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[Haley Chambers]

Margaret’s Level 1 Action Emotions

What I learned doing this assignment: This is the first scene I attempted for this script. Funny how the anxiety of starting a new project can keep you from writing. I had difficulty putting the first words on paper – will it be good enough? The perfectionist in me lost against my training. Thank you, Hal, for previous lessons on letting go of perfectionism and giving yourself permission for the draft.

First Draft Scene:

INT. ROMAN CAMP – DAY

Marcus enters the tent and is met with a sudden silence. The surly soldiers move in around him, forcing him to back up against the tent wall.

Brocchus, a burly man who is clearly the leader, steps up to Marcus.

BROCCHUS

What right do you have here?

MARCUS

The same as you. Commissioned.

The men laugh in scorn.

BROCCHUS

You think a commission makes you worthy? We, all of us, have fought and won enemies three times our size. We depend on each other. Know each can hold his own.

Marcus doesn’t respond. Brocchus moves in closer, now nose to nose.

BROCCHUS

Tell us, how long have you served?

Marcus looks at his feet, quietly responds.

MARCUS

I am commissioned. If you have an issue with this, you may discuss it with my uncle.

The men smirk.

Brocchus grabs Marcus, throws him to the ground and places a foot on his chest, thundering his response.

BROCCHUS

Your uncle? We have no uncles in our unit! Coroticus is our COMMANDER.

Marcus remains silent. Brocchus removes his foot and nods to Cassius, who kicks Marcus in the side, causing him to double up.

CASSIUS

A babe in arms can get us all killed. A soldier of three months has no place in an elite contubernius.

Brocchus reaches down and lifts Marcus up to a standing position by the back of his tunic, and Cassius punches him in the abdomen. Marcus gasps for air.

Brocchus leans over to whisper in Marcus’ ear.

BROCCHUS

We intend to have you replaced. Your father’s fate awaits you.

At the mention of his father, Marcus straightens up.

MARCUS

What do you know of my father?

CASSIUS

We all know the unskilled dog never made it out of his first skirmish. Killed by barbarians, first fight.

His words light a fire in Marcus. He pushes past Brocchus to get to Cassius but a well-known voice stops him.

COROTICUS

Soldiers!

The men come to attention before their commander. Coroticus glares at Brocchus. Questioning.

BROCCHUS

Getting to know the new recruit, sir. Understand his capabilities, since we will be depending on one another.

COROTICUS

We will put your mind at ease. Everyone, out to the field. Bring your weapons.

[Roscoe Pond]

What I learned doing this assignment is… That emotions really can be important in action scenes. It certainly improves the sequences.

One twin daughter of a cop is taken by an unknown male. That cop catches up to them on a highway near a field.

ANXIETY: The male gets out of his truck and carries the daughter into a grassy field. That male carries a gun which is aimed at the girl. The cop gets out of his police vehicle. He also pulls out his sniper rifle.

FEAR: Through the rifle scope. The cop can see the male carrying his daughter near his waist. He cannot shoot his daughter as they run farther away. His right hand shakes because his has been shot in the right shoulder. The finger is on the trigger though. The rifle scope aims at the male. The trigger is pulled.

RELIEF: Through the rifle scope. The male is shot and drops to the ground. The cop’s daughter also falls to the ground. The cop runs out into the field to retrieve his daughter. He did not shoot her and believes that she’s alive.

• This reply was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by  Roscoe Pond.

[Matthew Abaya]

I learned how to set up a scene that put our protagonist in mortal danger and release us momentarily before setting up the next anxiety driven moment.

INT. SERVER ROOM – NIGHT

The silhouette of Jun creeps down a long dark corridor of noisy computer servers. The room is illuminated by small LEDs built into the servers. Jun opens a small bag pulling out a laptop. The glow of the screen illuminates his face as he connects to the server’s access point. He begin typing, but stops to look around to see if he is alone.

A QR code pops up on his laptop and he scans it with a small data drive. The words “Transfer Complete”

JUN

That was easy.

He packs his bag and stands up to see a shadowy figure at the end of the hall.

JUN (CONT’D)

Oh shit!

Jun begins to run and the figure chases after him. Jun runs the labyrinth of servers avoiding the shadowy figure. Jun turns a corner to a dead end. Jun turns to face the shadowy figure, One (35) tall and muscular in ninja-like tactical gear holding a sword.

JUN (CONT’D)

Uh… since when do security guards carry swords?

One lifts the sword and charges at Jun. Jun ducks as the sword slashes the wall behind him causing a huge gash. Jun manages to slip around to the other side of One.

JUN (CONT’D)

Hey. You coulda killed me!

One lets out a creepy smile.

JUN (CONT’D)

Something tells me you are not a security guard.

Jun starts backing away now realizing that he is in real danger.

One swings the sword but Jun is able to maneuver without getting struck. Jun runs for a door but it locked.

SEN

(from an intercom)

There is no way out of here. This is my house.

Jun pulls out his practice Bamboo Kali Sticks.

SEN (CONT’D)

My friend One is special. In the normal world, he’d be what most call a serial killer. With me, he is a productive model citizen. Paycheck, house, family. You on the other hand are a criminal… stealing from me and my clients.

One approaches with sword in his hand. Jun readies his two Kali sticks in a defenses stance.

They clash is a series of expert swings. There are violent doges and deflections. Each time the sword chips away at Jun’s hard bamboo sticks.

One slices Jun’s shirt.

One swings again, June loses one of his Kali sticks as it breaks into two. Jun is left to fight with one that is badly battered.

One swings hard and backs Jun in into a corner. One over powers Jun, but Jun takes a step to the right and pulls One in with the stick and disarms him of the sword.

One quickly reaches for a gun in his holster and fires a round barely missing Jun. Jun whips his stick and disarms him of his gun. Jun whips his stick again and cracks ones skull. It’s lights out for One as he falls to the floor twitching.

Jun stands over One’s body stunned.

JUN

(to Sen)

I didn’t want to kill him.

SEN

(through an intercom)

That’s too bad. You’re a thief and a murder now. You are better than I thought. Unfortunately for you, you know too much. I can’t let you leave here with what you know.

Jun looks at his battle scarred practice Kali stick. It look as if they may not survive another round.

Suddenly, dark colored smoke fills the room.

He collects One’s gun and sword and searches for an exit.

• This reply was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by  Matthew Abaya.

[Nancy Meyer]

What I learned doing this assignment is that focus on the character and eliciting emotions from the audience with their actions actually helps create an inherent arc for the scene.

Anxiety: Reina is up to a challenging bet to make four consecutive bullseyes while playing darts in front of her grad school peers.

Fear: She is blindfolded throwing the darts and a fellow student sits a hair below the bullseye, and then she turns around to launch the last dart.

Relief: The dart lands flawlessly nestled with the previous three. The student guinea pig is unscathed and Reina wins the bet.

INT. EAST VILLAGE – DIVE BAR – NIGHT

Dim lighting, muffled conversation, and laughter. The sound system emits a throwback tune from the seventies. What it could be if it weren’t for the hoodie-wearing, hip grad students and the ubiquitous presence of iPhones.

And across the room, a razor-sharp dart soars through the air, slow motion. With precision, it hits a bullseye.

The sound of high fives and bets placed. A second dart takes launch, fast, a solid target hit. Nervous energy and student spectators wrap around the thrower — a tipsy, but uber-focused REINA (early 20s) in a blindfold.

POP. The third sharp tip lands snuggly with the others. Drawn in by the excitement, other students join the betting circle.

A hush falls.

Reina rolls the barrel of the dart between her fingers, calculates. We follow her eye line to the board and see a MALE STUDENT perched nervously on a barstool, eyes closed — his head less than an inch below the nestled darts.

He rubs his palms into his jeans, breath uneven, as Reina cocks the final dart back to throw, then stops.

REINA

Don’t. Move. I’ve never hit four in a row.

A pink-haired FEMALE STUDENT pushes forward.

FEMALE STUDENT

I knew it, pay up.

A pause. Reina turns her back to the board, smirks, shakes her head ‘no’, and places her left hand under her right elbow, cocked in a 90-degree angle, steadies the dart. She turns the dart over, so the point faces the board.

Before her, eyes grow wide. Some hide them. Without warning, she launches the dart over her shoulder.

THUD. A collective sigh. The posse of fans cheer, produce their bets.

Reina pulls down the blindfold, looks over her shoulder, and smiles. She collects her winnings, walks to the board, counts the bills. She hands the stash to the perched victim.

REINA

You’re a brave son of a bitch, even if it was a dare. Here, it’s yours.

He’s too stunned to respond, and a little drunk.

Reina turns, beelines for an empty booth that sits in a dark corner. She pours a pint from a half-empty pitcher, drains it, and then throws a twenty on the table.

She drags a laden backpack off the sticky floor and pushes through bodies to the exit. They pat her back, try to talk, but she ignores any spark of conversation or connection.

[Madeleine Vessel]

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Madeleine’s Level 1 Action Emotions

“What I learned doing this assignment is this. Incorporating anxiety, fear, and relief into a scene creates an emotional rollercoaster ride.

Scene that includes anxiety, fear, and relief.

Outline

INT. ST. PETER’S BASILICA – CONFESSIONAL – DAY

I. ANXIETY/FEAR: Hearing noise outside the confessional, the FBI Agent peeks out and sees armed soldiers herding penitents together. The FBI Agent’s son is among them.

II. The FBI Agent asks her confessor if it’s customary for the security guards to herd people together at this time of day. He responds, “No. We don’t herd people—ever.”

ANXIETY: She tells him to turn off the confessional lights. He does.

III. FEAR: Outside the confessional, one of the soldiers directs another to search the confessionals.

The FBI Agent are sitting ducks. Both are terrified.

The soldier reaches the FBI Agent’s confessional, but then is distracted by a woman shrieking, throwing a fit.

The soldier notes that the confessional lights are off then abandons the search to quell the woman’s shenanigans.

IV. RELIEF: The FBI Agent and the Priest in their separate stalls wait for the soldier to return, but time passes, and the noise dies down.

The FBI Agent peeks out the confessional and sees everyone gone.

Conveying this bit of good news to the Priest, she tells him they should wait five more minutes before leaving the confessional.

First Draft of Scene

INT. ST. PETER’S BASILICA – CONFESSIONAL – DAY

FBI Agent kneels before the confessional screen. The door in front of the screen slides open. The FBI Agent makes the Sign of the Cross.

FBI AGENT
Bless me father, for I have sinned –

A MAN SHOUTING nearby interrupts her confession.

Peeking outside the confessional door,

FBI AGENT’S P. O. V.

Three armed soldiers herd the penitents together.

FBI Agent quietly closes the confessional door and turns back to the screen.

FBI AGENT
Is it usual for armed soldiers to herd the penitents away from the confessional at this time of day.

PRIEST
Armed soldiers? Absolutely not… Never.

FBI AGENT
Then we’ve got trouble… Turn off the confessional lights.

The confessional goes dark.

FBI AGENT
Are the in-use lights off?

PRIEST
Everything’s off.

Outside the confessional, one of the armed soldiers instructs another.

SOLDIER
Check the confessionals.

The soldier opens the doors of a nearby confessional and pulls out the terrified and SCREAMING penitent and confessor.

FBI Agent and Priest know that they are about to be exposed.

The door handle on the FBI Agent’s confessional turns —

But then among the herded penitents, a WOMAN SCREAMS AND RAISES A RUCUS.

The door handle returns to its closed position.

Outside the confessional, the woman’s shouting stops.

FBI AGENT
(whispering)
Are you okay?

PRIEST
(whispering)
I’m fine.

FBI AGENT
We’ll bide our time for a while. See what happens.

Outside the confessional, all sounds of human life gradually disappear.

FBI Agent peeks out the confessional.

FBI AGENT’S P. O. V.

Everyone is gone.

FBI AGENT
All Clear.

PRIEST
Thank you, God.

FBI AGENT
We’ll wait five more minutes just to be sure.