-
Post Day 9 Assignment Here
Reply to post your assignment.
-
17 Replies
-
Robert Wood’s Act 1: Opening Scenes
What I learned doing this assignment is that the preliminary work we did on our characters in advance has now really surprised me — their individual voices have come through much more clearly than I expected. I’m writing the script in Final Draft and copying and pasting here… Sorry, but I can’t help doing some editing! I’m feeling really pleased with these first two scenes. Onward tomorrow!
PROTAGONIST INTRODUCTION SCENE:
INT. CAR – DAY
MATT, 50-ish, edgy and agitated, taps the steering wheel as he drives. Music cuts out and a call rings through the speakers. He glances at the screen that says JILLIAN.
MATT
(cynical)
Awesome.
He hits the button to take the call.
MATT
Hey, sis.
JILLIAN (V.O.)
Hey, Matt. How are you?
MATT
Living the dream.
JILLIAN (V.O.)
On your way?
MATT
Yeah, not far now. You?
A BEAT – no answer.
MATT
Jill?
JILLIAN (V.O.)
Things are a little out of control here, Matt. Paul has meetings all week, and then the sitter cancelled–
MATT
Jesus, Jill!
JILLIAN (V.O.)
I’ve really been looking forward to seeing you.
MATT
Don’t do this to me.
JILLIAN (V.O.)
Sorry, but I’m really not going to be able to get away.
MATT
Damn it!
JILLIAN (V.O.)
You’ll do fine without me.
MATT
I’ve got a fucking life, too, you know, and asshole employees jerking off if I’m not there making sure they do their jobs.
JILLIAN (V.O.)
I know–
MATT
I don’t even want to do this!
JILLIAN (V.O.)
What — be responsible?
MATT
Oh, fuck you! Says the woman who’s not even coming.
JILLIAN (V.O.)
I’d be there if I could.
MATT
Right.
JILLIAN (V.O.)
I don’t want to fight, Matt.
MATT
I should’ve guessed — it’s always this way.
JILLIAN (V.O.)
I’m just a call away if you want my input on anything–
MATT
A call and 4000 kilometers.
JILLIAN (V.O.)
…Or if you just want to talk.
MATT
Got it.
JILLIAN (V.O.)
You’ll do fine.
MATT
Glad you have such tremendous faith in me.
JILLIAN
Talk soon.
The call disconnects.
MATT
Great. Fucking great.
He taps the steering wheel harder.
ANTAGONIST INTRODUCTION SCENE:
INT. FAMILY HOUSE – OFFICE – DAY
Matt enters his dad’s office, jammed with Ogopogo-related stuff –- newspaper clippings and blurry photos tacked up like wallpaper. Stacks of paper, old binders and books.
Some things never change.
Matt spots a photo of himself as a kid, alongside a sculpture of the sea creature, smiling mascot for the city of Kelowna. He studies it blankly.
BERT
(singing)
His mother was an earwig; his father was a whale…
Matt turns in surprise to face his dad, BERT, mid-70s and showing every year but still possessing a wiry strength.
BERT
(singing)
A little bit of head; and hardly any tail; and Ogopogo was his name.
MATT
Dad.
BERT
It’s out there, Matty. It’s always been out there, just below the surface.
MATT
You’re here?
BERT
Here there be monsters, right?
(Laughs)
No, it’s not a monster. A spirit, they say, but I’m damn sure it’s a cryptid.
MATT
No hellos, then.
BERT
Who has time? Get to the point, that’s what I always say.
MATT
Sure.
BERT
Nice picture of you with Ogopogo, huh?
(Laughs)
Remember that day?
MATT
No. What was I, five?
BERT
That’s how I like to remember you — full of spunk and inquisition… You don’t remember it?
MATT
No, sorry.
BERT
That’s too bad. Too bad… I regret that.
MATT
You regret I don’t remember one day from forty-five years ago?
BERT
Sure. That, and never finding the thing. Greatest regret of my life. I was so damn close, I know it! It’s out there, under those waves…
MATT
Greatest regret of your life?!
BERT
What else is there?
MATT
Besides a fantasy sea monster?
BERT
Fantasy?! Huh!
MATT
I don’t know… things you didn’t do with your kids–
BERT
Legendary, you could say, but not fantasy!
MATT
Fights with your wife…
BERT
Ah! Water under the bridge… The bridge…
Bert rummages through papers, following that train of thought.
BERT
There’ve been a lot of sightings around the bridge over the years…
Bert is now lost in his thoughts.
Matt shakes his head as he walks past the old man and leaves the room.
-
Charles Ferrell’s ACT 1: Opening Scenes
What I learned doing this assignment is the value and simplicity in having so many phases of development.
ACT 1
INT.CLASSROOM – DAY
Duncan see the little asian girl while teaching, no one else can see her. He looks away and then back, he begins to repeat himself nervously. Disturbing!
Beginning: Duncan is teaching a college class, where you learn name, position. A little runs behind back row chairs and no students react.
Middle:Duncan sees the girl standing in the aisle, small japanese girl about 7 years old, no students see her and comment on Duncan’s reaction.
End: Little girl in the back seat of his car causes near miss, other person sees no one in the seat.
INT.DUNCANS APT – EARLY EVENING
Girlfriend asks about him being disturbed/off, he starts to mention the little girl but stops himself.
INT.DUNCAN’S APT – NIGHT
Under the lake nightmare, turns into being inside the camp and meeting the girl in the dream
INT.COFFEE SHOP – MORNING
Duncan is having coffee with his girlfriend obviously rattled. Drinking more coffee than normal.
INT.TEACHERS LOUNGE – LATER
Beginning: Duncan looking tired with a to go coffee in his hands says hello to other teachers and professors including the Pol Science professor (the old sargent).
Middle: Duncan mentions his crazy nightmare about some camp full of asians in the lake never mentions seeing the girl. The Old Sargent looks disturbed.
End: The old sargent is in the hallway alone making a phone call while checking for anyone listening, looking upset.
-
Don Thompson’s Act I Opening Scenes
What I learned: not be a perfectionist when writing quickly.
FADE IN:
An image of the open sea. The camera SLOWY PANS UPWARD, and we see the HMS Avenger, circa the 1790s.
PROLOGUE:
“In 1797, at the beginning of the Napoleanic conflict between Great Britain and France, tensions were high within the Royal Navy. Two mutinies on Naval frigates — one on the Nore and the other on the Spitfire — had occurred within the past year and this reality weighed heavily on the Naval Officers who needed to maintain order and discipline within the ranks of their sometimes unwilling and undisciplined crews. Moreover, the United States had just won the revolutionary war and a new constitution had just been signed. All of these events weighed heavily on the ruling elites of Great Britain.
The HMS Avenger, under the leadership of Captain Edwin Vere, was thrust into an internal conflict that reflected the tension of the times and thoughts of freedom and the promise of human happiness that drifted through the minds of the people. Could the captain hold together a disgruntled crew and ensure unity with these social trends at play? Was force the only way to do so? Or could something else motivate people to unite other than fear and force?
Into this volatile mix enters William Budd, merchant seaman on the ‘Rights of Man’.This is his story.”
FADE OUT:
FADE IN, TITLE:
BILLY BUDD
FADE OUT:
EXT. ROYAL NAVY FRIGATE HMS AVENGER, NORTHERN FRANCE, 1797 – DAY
CAPTAIN VERE (35) looks out through a telescope to the Merchant Ship ‘The Rights of Man’. Next to him stands his First Lieutenant Phillip Seymour (30), the Master of Arms Claggart (45), and Second Lieutenant Julian Radcliff (27).
VERE
(almost to himself)
‘The Rights of Man’.SEYMOUR
Let’s hope she has some willing recruits.VERE
I’ll take unwilling recruits at this point.Beat.
VERE
(to Radcliff)
Steer leeward toward her. Make haste, lest she outrun us.Radcliff turns toward the forward deck, looking down at the assorted crew, and shouts.
RADCLIFF
Leeward Ho – make haste! You know where we’re going! You can see her plain as day. She’s port, 15 degrees!The men scramble to the sails and adjust accordingly.
CUT TO:
EXT. MAIN DECK – ‘THE RIGHTS OF MAN’ – SAME TIME
CAPTAIN JAMES SMITH (50) of the ‘Rights of Man’ – a merchant ship under the British Flag, stares through a telescope and speaks to his Chief Mate.
CAPTAIN
She’s British.CHIEF MATE
Impressment.CAPTAIN
No doubt.CUT TO:
EXT. RIGHTS OF MAN – SAME TIME
A pinnace – or small boat – pulls up alongside the ship, carrying Lieutenant Seymour and five crew members.
Seymour boards the ship and the Captain and his Lieutenants line up. Seymour salutes the Captain.
SEYMOUR
Lieutenant Seymour, HMS Avenger.CAPTAIN
I won’t tell you my name, sir. But I understand your intent.SEYMOUR
You are the Captain?CAPTAIN
As sure as day.SEYMOUR
Line them up then.The Captain leans into his Chief Mate and speaks to him quietly:
CAPTAIN
Round them up. Everyone except Billy Budd.The Chief Mate nods.
The CHIEF MATE SHOUTS to the men:
CHIEF MATE
Line up for the good lieutenant!He walks aft and finds Billy Budd (19) tying a rope around some rigging. Billy is a striking young man – an almost perfect physical specimen, with a shock of blonde hair that is both unruly and glowing in the sun.
CHIEF MATE
(to Budd)
Billy – be a good lad and get me a swig of rum from the kitchen. Wait there for me. Don’t leave until I come for you.BILLY BUDD
Don’t leave?CHIEF MATE
Stay down below until they’re gone. Captain’s orders.CUT TO:
EXT. MAIN DECK – RIGHTS OF MAN – DAY
Seymour observes the dozens of men, lined up in two rows, examining each. He prods them, asks them to open their mouths to examine their teeth. The Captain and Chief Mate follow close behind.
Lt. Seymour stops at one man, DANSKAR (30) an African American — and quite tall and muscular compared to the others.
SEYMOUR
And where are you from?DANSKAR
Dutch West Indies.He eyes him over.
SEYMOUR
Open your mouth.Danskar opens his mouth and Seymour peers in.
CAPTAIN
You won’t like him. He has a nasty disposition and tries to get everyone to pray to Jesus.Beat.
SEYMOUR
I like Jesus. We’ll take him.Beat.
DANSKAR
God has led me to you.Seymour looks him over and nods.
SEYMOUR
Let’s hope so.The Captain interjects.
CAPTAIN
They’re a sorry lot. I apologize I don’t have better for you.SEYMOUR
What about below?CAPTAIN
There’s no one below.Seymour eyes him distrustfully.
CUT TO:
INT. LOWER DECK – MOMENTS LATER
Seymour and his assistants climb down the steep stairs to the lower deck. Billy sits in a corner, sipping a glass of rum. He looks up at them and smiles. His teeth are perfectly shaped and his smile is winning, to say the least. His complexion is unstained and his tan is golden.
BILLY BUDD
(flashing a smile)
Care for some rum? It’s the captain’s favorite!Seymore looks at Billy astonished. It’s like seeing a purebred horse in the midst of a trash heap. He turns to the Captain.
SEYMOUR
And where did you find him? In a basket on the Nile?CAPTAIN
He’s a bastard child from Bristol, I think. That’s about all he remembers.SEYMOUR
He looks like they dropped him from heaven.CUT TO:
Billy flashes his bright smile.
Seymour walks over to Billy and looks at him. He takes the cup from Billy’s hand and takes a swig. After his drink, he turns to the Captain.
SEYMOUR
Not bad.CAPTAIN
Don’t take him. He’s my peacemaker.SEYMOUR
Peacemaker?CAPTAIN
He’s a cheery fellow. His attitude is infectious. It won’t be the same without him.Seymour nods then looks to Billy.
SEYMOUR
He might be good for morale on the Avenger. -
Janeen’s Act 1 Opening Scenes
What I learned doing this assignment is that less is more. As I turn my outline into a script, I am cutting out preliminaries in each scene and wrap-ups and simply ending the scene when the necessary action is over. It helps to concentrate the action/disposition/description.
OPENING SCENES:
PROTAGONIST 1’S INTRODUCTION
INT. NICK’S APT – MORNING
In a spartan, dull, basement studio apartment, a tiny bedraggled fake Christmas tree, a Santa suit on a hanger and an upturned Santa hat on the nightstand are the only signs of Christmas.
On the nightstand next to a twin bed, a teacup poodle, GRIZZLY, sleeps comfortably in the upturned Santa hat.
NICK, late 30s, in the bed, sleeps, twitches, moans, eyes darting under the lids.
Grizzly wakes, alerts, growls softly. (Anxiety)
EXT. WAR ZONE – DAY
We enter the Nick’s dream.
Nick, an Army Ranger in a war zone, leads a team on a mission in a narrow, dusty village street, guns drawn, tight formation. (Anxiety)
They spread out to check doors/rooms on either side of the street. Gun fire explodes. One of Nick’s men is hit. (Fear)
Nick races through incoming fire, firing back, giving orders into his mike, takes out two of the enemy, drags the injured man to a safe space.
Nick cradles the dying soldier in his arms, tears rolling down his cheeks, rage and horror fighting for dominance in his eyes as he watches the life drain from the dying soldier’s body. (Fear)
NICK
Hang on. Hang on.
A rustle signals someone is approaching. He picks up his weapon, fires with one hand. Another enemy falls dead into the room.
A medic enters, does a quick check of the man in Nick’s arms, shakes his head.
Nick cries, shaking uncontrollably. (Devastation)
CUT TO:
INT. NICK’S APT – NIGHT
Grizzly leaps out of the upturned Santa hat, lands neatly on Nick’s pillow.
He licks Nick’s ear.
Nick’s dream morphs abruptly to one where a beautiful woman (IVY) is in bed with him, nibbling his ear. He holds her closer in his arms.
As Grizzly licks, Nick relaxes, his moans turn to those of lust and pleasure. (Relief)
Grizzly stops licking, observes Nick, alone in the bed, then barks sharply in Nick’s ear.
Nick shoots up, scoops up Grizzly fluidly as he rises to a sitting position. He holds the tiny dog in front of him, close to his face, nose to nose. Then takes a slow deep breath, in and out.
NICK
Thanks, Grizzly.
Grizzly licks his nose, barks joyously, the tiny collar on Grizzly’s neck says PTSD Service Dog. Nick nuzzles her neck.
PROTAGONIST 2’S INTRODUCTION
INT. APARTMENT HALLWAY – MORNING
RUDY, an 80-ish dapper retired-CIA agent with hearing aids and glasses, stands in the hallway of his apartment building, talks on a state of the art cell phone.
RUDY
My wife insists I find out out who the mall Santa is at Century Mall. You owe me. Remember Chile? Who rescued you when you were held hostage by five drug gang members? Who stopped them from cutting your throat? You can help me with this.
He pauses.
RUDY
Illegal or not, you WILL help me or I’ll tell your wife that the torture in North Africa left you infertile and it’s not her fault you don’t have kids.
The door opens
RUDY
Do it.
He quickly, pockets the phone.
IVY, late 30’s, in a stylish, business-like suit and coat, shoulder holster gun bulge evident, exits the apartment, speaks into her bluetooth headset.
IVY
I’m on the lookout for him.
Calls out into the apartment.
IVY
Holly, we’re waiting in the hall. You’ve got 30 seconds before we leave you at home.
Ivy and Rudy exchange a look. He points to himself and then Ivy.
RUDY
Fifty years of CIA experience and fifteen years of Secret Service can’t get that woman out of an apartment in less than half an hour.
IVY
(smiling)
We’re failures.
Rudy does an eye roll. Ivy laughs.
RUDY
(under his breath)
Speak for yourself.
IVY
What did you say?
RUDY
I said you should probably see for yourself if she’s actually coming or if she’s on the phone again.
Ivy fishes a holiday themed key chain crowded with keys out of her pocket.
A menacing giant of a man in coveralls enters from the fire escape at the end of the hall. Ivy pulls her gun. He rushes her, she fires, hits his shoulder, he keeps coming. She fires again, hits him between the eyes, he drops like a sack of flour. She holsters her gun.
Searches for the key she wants on the keychain.
IVY
(into bluetooth headset)
Cleanup in the hallway.
She eyes the big guy on the floor.
IVY
Probably take two people.
The apartment door opens.
HOLLY, 80-ish, attractive, smartly dressed, talks on the phone, exits the apartment.
HOLLY
When you get his name, just leave me a message with it.
She pockets her phone and heads down the hall to the elevator.
HOLLY
Are we going or not? You can’t expect Mr. Right to find you in a hallway, Ivy. Let’s go to the mall and check out that very interesting Santa.
Ivy pushes her earpiece’s button to speak.
IVY
The Christmas Tree is on the move.
The elevator door opens. Ivy pulls her gun, steps in front of Holly and Rudy, checks out the elevator.
HOLLY
Is your buddy getting that name?
RUDY
I doubt it. Against regulations. Did you have any luck?
INT. ELEVATOR – CONTINUOUS
Holly shakes her head as Ivy motions for them to move to the back of the car, watching the hallway carefully as elevator doors slowly close. Holly and Rudy roll their eyes and chuckle.
RUDY
Just like a real agent.
HOLLY
We’ve got to find her a husband.
IVY
What are you two whispering about.
RUDY
We were just remarking on how professional you look today.
Ivy rolls her eyes, watching the numbers change, gun at the ready.
IVY
May I remind you, the last six guys I dated, most of which were setups from you, only wanted access to your son.
Holly and Rudy exchange rueful glances.
ANTAGONIST’S INTRODUCTION
INT. MALL – DAY
DASHER, an FBI agent, slick, upper 40s, devious, talks to four mercenaries who stand a little apart from him.
DASHER
Two of you cover the far exits like you did yesterday. This is the real thing today. You two with me. The President’s parents can’t have a hair on their heads disturbed, you understand?
The men nod.
DASHER
Take your positions. Here they come.
IVY, HOLLY and RUDY enter the mall. Ivy scans the room, hand on her gun, just in case.
Dasher flashes his badge to her. She frowns, disgusted.
IVY
Why are you here again?
Dasher swaggers closer as the four of them head down the hall in the mall.
DASHER
Just keeping tabs on the President’s parents and their Secret Service detail.
IVY
You did that yesterday.
DASHER
We’re double-checking your efficiency.
Ivy stops, confronts Dasher.
IVY
My efficiency is just fine. Yours is in doubt, however. The Secret Service detected and neutralized a threat just this morning. Where were you then?
Dasher looks down his nose at Ivy.
DASHER
Doing reconnaissance here.
She scoffs, goes back to scanning the mall, ignoring Dasher.
He smirks, follows, nods to one of his goons as they pass him.
INT. MALL – CONTINUOUS
NICK, dressed in the Santa suit, sits on the Santa throne in his set. A child wipes his nose then wipes his hand on Santa’s suit. Isn’t satisfied, wipes his face on the suit.
CANDY, Nick’s aging elf, watches in alternating amusement and disgust.
Nick spots IVY as she passes by the set with the parents.
NICK
Grizzly, isn’t that the woman from my dream?
Nick watches GRIZZLY closely. She sits on a little table next to Santa’s throne, looks where he points, wags her tail, licks her lips.
NICK
Is she one of the good ones?
Nick scoops up Grizzly, holds her up so they are eye to eye and nearly touching.
Grizzly licks his nose.
CANDY
She’s a good one alright. You know who that is with her?
Nick shakes his head, trying to keep the kid from rubbing his snotty nose on Santa’s jacket. Nick returns Grizzly to her table, his eyes following Ivy.
CANDY
The oldsters are the President’s parents.
Nick registers surprise, then impressed.
CANDY
You should ask her out.
Nick scoffs.
Ivy, Dasher and the parents turn down a hallway and are out of sight.
Nick spots MERCENARY 1 following them, pulling a gun, intent on the group he is following.
Nick jumps up, ejecting the snotty-nosed kid. He scoops up a pouch made from two helmets hinged together with soft padding and breathing holes lining them. It flops open as he sweeps Grizzly off the table and into the pouch. As he starts to run after the man with the gun, he automatically slips the pouch on like a messenger bag.
-
Peter Birdsong’s Act 1: Opening Scenes
What I learned today: This is the fastest I’ve ever written a scene. I hope it continues. This was also a difficult day for me to get started. If I wasn’t doing this class, I would have skipped today. Pushing myself was very helpful and now I’m glad I did it.
CARLY’S OPENING SCENE OUTLINE:
EXT. HIGH SCHOOL – DAY
Beginning: Bell rings, but Carly is busy posting on social media.
Middle: Friends run by her heading inside and insist she hurry with them.
End: She encounters her teacher and principal in the hallway.
MOM’S OPENING SCENE OUTLINE:
INT. STUDY – NIGHT
Beginning: Going through her husbands things. An office assistant is there helping her.
Middle: Crying. The office assistant doesn’t know what to do.
End: The phone call. There’s a boat.
SCENES:
I/E. CARLY’S CAR – DAY
CARLY SIMMONS (17), the high school dream girl, preps her hair to photo-ready perfection. She pouts her mouth slightly. Lips open — not too much. Her phone focuses. She squints and…
CLICK.
BRRRING! The scream of the school bell overtakes the parking lot.
TAP TAP. HANNAH (17) beckons outside her car.
HANNAH
Come on!
CARLY
Just a minute!
Carly gives her phone a few swipes, grabs her backpack and rushes after Hannah.
INT. HIGH SCHOOL – DAY
Lockers doors SLAM. Sneakers SCREECH the floors. Gossip fueled GIGGLES echoes down the corridor.
Carly approaches her classroom. Curiously standing outside the door, that bitch MRS. WHITAKER (40s) along with her PRINCIPAL (50s). The look on their faces… It’s dread. Carly pauses.
PRINCIPAL
Carly?
CARLY
What?
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
LAURELLE SIMMONS (50) would normally never be seen outside of professional power business suit. But, right now her eyes are bloodshot with fatigue. Her makeup is twelve hours old and hair has taken a form of it’s own.
An OFFICE ASSISTANT nearby stares at her waiting.
LAURELLE
That box.
ASSISTANT
I checked.
LAURELLE
Check again!
The assistant open the box and beings emptying the contents neatly on the floor.
ASSISTANT
It’s just old papers.
Laurelle sits on the floor exhaling. She sips from a wine glass nearby. A tear forms. Embarrassed, she quickly wipes it away.
The young assistant watches her helplessly.
LAURELLE
Go home. It’s okay. Go on.
ASSISTANT
See you tomorrow?
LAURELLE
Yes.
BUZZ. They both look at the desk.
LAURELLE
That’s Philip’s phone.
Laurelle takes the phone from the desk and swipes to answer.
LAURELLE
Yes?
(beat)
This is his wife.
(beat)
I’m uh… I’m sorry, what?
-
Patrick Downey – Act 1: Opening Scenes
What I learned doing this assignment is that I can take my story in different directions depending on who I highlight as a lead character. Do I want to write in the lead FBI agent into more scenes or leave him out as insignificant player until I absolutely need him? Questions and Thoughts!
INT. FOOD TRUCK PARKED ON THE STREET IN DOWNTOWN CHICAGO – DAY
Team setting up the surveillance of the FBI on the HAVOC organization in downtown Chicago. Introduction of all the main players and their roles and the FBI’s case for bringing them down.
OPENING SCENCE OUTLINE
INT. FOOD TRUCK – DAY
BEGINNING: FBI veteran agent Belfiore exchanges some choice words with young rookie agent Greene who’s right out of the academy and think he has all the answers about this case just because he read through the files earlier. Agent Greene considers it a waste of his time and intelligence and Agent Belfiore blows up, curses him out and kicks him out of the truck to go get everyone some coffee.
MIDDLE: While in line waiting for coffee Greene recognizes former NFL Linebacker standout also from his alma mater, Mathis Crutchfield. They exchange some awkward conversation momentarily and Agent Greene finishes it with a request for a selfie. Upon returning to the truck, Agent Greene settles in as Agent Belfiore is going over the men under surveillance. Suddenly, Agent Greene burst out in excitement to tell everybody who Crutch is in great detail.
END: After Agent Greene finishes, Agent Belfiore looks at him dumbfounded and continues describing the organization’s purpose, methods, and operations. Agent Greene looks around for some sympathy but no makes eye contact with him.
SECOND SCENE BEAT SHEET
INT. H.A.V.O.C. OFFICE VAULT – DAY
Ray is standing at the head of the table discussing an important matter with his partners and we see Dardanos Alexandrite texting on his phone laughing to himself and totally ignoring Ray.
SECOND SCENE OUTLINE
INT. VAULT – DAY
BEGINNING: Ray notices Dardanos on his phone and questions him about a topic knowing full well he wasn’t paying attention. Dardanos stumbles around trying to fluff it and everyone looks at him like he’s an idiot. Ray snickers and continues, Kristos, Dardanos’s father looks at him with disgust.
MIDDLE: The meeting ends, and everyone heads out except Dardanos. He hangs back to confront Ray about his insults and tells him he’s an old man that is out to touch with the new ways of the world.
END: Ray waves off Dardanos and dismisses it as childish behavior like one of his toddler grandchildren and walks out of the vault.
-
Subject line: Daisy Ridgway Khalifa’s Act 1: Opening Scenes (Lesson 9)
What I learned doing this assignment: Do not wordsmith too soon. You will create a glut of good and bad language and ideas that might be hard to sift through. Also, I am having some anxiety about writing dialog.
Commitment to my fellow classmates: I will intentionally use the High Speed Writing Rules throughout the rest of this program.
=====
Opening/Key Scene 1/Outline:
BEGINNING: Early morning. Various birds eye shots of a quiet pre-dawn Los Angeles. It is January 1994.
MIDDLE: Shots of pre-dawn Los Angeles, this time shaking as we hear eerie, real-time sound for all of the seconds that are the 1994 Northridge Earthquake. During the earthquake, we have zeroed in on an oceanfront house that is rupturing from the ground up as a family escapes at sunrise.
END: The father is the last to leave the house and turns for one last look as he watches the entry hall floor rise and fall like a serpent. Moving beyond the hall, we are on the terrace, which cracks quickly, cleanly making a thin, jagged line down the middle. Past the terrace, all we see is the massive, dark sapphire ocean expanse, barely lit in a pre-dawn glow. The ocean is flat and calm, save for the sound of a powerful wave crashing, pounding down on the shore below.
Inciting Incident/Key Scene 2/Outline:
BEGINNING: Mia and Tina part ways, a trauma for Mia.
MIDDLE: Mia encounters Charles Laughton in her garden. They talk.
END: Charles leaves the garden and goes back toward the house, PINECLIFF, and tells a few people about the little girl. Mia leaves Charles by climbing over a wall that leads to the street and she joins some neighbors who are playing at the house next door.
Scenes:
EXT. LOS ANGELES – DAWN
A slumbering pre-dawn Los Angeles, seen in millions of flickering lights in various expansive shots of the city, goes from tranquil to unhinged in the 1994 Northridge earthquake. We hear low audio of the sounds of the city alongside the voice of CHARLES LAUGHTON as he recites the Gettysburg Address.
CHARLES LAUGHTON (V.O.)
Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought both oaths continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal. Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle field of that war…
EXT. LOS ANGELES – OCEANFRONT HOUSE ON A CLIFF/“PINECLIFF” – CONTINUOUS
Zero in on the terrace of an oceanfront house known as PINECLIFF. The shaking continues.
CHARLES LAUGHTON (V.O.) (Con’t)
We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this. But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate — we can not consecrate – we can not hallow – this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it far above our poor power to add or detract…
INT. PINECLIFF – MASTER BEDROOM – CONTINUOUS
A husband and wife shoot out of bed and scramble frantically.
ON WIFE:
As she bolts into the HALLWAY and meets the caretaker, who is holding a baby and has another child by hand.
BACK to MASTER BEDROOM
On husband as he goes to his safe across the spacious bedroom-over-the-ocean, grabbing what he can of his wife’s jewelry on the way. He pulls out documents, even a gun. He heads for the front door.
CHARLES LAUGHTON (V.O.) (Con’t)
The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us, the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced…
INT/EXT. PINECLIFF – FRONT DOOR THRESHHOLD – CONTINUOUS
HUSBAND stands at front door as the QUAKE’s last explosive sound is heard. He turns to look back at his beautiful investment, worth millions UP TO NOW. The hallway floor BUCKLES RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM. Beyond, across the cracked terrace, the ocean is sapphire blue, calm, but for the crashing waves.
CHARLES LAUGHTON (V.O.) (Con’t)
It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us — that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last measure of devotion — that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not the died in vain — that this nation, under god, shall have a new birth of freedom — and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT./INT. PINECLIFF – DAY – 20 YEARS EARLIER – 1974
Establish with a bird’s eye view over the terrace of the oceanfront house, PINECLIFF, on a bright sunny afternoon and we zoom in to the windows of the elegant DINING ROOM, where MIA PAULEY, 8, is straddling her housekeeper, TINA, in a tight hug, while Tina sits in a dining room chair, dressed in her finest Sunday clothes. Mia won’t let go so as to hide her tears. Tina knows. Mia’s father, BRUCE PAULEY, and her mother, KATRINA PAULEY, look on helplessly.
BRUCE
Mi-mi, I think I have to take Tina downtown now.
Tina prompts Mia and Mia finally lets go, kisses her on the cheek one more time, and gets off TINA’s lap quickly. Distraught, Mia hides her face, and runs out of the dining room. Tina sheds a tear as she watches Mia go.
EXT. PINECLIFF – GARDEN
Mia runs to the garden at the side of the house. She goes toward the fringes, where there is a brick storage building. She reaches a dark garden path, covered by pine trees, where a massive unused fire pit sits in a circle. In a daze, the child picks up rocks to toss into the pit. She is kneeling by the fire pit, lost in thought, bewildered. A man with rolled up shirt sleeves and loose, wrinkled pants appears. It is CHARLES LAUGHTON. He is lost in thought, muttering a little. He spots Mia.
CHARLES
Hello there you.
MIA is startled but sees it is Charles. She rubs her eyes and brushes the tears away. She turns so he won’t see her red eyes.
MIA
Hello. Mr. Charles.
CHARLES
You know you’re welcome to call me Charlie.
(Beat)
Are you alright? You’re sad? Why are you sad, Mademoiselle Mia-of-the-Palisade?
MIA
Tina is leaving.
CHARLES
Who is Tina? I do not know who Tina is, I am afraid. Is she your friend?
MIA
She is our housekeeper. And she is my friend.
CHARLES
(Beat)
Oh, child, I do understand. You were close? People like that are so very important to us.
MIA
She was second mommy. That’s what we said to each other.
CHARLES
Well, you will always love her. And she will always love you. Always. That’s a nice thing. And, she’ll always be with you in some way, you know.
Beat.
CHARLES
Who is going to take care of you now?
MIA
Probably Mrs. Buttle.
CHARLES
Buttle. Buttle sounds very English. Who is that?
Mia’s face brightens a little.
MIA
She is our babysitter. Yes. She is English like you. She is Cockney. Are you Cockney?
Charles smiles and laughs softly, as the child is not quite sure what she is even describing.
CHARLES
No. I am not cockney. How do you know she is Cockney?
MIA
She told us. She always tells us. She says she was born near the sound of the Baw Bells. I don’t know what she is saying.
CHARLES
Aaah. Within earshot of The Bow Bells. Bow, like a bow in your hair. Does she talk like this, and does she have a loud, let’s say jovial, laugh? Those are the bells of a church. Did she tell you that? St. Mary Le-Bow Church. I’ll have to ask Elsa.
Charles puts on a perfect Cockney accent for Mia and Mia giggles, no longer so shaken by the parting with Tina.
MIA
Yes, and she sings a lot. She likes to sing. And she likes when my sister and I sing for her.
CHARLES
(in Cockney)
That is very sweet. Does she have a name for you? A special name. I suspect she does. They’ll call you anything but your real name. Right?
MIA
Yes! She does. She calls me Duh. But I don’t understand when she calls me Du-h. Listen, Du-h. Hello, Du-h. C’mon duh. Don’t be stupid, Duh.
Mia makes herself laugh and Charles continues in his Cockney which makes Mia laugh more.
CHARLES
Oh my! She certainly is Cockney. You know, even when she says on’t be stupid, I have a feeling she likes you very much. I think she is calling you, Duck, actually, because you are her little duck. And she probably has lots of ducks, right? Or are you her most important duck?
Mia’s eyes light up.
MIA
Duck! Duck! Oh. That’s it…duck.
Mia smiles as if she has just discovered a buried treasure. Charles hears his name called and looks toward the house.
CHARLES
(in Cockney)
Must go, Love. Oh, forgive me. Listen, Duck, I’ve got to go. Are you going to climb over the wall again, that way?
Charles points to a far end of the yard that borders the street. Mia looks at him and nods playfully.
CHARLES
Next time we talk, do sing a song for me that she sings. Do you know any?
MIA
Well, not really. Oh, yeah, there is one. It’s I’ve got a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts.
Mia doesn’t sing, but without hitch, Charles begins the next line.
CHARLES
“‘ere they are a standin’ in row. Big ones, small ones, some as big as yer ‘ead.”
Mia nods and smiles from ear to ear, but is hesitant to sing.
CHARLES
C’mon you can do it. Sing with me. It’s just an English affinity we have, um, way. We sing. We have to sing. “give us a twist, a flick of the wrist, that’s what the showman said…”
Mia whispers a few words but is too shy to sing. When she heads to the wall, she is sings quietly to herself. Charles whistles the song as he heads back to the terrace of PINECLIFF.
-
Andrea Cabañas, Act 1: Opening Scenes
What I learned from this assignment was to ‘educate’ myself to stop falling into the trap of thinking and rethinking the same scene. I stopped a few times and caught myself editing again, but then I took a deep breath and started again, having in mind the “20%” for the first draft. It’s not an easy task, but those exercises are helping me a lot to get there.
1. OPENING SCENE – OUTLINE
INT. BEDROOM – DAY – DREAM
Zoe dreams of having sex with a woman; her father watches them holding a bible in his hands. She wakes up with an orgasm.
BEGINNING: Zoe’s in a cozy beach house bedroom making love with a woman, but we don’t see her face/who she is.
MIDDLE: There’s a man hidden behind the light curtains. He stares at Zoe: it’s her father. He holds a bible, watches them with a judgmental look, mumbles words. she tries to say something, but her voice doesn’t come out. She’s succumbed to the pleasure she’s receiving.
END: Zoe explodes in an orgasm that makes her wake up confused. She looks around, and James deeps sleep beside her. She checks the phone, a few missing calls from Paula. She gets up silently.
SECOND LEAD CHARACTER INTRODUCTION – OUTLINE
EXT./INT. KATRINA’S HOUSE – DAY
James drops Zoe and says goodbye. A new job proposal is cancelled. Katrina reacts, tells Zoe this happens because she’s not good enough.
BEGINNING: James drops Zoe off. For their farewell, Zoe realises she won’t see him for a long time (she knows she scared him, saying she loves him). Katrina watches from inside.
MIDDLE: Katrina sees Zoe crying and tries a conversation, but Zoe doesn’t say much. Katrina says that Paula went to her house after Zoe; she demands her daughter stop sinning and reminds her about her gay uncle. Zoe tells her they broke up, and Katrina makes her swear on the bible. Zoe tells her to stop doing this.
END: In her bedroom, Zoe checks emails and sees a negative response from a job she had applied for. Katrina opens an enclosed envelope in the kitchen that contains a few pictures. She hired a detective, and her suspicions were confirmed: Zoe’s still with Paula.
2. Write your Opening scene that introduces a lead character; either your Protagonist or Antagonist.
PROTAGONIST
INT. BEDROOM – DAY – DREAM
Candlelights are scattered on the place; light white curtains blow with the wind—the sound of WAVES crash on the nearby beach.
Zoe sits comfortably on a cozy sofa in the middle of the room. She’s accompanied by a WOMAN whose face doesn’t show.
The woman explores Zoe’s body with her hands; she kisses Zoe’s skin. Their semi-naked bodies touch gently.
FRANZ (70), wrinkled face in a dark suit, stares at them with a judgmental look behind the curtain. He holds a small BIBLE in his hands and mumbles inaudible words.
Zoe and Franz’s eyes met. She tries to say something, but her voice doesn’t come out. She’s succumbed to the pleasure she has.
The woman goes down on her. With eyes semi-closed, Zoe surrenders to the pleasure; she squirms on the sofa while the man spells words to the air. Zoe grits her teeth, her breath speeds and her eyelids tremble until-
(TO CONTINUE IN ANOTHER SCENE)
3. Write the scene that introduces the other lead character.
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Character: James Kaye
INT/EXT. JAMES CAR – DAY
James drives in silence down the mountain road; his tanned skin seems to bring out his green eyes. They listen to funky, jazzy music.
Zoe stares at him with a smirk.
JAMES
What?
ZOE
So that’s it? You won’t say a word until all the way home.
JAMES
(scoffs softly)
I’m just listening to the music.
ZOE
Okay then…
Zoe looks out over the landscape, her gaze lost among the green mountains in the distance. With her elbow resting on the car door, she brings her hand to her lips and softly bites the tip of her thumb.
James glances at her and tries to reach her hand softly, with eyes still on the road.
JAMES
Come on, don’t do this.
She slips out of his hand and scoffs.
ZOE
What? What am I doing?
Both smile, Zoe looks away again.
ZOE
You keep your eye on the road.
A moment of silence.
Zoe places her hand on her mouth again and sings softly the song playing on the radio. James taps his fingers on the steering wheel to the beat of the music. He glances at her, then at the road.
JAMES
It’s a lot to take in, sorry.
ZOE
What do you mean?
JAMES
No one has ever said this to me before.
Zoe frowns and stares at him.
ZOE
Really?
James has eyes fixed on the road.
JAMES
Yep.
Zoe twists her lips.
ZOE
Not even your girlfriend?
He frowns, scoffs.
JAMES
Girlfriend? Where did you get this from?
Zoe shrugs, scoff softly and looks away.
ZOE
I don’t know. Don’t listen to me.
A song she likes starts playing; she turns up the volume. She sings, moves with the funky rhythm; she teases him to sing, who smiles and starts singing while driving on the road by the coast.
-
Rebecca Jordan’s Act 1: Opening Scenes, Lesson 9
What I learned from doing this assignment is to not be afraid of the dialogue. With all the prep, it kinda roles out. And I have permission to write shitty dialogue for now. Fix later!!! 20% I still need to go faster and am recommitting to doing so.
__________ACT 1__________
Key Scene 1: Opening and Protagonist Introduction
EXT. FESTIVAL – NIGHT
Opening: Rock Concert. Rachel, 50’s, in rock band sings Rebels, Tom Petty for their final encore. The band finishes up. Crowd cheers. The band walks off the stage waving to the crowd.
EXT. BACK STAGE – CONTINUOUS
Middle: The band loads out their gear. Pop open beers from the cooler. Various: “Great show everyone.” “Awesome.” Rachel grabs a beer. Packs up her gig bag. Band mate gives her a bump.
BAND MATE
Hey Rach, coming to the after party?
RACHEL
Mmmmmmm, I’d really like to.
BAND MATE
Just come for a while. Common’.
Feeds her another bump.
RACHEL
Man! No. I can’t. Promised myself I’d get some work done. I’m really stuck.
BAND MATE
Ah! That dang “Memoir”. Alrighty —
RACHEL
Yes, that dang fucking “Memoir”. Next one.
BAND MATE
Cool beans. You don’t know what you’re missing.
RACHEL
Pretty sure I do, actually.
BAND MATE
Ha! Touche.
RACHEL
Later. Have fun for me.
BAND MATE
You know it.
End: Rachel walks to her truck. Loads up. Finishes her beer and takes off waving to her band mates.
_________________________________________
Key Scene 2: Antagonist Introduction
INT. APARTMENT HALLWAY – DAY
Beginning: 1974. Hillary and Rachel approach an apartment door. Rachel pulls her keys out.
The elevator door opens from down the hall. Mom, 28, petite blonde, with a tall lanky uniformed door man, 50’s, who rolls her in his desk chair toward the door. Her leg in a giant cast stretched all the way out in front of her.
HILLARY
Good Lord B! You didn’t mention the broken leg. What the heck?
INT. SMALL 1 BDRM APARTMENT – CONTINUOUS
Rachel already inside, sees Mom, waves and quickly runs into the apartment.
MOM
Hi Honey!
Rachel runs crying into her room and shuts the door.
MOM
Aren’t you gonna say hi to your ole’ mom?
INT. SMALL 1 BDRM APARTMENT – CONTINUOUS
HILLARY
I think the cast is a little scary for her. You could’ve given her a heads up, B. jeez.
MOM
Nonsense! She’s always so emotional.
HILLARY
B, she’s a kid. She hasn’t seen you in a long time. Like two months, at least. I think.
MOM
Please. It’s not that long. She’s fine.
Middle: Earl helps Mom off the chair and onto the couch. Leaves her things on the table.
EARL
Okay Miss B. You take care now. Let me know if you need anything.
MOM
Thank you Earl. Wouldn’t have made it up with out you.
Earl waves and leaves.
HILLARY
Bye Earl. Take care.
EARL
You too Dear.
MOM
End: Oh, hand me my bag would ya? I’ll show you the self portraits I drew. That was my therapy.
Hillary hands her the bag.
MOM
Rachel, come on out here honey. Wanna show you something.
Mom shows Hillary her drawings. They are dark contemporary/surreal self portraits drawn with a black marker. Rachel comes out of room hesitantly. She stands close to Hillary.
MOM
Don’t I get a hug?
Rachel, sheepishly goes to hug Mom and sits down next to her. She is sad.
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by Rebecca Jordan.
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by Rebecca Jordan.
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by Rebecca Jordan.
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by Rebecca Jordan.
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by Rebecca Jordan.
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by
-
Vic Valleau Lesson 9 & character Introductions.
What I learned: Answering Hal’s prompts adds depth to story.
NANCY INTRODUCTION.
New in town, psychic visionary. A lotta laughs but classy.
JT INTRODUCTION
Very respectable, rich, Lawyer. Talks marriage to get laid.
ACT 1 Four KEY beats/ SCENES
BEATS
Nancy overhears two women talking in stalls about the BET.
INT. RESTAURANT LADIES REST ROOM – NIGHT
SCENE1 EXCITING OPENING \SCENE INTROS A MAIN CHARACTER, THE CONFLICT AND/OR WORLD.
Begin: Nancy looks under stalls hoping to recognize shoes.
Middle: As women finish business, chat and wash hands Nancy dawdles to hear more. .
End: Hears talk of BET of Rolex v. Tesla for first having sex with some woman. “Why were flirting with my boy friend? Says Easy Date to Nancy.
SCENE 2 INCITING INCIDENT PROPELS PROTAGONIST ON THE JOURNEY.
BEATS
Inciting incident propels protagonist.
OUTLINE
BEGIN JT Lays his diamond Rolex on table. Elton lays his Tesla keys on top of it.
MIDDLE: Nancy notices JT covers it when she walks by, so on notice bet may be over her and JT looking at her.
End: She dangles her hand on him, whispers. He follows.
SCENE 3 PRO REACTS EMOTIONALLY TO INCITING INCIDENT.
BEAT: Stop and go awkward, almost sex.
Begins: She stops him, tests him. Why her? a prize for sex with her?
Middle: OK I’ll lie for you.
End: OK, sex and Ill split prize with you
SCENE 4 TURNING POINT- LOCKS IN THE JOURNEY
Beat: Elton tells her about BET.
SCENE:
ELTON BEDROOM – TESLA PARKED OUTSIDE
Begin: Elton tells her about BET.
Middle: In his bed. He says He has vasectomy so no worries, besides nothing happened
End: She runs to bathroom, feels squishy between her legs.
-
ProSeries 81 – Dana’s Act I Opening Scene
What have I learned from this assignment?
Creating the beat sheet and outline as a prelude to scripting has allowed me to concentrate on my characters’ voices without having to spend time on the scene description/narrative. And not being obsessed with perfection has increased my writing speed. And I’m enjoying my writing again, and not trying to avoid it. I wish I had learned these lessons years ago. Better late than never.
PS – I have two protagonists to introduce, which is why my opening scene is rather long.
OPENING SCENE OUTLINE – PROTAGONIST
INT. MAXIMUM SECURITY PRISON – DAY
BEGINNING: The prison is in lockdown. Prisoners in their cells. It’s bedlam. Almost a riot. FRANK VALENTINO being walked through cell doors leaving prison. He’s wearing rumpled street clothes.
MIDDLE: Frank is ushered into the Warden’s Office for one last meeting before his release. The warden speaks to Frank about the crime he committed, his incarceration, his conduct as a prisoner, and his early release based on the governor’s new program.
END: Frank never speaks. He just stares at the warden. Then leaves.
OPENING SCENE – PROTAGONIST
INT. MAXIMUM SECURITY PRISON – DAY
CELL BLOCK. The prisoners are in lockdown. The cell block is in bedlam. SCREAMING. YELLING. Toilet paper streaming down. A riotous protest.
Behind a gate we see FRANK VALENTINO, 50’s, rugged, prison hard, dresses in rumpled street clothes. He’s waiting to be let through a gate. A GUARD stands behind him.
GUARD
You don’t seem to have a lot of friends in here, Frank. Why is that, I wonder?
The security lock BUZZES and the gate slides open. The guard escorts Frank through the gate.
INT. WARDEN’S OFFICE – DAY
The WARDEN is at his desk. His phone BUZZES.
WARDEN
(on phone)
Yes? Okay. Show him in.
The office door opens and Frank is escorted inside by one of the prison guards.
WARDEN (CONT’D)
Come in, Frank.
The guard points to a spot on the floor.
GUARD
(to Frank)
Stand.
Frank stands on the spot in front of the warden’s desk staring down at the man. The warden barely acknowledges Frank. The warden opens file on his desk.
WARDEN
(reading the file)
Frank Valentino. Manslaughter. Second degree. Fifteen years. But for some reason, you’ve qualified for the governor’s early release program. Though I don’t understand why.
(he folds the file close)
I’ll be blunt, Frank. We both know you don’t deserve release. Not just for the murder you committed on the outside, but for the two men you stabbed in here. If I could prove you killed Russo and Spinetti, you’d be here for the rest of your life. But I can’t…
The warden stands and hands Frank a manila envelope.
WARDEN (CONT’D)
That’s your parole packet. Parole officer’s name and phone number are inside. Make sure you don’t miss your first appointment. Or you’ll be back in here.
(beat)
Anything to say?
Frank just stares at the warden. The look is frightening.
WARDEN (CONT’D)
Okay. That’s it. Take him out.
The guard grabs Frank’s arm and leads him from the office. The door closes. The warden remains standing, pensive for a moment, almost worried, then sits back down.
END SCENE
———
OPENING SCENE OUTLINE – ANTAGONIST
EXT. PRESS CONFERENCE – DAY
BEGINNING: The governor is taking questions from reporters about his criminal justice reform program.
He’s told of Jack and Frank’s early release from prison and caught off guard by the news. He recovers siting second chances. When he’s asked about the vice presidency, he dodges the question, smiles and leaves with his team.
MIDDLE: In the limousine, the governor is pissed he wasn’t told the men were released. He wants Jack and Frank on a lease.
END: Head of security tells him not to worry. He’ll take care of it.
OPENING SCENE – ANTAGONIST
EXT. PRESS CONFERENCE – DAY
GOVERNOR WILLIAM NEWBAUM stands at a podium taking questions from the press corps, a field of American flags behind him. He’s early 50’s, tall, handsome, lean, slicked back hair with the typical snake-like smile of a politician.
NEWBAUM
(answering question)
…these new investments enable us to tackle the challenges our state will face in the future. Education, inequality, climate change, our homeless problem. And it will also fund out criminal justice reforms to keep our streets safe for our families.
(point to a reporter)
Yes?
REPORTER (O.S.)
Senator Digby believes your budget is fiscally irresponsible and that it will lead to even larger future deficits. How do you respond to the senator?
NEWBAUM
Our states continued recovery will more than adequately help cover the cost of our investments. And I would remind Senator Digby, that doubling our efforts now will ensure our state will thrive long into the future.
(pointing again)
Yes?
REPORTER (O.S.)
Speaking of your criminal justice reform program, Governor, would you comment on the release of Frank Valentino and Jack Donovan. As District Attorney, you prosecuted both men for the murder of Kareem Johnson. And I’m wondering how you feel about these men qualifying for early release under your reforms.
Newbuam stiffens, unsure how to answer, somewhat surprised by the news. He smiles and quickly recovers.
NEWBAUM
If we want criminal justice reform to succeed, we as a people must learn to forgive those who have done wrong. Everyone deserves a second change.
REPORTER (O.S.)
You’re rumored to be on the short list for the vice presidency. How do you think your reforms will be accepted by public now that these two men have been release?
NEWBAUM
The presidential season is still years away. I’m focused all of my efforts on rebuilding this state. Thank you all for coming.
Newbaum waves and walks off stage. His press secretary, MAGGIE OWENS, 30’s, blonde, sexy, is waiting for him. They speak a few words and head off.
DOUGLAS HILL, head of the governor’s security, follows behind them. Hill is dark, physically fit, forties.
They head for the governor’s limousine, leaving the gaggle of SHOUTING REPORTERS behind them.
INT. GOVERNOR’S LIMOUSINE – MOVING – DAY
BACK SEAT. Newbaum sits next to Maggie staring out the window. Hill sits across from them.
NEWBAUM
Why wasn’t I told those assholes were released? I looked stupid up there. I can’t be made to look stupid.
MAGGIE
I’m sorry, Governor. I don’t know why we weren’t informed. I’ll look into it.
NEWBAUM
Where are they now?
HILL
I don’t know.
NEWBAUM
Find out. I want those two fuckers on a leash. I don’t want to hear their names or see their faces.
HILL
I’ll take care of it.
NEWBAUM
(scoffing)
The first criminals released on my new prison reform program are the two murderers I prosecuted. Jesus!
END SCENE
OPENING SCENE OUTLINE – ANTAGONIST
EXT. PARK – DAY
BEGINNING: Jack Donovan sits at a park bench across from a school watching his daughter from a distance.
MIDDLE: He’s confronted by his ex-wife who sees him. She warns him to stay away from her and their daughter, they have a new life, and his daughter doesn’t know him.
END: Jack realizes he’s lost everything and leaves.
OPENING SCENE – ANTAGONIST
EXT: PARK – DAY
JACK DONOVAN, early 40’s, sits at a bench in a park across from a Catholic school watching children play at recess. He tries to smile, but his smile is fleeting. He looks sad and forlorn.
JACK’S POV – A group of girls in Catholic uniforms playing tag. One of them is SALLY TUCKER, twelve, laughing, running. She’s cute as a bugs ear.
JACK smiles at her play. Sally is Jack’s daughter. But he’s too far away for Sally to notice him.
WOMAN’S VOICE (O.S.)
What are you doing here?
Jack turns to find JANICE TUCKER, 30’s, a middle-class soccer mom standing behind him. She’s shocked and pissed that Jack is here.
Jack stands to greet here. But they’re not friendly.
JACK
Hello, Janice.
JANICE
What are you doing here, Jack?
JACK
I came to see my daughter.
JANICE
She’s not your daughter, Jack. David’s her father now. You gave up that right when you went to prison.
(beat)
What are you doing out?
JACK
I got early release.
Janice comes closer. She can’t believe he’s here.
JANICE
Sally doesn’t know you exist. And that’s the way it’s going to stay. I don’t want her to know her real father is a racist and a murder.
JACK
Would it matter is I said I didn’t do it.
JANICE
No. Not when everybody thinks you did. And that’s the only thing that matters.
(beat)
If you come near Sally, I’ll call the police. Goodbye, Jack.
Janice walks off, heading for the school.
Jack watches her leave. He turns his attention to Sally one last time, drops his head and then leaves.
END SCENE
-
Benito Selim’s ACT 1 opening scenes
What I learn in this assignment is the introduction of your characters sets the whole script into motion. All the clues you give into the beginning contribute to the story being played out.
ACT 1
INT. MOVING VEHICLE- NIGHT
BEGINNING: Karen and Jeff ride along a lonely road. Jeff admits he hasn’t been trying hard enough to make the relationship work but wants to.
Jeff parks the car on a lover’s lane turn out from the road.
MIDDLE: Karen appreciates his attempts but is still troubled by something on her mind. she then admits to Jeff, she’s been distant as well since her father has now reached out to her after years of being distant.
END: Jeff understands their troubled relationship and vows to help her through it. Jeff exits the vehicle to use the restroom. He is killed immediately as an unknown figure stands in front of the vehicle in Karen’s sight.
Karen attempts to start the car, but Jeff has the keys. She flees the car.
EXT. STARKOAKS- FARM
BEGINNING: Karen runs down the road with the killer on her trail. She enters Starkoaks and hides under a pig troff.
MIDDLE: The Killer runs past and scrambles to find Karen. Karen waits a minute then runs in the opposite direction. She ducts into a barn.
END: In the barn, she discovers candles and dead animals along with other remains. The killer then appears from the shadows and proceeds to kill her.
INT. DARRYL’S DORMROOM- NIGHT
BEGINNING: Darryl dozes off while on his computer, the computer begins to act up then stops. Darryl figures he’s just tired and shuts down his computer.
MIDDLE: Darryl hears a faint voice followed by a piercing scream. He runs to his drawer and removes a bottle of pills. Darryl takes one and everything is silenced.
END: Darryl hears faint voices again followed by giggles, the door opens and his roommate Gary and his date stumble in. Gary apologizes he didn’t know Darryl was there, he exits with his date. Darryl lies down as a shadow on his blank computer screen moves out of frame.
-
Lesson 9: Act 1 Opening & Character Introductions
ASSIGNMENT
BG’s Act 1: Opening Scenes
What I learned doing this assignment: I’m just inserting these scenes right into my Beat Sheet – like hanging ornaments onto a Christmas tree! Makes it easier for me not to lose sight of the big picture and wander off. I plucked these two off the tree and am reporting them here!
For Act 1, these are the first two Key Scenes:
Key Scene 1: Exciting opening scene intros a main character, the conflict and/or world.
INT. APARTMENT LOBBY — NIGHT
A young man walks in. Late-twenties, medium-build. Broken-heart written all over his face. He is REPORTER, a mechanical engineer. He’s dropped out of grad school mid-thesis, bummed around Europe for a year, and then landed a job as a reporter at a U.S. weekly magazine.
He checks his mailbox and finds a fat envelope. He examines it. Looks puzzled and walks toward the elevators.
INT. REPORTER’S APARTMENT — NIGHT
Contents of fat envelope laid out on the kitchen table: bad copies of photos of several people, of a posh club in London, of diplomatic cables, and of what look like online bank statements…
Reporter takes photos of some of the items with his cellphone, transmits them to a big workstation in the corner, and does reverse-image searches.
With each hit, information streams down the large monitor. He reads fast.Key Scene 2: Inciting Incident propels the protagonist onto the journey!
INT. NEWSROOM – DAY
Bustling newsroom, with computer screens everywhere. Contents of fat envelope are again laid out on a big table. EDITOR, mid-fifties, a fatherly type, stands by a giant monitor, watching curiously as information streams down and Reporter explains.
EDITOR
What the hell…
REPORTER
Wait till you see this.
One of the photos he’s taken with his cellphone appears on the screen. A blurry image of an important-looking man. Glamorous photos of the same man in various social occasions with other important-looking people stream down the screen.
REPORTER
Would you believe it, he’s BILLIONAIRE! What’s he doing in my mailbox?
Billionaire’s Wikipedia summary on the screen reads:
“British Billionaire, 65. Born in Czechoslovakia. He uses his media empire to promote Western values. His foundation, National Endowment for Freedom (NEF), provides billions to democracy efforts worldwide.”
EDITOR
Well, Reporter, looks to me like somebody wants you to investigate something.
His eyes twinkle.
EDITOR
You’ve hit big time, kid.
REPORTER
Why me? I’m a nobody. Why not the New York Times? Or the Washington Post?
EDITOR
Okay. Let’s lose the self-pity. It’s clearly a tip. It’s worth a look.
Reporter stands looking mulish — his usual non-committal, unsmiling self.
EDITOR
No need to be so glum. You’ll have a great time in Europe. Just keep it cheap.Key Scene 3: The protagonist reacts emotionally to the Inciting Incident.
Not written yet.Key Scene 4: Turning Point – Lock in the journey.
Not written yet. -
TIM’S ACT ONE: OPENING SCENES – DAY 9
What I learned doing this assignment is breaking down every scene into its own 3-Act structure helps write the scene with impact while setting up the next scene.
Opening: Duke’s comfortable life as “man’s best friend” with his bachelor owner Bob is disrupted by the arrival of Bob’s new girlfriend and her bratty young daughter.
BEGINNING: Duke sleeps on “his spot” on the couch as Bob tidies up.
MIDDLE: Bob tells Duke he has a surprise for Duke. Duke finally perks up.
END: Bob’s girlfriend and her daughter arrive – they’re moving in!
INT. BOB’S HOUSE – FAMILY ROOM – DAY
DUKE, a lazy hound dog living the good life relaxes on “his
spot” on the couch,
His owner BOB (35) scurries around the room nervously, tidying
up: fluffing pillows, arranging magazines on a coffee table.
Duke studies him curiously. Bob catches his glance.
BOB
You really should get more exercise.
Duke yawns, stretches and hops – well, falls – off the couch.
He strolls across the room, grabs his bed in his teeth and
drags it to a sun-soaked spot by the window.
He collapses onto the bed and basks in the warmth.
BOB
You are the most spoiled dog on the
planet. But you’re a good boy, aren’t
you?
Duke wags his tail and smiles. Yes, I AM a good boy.
BOB
I’ve got a surprise for you. I know
you’re gonna love it.
Duke shows some pep now. He rises and starts for the kitchen.
BOB
(laughs)
No, not food. Outside!
Duke goes back to the window and peers outside.
A car pulls into the driveway and parks.
The driver and passenger doors swing open and out steps Bob’s
girlfriend KAREN (30s) and her bratty daughter MADISON (13).
Right behind them, a moving van pulls in.
Duke’s face drops.
BOB
Surprise!
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by Timothy McDevitt.
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by
-
KATHERINE BENNETT-GREER’S OPENING SCENES
What I learned from doing this assignment is that when the characters have revealed themselves through the Q & A, I have what I need to create the draft.
Opening Scene, Protagonist
INT. EMILY’S HOME, FAMILY ROOM – DAY
A modern family home with just enough room for a family of four. Gray light eeks in through early morning windows. A stone chimney and raw wood beams gives an air of strength to the space. EMILY, a scrappy nine-year-old contraption builder with Dennis the Menace luck, aims a small catapult made out of steel bars and exercise bands at an Elf on the Shelf perched on the kitchen counter’s edge. KAT, Emily’s worn-out but resourceful mom, pours pancake batter from a ladle onto the griddle. Emily launches a rubber band ball towards the Elf on the Shelf. It’s a bullseye, and the Elf launches into the air. Kat flips a pancake and catches the Elf with her free hand.
KAT
What have I said about the Elf? She’s off limits. And my exercise bands. Hand ‘em over. And, come eat.
EMILY
All right….
Emily slogs to the kitchen table and lays down the exercise bands. Her Mom scoops them up and drops them in her pocket and places a plate of pancakes in front of Emily.
KAT
Breakfast is ready!
Emily’s two siblings scamper down the stairs that border the family room and beeline for the table. Emily’s oldest brother JOSH rushes the table, and her youngest sister SADIE shuffles her feet. She holds a Gameboy in her hand. Josh chows down. Sadie stares out the window. Emily pushes food around her plate.
SADIE
It’s snowing!
Emily looks out the front window and tears up. She tears away from the table and rushes the stairwell. She scrambles up the stairs.
INT. EMILY’S HOME, EMILY’S BEDROOM – DAY
Emily collapses on her bed. She puts her pillow over her face to muffle her crying. She screams into the pillow. A knock on the door. Kat opens it. She comes in and sits on the edge of the bed. She looks to a poster on Emily’s wall, palm trees and sunshine.
KAT
I have an idea.
~ ~ ~
Opening Scene, Antagonist
INT. MITZI’S LAIR, COMMUNICAATIONS HEADQUARTERS – DAY
A room like a Pentagon communications hub. Broad flat screens, computer towers, a wall of servers, and techy Staff bathe in greenish light. The metal walls create a sense of cold. On the giant flat screens, a live feed of a museum heist goes down. A carved Hippo labeled “Sand King’s Luckiest Possession” rests under a glass dome. Thugs dressed as Japanese school children drop a blue smoke bomb. When the smoke clears, the Thugs and the artifact are gone.
EXT. STREET – DAY
Thugs dressed as Hari Krishna dance to a waiting black van. They get in and the van enters traffic. The van pulls into a parked semi-truck container. They lose the disguises. A drone shot shows a two lane tunnel up ahead. SIRENS in the distance.
INT. TUNNEL – DAY
A two-lane tunnel nearly dark with smooth stone walls. The truck drives into the tunnel. In the tunnel, the Thugs hit a button and the dash display says, “Choose Color”. THUG #1 touches “LIGHT BLUE”. The back truck container doors open, and the van backs out and onto the street. The truck’s back doors close and it zooms away. Behind it, the van.
EXT. TUNNEL – DAY
Out the other side of the tunnel, the van’s now light blue. Police cars with blaring sirens and lights zoom past them going the other direction. THUG #1 touches his earpiece.
THUG #1
Got it, Boss.
INT. MITZI’S LAIR, COMMUNICAATIONS HEADQUARTERS – DAY
Close on the face of MITZI GAIN, a global crime boss with a flair for bad fashion and an obsession with stealing the world’s luckiest objects.
MITZI
Excellent. Now get back here. And pick me up one of those burritos.
THUG #!
Umm, I would Boss, but we’re in Japan. So…
Mitzi blushes at her oversight.
MITZI
Obviously you’re in Japan. I mean when you get back.
THUG #1
Well, we get in at 3 am, so…
Mitzi cringes.
MITZI
Right. For lunch then. When you get back.
SPLIT SCREEN
INT. VAN – DAY
The thug in the front passenger seat gives Thug #1 a signal to hurry up the call.
MITZI
Get yourself one. Heck, burritos for everyone. A job well done.
Thug #2 in the front passenger seat gives a bird beak hand signal miming that Mitzi talks too much. Audible CHUCKLING in the van.
MITZI
Is someone laughing, are you laughing?
THUG #1
CSHHH CLICK CSHHHH. We’ve CSHHH got a bad signal.
Thug #1 touches his earpiece to end the call. A plump thug in the back of the van chimes in.
THUG #3
I like those burritos.
The thug next to him smacks him on the back of the head.
INT. MITZI’S LAIR, COMMUNICAATIONS HEADQUARTERS – DAY
Mitzi stands up like she’s been victorious.
MITZI
You know what I need?
Mitzi’s assistant GRACE, a mouse of a woman, looks around. No one wants to answer Mitzi.
GRACE
What do you need?
MITZI
A vacation.
END
-
“In the Shadow of Greatness” opening scenes outlines
What I learned from this assignment is to make sure I have a clear beginning, middle, and end to every scene.
Introducing Olivia:
In private, Olivia hires a sex partner for her physical needs in order to avoid emotional attachment to anyone. It is the only relationship she can control; because she pays for it.
INT. OLIVIA’S APARTMENT — NIGHT
BEGINNING: OLIVIA, 30, and JASON, 28 bronzed and buffed, climax in bed. After a few moments of heavy breathing, Olivia looks at her cell phone. She tells Jason it’s two AM, and he has to leave.
MIDDLE:
Jason argues with her. Why shouldn’t he stay? They could have another go before she leaves for work. Olivia tells him she has to be up at six-thirty and pushes him out of the bed with her feet.
END: Jason teases that just because she’s a high and mighty psychiatrist doesn’t mean she rules the world. Olivia reminds him that “you don’t pay for the sex, you pay to get them to leave afterward”. She pulls $300 out of her purse and gives it to Jason. “Now, be a good boy and run along. I have to be in court at eight.”
Inciting Incident:
Secret Service Agent Bryan Bowen tells Olivia the First Lady has been murdered. He hires Olivia to analyze the claimants.
EXT. COURT BUILDING — DAY
BEGINNING: As Olivia reaches the bottom of the court building stairs, a well-dressed, tall man BRYAN BOWEN, mid 40s, falls in step beside her and introduces himself, asking if she could come with him.
MIDDLE: Olivia tells him she has patients to attend to; Bowen shows her his Secret Service ID and tells her there is urgent need for her
services; they need her expertise in hypnotherapy to help determine if a few suspects might be guilty of a crime. Olivia says that’s not the usual application of her techniques.
END: Bowen says Will Davis recommended her. She asks what this is about, and he tells her the First Lady was murdered during the night. She takes out her cell phone and dials, then tells her secretary to cancel all her appointments for the day.
-
Lori’s Opening Scene
What I learned from this assignment is to think of my first draft differently and not get caught up in trying to be perfect. When I began thinking in terms of the first draft being a little more than an outline, it began to flow quickly.
FADE IN:
EXT. QUANT SMALL TOWN AT CHRISTMAS TIME – DAY
Like a scene from a Thomas Kinkade painting, the idyllic small town main street is decorated for Christmas. Shoppers are in and out of storefronts. And children are playing in the snow.
INT. CHURCH – DAY
POV someone looking out a window overlooking the main street. Pastor Thomas steps away from the window in his humble, yet orderly office. He’s a middle-aged man whose face is weathered from grief.
Thomas looks at the December calendar — twelve days until Christmas.
SIGHS
Thomas sits at his desk and eyes the yellow legal pad in front of him. It’s blank except the sermon title, “The Hope of Christmas.”
Thomas picks up a pen and begins frantically writing, and then he just as quickly rips the page off the pad, wads it up, and throws it into the nearby wastebasket that is nearly full of similar wadded up papers.
KNOCK ON THE DOOR
THOMAS
Come in.
John enters with a look of nervous concern. John is in his late thirties and masculine — dressed in jeans and a flannel shirt. He remains standing at the door.
JOHN
Good morning, Thomas.
THOMAS
Is it?
JOHN
Well, the grocery store doesn’t have enough hams for the Food for Family’s Christmas boxes, and another delivery isn’t expected in time.
THOMAS
How many hams are we short?
JOHN
Three.
THOMAS
That’s not that many. I have one in my freezer you can have. I won’t be needing it. And I’m sure if you get the word out to the congregation, we can come up with a couple of more.
JOHN
Yes, that’s a good idea.
THOMAS
Help yourself to a cup of coffee and have a seat.
JOHN
Thanks.
John walks over to the coffeepot and prepares himself a cup.
INT. MIRIAM’S HOUSE – DAY
Smoke detector alarm RINGS through the charming little home of widow Miriam.
Miriam is a tiny spitfire in her late sixties. She rushes to the oven and peers at liquid dripping from a pie and hitting the hot coils and smoking.
Miriam takes a towel and waves it at the alarm until it stops.
She takes the pies out of the oven and accidentally burns herself.
Ahh!
Miriam places the pies from the oven on the counter covered in freshly baked pies.
Miriam puts two more pies in the oven to bake and then sits down to catch her breath.
INT. CHURCH OFFICE – DAY
John is now sitting across the desk from Thomas with their coffees.
John rubs his hands together.
JOHN
I hear Miriam is baking her pies today.
THOMAS
Uh…
A car BACKFIRES from the street outside the church. Thomas gets up to look out the window. He watches a happy couple walking down the sidewalk. Then he watches as an elderly man helps his wife out of their car. Thomas almost smiles.
But then, a man in a long black coat and a hat pulled down that hides his face is spotted leaving a storefront. Thomas takes a deep breath and SIGHS as he moves away from the window.
Thomas sits back down at his desk across from John.
JOHN
Is everything okay?
Thomas nods unconvincingly.
There’s a brief quiet moment, and then,…
THOMAS
Let me guess, it’s not just the hams.
John looks like he really doesn’t want to speak.
JOHN
Well,…the florist called and asked how many poinsettias we need this year and where to place them.
John nods.
THOMAS
Just tell them the same as last year. Is there something else?
JOHN
There’s the matter of the live nativity.
THOMAS
What about it?
JOHN
We no longer have a calf.
THOMAS
Why not? What happened to the Ferginson’s calf?
JOHN
Let’s just say he’s needed elsewhere. Possibly, for Christmas dinner.
THOMAS
Oh. Well, I suppose we will manage with what we have.
Log in to reply.