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post day 9 Assignment Here
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Julia Keefer’s PASS 3: As of October 1, 2021, I think my screenplay must be confined to my third novel instead of slashing through all three, but with focused flashbacks. I snipped the 9 point outline into this new time and space with renewed focus on the CDQ and the Main Conflict, trying to imagine visual action in the present tense, a critical exercise for adaptations.
Concept: Bobby/Leo/BB/Betty, a serial killer, transitions into a hit man
and then a female chef who sacrifices her life to save Jake and Litonya, matured into loving family people and Green activists, killing Ibrahim the
CEO of STEMGARCHS who has devolved into genocidal evil as rocks narrate
and recycle through climate catastrophes.Lead Characters: Bobby/Leo/BB/Betty, Ibrahim, Jake and Litonya, and rocks
Theme: TransformPlot/Structure: Horror or Drama with Fantasy and Fear
1. Set-Up. BB squirts sanitizers around the UES and lights matches to blow up outdoor restaurants in NYC spring 2020 during the pandemic. He gets in IBRAHIM AL HARBI’s electric car, crosses the GW bridge, and takes a boat up the Hudson to New Paltz, while Ibrahim picks up LITONYA LENAPE a brilliant, beautiful geologist working at the Earth Observatory before driving up to New Paltz where Ibrahim joins his wife Sandrine in their Tudor Mansion, Litonya stays with her husband RODNEY and her son KISELE
2. Inciting Incident: Hanukkah 2020. BB watches as Jake’s parents succumb to COVID and survive but Rodney and his parents die, despite the valiant CPR efforts of his son JOE and Jake. BB helps prepare the three corpses for burial in the NP cemetery. Who is to blame for all this death and suffering—genetic and environmental fate or human will?
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about. The main conflict is between the secret STEMGARCHS who have unleashed viruses but are also developing vaccines and cures for neurodegenerative diseases and a Bright Space Brain Buffet (Ibrahim and his servant BB) and the Green activists (Litonya, Jake, and their kids) who respect nature and natural phenomena, exacerbated by years of injury and personal vendettas and current and forthcoming climate catastrophes.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1: BB now a hit man for Ibrahim’s STEMGARCHS watches helplessly as Hurricane Ida demolishes Ibrahim’s condo, killing his wife and son, but BB and Joe help clean up. Cleaning and money cover climate catastrophes sometimes but cannot bring back loved ones so Ibrahim changes for the worse as he loses his religious faith and holds desperately on to life through the STEMGARCHS company. Where is human will in a climate catastrophe? Ibrahim works harder on the Bright Space Brain Buffet, using BB for his dirty work.
5. Mid-Point: Ibrahim wants BB wants to kill CS because she knows too much, and BB wants to kill filthy Norm and Keith. But the explosion in the antique car blows up the solar house and kills his son the firefighter. Since he adopted Joe as a teenager, he lived through this handsome, brave, kind, hard-working, sexy man. Now he is gone, and it is his fault. He wants to become a woman. He is sick of his dangling impotent penis that abused cadavers. After arguing with Ibrahim, he transitions to Betty to . become a better cook. Her gender dysphoria has cleared up. But she still works for Ibrahim who is now a full-fledged sociopath, ready to kill millions of humans to save the planet or his people. Now that Betty no longer has that weasel between his pants, she has no admiration for Litonya’s body. Jake and BB always hated each other but Jake is getting desperate about his mom’s Alzheimer’s and his recent Parkinson’s diagnosis. His dad dies. He makes friends with Betty and they work together. Litonya is brought in as well to spy on Ibrahim and his STEMGARCHS because she has pulmonary fibrosis. They must get these drugs. More floods, more landslides, more diseases exacerbate the CONFLICTS between the STEMGARCHS and the EE Company and the desperate need for the BRIGHTSPACE BRAIN BUFFET.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2: Jake, Litonya, and their families are desperate for the drugs to cure neurodegenerative diseases. Jake is so depressed about having to let his mom die of Alzheimer’s and the knowledge he may be getting Lewy Body dementia and Litonya’s fibrosis is worse. Jake becomes a detective with the help of his kids to uncover the crime history of Bobby, Leo, BB, and now Betty. Betty is older and sicker on her eightieth birthday. Jake tells her she must choose exposure over getting on the side of EvergreenEnergy and betraying her boss Ibrahim, head of STEMGARCHS. But Betty has a secret weapon because she is still the chef of the CEO of STEMGARCHS. She agrees to cooperate.
7. Crisis: BB has a fight with Litonya and Jake about STEMGARCHS and must make a choice about Ibrahim and the drugs. Whose side is he on—EE with the kids and their eco-boats or Ibrahim with his money, power, and the STEMGARCHS? What are the options? How can she kill Ibrahim? Where are the best drugs? Is human will so strong that they can delay or overcome death?
8. Climax: Betty cooks a poisoned dinner that she and Ibrahim eat. The passive-aggressive conflict between master and servant is exposed and resolved with a final fight. Ibrahim fakes death and struggles physically with Betty but is saved by Jake and Litonya who must face his demons before death. Looks like his Brightspace Brain Buffet cannot save him and he could roast in hell.
9. Resolution: Betty gives the drugs to Litonya and Jake, helping save their lives, so that this main conflict is resolved, but as she is dying, they put her on a boat near Inwood saltmarshes so she can rock herself to death as the rocks slide into the Hudson and humanity now has another arsenal of cures for neurodegenerative diseases and another fleet of ecoboats like Noah’s arcs for floods and other climate catastrophes. Jake and Litonya die naturally with a seismic seesaw as they are trying a little climb in the Palisades and the igneous rock, the Magma Monsters who narrate half my last novel, slips into the Hudson. The Resurrection is the resumption of the rock cycle and the legacy of the kids to work on the imperfect human brain and ecoboats to tackle climate catastrophes and save humanity. Fate and will are married as life and death continue.
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PS80 Janeen’s 3rd Pass – NQ 1 and 2
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is that this is a good way to focus on one thread in the story at a time and make sure it is focused on enough in the script.
Dramatic Question: Are mind control techniques real? If so, does that mean using them to help the abused is aiding and abetting in murder if an abused wife kills her husband?
Where does the Dramatic Question first get established and how? In the section before the 1st Act Turning Point — Morgan and her husband discuss it. I’m adding a section about the “real” part to Morgan’s opening discussion while leaving that class.
How is the Dramatic Question increased in intensity? Intensified after the first turning point when she first does intentional medicine and her husband says it’s illegal to practice medicine without a license and to treat someone without their knowledge. She ponders this.
She asks her instructor if it is legal to use silva on people who don’t know she is doing so and he reminds her that people offer “thoughts and prayers” for others — often people they don’t even know — so of course it is legal. This is after the Midpoint.
After Amber kills her husband (the Crisis), the book club cop’s partner talks the prosecutor into filing charges against the book club for aiding and abetting — they’ve gone too far.
Where does the Dramatic Question finally get answered?
During the climax, the court rules in their favor — “thoughts and prayers” are not aiding and abetting.
Main Conflict: Morgan (with help from her book club) tries to help Amber stay alive and escape successfully from her husband, Daniel, without getting any or all of them killed/injured in the process or Amber losing her kids.
When does the Main Conflict first show up?
After Morgan calls the police on Daniel and Amber won’t press charges. — by page 10
B. How many ways can you express the Main Conflict throughout the story?
Women building community — book club, shelter buddies
What the shelter woman does/sees in response
What the cop sees and can do about it
What the lawyer can/can’t do about it
What we see Daniel do that disempowers/endangers AmberC. What brings the Main Conflict to a boiling point in the 3rd Act?
Other women are getting out, Amber is not.
Amber is seriously injured, but still won’t leave him because she would be leaving her kids with him.D. How is the Main Conflict resolved?
Amber comes up with a permanent solution to her problem
Her solution is considered self-defense since there is a clear record (hospital and police) of his escalating violence and a record of what he has done to prevent her from leaving.Current Outline
PLOT IN STRUCTURE
Opening: The fashionista leaves a Silva Mind Control class and donates money and clothes at a women’s shelter where she meets her favorite designer’s abused wife and kids, befriending them.
INT. CLASSROOM – DAY
Morgan leaves her class chatting with her classmates joking about how they hope they can get the techniques to work for them. Is it real or is it really just about boosting confidence? They debate it briefly.
INT. WOMEN’S SHELTER LOBBY – DAY
Morgan carries a few garment bags into the center and a young woman follows with a stack of shoe boxes. She sees Amber Richards, her designer’s wife, with their 2 kids and tries to talk to her. Amber does her best to hide bruises on her face and pretends she’s there on a charitable mission, not as a client, but Morgan sees the bruises and is distressed.
INT. SHELTER OFFICE – DAY
The woman who runs the shelter, a member of the bookclub, tells Morgan that Amber won’t press charges and is going back to her husband after being at the shelter for a couple of hours.
INT. DESIGN STUDIO – DAY
Morgan and Daniel Richards greet with fake kisses and she tells him she’s seen his wife at the shelter, donating clothes. He turns away with an evil leer.
INT. RICHARDS HOME – EVENING
We hear Daniel berating and slapping around Amber for trying to escape him and steal his kids while not keeping their private matters private. She is whimpering.
Inciting Incident: While providing feedback to the fussy designer at his house, the fashionista secretly leaves a book on the Silva method for the wife. The wife gives her the signal for “help” and the fashionista calls the police. As the arrest happens, a verbal contest between the fashionista and designer erupts.
INT. MORGAN’S HOME – DAY
Morgan considers what she can do to help Amber and decides Amber needs to empower herself to leave so she puts her copy
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of Silva in her purse. It will strengthen her self-confidence and help her feel she is capable of leaving Daniel.
INT. RICHARDS HOME ENTRY – EVENING
After greeting, Morgan follows Daniel to his studio. She
sees Amber holding her kids in the dark in a living room and deliberately slips a Silva book onto a table with a significant look at Amber.INT. RICHARDS HOME STUDIO – EVENING
Morgan and Daniel consult on the design of a dress and both are fussy about fit and embellishment. As he’s walking her to the door, she looks again for Amber and this time, Amber is giving her the covert sign for help (Hand up flat (like a “stop” position), fold the thumb into the palm, curl the fingers down over the thumb). Startled, she nods to Amber.
INT. MORGAN’S CAR – CONTINUOUS
Down the street from the house, Morgan stops and calls the police to report that a woman asked her to call for help at the designer’s address. She waits impatiently after the police pass her, finally turning her car around and returning to the home.
EXT. RICHARDS HOME – CONTINUOUS
Daniel is in cuffs, Amber is in tears and her kids are clinging to her in tears. Daniel stops to yell at Morgan as she rushes to Amber to comfort her, telling her to mind her own business and stay out of simple family spats, not anything more than that. The conversation gets heated.
By page 10, what the movie is about: The fashion designer cuts all ties with the fashionista and gets a restraining order against her for harassment. The wife has refused to testify so charges have been dropped on the designer. The fashionista must find another way to help the abused wife.
INT. LIBRARY CONF ROOM – EVENING
Morgan tells the group that Daniel has cut all ties with her and she’s not sure what she’ll wear to the gala.
INT. POLICE STATION – EVENING
Daniel is incensed and wants to capitalize on what the cops (two males) witnessed when Morgan rolled up and lit into Daniel. Because Amber refuses to testify, they side with Daniel and ask for the restraining order.
INT. LIBRARY CONF ROOM – EVENING
The cop says his wife refused to testify against him. Morgan says that he got a restraining order against her for harassment and for trying to incite her to leave with the book she gave her. The book club members are sympathetic about her fashion choices and the wife’s refusal to testify. She wishes there was more she could do.
INT. CLASSROOM – DAY
Morgan chats with the Silva instructor who tells her that she cannot wish harm on anyone using Silva or it will come back
on her, but she can try to empower the wife who is being abused and give her whatever strength she needs to escape. Silvacan be done from a distance. She ponders that. INT. MORGAN’S HOME – EVENING
Morgan uses a combination of Silva and NMT to heal Amber’s bruises. Then she does Silva to empower her. She finishes the evening by doing some NMT on Amber to reduce her fear and emotional pain. All of this is done from a distance.
INT. MORGAN’S HOME – EVENING
Morgan talks to the her husband, a wealthy writer, about her efforts. He tells her he doesn’t think it’s ethical to help someone without their permission — especially the NMT she’s into. She says the Silva instructor said she could do it from a distance. He counters that there is a restraining order against her that prohibits her from talking to Amber. She’d be violating the restraining order to help her in any way. She feels compelled to do something.
First turning point at end of Act 1: The fashionista talks
to her book club about how she can now help the woman. The book club includes a cop, a lawyer, an ER nurse and the woman running the shelter. They explore ways to help abused women and find that in this case, the husband is both powerful and totally in control of his wife. Since outside interference often makes things worse and already has gotten the fashionista in legal trouble, they agree to try mind control techniquesto help women in danger.
INT. LIBRARY CONF ROOM – EVENINGMorgan tells her book club about the woman and that she can only help her with Silva although she also does NMT at home. She explains each briefly. The book club includes a cop, lawyer, ER nurse and the woman who runs the shelter where Morgan was donating clothes in the beginning. They empathize and explain abused women’s behavior and the fears/pride that govern their actions.
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INT. CAFE – EVENING
Morgan chats with the shelter woman about what the women need most to leave. Besides deposits for apartments and utilities, they need jobs, etc. and most want to keep their kids in the same school district. They talk about one of the shelter’s current residents who really needs confidence and for her bruises to heal before she can even look for work.
INT. MORGAN’S HOME – LATER
Morgan watches an NMT lesson, tries the technique and seems
to feel better. Her husband asks her what she’s doing and
she explains intentional medicine. She writes down that she is going to test for confidence in Amber and for bruise healing and we leave her performing intentional medicine, with her husband looking on in amusement, but telling here he thinks it’s illegal to practice medicine without a license — and without the patient’s consent. She ponders that.INT. LIBRARY CONF ROOM – TWO WEEKS LATER
The shelter woman tells Morgan that the woman they talked about has healed and developed the confidence needed to get a job at her old financial planning firm. Morgan is gratified and wonders what else she can do with her power. She gets the name and situation of someone else at the shelter who needs help, but this time, the person also needs a place to stay, which Morgan is unable to offer.
INT. LIBRARY CONF ROOM – TWO WEEKS LATER
The shelter woman asks Morgan if she has been helping the woman they talked about and the answer is yet. The shelter woman tells the other book club members about it. The cop is interested in learning it as are the nurse and the lawyer. Morgan shares books, web addresses and we see the other women joining her at a Silva class and watching the NMT videos.
Mid-Point: Since Silva says you cannot use his techniques to hurt others and they can be done without the consent/knowledge of the receiver, they devise ways to use Silva techniques to fortify Amber and some women in the shelter so they can monitor results. Three women have found the courage to leave their abusers, some striking back with violence, and the police
have found reasons to lock up the abusers once they testify INT. CLASSROOM – DAY
Morgan asks the Silva instructor if it is unethical to help people who don’t know she is helping them. He stresses that since she cannot use Silva for evil against people, it is fine. She says, legally, is it OK.
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He says the law doesn’t recognize it as a true power and she can think of it as offering “thoughts and prayers” which people do for the unfortunate all of the time.
INT. LIBRARY CONF ROOM – TWO MONTHS LATER
BREAK THIS UP INTO PIECES TO SHOW, DON’T TELL BITES THAT ADDRESS HELPING LAW ENFORCEMENT BE MORE EFFECTIVE, CONVINCING LAW ENFORCEMENT AND PROSECUTORS THAT IT IS A PRIORITY, ETC. The shelter woman tells the group that three women who were repeat tenants of the shelter have now found the courage to leave the abusers for good. One woman struck back at her abuser, scaring him when she punched him in the gut after he hit her. The cop says that she has been able to find ways to lock up a couple more abusers on second calls by focusing on getting her boss to look more favorably on preventing further domestic violence. The ER nurse says that Amber came through the ER the day before, with a broken wrist. She again refused to press charges when consulted privately and Daniel hovered and eventually took her home. Morgan resolves to help her.
INT. MORGAN’S HOME – EVENING
Daniel calls Morgan and tells her that he will kill her if she continues to put thoughts of leaving into his wife’s head. She says she hasn’t talked to his wife since the night the police were at his house. Daniel says he knows that’s not true. Morgan is baffled, visibly shaken and shuts off the NMT video she was watching.
INT. CAFE – EVENING
The book club ladies tell Morgan she is making a difference and they applaud her efforts and congratulate themselves for each doing what they can as we see a stream of women getting pro bono legal work, the cop’s partner talking to the men while she talks to the women and the shelter woman smiling as women and children leave with their bags.
Second turning point at end of Act 2: The designer puts his wife in the ER in critical condition after she tries to fight back. Incensed, the fashionista wants to actively push the abused wife to press charges and take the family into her home. The book club talks her out of it for legal reasons and uses all of their Silva efforts to empower the wife to protect herself and her children imbuing her with confidence, emotional strength and vision. After his next minor abuse, she drugs her husband’s meal with the pain pills they gave her at the ER and kills him with a kitchen knife.
INT. ER – EVENING
Amber is wheeled in by paramedics. She persists in not wanting to press charges saying she has been cut off from all of her friends, has no money or credit, hasn’t worked since the kids
were born and Daniel has said he will take the kids if she even thinks about leaving and he seems to know what she’s thinking because she was considering it. He has taken away her phone and car keys and has shut off the internet to the house.
INT. LIBRARY CONF ROOM – EVENING
The ER nurse relays this to the group and they decide to use all of their combined efforts to empower Amber to protect herself and her children. We see concerted efforts by all of the members at various times of the day.
INT. RICHARDS HOME – EVENING
Amber hasn’t done something to Richard’s exacting taste and he slaps her around for it. Her bruises aren’t even healed. She seethes and hides her anger until after he leaves the room. Then says, “No more.”
INT. RICHARDS HOME – MORNING
Amber has a fresh bruise and she goes to a vase in the guest room and takes out her hidden stash of various pain pill prescriptions from her visits to the ER. She contemplates them.
INT. RICHARDS KITCHEN – DAY
Amber has baked what she tells the kids is their father’s favorite dessert and that he and mommy are having a special dinner tonight and they must eat early. Amber is smiling.
INT. RICHARDS LIVING ROOM – EVENING
She hands Daniel a big piece of cake and a cup of coffee. She excuses herself to clean up the kitchen.
INT. RICHARDS LIVING ROOM – LATER
With surgical precision, we see her set the knife on his chest, double checking that it is over his heart, and then push it
in with great force. She pulls the knife out, sits down on the floor next to him. and when the blood is no longer gushing, she pulls a compact from her pocket and checks to see if heis breathing. Then she calmly calls the police.
Crisis: The group rallies around her when the call comes in to the police but the police charge the book club as accessories to the murder because the cop in the group has told her partner about the prior successes they have had in getting women to safely leave their abusive spouses. The partner thinks they’ve taken their interference too far.
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INT. POLICE STATION – LATER
Amber is in an interrogation room, her fresh bruise obvious, her manner stoic. The book club cop asks her what happened. She says she had no choice. There was no way out. No hope. He kept her prisoner with no phone, car, internet or money. She had nowhere to go and no way to get there and he was relentless. He was starting to get shorter with the kids — almost as angry as he got with her and she wasn’t going to let them go through what she did. She couldn’t divorce him because she had no one to help her or care for the kids while she worked and he had said he would get custody of the kids, declaring her unfit. This was her only choice.
INT. POLICE STATION – LATER
The book club are all in separate interview rooms. Morgan is being charged as an accessory to murder. She tells them they are insane. She hasn’t talked to or communicated with Amber since the restraining order went into effect. They say that
the book club cop had said they were helping Amber with some mumbo jumbo and it apparently worked. They were being charged — even the cop — as accessories.Climax: At court, the lawyer in the book club has them all swear that they haven’t talked to the woman directly — ever (except for the fashionista, but only before the restraining order went into effect) — and that all they have done is offer “thoughts and prayers”, a term the cop who turned them in used derisively when he first heard about it from his partner, the cop in the book club. In a dramatic court battle discussing the difference between their techniques and religious “thoughts and prayers”, the lawyer argues that there is no proof and no way “to prove” that sending supportive intentional thoughts to someone concretely affects their actions. She cites Silva’s maxim that you cannot use the techniques to hurt others. Therefore, they are not accessories.
INT. COURT ROOM – DAY
One after another, we see the defendants, the book club, being asked to swear whether they had helped Amber. They all answer that she had been in their “thoughts and prayers” because they knew her husband was abusive. Nothing illegal about that, is there? On cross-examination, they say that their prayers were that she would be strong and heal quickly. They never prayed that she hurt her husband. Silva doesn’t work that way and it would be an evil thing to do. Wasn’t Amber killing her own husband evil? Not if he was abusing her and she saw no way out. It would be self-defense.
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INT COURT ROOM – DAY
Amber’s stabbing of Daniel is determined to be self-defense and she is ordered to counseling, but not deemed a danger to herself or her kids. The book club celebrates.
INT COURT ROOM – DAY
The book club lawyer testifies that there is no legal proof that sending supportive and healing “thoughts and prayers” can cause someone to do something. The court drops the charges since the cops have no evidence of wrongdoing.
Resolution: After the drama in the courtroom, the judge rules in the book club’s favor and the rest of the club meets the designer’s wife for the first time. She asks to join the club.
31. Morgan is working with a female designer on a dress.
The designer says her neighbor is being beaten by her husband. Is there anything she can do? Morgan hands her a Silva book with a link to NMT training written inside the front cover. “Thoughts and Prayers” are about all you can do. -
Quincy (Quinn)’s 3rd Pass — NQ 1 and 2.
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is
1. Tell us your concept.
A serial killer uses the unborn twin a woman absorbed in utero to go on a killing spree.
2. Tell us your Dramatic Question and the answers to these questions:
Can Cassie and Helen stop Bellerophon from using them as his murder tool?
A. Where does the Dramatic Question first get established and how?
When we see the murder Cassie witnessed in her dream.
B. How is the Dramatic Question increased in intensity?
More murders take place. Helen kills Wallace. Bellerophon gives Helen a kill list.
C. Where does the Dramatic Question finally get answered?
Cassie pushes Bellerophon out the window.
3. Tell us your Main Conflict and the answers to these questions:
Bellerophon has promised Helen a body, but only after she succeeds in killing everyone on his list.
A. When does the Main Conflict first show up?
When Helen tells Cassie why she’s killing.
B. How many ways can you express the Main Conflict throughout the story?
More murders in shorter time
Higher profile murders
The kill list
C. What brings the Main Conflict to a boiling point in the 3rd Act?
The threat to not deliver on the promise of a body for Helen.
D. How is the Main Conflict resolved?
Cassie kills Bellerophon.
4. In the current version of your outline, fill in the events you’ve discovered during this process.
FADE IN:
EXT. ALLEYWAY – NIGHT
A homeless man is hunted down and brutally murdered by CASSIE, early 20s with two different colored eyes.
INT. CASSIE’S BEDROOM – 3:47 AM
Cassie wakes up screaming. She realizes it’s a dream and writes the dream in her dream journal. She gets out of bed.
INT. CASSIE’S BATHROOM – MINUTES LATER
Cassie washes her face in the bathroom sink. She dries off and stares at her reflection. She focuses on the reflection of her left eye. Her alarm offscreen goes off. It’s 5:00 AM. Cassie jumps and comes out of her daze. She turns off the alarm and prepares for her day.
INT. COFFEE SHOP – MORNING
Cassie has an incident where someone cuts in front of her and she doesn’t do or say anything. There is a brief moment with the female barista behind the counter flirting with her.
EXT. CITY STREETS – MINUTES LATER
Cassie, on her way to work, happens upon a crime scene blocked off by police. The coroners wheel a shrouded body to the van. Cassie glimpses the scene and sees that it matches her dream. She drops her coffee and rushes away from the scene. DETECTIVE JIM WALLACE, late 20s, fit, notices her.
INT. DR BELLEROPHON’S OFFICE – LATER
Cassie tells Bellerophon about her dream and coming upon the murder scene. She tells him about not feeling like she’s the one looking back in the mirror. BELLEROPHON, 50s, cliched professional, assures her it’s coincidence and talks to her about her condition with nightmares. He prescribes her a new medicine for her to take.
EXT DR BELLEROPHON’S OFFICE – LATER
Detective Wallace catches Cassie coming out of the office. He asks her a few questions about the murder scene and gives her his card.
INT. COFFEE SHOP – AFTERNOON
Cassie is back in the coffee shop. She has another moment with the barista from the morning. Cassie almost brings herself to ask the woman out, but can’t pluck up the courage.
EXT. CITY STREETS – NIGHT
A couple leave a late night movie. Cassie springs out from an alley and kills the husband. The wife runs, but Cassie chases her down and slaughters her.
INT. CASSIE’S ROOM – 3:47 AM
Cassie wakes up screaming again. She goes to write in her journal and notices what looks like dried blood under her fingernail. She rushes to the bathroom to wash up.
INT. CASSIE’S BATHROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Cassie is sobbing washing her hands, trying to get the blood out from beneath her finger nails. She looks up at her reflection to see, for the briefest of seconds, the evil rictus on her own face. She leaves the bathroom.
INT. CASSIE’S BEDROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Cassie calls Dr. Bellerophon in a panic. He assures her it is nothing, but tells her to come to his office when they open. Cassie re-opens the dream journal and sees that there are entries written in a different hand-writing with disturbing messages.
EXT. CITY STREETS – MORNING
Cassie is walking to her appointment. She bumps into Detective Wallace. Wallace tells her another murder came up this morning with a similar MO and wants to know where she’s been. It’s almost an interrogation. At the end he tells her he’ll keep in touch. Cassie goes into the building.
INT. BELLEROPHON’S OFFICE – LATER
Cassie is beside herself. She tells Bellerophon about the blood and shows him her dream journal. Bellerophon tells her it’s okay and tries to calm her down. He gives her something to drink. She calms down, almost to the point of passing out. Bellerophon says a strange phrase. Cassie’s eyes snap open.
It’s HELEN he’s talking to now. He chastises her for being sloppy, and for writing in the dream journal. Helen reminds him of his promise to get her a different body so she can be autonomous. Bellerophon chastises her again, but says he’ll keep his promise. He says another phrase and Helen goes under. He rips the pages Helen wrote on out of the dream journal.
Bellerophon brings Cassie back, but still under his control and gives her the suggestion that she will forget about the blood and will “not notice” any missing pages in her journal. She acquiesces. He brings her back full and assures her everything will be okay.
EXT. CITY STREETS – LATER
Cassie is passing by the coffee shop. The woman who keeps flirting with her comes out and calls to her. She said she was worried when Cassie didn’t show up for her normal coffee. After some awkward conversation, the woman asks Cassie out for a drink. Cassie initially refuses, but ends up agreeing.
INT. NIGHTCLUB – EVENING
Cassie and the woman from the coffee shop are having a drink at the table, getting to know one another. It’s a pleasant conversation, but when the woman asks Cassie to dance, Cassie balks. She excuses herself from the table and goes to the ladies room.
INT NIGHTCLUB LADIES ROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Cassie washes her hands and looks in the mirror. The rictus on her reflection is back. Someone comes out of one of the stalls. The reflection turns and attacks and kills the woman. Cassie is caught on the wrong side of the mirror, banging her hands against the glass.
INT. WOMAN’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Cassie wakes up in bed screaming. The light is turned on. The woman from the coffee shop is in bed beside her. It is her apartment. Cassie is confused at first, not remembering coming home with the woman. The woman walks her through the evening and Cassie says she remembers. She excuses herself to go to the bathroom.
INT. WOMAN’S BATHROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Cassie looks in the mirror and Helen looks back. They have a conversation about Helen’s need for a body and that Bellerophon is helping her. She also tells Cassie she was the one who agreed to go back with the woman because Cassie was too much of a coward. She says she enjoyed the experience so much she’ll have to do it again. Cassie swears it won’t happen. She leaves the bathroom and tells the woman she has to go home. She leaves the situation in an awkward state.
INT. CASSIE’S APARTMENT – LATER
Cassie is home and starts to call Bellerophon. There is a knock at her door. It is Detective Wallace. He comes in and asks Cassie where she was. It turns out there was a murder in the club where she was earlier. He shows her a picture of the murdered woman in the stall that Cassie had seen in what she thought was a dream. He tells her that a camera caught her going into the bathroom around the time of the murder. Helen arises and strangles Wallace. As soon as she’s done, Cassie screams. Helen talks to Cassie directly telling her they will have to dispose of the body.
INT. DETECTIVE WALLACE’S APARTMENT – LATER
Cassie and Helen use Wallace’s key to go in. Helen goes through the rooms and finds Wallace’s wife. She uses Wallace’s service pistol to kill her. She then stages Wallace’s body to look as though he shot himself. Before Helen leaves, Wallace’s young son finds her and asks what she’s doing. Helen kills the boy while Cassie’s reflection in the window screams.
INT. BELLEROPHON’S OFFICE – MORNING
Bellerophon comes into his office. Helen is sitting in his chair. She demands Bellerophon hold up the end of his bargain. Bellerophon tells her not yet. Helen jumps up to kill him, but Bellerophon says a phrase and Helen drops her weapon. Bellerophon tells her that he has been grooming her for a long time and has added fail safes so she wouldn’t harm him. He says she is ready to be the tool he needed from her. He gives her a kill list and tells her she won’t be able to get her own body until she’s done. She says she can just keep Cassie’s body, but Bellerophon tells her with a single phrase he can effectively kill off Helen and send her back to the “glob of neural material” that is “piggy-backing on your sister”. Helen complies.
SERIES OF SCENES
Helen goes on a killing spree. It’s not subtle.
INT. BELLEROPHON’S OFFICE – AFTERNOON
Helen bursts in on Bellerophon as he’s with another client. The receptionist is trying to stop her, but Helen kills her effortlessly. Helen dumps out the bag she is carrying and it is the heads of the people she has killed. The client screams and tries to flee. Helen grabs her and tells Bellerophon to make good on his promise. That she’ll take this woman’s body.
Bellerophon laughs at her and says it’s impossible. Helen flies into a rage and launches herself at him, but he says the kills phrase and Helen drops.
Cassie wakes up in her own body. She sobs and tells Bellerophon she doesn’t understand what is going on. Bellerophon reassures her and embraces her. He tells Cassie it’s all over. Cassie agrees and pushes Bellerophon out the window. He plummets to his death. She waits for the cops and gives up when they arrive.
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM – LATER
Two detectives are questioning Cassie. They tell her they have found DNA evidence at the other murders which match hers on a familial level. They know she has a sister, and that she is protecting her. They keep asking her where her sister is. She doesn’t answer. They send her to a cell.
INT. JAIL CELL – LATER
The jailer leaves Cassie locked in the cell. She goes to the mirror. She looks into it, but can’t find Helen.
INT. POLICE STATION – MORNING
Cassie’s lawyer has convinced the DA to drop the charges as all the DNA evidence has pointed to someone else, a sister or a cousin. She is free to go, but to stay available for a while.
INT WOMAN’S APARTMENT – 5:00 AM
The alarm goes off. Cassie wakes up next to the woman from the coffee shop. She turns off the alarm. She moves to get out of bed, but the woman reaches for her and tells her to stay in. Cassie tells her she’ll be back to bed in a bit and gets up.
Cassie goes to the kitchen and pours herself a glass of juice. She sits at the kitchen table and pulls a notebook out of her purse. She flips a few pages and reads a note written in her handwriting, begging her stop killing and set her free. In Helen’s handwriting, she writes “NO”. She smiles the rictus smile…it’s Helen, and she’s gotten her body.
FADE OUT
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Jim Peacock’s Pass 3 – NQ 1 & 2 (significant changes)
What I learned: Really enjoying fleshing out the elements of this screenplay. It’s coming along!
The Transgressors
Concept: A painfully shy, lonely computer nerd stumbles upon a plot by the Russian mafia to deploy an EMP dirty bomb, then uses his growing maturity and awareness to defeat the crime boss and expose his plan, all while falling in love for the first time.
Plot Choice: #9 Underdog and #13 Maturation/#14 Love. 2 equal plots, not a subplot.
Lead Characters:
Protagonist, Jake: The painfully shy 20ish computer geek who discovers the plot. Underneath he rages at the world
Antagonist, Simeon Mogilevich: Leader of a Russian mafia family with Kremlin connections, plans to use GIs loyal to Mother Russia to gain access to an EMP bomb.
Mary: Geeky girl next door who undertakes a trip of discovery with Jake
Jean Claude: Conspiracy theorist who also joins up with Jake
Harry: Jake’s older brother who provides the muscle and begins by helping the FBI
Protagonist Character Arc: Jake goes from a lonely boy unable to interact with humans on a personal basis and unwilling to let anyone else into his world, to a man willing to take risks on multiple levels to protect his country and save the one person he has finally let into his heart.
Part to be changed: Ability to risk letting anyone into his life
Biggest fear: Being abandoned and hurt again
Completion of arc: Jake matures quickly and ultimately lets Mary into his life and makes difficult choices to protect his country.
Dramatic Question: Can Jake defeat Mogilevich and stop his plan? Can Jake open his heart and find love?
· Where established: By page 10 we’ve seen a potential relationship between Jake and Mary. We’ve also seen Mogilevich seek to discover what Jake’s plan is.
· How does it increase in intensity?: With each confrontation with Mogilevich, he ratches up his pursuit of Jake, finding ever more devious ways to threaten and intimidate.
· Where does the question get answered?: In the climax, Jake goes to Mogilevich’s hideout, confronts and kills him, and rescues Mary.
Main Conflict: Mogilevich aims to kill Jake and put his plan to release the bomb into motion. Jake must find a way to stop him and rescue Mary.
· When does it first show up: when Mogilevich vows revenge for Jake hacking into his social club.
· Ways to express the Main Conflict:
o Jake and gang are caught by the FBI
o The trio run away to Canada after being released, chased by M’s men and head to Jean Claude’s Uncle Louis’s cabin.
o Another set of men sent by M directly, find the trio, kill the uncle.
o With Harry’s help they escape to Uncle Louis’s cabin Le Puy, in the mountains of France, pursued by M’s men
· What brings it to a boiling point:
o M himself arrives in Le Puy, France, exasperated that his men can’t get the job done.
· How is the Main Conflict resolved:
o M kidnaps Mary and holds her for ransom.
o Jake kills M after a standoff over $1B.
Jake’s Dilemma: Will Jake have to choose between his heart and his country?
Theme: It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Or in layman’s terms: We can only grow if we open our heart, risk hurt, and make difficult decisions.
Plot in Structure:
Opening Sequence
EXT. CONEY ISLAND SIDEWALK – DAY
Jake eyes glued to the ground, arms wrapped around his laptop, walks past the Tatiana Social Club, and is laughed at and tripped by a goon standing in front of the club. He vows revenge under his breath. This boy seethes with rage.
INT. JAKE’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
He chats on the dark web with his only pseudo-friend Jean Claude – another geek in Canada. On this night Jake seeks revenge by hacking into The Social Club’s website and emails, discovers millions of dollars’ worth of assets, and sends a ransomware note for $1million. We learn this is what he does “for a living”, sending ransomware to small companies for $3,000 or $4,000, enough to cover his living expenses. He’s a nice ransomware guy – and it keeps him under the FBI’s radar.
Inciting Incident:
INT. JAKE’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Jean Claude calls Jake telling him there’s chatter on the dark web about a Russian mafia kingpin coming after him. Clueless, Jake sees black vans pull up outside, so he grabs his computer and runs out his apartment door.
INT. HALLWAY/MARY’S APARTMENT – CONTINUOUS
Jake runs into Mary, his doppelgänger (mousy, a bit heavy, geekish, Russian accent) in the hallway, coming in from waitressing third shift at the Social Club, run by her uncle. As men storm up the steps Jake looks Mary in the eye for the first time in the year since they met and asks if he can come in. Always interested in him, she lets him in. Together they watch through the peephole as unknown GI’s storm his apartment and search for him. They in turn are interrupted by the FBI pulling up below. The GIs beat it just in time themselves. The FBI has been watching and listening for weeks re his ransomware attacks. They search his apartment and assume he’s been kidnapped. Jake calls Jean Claude for more info, who convinces him it’s a vast CIA conspiracy. He convinces them to run, and Jean Claude decides to steal his mom’s car and come down to help them escape. Jake calls his estranged brother for advice. Harry, a NYC beat cop. “What do you want Dingleberry?”. After Jake tells him the situation, Harry tells him to go to the police and hangs up. We learn that they are alienated after Harry sided with the parents in kicking Jake out.
INT. FBI FIELD OFFICE, NEW YORK – DAY
Agent Terry tries to figure out what happened to Jake. He enlists the help of brother Harry who knows nothing.
INT. MOGILEVICH’S ESTATE, MOSCOW – DAY
Mogelevich is pissed that someone has hacked into the Social club as it is used to funnel money to him through its activities in drugs, prostitution, and extortion. He’s more pissed that his men let Jake get away. What does Jake know of their plan? How powerful is this kid? Is it the CIA? He demands Jake be found and brought to him for questioning.
INT. MARY’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
They’ll make a run for it tomorrow. But for now, they’re alone. Neither has ever been kissed, so the intimacy is scary. He won’t sleep in her bed, so she sleeps on the LR floor with him. They don’t touch but after Jake is asleep Mary continues looking at him. We don’t know what that means.
By page 10:
INT. MARY’S APARTMENT – MORNING
Jean Claude arrives and pushes a conspiracy theory that it’s all a CIA plot. Jake decides to run for it, and the other two agree to go with him, each for their own reasons. Jean Cleade because he likes chasing conspiracy theories; Mary because she’s tired of being alone, plus she is attracted to Jake.INT. CAR – DAY
The Trio is chased by the FBI, and eventually caught. We start to see a transformation in Jake as he stares the agents down and analyzes potential next steps – by himself. This guy is starting to show us how smart he is.
First turning point:
INT. FBI FIELD OFFICE – DAY
Jake, Mary, and Jean Claude meet with Jake’s brother and are then interrogated by the FBI, told they think M is planning some kind of attack based on dark web chatter. They don’t know what. They have a choice: jail time or help them catch M. They agree but
EXT. CAR – DAY
as soon as they are set free, and in response to Jean Claude’s conspiracy stories, they make a run for the Canadian border, closely pursued by a group of Russians in US Army uniforms. They make it across as the Army men break to a stop. They don’t want to expose their movement by going across an international border.
INT. MOGILEVICH’S ESTATE, MOSCOW – DAY
M discovers the trio have been talking to the FBI and is furious once again that Jake has escaped. What does he know? He could bring down the entire operation unless they find out what he knows. We learn more of M’s plan and meet his mignons both by his side and embedded in the US military.
Midpoint:
INT. SHABBY CABIN – CANADIAN WILDERNESS – DAY
The trio go to Jean Claude’s uncle’s remote cabin 50 miles north of Quebec, Uncle Louis, also an avid conspiracy theorist, because they don’t know where else to go. Jean Claude’s mother has filed a missing person and theft report. He invites them to his cabin as he’s lonely and loves to talk conspiracy. Jake calls his brother Harry, who again encourages them to come in but admits that the FBI knows almost nothing of the General’s possible plot. Jake logs back into the bank and discovers the details of the plot: to awaken US military members loyal to his cause and give him access to an Electromagnetic Pulse bomb to wipe out communications in the US. Although they have escaped, Jake makes the decision to go back to try and defeat M.
MEANWHILE: Jake and Mary continue to become closer – they talk incessantly, then Mary asks to be held at night. They kiss. Mary and Jean Claude fight constantly, both accusing the other of being in on M’s plot. Both have “evidence”. (1 set was planted). Jake must decide – but not now. Jake wonders who he can trust: Mary? Jean Claude? Harry? Uncle Louis? Each has a history, trait, or incident that makes him suspicious.
Second turning point:
INT. FBI HEADQUARTERS – DAYHarry tells the FBI what Jake has told him about the plot. They don’t believe him. Harry talks to his wife and does some heavy soul searching. We learn why they are estranged. Harry is much older, they never got along, and when Jake was arrested for hacking, he sided with the parents to kick Jake out. In the end he finally decides Jake is the only family he has. He calls Jake and agrees to fly up to help his little brother. FBI is pissed that he’s missing and assume Harry is now in on it.
INT. SHABBY CABIN – NIGHT
The four devise a plan to gather weapons, analyze M’s current strength and location. We see that Jake is now running the show. Mary is impressed. Tensions between Mary and Jean Claude finally come to a head when both show “proof” of the other’s involvement with M’s cause (1 set is planted). There is a 3-way standoff with Jake trying to calm things down. Ultimately, he sides with Mary (we question his motives) and Jake is wounded in the scuffle.
Jake checks his Cayman bank account (he had one!) and finds it frozen! But uncle Louis has money sown in a mattress – enough to fly them to Europe with new passports.
Crisis:
M has discovered where they are; Jake and Jean Claude narrowly escape with Harry’s help. But M successfully kidnaps Mary, flies her to Moscow, and holds her for ransom until Jake turns himself into M and tells him what he knows – and releases his ransomware.
INT. MOGILEVICH’S ESTATE, MOSCOW – DAY
M is furious at Svetlana (aka Mary) for not helping him – a fellow Russian loyalist! Mary remains silent. He grabs her and threatens to kill her unless she talks. She confesses her devotion to the plan, but not to killing people.
INT. SHABBY CABIN – DAY
Harry calls two ex-Marine buddies to come help. Harry holds target practice with Jake.
INT. MOSCOW AIRPORT – DAY
Harry, Jean Claude, the two Marines, and Jake fly to Moscow to rescue Mary (weapons are in the luggage). Their plan is to confirm all details and then tell their story to the press. On the plane, Jean Claude convinces Jake he is loyal. (So where does that leave Mary?) As they step from the plane they are immediately arrested. The two Marines are not known about and are ignored.
Climax:
INT. MOGILEVICH’S ESTATE, MOSCOW – DAY
Jake, Harry, and Jean Claude are taken to M where he demands to know what they know, or he will kill Mary. She is now tied up and looking like a captive. Jake is given a computer and told to release the ransomware on the Social Club. Instead, he freezes all $1billion of assets and tells M what he has done. He’ll now have to keep everyone alive if he hopes to get those funds released!
Meanwhile the two Marines have snuck onto the outside patio, killing 3 guards. They come through the glass doors, tossing Jake and Harry a rifle. (M does not have more protection because he’s in Moscow for goodness sake!) M pulls a gun and is killed by Jake.
Resolution:
INT. AMERICAN EMBASSY – DAY
The group of six hold a press conference at the embassy, revealing the extent of M’s evil plans. Jake and Mary hug for real this time, kiss tenderly, but as the credits roll and the couple continue their hug, there is an evil glint in her eye. She is still intent on completing M’s vision!!
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Rob Bertrand’s 3rd Pass — NQ 1 and 2.
What I learned: I learned how to insert the Dramatic Question and Main Conflict into my outline, while making sure it is adequately peppered throughout the story.
1. Concept:
A traumatized teenager becomes convinced that her house is haunted, only for her father to accuse her of lying, but when the paranormal activity escalates and her father is taken hostage, the girl must rescue her father from an obsessed teenage boy living in the walls, pretending to be her dead mother.
2. Dramatic Question:
Can a traumatized teenager overcome the guilt of her mom’s death and defeat the monster haunting her home?
A. Where does the Dramatic Question first get established and how?
The dramatic question is first introduced in the opening scene, with the death of Annie’s mother. Annie blames herself for her mom’s death, because she was driving when the accident happened. The dramatic question is fully introduced by page 10, when Annie and her sister tell their dad that the house might be haunted.
B. How is the Dramatic Question increased in intensity?
The dramatic question slowly increases in intensity with paranormal activity through the first act. It explodes in intensity when Annie’s best friend is pushed down the stairs and injured, at the end of the Midpoint.
C. Where does the Dramatic Question finally get answered?
The dramatic question is answered in the Climax, when Annie confronts Danny, who’s clearly insane. Annie is able to overcome the guilt of her mom’s death and tricks Danny to save her father.
3. Tell us your Main Conflict and the answers to these questions:
The main conflict is the dysfunctional communication between Annie, Jessica and their father, Jack. The sisters believe the house is haunted by their dead mother. Jack thinks his daughters are making it up as a way of seeking attention.
A. When does the Main Conflict first show up?
The main conflict first shows up by Page 10. After Annie’s horrible date, she and her sister are awakened by the sound of heavy footsteps and strange moaning from upstairs.
B. How many ways can you express the Main Conflict throughout the story?
Through the 1st and up to the 2nd act Turning point, there will be a variety of scenes of paranormal activity. (All mind games being played by Danny inside the walls of the home.) The spooky encounters will be the primary driving force behind Annie’s arguments with her father. But the real wedge between father and daughter is the undiscussed grief and guilt over the death of Nora Andrews. (Mom.) Something that Danny forces them to face in the climax.
C. What brings the Main Conflict to a boiling point in the 3rd Act?
The main conflict boils over at the start of the Climax, when Annie discovers the house isn’t haunted at all. She discovers Danny has been living in her walls for months and just took her father hostage with an axe.
D. How is the Main Conflict resolved?
The main conflict is resolved in the Resolution, after Annie saves her father. Annie is comfortable enough to come out to her father, who is loving and supportive. Danny is arrested. Jack decides to quit drinking and the family moves out of the house.
4. Current Outline:
Opening: Annie Andrews drives her drunk parents’ home from a wedding and is involved in a serious accident. Nora Andrews (mom) dies on the scene. At the funeral reception, Annie is embarrassed by her father’s intolerant comments about gay people. She’s struggling with her own sexuality.
EXT. WEDDING VENUE – DUSK
Jack and Nora Andrews attend a wedding with their daughters Annie, 16 and Jessica, 12. Mom and Dad have a little too much to drink. Annie is handed the keys.
INT. ANDREWS CAR – NIGHT
The family is broadsided by another vehicle. Nora dies on the scene.
INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY
At the funeral reception, Annie is angered by her drunk father, who laughs at someone’s intolerant gay joke. Angry, the father snaps that he never should have let her drive. We are introduced to the friendly elderly neighbors.
Inciting Incident: It’s the day of Annie’s big date, but she doesn’t want to go.
INT. ANNIE’S ROOM – DAY
8 months later…Jocelyn does Annie’s makeup and gives her a pep talk for her date with Danny. We learn that Danny and Annie have been talking online for a few weeks. Annie sends her sister Jessica to wake up their dad, Jack, for work.
INT. FATHER’S ROOM – DAY
Jessica enters to wake her father for work and discovers he fell asleep clutching mom’s wedding dress while watching his wedding video. Empty liquor bottles litter the floor.
INT. ANNIE’S ROOM – DAY
Jack pokes his head in to say goodbye before leaving for work. He won’t be home till 5 a.m. He remembers that Annie has that “thing.” He think’s getting out of the house and socializing is a good thing.
INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY
Annie answers the door and is thrown off. Danny looks nothing like how he described himself. Instead of blonde and athletic, he has greasy black hair and is super skinny. He’s sloppily dressed in dirty clothes. Jocelyn and Jessica decide to follow them from a distance.
EXT. COUNTY FAIR – DAY
The date with Danny is awkward and uncomfortable. Danny wants to know everything about Annie’s dead mother. Repulsed, Annie rejects Danny, who doesn’t take it well.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
The phone rings off the hook, but Annie doesn’t answer. She knows it’s Danny. Out of frustration, Jessica answers and hands to the phone to Annie. Annie politely tells Danny that she doesn’t want to be friends.
INT. LIVING ROOM – LATER
Annie and Jessica are awakened by the sound of footsteps from upstairs, followed by strange moaning.
By Page 10, you know what the movie is about: Annie tells her father that she’s think’s Danny is creepy and doesn’t want anything to do with him. Jessica tells her father that the house is haunted.
INT. KITCHEN – MORNING
Jack stumbles in from work, as Jessica and Annie eat cereal. Frank asks how the date went. Annie tells him about Danny. Jessica thinks the house is haunted. Frank tells them to clean their dishes before they leave for school.
First Turning Point, End of Act 1: Jack tells Danny to stay away.
INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY
Jack answers the front door and finds Danny on the porch. Jack tells Danny to stay away from his daughter. Danny tells Jack that Annie was right, it should have been him that died.
EXT. ANDREWS HOUSE – DAY
Annie and Jessica arrive home from school. Jack left a note, he picked up a shift and won’t be home till late. Money for a pizza on the fridge.
INT. KITCHEN – DAY
Annie finds a bowl of half-eaten cereal on the counter and gets on Jessica’s case for not cleaning up after herself. Jessica swears she did. There’s no money on the fridge.
INT. ANNIE’S ROOM – DAY
Annie finds her bedroom window open.
Mid-Point: After several occurrences of phantom voices, furniture moving around and unexplained footsteps, Annie and Jessica become convinced the house is haunted by their mother. Annie performs a séance with her little sister and Jocelyn, in hopes of finding closure with their dead mother. The girls are busted by Jack, who’s drunk and upset over what he considers witchcraft.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
As Jessica and Annie watch a movie, they hear the sound of heavy furniture moving from above their heads. Annie sets down the TV remote and the girls cautiously head upstairs to investigate.
INT. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY – NIGHT
Annie peeks into each room, flipping on lights as they go. Jessica’s imagination runs wild. From downstairs, the TV volume goes full blast. The girl’s scream.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Annie and Jessica run down stairs. The remote is missing. They search frantically for it, but it’s nowhere to be found. Annie finds the volume button on the TV and turns it down. The remote control flies out of the kitchen and explodes against the wall.
INT. LIVING ROOM – MORNING
Jack gets home from work and is pounced on by his daughters. They talk over each other, explaining the creepy phenomenon. Jack thinks they’re pulling pranks.
EXT. HIGH SCHOOL – DAY
Annie, Jessica and Jocelyn walk home from school. Jessica tells Jocelyn about the creepy things happening around their house. Jocelyn asks if it could be their mom. Jessica freaks out. Annie tells her to shut up. Jocelyn wants to do a séance.
INT. BASEMENT – ANDREW’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Annie, Jessica, Jocelyn and their flamboyant friend Robert, sit around a makeshift altar. Robert leads them in a self-taught séance. There’s a hint of flirtation between Annie and Jocelyn. Robert begins receiving answers to his questions in the form of knocks. The spirit knocks confirm that it’s the ghost of Nora Andrews. When asked if the spirit blames Annie for the death of Nora the spirit replies yes. They are interrupted by Jack, who’s a bit drunk. He’s furious at them for playing around with devil worship.
INT. ANNIE’S ROOM – MORNING
Annie and Jocelyn share the bed. Annie watches Jocelyn sleep. Jocelyn wakes and they share a “will they/won’t they” moment. They are interrupted by pounding on the wall. Jocelyn has to leave. From the hallway, the sound of Jocelyn falling down the stairs. Annie rushes to see what happened.
INT. LIVING ROOM – MORNING
Annie finds Jocelyn in a heap at the bottom of the stairs. Her arms are broken.
EXT. ANDREW’S HOUSE – MORNING
Paramedics load Jocelyn into the back of an ambulance, as she mutters about being pushed from behind. Annie has an argument with her father.
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY
Jocelyn’s parents argue with Jack in the hallway, as Annie steps inside the room. Jocelyn doesn’t remember what happened. She only remembers the feeling of being pushed.
INT. JACK’S TRUCK – DAY
It’s a tense ride home. Annie gets a texts Jocelyn, but it goes unread.
Second Turning Point, End of Act 2: The paranormal activity increases when Annie and Jessica discover a threatening bloody message on the wall. After the police investigate and discover it was written in Ketchup, Annie is accused of faking it.
INT. ANNIE’S ROOM – EVENING
Jack pokes his head in to say goodbye. Annie doesn’t speak to him. She watches out the window as Jack backs out of the driveway. She’s startled by knocks on her wall and screams at them to go away. The knocking intensifies, then stops. Jessica runs in, scared by the noise.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Annie, armed with a kitchen knife and Jessica, armed with her father’s baseball bat, sit together on the couch. A mindless reality show plays, but no one is paying attention. They’re senses alert for trouble. Suddenly, noises from the basement.
INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT
Annie and Jessica, investigate the basement and discover a message written blood. “I’m in your bedroom. Come find me.” Suddenly the freezer moves towards them.
EXT. ANDREW’S HOME – NIGHT
The sisters flee the house and head to the elderly neighbors.
INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT
Police search the house, but there’s no sign of anyone. A cop tells Jack that the message was written in ketchup and that the girls must be acting out for attention. Jack is furious.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Jack lays down the law. The girls are grounded until further notice. Reminds them of the story of the little boy who cried wolf.
Crisis: After a period of calm, Annie discovers another bloody message and is attacked by an unseen presence. Annie and her sister run to the neighbors. Annie’s father investigates the house, but disappears after seeing the “Woman in White.”
INT. ANNIE’S ROOM – VARIOUS
Montage – Annie secludes herself in her room as the season changes outside the window.
EXT. HIGH SCHOOL – DAY
Annie sits outside with Robert, eating lunch. She waves at Jocelyn, but it’s not reciprocated. Robert asks about the house and Annie reveals that it’s been quiet lately.
INT. ANNIE’S ROOM – NIGHT
Annie facetime’s with Jocelyn. Jocelyn explains that she can’t see Annie anymore.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Jessica watches TV on the couch. She’s startled by loud scream from inside the wall.
INT. ANNIE’S ROOM
Jessica bursts in, scaring Annie and Jocelyn half to death. Jocelyn has to go. A voice screams Annie’s name from downstairs. Annie, arms herself with a knife she hid on her desk.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Annie and Jessica ease their way down the stairs, searching for the signs of trouble. They search the living, but nothing is there. Suddenly, a crash from Annie’s room.
INT. ANNIE’S ROOM – NIGHT
The room looks like a tornado hit it. The bed and furniture have been toppled. Clothes and knickknacks have been thrown everywhere. On the wall is written: “Did you miss me?” One by one, pictures frames hung on the wall fly off the shelf, nail and all.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Annie and Jessica run down the stairs, as pictures fly off the living room wall. A cross slowly spins upside down. Annie pulls Jessica out the door.
EXT. ANDREW’S HOUSE – NIGHT
The sister’s run to the safety of the neighbors.
Climax: Annie discovers Danny, wearing a blonde wig and wearing her mother’s wedding dress, holding an axe to her dad’s throat. Danny has been living in the walls, faking the paranormal activity. He’s become obsessed with Annie and wants Annie to choose between him and her father. Annie overcomes her fear, tricks Danny and rescues her father. Police later find Danny hiding in a secret crawlspace. He’s been hiding there for months.
EXT. ANDREW’S HOUSE – LATER
Jack’s truck skids to a stop in front of the house. The elderly Neighbor greets him in the drive way. The neighbor says he looked around, but everything seemed normal. He didn’t call the cops.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Jack enters the house, only to discover the house is completely wrecked. Every light has been shattered. He’s drawn to the sound of static coming from upstairs.
INT. JACK’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Jack opens the door slowly to reveal a message on the wall that reads: “Marry me!” He’s knocked out from behind.
EXT. ANDREW’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Annie grows impatient. She heads inside her house to find her father.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Annie enters slowly, sizing up the mess. There’s no sign of her father. From upstairs, the sound of wedding music.
INT. JACK’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Annie finds her father, tied to a chair. Blood pouring from an open wound on his head. A shape stands behind Jack. It’s revealed to be Danny LaPlante, wearing her mother’s wedding dress and a dirty blonde wig. He’s holding an axe to Jack’s throat. Annie tries to plead with Danny. Danny wants to free Annie of her father and they can be together. Danny wants her to choose between him and her father. Annie tricks Danny and she escapes with her father.
EXT. ANDREW’S HOUSE – NIGHT
As the Andrew’s escape the house, Danny watches from the upstairs bedroom window.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Police use a dog to search the house. The dog catches a scent and barks at the basement door.
INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT
The search dog barks at the freezer in the corner. Police move the freezer and discover a large hole in the wall. A cop shines a flashlight into the hole and illuminates the face of Danny. He’s been living in the walls for months.
EXT. ANDREW’S HOME – NIGHT
Danny is placed in the back of a squad car as the Andrews family learns the reality of what he’s been doing.
Resolution: Annie finds the courage to come out to her father, who’s surprisingly supportive. Annie’s father quits drinking and the family moves away.
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY
Jack rests in a hospital bed, with bandages on his head. Annie opens up to him and finally comes out to him. Jack is loving and supportive.
EXT. LOCAL CEMETERY – DAY
Annie sets a bouquet of flowers down on Nora’s grave. She’s joined by her father and sister. They embrace, with tears in their eyes.
EXT. ANDREW’S HOME – DAY
A few weeks later, the Andrews watch as movers load a moving truck. The family gives the house one last look before saying goodbye. When it’s time to go, Jack opens his truck door and tosses Annie the keys. She hesitates, then overcomes her fear.
THE END
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As in, Pablo Soriano’s 3rd Pass — NQ 1 and 2.
What I learned doing this assignment: I could tell this story a thousand different ways. I just have to find the right formula to make this work. I think I’m getting closer. Still not even that close though. This assignment is making me feel confident that I’m on the right path. I still need to work on Miguel’s character arc though.
1. Concept: A Mexican family attempting to sneak across the border think they have a guardian angel when a drone begins to drop off food and supplies, when in actuality they are being televised on the dark web as Americans place bets on their success and are simply trying to give them the advantage for their own gain.
2. Dramatic Question: Can Irma take her two sons safely across the Chihuahua Desert to the US for the opportunity of a better life?
A. This gets established when she decides to leave her gambling addicted husband and buys bus tickets to Texas. After her husband is murdered and her home is burglarized, the bus tickets are all that she has left.
B. The intensity is increased when she is unable to pay off her husband’s debts and the bookies threaten to force her to work at a brothel and/or take her son’s to work at the casino until the debt is fully paid.
C. The question is answered when Irma distracts the border patrol and sacrifices herself so that her sons can make it safely across. She is then sent back to her hometown to work for the bookies.
3. Main Conflict: With the use of drones, a group of ultranationalists create a gambling game show on the dark web where they live-stream illegal immigrants attempting to cross the border and ultimately inform the border patrol of the migrants’ location — Irma and her sons are the show’s newest “contestants.”
A. The main conflict shows up early on Frank pitches an idea to the border patrol for a high tech security system that uses drones to monitor the illegal entry of migrants. Initially, his idea his turned down. He is contacted later to discuss the prospect of working as a top secret “contractor” for the US government.
B. How many ways can you express the Main Conflict throughout the story?
The bookies inform Frank of incoming caravans for a fee and hope to get Irma caught and sent back.
Miguel discovers the secret gameshow on the darkweb when his rich employers joke brag about the money they make.
Miguel decides to make a wager himself to make some money and exploit the game show to his advantage by cheating.
Miguel uses his own drone to assist Irma in her journey.
The caravan discovers the drones following them and splits up forcing Irma to make the trek with her two young sons.
At Frank’s headquarters, he displays odds for the contestants and Irma’s odds are extremely low. One by one, each member of the caravan gets picked off as Frank notifies the border patrol.
C. What brings the Main Conflict to a boiling point in the 3rd Act?
Irma has a small window of time to make it across the border undetected when Miguel’s drone takes out one of Frank’s. She and her sons make a break for it but Frank sends a fleet of drones to find her.
D. How is the Main Conflict resolved?
Irma is able to distract the drones and lure them away from her sons so they can make it across the border safely. She lets herself get caught by the border patrol. Frank’s operation is exposed by Miguel and Frank is arrested.
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Armand’s 3rd Pass — NQ 1 and 2.
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is…?
Finding new ways to elevate the dramatic question and the main conflict in our plot/story.
1. Tell us your concept.
A ghost haunting the house where he was murdered must save a group of college kids from impending death when the masked killer who was never caught returns for an anniversary spree.
2. Tell us your Dramatic Question and the answers to these questions:
Can Tyler, the ghost, stop history from repeating itself and prevent another massacre?
A. Where does the Dramatic Question first get established and how?
By Page 10, we know Tyler is a ghost and the “abilities” he possesses as a supernatural entity and how they manifest in the world of the living. We also learn the killer has returned with a first present day kill that happens as the college kids are settling into the manor.
The issue is that Tyler is not very good at being a ghost, and the use of his abilities while trying to protect victims backfires in ways that literally help the relentlessly violent masked killer finish off his victims.
B. How is the Dramatic Question increased in intensity?
Tyler’s cowardly behavior keeps showing up, and when he tries to help potential victims at first, his attempts backfire because he doesn’t use his ghost abilities properly. For example: early on Tyler tries to save one of the college kids being chased by the killer outside the manor, by grabbing and flying off with a (very confused) college kid… only to accidentally drop the college kid into a large wood chipper; that the killer calmly turns on to finish off the college kid.
The killer is shown being incredibly effective in his kills throughout.
C. Where does the Dramatic Question finally get answered?
In the 3rd Act by the Climax, when the serial killer is unmasked and defeated by Tyler and Maddie.
3. Tell us your Main Conflict and the answers to these questions:
Can Tyler, the ghost, and Maddie, the final girl, save this new group of college kids from being killed?
A. When does the Main Conflict first show up?
When both Tyler and Maddie fail to stop the killer from murdering the first college kids.
B. How many ways can you express the Main Conflict throughout the story?
Killer starts killing off the college kids in the present day
Tyler fails at saving the college kids.
Maddie fights off the killer while he is attacking a college kid, but the victim still dies
C. What brings the Main Conflict to a boiling point in the 3rd Act?
One of our main characters, one of the sisters, is killed. Tyler and Maddie failed.
D. How is the Main Conflict resolved?
The sister is not really dead. Tyler and Maddie defeat the killer. Maddie dies in the process. Her soul and Tyler, now freed, go on to rest in peace.
Outline
1. OPENING
In slasher-film style: Tyler, a privileged college kid, has invited a group of friends including his girlfriend Maddie to party at his family’s remote summer manor.
A masked serial killer kills all of Tyler’s friends one by one. Tyler hides as his friends are murdered, making it second-to-last (with Maddie).
2. THE INCITING INCIDENT
Tyler, totally afraid, is killed (while trying to ditch Maddie and save himself) AND Maddie runs away from the serial killer.
Before we know what happens next: Tyler’s soul becomes “cursed” and he turns into a ghost.
3. BY PAGE 10, WE KNOW WHAT THE MOVIE IS ABOUT
We learn what Tyler can do as a ghost (supernatural abilities), but we also learn that he is not very good using them. Tyler regrets being a coward and not saving Maddie and his friends.
We learn the manor was abandoned for 20 years, sold recently to a wealthy businessman.
A new crop of college kids show up to party for the weekend. We meet Dallas and Lex, half-sisters of different trophy wives who don’t get along.
4. FIRST TURNING POINT AT THE END OF ACT ONE
Tyler realizes the serial killer is back! Tyler tries to save one of the college kids being chased by the killer outside the manor by flying off with a (very confused) college kid who can’t see Tyler and does not understand how he is flying… The confused college kid causes Tyler to accidentally drop him into a large wood chipper; that the killer calmly turns on to finish off the job.
Tyler needs help. He figures out how to communicate with Lex. Tyler and Lex try stopping the killer.
Dallas doesn’t believe Lex until she sees the killer in action with her own eyes.
5. MID-POINT
Adult Maddie, now a badass, appears and HELPS fight the serial killer. Tyler re-connects with Maddie.
6. SECOND TURNING POINT AT END OF ACT TWO
The serial killer kills Lex.
7. CRISIS
Tyler has failed to protect the college kids. Dallas gives up, wishing she was dead instead of Lex.
8. CLIMAX
Tyler and Maddie fight the serial killer. They unmask the serial killer and learn the motive for the original massacre and the anniversary spree.
9. RESOLUTION
Lex is alive. Lex and Dallas, still bickering, grow closer and become true sisters.
Tyler and Maddie defeat the killer. But Maddie also dies in the process. Tyler, freed from his ghost state, and Maddie, her soul appearing like her college age, move on to rest in peace together.
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Budinscak 3rd Pass – NQ 1 and 2
What I learned doing this assignment:
o The first two questions provide a reference tool to keep you focused on moving the story forward – and with no story detail at all.
o I still get mired in story detail, but I recognize it very quickly and stop.
o It points out what needs to be tightened up in the outline.
o Hard to express how vital the examples of “Unforgiven” have been in dissecting these lessons. I found them extremely helpful.
I’ve done my outline in Movie Magic screenwriting software and I’ve exported a copy of it as a .pdf file before posting. The pdf copy did not post well, chopping off many sentences. I apologize for the format errors and see if I fix it. Sorry ‘bout that.
Apply the first two questions to your outline.
1. Concept:
In 1986, a conniving uncle and his two preteen nephews teach each other about life and family on a cross-country trip from upstate NY to Burbank, CA, to deliver a package as a favor for a local crime boss, and in return, the Don promised not to burn the their family’s restaurant to the ground.
2. Dramatic Question:
Will Jack (uncle) deliver the package to Burbank on time and save his family’s restaurant?
a. Where does the Dramatic Question first get established and how? In the opening shot cars pull into the restaurant even with the ‘closed’ sign on. Inside, a large family gathers around a large table to eat, drink and talk. A speaker-phone is placed on the table to speak with out-of-town relatives. A wall is covered with various pictures and snapshots of family events – weddings, graduation parties, New Year Eve blowouts, etc. The DiLuna family has owned the restaurant for three generations. Their lives revolved around it
b. How is the Dramatic Question increased in intensity? Depict how important the restaurant is and has been to the family. During the car trip, the uncle makes numerous cases why the restaurant is a member of the family. Scenes from the restaurant will show the family working there and the customers appreciating the sense of humor. Jack worries during the trip what would happen IF he doesn’t make it on time. Drugs the kids so they’ll sleep and he can make up time driving – make up for things like eating and bathroom breaks. Jack and the boys have numerous obstacles to overcome and a routine to maintain the package (lots of ice to keep it cold), including swapping containers before the FBI raids their hotel room in Las Vegas. And the only time they use dry ice – bad results.
c. When does the Dramatic Question finally get answered? In the Climax, the package is delivered and the boys are separated from Jack. The nephews outwit their captor and save their uncle.
2. Main Conflict:
a. When does the Main Conflict first show up? In the opening scene, Jack reveals himself to be a little shady and immediately shows contempt when the nephews are introduced. Jack also reveals what happened to cause the cold feelings. A picture on the wall will tell details of the story.
b. How many ways can you express the Main Conflict throughout the story? This is only from Jack’s actions: wants to leave the kids with his friend, LC “NFW, Jack”, he drugs the boys. He feeds them candy and soda, they don’t shower, they’re wearing the same clothes, he gets angry when they don’t do what he tells them. Sal and Puck have their share of the Main Conflict as well – and they come at Uncle Jack from two sides – good and bad, truth and lies, big and small – whatever it is, the boys take opposing views but always team together against their uncle.
c. What brings the Main Conflict to a boiling point in the 3rd Act? The uncle is at his lowest when he and the kids leave Las Vegas. The boys see cowboys riding horses on the plain along the highway. They plead with their uncle, but he says no. The use of dry ice and a leak in its container causes everyone to pass out, including Jack, the Caddy’s driver. When they’re saved from a potentially bad accident, Jack commits to changing his life if God saves his nephews. Sal steers right away and Jack tries immediately to recant.
d. How is the Main Conflict resolved? The three work together to free themselves from a crazy situation in Burbank and catch a red-eye to JFK in NYC where they meet Puck and Sal’s moms – Jack’s sisters. The sisters notice a change in their sons and don’t believe Jack’s story, but the two boys vouch for their uncle and add a few nougats of their own.
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BOBS DAY 9 3<sup>RD</sup> PASS – NQ 1 AND 2.
What I have learned doing this assignment is…?
A way of discovery of scene ideas that express the Dramatic Question and the Main Conflict throughout the story.
1. Tell us your concept:
THE CONCEPT
WORKING TITLE: “’Moths Around a Flame:’ The Making of ‘The Blue Angel.’” (Based on a true story.)
LOGLINE: The making of the erotic thriller “The Blue Angel” (1930) has an impact on the principal actors, Emil Jannings and [then unknown] Marlene Dietrich and the director (Josef von Sternberg) that leads to success for von Sternberg, stardom for Dietrich, but ironically, the fall of Emil Jannings in a manner that parallels his role as the professor in the film, whose infatuation with a cabaret showgirl leads to his ruin.
PLOT CHOICE: (Tragic) #12 Transformation.
CHARACTER STRUCTURE: Dramatic Triangle.
The dramatic triangle is between the director (Josef von Sternberg) and Marlene Dietrich with Emil Jannings who believes Dietrich upstages him as the star of the film and has alienated von Sternberg from working with him.
LEAD CHARACTERS:
MARLENE DIETRICH is the ‘unknown” whom Josef von Sternberg is grooming for stardom.
JOSEF VON STERNBERG is the director of ‘The Blue Angel” who grooms Dietrich for stardom which grows into an affair that threatens his marriage and complicates his working relationship to his star, Emil Jannings
EMIL JANNINGS is an acclaimed Oscar-winning actor who is the star of “The Blue Angel” who feels dethroned by Dietrich and abandobned by von Sternberg who devotes himself almost full time to mentoring Dietrich to the negect of his working relationship with with him (Jannings).
THE NECESSARY QUESTIONS:
The Dramatic Question: How could an actor – a man of Jannings’ stature have allowed himself to be exploited by the Nazis in propaganda films?
The Main Conflict: Between Jannings and Dietrich with von Sternberg trying to mediate as director in this feud between his discovery and lover Dietrich and his star, Jannings.
The Emotional Dilemma:
For Jannings: To swallow his jealousy and animus, at the director’s request in order to be partners in art with Dietrich to complete the film. Later, with apparently no film career in Hollywood, does Jannings work with the Nazi propagandist film industry just to have a motion picture career?
For Dietrich: To disregard her contempt for Jannings, at the director’s request and be partners in art with him for the completion of the film.
For von Sternberg: To be not only a lover and mentor for Dietrich but to be a director who mediates between feuding actors.
The Theme: What does a man gain if gains the whole world but loses his own soul?
ARC OF LEAD CHARACTERS.
In spite of the feud, Dietrich, Jannings, and von Sternberg finish a magnificent film.
Dietrich and von Sternberg return to America.
Jannings remains in Germany believing he has no future in Hollywood (he has learned the hard way through screen-tests that his German accent doesn’t work in Hollywood “talkies.” and receives counsel from a studio executive that he should consider continuing his career in films for the Third Reich.
Here’s the outline: 9 Beat format
1. OPENING: Berlin, July, 1945. Brandishing an Oscar statuette, Emil Jannings (now 60) presents himself at US Army headquarters shouting, “Don’t shoot! I won an Oscar!”
2. INCITING INCIDENT: A US OFFICER INTERVIEWS Jannings wants to know what it was like filming “The Blue Angel” and why an actor and man of his stature allowed himself to be exploited by the Nazi propaganda film industry to which Jannings replies by telling the story of this film
3 BY PAGE TEN: Against the wishes of the studio brass and his star (Jannings), von Sternberg casts an unknown (Marlene Dietrich) in the role of the cabaret showgirl Lola Lola who is the love-interest of the professor portrayed by Jannings – who immediately believes Dietrich is upstaging him as the star which starts their conflict.
4. FIRST TURNING POINT AT THE END OF ACT ONE:To ingratiate herself further with von Sternberg (who needs none) and mend relations with Jannings (who wants none), Dietrich takes them out on a tour of the Weimar “Berlin of Lola Lola” where their party is stopped by Nazis who hurl rocks through the windows of a gay cabaret where they are having drinks.
5, MID POINT: The conflict between Jannings and Dietrich escalates to violence when Jannings overacts a scene of strangling Dietrich’s character that he actually strangles Dietrich and injures her to which von Sternberg calls on both actors to partner up in the name of the art and finish the film..
6, SECOND TURNING POINT AT END OF ACT TWO: Von Sternberg’s intervention has worked and Dietrich and Jannings turn in stellar perfomances especially in Dietrich’s signature song, “Falling in love again” and Jannings’ scene of the ruined professor dying.
7, CRISIS: After the film wraps, Jannings, convinced he has no future in Hollywood, asks a studio chief (and Nazi-supporter) for advice and he answers that he should work in Nazi cinema. .
8. CLIMAX: The US Of.ficer who asked he dramatic question informs Jannings that he must be de-nazified which effectively ends his acting career and ruins him in a manner that mirrors the ruination of his professor-character in “The Blue Angel.”
9. RESOLUTION: Closing Titles:
Emil Jannings never acted again. He died in 1950 of liver cancer. He was given a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame which was removed years later.
Marlene Dietrich and Josef von Sternberg went to Hollywood and made many acclaimed motion pictures through the 1930’s. Dietrich condemned Hitler and Nazism, She became an American Citizen and entertained the troops even as they marched against the German Army.
2. Tell us your Dramatic Question and the answers to these questions:
The Dramatic Question: How could an actor – a man of Jannings’ stature have allowed himself to be exploited by the Nazis in propaganda film
A. Where does the Dramatic Question first get established and how?
After Jannings surrenders to the Allies. The examing officer asks: “How did an actor – a man of your statureallow himself to be exploted for Nazi propaganda films?”
Jannngs then tells the story which is the making of “The Blue Angels,” i.e., the story of how he got to the point of consenting and why.
B. How is the Dramatic Question increased in intensity.
By page 10, Jannings is out on the town at a gay Cabaret with Dietrich and von Sternberg celebrating Celebrating her being cast as Lola Lola in “The Blue Angel” when Nazi Brown Shirts marching in the street throw rocks through the club’’s windows. A political discussion follows with Jannings indicating he opposes Nazism. But he realizes that Nazi supporters are growing. And may create great problems in a society that heretofore was regarded as enlightened.
C. Where does the Dramatic Question finally get answered?
Where it started, with Jannings being interviewed by the US Army Officer who asked the question. And Jannngs confesses that he went against his own conscience. Also, at the US Army Headquarters from Jannings himself, “I just tried to survive in a dictatorship that would kill any who were suspected of opposition to the Nazis.”
3. Tell us your Main Conflict and the answers to these questions.
The Main Conflict is between Marlene Dietrich and Emil Jannings.
A. When does the Main Conflict first show up?
By page 10.
B. How many ways can you express the Main Conflict throughout the story?
Jannings like the studio brass wanted a name actress to play Lola Lola and so opposed von Sternberg’s choice of Marlene Dietrich.
At the party at the Club Silhouette, Marlene invites Jannings out on the town he never thanks her. When she buys champagne for all in the Club she alludes to how some of them said, “She can’t act.” But she say, “But I got the part.” Carola Neher, an actress friend, chides, “That still doesn’t mean you can act.” Jannings says to Carola, “That’s the best line you ever said. Marlene lets showing off her legs do the talking.” Marlene is hurt by these unnecessary insults by Jannings.
When he confronts von Sternberg about his excessive time spent mentoring Dietrich, von Sternberg explains he must spend time with her because she is a novice to motion picture acting but has the pontential to be a great star. “But I am the star of this movie.” Jannings retorts, “and I need time with you just as we have on all our other projects.”
Jannings shares his concerns with cast member Curt Gerron, who says, when he says “cut, print” assume the director likes what you did. If he wants another take, do what he wants so he can get to “cut, print.” Meanwhile, I use the time away from the director to improve my English.”
C. What brings the Conflict to a boiling point?
Jannings is frustrated with von Sternberg’s grooming Dietrich for stardom, he believes he is being demoted from being star of “The Blue Angel.” He is so angered that in a scene in which his professord is supposed to strangle Dietrich’s Lola Lola, he overacts and actually strangles her.
D. How is the Main Conflict resolved?
It isn’t resolved. Von Sternberg directs both Dietrich and Jannings to call a truce and finish the film as partners in art. This they do in the stellar performances of Dietrich singing her signature song, “Falling in love again” and Jannings very moving scene of the professor dying.
4. In the current version of your outline, fill in the events you’ve discovered during this process. List oout your outline as you did on Day 7.
Additions from this exercise are in bold.
1. OPENING: Berlin, July, 1945. Brandishing an Oscar statuette, Emil Jannings (now 60) presents himself at US Army headquarters shouting, “Don’t shoot! I won an Oscar!”
2. INCITING INCIDENT: A US OFFICER INTERVIEWS Jannings wants to know what it was like filming “The Blue Angel” and why an actor and man of his stature allowed himself to be exploited by the Nazi propaganda film industry to which Jannings replies by telling the story of the making of “The Blue Angel” because that is where “it all began.”
3. BY PAGE TEN: Against the wishes of the studio brass and his star (Jannings), von Sternberg casts an unknown (Marlene Dietrich) in the role of the cabaret showgirl Lola Lola who is the love-interest of the professor portrayed by Jannings – who immediately believes Dietrich is upstaging him as the star which starts their conflict.
4. FIRST TURNING POINT AT THE END OF ACT ONE: To ingratiate herself further with von Sternberg (who needs none) and mend relations with Jannings (who wants none), Dietrich takes them out on a tour of the Weimar “Berlin of Lola Lola.” She first takes them to Sabri Mahir’s Boxing Studio where she is getting in shape with intensive boxing exercise. She also shows off by pretending to knock out her actress friend Carola Neher, but really does knock her out. Next she takes Carola, von Sternberg, and Janning to the Club Silhouette, a gay cabaret popular with show people and sexologist Magnus Hirschfeld (known as the “Einstein of Sex”). Marlene’s party joins Hirschfeld who shares his views on gay rights and more sexual freedom. Dietrich sits on von Sternberg’s lap and leans over to plant a kiss right on the mouth of Carola Neher, This scene was later recreated in Dietrich’s film, “Morocco.” Although Marlene had invited Jannings he only sulks because he hates to be in Dietrich’s presence. Dietrich grandly announces that she is buying champagne for everyone in the club in celebration that she got the part of Lola Lola in “The Blue Angel.” When she buys champagne for all in the Club she alludes to how some of them had once said, “’She can’t act’ but all is forgiven now that I snagged the starring role in “The Blue Angel” directed by Mr. von Sternberg here.” Carola Neher, in a kidding mood, after the knockout then the kiss, chides Dietrich and shouts, “You got the part but that still doesn’t mean you can act.” Jannings says to Carola, “That’s the best line you ever said in your career. Marlene shows off her legs. She lets her legs do the acting.” Marlene is hurt by the unnecessary insults by Jannings. Jannings reminds von Sternberg, “Jo, don’t forget, I am the star.” The festivities are stopped by Nazis Brown Shirts who march in the street outside singing, the “Horst Wessel.” They then hurl rocks through the windows of the Club Silhouette. Hirschfeld says, “Those Nazis are gaining more members all the time and just might rule Germany. If it comes to pass, Jews and the homosexuals are through – and I am both.” Jannings is troubled he realizes that Nazi supporters are growing. And may create great problems in a society that heretofore was regarded as enlightened. Hirschfeld asks him, “Will you return to Hollywood?” Jannings explains that he can’t find work in “talkies” because of his German accent, I can’t live and be an actor anywhere but here.”
PLOT EVENT: On the set of “The Blue Angel” – When Jannings confronts von Sternberg about his excessive time spent mentoring Dietrich, von Sternberg explains he must spend time with her because she is a novice to motion picture acting but has the potential to be a great star. “But I am the star of this movie.” Jannings retorts, “and I need time with you just as we have on all our other projects.” Von Sternberg reminds Jannings of his leadership role as the star, he should give Dietrich support. Jannings is incensed.
PLOT EVENT: On the set of “The Blue Angel” -Jannings shares his concerns with cast member Curt Gerron, who says, when he says “cut, print” assume the director likes what you did. If he wants another take, do what he wants so he can get to “cut, print.” Meanwhile, I use the time away from the director to improve my English.”
5. MID POINT: The conflict between Jannings and Dietrich escalates to violence when Jannings overacts a scene of strangling Dietrich’s character that he actually strangles Dietrich and injures her to which von Sternberg calls on both actors to partner up in the name of the art and finish the film. Dietrich voices her contempt for Jannings as an “ham.”
6.
7. SECOND TURNING POINT AT END OF ACT TWO: Von Sternberg’s intervention has worked and although their conflict is not resolved, Dietrich and Jannings call a truce and enact stellar perfomances especially in Dietrich’s signature song, “Falling in love again” and Jannings’ scene of the ruined professor dying.
8. CRISIS: After the film wraps, Jannings, convinced he has no future in Hollywood, asks a studio chief (and Nazi-supporter) for advice and he answers that he should work in Nazi cinema. .
9. 8. CLIMAX: The US Of.ficer who asked the dramatic question informs Jannings that he must be de-nazified which effectively ends his acting career and ruins him in a manner that mirrors the ruination of his professor-character in “The Blue Angel.” Jannings is remorseful but made propaganda films because it seemed like the only way he could survive.
Closing Titles:
Emil Jannings never acted again. He died in 1950 of liver cancer. He was given a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame which was removed years later.
Marlene Dietrich and Josef von Sternberg went to Hollywood and made many acclaimed motion pictures through the 1930’s. Dietrich condemned Hitler and Nazism, She became an American Citizen and entertained the troops even as they marched against the German Wehrmacht.
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Amy’s 3<sup>rd</sup> Pass – NQ1 and 2
What I learned doing this assignment is you can really start to see where the holes are in your outline by doing this. Also, I see how this builds a character arc into your story.
Concept: A famous newscaster’s DNA is altered when she travels through time. When she gets back one year into the future, she must decide between her career and her family and also compete with the woman who is now engaged to her husband.
Dramatic Question: Will Andrea step back from her career to win Josh and her kids back from Meagan?
A. Where does the Dramatic Question first get established and how?
The dramatic question first gets established when Andrea goes back in time and realizes that Meagan is gunning for he husband and she also notices that she’s absent from all of her kids’ events.
B. How is the Dramatic Question increased in intensity?
The intensity increases at the mid-point when the network hires Andrea back as a reporter and she misses yet another one of her son’s baseball games. (Andrea traveled a year into the future, so she’s been missing for a year and presumed dead)
C. Where does the Dramatic Question finally get answered?
The dramatic question gets answered when Andrea turns down the anchor position on air.
Main conflict- Andrea desperately wants her career as a news anchor back, but she also wants her family back and they’ve had it with her working so much and never being home.
A. When does the Main Conflict first show up?
The main conflict is first established when Andrea calls home and tells them she’s going to be working late again. Later she misses her son’s baseball game.
B. How many ways can you express the Main Conflict throughout the story?
Andrea misses her son’s baseball game.
Andrea misses her daughter’s ballet recital.
Andrea sees her family together with Meagan at a school event.
Andrea’s children want to see her even though she doesn’t quite look like herself, but she chooses to go cover a story instead.
Andrea gets into arguments with her son and daughter about how she was never around before she went missing and she’s never around now.
Andrea gets an earful from Josh about how she was never around before she disappeared.
C. What brings the Main Conflict to a boiling point in the 3rd Act?
This actually happens at the end of Act 2, but Josh tells Andrea that he and the kids are happier with Meagan because she has time for them. At the same time Andrea gets offered the anchor position again.
D. How is the Main Conflict resolved?
Andrea turns down the anchor position on air and says that she wants her family back.
Opening: Andrea lives an exciting life as a newscaster on a national network. She works too much and never sees her family.
INT. – STUDIO – NIGHT
It’s chaos and excitement as Andrea, the producer and the production crew rush to get on the air on time.
INT. –NEWSROOM – NIGHT
Breaking news happens. Andrea calls home to let her family know that once again, she will not be home for dinner.
INT. – KITCHEN – NIGHT
Josh helps the kids with their homework. They complain about their mom not being there.
EXT. – BASEBALL FIELD – NIGHT
Andrea’s family is at her son’s baseball game. Her son keeps looking back hoping she will show up. Meagan, one of Josh’s ex-girlfriends is there because her kid is also on the team.
INT. – NEWSROOM – DAY
Andrea discusses with her boss the exciting new development at the local university, the completion of a supercollider. Her boss assigns her the story.
INT. – AUDITORIUM – NIGHT
Andrea’s daughter is about to go on stage and cries because her mother isn’t there. She has to be coaxed on stage by her dad.
Inciting incident: Andrea interviews a science professor at a local college about the university’s new supercollider and “accidentally” gets sent back in time. She arrives in the past, not the beautiful news anchor, but ugly.
INT. –UNVERSITY SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea interviews the professor who demonstrates for her how the supercollider works. Andrea gets sucked into the machine.
INT – UNIVERSITY SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea appears out of the machine, but she doesn’t look like herself. She notices she’s a different height and her hands look different. She runs out of the lab.
INT. –UNVERSITY LAB – BATHROOM – DAY
Andrea looks at herself in the mirror and is horrified.
INT. – NEWSROOM – DAY
Andrea tries to talk to her co-workers, but they don’t recognize her. They laugh when she tells them who she is.
INT. – STUDIO – NIGHT
Andrea peaks around a wall in the studio and watches the newscast air and her stand-in reporting on the fact that she got sucked into the machine and is missing. She sees the footage of herself disappearing.
INT – JOSH’S OFFICE – DAY
Andrea goes to Josh’s office and is surprised to find Meagan there coming on to him.
INT. – SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea convinces the professor to turn on the machine and she gets sucked in again.
Page 10: Andrea arrives back from the past and looks more like herself, only more beautiful.
INT. – BATHROOM – DAY
Andrea looks at herself in the mirror and is pleased that she looks more like herself now but perplexed that she’s even more beautiful than before.
End of Act 1: Andrea realizes a year has passed. Everyone assumed she was dead and her husband, Josh has gotten together with a girlfriend from his past, Meagan. Since the network thought she was dead, she is no longer the anchor of the news program.
INT – ANDREA’S HOME – DAY
Andrea drives to her home, but her key doesn’t work, so she rings the bell. Josh comes to the door and nearly faints at the sight of her. The kids come and are astounded. She tells them about getting sucked into the supercollider and traveling through time. Meagan comes to the door to see what’s going on. Andrea notices she’s wearing an engagement ring. Megan kisses Josh. Andrea’s family informs her that it’s the year 2023 and she’s been missing for a year.
EXT. – BASEBALL FIELD – DAY
Andrea tries to talk to her son, but he doesn’t want to talk to her. When she presses him, he explodes.
INT. – ANDREA’S HOME – NIGHT
Andrea tries to talk to her daughter, but her daughter won’t open up and accuses her of never caring about her.
INT. – OFFICE – DAY
Andrea visits Josh at work. She wants him to take her back, but he admits that things weren’t that great when she was around.
Mid-point: Andrea has done some digging and comes to the realization that Meagan conspired with the professor to send her back in time. Andrea gets the network to hire her back as a reporter.
INT. – COFFEE SHOP – DAY
Andrea overhears Meagan tell her friend that she got rid of Andrea by conspiring with the professor.
INT. –SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea talks to the professor and threatens to tell everyone what he did if he doesn’t help her send Meagan back in time.
EXT. – BASEBALL FIELD – NIGHT
Andrea confronts Meagan in front of everyone about Meagan conspiring with the professor to get rid of her. Josh doesn’t believe Andrea and gets mad at her.
End of Act 2-Andrea tries to send Meagan back in time but fails.
INT. – SCIENCE LAB – NIGHT
Meagan shows up. The professor tries to get her close to the machine. It almost works, but Meagan figures out what he’s up to and steps away. Andrea watches all this from the door.
Crisis-Although Andrea succeeds in getting Josh to fall in love with her again, he confesses that he and the kids are happier with Meagan than they were with her and rejects her. Andrea gets offered the anchor position again and must decide between her career and her family.
INT. – NEWSROOM – DAY
Josh visits Andrea at work. They talk about getting back together. While he’s there Andrea finds out she’s been offered the anchor position again. She excitedly tells Josh. He’s not so excited. He tells her he’s going to go ahead with his marriage to Meagan.
Climax: Andrea does an expose’ on the professor and gets him to confess on air that he conspired with Meagan to send her back in time. Andrea admits to neglecting her family, announces that she’s turning down the anchor position and pleads with Josh to take her back. Josh sees the report and now believes the truth about Meagan and has a change of heart about Andrea. Everything changes back to the day Andrea disappeared and Andrea looks completely like herself again.
INT. – STUDIO/ANDREA’S HOME – NIGHT
Andrea convinces her boss to let her go on the air with a big story. She does an expose’ about the professor and Meagan and everything that has happened to her. She admits to neglecting her family, announces that she’s turning down the anchor position and pleads with Josh to take her back. Josh sees the report and now believes the truth about Meagan and has a change of heart about Andrea. Suddenly, everything changes and it’s the day Andrea disappeared again.
INT. – SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea is back at the science lab. She’s herself again. She walks away from the supercollider and out of the lab.
Resolution: Meagan and the professor get arrested. Andrea is reunited with Josh and her kids.
INT- ANDREA’S HOME – NIGHT
Andrea, Josh and the kids watch the professor and Meagan get arrested on the news.
EXT. – BASEBALL FIELD – NIGHT
Andrea’s son is up to bat. He looks back at his mom, beaming. Andre and Josh kiss.
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Claudia’s 3<sup>rd</sup> Pass NQ 1 & 2
Day Nine – Adding Two Questions
What I learned: we’re doing this as building blocks to a hopefully solid and great story.
Concept: An OCD, germaphobe Martha Stewart wannabe must take over the family’s cleaning business after her father becomes ill meets the man of her dreams, not knowing he makes Oscar Madison look like Felix Unger.
1) Dramatic Question: Will Abby be able to overcome her fear of germs and save her father’s business?
2) Main conflict: Abby has to put aside her dreams to help her father and she is terrified of germs and it causes her to make decisions and often act contrary to what is best for her and others.
To discover how the Dramatic Question can show up in your outline, answer these three questions:
A. Where does the Dramatic Question first get established and how?
In the opening scenes we see Abby in an accident that causes her to be covered with poo and subsequently germs…
B. How is the Dramatic Question increased in intensity?
All throughout the story Abby must fight against her fear. She must go into the Cleaning Business itself, which is anything but clean. She must literally clean houses herself after the maids stage a Sick Out or “Clean Flu.”
C. Where does the Dramatic Question finally get answered?
In the end we see Abby and Nick, along with her family and the maids (and their families), have an outdoor party… she’s exposed to so many things (like food, that we and she have seen a fly land on) and she’s tentative, but willing to shoo away and eat from that bowl – albeit, taking from the other side that the fly landed on.
2. THE MAIN CONFLICT
A. When does the Main Conflict first show up?
Abby refuses to do an in-person interview that could help her brand and connect her to sponsors.
B. How many ways can you express the Main Conflict throughout the story?
Abby disappoints her best friend by not doing the interview.
Abby irritates the workers at her Dad’s company.
Abby’s demands on the workers have them calling for a Sick Out
Abby’s need for perfectionism has her cleaning one house while all the others are left undone.
Abby can’t go on a proper date out in public without seeing/feeling germs everywhere.
D. What brings the Main Conflict to a boiling point in the 3rd Act?
Abby is about to lose her Father’s business because of her phobia.
E. How is the Main Conflict resolved?
Abby realizes that family and relationships are more important than her fears and she does whatever is necessary to fix the problems, such as reaching out and apologizing to the workers.
3) Structure: Nine Beats of the Structure:
Opening Scene: Abby (at 7 years old) is on a pony at a farm, the pony gets scared by her brother and takes off, she valiantly holds on until the pony stops dead, throwing her over his head and right into a mucked pile of poo. She’s okay, but covered in poo and is screaming with fright.
Inciting Incident: Abby, now an adult, gets word that her father has had a heart attack. She races to the hospital. He will be okay, but needs her to take over the family cleaning company.
Page 10 / What’s the movie about: Abby will need to get over her fear if she is to save the family business.
1<sup>st</sup> Turning Point: At the Cleaning company. It’s filthy, no one is there yet. Going through paperwork she sees that the business is in financial trouble and her father kept it a secret.
Midpoint: The workers/maids are so upset with the way she’s running the company that they stage a “sick out” – so there’s no one to clean the places except for Abby!
Second Turning Point: Major competitor, her father’s arch nemesis, offers to buy out the company which is crumbling.
Crisis: The Nemesis reaches out to all of the unhappy customers, they are losing customers left and right.
Climax: Abby calls a meeting with the maids and apologizes. She asks for their help, not for her, but for her father. The maids agree and do double duty, getting clients back and happy.
Resolution: Dad wheels back in to take over the business, he’s thrilled with how she’s kept it together, everyone is happy.
4) Background is coming in… I have connected how Nick and Abby are connected PRIOR to meeting as adults and have seen the scenes that will be written, Nick will be childhood friends with Abby’s brother. He’ll be there the day she has her accident and will be the one who helps her up and out of the … pile. However, all these years she didn’t know that he stayed in touch with her Dad… their meet cute will be at the Hospital.
Also, I’ve gotten some ideas on the company that will be trying to take over her Father’s company and the possible connections to Nick. I’m vacillating back and forth, I don’t ever want to be cliché.
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Richard’s 3rd Pass — NQ 1 and 2
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is… I have been thinking about this script for several years, and even now doing this assignment I have thought of two extra story elements that will strengthen the script and characters.
Concept: Trapped in a castle, seven life-long friends must fight to the death so that the last one standing can receive a pardon from a foreign Lord and his army.
Dramatic Question: Will lifelong friends/family members betray each other for their own survival?
A. Where does the Dramatic Question first get established and how?
Problems between the characters start in the set-up and relationships increasingly strained from there. Threats of death and fights are numerous.
B. How is the Dramatic Question increased in intensity?
Fights, threats and eventually death. The claustrophobic environment they are forced into from the inciting incident just rises and rises with no backward steps.
C. Where does the Dramatic Question finally get answered?
The whole second half of the script is literally these seven friends murdering each other until only one is left standing.
Main conflict: Seven friends/family members must fight until one is left so they can receive a pardon.
A. When does the Main Conflict first show up?
Midpoint.
B. How many ways can you express the Main Conflict throughout the story?
It starts right from the beginning as I set up these characters’ depth and personalities and show both the weaknesses and strengths of all their relationships. They are as close as to be – but the situation they find themselves is unforgiving and they will act for their own good, which means betrayal of loved ones is a must.
C. What brings the Main Conflict to a boiling point in the 3rd Act?
When the three characters with the closet bonds are left and three must become two… which must become one.
D. How is the Main Conflict resolved?
When there is only one of the seven characters left standing.
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Budinscak 4th Pass – NQ 3 and 4
What I learned doing this assignment:
o I’ve had to make a couple of key changes to fix it. It is MUCH easier to make those changes in an outline than your first or second or … draft.
o Feedback from the SLW review was very enlightening and made me focus on the tone of my story – it needs fixing throughout.
o I found it easier address the first 2 questions than these 2.
o My story is constantly changing.
Apply Necessary Questions 3 and 4 to your outline.
1. Concept:
In 1986, a shady chef agrees to deliver a package from upstate NY to Burbank, CA as a favor to a local crime boss, even though he doesn’t know the contents of the package or that his two pesky preteen nephews are stowaways and he’s completely unaware of the consequences if he doesn’t deliver the package by 2:00 Monday.
2. Dilemma:
Will Jack ditch the kids to the fun he promised himself OR will he place the needs of his nephews in front of his own.
a. How does the Emotional Dilemma first show up? It shows up in the very beginning of the story when Jack voices his utter dislike for his two nephews when hearing their names. His demeanor visibly changes when he sees the boys. Once he realizes he’s driving to Burbank, he makes plans with an old girlfriend. Jack’s shocked and becomes vocal at the end of the first act when he realizes the boys are in the Caddy in Terre Haute, IN.
b. How are both sides of the issue built up? Jack establishes his baseline animus early and he doesn’t soften in Terre Haute, nor St. Louis, but he does ease up a bit at the OK Truck Stop at the story’s Midpoint. There’s no fun for Jack and the boys are irritating the hell out of him.
c. When does the protagonist make the choice? When Jack and boys leave Las Vegas, they use dry ice instead of regular ice. The dry ice leaks causing carbon monoxide poisoning and everyone passes out in the Cadillac as it bounces along half on the shoulder of the road half on asphalt. The two nephews are still unconscious when the uncle pledges to God he’ll change if God saves the boys. Sal immediately moves and Jack tries to recant.
d. For just about the first time in his life, Jack did NOT do what he wanted to do. He put the needs of the boys first, his family second, the restaurant third and Jack fourth.
3. Theme:
Family is more than just relatives, it’s all those who step up whenever you need them, that’s family.
YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE RELATED TO BE FAMILY.
a. What are both sides of your theme? Family can be related to you and not help. You don’t have to be related to be family.
b. How will both sides show up throughout your story? Sal and Puck quiz their uncle endlessly ‘what’s family’? Jack tells the boys the LC is family even though he’s not related. Jack explains it so the kids understand. There’s the other side of being related, but not really a part of the family based on the way someone acts or constantly questions you, bickers with you. Throughout the story, the kids will question Jack, he’ll answer and it will be accepted.
c. How does the Climax of the story demand your message? Jack, Sal and Puck get help from those they’ve met along the way to get them out of the situation they’re in at the Climax. And those people have been defined as family according to Jack. Also, Jack’s friend LC steps up in a big way to help. Also, the criminal family kind of looks out for one another and they don’t function very well as a team, the nephews exploit that in the Climax.
Opening:
SUPER: 1986
Carmine’s, a restaurant, sits on one end of a large parking lot with a funeral home on the opposite side.
Inside the restaurant, an extended family dines while chatting on a ‘speaker phone’ with two sisters who want Jack to pick them up at JFK in NYC on Tuesday. The two sisters are the mothers of Puck and Sal., and Jack agrees to pick them up.
Later, Jack takes out the trash and watches a hearse pull up to the funeral home across the parking lot. Men struggle pulling a body bag from the hearse, it jerks around wildly. Jack turns to leave and takes one step – Me-YOW! – he steps on a cat’s tail. The men by the hearse look over.
The next morning, a limo pulls into an open garage door at the funeral home. A local crime boss, Don Vito, aka The Weatherman, makes a phone call from the funeral home inquiring about the availability of a cleaning service. He’s told Monday at 2:00 PM is the first open slot – and he takes it. The Don sends two goons to the restaurant to ‘invite’ Jack to the funeral home – it’s the Don’s brother’s business.
Inciting Incident:
At the meeting, Don Vito hints that he’s pretty sure Jack knows more than he’s letting on about what he saw, but Jack denies everything. Don Vito tries another tact, he asks Jack for a favor – he needs him to deliver a package for his granddaughter and it’ll take him where there are new casinos. Jack says yes.
By page 10, you know what the movie is about:
Jack agrees to travel to Burbank to deliver a package, unaware his two young nephews, Puck and Sal, will tag along for the trip.
First turning point as end of Act 1:
Jack wakes up in his car in Terra Haute (IN) and the two boys pop up in the back seat.
Prior to this turning point, Jack drops his Cadillac off at the funeral home for ‘necessary modifications’ to carry the package. A large cooler is installed in the trunk of Jack’s Caddy.
To help his sister who volunteered to watch Puck and Sal while their mothers are out of town, Jack drugs the boys to keep them in line. He doesn’t realize that they snuck in the back seat of his Caddy and they’re fast asleep under a blanket lying on the floor of the car.
Jack meets one of his partners-in-crime, Lincoln Clogs, LC, in Terra Haute. Jack laments about finding his two incorrigible nephews in the car and tries to pawn them off on LC – LC says NFW to the request.
Jack and the boys leave and Jack immediately gets a premonition how poorly this trip with these two nephews is going to go – he’s pulled over by a state trooper, but smooth talks his way out of trouble. They stop by a restaurant outside of St Louis, but never go in. Instead, they pick up a tail – a box truck follows the Cadillac. The truck’s driver has Love and Hate tattooed on his knuckles.
Jack pulls into a rest area and buys snacks for the boys – and ice for the cooler. To make time and to do it quietly, Jack drugs the two boys again. They sleep, he drives like a madman. He spots the same headlights again and again – and thinks he’s being tailed. When Sal and Puck wake in Oklahoma, Jack pulls into the Truck Stop.
Mid-point:
Jack averts a crisis in an Oklahoma Truck Stop when he beats a trucker who had Puck trapped in a bathroom stall. The boys have never seen this side of their uncle – and never want to.
Jack has a run-in with the boys and they reveal they’re now terrified of their uncle. Jack contemplates how to best use this new information to his advantage. He practices divide and conquer, drugging them one at a time so as one sleeps, he can get to know the other one.
He teaches Sal about one of his favorite recipes while letting him drive the Caddy. Great times for Sal. They settle in to a hotel in Albuquerque. Jack constantly checks but doesn’t see anyone following him. He fills up the cooler with ice and goes to his room. A van slows by the hotel entrance before parking on the street, the hotel entrance in full view.
Next day, Sal sleeps, Jack and Puck bond a little. It’s nighttime when they come into view of Las Vegas – Jack’s enthralled and his enthusiasm carries over to the boys.
No hotel tonight. The Cadillac pulls into a large parking lot and parks in a back corner facing the front. Hack and the boys sleep. A truck pulls in and parks far enough away not to be noticed. Love and Hate decorate the driver’s knuckles.
Second turning point at the end of Act 2:
In Las Vegas, Jack loses all his money in the casino, then is shaken down by the FBI and forced to be their informant, including wearing a wire.
The boys and Jack have a lot of fun in Vegas and the nephews have eye-opening first-time experiences they won’t forget. Jack had scheduled a date with an old flame, but she gave him a lot of grief for ‘babysitting’ and wanted no part of it – and Jack’s pissed off.
After nothing goes right for Jack, the FBI shakes him down.
The next morning, Jack has the boys transfer the license plates from a Caddy that looks just like theirs as he searches for ice for the cooler. He can’t find ice, he can only find dry ice. He puts it in the cooler in the trunk.
Jack calls Don Vito and tells him he may be a little late for the delivery. Don Vito asks Jack is he knows why they call him the Weatherman? Jack does not. Don Vito explains that it’s due to his uncanny ability to know where and when lightning will strike and that lightning will strike Jack’s family’s restaurant, Carmine’s, at 2:01 Monday if he’s not there in time.
The FBI chase after the wrong Cadillac as Jack, Sal and Puck sneak out of the city. A flat bed tow truck follows – hands featuring the tats Love and Hate grip the steering wheel.
Crisis:
Jack doesn’t want any emotional attachments – nephews or otherwise, but when their lives are at peril from carbon monoxide poisoning, he promises to change if God saves Puck and Sal.
As they leave Las Vegas, the dry ice leaks and makes its way into the back seat of the car. Right before they pass out, Sal and Puck ask their uncle if they can ride horses, just like their favorite actor – Clint Eastwood. When Puck and Sal pass out – they dream they’re riding galloping stallions on the plains and Uncle Jack chases them on his horse. In reality, the Cadillac bounces all over the shoulder of the road and is cascading to an accident when the flat bed tow truck bangs into the Cadillac and saves Jack and the kids.
They load the Caddy on the flatbed and cover it with a tarp. They – Jack, Puck, Sal, and the Driver – head into Los Angeles.
Climax:
Jack and the boys deliver the package on time to a funeral home in Burbank. Once inside, Jack is separated from the boys. While Jack suffers, the two kids outwit their bad guy and save their uncle from his captors.
The FBI shows up – and they’re in cahoots with Don Vito. The local media shows up with LAPD and look like heroes.
Resolution:
Jack, Sal and Puck take a red-eye from LAX and arrive on the east coast in time to meet their moms at JFK – their mom’s find the boys and Jack asleep at the airport gate. Puck and Sal’s moms can tell the difference in their kids. While Jack feigns ignorance, the two boys vouch for their uncle’s story and add a few nuggets of their own.
A picture is taken of the trip and posted on the wall in the restaurant. That picture catapults us to the present time.
A family outing involving everyone in the movie wraps this up.
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Day 9
PS 80 Michelle Damis 3rd Pass — NQ 1 and 2.
“What I’ve learned doing this assignment is that these questions do help fill in gaps and also continue to give permission to not be perfect so that you can find a flow.
1 Concept: A Vampire forced to find a new place to live finds a home with empty-nester parents who unknowingly trade their soul-sucking daughter for a blood-sucking tenant.
2. Dramatic Question: How will the family survive living with a Vampire?
A. Where does the Dramatic Question first get established and how?
-When Ted the vampire interviews with the parents and they choose him to be their tenant.
B. How is the Dramatic Question increased in intensity?
-In a variety of scenes where he has the opportunity to “feed” but is unsuccessful and gets frustrated
-Then he finds out he “can’t” feed on landlord (contemplating dropping this aspect if it doesn’t play out like I intend.)
-When he starts choosing not to feed on humans/he starts feeling guilty becuase he is starting to like them.
-When some other vampires decide “they” can feed on his humans, and he realizes his fondness and is protective for the first time.
-danger form other vampires grows
C. Where does the Dramatic Question finally get answered?
-At the end when they either survive or become vampires (still undecided on ending)
3. Main Conflict(s): The vampire becoming connected to the family and not wanting to kill anymore and the daughters relationship with her parents.
A. When does the Main Conflict first show up?
-Ninas treatment of her parents and her conversation with a friend
-Ted self-narration scene early on will set up a lot.
B. How many ways can you express the Main Conflict throughout the story?
-This can play out someway in almost every scene for each of them. Ted the Vampire will be more consistent. For the others it may express for just Nina, the parents, or both.
C. What brings the Main Conflict to a boiling point in the 3rd Act?
-Everything will come to a boiling point when everyone is in danger and choices have to be made to save or sacrifice. (The danger will be other vampires as well as secrets from the past for Nina and Marin)
D. How is the Main Conflict resolved? The daughter and Mom will confess their secrets and find peace and redemption. The Vampire will sacrifice and die doing so or will sacrifice and be redeemed and turned human.
4. current version of outline
INT. TEDS “LAIR” ABANDONED BLDG – NIGHT
Narrated by Ted. He is telling his story of what his life is like being a vampire. Where he has lived, how he gets by, what other vampires do etc…(need to address usage of money/he is against greed/capitalism) Ted is getting ready to go out on the town-primping, choosing outfit etc….
EXT. DOWNTOWN STREETS – NIGHT
Ted walking to night club, narrating still. Explains more about vampires in general (folk-lore, misconceptions), etc… Observe humans being rotten to each other, more details about his feelings of disdain toward humans. We see Ted do something “kind” for a homeless human. “Just a bite” opportunity for humor/irony.
INT. NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT
Ted sees his vampire friend. Ted narrates background on “friend” more commentary on humans. We see Nina in night club in background. Waitress – “I’ll be having a drink later” comment.
INT. NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT
Nina sits down with a few friends, orders drinks, brings her friends up to date with her situation. She has had to move back home with parents-not happy.
INT. NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT
Ted narrating observing humans.
INT. NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT
Nina observes a guy being too pushy with a girl, she intervenes, Ted notices.
INT. NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT
Ted and friend select that nights victim(s) (they select someone that deserves it from audience perspective), Nina almost a target of his friend, Ted dissuades “I bet she only looks like a bitch, pick someone else” (she is clueless that she was almost “dinner”)
EXT. OUTSIDE CLUB ALLEY – NIGHT
Quick scene of victims (don’t show any gore) Ted narrating as he walks how and why he picks his prey.
INT. NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT
Montage of Nina partying into the night
INT. BEDROOM – EARLY AM
Alarm clock going off 5am. We meet Marin and Jim, Ninas parents. (Feel the love and security)
INT. WORKOUT ROOM – EARLY AM
Marin is working out. View some of her accomplishments. Get info from items in the room.
INT. ENTRY WAY
Nina comes home from partying, annoyed she can hear her Mom exercising. Rolls eyes/dirty looks at Marin as she walks past room. “Good Morning!” Nina ignores her. Marin exasperated.
INT. NINAS ROOM – EARLY MORNING
Ninas bedroom is a disaster, pulls shades as sun coming up. Flops into bed. Items in room show how much she is loved.
INT. HOUSE – EARLY MORNING
Marins finished with workout walks thru house to kitchen. Ninas path of destruction-leaves a mess everywhere. Picks up things as she goes. Obviously frustrated.
INT. KITCHEN – EARLY MORNING
Marin hands full of Ninas stuff, throws in laundry room. Jim in messy Kitchen having coffee, Marin joins him-grabbing coffee. They have conversation about Nina. “We can’t live like this” “ANYBODY” would be better than her! “Let’s get a tenant, and pay for her to live in the city” Epiphany/Idea.
EXT. TED BUILDING – EARLY MORNING
There is a guy posting a sign on a door to bldg. Ted reads sign. Building being destroyed to make way for fancy condos.
INT. HOME OFFICE – DAY
Posting “room for rent” notice, conflict scene with Nina. “I’m going to the gym…you should be happy” storms out.
INT. THERAPIST OFFICE –DAY
Nina enters.(don’t think we will get any info at this point) just IN therapy-lied to Mom.
INT. BAR – NIGHT
Ted telling vampire friend about having to move, there are no good bldgs anymore…all these new fancy condos. No history, no class. Friend talks about another friend that moved to the suburbs, and loves it. Ted likes the idea. Would be a nice change. They eye their “dinner” (we see a couple douchebags)
**1 week later.
INT. HOUSE – DAY INTO NIGHT
Various interviews with potential renters, one of whom will be Ted.
INT. KITCHEN –MINUTES LATER
Jim and Marin go to kitchen to agree they want Ted.
INT. HOUSE – CONT.
Jim and Marin offer room to Ted. Nina comes home unexpectedly. They have to tell her their brilliant plan… this is the new renter and she gets to move back to the city! He recognizes her from nightclub, she can’t put her finger on why he looks familiar. Set timeframe of 2 weeks for the transition.
INT. NINAS CITY APT – DAY
Nina in her new place with friend. Happy but suspicious.
EXT. HOUSE – NIGHT
Move in “night”, apologizes for it being dark. He doesn’t have that much stuff.
INT. HOUSE – NIGHT
Jim and Marin are super kind and helpful. Ted has never been treated like this before. Steak dinner scene.
EXT.HOUSE – NIGHT
Ted is sneaking out like a teenager to go to club. Already feeling guilty.
INT. NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT
With vampire friends, discusses new place he is living. One asks when he will drain them. The other informs that Vampires aren’t allowed to feed on their landlords or their family, forbidden. Only if they ASK to be turned. One says…”But WE can feed on them.” Ted immediately feels protective-not a normal emotion for him. Nina shows up, Ted sneaks out.
EXT. FIELD – NIGHT
Ted decides to feed on a deer instead of a human. Apologizes to the deer.
INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT
Ted does all the dishes and takes out the garbage before going to bed for the day.
INT. WORKOUT ROOM – EARLY MORNING (still dark)
Marin working out, Ted smiles as he passes by, opposite of Nina.
INT. KITCHEN – DAY
Marin joins Jim for coffee in spotless kitchen, “This is already working out”. Just then Nina calls, she has a great job interview today. Do you want to talk to Mom? NO! Jim consoles Marin.
INT. DOWNTOWN OFFICE – DAY
Nina has an interview, sitting in waiting room looking at newspaper. Missing person article, photo of nightclub, missing person-sees Ted in background. Suspicion grows. She rocks interview.
INT. BIG BOX STORE- DAY
Marin is shopping, getting all sorts of Halloween decorations and costumes.
INT. HOME – NIGHT
Marin is putting up Halloween decorations as Ted is “getting up” She LOVES Halloween- (this could be a great scene.) Jim comes home- she is excited to show him their costumes this year. VAMPIRES! Jim wants to see a movie, he asks Ted to join them-why not? He realizes he has never gone to a theater.(has to fake that he has)
EXT. THEATER – NIGHT
Gorgeous old theater. They see a classic that restores faith in humanity. Jim talks about movies and seeing them as a family and how the experience with his Dad was so impactful.
INT. THEATER – NIGHT
Ted sheds a tear?(can they cry??) or he just looks impacted??
EXT. THEATER – NIGHT
They are walking to car, Jim asks him how he liked it….Ted can’t stop talking. Jim- “Its like you’ve never seen a movie before” they laugh. Someone is watching (danger) Teds senses kick up….he knows.
INT. HOME – NIGHT
Ted makes an excuse to go to his room and he sneaks out.
INT. NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT
Ted meets his friend asks if he is following him and the humans. Oddly defensive, Ted threatens, Nina interrupts. Ted surprised. Tense conversation ensues. She doesn’t trust him.
INT. THERAPIST – DAY
Nina at therapist. (Not sure what ‘m going to reveal here)
EXT. THERAPIST BLDG – DAY
Nina is scared by a guy dressed up as a vampire as she leaves building. HAPPY HALLOWEEN! She sees some little trick or treaters. PHONE RINGS-Gets a call, she GOT THE JOB!
INT. HOME – DAY
Marin doing all sorts of Halloween craft/cookies….getting ready for trick- or –treaters.
INT. CAR – NIGHT
Nina driving talking with friend on cell, got job, going to pick up her Dad for a celebration dinner , then meet you for party later…its perfect…Mom won’t want to miss trick-or-treaters.
INT. HOUSE – NIGHT
Nina shows up at parents (dressed as vampires) with good news. I’m taking you out to dinner! It plays out like Nina expected but Ted has been listening…he walks into room and laughs aloud at their vampire costumes. ”I’ll hand out candy, it’ll be fun, you guys go” Nina very/annoyed (what is he up to?) Marin- “should we change” Nina “No, you are fine” now plans to embarrass her mom at a FANCY place.
INT. FANCY RESTAURANT – NIGHT
Marin embarrassed, Nina takes pleasure, as they check in with Maître D.
INT/EXT. FRONT DOOR – NIGHT
Montage of trick-or-treaters and Teds responses funny stuff.
INT. FANCY RESTAURANT – NIGHT
The dinner gets tense, Nina says she doesn’t like Ted, is she jealous. They get in a fight.
INT/EXT. FRONT DOOR – NIGHT
Montage of more trick-or-treaters and Teds responses funny stuff until his Vampire friends show up. SH*T…now they know where he is and the family is in danger. Nina drops Jim and Marin home.
EXT. CAR – NIGHT
Nina see “much too big” trick-or-treaters leave, follows the two Vampires. Eventually Ted joins them. She discovers the truth.
(this is as far as I got with Pass 3 on Day 9 and I’m posting and will continue)
INT. MANSION – NIGHT
Teds Vampire friends report him to Elders…he is breaking rules.
INT. CAFE – DAY
Nina tells her Dad she thinks Ted is a Vampire, he of course doesn’t believe her.
INT LIBRARY –DAY
Nina schooling herself on vampires
INT STORE – DAY
Nina outfitting herself with Vampire protection supplies.
INT. BAR – NIGHT
Nina confronts Ted. Wants him to leave her parents alone. He explains he can’t feed on her or them, they are safe. He confronts her about why she is so awful to her parents. She storms out eventually.
EXT. OUTSIDE BAR – NIGHT
Car pulls up and grabs Ted.
INT. MANSION – NIGHT
The Elders confront Ted.
-
Suya Lee’s 3rd Pass — NQ 1 and 2
Outlining & Your Character Structure Day 9: Adding The First Two Necessary Questions
“What I learned doing this assignment is…?”
Both questions are not only necessary, but must be answered to fit the story. Both are equally important. Both push back the other. The stakes have got to be there.
Concept: When a group of old timers at a veteran’s retirement home win the mega lottery, they buy an old cruise ship to sail around the world with their extended families, but pirates attack their ship in South-East Asia and the veterans must face the last battle of their lives to save their families.
Tell us your Dramatic Question and the answers to these questions:
Dramatic Question: Can the old-time Veterans stop the Pirates and save their families?
A. Where does the Dramatic Question first get established and how?
At the First Act Turning Point. Just before, Veterans and Families save the Pirates (posing as People Smugglers) and the real Refugees on 2 boats. They are given food and drinks onboard the cruise ship. After they are fed, Pirates reveal themselves and take out their guns – exact moment of the First Act Turning Point.
B. How is the Dramatic Question increased in intensity?
Each scene afterwards intensifies the action of the Pirates’ threat. On the cruise ship, Pirates want a ransom, a fight ensues between the Veterans and Families against the Pirates. One male Family member gets beaten up. Then, a Pirate puts a gun at a grandchild’s head. Fight stops, but they go down to the luggage holding area, where the lights go out, and another fight ensues. One Pirate boat chases the jet skis in the lagoon. A fight ensues there. Back on the cruise ship, Veterans kidnap a Pirate leader’s son. Pirates fight amongst themselves, which result in radioing another Pirate boat to come.
C. Where does the Dramatic Question finally get answered?
During the Third Act, a blast in the engine room, and the cruise ship is engulfed in flames as it is sinking. Veterans and Family members fight the Pirates down below, in submerged water. They look for the grandchildren kidnapped in the crew bunk bedroom, but they are not there, nor the Pirate guarding them. As they race around looking for the grandchildren, they lock the Pirates in various rooms (the ones not escaping to the upper deck), since they know which rooms have locks on the outside. As the ship lists, they find the grandchildren, escape the sinking ship onto the tender boats. Pirates drown in the sinking ship. A final ship explosion.
Tell us your Main Conflict and the answers to these questions:
Main Conflict: Pirates take control of the cruise ship, kidnap the grandchildren and demand all of the Veterans’ mega lottery winnings.
A. When does the Main Conflict first show up?
Earlier in Act One, at the poor seaside village in South-East Asia, Pirates solicit Refugees. Late in Act 1, Pirates and Refugees get on the cruise ship. At the exact moment of the First Act Turning Point, Pirates get their guns out. They want ransom money.
B. How many ways can you express the Main Conflict throughout the story?
Pirates seem to have the upper hand for most of Act Two. They get the drugs from down below. They have the guns, but run out of ammo in Act Three. They beat up a male Family member. Threaten grandchildren, first with a gun to a grandchild’s head, then kidnap all the grandchildren. They want ransom money. Later, they find out Veterans had won the mega lottery, and demand all of the winnings. They get the internet back up. They call for back-up. Another Pirate boat arrives, but it is small.
C. What brings the Main Conflict to a boiling point in the 3rd Act?
When the 3<sup>rd</sup> Pirate boat comes, Pirates fight amongst themselves. There aren’t enough boats to go to Australia and carry the Refugees. They can’t figure out how to release the tender boats. One of the ship’s quirks in its many malfunctioning parts.
D. How is the Main Conflict resolved?
They lose in Act Three. Veterans rescue the grandchildren, so go down
below into the sinking ship, fight in submerged water, where Pirates are as proficient,
and they don’t know the layout of the ship. Veterans trap the Pirates in the
rooms. Pirates drown in the ship, and also the ship explodes. Pirates all die. -
Elizabeth’s DAY 9: Pass 3
What I learned: I’m SLOW and there’s too much here. And the pantser in me has trouble keeping to outline form
HA. I already knew that about myself! But this assignment is surely a help, and here’s the start of it…
Revised concept: a retired psychiatrist final does his own psychological work when he’s forced into the family he never wanted and rediscovers what he (and Freud) forgot.
Or, if I give away what was “forgotten” (rather than have the concept beg a question from listeners): A retired psychiatrist gets sucked into the family he never wanted where he rediscovers what he and Freud forgot: that one’s love and work (ala Freud) really sings, if you all the while you play.
Dramatic Question
ED: is this physically vibrant, but weighted and avoidant senior, going to continue whittling away his golden days, or will he finally find what he’s forgotten so he can get back to “love and work”—only better.
First established:
Opening scene, despite longingly looking at the band setting up in the retirement home’s dining room, and being stopped by (encouraged to join) Walt and Lauren playing cards as they wait for the show, then Judy and Wade dancing to the warm up strains who ask him to join, and biker chick Pat who wants to show him her phone game, he hurries back to his room (as everyone comments the important doctor must be getting back to his important work/book) where he looks at a bottle of whisky, pays homage to Susan’s alter, does none of this work and gets into a bed that looks like a coffin. Until he’s roused and kicked out by a fire alarm.
Increased in intensity:
ACT I:
*Gets on a city bus. Pat watches on her motorcycle. Theme: Pat, after he declines her offer of a (bike) ride to the graveyard for his daily visit: “You are stuck in your ruts! Didn’t they teach you how to live in shrink school?” We don’t see where he goes
· Gets off the return bus, goes to lifts weights/exercises at the Home – but won’t talk to an attractive resident who was watching him. Goes back and tries to type his first page, but can’t.
· Another nightly-coffin routine (this time a finger lick of whisky). A door knock gets him up – he declines Walts invite to watch a game, but now can’t sleep – stares at computer
· Gets on a city bus. Pat watches, follows, we see him get off at a grave yard, hurry past Jimmi Hendrix’s grave (where Pat stops, distracted, in awe). Ed alone at Susan’s, leaves flowers, back on the bus. Pat still with Hendrix
· See same folks as Ed comes back in. They invite him to various activities, he declines. Takes food back to his room where he turns off a game show on the tv and watches the alter as he eats his meal and drinks a shot
· Back on the city bus. Same hurry past Jimmi, flowers on Susan’s grave
* Bus to a warehouse where he gets out, goes into an unmarked door next to a garage. Beat as we see Pat has followed him here. An hour and he comes out, gets on the bus. No idea what he did here.
· Same people as he dishes up his dinner: Walt wants to run by his doc’s diagnosis of Adjustment Reaction-he’s bored being retired, what does Ed think? Judy and Wade have a question about retirement – same dinner to his room. Calls Lauren, orders all future dinners be delivered to his room. Same coffin, only this time Pat’s revving her motorcycle outside his bedroom. He gets up to drink 2 shots
· Inciting Incident: Same bus, only Ed sees a dramatically fighting couple on a city bus—and the woman looks like a very old, very loved picture of Susan around age 17! After his piece of ridiculously simple advice vaporizes their fight and makes them strangely, gushingly grateful, he shows them his wedding photo, and the woman sees it as a “sign,”—and is sure she’s found her long-lost grandma.
· Dinner in his room – Grace knocks, thrilled she’s found him! Wants another piece of marriage advice and to know more about Susan Sees the alter. Touched. After trying to get her out several ways Ed actually leaves her in the apartment and goes to—
· Lift weights/exercise. Gets annoyed when Pat come in to bike with him, suggests they do a companion app and race—he leaves. Takes refuge in his very heavy Cadillac.
· Now has meals delivered to him in his room b/c everyone is always trying to talk to him.
· Lauren, delivering another meal expresses concern about his psychological state tries to get him to talk. “I’m an analytic psychiatrist, I don’t talk, I listen.” “Well you’re retired now, so doesn’t that shake things up?”
· Grace shows up again. He leaves her in his room again, this time not even trying to talk her first into leaving. He goes out (as Grace plucks a hair from the alter brush) to find—
· Another musical show in the dining room—and now he’s super irritable. Pat follows. “I don’t like music, either, but we’re the most active in this place, how about we have some fun— get out and mountain bike. (As she follows him into his room and sees the river rapids on his wall—jacked: White river raft! (A flicker of something as he looks at the picture— shut down. He screams, kicks her out. (Or goes to hide again in his car?)
· Lock in: Grace has the genetic proof she’s Susan’s granddaughter. Wants more marriage advice. Ed kicks her out, slightly less violently than he did with Pat: Grandmommy is DEAD.
ACT II -MM 3 – tries to “do” the work he feels called to by the disasters of this family’s situation by bringing others in to do that work.
· Ed shows up to deliver the box. You have to give it to Mark they say, he’ll want to talk to you about Susan—besides they’re in the middle of a crisis. Kristian has plugged the toilet. Linda’s barking orders. Grace is clueless. Chris watches a You Tube video, but he’s all brain, no strength. Mike picks the toilet up as Kristian, pleased with the novelty, poops at the hole in the floor and starts tracking feces around the house. High emotional distress b/c of the dysfunctional interpersonal dynamics, Ed feels compelled to help, calls in Walt who comes on Pat’s bike and adeptly handles things as Ed disappears.
· Beat: Ed connects to Kristopher
· Beat: Ed connects to Chris
· Beats – 3 of them as: Ed clearly gets Linda and the dynamics between her and her kids that are keeping them stuck. Annoyed that he sees this b/c it nags him to try to help
· Beats (here and MM4): increasing disaster of this house and household for which he feels responsible – so it’s not just getting the box to Mark, it’s concern about Mike’s marijuana habit, Kristopher’s developmental problems (with a hint of should I call CPS, maybe when Mike’s marijuana is spiked with hallucinogen and he gets psychotic), neighbors witnessing the fights/concerned, Adam/Eve clearly struggling. Ed connects Adam/Eve to Pat, once he realizes the gender ID issues
-MM4 – more trying to do the “love and work” by bringing in others to do it, instead
· After he gets a call that Mark is there, comes again with the box—but Mark has stepped out to (). Grace (Linda egging her on) and Mike fighting, in drenching rain, as they try to save the wedding flowers in the garden, try to get Ed to intervene, like he did so well on the bus, but that was a fluke, he says, he’s never done couples. He knows nothing about flowers. But Eds healer training calls yet again and he CALLS Wade and Judy, who work magic, both with the fight and the flowers-they start by kicking Linda out. Wade, with a grin, shows Mike his bottle of Viagra
*Mike has a psychotic episode from a laced joint (see below)
· Mike’s drug dealer makes a delivery and Ed goes off on him re the laced joint.
· Grace’s asked Ed to come to opening her show (big new donors will be there, her boss, and certainly her dad, Mark). Grace and Mike have a huge fight that gets miked over the show through her headset, as the actors try to continue to act and we learn: Mike’s lost his job, He doesn’t know if he wants to get married, seeing as they never have sex, How can they have sex when his MJ keeps him fro getting an erection. Kristian, unsupervised during this goes running on stage to show the audience the poop on his hands and the theater supporters/Graces boss horrified – will Grace be fired?
· Midpoint: After nearly missing Mark on prior family home visits, Ed meets Mark (who Susan called Albert). But, after intros and niceties, as Ed’s about to give him the box, Mark clutches his chest, gets rushed to the ED. Suddenly the “passing off of the box” feels like more than “checking a box” on Ed’s new bucket list for “transitioning to the next world.” Now he cares about everyone in the family.
· After following to the hospital, Ed runs away from the ED. Outside (finally some personal disclosure) tells Grace her dad having a massive heart attack is a trigger for him. The wedding, too, since he never got to have one. We learn he was was never married to Susan, “it was just a hookup.” Grace kicks him out of her life because she feels deceived.
-MM5 (therapy MM)
· Ed goes to bed in the middle of the afternoon. No fire alarm. No one knocks. No motorcycle. Silence. But he’s not able to sleep. Grace is really struggling—he knows it and the psychiatrist in him can’t walk away. Looks at the alter. He owes it to her to be at the wedding for some reason that we do not yet know.
· Morning (breakfast, for the first time) interactions with Walt, Wade, Pat, Judy, Lauren TBD
·
-MM 6 (bigger, different plan – Ed is finally going to put some of himself into this….but it will fail b/c it’s too little too late)
· House is foreclosing. Need the wedding money for the mortgage.
· Ed gets Pat to drive him over after his car won’t start. Tells Grace, “apologizes. I know I’m a shit, but I can give you money. Linda, who hates all men (and doesn’t want the wedding to happen) refuses. Pat says “I can make a cake.” “You can bake?” :Eve can teach me.” Because of the offer, Grace re-invites him to the wedding.
· Second Turning Point: in a hospital room, surrounded by family/retirement home friends, Mark looks through travel photos from the box, reads Susan’s letter to him aloud (she hopes he didn’t inherit her agoraphobia and could travel as she always wanted). Then, satisfied grin on his face, he dies. Grace cries as her mom, Linda, rages that the “damn dick” was in Grace’s life for a total of two weeks—aside from the 2 minutes he spent siring her. Mike, in typical headset, obliviously plays an iPad shooter game, screen-mirrored on the TV until Linda grabs the controls for “something to shoot.” But the jostling shifts the screen to a video-recorded song from Grace’s Teen Theater production of Finding Neverland: “Play.” People start to slowly sing-and-dance along. But Ed’s been forced back to his own absentee dad’s identical early death and rushes out. (TBD- other ensemble character TP particulars)
Finally answered during crisis/climax: when, after being loved by all these people Ed goes from feeling, loving & working through others, to PLAYING, which frees his soul to fully work and love (and thereby LIVE) himself. For others, too.
· Crisis: having advised Grace to go ahead with the wedding, Ed plans to check off the final box on his new bucket list by attending—then go back to his old life: the death watch. But on The Day, problems arise, deftly handled by retirement home friends. Nevertheless, Grace takes this as the final “sign” (of 3 or 4 so far), that we now learn means she shouldn’t get married. Ed finally breaks his therapeutic frame, and in mutual grieving, they connect as he shares/works through how he “knew” at 11 it was his rock music that killed his dad—on the day he showed back up. How silly. Feeling how very “right” of a grandfather-figure Ed is, (as opposed to her “father figure” father), Grace, finally feels how right Mike is, and can get married. But—
· Climax: …the delay in wedding has given the musicians time to get too stoned to play. A kick-in-the ass prompt by Jewels, and a gentle one by biker-chick, Pat, get Ed to make a phone call, and we see two old hippies leave the warehouse (with instruments) that we (in Mini Movies 1&2) saw Ed go into daily after his graveyard visits—where he routinely blew past Jimi Hendrix’ elaborate grave to get to his wife’s. Next we next see these characters with Ed behind the alter, where Mike and Jewels await. Ed and the other hippy musicians play a Jimi Henderix-esque cover of the Wedding March as a beaming Grace follows Eve (in dresses she designed) and Kristian (very playfully, details TBD) down the isle. Probably, then, there’s another hard cover of a soft love song that gets Grace’s theater kids dancing in the isles.
The above further flushed out:
· Pat show Ed gentle love with a hard-becomes-soft, genuine hug.
· Ed gets on her bike to catch up to Grace, who’s on a swing at the park
· Swinging next to her, Grace tells him the musicians are too stoned to play and it’s clearly the final SIGN that she shouldn’t do this. He tells Grace about his dad dying when he was 11 – how badly that fucked with his brain and that her thinking is similarly flawed. But at least Susan was there for him. “Susan?” Grace asked and, REVEAL: we were in school together. But then she moved and I didn’t hear from her again until I got on this Facetimebook – thing – and then we hooked up. Yeah, I mean, we wanted to to this. (Stars in his eyes) we were planning our wedding, but she died before we could order the flowers. We now know that Ed and Susan were together 9 months, that he was crushed they didn’t have their wedding, that he feels guilty about the sex. So your “hook up” lasted 9 months?—Grace now feels again he IS her grandpa). Her joy over this makes him start to swing, as he recollects for them both, all the joy and play of the wedding preparations they did get to do. She gets off the swing. He jumps off, a little wobbly, but she keeps him upright. Grace says, “There’s somewhere I have to be. I mean, the music—it’s sad. I’m a musician—it was a big part of the wedding. But I really need to do is say ‘I do.’ Asks Ed if he’s going to leave again? Never. Unless you kick me out.
· With Pat and Jewels back at the church, watching Grace’s sadness as she crosses off all the things on the wedding program that won’t happen. “Gosh, if there were only someone with a little music talent,” says Pat (who peeked in/heard him at the warehouse / music shed)
· Ed makes the call to fellow musicians, who emerge from the warehouse with their guitars.
· finally feeling loved and safe (with a little push) he is again able to play his beloved rock music in public—and not only does it not kill anyone, everyone has a blast and Grace and Mike the work of making a love-bond.
Dramatic question:
GRACE: is this lovable, frazzled, hard-working woman going to marry her long-time love who her narcissistic mother hates, and finally move out of her mother’s house (that Grace pays the mortgage for)?
First established:
MM2 Grace and Mike, gushing over each other walk into the house where plenty-abled Linda announces the mortgage is due, and Mike hedges about his upcoming paycheck, Christopher, flat affect, emerges from the basement, reminds everyone he does his part by paying for food, which he gets, taking his plate back downstairs. Grace and Mike move down the hall, fighting again as it becomes clear he’s lost yet another job. Linda, paradoxically smiles.
Increased in Intensity:
· Pat points out that Linda’s perfectly able work
· Ed explains Freud’s definition of psychological health: ability to love and work, which Linda is offended by, taking it to (correctly) mean there’s something psychologically wrong with her.
· Judy points out that Linda is lucky b/c Judy’s generation of women were not able to work.
· Grace’s boss tells her of the high stakes of opening night, big new donors coming
· Neighbors, after watching Grace and Mike fight, comment to Grace and Christopher that it’s time they moved out of their bitchy mother’s house.
· (In Several scenes) Linda bitches about Mike, discourages the wedding, laments that once you marry the guy he takes off
· After Mike gets another job, he gets psychotic on a LSD -laced joint and can’t go to work because he’s obsessed with the poop art his baby is making on the wall and Grace sees there’s no money in the checking account, only in the savings that they were planning for the wedding.
· Grace recognizes, after Ed’s Love and work comment, that her brother, Christopher isn’t working up to his potential because he’s depressed and gently brings this up to him. They bond over this and Christopher points out that she’s working herself to the bone.
Finally answered:
· As she dances/“directs” the video of her kids performing neverland (as a way to cope with the feelings at the deathbed of her dad) she realizes her mother is a Peter Pan who refuses to grow up—and tells Linda to get a job. Off this, Christopher turns to his mother (see below and decides for everyone they’re moving out.
· Grace, Mike, Christopher and Eve shaking hands with a property manager over a duplex they’re renting.
Dramatic Question:
MIKE: is this very loving but marijuana-abusing wicked-good computer gamer with ADHD going to effectively support his impoverished family with a job.
First established: Grace and Mike, gushing over each other walk into the house where plenty-abled Linda announces the mortgage is due, and Mike hedges about his upcoming paycheck. Fesses up he got too distracted (details TBD) and lost his job.
Increased in Intensity
· Weed smoking with increased frequency/amount
· Ed tells him he never treated substance abuse but he knows this is a problem
· Mike gets psychotic on laced joint
· Drug dealer shows up and Ed gives him a thrashing, tells him he’s ruining a good kid
· Mike looks at the mess he encouraged his baby to make while he was tripping and
· Goes to Marijuana Anonymous.
· Then to his doctor with Ed’s psychological report and gets Ritalin
· Does the CBT exercises Ed gave him.
Finally answered
Leaving for work and then AT work (same details as earlier but without the distractibility) and my God, what a difference! Then subsequent scenes and ending series of shots where Mike organizes the start up with the same ability we saw on this job.
Dramatic question:
CHRIS: is this shy, depressed, brilliant computer engineer who’s doing barely enough contract work to buy the family’s food going to finally leave his mother so he can start a relationship with a woman, as he’s always craved.
Increased in Intensity
· Ed tells him he’s depressed and needs a counselor
· His sister says the same (as above) and this love he feels from her, really drives it home.
· He meets Lauren (details TBD) and wants something…
· Gets an offer for a bigger coding job and is tempted
Finally answered: bolstered by his sister’s support of him and having taken Ed’s advice to get a counselor, he tells his mother to “Get out.” And when she says this is her house, it’s always been her house, says, looking at Grace and Mike, “then we will.”
MAIN CONFLICT: ensemble cast members versus their particular internal defenses (and the external forces/people that re-enforce them) that keep people emotionally safe but prevent them from loving/working/playing/growing.
For ED the challenge to his defenses is his sense of responsibility in a new, troubled/chaotic world that demands his expertise, as it opens his heart.
His defenses: sublimation (doing work for others to avoid feeling his own feelings) avoidance/repression/suppression. What he’s given up: enjoyment, connection – but to get that back he must feel grief and guilt, which he doesn’t want. So he consciously uses his defenses to avoid feelings/ growth while Grace/Mike and the rest of the family’s problems trigger his sense of responsibility, slowly overcoming these defenses and forcing him into his feelings as he works, loves and plays.
First shows up: opening. We see the cost of these defenses he choses when he’s powerfully drawn to the music, and a little less to the various manifestations of “playing” of his Home-makes. But he chooses to invoke his defenses and runs away to his room.
Ways it is expressed:
· Susan’s death is fresh and potent, and there’s a sense of powerful loss (alter) he defends against by focusing on his own death (nighttime routine) and avoiding the love and work (with other residents) that would put him at risk for future loss. So there’s:
· Progressive, intentional bolstering of these defenses as he increasingly isolates (taking food to his room, then having it delivered, and finally hiding out in his car, and progressively, if modestly, ups his drinking)
· The realization Susan would have wanted her son to have the box, overcomes his avoidance defense just enough to draw him into the family.
· Then his defense of sublimation, in the face of such overwhelming chaos and need (that he knows how to help) actually gets him increasingly emotionally drawn in, even as he tries to get others to do the work, so he can keep a distance. But Mike’s MJ makes him think of his whisky, Christopher reminds him of his own dysphoria, Grace reminds him of his beloved. The kids capture his heart – kids he was afraid to have himself, to protect “them” from experiencing the loss he did as a kid. THEN:
· The “identical trigger” of Grace’s absentee father dying of an MI as his absentee dad did, forces him to feel his fathers death. And Susan’s, especially since he now cares so much for Grace.
· And the blurting out that they were just “hooking up” and Grace’s subsequent rejection as she misunderstands what he means, creates so much more feeling of loss that he decides to let his defenses down.
What brings it to a boiling point in the Third Act?
Mark is dead. Ed feels terrible for Grace, who’s now kicked him out for something he feels guilty about (sex before marriage). He can no longer avoid all the guilt, sadness from his own life and now that he’s been loved so much by all these people, he’s able to choose to try to make it up to Grace by offering to walk her down the isle. BUT: everything that can go wrong does, and tho nursing home people fix everything, Grace’s hypomanic defense is flooded and she flees to the park. Ed has to bare his soul to her to get her to come back.
Antagonism preventing growth for Grace, Mike and Christopher is internal (defenses) but also externally represented in the dynamic with and person of: Linda, who bonds with Grace over bad men and acts helpless so Christopher won’t leave her. And also in REALTY – that their defenses as a group have put them on the verge of financial ruin (whole family), spiraling addiction (Mike), suicidal thinking (Christopher), utter exhaustion (Grace) and growing distress/developmental failure for the kids.
GRACE: hypomania (keeps way too busy) so she doesn’t have to face that her mother is keeping her from getting her own life for her own selfish purposes, that she does have something great in Mike, but she needs him to get treatment/work, and to overcome the fear of male abandonment that both of her parents have given her. But the hypomania doesn’t solve any of these problems and:
Ways it is expressed:
· They don’t have enough money from her and her brother – escalating from failed bills to risk of foreclosure
· The neighbors think and express she’s nuts to stay with Linda
· She’s running so close to the edge that her boss expresses concern over her frequently being late to work and admonisher her that Opening night of their play must go well (for the new donors in the audience)
· Opening night is ruined by her broadcast fight with Mike that airs all of their dirty laundry and the donors flee
· Linda’s narcissism is increasingly evident to Grace as Ed and the nursing home friends point it out (see above)
What brings it to a boiling point in the Third Act? Having rid herself of the external force (her mother) on her hypomanic defense, she’s able to go ahead with the wedding, until the chaos and feelings flood her emotionally and she flees to the park – where Ed helps her reorganize by sharing his own story.
MIKE: substance abuse keeps him from facing his own sense of failure to do what he wants/ needs and the solution is treatment of his ADHD that causes job failure and encourages the substance use
Ways it’s expressed:
· Increasing frequency, amounts of MJ
· Laced MJ makes him psychotic
· Drug dealer shows up with something better and by now everyone knows his problem is way out of control
· Loses 2 jobs due to the same distractibility sx
What brings it to a boiling point in the Third Act? For Mike it is earlier: seeing his fiance’s distress over her dad causes him to take Ed’s advice and get dual diagnosis treatment, which makes him effective and takes emotional pressure off of Grace, giving her the capacity to boot her mother.
CHRISTOPHER: dysphoria/masochism protects him from feeling pissed at his mother for using him and his sister because he’s always taken care of her, been her emotional ‘husband’.
Ways it’s expressed:
· Like Ed, he takes all meals in the basement
· Like Ed, he wallows over a picture of a former girlfriend
· Like Ed, he avoids offers from various people to get out (after seeing his mother’s apparent distress in each instance), peaking with Lauren
· His mother verbally and physically expresses her malingered “incapability” which he reacts to with rescuing behaviors/words.
What brings it to a boiling point in the Third Act? Also for Christopher this is sooner: when Grace’s reaching out to him bolsters him enough to start seeing a counselor and step up to help her at the second turning point when they all decide to move out.
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Jodi’s 3rd Pass — NQ 1 and 2
By finding the answers to the Necessary Questions of The Dramatic Question and the Main Conflict it helps to focus on how many situations you can come up with. Spending more time with it than my immediate impulse answers actually helped me create more conflict and the foundation of the Dramatic Questions. I’ve also learned that as I’m building my outline I really need to create a system to track my updates when I add more elements to my outline. I probably failed on the ‘broad strokes’ part as I found it hard not to put in more details. I know this is something I need to improve on.
Concept: TIMELY: Texas creates bounty hunters and vigilantism against any woman who chooses to have an abortion, along with the nightmare this creates for anyone trying to help a pregnant woman. This law tragically impacts family’s lives, future leadership roles and thousands of pregnant women and children that have been failed by the system.
2. Tell us your Dramatic Question and the answers to these questions:
Can Susan win the Governorship and overturn the TX law SB8? Will her family disown her?
A. Where does the Dramatic Question first get established and how?
Pam finds out the lack of funds to find justice and priority for the victim when it comes to pregnant women as the state is financially overburdened because of the SB8 Heartbeat Bounty Hunter law’s ban on abortion.
And How? Pam’s core group persuade her that the only way there will be change is to challenge the man who put this in law; The Governor. They start their campaign for the Governorship as elections are coming in the next few months. When her parents find out, they feel she is a traitor to run against their conservative Governor for what they believe is an amoral cause.
B. How is the Dramatic Question increased in intensity?
Pam researches and finds out the devastation this law has created in the state from orphanages and Foster care systems, from abused, molested, neglected, and unloved children, to adoption rates that are miniscule to the amount of mandated baby births. She investigates how many criminals are on death row. They have heartbeats too, so why is there a false equation? Could it be about control over women instead of a legitimate reason? She tries to find answers. The Governor is well established with the conservatives but there is a shot for her to beat him in the Governorship because the conservatives are an overall minority in this state. Unfortunately, it is a minority that is being catered to.
C. Where does the Dramatic Question finally get answered?
Resolution: Pam wins the election by a landslide with most voters as they have always been the majority, but have not been listened to, as just the conservative viewpoint is what mattered to the Governor. With great conviction Pam tells the voters that the first line of business when she takes office will be to abolish the ‘heartbeat’ SB8 law. Her family has accepted her point of view. The Daughter of the beaten Governor goes to a reproductive clinic while the Right to Life stalkers are lying in wait.3. Tell us your Main Conflict and the answers to these questions:
Fully aware of the devastation all around for women, children and the state close to bankruptcy, Pam must find a way to change the SB8 Heartbeat law that has blatantly stripped women of their constitutional right. With deep budget cuts in many state funded programs and millions of new families living below the poverty line needing monthly financial help, along with the deepening deficit, Pam decides that the only way she can help the women of the state is to run for the Governorship and abolish the law.
A. When does the Main Conflict first show up?
A young girl is accidentally killed in a car crash when the Right to Life Bounty Hunters aggressively chase her.
B. How many ways can you express the Main Conflict throughout the story?
It continues to show up with budget cuts which ties Pam’s hands in trying to find the hit and run offender. She hits more road blocks with the HIPAA act so now she can’t get any information to help. When she tries to find the root of the cause of the devastation she finds masses of poverty stricken people, mostly women and children, when women were stripped of their constitutional right to have control over their own body.
Chloe, Pam’s Social Worker friend who is in this new fight with her is also stalked and is beaten up as a warning, but ends up in the emergency room. Pam finds out that two of her co-workers were contracted to do this. Pam tries to find out who contracted them. Eventually she finds it traces back to the Governor.
After Pam and her representatives from many reproductive rights groups have a meeting with the Governor, he shuts them down. She decides to run for the Governorship.
Pam wins the runoff and has a televised debate with the Governor. She annihilates him with statistics.
The Governor schedules a fluff interview in essence to disparage and destroy Pam on broadcast television.
Pam starts receiving threatening phone calls by the Right To Life members. Pam and her Daughter are stalked by them. Her husband’s state government contract is cancelled.
C. What brings the Main Conflict to a boiling point in the 3rd Act?
More women are killed by trying to self abortThe Governor proves himself a hypocrite with another scheduled death row execution, this makes 50 heartbeats killed since 2015 on his watch.
Pam’s Father’s church is shut down for health violations after her strong debate with the Governor. It breaks her Father as his congregation meant the world to him.
Pam is warned that if she doesn’t pull out of the race her Father will not only lose his congregation but also his reputation when he is charged as a Vietnam draft dodger in his small conservative community.
How can her Mother be set up?
D. How is the Main Conflict resolved?
Pam wins the Governorship. She vows to obliterate the SB 8 Heartbeat law. Her family has a change of heart BEFORE she wins. The Governor’s Daughter is stalked by the Right To Life bounty hunters.OPENING SCENE:
A young teen finds out she is pregnant and is overwhelmed and scared.
INT. REPRODUCTIVE CLINIC – DAY
Eyelids open to see blurry champagne bottles popping and mostly men cheering as a newscaster on television says “This scene four years ago has brought about many changes since the Supreme court upheld the SB 8 Heartbeat law to ban abortion, the vigils”.
The eyelids start closing again into black, a loud pulse is heard, as well as a loud heartbeat sound. The heartbeat grows louder in the darkness. A Nurse is heard asking “Are you alright?” as she puts a packet of smelling salts under a young teen girl’s nose. The girl wakes up. “Welcome back” said the Nurse. The girl looks terrified like a deer in headlights. The Nurse says “Here are some pamphlets, please read these so you know what you can do. The young girl’s eyes shut again.
EXT. OUTSIDE THE CLINIC – DAY
The same teenage girl exits the clinic mandated by the state, she sees people watching her. It frightens her. At first she has a slow pace to her step, with each step her pace becomes faster. She fumbles for her keys. She is shaking, but doesn’t take her eyes off these people, in a nonchalant way. She presses her key fob as she reaches her car, quickly gets in and starts the engine.
EXT. SAME
It’s a frenzy, each person clamoring to be the first to follow her, she hears many engines start.
INT. CAR – SAME
The girl is shaken as she exits the parking lot and a monster truck with a confederate flag speeds to get behind her, and follows her close behind practically on her bumper. She punches on the gas.
EXT. HIGHWAY – DAY
The two Right to Life redneck bounty hunter members in the monster truck continue to follow the young girl closely on the road.EXT. SAME
The young girl is in a rural part of the state where windy roads are the normal terrain. She constantly looks back in the rear view mirror in terror as the monster truck stays close. She can hear them whooping and hollering at her. Now, more scared than ever and going too fast, looking back she misjudges a turn and goes off the highway. The girl’s car flips over and over, it eventually stops and the girl’s arm flaps out of the window, still and bloody.
EXT. SIDE OF ROAD – DAY
The rednecks had pulled to the side of the road watching the car flipping. They know they were the ones who accidentally caused her to flip her car, killing her.
INT. THE MONSTER TRUCK – DAY
“Let’s get outta here, aint’ gonna take no wrap for no bitch”. The passenger has a little bit of a conscience and looks at the driver with astonishment, wanting to stop and help her. The driver punches the gas, leaving the accident.
EXT. SAME – EVENING
Pam arrives on the scene. After looking through the car she finds the bloodied reproductive pamphlet and instantly surmises what happened as she’s seen this before.INT. CLINIC – DAY
Pam goes to the clinic and questions anyone who had seen the young girl there. She hits dead ends because of HIPAA.INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – DAY
Pam finds out the lack of funds to find justice and priority for the victim when it comes to pregnant women as the state is so financially overburdened is because of the SB8 Heartbeat Bounty Hunters law’s ban on abortion.
INT. WELLS HOME OFFICE – NIGHT
Pam reaches out to her Social Worker friend Chloe for advice on different avenues to get around this, and she is told the same thing.
INCITING INCIDENT:
INT. PAM’S HOME OFFICE – NIGHT
Doing research Pam’s goal is to find the root cause of the devastation. She finds masses of poverty stricken people, mostly women and children, when women were stripped of their constitutional right to have control over their own body. She finds that the state is almost bankrupt because of the many orphanages, increased foster care staffing and increased foster home payments, welfare spiraling out of control, from abused, molested, neglected, and unloved children, to miniscule adoption rates compared to the amount of mandated baby births. She investigates how many criminals are on death row, as they have heartbeats too, so why is there a false equation? Could it be about control over women instead of a legitimate reason? She tries to find answers. She realizes this is an attack on all women and must do something about it.INT. LIBRARY – NEXT DAY
Wanting to dive deeper into information that was limited at home, Pam asks the reference desk for updated stats on the state’s government budgets, surpluses, deficits and sources of the information.
INT. PAM’S PARENTS HOME – DAY
Seething Pam shares with her parents her findings. Her Father tells her to leave it alone. It’s God’s will who becomes pregnant and must carry this burden. Pam’s Mother acquiesces with his point of view. This way of thinking is unacceptable to Pam.INT. SHERIFFS OFFICE — DAY
Pam asks her friend in MIS to help her extract information on new orphanages and foster homes in the last four years. She is given a pile of pages representing hundreds of orphanages. She is told she has to speak to the TDFPS for foster information. She also needs the Right to Life database to find the harmful bounty hunters.INT. YOUNG GIRL’S HOME – DAY
Feeling like her hands are tied with her department’s budget cuts, Pam has no good news for the dead girl’s Mother. She makes promises she might not be able to keep.EXT. ORPHANAGE ROW – DAY
Pam is shocked to see row after row of shoddy orphanage buildings, like barracks. Very young children and toddlers play outside, with ratty clothes, one worker for thirty children. Older children are working. Each row of barracks repeats the same picture. She is in tears.INT. MESS HALL – DAY
She falsely flashes her badge pretending to have authority to see how the children are taken care of and fed. There is little time to show affection to a child as each worker has their duties to perform. The dished out food is without love or care, your daily basics.
By page 10, you know what the movie is about:
EXT. PARK – DAY
Talking to Chloe, Pam shares that she feels her hands are so tied that she can’t give proper justice for the many women who are dying either by hit and runs, domestic abuse or by back alley abortions and for these unwanted, unloved children. Chloe tells her she has some people she wants her to meet.
INT. STATE ASSEMBLY OFFICE – DAY
Chloe and her social worker group requests a meeting with the Governor by a State Assembly member.
INT. GOVERNOR’S OFFICE – DAY
Pam and the representatives from reproductive rights groups ask him for answers on how he is going to fix the fiscal disaster he has created. He shuts them down as silly women and has his secretary escort them out.
INT. OUTSIDE THE GOV’S OFFICE – SAME
Disgusted, Chloe persuades Pam that the only way there will be change is to challenge the man who put this in law; The Governor. They can start their campaign for the Governorship as elections are coming up in the next few months. Pam is very reluctant to do this as she states that the Governorship was not in her family’s plan and she needs time to think about this.
INT. WELLES HOME – EVENING
Sitting on the couch petting the family cat, she’s talking to her Daughter, she speaks of the devastation all around for women, children and the state close to bankruptcy, Pam realizes during this discussion that she cannot turn her back on these thousands of unwanted children and the life they’ve been dictated to have. With deep budget cuts in many state funded programs and millions of new families living below the poverty line needing monthly financial help, along with the deepening deficit. Her Daughter asks her if she’ll try to challenge the status quo?
INT. WELLE HOME – MORNING
Pam reaches out to Chloe and tells her she is seriously thinking about running against the Governor to abolish the SB 8 Heartbeat law that has so blatantly stripped women of their constitutional right, but must first talk to her family about it. Chloe and Pam discuss who should be contacted next to create the plan; (unions, organizations, free clinics and a network of concerned Mothers from all over the state). Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. The debate is coming up soon so they need to enter asap.
INT. WELLES HOME – NIGHT
Pam calls a family meeting and discusses with her husband and with her daughter’s support, on why she wants to run. Stats are here. Her husband reminds her that the Governor is well established with the conservatives but there is a shot for her to beat him in the Governorship because the conservatives are actually an overall minority in the state. Unfortunately, it is a minority that is being catered to. Pam has their blessing to run.
INT. PARENT’S HOUSE – DAY
Pam’s Daughter innocently asks her Grandparents if they heard the good news? Her very conservative and pro-life parents are shocked, they feel she is a traitor to run against their beloved Governor for what they believe is an amoral cause.
FIRST ACT TURNING POINT:
INT. WELLES HOME – DAY
Forced term women start calling her after hearing through the grapevine she’s trying to organize help.
INT. REPRODUCTIVE CLINIC – DAY
Pam reaches out to a physician who is still giving abortions and they organize with pro-choice organizations to challenge the bounty hunter law.
INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – DAY
Pam anonymously receives information on who’s on the bounty hunters hit list on the Texas ‘Right to Life’ website. She feels things are starting to turn in a positive direction.
INT. PARENTS HOME – DAY
Pam’s parents see her on television announcing how their new group (In retort to Right to Life) she calls it Right to Choose, will organize funding for any physicians who challenges this law in court. The physician stands next to her and his attorney takes over the sound byte. Her Mom is furious and her Dad is disillusioned.
Mid-Point:
INT. PARENT’S HOUSE – DAY
Pam’s family starts to shun her. Her Mother and Father give her an ultimatum to give up her endeavor or give up her family. She must choose.
EXT. LAKE – DAY
Pam is sad skipping rocks across the water. She sits down and stares straight, her dog comes up and licks her face, she kisses him back, then she puts her head down between her legs. She is contemplating.
INT. WELLES HOME – MORNING
She tells her Daughter her reservations but has decided to continue her mission. She asks for her Daughter’s help making a website for the ‘Right to Choose’ movement. She tells her Daughter that she wants to hear of women being harassed, stalked, sued and wants to hear from any child who has been abused or neglected at home, in Foster care or while in these state ran Orphanages. She is very happy to have this avenue open to them for communication.
INT. WELLES HOME – DAY
The next day Pam is trying to access her website and wonders why nothing is there. She has her Daughter help her, she finds out that it crashed and her phone starts ringing off the hook. She feels overwhelmed by the amount of children who feel unloved and neglected and women who resent their forced babies. On 267.00 per month that the state gives them in TANF (Texas stats) most low income women don’t know how they can raise these mandatory unwanted children.
EXT. PARK – DAY
Pam and Chloe discuss the funds they try to find to help the people that have reached out on their website but the need is greater than she can raise as each year over 100,000 abused and neglected children in the state need her help. (Texas stats) and knowing 31,000 children in state foster care (2019, Texas stats) are now growing exponentially.
EXT. MONTAGE
Meanwhile, a secret group is targeting with harassment, and auto and home property damage, any citizen who starts the private civil right of action for the 10,000.
INT. WELLES HOME – EVENING
Pam sees a news clip of this group and is happy initially that other people are involved but the news clip continues to reveal that someone killed one of these deputized citizen’s turned bounty hunter.
INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATIONS BRIEFING ROOM – MORNING
The Sheriff commands an all hands on deck directive to find this group, excluding Pam because she could be one of the suspects since she is publicly for the same cause. Some of her fellow officers shun her.
INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – DAY
Using the state-wide database Pam tries to find out the source and leadership of this secret group.
EXT. PARKING LOT – DAY
A man slips into Pam’s car while she is in the drivers seat. He has some information for her on the group.
Second turning point at end of Act 2:
INT. WELLES HOME – NIGHT
Under-funded, slandered and falsely blamed of organizing the hits on citizens that have brought lawsuits against women who have had an abortion, along with being outcast from her family, Pam feels the odds are against her and thinks about quitting.
INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – DAY
Pam gets a phone call from an evangelical preacher. She writes down an address.
INT. EVANGELICAL CHURCH OFFICE – DAY
Pam meets the evangelical anti-abortionist crusading preacher who is now pro-choice. He tells her why. Which gives her the faith to continue in this uphill battle.
INT. FATHER’S CHURCH – MORNING
The church is big. Pam’s Father looks out among his congregation and sees that a quarter of his congregation is missing. Visibly shaken he begins his sermon.
INT. SAME – LATER
While he is shaking hands he hears murmurs of ‘draft dodger’. One lady who is shaking his hand tells him of what is happening behind his back and let’s him know the church that some are now going to instead.
INT. WELLES HOME – DAY
It is the late afternoon of the debate, while Pam is getting ready her Mother visits. Her purpose is to blame Pam for the ‘trouble’ she is causing her Father. Pam is clueless about the incident. She leaves abruptly.
INT. TELEVISION STATION – EVENING
Pam shakes off her earlier confrontation with her Mother and breathes deep before walking on stage. She can fake composure very well.
INT. SAME – LATER
One candidate is finishing his speech, Pam is introduced and starts her concerns.
INT. WELLES HOME – MORNING
Ten days later, Pam’s telephone rings. She is congratulated for winning the primary.
INT. SAME
Pam has a smile on her face expecting another well-wisher. Her face soon turns to anger. She is threatened to pull out of the race.
INT. SAME
Pam writes an Op Ed piece on the devastation of the state and the enablers too willing to keep the status quo.
INT. RIGHT TO LIFE HEADQUARTERS – DAY
Pam serves the RTL president a court order to search the premises. She confiscates documents listing bounty hunters and their addresses.
MONTAGE
Pam starts knocking on doors and checking cars out for any indication of wreckage. She finds none.
INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT, PAM’S DESK – DAY
Pam gets an anonymous call from the passenger of the monster truck.
INT. MONSTER TRUCK REDNECK – NIGHT
Pam is told by the redneck driver that she can’t do anything. There’s no way she can prove he caused the girl’s death. She grabs him as he laughs. He taunts her by telling her his bounty hunter lawsuits bought him a dandy truck. He warns her that she better back off.
INT. WELLES HOME – NIGHT
The phone rings, it is the emergency room, a nurse tells Pam that Chloe has been beaten up and is unconscious, she is being notified as Chloe’s emergency contact.
INT. EMERGENCY ROOM – NIGHT
Seeing Chloe black and blue, swollen, and in a cast, Pam swears revenge for her.
EXT. MONSTER TRUCK REDNECK – NIGHT
Pam knocks on the door and the redneck opens it up, laughing again. She grabs his collar and bangs his head on her knee. She uses a stun gun on him and curses him for hurting her friend. He screams how he doesn’t know anything about it, she eventually is convinced, and walks away. She warns him that if he says anything about this she’ll become his worst nightmare and she’ll stalk him until his dying days, like he does with pregnant women.
INT. WELLES HOME – NIGHT
Her husband has a candlelight dinner ready for her at the dining table. He kisses her, and they have a long intimate hug. Her daughter walks out of the kitchen with their first course salads. This is one respite moment for Pam.
INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – DAY
Pam’s file for the dead girl is missing from her desk. She goes to the second team’s desk of the investigation, Detective Salt, to see if they were using it. She finds a small piece of paper that has Chloe’s name, address, and a time on it. She feels gut punched. She grabs her stun gun and runs out of the office.
EXT. POLICE DEPARTMENT BUILDING – DAY
As she is running towards her car she see Detective Salt with one of his friends. She warns the onlooker to back off and kicks Salt in the groin, doubled over she forces him to tell her who contracted him to rough Chloe up. It came from the Governor’s office.
INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – SAME
Pam marches into the Captain’s office ignoring his meeting and tells him what happened. She wants to formally charge Detective Salt and wants to start an investigation into the Governor’s office of who requested the attack on Chloe.
EXT. WELLES MAILBOX – MORNING
Pam starts making inroads and the opposition is nervous. Pam receives a threat in the mail that is a copy of her Father’s military record which shows her Father as a Draft Dodger. She is warned if she doesn’t pull out of the race and stop causing trouble her Dad will be exposed more publicly than just the rumors that are circulating, hurting his reputation, his congregation and more over her Mother’s position on the city council.
Crisis:
INT. EVANGELICAL CHURCH OFFICE – DAY
Pam confides her challenge with the Preacher that she is torn between wanting to help her parents or helping to create a better life for her Daughter, all the unwanted children in the state, and fighting for all women’s freedom of choice, she decides to continue in the fight for all women of the nation. He shares his experience.
INT. TELEVISION STATION – DAY
Pam has a televised debate with the current Governor. She annihilates him with statistics on those who favor abortion, the plight of mostly poor women who is held to this law (not affluent pregnant white women who could easily finance a trip to another state for an abortion), the heartbreaking realities of unwanted and unloved children, and the 50 death penalties executed in the state since 2015. Also, how broken the state has become financially with hundreds of thousands of more mouths to feed, housing, healthcare, joblessness, etc.
INT. TELEVISION STATION – NEXT MORNING
The Governor is interviewed by a local conservative talk show, a scheduled fluff piece interview to disparage and destroy Pam as a challenger to his seat. He falsely accuses her publicly as being a part of the vigilante group who are attacking the bounty hunters.
INT. WELLES HOME – MORNING
Pam opens the paper to the headline that another woman was found dead from an attempted self-abortion, which makes 112 now this year in their county alone. Pam asks the question to her husband at what point do the heartbeats of these women matter and the full lives they are living? their relationships and loved ones, their cares, their dreams, their goals, their careers or jobs, their friends and interactions, their memories, only embryo heartbeats matter? Not the actual human woman? The husband asks about the abortion pill and Pam tells him how very hard it is to get for most women especially low income women, some of whom don’t even have access to the internet.
INT. FATHER’S CHURCH – MORNING
The Pastor looking again at his congregation; there are only fifteen people in attendance in the church pews this time. Pam’s Father has a tear in his eye. Protesters are chanting outside against him as a draft dodger and baby killer. Trying to drown them out inside he starts a speech about unconditional love and support for family in the face of adversity. A man comes up to the pulpit with irreverence and flashes his state inspection badge telling him that he has been shut down for health violations, and shouts to the congregation that everyone must leave.
EXT. WELLES HOME – DAY
Pam and her Daughter drive off in their car and are followed by the Right to Life people.
INT. WELLES HOME – DAY
They get back with groceries and Pam asks her husband why he’s home instead of at the building site, he informs her that the state government contract was cancelled and he was locked out.
INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – DAY
Pam finds out who the leader is of the vigilante group attacking the bounty hunters. She goes out the door.
INT. DEAD GIRL’S MOTHER’S HOME – DAY
Pam confronts the Mother and the Mother blames her and her department for not carrying out justice for her Daughter. This is the way justice will be carried out now.
INT. WELLES HOME – NIGHT
The newscaster relays the execution of another death row inmate, this makes 50 ‘heartbeats’ killed since 2015 on his watch. The Governor proves himself a double-speak hypocrite.
INT. CONVENTION CENTER BALLROOM – NIGHT
Pam and her family arrive and look around in awe of the decorated and reverent appeal of the big room. They are told the waiting room is next to the hall off the ballroom.
INT. PARENT’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Watching the voting results and seeing his Daughter is way down in the votes and exit polling facts, Pam’s Father feels he must support and be there for his Daughter. He tries desperately to get a hold of her on her cell phone, but Pam’s aide is handling the phone calls and keeps putting him on hold. He gets frustrated, tells his wife and Son they must leave immediately and they leave with the television is still on.
EXT. CONVENTION CENTER BALLROOM – NIGHT
Without a pass Pam’s family try to enter the convention center where the celebration will be taking place, but is blocked by security detail, Pam’s Mom calls her Granddaughter.
INT. CONVENTION CENTER WAITING ROOM – NIGHT
Pam’s assistant offhandedly remarks how her sister’s friend’s boyfriend had a Dad who said that the Governors wife had an abortion in her younger years. It is enough information for her to pick up her cell phone.
INT. CONVENTION CENTER WAITING ROOM – NIGHT
The Granddaughter tells her Mother she’s going to run down to get the Grandparents and Uncle. Pam is surprised and pleased.
EXT. CONVENTION CENTER BALLROOM – NIGHT
The Granddaughter brings three security badges out and shows them to security who wave the Grandparents in.
INT. RITZY HOTEL BALLROOM – NIGHT
Pam with a possible bluff, calls the Governor and let’s him have it. She threatens to use the information about his wife if his people don’t back off and stop the threats and harassment of everyone involved with Pam. She states: Along with the death penalty, either you believe in pro-life, a heartbeat or you don’t, that doesn’t change by circumstance.
Climax:
INT. CONVENTION CENTER WAITING ROOM – NIGHT
Pam’s Dad lets her know that he is fine with being exposed as a draft dodger and he supports her no matter what she does, whatever her decision is as an individual, that she is always loved and is not excommunicated or banished from their lives.
Resolution:
INT. CONVENTION CENTER BALLROOM – NIGHT
The close circuit television that is in the waiting room shows that Pam is in the lead. She gets more votes as the night goes on. They are very excited but also know the votes can turn again.
INT. CONVENTION CENTER WAITING ROOM – NIGHT
2 hours later with the Grandparents napping in their chairs the final results come in. Everyone begins cheering. Pam, and her husband and Daughter rush out to the Ballroom. The family follows.
INT. CONVENTION CENTER BALLROOM – NIGHT
Pam wins the election by a landslide with the voters. In Pam’s acceptance speech she vows that her first line of business when she takes office is to obliterate the ‘heartbeat’ SB8 law.
EXT. REPRODUCTIVE CLINIC – MORNING
The Governor’s Daughter exits a care clinic looking forlorn. As she opens her car door she looks around and sees many cars with people standing outside of them. All is silent. As soon as she leaves the parking lot, many of those same cars start their engines and start the stalking process.
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Jennifer’s 3rd Pass — NQ 1 and 2
WHAT I’VE LEARNED: This particular pass is allowing me to see that I already have a solid foundation. There’s much more to do, and I’m still not thrilled that there’s not a good way to reflect a satirical tone in the outline, but it’s the nature of the outline form.
CONCEPT: A Southern high school overachiever will do literally anything on her quest to beat her rival and win a prestigious award guaranteed to get her into her dream college — even commit murder.
DRAMATIC QUESTION: How far will Jessica go to win the scholarship (and at life), and will she win?
First established: Within the first 10 pages when we see Jessica get excited about the announcement of the scholarship, which would set her up to win for life (in her mind — this is a satire of achiever types and what’s at stake).
How does the DQ increase in intensity? We see Jessica become willing to do increasingly awful things in order to ensure she wins, but we won’t know until close to the end whether she wins.
Where does the DQ finally get answered? In the final scenes, Jessica wins the competition and rules the school. Jessica gives a speech talking about all the service and sacrifice it took to get where she is and how taking action is critical to success. “Always be the best, and forget about the rest.” Ms. Collins approaches Jessica to congratulate her on her win/speech but whispers that Jessica will always know she didn’t have a fighting chance without the death of the other two (Jessica’s response TBC), so we see that any good part there ever existed in Jessica is gone, and she’s now committed to this life of achievement at all costs. Maybe politics is in her future?
MAIN CONFLICT: Jessica, the overachiever vs. her academic rival Amanda, who is a fellow overachiever type and is also up for the scholarship. Both want to win the scholarship, and both are willing to work hard to make it happen, but the rivalry with Amanda will push Jessica harder to force the win, while Amanda will provide a moral core as she tries to keep their competitiveness on a normal level and not the extremes she ultimately realizes Jessica is willing to go to.
When does the MC first show up? Jessica and Amanda are already duking it out in the opening scene and continue on until close to the end.
How many ways can you express the MC throughout the story? There are several scenes reinforcing this conflict.
What brings the MC to a boiling point in the 3rd Act? Jessica realizes that Amanda will win, is scoring higher than her in the scholarship competition because she is the better person and not having to “fake it till she makes it.” They’re down to the line, and Jessica decides to eliminate Amanda permanently.
How is the MC resolved? Jessica makes sure Amanda doesn’t survive a trip to a local hiking path and ultimately wins the scholarship by default. Jessica ultimately knows she isn’t a real winner because of what she did and has to live with that knowledge forever.
PLOT IN STRUCTURE:
OPENING:
Jessica loses to Amanda and Ethan in the last round of the Young Philosophers Think-off. Judges declare Amanda the winner, but Jessica and Ethan are neck and neck. Jessica is crushed and kicks herself for not going for it in the final round.
INT. SCHOOL GYM — DAY
Jessica, Amanda, and Ethan compete in the last round of the Young Philosophers Think-off. These aren’t your average high school students slinging around high level philosophical concepts. Judges declare Amanda the winner, but Jessica and Ethan are neck and neck. We learn that Jessica’s parents are politicians.
EXT. SCHOOL — DAY
Jessica kicks herself for hesitating in the final round. Why didn’t she just go for it? She’s stressed almost to the point of unhinged.
INCITING INCIDENT:
A prestigious new scholarship competition for one lucky junior is announced. Jessica processes her competition and realizes this is her chance to get ahead despite her complete disregard for other people’s feelings to date. She, Amanda, and Ethan are the clear frontrunners.
INT. SCHOOL CLASSROOM — DAY
Jessica and Amanda learn of scholarship before AP World History class. Jessica instantly starts jotting down thoughts on how to win, but doubts herself when Amanda mentions she’s already fulfilled many of the scholarship’s public service requirements and Jessica has not. How can Jessica look the part of the good citizen and stat? Her secret hatred of Jessica and Ethan becomes clear. She texts her father that they need to talk.
BY PAGE 10:
We know that Jessica is on a mission to win at the competition and life in general at all costs. (We just don’t know which costs that entails yet.) She has her father as an ally.
FIRST TURNING PT AT END OF ACT 1:
The first phase of the scholarship competition requires applicants to complete a service project (TBC – to be confirmed). During Jessica’s project, she helps eliminate one of her competitors via a technicality in an underhanded way (TBC) — just to make herself look better to the judges.
INT. TBC — DAY
Jessica does service project TBC. She literally forces someone out of the way whom she’s there to help because it’s easier to pick on the “little guy” rather than a true peer.
EXT. RACE EVENT SIGNUP TABLE — DAY
Jessica sits at table signing people up for a charity race while sporting her own number for the race. Ethan walks up to get his number and casually notes that he, Jessica, Amanda, and 3-4 others are leading in the competition according to his inside source. He casually mentions oversleeping and hasn’t prepared for the race, which angers Jessica. Jessica walks away from the table to warm up for the race, and she seethes secretly to her father, who reminds her to save some of this anger to push through at the end of the race, harping on followthrough.
EXT. RACE FINISH LINE — DAY
Jessica sails past other runners (including a teacher who cheerfully says “It’s all for a good cause”) including a runner from another school — another scholarship competitor — who is hurt. Others stop to help the guy out while Jessica secretly mocks them for being weak. In V.O. we hear Jessica share her desire to win and her anger at the current scholarship situation. Amanda has also been running the race but gives up cheerfully and walks instead. Jessica can’t understand how she can be so blase about losing. Ethan comes from behind to beat Jessica while we hear her V.O. hesitance as she thinks through her anger toward her scholarship competitors, which slows her down because she’s lost in thought and holds back at the end.
EXT. RACE EVENT OFFICIALS’ STAND — DAY
Jessica secretly turns Ethan in on a strange technicality, so he loses his standing in the race.
MIDPOINT:
Jessica, Amanda, and Ethan are on the short list for scholarship. Jessica shows she’s willing to do far more during another academic competition with Amanda and Ethan to prove her superiority but pulls back before crushing the competition. Amanda and Ethan are starting to team up to fight her despite finding each other repulsive otherwise.
INT. SCHOOL ACTIVITY ROOM — EVENING
Amanda and Ethan discuss Jessica and themselves being the only semifinalists left in the competition while waiting for a history academic competition to start. Between their snark we see them start to trust one another enough to mention that Jessica is going a bit too far. Jessica enters. V.O. shares her insistence that she deserves this win.
Later:
Jessica competes, and when the opponent reveals a tiny weakness, Jessica twists the knife in the guy’s insecurity. He manages to answer correctly, winning the competition, but only barely. Jessica is visibly frustrated it didn’t work, knowing how close she came to succeeding.
SECOND TURNING PT AT END OF ACT 2:
After “helping” another competitor get disqualified for the scholarship, Jessica realizes that just beating or eliminating her opponents isn’t actually making her look good in the eyes of the scholarship committee. She has to take drastic action and starts plotting to eliminate the competition in a bigger way while looking far more decent than she technically is. Step 1: Engage Amanda and Ethan as friends in hopes it will reflect well on her. Right now Amanda and Ethan are still ahead as if the judges can smell that they’re better humans.
INT. CHARITY BALL — NIGHT
Jessica runs fundraiser while two other scholarship competitors help out. She catches them doing something they’re not supposed to (TBC) and then …
INT. PUBLIC BATHROOM — NIGHT
Jessica calls and anonymously tips off someone (TBC) that the other competitors have done X bad thing. She smiles.
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY — DAY
Ms. Sarah Collins (teacher on scholarship committee) looks on with concern as Jessica subtly verbally abuses another classmate and greets Amanda cheerfully.
INT. JESSICA’S HOUSE — DAY
While Jessica’s mother drills her on facts for the next academic competition as Jessica stuffs items into bag for charity, Jessica interrupts to note that just eliminating competitors isn’t working. Her mother encourages her to “think outside the box.” How can Jessica get ahead? A gleam in her eyes.
INT. SCHOOL CLASSROOM — DAY
Jessica speaks conspiratorially with Amanda to befriend her. Amanda accidentally shares info that makes Jessica jealous (TBC).
EXT. SCHOOL PARKING LOT — NIGHT
Jessica works to befriend Ethan before a competition. He mentions a recent win that gives him more points toward the scholarship. He is in first, Amanda in second, and Jessica in third place for scholarship.
CRISIS:
Jessica has steadily been “helping” other competitors get disqualified in funny, torturous ways that she takes secret pride in. Now all other students besides Jessica, Amanda, and Ethan have been eliminated from the competition. As the final days of the competition near, Jessica is more committed to winning than ever but feels it’s her darkest day because she can’t measure up to Amanda or Ethan, who have bested her in a number of ways lately. Jessica contemplates throwing in the towel on life until her father walks in and gives her a creepy pep talk. Amanda or Ethan (or both? maybe they’ve teamed up?) have resisted her pleas for friendship, though she’s wearing them down. What can she do to push her application over the edge? She wracks her brain and comes up with a way that she thinks she can disqualify Ethan, though she knows she might not have the nerve to follow through. But that will still leave Amanda.
INT. SCHOOL — DAY
Jessica submits another … (TBC) for scholarship, thinking it will get her ahead.
INT. SCHOOL LUNCHROOM — DAY
Jessica checks her phone and sees she’s still in third place. Her world is rocked.
INT. JESSICA’S BEDROOM — NIGHT
Jessica starts overachieving at trying to find a way to kill herself by overresearching different methods, getting overwhelmed, and resolving to do X (funny). Just as she gets started trying to follow through, her father walks in and gives her a creepy pep talk about going the extra mile and needing this win. You got this, champ. Jessica smiles weakly and puts away what she was about to do.
CLIMAX:
Jessica is on a mission to win now at all costs. First task: eliminate Ethan, which involves some sort of forgery (or other misdeed TBC) and is harder than anticipated. It works, but Amanda is still there and definitely a few points ahead of her. But Ethan is on to her now, and he realizes what Jessica is willing to do and tries to warn Amanda. Jessica catches on and finds a way to act — not hesitate — and truly eliminate Ethan forever, killing him before he can get to Amanda in a way she won’t get caught. She then has an argument with Amanda at a park. Amanda shoves Jessica, but Jessica dodges her such that Amanda loses her balance and slips off the side of the cliff. Jessica could help her in the moment but weighs her options – help Amanda and look like a good Samaritan, which would win her points in the competition? Or let Amanda fall. We then see Jessica walking away, a self-satisfied look on her face, as Amanda struggles and slips.
INT. SCHOOL LIBRARY — DAY
Jessica runs a protocol on the library computer that makes her work totally anonymous and shuts down the video camera. She then forges something implicating Ethan in a bad act TBC and forwards it to Ms. Collins.
INT. CLASSROOM — DAY
Ms. Collins speaks seriously to Amanda and Jessica about Ethan’s sudden elimination.
EXT. SCHOOL GROUNDS — NIGHT
Jessica and Ethan help put things away after an academic competition and walk outside to the parking lot carrying a heavy item TBC. Ethan has acted normal until now, but turns on Jessica once no one is looking because he knows she must have been the one to get him in trouble. He still has an “in” to get into Harvard, he says, but he really wanted Chapman and may not even get in, never mind losing the scholarship. He asks how she did it. Jessica makes sure no one is looking and kills Ethan (method TBC) in a way that looks accidental. For a moment she is shocked at what she did, then visibly relaxes and smiles, turns on fake tears, and runs inside screaming that she needs help.
INT. JESSICA’S KITCHEN — NIGHT
Jessica’s father asks how that night’s competition went while eating and reading a business magazine. She glibly says a contestant was killed. Her mother says, “Oh?” and gets back to eating her steak. Her father murmurs “Mmmm-hmmmm” and keeps reading. Jessica smiles.
INT. CLASSROOM — DAY
The next morning, Amanda is visibly shaken. Jessica leans over and says it’s just the two of them now. Amanda tells Jessica she doesn’t have to be strong and if she ever needs to talk to someone, she’s there for Jessica. A moment of recognition in Jessica’s eyes.
EXT. SCHOOL EXIT — DAY
Jessica flags down Amanda and asks if Amanda has time to talk after Ethan’s funeral, that her parents don’t understand what it’s like to lose “a peer and a friend” like Ethan. Amanda looks wary but says OK. Jessica tells her where to meet.
EXT. HIKING TRAIL WITH CLIFF — DAY
Jessica and Amanda walk the trail and talk about the funeral. Amanda first tries to talk kindly to Jessica, but Jessica keeps making digs to make Amanda self-conscious. They approach the top of the trail where there is a cliff. Jessica pretends to lose her balance. Amanda attempts to help Jessica, who dodges her such that Amanda loses her balance and slips off the side of the cliff, hanging on by a thread. Jessica could help but weighs her options – help Amanda and look like a good Samaritan, which would win her points in the competition? Or let Amanda fall. We then see Jessica walking away, a self-satisfied look on her face, as Amanda struggles and slips.
RESOLUTION:
Jessica attends both rivals’ funerals and says cryptic things revealing her role in their deaths that no one recognizes. Jessica wins the competition and rules the school. Jessica gives a speech talking about all the service and sacrifice it took to get where she is and how taking action is critical to success. “Always be the best, and forget about the rest.” We notice another younger student, a sophomore with a gleam in her eye, who’s been there all along looking on and wanting to follow in Jessica’s footsteps.
INT. JESSICA’S LIVING ROOM — NIGHT
Jessica puts on an act to convince the police that she is innocent of Amanda’s death. The detective asks if she thinks there is a connection between the two deaths. Jessica says they were all great friends and hints that Amanda took Ethan’s death hard.
INT. CEMETERY — DAY
Jessica attends Ethan’s funeral. She drops cryptic hints that she is responsible for his death, but everyone assumes she is being hyperbolic due to grief.
EXT. FUNERAL HOME — DAY
Jessica has taken over Amanda’s speech pattern (need to develop this in beginning) when speaking to classmates who ask how she’s holding up.
INT. SCHOOL AUDITORIUM — NIGHT
Ms. Collins announces the winner of the scholarship: Jessica. Much ado. Jessica gives a speech talking about all the service and sacrifice it took to get where she is and how taking action is critical to success. “Always be the best, and forget about the rest.” Someone asks Jessica what she hopes to do in the future. Her answer: Become the second female Senator from her state before heading to the White House. Her parents beam in the background. In the background is another younger student, a sophomore with a gleam in her eye, who has been there all along looking on, taking notes, and wants to follow in Jessica’s footsteps.
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