funeral home and Carmine’s, a family restaurant.
A hearse exits the funeral home as two cars park by the restaurant. Two boys hop out chase each other around.
The ‘closed sign’
INT. CARMINE’S – NIGHT
KITCHEN
JACK, 30ish, scoundrel, smoothly and efficiently cooks, he knows his way around the kitchen.
INT. CARMINE’S – NIGHT DINING ROOM
Many FAMILY and drink.
A large MAN the
KITCHEN
members sit around a large table and chat, eat
grabs two BOYS and drags them down the hall to
And brings them to Jack. A coldness comes over Jack’s face while the two boys, PUCK and SAL, beam up at him.
The men and boys carry bowls of meat, sauce and pasta to the DINING ROOM
A feast ensues.
At the end, two sisters call in – Puck and Sal’s moms – and ask Jack to pick them up on Tuesday. He says yes – he thinks he’s going to Atlantic City and not Burbank.
INT. CARMINE’S – LATER
DINING ROOM
Jack directs Puck and Sal to pick up the trash.
They stop by a wall of pictures and Puck points to a picture with Sal and Puck smiling and Jack about to cuff them. Banking pic Puck says and smiles.
EXT. PARKING LOT – NIGHT
Jack carries garbage bags to a dumpster outside. He watches the hearse pull up to an open garage door.
EXT. FUNERAL HOME – CONTINUOUS
Three men pull a violently jerking body bag from the hearse.
A limousine follows closely and parks next to the hearse.
INT. CARMINE’S – CONTINUOUS
KITCHEN
Jack quietly closes and locks the door.
RING – the funeral home across the parking lot calls in an order.
INT. FUNERAL HOME – NIGHT
A crime boss tells Jack he’s going to deliver a package for him. Talks about new casinos – Jack thinks Atlantic City, Don Vito never mentions Burbank.
Delivery Boy.
INT. CARMINE’S – DAY
A large MAN enters the restaurant asking for Jack.
INT. FUNERAL HOME – DAY
Jack meets with DON VITO, local crime boss. Sal and Puck tag along to the funeral home.
DV’s brother keeps the kids busy in the casket room. DV explains to Jack what’s going to happen if he doesn’t make the trip.
EXT. CARMINE’S – DAY
Jack leaves for his trip
INT. CADILLAC – NIGHT
Jack does drugs to stay awake. Never knows his two nephews are knocked out in the back seat under a blanket.
INT. CADILLAC – DAY
Jack wakes up in Terre Haute, IN. His two nephews pop up in the back seat. Scares the hell out of all of them.
2.
EXT. PICNIC – DAY
LC, LINCOLN CLOGS, shows up and the boys are initially terrified of Jack’s good friend, but not for long.
EXT. PICNIC – LATER
The boys race go carts with LC’s crew as Jack and LC conduct business.
INT. CADILLAC – DAY
Jack and the boys load the cooler in the trunk with ice and head out.
EXT. PLATINUM RESTAURANT – DAY
The three amigos pull into the restaurant parking
lot and
rest area,
Pulls into
unknowingly pick up INT. CADILLAC – DAY
After a trying hour buys the kids candy
a tail.
in the car, Jack pulls into a and cokes and drugs the kids.
INT. CADILLAC – NIGHT
The kids sleep as Jack drives through the night. a truck stop.
INT. TRUCK STOP DINER – DAY
Puck, Sal and Jack enjoy dinner and learn a lesson about ladies/women.
EXT. TRUCK STOP DINER – NIGHT
After dinner, Jack goes outside for a cigarette, eyes a truck that’s been following them – he changes his license plate.
INT. TRUCK STOP DINER – NIGHT BATHROOM
Puck’s in a stall and Sal’s outside the stall door talking to him when a TRUCKER enters. He scares Sal away and tries to get in the stall.
DINING ROOM
Jack just sits down when Sal runs up and tells him what’s going on. They run to the bathroom.
BATHROOM
3.
Jack walks in and efficiently subdues the much larger man. Puck is equally scared from the situation with the Trucker and seeing this side of his uncle. Jack scares them.
DINING ROOM
Jack pays the bill as if nothing happened, grabs the boys and they leave.
INT. CADILLAC – NIGHT
No one says anything for the longest time. Jack turns around and Puck’s afraid Jack’s going to hit him. Sal sticks up for Puck.
INT. CADILLAC – NIGHT
Jack points out the Las Vegas skyline at night. INT. CADILLAC – DAY
The three wake up in the Cadillac. They pull up next to their doppleganger Caddy near the entrance of their Las Vegas hotel.
Jack spots a truck in the same parking lot. It starts and follows Jack’s Caddy.
INT. LAS VEGAS HOTEL – NIGHT
Jack takes the boys shopping for clothes. They’re into it.
In their room, the boys shit, shower, shampoo, shave, shove- off just like uncle Jack.
CASINO
Out of the elevator, with sport coats and sunglasses, the three make their way to the casino. They get one foot inside and a very large man says – ‘get the kids outta here’
Concierge guy helps them – jack tips him again.
INT. CIRCUS CIRCUS – NIGHT
The boys have a night they’ll forget – they win at Circus Circus. And Jack has a night he’d love to forget – he lost everything.
4.
INT. LAS VEGAS HOTEL – NIGHT
On way back to the room, Jack asks about naked woman
FBI shake down Jack – make him their informant. Boys hide in closet and see it happen in front of them.
INT. LAS VEGAS HOTEL – DAY
Boys swap license. Jack gets dry ice for the
FBI ask concierge, he tells them that license left the parking lot.
FBI follows wrong car.
EXT. LAS VEGAS HOTEL – CONTINUOUS
cooler. plate just
Jack and the boys jump in their Caddy and leave. A flatbed tow truck starts up and follows from a distance.
INT. CADILLAC – DAY
Dry ice melts and there’s a leak into the back seat – everyone’s knocked out.
DREAM SEQUENCE
Boys believe they’re cowboys riding galloping horses on the plane.
REALITY – the caddy’s half on the road’s shoulder and the road’s asphalt. The car bounces simulates the boys riding their horses.
EXT. ROAD – CONTINUOUS
The flatbed tow truck pulls up along side the Caddy, blares it’s horn – there’s a deep dip/barrier in the road coming up soon.
INT. TOW TRUCK – CONTINUOUS
The driver – with love and hate on his knuckles – puts the tow truck in front of the Caddy and slows the car down.
EXT. ROAD – LATER
Jack is out of sorts as the boys have yet to recover from the carbon monoxide inspired horse riding dream.
Pledges to GOD to be a changed man, the boys stir – he tries to recant.
5.
INT. TOW TRUCK – DAY
They load the caddy on the flatbed truck, put the boys inside the car. They drive to Burbank.
They arrive just before 2:00 INT. FUNERAL HOME – DAY
Jack and the boys are separated. The boys outwit a MAN and he’s stuck in a casket – from first scene. Bank scene.
INT. FUNERAL HOME – LATER
FBI shows up, police show boys escape.
INT. TOW TRUCK – DUSK
The tow truck, with Caddy and the boys to catch the
INT. NEWARK AIRPORT – DAY
up, media shows up – Jack and the
on back, flies to LAX, takes Jack red eye to Newark.
Jack and the boys sleep on benches at the gate when their mom’s arrive.
INT. FORD LINCOLN – DAY
Mom’s question why the Ford, Jack makes up a story and boys fill in the blanks effortlessly and accurately.
The mom’s notice the change in the boys – Sal’s nicer, got an edge. Puck drops an F-bomb. The mom/s look at he shrugs.
EXT. PARKING LOT – DAY
A snapshot is taken of Jack and boys next to the Ford.
PRESENT TIME
INT. CARMINE’S – DAY
the
Puck’s Jack,
Puck and CAT, his aunt, discuss the picture and the ‘atlantic city’ trip.
Sal enters and comes over to hug his aunt, and confirm everything Puck’s said.
Jack enters with Puck and Sal’s wives. Twins from beginning.
6.
EXT. PARKING LOT – DAY
Big party – family reunion. Jules is the music, LC’s there with some of his crew, all aunts, uncles, cousins, everyone in the movie.
ANGEL/DRIVER shows up in his tow truck with the Caddy completely restored.
FINAL SCENE
EXT. PARKING LOT – NIGHT
Tons of trash floats in the parking lot. A cleanup crew – FBI guys – in their new civilian venture picking up trash.
Jack leaves the payment in cash in a paper bag. Just like old times.
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Day 7: Applying Plot and Character Arc to Your Outline
Rob Bertrand’s 1st Pass
What I learned: I learned how to apply plot and character arc to my first pass outline. I also learned how to give my protagonist a fully realized arc.
1. Logline: Two teenage sisters become convinced that their house is haunted, only to discover an obsessed teenage boy living in their walls, pretending to be their dead mother.
2. Plot/Plot Summary: Rescue: After the death of their mother, two teenage girls become convinced their house is haunted. When their dad doesn’t believe them, the sisters begin experiencing frightening paranormal activity. Their investigation later reveals an obsessed teenage boy living in their walls, pretending to be the spirit of their dead mother. When the oldest daughter is taken hostage, her father is her only chance for survival.
3. Structure:
Opening: Annie Andrews drives her drunk parents’ home from a wedding and is involved in a serious accident. Nora Andrews dies on the scene.
Inciting Incident: At the funeral reception, Annie Andrews is embarrassed by her drunken intolerant father’s comments about gay people.
By Page 10, you know what the movie is about: Annie begins receiving phone calls from a mysterious boy, who wants to take her on a date. She’s reluctant because she’s confused about her sexuality, but her father talks her into it, thinking it will help with her depression.
First Turning Point, End of Act 1: Annie goes to the fair with Danny, who turns out to be the complete opposite of how he described himself. He’s greasy and morbid; wanting to know everything about Annie’s dead mother. Repulsed, Annie rejects Danny, who doesn’t take it well.
Mid-Point: The sisters start to experience paranormal activity and begin to suspect the house is haunted by their mother. Annie and Jessica perform a séance in an attempt to seek closure. They receive knocking sounds in response to their questions. They are busted by their father, who thinks they shouldn’t be dabbling in the occult.
Second Turning Point, End of Act 2: The paranormal activity increases in intensity. The sisters flee the house when they find a message written in blood that reads, “I’m in your bedroom. Come find me.” The police search the house and discover the message is written with ketchup. Their dad is furious and thinks they’re faking it for attention.
Crisis: After a period of calm, the paranormal activity returns, directed at Annie. Another message reads, “I’m back!” Annie is attacked by a ghostly woman in a white wedding dress. Jessica flees the house after Annie is taken.
Climax: Dad rushes home and finds the house is wrecked. He finds a blonde woman in his bedroom, wearing his dead wife’s wedding dress and holding a hatchet. Only it’s not a woman, it’s Danny Laplante and he’s holding Annie hostage. After a struggle, Annie and her Father escape the house. Later, the police find Danny, hiding in the walls of the house. He’s been living there for months.
Resolution: Annie finds the courage to come out to her father, who’s surprisingly supportive. Annie’s father quits drinking and the family moves away.
4. Protagonist Character Arc:
Annie Andrews goes from childish teen lacking self-esteem, to a confident, self-assured adult.
Part to be changed: Guilt over the death of her mother.
Biggest fear: Rejection by her father.
Completion of arc: Annie finds the courage to come out to her father.5. Plot in Structure:
Opening: Annie Andrews drives her drunk parents’ home from a wedding and is involved in a serious accident. Nora Andrews dies on the scene.
EXT. WEDDING VENUE – DUSK
Jack and Nora Andrews attend a wedding with their daughters Annie, 16 and Jessica, 12. Mom and Dad have a little too much to drink. Annie is handed the keys.
INT. ANDREWS CAR – NIGHT
The family is broadsided by another vehicle. Nora dies on the scene.
Inciting Incident: During an argument with her father, Annie is deeply hurt when he says that he should never have let her drive.
INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY
At the funeral reception, Annie is angered by her drunk father, who laughs at someone’s intolerant gay joke. Angry, the father snaps that he never should have let her drive. We are introduced to the friendly elderly neighbors.
By Page 10, you know what the movie is about: Annie begins receiving phone calls from a mysterious boy, who wants to take her on a date. She’s reluctant because she’s confused about her sexuality, but her father talks her into it, thinking it will help with her depression.
INT. FATHER’S ROOM – DAY
Annie enters to wake her father for work and discovers he fell asleep clutching her mom’s wedding dress while watching his wedding video. Empty liquor bottles litter the floor.
INT. LIVING ROOM – EVENING
Jack puts Annie in charge and leaves for work. He won’t be home till 5 a.m.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Jessica and Annie watch a scary movie, when the phone rings. The caller is Danny Laplante, 16. Annie and Danny talk through the night.
INT. LIVING ROOM – MORNING
Jack stumbles in and finds Annie, curled up on the couch, still talking to Danny.
INT. CLASS ROOM – DAY
Annie struggles to stay awake, while her friend Jocelyn grills her for all the details about Danny. Annie says she just wants to be friends. It’s nice to have someone to talk to.
INT. ANDREWS HOUSE – VARIOUS
Montage of Annie and Danny talking over the phone, over the course of a week.
INT. ANNIE’S ROOM – NIGHT
Danny invites Annie on a date to the fair. Annie agrees, but only as friends. Danny agrees.
First Turning Point, End of Act 1: Annie goes to the fair with Danny, who turns out to be the complete opposite of how he described himself.
INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY
Jack gives a pep talk to Annie, who’s riddled with anxiety. He thinks this will help her depression. When Danny arrives, Annie is thrown off. He looks nothing like how he described himself. Instead of blonde and athletic, he has greasy black hair and is super skinny.
EXT. COUNTY FAIR – DAY
The date with Danny is awkward and uncomfortable. Danny wants to know everything about Annie’s dead mother. Repulsed, Annie rejects Danny, who doesn’t take it well.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
The phone rings off the hook, but Annie doesn’t answer. She knows it’s Danny. Out of frustration, Jessica answers and hands to the phone to Annie. Annie politely tells Danny that she doesn’t want to be friends.
INT. KITCHEN – MORNING
Jack stumbles in from work, as Jessica and Annie eat cereal. Frank asks how the date went. Annie tells him about Danny. Frank tells them to clean their dishes.
INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY
Jack answers the front door and finds Danny on the porch. Jack tells Danny to stay away from his daughter. Danny tells Jack that Annie was right, it should have been him that died.
Mid-Point: The sisters start to experience paranormal activity and begin to suspect the house is haunted by their mother. Annie and Jessica perform a séance in an attempt to seek closure. They receive knocking sounds in response to their questions. They are busted by their father, who thinks they shouldn’t be dabbling in the occult.
EXT. ANDREWS HOUSE – DAY
Annie and Jessica arrive home from school.
INT. KITCHEN
Annie finds a bowl of half-eaten cereal on the counter and gets on Jessica’s case for not cleaning up after herself. Jessica swears she did.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
As Jessica and Annie watch a movie, they hear heavy footsteps from above their heads. Annie sets down the TV remote and the girls cautiously head upstairs to investigate.
INT. Upstairs Hallway – Night
Annie peeks into each room, flipping on lights as they go. Jessica’s imagination runs wild. From downstairs, the TV volume goes full blast. The girl’s scream.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Annie and Jessica run down stairs. The remote is missing. They search frantically for it, but it’s nowhere to be found. Annie finds the volume button on the TV and turns it down. The remote control flies out of the kitchen and explodes against the wall.
INT. LIVING ROOM – MORNING
Jack gets home from work and is pounced on by his daughters. They talk over each other, explaining the creepy phenomenon. Jack thinks they’re pulling pranks.
EXT. HIGH SCHOOL – DAY
Annie, Jessica and Jocelyn walk home from school. Jessica tells Jocelyn about the creepy things happening around their house. Jocelyn asks if it could be their mom. Jessica freaks out. Annie tells her to shut up. Jocelyn wants to do a séance.
INT. BASEMENT – ANDREW’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Annie, Jessica, Jocelyn and their flamboyant friend Robert, sit around a makeshift altar. Robert leads them in a self-taught séance. There’s a hint of flirtation between Annie and Jocelyn. Robert begins receiving answers to his questions in the form of knocks. The spirit knocks confirm that it’s the ghost of Nora Andrews. When asked if the spirit blames Annie for the death of Nora the spirit replies yes. They are interrupted by Jack, who’s a bit drunk. He’s furious at them for playing around with devil worship.
INT. ANNIE’S ROOM – MORNING
Annie and Jocelyn share the bed. Annie watches Jocelyn sleep. Jocelyn wakes and they share a “will they/won’t they” moment. They are interrupted by pounding on the wall. Jocelyn has to leave. From the hallway, the sound of Jocelyn falling down the stairs. Annie rushes to see what happened.
INT. LIVING ROOM – MORNING
Annie finds Jocelyn in a heap at the bottom of the stairs. Her arms are broken.
EXT. ANDREW’S HOUSE – MORNING
Paramedics load Jocelyn into the back of an ambulance, as she mutters about being pushed from behind. Annie has an argument with her father.
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY
Jocelyn’s parents argue with Jack in the hallway, as Annie steps inside the room. Jocelyn doesn’t remember what happened. She only remembers the feeling of being pushed. Jocelyn won’t be able to see Annie anymore.
INT. JACK’S TRUCK – DAY
It’s a tense ride home.
Second Turning Point, End of Act 2: The paranormal activity increases in intensity.
INT. ANNIE’S ROOM – EVENING
Jack pokes his head in to say goodbye. Annie doesn’t speak to him. She watches out the window as Jack backs out of the driveway. She’s startled by knocks on her wall and screams at them to go away. The knocking intensifies, then stops. Jessica runs in, scared by the noise.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Annie, armed with a kitchen knife and Jessica, armed with her father’s baseball bat, sit together on the couch. A mindless reality show plays, but no one is paying attention. They’re senses alert for trouble. Suddenly, noises from the basement.
INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT
Annie and Jessica, investigate the basement and discover a message written blood. “I’m in your bedroom. Come find me.”
EXT. ANDREW’S HOME – NIGHT
The sisters flee the house and head to the elderly neighbors.
INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT
Police search the house, but there’s no sign of anyone. A cop tells Jack that the message was written in ketchup and that the girls must be acting out for attention. Jack is furious.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Jack lays down the law. The girls are grounded until further notice. Reminds them of the story of the little boy who cried wolf.
Crisis: After a period of calm, the paranormal activity returns, directed at Annie. Another message reads, “I’m back!” Annie is attacked by a ghostly woman in a white wedding dress. Jessica and Annie flee the house.
INT. ANNIE’S ROOM – VARIOUS
Montage – Annie secludes herself in her room as the season changes outside the window.
EXT. HIGH SCHOOL – DAY
Annie sits outside with Robert, eating lunch. She waves at Jocelyn, but it’s not reciprocated. Robert asks about the house and Annie reveals that it’s been quiet lately.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Annie and Jessica watch TV on the couch. They are startled by loud tapping on the wall behind their heads. The tapping leads them upstairs to Annie’s room.
INT. ANNIE’S ROOM – NIGHT
The room looks like a tornado hit it. The bed and furniture have been toppled. Clothes and knickknacks have been thrown everywhere. On the wall is written: “Did you miss me?” One by one, pictures frames hung on the wall fly off the shelf, nail and all.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Annie and Jessica run down the stairs, as pictures fly off the living room wall. A cross slowly spins upside down. Annie pulls Jessica out the door.
EXT. ANDREW’S HOUSE – NIGHT
The sister’s run to the safety of the neighbors.
Climax: Dad rushes home and finds the house is wrecked. He finds a blonde woman in his bedroom, wearing his dead wife’s wedding dress and holding a hatchet. Only it’s not a woman, it’s Danny Laplante and he’s holding Annie hostage. After a struggle, Annie and her Father escape the house. Later, the police find Danny, hiding in the walls of the house. He’s been living there for months.
EXT. ANDREW’S HOUSE – LATER
Jack’s truck skids to a stop in front of the house. The elderly Neighbor greets him in the drive way. The neighbor says he looked around, but everything seemed normal. He didn’t call the cops.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Jack enters the house, only to discover the house is completely wrecked. Every light has been shattered. He’s drawn to the sound of static coming from upstairs.
INT. JACK’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Jack opens the door slowly to reveal a message on the wall that reads: “Marry me!” In the corner of the room, a person with long blonde hair, wearing Nora’s wedding dress stands, face obscured by shadow.
EXT. ANDREW’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Annie grows impatient. Heads inside her house to find her father.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Annie enters slowly, sizing up the mess. There’s no sign of her father. From upstairs, the sound of wedding music.
INT. JACK’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Annie finds her father, tied to a chair. Blood pouring from an open wound on his head. A shape stands behind Jack. It’s revealed to be Danny LaPlante and he’s holding an axe. Annie tries to plead with Danny. Danny wants to free Annie of her father and they can be together. Annie tricks Danny and she escapes with her father.
EXT. ANDREW’S HOUSE – NIGHT
As the Andrew’s escape the house, Danny watches from the upstairs bedroom window.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Police use a dog to search the house. The dog catches a scent and barks at the basement door.
INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT
The search dog barks at the freezer in the corner. Police move the freezer and discover a large hole in the wall. A cop shines a flashlight into the hole and illuminates the face of Danny. He’s been hiding in the walls.
EXT. ANDREW’S HOME – NIGHT
Danny is placed in the back of a squad car as the Andrews family learns the reality of what he’s been doing.
Resolution: Annie finds the courage to come out to her father, who’s surprisingly supportive. Annie’s father quits drinking and the family moves away.
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY
Jack rests in a hospital bed, with bandages on his head. Annie opens up to him and finally comes out to him. Jack is loving and supportive.
EXT. LOCAL CEMETERY – DAY
Annie sets a bouquet of flowers down on Nora’s grave. She’s joined by her father and sister. They embrace, with tears in their eyes.
EXT. ANDREW’S HOME – DAY
A few weeks later, the Andrews watch as movers load a moving truck. The family gives the house one last look before saying goodbye. When it’s time to go, Jack opens his truck door and tosses Annie the keys. She hesitates, then overcomes her fear.
THE END
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Pablo Soriano’s First Pass
What I learned doing this project: To be honest I didn’t have much of a plan going into this. By which I mean I wasn’t totally sure how this story would pan out. It still needs a TON of work but I started visualizing something today and it feels good to just have something even if it isn’t much. The gears are turning. A story is developing. It was a lot of fun to get this started.
LOGLINE: A Mexican family attempting to sneak across the border think they have a guardian angel when a drone begins to drop off food and supplies, only to find out that they are being televised on the dark web as Americans place bets on their success and are simply trying to give them the advantage for their own gain.
PLOT CHOICE AND SUMMARY: Sacrifice
This plot has a strong moral dilemma at its center. The protagonist is playing for high stakes and a sacrifice must be made at a great personal cost. They should undergo a major transformation during the course of the story, moving from a lower moral state to a higher one, with events forcing their decisions throughout the story.
STRUCTURE:
1. Opening
Buried in debt due to her deadbeat husband’s drinking and gambling, Irma takes what little money she has to buy bus tickets out of their small, Mexican village to Texas where she and her two young boys can start a new life. Meanwhile, a young man named Miguel in El Paso, TX builds a drone.
2. Inciting Incident
When her husband is murdered and her home is burglarized by the bookies/gangsters that he owed money to, the bus tickets are destroyed. No longer feeling safe, she decides to take her sons across the border herself, joining a caravan of migrants. Miguel tests his new drone back in Texas.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about.
Irma and her sons set out with a small caravan through the Chihuahua Desert. A fleet of drones stealthily records their every move. The one controlling these drones is Frank Kazakowski, an Alt-Right YouTube Pundit, and his production team who are secretly live-streaming the Mexican migration on the dark web. They take bets from viewers to see which immigrant makes it the furthest before they notify the authorities of their location. Miguel is one of these viewers and places bets on several “contestants”. He launches his homemade drone towards the direction of the action.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1
When the caravan discovers the drones are following them, many branch out and split up to avoid being captured with the group. Irma reluctantly breaks away from the caravan as she cannot risk being sent back to her village.
5. Mid-Point
As they make their way to Texas, the live-stream projects the odds of the certain individuals that are amongst the caravan as well as those that broke away. Irma was one of these individuals as a drone follows her. After her odds were projected as extremely low, Miguel makes a substantial bet on Irma. Using his homemade drone, he begins to drop off water bottles and some food near their location. Before Irma can object, her youngest son already finishes a bottle of water. When it is clear that it is not contaminated or poisoned, Irma begins to follow the breadcrumbs of water and supplies into safer routes towards Texas.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2
After Miguel’s drone is spotted by the live-stream, Frank sends the drone assigned to Irma to follow Miguel’s back to his home in El Paso when it needs to recharge. Miguel catches wind of this and right before revealing his exact location, he kamikaze crashes his drone into the other to take it down. This gives Irma a small window of time to cross the border undetected. But now Miguel is unable to provide any supplies as water is running low.
7. Crisis
Irma’s youngest son slips and falls off of a rock and severely injures his leg. Famished and exhausted, Irma has to carry her youngest son through the desert. Back at Frank’s headquarters, we see X marks over the faces of several “contestants” as money begins to pour in. As the caravan gets closer to the borderline, Frank gives their exact coordinates to the border patrol. Frank’s team also narrows in on Miguel’s home and sends a couple of goons to take him out. With Irma unable to move quickly, the drones find her and Frank makes another call to the border patrol.
8. Climax
As Frank’s goons break into Miguel’s house, security cameras set up in Miguel’s home get clear pictures of the men, as well as a photo of their license plate. After Miguel is nowhere to be found, the goons leave. When Irma hears the buzz of a drone, she tells her eldest to carry his brother and bolt for the border. She runs a different direction to draw the drone away. After a daring attempt to escape capture, all three are caught by authorities.
9. Resolution
Frank scores another big payday, and as the fleet of drones returns to their makeshift runway, he notices that one is different from the others. He realizes that it looks like Miguel’s only spray painted to look like one of his. He also notices that the camera is still on. Suddenly, police arrive at the scene with an arrest warrant for running a gambling operation and conspiracy to murder. The media is also there to expose Frank for his crimes. Meanwhile, Miguel sits safely in an undisclosed location, looking at Frank on a computer screen as he is handcuffed. It is revealed that Miguel tipped off the authorities and provided them with his own his security camera footage as well as his drone footage of the whole ordeal. With all the documentation, Irma’s entire story has gained national attention as she is praised for her sacrifice by liberals and Latin Americans and vilified by the conservatives and Nationalists. There is an outpour of support as Miguel starts an online fundraiser in her behalf… but embezzles some of it to pay back the money he lost betting on her. Irma, now with enough money, buys three bus tickets to California.
4. Tell us the Character Arc of your protagonist and add it to your structure.
Due to poor choices, Irma has always been one to let the others around her dictate her life but after making the most difficult decision she’s ever had to make, she learns to never doubt herself and stay the course even if the odds are against her.
Part to be changed: Irma is penniless in debt to bookies in her small Mexican village.
Biggest fear: Being stuck all her life/ Her two sons growing up in a bad environment.
Completion of arc: Irma finds a way for her and her sons to make it to the US, even if by illegal means.
PLOT IN STRUCTURE: (Incomplete)
OPENING SCENE:
Irma sweeps up the remnants of a shattered piggy bank and tries to piece it back together with urgency. Once she’s finished, she puts a few coins back inside. She then cleans up several cans of beer and puts away crudely handmade toys.
INT. ANDRES AND ANTONIO’S ROOM – DAY
Andres and Antonio come home after school and take notice of their mother placing their piggy bank back. Antonio jokes that he is the man of the house since his parents keep taking his money. Irma says it’s for groceries. Andres tinkers with junk that he found on his way back from school: a small iron pipe and some nylon cord. He grabs some duct tape and makes what looks like a whip.
INT. MIGUEL’S HOUSE, EL PASO, TX – DAY
Miguel, a skinny Latino American man, tinkers with spare parts in his kitchen. Some plastic, wiring, wire strippers and small propellers are strewn about. He is soldering pieces together as his elderly mother sits on the couch, drifting off.
EXT. VILLA JUAREZ – DAY
Irma walks over to her neighbors window and asks for a couple of eggs and a handful of rice from her neighbor, Cecilia. Cecelia can’t offer much more and asks what happened to Irma’s chickens. She tells her they’ve been stolen. They fantasize about moving out of the slums. Irma jokes that if she doesn’t gamble, but if she did, the first thing she’d buy with her winnings is a ticket out of there.
INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT
Irma teaches the boys how to cook their meal: fried egg on rice. Diego, her husband, walks in, drunk. He’s angry that they started dinner without him and gets violent with Irma, the boys defend her and scold him for never being around for dinner anyway. She tells the boys to go to bed. She explains to Deigo they have no money due to his drinking and gambling. It is revealed that he sold the chickens and broke into the piggy bank to gamble at the casinos. He leaves.
EXT. FRONT DOOR – NIGHT
Late at night, two shady men knock. Irma answers through the window. The two men are looking for Diego. She tells them that he is probably at the casinos. This does not surprise them and they leave.
EXT. ELEMENTARY SCHOOL – DAY
Irma walks the boys. Upon arriving, a teacher greets them. The teacher tells Irma that Andres has been making weapons out of the trash that he finds around the school and hands her a slingshot made from wood and latex rubber tubing. Irma apologizes and takes the makeshift weapon and tells the teacher that she will talk to Andres.
INT. MIGUEL’S HOUSE – DAY
Miguel is making breakfast spoons-feed his mother who suffers from dementia. On the kitchen table, his science project turns out to be what looks like a drone. In the background, the television blares a conservative news channel. Anchorman, Frank Kozakowski, angrily gripes about the severity of the border crisis. Miguel changes the channel to a classic sitcom, El Chavo Del Ocho. His mother recognizes that opening song and perks up. He smiles as he catches a glimpse of the mother he remembers. He gets back to work on his project.
INT. FACTORY – DAY
Irma works hard at a maquiladora, pressing grommets into denim jeans. This is how she makes a living. Diego shows up to ask for money and causes a scene. Just to get him to leave, she says she can get him more money. Before clocking out, he asks her supervisor if she could get a two month advance on her paycheck. It isn’t much money, so the supervisor approves.
EXT. BUS TERMINAL – DAY
Irma has just enough to buy three tickets to El Paso, TX. But they are non-refundable and in order to get them cheaper, she bought them for a month out.
EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD – EVENING
Irma is about to arrive at her house with her two sons when Cecilia calls out. Her chickens were stolen. Irma feels guilty because she is certain that Diego is the culprit but doesn’t tell Cecilia. Irma is furious.
INT. KITCHEN –
Irma tells her sons to grab their coats. When they leave the room, she goes to case of dominoes from the top of a cupboard. When she opens it, there is a small stack of cash. She puts the bus tickets inside and hides the dominoes case back in the cupboard. When the boys return, they all head to the casino.
INT. MIGUEL’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Miguel’s mother is sleeping on the couch. Miguel is almost done with his drone. He opens his laptop to test out the camera that he installed. He then looks at his measly bank account online. He then looks at his cryptocurrency portfolio which is not as bad. He then uses a VPN to open a private browser and search for something on the dark web called Wetback Wager. Upon opening it, we see a livestream in night vision of an encampment in the middle of the desert. There are graphics with derogatory nicknames and projected odds. Miguel scrolls through the private chat room to check what looks like statistics.
EXT. CASINO ENTRANCE – NIGHT
The police are at the scene when Irma and her sons arrive. At first she ignores it and tries to enter the casino but is stopped by security. They recognize Irma immediately and tell her that her husband had been attacked. The ambulance had taken him away. She is more mad than concerned.
EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD – NIGHT
Irma arrives at her house. The boys are exhausted. The notice that the door is ajar.
INT. HOUSE – HIGHT
Upon entering they discover that their home had been ransacked. Irma sees the empty domino case on the floor. The police suddenly arrive. She asks them how they knew she was robbed. They tell her they didn’t. They were there to tell her that her husband died from his injuries.
…
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Jim Peacock’s First Pass
What I learned: What a great process for developing my script! Here’s my first pass!
Concept: A painfully shy hacker stumbles on a plot by a middle eastern militia to awaken a sleeper cell embedded in the US military. He then must run from them and the FBI as he works to prevent the general’s evil plot, all while falling in love with his female alter ego.
Plot Choice: Underdog / Maturation – Jake, our young, shy hacker, is no match for the powerful general. But through cunning and a growing self-confidence he is able to thwart the general’s evil scheme. All of this occurs while Jake and Mary slowly let down their barriers and learn to let someone in and love for the first time.
Structure:
Opening Scene: Jake hacks the bank out of revenge and discovers a plot by the militia general to get a dirty bomb and release. This after he holds the bank’s assets for ransom. He realizes they may come after him and he’s worried. His friend from the dark web, Jean Claude, warns him of an attack.
Inciting Incident: Jake’s apartment is invaded by killers, and he narrowly escapes by hiding in Mary’s apartment. The FBI also come looking for him. Jake calls for help from his older brother Harry who is a detective with the NYC police.
By page 10: Jean Claude, a conspiracy theorist, arrives from Canada with his mother’s stolen car and the 3 run away.
First turning point at end of Act 1: FBI catches them and tells them to help capture the general. They agree, but then run. Harry tells them to turn themselves in.
Mid-Point: They discover the full extent of the General’s evil plan and decide it’s up to them to save the country. They travel to Jean Claude’s uncle’s hut for guidance. Skinny enlists his brother from there.
Second turning point at end of Act 2: The trio is captured by the general, and Jake must decide which friend is real and which is in on the plot. Both is accused by the other. Jean Claude is shot and killed by Mary. But Mary helps Skinny and her escape.
Crisis: The general kidnaps Mary and demands to know what Skinny knows and to give the money back.
Climax: Skinny takes all the bank’s assets – 2.5 billion and demands that Mary be released.
Resolution: Jake and Mary get together and hug. But as credits roll, Mary’s eyes reveal that she’s still dedicated to the plot against America.
Protagonist Character Arc: Jake goes from a lonely boy unable to interact with humans on a personal face-to-face basis – and unwilling to let anyone else into their world – to a man willing to take on the world to save the one person he finally let in.
Part to be changed: Ability to risk letting people into his life
Biggest fear: Being hurt again
Completion of arc: Jake is able to let Mary into his life, and this maturation process also results in his being abl to take on a strong antagonist.
Plot in Structure:
Opening Scene:
EXT. NYC SIDEWALK – DAY
Jake is tripped and made fun of by a bank security guard.
INT. JAKE’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Jake seeks revenge by hacking into the bank and holding it for ransom. We learn this is what he does “for a living” with small companies and only a small % of their assets. He’s a nice ransomware guy. He chats on the dark web with his only friend Jean Claude – another geek in Canada.
INT. JAKE’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Jean Claude calls Jake telling him there’s chatter on the dark web about some middle eastern militia coming after him. Clueless, Jake sees black vans pull up outside so he grabs his computer and runs out his apartment door.
Inciting Incident:
INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT
Jake runs into Mary, Jake’s doppelgänger (mousy, a bit heavy, geekish but dark complexion, Persian decent) in the hallway. As someone storms up the steps Mary pulls him into her apartment just in time. They watch as unknown GI’s storm his apartment and search for him. They in turn are interrupted by the FBI pulling up below and running inside. They beat it just in time themselves. The FBI, who had been watching and listening for weeks, assume he’s been kidnapped. Jake calls Jean Claude for more info, who convinces him it’s a vast US conspiracy. He convinces them to run, and he decides to steal his mom’s car and come down to help them escape. Jake calls his brother for advice and Harry tells him to go to the police.
INT. FBI FIELD OFFICE, NEW YORK – DAY
Agent Terry tries to figure out what happened to Jake. He enlists the help of
EXT. TERRORIST TRAINING CAMP AFGHANISTAN – DAY
The General is pissed that someone has hacked into the money-laundering bank he owns in NYC. He’s more pissed that his men let Jake get away. What does he know? Why did he hack the bank? How powerful is this man? Is it the CIA?
INT. MARY’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
They’ll make a run for it tomorrow. But for now, they’re alone. Neither has ever been kissed, so the intimacy is scary. He won’t sleep in her bed, so she sleeps on the LR floor with him. She’s scared too. They don’t touch but after Jake’s asleep Mary continues looking at him. We don’t know what that means.
Page 10:
INT. MARY’S APARTMENT – MORNING
Jean Claude arrives and pushes a conspiracy theory. Convinces Jake and Mary to run. They agree.
INT CAR – DAY
The Trio is being chased by the FBI, who eventually catch them.
First turning point:
INT. FBI FIELD OFFICE – DAY
Trio meet with Jake’s brother and are then interrogated, told a bit about the general (not everything). They have a choice: jail time or help them catch the general – in France. They agree but
EXT. CAR – DAY
as soon as they are set free, and in response to Jean Claude’s conspiracies, then make a run for the Canadian border, closely pursued by a group of middle eastern men in US Army uniforms. They make it across as the Army men break to a stop. They don’t want to expose their movement by going across an international border.
Midpoint:
INT. SHABBY VILLA – CANADIAN WILDERNESS – DAY
They go to Jean Claude’s uncle’s remote cabin, uncle Jules, also an avid conspiracy theorist. Jake calls his brother Harry on background, who after encouraging them to come in, explains what he knows about the General. Jake logs back into the bank and discovers the details of the plot: to awaken US military members loyal to his cause and get him access to an Electromagnetic Pulse bomb to wipe out all communications in the Eastern half of the US. They decide that they must go back to defeat this evil plan.
MEANWHILE: Jake and Mary continue to become closer – but only in glances, brushes of the skin, then Mary asking to be held at night. Mary and Jean Claude fight constantly, both accusing the other of being in on the general’s plot. And both have “evidence”. (1 set was planted). Jake must make a decision but not now.
Second turning point:
Jake reaches out to Harry who, after being told of the scheme, telling the FBI and being rebuffed by them, agrees to help. He takes his small plane low across the border and meets them.
Jake checks his Cayman bank account (!) but finds it frozen! But uncle Jules calls in a favor, a trapper with a plane that can get them into where the General has his lair. [Canada, France, Beirut, Kabul?]
EXT. FRENCH VILLAGE – DAY
The four are hiding out near the lair when tensions between Mary and Jean Claude boil over and ultimately Mary shoots Jean Claude and runs out. She doesn’t come back.
Crisis:
The group discovers that she has been kidnapped by the general and held hostage until Jake tells them what he knows. Instead, Jake hacks back into the bank and moves all of their assets – $1.5 billion into Jake’s new account in the Caymans. The general is livid and threatens to kill her.
Climax:
EXT. LAIR – NIGHT
Jake and Harry find the lair, and find Mary (who doesn’t seem to be very captive). They are suspicious but she proves her loyalty by helping them kill the general and his evil mignons.
Resolution:
INT. LAIR – NIGHT
The loving couple are reunited and embrace and kiss for the first time. But as the credits roll, we see an evil glint in Mary’s eyes. She is still dedicated to the General’s cause, even if it required sacrificing her uncle the General.
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[PS80] DAY 7 BOB SMITH’S FIRST PASS
PRESENT YOUR STORY SHOWING EACH PART OF THE 9-BEAT STRUCTUE:
“What I learned doing this assignment is…? The importance of the character arc which moves the story forward. This was a very difficult lesson. This is my outline but I realized too late that I was supposed to divide it into scenes.
WORKING TITLE: “’Moths Around a Flame:’ The Making of ‘The Blue Angel.’”
LOGLINE: Amid the decadence of Weimar Berlin, a prominent film director (Josef von Sternberg) coaches his unknown discovery (Marlene Dietrich) and grooms her for stardom. This grows into an affair that parallels the erotic thriller they are filming, “The Blue Angel” in which a professor’s infatuation with a cabaret showgirl leads to his ruin but life further imitates art as a rivalry develops between the star of the film, Oscar winning actor Emil Jannings and Marlene Dietrich all within a dramatic triangle of von Sternberg, Dietrich, and Janning, all of which has far reaching impact.
STRUCTURE (I am including all the instances of rivalry and the dramatic triangle and character arc in bold.)
1. OPENING:
Titel Card: July 1945, Post-war Berlin. US Troop Headquarters.
Out of the rubble the figure of a man emerges brandishing an Oscar statuette, he shouts at the US Troop installation before him, “Don’t shoot! Don’t shoot! I have won an Oscar!” US troops take him into custody and discover that he is the German actor, Emil Jannings, first Best Actor Oscar winner for ‘The Last Command” (1929)’ and famous also for his performance in “The Blue Angel” (1930) although some of the soldiers say they don’t remember him, but they remember Marlene Dietrich as the star. Jannings grumbles, “I was the star! What you remember is Miss Dietrich’s legs!” They ask what happened to him since then, he indicates that he was “Artist of the State” under the Nazis. The US Commander tells him that he will have to undergo denazification which effectively ends his acting career and asks what led him to perform for the Nazis. So Jannings recounts his unfortunate choices which go back to what happened during the filming of the erotic thriller, “The Blue Angel” in 1930.
“’Moths Around a Flame..’” is about a rivalry between Dietrich and Jannings with a dramatic triangle of von Sternberg, Dietrich, and Jannings.
2. INCITING INCIDENT: Marlene Dietrich, an unknown, auditions for the part of the Cabaret show girl, Lola Lola. Josef von Sternberg, the Director, screens her audition for the studio executives and Emil Jannings, and says he will cast her in the role of the Cabaret showgirl Lola Lola, who is the love interest of Professor Rath (played by Jannings) whose infatuation with her leads to his ruination. Von Sternberg’s choice is met with opposition from everyone involved in the production who were hoping for an established actress in the part. But von Sternberg insists that he will work with no other actress but Dietrich, a chorus girl. He says she is a novice and he will coach her for the part and the stardom he believes can be hers. Jannings views Dietrich as a rival and reminds von Sternberg: “But remember, I am the star of this film.”
3. BY PAGE 10: Von Sternberg is spending an inordinate amount of time with Dietrich in coaching her for the role and grooming her for stardom. He tells Dietrich to lose weight. She invites him and Jannings on a night out to see “the Berlin of Lola Lola” starting wth the Sabri Mahir Boxing Studio, where she keeps in shape and will get into the better shape von Sternberg desires with intensive boxing exercises under Mahir, her trainer. She introduces von Sternberg and Jannings to Mahir and also her friend, actress Carola Neher, also a boxer, and now a cast member of Berthold Brecht’s “Three Penny Opera.” She invites Carola to a boxing match and knocks her out with her lethal right hook which impresses von Sternberg and Jannings. She invites Jannings to join Mahir’s studio as a way to augment his commendable loss of 100 lbs and staying in shape and then invites Carola to join her, Jannings, and von Sternberg for a visit to “the Berlin of Lola Lola” where they can meet the “Einstein of Sex” Dr. Magnus Hirschfeld, a sexologist. All this is Dietrich’s way to deepen her relationship with von Sternberg and mend her relationship with Janning, if not play one-up on him.
4. FIRST TURNING POINT IN ACT ONE: At the Club Silhouette, Carola, Marlene von Sternberg, and Jannings meet Dr. Hirschfeld who advocates for gay rights and greater freedom in matters of sex. While Dietrich sits on von Sternberg’s lap, in a moment to be reenacted in The film “Morocco,” Marlene Dietrich reaches over and kisses Carola Neher on the lips which makes Dietrich the more attractive to von Sternberg and repulsive to Jannings (“Lola Lola would never do that” Dietrich: “Don’t be so sure.”). Marlene orders champagne for everybody in the club in celebration of her being cast as Lola Lola in “The Blue Angel.” However, the celebration is cut short. A group of Nazis marching in the street hurl rocks through the windows of the Club Silhouette. Hirshfeld remarks, “If those Nazis take over, it will be all over for homosexuals and for Jews. And I am both!” Von Sternberg says, “They will take over the movie business, too. Well, there is work in Hollywood, (to Marlene, he says) “After ‘Blue Angel,’ that’s where I am taking you.”
5. MIDPOINT/ PLOT EVENT: Jannings castigates von Sternberg that he does not even lunch with him but has lunch in Dietrich’s dressing room.
6. MIDPOINT: Von Sternberg’s wife (Riva Royce) confronts him about his relationship with Marlene Dietrich. She says, “Why don’t you divorce me and marry her?” He replies, “I’d sooner share a telephone booth with a cobra.”
7. SECOND TURNING POINT AT END OF ACT TWO: Emil Jannings and novelist,
Heinrich Mann watch some dailies. Mann complains that the whole story of his novel
(Professor Unrat) on which “The Blue Angel is based, is subverted by Miss Dietrich’s
legs. Emil Jannings agrees and they go to complain directly to von Sternberg,
Jannings particularly harboring the grievance that he is upstaged by Dietrich
while he is the star. And that all his (von Sternberg’s direction is honed in on
Dietrich while he feels that their collaborative spirit that they had in earlier films
has eroded. Von Sternberg explains that he (Jannings) is the mature actor and
Dietrich needs the attention and she could use his support.
8. CRISIS: In one scene, Jannings’ character is supposed to strangle Dietrich’s character. Jannings over acts it and actually strangles Dietrich, bruising her. She says to von Sternberg, “I played along for the sake of the scene but I could have decked him with my right hook. Next time he tries it, that’s what I’ll do!” She spews her thoughts that she has kept to herself throughout the film, e.g., that Jannings is a sullen egotistical fool and an over-acting ham who in your (von Sternberg’s) absence has vetoed your direction and directed the cast to do the opposite of what you instructed them.
CHARACTER ARCS: Von Sternberg says to both Dietrich and Jannings, “’The Blue Angel is about to wrap. He need actors who see each other as partners to make a work of art and now put on the finishing touches.” They put aside their rivalry and finish excellent closing scenes in the climax.
9.
10. CLIMAX: The final scenes are filmed: Marlene singing her signature song, “Falling in Love Again,” which includes title line: “Men cluster to me like Moths around a flame. And if their wings are burned, I know I’m not to blame.”
Jannings then enacts the tragic end of the Professor, as he dies clinging to his desk in his old class room.
11. Uncertain of his future, Jannings pays a visit to Alfred Hugenberg, the studio chief, and states his anxiety about his future. Jannings is convinced that he has no future in Hollywood because, he has found out the hard way that his German accent is not working for “talkies.” Hugenberg is a supporter of the Nazis and says to Jannings that he has a future in Germany when the Nazis take over. He tells him that he knows Goebbels is an admirer.
12. JANNINGS CHARACTER ARC: Life imitates art as Jannings becomes a favorite of the Nazis, only to find himself, as in the opening scene, condemned to de-nazification, in effect, ending his acting career and ruined, much like the professor he played fifteen years earlier, in “The Blue Angel.’
PLOT EVENT: In his home, isolated because he is being de-nazified, Jannings is visited by old colleague, Hans Alber, who played Mazeppa in “The Blue Angel.” He also stayed in Germany in the film industry, dodging every time the Nazis tried to use him for propaganda. He required no de-nazification and laments with Jannings that he (Jannings) chose wrongly and could have done the same thing. Or even leave for Hollywood with Peter Lorre and Conrad Veidt, and others who escaped from the Nazis.
13. Closing Title Cards:
Josef von Sternberg and Marlene Dietrich went to Hollywood and for the next decade created many acclaimed motion pictures. She opposed Hitler, became an American citizen and entertained the troops even as they fought the German army.
Emil Jannings after 1945 underwent denazification. He would never act again and died in 1950 at age 65.
CHARACTER ARC OF MARLENE DIETRICH:
Part to be changed: Her feelings of inferiority before von Sternberg and Jannings.
Biggest Fear: She’ll be overlooked for the talent she has.
Completion of arc: After months of rivalry with Jannings, she puts her resentments aside and delivers a stunning performance which leads to the international stardom she sought.
CHARACTER ARC FOR EMIL JANNINGS:
Parts to be changed: His jealousy of Dietrich.
Biggest Fear: For his future and his retention of stardom that won him an Oscar.
Completion of Arc: He chooses to put aside his feud with Dietrich and delivers a stellar performance, but choses to remain in Germany and becomes an instrument of Nazi propaganda.
CHARACTER ARC FOR JOSEF VON STERNBERG:
Part to be changed: His pressure of being a director, while having a relationship with his leading actress and playing referee in the Dietrich-Jannings conflict.
Biggest Fear: Losing control and delivering a movie disaster.
Completion of Arc: Tells his actors to put aside their difference and be partners, completes the film, and takes Marlene Dietrich to Hollywood and international stardom.
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Janeen’s 1st Pass
What I learned doing this assignment is that I have a lot of room in my plot to add details, character information, drama and comedy. That’s good.
LOGLINE: A wealthy fashionista learns mind control techniques and uses them to empower women at a shelter to take action against their abusers. As her ability to empower the abused grows stronger, the actions taken against the abusers turn deadly.
PLOT/PLOT SUMMARY: #13 – Maturation: The process of
going from child to adult where the child is forced to accept changes
on the way to becoming a mature adult…but often pays a price for it.
STRUCTURE:
1. Opening: The fashionista leaves a Silva Mind Control class and donates money and clothes at a women’s shelter where she meets her favorite designer’s abused wife and kids, befriending them.
2. Inciting Incident: While providing feedback to the fussy designer at his house, the fashionista secretly leaves a book on the Silva method for the wife. The wife gives her the signal for “help” and the fashionista calls the police. As the arrest happens, a verbal contest between the fashionista and designer erupts.
3. By page 10, what the movie is about: The fashion designer cuts all ties with the fashionista and gets a restraining order against her for harassment. The wife has refused to testify so charges have been dropped on the designer. The fashionista must find another way to help the abused wife.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1: The fashionista talks to her book club about how she can now help the woman. The book club includes a cop, a lawyer, an ER nurse and the woman running the shelter. Since outside interference often makes things worse, they agree to use mind control techniques to help women in danger.
5. Mid-Point: Since Silva says you cannot use his techniques to hurt others, they devise ways to use them to fortify the women in the shelter before they leave. Three women have found the courage to leave their abusers, some striking back with violence, and the police have found reasons to lock up the abusers.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2: The designer puts his wife in the ER in critical condition. The book club uses all of their efforts to empower the her to protect herself and her children. After his next minor abuse, she drugs her husband’s meal with the pain pills they gave her at the ER and kills him with a kitchen knife.
7. Crisis: The group rallies around her when the call comes in to the police but the police charge the book club as accessories to the murder because the cop in the group has told her partner about the prior successes they have had in getting women to safely leave their abusive spouses. The partner thinks they’ve taken it too far.
8. Climax: At court, the group swears that they haven’t talked to the woman directly — ever — and that all they have done is offer “thoughts and prayers”. In a dramatic court battle discussing the difference between their techniques and “thoughts and prayers”, the lawyer argues that there is no proof and no way “to prove” that sending supportive intentional thoughts to someone concretely affects their actions. They are not accessories.
9. Resolution: After the drama in the courtroom, the judge rules in the book club’s favor and the rest of the club meets the designer’s wife for the first time. She asks to join the club.
PROTAGONIST CHARACTER ARC:
The fashionista (Morgan) goes from dabbling in mind control and healing techniques to further her petty notions of helping people to using them for life or death reasons to protect others.
Part to be changed: Unnamed fashionista amuses herself with the techniques using them only for self-improvement
Biggest fear: Getting in so deep that someone hurts her in revenge of her actions
Completion of arc: She saves her designer’s wife and kids, avoids being charged with anything and realized her power.
PLOT IN STRUCTURE
Opening: The fashionista leaves a Silva Mind Control class and donates money and clothes at a women’s shelter where she meets her favorite designer’s abused wife and kids, befriending them.
1. INT. CLASSROOM – DAY
Morgan leaves her class chatting with her classmates joking about how they hope they can get the techniques to work for them.
2. INT. WOMEN’S SHELTER LOBBY – DAY
Morgan carries a few garment bags into the center and a young woman follows with a stack of shoe boxes. She sees Amber Richards, her designer’s wife, with their 2 kids and tries to talk to her. Amber does her best to hide bruises on her face and pretends she’s there on a charitable mission, not as a client, but Morgan sees them and is distressed.
3. INT. DESIGN STUDIO – DAY
Morgan and Daniel Richards greet with fake kisses and she tells him she’s seen his wife at the shelter, donating clothes. He turns away with an evil leer.
4. INT. RICHARDS HOME – EVENING
We hear Daniel berating and slapping around Amber for trying to escape him and steal his kids while not keeping their private matters private. She is whimpering.
Inciting Incident: While providing feedback to the fussy designer at his house, the fashionista secretly leaves a book on the Silva method for the wife. The wife gives her the signal for “help” and the fashionista calls the police. As the arrest happens, a verbal contest between the fashionista and designer erupts.
5. INT. RICHARDS HOME ENTRY – EVENING
After greeting, Morgan follows Daniel to his studio. She sees Amber holding her kids in the dark in a living room and deliberately slips a Silva book onto a table with a significant look at Amber.
6. INT. RICHARDS HOME STUDIO – EVENING
Morgan and Daniel consult on the design of a dress and both are fussy about fit and embellishment. As he’s walking her to the door, she looks again for Amber and this time, Amber is giving her the covert sign for help (Hand up flat (like a “stop” position), fold the thumb into the palm, curl the fingers down over the thumb). Startled, she nods to Amber.
7. INT. MORGAN’S CAR – CONTINUOUS
Down the street from the house, Morgan stops and calls the police to report that a woman asked her to call for help at the designer’s address. She waits impatiently after the police pass her, finally turning her car around and returning to the home.
8. EXT. RICHARDS HOME – CONTINUOUS
Daniel is in cuffs, Amber is in tears and her kids are clinging to her in tears. Daniel pulls up to yell at Morgan as she rushes to Amber to comfort her, telling her to mind her own business and stay out of simple family spats, not anything more than that. The convo gets heated.
By page 10, what the movie is about: The fashion designer cuts all ties with the fashionista and gets a restraining order against her for harassment. The wife has refused to testify so charges have been dropped on the designer. The fashionista must find another way to help the abused wife.
9. INT. LIBRARY CONF ROOM – EVENING
Morgan tells the group that Daniel has cut all ties with her and she’s not sure what she’ll wear to the gala. She says his wife refused to testify against him and that he has gotten a restraining order against her for harassment. The book club members are sympathetic about her fashion choices and the wife’s refusal to testify. She wishes there was more she could do.
10. INT. CLASSROOM – DAY
Morgan chats with the Silva instructor who tells her that she cannot wish harm on anyone using Silva or it will come back on her, but she can try to empower the wife of the woman being abused and give her whatever strength she needs to escape. She ponders that.
First turning point at end of Act 1: The fashionista talks to her book club about how she can now help the woman. The book club includes a cop, a lawyer, an ER nurse and the woman running the shelter. Since outside interference often makes things worse, they agree to use mind control techniques to help women in danger.
11. INT. LIBRARY CONF ROOM – EVENING
Morgan tells her book club about the woman and that she can only help her with Silva although she also does NMT at home. She explains each briefly. The book club includes a cop, lawyer, ER nurse and the woman who runs the shelter where Morgan was donating clothes in the beginning. They empathize and explain abused women’s behavior and the fears/pride that govern their actions.
12. INT. CAFE – EVENING
Morgan chats with the shelter woman about what the women need most to leave. Besides deposits for apartments and utilities, they need jobs, etc. and most want to keep their kids in the same school district. They talk about one of the shelter’s current residents who really needs confidence and for her bruises to heal before she can even look for work.
13. INT. MORGAN’S HOME – LATER
Morgan watches an NMT lesson, tries the technique and seems to feel better. She writes down that she is going to test for confidence for the woman and for bruise healing and we leave her performing intentional medicine, with her husband looking on in amusement.
14. INT. LIBRARY CONF ROOM – TWO WEEKS LATER
The shelter woman tells Morgan that the woman they talked about has healed and developed the confidence needed to get a job at her old financial planning firm. Morgan is gratified and wonders what else she can do with her power. She gets the name and situation of someone else at the shelter who needs help, but this time, the person also needs a place to stay, which Morgan is unable to offer.
15. INT. LIBRARY CONF ROOM – TWO WEEKS LATER
The shelter woman asks Morgan if she has been helping the woman they talked about and the answer is yet. The shelter woman tells the other book club members about it. The cop is interested in learning it as are the nurse and the lawyer. Morgan shares books, web addresses and we see the other women joining her at a Silva class and watching the NMT videos.
Mid-Point: Since Silva says you cannot use his techniques to hurt others, they devise ways to use them to fortify the women in the shelter before they leave. Three women have found the courage to leave their abusers, some striking back with violence, and the police have found reasons to lock up the abusers.
16. INT. CLASSROOM – DAY
Morgan asks the Silva instructor if it is unethical to help people who don’t know she is helping them. He stresses that since she cannot use Silva for evil against people, it is fine. She says, legally, is it OK. He says the law doesn’t recognize it as a true power and she can think of it as offering “thoughts and prayers” which people do for the unfortunate all of the time.
17. INT. LIBRARY CONF ROOM – TWO MONTHS LATER
The shelter woman tells the group that three women who were repeat tenants of the shelter have now found the courage to leave the abusers for good. One woman struck back at her abuser, scaring him when she punched him in the gut after he hit her. The cop says that she has been able to find ways to lock up a couple more abusers on second calls by focusing on getting her boss to look more favorably on preventing further domestic violence. The ER nurse says that Amber came through the ER the day before, with a broken wrist. She again refused to press charges when consulted privately and Daniel hovered and eventually took her home. Morgan resolves to help her.
18. INT. MORGAN’S HOME – EVENING
Daniel calls Morgan and tells her that he will kill her if she continues to put thoughts of leaving into his wife’s head. She says she hasn’t talked to his wife since the night the police were at his house. Daniel says he knows that’s not true. Morgan is baffled, visibly shaken and shuts off the NMT video she was watching.
19. INT. CAFE – EVENING
The book club ladies tell Morgan she is making a difference and they applaud her efforts and congratulate themselves for each doing what they can as we see a stream of women getting pro bono legal work, the cop’s partner talking to the men while she talks to the women and the shelter woman smiling as women and children leave with their bags.
Second turning point at end of Act 2: The designer puts his wife in the ER in critical condition. The book club uses all of their efforts to empower the her to protect herself and her children. After his next minor abuse, she drugs her husband’s meal with the pain pills they gave her at the ER and kills him with a kitchen knife.
20. INT. ER – EVENING
Amber is wheeled in by paramedics. She persists in not wanting to press charges saying she has been cut off from all of her friends, has no money or credit, hasn’t worked since the kids were born and Daniel has said he will take the kids if she even thinks about leaving and he seems to know what she’s thinking because she was considering it. He has taken away her phone and car keys and has shut off the internet to the house.
21. INT. LIBRARY CONF ROOM – EVENING
The ER nurse relays this to the group and they decide to use all of their combined efforts to empower Amber to protect herself and her children. We see concerted efforts by all of the members at various times of the day.
22. INT. RICHARDS HOME – MORNING
Amber has a fresh bruise and she goes to a vase in the guest room and takes out her hidden stash of various pain pill prescriptions from her visits to the ER. She contemplates them.
23. INT. RICHARDS KITCHEN – DAY
Amber has baked what she tells the kids is their father’s favorite dessert and that he an mommy are having a special dinner tonight and they must eat early. Amber is smiling.
24. INT. RICHARDS LIVING ROOM – EVENING
She hands Daniel a big piece of cake and a cup of coffee. She excuses herself to clean up the kitchen.
25. INT. RICHARDS LIVING ROOM – LATER
With surgical precision, we see her set the knife on his chest, double checking that it is over his heart, and then push it in with great force. She pulls the knife out, sits down on the floor next to him. and when the blood is no longer gushing, she pulls a compact from her pocket and checks to see if he is breathing. Then she calmly calls the police.
Crisis: The group rallies around her when the call comes in to the police but the police charge the book club as accessories to the murder because the cop in the group has told her partner about the prior successes they have had in getting women to safely leave their abusive spouses. The partner thinks they’ve taken it too far.
26. INT. POLICE STATION – LATER
Amber is in an interrogation room, her fresh bruise obvious, her manner stoic. The book club cop asks her what happened. She says she had no choice. There was no way out. No hope. He kept her prisoner with no phone, car, internet or money. She had nowhere to go and no way to get there and he was relentless. He was starting to get shorter with the kids — almost as angry as he got with her and she wasn’t going to let them go through what she did. She couldn’t divorce him because she had no one to help her or care for the kids while she worked and he had said he would get custody of the kids, declaring her unfit. This was her only choice.
27. INT. POLICE STATION – LATER
The book club are all in separate interview rooms. Morgan is being charged as an accessory to murder. She tells them they are insane. She hasn’t talked to or communicated with Amber since the restraining order went into effect. They say that the book club cop had said they were helping Amber with some mumbo jumbo and it apparently worked. They were being charged — even the cop — as accessories.
Climax: At court, the group swears that they haven’t talked to the woman directly — ever — and that all they have done is offer “thoughts and prayers”. In a dramatic court battle discussing the difference between their techniques and “thoughts and prayers”, the lawyer argues that there is no proof and no way “to prove” that sending supportive intentional thoughts to someone concretely affects their actions. They are not accessories.
28. INT. COURT ROOM – DAY
One after another, we see the defendants, the book club, being asked to swear whether they had helped Amber. They all answer that she had been in their “thoughts and prayers” because they knew her husband was abusive. Nothing illegal about that, is there? On cross-examination, they say that their prayers were that she would be strong and heal quickly. They never prayed that she hurt her husband. Silva doesn’t work that way and it would be an evil thing to do. Wasn’t Amber killing her own husband evil? Not if he was abusing her and she saw no way out.
29. INT COURT ROOM – DAY
Amber’s stabbing of Daniel is determined to be self-defense and she is ordered to counseling, but not deemed a danger to herself or her kids. The book club celebrates.
30. INT COURT ROOM – DAY
The book club lawyer testifies that there is no legal proof that sending supportive and healing “thoughts and prayers” can cause someone to do something. The court drops the charges since the cops have no evidence of wrongdoing.
Resolution: After the drama in the courtroom, the judge rules in the book club’s favor and the rest of the club meets the designer’s wife for the first time. She asks to join the club.
31. Morgan is working with a female designer on a dress. The designer says her neighbor is being beaten by her husband. Is there anything she can do? Morgan hands her a Silva book with a link to NMT training written inside the front cover. “Thoughts and Prayers” are about all you can do.
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Armand’s 1st Pass
What I learned doing this assignment is…
First pass. To create a character arc, ask these questions: What needs to change inside my protagonist? What is the biggest fear the protagonist must face? Completion of arc?
1. Give us your concept/logline.
A ghost content with an afterlife haunting the house where he was murdered is accidentally brought back to life, just as the killer who was never caught returns for a new spree. Now is up to the revived ghost to protect the living and find out why he died.
2. What is your plot choice and a quick summary of that plot? (From Day 2 and 3)
Change: Once he is accidentally brought back to life, the revived ghost has the chance to leave the murder home he’s been haunting for years but the return of his never-caught killer puts the people in the house in danger and himself (if he stays).
3. List all 9 beats of your structure. (From Day 5)
1. Opening
A montage introduces us to HOW the ghost was killed. Then, the ghost’s routine scaring those who move to the house where he was murdered to amuse himself. The ghost has nightmares of his masked killer (in slasher movie style) chasing him around the house and murdering him. The nightmares manifest more strongly closer to the night he was murdered, which is coming up.
2. Inciting Incident
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about.
The ghost knows the killer is going to strike back.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1
5. Mid-Point
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2
7. Crisis
8. Climax
9. Resolution
Ghost unmasks his killer, and lets his new life begin outside the murder house.
4. Tell us the Character Arc of your protagonist and add it to your structure.
Part to be changed: He’s haunted by his past actions and can’t let go.
Biggest fear: That his mistakes will hurt people again.
Completion of arc: Becomes accountable and moves on with his life.
5. Looking at your plot choice, fill in whatever plot events you think of. Just answer the question “What plot events would naturally fit into this structure?”
EXT. MANOR IN THE WOODS – PAST
Protagonist is introduced. A young, rich college-aged man: careless and privileged. His friends are killed by a masked killer during a trip he organized to his family’s manor.
Protagonist gets murdered by the masked killer and dies slowly. He doesn’t know if the girl he loves (the final girl if these slasher was from her POV) made it. He’s dead.
INT. MANOR – MONTAGE
Years go by. Our ghost adapts to his after-life. Refusing to confront his murder. Haunting people moving in/out manor as the years go by.
INT. MANOR – PRESENT
New family moves in: Siblings with absent rich parents. Goth teen girl. Older college aged girl.
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Elizabeth’s First Pass
What I learned: I need to finish the rest of the ensemble casts’ arcs but here’s a start… Starting to see how this will help bring everything together.
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;”>Logline: When Ed, a passively suicidal, retired psychiatrist, meets a feuding couple on a bus and discovers the woman is the daughter of the son his late wife gave up for adoption, he and his retirement home friends get sucked into a medley of family of family dysfunction as the couple attempts (for the seventh time) to get married— where everyone, young to old, helps Ed discover what Freud forgot (so he can again “love and work”) and also finds their own missing piece of Freud’s New-And-Improved Living Well Trifecta.
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;”>Plot Structure (number and type – and 9 beats)<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;”>#12 <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;”>Transformation/Ensemble.
1. Opening: Ed, having skipped past his unfinished work to prepare for, lay in his bed/coffin, dressed to die, gets awoken by an insane pounding on his door.
2. Inciting Incident: Ed helps a fighting couple because the woman is the doppelgänger of his wife on their wedding day, shows them the picture and they agree.
3. Theme: No matter your age, you—and the world—need your love, work and play. Stated by old, hippy biker-chick retirement home-mate, Pat: “I thought they taught you in shrink school how to live a good, happy life.”
4. First Turning Point: Grace requests more relationship help and has a positive “Grandmommy and Me” genetic test which Ed tries to blow off, until he picks up Susan’s beloved box and notices it’s labeled “For Albert,” the name she gave Grace’s dad.
5. Midpoint: Ed finally gets a chance to give Mark/“Albert” Susan’s box, but before he can open it he has a heart attack and gets taken to the ED.
6. Second Turning Point: Mark dies. We learn he’d only been in Grace’s life for the last 2 weeks. This reminds Ed of his own dad’s death, but he can’t yet share this.
7. Crisis: Grace melts down over wedding day problems, sharing this is another sign she thinks means she shouldn’t get married, so Ed finally tells her about his own dad’s death and how he felt he “knew” at 12 that it was his rock music that killed him—the bonding helps Grace realize she should get married, but—
8. Climax: The delay in wedding has given the musicians time to get stoned, so Ed steps up with a Jimi Hendrix-style wedding march and other wedding music.
9. Resolution: Series of Shots: Grace and Mike, on their honeymoon, playing in only “grown-up ways” without their kids. Ed and Jewels with the kids, placing flowers on Susan’s grave—then on neighboring Jimi Hendrix’s (that in MM 1 & 2 he always quickly passed). Ed and Jewels at Disney World (the kids playing with residents at the retirement home), Ed dictating his book into his phone on various rides, and taking a toke from Jewels. Each of the other character resolutions as described in their character loglines above, in whatever order makes sense.
Lead Characters/ARCs:
Ed (70’s): goes from passively suicidal/stuck grief to loving and working again, because he can also play.
Part to be changed: avoids doing his own grief/psychological work
Biggest Fear: if he plays someone else will die
Completion of Arc: when he saves the wedding day by play the rock music he thought killed his dad at his beloved, deceased wife’s granddaughter’s wedding.
Grace (34): goes from commitment-avoidant to making the commitment she and everyone in her family needs.
Part to be changed: keeps backing out of her wedding
Biggest Fear: if she marries her beloved he’ll leave like her dad did
Completion of Arc: says “I DO.”
Mike (34) goes from ADHD ineffectual to running a start-up
Part to be changed: distracted, playing too many video games
Biggest Fear: if he takes meds he’ll be a different person
Completion of Arc: organizes a start-up
Adam/Eve (11):on the edge of adolescence, embraces the gender identity with which she identifies.
Part to be changed: trying to be someone she’s not
Biggest Fear: she’ll be rejected if she lives as she is
Completion of Arc: makes the clothes she, her mom and brother wear at the the wedding.
Christopher (26) goes from living in his mother’s basement to emancipated and programming for the start up.
Part to be changed: depressed and socially isolated
Biggest Fear: his mother, Linda, can’t make it alone.
Completion of Arc: leaves his mother for a girlfriend.
1.
INT/EXT. LUXURY RETIREMENT HOME (GARDENS BY THE WATER)
Ed’s antsy, hurries to his room, pays homage to dead wife’s alter then to bed as he waits to die.
18.
INT. CITY BUS – DAY
Ed stops wife’s doppelgänger, Grace’s fight with forever-fiancé Mike and shares his wedding picture
41. LOCKIN
INT. ED’S APARTMENT
Grace seeks help with most recent fight, shares the genetic test. Ed see’s wife’s box is for her son.
58.
INT. LINDA’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Mark clutches his chest as Ed tries to give him Susan’s box—and gets rushed to the ED.
70. BREAK INTO III
INT. MARK’S HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY
When Mark dies, contented by what’s in Susan’s box, we learn he was never in Grace’s life until 2 weeks ago.
84. SERIES OF SHOTS – RESOLUTION
EXT. DISNEYWORLD – DAY
Ed and Eve talking MOS in a Ferris Wheel cart. Kristian and Jewels playing, happy in the cart behind.
Stopped at the top—something Eve said—Ed pulls out, writes in a notebook: Psychiatric Text, tucks it. Takes Eve’s hand and shouts for joy when the Wheel moves again.
EXT. LAS VEGAS RESORT – POOLSIDE – SAME TIME
In swimwear with drinks, Grace and Mike celebrate, grown-ups without kids for the first time in 11 years.
INT. GARDENS BY THE WATER- DAY – LATER
An apartment-turned office. Start Up sign. Video, VR equipment, screens. Mike directs via Zoom from Vegas hotel room.
Christopher codes, Wade, Judy, Walt, Pat: work (TBD). Lauren with refreshments, extra smile for Christopher.
EXT. DISNEYWORLD – SAME
Ed, Eve, Jewels and Kristian on “It’s a Small World.”
INT. GARDENS BY THE WATER – SISTER MARY’S ROOM – SAME
Linda talking to Sister Mary – trays from breakfast, lunch. They’ve been at it for awhile.
INT. DISNEY HOTEL – NIGHT
Ed and Jewels tuck the kids into bed. Ed jots a few book notes before they hit the—
INT. NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT
Bar. Talking. It’s nice.
INT GARDENS BY THE WATER – STARTUP OFFICE – DAY
Residents and Lauren demonstrate hand-eye, sit-to-stand, mobility exercises. Zoom screen from Vegas: Mike’s vision for Wii-like video game exercise. Christopher nods, codes.
INT. OSCEOLA AIRPORT – DAY
Judy and Pat wave as Kristian and Eve head down tarmac, rush to another gate and board their own plane.
INT. SEATTLE AIRPORT – DAY
Judy and Pat take Kristian and Eve from airline worker.
EXT. SEATTLE FREEWAY —DAY
Pat drives Judy and kids in a sedan with biker stickers.
INT. GARDENS BY THE WATER – KITCHEN – LATER
Kids make cookies with staff and residents.
INT. GARDENS BY THE WATER – SISTER MARY’S ROOM – EVENING
Linda stops talking, cries. Mary’s expression: healing.
EXT. THE EIFEL TOWER – SAME
Ed and Jewels. Intimacy slowly growing. Urn of Mark’s ashes—they scatter a few.
INT. GARDENS BY THE WATER- DINING AREA – SAME
Eve and Kristian enjoy live folk music with residents.
EXT. VATICAN CITY – DAY
Ed and Jewels take it in. Discretely scatter more ashes.
EXT. LAS VEGAS – BELLAGIO HOTEL – AFTERNOON
Grace with ziplock labeled: DAD. Wind spreads the wad of ashes Mike dumps into the fountain, attracting police.
Mike and Grace flee.
INT. GARDENS BY THE WATER- SISTER MARY’S ROOM – NIGHT
Trays from dinner. Linda listens to Sister Mary, relaxed. Alive. Sister Mary gets sleepy.
Linda tucks Sister Mary in. Gathers candies on dinner tray
INT. GARDENS BY THE WATER – DINING AREA – EVENING
-joins the rest of her family for, this time a play. Hands the kids the candy—a little intimacy.
EXT. – AMSTERDAM – SAME
Jewles smokes marijuana. Offers—and Ed tokes. Grins.
INT. – HONEYMOON SUITE – SAME
Fancy bath. Grace and Mike, bubbles everywhere.
INT. GARDENS BY THE WATER – START UP OFFICE – DAY
Mike, Christopher watch as Walt- in wheelchair and VR headset, guides 3 different Millennials/Gen Z’er homeowners in different DIY home repair projects as–
In background, other residents record the daily playful exercises with older, younger, disabled people zoomed on screens all over the office—from all around the world
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Richard’s first Pass!
What I learned doing this assignment is… preparation is everything. The story is becoming more real in my mind and already, in my opinion, becoming stronger.
Dramatic Question: Will lifelong friends/family members murder each other for their own survival?
Main conflict: Seven friends/family members must fight until one is left so they can receive a pardon.
Dilemma: Do they follow tradition and culture and let the ‘leader’ of the group survive?
Theme: Betrayal
Story Plot: Sacrifice
For my story, this plot mirrors that of the sacrifice plotline. While all my characters discovery new depths that they will go to, to achieve what they believe is right, they will be sacrificing family members, life-long friendships, and themselves for the greater good.
List all 9 beats of your structure…
Introduction to our characters as they prepare for battle. Hint at the pregnancy. Highlight tensions between characters.
Inciting Incident
The other Irish clans betray ours. The English slaughter almost everyone. Our characters retreat and the English start their pursuit.
By page 10, you know what the movie is about…
The English will stop at nothing to eliminate the last resisters to their rule. Our group of characters, while bonded their whole lives, are now showing signs of weaknesses in their relationships.
First turning point at end of Act 1
Our characters arrive at the island castle where they are quickly surrounded by English forces. They are trapped.
Mid-Point
The English announce the pardon – that the one person left standing inside the castle will be allowed to leave and there will be no consequences for their actions – our characters now understand the situation and turn on one another.
Second turning point at end of Act 2
With only three of our characters left, they try and work out a way forward. They can’t reach agreement. One character does the unthinkable.
Crisis
There is no realistic future for any of our characters. But now two must fight to the death and try to salvage some hope for the future of the Irish people after this situation has ended.
Climax
One character is alive after a gruesome showdown. Instead of taking the pardon, he kills the English general as Celtic reinforcements arrive to the island.
Resolution
The one survivor uses their standing with the people to reunite the Irish and promises a brighter, self-ruled land.
Tell us the Character Arc of your protagonist and add it to your structure…
Shane goes from a man respectful of culture and chain-of-command to the leader of his people.
Part to be changed: His ability to act on what is needed for the betterment of his people.
Biggest fear: That without culture and chain-of-command the people will become feral and societal breakdown will happen thus weakening his people.
Completion of arc: He realizes that the old ways must change so they can better themselves and become a better, stronger country.
What plot events would naturally fit into this structure?…
Opening
Introduction to our characters as they prepare for battle. Hint at the pregnancy. Highlight tensions between characters.
– We learn that Shane, while not blood of the ruling clan, has the respect of the military, the current leader and the people.
Inciting Incident
The other Irish clans betray ours. The English slaughter almost everyone. Our characters retreat and the English start their pursuit.
– He questions his countrymen’s decision and what that holds for the future. He still falls in line with the new chief, actively promotes his leadership.
By page 10, you know what the movie is about…
The English will stop at nothing to eliminate the last resisters to their rule. Our group of characters, while bonded their whole lives, are now showing signs of weaknesses in their relationships.
– Although this is happening, Shane will follow tradition and let the eldest son of the fallen chief take control.
First turning point at end of Act 1
Our characters arrive at the island castle where they are quickly surrounded by English forces. They are trapped.
– Again, their future is questioned by the occupants of the castle. Shane verbally shares his thoughts, and for the first time contradicts the wishes of the chief.
Mid-Point
The English announce the pardon – that the one person left standing inside the castle will be allowed to leave and there will be no consequences for their actions – our characters now understand the situation and turn on one another.
– Shane is completely conflicted as to the right way forward. On one hand, he does all he can for his pregnant partner, but others want her dead so their chances of survival rise.
Second turning point at end of Act 2
With only three of our characters left, they try and work out a way forward. They can’t reach agreement. One character does the unthinkable.
– Now Shane knows what he needs to do. The hell with tradition.
Crisis
There is no realistic future for any of our characters. But now two must fight to the death and try to salvage some hope for the future of the Irish people after this situation has ended.
– Shane is determined to be the survivor and lead his people after he frees himself of this situation.
Climax
One character is alive after a gruesome showdown. Instead of taking the pardon, he kills the English general as Celtic reinforcements arrive to the island.
– He becomes the leader they all need.
Resolution
The one survivor uses their standing with the people to reunite the Irish and promises a brighter, self-ruled land.
– He portrays his vision to the masses. They are accepting. The country enters a new era.
-
Michelle Damis – 1<sup>st</sup> Pass
What I learned doing this assignment is that I LOVE outlining, it is so exciting!
1. concept/logline.: Parents desperate to be empty-nesters unknowingly trade their soul-sucking 20-something daughter for a blood-sucking tenant.
2. What is your plot choice and a quick summary of that plot? I had originally chosen QUEST: But I need to change to METAMORPHOSIS: This plot is a magical one. It usually begins with a curse that is
generally cured by some type of love — either parental, romantic, love of
others, or love of God. This is about a transformation back to humanity
through love.3. List all 9 beats of your structure.
1. Opening: We meet Ted the Vampire and get to know him (VO background life info), going to night club with a vampire friend. We meet Nina at same night club, learn her “life” thru conversation with friend.(the two characters parallel somewhat)
2. Inciting Incident: Ted comes home to notification of demolition. Parents have epiphany “anybody” better than her…get a tenant so they can afford to pay Ninas rent in the city.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about: Parents interviewing possible tenants, Ted interviews…and they adore him. Nina is thrilled to get to move out but not happy with their choice, she kinda recognizes him, but can’t put her finger on it.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1 Ted learns he can’t kill landlord or family, starting to become fond…feeling like a family, Nina becoming jealous and suspicious.
5. Mid-Point: Nina discovers Ted is a vampire, goes to her parents-who don’t believe her. One or some of Jim and Marins friends go missing.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2: Nina confronts Ted, Elder vampires confront Ted-he is cornered.
7. Crisis: Ted wants to protect the family, but he doesn’t want to leave. Marin and Nina go missing. Ted has to tell Jim, Jim asks Ted to turn him to help save his wife and daughter. Ted says No-he promises to save them.
8. Climax: Marin and Nina are tied up together, Why Nina is so angry at her mother comes out after years (explaining her terrible behavior) Things go VERY BAD. Ted has to turn Jim to save them.
9. Resolution choice A.) they are saved and Ted sacrifices himself so that Jim turns back…the family is whole again. B.) they are saved, Ted sacrifices himself to turn Jim back and in doing so his selfless act turns him back to human. C.) they all turn and become a vampire family D.) They all turn, then Ted sacrifices himself to turn them back. They all wake up in their beds…was it a dream?4. Tell us the Character Arc of your protagonist and add it to your structure. Ted goes from a lonely, uncaring, vampire with disdain for humans to wishing he was human again so he could be part of a family.
Part to be changed: lonely, uncaring, hates humans
Biggest fear: that he can’t control his need for blood now or be human again
Completion of arc: He discovers a loving family and a new outlook on humans, and sacrifices himself to save them (still working on how the final manifestation will play out, I have a few options.)
5. Looking at your plot choice, fill in whatever plot events you think of. Just answer the question “What plot events would naturally fit into this structure?”
*debating whether Ted is telling/re-telling a story or if he will interact with camera like Fleabag.
1. INT. TEDS “LAIR” ABANDONED BLDG – NIGHT
Ted is getting ready to go out on the town-primping, choosing outfit etc…. Narrated by Ted. He is telling his story of what his life is like being a vampire.
2. EXT. DOWNTOWN STREETS – NIGHT
Ted walking to night club, narrating still. Explains more about vampires in general (folk-lore, misconceptions), etc… Observe humans being rotten to each other, more details about his feelings of disdain toward humans. We see Ted do something “kind” for a human.
3. INT. NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT
Ted sees his vampire friend. Ted narrates background on “friend” more commentary on humans. We see Nina in night club in background. Comment Ted makes swaps us into next scene.
4. INT. NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT
Nina sits down with a few friends, orders drinks, brings her friends up to date with her situation. She has had to move back home with parents-not happy.
5. INT. NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT
Ted and friend select that nights victim(s) (they select someone that deserves it from audience perspective), Nina almost a target, but she does something “kind” that takes her out of the running(she is clueless that she was almost “dinner”)
6. EXT. OUTSIDE CLUB – NIGHT
Quick scene of victims (don’t show any gore)
7. INT. NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT
Montage of Nina partying into the night
8. INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT
Alarm clock going off 5am. We meet Marin and Jim, Ninas parents.
9. INT. WORKOUT ROOM – NIGHT
Marin is working out. Ninas rolls in from partying, rolls eyes/dirty looks at Marin. “Good Morning!” Nina ignores her. Marin exasperated.
10. INT. NINAS ROOM – EARLY MORNING
Ninas room is a disaster, pulls shades as sun coming up. Flops into bed.
11. INT. HOUSE – EARLY MORNING
Marins finished with workout walks thru house to kitchen. Ninas path of destruction-leaves a mess everywhere.
12. INT. KITCHEN – EARLY MORNING
Jim in messy Kitchen having coffee, Marin joins him-grabbing coffee. They have conversation about Nina. “We can’t live like this” “ANYBODY” would be better than her! “Let’s get a tenant, and pay for her to live in the city” Epiphany/Idea.
13. EXT. TED BUILDING – EARLY MORNING
There is a guy posting a sign on a door to bldg. Ted reads sign. Building being destroyed to make way for fancy condos.
14. INT. HOME OFFICE – DAY
Posting “room for rent” notice, conflict scene with Nina
15. INT. BAR – NIGHT
Ted telling vampire friend about having to move, there are no good bldgs. anymore…all these new fancy condos. Friend talks about another friend that moved to the suburbs, and loves it. Ted likes the idea. Would be a nice change.
16. INT. HOUSE – DAY/NIGHT
Various interviews with potential renters, one of whom will be Ted.
17. INT. KITCHEN –SAME TIME
Jim and Marin go to kitchen to agree they want Ted.
18. INT. HOUSE – SAME TIME
Jim and Marin offer room to Ted. Nina comes home unexpectedly. They have to tell her their brilliant plan… this is the new renter and she gets to move back to the city! He recognizes her from nightclub, she can’t put her finger on why he looks familiar.
19. INT. NINAS CITY APT – DAY
Nina in her new place with friend. Happy but suspicious.
20. EXT. HOUSE – NIGHT
Move in “night”. He doesn’t have that much stuff.
21. INT. HOUSE – NIGHT
Jim and Marin are super kind and helpful. Ted has never been treated like this before. Steak dinner scene.
22. EXT.HOUSE – NIGHT
Ted is sneaking out like a teenager to go to club. Already feeling guilty.
23. INT. NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT
With vampire friends, discusses new place he is living. One asks when he will drain them. The other informs that Vampires aren’t allowed to feed on their landlords or their family, forbidden. Only if they ASK to be turned. One says…”But WE can feed on them.” Ted immediately feels protective-not a normal emotion for him. Nina shows up, Ted sneaks out.
24. EXT. FIELD – NIGHT
Ted decides to feed on a deer instead of a human.
25. INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT
Ted does all the dishes and takes out the garbage before going to bed for the day.
26. INT. WORKOUT ROOM – EARLY MORNING(still dark)
Marin working out, Ted smiles as he passes by, opposite of Nina.
26. INT. KITCHEN – DAY
Marin joins Jim for coffee in spotless kitchen, Jim getting off phone with Nina, she has a great job interview.
27. INT. DOWNTOWN OFFICE – DAY
Nina has an interview, sitting in waiting room looking at newspaper. Missing person article, photo of nightclub, missing person-sees Ted in background. Suspicion grows. She rocks interview and gets job.
28. INT. THERAPIST – DAY
Nina at therapist.
29. INT. HOUSE – NIGHT
Nina shows up at parents with good news. Jim-lets go to dinner to celebrate. Marin –but its Halloween-what about trick-or-treaters? Nina- I’ll go with Dad. Ted has been listening…”I’ll hand out candy, it’ll be fun, ou guys go” Nina annoyed (what is he up to?)
30. INT/EXT. FRONT DOOR – NIGHT
Montage of trick-or-treaters and Teds responses funny stuff until his Vampire friends show up. SH*T…now they know where he is and the family is in danger. Jim and Marin come home.
31. EXT. CAR – NIGHT
Nina follows the two Vampires. Eventually Ted joins. She discovers the truth.
32. INT. MANSION – NIGHT
Teds Vampire friends report him to Elders…he is breaking rules.
33. INT. CAFE – DAY
Nina tells her Dad she thinks Ted is a Vampire, he of course doesn’t believe her.
34. INT LIBRARY –DAY
Nina schooling herself on vampires
35. INT STORE – DAY
Nina outfitting herself with Vampire protection supplies.
36. INT. BAR – NIGHT
Nina confronts Ted. Wants him to leave her parents alone. He explains he can’t feed on her or them, they are safe. He confronts her about why she is so awful to her parents. She storms out eventually.
37. EXT. OUTSIDE BAR – NIGHT
Car pulls up and grabs Ted.
38. INT. MANSION – NIGHT
The Elders confront Ted.
39. EXT. HOUSE – DAYBREAK
Ted is thrown from a vehicle and must beat the sunlight into the house.
40. INT. HOUSE – DAY
Ted walks by empty workout room, odd Marin isn’t working out like usual.
41. INT. TEDS ROOM – DAY
Ted thinking about what to do. Where will he go? Will they be safe? Flashback to fun times.
42. INT KITCHEN – NIGHT
Jim comes home (been gone all day) asks Ted if he has seen Marin. Realizes she is missing. Nina not answering phone either. Both are missing.
43. INT. SOME DARK PLACE – NIGHT
Marin and Nina are out cold, tied up together. Wake. In danger. Nina tells Mom about Ted being a vampire. That is ridiculous. Vampires come in. Nina wasn’t lying.
44. INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT
Ted has to confess to Jim, and show him proof. Ted-I’ll save them. Jim- I’m going with.
45 INT. SOME DARK PLACE – NIGHT
Marin and Nina are terrified. They try to make amends with each other. Marin asks why Nina has hated her so much. Nina reveals her secret.
46. EXT. OUTSIDE AN OLD BLDG – NIGHT
Ted and Jim arrive. They find Ninas car and all the vampire fighting stuff and sneak in.
47. INT. OLD BLDG – NIGHT
They fight the vampires.
48. INT. OLD BLDG – NIGHT
They save Marin and Nina (they have to fight some vampires too)
49.
STILL WORKING ON SEVERAL OPTIONS FOR SACRIFICE AND END OUTCOME. -
Erin’s 1st Pass
What I learned doing today’s assignment is: I kept putting off really having to think about what the meat of the story would be about until necessary, and this assignment made it necessary. It took a long time and I’m not entirely happy, especially since most of these scenes are too vague and fuzzy and I don’t even have that many to begin with, but at least it’s something and I think it’s more important to move forward at this point. Also, I really like this approach of adding in scenes to a structure. Very clever.
1. Concept/Logline: An uptight cop travels back in time to convince a fun-loving version of himself – who also travelled back in time – to return to his mission and prevent WW3
2. Plot/Plot Summary: #9 Underdog. Protagonist vs. antagonist in a power struggle. The protagonist is not equally matched but faces worse odds to succeed.
3. Structure:
1. OPENING – Richard, a stubborn and uptight cop/special agent in the year 2055; we see him engaged in some action sequence which I haven’t figured out yet…
2. INCITING INCIDENT – Dick (looks like Richard’s twin; later we discover it’s actually Richard from a different point in time) watches a rocket launch in Florida in 2028. It goes off without a hitch.
3. BY PAGE 10 YOU KNOW WHAT THE MOVIE IS ABOUT
4. END OF ACT 1 TURNING POINT – Richard travels back in time to 2028 to find Dick and together, carry out the mission to stop WW3
5. MID POINT – Dick finally tells Richard what’s going on – they’ve been set up by their Captain and he’s been sabotaging Richard’s plans
6. END OF ACT 2 TURNING POINT – Captain and a band of Russians show up from the future with a mission of their own – to kill Shaz and to get rid of Richard and Dick.
7. CRISIS – The dilemma is here, where Richard maybe has to choose between what needs to be done and what he wants, details TBD
8. CLIMAX – The rocket launch – Richard & Dick want to make sure it goes off without a hitch. Captain & his bad guys want to sabotage it and/or kill Shaz and along the way knock off Richard and Dick, too. This is the big action set piece at the end.
9. RESOLUTION – Dick stays in the past and enjoys the life he’s built for himself. Richard goes back to his timeline and is able to save his marriage. The good guys win and the bad guys lose.
4. Protagonist Character Arc: Richard goes from a stubborn and rigid stickler who won’t let go of the past to a more accepting, go-with-the-flow kind of guy
– Part to be changed: his stubborn rigidity and inability to let go of the past
– Biggest fear: losing his wife
– Completion of arc: only by having learned the value (to both his personal life and his work as a cop) of being less uptight, more able to improvise from his partner (ie, another version of himself), he’s able to save his wife (as well as complete the mission and return to his timeline)
5. Plot in Structure:
OPENING – Richard, a stubborn and uptight cop/special agent in the year 2055; we see him engaged in some action sequence which I haven’t figured out yet…
1. TRAINING – DAY
Starts with an operation of special forces trying to capture a man and prevent him from detonating a nuke. It’s a tense situation and Richard blows the whole thing by being too by-the-book rather than reading the situation and going with it. It turns out to be a training exercise. Talks with his Captain afterwards.
2. WORK – DAY
After the training exercise, Richard gets lunch in the cafeteria with others. Something happens with his food, eg he gets 4 meatballs instead of the usual 5, and he makes a big deal about it instead of letting it go.
3. RICHARD’S HOME – DAY
Richard picks an argument with his wife and it’s clear they’ve had this same fight 1000 times. His wife had a brief fling with a coworker 12 years ago and he still can’t get over it and says that’s the reason he doesn’t want to move forward with starting a family, despite her sincerely apologizing.
INCITING INCIDENT – Dick (looks like Richard’s twin; later we discover it’s actually Richard from a different point in time) watches a rocket launch in Florida in 2028. It goes off without a hitch.
END OF ACT 1 TURNING POINT – Richard travels back in time to 2028 to find Dick and together, carry out the mission to stop WW3
4. CITY – DAY
Richard locates Dick and tries to talk Dick into getting back on track and helping him with the mission. Richard is aghast when he sees Dick cut corners and lie to get things done rather than play by the rules, which is what Richard always does and has always done. [a few of these types of scenes, not sure of the specifics yet]
5. APARTMENT – NIGHT
An Odd Couple scene, where Richard has his particular way of doing something and he has no patience for Dick and the female roommate doing it the “wrong” way
MID POINT – Dick finally tells Richard what’s going on – they’ve been set up by their Captain and he’s been sabotaging Richard’s plans
6. APARTMENT – NIGHT
Dick also finally tells Richard something he shouldn’t tell him about the future: his (their) wife left him (them). Dick says he’s finally the man she always wanted, but he had to lose her to become that way. Richard is devastated to hear this. He never thought she’d leave and still can’t see that his stubbornness drove her to it.
7. CITY – DAY
Dick is pulled over by a cop while driving and they have a bunch of illegal firearms in the trunk (Richard finds out later) so instead of talking to the cop and showing license and registration, Dick takes off and gets into a high speed chase with the cop, and gets away, while Richard has an apoplectic fit.
END OF ACT 2 TURNING POINT – Captain and a band of Russians show up from the future with a mission of their own – to kill Shaz and to get rid of Richard and Dick.
8. CITY – NIGHT
Dick has a plan to get to Captain and the Russians but Richard shoots it down and says no. They’ll do it his way. His way fails.
CRISIS – The dilemma is here, where Richard maybe has to choose between what needs to be done and what he wants, details TBD
CLIMAX – The rocket launch – Richard & Dick want to make sure it goes off without a hitch. Captain & his bad guys want to sabotage it and/or kill Shaz and along the way knock off Richard and Dick, too. This is the big action set piece at the end.
9. CITY – NIGHT
Richard finally trusts Dick and for once goes with his plan all the way and doesn’t insist on doing it his way.
RESOLUTION – Dick stays in the past and enjoys the life he’s built for himself. Richard goes back to his timeline and is able to save his marriage. The good guys win and the bad guys lose.
10. RICHARD’S HOME – DAY
Richard apologizes to wife, says he’s ready to get a bigger house and start a family, he’s sorry. He gives her a gift to symbolize being ready for the next step.
-
Claudia’s 1st Pass
What I learned: I changed which script I’m working on based on Cheryl’s suggestion. I’m trying to catch so this will be shorter than hoped.
1. CONCEPT: An OCD, germaphobe Martha Stewart wannabe must take over the family’s cleaning business after her father becomes ill meets the man of her dreams, not knowing he makes Oscar Madison look like Felix Unger.
2. Plot/Plot Summary: Love & Transformation. It’s a love story (Romantic Comedy, but also the transformation of a character who’s been fighting a fear almost her entire life).
3. Structure: Nine Beats of the Structure:
Opening Scene: Abby (at 7 years old) is on a pony at a farm, the pony gets scared by her brother and takes off, she valiantly holds on until the pony stops dead, throwing her over his head and right into a mucked pile of poo. She’s okay, but covered in poo and is screaming with fright.
Inciting Incident: Abby, now an adult, gets word that her father has had a heart attack. She races to the hospital. He will be okay, but needs her to take over the family cleaning company.
Page 10 / What’s the movie about: Abby will need to get over her fear if she is to save the family business.
1<sup>st</sup> Turning Point: At the Cleaning company. It’s filthy, no one is there yet. Going through paperwork she sees that the business is in financial trouble.
Midpoint: The workers/maids are so upset with the way she’s running the company that they stage a “sick out” – so there’s no one to clean the places except for Abby!
Second Turning Point: Major competitor, her father’s arch nemesis, offers to buy out the company which is crumbling.
Crisis: The Nemesis reaches out to all of their unhappy customers, they are losing customers left and right.
Climax: Abby calls a meeting with the maids and apologizes. She asks for their help, not for her, but for her father. The maids agree and do double duty, getting clients back and happy.
Resolution: Dad wheels back in to take over the business, he’s thrilled with how she’s kept it together, everyone is happy.
4. Protagonist Character Arc:
Part to be changed: Her need to control everything.
Biggest fear: Germs
Completion of arc: She’s learned to live with germs.
-
Suya Lee’s 1<sup style=”font-family: inherit;”>st</sup> Pass
Outlining & Your Character Structure Day 7
“What I learned doing this assignment is…?”
It’s ok if not all the pieces are there. We’ll improve, and flesh out the story during the 10 passes of our outline. I keep revising the particulars as I progress and learn. I remind myself that bad writing is acceptable. Just write.
“What plot events would naturally fit into this structure?”
1. Logline:
When a group of old timers at a veteran’s retirement home win the mega lottery, they buy an old cruise ship to sail around the world with their extended families, but pirates attack their ship in South-East Asia and the veterans must face the last battle of their lives to save their families.
2. Plot/Plot Summary:
Escape:
Your hero is confined against his will (often unjustly) and wants to escape. In this case, the hero is the victim. The natural progression: imprisonment, initial attempts to escape fail, new plan is made that is also thwarted, and finally, the actual escape.3. Structure:
9-Beat Structure:
1. Opening: The group of four old timers at the veterans retirement gather in front of the TV, watch the mega lottery draw. Some old timers (with spouses) return from a wonderful cruise (with their extended families), and say they can’t wait until the next time cruise – they feel young, revigorated, full of life. The group of four win the mega lottery that night.2. Inciting Incident: They buy an old, second-hand small cruise ship (99 passengers cruise ship). It was going off to India to be sold as scrap metal (it’s the graveyard for delisted ships). Although they won the mega lottery, they are still cautious with their money. Note: When the Veterans buy the cruise ship, it doesn’t have an armoury with guns and ammunition.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about: They call their extended families to invite them on a trip of a lifetime, an around the world cruise.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1: The four Veterans and their extended families are cruising out of Hawaii. But, one of the cruise ship crew members calls the Pirates in the South-East Asia area about their cruise ship and saying they should kidnap these old timers for easy ransom money. There are two boats, with 5 Pirates each. There is a Pirate leader for each of the boats. The Pirates pretend to seek refuge on the cruise ship. The Veterans and their families welcome and take care of the Pirates. Some of the Veterans and families are swimming nearby. Then, the Pirates turn the tables and bring out their guns, kidnap the grandchildren, demand money. They break the ship’s radio so the Veterans can’t call for help. A fight ensues, but the Veterans give up. During the fight, the Pirates had shot everywhere on the ship, and it starts to sink (although, no one knows it just yet). Agree to give the Pirates the ransom money. But, the internet gets disabled by one of the Veterans.
5. Mid-Point: One of the Pirates is trying to fix the internet at the top of the ship. Families hide in various rooms since they know the layout of the ship. A mini-fire breaks out in the engine room, due to a stray bullet. Some of the Pirates and Family members (not children) get injured, some die. One of the Family members is a doctor, and takes care of the injured. The Pirates’ two boats had been sabotaged. They can’t figure out how to release the ship’s tender boats to the water. The Pirates find out that the Veterans had won the mega lottery, so demand all of the money now.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2: The Veterans overhear that one of the young Pirates is the son of one the Pirate leader’s. The Veterans kidnap the son. The Veterans want their grandchildren back, and for the Pirates to leave. The Veterans say they know how to release the ship’s tender boats. The Pirates call for back-up. One of the crew members overhears the Pirates say they are going to kill everyone on the ship. Another boat comes with more Pirates. But, they fight amongst themselves. Two groups against one group. The two groups want the money. While the one group wants the Pirate’s leader’s son back. More fighting, more bullets go into the ship, more damage to the ship. One Veteran gets one of the Pirate’s radios.
7. Crisis: A blast in the engine room. A fire engulfs the ship. They all fight as the ship is sinking. Fight in submerged water. The Veterans use shark spears, bowling balls, knives, flare guns, fire extinguishers, etc. (whatever is on the ship) to fight the Pirates. The Pirate on top of the ship has fixed the internet. One of the Veterans gets blackmailed, and tries to transfer the money.
8. Climax: During the last final fight between the Veterans and the Pirates, the Veterans trap the Pirates in various rooms. They know which rooms have locks on the outside. The Pirates run out of ammunition. The ship sinks with the Pirates still onboard in trapped rooms. They drown.
9. Resolution: Veterans and families get on the tender boats. One Veteran still had the Pirate’s radio and calls for help. A local fishing boat gets the call, and sends the alarm.
4. Protagonist Character Arc:
THE CHARACTER ARC QUESTION
The 4 Veterans are stuck, depressed, at a veterans’ retirement home, without any money, then they live their real-purpose-life when they have to save their families from the Pirates.
Part to be changed: All four Veterans are depressed, lost their spouses, all fought in losing wars. Biggest fear: Never seeing victory, and their families don’t visit because they are poor, too.
Completion of arc: They save their families from the Pirates on the cruise ship.
5. Plot in Structure:
OPENING SCENE:
The 4 Veterans at the retirement home, doing chores, to make extra money.
EXT./ INT. VETERANS’ RETIREMENT HOME – DAY
The 4 Veterans do chores. Others enjoy the good life.
EXT./ INT. CRUISE SHIP – DAY
A small cruise ship, Coral Tranquillity, is docked at a port in Hawaii. Being decommissioned.
EXT. COASTAL VILLAGE – DAY
Seaside village in South-East Asia. A Pirate leader gets refugees to sail to Australia.
INT. VETERANS’ RETIREMENT HOME – NIGHT
They gather in front of the TV, watch the mega lottery draw. Win!
INT. LOTTERY OFFICE – DAY
They get their photo taken with the big cheque.
INCITING INCIDENT:
They buy a cruise ship.
INT. VETERANS’ RETIREMENT HOME – DAY
They check online, buy a cruise ship. Call their families, invite them to go on a world cruise.
EXT. CRUISE SHIP – DAY
All families arrive, embark. Depart Hawaii.
EXT./ INT. CRUISE SHIP – DAY
All check out the cruise ship. Faults and all.
EXT. LAGOON – DAY
2 Veterans and Families enjoy a day at the lagoon.
FIRST ACT TURNING POINT:
The Pirates and Refugees board the cruise ship.
EXT./ INT. CRUISE SHIP – DAY
The 2 Veterans and Families spot a refugee boat. The Pirates and Refugees board the cruise ship. After eating and drinking, the Pirates hijack the cruise ship. They want a ransom. One Veteran causes a fight, causes a Pirate to shoot his gun. Pirates find out others are at the lagoon.
EXT. LAGOON – DAY
One Pirate boat chases the 2 Veterans and Families on jet skis and floating dinghies.
EXT./ INT. CRUISE SHIP – DAY
Pirates break the ship’s radio. One Veteran starts making a money transfer. Internet goes down. Lights out in the luggage holding area. A fight. Bullets hit inside ship.
MID-POINT:
Pirates gather the grandchildren as ransom. Families hide throughout the ship.
EXT./ INT. CRUISE SHIP – DAY
A fire in the engine room. Pirates find out about the Veterans winning the mega lottery. Pirates want all the money. Pirates’ boats are sabotaged. Pirates can’t get the tender boat released. Veterans kidnap a Pirate’s son. Ship is sinking.
SECOND ACT TURNING POINT:
Pirates radio for reinforcements.
EXT. PIRATE BOAT – DAY
Another pirate boat arrives.
EXT./ INT. CRUISE SHIP – DAY
Veterans scatter. A fight between the various Pirates. Veterans make a plan. On Veteran dies.
CRISIS:
A blast in the engine room. A fire engulfs the ship.
EXT./ INT. CRUISE SHIP – DAY
They all fight as the ship is sinking. Fight in submerged water. One veteran dies. The Pirate on top of the ship has fixed the internet. A Veteran gets blackmailed, transfers the money (or not).
CLIMAX:
Final fight.
EXT./ INT. CRUISE SHIP – DAY
Grandchildren are saved. Veterans trap the Pirates in various rooms. The Pirates run out of ammunition. The ship sinks with the Pirates still onboard in trapped rooms. They drown.
RESOLUTION:
Families get off ship.
EXT./ INT. CRUISE SHIP – DAY
Veterans
and families get on the tender boats. One Veteran still had the Pirate’s radio
and calls for help. A local fishing boat gets the call, sends the alarm. -
PS 80 – Jodi’s 1st Pass – Day 7
I learned that by putting in a plot structure it helped me to map out the story more fully. I went with my impulse thoughts, and I know the general area I want these scenes.
1. LOGLINE: One woman will not be silenced or controlled with the new attack on a woman’s constitutional right to pro-choice.
2. PLOT/PLOT SUMMARY: #16. Sacrifice – Belonging to a very conservative family, a crime scene investigator fights the system that created the bounty hunting abortion ban having witnessed first hand the devastation this horrific unconstitutional law has created.
3. STRUCTURE:
OPENING SCENE: A young teen finds out she is pregnant and is overwhelmed and scared.
INCITING INCIDENT: Right to Life members follow her too close on the road and accidentally cause her to car to flip over continually, killing her.
By page 10, you know what the movie is about: Pam decides the only way to fight this attack on women is from the top.
First turning point at end of Act 1: Pam teams up with women from all over the state to organize a plan to take on the Governorship.
Mid-Point: Pam’s family starts to shun her. She’s given an ultimatum to give up her endeavor or give up her family. She must choose.
Second turning point at end of Act 2: Under-funded, slandered and falsely accused, Pam feels the odds are against her and her Pastor Father will be exposed as a draft dodger if she doesn’t quit.
Crisis: Pam is torn between helping her Dad and choosing to fight for all women’s freedom of choice.
Climax: She finds out about the Governor’s wife having an abortion in her younger years and uses that information to shut him down from exposing her Father. Her Father tries to reach her.
Resolution: Pam wins the election by a landslide with most female voters and many male supporters as well. With great words of conviction Pam powerfully tells the voters that the first line of business will be to abolish the ‘heartbeat’ ban. Her family has accepted her point of view. The beaten Governor takes his Daughter to a reproductive clinic while the Right to Life stalkers are lying in wait.
4. PROTAGONIST CHARACTER ARC: Pam has been raised family-first and follow every law obediently. She realizes she must go against both ways of life to do what is right for all women’s freedom of choice.
Part to be changed: Pam is loyal to family and a law abiding citizen.
Biggest fear: To be disowned by her conservative family
Completion of arc: She decides she’s better off alone and fighting for what’s right, even if unlawful.
5. PLOT IN STRUCTURE
OPENING SCENE: Young girl gets killed in car accident.
1. EXT. HIGHWAY – DAY
Two rednecks chase the innocent girl down the road. She is scared, overcompensates and flips her car and dies.2. EXT. SAME – EVENING
Susan arrives on the scene. After looking through the car she finds the bloodied reproductive pamphlet and instantly surmises what happened as she’s seen this before.3. INT. CLINIC – DAY
Susan goes to the clinic and questions anyone who had seen the young girl there. She hits dead ends because of HIPAA.4. INT. SHERIFF’S OFFICE – DAY
Susan finds out the lack of funds and priority when it comes to pregnant women because the state is so financially overburdened. She is told the same thing from her social worker friend.
INCITING INCIDENT:
5. INT. SUSAN’S HOME OFFICE – NIGHT
Doing research Susan finds out that the state is almost bankrupt because of the many orphanages, foster homes payments, welfare spiraling out of control because of the SB8 law Bounty Hunters law. She realizes this is an attack on all women and must do something about it.6. INT. SUSAN’S PARENTS HOME – DAY
She is told to leave it alone. It’s God’s will who is pregnant.7. INT. SHERIFFS OFFICE — DAY
Susan asks her friend in MIS to help her extract information on new orphanages and foster homes in the last four years. She is given a pile of pages representing hundreds of orphanages. She is told she has to speak to the TDFPS for foster information. She also needs the Right to Life database to find the harmful bounty hunters.8. INT. YOUNG GIRL’S HOME – DAY
Susan talks to the dead girl’s Mother.9. EXT. ORPHANAGE ROW – DAY
Susan is shocked to see row after row of shoddy orphanage buildings, like barracks. Very young children and toddlers play outside, with ratty clothes, one worker for thirty children. Older children are working. Each row of barracks repeats the same picture. She is in tears.10. INT. MESS HALL – DAY
She falsely flashes her badge pretending to have authority to see how the children are taken care of and fed. There is little time to show affection to a child as each worker has their duties to perform. The dished out food is without love or care, your daily basics.
FIRST ACT TURNING POINT: Susan realizes she cannot turn her back on these thousands of unwanted children and the life they’ve been dictated to have. She organizes with unions, organizations, free clinics and women to form a plan to abolish the SB8 law.
Susan has a debate with her husband. Stats are here.
Forced term women start calling her after hearing through the grapevine she’s trying to organize help
Susan reaches out to a physician who is still giving abortions and they organize with pro-choice orgs to challenge the bounty hunter law.
Susan anonymously receives information on who’s one the bounty hunters hit list from the Texas ‘Right to Life’ website. She feels things are starting to turn in a positive direction
Mid-Point: Susan’s family starts to shun her. She’s given an ultimatum to give up her endeavor or give up her family. She must choose.
Susan is depressed knowing her family is not supporting her efforts and she doesn’t know how to handle the situation.
She decides to continue her mission and starts a website of her own called ‘Right to Choose’ which wants to hear of women being harassed, stalked, sued and wants to hear from any child who has been abused or neglected at home, in Foster care or while in these state ran Orphanages.
Her website crashes and her phone rings off the hook. She feels overwhelmed by the amount of children who feel unloved and neglected and women who resent their forced babies. On 267.00 per month that the state gives them in TANF (Texas stats) most low income women don’t know how they can raise these mandatory unwanted children.
Susan tries to find funds to help these people but the need is greater than she can raise as each year over 100,000 abused and neglected children in Texas need her help. (Texas stats) and knowing 31,000 children in state foster care (2019, Texas stats) are now exponential.
Meanwhile, a secret group is targeting any citizen who starts a private civil right of action for 10,000. against pregnant women. Susan hears of this group and is happy other people are involved…until someone went too far and killed one of these bounty hunters. She tries to find out the source and leadership of this secret group.
Susan’s core group persuade her that the only way there will be change is to challenge the man who put this in law; The Governor. They start their campaign for the Governorship as elections are coming in the next few months.
Susan starts making inroads and the opposition is nervous. Susan receives a threat in the mail that is a copy of his military notice which shows her Father as a Draft Dodger. She is warned if she doesn’t stop her bid and stop causing trouble her Dad will be exposed, hurting his reputation and his congregation.
Second turning point at end of Act 2: Under-funded, slandered and falsely accused, Susan feels the odds are against her and her Pastor Father will be exposed as a draft dodger if she doesn’t quit.
Susan meets an anti-abortionist crusader who is now pro-choice. He tells her why. Which fuels her further in this pro-choice march
The debate is in two days, it has been leaked in her Dad’s congregation that he is a draft Dodger and some members have left his church. Her Mother blames Susan and the ‘trouble’ she is causing.
Crisis: Susan is torn between helping her Dad and choosing to fight for these unwanted children and all women’s freedom of choice.
Susan has a televised debate with the current Governor. She blasts him with stats on those who favor abortion, the plight of mostly poor women who is held to this law (not affluent pregnant white women who could easily finance a trip to another state for an abortion), the heartbreaking realities of unwanted and unloved children, and the death penalty stats of Texas. Also, how broken the state has become financially with hundreds of thousands of more mouths to feed, housing, healthcare, joblessness, etc.
More pressure is put on the Pastor and Susan, she finds out who is the leader of the vigilante group attacking the bounty hunters, and is publicly slammed for falsely being a part of it. She is given information about the Governor’s wife having an abortion many years prior. Either you believe in pro-life or don’t, that doesn’t change by circumstance.
Climax: She finds out about the Governor’s wife having an abortion in her younger years and uses that information to shut him down from exposing her Father. Her Father tries to reach her.
Resolution: Susan wins the election by a landslide with most female and male voters as they have always been the majority, but have not been listened to, just the conservative viewpoint is what mattered to the Governor. With great words of conviction Susan powerfully tells the voters that the first line of business will be to abolish the ‘heartbeat’ SB8 law. Her family has accepted her point of view. The beaten Governor takes his Daughter to a reproductive clinic while the Right to Life stalkers are lying in wait.
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Jennifer’s 1st Pass
WHAT I LEARNED:
Tone and dialogue going to make a huge difference in how this script comes to life. The individual events aren’t necessarily unusual in and of themselves — all needing to be true-to-life (if larger-than-life) situations a hardcore high school overachiever might find herself in — which means that how the characters interact with each other in those events determines the trajectory of the whole story. I am big on outlining, and working this way for this class is helping me gain confidence about the story I’m trying to tell well eventually.
1. LOGLINE:
A high school overachiever will do literally anything to beat her rivals and win a prestigious award guaranteed to get her into her dream college — even commit murder.
2. PLOT/PLOT SUMMARY:
RIVALRY (changed this after a previous assignment):
Protagonist Jessica pits herself against her two main rivals Ethan and Amanda to win a prestigious scholarship competition. As Jessica gets more bold in the methods she employs to get ahead in the judges’ eyes, her rivals struggle to maintain their lead against Jessica’s ruthlessness. At first it seems Jessica can’t beat her rivals, but eventually Jessica squares off with both antagonists in a final confrontation.
3. STRUCTURE: (from Day 5 with edits based on character arc info)
OPENING:
Jessica and Amanda are classmates, and Ethan is an academic rival from a nearby high school. They compete in the nationally renowned Young Philosophers Think-off, debating heatedly and showing they are not your average high school kids until the judges declare Amanda the winner, which she accepts with a smug grin. But Jessica and Ethan are neck and neck with her, and it’s clear they’re all trying to be best of the best to get into the same top university, Chambers University, on their way to becoming top in their respective fields. Jessica is crushed and kicks herself for not going for it in the final round.
INCITING INCIDENT:
A prestigious new scholarship competition for one lucky junior is announced guaranteeing not just admission, but a full four-year ride to Chambers and mentoring to make sure the student soars ahead; the focus is on personal service/sacrifice. Jessica processes her competition and realizes this is her chance to get ahead despite her complete disregard for other people’s feelings to date. She, Amanda, and Ethan are the clear frontrunners, though Amanda and Ethan both volunteer already and are decent humans underneath all the competitiveness. How can Jessica set herself apart by looking the part of a good citizen?
BY PAGE 10:
We know that Jessica is on a mission to win at the competition and life in general at all costs. (We just don’t know which costs that entails yet.) She has her father as an ally.
FIRST TURNING PT AT END OF ACT 1:
The first phase of the scholarship competition requires applicants to complete a service project (TBC – to be confirmed). During Jessica’s project, she literally forces someone out of the way whom she’s technically there to help and helps eliminate one of her competitors via a technicality in an underhanded way (TBC) — just to make herself look better to the judges.
MIDPOINT:
Semifinalists in scholarship are announced. Jessica, Amanda, and Ethan are on the short list. Jessica shows she’s willing to do whatever it takes while battling out another academic competition with Amanda and Ethan to prove her superiority but pulls back before crushing the competition. Amanda and Ethan are starting to team up to fight her despite finding each other repulsive otherwise.
SECOND TURNING PT AT END OF ACT 2:
After “helping” another competitor get disqualified for the competition, Jessica realizes that just beating or eliminating her opponents isn’t actually making her look good in the eyes of the scholarship committee. She has to take drastic action and starts plotting to eliminate the competition in a bigger way while looking far more decent than she technically is. Step 1: Engage Amanda and Ethan as friends in hopes it will reflect well on her. Right now Amanda and Ethan are still ahead as if the judges can smell that they’re better humans.
CRISIS:
Jessica has steadily been “helping” other competitors get disqualified in funny, torturous ways that she takes secret pride in. Now all other students besides Jessica, Amanda, and Ethan have been eliminated from the competition. As the final days of the competition near, Jessica is more committed to winning than ever but feels it’s her darkest day because she can’t measure up to Amanda or Ethan, who have bested her in a number of ways lately. Jessica contemplates throwing in the towel on life until her father walks in and gives her a creepy pep talk. Amanda or Ethan (or both? maybe they’ve teamed up?) have resisted her pleas for friendship, though she’s wearing them down. What can she do to push her application over the edge? She wracks her brain and comes up with a way that she thinks she can disqualify Ethan, though she knows she might not have the nerve to follow through. But that will still leave Amanda.
CLIMAX:
Jessica is on a mission to win now at all costs. First task: eliminate Ethan, which involves some sort of forgery (or other misdeed TBC) and is harder than anticipated. It works, but Amanda is still there and definitely a few points ahead of her. But Ethan is on to her now, and he realizes what Jessica is willing to do and tries to warn Amanda. Jessica catches on and finds a way to act — not hesitate — and truly eliminate Ethan forever, killing him before he can get to Amanda in a way she won’t get caught. She then has an argument with Amanda at a park. Amanda shoves Jessica, but Jessica dodges her such that Amanda loses her balance and slips off the side of the cliff. Jessica could help her in the moment but weighs her options – help Amanda and look like a good Samaritan, which would win her points in the competition? Or let Amanda fall. We then see Jessica walking away, a self-satisfied look on her face, as Amanda struggles and slips.
RESOLUTION:
Jessica attends both rivals’ funerals and says cryptic things revealing her role in their deaths that no one recognizes. Jessica wins the competition and rules the school. Jessica gives a speech talking about all the service and sacrifice it took to get where she is and how taking action is critical to success. “Always be the best, and forget about the rest.” We notice another younger student, a sophomore with a gleam in her eye, who’s been there all along looking on and wanting to follow in Jessica’s footsteps.
4. PROTAGONIST CHARACTER ARC:
Part to be changed: Jessica wants to win, but is forever afraid to go for it, often hesitates at the last minute and comes in second
Biggest fear: Losing/not being outstanding and first, losing control
Completion of arc: Jessica goes for it and ends up doing literally everything it takes to win (and succeeds)
5. PLOT IN STRUCTURE:
OPENING:
Jessica loses to Amanda and Ethan in the last round of the Young Philosophers Think-off. Judges declare Amanda the winner, but Jessica and Ethan are neck and neck. Jessica is crushed and kicks herself for not going for it in the final round.
INT. SCHOOL GYM — DAY
Jessica, Amanda, and Ethan compete in the last round of the Young Philosophers Think-off. These aren’t your average high school students slinging around high level philosophical concepts. Judges declare Amanda the winner, but Jessica and Ethan are neck and neck.
EXT. SCHOOL — DAY
Jessica kicks herself for hesitating in the final round. Why didn’t she just go for it? She’s stressed almost to the point of unhinged.
INCITING INCIDENT:
A prestigious new scholarship competition for one lucky junior is announced. Jessica processes her competition and realizes this is her chance to get ahead despite her complete disregard for other people’s feelings to date. She, Amanda, and Ethan are the clear frontrunners.
INT. SCHOOL CLASSROOM — DAY
Jessica and Amanda learn of scholarship before AP World History class. Jessica instantly starts jotting down thoughts on how to win, but doubts herself when Amanda mentions she’s already fulfilled many of the scholarship’s public service requirements and Jessica has not. How can Jessica look the part of the good citizen and stat? Her secret hatred of Jessica and Ethan becomes clear. She texts her father that they need to talk.
BY PAGE 10:
We know that Jessica is on a mission to win at the competition and life in general at all costs. (We just don’t know which costs that entails yet.) She has her father as an ally.
FIRST TURNING PT AT END OF ACT 1:
The first phase of the scholarship competition requires applicants to complete a service project (TBC – to be confirmed). During Jessica’s project, she helps eliminate one of her competitors via a technicality in an underhanded way (TBC) — just to make herself look better to the judges.
INT. TBC — DAY
Jessica does service project TBC. She literally forces someone out of the way whom she’s there to help because it’s easier to pick on the “little guy” rather than a true peer.
EXT. RACE EVENT SIGNUP TABLE — DAY
Jessica sits at table signing people up for a charity race while sporting her own number for the race. Ethan walks up to get his number and casually notes that he, Jessica, Amanda, and 3-4 others are leading in the competition according to his inside source. He casually mentions oversleeping and hasn’t prepared for the race, which angers Jessica. Jessica walks away from the table to warm up for the race, and she seethes secretly to her father, who reminds her to save some of this anger to push through at the end of the race, harping on followthrough.
EXT. RACE FINISH LINE — DAY
Jessica sails past other runners (including a teacher who cheerfully says “It’s all for a good cause”) including a runner from another school — another scholarship competitor — who is hurt. Others stop to help the guy out while Jessica secretly mocks them for being weak. In V.O. we hear Jessica share her desire to win and her anger at the current scholarship situation. Amanda has also been running the race but gives up cheerfully and walks instead. Jessica can’t understand how she can be so blase about losing. Ethan comes from behind to beat Jessica while we hear her V.O. hesitance as she thinks through her anger toward her scholarship competitors, which slows her down because she’s lost in thought and holds back at the end.
EXT. RACE EVENT OFFICIALS’ STAND — DAY
Jessica secretly turns Ethan in on a strange technicality, so he loses his standing in the race.
MIDPOINT:
Jessica, Amanda, and Ethan are on the short list for scholarship. Jessica shows she’s willing to do far more during another academic competition with Amanda and Ethan to prove her superiority but pulls back before crushing the competition. Amanda and Ethan are starting to team up to fight her despite finding each other repulsive otherwise.
INT. SCHOOL ACTIVITY ROOM — EVENING
Amanda and Ethan discuss Jessica and themselves being the only semifinalists left in the competition while waiting for a history academic competition to start. Between their snark we see them start to trust one another enough to mention that Jessica is going a bit too far. Jessica enters. V.O. shares her insistence that she deserves this win.
Later:
Jessica competes, and when the opponent reveals a tiny weakness, Jessica twists the knife in the guy’s insecurity. He manages to answer correctly, winning the competition, but only barely. Jessica is visibly frustrated it didn’t work, knowing how close she came to succeeding.
SECOND TURNING PT AT END OF ACT 2:
After “helping” another competitor get disqualified for the scholarship, Jessica realizes that just beating or eliminating her opponents isn’t actually making her look good in the eyes of the scholarship committee. She has to take drastic action and starts plotting to eliminate the competition in a bigger way while looking far more decent than she technically is. Step 1: Engage Amanda and Ethan as friends in hopes it will reflect well on her. Right now Amanda and Ethan are still ahead as if the judges can smell that they’re better humans.
INT. CHARITY BALL — NIGHT
Jessica runs fundraiser while two other scholarship competitors help out. She catches them doing something they’re not supposed to (TBC) and then …
INT. PUBLIC BATHROOM — NIGHT
Jessica calls and anonymously tips off someone (TBC) that the other competitors have done X bad thing. She smiles.
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY — DAY
Ms. Sarah Collins (teacher on scholarship committee) looks on with concern as Jessica subtly verbally abuses another classmate and greets Amanda cheerfully.
INT. JESSICA’S HOUSE — DAY
While Jessica’s mother drills her on facts for the next academic competition as Jessica stuffs items into bag for charity, Jessica interrupts to note that just eliminating competitors isn’t working. Her mother encourages her to “think outside the box.” How can Jessica get ahead? A gleam in her eyes.
INT. SCHOOL CLASSROOM — DAY
Jessica speaks conspiratorially with Amanda to befriend her. Amanda accidentally shares info that makes Jessica jealous (TBC).
EXT. SCHOOL PARKING LOT — NIGHT
Jessica works to befriend Ethan before a competition. He mentions a recent win that gives him more points toward the scholarship. He is in first, Amanda in second, and Jessica in third place for scholarship.
CRISIS:
Jessica has steadily been “helping” other competitors get disqualified in funny, torturous ways that she takes secret pride in. Now all other students besides Jessica, Amanda, and Ethan have been eliminated from the competition. As the final days of the competition near, Jessica is more committed to winning than ever but feels it’s her darkest day because she can’t measure up to Amanda or Ethan, who have bested her in a number of ways lately. Jessica contemplates throwing in the towel on life until her father walks in and gives her a creepy pep talk. Amanda or Ethan (or both? maybe they’ve teamed up?) have resisted her pleas for friendship, though she’s wearing them down. What can she do to push her application over the edge? She wracks her brain and comes up with a way that she thinks she can disqualify Ethan, though she knows she might not have the nerve to follow through. But that will still leave Amanda.
INT. SCHOOL — DAY
Jessica submits another … (TBC) for scholarship, thinking it will get her ahead.
INT. SCHOOL LUNCHROOM — DAY
Jessica checks her phone and sees she’s still in third place. Her world is rocked.
INT. JESSICA’S BEDROOM — NIGHT
Jessica starts overachieving at trying to find a way to kill herself by overresearching different methods, getting overwhelmed, and resolving to do X (funny). Just as she gets started trying to follow through, her father walks in and gives her a creepy pep talk about going the extra mile and needing this win. You got this, champ. Jessica smiles weakly and puts away what she was about to do.
CLIMAX:
Jessica is on a mission to win now at all costs. First task: eliminate Ethan, which involves some sort of forgery (or other misdeed TBC) and is harder than anticipated. It works, but Amanda is still there and definitely a few points ahead of her. But Ethan is on to her now, and he realizes what Jessica is willing to do and tries to warn Amanda. Jessica catches on and finds a way to act — not hesitate — and truly eliminate Ethan forever, killing him before he can get to Amanda in a way she won’t get caught. She then has an argument with Amanda at a park. Amanda shoves Jessica, but Jessica dodges her such that Amanda loses her balance and slips off the side of the cliff. Jessica could help her in the moment but weighs her options – help Amanda and look like a good Samaritan, which would win her points in the competition? Or let Amanda fall. We then see Jessica walking away, a self-satisfied look on her face, as Amanda struggles and slips.
INT. SCHOOL LIBRARY — DAY
Jessica runs a protocol on the library computer that makes her work totally anonymous and shuts down the video camera. She then forges something implicating Ethan in a bad act TBC and forwards it to Ms. Collins.
INT. CLASSROOM — DAY
Ms. Collins speaks seriously to Amanda and Jessica about Ethan’s sudden elimination.
EXT. SCHOOL GROUNDS — NIGHT
Jessica and Ethan help put things away after an academic competition and walk outside to the parking lot carrying a heavy item TBC. Ethan has acted normal until now, but turns on Jessica once no one is looking because he knows she must have been the one to get him in trouble. He still has an “in” to get into Harvard, he says, but he really wanted Chapman and may not even get in, never mind losing the scholarship. He asks how she did it. Jessica makes sure no one is looking and kills Ethan (method TBC) in a way that looks accidental. For a moment she is shocked at what she did, then visibly relaxes and smiles, turns on fake tears, and runs inside screaming that she needs help.
INT. JESSICA’S KITCHEN — NIGHT
Jessica’s father asks how that night’s competition went while eating and reading a business magazine. She glibly says a contestant was killed. Her mother says, “Oh?” and gets back to eating her steak. Her father murmurs “Mmmm-hmmmm” and keeps reading. Jessica smiles.
INT. CLASSROOM — DAY
The next morning, Amanda is visibly shaken. Jessica leans over and says it’s just the two of them now. Amanda tells Jessica she doesn’t have to be strong and if she ever needs to talk to someone, she’s there for Jessica. A moment of recognition in Jessica’s eyes.
EXT. SCHOOL EXIT — DAY
Jessica flags down Amanda and asks if Amanda has time to talk after Ethan’s funeral, that her parents don’t understand what it’s like to lose “a peer and a friend” like Ethan. Amanda looks wary but says OK. Jessica tells her where to meet.
EXT. HIKING TRAIL WITH CLIFF — DAY
Jessica and Amanda walk the trail and talk about the funeral. Amanda first tries to talk kindly to Jessica, but Jessica keeps making digs to make Amanda self-conscious. They approach the top of the trail where there is a cliff. Jessica pretends to lose her balance. Amanda attempts to help Jessica, who dodges her such that Amanda loses her balance and slips off the side of the cliff, hanging on by a thread. Jessica could help but weighs her options – help Amanda and look like a good Samaritan, which would win her points in the competition? Or let Amanda fall. We then see Jessica walking away, a self-satisfied look on her face, as Amanda struggles and slips.
RESOLUTION:
Jessica attends both rivals’ funerals and says cryptic things revealing her role in their deaths that no one recognizes. Jessica wins the competition and rules the school. Jessica gives a speech talking about all the service and sacrifice it took to get where she is and how taking action is critical to success. “Always be the best, and forget about the rest.” We notice another younger student, a sophomore with a gleam in her eye, who’s been there all along looking on and wanting to follow in Jessica’s footsteps.
INT. JESSICA’S LIVING ROOM — NIGHT
Jessica puts on an act to convince the police that she is innocent of Amanda’s death. The detective asks if she thinks there is a connection between the two deaths. Jessica says they were all great friends and hints that Amanda took Ethan’s death hard.
INT. CEMETERY — DAY
Jessica attends Ethan’s funeral. She drops cryptic hints that she is responsible for his death, but everyone assumes she is being hyperbolic due to grief.
EXT. FUNERAL HOME — DAY
Jessica has taken over Amanda’s speech pattern (need to develop this in beginning) when speaking to classmates who ask how she’s holding up.
INT. SCHOOL AUDITORIUM — NIGHT
Ms. Collins announces the winner of the scholarship: Jessica. Much ado. Jessica gives a speech talking about all the service and sacrifice it took to get where she is and how taking action is critical to success. “Always be the best, and forget about the rest.” In the background is another younger student, a sophomore with a gleam in her eye, who has been there all along looking on, taking notes, and wants to follow in Jessica’s footsteps.
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Hi i write in another format, but it won;t let me copy and paste MSWord… Someone please tell me what it WILL accept because I type with one hand due to disability and don’t want to waste time re-doing the thing!
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Hi, David. In what format do you write?
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Hi and thanks for responding. I write in MS Word and Final Draft 11
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Ok. So, the trouble is that you cannot copy and paste from MS Word to the forums? Would you type out the process you are attempting so I can troubleshoot? Thanks!
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Sure! I use control+A to select the text then control+c to copy then control+V to paste
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Hmm…that should work. Worked for me at any rate.
What browser and version of MS Word are you using?
(Send the response in a onsite message so we can keep the forums clear.)
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Working Title: Who is killing the beauty queens?
1: logline: the step-daughter of a South American dictator avenges his sexual abuse of her and her mother’s complicity in it after undeservedly winning the national beauty pageant.
2: Plot choice: Revenge and Underdog: quick summary: a young woman, victim of sexual abuse by her stepfather gets revenge on him and on her own mother, guilty of complicity in or even encouragement of the abuse.
3. 9 beats – structure:
1. Opening :
EXT. LUXURY HOTEL – DAY National beauty pageant in luxury hotel gets underway, as violent protesters, destitute and dark-skinned clash with armed soldiers outside
2. Inciting Incident:
EXT. LUXURY HOTEL, SWIMMING POOL – DAY
two lighter skinned beauty pageant finalists posing in swimsuits are shot and killed by an assassin as a third (Fanny, dictator’s “ugly duckling” step-daughter) appears to narrowly escape. Pandemonium, as guests flee and military violently disperse demonstators to clear a path for their Mercedes and BMWs…
INT. LUXURY HOTEL – NIGHT
That night a masked man (“Jimmy Carter”) sneaks into her room and rapes her as she sleeps,,,
INT. LUXURY HOTEL – DAY
3. By p. 10 has Fanny engaged “Frito,” a former Red Brigades terrorist hiding out in South America and at one time her mother’s lover, to protect her and get to the bottom of it all. They hunt for clues together, much to the consternation of the “First Lady,” who summons him to a private meeting. She threatens to expose him to Interpol unless he stops helping Fanny…
EXT. LUXURY HOTEL — DAY
4. First turning point: at end Act One, and much to her embarassment, it is announced that Fanny has won the pageant “by default,” prompting social media speculation that the contest was rigged by her parents. She will be “crowned” in a ceremony in coming days. Protests erupt again.
INT. SECRET LOCATION — NIGHT
5. Mid-point – p 45-50 – Frito is arrested and beaten by “interpol” investigators, more interested in the beauty pageant than his past activity. They accuse him of murdering the two girls.
INT. LUXURY HOTEL – NIGHT
EXT. LUXURY HOTEL, SWIMMING POOL – NIGHT
6. second turning point, end act 2, A masked man sneaks into her room to rape her in her sleep, but this time Frito catches him in the act, chases down rapist, rips off his “Ronald Reagan” mask to reveal the hideously disfigured face of the dictator; … and gives Fanny a pistol to defend herself.
INT. LUXURY HOTEL – NIGHT
7. CRISIS: F confronts her mom and, at gunpoint, forces her to admit her complicity in these serial rapes, and murders of other girls, so they “couldn’t talk” because he raped them too!
8. Climax;
EXT. LUXURY HOTEL — DAY
Accepting the “crown” (carried live on TV), Fanny denounces both parents for rape and abuse not just of herself but of the entire country. Mom attempts to kill her but Frito takes the bullet. He dies, leaving F alone to finish the job. Which she does, exposing the hideous un-masked face of her stepfather and putting a bullet thru her mom’s head LIVE on national TV.
EXT. University Campus – DAY
9. resolution: F flees to USA and enrolls in Georgetown U, newly self-confident despite the shame of her public admissions. Meantime, the regime is overthrown, protesters appear to have won, but no, it’s just another cohort of corrupt “strongmen” (the mysterious “interpol agents”) who take power.
CHARACTER ARC
PART that needs to CHANGE and does: Fanny is victimized by her perverted step-father
BIGGEST FEAR: public humiliation over revelation of this “family secret:” abuse by step-father and complicit mom.
COMPLETION: F flees to USA and enrolls in university, newly self-confident despite the shame of her public admissions; having sacrificed her pride for the sake of the transformative revelation of truth, the corrupt regime is toppled,
Possible additional Plot events:
-Fanny finds her step-dad’s impressive mask collection of US presidents-he won’t be seen without one since his disfigurement under torture by previous dictator…otherwise we never see his face… in public; that’s why he rapes, he disgusts his own wife, who won’t sleep with him…
-“interpol” guys follow Frito; he “makes” one, beats him up.
-“Jappy” girlie-girls snigger over (“fat” and “ugly”) Fanny first as contestant, then as winner of national pageant…
– martial law declared; soldiers abuse powers to steal and rape…
– parents have convinced Fanny her stories of rape are fantasies, a version supported by her “therapist,” but Frito catching him in the act confirms they are not… she was drugged and asleep that’s all…
– Protesters ID Frito, cheer him on, he shuts them down, but they know he’s a hero…
– prospective beauty queens get training and cosmetic surgery, so as to compete internationally, from Cuban doctors, but it goes horribly wrong in at least one case…
-Interview with Dean of Admissions at Georgetown: it’s not often we let in someone like you… without SATs but: Miss Nicaragua! an honour for us!
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