Post Your Lesson 10 Assignment here

[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown’s Dialogue 7-8

What I learned: When shining light on these techniques, I can spot where I am using them already and deepen them for more effect. Also, just by doing this exercise, it adds layers to flat interactions between characters.

For example, biggest score from this assignment: before this exercise Aurora and Saltar had no connection except for both knowing Anauk. Now, with the addition of one line, they have an implied backstory together; producing a mystery.

DIALOGUE AS ACTION :

<font face=”inherit”>Example 1: </font>

TALLAS

How did you know how to get here?

Saltar dodges. Tallas comes face to face.

TALLAS

How many times have you been here?

(then)

Melting into my walls. Watching my visions.

Example 2:

DECK OFFICER

That’s Anauk… I know his coms are down, but why is his cruiser blown out like that.

Aurora musters a chuckle.

AURORA

He likes to spread his wings when he flies that thing.

Skyflier 1 joins in

SKYFLIER 1

Makes him think he can actually fly that fast.

AURORA

Come on… let’s go give him shit.

SKYFLIER 1

Always.

Aurora orders the deck officer:

AURORA

Let him in. We’ll take him to father.

Example 3:

TALLAS

I will disguise you.

(new)

I will disguise you as a Longhead. You will be my initiate.

STEELMAN

I’m not up for costume parties.

(new)

I’m not up for costume parties. When you come back you can —

DIALOGUE AS SUBTEXT:

Example 1: Points to = Strator and Dauntus have history. (this dialogue is new. No before)

Dauntus stands in disgust, a prisoner of his own guards. His hands and feet bound by grounding beams.

DAUNTUS

Of course they sent YOU.

Strator inspects Dauntus.

STRATOR

Why are his wings not bound?

DAUNTUS

My men allow me some dignity.

STRATOR

I allow you none. Bind them.

Example 2: Points to = Saltar doesn’t like Aurora much.

Aurora tilts her head at Saltar’s quip and hands her a bag. It’s full of water and some wet towels.

SALTAR

Thank you.

(new line)

Ah. Kindness from the ice princess.

Example 3: Points to Anauk has the respect of his Fliers, They raised hell together in the past, They know Aurora is a player.

The Skyfliers drop the cards and rush to him, darting horrified glances at each other.

ANAUK

Help me in.

(or)

Lift it up, I can’t reach the strap.

SKYFLIER 2 lifts his wing. Dead weight. Tendon and sinew slip and turn.

SKYFLIER 2

How are you even vertical right now?

Anauk pulls a hypo – syringe from his pocket. Puts it to his neck an pulls the trigger.

SKYFLIER 1

Prophets. You can’t fly like that.

ANAUK

I’ve flown worse. You’ve seen me fly worse. Human moonshine. Remember?

SKYFLIER 1

I’ll get mine and fly close.

ANAUK

No. I have to go alone. Find Aurora. Keep her away from that idiot she’s toying with.

[Emmanuel Sullivan]

Emmanuel Sullivan Dialogue 7 – 8

What I learned doing this assignment is dialogue as action is a powerful way to write dialogue, especially if it’s a concise phrase and the audience can see the meaning immediately. Coverups and subtext are always a great way to add intrigue in scenes. It keeps the audience engaged and guessing.

[Sherri Coffee]

Sherri D. Coffee Module 4 Lesson 10 Dialogue 7 – 8

What I learned doing this assignment is to find opportunities to use action dialogue and develop subtext.

ACTION

Before

James walks in the room and holds up the document. Macgregor is alarmed as he sits on his death bed. Mary, Grace and the physician watch.

James

Are these your wishes?

Macgregor

Yes

After

James walks in the room and holds up the will. Macgregor watches cautiously as the physician administers morphine. Mary and Grace to the corner of the room.

James

Do you really expect me to provide for them after you are gone?

Macgregor

Yes James. I wrote out very detailed directions in the will you hold. Come. Let’s discuss.

James walks to the fireplace.

James

Father, I am letting you know now that I will not provide for the woman you married in haste. Mother was not even properly buried.

James tosses the will into the fire.

Macgregor rises from the bed in distress and walks towards James.

Macgregor

No James. No. My work. My wishes.

Macgregor collapses midway and Mary and the physician rush to his side.

ANOTHER SCENE ACTION

Before

Grace places the folder on his desk.

Grace

I just came by to deliver the documents you requested on the issue we killed last year in committee. We expect it to return.

Wilson

Ok. I will see what I can find out and let you know Saturday? When do you leave for Paris?

After

Grace pulls out the folder, hands to Wilson and speaks in a serious tone.

Grace

Here are the documents from last year. We killed the legislation in the ways and means committee.

Wilson looks through the file.

Wilson

Drew was the sponsor?

Grace

Yes. And we expect him to reintroduce.

Wilson smiles and closes the file.

Wilson

Looks like Saturday night’s fundraiser just got more interesting.

Grace stands up.

Grace

Thanks Wilson. Saturday is definitely an opportunity.

Grace walks to the door and stops.

Grace

I know I don’t have to say this but no electronic traffic on this issue. Phone calls only, ok?

Wilson

Of course Grace.

SUBTEXT

Before

I had my character Sam going into a coma while the politician was speaking. I had them connected in my outline but did not demonstrate in the script.

After

I changed to orchestrate an encounter where the politician recognizes Sam. Grace and Wilson see the interaction and ask Sam about knowing him and he does not answer.

Sam walks towards the bar. The doors open and Senator Drew and wife enter the ballroom.

Sam tries to avoid but the Senator sees him.

Senator Drew

Sam King. What in the world brings you here?

They shake hands. Grace and Wilson watch and try to hear the rest of the conversation.

Wilson

Does Sam know him?

Grace continues to watch the friendly interaction.

Grace

Apparently. He never told me.

Senator continues to walk to the stage. Grace looks at Sam with doubt and confusion.

Wilson watches Grace.

[Barbara Gilmore]

I chose a couple of scenes to try and elevate the dialogue with dialogue as action and subtext. In the process I may have used a few cliches…

AFTER

JANE SMITH (62) and DAVE SMITH (65) sit at a large table comforting each other.

JANE

Luke had his issues, but he stopped using three years ago.

DAVE

He called me the night before last said he’d bumped into some friends and was catching a ride back.

JESS

Where was he?

DAVE

He was working a delivery job. Sometimes he’d drop a load, mostly local produce: fruit, veg, dairy. He’d leave the van and catch a bus or a ride back. Sometimes he’d bring the van back.

Jess and the Sheriff exchange a look.

JESS

Was this his vehicle?

Jess holds up a tablet. Dave then Jane look at a PHOTO of the BLUE PICK-UP TRUCK.

JANE

No. The delivery van was black, belonged to his employer, Skagit and Sons.

SHERIFF MOORE

Does Luke have any close friends, anyone he hangs out with.

DAVE

Not really. He was a bit of a loner. Occasionally he played pool and went for a beer at the Boathouse.

JESS

Any reason to suspect anyone would harm Luke or either of you.

Jane and Dave look surprised.

JANE

No. We get along with everyone. Luke gets along with everyone.

JESS

Anything to add Mr Smith. You seem quiet.

DAVE

I can’t believe he would just disappear like that.

Dave stands up and goes to the window looks out.

JESS

You seem irritated.

DAVE

He owes me money.

JANE

Jesus, Dave. Is that all you care about.

SHERIFF MOORE

And he still lives here?

JANE

In the basement suite.

JESS

Mind if we take a look.

DAVE

Follow me.

Jane reaches out and grabs Jess’ arm.

JANE

If anyone can find Luke it’ll be you.

JESS

We’re doing everything we can.

BEFORE

JANE SMITH (62) and DAVE SMITH (65) sit at a large table comforting each other.

JANE

Luke had his issues, but he stopped using drugs three years ago.

DAVE

He called me the night before last said he’d bumped into some friends and was catching a ride back.

JESS

So he’d been out of town?

DAVE

He was working a delivery job. Sometimes he’d drop a load, mostly local produce: fruit, veg, dairy. He’d leave the van and catch a bus or a ride back. Sometimes he’d bring the van back.

Jess and the Sheriff exchange a look.

JESS

Was this his vehicle?

Jess holds up a tablet. Dave then Jane look at a PHOTO of the BLUE PICK-UP TRUCK.

JANE

No. The delivery van was black, belonged to his employer, Skagit and Sons.

SHERIFF MOORE

Does Luke have any close friends, anyone he hangs out with.

JANE

Not really. He was a bit of a loner. Occasionally he played pool and went for a beer at the Boathouse.

JESS

Do you know or have any reason to suspect anyone who would harm Luke or either of you.

Jane and Dave look surprised.

JANE

No. We get along with everyone. Luke gets along with everyone.

SHERIFF MOORE

And he still lives here?

JANE

Yes, he lives in the basement suite.

JESS

Mind if we take a look.

Dave stands up.

DAVE

Follow me.

JANE

Jess.

Jess turns around.

JANE(CONT’D)

If anyone can find Luke it’ll be you.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by  Barbara Gilmore.