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Post Your Lesson 12 Assignment Here
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What I learned doing this assignment is that I am seeing holes in the act and even in some scenes as I string together all the scenes in the act. But my act may still be a little short now – only 10 pages long. Oh well, it leaves more room for the main action of the story in acts 2 and 3.
Mark’s Finished Act 1
TITLE: THIS IS BASED ON A TRUE STORY AND ACTUAL EVENTS
EXT. HIGH DESERT – DAY
A desert rabbit sits alert on a rocky mound. The SILENCE gives way to a mounting DRONE of an engine. The rabbit looks in alarm.
EXT. HIGH SESERT – DAY
a small 1930’s open-cockpit plane comes over the horizon on the deck. It screams past the rabbit, which bolts off. A woman’s scream blends with the engine noise.
EXT. SMALL PLANE -DAY (SERIES OF SHOTS)
Victoria, 25, and Tony, 30’s are in the plane. She is ecstatic as he performs daring maneuvers, showing off for her. She squeals with delight, which inspires him to careen the aircraft over cars on the highway.
VICTORIA
I could do that, if you gave me a chance.
He smiles, puts the craft into a steep, almost vertical climb.
TONY
Could you marry me if you had a chance?
EXT. SMALL TOWN MAIN STREET – DAY
He flips the plane upside down and roars down the street at treetop level yelling
TONY
SHE’S GOING TO MARRY ME!
EXT. SMALL TOWN MAIN STREET – DAY
Victoria walks her bike across the street. A GIRL passes her.
GIRL
I think its peachy, Vicky. You are so lucky.
VICTORIA
Thanks Mary Jo. You’re sweet.
She continues on to a store where she parks her bike. A MIDDLE AGED MAN comes out.
MAN
Hello, Victoria. I guess I should say congratulations. The town approves.
She smiles demurely, embarrassed.
VICTORIA
Thanks you Mr. Mayor. I’m…sorry about the noise.
MAN
Yes, I’ll have to speak to Tony about that stunt.
He walks off, turns.
MAN (CONT’D)
You two were meant for each other.You have my blessing.
EXT. POST-OFFICE – DAY
Victoria comes out with GRAMPS, 78. She is opening a manila envelope.
VICTORIA
Gramps, if this is what I think it is…
GRAMPS
Lotta stamps on that.
She sits down on the steps and reads it. Amazement. She leaps for joy.
VICTORIA
Oh my gosh. This is wonderful. Gramps, remember I told you about a ship that does research in Alaska? This is it. Its real, and I could go. Gosh, its the bees knees.
GRAMPS
Vicky, you really want…? Its pretty cold there isn’t it?
A NEIGHBOR passes by and smiles.
WOMAN 1
I’m very happy for you, Victoria.
She continues on without stopping. Victoria waves
VICTORIA
I don’t mind cold. Its an adventure.
Another WOMAN walks by without stopping
WOMAN 2
Its wonderful my dear. Congratulations.
Victoria doesn’t hear. She’s hugging Gramps. She kisses him on the cheek in happiness.
In the back ground, half a dozen people are coming nearer, gathering around them during this.
VICTORIA
Its a chance to do something I’ve always wanted to do.
GRAMPS
What is it you want to do?
VICTORIA
Something – anything.
GRAMPS
Maybe its time I started worrying about you.
VICTORIA
Maybe its time you stopped worrying
about me.
GRAMPS
I’ll miss you. I will.
She smiles.
VICTORIA
And I’ll miss…
She is interrupted by the crowd of a dozen people who start clapping, and calling out, “we like weddings,” “Congratulations,””you’re getting married,”
Victoria turns to acknowledge them with love in her eyes.
INT. TONY’S BARN – DAY
It looks like a hospital for airplanes, with parts strewn all over and a half-built plane in the center.
Victoria enters, excited. She shoves the papers at Tony.
VICTORIA
Isn’t is fabulous. Its a huge ship and it sails through ice.I would be almost a scientist.
He glances at it, then ignores it and picks up a different tool.
TONY
Its a crazy idea. Victoria. Its just crazy.
She is startled. Speechless.
TONY (CONT’D)
You’re not Amelia Earhart you know.
VICTORIA
I could be. You think I’m just an ordinary girl…helpless.
Tony stops what he is doing.
TONY
No darling. I love you. Its dangerous. I forbid it.
She kisses him on the cheek
VICTORIA
You forbid it.
She picks up a tool from the ground.
VICTORIA (CONT’D)
There’s something you should know. I’m capable of doing things on my own-just like any boy.
TONY
That’s fine. Did you hear what I said?
VICTORIA
(mocking him)
…forbid it.
TONY
…DANGEROUS.
VICTORIA
Dangerous! Look who’s talking. Your ex-wife thought you were too dangerous. She tried to stop you from flying. I don’t try and do that to you. Who gave you the right to change who I am?
TONY
You’re trying to be Amelia Earhart. You’re not.
VICTORIA
You’re jealous of her.
He spits (or something) in disdain at the thought and moves to another part of the workshop.
VICTORIA (CONT’D)
Amelia is accomplishing feats of flying that you can only dream of. You think you’re so great, and you got kicked out of the Flying Corps.
TONY
I was 17 for god’s sake.
VICTORIA
And the dream of being the youngest ace of the Great War was washed up – for doing a stunt.
He is deeply hurt by this old wound.
TONY
Don’t!
VICTORIA
What I’m doing isn’t as bad as that.
She walks out angry. He slams his fist into the side of the plane. He’s shattered, deflated. His head sinks down to the greasy engine block.
EXT. COUNTRY ROAD – DAY
Victoria rides her bicycle slowly. The envelope drops in the dirt and she stops, upset, crying.
She leaves it in the road, turns around and starts back the way she came.
She stops, undecided. She watches a hawk soar gracefully through the air. Then she turns around again, picks up the envelope and continues home.
EXT. RANCH HOUSE – DAY
Tony pulls up on his motorcycle. GRAMPS is sitting on the porch.
GRAMPS
Howdy Tony…I don’t think she’ll see you.
TONY
Gramps, I need to tell her something.
GRAMPS
She’s on the 10:05 ya see.
Tony is stunned, jumps on the bike and roars off.
EXT. PALMDALE TRAIN STATION – DAY
Victoria lugs a small suitcase up the steps, comes back for a carpetbag. She looks around one last time, searching, then gets aboard.
EXT PALMDALE TRAIN STATION (HER POV) – DAY
Her last view of home recedes in the distance.
EXT PALMDALE TRAIN STATION – DAY
On the opposite side of the station building, Tony screeches to a stop, sees the train in the distance. He stares at it in pain.
EXT. MONTAGE – TRAIN STATION, DOCKS
Victoria steps off the train in Vancouver and she is awed by her new world. She struggles to keep her wits and luggage. The noise of a train whistle and ship klaxon startle her.
She has to jump out of the way of cargo trams and drops one of her bags. A man stops and helps her.
CU – DRAKE
He’s thin, wiry, sinewy, 50’s with dark eyes and a peculiar, ugly face deformity. He locks on to the sight of Victoria and his eyes narrow. He oozes menace, moves to follow her.
EXT. VANCOUVER DOCKS – DAY
Drake follows Victoria down the dock. She continues on toward the ship at the end. Pausing to get a grip on her bag, she looks behind her and sees Drake staring as he approaches. Fear rises in her, she hurries on, moves through a crowd, detours around a truck and hides in a doorway.
CU – VICTORIA
She flattens against the wall, shuts her eyes, holds her breath. In the distance Drake passes by and is gone.
EXT. RESEARCH SHIP DOCK – DAY
Victoria walks up the gangplank of the research ship “Victory.”
EXT. ALASKA COAST – DAY
The ship plows through the sea, passing ice floes and magnificent glaciers.
EXT SHIP DECK – DAY
Victoria enjoys her first ship voyage and looks in wonder at the icy world of Alaska and breathes it all in.
A man joins her at the rail.
WEATHER MAN
You like this weather?
VICTORIA
Its wonderful. Not at all like home.
WEATHER MAN
First time to Alaska. Well watch it. It’ll kill you. First timers don’t last long.
VICTORIA
Um, yes, thank you. I’ll be careful.
WEATHER MAN
I’m a meteorologist – weather man.
VICTORIA
Oh, that’s nice. Maybe I’ll be working with you.
WEATHER MAN
You’re not a ferry passenger?
VICTORIA
(proudly)
I’m a research assistant.
WEATHER MAN
Hmm. Don’t stay out here too long.
He walks off.
She frowns in annoyance and walks to the other side of the deck. She passes a burly deckhand.
DECKHAND
Cold enough for ye, cherry?
VICTORIA
Yes, thank you.
DECKHAND
What are ye doin’ here, sweetie?
VICTORIA
I’m working here, just like you. What do you do, exactly?
DECKHAND
Oh, sweet lord. One of them searchers? You best stay below. This voyage ain’t no picnic.
VICTORIA
I plan to learn what I need to.
DECKHAND
You plan to learn how to take care a yerself too?
She stiffens, and walks off. He smiles.
EXT/INT. RESEARCH SHIP – DAY
The weather is rough – wind and foaming waves. The ship encounters more ice in the water. Dozens of people line the rail, nervous at the weather. Victoria is unafraid.
MAN
I think its too late in the year. We may get caught.
WOMAN
Don’t say that. We’re close to Point Barrow.
MIDDLE: A violent wind hits the ship, driving ice floes against the hull. The ship sounds its horn in distress, scaring everyone. Victoria goes below to find out what is happening.
Victoria enters the hallway outside the bridge and overhears:
DRAKE (O.S.)
I’m in charge of the crew.
JENSEN (O.S.)
I’m tellin’ ya, until we drop the passengers at Barrow, all hands will be on duty shift.
DRAKE (O.S.)
My men aren’t lifeguards, they’re seamen.
CAMERA MOVES from the hallway into the bridge, revealing the men arguing. Jensen is busy with navigation instruments and Drake is in his face.
JENSEN
The crew is responsible for passenger safety. 80 extras on board, even temporary, means extra work – for us all.
DRAKE
Ahh, bull crap. This ain’t Cunard Lines.
JENSEN
And not one of your tramp steamers either.
CAMERA MOVES back into the hall with Victoria, listening.
DRAKE
Cap’n we’re landing passengers tomorrow. What harm can they get into in sucha short time? This voyage ain’t gonna be easy. I’m tellin’ ya. You gotta save the men for the real work.
JENSEN
I wouldn’t challenge my authority If I were you, Drake.
DRAKE
Oh no, cap’n. You know I’d never do that.
JENSEN (O.S.
Go now. Off the bridge. Its up to you and your men to prevent panic.
I’m sending out a wireless call for the ice-breeaker ship just to be safe.
A SAILOR rushes past Victoria into the bridge
SAILOR
Cap’n there’s ice forming around the screw. We’re close to ice bound.
DRAKE
If you get her stuck, you’ll blow us to the North Pole.
Victoria is shocked, demoralized. As she walks down the hall she passes the radio room.
RADIO MAN
Ship in distress. Barrow station, we are 10 miles offshore. Wind is taking us into the northern current. Ice pack is forming. We can’t maneuver. Requesting the ice breaker at once. Urgent.
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Lesson 12: Finish Act I
What I learned from this assignment is the plan is easy, but I recognize lack of subtext. I will need to dig deeper into the characters. I think I am better at novel writing than screenplay.
Scene 1. INT TRAVIS HARVELLE’S KITCHEN DAY
Travis grabs three water bottles, a vegetable tray and a plastic container of prepared sandwiches from refrigerator and places them in a soft thermal cooler. He packs a bag of potato chips, napkins, paper plates in a plastic bag and walks out the back door to the dock where his party barge is waiting.
As he gets on the boat, he looks and sees his friends coming around the house, down the hill to the lake.
They wave and walk faster. Travis lays out the snacks and hands each a bottle of water.
TRAVIS
I’m glad you could make it today, JJ. I’m leaving for a Christmas holiday with the family tomorrow
and I wanted to discuss the renovations with you before I left. I’m glad you agreed to do the work.
SYDNEE
When JJ said we were coming out to the lake for a ride, I was so happy. Thanks for the invitation
and the sandwiches. Tell me, where are you going for the holidays?
TRAVIS
Mother arranged for us to celebrate Christmas in Vermont. It’s weird.
The party barge leaves the dock.
JJ
What’s weird about that? Vermont is beautiful at Christmas. I’ve seen pictures.
TRAVIS
My family always celebrates Christmas for a week in Orlando. Neither my mom nor my sister,
Marty, don’t like cold weather. Any temperature less than fifty-five degrees is freezing to them.
JJ
Do they know how cold it gets in Vermont at Christmas?
TRAVIS
I told them. There is another reason I don’t’ want to go. I was married there at the same hotel
where we are staying, five years ago this Christmas. Becca divorced me a year later.
Sydnee
That’s a little crazy. If you change your mind about going, you can spend the holidays with us
at Wildflowers B & B. We have enough room for you.
TRAVIS
Mom has called me every night this week to make sure I get on the train tomorrow. I don’t know
what she has planned, but it better be something better than the last time I went there.
JJ
Well, if it gets too bad, spend the day outside or inside a ski resort. Your family won’t be there.
They’ll be by the fire. Margo told me you take this boat ride every day at 5:00PM.
TRAVIS
Yeah. I ride and relax. Play Jake Jones music or special holiday music for the people who live on the lake. I think about all my family and friends who are driving home in Orlando traffic on I-4, bumper to bumper. It takes an hour to get home, with all the horns blowing and cars stopped for wrecks. Sometimes I pause on the lake and say thanks for living in Madison County.
JJ
This is a peaceful place. Look people are coming out of their homes and a waving at us.
SYDNEE
I feel like I am the Queen of England as I greet my minions. This is fun.
(Sydnee starts waving like the Queen of England.)
TRAVIS
The family who lives in that big brick home on the hill, had a wedding on the lawn. I drove around the lake that day and played the Love Boat theme. The bride and groom loved it.
SYDNEE
That sounds so sweet. So, you are a romantic at heart.
TRAVIS
I used to be. I’m not sure anymore. I learned a big lesson from Becca.
Scene 2 INT JACKSONVILLE FLORIDA DAY
Liz Bradford is rushing to catch the train to Vermont. She comes to a halt when she hears Jake Jones singing a Christmas song over the loud speaker. A gentleman runs into her from the back. She drops all her packages, phone. He helps her retrieve her things and she rushes forward. She runs into a Christmas Elf when she shifts her packages, knocks the elf down. It is plastic. A housekeeper assists her in gathering her things and placing the Christmas Elf in an upright position. She walks faster to avoid another crash.
Phone rings.
Split screen phone call
LIZ
Hello, Mom. I really don’t have time. I’m running late. I just arrived at the station and I’m trying to get on the train.
ANNABELLE
I was hoping you were already in your cabin, Dear.
LIZ
There was an accident on the Dames Point Bridge and I’m thankful I didn’t miss the train. What is wrong? I can tell in your voice there’s a problem.
ANNABELLE
The entertainment duo for the lounge called. They cancelled.
LIZ
They can’t do that. They are under contract.
ANNABELLE
They are both homebound sick with the flu.
LIZ
(As she hands the conductor her ticket) Don’t worry. I will check my contact list and get somebody.
Jake Jones walks into Annabelle’s office. The country music star is home for the holidays. Annabelle sees the solution to her problem and smiles at him.
SPLIT SCREEN on phone
ANNABELLE
(waving Jake to enter her office) Sweetheart, don’t worry. I think I may have the answer to our
problem.
Over the loud speaker: “ All Aboard”
LIZ
Mom, what are you thinking? Please wait until I get on the train. I am walking up the steps now. I
can handle this.
ANNABELLE
Glad you are headed home. We will talk later. Bye, Love.
LIZ
Wait! We need to discuss our options. Mom? Are you there? Oh, no. What is she doing now, I wonder?
Liz meanders down the corridor looking for cabin 36.
LIZ
I can’t worry about it now.
Scene INT ANNABELLE’S OFFICE DAY
ANNABELLE
Jake, have a seat. Welcome home to Wellington and the Bradford Inn.
JAKE
Hello, Ms. Annabelle, it’s good to be home. I was hoping to see Lizzy today, but it sounds like she is on a business trip.
ANNABELLE
She’s getting on the train to come home. Will arrive some time tomorrow.
JAKE
I want to see her this trip home. I’ve been thinking about how I treated her after high school. made a mistake and I need to apologize to her
ANNABELLE
I’m glad to hear that, Jake.
JAKE JONES
I tried to talk to her last Christmas, but I could never catch up with her.
ANNABELLE
I believe she will want to talk to you, too. Liz is VP of Marketing now. Doing a wonderful job. How
is the music business? I hear you are making big bucks.
JAKE
Going great. I wrote five new songs that will be recorded in the new year. My agent thinks this
may be my biggest album yet.
ANNABELLE
Maybe you will win another Grammy.
JAKE JONES
How is everything at the inn?
ANNABELLE
Good, however, as of this morning, our holiday performers for the lounge are
sick with the flu. I need an act for four days.
JAKE
I will be happy to do a concert for you. It will give me a chance to test my new music.
ANNABELLE
Jake, that would solve my problem. Are you sure?
JAKE JONES
I’ll pack that lounge every night. Tell Sam to order lots of tickets.
ANNSBELLE
I like it when we both win. I’ll give you the contract to read and you can bring it back in
the morning if you like.
JAKE JONES
Jake Jones is performing at home. Don’t worry about the publicity. I’ll call the radio station and newspapers.
ANNABELLE
One less thing for Lizzy to do. I’ll leave that to you.
JAKE
Speaking of Lizzy, I need her phone number. I have something special planned for her
during the holidays.
ANNABELLE
You know I can’t give you her number.
JAKE JONES
Yeah, I understand.
ANNABELLE
If you are sincere about apologizing to her, you will have to do this without my assistance.
Before you leave, check in with Sam and let him know what you need.
JAKE JONES
I’ll will. I’m looking forward to doing this.
ANNABELLE
The community is going to be happy. You haven’t sang locally for a few years.
The phone rings. It’s the restaurant supervisor. Annabelle answers. She waves bye. Jake leaves.
ANNABELLE
Hey. I’m on my way.
Annabelle leans back in her chair and smiles. She looks at the big picture of her deceased husband, Lawrence, on the office wall.
ANNABELLE
Lawrence? Sometimes love works in strange ways. I believe our daughter is about to be happy again.
Scene 3. INT THE HALLWAY OF THE TRAIN DAY
Liz is balancing her packages, her computer and phone as she meanders through the passengers, traveling to her cabin. When she gets to cabin 36, she hears a deep voice talking on the phone in the cabin next to hers. His door is not closed.
TRAVIS (deep voice)
Yes, I’m on the train, but tell me again why we are spending the Christmas holidays at Bradford
Inn. You know how I feel about that place?
Liz pauses and takes her time getting the key in the door when “deep voice” says Bradford Inn. She enters but leaves the door slightly ajar to listen to gather more information.
SPLIT phone conversation:
JILL HARVELLE
Your dad never gets to rest when we stay at home in Orlando. He needs to be away from that
office. He is exhausted. We are familiar with the Bradford Inn and I feel it will be a good trip.
TRAVIS
You remember what happened there right before Christmas five years ago?
JILL HARVELLE
Don’t dwell on the past, Dear. You won’t believe this place. It’s fabulous! Marty and I
walked every inch of the facility today.
TRAVIS
How deep is the snow?
JILL HARVELLE
I don’t know. We haven’t ventured out much. Did you bring warm clothes? It’s a little chilly.
TRAVIS
Yes. The train is departing from the station.
Travis realizes his door is open. He closes it with his foot.
I want you and Marty to go outside and practice making snowballs. We are going to have a family snowball fight while we stay at the lovely Bradford Inn.
JILL HARVELLE
Travis, you are teasing, right?
TRAVIS
See you tomorrow, Mom.
Travis grabs a magazine he purchased at the depot and rests, looking out the window.
TRAVIS (V.O.)
I wish I knew what this trip is really about!
Scene 4: INT LIZ’s CABIN DAY
Liz organizes the cabin while she thinks about the man next door who dislikes the Bradford Inn.
LIZ (V.O)
Whatever the situation was, it happened before we purchased the inn. He’s still remembers it after five years.
Liz opens her computer and reviews her contracts, hits SEND to Annabelle. She checks her
business notebook and looks for entertainment acts for the holidays. She writes down a few
names and numbers. She checks her phone contacts. She calls Annabelle.
Split phone call
ANNABELLE
Hello.
LIZ
Okay, I have three groups that might be available for the holidays. They are great family
entertainers.
ANNABELLE
That’s okay. I solved the problem. We’ll discuss when you arrive tomorrow afternoon.Enjoy your ride home. I’m late for the restaurant.
LIZ
What is the name of the group?
ANNABELLE
Trust me. It’s going to be fabulous! Relax. I got is covered.
LIZ
What kind of music do they sing?
ANNABELLE
A variety. Christmas music
LIZ
Is he a country music singer?
Annabelle stares at her phone and grimaces.
LIZ
Did you hire Jake Jones? I’m sure he is home for the holidays and he always shows up at the inn.
ANNABELLE
Now, Liz, he has changed. He was delightful in my office.
LIZ
He put on an act for you.
ANNABELLE
We don’t have many options at this point. He was available and willing. And he will draw
a crowd.
LIZ
I believe I could have found someone to fill the slot other than him.
ANNABELLE
He will be debuting five new songs on our stage. He will pack the lounge. We can’t let
personal preferences affect business decisions. (She pauses)
Liz looks out the window and stares at the scenery.
ANNABELLE
I believe you might want to re-consider your situation with that man.
LIZ
I have re-considered it every Christmas for seven years. It’s not going to happen. Jake
must work with either Sam or you. I am out of the picture on this one.
ANNABELLE
Is this going to be a problem for you?
LIZ
No, Jake Jones is your and Sam’s problem. I’m going to the dining car and eat. Hugs
and kisses. See you tomorrow.
ANNABELLE
Hugs and kisses to you, Sweetheart. Love you.
Scene 5: INT THE RED FOX LOUNGE DAY
Jake walks into the lounge and finds Sam, the long-time bartender and good friend of Liz.
JAKE JONES
Hey, Sam. Have you talked to Ms. Annabelle in the last few minutes?
SAM
(drying glasses) No, I’ve been stocking the bar. Why?
JAKE JONES
Your entertainment gig canceled. I’m the new act. I start tomorrow night.
SAM
Okay, what do you need?
JAKE JONES
Is it okay if I reset the lights?SAM
Sure. We have a new sound system, too. The last few performers loved it. Its carries your
voice to the back of the room. I have to open in ten minutes. Can you come tomorrow
about ten and you can rehearse.
Sounds like a winner. See you then. (turns to leave, but returns) I need to contact Lizzy. Will
you give me her cell phone number?
SAM
Liz does not want you to have her number. I made a promise to her. Only a few select people
have it.
JAKE JONES
When you see her, please tell her I want to talk to her before I sing Friday night.
SAM
I will give her your message.
Jake left the lounge. Sam immediately text Liz about Jake.
Scene : INT LIZ’S SLEEPER CAR NIGHT
Liz Bradford meets Travis Harvelle. Liz tells him a lie.
Liz checks the time. She combed her hair, grabs her folder. Sam texts her. She is reading the text when she opens the door and walks into a huge man’s chest. She drops her phone and notebook. Travis stoops down and picks her things up.
TRAVIS
Sorry. (reaching down to gather her things and Travis returns them to her.)
LIZ
I apologize. I travel this train all the time. I had something on my mind. Thank you.
TRAVIS
Headed to the dining car?
LIZ
Yes.
Travis points in the right direction. Liz turns around and moves toward the dining car. Liz
greeted people she met.
TRAVIS (V.O.)
Miss Emerald Eyes speaks to every person she meets. She must be in sales. She’s caring a
notebook. Workaholic. Can’t even eat without taking notes. Her auburn hair is beautiful
and it bounces every time she takes a step. Travis, this girl is trouble. Beautiful. Stay away
from beautiful women. They lie.
LIZ (V.O.)
“Deep Voice” is very handsome. He has muscles. He’s probably a coach. He never speaks
to people. He’s a snobbish coach. He reminds me of the picture Mom has of Rock Hudson.
He walks a little too close to me, like he’s smelling my perfume or something. At least I am
not thinking about Jake Jones.)
LIZ
Oh heck!
TRAVIS
Everything okay?
LIZ
Yes, I’m sorry. Everything is good.
When they arrive at the dining car, there is only one table left.
LIZ
(looking over her shoulder) Would you like to share a table?
TRAVIS
Sounds like a winner. (Travis pulled her chair for her to sit)
LIZ (V.O.)
The handsome, snobbish coach has manners.
LIZ
Thank you.
A server ran over and handed them menus.
SERVER
What would you like to drink?
Jill
I’ll have water.
TRAVIS
Coffee, black.
Travis looks at Liz who is glancing her menu. He studies her.
Liz grimaces and then smiles at something on the menu. Li feels some one staring at her. She
raises her eyes slowly to find Travis staring at her. They stare at each other.
Liz (V.O.)
I’m not breaking the stare!
The server brings the drinks. Travis sips his coffee.
Liz smiles and notices he is not wearing a ring.
TRAVIS
Looks like everyone got hungry at the same time.
LIZ
I agree. I’m Sarah.
TRAVIS
I’m Travis.
LIZ
Do you travel by train often?
TRAVIS
My last train trip was five years ago.
LIZ
Everything on the menu is good but the spaghetti.
TRAVIS
What’s wrong with the spaghetti?
LIZ
They don’t have my recipe.
TRAVIS
Are you a chef?
LIZ
No.
TRAVIS
You don’t look Italian. Is it a family recipe?
LIZ
No
The server returns to their table for their orders.
LIZ
I”ll have the chicken salad on chopped lettuce, tomato wedge on the side with iced tea.TRAVIS
I’ll have the same but I would like crackers on the side, please.
LIZ
Good choice.
TRAVIS
Are we playing Twenty Questions or are you going to tell me about the spaghetti?
LIZ
I make a mean sauce. It’ good. One of the first times I rode the train, I ordered it for
dinner. It tasted like it came out of a can. No seasonings. No flavor.
TRAVIS
Thanks for the warning. (Travis looks out the window, at the beautiful lights on display as the train went through a small town.) This is beautiful to see all the Christmas decorations and the lights.
LIZ
That is one of the benefits of riding the train at Christmas. (Liz checks her phone.) I don’t want to scare you but for the next sixty seconds it is going to be eerie.
TRAVIS
Why?
The lights go out in the dining car. The lights flicker. Liz uses her cell phone to light up her face. Travis looks at her.
LIZ
(whispers) If there is a terrorist attack while we are in this tunnel, these are the people you will go to eternity with. (Liz looks at the people sitting quietly in the dining car.) Doesn’t that scare you?
Travis sits back in his chair and looks around. He looks at the crazy lady sitting across from him. The lights in the car return.
LIZ
Good news. No terrorist attack tonight and you won’t die from the spaghetti either. (She winks
at Travis)
The server delivers their meals.
LIZ
Thank you.
TRAVIS
This looks good.
Liz silently says grace. Travis waits for her.
LIZ
I choose the train as my mode of transportation because I have tremendous fear of flying, What’s yours?
TRAVIS
Same. I thought about joining the military after college, but there’s too much flying. I decided to
form my tech company and live on a lake instead.
LIZ
Sounds like a peaceful work setting.
TRAVIS
It is . Every day at five o’clock, I take the party barge for a cruise around the lake. I play music that fits the season or day. Neighbors look me and wave. Sometimes I eat on the lake.
LIZ
So, you’re a daily ritual?
TRAVIS
Yes, Jake Jones and me.
Travis noticed Liz’s face went from friendly to disgust.
TRAVIS
Not a Jake Jones fan I gather.
LIZ
I prefer rock n roll, myself.
TRAVIS
Never grew up, huh?
LIZ
Some might say that.
TRAVIS
Is this a business trip or are you headed home for the holidays?
LIZ
Both. I am in sales and I work with associations. How about you?
TRAVIS
My situation is crazy right now. Get this, my family always celebrates Christmas at the family home in Orlando. We gather for a week. It’s wonderful. This year my mother insisted we travel to
Vermont and stay at the Bradford Inn, the same place where I got married five years ago. I need to mention my bride divorced me after one year because she hated the simple life.
LIZ
That’s crazy!
TRAVIS
Thank you, I totally agree. Why would I want to go back to that awful place?
LIZ
The good news is I am familiar with that inn and it is under new management. It
has a five-star rating now. The town celebrates Christmas like no other.
TRAVIS
We got married two weeks before Christmas and was only there for one weekend. I don’t remember much about the town.
LIZ
You never remarried?
TRAVIS
No, she was beautiful but she lied to me about everything. I married my party barge instead.
She doesn’t lie.
Liz looked at her tea glass..
LIZ (V.O.)
Well, I just gave Travis a false name. He will think I am a liar.
LIZ
Have you asked your mother why the change in venue?
TRAVIS
Only about fifty times.
LIZ
What was her answer?
TRAVIS
She uses my father’s work as the reason. He needs a true vacation.
LIZ
That could be true. There’s something to do every night, but watching the
snow fall is so relaxing.
TRAVIS
My mother and sister hate cold weather. They prefer ninety degrees.
LIZ
Either your mother knows nothing about Vermont in the wintertime, or she’s
planning something special for you. (pauses) We have two things in common.
TRAVIS
What are they?
LIZ
Fear of flying and (pausing) meddling mothers who love us dearly.
Travis laughs and Liz joins him.
TRAVIS
That thought deserves a toast. Let’s have a glass of wine. Server?
Liz looks around and sees there is only one couple left in the dining car. The server
takes the order. The other couple walks over.
MAN
Looks like we ‘re the young people on this trip? I’m Jerry and this is my wife, Joan.
May we join you?
TRAVIS
Absolutely, we were just ordering a glass of wine. I’m Travis and this is Sarah.
The server delivers two glasses of wine and goes back for more.
LIZ (V.O.)
Travis is a nice guy and I did the one think he hates, lied. I think I will be “shelter in place” for the Christmas holidays. I will tell him the truth tomorrow. At least he made me forget Jake Jones for a while.
-
Pam’s Finished Act 1
Rather than pasting in all of my scenes, I pasted in the missing scenes from my Prologue.
INT. BERGER HOME, KITCHEN – DAY (PROLOGUE)
Young HENRI BERGER, 10, and a distinguished mid-50s FRANCOIS BERGER work together at the kitchen table to finish assembly of Henri’s lunch. Francois cuts a sandwich in half, slides it into a baggie, and places it inside an open lunchbox. Henri adds a juice box and Tupperware. Lunchbox gets snapped shut, revealing its “WILL OF THE WEST” cowboy movie cover design.FRANCOIS
(in a French accent)
Let me get ze final look at you.Young Henri self-consciously spins around. He’s wearing creased slacks, a pressed shirt and suspenders. Francois complements the outfit with a dark-colored bow tie. Combs Henri’s medium-length brown hair while he squirms and frowns.
HENRI
(pleading)
I dunno, Papi. Isn’t this too much for the first day of school? All the other boys will be wearing new Dockers and Izod shirts.FRANCOIS
(proudly)We don’t need ze cro-co-deel. Remember, Henri — good taste never goes out of style.
Henri is still not sure, but nods his head in agreement. Hugs his grandfather goodbye. Grabs his lunchbox and backpack on the way out of the door.
INT. SCHOOL BUS – DAY
Young Henri sits quietly on a loud school bus full of grade school kids. He looks around at the other kids and removes his bow tie. Two obnoxious boys, BRAT #1 and BRAT #2, sit two seats behind him. Brat #1 chews and loudly snaps his bubble gum. Every minute or so, he blows a large bubble. Brat #2 has a straw that he loads with spitballs. He strategically chooses his unsuspecting targets.Brat #1 accidentally sneezes. (add in the sound) His gum is propelled like a missile and lands in the back of Henri’s hair. He looks at Brat #2, mouth open in surprise.
BRAT #1
(mouthing the words)
Holy crap!Henri notices something, not sure what. Looks questioningly at the boys behind him, now as polite as choir boys. They nod and smile back at Henri.
BRAT #1
(laughs, shakes head in disbelief)
“Couldn’t do that again if I tried.”As kids file out of the bus, Brat #1 and Brat #2 snicker behind Henri.
EXT. GRADE SCHOOL – CONTINUOUS
The school bell RINGS. Henri heads inside the school along with a crowd of kids, unaware of the big honkin’ wad of bubble gum stuck in the back of his hair.INT. GRADE SCHOOL HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS
Young Henri walks down the hall to homeroom, noticing some snickering, but unclear why. A well-dressed boy with glasses, YOUNG JARED, catches up to Young Henri and alerts him to the “gum-in-hair” issue. Young Henri thanks and introduces himself to Young Jared. Then heads into the boys’ restroom.INT. GRADE SCHOOL BOY’S ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Young Henri stands in front of the mirror, alone in the restroom. He spills out the contents of his backpack: crayons, ruler, scissors and Elmer’s Glue. He feels for the gum wad and cuts it out. After some trial and error, he re-styles his hair. Holds his new ‘do in place with Elmer’s glue. He looks pretty damn good! Quite handsome, in fact, with the shorter, classic style. Puts the bow tie back on.HENRI
(in a British accent)
The name’s Bond. James Bond.He re-checks his cut in the front and on both sides. Nods his head affirmatively in an up-and-down motion.
-
Clendon – Finished Act One – Lesson 12
[1] What I learned doing this assignment? How each piece builds upon the previous one. Like pieces to a puzzle falling into place as the story forms and becomes visible.
—————————–
[2] Outline any other scenes left to write in Act 1.
INT. HOUSE – DAY
BEGINNING: JR (antagonist) moves stealthily through a home, towards a woman’s voice.
MIDDLE: We see woman is talking on the phone. JR makes his presence known. Woman sees gun, pleads with him. Clearly know one another. They argue over her son and his resentment of her.
END: JR shoots her. She falls to the floor dead. JR takes her crucifix and plants fake evidence.
———————
EXT. CITY PARK – DAY
BEGINNING: Klendon (protagonist) & Gina. He pours wine, talk, flirt; he shows her his crucifix.
MIDDLE: Klendon explains the mythology behind a Celtic crucifix. Puts it around her neck, tells her it’ll keep her safe.
END: Gina is moved; they kiss.
———————
EXT. CITY PARK – CONTINUOUS
BEGINNING: Klendon and Gina’s makeout session is interrupted by a lady detective.
MIDDLE: Klendon thinks she’s one of his father’s goons, takes her down, handcuffs her.
END: Klendon tells Gina to let her up after he’s long gone, walks off playing guitar.
———————————
INT. HIGH-SCHOOL CLASSROOM – MONDAY MORNING
Seated at the back of the class, Klendon. He ignores the teacher droning on, DRAWS in his notebook instead.
INSERT – SKETCH
Pencil rendering of Gina: expression tender, bit mysterious.
BACK TO SCENE
Classroom door opens. Heads turn.
MR. JENKINS (school principal) enters, walks up to the teacher, speaks in a hushed voice. Thin, balding, and demonstrative, you either love Mr. Jenkins or hate the man.
TEACHER “Klendon Masters, principal Jenkins would like a word with you.”
No one makes a sound, all eyes are on Klendon as he leaves.
———————————
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS
Klendon and female DETECTIVE lock eyes.
KLENDON “What’s going on?”
DETECTIVE “I think you know.”
KLENDON “If this is about yesterday…”
JENKINS “Detective Ramirez is with homicide. I’m afraid there’s been an accident. Your mother’s…
———————————
INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
BEGINNING: Klendon is brought in; several homeless people see and acknowledge him. Detective finds that odd.
MIDDLE: Klendon is taken to an interrogation room, questioned by lady detective (Ramirez). Klendon is in shock. Ramirez promises Klendon if he did it, she will find out.
END: Klendon’s father walks in w/ personal attorney. Frees his son, they leave the room, Klendon whispers to Ramirez, “Better hope I don’t find him first, detective.”
——————————
INT/EXT. GIRLS’ LOCKER ROOM – DAY
BEGINNING: Gina in cheerleading uniform, calls Klendon, no answer. Worried.
MIDDLE: Gina hurries out, onto the football field. We see her practice through a camera lens.
END: We don’t see who is photographing her, only his masculine hand holding camera.
————————————-
INT. LAWYER OFFICE – AFTERNOON
BEGINNING: Klendon meets with his mother’s lawyer. Lawyer informs him how much he inherits.
MIDDLE: Klendon is floored by the amount, asks lawyer how she made all that $.
END: Lawyer hands Klendon a sealed envelope per his mother’s wishes. It is a goodbye letter.
——————————–
EXT. CITY PARK – LATER
BEGINNING: Gina parks behind catering truck, introduces himself to JR & Natalie, his daughter. Tells them Klendon sent her to help out (a lie).
MIDDLE: Natalie and JR argue over Mary’s murder. She wants to kill whoever did it; JR says no, killing changes a person; he learned that in the Marines.
END: JR. tells Natalie to get the food unloaded and set things up for lunch.
———————————-
EXT. PARK – NORTH END – SAME
BEGINNING: Ramirez and her partner there, on stakeout, waiting for Klendon to show.
MIDDLE: Ramirez’s partner thinks the boy deserves a medal for helping/feeding the homeless. Ramirez argues it is dangerous; needs to be done right.
END: Police raid the gathering, Gina is arrested by Ramirez.
———————————–
INT. MARY’S HOME – BASEMENT – NIGHT
BEGINNING: Klendon working out on heavy bags: kicking and punching. Angry.
MIDDLE: He takes a break, drinks water; sees his reflection in the mirror, loses it.
END: Klendon throws his water bottle at the wall mirror, shatters it. Glass shards everywhere.
—————————–
EXT. POLICE STATION – LATER
BEGINNING: Klendon bails JR and Natalie out.
MIDDLE: The three have a group hug outside the station.
END: Unaware they are being photographed. Same masculine hand that photographed Gina.
———————————
INT. JR’S DINER – LATER
BEGINNING: JR, Natalie & Klendon eating bbq, talking about Mary’s murder. Any clues, leads?
MIDDLE: The three spitball ideas, what to do and why.
END: Klendon tells them he’s hiring a private investigator to look into his dad’s affairs.
————————————
INT. MARY’S HOME – KITCHEN – NIGHT
BEGINNING: Klendon alone with his thoughts, his anger and memories.
MIDDLE: He remembers his mom and him baking during the holidays.
END: He swears he will kill whoever murdered her. Begins doing pushups on the spot where she died.
———————————–
EXT. GRAVEYARD – DAY
BEGINNING: Clendon at mom’s funeral: dad and his minions there. He is out of it, numb.
MIDDLE: He fantasizes accusing his dad of killing his mom: knees him, stabs him in chest.
END: Clendon’s girl and friends are there in support.
————————————–
EXT. GRAVE SITE – LATE NIGHT
BEGINNING: Klendon is there alone, sitting up against his mother’s grave marker listening to Christmas music.
MIDDLE: Eyes closed. Letter in hand.
END: Unmoving.
[3] Write a 20% draft of those scenes.
INT. PALATIAL HOME – DAY
JR moves stealthily through the house. JINGLE of telephone stops him. Listens, knows which room the woman is in.
INT. KITCHEN – CONTINUOUS
Mary hangs up. At the sound of a man’s boot heal, she turns. Her expression is one of concern, not fear. She knows the intruder.
JR “I warned you, stop meddling.
MARY (eyes on pistol) “Please, he needs direction.”
JR. “Boyd needs love. You no better than his daddy.”
BLAM!
SLOW MOTION, TRACK the bullet out the barrel – passes through Mary’s chest. She drops.
JR. takes out a baggie, holds it upside down over Mary. ZOOM IN on several strands of hair as they FLOAT DOWN to her body. JR takes her crucifix, then SNEEZES.
———————
EXT. CITY PARK – DAY
Clendon POURS wine. Gina holds their glasses.
Clendon’s crucifix falls out of his shirt.
GINA “It’s beautiful, may I?”
Clendon unfastens it, slips it around her neck, fastens the clasp saying,
CLENDON “It’ll protect you.”
GINA “No, I couldn’t possibly…”
She reaches up to take it off, Clendon catches her hand.
KLENDON “Please, I insist.”
Gina’s arms encircle Klendon. Their KISS is passionate.
———————
EXT. CITY PARK – CONTINUOUS
UNKNOWN POV – through a telephoto lens, we are focused on Clendon and Gina kissing.
CLICK – CLICK – CLICK.
Behind shrubbery fifty yards to the north, a woman lying on her stomach taking photographs, gets to her feet. She’s seen enough.
Lying close, facing one another, neither Klendon nor Gina sense her approaching until a SHADOW falls across them.
Clendon looks up, sighs, turns back to Gina.
CLENDON “Friend of yours?”
GINA “Nope.”
DETECTIVE (shows shield) “You’re under arrest for minor in possession of alcohol.”
CLENDON (rolls on his back) “A bonafide detective wouldn’t be interrupting a Sunday picnic. Who put you up to this, my father? You can drop the act.”
DETECTIVE (shows handcuffs) “You got a smart mouth.”
Clendon SWEEPS her legs, out from under her – PINS her arms – CLAPS the handcuffs on.
DETECTIVE “Get off me!”
CLENDON “Listen detective. Last fem-fatale that tailed me, I left tied to a light pole, naked. Tell my father, nice try.”
GINA “Where are you going?”
CLENDON “To give my father a piece of my mind. This has to stop.”
Clendon kisses Gina’s mouth loving the wine on her lips. He whispers:
CLENDON “Meet me at the sushi bar, five o’clock. We’ll grab take out. I want to show you my new place.”
———————————
INT. HIGH-SCHOOL CLASSROOM – MONDAY MORNING
Seated at the back of the class, C”lendon. He ignores the teacher droning on, DRAWS in his notebook instead.
INSERT – SKETCH
Pencil rendering of Gina: expression tender, bit mysterious.
BACK TO SCENE
Classroom door opens. Heads turn.
MR. JENKINS (school principal) enters, walks up to the teacher, speaks in a hushed voice. Thin, balding, and demonstrative, you either love Mr. Jenkins or hate the man.
TEACHER “Clendon Masters, principal Jenkins would like a word with you.”
No one makes a sound, all eyes are on Clendon as he leaves.
———————————
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS
Clendon and female DETECTIVE lock eyes.
CLENDON “What’s going on?”
DETECTIVE “I think you know.”
KLENDON “If this is about yesterday…”
JENKINS “Detective Ramirez is with homicide. I’m afraid there’s been an accident. Your mother…”
———————————
INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
Detective Ramirez escorts Clendon to one of the interrogation rooms. Several of the homeless, one in handcuffs, acknowledge Clendon.
Ramirez makes a mental note of this.
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Clendon sits at a table, lost in thought.
RAMIREZ (across the table) “You were close to your mother?”
Clendon nods.
RAMIREZ “When your parents divorced, you chose to live with your mother?”
CLENDON “Yeah.”
RAMIREZ “Who else knows the code to your home security system?”
CLENDON “Myself and mother. Wait, Rosa, our cleaning lady might.”
CLENDON “I should’ve been there.”
RAMIREZ “Tell me again, why you didn’t go home last night.”
CLENDON “Just got my own place. I never should’ve moved out.”
DOOR OPENS – Clendon’s father, TREVOR and his attorney enter the room.
LAWYER (drops papers on table) “My client has nothing further to say If he’s not being formally charge, I demand his immediate release.”
CLENDON (whispers into Ramirez’s ear) “Better hope I don’t find mother’s killer first, detective.”
——————————–
INT/EXT. GIRLS’ LOCKER ROOM – DAY
Gina looking at herself in the mirror: cheerleading outfit, hair up in pony tail. Her worry, an expression pompons and a contagious smile cannot hide.
Hurrying out, onto the football field, we WATCH Gina through a telephoto lens.
CLICK – CLICK…
The HAND working the camera’s zoom lens is masculine. Who is our peeping Tom?
————————————-
INT. LAWYER OFFICE – CONFERENCE ROOM – AFTERNOON
Clendon sits as the lawyer, Jacob, begins reading his mother’s will. Eyes close, he recalls their times together: snow skiing, hiking the Appalachian Trail.
JACOB “Do you wish to have the interest form the trust reinvested, or deposited into your checking account?”
CLENDON (cluelesss) “How much we talking?”
JACOB (consults paperwork) “Two million dollars every quarter.”
Clendon’s jaw drops.
Jacob hands Clendon a sealed envelope.
JACOB “Mary wanted me to give you this after the reading of her will.”
Clendon’s hand trembles as he opens it.
INSERT – LETTER
“Klendon, I am so very proud of you. The help you are providing the less fortunate fills my heart with joy. Let Jacob help you take that kindness to the next level. Build a shelter. I have several parcels of land around town which might prove useful. Keep up the good work and be careful around your father. You know how he feels about humanitarian aid, or any act of kindness for that matter. I love you, son. Think of me with a smile, not tears. You are my legacy. I know you will do the right thing. Remember, whatever you do for one of the less fortunate, you do for yourself.
——————————–
EXT. CITY PARK – LATER
Gina pulls in behind the catering truck, sets the brake, hops out.
She walks up, knocks on the driver’ door. Startled, the driver gives Gina a look: do-I-know-you.
GINA (lies) “Clendon sent me. I’m here to help.”
Driver door OPENS. Big man steps out, offers Gina his hand.
JR (southern drawl) “Johnny Ray Foster. Call me JR.”
Gina (shakes hand) “I’m Gina.”
Door to the back of the catering truck opens. We recognize the athletic girl as she walks up.
JR “Gina, this is Natalie, my daughter.”
Natalie stares at Gina sizing her up.
JR “How’s Clendon doing? He and his mama were close.”
———————————-
EXT. PARK – NORTH END – SAME
Homeless, close to seventy, gathered in small groups: eating, slurping soda, on edge. Clendon’s absence has everyone wondering.
Gina doesn’t see the POLICE until the homeless start hollering. She bolt for the tree line.
Ramirez catches and tackles her.
RAMIREZ (slaps handcuffs on) “Where’s Clendon? Leave you holding the bag again?”
GINA “Ruining our picnic, harassing Clendon at school, now this; what’s your malfunction?”
———————————–
INT. MARY’S HOME – BASEMENT – NIGHT
Clendon working out: hitting and kicking heavy bags. Blinded by sweat, he is forced to stop.
Drinking water, he sees his reflection in the mirror, loses it.
Clendon throws his water bottle at the wall mirror, shatters it.
—————————–
EXT. POLICE STATION – LATER
Clendon – through a camera lens – holds the door open for JR and Natalie as they exit.
CLICK-CLICK-CLICK.
Clendon swallowed up in a group hug, sandwiched between father and daughter. Unaware they are being photographed. Same masculine hand that photographed Gina.
———————————
INT. JR’S DINER – LATER
Private booth, table loaded with platters of meat, bread and pitcher of beer.
NATALIE “What do the police know?”
CLENDON “Ramirez thinks I did it. She’s just mad.”
NATALIE “Out with it. Whatchu’ do, white bread?”
CLENDON “Thought she was one of dad’s goons. I took her down, left her handcuffed in the park.”
JR “Explains why she’s a hater. Ever ask yourself why you do what you’re doing? Helping the less fortunate is a noble aspiration. But, people are slaves to something or someone.”
Natalie FLIPS a french fry at her dad, defusing the serious vibe.
NATALIE “You one crazy niggah. Chillax.”
CLENDON “Ramirez is smart. I’ll play nice. I’m thinking of hiring a PI.”
The three CLINK GLASSES: each thinking about what they’ve learned
————————————
INT. MARY’S HOME – KITCHEN – NIGHT
Clendon sits cross-legged next to the BLOOD STAIN on the hardwood floor. Only sounds are the ones in his head.
CLENDON “I’ll find who did this, who broke into our home, mom!(hand on blood stain) I’m going to kill him!”
———————————–
EXT. GRAVEYARD – DAY
Clendon, flanked by large, grim-looking body guards, appears out of it: lost, unresponsive. Drugged.
His father directs the proceedings. In his element, he is focused. No show of emotion.
Clendon imagines pulling a gun and shooting his father in the face.
Gina, with her parents and best friend, Lana, there to give Clendon moral support.
————————————–
EXT. GRAVE SITE – LATE NIGHT
New grave markers stand along side headstones in various states of decay. CHRISTMAS MUSIC starts up – comes form what sounds to be an old-time portable radio.
FOLLOW THE TUNE as it drifts over the burial site, we discover the source, an antique snow globe resting on a headstone.
FIND CLENDON sitting with his back against the grave marker. UNMOVING: eyes closed, hands clutching a letter; snow matting his hair and clothing.
-
Janeen’s Finished Act 1
What I learned doing this assignment is that I had already added the missing scenes in my outline before I did the three previous assignments. I didn’t change anything at this time, but may when I find missing setup scenes required for Act 2
I won’t repost the whole thing here since I didn’t make any changes.
-
What I’ve learnt in this lesson? I’ve learnt the importance of reading over and editing the script. Errors seem to pop up from no where.
LESSON 12 Ricardo Williams Act 1
INT. DENTAL OFFICE – CAIRO, IL – DAY – 1934
The sign on the outside of the door reads, DR. E. C. HOWARD –
DENTIST. The adjoining door reads, THE VANITY BOX. The sounds
of a groan man moaning on the inside. The moans grow louder
as DR. EDWARD HOWARD, 35, a Black dentist appears with a pair
of gold plated pliers. He leans closer to his white male
patient seated in farmer’s overalls.DR. HOWARD:
Relax man. I haven’t even touch you
as yet.FARMER:
It hurts.
DR. HOWARD touches the back of the patient’s left ear and
comes up with a tooth.FARMER (CONT’D):
Aw! Aw! Aw!
The farmer is in shock as he steers at the tooth with his
mouth wide open long enough for DR. HOWARD to grab his pliers
and swiftly extract the bad tooth.FARMER (CONT’D):
I didn’t feel that.
DR. HOWARD:
Great. You weren’t suppose to.
INT. DR. HOWARD’S HOME – NIGHT
DR. HOWARD opens the door and as he turns around his two
daughters JOLYN, 6 years old, and CHARLOTTE 4 years old,
gleeful runs into his arms. He lifts them both up and spin
around. He kisses them. He kisses his wife MRS. MARGARET HOWARD, a woman in her mid
twenties, fair and beautiful with grace and elegance.MRS. HOWARD:
Honey, we have a busy weekend. We
may need extra help with the movie
theater, popcorn stand and the
burger grill.JOLYN:
MOTHER, I want to sell the popcorn.
CHARLOTTE:
Me too.
DR. HOWARD:
Sweetie, it seems like we’ve got
all the help we need. I will get
some extras.JOLYN:
When I grow up I want to sell pop
corn.CHARLOTTE:
Me too.
DR. HOWARD:
Now my dear children, a better idea
is to own your own pop corn stand.
When you own it, you get to keep
the profits.CHARLOTTE:
What is profits daddy?
JOLYN:
That’s the money you make after you
pay for your expenses.DR. HOWARD:
Now JOLYN, that’s just brilliant.
JOLYN:
When I grow up, I want to own my
own movie theater.
(Laughter)CHARLOTTE:
Me too.
DR. HOWARD:
That’s what I am talking about. You
can do anything you set your mind
to. See honey, the apple never
falls far from the tree. The Vanity
Box, Dental Office, Pop Corn stand,
Movie theater, wow, we are a family
of entrepreneurs.JOLYN:
Daddy what is entrepaneer?
DR. HOWARD:
People who own businesses.
INT. DR. HOWARD’S HOME – DAY – 1942
14 year old JOLYN is doing her chores of cleaning her parents
bathroom. She notices scales in the bathtub. She uses a broom
and dust pan to sweep them up. She is puzzled. As she comes
out of the bathroom, she notices a letter on the dresser from
a doctor’s office. She picks it up and takes out the letter
from the open envelope. The words “MYCOSIS FUNGOIDES” catches
her eyes, and then she silently reads the dreaded contents of
the letter. She drops the letter and runs out of the room.
She is fighting to hold back tears.MRS. HOWARD:
JOLYN, are you OK?
JOLYN ignores her and goes into her room and closes the door.
She gets into a fetal position on the bed and she silently
weeps.INT. DR. HOWARD’S HOME – DAY – 1945
MRS. WHEELER, DR. HOWARD’S heavy set secretary walks into the
living room. She takes JOLYN and CHARLOTTE by the hands and
sits them down on the sofa.MRS. WHEELER:
Your mother called this morning
from the hospital. Your father
died.There is a look of shock on JOLYN’S face. She stumbles off
the couch. CHARLOTTE is screaming. JOLYN holds onto
CHARLOTTE. She looks out the window at the Post Office Plaza
across the street. She sees people walking around, talking,
and laughing. JOLYN is visibly angry as she watches the crowd
from above.JOLYN:
What are you people laughing at?
How can you do this? My father just
died.
(Shouting)CUT TO:
INT. EDIPHONE CENTER – DAY
JOLYN is busy transcribing cylinders of dictated letters to
customers. Male SUPERVISOR frantically walks into the room.SUPERVISOR:
MS. HOWARD you’ve typed, “Your
account is in the rear. It should
read, “Your account is in arrears.”
You have speed and that’s great,
but let me teach you something
about business. It doesn’t matter
how much effort you put in, if in
the end you are doing it wrong.
Efficiency is the most important
lesson you would learn in business.
Get it right the first time and you
would save us all from a lot of
heartache.INT. EDIPHONE CENTER – DAY – CONTINUOUS
JOLYN sits in the break-room. She writes a letter to her mom.
JOLYN (V.O.)
Dear Mother, today, I learned the
most important lesson in business.
The importance of accuracy and
getting it right the first time. I
started a job as an Ediphone
Operator. I am sending you this
money to help with expenses and to
help CHARLOTTE with her college.
Mother, I’ve dropped out of
college. I didn’t want to be a
burden on you. I want to be in a
position to support you and
CHARLOTTE.INT. BEIGE ROOM – NIGHT
JOLYN and CHARLOTTE walks into the BEIGE ROOM night club.
They are well dressed and looking glamorous. They are accompanied by CHARLOTTE’S handsome fiance, AL LOGAN,
28 and his weighty friend JOE ROBICHAUX, 32. JOE escorts
JOLYN to the dance floor.JOE:
What’s your hobbies?
(He is shouting above the music).JOLYN:
I’ve just taken up golfing.
JOE:
Such a prestigious game. Do you
play in tournaments?JOLYN:
As a matter of fact, I do. Mainly
in the Chicago area.JOE:
I have tickets
to see MARY MCLEOD BETHUNE speak at a hotel
downtown. I will like for you to
accompany me.JOLYN:
I really like her. I love her views
on women empowerment. I’ve met her
before at my workplace, but I would
love to here her speak.EXT. DOWNTOWN HOTEL CHICAGO – NIGHT
JOLYN and JOE ROBICHAUX arrive to a packed venue with the
best of Black Chicago in splendid glamor. They sit at a table
5 rows from the stage.MARY MCLEOD BETHUNE:
Perhaps the greatest battle is
before us. The fight is for a new
America: fearless, free, united,
and morally re-armed, in which 12
million Negroes, shoulder to
shoulder with their fellow
Americans, will strive that this
nation under God will have a new
birth of freedom.
(Applause)MARY MCLEOD BETHUNE makes her way through the crowd. She
stops at JOE’S table, stretches out her hand and greets
JOLYN. As she moves on, JOE grins and JOLYN is in a state of
shock.EXT. DOWNTOWN HOTEL CHICAGO – NIGHT
The night air is cool and refreshing. JOLYN holds on to JOE’S
right arm as they cross the street. The gentle sound of a car
horn beeps in the distance. An enlarged full moon stares at
the couple from overhead.JOE:
How are you enjoying our date so
far?JOLYN:
I must say, not bad for a first
date.JOE:
I admit, CHARLOTTE helped me out a
bit when she told me that you loved
Mary McLeod Bethune.JOLYN:
She did? I was wondering how you
knew. She is one of the reasons I
studied to be an educator. I always
wanted to have my own business, but
I was told it is not something
women do, so I did the next best
thing. I studied to be an educator
just like Mary McLeod Bethune.
Unfortunately, I didn’t get very
far though.JOE:
What do you mean?
JOLYN suddenly stops. She stares at the water park to their
left as several water outlet pouts in the air towards a huge
water fountain in the middle.JOLYN:
Oh! That’s so beautiful. This is so
amazing. I love downtown.JOE
(Smiling): The Summer is the perfect time of
year. So much to do. But wait (Joe pauses). Are you
changing the conversation on me?JOLYN hesitates. She gazes at the neon signs in the distance.
She stares at a neon sign that reads BEERS in red letters,
then another Coca Cola in white letters, and another with the
word CAPITOL in pink letters.JOLYN:
I don’t want to talk about it. The
night is too beautiful to bring up
the sadness of the past.
JOE:I understand. But I also understand
that in between the sadness there
are normally happy memories. I want
to know all sides of you.JOLYN:
It is not my intentions to bore you
to death.JOE:
Bored? No way. Just being in your
company, I feel so alive. There is
no way you can bore me. Try me.JOLYN:
If you insist (She pauses). I
dropped out of college Because I
didn’t want to be a burden on
mother after father died. (She
pauses, then tears up).JOE:
I am so sorry to hear. (He draws
her closer to him and hugs her).She is now in full blown tears. Joe pulls out a handkerchief,
and hands it to her. She wipes her eyes.JOE (CONT’D): I am so sorry. Seems like you were
very close to him. How did he die?JOLYN:
He died from a disease called
Mycosis Fungoides.JOE:
I’ve never heard of it.
JOLYN:
It’s a form of blood cancer that
dries out the skin. I adored him.
He was fun-loving, very interested
in life. He was a dentist at a time
when it was extremely prejudice,
yet about sixty percent of his
practice were white folks which was
very unusual at that time.JOE:
Wow! How did he accomplish that?
JOLYN:
He was known as the dentist that
didn’t hurt. It says something
about human nature and race. When
it comes to suffering, people don’t
care where they have to go to get
relief. So the word was out that if
you went to Dr. Howard, you could
have your teeth pulled, and you
wouldn’t even feel it. And what he
did (She pauses), he used magic.JOE:
Magic? Did he just make the tooth
disappear? ( Joe snaps his fingers
into the open air and chuckles).JOLYN:
Not exactly. He learned how to pull
rabbits out of hats. So he would
get these people in the chair and
start talking to them and showing
them his little tricks. And then
he’d grab a scarf and his tools, go
into the mouth and pull the tooth
out, and they didn’t even know it
was gone (laughter). So he was a
kind of showman. And maybe that’s
where I got it from myself. (She
does a dance skip on tip toes).JOE gently reaches out and hold her hand and does a
complimenting dance of his own.JOE:
What a remarkable story. I would
have love to meet him.JOLYN:
I watched him go from a happy proud
man with two small planes, a
successful dental practice and a
movie theater, to a man in hiding
with his skin drying up and falling
off like fish scales. Through it
all, he never lost his smile (She
is sobbing again). He did buy
MOTHER her dream home, a cottage in
the suburbs, before he died.They walk along a pave concrete wharf and passes too young
boys throwing fishing lines in the water.JOE:
In a way, your Dad’s death reminds
me of my own mortality. We have a
dash of time and the sooner we find
our purpose, the more complete our
life is.JOLYN:
Unfortunately growing up in the
Black Belt of Chicago, I’ve seen so
much hopelessness. You could say we
were a school of fish in an ocean
of sharks. Education was our only
hope. My paternal grandfather was
born a slave, but he educated all
his children. In a way, Dad showed
me the challenge is not in being a
small fish, but having the skills
to grow into a shark. I can say
with pride, he died a shark.JOE:
I believe you will get back into
school and become the shark you
were meant to be. If business is
your passion then you should study
business, but being an educator
also sounds like a great idea. I am
the shark that will see you
accomplish your dreams.JOLYN:
And just what qualifies you to be a
shark? (She chuckles).JOE:
You. That’s it. You made me a shark
(He playfully pounces on her. They
laugh).JOLYN:
You’re silly. I am scared of
sharks, so I won’t be of any use to
you. (She pauses and looks up at
the skyline). When I own my own
business I will be the shark I was
meant to be.JOE:
I will help you become that shark.
JOLYN runs off. JOE runs behind her and catches her from
behind. She is laughing and screaming as she turns around to
face him. He kisses her passionately. She responds. They kiss
intimately. He pauses.JOE (CONT’D):
JOLYN will you marry me?
JOLYN:
Are you crazy? You barely know me.
What are you nuts? (She giggles).CUT TO:
INT. JOLYN’S HOME – DAY
JOLYN is lying on the couch with her head on JOE’s lap. He is
massaging her gently.JOE:
You know how important serving the
community is to me. Do you?JOLYN:
Of course I do.
JOE:
Well, it so happens, MAYOR DALEY
wants me to run for the position of
Committeeman. He thinks with all
the new wards that are opening, I
stand a good chance.JOLYN:
I don’t want you in politics.
Politics is a game of crooks and
corruption.JOE:
Those are two things you won’t have
to worry about when it comes to me.
We have no politicians, who know
how to handle power. I know how to
handle power.JOLYN:
I agree. You are everything power
should be. You are now the Jury
Commissioner, and Vice President of
Wanzer Dairy. It just seems like
its a lot to handle.JOE:
I can handle it, and plus if you
allow me to, you can quit your job,
the job that you hate and focus on
your golfing.CUT TO:
EXT. HOME – DAY
JOLYN celebrates JOE’S appointment as JURY COMMISSIONER of
COOK COUNTY. Close friends and relatives gather in the back
yard patio. There are drinks and food for everyone.JOLYN:
My husband had a dream. A dream
that I was skeptical about. But I
stood by him. Politics as you know
can be a dangerous game, but it is
where his heart is and I wanted to
be there with him. Joe has beaten
the odds. He first won the position
of COMMITTEEMAN and three years
later MAYOR DALEY has appointed him
JURY COMMISSIONER of COOK COUNTY,
and may I also inform you that he
is a DIRECTOR at WANZER DAIRY. He
is one busy man. Ladies and
gentleman, I present to you my
husband and love of my life, JOE
ROBICHAUX.
(Clapping)JOE is smiling, a sheepish shy smile. He comes up to JOLYN
and hugs her and kisses her.JOE:
There is a saying that behind every
successful man is a strong woman,
and my wife has definitely been my
rock and my strength. She has kept
our family together. From raising a
son with asthma, and a daughter who
just became a teenager, she has
done it all. And don’t get me
wrong, she has dreams of her own,
but she has placed it on the backburner to care for our family.
Thank you, Sweetie.JOE’S MOM, ZENOBIA comes to the front to speak.
ZENOBIA:
I just want to say how proud I am
of my son. As a mother, I had to
put a few of my dreams on the backburner myself. I am so happy my
sacrifice was not in vain. If there
is one thing I can say about JOE is
that he takes care of his mother.
Thank you Son.
(Laughter and clapping)JOLYN is clapping, but she suddenly
looks sad.EXT. HIGHWAY – MORNING
JOLYN is driving. She gets off the highway and passes a stop
sign on her way to the GOLF COURSE. In her rear view mirror, she
notices the flashing colorful lights of a police car. She is
being pulled over.COP:
Excuse me, Ma’am, do you know why I
stopped you?JOLYN:
No sir.
COP:
You had a moving violation. You
didn’t stop at the Stop sign. I
need your driver’s license and
registration.JOLYN hands him the documents and he heads back to his car.
She is waiting and it feels like an eternity. The cop walks
back to her car.COP (CONT’D):
Ma’am, our record shows you have 6
unpaid parking tickets. You are
under arrest. Step out of the car.
Do not make any irrational moves.JOLYN is placed in handcuffs and taken into the backseat of
the police car down to the police station.INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
JOLYN is placed in a booking cell. She sits calmly in her
cell. Around the corner she hears the conversations from the
officers and the desk captain.DESK CAPTAIN:
Do you realize, you arrested the
wife of COMMITTEEMAN JOE? Do you
know how bad this looks?COP:
We had no idea.
DESK CAPTAIN:
I suggest you call him up and let
him handle this. I am sure this has
to be some misunderstanding.INT. POLICE STATION – DAY – CONTINUOUS
JOE arrives at the station to pay the tickets and pick up
JOLYN.JOE:
Hello, I am Committeeman Joe
Robichaux here to pick up my wife,
JOLYN ROBICHAUX. I spoke to the
DESK CAPTAIN and he is expecting
me.CLERK:
I am sorry the DESK CAPTAIN left
for the day, but I will be happy to
help you.JOE:
Great. I will like to pay the
outstanding fees and pick up my
wife.The Clerks are frantically searching for JOLYN. They pass
back and forth in front of her and can’t seem to find her.
JOLYN stops the Clerks.JOLYN:
Excuse me, who are you looking for?
CLERK:
We’re looking for MRS. ROBICHAUX.
JOLYN:
I am MRS. ROBICHAUX.
CLERK:
Sorry, we’re looking for
COMMITTEEMAN JOE’S wife.JOLYN:
Yes. I am JOLYN ROBICHAUX.
CLERK:
But you are Black. Are you the wife
of COMMITTEEMAN JOE ROBICHAUX?JOLYN is released. Joe hugs her, but he is visibly annoyed.
JOE:
Sweetie, why didn’t you take care
of those tickets?JOLYN:
I thought I had time, MR.
COMMITTEEMAN. Those poor clerks
expected to see your white wife.
Their eyes popped when they saw I
was Black.JOE leans over and kisses JOLYN on the lips. He looks up to
see the surprise look on the clerks faces. He kisses her
again.INT. JOLYN’S HOME – DAY – 1967
JOE is fixing a cocktail and JOLYN is on the couch relaxing.
The phone rings. JOE walks over to the living room and picks
up the phone.JOE: Hello.
ARCHIBALD CAREY (V.O.):
Hello, is this JOE ROBICHAUX?
JOE:
Who am I speaking to?
ARCHIBALD CAREY (V.O.):
This is Archibald Carey
JOE:
The one and only Archibald Carey,
prominent lawyer and now Circuit
Judge?ARCHIBALD CAREY (V.O.):
Yes sir.
JOE:
It’s a pleasure hearing from you.
How can I be of service to you?ARCHIBALD CAREY:
I don’t know if you are aware of
this, but I am also the owner of
BALDWIN ICE CREAM CO.JOE:
Yes, of course. I am quite aware of
that.ARCHIBALD CAREY:
Well, the truth is, I am very ill
and I want to divest myself of the
responsibilities of the company.JOE:
I am so sorry to hear that. What’s
your plans for the company?ARCHIBALD CAREY:
Would you be interested in
purchasing the company? It is
currently in receivership, but
supermarkets all over the Black
Belt are stocking our products. I
know you are involved with Wanzer
Dairy and I think you are the ideal
person.JOE:
I’ll have to talk it over with my
wife, but I’m very much interested.ARCHIBALD CAREY:
A little history about the company,
it was started in 1921 by seven
black postal employees who were
under-employed at the post office
because they each had college
degrees. It started off as the
SEVEN LINKS and when KIT BALDWIN
bought them out, he changed the
name to BALDWIN ICE CREAM COMPANY.
I want to keep the business Black
owned.JOE walks over to JOLYN with a sheepish grin.
JOE:
Honey, our life is about to change.
You won’t believe what just
happened.JOLYN:
What?
JOE:
ARCHIBALD CAREY offered to sell us
BALDWIN ICE CREAM CO for $25,000.JOLYN:
Wow! Sounds like a bargain. BALDWIN
is a household name. I’ve seen
patrons in their Sunday best
waiting in long lines to indulge in
their ice cream.JOE:
It’s one of the longest surviving
Black businesses. It’s been around
since 1921. He wants to keep it
Black owned. Do you think we should
purchase it?JOLYN:
Let’s do it.
JOE:
Now, I will need you to take care
of the house while we build this
business. I can get my cousin TROY THOMAS to
run things while I keep my jobs
with the Commission, and Wanzer
Dairy. You could focus on your
golfing and taking care of the
children.JOLYN:
Honey, you know my dream is to own
my own business. What’s the point
of me having a business and I am
not involved in running it?JOE:
I know it is your dream, Sweetie,
but we have obligations to the kids
and the house. Don’t forget JOEY
has Asthma. He is only 5 and SHEILA
is only 13. We need to be here for
them.JOLYN:
Honey, that’s my dream manifesting.
The kids are in school during the
day, and we could get your mom to
help out. We can make it work.JOE:
How about a compromise. You can
come in and observe things during
the day until 3 PM. I will go to
the Cook County Jury Commission at
9 then go to Wanzer Dairy where I
will perform my duty as Vice
President and then head over to our
business by 3 PM. Mother can help
with the kids. I will have TROY THOMAS direct sales and
I will manage it as we get familiar
with things.JOLYN:
So you want me to come down to
Baldwin everyday just to observe
what the operation is like?JOE:
Yes. We can keep the current
managing team, while we learn the
business.JOLYN:
Family or not, you know your
womanizer cousin is not right in
the head.JOE:
He has that business experience
that would come in handy, and
family is important to him.JOLYN:
What business experience he has?
Are you talking about running a bar
for drunkards?JOE:
He does that on weekends. During
the week I can get him to work with
us.JOLYN:
Honey, that makes no sense. So
basically, you want me to go to the
office and just sit there and give
you updates?JOE:
No. I want you to be my right hand
and keep an eye on things. We can
give you the title of SECRETARY.JOLYN:
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, why do I have to
be the SECRETARY? Why can’t I be
the MANAGER?JOE:
I think you are more than capable
of being the manager, but I want
you to learn the business first.JOLYN:
If that’s what you want, I get it,
it’s a Man’s World. Just know that
if the men can’t get the job done,
this woman is more than capable and
ready to step up.JOE:
I will see to that. (He smiles).
-
Sandra’s Finished Act I
What I learned doing this outline is that even when I eventually add dialogue, I still won’t have enough scenes for Act 1, so I added some placeholders and may need more.
INCITING INCIDENT: Lucy finds another dead lab mouse.
TURNING POINT 1: What happened to the lab mouse? Lucy does an autopsy. The mouse was poisoned with arsenic.
INT. UNIVERSITY RESEARCH LAB – NIGHT
BEGINNING: Wearing gloves and using an eyedropper, PROFESSOR CLARK, 50’s, brilliant, balding, paunchy, puts a few drops from an unmarked vial into vial TM1 (test mouse 1).
MIDDLE: Vial and eye dropper put in a baggy and hides in the research assistant’s desk drawer.
END: Using a distorted voice, orders flowers to be delivered. He leaves.
INT./EXT. LUCY’S HOUSE – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: Man exits a black truck carrying a bouquet of flowers. Unlocks the front door. Places them on the living room coffee table. Exits, shuts the door.
INT. LUCY’S HOUSE – DAY
BEGINNING: LUCY, a 30-year-old, married, Ph.D. student, stands in a steamy bathroom. Wearing a robe and towel wrapped around her hair. Cracks the door open to let out the steam. Rehearses her dissertation defense as she looks in the mirror and applies makeup.
MIDDLE: She hears a noise. Calls out to see who’s there. Perfectly quiet. Opens the door further and cautiously goes into the living room. Anxiously, looks around. Sneezes. She examines a bouquet of flowers on the coffee table – no note. Perplexed, wonders who sent them and how they got there. Checks the front door and locks it. Takes the flowers to the garbage can outside.
END: She heads into the bedroom and finds a “You Can Do It!” card on the bed pillow from her husband.
INT. HUSBAND’S OFFICE – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: Lucy calls her husband. He has no idea how they got there.
INT. UNIVERSITY RESEARCH LAB – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: Research assistant feeds the mice.
INT./EXT. LUCY’S CAR – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: Lucy drives to the dry cleaners – picks up her dress. Hangs it in the car. Drives to University.
INT. UNIVERSITY CLASSROOM – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: Lucy attends class. Professor Clark teaches a class.
INT. UNIVERSITY PROFESSOR CLARKS OFFICE – DAY
BEGINNING: Professor Clark, on the phone with a pharmaceutical company explaining how promising the early trials are for the big research project he is working on. He hangs up. Lucy waits patiently.
MIDDLE: Professor Clark describes how grants fund their research. Lucy needs funding to test her dissertation project on humans. Professor Clark suggests maybe they could work together on his project when she graduates.
END: Professor Clark stands, walks around his desk, massages Lucy’s shoulders. Lucy feels uncomfortable, makes excuses, gathers her bag, heads towards the lab.
INCITING INCIDENT SCENE
INT. UNIVERSITY RESEARCH LAB – DAY
BEGINNING: Lucy enters the lab. Note on the desk to Lucy from her assistant reads, “Fed the mice. Will be back later after class.”
MIDDLE: Lucy looks at the mice in their cages. Notices TM1 isn’t moving. She pokes him with a pencil – he doesn’t move. She puts on gloves, takes him out. He still doesn’t move. She places a mirror near his mouth – no breath. She can’t believe it. Third dead lab mouse this month.
END: Lucy’s afraid how this will affect her dissertation and she won’t graduate.
EMOTIONAL REACTION SCENE
INT. UNIVERSITY RESEARCH LAB – DAY
BEGINNING: Lucy sits at the desk, places her head on her arms, sobs. Looks up, wipes away her tears.
MIDDLE: Thinks her life is over. Everything she’s worked so hard for is ruined. Not sure how she will be able to do her dissertation today. Blames and berates herself.
END: Lucy picks up her phone, then puts it down. Checks the other mice – they are all okay. Checks the data. Paces the room deciding what to do.
ACT 1 TURNING POINT SCENE
INT. UNIVERSITY RESEARCH LAB – DAY
BEGINNING: Lucy decides to do an autopsy. Discovers the mouse was poisoned. She doesn’t believe the results, so she runs them again. Results are positive for arsenic again.
MIDDLE: Furious, Lucy swears. Kicks the garbage can. Berates herself for not testing the previous dead mice for poison.
END: Lucy declares she’s going to find out who did this and why. Whoever it is, they won’t get away with it. She jumps to conclusions and thinks it must be her lab assistant.
-
Assignment 12
Aleta Rafton’s Finished Act 1
What I learned is that by adding dialogue my story may not be long enough. So I need to add action. My story is missing humor which I originally wanted.
Turning point: Stepdad has to find lost ornament by stepping out of his comfort zone
Character Names
Stepdad- Hank
Mom- Julie
Boy- Jack
Dog – Shadow
Firefighter dad – Elliott
Act 1 Outline
House Interior
Beginning: Stepdad is overwrapping Christmas ornaments as he takes them off tree adding tracking dot all the while boy is ridiculing him
Middle: Fire truck’s small ornament storage box falls under table.
End: Breaking News about escaped lion distracts everyone from tree. Mom gets called away to work. Stepdad thinking all ornaments are off tree, carries out the tree for garbage pickup. Dog finds empty box Boy accuses Stepdad of leaving ornament on tree on purpose.
Sidewalk/Street in front of House:
Beginning: Boy chasing garbage truck with ornament dangling off tree.
Middle: Stepdad comes running out. Stands there horrified at what he’s done
End: Stepdad realizes he has to do something to fix the problem
ACT 1
Interior Living room with Christmas Tree, TV Christmas show on, New Year’s Eve
Opening Scene: Closeup on hands of Stepdad applying tracking device locator he invented and then extremely carefully wrapping each ornament in bubble wrap and placing in storage box. Moves on to next ornament. Christmas music playing on TV show.
Widens scene to see grandpa asleep in chair watching Christmas movie. Mom is packing away ornaments in small boxes before putting them in large storage containers. Stepdad on ladder taking ornaments off tree and carefully wrapping them after applying tracker disc. Tells stepdad how much she appreciates him helping take ornaments off the tree. He mentions how much he hopes Jack likes the drone and maybe he’ll start to like him too. She mentions they need to get changed soon for the costume party.
Hank climbs down from ladder walks over to table with little boxes for ornaments, tracker dots. He carefully applies tracker dot to a discreet spot on one ornament at a time and then meticulously double wraps each ornament in bubble wrap.
Hank
Uh, I may need more bubble wrap.
(Hank almost falls over the dog as he gets off the ladder)
Jack
What a klutz!
Julie
No problem. I have lots more in the kitchen. You are doing the best job packing the ornaments up. They’ve never been treated so well! This is the best Christmas ever!
Jack
(Mutters) What a loser! Overwrapping everything. My dad would never waste so much time….(says out loud) Forgot something upstairs (leaves room, runs upstairs)
Hank
I feel like I’m losing with him. I try so hard but I don’t hold a candle next to his memory of his dad. I’m nothing like him. I really hoped he’d love the drone I gave him for Christmas and start to maybe like me.
Julie
Give him time. It will get better. You’re just really different from his dad but that’s what I love about you!
(Julie glances over at grandpa asleep)
I hope my dad is up for watching Jack when we go out and it’s not too much for him.
Scene 2 Jack’s bedroom on call with friend, flying drone in room showing friend on zoom, window open, Christmas music in background. Shadow is lying on bed
Friend
Jack that drone is sooo cool! Your stepdad is the best.
Jack
No! He’s the biggest nerd all the time but the drone is cool. He worries about everything! Always uptight, afraid everything will go wrong. So annoying! Ugh I can’t stand him! He thinks he’s so smart and can control everything. But he’s so wimpy. He spends all his time on the computer!
Friend
Well at least you have the drone.
Jack
Other than that, this was the worst Christmas ever!
(Jack is flying the drone to hover close to Shadow who starts chasing it around the room jumping all over things but always just missing catching it)
Friend
This is hilarious! Your dog is just going crazy. I want one of these to play with my cat!
Jack
I know! Shadow loves this! He can play for hours.
Friend
(You hear his mother calling him)
Got to go. My mom’s calling me
Jack
See you.
(Jack shuts down zoom call, keeps flying drone around room, then hears garbage truck through open window, stops drone and goes to look out window with Shadow to see the truck picking up discarded Christmas trees on the opposite side of the street, trees haven’t been picked on his side of street yet. Leaves the window and picks up bedside photo of him with his dad holding the firetruck ornament from their last Christmas together 4 years ago. Stares at it remembering his dad. Climbs on the bed and dog jumps up to lay beside him. Shadow licks Jack’s face and Jack hugs Shadow)
Jack
You’re the best!
(Jack jumps up and starts playing fetch with the dog tossing a dog toy around the room)
Scene 3
Living Room Living Room, Hank still removing ornaments, tagging with tracker and double wrapping ornaments. Hank and Julie now dressed for costume New Year’s Eve Party with Hank as Indians Jones with whip and Julie as his female sidekick
Hank
(singing) Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree…
Julie
Jack! We need you to come down here as we’ll be leaving soon.
(Jack comes downstairs into living room with Shadow and throws a dog toy onto sleeping grandpa by mistake. Shadow jumps on him to get toy and licks his face waking him up)
Jack
Still at it, Hank? You just might finish by next Christmas! If ever (under his breath) Ok Mom. What’s up?
Julie
Hey. I need you to help grandpa with the dishes after dinner. Make sure he takes his meds and let Shadow out before you go to bed. OK? I’m going to fix your dinners right. (she goes to kitchen)
Jack
Sure Mom, no problem. Wow, Mom, Hank seems really to be struggling with the ornaments. Is he ok? (Jack goes to help Hank take ornaments down)
Hank
Hey Jack. How’s the drone?
Jack
It’s ok.
Hank
I thought you’d really like it.
(Hank reaches for the firetruck ornament and Jack screams and Hank jumps back)
Jack
Don’t touch that! That’s mine. What’s the matter with you? (Jack applies tracking dot to it while it’s hanging on tree)
Scene 4 Kitchen
(Julie calls Hank to kitchen)
Julie
Hank can you reach this for me?
Hank
What was that about?
Julie
That’s the last Christmas gift from his dad. That firetruck means a lot to him
Hank
Sorry. No wonder he’s so upset. I feel like I can’t do anything right!
Scene 5 Living room
(To undermine Hank’s relationship with mom, when no one is looking Jack deliberately breaks an ornament Hank had carefully wrapped to prove his overwrapping is stupid. Julie and Hank come back into living room to keep removing ornaments and packing them away.)
Jack
Hey, one of the ornaments broke! Guess all your wrapping didn’t help did it? Kind a waste of time, huh?
Hank
Hmm. Wonder how that happened (obviously suspicious of how it broke)
Julie
Oh, that’s a shame but it’s so great that you’re being so careful with all these. Some are from when I was a kid! (she kisses Hank on the cheek while Jack watches and makes a face. Hank smiles at Julie making an effort to ignore Jack’s faces and comments)
(Jack eyes the tracking device controller on table and while everyone is busy, he secretly removes the batteries from the device so it won’t work and puts them in his pocket.He calls out to Hank to prove his device works.)
Jack
Hey Hank, does this thing really work? Let’s see…
(Hank grabs the device to turn it on but BREAKING NEWS comes on TV so he puts it in his pocket. Julie turns to watch the TV and unknowingly knocks the small box that the firetruck ornament belongs in under the table. They all stop what they are doing, move over closer to the tv to watch the story about the escaped lion which was formerly a trained circus lion for a few minutes.)
Grandpa
Wow. Well Look at that!
Julie
Might be kind of a big deal
Hank
How are they ever going to catch an escaped lion? Way to start the new year!
(Julie’s cell rings. It’s a frantic call from the local news studio where she is a producer)
Julie
Can’t believe this. They want me to come in right now! I promise I’ll be back for the party. I’ll just have to meet you there. I promise! Sorry guys. Be good jack. Bye. Thanks, Hank for understanding.
(Julie gives Hank another kiss on cheek. She rushes out the door for the studio to cover the story. Jack starts playing fetch with the dog throwing a dog toy across the room. Dog toy lands on grandpa who once again fell asleep. Shadow jumps on him to get toy. Hank takes the rest of the ornaments down, wraps them and when he’s out of small storage boxes, he believes the job is done. He packs up the large ornament storage box with the small boxes, seals it up and removes the tree from its stand.)
Hank
Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree… I’m finished with the tree.
Jack
Finally. Took you forever!
Julie
Thanks so much, babe. Really appreciate it.
Hank
Well. I’m going to take it out front for the garbage truck. Got to hurry> I thin they’re just about here.
(Hank struggles to carry the tree out the front door practically tripping, drops it and has to pick it up again)
Jack muttering
My dad could this one hand
(Hank overhears jack but ties to ignore his cutting comment)
Scene 6: Street in front of house
Hank struggles to drag the tree to the curb unaware that the firetruck ornament is still hanging on the tree for the garbage pickup. He sets the tree down just as he sees the garbage truck is coming on their side of the street picking up discarded Christmas trees. Stepdad stands self-satisfied watching as garbage truck picks up their tree. Then he starts heading back to the house
Hank
Wow! Glad that’s done!
Scene 7: Living Room, grandpa dozing, Hank putting away the large Christmas Storage boxes into the hall closet still singing Oh Christmas Tree. Christmas show back on playing Christmas music. Jack picks up a dog toy and throws it around the room several times. Dog fetches and brings balk to keep playing the game.
Then Jack throws the toy and it lands under the table this time. The dog is under the table for a while.
Jack
Go get it! What are you doing under the table?
(The dog finds the empty firetruck box under the table and brings it out wanting to play. Boy realizes his favorite ornament must still be on the tree.)
Jack
Oh no!( screaming) You idiot!! Hank I hate you! You did this on purpose!!!! You hate my dad and you hate me!!!! You are so stupid!!
(Hank drops the box he was loading into the closet wondering what is going on and why Jack is so mad. Then he sees the dog with the firetruck box in his mouth. Dog drops the small empty box.)
Hank
Jack! I’m so, so sorry. I thought all the ornaments were off the tree. All the boxes were filled……
Grandpa
Think you’ve made a fine mess of things. Poor kid. He loved his dad so much.
(Grandpa gets up and goes to door and stands there looking out. Hank hesitates for a moment then runs out the front door after Jack)
Scene 8: Street in front of house, sunset
(Jack runs out front into the middle of the street to see the garbage truck driving off with tree and ornament hanging off back. Jack runs after the truck. Dog follows. Hank sees them and runs after the truck too. Then stops seeing he can’t catch it)
Hank (yelling)
Jack! Come back!
Scene 9: Inside the garbage truck, dusk
Driver has headphones on and is rocking out and can’t hear Jack or Hank yelling and keeps driving away
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This reply was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by aleta rafton.
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This reply was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by aleta rafton.
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This reply was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by
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Dale’s Finished Act 1
What I learned from doing this assignment is how introduction of B and C stories need to support the core story.
Outline of other scenes in Act 1:
INT. ELIZABETH DREWER’S HOME – EVENING
Marshall, Elizabeth’s ex-husband, comes to her home, ostensibly looking for a chemistry book he may have left there. Issues of their marriage come up.
Beginning: Marshall arrives and asks to look through her shelves for a book he may have left there, that he needs now.
Middle: Elizabeth questions his real reason for being there – and asks about his new wife.
End: Elizabeth’s anger comes to the surface in a tirade against how Marshall betrayed her.
INT. ELIZABETH’S UNIVERSITY OFFICE – DAY
A female student asks Elizabeth advice about testifying against a professor for sexual misconduct.
Beginning: Amanda, Elizabeth’s student, asks if she can speak with Elizabeth
Middle: She asks for advice about whether to join the law suit against a predatory professor. She then describes what he did.
End: Tells her to follow what feels right. Expresses outrage at the prof’s behavior and the university’s lack of action.
INT. RESTAURANT – EVENING
Elizabeth sees her colleague, Philip, holding hands with one of his former students who is still a student at the university.
Beginning: Elizabeth and Barbara arrive at a restaurant for dinner.
Middle: Elizabeth spots Philip holding hands with a student. She argues he is breaking current university rules. Barbara takes a more forgiving stance.
End: Barbara changes the subject to ask about Elizabeth’s love love, which Liz says is non-existent. Barbara asks her if she wants to turn into a walking head at 43.
DRAFT OF REMAINING SCENES IN ACT I
INT. ELIZABETH’S HOME – LIVING ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Elizabeth goes and answers the front door. MARSHALL HEUGHINS, a mild-looking man in his mid-forties stands there.
ELIZABETH
(surprised)
Marshall.
MARSHALL
Hello, Elizabeth. Am I disturbing you?
ELIZABETH
Well, I’m preparing my lecture. Can I help you with something?
MARSHALL
Well, see, there’s a book I appear to be missing. I wouldn’t bother you for it, but I really need it. I’m doing this article for The Journal of Chemical Education, and… you look good.
Elizabeth does not respond
MARSHALL
And, uh, it’s got the exact passage I need to– Look, why don’t you go on working. I’ll just look through shelves to see if it’s there.
ELIZABETH
…Fine. Come in.
He enters and they both head into Elizabeth’s office.
INT. ELIZABETH’S OFFICE – A FEW MINUTES LATER
Elizabeth is working again on her lecture while Marshall scans titles on her bookshelf.
She periodically looks at him, obviously uncomfortable he is there.
ELIZABETH
How long is this going to take?
MARSHALL
It’s only been a few minutes.
ELIZABETH
I can’t concentrate. Not while you’re here.
MARSHALL
Sorry. I thought…
ELIZABETH
What?
MARSHALL
You’re still angry.
ELIZABETH
Well, of course, what did you expect?
MARSHALL
I don’t know. I thought maybe… after a year…
ELIZABETH
That I’d be over you? I am. I barely think of you at all.
MARSHALL
See, that’s good.
ELIZABETH
Until you turn up scratching at my door. Looking for a book you could just as easily find in the library.
MARSHALL
And your point is…
ELIZABETH
What are you really doing here, Marshall?
MARSHALL
I told you.
ELIZABETH
Fine. Well, just hurry it up then, will you?
Beat. He goes back to perusing the shelves.
ELIZABETH
(beat)
So… how is Mara?
MARSHALL
You don’t really want to know.
ELIZABETH
I do.
MARSHALL
She’s… fine. I mean… in the beginning she threw up so much she had to carry those little airline bags around with her. Then the morning of the second trimester began and she became this… mother goddess. She says that’s how it goes for her: first trimester, throw up, second, feel wonderful. It’s old hat to her, but it’s all new to me.
(beat)
It’s kind of amazing, really.
ELIZABETH
For someone who never wanted children, you’re embracing this thing pretty well.
MARSHALL
Well, you never really know how you’re going to react to something ’till you’re in it.
ELIZABETH
Or… maybe, you just found your true self.
MARSHALL
What does that mean?
ELIZABETH
It means Mara came along and awakened in you a latent and rather puerile desire for domesticity.
MARSHALL
What do you have against Mara?
ELIZABETH
(with growing anger)
Nothing. Other than the fact that she was the other woman. It’s you I have the problem with. You deceived me. And I don’t mean only sexually. You made me believe you wanted the same things I did, instead of what you really wanted which was a woman just like your mother, none too smart, with kids dragging at her skirts and a house filled with noise. We made our plans, Marshall. Careers first. No children. Intellectual growth. And it was all predicated on a lie!
MARSHALL
(A beat.)
Wow. …I guess you’ve been saving that one up.
ELIZABETH
I’ve had time to think.
MARSHALL
So I see.
(beat)
Uh… Look. Maybe I’d better get going.
ELIZABETH
But you haven’t found your book.
MARSHALL
I might have another source.
ELIZABETH
Right.
He starts to leave, then turns back.
MARSHALL
Are you going to be all right?
ELIZABETH
You’re asking me this now?
MARSHALL
I know, it’s just…
ELIZABETH
It’s just… you’ve got a baby coming, a whole new life, time to take a little parting glance at the one you left behind?
MARSHALL
That’s not it at all.
ELIZABETH
Come on, Marshall. One of the things you’ve never taken me for is stupid.
INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE ELIZABETH’S OFFICE.
Elizabeth arrives at her office to find one of her graduate students, AMANDA JONES, 23, waiting for her.
ELIZABETH
Amanda, hello! Can I help you with something?
Elizabeth unlocks the door of her office.
AMANDA
Do you have moment?
ELIZABETH
Yes. Come on in.
INT. ELIZABETH’S OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
ELIZABETH
Have a seat. What can I do for you.
AMANDA
I uh… I need some advice.
ELIZABETH
Certainly. Is this about your thesis?
AMANDA
No, it’s… well personal, in a way.
ELIZABETH
All right…
AMANDA
You know, I’m sure, about the pending law suit against Professor Stern.
ELIZABETH
Yes.
AMANDA
I… they are still looking for students to testify…
ELIZABETH
Ok…
AMANDA
I… he… I am one of his… he…
ELIZABETH
I’m so sorry, Amanda, I didn’t realize!
AMANDA
It was… pretty awful.
ELIZABETH
Do you feel like telling me what…
AMANDA
It’s hard to… but if I decide to testify… I need to be able to…
ELIZABETH
Only if you’re comfortable.
AMANDA
(after a beat)
It was at a party.
He was there, as if he were one of the students, drinking away, telling these off color jokes and… well, I went upstairs to use the bathroom and when I came out, he–
(she takes a deep breath)
He pushed me against a wall and suddenly I felt his hand up my skirt and his finger shoving itself into my–
ELIZABETH
My God.
AMANDA
And the thing was, I was still his student, you know? And all the while he was doing this, he was whispering: “I haven’t turned in your final grade yet, Amanda.” When he finally pulled away, he told me I needed to keep this to myself.
ELIZABETH
Unbelievable!
AMANDA
And then, in class, when I handed in the blue book during our final exam, he… he winked at me as he took it, you know like we were sharing this cool little secret. I almost vomited on his shoes.
Elizabeth looks at her, eyes filled with sympathy.
AMANDA
But…there are a bunch of other students testifying. I mean, I don’t have to really…
ELIZABETH
No, you don’t have to.
AMANDA
But I feel like I should, you know? Like it might help the case… like it might help me. It’s just it’s so… mortifying.
ELIZABETH
And that is what keeps women silent about these things. It is they who feel the shame, not the perpetrator…
Amanda is in tears now. She just sits there quietly, crying.
ELIZABETH
All I can tell you, Amanda, is to do what feels best. It has nothing to do with a right or wrong decision. And I will add I am deeply outraged at what a fellow professor did and, frankly, even more outraged that the administration turned a blind eye.
INT. RESTAURANT – NIGHT
Elizabeth and Barbara are being shown their table at a local restaurant. At another end of the restaurant Elizabeth notices…
PHILIP sitting in a booth with a young woman. They are laughing together, and at one point, she brushes his hair aside, and he takes her hand and kisses it.
Now seated at their table, Elizabeth speaks in a low, voice.
ELIZABETH
I don’t believe it!
BARBARA
What?
ELIZABETH
Don’t look, but over there
Elizabeth glances in that direction, Barbara starts to turn to look.
ELIZABETH
I said don’t look!
BARBARA
What is it?
ELIZABETH
Philip.
BARBARA
Okay… Philip?
ELIZABETH
With a student.
BARBARA
Still, not so strange.
ELIZABETH
Holding her hand.
BARBARA
Oh. Shit.
ELIZABETH
Yeah.
Barbara turns slyly to take a look.
BARBARA
Is that… Cheryl Littleton?
ELIZABETH
Yes. She was a student in Philip’s class on the Idealists.
BARBARA
Was?
ELIZABETH
Yes.
BARBARA
Well, if he’s not teaching her now. I mean, that is compliant with the old rules.
ELIZABETH
But not with the new ones.
BARBARA
Those were just introduced.
ELIZABETH
I know, but still…
BARBARA
I’d much rather talk about your love life.
ELIZABETH
Mine? Doesn’t exist.
BARBARA
I was afraid of that. Look, Liz, You’re a single woman again.
Time to toss yourself back into the dating pool.
ELIZABETH
I’ve forgotten how to swim.
BARBARA
It’ll come back to you.
ELIZABETH
I’m happy with my life right now.
BARBARA
Really? Barely any social life? Working night and day.
ELIZABETH
I love my work.
BARBARA
I know you do. But turning into a walking head at forty-three, is that what you really want?
ELIZABETH
For now? Yes, that’s exactly what I want.
BARBARA
You’re hopeless!
But she laughs, knowing her friend well. Elizabeth laughs too.
ELIZABETH
I love you too.
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Dave Holloway’s Finished Act 1
What I learned doing this assignment is that, using the speed-writing techniques, it is possible to write a ‘rough’ draft of a first act in less time than I would have thought.
INT COURTROOM – DAY
NIGEL THOMPSON gives a passionate closing argument in court. He is 25, with the wholesome, healthy appearance of someone raised in a comfortable home. He is naturally articulate as he argues his case, and there is a note of genuine passion in his voice.
He faces the jury of 12 men and women, imploring them.
NIGEL
Ladies and gentlemen, my client has worked full-time since the age of 16. When her child was two years old, the father deserted the family, abandoning all his duty of support. But she never applied for public assistance, as was her right. She continued to work to support her daughter, and to raise her as well as she could. But now the city’s department of child welfare is asking you to take her daughter away from her. But you’ve seen how she loves her child. You’ve seen the child testify that she wants to stay with her mother. Don’t let the unfounded speculations of government bureaucrats –
The prosecutor rises and speaks angrily.
PROSECUTOR
Objection, your honor. The opinions offered by the employee of child welfare were founded on close investigation of the case, not unfounded speculation.
The judge answers reprovingly.
JUDGE
Sustained. No grounds were shown upon which to slander the case worker.
Nigel bows his head for a moment. But the passion in his voice is undimmed.
NIGEL
Don’t let the opinions of outsiders to the family overrule the heartfelt desire of the two people involved to remain together. The purpose of our legal system is to effect justice. Today, you have the opportunity to do just that.
There is silence in the courtroom. Nigel returns to the counsel’s table and sits down T the woman who is his client. For several moments he sits quietly, recovering from his emotion.
INT. PRISON – DAY
LIVIA sits in a chair in front of the warden’s desk. She wears a gray prison uniform. She is 25, an attractive, young woman who looks harried by her confinement. The WARDEN is 45, a strongly-built man of medium height with black hair and a neatly-trimmed mustache. There is an edge of derision in his voice, verging on contempt. A guard stands behind Livia.
WARDEN: Why were you spying on our state?
LIVIA: I was not spying. I’m a journalist in Britain, sent here by my employer to report on social and political conditions in some of the American states.
WARDEN: You were observed speaking to several people who are known or suspected to be enemies of the state of Shiloh. What were you talking about?
LIVIA: I asked a number of citizens what they thought of living in this state. I had no idea of the backgrounds of any of them.
WARDEN: Shiloh is a military state. We do not tolerate outsiders coming here, whether it’s to spy on us or to give false notions of our state to people in other countries.
LIVIA: I’ve never hidden the fact that I’m a journalist, sent here to report on the conditions of life.
WARDEN: Anything you ‘reported’ would be biased, as a result of your preconceived notions about this state and your desire to communicate your prejudice to others.
Livia grows annoyed.
LIVIA: I was sent here to report truthfully on this state, not to pass on any biased views, regardless of what you may think.
The warden is annoyed and irritated. He speaks sharply to the guard.
WARDEN: Take her back to her cell.
The guard rises, places one hand on Livia’s left shoulder, and the two of them walk out of the office.
INT. OFFICE BUILDING – DAY
Nigel walks toward the elevator in his office building. He looks tired. CHARLES CARROWAY, HAROLD PRESTWICK, and MAGGIE STEPHENS approach him.
CARROWAY: Fancy a pint, Nigel? We’re headed to the local to unburden ourselves of the day’s woes.
NIGEL: Sorry, but I can’t, Charles. Want to get home in case my wife tries to get in touch.
PRESTWICK: You two taking separate vacations already?
NIGEL: No, she’s over in North America, reporting on some of the states over there. Educating people on how badly the Americans have managed to bollocks things.
CARROWAY: You living the good bachelor life while she’s away?
STEPHENS: Come off it, Charles.
CARROWAY: The man deserves a break after three years of marriage.
NIGEL: Someday you’ll envy me my marriage, Charles. After your mail-order bride divorces you.
They laugh and step into the elevator.
PRESTWICK: It is a bit sad to see a fine young stallion’s spirit broken.
NIGEL: Licentious promiscuity will eventually be the downfall of this country.
They laugh again and get out of the elevator.
INT. HOME – NIGHT
Nigel arrives home, looking tired and somewhat depressed. His cat walks up to him.
NIGEL: There, Summer, I expect you’re hungry, aren’t you.
He opens up a cabinet, selects a can, and empties it into the cat’s dish. He sets it down, and the cat begins eating hungrily.
NIGEL; Isn’t easy being here alone all day, I fancy. You have it worse than I do. At least I see people at the office. Though I’m lonely when I’m here.
From the living room comes the sound of an incoming SKYPE call. Nigel hurries into the living room and presses a key on a computer that rests on a coffee table. Livia’s face appears on the screen.
NIGEL: My God, darling, it’s so wonderful to see you.
Livia gives a pained smile. She looks tired and emotionally worn down. She speaks softly, appearing afraid of being overheard.
LIVIA: I’m happy to see you, too, Nigel. But I’ve only a few moments to talk. And I’m afraid I don’t have very good news.
NIGEL: What is it?
She almost breaks down, then collects herself.
LIVIA: I’m in Shiloh, the military state. I’ve been arrested for spying.
NIGEL: How can they do that? Haven’t you told them you’re a journalist.
LIVIA: I did, but they don’t want to listen.
Her voice lowers.
LIVIA: This is a horrible place, Nigel. I think they’re afraid of outsiders finding out what it’s really like, and that’s why they arrested me.
NIGEL: Darling, can you get out? Surely your employer can call them and assure them you’re not a spy.
LIVIA: They’re not open to persuasion, dear. This is a police state. And Nigel – they’re executing some of the prisoners here.
NIGEL: What for, Livia?
LIVIA: Most of them were imprisoned because they’re against the Shiloh government. After they have them here for a few weeks, they execute them.
Nigel is silent for a moment, horrified.
NIGEL: Is there anyone you can appeal to, Livia? Any of your journalist colleagues? Can you go to the press there?
LIVIA: They’re separated me from everyone I know here. And I’ve heard the press is totally controlled by the government. Nigel, you’ve got to do something. Go to our government, or to the press. Let people know what is happening. If there’s a strong enough public appeal, maybe the government can do something.
NIGEL: I will, Livia.
LIVIA: Please hurry, Nigel. I’ve already been here for three days, and I’ve heard they often execute people after two or three weeks.
NIGEL: I’ll do everything I can. Please hang on, darling. Somehow, we’ll get you out of there.
LIVIA: Thank you, dear. And now I must go. I love you.
NIGEL: I love you too, Livia.
Her face disappears from the screen.
EXT. RUGBY PITCH – DAY
Nigel stands along the sidelines as a rugby game is played. He watches a broad-shouldered young man take the ball and crash through a tackler into the goal-line area for a “try.” Nigel applauds.
NIGEL: Well done, Rog! That’s the stuff!
The game resumes, and Rog gets the ball and runs up the sidelines until an opposing player launches himself into him from the side and knocks him sprawling out of bounds, just ten feet from where Nigel stands.
NIGEL: It’s all right, mate! Back on your feet!
Roger recognizes Nigel’s voice and gives him a brief grin as he gets up and runs back onto the field.
EXT. RUGY PITCH – DAY
The game ends, and the players shake hands and walk off the field. Nigel catches up to Roger.
NIGEL: Well played, Rog. Nice to see you lads demolish another opponent.
Roger smiles.
ROGER: Got a bit demolished on that tackle where I ended up near you.
Nigel smiles.
NIGEL: Nothing to worry about. See you at the pub.
Roger walks off the field with the other players, heading toward the dressing room.
INT. PUB – NIGHT
Nigel and Roger sit in the pub, drinking beers.
NIGEL: I can’t believe it, Rog. I spent all day today trying to get an interview with the government, and talking to the press. I’m going on “Britain Today” in two days time.
ROGER: “Britain Today” is watched by tens of millions every night. That should stir something up.
NIGEL: There’s going to be an article tomorrow in the London Times. The government said they’d tell me tomorrow when I can get an interview with them.
Roger hangs his head.
ROGER: It’s terrible, mate. I never knew Shiloh was such a rotten place. Sounds like some third-world dictatorship.
Nigel sighs.
NIGEL: Worst part is, I don’t think any of those steps are going to help. When was the last time a dictatorship gave a damn about reason or an appeal to decency.
He takes a sip of beer.
NIGEL: I think I’ll have to go over there. Try to free her by myself, somehow.
ROGER: How will you do that, Nigel?
NIGEL: No bloody idea. Just try to raise holy hell, and see if I can get help from someone there, or from another country, if they hear about it.
Roger is quiet for a moment.
ROGER: If you do go, mind if I come along?
Nigel looks at him in surprise.
NIGEL: Sure, Rog. It would be great to have some support.
ROGER: Bloody military state won’t stand a chance against two stout, young English lads.
NIGEL: Cheers, mate.
They touch glasses in a toast.
NIGEL: Have no idea what we’ll face over there. But I’ll do whatever I can to save her from those bastards.
They fall silent.
INT. AIRPLANE – DAY
Nigel and Roger walk down the aisle of the plane and find their seats. They look at each other.
NIGEL: How do you feel, mate? My stomach’s in knots.
ROGER: Still pissed that the Prime Minister couldn’t help. I didn’t vote for that sod, but he’s turned out to be more worthless than even I thought.
NIGEL: Yeah, not wanting to jeopardize trade relations over there was a pathetic excuse.
ROGER: Public should demand medical evidence that he possesses even one testicle.
The plane rushes down the runway and lifts up into the air.
NIGEL: No going back, now.
ROGER: Bastards can’t kidnap an English citizen and hold her on false charges. It would become an international incident. The PM might lack balls, but the English people don’t. We’ll show them they’d be better off to let her go.
NIGEL: She got through to me from the prison. Which means we can communicate with England once we’re there. We’ll tell the bloody press what they’re doing, and the story will be in every paper in Britain. Then other countries will pick it up.
ROGER: You’re a damn good lawyer. Perhaps you can free her with some sort of legal action.
NIGEL: I doubt it, Rog. In fascist states, the courts are generally there for show.
The pilot’s voice comes over the intercom into the cabin.
PILOT: Ladies and gentlemen, the states along the East Coast of North America have just declared their air space inviolate. We have been ordered to land in New York. Any passengers wishing to return to London will receive free tickets. We sincerely apologize for this misfortune.
Nigel and Roger look at each other, astonished.
NIGEL: That’s a kick in the teeth.
Roger gazes out the windows on the left side of the plane.
ROGER: Appears we’ve got company. And it looks rather serious.
Nigel looks across at the windows and sees a fighter jet flying alongside their plane.
NIGEL: I’ll be damned. Guess he’s making sure we follow directions.
They feel the plane start to descend.
ROGER: How in hell do we cross the goddamned continent, now?
NIGEL: My God – Livia said she might only have two weeks left in that prison.
Nigel appears utterly crestfallen.
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Melanie’s Finished Act One
What I learned: It’s important to create the skeleton of the story first then add to it later. Kind of like sculpting – you need the wire frame first so you understand the essence of what you are creating.
EXT. FOREST, NEAR LUDINGTON FARM – DAY
SYBIL, a girl with long unruly braids, hides quietly in thick brush in the forest. Shadows play out in front of her and she holds her breath…waiting. Her face is marked with war paint. Her grip tightens on a stick she embraces.
A squirrel scrambles up a tree. A bird lights on a tree. A silence fills the forest as she looks through the branches.
She GASPS as the thicket is suddenly pulled away by a handsome Iroquois boy with angry eyes, sunlight pouring in.
THRASH! He slashes at her with a knife and she leaps out SCREAMING.
SYBIL
Stop it!
She barely escapes, thundering towards her chestnut mare twenty paces away. She reaches her, foot in the stirrups when the horse takes off without her. Sybil falls on the ground. The boy is nearly on her when THWFT! She flies upwards, her foot wrapped in a rope, until she is hanging upside down in the tree. He smiles proudly.
IROQUOIS BOY
I win. You lose. Again.
She fumes.
SYBIL
Get me down! And you didn’t win – you just got lucky.
He laughs as she tries to keep her skirt from falling down.
SHWACK! The rope is cut and she hits the ground hard. An older Iroquois man, the boy’s dad, towers above her. On the ground, now covered in leaves, Sybil looks up to the tall Native American and offers a small smile.
SYBIL
Thank you, sir.
The older man is about to leave when he turns.
IROQUOIS MAN
You want to fight?
SYBIL
Yes, more than anything.
IROQUOIS MAN
Why?
SYBIL
Our country is at war. It’s my duty to stop the enemy.
His wise eyes smile at her.
IROQUOIS MAN
The warrior is not someone who fights to take another life. A warrior sacrifices himself for the good of others. Are you ready for that?
He grabs his son’s arm and they leave her. The teen turns to her, before going and gives her his knife. She takes it, stowing it in a pocket on her dress.
CUT TO:
EXT. GENERAL TRYON’S MANSION – NIGHT
A fire rages through the mansion. GENERAL TRYON and his WIFE fly out the front door into the cold wintry night, along with SERVANTS. They watch in horror as their home is destroyed before them.
SAMUEL, a twenty-year old assistant, buttons his wool coat as he comes running from the barracks on the other side of the property. He reaches Tron’s side.
SAMUEL
What happened, sir? Can I do anything?
GENERAL TRYON
I don’t know.
His wife suddenly screams.
WIFE
Madelyn! Oh my God! Where’s Madelyn?
General Tryon turns to Samuel, his face a shade of white.
GENERAL TRYON
Our daughter! Find her!
Samuel nods, slowly wandering towards the inferno. He stops at the front door seeing the stairs consumed in angry red flames. He turns to a HOUSEKEEPER who is next to him and makes a split decision.
SAMUEL
You. The General wants you to find his daughter. She’s inside!
A flash of fear washes over the woman’s face but she grabs her skirt, dashes inside and up the stairs.
Within seconds, the housekeeper appears at the child’s bedroom window, the CHILD in her arms. The walls burn down around her and she coughs opening the window. The wife SCREAMS as the woman suddenly throws the child out of the window towards a snow bank.
Silence as everyone watches the child land in the snow. Both the General and his wife rush to the child, who starts to cry.
Samuel looks up at the window once more – the housekeeper is lost in the flames. He gathers himself, striding over to the General.
GENERAL TRYON
I sent you in to save my child.
SAMUEL
Sir, the housekeeper was already going in.
The wife is consumed with tears, holding the child. Tryon looks up at Samuel.
General Tryon looks back at his burning home.
GENERAL TRYON
Whoever did this will burn.
CUT TO:
EXT. LUDINGTON HOME – DAY
A sweeping long shot of the Ludington estate – beautiful rolling hills as the crocuses are beginning to bloom, horses graze in the grass. Spring is here – a new beginning for the sleeping plants and possibly America.
We land on a Gristmill that steadily churns, monotonously grinding the grain into flour.
BDDUMP! BDDUMP! BDDUMP!
CLOSE ON horses hooves galloping across the field. We pull back to see Sybil riding the chestnut horse towards the mill. Although now covered in dirt and grass stains, her expression shows her steely resolve. The Horse SNORTS angrily as she tries to steer him towards the barn. The animal has no intent of going near back. She tries again but the horse retorts, its front feet fly into the air as it reels backwards.
She wipes the hair out of her eyes and looks up at the creature, unwavering and slips onto the ground.
SYBIL
I don’t understand you.
She grabs the lead, putting her hand on it’s nose. A moment to catch her breath.
SYBIL
Come on, now. Let’s get you back.
She leads the horse back to the stables towards a GROUP of men assembled in the field. Her father, COLONEL HENRY LUDINGTON, stands in the front speaking to his troop of MILITIA MEN. Their faces are sullen, uniforms ripped and bloodied from battle. Some are missing limbs, most have bandages. She ties Star next to another horse and sneaks closer to the regiment.
COL LUDINGTON
Spring is here, men, and I know your fields need tending. I’ll send word when we are to fight again. Fare thee well.
He waves them off, and the men start to disperse. A SOLDIER, tall with a long woolly beard and large gash on his cheek, grabs his horse, finding Sybil behind it.
She jumps, staring at the end of a musket now inches away from her face.
SYBIL
Sorry, sir.
SOLDIER
Don’t scare a soldier, girl.
His gaze is cold and deadly. She steps backwards, bumping into her father.
SYBIL
Father!
Sybil embraces her father, who gives her a quick squeeze. The Soldier lowers his weapon.
COL LUDINGTON
Sybil! Child, don’t be willful now! Where’s your mother?
She runs towards the small house across the fields calling for her mother. Her long braids dancing on her shoulders.
SYBIL
Mother! Father’s home!
Her mother, EMILY, steps onto the porch and then runs to her husband.
CUT TO:
EXT. PORT – NIGHT
A man with a large chin watches as a large ship docks at the sleepy shores of Westport, Connecticut. He is Major General William Tryon. We notice a slight limp as he makes his way to the men arriving on the beach – all 1500 of them.
Down the galley arrives Captain Henry Duncan, weary and glad to be on dry land.
TRYON
Captain Duncan.
The captain takes his hat off, wipes his brow.
CAPTAIN DUNCAN
Major. Glad to be dockside. ‘M gutfoundered and need to sluice me gob.
TRYON
Quit y’er yowling. There’s aplenty taverns in town to get brandy-faced. These my troops or clods?
The Captain straightens up.
CAPTAIN DUNCAN
Aye, sir. Y’er caterpillars, ‘course.
The Captain nods as Soldiers clamber off the ship in disarray.
TRYON
Clean up yourselves. We’ll be leaving at six o’clock sharp.
There’s a grumble amidst the soldiers disembarking but most fall in line.
Ships at port continue unloading the 1500 British troops. The sea of redcoats paints the American shore.
From the tree line near the shore, an American MESSENGER watches with a spyglass. He leans against a tree seeing the invading troops to catch his breath. He takes a deep breath and starts to make his way back to his horse. CRACK! He steps on a something.
General Tryon seems to hear it, or see something, as he looks to the tree line. He turns to Samuel who is next to him – his loyal assistant.
TRYON
Boy?
SAMUEL
It’s Samuel, sir.
TRYON
Make sure that we haven’t been seen.
Samuel nods.
SAMUEL
Yes, sir.
TRYON
And take a horse. And don’t disappoint me like you did during the fire.
Samuel reacts – connecting with Tryon’s gaze. He nods and grabs a gelding from an Officer next to them. Musket in hand, he saddles up and heads off towards the woods.
CUT TO:
INT. LUDINGTON FARMHOUSE – NIGHT
Sybil’s large family – her mother, father and eleven siblings sit around the farmhouse table. Sybil helps the youngest child, Henry, cutting the meat in his stew.
The boys – JACOB, HENRY, GEORGE, WILLIAM – all eat quietly until Jacob can no longer take the silence.
JACOB
Did you kill anyone, father?
George’s eyes light up while Mary, her sister, grimaces. Snickers from the others.
MARY
Jacob!
Sybil listens, intently. Her father’s jowl tightens, looking at each of his children in earnest.
COLONEL LUDINGTON
War is serious, boys. (Pause) Hundred of men lost their lives fighting for our country.
JACOB
Yes, father. But did you kill anyone?
Silence at the table.
COLONEL LUDINGTON
Jacob, in war you do what you need to do to stay alive.
SYBIL
What is war like, father?
He takes her innocence in, her naivete. He takes another bite of meat, looking away.
COLONEL LUDINGTON
I hope none of you ever have to know.
CUT TO:
INT. KITCHEN – LATER
Sybil cleans up the dishes from the table, munching on a ginger cookie. Her MOTHER takes a dish from her.
MOTHER
I’ll do the rest, dear. It is still your birthday.
Sybil offers a small smile.
MOTHER
Oh, and here, you only turn sixteen once.
Her mother proudly holds out a small cloth-covered box.
SYBIL
Is it a knife?
Her mother’s eyes widen in shock.
MOTHER
No, of course not. Why would you say that?
Sybil opens it anyway. It’s a small silver necklace with a locket, in it a picture of her parents.
MOTHER
Here, I’ll put it on.
She fastens it around her daughter’s neck.
SYBIL
Thank you, mother.
BANG! BANG! Their weathered, wooden front door buckles with the pressure of each knock.
COLONEL LUDINGTON stands up from his seat at the fireplace and answers the door.
COLONEL LUDINGTON
Can’t be good at this hour.
A gust of wind blows in as the door is thrown open. He finds a SOLDIER slumped over the railing outside. Colonel helps him into the house, getting him to a chair.
COLONEL LUDINGTON
Boy, what’s your name? Sybil, grab him some water.
Sybil grimaces, noticing his white shirt has turned crimson red and heads to quickly fetch the water.
MESSENGER
Thank you, Colonel. General Washington sent me, sir.
He stops, trying to catch his breath. Sybil is back with a jug of water and a compress for his bleeding side.
COLONEL LUDINGTON
Slow down. Catch your breath.
MESSENGER
The British landed on the shore of Fairfield. They’re marching to Danbury. We need you to muster your troops.
He stops, in pain, clenching his eyes.
COLONEL LUDINGTON
It’s impossible. I just sent the men home to sow the fields.
The Colonel stands up, crossing to the fire, thinking. The boy starts to stand, clutching the chair to get up.
MESSENGER
I can go.
But Sybil catches him before he falls, his blood staining her dress. Her mother comes over to help him back into the chair.
MOTHER
Sit. You need to rest.
Sybil’s mother lifts his shirt to look at the wound. It’s a gash – a clean bullet hole that has torn through his abdomen. Sybil’s face turns white at the blood.
MOTHER
You’ve been shot.
COLONEL LUDINGTON
You’re in no condition to go, boy. I’ll go get the Doctor then we can decide our plan.
MESSENGER
But the British…they will burn Danbury if we don’t stop them.
Colonel quickly grabs his pea coat by door, slips on his riding boots. Sybil is at his side in a flash.
SYBIL
Father, I can ride on. Alert the troops for you. I can go.
Her father looks at her with a laugh.
COLONEL LUDINGTON
You? But you…aren’t a soldier. You’re just a girl.
Sybil’s cheeks redden.
SYBIL
I know where to go, father. Please. Let me go. I can help.
He swings the door open.
COLONEL LUDINGTON
Not this madness again, Sybil. Once and for all, you will do nothing of the sort. Stay home where it is safe. Your place is here with your mother like I’ve said a million times. I’ll be back as soon as I can.
Her hands clench into fists.
SYBIL
Please, father!
But the front door SLAMS in her face. She watches out the window, her cheeks wet with tears.
After a beat, she storms into her bedroom, grabbing her cape and kisses her youngest brother’s forehead who is fast asleep.
She barrels through the living room and leaves.
MOTHER
Sybil!
CUT TO:
I/E BARN – CONTINUOUS
Sybil struggles to open the heavy barn door fueled by anger and humiliation. She manages to swing it open, almost flying away with it in the wind. Marching into Star’s stall she finds her horse, with ears alert and questioning eyes.
Throwing the cinches over top of her, Sybil hoists the saddle onto the back of the horse. Quickly, she secures the girth. The horse DANCES, snorting anxiously.
SYBIL
Star! I don’t have time to fight you too.
She wipes away her tears, trying to control her impatience. She loosens the cinch a little and then loops it twice before tightening it. The horse stares at her, ears now pinned.
SYBIL
C’mon!
She lifts herself up into the saddle and with a kick they are off.
CUT TO:
EXT. STREETS, KENT – NIGHT
THUBALUP! THUBALUP! Horse’s hooves beat the grassy path through town. Colonel Ludington rides his horse like a glove.
They pull up next to a house just in town, and the Colonel hops off. KNOCKS on the door.
COL LUDINGTON
Doctor Freeman!
Waits a minute but there’s no response.
KNOCK! KNOCK!
Finally there’s a CLUTTER inside and the barrel of a gun appears, behind it the face of a nervous bearded old man.
DOCTOR FREEMAN
Colonel?
COL LUDINGTON
Doctor Freeman, there’s wounded soldier at our house. We need your help.
He lowers his weapon, confused and groggy.
DOCTOR FREEMAN
Soldier? Have the British invaded?
CUT TO:
EXT. FOREST, NEAR LUDINGTON FARM – CONTINUOUS
The forest is thick but even in the darkness, we can see a red coat. It’s Samuel’s and he peers behind one of the old oak trees, trying to catch his breath. Seeing the Messenger’s horse tied up in front of the old farm house, he gets off his horse for a break. The house is quiet.
He ventures behind another tree, taking a minute to finally relieve himself.
As he does so, the sound of hooves makes him turn back. He sees a horse speeding from the barn and head down the road.
SAMUEL
Blazes!
He hurries to finish.
CUT TO:
EXT. ROAD – CONTINUOUS
Star flies like a bat out of Hell and Sybil holds on tight to the horn of the saddle. They gallop down the dirt road though the darkness. The tighter Sybil holds on to her, the faster Star runs.
SYBIL
For the love of God, Star! Slow down!
Sybil tries to lean back a bit, asking the horse to stop but Star continues to gallop. Her eyes are wild, belligerent.
They continue through the edge of town, the road only lit by the moonlight, and cross a wooden bridge spanning over a small creek. The wooden deck bends as they ride across.
SYBIL
Star! Slow down, what are you doing?
She squeezes her thighs against Star’s side but nothing will stop her. Sybil’s attention is drawn to the forest which seems to light up, and she turns around to look behind them. Star finally turns and stops.
In the distance, Sybil GASPS to see the wooden bridge lit up in flames. The red light dances in her eyes.
SYBIL
The bridge. It’s gone.
She sees a figure in red standing in front of the bridge, feels his stare.
CUT TO:
EXT. BRIDGE – CONTINUOUS
Samuel stands next to the bridge, burning next to him, looking at Sybil. He smirks and hops back onto his horse, musket at the ready. He takes off towards her.
CUT TO:
EXT. ROAD – CONTINUOUS
Sybil grips the reigns with a quick squeeze with her heels.
SYBIL
Yah!
Star seems to connect with Sybil’s fear and they take off down the dirt road away from the threat.
-
Sam Reynolds – Finished Act One
What I learnt was that I do need to let go more and not be as precious especially now that we are into act two. Main plot points are most important right now.
EXT. NADINE AND JOHNNY’S HOME – DAY
It is early morning. In the dawn light we come upon a small yet quaint bungalow in a family friendly neighborhood.
INT. NADINE AND JOHNNY’S HOME – DAY
Different shots show the cute, immaculate and cozy home.
The kitchen has colorful backsplash and there are flowers on the kitchen table.
The small living area has photos of Nadine and Johnny traveling together, skiing and some of Nadine with her pregnant belly at her recent baby shower.
INT. NADINE AND JOHNNY’S BEDROOM/HALLWAY – EARLY MORNING
We are in darkness except for two slivers of daylight peeking out from the blinds covering a bedroom window. Two bodies are in the king sized bed. One of the bodies, NADINE, early 40s, is sitting up staring into the semi-darkness. She has been up all night.
She looks onto the beside table to an older looking analogue alarm clock. It reads 6.30 AM.
Nadine reaches over and gently nudges JOHNNY, early 30s.
NADINE
Johnny, baby, get up. It’s time. We are going to be late.
Johnny doesn’t move. Nadine pushes herself out of bed, this is an effort as she is very pregnant, waddles to the window and pulls up the blinds revealing a simple yet immaculate bedroom. Not quite college but not “we’ve made it” yet.
Johnny slowly rustles himself awake.
JOHNNY
Time already?
Johnny searches the bed for his phone.
NADINE
Looking for this?
Nadine playfully throws Johnny’s cel phone to him.
NADINE
Please hurry it up. I don’t want to be late.
Nadine waddles out.
INT. HALLWAY – MORNING
Nadine walks down the hallway. She passes a closed door with a stencil of a small giraffe on it.
INT. BATHROOM – MORNING
Nadine looks at herself in the mirror. Her face is puffy and she has bags under her eyes. She is not thrilled by what she sees.
As quickly as she can, she gets undressed. Nadine turns the water on and gets into the shower.
INT. SHOWER – MORNING
Nadine washes her body and runs her hands over her belly as if she wants to imprint it’s size, weight and how it feels against her right now. She squishes it a bit. This is going to be a life changing day.
Johnny opens the curtain. Nadine smiles.
Johnny gets into the shower though it is a tight fit. The couple smile as they try and fit into the small shower. They hug.
Nadine smiles.
INT. BATHROOM – MORNING
Nadine is drying herself off. She catches herself in the mirror and stops. She takes Johnny’s phone and snaps two photos of herself and her belly.
EXT. HALLWAY – MORNING
Johnny, dressed, races down the stairs. Nadine sees him as she exits the bedroom carrying a sweater.
NADINE
Don’t forget my bag please. It is by the front door.
INT. NADINE AND JOHNNY’S HOME – CONTINUOUS
Nadine and Johnny are getting their coats and shoes on. Finally ready…
JOHNNY
I’ll go start the car.
Nadine finishes putting her boots on. Not an easy task carrying an extra 40 pounds.
A car horn.
Nadine runs out the door.
A beat.
We hear the car back up and drive off.
A beat.
We hear the car return. The brakes screech to a stop.
Then…Johnny runs back inside and gets the hospital bag.
The door slams shut.
CUT TO:
INT. CAR – MORNING
The car’s empty gas tank signal chimes.
JOHNNY
Got to stop. Only take a minute.
Nadine takes some deep breaths. She doesn’t like to be late.
EXT. GAS STATION – MORNING
Their Toyota pulls into the gas station. Johnny gets out.
INT. TOYOTA – MORNING
Johnny is on the outside pumping gas. Nadine is alone in the car. She looks out the window. Too early on a Sunday for much to be happening. She takes some deep breaths and caresses her belly.
From outside, Johnny motions drinking a cup of coffee. Nadine smiles a “yes.” Johnny runs into the gas station coffee shop.
INT. TOYOTA – LATER
The door opens and Johnny hands Nadine her coffee. Nadine takes a sip. This is not what she expected.
JOHNNY
What?
NADINE
There’s creme in this?
JOHNNY
I asked them for milk. It’s not milk?
NADINE
No. It’s not. I can’t drink this.
JOHNNY
I’ll change it.
NADINE
No it’s ok. A few sips won’t bother me.
JOHNNY
No. I paid for milk and that is what I am going to get you.
NADINE
Really Johnny it’s fine.
JOHNNY
No. I’ll be right back.
NADINE
It’s only 1.50.
JOHNNY
Doesn’t matter. What matters is that I asked for something and didn’t get it. It’s their fault. I am going to change it.
Johnny takes the coffee from Nadine and marches into the store.
From the car, Nadine can see him berating the young person working.
Tears begin forming in Nadine’s eyes though we are not sure why.
EXT. TOYOTA – DAY
Johnny exits the coffee shop and walks to the car. He hands Nadine the coffee.
JOHNNY
At least I feel better now.
Johnny now notices Nadine.
Johnny leans over and brings Nadine into a tight embrace.
After a moment, Johnny wipes away her tears. He understands what is happening.
Johnny holds her hand for a moment.
Nadine settles down.
Johnny starts the car and they exit the gas station.
EXT. TORONTO CITY – MORNING
From an aerial view we see the Toyota weave in and out of traffic and enter the freeway.
EXT. MEDICAL BUILDING – LATER
It has been raining. The hospital is deserted.
Nadine and Johnny hustle through the rain and into the building.
INT. MEDICAL BUILDING – CONTINUOUS
Nadine and Johnny are met by a female NURSE, JAIME, late 30S. Jamie gives Nadine a hug.
JAIME
How are you both? I just wanted to make sure you didn’t have any questions before this morning. We can talk if you would like.
Nadine and Johnny look to eachother.
JOHNNY
No. We are ok.
JAIME
Follow me then.
Jaime leads Nadine and Johnny down a long hallway.
INT. MEDICAL BUILDING HALLYWAY
This medical building attaches to the hospital beside it. The hallway is bright, white, long and deserted. The fluorescent lights buzz loudly.
Jaime leads Nadine and Johnny. They walk in silence.
And walk. And walk. And walk. Silence.
The walk is not easy for Nadine physically and emotionally.
INT. HOSPITAL – MORNING
The hallway turns and Nadine and Johnny find themselves in the hospital.
A custodian is finishing up the polishing of floors and dusting.
Jaime, Nadine and Johnny are met by DR. COOPER, female and in her 40s, and DR. BATES, male and in his 40s.
DR. COOPER
Good morning.
JAIME
Dr. Cooper, Dr. Bates. This is Nadine and Johnny.
DR. COOPER
Yes. Hello. Sorry we have to meet under these circumstances. Dr. Bryant is a good friend of mine. She wanted me to tell you she is thinking of you.
Jaime looks to Nadine and Johnny.
JAIME
Do you have any questions for me?
Nadine defers to Johnny.
JOHNNY
No. Thanks. We are fine.
JAIME
Very well. I will be in touch in a few days.
DR. BATES
Thank you Jaime.
Follow me Nadine and Johnny.
The doctors lead the couple to an exam room off to one side of the corridor.
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – MORNING
Nadine sits alone behind a green curtain. She takes in her surroundings. Slowly she takes off her blouse and puts on the blue hospital gown. But before doing the gown up she takes one more look at her belly and caresses it. (looks in mirror)?
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – CONTINUOUS
The green curtain is pulled back and Nadine lies on a hospital bed. Johnny stands behind her. An ultrasound machine and other equipment surround them. A large monitor hangs behind Nadine so she can’t see it. A standard wall clock ticks beside the monitor.
Nadine looks concerned. Johnny squeezes her hand.
Dr. Cooper looks to Dr. Bates who moves to lock the door.
DR. COOPER
Before we begin, I just need to ask you one last time: Is this what both of you want?
Nadine looks at Johnny. They hold hands.
NADINE
(whispering)
Baby?
Johnny nods to Nadine then to Dr. Cooper.
DR. COOPER
Alright. I also want to acknowledge that the two of you are so brave being here today. This is not easy.
Johnny kisses Nadine’s forehead.
In the background Dr. Bates prepares materials on a large metal tray.
DR. COOPER
This will not take long and I will walk you through each step. We will begin with an ultrasound.
Dr. Cooper lifts Nadine’s gown and moves the ultrasound instrument on her belly.
NADINE
(shivers)
It’s cold.
DR. COOPER
(to screen)
Good morning sweety.
The doctors look up to a monitor that is behind Johnny and Nadine. The baby is there, moving.
Johnny looks behind him at his baby. Nadine cranes her neck sideways to also catch a glimpse.
Dr. Bates approaches the bed with a metal tray.
Nadine looks to the tray. She is not terrified. She looks stoic. Curious. In shock?
NADINE
(to Johnny)
This is right, right?
JOHNNY
Yes.
DR.COOPER
(to Johnny)
Hold her hand.
(to Nadine)
This first needle is a strong sedative.
Dr. Bates rubs some numbing solution on Nadine’s belly.
DR. BATES
Take a deep breath and try not to move. You shouldn’t feel a thing.
NADINE
Will she?
DR. BATES
A small prick. Like a pinch.
Drs. Bates and Cooper look to the monitor.
DR.BATES
Left. A little more. Yes. Ok.
Dr. Bates inserts the needle and expunges its contents.
DR. COOPER
You ok?
NADINE
I felt her move a little.
DR. COOPER
Yes. That’s normal.
Dr. Cooper looks to the screen.
DR. COOPER
She is asleep now.
Nadine squirms a little. All of this feels so wrong.
Dr. Bates takes another needle. He looks to the monitor again.
This is not easy for the doctors at all. The stress of the situation is not lost on them.
DR.COOPER
This next one will stop the heart.
Dr. Cooper rubs more numbing solution on another part of Nadine’s belly.
Johnny caresses Nadine’s forehead.
Johnny looks up to the monitor. He sees his baby.
DR. COOPER
Try not to move honey.
Dr. Bates takes one more look at the monitor and slowly inserts the second needle BUT just as quickly pulls it out.
Nadine gasps.
JOHNNY
What happened?
DR. BATES
(wiping his brow)
Have to try again. It needs to be precise.
Dr. Cooper moves the ultrasound instrument around a bit more.
Dr. Bates takes a few deep breaths and readies himself once more.
Silence except for the hospital room’s clock. Tick. Tick.
DR. BATES
(this is not easy)
Almost. Ok.
DR. COOPER
(to Nadine)
Medicine is going in now. This will be over very soon.
Dr. Bates expunges the needle.
Nadine shivers. She has felt her baby go.
Dr. Cooper and Dr. Bates share a look.
DR. COOPER
She’s gone honey. I am so sorry.
The monitor behind Johnny goes dark.
CUT TO:
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY
Nadine opens the green curtain. She is finishing getting dressed.
DR. BATES
Has Dr. Bryant scheduled the birth?
JOHNNY
Yes, we will be back next week.
DR. COOPER
Again, I am so sorry. No matter what, you are parents. Do not let anyone tell you otherwise.
(takes Nadine’s hand)
These abnormalities happen. They are rare but they do happen. I promise we will do our best to find out everything we can.
Nadine and Johnny smile tentatively. The doctors exit down another corridor.
EXT. HOSPITAL – MORNING – DREAM
Nadine is standing at the edge of the hospital’s roof. She is contemplating jumping. She caresses her belly, take a breath and leaps.
EXT. HOSPITAL – DAY
WOMAN
Hi there.
Nadine is startled. A PREGNANT WOMEN is standing next to her.
WOMAN
Looks like we are due about the same time. Your first? It’s mine.
Nadine looks at her like a deer in headlights.
WOMAN
I am so scared of the birth. I don’t like pain.
A NURSE not too far away is smoking a cigarette.
WOMAN
Mine’s a girl. Do you know what yours is yet? It’s so exciting.
Nadine nods. Where is Johnny? He is taking forever.
The nurse, who was smoking, walks by the women and throws her still lit cigarette onto the pavement.
The women wait in silence. Nadine eyes the cigarette.
WOMAN
Have you thought of a name yet?
Nadine is past her breaking point. She bends down, grabs the butt and takes a long drag and blows the smoke at the pregnant lady. Feels so good.
HONK!
The woman can’t believe what Nadine has just done. She walks away in disgust.
HONK!
Johnny is there in the Toyota.
Johnny looks around the car.
JOHNNY
Forgot the bag. Be right back.
He runs inside.
Nadine lifts her head and looks to the roof of the hospital then back to the windshield.
EXT. TOYOTA – MORNING
The rain is coming down. The car’s wipers swish back and forth. Nadine watches the rain run down like tears.
INT. TOYOTA
Johnny takes a parking ticket from the windshield of the car and jumps in. He throws the bag in the back seat.
JOHNNY
Highway robbery. 25 bucks. How long were we in there? 30 minutes?
NADINE
43.
Johnny starts the car.
The Toyota takes off down the street.
EXT. STREETS
We are in a small town. The Toyota weaves and turns through the streets until it makes it way to the highway.
INT./EXT. TOYOTA – HIGHWAY
Nadine and Johnny drive in silence. Each one consumed in their own thoughts. We will stay on the couple as we drive.
The car passes many farms and open country. The fall foliage is in full bloom.
Johnny puts his hand on Nadine’s. No one speaks.
INT. TOYOTA
Johnny is driving and Nadine is laying down in the back seat looking up at the sky going by.
INT. TOYOTA
Johnny is driving and Nadine, her back turned away from Johnny watches the world go by.
INT. TOYOTA
The phone rings. Nadine looks at the caller.
NADINE
Dr. Bryant.
Nadine answers and puts the phone on speaker and holds it so both of them can hear.(Their car doesn’t have bluetooth capabilities).
NADINE
Hello Dr. Bryant.
DR. BRYANT (V.O.)
Hello Nadine. How are you feeling?
NADINE
Ok. I guess. I don’t know.
JOHNNY
Dr. Bryant. You are on speaker phone. We are driving home.
DR. BRYANT
Johnny, how are you?
JOHNNY
Alright. It’s all such a blur.
DR. BRYANT (V.O.)
Be gentle with yourselves. This is going to be a long journey. I just wanted to call and see how you both are. I will see you both Thursday morning but please call or email if you need me beforehand.
JOHNNY
Thanks. We will.
DR. BRYANT (V.O.)
Bye for now. Drive safe.
JOHNNY
Thanks for everything Dr. Bryant.
Nadine hangs up the phone.
The couple drive in silence.
Johnny reaches for the radio and switches it on. Nadine Immediately slams it shut. Silence.
JOHNNY
I’m starving.
NADINE
Aren’t you angry? How can you be hungry?
Johnny shrugs his shoulders.
NADINE
If it weren’t for her sending us to an outside clinic this wouldn’t have happened.
JOHNNY
That’s not entirely true or her fault.
NADINE
Yes, it is. Big difference between 19 weeks and 34.
JOHNNY
The hospital was booked up.
NADINE
So. We take priority. She, who she is as a doctor in that hospital takes priority.
JOHNNY
Everything looked normal Nadine. You are not a doctor.
NADINE
Neither are you. They should never have sent us out. There is a reason we are at one of the top hospitals in the city.
Johnny is quiet.
JOHNNY
We can’t lay all the blame on her. It’s the technicians.
NADINE
She ordered it out Johnny. No one else. The technicians at the hospital would have caught it.
JOHNNY
You don’t know that.
NADINE
Yes, I do. What’s your problem? Why are taking her side?
JOHNNY
I’m not. It’s just that there are…
NADINE
…always two sides. Can’t you leave your lawyer brain aside for even a few minutes. Do you even have emotions in there?
JOHNNY
Don’t get nasty with me. You are just so ready to blame anyone. It’s always someone else’s fault but…
NADINE
…but who Johnny? Me? What did I do?
Johnny sits quietly.
NADINE
Not eat the right meats? Not eat enough? I am too skinny. That’s what you kept saying. “I can see your ribs.”
JOHNNY
I am part of this too. I am the father. I should have a say in how you feed yourself. All this natural hocus pocus stuff. Why don’t you just follow along what the doctors say. There is a reason they are doctors.
NADINE
Yes, to have your best interests in mind which ours didn’t.
What does it matter now.
They drive in silence.
NADINE
It’s over. It’s all over for me.
Nadine is crying now.
They drive in silence.
JOHNNY
I am sorry.
I do love you so much and can’t imagine what you just went through.
I wouldn’t have been so brave.
Johnny takes her hand. Nadine pulls it away.
They drive in silence some more.
The countryside is beautiful.
INT. TOYOTA
Johnny is driving and Nadine is asleep in the passenger seat.
INT. TOYOTA
Nadine wakes slowly.
JOHNNY
I need something to eat. You?
NADINE
Ok.
From the car we see a highway rest area with lots of fast food.
The Toyota makes it way into the rest area.
JOHNNY
Let’s see here. Timmies, Wendy’s, Burger King, McDonald’s. This is five star all the way.
JOHNNY
I feel like Timmies myself. You? C’mon spoil yourself.
NADINE
Diet soda please. Haven’t had one since…since…since…
(she looks to her belly)
JOHNNY
Diet soda it is.
The car weaves its way to the drive thru line and stops.
Nadine realizes that she really needs to pee.
She sees the long line ahead of them and can’t wait.
NADINE
I gotta go now. Can’t hold it.
Johnny look around.
JOHNNY
Over there. I will meet you when I drive through.
Nadine gets out of the car. She crosses the car line and walks to the inside area where the restaurants are.
INT. REST AREA
Nadine looks around and finds the bathroom sign.
As she walks, others, mainly women, smile at her acknowledging her pregnancy.
INT. WOMEN’S BATHROOM
Nadine walks into a stall. Relief.
As Nadine is washing her hands. A small GIRL, (6), approaches her.
GIRL
Is there a baby in there?
She startles Nadine. Nadine recovers and smiles. She really likes kids and they like her.
GIRL
How did it get in there? My mom won’t tell me.
Nadine smiles.
NADINE
Magic?
GIRL
Is it a boy or girl?
NADINE
Girl.
The girl leans into Nadine’s belly and yells.
GIRL
Hi. My name is Olivia. What’s it like in there?
Nadine smiles.
NADINE
(little girl voice)
It’s safe and cozy.
GIRL
Can she hear me?
Nadine takes a pause and looks at the girl in front of her. A little girl she will never have.
NADINE
Not anymore.
GIRL
What’s her name?
NADINE
She…
The girl’s MOM, (30s), runs into the bathroom. She grabs her girl by the arm.
GIRL MOM
I told you to stay close. Don’t ever leave me again.
(to Nadine)
Sorry she bothered you.
The mom and girl walk to the exit.
GIRL MOM
Never talk to strangers. How many times…
The girl turns over her shoulder to Nadine.
GIRL
Maybe I can play with her one day.
The mom and girl exit.
Nadine looks at herself in the mirror.
EXT. REST AREA
Nadine gets into the car. Johnny hands her the drink. Nadine holds it for a moment.
JOHNNY
Are you going to drink it?
Nadine takes a sip. Tastes good.
Johnny starts the car again and off they head towards the freeway.
INT. TOYOTA
The couple drive in silence.
INT. TOYOTA
Johnny is driving again.
JOHNNY
Sunday night. Do you feel like a movie?
Nadine looks at him like he is crazy.
NADINE
Yes, Rosemary’s Baby.
JOHNNY
Sorry.
Johnny is upset with himself.
EXT. TORONTO STREETS
The Toyota drives down neighborhood streets. We are close to Nadine and Johnny’s home.
INT. TOYOTA
Nadine is playing with her hair. Her eyes gaze down to her belly.
NADINE
I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe in.
Nadine begins hyperventilating.
JOHNNY
Sweetie, please relax.
NADINE
I can’t relax. How can I relax when I can’t breathe.
The streets are now recognizable to Nadine.
NADINE
I can’t do this. I can’t go home.
JOHNNY
What do you mean?
NADINE
I can’t go on with her inside me like this. This is not normal. It is not real. Why me? Why us?
The car turns down their street. Nadine moves around in her seat ending up curled as small as she can be in the bottom of the seat.
NADINE
I can’t breathe. I want to disappear.
JOHNNY
I know sweetie.
NADINE
No you don’t. You don’t have your dead baby still inside you.
Nadine is still having trouble breathing. The car turns down their street.
NADINE
Turn around. I can’t go home. I just want to hide. I want to disappear. I can’t. Please Johnny no.
Nadine is close to hysteria now.
NADINE
What do I say when people ask me? What do I say. What Johnny?!
JOHNNY
I don’t know.
NADINE
Exactly. I can’t say she died cause then they will ask how and why is she still inside you. It makes no sense. All of this makes no sense. How can she be here and not here. I want to go back in time. I want…I want to just be a mom. I want my baby back. I want her back Johnny.
Johnny has parked the car. He holds Nadine now.
JOHNNY
Oh baby.
They sit together for a while.
JOHNNY
We need to go in baby. Life does need to go on.
NADINE
What? Not like this. Not without my baby. I can’t go in. If I go in that makes all of this real. I don’t want it to be real.
JOHNNY
We have to go in. It’s real Nadine. She is gone baby and for the best.
Nadine shoots him a look.
NADINE
Is it? Is it really baby? Cause it doesn’t feel like it.
Johnny nods yes.
JOHNNY
I am so sorry for what had to happen but the longer we pretend it is not, the more difficult this will be. Come baby. We need to go in. It will take some time but we need to face the reality Nadine. Come.
Johnny unbuckles his seat belt and unlocks the doors. He is about to get out when… Nadine sees a neighbor on her porch and crouches down.
NADINE
Shit. Tell me when she is gone.
Johnny watches the neighbor pick up the newspaper and go back inside.
He is slowly losing a bit of patience.
JOHNNY
Ok. Let’s go.
Johnny gets out and opens Nadine’s car door just as Nadine sees in the rear view mirror sees a woman pushing a stroller towards them.
NADINE
Not now! Just wait and give me a second!
Nadine hides as best as she can in her seat. Johny gently stands by the car door and closes it a bit to let the lady pass.
JOHNNY
Ok baby. Let’s go in now.
Nadine looks around cautiously.
JOHNNY
No one is here.
Nadine gingerly gets out.
NADINE
I can’t answer all of their questions baby. I don’t want to talk about it. I just want to hide and make it all go away.
JOHNNY
I know Nadine. I promise after the birth, we can put this behind us and start again.
Nadine looks at him. Johnny helps her out of the car.
EXT. BUNGALOW FRONT DOOR
Johnny unlocks the door and enters.
Nadine stands outside and scans the neighbors. On almost every porch there is a stroller, toys on the front lawns, and family-sized SUVs in the driveway. This is a kid infested hood.
Johnny puts his arm around Nadine’s waist and guides her inside.
END OF ACT ONE
-
John T’s Finished Act 1
What I learned doing this assignment is that finishing Act 1 promotes a can-do attitude.
ACT I
DREAM SEQUENCE
A man with a dog on a leash. He’s pulling on it, dragging the dog into the woods. A little girl, CLARE, 9, watches anxiously.
UNCLE HENRY
Com’on girl. Do your business, come on.
YOUNG CLARE
Don’t hurt her, Uncle Henry. Please don’t hurt her.
UNCLE HENRY
I’m not. She has to go in the woods for a little while. It doesn’t hurt, just something she has to do. Com’on Trixy, come on girl, do your business.
Clare looks up, at the woods, and SCREAMS. Her cry melds into the sudden outburst, a 25-year-old woman. It’s….
INT. BEDROOM – MORNING
CLARE bolts up from her nightmare.
CLARE
Ahhhhhhhhhhh.
(collects herself)
Damn it!
Rubs her face, focuses on the bedside table clock. 10:15.
CLARE
Shit!
Springs to her feet, runs to the bathroom, grabs a dress on the door hook with one hand, pulls off her t-shirt with the other, slams the door shut.
EXT. INNERMOST CAFÉ – DAY
A light rain. Brooding and pale skinned, blond dreadlocks swinging to and fro, ROD, 28, paces up and down under the awning, A hand taps him from behind. He spins around.
ROD
Damn it, Clare. where you been?
CLARE
Sorry, missed the buzzer.
ROD
Let’s go, they’re waiting.
INT. TABLE FOR 8 – DAY
Rod leads to a table of people who look put out. Jenny especially, seated next to Barry, both late 20s. Chuck, 30s, appears sympathetic. The others look up, then back to their plates and pie holes.
CLARE
Sorry, everybody. Overslept.
JENNY
You don’t look it.
CLARE sidles to a chair next to Rod who’s already seated himself.
BARRY
She kinda does, sweater’s inside out.
Clare looks down, sees the tag. Now everybody gazes at her tag. A few chuckles.
ROD
It’s my fault. I didn’t dress her properly this morning.
A few laughs.
Clare starts to sit, too embarrassed to speak.
ROD
No, go change.
Clare slowly rises, leaves the table. They all watch her disappear around the corner.
JENNY
That’s a bit harsh, isn’t it?
ROD
Sorry, everybody. Clare’s been dormant lately, attention vector inward. Always in some esoteric book getting lost in the weeds.
BARRY
The puzzle solver.
JENNY
Oh, that’s right. Clare loves to solve riddles and such.
ROD
Like the one between her ears.
TED
How about the one between her legs.
JENNY
Real nice, Ted.
ROD
Wish it was that simple.
CHUCK
Occam’s Razor.
ROD
What was that?
CHUCK
Occam’s Razor, the principle that the most simple explanation is probably the true one.
ROD
So I should take her to a shrink?
CHUCK
Maybe, or a trust baby like you could take her to that new resort off the coast.
JENNY
You mean Discovery Island, heard it’s absolutely wonderful. Everybody raves about it. You get in touch with your true self through a MIC.
TED
A what?
JENNY
Ah, mirror image cyborg, I think.
CHUCK
I think it’s matching image. Anyway, it’s an exact metal clone of yourself.
ROD
I don’t think contemplating our navel is the answer.
BARRY
Do they even have navels?
JENNY
I heard they have all the parts, private and otherwise.
BARRY
Now I’m interested.
ROD
Well, I’m not. Sounds like a complete waste of time and money, both of them mine.
JENNY
It’s not just for Clare, Rod. You’d benefit, too.
CHUCK
And they’re having a sale right now for couples, half off the second.
ROD
We’re not really, not by a long shot. We’re just sharing my condo, ah, temporarily.
CHUCK
Sounds ideal.
ROD
Your Razor, again?
CHUCK
Actually, yes. Giving Clare the opportunity to know her innermost self is exactly what she needs, Rod. What you both need before you decide to split.
JENNY
Gotta know the origin before you plan a destination, Rod.
BARRY
Agree, you know, it’s never too late for somebody like her to grow up a little.
Rod looks down pensively.
ROD
She’s absolutely helpless without me.
BARRY
Well, you best help her get some wings so she can fly away and be done with her. (fingering his cell phone)
And… we’re talking 5-star resort, ace.
ROD
Well, something’s gotta give.
INT. LADY’S ROOM – DAY
Clare has been monitoring the whole conversation on her phone.
INT. INNERMOST CAFE – DAY
Clare leaves.
EXT. INNERMOST CAFÉ – DAY
Clare walks home.
EXT. CENTURY PARK – DAY
Clare walks by a tree lined path, notices a starling fluttering about with a croaked wing. Clare bends down to study it. Something about a helpless bird gets to her. She breaks down, sobbing.
INT. ROD’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Clare enters with her wounded bird in a bird cage, sets it on a table by the windowsill.
CLARE
Don’t worry, birdie. We’ll get out of here.
She covers the cage with a cloth and turns out the light.
INT. FILING SERVICES OFFICE – DAY
Clare sits at her desk, shuffling pages. From her cubicle she has a direct view of the break room. She sees Nolan, the office jerk, with his hands all over Amber who’s pushing him away.
INT. JOE’S OFFICE – DAY
Clare knocks on the door.
JOE nods.
JOE
What can I do for you, Clare.
Clare hesitates, thinks.
CLARE
Hi Joe, wondered if we can talk about something.
JOE
If it’s about your next project, it’s a bit early.
CLARE
No, it’s not that. It’s just…
JOE
You want a raise, is that it?
CLARE
Well, not exactly but I think—
JOE
Now Clare, you know all about our budget constraints and nobody’s getting a raise right now. Are we clear?
CLARE
Yes, we’re clear.
Joe holds up his coffee cup.
JOE
Would you mind?
Clare grabs the cup.
INT. NOLAN’S CUBICLE – DAY
Nolan walks in, sees a company policy poster on his desk. The title reads: “WORKPLACE HARRASSMENT.” Somebody has written in thick black ink: “THIS MEANS YOU!”
INT. ROD’S APARTMENT – DAY
Clare watches TV, a self -advocacy law firm spot. Rod steps in front of the screen.
ROD
We need to talk.
Clare hits the mute button, stands up.
CLARE
I’m listening.
ROD
About your rude departure yesterday.
CLARE
I wasn’t the one being rude.
Rod looks puzzled.
CLARE
That’s right, heard all of it. You left your phone on monitor mode.
ROD
Well… good. You needed to hear it.
CLARE
I need to move out.
ROD
Agreed. You’re not keeping your side of our, ah, arrangement.
CLARE
Me?
ROD
Yes, you, Clare. You’re here but you’re not here.
CLARE
I don’t work full time and come home and cook and clean for you?
ROD
Yeah, but there’s more to life than just toilets and Tottingers.
CLARE
Cute. So I thought we were gonna be just roomies.
ROD
I need something more than that. You’re going to have to move out.
CLARE
Oh, great. That’s just great. Sold all my stuff, paid off my bills and now suddenly I’m homeless.
(beat)
Fine, I’ll move out but I need time to get settled.
ROD
How long?
CLARE
A month and a half.
ROD
Six weeks? That’s too long.
CLARE
I took care of your mother for six months-
ROD
And I appreciate that but-
CLARE
It’s the least you can do.
ROD
Tell you what. If you agree to go with me to a resort for the weekend, you can stay until you get settled.
CLARE
And why would you want that?
INT. CLARE’S MOM’S KITCHEN – DAY
A kitchen in dire need of remodeling. Clare and Lois doing a mother-daughter cake.
CLARE
That’s what I said. He wants me to go with him.
LOIS
Of course he does.
CLARE
And they have the technology to help you learn about yourself from a robotic double.
LOIS
Sounds dreadful. And why are you still with this man?
CLARE
He means well.LOIS
Now that’s delusional, Clare. I see all the signs.
CLARE
That why you never left Dad.
LOIS
That was different. I had you and your brother to worry about. And I still worry. Are you still seeing Doctor Silvers?
CLARE
No, can’t afford it.
Lois whips out a very sharp knife. Whacks it down on the cutting board.
LOIS
Still having those nightmares?
CLARE
Yes. Maybe this island trip can help me.
LOIS
Are you sure?
CLARE
I don’t know. I need to buy time before I can move. And he’s paying for everything.
LOIS
He better be… trustafarian dipshit.
CLARE
Mom!
LOIS
Don’t let me stop you. You’ll learn to drop this guy like a heat lamp.
EXT. BIOLOGICAL MAPPING FACILITY – DAY
A futuristic waiting room with high ceiling orb lights. Rod sits, gets his dreadlocks caught in the chair straps. He has to pull himself free. Clare stifles a laugh.
LOUDSPEAKER
Mr. and Mrs. Rodney Shankman.
CLARE
That’ll be the day.
INT. BIOLOGICAL MAPPING FACILITY – DAY
Rod and Clare lie down on scanning beds. A light passes over them like a scanning machine. Ten passes and it’s over.
CLARE
What sort of information was just sucked out of my body?
TECNICIAN
About ten billion terabytes of you, of everything you are.
CLARE
So I just sold my soul.
ROD
Yeah, and I paid for it.
INT. APARTMENT – DAY
Clare comes home to an empty apartment. Her bird flutters about, pecking at birdseed. Clare peers in.
CLARE
Hi, Birdie. How are we doing? Ready to fly? Are you scared of heights?
INT. CLARE’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Clare in a deep sleep, head tossing and turning.
CLARE
No, Uncle Henry. Be nice to Tricksy.
DREAM SEQUENCE
Uncle Henry tugs on Tricksy’s leesh. Tricksy resists. They disappear behind the bushes.
YOUNG CLARE
Don’t hurt her, Uncle Henry.
UNCLE HENRY
It’s okay, dear. She’s just doing her business and I don’t want it out in the open.
INT. CLARE’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Clare wakes up with a start. Turns on the light. Grabs a book. We see the title: MORAL DILEMMAS.
INT. APARTMENT LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Clare gets lost in another book: RIDDLES AND CODES. Rod walks in.
ROD
Have you packed, yet?
CLARE
Just a few things left.
ROD
Get rid of the bird. Don’t want to come home to a stinking carcass.
CLARE
She won’t die, I promise. I’m leaving plenty of birdseed and it’s just until she can fly away.
ROD
Why are you always helping little animals?
CLARE
Because they can’t help themselves.
ROD
Your read the prep file?
CLARE
Yes, be openminded to change.
ROD
That’s right. It might even be fun. Now, I expect you to accompany me to all public functions. Let’s at least pretend to be a couple.
CLARE
What for? I thought the whole point is to be honest. Rod grabs the air travel tickets off the counter, hands Clare’s.
ROD
Yeah, well that’s the price of admission. And if we’re going to be honest, your ingratitude would be front and center. Here, don’t lose these.
CLARE
I’m grateful…. why are there two sets?
Rod fetches tickets off the kitchen counter.
ROD
It’s a chopper ride to the island. There’s no runway.
CLARE
What? I can’t ride in a helicopter. Gives me the willies.
ROD
Suck it up, buttercup.
INT. AIRPLANE – DAY
Clare sits in the aisle seat, buried in a magazine. Rod summons a flight attendant.
ROD
Two glasses of champagne.
CLARE
Oh, I don’t care for any.
Rod locks eyes with the flight attendant. Holds up two fingers.
ROD
Two.
FLIGHT ATTENDANT
I’ll see what I can do.
ROD
You should loosen up a little.
CLARE
You know I hate flying.
Rod chuckles.
ROD
The best is yet to come, sweetheart.
EXT. HELIPORT – DAY
Half a dozen passengers walk the tarmac. Clare gazes up at the chopper like it’s the guillotine.
CLARE
I can’t do this.
ROD
Too late now. Do I have to carry you on?
INT. HELICOPTER – DAY
Everyone but Clare cranes for a better look outside. It’s a gorgeous day, azure waters, clear skies. Clare sits as far away from the doors as possible. Eyes closed, head in hands like she’s in a deep meditation.
Suddenly, the chopper lurches left and drops a hundred feet in a few seconds. Everyone screams.
INT. COCKPIT – DAY
PILOT
We just lost oil pressure. We’re gonna gyro in. EVERYBODY HOLD TIGHT. WE’RE GOING TO ROTOR DOWN TO THE HELIPAD!
Everyone grabs on to something.. A heavyset woman prays. A young couple grab each other. For once, Rod is just as terrified as Clare
PILOT
HOLD ON. HERE WE GO!!
We see out the window. There’s a giant H on a concrete pad getting bigger fast.
PILOT
BRACE FOR IMPACT! BRACE FOR IMPACT!
The pilot pulls back smoothly on the collective.
EXT. LANDING PAD – DAY
The helicopter’s descent slows and touches down gently.
INT. HELICOPTER – DAY
Cheers. Applause. Clare recovers. Rod throws up.
PILOT
Sorry about that folks. We’re down for repairs. Enjoy your stay.
-
Mary ‘s Finished Act 1
What I learned – this is getting easier, keep going forwars.
-
DeRuve’s Act I
What I learned doing this assignment is to trust the process. I have felt like I was in a slump, but I forced myself to write this, and in the process of doing so, I had a breakthrough. I realized the order was wrong, and what I thought was my first turning point, wasn’t. By challenging myself to find something that truly “twists” the characters journey, I reworked the order, and found I elevated my outline and character arc.
Act I –
INT. RHINO’S CAR – SUBURBS – NIGHT
SEVERINO PERISI, 34, aka RHINO, creeps down the street with his headlights off, looking for an address scribbled on a piece of paper. His breaks squeal to a halt, he’s arrived.
He peers out from under his permanently swollen brows, the neighborhood is silent. He pulls a plastic bag over each shoe, taping them around the ankles.
He tucks his thick black hair under a black cap.
EXT. SUBURBAN HOUSE – CONTINUOUS
TITLE CARD: 1985, Troy, New York
Rhino methodically walks around the side of the house towards the back, his rather large shadow shifting across the side lawn approaching the light. He unscrews the bulb, darkness.
EXT. SUBURBAN HOUSE – BACKYARD – CONTINUOUS
JONNY, 32, puffs a cigar on the patio by himself, he glances over, momentarily frozen by Rhino’s enormous silhouette, easily 6’4” and as broad as a beast.
Jonny snaps out of it, frantically dives back out of his chair, and trips over the next one. Rhino moves in on his prey, Jonny flinging toys and chairs in his path.
Rhino grabs Jonny by the breast of his jacket, lifting him to his feet with ease.
RHINO
What time is it, Jonny?
JONNY
I don’t got it.
SLAP- Rhino knocks him silly with a vicious backhand.
JONNY (CONT’D)
Honest!
CRACK- A stiff right hook knocks Jonny to the ground, his nose shattered to bloody pieces.
Rhino picks him up tossing him through the sliding glass door into the–
INT. SUBURBAN HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Jonny skids across the floor amongst the broken glass, Rhino stomps in, flips him to his back, and delivers three bone crushing rights, breaking his face, leaving him limp.
Rhino stands, hardly out of breath when the whimper of a LITTLE GIRL, 6, catches his attention. His mouth hangs open before his chin falls, heartbreak.
She wipes the tears from her face when he extends a lollipop to her. She smacks it out of his hand, defeated, the cries breaking him.
EXT. EMPIRE STATE PLAZA CONVENTION CENTER – ALBANY – NIGHT
Rhino’s jalopy makes way through the crowds of people heading for the entrance. He parks right outside the side door labeled locker rooms, gets out tossing his keys to JIMMY, 20.
JIMMY
Give ‘em hell t’night, Rhino!
INT. EMPIRE STATE PLAZA CONVENTION CENTER – CONTINUOUS
Rhino strolls down the hall of the arena, the employees all turn and wave, offering him encouragements.
RHINO
Hey, how ya doin’?
(beat)
Thanks a lot, appreciate it.
Finally reaching the locker room entrance.
INT. LOCKER ROOM – CONTINUOUS
The cornermen sit around in uniform garb, JOEY PAONE, 34, paces back and forth, a short stocky guinea with the suit of a made man, and slick black hair. Rhino casually struts in.
JOEY
What’d I tell ya, huh? There he is! Fifteen minutes to spare even! These bums been bad mouthin’ ya, Rhino.
Rhino shoots his charming grin at the cornermen who greet him warmly.
JOEY (CONT’D)
You think I’m gonna let you bums flap your gums about Rhino, huh? This man’s a fighter, what’re you, huh? Bums, all of ya’s!
RHINO
Put a cork in it, Joey, would ya?
Rhino strips down and hops up on the trainers table.
JOEY
(dramatic)
Maybe this time, sure! But you give ‘em an inch, and they’ll take a mile.
Rhino chuckles along with the cornermen, Joey finally lets out a laugh. The TRAINER takes Rhino’s hand revealing bruising and fresh cuts. He turns to Joey, the mood shifts.
JOEY (CONT’D)
A’right, everybody get the hell outta here.
(beat)
Just a minute, thanks boys.
The room clears, Joey approaches Rhino and grabs his banged up right paw, almost twice the size of Joey’s hands. He playfully pats Rhino’s cheek.
RHINO
I know, I know, I was supposed to get it done a couple’a nights ago.
JOEY
What’re ya bare knucklin’ these low life’s f’er?! Huh? What’s a matter with you?
(beat)
Where’re them gloves I gave ya?
RHINO
Gloves?
JOEY
Them nice leather ones, ya animal. Y’er gonna get y’erself hurt.
RHINO
C’mon, Joey, it’s alright, it’s nothin’ but a flesh wound, it don’t hurt even.
Joey stands down a little and lets out a grin.
JOEY
You’re lucky this guy’s a bum tonight. He’s big and he’s clumsy. Let him get some shots in, and put him down in the third. We’ll be home by midnight.
RHINO
What’s the purse?
JOEY
If y’can keep‘em on his feet for three rounds, real nice.
RHINO
I won’t use my right.
He flashes his bloody knuckles, they share a laugh.
DING–
INT. EMPIRE STATE PLAZA CONVENTION CENTER – RING – NIGHT
–DING- Rhino comes out of his corner swiftly tossing some light jabs at SHEFFIELD, 24, who’s big as a house. Rhino looks quick compared to his shuffling heavy feet.
Sheffield winds up and throws a telegraphed hook, Rhino eats it with the back of his glove, throwing meaningless counters. A combination of punches, hardly making Rhino flinch.
DING- Scattered boos and crumpled programs shower the ring. Rhino sits in his corner, hardly breathing heavy. Across the ring, Sheffield is sucking wind.
A leggy RING GIRL, 26, carries the round card, “2”, turning the boos to cheers.
DING- Rhino comes out of his corner again playing possum. Sheffield moves in, doing his best, but his best is deflected and evaded with ease. Sheffield takes a big swing and slips.
He falls to a knee, the crowd is growing more hostile. They counter each other, Sheffield throwing sloppy combinations, Rhino tossing weak jabs into his chin.
DING- The crowd is letting them have it, the fight lacks excitement, booing and groans. He sits in his corner.
RHINO
A lotta hostility tonight.
TRAINER
Yeah, in the crowd maybe.
Rhino looks over his shoulder, Joey making eyes at him and nods. The Ring Girl carries the “3”-DING.
Rhino pounds his fists together, the boo birds loud as ever. The fighters approach, Rhino throws his first meaningful jab, surprising Sheffield, snapping his head straight back.
A quick combination before he can regain his balance, he stumbles, grabbing the ropes for support. The REF grants him a standing five count.
Joey smirks with his GOONS cheering with the spectators.
Sheffield takes a deep breath, he throws a right that is countered with a stiff right jab, a swift left jab, and a sweeping right hook dropping him to the mat like a rock.
The crowd erupts in cheers, the Ref counting him off, Rhino holding his gloves in the air. He arrogantly spits his mouthpiece towards his corner, TIME SLOWS DOWN–
Rhino dances from side to side with arms raised high, flash bulbs popping. His shiny black pomp prancing across his brow, sweat glistening on his thick build, flexing his ripped arms.
TITLE CARD: Rhino
EXT. RHINO’S HOUSE – NIGHT
The neighborhood is quiet and still, two-family homes packed in like sardines, some vacant and boarded up. Rhino’s jalopy grumbles down the street pulling into his driveway.
He approaches the backyard where CANNOLI, 9, a BOXER stands on his hind legs, with forelegs up on the chain link fence anxious to greet his best friend.
RHINO
Yo, Cannoli, how was your day, boy? Catch any squirrels?
He enters the backyard reciprocating Cannoli’s excitement, scrumming around the yard on his way to the back door.
INT. RHINO’S HOUSE – CONTINUOUS
Rhino squeezes down a narrow stairwell, ducking under the doorway into his basement studio apartment. It looks like an unemptied trashcan, Cannoli circling him with glee.
RHINO
Home sweet home, pup.
Rhino is too large an animal for this size cage. He glances in a mirror above the sink washing his hands. There are photographs stuck all over the walls and cabinets.
He turns from side to side inspecting himself. A thick nose unharmed, strong working jaw, and the natural puff of his brow doesn’t look anymore swollen.
RHINO (CONT’D)
He got me once, but in the freakin’ ear. Somethin’ about the ear always bothered me, ya know? Still kinda stingin’ a bit, or ringin’ ya know?
He heads to the fridge, left over Chinese cartons, cheap beer, and a tray covered in tin-foil which he grabs.
He peels back the cover, baked ziti. He forks some into Cannoli’s bowl beside the couch covered with a blanket and pillow, obviously his bed.
RHINO (CONT’D)
I felt strong t’night, you shoulda been there. People were booin’ and all that, callin’ me a bum. We ain’t bums though, is we Cannoli?
He turns on a ten inch tube TV to the news, reaches in his jacket pocket and drops a stack of hundred dollar bills on the coffee table.
RHINO (CONT’D)
We done good t’night.
He plops down on the couch to eat. Cannoli finishes his food, scampers over jumping up, sitting next to Rhino on the couch.
The broadcast has a quick highlight of the fight.
RHINO (CONT’D)
Here it is here, look here Cannoli.
ANCHOR
The Rhino, Severino Perisi was in action tonight winning by knockout in the third bringing him three fights closer to an incredible hundredth career fight. Who would’ve thought we’d still be talking about Rhino at thirty-four years old and such an up and down career? The homegrown fighter has a record of 58 and 39, and never won the big match. I imagine his career is coming to an end with no real shot at a title. But, as we say here in Troy, he’s got the heart of a Rhino, doesn’t he?
Rhino and Cannoli share a look.
RHINO
What’s he know?
Later…
The TV scrambles with static, Rhino is passed out across the couch not long enough for him to lay straight. Cannoli has himself wedged in there somehow, sleeping on his chest.
EXT. SOUTH TROY – RHINO’S NEIGHBORHOOD – DAY
Rhino and Cannoli make their way down the block towards–
INT. SCHOOL GYMNASIUM – DAY
A mob of Fathers and Sons are in countless lines leading to registration tables. Rhino stands beside WALTER, 43, who fills out forms for an ORGANIZER.
ORGANIZER
Nice win the other night, Rhino.
RHINO
Hey, thanks a lot. That guy’s no bum neither, he’s a fighter.
WALTER
Alright, that’s that.
ORGANIZER
And the initiation fee?
RHINO
Right here, I got it.
Rhino reaches in his pocket for cash, and counts it off.
RHINO (CONT’D)
One, two, three, uh, how much?
ORGANIZER
It’s eight-hundred this year.
RHINO
Right, lemme start over here. Uh, one, two, three…
Walter looks over to the organizer from the corner of his eye, Rhino hands him the money, he counts it.
ORGANIZER
Oops, here, one too many.
RHINO
I was never too good with math.
Rhino and Walter walk away with the forms.
WALTER
Thanks again, Sev, really. Opening day is in a few weeks.
RHINO
I wouldn’t miss it.
WALTER
Go, Rhino’s!
Rhino strikes his fist in the air on his way out.
EXT./INT. PERISI FAMILY HOME – DAY
Rhino enters the front gate and ties Cannoli to the post on his way inside. When the front door opens, a symphony of thirty voices all shouting at each other at once bursts free.
Rhino seems like a giant in this packed house of short stocky Italians. He’s mobbed on entrance, the shouts now directed at him, warm welcomes and greetings at a ridiculous volume.
Hugs, pinched cheeks, he’s like a giant teddy bear to them.
FRANKIE, 38, wraps him in a bear hug. Ma, 62, pushes through the crowd, the matriarch, both domineering and inviting.
MA
Sevvy, come here, let me see your face.
RHINO
Ma, I’m fine.
MA
How much longer are you gonna put me through this? My baby boy, my fifth child, gets punched in the face voluntarily!
RHINO
That’s not true, Ma, I get paid.
MA
Oy vey, capatosta!
A small burst of endearing laughter from the family.
MA (CONT’D)
But, you’re still handsome, my best lookin’ son.
FRANKIE
Whoa, Ma, what the hell?
(background laughter)
KIDS
Sevvy!
In runs a gaggle of next generation COUSINS ranging from eight to twelve. They climb on him and wrestle him to the ground, he loves every second of it.
He gets to all fours and imitates a rhino, snorting and scrapping his hands across the floor.
KIDS (CONT’D)
AH! It’s the Rhino!
The kids scatter.
MA
Did you bring your laundry?
(beat)
There’s a tomata pie on the counter for ya. Take your Fathah’a slice.
The room is back to their loud, crammed conversations, Ma tending to her sauce. Rhino grabs the trey on his way into the den.
INT. PERISI FAMILY HOME – DEN – CONTINUOUS
DAD, 64, sits in a recliner scowling at the television watching the Yankees. MEL, 62, sits on the crowded couch beside him, Dad’s best friend.
Every seat in the room is taken, Rhino pulls a stool beside his Father, placing the trey on the coffee table.
MEL
Great fight the other night, Sev. Great fight.
DAD
That guy was an eggplant.
RHINO
You seen the fight?
DAD
(grunts)
I read it.
(beat)
Look here, look at this, you see this?
Holding his palms out in Rhino’s direction, then over to Mel.
DAD (CONT’D)
Thirty-six years swingin’ a hammer. A real trade. Now, that’s a livin’!
MEL
You still over on Hill St?
RHINO
Yeah, I got the backyard for the dog, it’s real nice.
DAD
It’s a dump.
RHINO
Hey, what’s wit you t’day?
MEL
See the score?
RHINO
It ain’t my fault the Yanks stink.
DAD
Watch your mouth in this house!
The stool lets out a CRACK and screech, Rhino stands, accidentally breaking the seat.
DAD (CONT’D)
That was your grandfather’s stool. The only thing he brought from the ol’ country.
RHINO
Gimme a break. Why in the hell would he bring a stool?
DAD
Cause in the basement of them ships, they didn’t even have chairs to sit on. He made that with his bare hands, our only family heirloom. And, you know what your grandfather did for a living?
RHINO
A real trade.
DAD
That’s right.
RHINO
And neither of you’s got two nickels to rub together.
Dad shrugs him off and focuses on the game, Mel chuckles. Rhino reaches in his pocket and hands his father an envelope of cash. He snatches it without looking up.
RHINO (CONT’D)
I gotta get goin’.
Rhino kisses his Father’s head who hardly looks up.
INT. LAUNDROMAT – NIGHT
Cannoli lays on the floor under the chair Rhino slouches in watching his laundry spin in the dryer.
On the far side of the laundromat two kids JB, 8, and TYLER, 10, toss a baseball back and forth. JB whips one passed Tyler, it kicks off a machine skipping towards Rhino.
He snatches it swiftly and holds it up.
BILLIE (O.S.)
Ya’ll better take that into the parking lot, I don’t know where you get off throwing the ball inside.
Tyler approaches Rhino presenting the ball.
RHINO
Who’s your favorite team?
TYLER
The Yankees.
RHINO
Damn straight.
Tossing him the ball, Tyler runs off, BILLIE BELLE, 28, approaches. Rhino’s eyes widen, she has exotic almond eyes, milk chocolate complexion, and long tightly woven box braids.
BILLIE
You give your Momma this much grief growing up?
RHINO
Oh, absolutely. But, once I grow up, I plan on givin’ her a break.
BILLIE
(smiles)
I’ve seen you in here.
RHINO
I seen you too.
BILLIE
You look like Marlon Brando.
He holds a look on her grin for a moment.
RHINO
You don’t look like nobody I know.
BILLIE
No?
RHINO
My Auntie Marie got a goatee.
BILLIE
(chuckles)
Should I call you Brando?
RHINO
Rhino.
BILLIE
Rhino? Uh-huh. I’m sure your Momma named you Rhino.
RHINO
It’s a nickname.
BILLIE
I’m not calling you that.
She widens her eyes and pops her hips waiting a reply.
RHINO
Wanna know how I got it? Most people think it’s ‘cause I’m humungous, but it ain’t true. I was waitin’ in the lock for my first pro fight, I’m a fighter, and I got myself a new robe. Real stylish, nothin’ flashy, all class, ya know? I had my name stitched into the chest like this here, and it must’a had some kinda fold in it, and they saw, R-I-N-O, and pronounced it rhino. Severino the Rhino was born by serendipity, that’s what they call that. The right place at the right time kinda thing.
BILLIE
Severino is much nicer than Rhino.
RHINO
I’m a fighter, I’m not supposed to be nice.
BILLIE
I’m Billie Belle.
Rhino giggles under his breath.
BILLIE (CONT’D)
Oh, you think that’s funny?
RHINO
No, not at all. It’s got a nice ring to it.
BILLIE
(laughs)
You sure you’re a fighter and not a comedian?
RHINO
Comedian is my real job, I’m a boxer on the side.
(she laughs)
What’s with them books you’re always luggin’ around, Billie Belle?
BILLIE
I’m in law school.
RHINO
I figured you was smart. You look real sharp, ya know, not like the rest of these bums out here. Y’er gonna be somebody, I can tell.
BILLIE
(blushes)
You’re more charming than you think, Severino. A fighter may be what you are, but it isn’t who you are.
(beat)
You feel me?
RHINO
If I ain’t a fighter, who am I?
BILLIE
You’ll figure it out eventually, if you want to.
She turns to leave.
RHINO
Hey, when’s the next laundry day?
BILLIE
Why? You want to meet me here?
RHINO
Maybe so.
BILLIE
Next Sunday. See you.
RHINO
See you.
Cannoli comes out from under the chair putting his head on Rhino’s lap, they exchange looks.
EXT. PORT OF ALBANY – DAWN
The steam whistle screams, longshoremen report for work. Rhino eats an apple watching the laborers make their way for the docks blanketed in a thick fog.
He sees GIL, 48, in the mix of other workers. He advances briskly, Gil catches a glimpse of him and quickly runs, Rhino pursues with bad intentions.
He catches up and shoves Gil from behind who stumbles across the pavement. Rhino snatches him up and slams him up against a steel shipping container.
RHINO
What’re ya runnin’ for, Gil, huh?
GIL
I’m sorry, man, I’m fuckin’ sorry!
Rhino cocks his fist back, Gil crumbles into tears, actually pissing his pants. He straightens him back up.
RHINO
What time is it, Gil?
(beat)
Huh?!
(beat)
It’s time to pay the man. If I go back there with nothin’ it reflects poorly on me.
GIL
What can I do, I’ll do anything…
RHINO
You seen y’er buddy Jonny? He’s eatin’ sausages through a straw right now.
GIL
I gots grandkids to look after, please. Have a heart.
Rhino grips his jacket in his fists, frustration mounting, but he lets him go.
RHINO
One week. You got one week. And I want it all.
Gil can’t believe it.
RHINO (CONT’D)
Don’t make a fool of me.
GIL
One week, you got it Rhino, thank you, thank you.
Gil back peddles before running for safety. Rhino can’t believe his own actions. He disappears into the fog.
EXT. PERISI FAMILY HOME – DAY
A murdered out Cadillac idles across the street when Rhino exits the front door with Cannoli. He notices right away, and approaches. The back window rolls down revealing Joey.
JOEY
Let’s go for a ride.
(beat)
Leave that stinkin’ dog.
RHINO
Sure.
Rhino retreats to the house tying Cannoli to the post.
INT. JOEY’S CAR – DAY
Rhino rides in back with Joey, sitting in an long silence.
JOEY
In twenty-four years y’never disrespected me. But, this business with Gil needs to be addressed.
RHINO
Joey, I didn’t mean nothin’ by it.
JOEY
Let me ask you, how does it make me look when my right hand is out there lettin’ people walk?
RHINO
I, uh…
JOEY
How?!
RHINO
I don’t know.
JOEY
Like a faggoty ass little bitch!
RHINO
I’m sorry, Joey.
JOEY
You gettin’ soft?
RHINO
C’mon, I’m Rhino.
(beat)
I was just thinkin’–
JOEY
Well, stop. It ain’t y’er job to think. It’s y’er job to crack heads open. Capisce?
(beat)
Next time I see him, he should be unrecognizable.
Rhino nods.
JOEY (CONT’D)
We got a fight Sunday.
RHINO
This Sunday?
Joey looks at him painfully.
JOEY
Is that alright with you, huh? You up for it, ya fuckin’ animal.
(beat)
It’s some eighteen year old kid in his third fight. Y’er fillin’ in for the bum who sprained his ankle in training.
The long silence returns.
INT. RHINO’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Rhino lay awake on the couch with Cannoli on his chest. The green glow of a digital clock by the TV stands out in the otherwise dark room.
He watches the clock tick from 4:29 to 4:30 – ALARM.
Rhino opens the fridge to find a bloody steak on a plate. He barehands it and takes a big bite, before a few chugs from the milk carton.
EXT. ALBANY METRO AREA – DAWN
MONTAGE SEQUENCE: Intercut running and working out.
Rhino runs along the river with the city skyline behind him. Cannoli keeps up carrying his leash in his mouth.
Weaving in and out of different historic areas as the city slowly wakes up.
EXT./INT. – RHINO’S GARAGE – DAY
The garage door rolled open, a mini-gym with the aesthetic of a classic boxing gym minus a ring. Free weights organized neatly, the space is much better kept than his home.
Posters of great Italian boxers, Marciano, LaMotta, Garziano, etc. hung like wallpaper. Rhino military presses 225lb. with a stone cold look in his eyes.
Rhino works the heavy bag, the speed bag, the jump rope.
INT. PERISI FAMILY HOME – DINING ROOM – EVENING
Rhino sits amongst a full table of fifteen, with scattered tables in the background for the younger generations. Every folds their hands over their plates with heads bowed.
Dad leads the room in a Catholic prayer, everyone is deeply invested in the moment but Rhino.
END MONTAGE.
EXT./INT. LAUNDROMAT – NIGHT
Rhino approaches with Cannoli leashed, JB and Tyler throw the baseball in the parking lot.
TYLER
Are you really the Rhino?
RHINO
How’d you know that?
TYLER
Saw your picture in the paper once.
RHINO
Hey, come here, wanna see somethin’?
The boys run up to him, he reaches for his wallet. He opens it up, no money inside, but stuffed with baseball cards. He takes one out, and shows them the beat to hell player card.
RHINO (CONT’D)
You know who that is?
TYLER
It says it right there, Joe DiMaggio.
RHINO
That’s right. An Italian-American hero. Best damn center fielder of all time.
TYLER
What about Willie Mays?
RHINO
What about him?
(beat)
If anyone comes close it’s Mickey Mantle.
Rhino pulls out another ratty old card of Mickey Mantle.
TYLER
Those cards are probably worth a billion dollars, you shouldn’t keep ‘em in your wallet.
RHINO
A billion dollars, huh?
TYLER
Or a million maybe.
Billie watches them from inside while loading the washer. Rhino enters and approaches her.
BILLIE
They giving you a hard time?
RHINO
More like financial advice.
BILLIE
Where’s your laundry?
RHINO
I actually got a fight t’night. I came by to see if you and the boys wanted to come? On me.
Rhino shows three tickets to her.
BILLIE
I have to be honest, the idea of boxing horrifies me. And besides, what if you get hurt?
RHINO
What if you’re my lucky charm?
Billie blushes and shies away.
BILLIE
You’re very sweet, but I can’t.
RHINO
Can’t or won’t?
BILLIE
I’m a single Mother with a full time job, and a full time student. I have goals, and responsibilities, I can’t be going to… handsome strangers boxing games.
RHINO
Are you more afraid of me gettin’ hurt, or you?
BILLIE
I would say you’re more likely to get hurt in this case.
RHINO
I got a thick skin.
(beat)
Rhino skin.
She pauses, he snorts like a Rhino making her smile.
INT. EMPIRE STATE PLAZA CONVENTION CENTER – ALBANY – NIGHT
A cloud of cigar smoke hands in the shafts of lights pointing towards to ring. The usual crowd of boozers, gamblers, and ne’er-do-wells gab and shout at each other.
Not exactly a suitable environment for kids, but Billie, Tyler and JB squeeze past the crowd down the aisle to their seats a few rows back from the ring.
Just as they find them, the crowd stands and cheers, Billie looks up to find Rhino entering the ring. Tyler and JB stand up on their seats to get a better look.
Rhino shuffles around the ring swinging into the air. He bounces back against the ropes, crosses the ring and looks out into the crowd shielding his eyes from the lights.
He finds Billie and the boys, the corner of his mouth curls into a swooning grin, again swinging and loosening his arms.
The ANNOUNCER enters center ring meeting a wired microphone lowering from the sky.
ANNOUNCER
Ladies, and gentlemen, our third and final heavyweight bout of the evening.
(cheers)
In the red corner, the homegrown Rhino, weighing in at 216 pounds, wearing white trunks with and red trim, from Troy, New York, Severino Perisi!
The crowd erupts into cheers, Tyler and JB clap and shout in favor of Rhino. Billie is taking it all in.
ANNOUNCER (CONT’D)
In the black corner, weighing in at 212 pounds, wearing all black trunks, in only his third professional fight, out of Catskill, New York, Michael Tyson!
Rhino looks across the ring, MIKE TYSON, 18, swaying back and forth looking like a Pitbull ready to attack.
DING-DING-DING- The fighters return to their corners in preparation, getting a final sip of water and vaseline layer across their cheeks. Joey appears climbing up to the ropes.
RHINO
You made it.
JOEY
I had to clean up a mess downtown, don’t get me fuckin’ started. Listen, we’re lookin’ for a knockout in the third.
(beat)
Get this, the kid is the favorite.
RHINO
Then why don’t I take him out in the first.
JOEY
Look at that, the mulignan has an Italian trainer.
They look over that way, Tyson rolling out his neck, he is shredded from head to toe, intimidating at a glance.
JOEY (CONT’D)
Third round, y’hear me?
Rhino nods, Joey retreats. The fighters make way for the center of the ring and touch gloves, DING, they begin to counter each other.
Tyson moves in quickly with a look of ferocity. Rhino casually counters his movement, throwing a weak jab, Tyson ducks and throws a left handed hook in the blink of an eye.
CRACK- Rhino’s head violently snaps back -THUD- dropped to the mat, the lights above him in and out of focus. A bass driven pulse buzzing in his ears.
The ref leans over him counting him off, he can’t move. The crowd is going nuts, Tyson returns to his corner hardly breaking a sweat. Billie cupping her hands to her mouth.
Joey looking dumbfounded in the crowd. The ref waves his arms in the air, Rhino still hasn’t moved, Tyson’s arm raised as the winner.
ANNOUNCER
The winner by knockout, Michael Tyson!
The cornermen scoop Rhino off the floor, Joey storms out.
-
Mary Ellevold Act 2 Reaction to TP1
What I learned is each scene needs a reaction.
TPI- Jon mawled by attack cat;
Reaction Jon refuses to go back to indivual counceling.
New plan – Group Therapy
-
Fred’s Finished Act 1
What I learned doing this assignment is that a lot of 20% quality means I can write subpar dialogue to fill in the scenes and rewrite it later.
EXT. GARAGE – NIGHT
Mother is in the car with Jin, waiting for Han who is giddily saying goodbye to everyone else on the street.
HAN
Don’t you start having too much fun without me. Get home to your wives and kids at a decent time. You hear me?
She plays with the gas pedal every time Han comes within range of the car. Jin studies this curiously from behind.
Han finally gets in the car and slouches in the passenger seat. He closes his eyes and makes unpleasant noises with his dry mouth.
INT. CAR – NIGHT
Han is passed out while Mother is driving. A call for Han comes in through the car, connected via bluetooth. Mother doesn’t answer it.
Call comes in again. She picks up this time.
DISTRAUGHT WOMEN
Han! Why haven’t you been answering your phone?
MOTHER
Who is this?
No response.
MOTHER
Who is calling?
DISTRAUGHT WOMEN
I must have gotten the wrong number, I apologize.
The clicks off. Mother looks at the rearview mirror to see if Jin was listening. Jin closes his eyes and leans on the side to pretend he’s sleeping. His hand/foot is shaking/tapping.
INT. PARKING LOT – NIGHT
The car comes to a stop but no one gets out. Then Mother slams on the horn to wake up Han, who startles in his seat.
HAN
What happened?
She storms up to the apartment.
HAN
Are you not going to lend a hand?
JIN
That’s alright. I got it.
Han is cussing her out from inside the car. Jin goes to the back and opens up the trunk.
INT. PARENT’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Jin and Han enter with leftovers in their arms to find Mother pulling out a suitcase from under the bed.
HAN
What do you think you’re doing?
Mother collects her valuables from closets instead of answering.
HAN
Where are you going at this time of the night?
Mother hands Jin his passport and bank accounts.
MOTHER
Jin, put these somewhere safe where you won’t lose track of them.
JIN
What?
His hands are full so she tucks them into his pockets. She grabs her suitcase but Han blocks her way out.
MOTHER
Get out of the way.
HAN
What is it this time?
MOTHER
I’m done playing the faithful wife role in front of the in laws. Get one of your whores to do it if you need one so bad.
Jin’s eyes widen. Han takes the sting but finds composure.
HAN
Jin, go to your room.
MOTHER
He’s not a kid anymore.
HAN
That’s a conversation between me and him.
MOTHER
And yet you’ve put it aside all this time.
(re: Jin)
You’re father’s cheating on me… again.
Han lets go of the box of food as he SLAPS her across the face.
At the moment of contact glass noodles spill all over the floor.
Han is just as surprised as Jin by his actions.
MOTHER
Take good care of yourself, Jin.
She leaves the suitcase behind and walks out of the bedroom.
Han follows her out to the foyer and continues to dissuade her from leaving.
Jin meanwhile grabs a dishrag and starts cleaning up the mess.
After he’s done cleaning he looks at a framed photo of his parent’s wedding. When he puts his hand on it the grease leaves a smudgy imprint on the picture of his happy parents.
EXT. PHOTO BOOTH – DAY
On the street a station is set up with a red curtain that only exposes the couple’s legs.
Two sets of sticker photos start printing out. EMMA (17) is goofy and giddy with her poses. Jin seems a little lost. On the last photo Emma is leaning in for a kiss but Jin’s eyes remain open.
They step out of the booth to check on the prints.
EMMA
(laughing)
Jin, why are your eyes open?
JIN
I must’ve blinked at the wrong time.
EMMA
So cute.
Emma pulls out a little scrapbook filled to the brim with similar sticker photos. She slides the new one into the sleeve.
INT. ACCESSORY SHOP – DAY
Emma is picking out matching rings while Jin lingers in the back, eavesdropping on other couples.
EMMA
How about this one?
She holds up a simple gold pair.
JIN
Don’t those look wedding rings?
EMMA
That’s why I like it.
The couple that Jin is watching are holding hands, but the guy is checking out the cashier.
JIN
You don’t think it’s too serious? For our age?
EMMA
Well I also really like this one, but I know you don’t like gemstones. I know what you’d say. “Too girly.”
The second ring is silver with a blue stone.
JIN
Do we really need matching rings, though? Like we don’t need proof that we’re taken. It’s not like any of us are in high school anymore.
EMMA
I just like the idea of having something in common.
JIN
Okay. If you want to do it let’s do it.
EMMA
Well I don’t want you to do it just because I do. I’m not forcing you.
JIN
No, I do, I do.
Emma goes quiet, so Jin comes around to pick out one himself.
JIN
How about this one.
INT. BUS – DAY
Two hands are interlocked in each other’s laps. On their ring fingers are a pair of silver infinite rings.
Jin and Emma are seated down in the not so crowded bus.
EMMA
I can’t wait to show your parents these.
JIN
Oh, I don’t think they can get dinner with us this weekend.
EMMA
What, why?
JIN
My mom, she’s, going on a trip.
EMMA
Really? She didn’t tell me that.
JIN
It just came up. Her friend wants to take her to Jeju.
EMMA
Oh, well I hope she has a good time then.
JIN
She says she’s sorry.
EMMA
(giddy)
That’s alright. It just means I get to spend more time with you.
Emma leans on Jin’s shoulders and displays her affection.
The bus comes to a stop and picks up a large number of passengers. It’s now crowded to the point where an elderly man is looming right over them. He stares at Emma, looking less than impressed.
JIN
Here, we’re getting off at the next stop.
EMMA
Already?
Jin breaks his clasp and gets up to move past the elder. Emma follows. He slides into the vacant seat.
When Jin gets to the exit he holds on to the safety bars with both hands.
JIN
Hold onto something.
Emma places one hand on a bar, the one with her ring finger, but the other remains idle. After the bus departs she switches hands and puts the one with the ring back in her pocket.
INT. HOUSE – DAY
Jin and Emma walk through the foyer to find the hallway in complete disarray. Laundry is overflowing, dust has compiled, and dirty dishes are spilling out the kitchen sink. Bags of trash are filled with empty bottles and crushed up beer cans.
EMMA
What do you wanna watch?
Emma casually goes over to Jin’s room but Jin stops his tracks at the hallway.
JIN
Why don’t you put on something first. I’ll be there in a minute.
Jin haphazardly starts to pick up laundry and carries them over to the washing room. He is wrestling out a clunky old vacuum machine when Emma pops her head in.
INT. WASHROOM – CONTINUOUS
EMMA
Do you need any help with that?
JIN
No, no, I’m fine. Why don’t you hang out for a bit.
EMMA
You know what, I think I saw some dirty dishes in the kitchen.
JIN
No, no, don’t. Leave it.
EMMA
And let you clean all by yourself? We’ll finish up right around the same time.
JIN
No, Emma. This doesn’t concern you.
EMMA
Excuse me?
JIN
I mean it’s not your responsibility. Just let me do it.
EMMA
And you just want me to stand by…
JIN
Yes, please.
The intercom announces a message: “Vehicle has entered the parking garage.”
EMMA
Is that your dad?
JIN
You need to go.
Jin drops the vacuum on the ground and leads Emma towards the foyer.
EMMA
What?
JIN
He’ll be embarrassed to have a guest over when the house is looking like this.
EMMA
Jin, this isn’t anything new. Let me say hi to him.
JIN
Emma, believe me, you have to go now.
EMMA
What’s with you today?
JIN
Just trust me on this, will you?
Jin holds her hand. Their infinite rings touch.
EMMA
Alright.
JIN
And don’t go out the garage, please.
Before Emma can respond Jin gives her a peck and returns to picking up trash all over the hallway.
Emma remains confused but she quietly exits.
INT. FOYER – MOMENTS LATER
Han enters with a bag full of imported whiskey and sets it down while he takes off his shoes. He sniffs the air. Jin comes around to greet him.
JIN
Welcome home, father.
HAN
What’s that smell?
JIN
Smell?
Han walks past Jin to the messy hallway?
JIN
Does it smell that bad?
HAN
No, there’s a scent. It’s familiar.
JIN
Oh, I sprayed that.
HAN
Perfume?
JIN
I thought it was Febreze.
HAN
Open up some windows. Let some fresh air in.
Han turns the corner and finds the filthy sink.
HAN
Tell the cleaning lady to start coming twice a week from now on. You can hardly tell she cleaned it at all.
JIN
How do I get in touch with her?
HAN
Just tell her the next time she comes by.
JIN
And mother?
HAN
Your mother is gone Jin. She walked out on this family. A family is meant to stick together, no matter what happens.
EXT. HOTEL RESTAURANT – DAY
From the garden a glass window peers into a reserved room. Jin’s relatives are all gathered to sing happy birthday for JENNY/HAN/JIN? Who’s birthday should it be
INT. HOTEL RESTAURANT – CONTINUOUS
Jenny blows out the candles and everyone claps to celebrate.
INT. HOTEL BUFFET – DAY
Jin places salad/korean food on his plate. When he swings around he bumps into a female employee who shrieks and drops a plate on the ground.
Japchae, glass noodles flies everywhere and the plate is shattered to pieces.
EMPLOYEE
I’m so sorry! Are you alright.
JIN
It’s okay.
Jin bends over to pick up pieces but a male manager intercepts him.
MANAGER
Sir, we’ll handle the mess. I apologize again.
JIN
No, I actually bumped into her.
MANAGER
It’s never the customer’s fault, sir.
Jin gets up but lingers nearby.
The manager suddenly speaks in a threatening tone.
MANAGER
(whispering)
What are you doing?!
EMPLOYEE
I’m sorry I didn’t anticipate –
MANAGER
I told you to keep you eyes wide open, didn’t I?
EMPLOYEE
Yes, yes you did.
MANAGER
Go and get a broom and dustpan right away!
GRANDMA (O.S.)
What a waste.
Jin finds her Grandma shaking her head as she piles on a different dish on her plate.
EXT. PARK – DAY
Jin idles around a bench waiting for someone. He stops when he recognizes a familiar face, but seems surprised.
His Mother approaches him in a flowery dress, looking 10 years younger. She smiles at him.
MOTHER
You found your way okay didn’t you.
JIN
Yeah…
MOTHER
Have you eaten?
JIN
I did.
MOTHER
Then let’s go for a walk. The route here is scenic around the pond.
His Mother strides confidently forward, Jin is a bit dumbfounded by her renewed energy but follows her.
EXT. POND – DAY
JIN
Do you like this new neighborhood?
MOTHER
It has everything it needs.
Jin goes to lean over against the railing.
MOTHER
What’s that on your hand?
JIN
It’s a couple’s ring. Emma picked it out.
MOTHER
Very pretty. A bit odd that you’re wearing one now and I’m not.
JIN
Are you getting a divorce?
MOTHER
No. But that doesn’t mean I’m coming back to live with your father.
JIN
Why let him get away with it then?
MOTHER
The worst stigma you can get labeled for in this country is a cheating spouse. If he’s divorced, he’d be set free from all that.
JIN
Is that enough, though?
MOTHER
It’s enough if it means I don’t have to suffer any longer.
JIN
Doesn’t seem fair.
MOTHER
Whatever happens between me and your father remains between us. Don’t let it come between you two.
JIN
How can it not?
MOTHER
Because he’ll still be the one taking care of you and paying for your school.
INT. MOM’S APARTEMNT – DAY
The place is tidy but tiny. Two bedroom apartment with minimal furniture.
MOTHER
I got a spare room in case you ever want to stay. It’s not much but it’ll have a bed.
JIN
When should I bring my stuff?
MOTHER
It’s not ready yet but maybe next week-
JIN
Mom, I can’t live under the same roof as him.
MOTHER
I don’t blame you. But your father will think I’m pitting you against him.
JIN
He of all people should know that that’s his fault entirely.
MOTHER
I won’t be able to provide for you like he can, Jin.
JIN
Don’t you want revenge, mom? Because I do.
MOTHER
Let’s go get your stuff then.
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Renee’s Finished Act 1
What I learned doing this assignment is that when I don’t focus on getting everything perfect I can write a lot faster and turn out more pages.
INT. CAFÉ – DAY
LONNIE MARINO, 25 stands behind the counter restocking various items. The dining area is abuzz with PEOPLE. Two young SERVERS rush back and forth from the back to the tables.
The front door opens and Mia limps in. She hobbles behind the counter and places her bag in a cupboard. She grabs her apron and places it over her head.
LONNIE
You’re late.
MIA
I know. Is Gretchen mad?
Lonnie looks over and sees Mia’s hand.
LONNIE
Jesus. What happened.
He rushes over and takes her hand, examining it.
MIA
That’s the reason I’m late.
LONNIE
Well, you can’t work with your hand bleeding everywhere. Go sit.
Mia hobbles over to an open table and sits down. Lonnie runs into the back. A few seconds later he returns with a first aid kit.
He pulls out a chair and sits in front of Mia. He opens the first aid kit and pulls out a roll of gauze, some Neosporin, and some tape.
MIA
I think I scraped my knee too.
She reaches down and pulls up her pant legs. There’s a small gash on her knee and a tiny trickle of blood running down her leg.
LONNIE
How’d this happen?
Lonnie takes out an alcohol patch and cleans Mia’s knee before bandaging it.
MIA
I was running down the street so I wouldn’t be late but wasn’t paying attention and ran straight into some guy.
He grabs her hand and turns it over. It uses tweezers to get the small pebbles out of her palm, wipes it clean with an alcohol wipe, and wraps gaze around the injury.
LONNIE
Well, let’s hope Gretchen is sympathetic.
Mia scoffs.
MIA
Doubtful.
The door leading to the kitchen opens up and GRETCHEN PETROVA, 50s, stalks out. She spots Lonnie and Mia and marches over to them.
GRETCHEN
Mia, I need to see you in my office.
Gretchen looks down at Mia’s hand, then looks at Lonnie.
GRETCHEN
Make sure you clean everything up. And hurry, I don’t need any customers complaining about unsanitary conditions.
LONNIE
Yes, ma’am.Gretchen turns on her heel and marches into the back. Mia sighs. She stands up and hobbles after her.
LONNIE
Good luck.
Mia disappears into the back, leaving Lonnie to clean up the mess.
INT. BACK OFFICE – DAY
Mia enters the office. Gretchen sits behind a gigantic desk, hands folded in front of her.
GRETCHEN
Have a seat, Mia.
Mia hobbles over and sits across from Gretchen.
GRETCHEN
I hired you because I felt that not only would you be a great asset to my team, but because I felt you were more responsible than the other students your age.
MIA
Yes, ma’am.
GRETCHEN
However, you are less than one month on the job and you are already late. Do you know what kind of stress you put on the rest of the team here when you are tardy?
MIA
Yes, ma’am.
GRETCHEN
When you do not show up on time, it puts a heavy burden on your co-workers. They must pick up the slack and work twice as hard.
MIA
I’m so sorry. It won’t happen again.
GRETCHEN
Very well. Since this is your first infraction, you are getting a verbal warning. If you should be late again, I will have no choice but to write you up. Am I making myself clear?
MIA
Yes, ma’am.
GRETCHEN
Good. Now, get back out on the floor, our second rush is coming up.
Mia gets up from the chair and hobbles out of the office.
INT. RESTAURANT – NIGHT
Mia sits across from Ian, nervously eating the breadsticks in front of her. Ian smiles at her.
IAN
So, how do you like working at Reveille Coffee Company?
MIA
It’s good.
IAN
Do you like your co-workers?
MIA
Yeah, most of them.
IAN
So, do you take classes in the afternoon?
MIA
For the most part.
Ian looks around the restaurant at the other COUPLES, leaning close to each other, holding hands, whispering. He sighs.
IAN
Will you excuse me for a minute? I need to use the restroom.
MIA
Sure.
Ian gets up and disappears to the back. Mia takes a drink of water and grabs another breadstick.
The SERVER comes up with a pitcher of water.
SERVER
Your food will be out in a minute. Would you like some more water?
MIA
Yes, please.
She pours more water into Mia’s cup.
SERVER
Is there anything else I can get you?
MIA
If you have something to get rid of nerves, that would be fantastic.The server chuckles.
SERVER
First date?
MIA
Yeah, and I think I’m blowing it.
SERVER
The best advice I ever got was to just be yourself. If he likes you, he likes you, if not, there are plenty of other guys who would die to take you out.
MIA
I doubt it. But thanks.
SERVER
Oh, here he comes. Just ask him something about himself. Guys tend to like to talk about themselves, especially if it involves playing sports.
Mia smiles.
IAN
Approaches the table and sits down.
SERVER
Is there anything you need?
IAN
No, I’m good.
SERVER
Alright, I’ll leave you to it. Your food should be out shortly.
IAN
Thanks.
PLACEHOLDER – Their dinner conversation will continue for a bit more after this.
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Gayle’s Finished Act 1
What I learned doing this assignment is it is okay to write a placeholder in a scene and move on so I don’t get stuck on any scenes that stop the flow.
INT. ATTIC
Beginning – A LITTLE GIRL, 8, with the strength of ten men beats up a YOUNG WOMAN, 22, and knocks her out –
Her partner, a YOUNG MAN, 23, – a douche bag with long flowing locks dressed like a 20th century adventurer from a romantic novel. He figures out the name of the demon and freezes him in the body
YOUNG MAN
Not to worry, I will rescue you.
He looks ridiculous with a camera, EVP recorder and head lamp
Flashing the light draws it attention.
Middle – the man exorcises the demon and heroically rescues the young woman putting her to safety.
DJINN, a pre-Islamic Arabian demon born
A powerful fight scene between the man and djinn where the man has the halo of a hero and godlike powers.
Takes a rag, soaked in turpentine and light on fire which kept the djinn away.
They square off, facing each other one last time.
Says the spell
YOUNG WOMAN
Oh, my wonderful darling. I would be dead now if not for you. You are the bravest, smartest paranormal investigator who ever lived.
LITTLE GIRL
Thank you, for saving my life, kind sir. I can now go back to my normal life as a little girl.
RICK DOES A VO essentially narrating how wonderful he was.
RICK (VO) Says wonderful things about how he single-handedly send the djinn into the cell phone.
YOUNG MAN
Give me your phone.
End – the wife wakes up and helps but they need a place to contain so he says give me your cell.
The man does a spell that confines the djinn and the girl and young woman are fawning over him ever so grateful
The man says something corny about phones.
INT. BASEMENT STUDIO
The story is being told as an anecdote by RICK COFFEY. His wife SAMANTHA COFFEY is produced the webcast and handles the live stream as he talks shit.
Theme- yesterday is history, tomorrow is mystery, today is a gift that’s why we call it the present. Rick needs to learn to appreciate the present instead of living in the past or future.
Beginning – Rick talks as if he lives in the past
RICK
Talks about how heroic her was and how it made him and Sam stars.
SAMANTHA
Agrees
RICK
Waxes nostalgic about the good old days.
SAMANTHA
Rick. We have Marc from Cape May.
RICK
Hi, Marc. How’s the weather down the shore?
MARC
Chit chat.
RICK
What’s your question?
MARC
What if any involvement did you have in the movie A Genie Among Us?
Middle – He complains about how the producer and director and screenwriter ruined the movie based on the book – Rick gets mad at Sam for dropping a call
RICK
I’m glad you asked. GOES INTO A RANT ABOUT HOW THE SCREENWRITER NEVER EVEN SPOKE TO THEM AND JUST USED THIS ONE CHAPTER. HIS TONE ESCALATES INTO EXPLETIVES THAT
Samantha has to quickly use the BEEP to make sure the expletives don’t get on air.
MARC
Eggs Rick on.
RICK
That’s Rick, Marv.
MARC
Marc
RICK
Marc. You wouldn’t believe the…
Samantha drops the call.
End – Another person has a question that Rick can’t answer so Sam does and Rick is immediately called out for not knowing. Sam drops the call on purpose this time. Rick signs off the program as their agent arrives.
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Justine’s Finished Act 1
In this assignment I learned it doesn’t have to be perfect, it just has to BE. Getting started was really hard but once I got rolling, there it was! This is basically an outline that I’ll building upon later with solid dialogue but I’m happy with where I’m at!
INT. GROCERY STORY – NIGHT
Beginning: Annie is walking through a grocery store, buying ice cream, and talking on the phone about her upcoming 30<sup>th</sup> birthday, to Jenn. (Annie is clean but frumpy, in sweats)
Middle: Annie surveys the ice cream, choosing three, then stacking them under her chin to walk towards the checkout. As Annie nears the register, she sees an old woman drops her wallet and doesn’t notice. While continuing her phone call, Annie hands the woman her wallet and winks at her when the woman thanks her and continues on to the self-checkout.
End: While Annie scans her items and continues her conversation, she looks at the checkout camera, at her own reflection. Her reflection leans towards the screen of her own volition and says “Did you really need three pints?”. Annie, startled, looks around to see if anyone saw. “No, I’m still here.” To Jenn, pays and leaves.
INT. ANNIE’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Beginning: Annie listens to a voicemail from her mother reminding her about their dinner.
Middle: Annie walks around her very messy apartment, surveying all the dead plants, the calendar her mom bought her that she never hung up and piles of clothes she hasn’t put away. Annie’s fridge has a whiteboard on it that reads a list of positive things like “Drink more water!” and “Move your body every day!”. We see a pair of gym-shoes thrown in the corner, with the tag still attached. (Illustrating she doesn’t start what she’s finishes. She walks through the living room past a half-painted picture leaning against the wall.
End: The voicemail from her mom expresses disappointment in Annie that makes her feel disheartened. She stops watering her plants, grabs a pint of ice-cream and sits down on the couch to watch T.V.
INT. EDITOR’S OFFICE – DAY
Beginning: Annie and Jenn are delivering mail in the isles of cubicles, discussing the contest at work that has just been announced. The prize is outlined as some sort of publishing credit or a short story contract. Maybe an apprenticeship of some kind?
Middle: While eating lunch in the breakroom, Annie eating a cheeseburger and Jenn eating a sensible salad, Annie discusses her writer’s block and lack of confidence since college. Jenn expresses frustration with Annie, as she feels she has genuine, natural talent as a writer and an amazing imagination. Jenn wishes she had the same. She encourages Annie to face her negative Inner Critic and write for the contest. Annie acknowledges that she’s never finished what she’s started.
End: Annie tells Jenn that she will consider writing for the contest, states that she has some ideas.
INT. FANCY RESTAURANT – NIGHT
Beginning: Annie meets with her mother at the restaurant.
Middle: Her mother talks about how excited she is to be going to Greece and asks Annie to come. When Annie says she can’t because of her job, her mother is visibly annoyed, she got Annie that job at the editor to launch her writing career, not have her in a dead-end mail job forever. Annie brings up the contest, her mother airs her doubts about Annie completing anything she starts. She talks about Annie’s natural talent and wild imagination but doubts her self-confidence and lack of empowerment.
End: Annie leaves the dinner incredibly agitated and ready to rage at the bar with Jenn.
INT. BAR – NIGHT
Beginning: Annie has taken a party drug and is taking copious shots with Jenn while complaining about her mother, turning 30 and how badly she wishes she could ditch the Inner Critic and just do what she wants.
Middle: While in the bathroom at the bar, Annie is washing her hands and hears two girls talking. One girl says to the other “You are beautiful! If you had a friend who put you down the way you put yourself down, would you keep hanging out with her?!” Annie laughs to herself as she dries her hands, then leaves the bathroom to reconvene with Jenn.
End: She does more and more shots, gets more and more impaired and eventually blacks out.
INT. ANNIE’S APARTMENT – DAY
Beginning: Annie sits up in bed, incredibly disheveled in the clothes from the night before. Her apartment is very sunny, and she has a hard time making out the person standing at the foot of her bed. She clears her eyes and notices that a woman is standing here, with her arms crossed, looking extremely disappointed. The woman says “You are a real piece of work. What the hell were you trying to do last night?” When Annie demands to know who she is and jumps out of bed, the woman disappears.
Middle: Annie stands in the kitchen drinking water when Jenn calls on her cell phone. “We made plans for yoga, remember?”
End: Annie hurriedly yet painfully gets dressed and runs out the door quickly to meet Jenn for yoga.
INT. YOGA STUDIO – DAY
Beginning: While waiting for the class to start, Annie lays on her mat next to Jenn. Jenn asks Annie if she’s on some wild path of destruction, expressing concern about how much Annie drank the night before. Annie starts to mention that she woke up with a woman in her apartment, but the yoga instructor starts class.
Middle: As Annie is in down-dog, she sees a woman walk up behind her, upside-down, and only see the woman’s feet. Annie turns and the woman from that morning is standing behind her and loudly says “So you do yoga now, like it’s going to undo a lifetime of not taking care of yourself?”. Annie looks around, it appears no one else notices this woman.
End: Annie quickly gathers her belongings, apologizes to Jenn and hurriedly leaves the yoga studio, visibly shaken.
EXT. YOGA STUDIO – DAY
As Annie makers her way to her car and woman is seen leaning against the drivers’ side door. When Annie approaches, she straightens up and asks Annie “You can’t even finish a yoga class”. Annie pushes past the woman and gets into her car, peeling out of the parking lot.
INT. GROCERY STORE – DAY
Annie is frantically rushing through the aisles, seeing the woman more and more and she runs through the store. She buys a bottle of wine. Every time she sees the woman appear in an aisle; she ducks down into a different one. Like magic the woman pops up, everywhere she goes. Annie quickly checks out, again in the self-checkout. As she does, a store attendant approaches, stating she needs to ID Annie. As the looks at Annie’s license, she says to Annie “It’s your birthday today! Happy Birthday!”. As she says this, Annie looks at the checkout camera again, her reflection leans towards the camera like the night before as her reflection says, “Too old for this shit”.
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Aline’s Finished Act 1
What I learned with this lesson: I think I will have to go through these lessons again with another project to begin to internalize the process as a structure itself. It is a revelation to have an entire Act drafted and know where the other acts are going already. The lessons are a system I lean on to stay calm and carry on while a million ideas float in my head. I can rely on the certainty that I will move ahead with the story. The fast writing is not going great. I get distracted easily. The only speed I am seeing is that I am moving ahead and not stalling. But the writing itself has been painful to get to… I feel a lot of resistance from myself and it’s hard to admit that because I want to finish my script so bad.
On this assignment I cleaned up all the notes and bits from previous lessons and added the scenes that made the transitions smoother or needed information. It is still rough and I am looking forward to improving them, but most importantly I am looking forward to Act 2! I can’t believe I actually mean that! Thank you!
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Bob Colley – Finished Act 1
What I learned doing this assignment is keeping track of what is in what file and not get too bamboozled.
ACT 1
INT. CABIN – DAY
The door frame explodes into splinters as five FBI agents come through the door with Agent FORBES in the lead.
AGENT FORBES
FBI FBI FBI!
INT. CABIN BEDROOM – DAY
CYNTHIA CORMAN, 38, moves from the side window, picks up a machine pistol and sprays bullets toward the front door.
Agent FORBES is hit several times in the side of his head and crumbles to the floor.
Agent JOHN SAXON, 34, and the other agents return fire toward the bedroom.
As Cynthia recoils back into the bedroom she tosses the gun to her HUSBAND as he comes out of the bathroom and slams in another clip.
HUSBAND
Fuckers!
The husband bolts into the hallway running toward the side door of the cabin shooting wildly.
Glass shatters, furniture disintegrates and gun smoke fills the air.
Agent Saxon shoots the Husband in the neck causing him to spin towards the wall as his pistol keeps firing. He’s dead before he hits the floor.
Agent Saxon pauses a few seconds to look down at Agent Forbes who is missing half his head.
JOHN
Brad, Brad, or fuck Brad.
The other agents rush the bedroom and cuff Cynthia who is bleeding from a shoulder wound.
CYNTHIA
Let me go, let me go. Frankie!
A child lays dead from a bullet that came through the wall and stuck him.
JOHN
He was supposed to be alone. Where the hell did the
woman and child come from? What a cluster fuck.
PLACEHOLDER: question Cynthia
EXT. CABIN DRIVEWAY – DAY
JOHN
Take her to <st1:street w:st=”on”><st1:address w:st=”on”>Dorval Street</st1:address></st1:street> where are
little talk won’t be disturbed.
A handcuffed Cynthia is put into the back of a sedan that drives off.
EXT. SIDEROAD – DAY
As the two agents in the sedan are driving along the side road, a SUV with a young couple pulls up behind them and signals to pass.
When the SUV gets along side the sedan the woman in the passenger seat points a shotgun out the window and fires two quick blasts through the sedans driver’s window. Both agents recoil from the blast and go limp. The sedan rolls to a stop.
The young couple in the SUV get out, walk over to the sedan, open the back door and help Cynthia out.
CYNTHIA
Cuffs assholes.
The female reaches into the sedan and retrieves a set of handcuff keys and frees Cynthia.
Cynthia takes the shotgun and finishes off both agents in the car.
CYNTHIA
You took too long.
Cynthia shoots the young man first then kills the woman.
Cynthia gets into the SUV and drives off.
CYNTHIA
Fucking Ford.
PLACEHOLDER: Day in the life of small town sheriff
EXT. COUNTRY HILLS – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: more scene description
John Saxon pauses riding his house, looks up and smiles as the sun shares her love. Over the tree tops he sees several small dots moving toward him.
JOHN
What the hell?
Six small drones whirl overhead and b-line straight toward the town.
EXT. <st1:street w:st=”on”><st1:address w:st=”on”>MAIN STREET</st1:address></st1:street> – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: expand this scene
One drones flies right into the front of the Mason bank and explodes. Glass and bodies splatter the street.
Another drone targets the post office blowing the side out of the building. Letters and smoke billow out.
One drone lands on the roof of the grocery store and explodes caving the roof in. Deafening loud then dark then screaming is heard.
The same carnage is brought to the school, playground and the town hall.
EXT. COUNTRY – DAY
John rides back to town at a full gallop. As he comes closer he sees the plumbs of smoke and the destruction of his normally quiet town.
JOHN
Whoever you are you’re going
to die for this.
INT. SHERIFF’S OFFICE – AFTERNOON
Sheriff Saxon’s office was designed for a couple of people is now shoulder to shoulder with FBI agents.
AGENT TURNER, mid thirties, is corralling the mass of agents. Eyeballs one of them.
TURNER
Finish what you started then head
over to <st1:place w:st=”on”><st1:city w:st=”on”>Wilson</st1:city></st1:place>’s team and climb up
their ass. The rest of you have your tasks.
Don’t fuck anything up. Move!
The agents file out the door.
TURNER (Con’t)
Not you Beckman.
Agent KYLE BECKMAN, 25, stops at the doorway and turns around.
PLACEHOLDER: more Kyle info
TURNER (con’t)
Sheriff Saxon?
JOHN
Whatever you need Agent Turner.
TURNER
Agent Beckman is here to lead point on
where the hell these drones came from.
Turner glances at Beckman.
TURNER (con’t)
Sheriff Saxon will fill you in about
the area.
JOHN
Excuse me, sir. But this is my town they hit
and I have to follow your junior g-man?
TURNER
Protocol. This was a terrorist attack. The FBI
will lead this investigation.
John’s clenched fist pounds the desk.
JOHN
It’s MY TOWN!
PLACEHOLDER: expand with less whining.
-
Paul’s Finished Act 1
What I learned is that although I am using this course to finish a script that I had already started, I am enjoying it and the techniques that I have used. Will definitely use them again on my next new screenplay.
Rather than post the entire Act 1 – I’ve just posted the end two scenes.
INT. PEARL’S KITCHEN – NIGHT
Patricia dries the dishes as Jesse enters. He’s still wearing the same clothes he had on at the mall.
PATRICIA
Hi, Daddy.
JESSE
Hey, Patty Wagon.
He gives her a kiss and checks what’s in the fridge. Takes some salami from it and cuts off a piece using a knife.
PATRICIA
I thought I saw you at the mall today.
JESSE
Oh, yeah, naw, I wasn’t at no mall.
PATRICIA
But, Daddy, he had on your clothes and everything.
Jesse’s face reddens. He cuts another piece of salami, puts the remainder of it back in the fridge, does all he can to not slam the fridge door shut.
He turns to Patricia and points the knife at her as he talks in a low voice, so no-one else can hear it.
JESSE
Let me make myself clear. You didn’t see me at no damn mall, and don’t bring it back up again. Do I make myself clear?
Patricia’s eyes focus on the knife only inches from her throat, then up to her father’s wild eyes.
PATRICIA
Yeah.
Patricia exits the kitchen.
INT. PATRICIA’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Patricia enters and slumps onto her bed, crying.
-
Adam’s finishing of act 1
I’ve learned I don’t like to write dialogue yet – that turns me into perfectionist writer. So I’m still keeping it as outline, but with more detail. Helps me go through and see it easier as well.
ScreenwritingU – 30 Day Script – Assignment #12
ACT 1
TEASER: News Footage with credits of pandemic hitting hard – shit going down
INT. SCHOOL – DAY
LES sits at the front of the classroom. He wears triple masks, plexi face shield, glasses and continually disinfects his hands. The KIDS all have masks loosely placed on their faces like they don’t really mean it or care. They’re doing a test.
Les spots a CHEATING KID, who’s looking over another kids shoulder. He rolls his eyes, squirts his hands and stands.
Les sneaks up behind the cheating kid…
LES
BOO!
The kid jumps half way to the ceiling, his stuff flying everywhere. Les laughs, the rest of the class laughs along.
INT. CLASSROOM – LATER
As the class files out in a single file, socially distanced with Les scrutinizing their spacing the cheating kid stands by the desk waiting.
After the rest of the class is gone, Les, strolls over dramatically, shaking his head. The guilty kid begins to well up. Les acts like he’s coming down hard on the kid, but the kid still pleads for forgiveness and says he won’t be able to attend his bike race on the weekend. Can he just do a make up test? Les makes a joke of it and says of course! He was just playing with him. Awkwardly tries to do fun fist pump trying to be one of the guys.
INT. PARLIAMENT – DAY
Mayor Elizabeth speaks before the press telling people to hang on just a little longer, we’ll get through this and be on the other side in no time. Just keep your distance, wear your mask, don’t go outside, stay away from loved ones, hold your breath when you have to pass a person even when wearing a mask…
A question comes in who says the information is confusing and why can’t they make a decision. The Mayor blinks twice and suddenly the line goes quiet ‘I think we lost ya’.
INT. PARLIAMENT BACK ROOM – LATER
Mayor tells her subordinate, who she calls ‘subordinate’ to fire the person who let the call through, fire the reporter from the paper and find another one to fire, just to keep the fear alive.
INT. LES’S HOME – EVENING
Les and DONNA, his wife, sit watching the news. He talks about how he hates the fact that he has trouble discipling or being a heavy. She says she loves that about him, so she can walk all over him. More wine please – he goes and gets it. Notices a broken vase – who did that? Donna says who do you think? He was acting like a puts, throwing the ball around the house again and SMASH! At that moment JORDAN, 14, his son walks in. ‘Oh ya, oops’. Les ‘Oh it’s okay, love ya buddy. It’s just a vase’. Donna, ‘that was 150 years old and given to you on your great grandmother’s death bed. It did once hold flowers from the soon to be president of the time before she broke it off and ran off with your great grandfather’. ‘Ya, it’s okay’.
EXT. SCHOOLYARD – DAY (TE 1)
BEGINNING: Les speaks with another teacher in the schoolyard. He jokes about trying to drink out of a fountain with a mask on. The other teacher leaves and Les notices some commotion between students in the yard.
MIDDLE: He wanders and finds a GROUP OF KIDS surrounding a kid, CURTIS. They yell things like ‘anti-masker’, ‘conspiracy douche-arist’, ‘grandma killer’.
END: Les breaks it up and the group of kids run off. Curtis is left, defeated, sitting on the ground. Les asks if he can tell him who the kids are. He says ‘they were my friends’, ‘but now my parents have made me see what’s really going on and when I say anything to them they won’t listen’.
INT. LES’S HOME – EVENING
Placeholder scene – Les talks to his family about their school and kids bullying about the pandemic.
INCITING INCIDENT
EXT. SCHOOLYARD – MORNING
Beginning: Les has Curtis bring his mom, JEN, over to tell her about the bullying.
Middle: She says she expected that to happen, but she’s just trying to teach her kids critical thinking and through their research they’ve discovered a lot is wrong with the pandemic. She says thanks for his help and that she knows some of the bullying kids parents so she’ll talk to them about it.
As she’s about to walk away, Les asks her what sort of information? She talks about faulty testing, conditioning, erosion of democracy, etc.
‘Isn’t that all just crazy conspiracy stuff?’
Jen says, ‘I have three questions for you: Has a governing body, or a person or group of people in power ever abused that power?’
Les, ‘Well, yes of course, countless times… and well continually as we speak’.
Jen, ‘Okay, and has a anyone in power ever colluded and conspired behind closed doors to advance their own agendas and garner more power?’
Les, ‘Yes.’
Jen, ‘So why is it then, we don’t question these same authorities and their decisions in this time of crisis? Why do we believe everything they’re saying, especially when the message is so convoluted, confusing and forceful?’
Les, ‘I, uh, don’t know… it’s a good question. I didn’t really think about it.’
Jen, ‘Well I hope you start’.
End: She begins to walk away. Les stops her again – he gives her his email for her to send some more info about it.
Jen, ‘Okay, but I’ll warn you… it’s terrifying’.
INT. LES’S HOME OFFICE – NIGHT
Beginning: Les sits on his computer and looks at an email from Jen. There are links to articles, videos, etc.
Middle: Les watches and reads. He pauses, thinks. He sits with his head between his legs. Donna comes in to see if he’s coming to bed, he lies and says he’s got lots of papers to greade.
End: Dawn. He’s been up all night. He can barely stand – the information has blindsided him. Knocked him to his knees. He throws up in the washroom.
INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT
Les tosses and turns. Can’t sleep.
INT. LES’S OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
Les opens his laptop. He goes through graphs, prints things off. Gets info and prints more of it.
INT. PRINCIPAL’S OFFICE – DAY
Les knocks and enters. He shows the principal what he printed, explaining some concerns. Principal says he wouldn’t expect this from Les. ‘Why not?’. ‘You’re usually very in-line and compliant. Even if this were true, which I don’t think it is. My hands are tied. I get my orders from public health.’
Les asks him to just think about it. Look deeper. These kids’ lives are at stake. They dropping out, falling behind, etc.
Principal says, ‘I don’t want to get fired. I have a family to feed, you know how it is. You don’t want to get fired either, Les.’
INT. PARLIAMENT PRESS CONFERENCE – DAY
Mayor announces their fight against misinformation. All these conspiracists trying to hurt us with their lies. We’ve created a task force to shut down as much as possible – same as all the other countries, etc.
TURNING POINT 1 (sequence)…
INT. LES’S OFFICE – DAY
Beginning: Les goes to his computer, flicks it on and looks at all his open tabs – Videos & articles of alternative news. He hesitates.
Middle: He starts closing all the tabs, one by one, but he moves faster and faster almost elated to go back into a knowing state of denial.
End: When he’s done he closes his laptop and takes a deep breath – unsure if it’s the right move.
INT. HOUSE – CONTINUOUS
Les comes out and tells the kids they’re going for ice cream.
INT. ICE CREAM SHOP – LATER
They have fun together, happy. It almost feels normal despite the distancing, masks, questions…
EXT. DOWNTOWN – LATER
Beginning: They walk with their ice creams and in the distance hear noise and people. Down the street is a protest moving along the road.
Middle: Les suggests they hang out and see what it’s about. The kids are nervous but decide it’s fine. The protest is peaceful – it’s an anti-lockdown protest. They give out flyers and one gets handed to Les’s daughter. She reads it, saying these people are nuts. Les asks her why? She says they’re all conspiracy freaks, etc. Les starts to defend them a bit although he hold back, almost stopping himself from ‘going down the rabbit hole’.
End: Suddenly sirens wail and chaos starts up. Armed police in riot gear start marching and causing trouble. People start to run and police chase and club and pepper people. They all sit in silent protest, but the police start to haul people away – they start running. In the chaos a cop sees his daughter with a pamphlet. He runs over and grabs her, Les tries to stop him but he smashes her with a club. She falls unconscious.
INT. HOSPITAL – NIGHT
Beginning: Les and his family sit around his daughter in the hospital room. They’ve obviously been there a while and she seems okay. They do their own things in the room and Les drifts off.
Middle: Dream sequence – Les’s daughter and son are lined up at their school with full hazmat suits on. At the front door police and medical staff screen each child who holds their wrist up and has the embedded chip scanned. On the screen it shows not only their vitals, but their credit score, bank accounts, recent places visited.
Inside the school they sit in plexiglass cubicles with little air vents. They have screens in front of them and still have to wear the hazmat suits. The teacher at the front has more freedom to move and wears less gear. On the screen a face talks and a video shows cleaning and distancing measures as well warnings of punishment if protocols aren’t adhered to. Suddenly a major siren goes off and a loud voice goes off ‘contamination breach!’. The door seals shut on its’ own.
End: Les wakes up with a start – in complete terror of the future he believes will happen if he doesn’t fight it.
-
EUGENE’S FINISHED ACT 1 (Lesson 12)
What I learned doing this assignment is although I am not a great writer, I can still put stuff down on paper and fill pages, if necessary.
(New Scenes)
INT. NEWSROOM – ANY U.S. CITY – DAY
Beginning: A Reporter questions Republican Presidential Nominee, Senator Demsey
Middle: Demsey claims to be using campaign funds to solve problems.
End: Demsey pooh poohs Lee’s chances as a Write-In Candidate for President.
INT. NEWSROOM – ANY U.S. CITY – DAY
A NEW COMMENTATOR is questioning Republican Presidential Nominee, Senator Demsey.
NEWS COMMENTATOR
Senator Demsey, I understand that you are now using campaign funds to solve problems facing you constituents. What problems might those be?
SENATOR DEMSEY
Yes, we are in the process of identifying those problems. And as soon as we have done so, we will make our solutions known.
NEW COMMENTATOR
Have you decided that it is the only way to compete with Candidate Lee?
SENATOR DEMSEY
Of course not. It’s a good idea, that’s all. I still don’t think Mr. Lee has any chance of winning, after all he has not qualified for any ballot in any state, as far as I know.
EXT. POLITICAL STAGE – ANY CITY U.S.A. – DAY
Beginning: Governor McCadden, the Democratic Nominee for President speaks to a large audience.
Middle: He puts down Mr. Lee as being disloyal to the U.S. with his first order of business, being his own nation of Oberoende.
End: He ends his presentation degrading Lee as a Pacifist, not the kind of person to run the U.S.
EXT. POLITICAL STAGE – ANY CITY U.S.A – DAY
GOVERNOR MCCADDEN, the Democratic nominee for President is speaking to a large audience of his followers on the subject of Patrick Lee.
GOVERNOR MCCADDEN
\\I don’t think Lee could tie his shoe laces without the help of Ms. SeedlingSun. And as far as his being a Patriot, I think he owes his loyalty to his Nation of Oberoende, not to the Stars and Stripes. And his Pacifist leanings put him in direct conflict with the history and foundation of this great nation.
(There is an strong resounding cheer in response to his words)
ACT 1
EXT. PLATFORM BEHIND POLITICAL STAGE – L.A. – NIGHT
Presidential candidate, PATRICK LEE, approaching 40, Asian American, legally blind and autistic is backstage with Celeste, a 40ish attractive Native American, as they prepare for his first rally before a huge audience. Pat is pacing back and forth apparently trying to practice his lines.
CELESTE
Are you nervous?
PATRICK
Yes.
CELESTE
What’s bothering you?
PATRICK
The whole government is coming down on me.
CELESTE
Don’t worry, the establishment is getting desperate. You came out of nowhere and they don’t know how to deal with you. Trust me, they’re grabbing at straws, they don’t have anything on you.
PATRICK
How do you know?
CELESTE
Believe me, I know.
PATRICK
Okay…(pause)
Should I wear my NuEyes?
CELESTE
I thought we discussed that. It can be very distracting. We want the audience to see your eyes, even if there is no real eye contact. You will move your head from side to side as you speak to give the impression you are speaking to everyone.
PATRICK
You don’t want me to see them?
CELESTE
Seeing all those people could trigger your Asperger’s.
PATRICK
What about the sound of the crowd, couldn’t that trigger it?
CELESTE
Possibly, but the earplugs should help, they won’t drown out the crowd completely, but they’ll muffle it a bit.(pause)
Remember to wait for the end of a response from the crowd before starting your next line. Listen for their audio cues.
PATRICK
You could do a much better speech.
CELESTE
It’s all based on your ideas. You’ve come up with the solutions. I’ve only helped you to implement them.
PATRICK
Maybe your vision was right. Maybe we should switch places. Maybe you should be running for President.
CELESTE
I thought I was the teacher, but I realize now that I learned more from you… about being a good President.(pause)
And I’m still learning…(pause)
Don’t worry, I can wait 8 years…
(WE HEAR the audience begin a chant…Patrick Lee…Patrick Lee…Patrick Lee…Celeste gives him a peck on the check and walks him onto the stage and towards the podium.)
EXT. LARGE OUTDOOR STAGE – NIGHT
Patrick Lee takes the stage and is met by a resounding roar from the crowd which almost knocks him off his feet. He is frozen in his tracks as SAMUEL BRIGHTCLOUD, a Cherokee Elder, Introduces him.
BRIGHTCLOUD
The next President of the United States, Patrick “Dark Horse” Lee.
Samuel deftly leads Patrick to the podium and quickly moves into the background to join Celeste.
It is obvious that Pat is trying to deal with his nerves as he fumbles with the mike and prepares to speak.
PATRICK(hesitant)
As you all know…I am not a man of words.(pause)
I may not see you, but I can hear you, like the thunder in the night.
(pause during a thunderous applause)
I have been told that this audience comprises all political parties, all genders, all ages, all races and creeds. People from every state in the U.S. and many countries around world. Please cheer for yourselves, for you represent the change that this world wants and needs.
(a long loud cheer)
I have run a novel campaign and I have very seldom spoken out. Whatever we do in this campaign must have more than one purpose and this gathering is no exception.(pause)
You are standing on another solution. The land that was cleared for this rally will be the solution to the homeless crisis. It will be called “Angel City” and will eliminate “Skid Row” from the streets of L.A.
Once the solution is tested here, it will spread to cities throughout the United States and eventually around the world.
(long cheer)
I would like to get a bit personal for a moment. When I was a young man I was very naive, but I eventually fell into a routine that I felt comfortable with and that made my connections with other people very limited, at best.
Computers and other technologies made it easier and easier to limit my one on one, personal communications. I must admit I made a number of mistakes in my life.
(the audience listens intently)
When I got older I started to miss the companionship that others took for granted. I had a relationship with a much younger woman. I guess, like many others, I wanted to regain my youth, but more than that I wanted to have a family, a legacy, so that others would know that I existed, to leave something behind that would carry my story forward.(pause)
As you might guess, the relationship did not work out, but it taught me something, it taught me to be independent. You have to be independent and secure before you can reach out to others, work with them and learn how to be interdependent…to work together, to accomplish great things.(pause)
I just learned today, that the two candidates representing the major political parties have accepted my challenge and from this point forward will be using their campaign donations to solve problems and their coffers are much bigger than mine.
This makes me very happy.(another roar from the crowd)
Something else makes me even more happy and secure. I finally have found my family…(pause)
You…you are my family. And I know, even if I do not win this election…
(The crowd begins to Chant: Write-In…Patrick Lee…Write-In Patrick Lee…Patrick Lee…Patrick Lee…Right into the White House…Patrick Lee right into the White House…Write-In…Write-In…Write-In…)
PATRICK (CONT’D)
Even if I don’t win this election, I know that you will carry on my ideas. My plans will move forward, in the United States and around the world. You…you are my legacy.
Even after I am gone and only a memory, You…You will carry on…
(An even louder roar from the crowd. And they begin to Chant: “We The People…Love Lee” “We The People…Love Lee” “Love Lee…Love Lee”…)
WE SEE tears in Patrick’s eyes, and they begin to roll down his cheeks as the huge audience continues to roar in response.
(And the roar dissolves into a Third Chant: “Patrick Lee…Lee’d The Way…Patrick Lee…Lee’d The Way” and WE SEE the audience is exercising their vote by wearing Purple and stretching out elastic exercise bands that read “Lee’d The Way” in Large Purple letters.)
(The chant continues as the Camera rises above the crowd to reveal how large it is…and the chant continues in the background…”Lee’d The Way…Lee’d The Way.”)
INT. CITY HALL – L.A. – DAY
Celeste and Patrick sit at the table across from Los Angeles City Planning Department Officials who are looking over detailed plans for “Angel City,” a development to house over 50,000 residents.
L.A. PLANNING OFFICIAL #1
You really plan to house the population of Skid Row in these units.
CELESTE
That’s the idea.
L.A. PLANNING OFFICIAL #2
What are they constructed of?
PATRICK
Recycled plastic.
L.A. PLANNING OFFICIAL #2
What if there was a storm? How would they hold up?
PATRICK
Much better than standard construction. They can withstand a hurricane, a flood, an earthquake, they’re even fireproof.
L.A. PLANNING OFFICIAL #1
What about the solar panels?
CELESTE
Incase of a disaster they fold up to the sides of the walls and are automatically clamped down.
(We see the detailed drawing that illustrates what she is talking about)
L.A. PLANNING OFFICIAL #2
They look like birds.
PATRICK (correcting him)
Angels.
L.A. PLANNING OFFICIAL #2
All well and good, but if we give you this permit, what proof do we have that you will finish the project.
CELESTE
When we purchased the land, we already had all the funding in place to build it.
L.A. PLANNING OFFICIAL #2
And the funding to run the site, on a continuous basis.
CELESTE
The City of L.A. will fund the maintenance of the facility.
L.A. PLANNING OFFICIAL #1
I don’t think the City is going to like that.
CELESTE
We are getting rid of Skid Row. Do you know how much the City spends to clean-up Skid Row each year?
L.A. PLANNING OFFICIAL #1
Yes, quite a substantial amount.
CELESTE
Well it will cost less to maintain “Angel City.”
L.A. PLANNING OFFICIAL #1
Are you sure about that?
CELESTE
Do you know who planned it? Mr. Lee, here planned it. He did all the calculations.
L.A. PLANNING OFFICIAL #1
(he looks down at the name on the blueprints and then at Patrick Lee)
Are you “The Patrick Lee?”
CELESTE
Yes, he is, and I’m Celeste SeedlingSun.
L.A. PLANNING OFFICIAL #2
Well, why didn’t you say so…
EXT. EMPTY LOT – L.A. – DAY
They’re breaking ground on “Angel City.” Prefabbed recycled cubes, 10′ x 10′ x 10′ are being lowered onto the site about 20 feet apart. Ten foot solar wings are being attached to the opposite sides of each cube, extending from the roof to the ground next to the solar wing of the adjoining cube.
The flat roofs with built in ladders attached to them are having top soil poured onto them and evenly spread over the 100 sq. ft. surface.
We see both Celeste and Patrick supervising the construction of the City.
MONTAGE
We see progress as “Angel City” unfolds like the transformation of a caterpillar into a butterfly.
INT. NEWSROOM – ANY U.S. CITY – DAY
A NEW COMMENTATOR is questioning Republican Presidential Nominee, Senator Demsey.
NEWS COMMENTATOR
Senator Demsey, I understand that you are now using campaign funds to solve problems facing you constituents. What problems might those be?
SENATOR DEMSEY
Yes, we are in the process of identifying those problems. And as soon as we have done so, we will make our solutions known.
NEW COMMENTATOR
Have you decided that it is the only way to compete with Candidate Lee?
SENATOR DEMSEY
Of course not. It’s a good idea, that’s all. I still don’t think Mr. Lee has any chance of winning, after all he has not qualified for any ballot in any state, as far as I know.
EXT. POLITICAL STAGE – ANY CITY U.S.A – DAY
GOVERNOR MCCADDEN, the Democratic nominee for President is speaking to a large audience of his followers on the subject of Patrick Lee.
GOVERNOR MCCADDEN
I don’t think Lee could tie his shoe laces without the help of Ms. SeedlingSun. And as far as his being a Patriot, I think he owes his loyalty to his Nation of Oberoende, not to the Stars and Stripes. And his Pacifist leanings put him in direct conflict with the history and foundation of this great nation.
(There is an strong resounding cheer in response to his words)
EXT. ANGEL CITY – L.A. – DAY
It it seven days later and a CITY INSPECTOR is with Celeste and Patrick, who are flanked by Samuel and SECO BRIGHTCLOUD, early 30’s.
CITY INSPECTOR
I am supposed to inspect your progress.
CELESTE
Well, it’s finished.
CITY INSPECTOR
Your permit is only 7 days old. You’re not telling me you built this in a week?
PATRICK
Yes.
SAMUEL
With a little help from his friends.
CITY INSPECTOR
I am going to have to call in a whole team of inspectors to check everything before you open this up to the residents.
SECO
How long will that take?
CITY INSPECTOR
Probably more than 7 days.
(WE SEE a POLICEMAN come up behind Seco BrightCloud)
(Seco turns as the Cop addresses him)
POLICEMAN
Are you Seco BrightCloud?
SECO
Yes.
POLICEMAN
Mr. BrightCloud, you’re under arrest.
SECO
For what?
POLICEMAN
(putting handcuffs on Seco)
For conspiracy…
SAMUEL
That’s my son your arresting. This is crazy.
POLICEMAN
You’re welcome to follow me to the station. I’m just doing my job.
CELESTE (sternly)
Don’t worry, Seco, we’ll get you out.
-
Becky Finished Act 1: What I learned in
this assignment is that I like speed writing it makes things flow.
Might be crappy, but at least I’m getting it done.INT. GEM THEATER – LOBBY
DANA steps through the front double doors of a circa 1890s Vaudeville style theater. She has a book bag slung over her shoulder and slowly looks around as the THEATER GUIDE approaches.
THEATER GUIDE
I will be with you in a moment. Please feel free to take a peek.
Dana slowly walks through the lobby smelling and taking in all the intricate work that has been preserved.
She steps up to the auditorium entrance. The auditorium is a step back in time of the old vaudeville days.
INT. GEM THEATER AUDITORIUM – DAY
Dana sits in the center of the empty auditorium with History of Vaudeville book open to THE GEM in her lap. The gorgeous burgundy curtains are closed on the stage.
Dana looks up and breaths in the history of the theater.
The TINKLING of piano keys begins as the curtains slide open.
A grand piano sits in the middle of the stage. A black pianist accompanies ADE JOHNSON, a smart, sleek, glamorous beauty in a white sequence gown.
Dana whispers the words along with Ade.
A breeze sweeps through and ruffles the pages. Dana’s closed eyes pop open to see the book slam shut. The curtains are closed.
THEATER GUIDE (O.S.)
Ms. Morrison?
INT. GEM THEATER – LOBBY
The theater guide walks through the lobby toward the auditorium entrance.
AUDITORIUM
Dana shoves the book into her bag. Ade sings as Dana walks up aisle.
The singing stops abruptly. The guide appears in doorway at lobby entrance.
THEATER GUIDE
Ms. Morrison.
DANA
You can call me Dana.
The Guide nods at her.
THEATER GUIDE
Sorry about the wait. Let’s set up a time for tomorrow morning.
Dana smiles at the guide and turns to look at the stage. The curtains ripple.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – DAY
The Vaudeville book lies open on the bed as Dana looks at her vacation calendar. She crosses off today. She has two more nights here and travels to The Grand; the second theater of the five she has lined up. She adds a question mark next to The Grand and closes her calendar.
INT. GEM THEATER LOBBY – DAY
Dana and the Theater guide look over the Vaudeville book open on the concessions counter.
DANA
The Gem has such a short explanation. And I was… well, wondering if the Gem ever had Black Vaudeville performers?
THEATER GUIDE
Yes… I think so.
(shrugs)
I’m not positive about performers. I mostly know about the historical structure. Can I get back to you on that? But I’m pretty sure. We were a free state.
DANA
Yeah, of course. Thanks.
THEATER GUIDE
You ready?
Dana closes up the book.
DANA
Can’t wait.
INT. BACKSTAGE – DAY
Dana stands at an area under construction with a thick, gaping hole that reaches the outside bricks. Layers of old walls still have numerous newspaper clippings, old playbills and programs still attached to pieces of plaster.
THEATER GUIDE
Yes, an amazing find. They are still deciding if they should open more up and do some historic archiving or just close it up.
DANA
Keeping it a time capsule.
THEATER GUIDE
That’s right. On to the Green Room.
Dana gets as close as she can. Dana looks at the Guide, she has walked away. She reaches in as far back as she can get and pulls a handful of papers from the wall and shoves it into her book bag.
THEATER GUIDE
It has been redone only once.
Dana hurries to catch up.
DANA
Heart and nerves of the theater.
The Guide shakes her head.
THEATER GUIDE
Yes, many nerves have buzzed their way onto stage.
GREEN ROOM
The Guide holds the door open to the Green Room for Dana.
THEATER GUIDE
We don’t normally talk about this on the tour but you seem… different.
DANA
Different?
THEATER GUIDE
Uh… well. I mean… open minded.
DANA
What is it? That you don’t talk about? Normally.
THEATER GUIDE
Oh, uh… ghosts.
Dana, taken aback. She walks through the Green Room door.
DANA
Ghosts?
THEATER GUIDE
Well, so we’ve been told. Cool, huh?
DANA
Yes, cool.
A small glint, abnormally bright, appears on the mirror.
THEATER GUIDE
Sometimes I swear I hear someone doing vocal warm ups.
Dana, mesmerized, stands in front of the mirror.
THEATER GUIDE
Down here, I’ve heard lines being said.
DANA
Lines?
The glint, turns into a small puddle like reflection, A red blurred playbill floats into view.
THEATER GUIDE
You know, going over lines.
DANA
Oh right.
THEATER GUIDE
Practicing lines for a play.
Starring Ade Johnson comes into focus.
ADE (V.O.)
1906.
Dana sucks in a breath and whispers.
DANA
1906.
THEATER GUIDE
You okay?
The mirror shimmers and goes to normal. Dana looks at the Guide, waiting for an explanation. The Guide obviously didn’t see or hear the mirror.
DANA
Yeah, I’m okay.
INT. LIBRARY – DAY
Dana sits skimming through a microfiche viewer. She stops on an article about getting your tickets for a three night only internationally known Vaudeville Troupe. The last two sentences make up the final paragraph of the article.
INSERT:
TRAVELING NEGRO TROUBADOURS: one night only. Starring Jack Jones. Featuring Ade Johnson.
Dana highlights it and pushes a button.
REFERENCE DESK
The LIBRARIAN takes money from Dana and hands her multiple print outs from the microfiche of articles and old playbills.
INT. MUSEUM – DAY
MUSEUM GUIDE walks Dana to a Vaudeville display.
MUSEUM GUIDE
We don’t have a bunch, but it is such an interesting time.
DANA
Thank you.
The Guide starts to leave and turns back.
MUSEUM GUIDE
If you really want to know more about the Vaudeville days here you might want to talk to Frank. His memory is sharp as a tack.
DANA
Frank? He was around? He’s still aah… where does he live?
MUSEUM GUIDE
He’s a couple blocks away at the assisted living. He loves to talk about… well anything, he just likes to talk.
Dana looks at the display and back at the Guide.
DANA
Thank you, I’ll do that.
EXT. ASSISTED LIVING FACILITY – DAY
Dana follows the FACILITY CLERK out to a patio in an active quad area of the assisted living facility.
FRANK, a witty and thoughtful 94 year old sits in the shade looking out over the perfectly cut grass. The Clerk points to Frank and Dana approaches him.
DANA
Frank Wittaker?
Frank turns to her.
FRANK
Come sit down. My neck don’t swivel so good.
Dana sits next to Frank.
FRANK
Whose lovely presence am I enjoying right now?
DANA
I’m Dana. Morrison.
FRANK
Nice to meet you Dana.
Dana wrings her hands and shifts in her seat.
FRANK
Why you nervous? I don’t bite. What group you with?
DANA
Group?
FRANK
Church? Spend some time with the geezers and get a soul point.
Dana nervously giggles.
DANA
Oh, no. Nothing like that. I was hoping to talk to you about The Gem. The Theater?
Frank lights up.
FRANK
The Gem. Our town jewel.
Frank cracks himself up. Dana smiles but he doesn’t get the immediate reaction.
FRANK
Okay, not a jokester. What are you after?
DANA
Did you get to go to any vaudeville shows? You may have been too young.
FRANK
You are a sweetheart.
DANA
I’m here about some performers before your time.
FRANK
Like?
DANA
Like Ade Johnson?
Frank whistles long and slow.
FRANK
Now there is a name I haven’t heard in a long time.
DANA
You remember her?
FRANK
You’re right. She was before my time. But my parents loved her voice. Back then we just had those scratchy, barely understandable recordings. She was one of the first black artists to be recorded.
Frank’s thoughts drift.
DANA
So did they get to see her perform?
FRANK
Oh yeah. The Gem was one that let the black, well they used negro back then, but black Vaudeville troupes perform.
Frank turns to Dana with excitement in his voice.
FRANK
Ade was amazing. She was a first in a lot of things. So talented.
His eyes remember again.
FRANK
Such a shame.
DANA
Shame?
FRANK
A shame she was taken so young. That was bad business.
DANA
Bad business?
Frank grins at Dana.
FRANK
Yep, they said it was her heart. But my parents heard that there was a huge rivalry, because of her popularity. A jealous male headliner.
DANA
Jealous? You think her death wasn’t natural?
FRANK
As natural as being poisoned.
Dana rocks forward.
DANA
Poisoned?
Frank leans back and shrugs.
FRANK
Who knows? It was a long time ago. My parents knew the authorities weren’t going to look into it even though it was suspicious. And that was that.
DANA
Unbelievable.
FRANK
She was a beauty, a comedian, angelic voice, business smart, blacks and whites loved her.
Frank’s brows furrow as he turns to Dana.
FRANK
That made her a problem.
DANA
Oh geez.
FRANK
Fishy stuff. We’ll never know if it was jealousy or the white producers thinking she was getting too big for her britches.
DANA
Thank you so much for talking with me. I never thought I’d know more about her.
FRANK
I love talking about those days. My house mates just wanna play cards and sleep.
Frank leans back, looks up and sighs.
FRANK
Ade Johnson, now she’s something to talk about.
DANA
Thank you Frank. I may come back for another chat. If that’s okay, of course.
Frank leans toward Dana with a grin.
FRANK
As long as I’m breathing, you can come visit me anytime.
INT. DANA’S HOTEL ROOM – DAY
Dana looks over her copies from the library and piece of torn playbill she pulled off the wall in the theater.
She unfolds her itinerary that shows three more hotel names, each in different towns.
Dana picks up her phone, sets it down. She picks up the torn playbill. Looks at her itinerary. Picks phone up and dials.
DANA
Hi, umm… I have a reservation… Dana Morrison. Yes, I’ll need to cancel that.
Dana hangs up and sets the Playbill down on top of everything. She dials again.
DANA
Hi, this is Dana Morrison.
(pause)
I’m hoping to take that in-depth tour again. Your, umm… stories are so intriguing.
(pause)
Tomorrow would be perfect.
Dana hangs up, puts the torn playbill in her book bag, slings the bag over her shoulder and leaves.
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