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Post Day 8 Assignment Here
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JAYE’S BEAT SHEET DRAFT 2
What I learned is
1: Theme needs to be present throughout, and it needs to be experienced by each main character, not equally, but in some form or from some perspective. Each character expresses a different side of the theme.
2: I learned that even though VILLAIN is the natural and perceived Antagonist, and I have a story building around him, MAYOR is actually the larger threat, so I need to build some more story around him.Theme: Misguided trust, betrayal, self-discovery, and unlikely friendship.
This seems like a lot, but it’s sort of it unfolds chronologically.HERO trusts the wrong people, is betrayed by Mayor, discovers realizes people only like him because he’s Hero, becomes friends with Villain
VILLAIN doesn’t trust anyone, is betrayed by his instincts, discovers he needs love in his life, becomes friends with Hero
MAYOR abuses the trust he has been given, betrays Hero, learns his plans fail and he dies. No unlikely friendship for him.
GIRLFRIEND doesn’t deserve trust, betrays her relationship, lack of self-awareness and tries to come back to HERO and fails. No friendship for her either.Updates in Beat Sheet denoted with *asterisks*
ACT 1:
EXT. CITY – NIGHT
OPENING. Hero and Villain in an epic battle. Superhero powers are displayed.
EXT. CITY – NIGHT
INCITING INCIDENT. Lightning strikes the two supers while they grapple, causing powers to scramble and switch.
INT. HERO HOME – NIGHT
Hero has no idea how to use his new abilities. Doesn’t even know what they all are yet.
Conflicts with girlfriend over it.INT. VILLAIN HOME – SAME
Hero has no idea how to use his new abilities. Doesn’t even know what they all are yet.
EXT. CITY – DAY
Hero witnesses a crime. Fumbles saving the day. Citizens laugh and degrade him.
EXT. CITY – SAME
Villain attempts a crime. Has newfound empathy for the victim. Retreats.
INT. MAYOR’S OFFICE
Hero talks to Mayor about the issue. Surprised at lack of support.
* Here’s where Mayor starts to hint at his disdain for Hero and his role as the True Antagonist.EXT. CITY – DAY
Another crime, or incident. Hero blunders it. Girlfriend is highly disappointed.
INT. HERO HOME – EVENING
Hero and girlfriend together. He fails to perform. She is further disappointed.
INT. HERO HOME – NIGHT
Hero practices new powers. Fails.
* INT. MAYOR’S OFFICE – DAY (or) INT. LAB – DAY
* Scientist is either with Mayor in his office or Mayor is with Scientist in the lab.
They discuss lightning and science and schemes. We get the idea that Mayor is not a good guy, but to what extremes, we are not quite sure.EXT. CITY – DAY
Hero tries some more. Hurts a mocking citizen on accident. Doesn’t like that the pleasing feelings that came with it.
INT. RESTAURANT – EVENING
Girlfriend breaks up with him.
ACT 2:
INT. MAYOR’S OFFICE – DAY
Villain is holding Mayor hostage. It’s a ploy to bait Hero.
Hero enters, on cue. Villain releases Mayor and tells Hero he needs help.
These powers are no good. He doesn’t know how to make them work. He hates the empathy part.INT. HERO HOME – DAY TURNS INTO NIGHT
A truce as both men try to sort it out. Try to teach each other how to use their powers and try to figure out what went wrong to revert things back.
EXT. CITY – DAY
Hero and Villain try things out in public. Not good. What the hell??!!
INT. MAYOR’S OFFICE – DAY
Mayor send them to a top-notch Scientist, who will try to recreate lightning in a lightning chamber.
INT. LAB – DAY
Scientist zaps the shit out of them repeatedly, to no avail. Powers still switched.
* INT. MAYOR’S OFFICE – DAY (or) INT. LAB – DAY
* Scientist and Mayor talk some more. Mayor questions if they need something stronger than lightning. They contemplate the switching of powers between Hero and Villain — an unanticipated side effect.
(This will be written, hopefully, in a way where we question what Mayor is plotting, but we don’t suspect that he‘s wanting to annihilate Hero. It will be written elusively and not directly.)INT. VILLAIN HOME – NIGHT
More practice and problem solving. Her and Villain begin to bond.
ACT 3:
INT. HERO HOME – DAY
A knock. Villain at the door. He believes he knows why the switch really happened. It wasn’t the lightning, but was a combination of events.
(More trial and error inserted here with crimes and Hero and Villain working together in awkwardness – bond growing stronger)INT. LAB – NEXT DAY
Hero and Villain back at the lightning chamber with Mayor.
*More evil. Mayor’s subtext starts to become more obvious, but Hero doesn’t want to see it.We discover that the lightning in the opening shot was a plan that he coordinated with Scientist to destroy Hero. Yes, HERO – for reasons I’m still working out.
ACT 4:
INT. LAB – SAME
* Mayor’s full plan is unveiled.
Mayor and Scientist work to kill Hero and Villain saves him.
Mayor and Scientist defeated. Villain saves the day.INT. LAB – SAME
A combination of circumstances, with the additional hit of lightning inside the lightning chamber finally restores original powers as they were.
INT. HERO HOME – NIGHT
Hero and Villain share a drink. Decide to keep a mutual respect for one another, but neither wants to change their ways. Villain “poisons” Hero’s wine, but nothing much. Just a light sedative “in good fun.” Confides that Hero has been his only friend.
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Gregory’s Beat Sheet Draft 2
What I learned doing this assignment is… I really need to think through the antagonist storyline. I’ve focused so heavily on my protagonist that I really don’t seem to have enough of the antagonist’s story at this point.
Act 1:
EXT. CITY STREET – DAY
Opening – Spud is on location doing yet another report about a bad pothole in a city street that a viewer has complained about. He acts like he cares about the story, but he’s so over this beat.
INT. NEWSROOM – DAY
PLACEHOLDER – Spud gets assigned press conference at DOT
INT. DOT OFFICES – DAY
PLACEHOLDER – announcement of new bridge project paid with federal funds
INT. BATHROOM – DAY
Inciting Incident – Spud overhears a couple DOT officials talking about an embezzlement scheme.
EXT. DOT OFFICES – DAY
PLACEHOLDER – Spud jumps in the van and urges the guy to go
INT. NEWS DIRECTOR OFFICE – DAY
TE 1 – He runs back to the station to pitch the story to the News Director, but she rejects the idea.
INT. NEWSROOM – DAY
Turning Point – Spud decides to look into the matter unofficially in between shooting his segments.
PLACEHOLDER – a confrontation with members of the I-team, Spud relents
INT. LT. GOVERNOR OFFICE – DAY
Gets a call letting him know that someone in the press might be on to his plan.
Act 2:
INT. DOT OFFICES – DAY
New plan – Spud is tired of not getting the opportunity to do some real investigative reporting. He visits the DOT press rep, whom he has a crush.
INT. NEWSROOM – DAY
Plan in action – Spud’s field producer gets fed up with him going missing constantly and when she finds him hanging out at the DOT, she reports it to the News Director.
INT. NEWS DIRECTOR OFFICE – DAY
Midpoint Turning Point – The News Director instructs Spud to drop the story or he’ll be fired.
INT. NEWSROOM – DAY
PLACEHOLDER – Field Producer urges Spud to go after the story
Act 3:
INT. NEWSROOM – DAY
TE 2 – Spud decides to defy his boss and pursue it anyway.
EXT. TV STATION – DAY
Rethink everything – Spud realizes that he must risk his job to prove his worth as an investigative reporter. And he’ll need some help doing so.
New plan – Spud recruits his field producer to help him along with the DOT press rep.
INT. DOT OFFICES – DAY
The DOT officials discuss details and tell a couple cronies to keep an eye on the press rep.
PLACEHOLDER – scenes investigating the DOT
INT. NEWS VAN – DAY
TE 3 – Spud’s field producer dictates every move until her plan about how to get a certain bit of information regarding the bridge project makes Spud speak up and point out a serious flaw in her plan.
PLACEHOLDER – Field Producer tells Spud she really wants to be a reporter.
INT. BALLROOM – NIGHT
TE 4 – Spud comes face-to-face with the Lt. Governor and tells him that he knows what he and the DOT are up to and that he’s going to expose them.
PLACEHOLDER – News Director and Lt. Governor are in cahoots. They want to run away and buy an island together.
EXT. SPUD’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift – Spud’s digging around gets the attention of the corrupt DOT officials and Lt. Governor who have guys kidnap the DOT press rep and attempt to kill Spud.
Act 4:
EXT. BRIDGE – DAY
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – Spud exposes the corruption at a press conference and saves the DOT press rep from being blown up.
EXT. BRIDGE – DAY
TE 5 – Spud, having just saved the DOT press rep, tells her he really likes her and would like to take her out sometime.
Resolution – Spud gets the job with the I-team and a date with the DOT press rep.
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Mary and Rich’s Beat Sheet Draft 2
What I learned doing this assignment is that sprinkling in the theme and antagonist details adds even more flavor, starting to get an idea of the character arcs interacting with the storyline, and its moving ahead nicely. Amazing that this was done so quickly.
THEME: WE THINK THAT THE THEME IS “DON’T JUDGE A BOOK BY IT’S COVER”, AGEISM, PREJUDICE
Act 1:
INT.-SCHOOL-DAY
Opening – What’s that old guy doing in school? Morty starts the semester in a wild class and an unusual teacher.
THEME: Morty walks toward the back of the class, sees Jax, immediately turns away. But there’s no seats left – he has no choice but to sit by the strange kid.
Inciting Incident – He’s paired with Jax on the first and biggest assignment. Morty is serious, but Jax acts like its a game and ignores it all. They are linked now, pass or fail together.
THEME: Mory says, “Hey, pencil man. Are you gonna’ continue to torture that pencil or can we work?”
Morty hits on the teacher after class and is rebuffed. He’s surprised to find Jax outside, who tells him forget about getting a good grade in this class.
EXT. CAR NIGHT
Jax is introduced to Morty’s car, “Mabel”, as Morty offers to give “the kid” a ride home from class.
Jax agrees, but as soon as Morty starts up the car and Jax hears the extra loud muffler and feels the death trap of a car, Jax wants to get out.
THEME: Morty and Jax argue back and forth. Morty calls Jax “kid.” Jax calls Morty “old man.”
INT.- DINER- NIGHT
Turning Point – The two can’t even agree on whose place to start working together at. They settle for a nearby diner and have their waitress judge whose idea they should develop. Jax wins, but pays for dinner. THEME: The waitress frowns at Morty, who she assumed would pay.
TE J1 – Jax thinks its a game, at first plays along but knows Morty’s idea is out of date, so he pushes back
TE M1 – Resists input from someone else on his magnum opus screenplay
THEME: Both argue. Both have ideas. Each are each otheres antagonist.
THEME: They finally draw a truce on each other calling each other “kid” and “old man.” If ones does, he has to put money in the jar.
Act 2:
INT.-SCHOOL -DAY
New plan – Next day before class, Morty takes his idea to the teacher in office hour, but she said Jax turned theirs in already (the space saga). Jax, still disinterested, starts to open up in class to Morty. Rest of class continue to snub the two.
THEME: They are asked to present their ideas. The class snickers at Morty as he presents. Back at his seat, he tells Jax. “See, maybe we should have
tried Shakespeare vs. Hitler.”
TE M2 – Forced to back down, he tries to sneak his idea in, fails
TE J2 – When Morty tries to weasel old hackneyed idea in, he catches him and flips it on him (sabotage date and not helping w date)
THEME: Morty shows up way too early at Jax’s apartment. 8 a.m. Jax is still asleep. Morty sees Jax’s apartment. Looks at his stuff, questioning Jax.
INT. – DINER – NIGHT
Plan in action: Finally, the two start to outline, dismally. Jax has to keep explaining things to Morty.
THEME: Morty confesses to not knowing too much about tech. Jax raises his eyes. Will he help him?
INT. – JAX’S APARTMENT – DAY
PLACEHOLDER – Morty asks Jax details about his apartment. Finds out about his Dad, maybe, etc.
THEME: Morty sees that Jax is a rich kid with a fancy place.
INT.-DINER – NIGHT
THEME: Jax arrives late at night to work with Morty at the diner. (they work at the diner until late at night with Morty falling asleep on the with
his head on the table.)
THEME: Morty is not a late night person, but an early bird. Jax is a late night person, not an early bird.
PLACEHOLDER—–IF WE DON’T MAKE THIS ABOUT A SCREENPLAY, OTHER IDEAS ARE A THESIS PAPER, A SCIENCE PROJECT, A REPORT.
INT – MORTY’S HOUSE – THE NEXT DAY
Morty asks Jax over to work at his place.
THEME: Jax teases Morty about his place.
PLACEHOLDER – Jax questions Morty about his place. Sees picture of Morty’s wife and child. Finds out about being killed.
TE J3 – Feels for Morty at last, helps him with dating, bringing in new ideas.
THEME: Jax sees Morty in a new light. There is more to him than meets the eye.
TE M3 – Starts to see his partner not as an obstacle but a collaborator
INT. -DINER – NIGHT
In discussion, Jax finds out Morty likes Bella Bustamante the teacher. He proceeds to help him “get with the tech-stuff” by learning texting, etc.
INT. MORTY’S HOUSE – DAY
Morty flubs the text message to Bella so its an insulting typo.
THEME: Jax riles Morty for not doing the text right. Morty complains about the size of the keyboard on the phone for big fingers.
Jax gets a phone call and lies to his Dad, says Melanie/Kyle left, and he’s working hard with Morty –
the Dad will wire him some cash. PLACEHOLDER—-PERHAPS HIS DAD CALLS ON JAX’S CELL PHONE AND JAX LIES AND THEN HIS DAD STILL GIVES HIM THE CASH BY SENDING IT.
THEME: Morty “listens in”. Jax rebuffs him.
TE J4 – As he becomes more like a team (family) he starts to care about making the screenplay be both their ideas
INT. JAX’S APARTMENT – DAY
Midpoint Turning Point – Morty rebuffed, he turns to the dating site Jax recommended, scores a date. Jax helps him prep, then they finally find some shaky common ground for their screenplay, agree to proceed. When Morty leaves for date.
EXT. STREET DAY
Jax is making his way along the sidewalks.
INT. MELANIE’S APARTMENT BUILDING DAY
Jax shows up at Melanies apartment. This is the first time we see her and her son Kyle. Kyle is autistic. Jax tells Melanie a bit about Morty.
THEME: Jax is brushing off Morty as just some guy he is forced to work with.
Act 3:
EXT.- JAX’S APARTMENT – DAY
Morty shows up as Melanie is leaving with her son, Kyle.
INT. JAX’S APARTMENT – DAY
THEME: MORTY TEASES JAX ABOUT “HIS GIRLFRIEND.” JAX BITES BACK AT MORTY.
Then, there is a rethinking of everything – Morty beams after his date, which was fancy dress with Dollar Menu at Mickey D’s and a Redbox rental. He texts well, things good with this mysytery woman.
THEME: Jax feels better with Morty. Morty is becoming more confident with women.
However, Morty finds out Jax’s secret, that he’s helping his old work-mate, Melanie and her young son, Kyle. That’s where his money goes, because even though Jax hates his Dad and his money, he has to take it to help out. Now writing the actual script, and it’s starting to be a collaboration between the two.
THEME: Morty sees Jax in a new light.
TE M4 – In being helped (caring) and helping his partner, he helps the screenplay progress
INT. JAX’S APARTMENT – DAY
New plan – Morty tries to find Jax’s Dad and get him to “show up” for his son during their presentation. Melanie mentions her Mom has a new beau, that he’s older but “a catch.” They plan a joint party to celebrate all their good news.
TE M5 – As the screenplay progresses, he finds the pressure to succeed lower, can take chances (mirror – dating) (mirror – tech)
Morty gives Jax a ride to school.
THEME: The two argue over Morty’s car, Mabel.
EXT. MORTY’S BACKYARD – DAY
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift – His dad finds out and shows up at party at Morty’s house, see’s Melanie and Kyle. Jax finds out
that Morty is dating Melanie’s Mom. Awkward. Arguements ensue.
THEME: Jax confronts Morty about inviting his Dad and dating Melanie’s Mom.
TE J5 – Tells Dad off, commits to Melanie that he’ll keep helping her. (self worth & independent, and now responsible)
PLACEHOLDER: MAYBE DO THIS BECAUSE ABOVE WE MAY HAVE THE TEACHER SAY SHE CAN’T DATE A STUDENT: Plus teacher Bella gets Kyle to do push-ups and he likes military discipline – Jax goes wild, shades of his Dad’s stern ways.
PLACEHOLDER: THIS MAY BE THE ONE WE USE. MORTY DATING MELANIE’S MOM.—–Finally, Mortys new date is Melanies Mom! It’s a complete failure. Jax now refuses to work with Morty anymore.
THEME: Prejudices arise in both Morty and Jax.
INT.-MORTY’S HOUSE – THE NEXT DAY
Morty almost relapses to despair, but realizes he’s gotta right things, to help Jax and be the father he no longer has.
THEME: Morty can’t judge Jax, as he knows that deep down Jax is a really good person. He feels sympathy for him.
Act 4:
INT – JAX’S APARTMENT – DAY
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – Work has stopped, they will fail. Jax realizes Dad’s money has stopped, and Melanie panics, when her Mom says shes breaking up with Morty and hitting the road. So Jax promises support, don’t worry. Feeling the responsibility, his only recourse is to win the contest.
THEME: Jax realizes that there is more to Morty and that the money and the class work is important to him. Sympathy for him.
INT – LOAN BUILDING – DAY
Jax is getting a loan.
INT. – DINER – DAY
He rethinks his situation and convinces Morty to restart work with him, after Morty says Melanies Mom dumped him. They pull it together and work over thousands
of cups of coffee into the night of the diner. The waitress is there as well.
THEME: The two now have seen each other differently and work well together, even switching ideas and behaviors.
PLACEHOLDER MONTAGE – INTERIORS OF BOTH MORTY’S AND JAX’S PLACE AND THE DINER PERHAPS
TE M6 – When finishing is in sight, he releases on it, which in turn allows them to revise and empower the screenplay
INT MORTY’S HOUSE DAY
Over Morty’s computer, Morty is the one who pressed the “send” button to enter the manuscript into the teacher’s mailbox.
They finish, entering the contest.
THEME: Old ways are gone, new ways are present. Both have come full circle to realize their potential and drop their prejudices.
EXT. OUTSIDE OF THE SCHOOL/YARD – DAY
Morty is too nervous to see the results. He waits in the schoolyard.
Jax does and approaches Morty and tells Morty they won, and now he can get his car fixed and Jax is not a loser anymore. He hands him the $250. His share.
THEME: Jax is now compassionate to his friend. Morty is now nervous about his abilities.
One Last Twist – Wrong! In truth, they lost. The $500 winnings are actually a loan from the payday loan place. “Both Shakespeare and Hitler almost went broke, y’know!” Morty refuses the money. Refuses to fix Mabel. He is a failure, going back to his old life. He drives off loudly.
EXT. MORTY’S HOUSE DAY
Resolution – Jax applies for a job at Mortys old business and gets one – proving age discrimination. Tells Morty and asks to start their own business. Jax is aa natural, and they have billables very quickly. With the class over Bella Bustamante can start to date Morty, and things are looking up as they complete the rewrites on the screenplay and get notes from Bella who is fantastic. They submit to a huge screenplay contest, this time not relying on winning but hopeful.
TE J6 – Respects Morty’s pride at accepting charity so really pushes for another alternative – he applies for a job at Mortys old employer and gets it, which proves the age discrimination, so Morty can let go, he is worthy, cant control his age.
TE J7 – Start competitor business in this area that M&J own and revel in, but write screenplays at night.
PLACEHOLDER: OR INSTEAD—-JAX GETS MORTY TO SIGN UP FOR SCREENWRITING TWO.—THERE IS MORE WORK TO BE DONE WITH A GOOD PARTNER. MORTY: “I THINK THIS IS GOING
TO BE THE START OF A GOOD FRIENDSHIP.” JAX: THEY ALREADY USED THAT LINE IN CASABLANCA.
THEME: Don’t judge anyone, their experiences, their appearance. Friendships and relationships can come at any age, between anyone.
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Mickey Gonzalez Beat Sheet Draft 2
What I learned doing this assignment is great to do. Getting to find out if it is the best I can do. Listen to those rules and you can do it. sometimes is like i am always writing my drafts the right way. This can be it.
Pass 1: Interweave theme throughout the beat sheet.
1. Seymour steals Mark’s library. A sort of writer’s efforts. His typewriter, book ends, books, journals, notes, shelves of books and drafts. (“later shows up on “The Today’s Show”.)
2. Seymour is watching Mark’s apartment from a parked car.
3. Seymour is setting up a woman. This woman gives Mark a phone call. She is asking for Mark’s Manuscript. The he gets on the phone with her and threatens Mark. Saying “You not going to that we are going to take it”.
4. He waits until Mark is out and gets some of his thugs to warn him.
5. He kidnaps a newspaper reporter and warns him to not intervene after Mark sets up a meeting. The newspaper reporter gets a bloody broken nose.
6. He waits for the Vast collection to come to him after burglar takes place.
Do Pass 2 : Build in the Antagonist Journey.
Act 1:
Opening
EXT. AMUSMENT PARK- NIGHT
Young Mark Fox is in a Ferris wheel pod accidently had fallen asleep. During the night, after the amusement park had closed a group of nuns finally find him.
INT. VERIMINION JAIL-DAY
He wakes up among adult inmates in a vermillion jail house. He does not know how he got there.
Two inmates confront young Mark as he preps himself up on jail cell bunk chained to the steel wall.
T1: A deputy sheriff calls out Mark’s name.
These two inmates stop talking to Mark’s. Mark walks and faces the jail cell door.
EXT. OUTSIDE OF CELL DOOR – DAY
T2: The dust flickers in the sunlight coming through the window of the jail cell hall.
EXT. LAKE VIEW OF JAIL – DAY
There is a man. The man has a unmark car waiting, a Ford LTD.
T3. Mark is led to the car.
EXT. ABBY – DAY
T4. A black and white cop car cuts the LTD Ford off at the end of the bridge. Mark is on his way back home. He in the back seat. Driver is talked to by the cop.
Theme: Seymour steals Mark’s library. A sort of writer’s efforts. His typewriter, book ends, books, journals, notes, shelves of books and drafts. (“later shows up on “The Today’s Show”.)
Inciting Incident: Mark is becoming a writing genius. He has accomplished a Vast collection of writings. Worth millions. The collection will be stolen.
INT. APARTMENT – NIGHT
T5. Raquel wants Mark to retrieve his stolen collection.
Theme: Seymour is watching Mark’s apartment from a parked car.
EXT. DOWNTOWN – NIGHT
T6 Mark and Raquel out in downtown tour, grey hound racing ect.
INT. APARTMENT – NIGHT
The television is on. The news is about a stabbing of a woman outside of a copyright lawyer’s office.
Is unsafe, Mark was at the copyright lawyer’s office to secure a place of safe keeping for his vast collection.
Theme: Seymour is setting up a woman. This woman gives Mark a phone call. She is asking for Mark’s Manuscript. The he gets on the phone with her and with her and threatens Mark. Saying “You not going to that we are going to take it”.
Turning Point: Mark scours Duck Island and gets to learn it is a violent corrupt world outside of his lone place.
T7 Seymour’s thugs warn Mark to stop trying to get the collection back. “Don’t call police we are going to do that”.
Act 2: 20 to 30 PAGES, challenge the old ways.
EXT. CATHEDRAL – DAY
T8 Mark Fox is at Bishop Pilla’s office to get a photo shoot done.
INT. WAREHOUSE – DAY
Mark expectations from his experiences that their intentions are to steal a Vast collection of writings that is worth a lot of money from him.
New plan: After grueling effort to find the whereabouts of his material. Mark is going to try to get his story on air at a TV station.
INT. TV BUILDING – DAY
T9 A producer talks to Mark outside the studio.
Plan in action: Mark wants to get his story about the theft on air. A TV producer turns around and slams the doors in his face, literately.
EXT. NEW TV BUILDING – DAY
T10 At the front door Mark locked out. They will not let him come in.
INT. HALLWAY POLICE BUILDING – DAY
Mark is surrounded by police.
Mark asks if the TV WKYC people can be brought in to set up shop to get his story aired. The police commander yells “No”.
T11 On his way out one cop says, “don’t park that car there”. The halls turn empty. Mark is alone.
Midpoint Turning Point: As he exits on an innerbelt bridge e-way some perpetrators cut him off. One of the vehicles is a company car with its’ WKYC emblem on the driver’s side door and a police cruiser behind him warning him to stop searching for the vast collection. This the work of Seymour’s group.
EXT. FREEWAY ON RAMP – DAY
T12 The company car and the police car back away and let him through.
Act 3:
Rethink everything
Theme: He waits until Mark is out and gets some of his thugs to warn him.
INT. APARTMENT – DAY
New plan: Mark knows what he needs to do. He must continue on to be the remarkable writer. He continues to work on his typewriter and effortlessly produce new material. And he does produce.
Theme: He waits until Mark is out and gets some of his thugs to warn him.
EXT. APARTMENT – DAY
Mark’s “72” red cornet R/T is destroyed. The antenna is broken off and the windshield is shattered.
T13 Mark is at the auto parts store picking up a new antenna.
New insights: Seymour’s group is watching Mark. Raquel is coming to his apartment to be with him.
EXT. APARTMENT – NIGHT
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: Mark comes along to his apartment after scouring Duck Island with no avail. Mark surprises a woman who is burglarizing the apartment.
Five bad guys jump Mark beating the stuffing out of him. Left bloodied on the sidewalk the woman steps over his body. Flees in a double park car with part of a vast collection of writings in her grasp.
From his POV, he realizes the driver resembles the commander.
Act 4:
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict
EXT. APARTMENT – NIGHT
T16 Raquel comes along just in time.
Mark gets into the apartment with Raquel. She tends to his wounds. She realizes the manuscript is gone.
EXT. ROYAL CASTLE – DAY
A botched robbery is taken place where a shootout with cop is killed and robber. Both are fatally shot. Mark getting his order of four 10 cents burgers.
Theme: He kidnaps a newspaper reporter and warns him to not intervene after Mark sets up a meeting. The newspaper reporter gets a bloody broken nose.
INT. APARTMENT – NIGHT
T17 Mark answers the phone call. Is Seymour. He gives Mark phone number.
INT. NINE BUILDING – NIGHT
Mark looks beaten up at a telephone booth. They are at the nine building. He wants to get to Seymour.
T18 Seymour’s offer is $500,000.00. And Mark will call off his pursuit. Is a trap.
Raquel goes in and out of rooms as Mark is confronted by a deputy sheriff. A fight starts. Mark fights off the deputy sheriff, knocks him out. Raquel is unaware what is going on.
INT. ROOM – NIGHT
When she comes in, she sees the deputy grimacing. She is wondering what had happen. Mark grabs her hand. Both run out of the building.
INT. APARTMENT – NIGHT
Theme: He waits for the Vast collection to come to him after the burglary takes place.
The apartment, it is empty. Just a suitcase. As they start for the door to leave. The phone rings. Mark answers. Is a woman asking Mark “if he has any new ideas”? The woman says “It is for Alice”.
Resolution: Get to Seymour. Both start to thinking is better to move.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by mickey Gonzo. Reason: notes were in the best place
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This reply was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by
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JUDITH ABINGDON BEAT SHEET DRAFT 2
Theme: Finding your own way, becoming your own person, Knowing your own mind
What I learned doing this assignment is…?” not sure how to work my antagonist in a buddy movie format, maybe more interaction will come with dialogue.
OPENING SCENE
EXT. SCHOOLYARD DAY
Crowds are leaving school. Juliet joins her friends to discuss plans. Girls joke around and break into singing. They convince Juliet to let them go to her house to continue singing. Juliet is worried about repercussions from her parents if they find out people were in the house without permission.
INT. JULIET’S HOUSE DAY
While playing around Juliet gets her Polaroid Instamatic camera out and snaps a few photos. She gives them out, keeping one of her and Grace (who happens to be black), and stashes it in her drawer. Somehow she feels she must keep this secret.
TE
INT. JULIET’S HOUSE DAY
A few days later as Juliet is listening to music in her room and looking at the photo of her and Grace, her mother walks in, she tries to push the photo back in the drawer, her mother asks to see it. Upset when she learns people have been in the house while she was not home, things get worse when her stepfather sees it and starts yelling, “you let niggers in my house.”
PLACEHOLDER
Juliet questions her parents, talks about religion and morals, doing what you preach?
INT. CONTINUED NIGHT
Lots of arguing ensues, Juliet is punished, retreats to her room in a huff, slamming the door, cries in her pillow, composes herself, and listens to music ( Carole King ? )
INT. SUPERMARKET DAY
While Juliet is grounded and accompanying her mother to the grocery store, They are approached by a neighbor boy, ( DEAN ) who turns on the charm to her mother and asks if he may have permission to take Juliet out. Her mother is most impressed, while Juliet does not have much interest in this boy, he could be a way out of the house.
EXT. JULIET’S HOUSE EVENING
Dean shows up, greetsJuliet’s mother with his effusive charm, being super polite, and asks if he could take Juliet for a short evening drive. Her mother agrees. He has an Impala with a single bench seat, Juliet stays as close to her door as possible. He has an 8 track and many tapes she quickly dives in and takes over the music selection. They drive around the nearby mountain roads. Her joy is immense.
PLACEHOLDER interactions with the boy, he wants to go steady, she tells him he is just cover for her. He is insistent in formalizing their relationship and is insistent on sex. Juliet sees this is not going to work.
ACT 2
INT. INEZ’S HOUSE DAY
Juliet pays a visit to Inez, she is watching the news, the ongoing Watergate scandal is being reported, Juliet interrupts and explains the drama of the past few days. Inez sympathizes tries to calm her down. Juliet says things must change, particularly since her mother is not on her side. She floats the idea of moving in with Inez. Inez says she will consider it.
TE
INT. JULIET’S HOUSE EVENING
after two weeks of restrictions, Juliet is allowed a bit of freedom. She asks if she can go next door and see the new girl that has recently moved in. She is given permission. It is her first real meeting with the girl, she is Melody, but says call me Mel.
They talk for about 2 hours, she is very enlightened, They share many ideas and agree to meet again. Mel decides to call her Jules.
PLACEHOLDER their friendship blooms, they smoke pot get caught have an intervention with the parents. She is grounded but sneaks out of the house at night now and joins Mel on escapades.
EXT. TOWN DAY
while out with friends Juliet bumps into her old friends brother ( Connor ), he is much older and looks like James Dean, she is charmed and starry-eyed, he suggests going to New York sometime and catching some film and exotic food. She agrees not sure how to pull this off.
ACT 3
INT. JULIET’S HOUSE EVENING
Juliet’s mother has spoken with Inez they agree to let Juliet go stay with Inez for a while. Juliet’s mother is pregnant with her second child, her husband is getting antsy and she thinks some space will do them all good.
TE
INT. INEZ’S HOUSE DAY
Juliet has moved in with a few things. There is not much room for her as Inez lives with her sister, who has a bedroom with no door that is off the living room, she has her son living there as well, who is soon to leave for college. Juliet sleeps on the pull-out sofa in the living room. But all that seems like minor issues as now Juliet has more freedom. She has a party in the currently vacant upstairs apartment, goes out with friends to concerts, and best of all is able to out with Connor ( the older man )
PLACEHOLDER the sisters son tries to be intimate with Juilet, she is not sure what to do, as they his mother thinks he is perfect.
EXT. NYC DAY
It’s two months later Juliet has been in her element, concerts, museums, art house movies, jazz clubs, taking it all in. She is meeting fellow creative souls and finding her mojo.
PLACEHOLDER: fully exploring the cultural revolution; scenes of going to events, discussions about movies, life, and new ideas
INT. INEZ’S HOUSE EVENING
Inez’s sister ( Madelyn) stirs up the friction, complains about Juliet’s wild ways, says she is interrupting her sleep and is disrespectful. The sisters argue and Inez’s tells Juliet it may be best to end the arrangement for now.
ACT 4
INT. JULIET’S HOUSE EVENING
Juliet has returned home, things are tense. Her stepfather is laying down the law, her mother is silent as usual. Juliet goes to her room, plotting as she knows this will never work.
TE
INT. JULIET’S HOUSE. DAY
Juliet has a heart to heart with her mother, she begs her to let her go out on her own, share a place with friends, school is almost over and she will be 18 anyway. Her mother’s baby is due soon, she is tired of the battles, she says she will consult the stepfather. He agrees but says typically ” don’t come asking us for money when things go to shit”.
Ext. COMMUNAL HOUSE DAY
Juliet sits in the garden surrounded by many friends, someone play a guitar Juliet is happier than ever. A friend arrives and tells her about an audition he is going to in the city, for the play Hair , a travelling troupe in Portugal. Juliet says count me in.
INT. LIBRARY. DAY
Juliet sits surrounded by songbooks, she is looking for her two audition songs. After much decision she decides.
INT. NYC OFFICE. DAY
Juliet wats for her turn to audition, she feels strangely confident. She performs her version of FEVER, they love it and offer her the gig.
EXT. COMMUNAL HOUSE GARDEN. EVENING
Juliet is surrounded by friends they toast her accomplishments. She is on cloud nine.
EXT. AIRPORT. DAY
Juliet has passport in hand, Mel has taken her to the airport. Her new life is about to begin.
Mel says they are going to love you, tell them you come FROM NEW JERSEY, WTH LOVE (title)
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Karin Hallén’s Beat Sheet Draft 2
What I learned doing this assignment is that I did a lot of it intuitively already in the lesson 7 assignment. I also learned that it is useful to define your theme clearly and precisely until it can be described in a short, clear sentence. This is something I’ve never done before. I already had a broad idea, but I feel more precisely honed in on and clear on the theme now.
INT. HOTEL RECEPTION – DAY
Opening:
GEORGE, 45 arrives at a hotel to check in. He informs the receptionist that this is his first stop on his big book tour. The receptionist can’t find his reservation. It has been lost, in the midst of everyone’s excitement over Brad Brighton’s arrival. George throws a “don’t you know who I am” fit. The receptionist shakes his head. Asks a co worker. Nobody knows who George is, or have heard of his book. Brad Brightly walks by. Everyone gets excited. George is finally given a room. He casually “forgets” a copy of his book on the counter. The title indicates that it’s a personal development book on how to overcome loneliness in today’s society.
INT. HOTEL CONFERENCE ROOM – DAY
George holds a lecture in front of a very sparse audience. His speech is boring. He mainly promotes himself. People leave the room.
INT. HOTEL RECEPTION – DAY
After the lecture, George complains to the hotel manager and blames Brad Brightly for the poor attendance at his lecture. He says that Brad intentionally sabotaged him, stealing his audience. Brad Brightly comes out of another conference room surrounded by fans. The manager stops him. George and Brad stand face to face. Brad is very nice. He’s never heard of George and introduces himself. Sincerely wishes him good luck. George storms out and away from the hotel.
EXT. YARD SALE – DAY
George stops at a yard sale and buys a dusty, ancient-looking oil lamp.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – DAY
Inciting Incident.
TRANSFORMATIONAL EVENT 1:
George rubs the lamp clean. A real genie, GEENA, 50s emerges and tells George that “His wish is her command”. Geena appears very excited to be out of the lamp
George is shocked. He doesn’t believe that Geena is real at first. She convinces him that she is indeed very real and George asks her a bunch of questions.
Geena tells George her story. That she was dropped and forgotten in the desert 3000 years ago when she has only one person left to grant wishes before she could retire. That one last person is now George. She waited 3000 years. She ends with: “So, Please, hurry up!”
INT. HOTEL ROOM – BATHROOM – DAY
Geena pees for a very long time while George impatiently hurries her on to get out so he can wish. She reminds him she’s been holding it for a while.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – DAY
George says his pondering whether to ask for riches or more wishes as a first wish. Geena sighs and rolls her eyes and says everyone knows it doesn’t work that way. Geena explains the rules and restrictions of the wishes. The powers for measurable wishes are still set to standards 3000 years ago. For instance “I wish to be rich” means that you get 8 goats. Filthy rich means you also get two camels. If you wish for success, the fulfillment of your wish means you won’t die of starvation and you’ll live past age 40. And of course, asking for unlimited, or more than three wishes is absolutely a no-no and means you’ll forfeit your wishes altogether. George gets very disappointed, even angry and tells Geena she’s useless and wasted his time. She says it’s interesting how quickly he went from not believing in a genie to taking her services for granted. Then she decides to get on his good side and asks him to please help her by asking for anything, she just wants to retire. But George forces her down in the lamp again and storms out. Geena asks for water on her way down. George doesn’t give her any. She reaches out and snatches a bottle of vodka from the minibar on her way down.
EXT. TENNIS COURT – DAY
George tries to find a tennis partner. He can find nobody to play with. Brad Brightly is playing with a partner. Then he plays double with another team. George hovers around them trying to look nonchalant. As Brad and his team leave George “happens” to walk right in front of them. Brad introduces George to his “full-time” tennis partner that travels with him on tour to keep him in shape. George pales with envy. He talks out loud to himself on his way back. “Full-time tennis partner.” That’s now the epitome of success in George’s eyes.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
George rubs the lamp and Geena appears. She complains that it’s night and she is not working overtime. George ignores her and says she knows what his first wish is. He wishes that Geena plays tennis with him any time he demands it. She doesn’t know what tennis is. He shows it on the TV. She pales. That looks like a lot of work, she says. She argues that she is only obliged to fulfill any wish of a repeated activity for the duration that she is tied to him. So, until he’s asked for his 3 wishes. Which she says she hopes will be by tomorrow. George says that he doesn’t care, he insists on his wish. Geena sighs and reluctantly says “As You Wish.”
EXT. TENNIS COURT – DAY
Transformational Event 2.
George and Geena play tennis. Geena sweats, huffs and puffs and it’s obvious she’s out of shape. Instead of helping and encouraging Geena, George uses her obvious struggles on the court as an opportunity to make himself look better.
George struts his stuff on the court, in an attempt to show off in front of everyone else on the court. It backfires. Instead, the people around him look at him with disdain and come to Geena’s support offering her water and encouraging words like “You’ll get it” “Great effort, hang in there“ One of them calls George “Asshole” as they walk by him. George looks surprised. It’s obvious from his reaction that he doesn’t get it.
EXT. HOTEL POOL – DAY
On the way back from tennis George and Geena stop at the pool. George tells Geena to disappear into the lamp. She says that he has no say over that until they’re back in the same room as the lamp – and since they are still on their way back from tennis she’s still under tennis assignment. He orders her to be nicer and she says that’s not included in the wish.
Geena also discovers all kinds of fun modern things, like floating toys, margaritas, and a radio.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Placeholder:
Geena keeps trying to make George make the next wish, as he forces her back into lamp, saying he hasn’t come up with the perfect wish yet. Maybe she comes with suggestions? Maybe she tries to bribe him in some way?
EXT. HOTEL – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: MONTAGE:
Geena and George play tennis over several days. Geena gets better. They bicker on the way back to the hotel. And on the court.
INT. CONFERENCE ROOM – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: George holds a lecture. He fails to keep the audience’s attention. He’s left alone. Lonely.
INT. HOTEL – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: George calls to talk to people/friends. Nobody picks up. He tries to talk to the hotel receptionist. She doesn’t pay attention.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – DAY
George brings Geena out of the lamp just to have someone to talk to. She says it’s not under her agreement. He forces her to listen by making her come to play tennis, and he talks/“vents” all the way to the court and while playing.
INT. HOTEL RESTAURANT – DAY
Turning point:
George sits by himself at a table. Brainstorms with himself, writes down possible wishes. Writes down other thoughts and ideas. Suddenly realizes as he writes it down the power he has now, in Geena having to stay around for as long as it takes until he’s asked for his three wishes.
George looks up and sees other people around him, in couples and in groups. They all look like they are having a good time together, laughing, talking. He’s the only one by himself. He looks very lonely. He puts a napkin over his cup and plate and rushes from the table. He returns with a protesting Geena. He says “we’re on our way to play tennis.”
Geena has a huge appetite at the breakfast buffet.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
PLACEHOLDER: Last night at this hotel. Scene between George and Geena. Geena wants George to wish. She urges him on. George refuses to make any more wishes. Geena calls George out on why he won’t make any wishes. Because nobody will be around him unless he forces them. He angrily stuffs her back into the lamp. She is heard furiously yelling through the lamp, that she will “make him” wish.
INT. LAMP – NIGHT
Geena is sad. She talks to herself in the lamp. About that George will never set her free. Then she talks herself up and vows to out-trick him. She brainstorms plans out loud to herself.
Act 2.
INT. CONVENTION CENTER – DAY
New plan
George arrives straight from traveling with a carry on suitcase. He sees that other public speakers have assistants. Bob Brightly is one of them. George realizes/thinks that he would look very successful with an assistant. He tells someone that he has had an assistant for years and that he was just generous and gave her the morning off today to sleep in. That she’ll be there later.
INT. CONVENTION CENTER – BATHROOM – DAY
Placeholder: George takes the lamp out of his carry on bag and rubs it and Geena appears. George asks for his second wish; for Geena to be by his side and help him anytime he demands. People look funny at them and make comments when they exit the men’s room together.
INT. CONVENTION, LECTURE HALL(S) – DAY
Plan in action – montage
MONTAGE
Several short scenes in which George uses Geena to sit in as a sidekick at lectures and to take payment for book sales, to appear rich and successful. Geena very reluctantly obeys. She looks bored. In an attempt to wear George out, she deliberately tries and sometimes succeeds in sabotaging more than helping. George holds out for the sake of the successful image of having an assistant. (Find a way to show this.)
EXT. CITY – DAY
TRANSFORMATIONAL EVENT 3
Walking from Convention Center to an Uber pickup spot Geena, who carries all the leftover books confronts George about his flaws verbally and points them out to him bluntly. She shows him examples and challenges him. He is in denial and makes excuses. (Old ways still have a strong hold on him.) They argue.
INT. UBER – DAY
Scene with Cab/Uber driver. Driving through the city. Geena and George in conflict. Geena is obnoxious to George, which the driver doesn’t hear. George threatens to lock Genie in the lamp and throw her at the bottom of the ocean. Driver hears this and is shocked. He immediately takes Geena’s side and threatens to call the Police. He thinks George is abusive to women and maybe a serial killer. Geena moves up front in the car. There’s a brief hint of a flirt between them.
EXT TENNIS COURT 2 – DAY
Placeholder:
George and Geena play tennis furiously, looking like they want to kill each other. Geena is a much better player now and gives George a tough match. After the game George yells to Geena. “I’m going out. Find your own way back to the hotel.” Or something to that extent.
INT. HOTEL ROOM 2 – NIGHT
Geena looks mighty pleased at for the first time being in the hotel room alone and still out of the lamp. She talks to the lamp. “Don’t you think I’m gonna go back in you when I don’t have to. She explores everything. Microwave, mini bar remote control. She finds room service on the remote. She orders tons of food. She is thoroughly enjoying herself. She orders food several times. The same guy keeps delivering them
Geena thinks the room service guy is a genie because he keeps coming when she orders him. She asks him about it. He is confused. She winks at him and says his secret is safe with her. She also feels bad for him. She says she knows what it’s like to be ordered to fulfill everyone’s wishes and winks at him again. She invites him to share her food. She insists.
When George comes back he finds Geena and the room service delivery guy surrounded by everything room service has to offer spread out on the bed. He freaks out at what the bill will be for all this.
INT. BOOK STORE – DAY
TRANSFORMATIONAL EVENT 4.
At a speaking engagement in a bookstore, a sincerely interested audience member (The therapist, potential love interest) asks George genuine questions and wants to discuss his theories in depth, sensing something therein that she might be able to use to help her clients. She says she found the book in the reception of the hotel she last stayed at. (Where George had left it in the beginning of this story) She is very excited to cross paths with him here. She believes in synchronicity. There are no coincidences. George blows her off in some way, because he sees someone else across the hall he thinks he should talk to. More important. Or he blows it by playing superior. He is rude and offends her. (Old ways still rule him.)
INT. LECTURE HALL – DAY
Midpoint
TRANSFORMATIONAL EVENT 5
The lecture hall has a real stage. George is on stage speaking to a small, yawning audience. Geena sits to the side of the stage. Suddenly George gets an upset stomach and has to run to the bathroom. There is an awkward silence. Then, the audience turns to Geena and start asking her questions. With her natural wisdom and common sense her answers and insights are a huge success. The audience loves her. When George comes back from the bathroom he stops at the side of the stage in shock. He sees how successful Geena is on stage. He hears what she says and sees how she behaves. Opportunity for him to internalize and learn New Ways. He is not quite ready for that yet, but it’s visible in his expression and eyes that somehow that something starts brewing inside him. He rushed Geena off stage and the seminar is over.
For the first time, a few books sell.
MONTAGE
Placeholder:
Short scenes of people talking as word gets out that George’s lectures are actually worth checking out. They talk about his “sidekick.”
Act 3.
Rethink everything
INT. LECTURE HALL 3 – DAY
An audience member asks specifically for Geena to answer her question. George observes Geena’s charisma on stage and changes his strategy for how he uses Geena. He lets her stay onstage for the whole seminar.
INT. CONFERENCE CENTER/ROOM – DAY
PLACEHOLDER:
Scene(s) that shows that George uses Gena more and in different ways. And that Geena takes to the attention and power she now has over George from being popular.
INT. LECTURE HALL – 4 DAY
PLACEHOLDER:
Geena decides to use her new power to make things even more difficult for George, so that he’ll get tired of her and finally ask for his last wish. She says bad things about George and answers in a rude way to the audience. But it all backfires, because she is so funny that the audience loves it and roars with laughter. A lot of books sell. Geena is pissed off. So is George. But he’s happy with the book sales.
EXT. TENNIS COURT – DAY
Geena and George play tennis. Someone comes up to Geena and asks her something. She says something to deliberately reflect poorly on George. He realizes that Geena has the power now, and that he needs to change his manners towards her to try to get her to change her attitude, without him having to ask for his last wish. He lets her win in tennis and praises her after the game. She sees through him.
EXT. RESTAURANT – DAY
TRANSFORMATIONAL EVENT 6
George and Geena wait outside a busy lunch restaurant for a table. They encounter the sincere audience woman again, also waiting for a table. She lives in this town. It turns out that she is a therapist. The host calls George and Geena to a table and they allow the woman to sit with them since she’s in a hurry. As a “thank you” she ends up giving them an impromptu free therapy session over lunch, first thinking they are a couple. This session turns into a Transformational Event where a lot of George’s selfish ways, cowardly behaviors, and denials are brought forth. Geena comes across as the nice person. It becomes clear that the Therapist stills sees something good in George. She says that it’s ok to be scared. Maybe even puts her hand on his in encouragement. Geena rolls her eyes. George is still resisting new ways but also starts to crack. When the therapist realizes Geena and George are not a couple she looks happy but tries to hide it.
EXT. CITY – DAY
George reluctantly, but sincerely mutters an apology to Geena for the first time. She milks it for all it’s worth.
INT. LARGE CONFERENCE ROOM – DAY
New Plan
George gives Geena even more time and visibility on stage, cashing in on her popularity. Geena gets exhausted. Says she’s not used to talking this much. She had nobody to talk to for 3 millenniums. Geena tells George that she is not interested in going any further than the wishes have obliged her to. She still gives blunt, often rude answers to the audience’s questions. This still backfires, as the audience loves them since they are funny and brimming with truth. And they have come to expect her to be like that. Geena is bummed. George is pleased and behaves victorious.
After a short coffee/bathroom break in the lecture, Geena changes strategy and starts mimicking George’s way of talking and the audience quickly loses interest. Some leave.
While George and Geena pack up after the lecture George confronts Geena about her change of style to deliberately chase people away. She plays oblivious and innocent. She says “What do you mean, I talked exactly the way you do? I learned from you.” First George argues and says she didn’t sound at all like him. She makes actual comparisons between what she said to what he always says and proves that she is right. After a moment George realizes that she’s right. George looks exasperated and Geena looks smug. She hums a happy melody. It’s obvious that she knows she has the upper hand now.
INT. PUBLIC RESTROOM – DAY
George looks in the mirror. He looks defeated. He sees an imaginary image of Geena behind him in the mirror, talking and sounding exactly like him and it’s monotonous and dull. George buries his face in his hands.
EXT. CITY – DAY
Placeholder
On the way to the hotel, after the lecture. Geena tells George that she will make him so unpopular by being exactly like him that nobody will buy his book or ever come to see him again unless he will ask her for his last wish just to. George hangs his head, resigned and defeated.
INT. HOTEL – DAY – MOMENTS LATER
TRANSFORMATIONAL EVENT 6B
Geena grabs a golf resort pamphlet and reads it at the bar. She spits out her drink when she sees a price for a golf stay there. She realizes that golf at resorts costs a lot of money. She needs money! Suddenly success becomes important to her as well.
INT. HOTEL ROOM 3 – DAY
PLACEHOLDER:
Geena tells George they need to get to work because she needs money. Now George has the power. He plays hard to get, but only for a minute. He needs Geena. She makes a deal with him to get a percentage of the book sales and speaker fees.
Turning point: Huge failure / major shift:
PLACEHOLDER: MONTAGE:
Scenes of mostly Geena speaking at different convention centers and book stores and hotels. She gives it her all now. She has her eyes set on success, which in her eyes mean money. Huge applause and great book sales. The success is there. The money. The audience.
INT. LECTURE HALL – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: After seminar. Huge success. George and Geena actually getting along and doing a high five. Talking about how awesome it’s going. Geena counts money. That’s all she cares about. George talks about how he’s becoming famous. He’s beaming. Maybe he even thanks Geena. A moment of positive peace. It looks like they are both on their way to get what they want.
EXT. NEWSSTAND -DAY
George picks up the local newspaper and there is a piece on him and Geena coming to town to speak. In the picture, Geena is in the foreground and he is barely visible behind her. And her name is first in the article.
INT. COFFEE SHOP – DAY
George stops to get a coffee. He overhears two women talking about his book in front of him in line. He perks up and is about to approach them when one of the women says that she heard that Geena ghostwrote the book and George just put his name on it and got all the credit. The other one says “I heard that too. Everyone knows it. She is so much smarter” “Typical men”.
INT. CONVENTION CENTER – DAY
Oprah calls Geena and wants to interview her, and only her. George completely loses it and yells at Geena. “ This is all mine! You’re just my assistant.” Or something like that. A lot of people hear him and frown upon George. They all turn to Geena, who offers a couple of nearby reporters interviews (the inside scope) for money.
INT. CONVENTION CENTER – DAY – LATER
Someone mistakes George for being Geena’s assistant. Maybe while selling books? He is completely broken.
INT. LUNCH RESTAURANT – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: Geena is getting cockier by the minute. She loves her new power and making money for her golf retirement. At the same time, she is bound by George’s control until he’s asked for all his wishes. Maybe he reminds her that she can only come out of the lamp when he asks her to be by his side? Somehow bring this up in a fight at the restaurant. Maybe they storm out, fighting. Maybe a couple to the side says something like, “See that’s why I don’t want to get married.” Or some other misinformed comment.
INT. HOTEL ROOM 4 – DAY
George threatens to never ask Geena to come out of the lamp again. Geena says that he can’t do without her. After all, she the reason they’re successful. But she doesn’t care, she has enough money for golf in Florida now. George threatens to throw the lamp in a dumpster with her in it. She pales but says he wouldn’t dare. They both express all the pain of a horribly co-dependent relationship. The fight escalates. Geena says something that is the straw that breaks the camel’s back. George completely loses it and without thinking he blurts out: “I wish I never had to see you again!” Geena Makes a victorious gesture (maybe she had planned this all along with this fight??) She grants him his wish and “swoosh”, she disappears. Maybe the lamp should explode into pieces when this happens, illustrating George’s complete crash and the irrevocable nature of the moment??
Act 4.
INT. DIFFERENT LECTURE HALLS – DAY
CLIMAX
PLACEHOLDER: Montage of quick scenes showing George being left on his own, having to find his own way to speak to an audience etc. He doesn’t do well at all. The audience keeps asking for Geena. George gets red in the face with frustration and embarrassment. But sticks to his Old Ways, badmouthing Geena, and tries to put up a forced facade. The audience leaves.
PLACEHOLDER: Another speaking engagement. Almost no people in the audience. Someone yawns.
PLACEHOLDER: After a lecture George talks to himself, accusing himself of being more like a failure than ever – a fraud. Admits it to himself.
EXT. TENNIS COURT – DAY
George looks lonelier than ever entering a tennis court, head down. He plays tennis against a wall. He sees something that reminds him of Geena and smiles a little in a sad way, indicating that he misses her after all.
INT. GEORGE’S APARTMENT – DAY
PLACEHOLDER ?: Maybe another scene in which George does something that shows that he feels bad that he treated Geena so badly. Maybe he has a part of the broken lamp left and looks at it with nostalgia and says something?? And he also does something that shows that he realizes his errors and flawed ways in other areas.
INT. GEORGE’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
TRANSFORMATIONAL EVENT 7
Someone knocks on the door, a stranger, feeling very lonely and depressed and asks for advice/help (after hearing about George??) George, acting very resigned himself is actually real and honest with the person. They have a good conversation. The person leaves feeling better. And after he leaves George looks lighter, invigorated. He undergoes a major change.
INT. UNIVERSITY – AULA
George holds a speech at a school. For the first time, he starts off just talking honestly. Hesitantly at first. He becomes an authentic speaker. He stops pretending to be perfect to his audience and speaks from his heart and truth. He says that all this started because he genuinely wanted to help people. And he still does. But he got lost. He speaks about his errors. And how they harmed him and everyone around. People start listening. He gets a standing ovation and people cry at the end of his speech.
EXT. OUTDOOR SPEAKING EVENT – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: Scene showing that George becomes increasingly popular, but that he is not at all driven by that anymore.
INT. TED TALK LOCATION – DAY
POSSIBLE PLACEHOLDER: George holding a Ted Talk.
EXT. GOLF COURSE – DAY
Geena plays golf, fully decked out in golf gear. She smiles It looks like she’s happy and living the good life with new golf buddies.
Then Geena suggests a friendly competition with her co-players for the last 9 holes and they refuse to have any of it. They say that golf is a gentleman’s sport and they don’t need to compete among friends.
After the last hole, they pass a tennis court on the way back to the clubhouse. Geena looks over at the tennis court wistfully. She asks if anyone is up for a game. They look at her like she is crazy.
Geena looks reminiscent. She thinks she sees George playing at the tennis court and actually lights up. It’s not him. She hears in her head the mean things she yelled to him the last time she saw him. Her golf friends say something to her and it jolts her back to reality. She shakes it off and laughs at something. But something looks changed in her.
Resolution
TRANSFORMATIONAL EVENT 8
George checks in at a big convention. It’s obvious that it’s a prestigious place. The Check-In Lady asks about Geena whom he was booked to speak together with. George says that he’ll be doing it alone. The Check-In Lady says you have to stick to what you put on the schedule. “You had months to change or update it. It’s too late.” You have disqualified yourself.” George is devastated. He says it’s the most important convention of the year.
Just then Geena shows up. George is shocked. He says he thought he’d never see her again. She says that his wish was that “ he’d never HAVE to see her again”, but she knows that he secretly WANTED to see her again, here at the convention, and WANTING TO is not the same as “HAVING TO” so her showing up is unrelated to his last wish. So, she decided to come. Because she wanted to see him, as well, she admits. George lights up. The Check-In Lady looks confused at the conversation.
They have the courage to admit that they missed each other and that they are friends. For real. The Check-In Lady is sour and ask them to hurry up and be done with the make-up party. They get their badges. They say something like “Let’s do this.”
INT. HUGE CONVENTION HALL – DAY
George’s and Geena’s last seminar together. It is a huge success. They hug and thank each other publicly and give each other praise.
Brad Brightly appears in the audience and congratulates them on an a fantastic seminar. They outsold his seminar, but he doesn’t care. He just loves good teachings/lectures. Really means it. He’s bright and sincere as always.
After the seminar, the therapist woman approaches them, with admiring eyes on George. Geena nudges him until he asks the therapist out for dinner. She lights up and happily accepts.
EXT. CONVENTION CENTER – DAY
Geena gets into an Uber.
INT. UBER – DAY
The driver is the same driver she had a hint of a flirt with earlier and who “protected her” from George. They talk. Geena asks if he plays golf. He says “heck, yeah.” She ask if he thinks it’s wrong to compete among friends at the golf course. He says “heck, no.”
TITLE CARD: 1 YEAR LATER
EXT. FLORIDA GOLF RESORT – POOL – DAY
INSERT: Closeup of George on the cover of TIME Magazine.
We pull back from the magazine cover and see Geena by the pool with the magazine. She sips a Tom Collins, picks up her phone and calls George, and congratulates him. The Uber driver sits in the pool chair next to her.
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Lesson 8 – Bernadette Wilson – Add Theme and Antagonist
What I learned from this lesson is there are many characters arriving in my brain to serve the plot. Increasing their presence will support the movie.
ACT 1:
SCENE 1 – INT – NYU Therapy Room – DAY
Brinda is treating a drag queen patient in therapy.
INTERCUT – INT: Jesse’s Loft – NIGHT
Jesse is photographing and flirting with Mimi through photo lens.
INT – NYU THERAPY TO BATHROOM – DAY
The Drag Queen finishes therapy, goes to bathroom and takes off makeup and goes out with a bag in daylight dressed back as a man.
INTERCUT
INT: – JESSE”S LOFT – NIGHT
MIMI gets up from the bed and goes to Jesse.
SCENE 2 – INT: BRINDA”S APARTMENT – DAY
Brinda is typing and fixing her thesis. She takes paper out of typewriter and goes to her bathroom.
INT: BRINDA”S BATHROOM – DAY Continuous
She practices her speech in mirror and fails.
She gets a phone call from one of the gay models that Jesse is not at the loft. They’re all waiting outside. Brinda puts everything down and goes to the loft.
EXT/INT: JESSE’S LOFT – DAY
The queens are pissed. Brinda lets them into loft. Brinda calls Jesse’s answering service. He has not picked up his messages. The bed is unmade. Undeveloped shot film in camera. Brinda takes out the film and puts it in her pocket. Police knock at the door. Brinda opens up door. They take her and the queens downtown. The police tell Brinda that Jesse has been killed.
TE: Jesse is killed
SCENE 3: POLICE STATION – DAY
They show Brinda the pictures of Jesse dead. CAL PRATNER -DETECTIVE start interrogating her. She pleads she had not seen him. That she has nothing to do with the murder. One of the SECRETARIES recognizes Brinda as Jack Cage’s kid.
SCENE 4: POLICE STATION – DAY
Jesse’s parents come in and scream at Brinda
SCENE 5 – POLICE STATION – Day
Jesse’s father, who knows the Head Detective says to look into the deviants who might have done this. His boy was a good boy. He accuses Brinda of something. She led Jesse down wrong path.
Scene 6 – POLICE STATION – DAY
They start interrogating one of the Queens – MARBELL – and she tells story of Brinda. MARBELL flirts with cop. Cop punches her.
Scene 7 – INT POLICE STATION – DAY
DR. SONYA, Brinda’s mentor and professor comes in and gets her.
SCENE 8: INT POLICE STATION – DAY
CAL talk to HIS BOSS (HEAD OF DETECTIVE UNIT) about the likes of Brinda. Cal does not think she did it.
SCENE 8 – INT – DR. SONYA”S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Dr. Sonya calms Brinda down and has her go to sleep.
Cal calls and sees how she is doing. Dr. Sonya says she’s in shock but I have helped her. When she gets off phone there’s another phone call. It’s Mimi and she warns Dr. Sonya to leave Brinda alone – Don’t touch her.
SCENE 9 – INT – DR. SONYA”S APARTMENT
Brinda wakes up and goes back to her apartment.
Scene 10 – EXT/INT BRINDA”S APARTMENT
In the taxi Brinda reaches into pocket and out comes the film. Brinda gets out of taxi and goes into her apartment.
Her apartment looks different. She turns on little tv/radio and listens to news. One of her friends from upstairs comes down and talks to her. If they can do anything.
SCENE 11: INT PHOTOGRAPHY STUDIO DARKROOM – DAY
Brinda goes into darkroom where it reveals the pictures Jesse took before he died. The woman is hiding amongst the sheets. She has blonde hair. Black and White photos.
SCENE 12: INT – POLICE STATION – DAY
Cal is having fight with wife. Brinda comes in with the photos to CAL. He’s on his way to go see a Dr. Feelgood. Brinda wants to come. Cal says no – Brinda insists.
SCENE 13: INT – DR. FEELGOOD’S OFFICE – DAY
Weird office. Ask him about the party he had. Jesse was there with a lady. He borrowed my car.
SCENE 14: INT – CAFÉ WHA – NIGHT
Brinda working in café. Cal walks in. They become friends again.
SCENE 15: EXT – CAR ON HIGHWAY – NIGHT
Mimi takes another victim. After she does her business she rolls the car off highway with murder victim in it.
SCENE 16 – EXT – HIGHWAY – DAY
THE HEAD OF POLICE DETECTIVES and Cal take a look at the scene. Pretty brutal yet the same type of killing. The eye is gouged out. This person, whoever it is is crazy.
SCENE 17 – INT – NYU THERAPY SESSION – NIGHT
This is Dr. Sonya’s office
Another patient of Brinda’s on the couch. They leave Brinda is taking notes after the session. Phone call of Mimi crying to her. She calls Cal.
SCENE 18 – INT – BRINDA’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Cal comes over. Tells about the phone call.
SCENE 19 – INT – POLICE STATION – DAY
Cal tells police chief that strange call.
POLICE CHIEF say leave it.
TE: They have to go to the docks and seedy places and ask around. It GOES INCREDIBLY WRONG
SCENE 20 – EXT – NY VILLAGE STREET – NIGHT
Brinda walking home thinks she’s being followed.
SCENE 21- INT – BRINDA”S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Her apartment looks disheveled. Looks like someone was looking for something. Asks her neighbor.
SCENE – 22 – MAILBOX – BOTTOM OF APARTMENT – NIGHT
Brinda gets a letter. Don’t go out at night alone.
I think the person was protecting someone. Looking for the film role.
SCENE – 23 – POLICE STATION – DAY
Brinda accuses someone of spying on her. It’s Jesse’s parents hired a detective undercover.
SCENE 24 – DETECTIVE”S OFFICE – DAY
Heat upstairs. We need undercover. Cal hates playing pansy. Won’t do it. How about Brinda?
SCENE 25 – EXT – OUTSIDE POLICE HEADQUARTERS – DAY
Cal tries to talk Brinda into it. She says no at first but then says Yes. We’ll train you.
ACT 2
SCENE 26 – INT – POLICE TRAINING CENTER – DAY
Cal teaches Brinda how to shoot. Perfect shot.
SCENE 27 – INT – DRESSING ROOM OF TRAINING CENTER – DAY
They put Brinda in Cigarette girl outfit.
SCENE 28 – INT – FANCY CLUB – NIGHT
Everyone there and undercover as show goes on. WRONG PERSON gets caught. Someone recognizes Brinda. One of her clients. Another man found in the bathroom killed. He was getting fresh with Brinda.
SCENE 29 – INT – BRINDA”S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Brinda gets home and can’t wait to get out of these stupid clothes – bras, undies, etc. She gets phone call again. The same woman crying. Oddly it’s familiar.
SCENE 30 – INT – MAYBEL’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Brinda comes over and gets hugged and nurtured by Maybel. Maybel asks to stay with Brinda. Brinda says yes.
SCENE 31 – MIMI STRIKES AGAIN – NIGHT
PLACEHOLDER: Something by MIMI should happen here. They figure out that Anyone close to Brinda is getting hurt or killed.
SCENE 31 – NYU THERAPY OFFICE – DAY
Cal shows up with search warrant for Dr. Sonya’s and Brinda’s patients. Both dr. and Brinda get pissed. Cal believes its one of their clients. It’s a confidential study.
SCENE 32 – MIMI goes to THERAPY – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: Does Mimi go into have therapy with Dr. Sonya. Mimi does not know that it was her. She has changed so much. Does she come in dressed as a man who is actually a woman.
SCENE 33 – INT – BRINDA’s APARTMENT – DAY
Cal is talking to Brinda. Brinda insists that it can’t be one of her people. They confide in me and trust me. None of them are violent. Violence has been inflicted upon them, but they aren’t themselves violent. Maybel comes in. Tells where there are offbeat places that the police are not looking.
ACT 3
SCENE 34 – GAY BALLS – HARLEM – NIGHT
PLACEHOLDER: A place where they decide to have a Marilyn Ball. To see if they can find the killer there. NO GO and Mimi is not there.
SCENE 35 –INT – 21 CLUB – NIGHT
Mimi is taking some other guy for a ride.
SCENE 36 – INT – POLICE STATION – DAY
POLICE HEAD DETECTIVE is yelling at Cal. Telling him he’s messing up this case. He’s getting heat from above. Fix it.
SCENE 37 – INT – NYU THERAPY ROOM DR SONYA”S OFFICE – NIGHT
Brinda finishing up her therapy sessions. She’s typing up reports. She hears something. She goes out into the hall and does not see anything. Comes back in to another phone call. It’s Mimi – she says look deep in the files. Brinda asks can she meet her somewhere. Mimi cries and hangs up.
SCENE 38 – INT – NY BAR – NIGHT
Cal feeling pretty shooken up. His wife left him and his boss just chewed him out. Girls try flirting with him. He responds.
SCENE 39 – INT – DR. SONYA’S OFFICE – NIGHT
Brinda starts looking through Dr. Sonya’s files. For something – anything that will lead her to Mimi. She’s frustrated that she can’t find anything. Brinda finds her file, the one from her mental institution days. She finds some weird shit in there. She takes the file.
Scene 40 – INT – DR. SONYA”S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Brinda confronts Dr. Sonya about her file. That she knew her mother. Tell me about my mother. Dr. Sonya is reluctant. Was my father really my father? Brinda gets hysterical. Why did he put me here really? Who Am I scene.
SCENE 41 – DR. SONYA”S BEDROOM – DAY
Brinda wakes up again. She doesn’t know where she is. There is a phone ringing. She listens from inside the bedroom as Dr. Sonya picks up the phone and starts an argument with someone on the phone.
INTERCUT – INT – PHONE BOOTH – DAY
Mimi is telling Dr. Sonya to not lay a finger on the girl. Dr. Sonya is remaining calm and asks who it is. Mimi says – you created me. You know exactly who I am.
SCENE 42 – INT – DR. SONYA”S BEDROOM – DAY
Brinda gets back into bed and waits for Dr. Sonya to get off the phone. She pretends she’s asleep. Dr. Sonya comes in and checks in on her. She leaves. Brinda then gets up.
SCENE 43 – Dr. SONYA’S STUDY – DAY
Brinda starts snooping and she almost finds another file on a M. CAGE. She hears someone come in and she closes the file cabinet. It’s Dr. Sonya’s maid. Brinda apologizes and leaves but gets the file first.
SCENE 44 – BRINDA’s APARTMENT – DAY
Brinda starts searching through the file. For the first time she is learning about her mother. That she was put through all of these tests. That she actually thought that she was normal. That her husband abused her, she almost killed him one night. That’s when she was put away. They put her on all these drugs. That a lobotomy was ordered for her to calm her down. Because she liked women too! Dr. Sonya stopped the lobotomy. Somehow no more, notes. – Just that she deceased in 1955. Well – if she’s dead, then who is it calling me? Brinda takes Jesse’s camera and photographs all the notes. A friend at café calls. BRINDA SAYS SHE WILL EWORK A SHIFT FOR HER TONIGHT.
SCENE 45 – CAFÉ WHA – NIGHT
PLACEHOLDER: Maybel comes in to talk. Tell Brinda that someone trashed the apartment.
SCENE 46 – BRINDA’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Binda comes in and notices the place trashed and the file gone. Some old albums that were her parents. An old Marilyn Monroe album. But they did not take the camera because Brinda had the film with her.
SCENE 47 – INT – POLICE STATION – NIGHT
Brinda comes in and tells Cal about the file and that it was stolen.
SCENE 48 – INT – Dr. Sonya’s apartment – Night
When they arrive at Dr. Sonya’s apartment, she is suffering a stab wound. They call an ambulance.
SCENE 49 – INT – ST. Vincent’s Hospital outside of the hospital room. – Night
Brinda and Cal talk about the file. Maybe the killer is trying to tell me about my mother. That they’re protecting me somehow. Maybe they were there at the same time and she’s or he is protecting me. Cal says – don’t know – but we have to find out. He takes the developed files from Brinda and leaves.
SCENE 50 – INT – HOSPITAL ROOM – NIGHT
Dr. Sonya is coming back to life. Brinda is there for her.
Dr. Sonya is trying to speak to Brinda. Trying to tell her something. “THE file is not real.” What? Brinda is trying to understand her. There is a power shortage. Lights go out. When they come back on. Dr. Sonya is dead. Brinda is frozen. Someone did her in in the dark.
SCENE 51 – EXT – NY STREET – DAY
Brinda is just walking and thinking. Does not know what to make of the situation.
SCENE 52 – POLICE STATION – DAY
Cal gets the records seen from the mental institution. He cannot put together the two things. Brinda comes in and they find out that it was Dr. Sonya who was giving the drugs. She had protected many people in getting out of the institution, but some of the ones she helped, she did not help. She did not see them for who they were after a while but that she tried to save anyone from lobotomy. Not Dr. Feelgood. Cal gets a call from a anonymous caller that there is trouble at The Met. Need to get here in time. Cal leaves Brinda at the chair.
SCENE 53 – INT – THE MET – NIGHT
Cal arrives at Met. Does not know what’s coming.
SCENE 54 – EXT – NY CITY STREET – NIGHT
Brinda is walking and thinking and then, she stops and thinks about something Mimi had said to her on the phone. “That’it’s mythical in the file. Brinda runs to get a cab.
SCENE 55 – THE MET – NIGHT – By Roman Statues
Brinda gets to the MET and sees Mimi trying to kill Cal. She stops her from doing it and reveal to Brinda that it was Cal who killed her father Jack. Brinda says was he my father? Mimi gets pissed. She runs and Brinda shoots at her, not to kill her but to stop her from killing Brinda. Mimi can’t believe what they’ve done to Brinda her daughter – my baby. Mimi runs away – Brinda goes to Cal.
SCENE 56 – THERAPY OFFICE – DAY
Brinda is now on the couch, talking about her life and trying to get a handle on the fact that she’s not alone and her mother is alive, out there somewhere.
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Kim Michael McCarthy Lesson 8 Beat Sheet Draft 2
“What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.
I learned that building my story fast at first and a small section at a time makes good sense. 😊
Pass 1: Interweave theme throughout the beat sheet.
Pass 2: Build in the Antagonist Journey.
Themes in GOLD MOUNTAIN LOVE
Finding self-love, regret over lost love, sacrificing for love, power/strength of family/friendship.
What is this story about?
My shy, solitaire, unconfident Protagonist loses the love of his life, his mother, and seeks revenge toward the Protagonist, who killed her. This revenge turns to becoming self-confidence, loving himself, and receiving the love of everyone else too.
What is the real issue I want to explore?
I you do not feel loved can you love yourself or anyone else?
What is the meaning of all this?
Is love the answer?
The theme shows up in three stages:
It is introduced lightly near the beginning.
It is explored throughout the story.
It evolves into the message that is delivered at the END.
High Speed Beat 2
1. Listen to the Empowerment Audio.
https://30dayscript.s3.amazonaws.com/Empowerment+Audio.m4a
DONE / CHECK
Protagonist: WILLIAM, a young adventurous mountain goat with a forward-facing head horn that makes trumpet sounds.
Antagonist: MR. BURNISH SISROW METALBAUM, an unscrupulous and greedy gold mining company owner/boss, who will evilly destroy an ancient sacred mountain to steal its gold, if he is not stopped.
Keep in mind that your Antagonist will operate in one of these three versions:
A. Have a plan in motion before the movie started. They were already in action on their plan and the Protagonist stepped into it, often without knowing.
B. Ongoing back and forth with the Protagonist — Attack/Counterattack.
C. My ANTAGONIST MR. METALBAUM is doing this:
Plan beneath the plan: This one looks like Attack/Counterattack, but there is something deeper going on under the surface as the Antagonist carries out a covert plan of attack which is HE WAS NEVER LOVED growing up.
Act 1:
INT. GOATS DEN – MORNING
· Opening: WILLIAM awakes from a dream in which he is teased by his playmates while playing tag. WILLIAM is sent on an errand by his mother to gather grass for dinner.
TE 1) WILLIAM dreams that he is teased by his playmates for his appearance (a forward-facing head horn that make trumpet sounds) while playing a game of tag with them.
EXT. GOLD MOUNTAIN PLATEAU – DAY
While doing his errand, the nearby bear family promises WILLIAM honey from an out of reach beehive, if he helps them get it. He does. The bear family tricks WILLIAM and they do not give him any honey. WILLAM fails to finish his errand and does not get the honey that he was promised. WILLIAM runs away from home feeling sad and that he is worthless.
EXT. GOLD MOUNTAIN SUMMIT – DAY
TE 2) WILLIAM failed to finish his chore. WILLIAM is tricked by the bear family. WILLIAM runs away from home.
Inciting Incident: WILLIAM’S mother is worried that he did
not come home. She goes out looking for him. She is killed by a rockslide caused by a dynamite blast order by METALBAUM. WILLIAM wants revenge for his mother’s death. WILLIAM must stop Mr. METALBAUM and his work crew from
destroying the sacred mountain… before it is too late.PLACEHOLDER: MR. METALBAUM only loves the power of gold and will do anything to get it.
EXT. RIVER HEAD TRAIL – DUSK
TE 3) While WILLIAM’S mom is searching for him, because he did not come home from his chore, WILLIAM sees his beloved mother get killed.
· Turning Point: WILLIAM searching for a way to get METALBAUM’S miners to leave the sacred mountain, gets shot, by a stray bullet, meant for mountain lions prowling around the encampment. WILLIAM, injured and sacred, retreats down to the desert.
PLACEHOLDER: MR. METALBAUM shoots at a pride of prowling mountain lions in his mining encampment. METALBAUM’S ricocheted bullet hits WILLIAM in the front shoulder.
EXT. METALBAUM’S EMCAMPMENT – NIGHT
TE 4) WILLIAM is hurt from the gun shot. He retreats to the desert sacred, lonely, and defeated.
Act 2:
New plan: WILLIAM is ready to give up
meets, a Scorpion Mom and her twins while nursing his bullet wounds at the desert that he retreated to. They form an alliance, become true friends of WILLIAM, and offer to help him get rid of METALBAUM and his mining crew.EXT. DESERT – SUNRISE
TE 5) WILLIAM meets the SCOPION MOM and her TWINS when he retreats to the desert. The SCOPION mom nurses WILLIAM back to health. A love interest ensures. WILLIAM gains strength and confidence.
· Plan in action: The alliance, WILLIAM, the SCOPION Mom and her TWINS, head up to the encampment at the mountain’s river head. The TWINS are holding onto WILLIAMS head horns one TWIN on each head horn. the SCORPIO MOM is riding on top of WILLIAM’S head. Once there, the alliance realize that they are outnumbered.
TE 6) METALBAUM is building a mountain river dam for water that he needs for his mining operation. He sees the alliance sneaking around AND throws rocks at WILLIAM. A softball size rock bounced off WILLIAM’S head horn and hits MR. METALBAUM square in the groin. He doubles up, falls to his knees groaning in pain. The alliance escapes to safety back to the desert oasis pond.
PLACEHOLDER: MR. METALBAUM angerly forces his men to work extra hard if they want to eat their grub from the chuck wagon. HE then promises them a treat (whiskey for everyone) if they finish setting the dynamite charges in one day’s time normally a two-day job, if done safely. He cares less for their safety. He just wants to steal the gold quickly before the US Cavalry returns to check on his progress.
Midpoint Turning Point: WILLIAM, The SCORPOIN Mom and her TWINS (The Alliance) adopt WILLIAM has their best buds. WILLIAM feels safe with them. They have never seen a mountain goat before, and WILLIAM’S head horn that makes trumpet sounds, is not odd to the SCORPION Mom or her TWINS. They think all goats head horns look and sound that way. The SCORPION Mom likes WILLIAM a lot.
WILLIAM heals from his gunshot wound while being his nursed by the SCORPION Mom. WILLIAM becomes confident in himself. A love interest insures. WILLIAM delights in his new family and living in the desert.
The alliance goes for a day of fun at the desert oasis pond. There they get to meet and have fun with the beavers, the fish, the turtles, and the ducks. All get along. Life is sweet. Everyone plays water games together.
EXT. DESERT – DAY
TE 7) WILLIAM make best friends easily at the desert oasis with every creature in the pond. All think WILLIAM is so cool when his head horn makes trumpet sounds. WILLIAM’S new life is easy and fun.
Act 3:
Rethink everything: WILLIAM loose interest in revenge.
EXT. DESERT OASIS – DAY
TE 8) WILLIAM gets “comfortable” in his new desert home and life. He loses interest in revenge.
New plan: WILLIAM wants to become a happy and loved “desert goat”.
TE 9) WILLIAM make best friends easily at the desert oasis with every creature in the pond. All think WILLIAM is so cool when his head horn makes trumpet sounds. WILLIAM’S new life is easy and fun.
Turning Point: METALBAUM’S dam stops the mountain river head from flowing to the desert oasis pond. The pond begins to dry
up. Everything depends on the water and is in danger of dying.EXT. METALBAUM’S ENCAMPMENT – DAY
TE 10) METALBAUM dams the sacred mountain river head. Water stops flowing down the mountain to the desert oasis. All are in peril of dying without water.
PLACEHOLDER: MR. METALBAUM’S greed of having lots of gold, feels that gold gives him love, which he does not have and desperately wants. (Plan beneath a plan?)
· Huge failure / Major shift
WILLIAM and his new family and all who live at the desert oasis are in danger of dying without water which METALBAUM has dammed up. The sacred mountain WILLIAM’S old home and all who live there are still in danger also. With a strength and confidence of WILLIAM’S newfound love (the SCORPION Mom and her TWINS) WILLIAM plans an attack on METALBAUM’S encampment, aided by and together with all the desert pond oasis creatures.
Act 4:
· Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: The plan is in place, designed by WILLAIM, who knows the mountain area better than anyone. An attack from land and air is executed.
EXT. DESERT OASIS – NIGHT
TE 11) Everyone on the desert oasis pond looks to WILLIAM to do something, since he knows the mountain so well. WILLIAM bravely and smartly leads a ‘WAR PARTY’ of pond creatures to get MEATLBAUM’S crew from destroying the desert and the sacred mountain.
· Resolution: WIILIAM leads all his pals from his new home the desert, to save his old home, the sacred mountain. A battle ensues. Teaming up under WILLIAMS direction, a fierce battle ensues. The encampment is destroyed by WILLIAM and his desert friends. METALBAUM and his work crew abandon the mountain. They retreat to place far away.
EXT. MEALBAUM’S ENCAMPMENT – NIGHT
TE 12) A fierce battle ensues, WILLAIM gets captured and is scheduled to be killed and cooked for crew grub. WILLIAM frees himself. WIILIAM sets the encampment supply wagons a blaze. WILLIAM pushes the dynamite charges into the dammed water. The NATIVE AMERICAN TRIBE join in the battle. Victory is secured and METALBAUM’S crew retreat off the mountain to parts unknown. WILLIAM’S heroics save the ancient sacred mountain and the desert oasis. WILLIAM is the HERO. Everyone loves WILLAIM.
PLACEHOLDER: MR METALBAUM is defeated and loses his chance at stealing / getting all the gold from the ancient sacred mountain. He loses his business and is shunned by all. He has an epiphany and becomes a BILBLE SALESMAN wandering the desert preaching the GOOD BOOK and LOVE THY NEIGHBOR.
Ext. GOLD MOUNTAIN SUMMIT – DAY
WILLIAM saves the sacred mountain and the desert oasis from METALBAUM’S greed and destruction. WILLIAM is the HERO and takes a leadership role of the protector and defender of the sacred mountain and desert. Everyone LOVE’s WILLIAM the Hero and saving GOLD MOUNTAIN.
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Stafford’s Beat Sheet Draft 2
What I learned from this assignment was how important my 2nd lead is to my protagonist’s journey. When both worlds collide, they will balance one another. Both have opposite goals, and it will cause friction between the two within the storyline. I’ve always been taught your story is only as good as your villain.
List of main beats from my Antagonist’s story — Glorivette Gomez
– Glorivette meets Mateo Vargas on her first day of work. There’s an instant attraction between the two.
– Glorivette receives a ride home from Mateo after a party, they bond during the drive.
– Glorivette invites Mateo into her apartment. They drink and have sex.
– Glorivette engages into an affair with Mateo.
– When she realizes Mateo avoiding her after their time together, Glorivette threatens Mateo.
– Glorivette kills Ricky.
– Glorivette taunts Mateo while he’s with Marisol at Ricky’s funeral.
– Glorivette kills anyone who gets in her way; regarding her Mateo.
– Glorivette tells Marisol about the affair with Mateo; causing a rift in Mateo’s relationship.
– Glorivette gets into a scuffle with Mateo in his hotel room. Mateo threatens to kill her.
– Glorivette tracks down Mateo and Marisol, and comes close to killing them.
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James E. Clark Beat Sheet Draft Two
What I learned from this assignment: Codifying where the Theme is revealed in the “beats” clarifies the Antagonist for me.
THEME: Dying with dignity
ANTAGONIST: Time – because for Protagonist, it’s finite.
1. Act 1: 25-30 pages Set up and see old ways
Opening:
EXT. COMPANY HEADQUARTERS – DAY
Sr. Chief Carrie Waters I inspecting her sailors for morning “Formation”.
EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY
Sr. Chief Waters is berating a young sailor for not remember how to operate the heavy earth mover. She does it nicely but firmly.
INT. CHAPEL CONFRENCE ROOM – NIGHT
Sr. Chief Waters I at a Women’s Bible study on the Navy base. The younger women gravitate to her for advice.
INT. DOJO – NIGHT
Sr. Chief Waters is at a dojo wearing a 3<sup>rd</sup> degree Black Belt. She’s teaching children the art of Tai Kwon Do.
Inciting Incident:
INT. NAVY MEDICAL OFFICE – DAY
Carrie is in the doctor’s office on base. She’s been given the news of a terminal diagnosis. We don’t hear what it is, but we see her reaction.
INT. BATALLION COMMANDER’S OFFICE – DAY
Her Commanding Officer and the Battalion Command Master Chief instruct her that she is going into forced retirement. She has 60 days.
TE1: She tries to convince them that she can continue to do the job for more years. The Command Master Chief sets her straight
THEME: She knows her life will end soon. She experiences the pain of losing her career.
Act 1 Turning Point:
TE2 She finally learns to accept that she won’t make Master Chief.
THEME: She has to speed up her plan for her Bucket List.
EXT. AUCTION – DAY
Carrie purchases an old school bus
EXT. NAVY BASE MECHANICS SHOP – DAY
Carrie is working on transforming the bus into an RV
EXT. NAVY BASE MECHANIC SHOP – NIGHT
Carrie is putting the final touches on the build out. The look is practical but definitely feminine.
INT. CARRIE’S BASE HOUSING – NIGHT
Carrie is planning a trip with a map of the US. She learns about RV life from Youtube.
EXT. BATALLION HEADQUARTERS PARADE GROUND – DAY
Carrie is being honored for her retirement.
INT. BASE CLUB – NIGHT
Carries sailors throw her a going away party.
2. Act 2: 20-30 pages – challenge the old ways
INT. RV – DAY
Carrie is driving on a highway
TE3 Barking orders to civilians. OOOPS!
EXT. BOONDOCK SITE – DAY
Carrie rankles people in an RV caravan by giving orders when she thinks she’s suggesting. She can’t understand why people dislike her.
EXT BOONDOCK SITE – DAY
There’s a problem with her solar electrical system and she can’t figure it out. She asks for help from the group. Everyone turns her down except for one person, a guy with other interests
INT. RV – DAY
Carrie s cooking a large pot of food
EXT. BOONDOCK SITE – NIGHT
She tries is to be nice by sharing food. A couple of people warm up to her, both women. But others still reject her and the guy treats her poorly because he didn’t get the kind of attention he wanted.
INT. RV – DAY
Carrie gets out of bed. Somethings different. She starts manifesting physical ailments that hinder her – slight, but there.
THEME: Symptoms are manifesting.
EXT BOONDOCK SITE – DAY
She’s feeling hurt but thankful for the two friends she made. She leaves the caravan group and goes off on her own.
EXT. HIGHWAY – DAY
Carrie’s RV is driving through red rock country of southern Utah.
INT. RV – NIGHT
Early AM. Carrie is finishing her morning Bible study.
EXT. BRYCE CANYON – DAY
It’s still dark. Carries stands at the edge looking down into the canyon watching the colors of the rack change as the sun rises.
TE4: She’s touched by the beauty.
THEME: She’s finite. God’s creation will outlast her.
EXT. CHURCH – DAY
Church that needs some TLC.
INT. CHURCH OFFICE – DAY
Carrie offers to add some landscaping in exchange for staying in the parking lot.
EXT. CHURCH – DAY
Landscaping has shrubs and flowers and a sprinkler system. The building has been painted. Pastor offers her payment. She declines.
EXT. CHURCH CAMP – DAY
Carrie’s RV pulls into the camp. She has a gig at a church camp. She does not charge for her work. It’s her way of serving.
INT. CAMP OFFICE – DAY
Carrie asks for the Camp Director by name. Secretary says he’s retired and there’s a new Director is a former Navy SEAL that she almost married twelve years prior. Feelings still exist.
TE5: Now she had to deal with feelings that she has suppressed for twelve years.
THEME: Now she has to deal with love again in a limited time frame.
Turning Mid Point 2:
TE6: Barking orders – AGAIN.
INT. COUNTY PERMIT OFFICE – DAY
Carrie is trying to get a permit for construction work at the Camp. Bureaucrat is not cooperating. She reverts to “giving orders’. WRONG TACTIC. Leaves without the permit.
INT. COUNTY PERMIT OFFICE – DAY
Carrie returns. Apologizes explain she’s trying to adjust to civilian life. Bureaucrat is having none of it. Still no permit.
INT. CAMP OFFICE – DAY
Carrie informs SEAL of situations. He picks up the phone and calls to Permit office and speaks with the bureaucrat. He asks if they are still going fishing on Friday and then asks for the permit. Done deal. Carrie shakes her head.
TE7 – Carrie feels inept.
EXT. CAMP – DAY
A forest fire starts and the wind is blowing it toward the camp. Carrie and the SEAL use their command skills to create fire breaks, organize staff and campers for potential evacuation. She’s in her element.
TE 8- She’s getting her confidence back.
3. Act 3: 20 – 30 pages – With Mid Point Change Profound moments give us New Ways
TE 9: Learns that civilian life takes a different skill set to navigate day to day activities.
EXT. CAMP – DAY
The fire missed them. Carrie is beginning to see that even in civilian life, she needs to rely on teams to accomplish large tasks.
TE10: She goes back to her NCO training for getting the task done, but now treats the volunteers as her equal.
EXT. CAMP – DAY
Carrie is directing volunteers on multiple projects both inside and outside. She oversees the work and is having a great time.
INT. RV – NIGHT
Carrie is feeling more tired than usual. Symptoms are increasing. She opens her map. She started out needing 14 states to visit. She now only needs 7 more.
THEME: SYMPTOMS BEGIN TP TAKE THEIR TOLL.
EXT CAMP – DAY
She and the SEAL have fallen back in love. He agrees to support her travel goal. She agrees to return when she’s facing imminent death.
Projects are done. She and the SEAL – Director say their goodbyes.
THEME: THE END IS NOW IN SIGHT.
INT. RV – DAY
Carrie is on the road.
INT. CAMP OFFICE – DAY
SEAL (gotta give this guy a name) is on the phone talking with his sister who does human interest stories for a major Christian television network.
EXT. CAMPSITE – DAY
Smokie Mountains. SEAL’s sister and Carrie sit in camp chairs. A film crew is setting up.
TE11: She’s interviewed on TBN
EXT. CHRISTIAN SCHOOL – DAY
Flags on flag pole are ragged. Flag pole leans.
INT. HARDWARE STORE – DAY
Carrie buys some wood, a bag of cement, a can of paint, a US flag, a Tennessee flag and rope.
EXT. CHRISTIAN SCHOOL – DAY
Carries steps back from the flag pole. It’s straight, has a fresh coat of paint, a new lanyard and two new flags. She smiles.
INT. RV – NIGHT
Map has 3 states left to complete the 50. Carries symptoms are becoming more obvious.
TE12: She tells God she’s still angry. But thanks Him for the life she has had.
THEME: SHE POURS HER HEART OUT TO GOD.
EXT. COASTAL REGION – DAY
Late October. Cloudy and windy. Carrie is on an island in Maine. She stands looking out and the wild ocean. She smiles.
TE13: She’s beginning to have mobility issues
INT. RV – NIGHT
TE14: She marks off Maine on her map as the 50<sup>th</sup> state. She made her goal.
THEME: SHES BEEN TO HER FINAL STATE. SHE IS FREE TO DIE.
4. Act 4: 25 pages – Test the change in this character! Prove the New Ways.
INT. RV – DAY
Carrie is praying that she’s just getting to enjoy civilian life and now it’s going to end soon. She asks for more time to get back to the Camp.
TE15: She calls SEAL and tells him shes’ on her way back
MONTAGE
EXT. RV ON THE ROAD – DAY
Headed West.
EXT CHURCH – DAY
Painting. Struggles with holding on to tools. She trips trying to get back into her RV.
EXT. VARIOUS – DAY
She spends more time getting to know the locals than she does working on projects – although she still does that too.
She takes candid photos of people in their everyday life.
She starts a blog about her travels and her predicament.
She phones SEAL weekly. He gives her regular encouragement.
EXT. CAMP – DAY
Carries struggles to get out of the RV.
EXT CAMP – NIGHT
TE16: SEAL carries Carrie to his truck and places her on the front seat.
EXT. HILLTOP OVERLOOK – NIGHT
It’s Christmas Eve. They watch the moon rise over the lake. She dies in his arms.
-
Tyberius’ Beat Sheet Draft 2
What I learned doing this assignment is how to create a theme and weave it through the story.
Act 1:
EXT. RACING PITS – DAY
Opening
Dante
wins another motorcycle race. His sister Tiffany flies in but only
catches the winning lap. She joins Margot and Dante in the winner’s
circle as they all congratulate him on the win.
Dante
is happy his sister Tiffany was able to come see him win. Tiffany notices
that Dante doesn’t wear his helmet all the time and takes unnecessary
chances that puts him in danger.INT. RESTURANT – NIGHT
PLACEHOLDER: All three go out together to catch up and celebrate. Dante puts on his normal bravado for his sister and wife at dinner. Dante feels the world is in the palm of his hands. He feels able to accomplish anything and nothing can stop him.
§ Transformational Event (1): She hears Tiffany discussing how dangerous motorcycling can be and feels apprehensive about Dante continuing to race. Margot had not to full considered the possibility of Dante getting hurt and how that would change their lives.
o Tiffany asks about Margot’s past as she does not know her that well. Margot’s speaks frankly and negatively about her upbringing and how her mother’s unfaithfulness drove her father to drink. She is very judgmental of her mother and says she will do a better job with her husband. Tiffany listens intently.
INT. DANTE AND MARGO’S HOME – LATE NIGHT
PLACEHOLDER: Tiffany stays the night in the spare bedroom. Dante and Margo make love in the kitchen. Dante and Margo are trying for a baby. He wants to make Margot happy as she has been after him about starting a family.
EXT. OUTSIDE HOME – MORNING
PLACEHOLDER: They take Tiffany to breakfast. Tiffany continues to caution Dante about his reckless attitude towards basic safety. She tells him that he us not as invincible as he thinks.
EXT. OUTSIDE HOME – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: Tiffany gets a call from her Special Agent in Charge (SAC) and must fly back early due to a break in the case she was overseeing. Dante gets her to the airport on the back of his motorcycle.
INT. HOUSE GARAGE – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: Tiffany having to return early causes Dante to forget an important meeting with racing team and rushes out after dropping off Tiffany to airport.
Inciting
IncidentDante
rushes out without his helmet and has a terrible motorcycle accident
during on his way to a routine meeting with his racing team.INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: Margot is notified by police that Dante was in serious accident. She rushes to the hospital. Margot is devastated.
INT. HOSPITAL – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: Dr’s inform Margot that prognosis is grim. She tries to notify Tiffany but can’t get her. She is able to place a call to the racing team and they arrive. One of the team members, Jay Berlusconi, who secretly liked Margot is quick to give aid and comfort.
Turning
PointMargot
is devastated at the possibility that Dante may not survive. Dante pulls
through, but the prognosis is bleak. Doctors do not believe he will
regain much of his previous cognitive ability.Act 2:
INT. HOSPITAL – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: Margot spends the night in the hospital. Dante is in a coma.
New
planMargot
notifies Tiffany of the terrible accident, and she flies back out for
support but cannot stay longer than a day.
Doctors
recommend extensive physical rehabilitation and advises that Dante’s type
of brain trauma may cause him to exhibit a number of symptoms such as severe
mood swings and a lack emotional control.
Margot
falls apart as she cannot imagine taking care of Dante. She doesn’t
handle any of this well. Margot’s world is falling apart.
Tiffany
does not like the attention Jay pays to Margot who seems to offer more
than friendly support.
Margot
does not know what to do and seems like everything she tries just makes
things worse.
Dante
is conscious and very temperamental, angry and verbally abusive to Margot.
He doesn’t sleep through the night but wanders the house at night
rearranging furniture, urinating on the floor and eating out of the
garbage.§ Transformational Event (2): Dante’s Accident forces her to accept a new version of her family. She goes from being taken care of to caretaker overnight.
INT. HOSPITAL – MORNING
PLACEHOLDER: Doctors inform her that Dante will pull through but has a long road to recovery… if at all.
INT. HOSPITAL – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: Dante spends two weeks in the hospital. Margot comes to see him and spends most days there. Visitors are few, but Jay shows up to spend time with Margot and offers continued support for her. She is drawn to him and appreciates him being there for her.
INT. REHABILITATION FACILITY – NIGHT
PLACEHOLDER: Several weeks go by until Dante is transferred to a rehab facility. Dante is very moody and shows frustration and anger about his situation.
INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: Dante comes home can walk but is despondent at time and has mood swings. Margot tries to speak with him and be loving as before but he is mostly unresponsive.
Plan
in actiono Margo reaches out to Tiffany but cannot reach her. Tiffany is traveling on an important case she is trying to crack.
o Jay comes by the house and brings flowers. Margot is so enamored with the much needed attention that she doesn’t consider Jay’s motives.
EXT. OUTSIDE FRONT OF HOUSE – NIGHT
o Neighbors begin to complain about Dante’s wanderings outside naked in the middle of the night and suspect substance abuse.
§ Transformational Event (3): Margot fails at trying to physically care for Dante.
INT. FRONT OF HOUSE – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: One of the neighbors stops by the next day to speak with Margot. She recommends a full-time live-in nurse/helper to alleviate the burden on Margot as her sister went through a similar situation with an autistic child.
Margot hires a male
nurse through agency recommended by Mrs. Eva Cardoso, the neighbor.Middle aged, 50’s, graying hair,
conservatively dressed, slight build.INT. LOCATION – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: Margot calls the agency and they send someone out next day.
Midpoint
Turning PointStressed
out and a nervous wreck, Margot hopes that the new nurse will allow her
to get some sleep.INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT
She
goes to bed only to be attacked in the middle of the night and raped. She
doesn’t know what to do now. It seems that Dante has become violent in
addition to strange behaviors. She says nothing to anyone about what she
experienced. She suffers in silence.§ Transformational Event (4): Margot is beaten and raped in the night.
Act 3:
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
PLACEHOLDER
Rethink
everythingJay
stops by to see Margot. She offers him something to drink. Jay notices
bruises on her neck and shoulders. The sit in the living room talking.
Margot
reflects back on how she grew up with jay and wonders if she was destined
to live a life of pain and anguish. She cannot escape her past or her
present.
Jay
moves on Margot, they kiss, but Margot quickly moves away. Jay leaves.INT. BATHROPOM – NIGHT
The
violence against her continues… mostly at night when she cannot see who
it is.
She
is assaulted and nearly drowned in the bathtub. Margot feels unsafe in
her own home. She feels guilty for hating what her husband has become
while acknowledging it’s not his fault. Margot is riddled with guilt and
remorse… cries hysterically.§ Transformational Event (5): Margot is assaulted again and is nearly drowned.
INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT
New
planExhausted
and suffering from PTSD, Margot now sleeps in a locked room at night
fearful of leaving it. The door has been reinforced, but it doesn’t last
long. The room is broken into, and Margot flees for her life into another
part of the house.INT. RUNNING THROUGH THE HOUSE /BASEMENT– NIGHT
As
she hides in the basement seeking safety, she is overcome by a terrible
odor and finds the dead body of the male nurse, Tommy and Dante’s
teammate Jay mutilated bodies hidden in different parts of the basement.EXT. BASEMENT – NIGHT
Margot screams in terror and runs out of the house through a basement window.
§ Transformational Event (6): Attempting to flee the home he finds the caretaker’s mutilated body and the bodies of two other people in her basement.
EXT. FRONT OF HOUSE – NIGHT
Turning
Point: Huge failure / Major shiftThe
police arrive and have Dante committed to a psychiatric hospital.INT. HOSPITAL – NIGHT
Margot
checks into the hospital herself to deal with abdominal pains that
persist after the near drowning incident.
Margot
was eight weeks pregnant but suffers a miscarriage. She is at her lowest
point now bordering on nervous breakdown.Act 4:
INT. OUTPATIENT FACILITY – DAY
Climax/Ultimate
expression of the conflictMargot
receives counseling while she is in the hospital and is discharged to
home in a few days.INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT
She
plans on following up with additional counseling once she settles in. The
phone rings… its Tiffany returning her call asking a what happened to her
brother.
Margot
is resentful towards Tiffany for not staying in touch and recounts
everything she has lost.
Tiffany
is unbelieving that her brother could be responsible for the things
Margot says and Margot is furious at the accusation she is making it up…
She has been the one to go through hell because of Dante; not her!INT. TIFFANY’S CONDO BEDROOM – DAY
Upon
hearing that Dante has been committed to a psychiatric facility for the
criminally insane, Tiffany flies out to see her brother and find out what
is going on.INT. LIVING ROOM – LATE DAY
Resolution
Upon
release from the hospital, Margot calls in a professional cleaning
service to get the house in order. Three cleaning people arrive. One male
and two women.INT. BATHROOM BATHTUB – NIGHT
Later,
she goes to take a hot bath to relax.§ Transformational Event (8): Dante is removed from the home, but the cleaning people are found dead. Now for the first time she fights back unrestrained by sympathy, she would have for her husband.
INT. PSYCHIATRIC HOSPITAL – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: Meanwhile, Tiffany arrives to see her brother and speaks to him. Dante is handcuffed to the bed and heavily sedated but recognizes Tiffany and is glad to see her. Tiffany asks her brother how he is feeling. Dante drifts in and out but tells Tiffany that she has to help Margot… she is not alone in the house!
INT. PSYCHIATRIC HOSPITAL FRONT DESK – DAY
Tiffany
rushes to get to a phone as her cell phone has no reception in the
hospital. Tiffany rushes to the front desk to call Margot.INT. KITCHEN – LATE DAY
Margot
answers and when she tries to tell her to get out of the house, Margot
still upset from the previous conversation doesn’t want to hear anything
Tiffany has to say.
She
accuses Tiffany of misplaced loyalty when she has been the victim! He
hurt her worse than she could have ever believed … she lost her baby and
innocent people are dead! She hangs up the phone on Tiffany, but as she
turns, she sees the cleaning crew dead and mutilated on the living room
floor.
As
she screams in terror, a figure grabs her and throws her against the
wall. Margot for the first time gets a clear look at the perpetrator
realizing it wasn’t Dante, but a stranger that invaded their home months
earlier… she directs her rage at him and fights the monster with
everything she has.EXT. COMMERCIAL ROAD – DUSK
PLACEHOLDER: takes a motorcycle to get to Margot faster… Tiffany arrives at the home too late?
-
Subject line: Daisy Ridgway Khalifa’s Beat Sheet Draft #2
What I learned doing this assignment: I must forge ahead, and stop the self-loathing. I must not be concerned that a fair amount of the story is still feeling “out of order”.
Commitment to my fellow classmates: I will intentionally use the High Speed Writing Rules throughout the rest of this program. [after lessons 7 and 8;)]
=====
Opening
The 1994 Northridge Earthquake strikes Los Angeles as we see a family flee an oceanfront house that is rupturing from the ground up as they escape at sunrise.
EXT. LOS ANGELES – DAWN
Shots of expanses across a slumbering Pre-dawn Los Angeles transform as we see the same set of shots but this time as the city violently rocks and rumbles in a major earthquake.
[OR, A slumbering pre-dawn Los Angeles, seen in millions of flickering lights across various expansive shots of the city, goes from tranquil to unhinged in the 1994 Northridge earthquake.]
EXT. LOS ANGELES – OCEANFRONT HOUSE ON A CLIFF/“PINECLIFF” – CONTINUOUS
The terrace of an oceanfront house known as PINECLIFF, fractures in several places during the earthquake. We can hear slightly the natural sounds of the city, the air, the quake in all of their eeriness.
Description: PLACEHOLDER: There is a VOICE OVER of an excerpt BEING RECITED from the Bible/maybe Gettysburg. It is the voice of Charles Laughton.
INT. PINECLIFF – MASTER BEDROOM – CONTINUOUS
A husband and wife shoot out of bed and scramble frantically.
We follow WIFE, who bolts into the HALLWAY and meets the caretaker, who is holding a baby and has another child by hand.
BACK to MASTER BEDROOM
Husband goes to his safe, grabbing what he can of his wife’s jewelry on the way. He pulls out documents, even a gun. He heads for the front door.
INT/EXT. PINECLIFF – FRONT DOOR THRESHHOLD – CONTINUOUS
The QUAKE’s last explosive sound is heard. HUSBAND turns to look back at his beautiful investment, worth $7 million UP TO NOW. The hallway floor BUCKLES RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM. Beyond, the ocean is sapphire blue, calm, but for the crashing waves.
Description: PLACEHOLDER: V.O. Ends
EXT. PINECLIFF – TERRACE – DAY – 20 YEARS EARLIER – 1974
Description: PLACEHOLDER: We are back on the terrace in broad daylight and peer through glass windows to find people in the DINING ROOM of Pinecliff.
TE: MIA PAULEY, age 8, says goodbye to TINA, her beloved housekeeper. Her parents, BRUCE and KATRINA PAULEY, look on.
EXT. PINECLIFF – 1974 and 1947
TE: A distraught Mia meets Charles Laughton in the garden of Pinecliff in a “cosmic patch in time”
Placeholder: The CONVO: Dialog starts with Mia so much in tears she isn’t scared. She asks him if he is CL? Were you the Hunchback? Yes. You lived here before we did. Charles grows curious. Saw Charlie Chaplin, Laughton’s quips, “Bully for you.” Mia says you sound like Mrs. Buttle, she is mean to me and is funny. She says, “Listen duh,” and I don’t understand her. Charlie laughs. I think she is calling you Duck. Let me show you: “Listen, DUCK, I don’t think we both live in this house.” Duck, Oh. Duck, she grins. That’s it. DUCK!” Well. How is Chaplain? How is he? “He is an old man,” says Mia. Spooks Charles more, CL thinks he might be losing his mind and says as much. “We’re having a garage sale. We’e moving…” Charles says he is too.
*THEME: This film is about loving oneself and overcoming trauma, be it divorce or ugliness or closeted secrets, and coping. It is about facing reality, and not changing it or erasing it. Even if the universe is full of miracles.
INT. WASHINGTON, D.C. – MIA’S APARTMENT – 25 YEARS LATER
Inciting Incident
Description: Twenty five years later, Mia Pauley, 31, is told of the damage to her old oceanfront home, called Pinecliff. She is flooded with memories, dreams even, about an encounter she had as a little girl with Charles Laughton, yet another tenant of the house, but who lived there in 1947. Mia decides to face them head on by visiting the house, called Pinecliff, while reliving (flashback) the experience she had as a child. She recalls that Charles and she were both sad about having to move from the house.
TE: Mia is flooded with memories, dreams even, about an encounter she had as a little girl with Charles Laughton, yet another tenant of the house, but who lived there in 1947.
Description: PLACEHOLDER: WE LEARN Mia has evidence of Charles’ talking about meeting exactly her from friends who were there that day in 1947. It is a fluke that he said anything, and he never spoke about it again. She has never claimed such a thing, obviously. But she is the child in “orange scotch plaid”. Mia has been doing her homework for years.
EXT./INT. PINECLIFF – 1947
Description: PLACEHOLDER: Enter Charles’ world after he has met Mia. Who is there? Friends of Charles and the crew who listened to Charles question and muse over the child roaming in their yard are links to the past and future. Where and when do we explain Charles’ claims? How much of Charles’ life do we see?
EXT./INT. LOS ANGELES – 1947
Description: PLACEHOLDER Hollywood and Los Angeles circa 1947. We meet ELSA LANCHESTER and PAUL GREGORY, his agent, among others. [[this could move to later, after Mia has second encounter with Charles.]]
EXT/INT LOS ANGELES – 1974
TE: Mia must face them head on by visiting the house, called Pinecliff, while reliving (flashback) the experience she had as a child. She recalls that Charles and she were both sad about having to move from the house.
EXT/INT. – WASHINGTON, D.C. – 1999
Turning Point
TE: After recounting the experience she had as a little girl to her friend Ian Gardner, Mia reveals her old research to Ian and they begin examining Cahrles’ life.
TE: Ian Gardner’s father is killed. Ian is game for anything. Mia prepares* to go back to LA to visit the house.
Description: PLACEHOLDER: Ian and Mia learn that Laughton guest-hosted for Ed Sullivan on the night that Elvis Presley wa the guest. Ian makes Mia promise to get an autograph from Elvis to Ian.
Description: PLACEHOLDER: Mia has prepared with Ian, gone back through her memory and forensically examined the encounter with Charles. Ian was there throughout, nothing to lose, Ian is cynical, sad and willing to believe in miracles, if only to distract him. We don’t know if IAN really believes, but he seems to because he is in shock —read: traumatized — by his father’s death.
EXT. LOS ANGELES – DAY – 1999
Description: PLACEHOLDER: Mia arrives in L.A. with a lover, a paramour, sort-of. MAYBE? Ian is ambivalent about Mia’s private life though they are very close. They have not hooked up. Neither is sure the other is right. And Mia has this man in her life, who takes her to LA. Like many things in Mia’s life, this doesn’t sit well with Mia but she does it anyway.
EXT. – PINECLIFF – GARDEN – DAY – 1999 and1947 *
TE: Mia meets Charles as an adult and their encounter changes fate
Description: PLACEHOLDER: When she visits, Mia, 31, now an adult, finds herself in the same garden spot of the house face to face with Charles Laughton.
*[EXT. PINECLIFF — DAY — 1999 and 1947 -What do I call the ‘wrinkle’ or ‘patch’ in time where Charles and Mia meet??]
New Plan
Mia, equipped with new and long-held knowledge and the evidence that Charles talked about their meeting, has to convince Laughton she is the little girl. When she does, and tells him all sorts of things about the future, Charles casually changes his mind about the house and decides to stay, and not move out in 1947. Now, we see Charles’ life. [We need to have dramatic introduction of Charles’ world and Mia’s childhood world]
EXT./INT. — LOS ANGELES – 1999
TE: Mia is seeing a whole new existence for herself but is aware of her previous life; she must manage it with composure
Description: PLACEHOLDER: After she and Charles part, Mia is makes bizarre discoveries, some thrill her, some shock her.
Description: PLACEHOLDER: Mia figures out she has the power to change some events, big and small. [maybe she starts getting into this ‘power’ in Act. 2]
Act 2
New Plan
EXT/INT. – LOS ANGELES – 1947
Description: PLACEHOLDER: Charles’ life
Plan in Action
Charles is in his world; we see Elsa, his agent, his readings, his classes, his filmmaking; and what he is working on (Brecht; Don Juan in Hell). All the while, he is slightly haunted, if vexed, by the child. Was it a sign about earthquakes and staying by the sea? Meanwhile, it is a completely different life for Mia; many things are reversed in her new world. Charles’ decision created chaos for Mia’s family, but Mia’s new way of life is beginning to grow on her.
EXT./INT. WASHINGTON, D.C. — 1999
Description: PLACEHOLDER: Mia arrives home after her trip to L.A. to a new reality.
Midpoint Turning Point
Mia is seeing all sorts of things in the new world. Teddy Pendergrass lives; John Lennon is performing with Lyle Lovett; her father is remarried; her mother is happy and not married; Ian Gardner’s father, Michael., was not killed; and, to her horror, Charles has No Night of the Hunter, or Advise and Consent, or anything.
THEME: This film is about being our best, doing our best—acting well and being proud of who you are.
Sub-theme: The film explores acting, the challenge, what it is; the actor’s plight
Sub-theme: The film explores the lingering question about nature and earthquakes, and the question of when “the big one” will hit Los Angeles. It conveys the understanding that ultimately, nature trumps all-even fate and chaos.
EXT/INT LOS ANGELES – 1974
Description: PLACEHOLDER: Mia’s 70s life. All of the events leading up to farewell to Tina.
Description: PLACEHOLDER: The unraveling and split of Bruce and Katrina. Their backstory. The garage sale with neighbor, the porn king CARLOS TOBALINA.
Description: PLACEHOLDER: Mia as a little girl visits her grandparents and the races at DEL MAR, which is a bastion of Hollywood celebrities. This [someone at the track, like Deana Durbin] is possibly another link for adult Mia to Charles’ life.
[[at this point, my beats are still out of order]]
Act 3
Rethink Everything
While Mia likes her own new outcome and family more, she is missing Ian, whom she doesn’t know, and Charles is having a more lackluster life than he did. She also never meets Tina.
EXT./INT. – DC and Los Angeles – 1999, 1974 and 1947-48
Description: PLACEHOLDER: Mia’s alternate childhood plays out. They moved to Brentwood b/c Laughton’s were in the house. They stayed together. A neighbor —old family friend —in Brentwood saved Bruce, spiritually and financially. Her family even moved back to Pasadena, but Katrina left after that. She preferred the West Side.
New Plan
Mia must get to Charles and convince him to move from the house. She wants it to go back to the old way for the sake of Charles’ life, among other things.
Description: Placeholder: Mia finds connections between her life and Charles’. One of them is Charles’ mention of seeing the little girl that day to his colleagues,Elsa. Another is the fact that Katrina once met Elsa and they discussed the house. Elsa asked about the bowling green. Do the talk about how Katrina’s little girl always liked to say she met Chalres. Does Elsa reply with, “That’s funny. Charles always said he saw a little girl…” But what comes of this?
Turning Point
Charles and Mia spar over what to do. Charles won’t move and Mia appears to be shut off from Charles
Act 4
Climax/Ultimate Expression of the Conflict
Mia figures out how to get to Charles and walks him through his life and, when he asks, his death. She also figures out that in order to save Michael Gardner, Mia has to sacrifice ever knowing Ian, though Ian, at the beginning, asks for Charles to get him an Elvis autograph (details later). How is all of this accomplished?
EXT./INT. – WASHINGTON, D.C. – 2000
Resolution
Charles has moved from the house but, with Mia’s input, has made a few alterations to the universe. Marilyn etc..; Michael Gardner, and Mia’ and Ian’s now-non-existent friendship. Still, she has the autograph; she seeks Ian out; he is a museum director, same wonderful guy, but a single father. She gives him autograph; he chases after her as she leaves. They walk off across the National Mall together.
Fade to Black
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Lora’s Beat Sheet Draft 2
What I learned doing this assignment is after sleeping on this beat sheet, things have become a little clearer and my first draft seems more cohesive than I originally thought. I think we’re on the right track!
Act 1:
INT. HERO’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Opening: Protagonist is near-unconscious in the shower. Blood washes down the drain. A collage of scenes flash behind her closed eyes. What led to this event?
INT. LOCAL BAR – NIGHT
Protagonist is the bartender, exchanging drinks for a living wage and tips. She hops on stage to sing with the band. The regular bar patrons adore her. She has come so far since being a nerd in high school. The Antagonist walks in and takes her breath away. It’s clear they know each other. Dialogue is exchanged; there is hurt and tension between them. How did they get here?
FLASHBACK – EXT. OUTSIDE A FRIEND’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Transformational Event: She meets friends at the designated location. They exchange hugs and drinks are handed out. The Antagonist walks out of the house, they are introduced and smile at each other. There’s an instant connection, something neither of them have experienced before. They all get in the car and roadtrip to a party.
EXT. OUTSIDE A PARTY – NIGHT
Inciting Incident: While the Protagonist is being hit on by the party host, the Antagonist becomes annoyed and forces his entourage to leave. On the drive home, he spends his time making the Protagonist laugh and he kisses her. He’s never felt like this before. Could relationships really be this easy?
INT. CHANDLER’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Turning Point: It’s clear that although they were once involved, the romance between the Protagonist and Chandler has died. She drives home feeling alone.
Act 2:
FLASHBACK – INT. PROTAGONIST’S HIGH SCHOOL – DAY
We get to see our main character struggling to fit in with her classmates. Though she gets along with most of her class, she never feels like she belongs. She is bullied by an older girl, Katrina, in regards to Chandler. Protagonist cries in the bathroom while her friend consoles her.
INT. AT A PARTY – NIGHT
Reaction: Our Protagonist is shy and sticks close to her girlfriends. She is eventually introduced to Chandler, who takes a liking to her. She is awkward in receiving his advances and compliments, as she is not used to this kind of attention.
INT. CHANDLER’S HOUSE – NIGHT
The Plan: Protagonist and Chandler begin spending time together, starting with a party at his house. We see a jealous Katrina in attendance, but she does not speak to our Protagonist. Chandler and Protagonist hang out frequently, but their romance remains innocent. She is enjoying their youthful romance.
INT. AT A PARTY – NIGHT
Turning Point 2: There is a birthday party for Chandler’s roommate. He tells the Protagonist how much he likes her. Later they get into a fight and he screams at her. The next day he swears he doesn’t remember the fight, but she can’t forget the horrible things he said. She decides to walk away from the situation.
Act 3:
INT. STATE FINALS – NIGHT
Rethink Everything: Protagonist is away for the weekend with her school team. She watches how well her teammate’s boyfriend treats her, and she starts to realize this relationship is not benefitting her. She feels more stressed than happy. It is time to make a change.
INT. AT A PARTY – NIGHT
New Plan: She hangs out with another guy who is interested in her, and everything is light and carefree. She starts to comprehend that things with Chandler are not meant to be. She is more independent than she was when she met him.
INT. CHANDLER’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Turning Point: Protagonist is at Chandler’s house with some friends and she sees a girl flirting hard with him. While he doesn’t welcome the attention, he doesn’t necessarily shut her down, either. Protagonist is ready to end things; she knows she deserves better.
Act 4:
INT. PROTAGONIST’S BEDROOM – AFTERNOON
Climax: The Antagonist is quite taken with the Protagonist and calls to ask her out. They speak on the phone for awhile, but she politely declines his request with Chandler in mind. She notices how much easier it is to carry on a conversation with the Antagonist than Chandler; a sign that their relationship is not what she once thought it was.
INT. CAR RIDE – NIGHT
Turning Point: Mutual friend tells Protagonist that Chandler slept with another girl. Our Protagonist spends the night crying, but her sorrow quickly turns to anger.
INT. PROTAGONIST’S HIGH SCHOOL – DAY
Resolution: Katrina comes at our Protagonist again, and she ignores her. She is fed up with not feeling good enough and she decides to get her own revenge.
INT. PROTAGONIST’S HOUSE – AFTERNOON
Turning Point: Humiliated and angry, the Protagonist calls the Antagonist and accepts his offer for a date. She realizes she now has the upper hand and she likes the way it feels.
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What I learned in this assignment is that I needed to add the theme throughout the story. I spent 3 hours yesterday evening and wrote out the story using the Slug lines and TE. I am slowly learning the IE. I also realized I need to tighten the story and script. Too much detail is not necessary. And lastly, While knowing the theme from the get-go— I also realized i needed to find more character who comment on the theme.
Theme: that being impulsive/spontaneous is not a bad thing, and can sometimes change your life for the better.
(Im not posting the whole thing here— as i am trying to get all caught up) 🙂
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30 DAY SCRIPT – #8
What I learned from this assignment is, the organization is good and my story is falling into place.
USING MY BEAT SHEET
THE MAIN BEATS: ANTAGONIST
THE THEME: 1. SOMETIMES LIFE TAKES ONE TOO MANY TURNS – WHEN ALL WE NEED IS LOVE
INTERWEAVE THE THEME THROUGH OUT THE BEAT SHEET:
1. JESI EXITS RESIDENTIAL REAL ESTATE TO GET HER WEEKENDS BACK, BESIDES SHE’S NO LONGER CHALLENGED BY IT. A FELLOW SALESMAN TELLS HER SHE’LL NEVER MAKE IT IN INVESTMENT & COMMERCIAL SALES, THAT SHE’S SETTING HERSELF UP FOR FAILURE. JESI TELLS HER TO HAVE A GOOD LIFE.
2. JESI IS CONVINCED THE WAY TO BREAK INTO THE INVESTMENT REAL ESTATE ARENA, BUILD HER SKILLS, IS TO SURROUND HERSELF WITH MEN SHE CAN LEARN FROM. SHE STARTS WITH MICHAEL FIORE WHOS IS THE MR NICE GUY IN THE OFFICE.
3. FIRST WEEK ON THE JOB JESI GETS STEERED TO A CUBICLE INSTEAD OF A PRIVATE OFFICE – A DEFINITE DOWNGRADE FROM WHAT SHE’S GROWN USED TO IN RESIDENTIAL. IN FACT, THE WHOLE INVESTMENT SCENE IS SO FAR A DOWNGRADE. STILL, SHE SMILES HER WAY THROUGH IT, IT’S GOING TO GET BETTER. BUT IT’S CLEAR HER FELLOW SALESMEN ARE ALL NARCIIISISTS GUARDING THEIR CLIENT LEADS AND STEALING OTHERS. SHE TRIES KILLING THEM ALL WITH HER NICENESS BUT IT’S NOT WORKING. HER COMPETION DOESN’T CARE.
4. JESI CHECKS IN WITH HER NEW MANAGER ROBERT DAILY, BUT CLIENT LEADS AREN’T COMING AS PROMISED. SHE PUTS ON A BRAVE FACE, BRINGS HIM STARBUCKS, PICKS HIS BRAIN, HOUNDS HIM DAILY – TO THE POINT WHERE HE’S AVOIDING HER.
5. A MONTH ON THE JOB, WITH NO SUBSTANTIAL LEADS, JESI SHIFTS HER FOCUS, TARGETS THE INDIVIDUAL SALESMEN TO LEARN FROM THEM, STARTING WITH MICHAEL WHO IS A PUSHOVER. HE SHARES ALL OF THE TOP PRODUCER’S SECRETS. TELLS HER HOW THEY STEAL EACH OTHERS LEADS AND IT IS CUTTHROAT.
6. TWO MONTHS ON THE JOB JESI GETS HER FIRST LISTING, A TWENTY UNIT APARTMENT BUILDING. SHE SHARES IT OPENLY WITH THE OFFICE. MICHAEL REVEALS SHE’S BECOME A A THREAT TO THE OTHER BROKERS.
7. MONTHE THREE JESI HAS HAD TWO OF HER LEADS STOLEN, LEARNS QUICKLY HOW TO PLAY THE OTHER BROKER’S GAME. STORES HER LEADS AND CLIENT INFO ON INDEX CARDS AND KEEPS THEM UNDER LOCK AND KEY. NOTHING GETS STORED ON HER COMPUTER.
8. JESI LEARNS TO PLAY THEIR GAME. MISLEADS THEM INTO THINKING SHE IS SOFT HEADED AND EASY PREY.
9. JESI TRIES BEFRIENDING TOP COMPANY PRODUCER HENRY – HE LEADS HER ON AT FIRST BUT SAFEGUARDS ALL OF HIS CLIENTS.
10. JESI WALKS IN ON HENRY WHEN HE’S WRITING HAIKUS. HE SHARES THE CRAFT WITH HER AND SHE IS IMMEDIATELY ADICTED. TELLS HIM SHE’S WRITTEN POETRY HER WHOLE LIFE BUT NEVER SHARED IT.
11. FOUR MONTHS ON THE JOB, THREE CLIENT CONTACTS STOLEN, JESI HAS A BREAKDOWN – THEN A BREAKTHROUGH ON HOW TO BUILD PROPERTY OWNER RELATIONSHIPS. BY NOW SHE KNOWS THE PRODUCT, THE INVENTORY, SO WHY NOT BUILD RELATIONSHIPS DIRECTLY WITH THE OWNERS, HANDS ON, BY DOING SMALL NEEDED REPAIRS ON THEIR PROPERTIES – A HANDIMAN SERVICE. SHE’S DONE THE HOME REPAIRS ON HER LISTINGS FROM DAY ONE.
12. MONTH SEVEN, JESI’S HANDIMAN BUSINESS IS BOOMING, IT’S A “CLIENT MAGNET.” THE WEALTHY MALE CLIENTS ALL LOVE HER. THIS DRIVES HER MALE COMPETITION CRAZY.
13. MONTH NINE JESI’S CLIENT BASE IS GAINING MORE MOMENTEM THAN THE TOP PRODUCERS. JESI GETS THE MANAGER ATTENTION FIRST, THEN OF COURSE HENRY’S. AT FIRST HE’S AMUSED, BUT WHEN ONE OF HIS SOLID CLIENTS SWITCHES HIS PROPERTYS AND FULL LOYALTY TO JESI HE IS FURIOUS.
14. MONTH TWELVE, JESI GAINS TOP PRODUCER STATUS – BECOMES ROOKIE OF THE YEAR. THE HAIKU SESSIONS STOP WITH HENRY – AND SHE MISSES THEM. BUT HE HAS SHUT HER OUT.
15. MONTHS LATER JESI CAN’T JUGGLE HER PROPERTY REPAIR BIZ AND SERVE HER CLIENTS AS WELL, HIRES AN ASSISTANT BUT IT’S STILL NOT ENOUGH. SHE SELLS THE BUSINESS TO THE HIGHEST BIDDER – HENRY GETS TURNED DOWN.
16. JESI’S CLIENT LIST HAS TOPPED ONE HUNDRED AND SHE IS BURNT OUT, HAS TO GET AWAY, DELEGATES TO MICHAEL BUT NOT SURE HE CAN HANDLE IT. HER FELLOW BROKERS ARE OFFERING TO BUY HER CLIENT BASE. SHE LEAVES FOR A CMAPSIDE RETREAT, HEADS OFF IN A CAMPER ALONE.
17. IN THE WOODS JESI REFLECTS, MEDITATES, GETS CLOSE TO OTHER CAMPERS, ALL YOUNG FAMILIES. TALKS WITH THME ABOUT HAVING KIDS, BUT SHE’S FORTY, HAS NO RELATIONSHIP.
18. JESI RETURNS TO THE OFFICE BUT HER NEW PROSPECT PURSUITS ARE REPLACED WITH A DESIRE FOR MOTHERHOOD. JUST ONE BABY, THAT’S ALL SHE WANTS BUT IT HAS TO HAPPEN SOON FOR SHE’S TURNING FORTY. SHE SHARES THIS WITH MICHAEL AND HE OFFERS HIS SPERM, AND HIS BODY, BUT SHE KNOWS DEEP DOWN HE IS A MOMMY’S BOY WHO JUST WANTS TO CHEF.
19. JESI STARTS AN ON-LINE SEARCH – FIRST DATE “IT’S LOVE AT FIRST LOG IN!”
20. NOW SHE’S PREGNANT AND ALSO JUGGLING THE CAREER AND HANDIMAN BIZ. MICHAEL JUMPS IN TO HELP AND THEIR RELATIONSHIP CHANGES. SUDDENLY HE’S MORE INTERESTING TO JESI THAN THE SPERM DONOR.
PASS #2
BUILD IN THE ANTAGONIST JOURNEY
1. HENRY COERSES THE OFFICE MANAGER, MAKES UP A STORY, JESI IS TOO HORMONAL, DEVOID OF ANY PURPOSE OR STRUCTURE – A TYPICAL FEMALE, ALL OVER THE BOARD.
2. HENRY IS IMPRESSED WHEN JESI STARTS BUILDING HER CLIENT BASE THROUGH HER HOME REPAIR BIZ. BUT THIS SOON TURNS TO A GUARDED ATTEMPT TO HIDE HIS OWNERS LOG FROM HER, NOT SHARE ANY OF HIS PROSPECTS OR HIS LEADS.
3. JESI’S HOME REPAIR BIZ IS HUGELY SUCCESSFUL AND HENRY IS WORRIED. HIS CLIENTS ARE BECOMING HER CLIENTS WITHOUT HIS KNOWLEDGE. HE STARTS STALKING JESI – LOOKING FOR CLUES AS TO HOW SHE PULLED THIS OFF – HOW COULD SHE BE THIS SUCCESSFUL?
4. HENRY DECIIDES TO DISTRACT AND CAPTIVATE HER IN OTHER WAYS – THROUGH HAILU. HE STARTS HIS DAY BY WRITING A HAIKU JUST FOR HER – THEN STARTS WRITING THEM WITH HER – LOOKS FOR COMPETITIONS – ANYTHING TO DISTRACT HER FROM THE BUSINESS.
5. YEAR TWO IN THE BIZ, SUFFERING FROM BURNOUT, JESI TAKES OFF ON A CAMPING TRIP. WHEN SHE RETURNS, ASKS HENRY TO BE HER SPERM DONOR. HE REFUSES, IT’S NOT PART OF HIS PLAN. BUT NOW HE’S LOOKING AT HER DIFFERENTLY – FALLING IN LOVE WITH HER.
6. HENRY TELLS JESI HE LOVES HER BUT SHE DOESN’T HAVE TIME FOR A MAN. BESIDE WHEN SHE ADDS A NEWBORN CHILD TO HER AGENDA ALL OF HER TIME WILL BE INVESTED THERE.
7. HE’S HURT, REJECTED – HE REVOLTS AND SHUTS DOWN THEIR HAIKU ADVENTURE. BUT HE MISSES HER MORE THAN SHE MISSES HIM.
8.
9. HENRY’S JEALOUS BECAUSE JESI HAS MOVED ON TO MICHAEL, BROUGHT HIM INTO HER HOUSE HELP BUSINESS – AND NOW MICHAEL HAS ALSO BEEN BUSY CONVINCING HER TO HAVE HIS BABY.
10. HENRY’S ONLY HOPE IS TO OFFER JESI A SHARE OF HIS CLIENTS JESI AND A PARTNERSHIP. OR ELSE HE FEELS ALL IS LOST. THROUGH ALL THIS HENRY IS SOFTENING, NOT SO CUT THROAT, AND EVERYONE IS NOTICING THIS CHANGE BUT HIM.
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Subject line: Christopher Sequeira’s Beat Sheet Draft 2
What I learned doing this assignment is that my antagonist can be a mirror of my protagonist and that between those reflections can be where theme is.
EXT. JUST OUTSIDE POOR, 1880 AUSTRALIAN COUNTRY TOWN OF BEECHWORTH – DUSK
PLACEHOLDER: Corrupt and brutal terrorise family chasing into the woods, then horrific indigenous demon kills one, the creature has been brought to life by “a dark master”; “he is coming.”
INT. BEECHWORTH BANK – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: Daring and clever robbery by Ned Kelly and his three gang members; the local town-folk love them, the gang, under Kelly’s pivotal leadership are more than a match for corrupt and stupid local officials and inept elites.
INT. KELLY’S SHACK HIDEOUT – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: Ned and gang toast their clever raid and examine the loot (including weird gold goblet or cup just sent by a courier) and a huge silver dinner service the corrupt Mayor had ordered from the city, and reflect on why they do what they do. A double agent informant checks in and cheers them on, acknowledges Ned’s shining example of how to regard local corrupt officials. There’s also a look at souvenirs of Ned’s life, like green sash he got for saving a boy from drowning when he was a kid.
EXT. IRISH, THEN CHINESE SECTION OF BEECHWORTH – DAY/NIGHT
PLACEHOLDER: Ned, in disguise wanders through the town – talking to people who he cares about – who idolise him. Strangely enough at the Chinese Blacksmith he is also welcome, by an old man, and his son. Weird supernatural indigenous creature watching – attacks another person! Creature awaits a dark master.
EXT. STAGE COACH DEPOT – DAY / INT. MAYOR’S HOUSE – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: MAJOR and the COMTE arrive, here to advise local MAYOR on how to defeat Kelly and his gang. Major a sadistic creep, the Comte a withered old man in wheelchair, but a man whom seems quite smart. Something more disturbing about him than the brutal Major.
INT. LOCAL BAR – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: Major roughs up locals and shows his evil colours. Comte observes, and seems to be manipulating Major, goading him to be ever more brutal? An informer plays them, but Comte catches him out and Major beats him. One of Ned’s gang witnesses all.
INT. MAYOR’S HOUSE – NIGHT
PLACEHOLDER: Big dinner party, Kelly gang SNEAKS IN. The Comte is in the kitchen and whilst no one sees he spikes the food the guests drink with something that looks like blood.
Ned and Co. attack and get the drop on everyone! Ned laughs and mocks the elite – he’s too smart and too well connected – he’ll eventually lead a social revolution against their type! Then the Comte kills an innocent guest with a dinner knife and dips his signet ring into her blood! He suddenly transforms: He’s now youthful and invigorated and hypnotises all other guests – they go catatonic. The Comte then throws down a gauntlet to Ned! HE will destroy Ned, or make him serve him! Indigenous monsters and other weird transformed people appear and Ned and gang run for their lives! Comte releases the hypnotised – none realise what has occurred, and none think it odd he’s become youthful. Only the Major saw most of what has happened and particularly how the Comte used his strange ring to take power.
INT. CHINESE BLACKSMITH – NIGHT
PLACEHOLDER: Ned heads to the Smithy because of one thing – the old man’s daughter is MEI – and they are lovers! He tells her what has happened and wants her to flee – but she won’t. Her culture knows demons and she wants to help Ned – after all they are to be married. Ned says there can’t be a marriage at the moment, not with evil at large…but he’ll beat it, he always beats authority, whatever its form! The people will help him.
INT./EXT. VARIOUS SCENES IN THE TOWN – NIGHT
PLACEHOLDER: Scenes of frightful attacks as the Comte’s demons begin to head out into the town. Bullets and blood as people try to save themselves from the creatures but guns don’t save the people. Ned tries to help but barely can stay alive against the power of these things, and Steve, one of Ned’s gang is badly wounded. Ned has to have a plan…
INT. CHURCH YARD – NIGHT
PLACEHOLDER: Outside the local church, the Comte and his demonic creatures come to slaughter people but four figures in iron armour attack and cut the demons down. It’s Ned, and Mei and Ned’s brother Dan and Joe Byrne from Ned’s gang, wearing armour made by Mei’s family, blessed by the local priest! But the Comte, pretending to be defeated, laughs it all off. He’s as invincible as ever. He tells Ned he needs to join him. The Comte says Ned and friends will have the daylight tomorrow to rest but the next night spells their doom! Ned thinks that is their chance to kill the Comte when he’s less well protected – if they can figure out how!
INT./EXT. VARIOUS TOWN SCENES – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: Ned and Co. talk to a rapidly formed alliance of local Catholic priest, local Chinese Buddhist priest, local librarian / schoolteacher and ask – how does one kill a demon – various theories and pieces of evidence examined; a small arsenal of holy items assembled.
Ned discovers that the townfolk he thought he could rely on don’t want to stand with him, they just liked his harassing of authority and the money they made tricking the cops they were informers but now its real life and death. Ned and his gang are on their own. The Comte now leads the township, for folks would turn Ned in out of fear!
EXT. VARIOUS TOWN SCENES – NIGHT
PLACEHOLDER: Ned and his loved ones are forced to try and fend off demons as they search for where the Comte is, and try and figure out what to do – various demonic attacks have them on the run! They kill some demons but mostly they learn they arte no longer supported by the town.
INT. BLACKSMITH – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: Mei and Ned discover her family killed at the Blacksmith’s, by white people who have been controlled by the demons.
INT./EXT. LOCATION – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: Ned and Mei stand outside his shack hideout and after grabbing the valuables from it in a couple of duffle bags he sets fire to it as he realises at nightfall it will be overrun by demons – a blood-stained message graffito taunt shows they found him. His little collection of trophies – the green sash, robbery souvenirs, go up with it, but he does walks away sipping billy-boiled black tea from the goblet.
INT./EXT. LOCATION – DAY/NIGHT
PLACEHOLDER: The Comte, who has holed up in Beechworth asylum, sits astride a large old chair like a Prince of Hell, as his demons arise for the night’s evil work. They want to go out and do evil for him, but he motions them to follow him, instead.
EXT. MAIN STREET OF TOWN – NIGHT
PLACEHOLDER: Comte and demons stride down main street and eventually face Ned Kelly all by himself, in his blackened armour. Ned has to battle his way through several demons, and does so, and finally faces Comte…and KNOCKS HIM DOWN TO THE GROUND because – (SURPRISE TRICK!)
Then Ned’s gang, and those folk who were his true, faithful people and friends charge the demons and the Comte. Without the Comte’s magic protecting them the demons fall! But then the sadistic MAJOR strikes the weakened Comte down and STEALS HIS RING and he now powers up, becoming younger and stronger – and he controls the demons – no man can stop him! The good guys have lost.
Until Mei pulls the goblet from a saddle bag and nicking her arm she spills drops of her blood in it and feeds it to the Comte – who is revived and slays the Major.
The Comte and Ned face each other – in frozen time apart from all the others – and there is a reckoning between them as the Comte reveals a tragic truth; he sought his own truth here, he believed he could die, and kill God when he went, if the proper mystic rite were enacted. But fate has reversed on them, the Comte will live, and Ned will die, but Ned will become an immortal legend. A surge of supernatural energies pass between as their spirits confront one another. Ned sees his truth, his future, laid out. He will not succeed in leading a social revolution against local tyrants, but he will become more than that; he will become an historical symbol.
EXT. EDGE OF TOWN, NEAR FOREST – DAWN
PLACEHOLDER: The Comte vanishes in the sun’s early rays, and Ned strides away from the town he has saved, no longer a man, but a legend. The townsfolk awaken with no real memory of what went on.
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Christi’s Beat Sheet Draft 2
Well, its 10:30 at night and still plus 30 Celsius. I”m not getting any sleep tonight so might as well catch up.
This was an interesting assignment as the theme in every Christie book and movie is: you sow what you reap. I see no reason to modernize that part as it’s a great theme.
I learned that the antagonist will be hiding in plain sight, using proxies for each interaction. I also created cards to work with to remain mindful of act beaks.
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Leo Sopicki’s Beat Sheet Draft 2
What I learned doing this assignment was the importance of a journey for the villain. I took an outline for the hero’s journey and put my antagonist into like he was the hero. This gave me a couple of ideas on how to flesh out Act 2.
I’ve put the Villain’s Journey first, and then the Beat Sheet with the theme in bold next.
The Antagonist’s Journey – Francis
Ordinary World
Francis run’s his used car dealership and is resentful of Nunu, his step-mother
Call to Adventure
He wants the fortune his father left to Nunu instead of him.
Refusal of the Call
He is bitter and take it out on his employee, Mongo.
Meeting with the Mentor
His sister, Precious, gives him an idea about how he can get his “rightful inheritance” back.
Crossing the first Threshold
He contacts Nunu.
Tests, Allies, Enemies
Francis tries to recruit Martin. Martin falls for it initially, but sees through him. He tries to regain the trust of Rolf, the butler. But Rolf remembers the things Francis did growing up.
Approach to the Inmost Cave
Francis plans a birthday party for Nunu, where he will fake her accidental death.
Ordeal
Francis accidentally eats the LSD cocktail he prepared for Nunu, and goes crazy, trying to kill everyone.
Reward (seizing the sword)
Francis traps everyone in the house.
The Road Back
Martin saves everyone else, but Francis captures him.
Resurrection
Francis is about to kill Martin when Nunu and his father’s ghost appear and make his plan go awry.
Return with the Elixir
Francis is carried away by police.
Beat Sheet with Theme Moments in Bold
ACT 1
INT. CASTLE – NIGHT
MARTIN HELFER (20), in peasant garb, stands on the steps of an ornate stairway flanked by banisters topped by life size wooden carvings of a cowboy on one side and a horse on the other, both smoking cigarettes. He battles werewolves and deamons trying to save his mom. He’s dreaming and a banging in the real world wakes him up.
THEME – In dream sequence he is trying to save his mother
INT. TOP OF A STAIRWAY – DAY
BILLY HELFER, thirty-something, Martin’s brother, bangs on the door to wake him up. Tells him his employer called and he needs to go into work early.
EXT. WHEELCHAIR SHOP – DAY
On the inside, DAVID HELFER (70), Billy and Martin’s dad, turns over an “open/closed” sign on the door of the rough-at-the-edges old store to “OPEN”. The large sign overhead reads “Mighty Wheels – We Capable You”.
INT. WHEELCHAIR SHOP – CONTINUOUS
David tells Martin that his employer, NUNU MIDER, has some kind of special event happening she needs help with. Billy tries to tell his Dad what he saw Martin and his girlfriend PEACHES doing, but DAVID doesn’t want to hear about it.
THEME – Billy wants too work at Nunu’s house, but David reminds him that Martin’s job with Nunu is only temporary because the shop is a family business and families have to stick together.
INT. MIDER MANOR – DIMLY LIT
Inciting Incident – Martin helps Nunu discover a magical amulet, which belonged to Nunu’s mother, that her deceased husband, Brock, had hidden from her, releasing supernatural forces into the house.
Nunu tells Martin that Peaches, the maid and secretly Martin’s crush, said the kitchen ceiling fan wasn’t working.
INT. – KITCHEN – DAY
Martin is checking a ceiling fan, when PEACHES PARKER (20), dressed in a traditional maid’s outfit enters. She tells him she has discovered a secret room and invites him to check it out.
INT. SECRET ROOM – LATER
Martin and Peaches end up in an argument about him looking for his mom and she goes away mad.
INT. MIDER MOTORS SHOWROOM – DAY
FRANCIS MIDER reveals to his henchman MONGO, that he intends to separate Nunu from her money.
INT. WHEELCHAIR SHOP – DAY
While David, Billy and Martin work in the shop, Martin discovers a photograph that for the first time makes him doubt what his father has told him about his mom.
INT. KITCHEN – DAY
THEME: Family rapprochement
Peaches tells Martin that Nunu’s stepkids, Francis and Precious, are coming to celebrate Nunu’s 55th birthday, and have a family rapprochement.
INT. BEDROOM – DAY
Nunu sits in her wheel chair looking through a photo album as the octogenarian German butler ROLF enters with a tray of snacks. Nunu speculates about the fate of the baby she had with Brock. What if it didn’t die. Rolf says he has no idea, but in his mind flashes back to the night the baby was born.
INT. WHEELCHAIR SHOP – DAY
Martin and Billy turn on the TV to see if they have won the chance to meet the “Star of Your Dreams” Contest. David says this contest is probably fixed. Billy reminds him:
THEME:
BILLY
You’ve always said “Family, family, that’s what it’s all about.”
They see that they won. They are going to Hollywood to be on TV. When David sees what has happened, he is concerned and confused.
EXT. MIDER MOTORS – DAY
Francis and Precious think of a way to get rid of Nunu.
INT. – KITCHEN – DAY
Martin tells Peaches about winning the contest. They have a spat about him leaving everyone at the manor who needs him.
THEME: Peaches tells Martin that the people he works with are family, too.
EXT. MIDER MANOR – LATER
As Martin leaves the manor, he and Rolf encounter Francis and Precious, and their henchmen. Francis tells Rolf to take the week off.
INT. BALLROOM – DAY
Martin tells Nunu that he’ll be gone for a few days to meet his Mom. He gives her a present of a super remote control which controls all kinds of things around the house, like doors and windows. Francis and Precious arrive and pretend to be happy to see Nunu.
INT. MARTIN’S ROOM – NIGHT
Martin packs his suitcase. David convinces him to take Billy with him.
EXT. OUTSIDE OF LAX TERMINAL – DAY
Martin and Billy emerge from terminal carrying their luggage.
TE 1 – Martin meets the lady he thought was his mom. He is rejected, discovering that she was his brother Billy’s mom, but not his.
INT. TELEVISION STUDIO – DAY
Martin and Billy meet the star. She remembers Billy, whom she hates for being a retard, but says she has no idea who Martin is because she aborted her second pregnancy. Disaster.
TE 2 – Confronts stepdad about lies and decides to move out. He leaves his stepfather and stepbrother.
EXT. OUTSIDE WHEELCHAIR SHOP – NIGHT
Martin and Billy return home. Martin confronts David over the lie.
THEME: Martin rejects his family and things get worse for him.
ACT 2
INT. SHED – MORNING
Martin has slept in a shed on Mider Manor grounds.
EXT. MIDER MANOR GROUNDS – DAY
Mongo and Martin work on a series of projects in and around the manor. They become friends.
INT. BALLROOM – NIGHT
Chandelier, lowers and rises.
INT. ATTIC – CONTINUOUS
Martin is working on wiring. Here’s a strange voice.
INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT
Rolf tries to warn Martin and Peaches that the house is haunted, but he is stopped by ghost.
EXT. MIDER MANOR – NIGHT
Rolf is on a ledge, by the roof, terrified.
EXT. GAZEBO ON MIDER MANOR GROUNDS – DAY
Francis and Precious trick Nunu into signing a will which with them as beneficiaries by telling her they want to build a Cancer clinic.
INT. DINING ROOM – DAY
Nunu tells Peaches and Martin about the clinic. They express concern.
Nunu tries to lower the chandelier and it almost kills her.
INT. WIRING ROOM – NIGHT
Martin checks wiring. Almost gets killed. Confronts ghost of Brock.
TE 3 — Peaches blames him for the chandalier that almost kills Nunu.
Martin tries to discover the secrets of the house.
TE 4 – Hounded by Francis’ henchmen.
Midpoint Turning Point —
THEME: Francis invokes “family” to have a birthday party for Nunu.
A birthday party for Nunu turns into an attempt by Francis to kill her. Martin, Nunu, and Peaches are trapped inside the main house of the estate as Francis goes mad and tries to kill them all.
ACT 3:
Rethink everything – Accepts Peaches friendship and vows to save her and Nunu.
TE 5. — Sees what can only be explained as a supernatural event.
Tries to get message to his stepfather and stepbrother.
TE 6 — Trapped by Francis and must come up with a plan.
New plan – Trick Francis into thinking his deceased father, Brock, has returned from the dead and has a message for him, so he will give up the fight.
Huge failure / Major shift – Because of Nunu’s magical amulet, Brock’s ghost really does return, bringing spirits with him. Now Martin must fight Francis and ghosts.
ACT 4:
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – Martin’s relationship to Nunu, Francis and Brock is revealed.
THEME: Martin realizes his family is much bigger than he thought.
Martin risks his life to save everyone else.
TE 7 — Confronts Francis face-to-face
Resolution. Martin and Peaches get married in the restored estate.
THEME: Martin’s real family and his adoptive family are united as one.
INT. BALLROOM – DAY
Martin and Peaches stand before a priest on the stairs. Nunu is the maid of honor and Billy is the best man. The statues of the horse and steel worker are no longer smoking.
Martin and Peaches kiss, then turn to face the crowd at the base of the stairs. Everyone cheers.
Billy points and laughs. A monkey is atop the statue of the steel worker who has the now wooden Precious over his knee, and the monkey is slapping Precious on the behind.
The monkey holds up his wrist to display Mongo’s Rolex.
Everyone laughs.
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Meg Stout’s Beat Sheet Draft 2 for Sundered
What I learned doing this assignment is the challenge of building in the antagonist’s journey when it’s a mystery and you don’t want people to know who the antagonist is up front.
Theme: Sanitizing history is fraught with peril.
Antagonist’s Journey: While we will eventually know the antagonist’s journey in Act 4, all we know at the beginning is that someone was willing to kill.
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