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Post Your Lesson 16 Assignment Here
Reply and post your assignment here.
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17 Replies
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Janeen Has Completed Act 2 Draft 1
What I learned doing this assignment is that I missed typos, but got most of the information correct. I still need a lot more witty conversation in the act, but that’s won’t happen until later drafts.
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Assignment 16
Aleta Rafton’s Has Completed Act 2 Draft 1
What I learned in this assignment is that I have to expand my story to define my characters and action more fully. I am unsure about Act 2 Key Scene 4 Midpoint scene
Act 2 Reaction to Turning Point 1
Key Scene 1
Exterior Street in front of house dusk
Hank is running as fast as he can down the street after Jack who is chasing the garbage truck with his favorite Christmas ornament dangling off the tree hanging off the back of the truck.
Beginning: Hank chases Jack for the length of the entire block
Hank
Jack, wait for me! Wait! Stop!
Jack yelling at the driver of the garbage truck
Stop! Stop!
Inside the garbage truck has on headphones and is till rocking out and can’t hear Jack or Hank
Exterior street dusk Jack has stopped chasing the garbage truck. Out of breath Hank comes up to him
Hank
I am so sorry Jack. I just can’t believe this happened. All the boxes
Jack
You and your stupid boxes!! You can’t do anything right!
Hank
Really, I was just trying to do everything perfect to prevent problems
Jack
Well, that worked out really well! Instead you created the biggest problem ever!! Good job, Hank!
Hank
Look I can buy you a new firetruck. It will be OK,
Jack
No, it won’t be OK. It will never be ok again! You have wrecked my life! Don’t you get it? How dumb are you? That was the last thing my dad gave me ever!!!!! You can’t replace it! Ever!
Hank stands in the street frozen as dusk turns to night. He can’t decide what to do. His ways don’t work.
Act 2
Key Scene 2
Exterior street night with garbage truck fading into distance
Beginning: Grandpa pulls up in motorcycle sidecar with Shadow riding in it.
Grandpa
Hop in fast! Let’s go!!!
(Hank and Jack crowd in with Shadow on Hank’s lap)
Jack
Give me some room!
Hank
I’m trying. It’s all I’ve got.
(Grandpa steps on gas hard and they all nearly fly out of the sidecar. Sidecar wobbles and tips on wheels)
Hank
Slow down! You’re way over the speed limit! You’re breaking all the rules!
Jack
Let him drive! We’ve got to catch the truck! You and your rules!! That’s how we got into this mess!
Grandpa
Jack! Enough! Hank is sorry!
Jack
Grandpa! Turn left!!!!
(Sidecar makes crazy left turn almost getting hit by city bus)
Hank
Oh my God, this is crazy!!!
(Grandpa drives crazily between squeezing between a car and a truck. Hank terrified, close his eyes. Sidecar is now even with the garbage truck)
Grandpa
Ok Hank get ready to grab it!
(Grandpa pulls up beside garbage truck, Hank opens his eyes and sees the ornament but is terrified and unable to move)
Jack
Grab Hank! Grab it now! Now!
(Hank finally reaches out but it’s too late as the garbage truck takes right turn. The sidecar keeps going straight. Suddenly there are garbage trucks going every direction and they don’t know which one to follow)
Jack
What is wrong with you? You had your chance and didn’t take it!!! Now it’s lost forever!!!
(Grandpa stops driving and pulls over to the side of the street. Hank feels like a failure. A tear rolls down Jack’s cheek)
Act 2
Key Scene 3
Exterior Everyone standing bedside parked sidecar, night. Grandpa is exhausted, Jack has a tear rolling down his cheek. Hank feels terrible, reaches into his pocket and feels the tracking device)
Hank
Wait! Everything’s going to be ok. My device. It will find it!
(Hank turns on device but nothing happens)
Hank
Never mind…I can’t believe this is happening!
(Hank is about to give up. Following the rules hasn’t worked and instead has ended in disaster)
Act 2
Key Scene 4
(Jack pulls out the batteries he removed and silently hands them to Hank who puts them in. Device turns on and starts blinking on a map and Hank tosses it to Jack. Hank jumps in to drive this time)
Hank
Let’s go! You navigate!
(Grandpa and Jack jump in but Shadow stays on the sidewalk while Hank takes off)
Jack
You left Shadow you idiot!
(Hank turns the sidecar around really fast almost throwing Grandpa and Jack out as the car tips nearly over. Hank runs a red light, picks up Shadow who now is sitting on Grandpa’s lap. Hank turns around again and starts driving faster than he ever has. Jack is watching the dot move on the device map)
Jack
Turn left! Not right! Left!!
(Hank runs another red light, dodging cars, horn blaring at the near misses. This time Grandpa is closing his eyes.)
Grandpa
You just ran a red light!
Hank
And your point is?
Jack
Turn right!
(Hank turns right racing down the road. Gradually they have left the crowded city streets now on the city outskirts)
Jack
It’s here. Your thing says it’s here! It’s actually pretty cool if this thing is right.
Hank
It is! I know it.
(They ride along in silence. Shadow and Grandpa fall asleep. See sign City Dump up ahead)
Hank has taken control. He no longer resists or fears taking action
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Dale has completed Act 2 draft1
What I learned doing this assignment is how to figure out which scenes belong more in Act 2 than Act 3, based on the other key scenes in the act.
A scene where Elizabeth invites Marshall to her home ostensibly because she found the book, but really to ask why he left her.
A scene where Sarah, one of Richard’s students, comes to his office hours, and flirts with Richard. He rebuffs her, and makes the lines clear.
A scene where Philip remarks on how much “the boy wonder,” (Richard) admires Elizabeth.
OUTLINES OF OTHER SCENES IN ACT 2:
INT. ELIZABETH DREWER’S HOME – LIVING ROOM – EVENING
Beginning: Marshall arrives at Elizabeth’s home because she found his book.
Middle: This was only an excuse because, troubled by some of the feelings she’s been starting to have – she wants to know why Marshall left.
End: After he tells her it was because he couldn’t live at her level, he leaves
INT. PRENTISS UNIVERSITY – RICHARD’S OFFICE – DAY
Beginning: Sarah, one of Richard’s students, knocks and comes in
Middle: Supposedly there to discuss philosophy, she actually talks about the immaturity of boys her age, and how someone like Richard has more to offer
End: Richard, realizing this is going in an inappropriate direction, ends the meeting
INT. PRENTISS UNIVERSITY – FACULTY LOUNGE – DAY
Beginning: Philip asks Elizabeth how it’s going with the “boy wonder”
Middle: She explains that he’s unorthodox but maybe that’s a good thing
End: Philip expresses surprise at this (coming from Elizabeth!), and warns that this unorthodoxy could blow someone off course.
INT. ELIZABETH DREWER’S HOME – LIVING ROOM – EVENING
Elizabeth is at her desk. We hear the doorbell ring. She goes to answer. Marshall stands there.
ELIZABETH
Hello, thanks for coming.
MARSHALL
(entering)
Sure. So what’s going on?
ELIZABETH
I found your book.
MARSHALL
My book?
ELIZABETH
Challenges of Synthetic Chemistry? It really was here.
MARSHALL
I told you.
ELIZABETH
Yes, but it did sound like an excuse.
MARSHALL
Well… that too.
(smiles)
Hey, what do you expect? Impending fatherhood, and all that. I guess there was this part of me thought: What the hell am I doing? Made me want to… well, you do have a very… Elizabeth way about you. Clarity. It’s something I missed. Of course, that day, I’m not quite sure I was prepared for that much clarity.
ELIZABETH
I’m sorry. I rather bit your head off, didn’t I?
MARSHALL
Yes. But, I had it coming…
They look at each other a moment.
ELIZABETH
Well, anyway… here’s the book. If you still need it.
MARSHALL
(He takes the book)
Thank you.
Marshall starts to leave…
ELIZABETH
Marshall?
He turns back to her.
(suddenly)
Why did you leave?
MARSHALL
What?
ELIZABETH
Why did you leave me?
MARSHALL
We’ve been through this.
ELIZABETH
No, we haven’t. Not really. And lately, this question has been plaguing me.
MARSHALL
I met Mara.
ELIZABETH
No, I think it started long before that. Mara was the result, not the cause.
MARSHALL
Well I… I don’t know… we just… it’s hard to put into words. I guess I’d have to say that I was…
(beat, sighs)
…exhausted!
ELIZABETH
Exhausted.
MARSHALL
What I mean is… The level at which you live! The intellectual level, the level of commitment, perfectionism, I envied it, and I hated it! Because I love my work and everything, but… Jesus, sometimes, I’m happy to just let it go, watch some drivel on TV, go toss down some beers at a hockey game. I don’t need to be intellectually on at all moments, you know? But anyone who’s married to you… has to live where you live or perish!
ELIZABETH
(taking this in)
I see.
MARSHALL
I’m sorry, Elizabeth.
ELIZABETH
I asked.
(beat)
And when did you realize this?
MARSHALL
I’m not sure. I only know that when I spent time with Mara, I felt like… well, I was off the hook. I could be imperfect as hell, and she’d love me anyway.
ELIZABETH
And my love felt… like something you had to live up to.
MARSHALL
…I’m afraid so. Yes.
Elizabeth is silent for a moment.
ELIZABETH
I appreciate you being honest with me.
MARSHALL
Sure.
(beat)
Well. Uh… Thanks again… for the book.
ELIZABETH
(her thoughts far away)
Uh huh.
He goes to the door, turns and looks at her, somewhat bemused.
INT. PRENTISS UNIVERSITY – RICHARD’S OFFICE – DAY
A tap on Richard’s door.
RICHARD
Come in.
Sarah comes in.
RICHARD
Hello Sarah, what can I help you with?
SARAH
Well I…
RICHARD
Please take a seat.
SARAH
Okay.
RICHARD
Do you have a question about this week’s material?
SARAH
In a way, yes.
RICHARD
All right. Shoot!
SARAH
Well I was curious about… well about Pascal saying the heart has its reasons…
RICHARD
Yes?
SARAH
I mean does it? Can we really trust the heart?
RICHARD
Well that’s a key question, isn’t it?
SARAH
I mean, I gave my heart to Carl, and honestly, he just spit on it.
RICHARD
I’m sorry to hear that, Sarah.
SARAH
I’m beginning to think, well, boys my age, they’re just too immature.
RICHARD
Uh huh?
SARAH
I mean, someone like you, you know, who’s older, had some real life experience, you know…
RICHARD
Uh huh…?
SARAH
Why can’t I fall in love with someone like you.
RICHARD
Well, really, Sarah, this is beyond the domain of philosophy…
SARAH
Yes, but you said philosophy connects to everything in our lives…
RICHARD
Yes, but…
SARAH
I mean, honestly, would a man like you find someone like me attractive?
RICHARD
Sarah…
SARAH
I’m just curious.
RICHARD
Curiosity aside, this is not an appropriate conversation for us to be having.
SARAH
Why?
Richard stands up, opens the door to let Sarah know the meeting is over.
RICHARD
Feel free to come back when you have specific questions about the materials we are studying.
SARAH
But I…
Richard remains standing, silent, but nods at the open door.
Sarah gets up.
SARAH
Oh, Ok.
She is disgruntled as she walks out the door. He closes it behind her and sits down, shaking his head, bemused, and a little worried.
INT. STANTON UNIVERSITY – FACULTY LOUNGE – DAY
Elizabeth is seated, preparing lecture notes and nursing a cup of coffee. Philip enters the lounge, and sees her.
PHILIP
Morning.
ELIZABETH
Morning.
PHILIP
So how’s it coming along with the boy wonder?
ELIZABETH
Who?
PHILIP
Richard Amado.
ELIZABETH
Oh. Well… I think we’re making progress.
PHILIP
Yes, he seems quite taken with you.
ELIZABETH
What do you mean?
PHILIP
Well, we were having a conference about his newest paper, which, by the way, was one of the more creative approaches I have seen to the topic of personal identity.
ELIZABETH
I can only imagine.
PHILIP
And he kept interrupting my pearls of wisdom with: “Dr. Drewer says this” and “Dr. Drewer says that.”
ELIZABETH
Did he?
PHILIP
Yes. Without any trace of envy, I must remark, Elizabeth, that his admiration for you is a little excessive. As far as he’s concerned, you’re philosophy incarnate.
ELIZABETH
(clearly pleased)
Well, he’s… young. He’s impressionable.
PHILIP
Yes, well, nevertheless, I find it all rather surprising, given how remarkably unorthodox a thinker this young man is.
ELIZABETH
And I, by implication, am not?
PHILIP
Well, certainly you’re an innovative thinker, and a rigorous one, but unorthodox? No.
ELIZABETH
Thank you very much.
PHILIP
You’ve never laid claim to that territory before, why do it now?
ELIZABETH
I think unorthodoxy is a good thing for philosophy, in proper measure.
PHILIP
Really?
ELIZABETH
Yes. So Richard is a bit… spirited. This department could use a little spirit.
PHILIP
Do I hear a little veiled admiration for the boy wonder?
ELIZABETH
I wish you’d stop calling him that. And yes, I consider him a whiff of fresh air.
PHILIP
Well, as long as that whiff doesn’t blow anyone too far off course.
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Dave Holloway has completed Act 2 Draft 1.
What I learned doing this assignment is that allowing myself to write without criticism sometimes lets me write larger, more interesting scenes than when I constricted my imagination with criticism.
OUTLINE
BEGINNING: Nigel, Amelia and Roger enter Olympia on their horses and begin to cross the state.
MIDDLE: They’re confronted by a group of “Guardians”, a volunteer group that patrols the state enforcing the law. They question who the three are, where they’re from, and what they’re doing in Olympia. Some barbs begin to fly back and forth between Nigel and Roger and the Guardians. Roger and the Guardians’ leader dismount and fight.
END: Roger knocks out the Guardians’ leader. Roger gives him a last insult, and the three of them ride away.
EXT. OLYMPIA – DAY
Roger, Amelia and Nigel ride into Olympia. The land is mostly flat and covered with brush, broken up by gentle slopes surmounted by trees.
AMELIA: The four rich families that founded Olympia wanted to separate themselves from other races. Only whites are allowed to live here. They try to be like early America, when the country was mostly agrarian. They do a lot of ranching and farming, and there are some towns, but no big cities. Some of the soldiers in their army came from other states.
NIGEL: There was always a strong undercurrent of racism in America, wasn’t there.
AMELIA: I think so. It had gotten better in the final decades of the country, I think. But America broke up before they could overcome it completely.
From off to the right comes the sound of galloping hooves. They see a small group on horseback, stirring up dust as they approach. The horses slow as they come near the three. Ten young white men regard them in silence for a moment. The LEADER guides his horse forward and addresses them.
LEADER: What are you folks doing in Olympia?
NIGEL: Just trying to get across to the train station. We’re traveling to Shiloh.
LEADER: What the hell you want in Shiloh?
Roger speaks somewhat belligerently.
ROGER: That’s our business, isn’t it. Who are you?
LEADER: We’re Guardians. We enforce the law in this state.
ROGER: Anyone pay you? Or do you just take the law into your own hands?
The leader eyes him suspiciously.
LEADER: We’re volunteers. Where are you from?
NIGEL: We’re from England.
ROGER: What if we were black? What would you do?
A note of hostility enters the leader’s voice.
LEADER: Depends on what you were here for. If you were crossing the state, we’d let you through. If you were up to something we didn’t like, we’d deal with you.
Roger’s voice grows testy.
ROGER: What if I don’t like what you do?
There’s a silence.
LEADER: Then you’d have to get me to change. If you’d like to try that, I’ll be happy to oblige you.
They start at each other for a moment. Neither looks away. The leader begins to dismount and Roger does as well. They slowly approach each other, then lunge together and grapple. The leader punches Roger in the chin, stunning him momentarily. Then Roger moves forward and hits the leader with a left, then a roundhouse right. The leader falls to the ground, unconscious. Roger looks down at him. He speaks contemptuously to the leader’s group.
ROGER: Better tend to your comrade. Looks like he needs a bit of help.
The leader’s group watches Roger mount his horse. They watch the three slowly ride away.
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Pam Finishes Act 2
What I learned: the importance of keeping my story moving along, rather than getting bogged down. Just make notes as I go re: aspects that need to be developed further.
INT. HENRI’S APARTMENT – KITCHEN – NIGHT
Henri logs onto the International Hair Show website. Goes to the page that promotes the guest speakers. Sees himself promoted as the headliner. Sadly stares at the page. Shuts the laptop. He walks towards the restroom.INT. HENRI’S APARTMENT – BATHROOM – NIGHT
He stares in the mirror. His thought drift off to:INT. MARC RICHE SALON – DAY (FLASHBACK)
A writer from “Vanity” magazine is seated in a styling chair. She asks Henri about his rise to fame as he begins to style her hair.MONTAGE – EARLY DAYS AT MARC RICHE SALON
Henri is an intern, doing shampoos and answering phones. Show his professional progression.INT. MARC RICHE SALON – DAY
Henri finishes the hairstyle of the writer. He slowly spins her around, and they look in the mirror together. Removes her cape.INT. HENRI’S APARTMENT – NIGHT (BACK TO SCENE)
Henri frowns at his reflection in mirror. He doesn’t know who’s looking back anymore. -
Sandra’s Completed ACT 2 Draft 1
What I learned doing this assignment is that in order for the scenes to flow together, I needed to move scenes around, and include new scenes to fill in the gaps. This is a great class! I am having breakthroughs with each lesson!
ACT II
INT.UNIVERSITY RESEARCH LAB – DAY
BEGINNING: Lucy tells Professor Clark about the poisoned mouse.
MIDDLE: He thinks it’s the lab assistant.
END: He will have the assistant expelled.
INT.UNIVERSITY RESEARCH LAB – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: Professor Clark in a large research lab with other students.
INT. HUSBAND’S OFFICE – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: Husband at work.
INT./EXT. LUCY’S CAR – RESTAURANT – DAY
BEGINNING: Lucy drives her car down a street, and pulls into a restaurant parking lot. Lucy looks forward to having lunch with her husband. She parks. Slings her purse over her shoulder. Opens the door. Steps out.
MIDDLE: As Lucy walks across the parking lot, she is almost hit by a big black monster pickup truck. Lucy walks towards the restaurant main door. She stops. Through the window Lucy thinks she sees her husband holding hands with another woman. Lucy jumps to conclusions and thinks her husband is cheating on her and feels betrayed. However, it’s not her husband, it’s someone who resembles him.
END: Upset, Lucy turns around and storms back to her car. Clicks the door unlock button on her key fob and opens the driver side door. Throws her bag on the passenger seat. Bag tips over. Home pregnancy kit, ancestry kit and other items fall out. She slides in. Slams the door shut.
INT. UNIVERSITY RESEARCH LAB – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: Professor Clark on the phone with someone.
INT./EXT. LUCY’S CAR – DAY
BEGINNING: Lucy grips the steering wheel with both hands. Leans her forehead on the wheel. Swears. She speeds off back to the university lab, knocking over a sign. Lucy gets on the freeway and is caught in traffic – accident or construction. At a standstill.
MIDDLE: Her husband calls when Lucy doesn’t show up. They argue. Says he wasn’t sitting near the window. She doesn’t believe him.
END: She believes him when she sees he’s wearing a blue shirt not a grey one (Face Time).
INT./EXT. LUCY’S CAR – SIDE ROAD – DAY
BEGINNING: She maneuvers the car to get off on a side road. Lucy has a flat tire. Pulls off to the side of the road. Heavy traffic. Black pickup truck side swipes her driver side door.
MIDDLE: She finds the spare tire and jack. Reads the instructions. Gives herself a pep talk. Changes the tire. Tire was slashed. Lucy wonders who’s following her and why.
END: She drops the tire and injures her foot. Limps to the passenger side door, climbs in.
INT. UNIVERSITY RESEARCH LAB – DAY
BEGINNING: Lucy returns to the lab.
MIDDLE: Finds the assistant unconscious. Calls 911, security, Professor Clark.
END: Professor Clark thinks it is a suicide.
INT. UNIVERSITY RESEARCH LAB – DAY
BEGINNING: Lucy finds a flash drive in her bag.
MIDDLE: Reviews articles and background information on Professor Clark.
END: Discovers Professor Clark has a hidden identity. Calls her husband for a favor.
EXT. UNIVERSITY RESEARCH LAB – DAY
BEGINNING: Lucy meets her husband in the parking lot. He brings takeout food.
MIDDLE: Lucy slips him the flash drive to put in their safety deposit box.
END: He forgets.
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Clendon – Completed Act 2 Draft 1
[1] What I learned doing this assignment? The process works! It allows the writer to tackle the structural elements one at a time. Building a script using this system prevents the writer from overlooking or glossing over a necessary element in the story. I’m a huge fan of processes and implementing this system has taken my work to the next level.
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[2] Outline any scenes that you haven’t gotten to from Act 2.
#1. EXT. GRAVEYARD – NIGHT
BEGINNING: Detective Ramirez searches for Clendon at Graveyard.
MIDDLE: She finds Clendon, he’s hyperthermic but alive!
END: She helps him to her car.
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#2. INT. CAR – LATER
BEGINNING: Clendon tells her he has a hole in his chest, it’s not getting better.
MIDDLE: Detective assures him it will get better.
END: Clendon tells her he used to believe in right and wrong, just wants to kill whomever murdered his mother.
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#3. INT. JR’S KITCHEN – LATE NIGHT
BEGINNING: JR is working in the kitchen.
MIDDLE: He has a stroke and goes down.
END: He lies on the floor unconscious.
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#4. EXT. PARK – DAY
BEGINNING: JR meets with his Private Investigator.
MIDDLE: JR tells him what he wants, it is NOT what he and Clendon discussed.
END: JR pays him in cash.
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#5. INT. POLICE STATION – INTERROGATION ROOM – LATER
BEGINNING: Ramirez at a whiteboard brainstorming with her partners.
MIDDLE: They know the evidence was planted, it was premeditated hit.
END: Ramirez goes over the report again and finds a clue!
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#6. INT. PENTHOUSE OFFICE – MINUTES LATER
BEGINNING: Clendon storms into his dad’s office.
MIDDLE: Clendon accuses him of murdering his mother.
END: Trevor (dad) denies it; tells Clendon his mother was righteous.
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#7. INT. MARY’S HOME – DINING ROOM – EARLY EVENING
BEGINNING: Clendon makes dinner for his girl, Gina.
MIDDLE: They talk, Clendon tells her he is losing it.
END: The two make out on the couch.
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#8. EXT. SYLVAN PARK – DAY
BEGINNING: Clendon in his SUV begins setting up food for the homeless
MIDDLE: Detective Ramirez shows up, going to arrest him; he talks her into helping him.
END: Clendon tells her he went to see her “shrink” and it helped.
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#9. TIMECUT: PARK — RAMIREZ HANDING OUT SANDWICHES
BEGINNING: feeding the homeless, a man steps up and points a gun at Clendon.
MIDDLE: Joe-Joe steps in; he’s shot; shooter runs off crazy-like.
END: Ramirez arrests shooter, goes back to find Clendon has been shot too.
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#10. INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – NIGHT
BEGINNING: Clendon wakes up in hospital room.
MIDDLE: Ramirez is there with him. They talk.
END: Ramirez tells him, she has the results back on the DNA test.
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#11. FLASHBACK – INT. JR’s OFFICE – BATHROOM – DAY
BEGINNING: Clendon in JR.s bathroom, takes hair sample from his brush.
MIDDLE: Knows what he is thinking is crazy.
END: Does it anyway as he has his doubts.
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#12. INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – NIGHT
BEGINNING: Ramirez needs a name.
MIDDLE: Clendon lies, tells her it was Joe-Joe
END: Ramirez asks questions, has her suspicions re: Joe-Joe, lets it go.
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#13. INT. GINA’S HOME – KITCHEN – MORNING
BEGINNING: Gina learns they are moving to Canada.
MIDDLE: Gina figures out it is for a job – his old job at the brewery.
END: She gets pissed, as they wanted her to stop seeing Clendon because of his last name and the fact he was the son of the brewery owner.
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#14. INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – MORNING
BEGINNING: JR comes in bearing a platter of BBQ,
MIDDLE: Clendon acts like nothing is wrong. They talk, JR tells him he is going to focus his time and energy on the café; that the homeless project his daughter and he can handle.
END: After JR leaves, Clendon pushes the platter of BBQ away from him.
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#15. INT. MARY’S HOME – NIGHT
BEGINNING: Natalie and Clendon are wrapping Xmas presents for the homeless children.
MIDDLE: Natalie tickles Clendon to get him to smile; they have a moment.
END: Natalie tells him: “ Love doesn’t go away because a person does. Your mother’s love should make you smile. Most of us never experience that kind of love.”
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#16. JR’s CAFE – AFTERNOON
BEGINNING: JR working in the kitchen
MIDDLE: JR has a heart attack and drops.
END: JR is unconscious
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#17. EXT. GRAVESITE – DAY
BEGINNING: Clendon is trying to pray for his mother.
MIDDLE: Clendon thanks her for the idea; for the homeless shelter idea.
END: Clendon tells his mom, JR is going to explain himself; he’s not going to kill him.
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#18. INT. CAR – LATER
BEGINNING: Clendon driving
MIDDLE: Gets a text, checks it. Msg is from Natalie, it reads:
END: “Daddy’s had a stroke!”
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#19. INT. HOSPITAL – ICU – LATER
BEGINNING: Clendon walks in room, finds Natalie distraught.
MIDDLE: Natalie upset, tells him they didn’t have insurance.
END: Clendon tells her they will be staying at his home.
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#20. INT. LIMOUSINE – DAY
BEGINNING: Gina gets in a limousine.
MIDDLE: Clendon’s father, Trevor, black mails her into sending Clendon a “dear John” letter..
END: Crying, Gina begins typing the letter and texts it to Clendon.
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#21. INT. SUV – MOMENTS LATER
BEGINNING: Clendon driving, gets Gina’s text
MIDDLE: He heads directly over to her house. No one is there. Looks in window, all boxed up.
END: He gets a text from Detective, tells him she has a second match; need to talk.
*Clendon’s low point: the truth is out, his girl has left and he has to face the detective and keep her from ruining Natalie’s life.
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#22. FLASHBACK – MORGUE
BEGINNING: Clendon recalls being there.
MIDDLE: He is going through his mother’s personal belongings, discovers her cross is gone.
END: That is a huge clue! Whoever killed her took her cross.
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[3] Write out those scenes.
#1. Opening Scene – ACT TWO
FADE IN:
EXT. GRAVEYARD – NIGHT
RESUME SAME MOMENT: Detective Ramirez checks Clendon’s neck for a pulse: Thank-you, Lord!
RAMIREZ (shakes Clendon) “Wake up. You need to stand up?”
Disoriented, out of it, Clendon’s eyes flutter open.
CLENDON (reaches for snow-globe) “Came to be with mother.”
He stares at Ramirez. Lost. Hypothermic.
RAMIREZ “Can you stand? Where’s your car?”
CLENDON “I walked.”
Ramirez has to physically help Clendon to his feet: her arm around his waist, hand gripping the belt to his pants.
#2. INT. CAR – LATER
Slumped over, head propped against the passenger window, Clendon stares into the darkness.
CLENDON “This hole in my chest won’t go away.”
RAMIREZ “It’ll get better. Listen, I’m here for you. Your mother, God rest her soul, would not want this for you.”
CLENDON “I always believed there was this divine of right and wrong; black and white. A line you don’t cross: like stealing, or lying, or murder. I want to kill whoever did this.”
Ramirez, torn: between her promise to Mary, her duty as a law enforcement officer.
——————————-
#3. INT. JR’S KITCHEN – LATE NIGHT
JR, wearing gloves and carrying a bowl filled with a wet barbecue rub, stops at the first smoker.
JR (opens cast-iron door) “Time to butter your rumps.”
With a mop brush, JR sauces the meat.
Without so much as a glance over his shoulder, JR takes out legal papers from his apron pouch and TOSSES them onto the burning oak in the hopper below.
CLOSE ON papers lying on the coals: promissory notes made out to Mary Masters.
JR (at a whisper) “Days of me beholdin’ no more; nights slaving over these smokers to feed the indigent, no more.”
He STARES at the documents curling, turning to ASH.
———————————–
#4. EXT. PARK – DAY
Overcast and drizzling, JR walks along the walkway with an umbrella. At the duck pond, he watches RAINDROPS turn the water’s surface into popping grease.
JR studies the gait of a man, as he appears and approaches from the north. The torso and face are hidden under an umbrella, but the gait is unmistakable.
Recognizing Tic’s stride puts a smile on his face.
Tic walks up, breaks down his umbrella and steps in under JR’s oversized umbrella.
JR flashes a handful of hundred dollar bills.
JR “Need dirt on a dirt bag.”
TIC “Shakedown or photos for a divorce attorney.”
JR “Evidence for the police.”
TIC pockets the money.
TIC “Be in touch.”
TIC flicks open his umbrella and walks off.
—————————————
#5. INT. POLICE STATION – INTERROGATION ROOM – LATER
Ramirez, at a chalkboard filled with bubbles and arrows connects names and places, times and dates.
RAMIREZ (forensics report in hand) “We can rule out the hair samples, they were a plant. Proves one thing, it was premeditated.”
RILEY “Three different racial groups at the scene, ya think. You’re taking this case personally. Why?”
Ramirez shoots him a dirty look. Back off!
RAMIREZ “Whoever the shooter is, they know placement: one shot to the heart, close range… This wasn’t random.”
RILEY “My money’s on the Ex. He’s alibied up, at a conference in Canada.”
RAMIREZ “We need to take a look at Mr. Reedloc’s bank accounts.”
RILEY “Already on it. The man moves large sums of money around daily. Nothing suspicious.”
With a highlighter, Ramirez UNDERLINES the words: head hairs, four different DNA’s.
RAMIREZ “There were no pubic hairs, thank God! Neither were there any chest hairs or limb hairs at the scene.”
IT HITS HER!
HOLD ON tip of yellow marker CIRCLING THE PHRASE: one eyebrow/eyelash hair.
—————————————-
#6. INT. PENTHOUSE OFFICE – MINUTES LATER
Clendon stands before his father. A massive desk separates the two men.
TREVOR “First, I don’t owe you a thing. Second, I have no idea what you’re accusing me of. Elaborate, please.”
Trevor reaches in, under his desk and depresses a button.
CLENDON “Mother’s murder, don’t play stupid; it’s unbecoming, father.”
TREVOR “Your mother’s death was not at my hands. I was in Canada at the time. Mary was a misguided do-gooder. I despise what she stood for, but I respected her integrity.”
—————————————–
#7. INT. MARY’S HOME – DINING ROOM – EARLY EVENING
Rosewood dining table: pair of flickering candles. In the b.g., Kenny G. Holiday music. Gina watches Clendon serve dinner. Despite his attention to detail, she knows he is struggling.
GINA “What happened last night? Tell me you spoke to Dr. Argent.”
CLENDON “Seems physical confrontation is my coping mechanism, way I process.”
GINA “Fighting? That makes no sense. You’re kind and you’re giving.”
CLENDON (to himself as much as her) “I made a thermos of cocoa — walked until I found myself standing at mother’s grave — holding a snow globe she gave me one Christmas.”
GINA “That’s where detective Ramirez found you?”
Clendon nods, walks to the wet bar, grabs a crystal decanter of liquor off a shelf.
CLENDON “Seems I have to immerse myself in grief in order to draw it out.”
His self-deprecating laugh, a pained sound, ends with him holding the decanter to his lips: DRINKING. CHOKING.
Gina rushes over, takes the liquor bottle away from him.
CLENDON “Hit me.” (taps his chin) “Hard as you can. Here…”
GINA “Stop it! I’m not going to hit you.”
Shocked by the sudden change in his behavior, Gina takes charge: she walks him over to the couch, makes him sit.
CLENDON “Sorry. Don’t mean to be Johnny Rain Cloud. I need an ice-pick lobotomy.”
GINA “Or the love of a girl who thinks the world of you.”
She presses her ear in against his chest, she murmurs: “Two years ago, I lost my little sister to a brain tumor. It still hurts. Loss takes time to accept.”
CLENDON “I woke up in tears. Realized I’m never going to hear my mother say my name, or smell her cooking. I miss her so much.”
Gina eases Clendon back, against the couch — her hands move up, into his hair — massaging his scalp.
Pressing intimately into him, the embrace leads to an open-mouth kiss — Clendon’s hands finding a life of their own, slide up, inside her pleated skirt.
————————————
#8. EXT. SYLVAN PARK – DAY
SUV comes to a stop twenty feet from the concrete benches at the northern end of the park. Driver door OPENS.
Clendon hops out in festive garb: sporting a bright holiday scarf and matching sweater. He moves quickly to the back of the SUV, begins unloading trays of sandwiches.
Hurrying to get things ready, Clendon fails to see Ramirez step out of hiding.
RAMIREZ “You’re persistent, if nothing else.”
Bent over, reaching inside for a tray of the sandwiches, Clendon JUMPS — WHACKS himself — backs out rubbing the top of his head.
RAMIREZ “I should arrest you, you know that.”
CLENDON “I’ll gladly go to jail. First, let me feed these people. It’s freezing out; they have to eat.”
Ramirez relents. Against her better judgment.
RAMIREZ “Thank you for seeing Dr. Argent. Was the hardest thing I ever did. In the end, it saved my life.”
——————————
#9. TIMECUT: PARK — RAMIREZ HANDING OUT SANDWICHES — FEELING BETTER THAN SHE HAS FELT IN FOREVER.
Clendon, manning the beverage station: handing children hot cocoa and candy canes, dispensing hot coffee to the adults. On a first name basis with virtually everyone.
Fifteen feet away, an unshaven man in fatigues, steps out of line — PULLS A REVOLVER — points it at Clendon who is handing juice to a toddler.
Joe-Joe, standing beside Clendon, SEES AND REACTS — years of military training superseding fear — as we CUT TO:
Ramirez hands a visibly pregnant woman two sandwiches, asks:
RAMIREZ “Is it a boy, or a girl?”
And as the young woman gives a frown — GUNSHOT RINGS OUT!
In ULTRA SLOW-MOTION, we TRACK the BULLET as it PUNCHES A HOLE in Joe-Joe’s chest — FRACTURING A RIB — PUNCTURING A LUNG — nicking the Subclavian artery on its way through the chest cavity — EXITING in a SPRAY OF BLOOD —
— .45 CALIBER SLUG PLOWING INTO AND STRAIGHT THROUGH CLENDON who doesn’t realize he’s been shot. His attention on Joe-Joe who CRUMPLES AND FALLS into his arms.
SHOOTER RUNS OFF — WAVING THE GUN like a flag on race day.
RAMIREZ SEES Joe-Joe whispering in Klendon’s ear. She SPRINTS after the gun-totting man.
Ramirez HANDCUFFS the assailant to an empty park bench — RUNS back to where everyone has gathered.
She drops beside Clendon, takes one look at the man lying in his arms — amount of blood, wound location — knows it’s a fatal shot.
CLENDON “Joe-Joe, stay with me. Help is on the way. You’re going to be okay.”
JOE-JOE (voice drifts off) “Love ya… You da’ man.”
Joe-Joe goes limp, eyes staring into eternity.
RAMIREZ (hand on Clendon’s shoulder) “He’s gone.” Stepping away, Ramirez calls for CSI and the coroner.
CLENDON closes Joe-Joe’s eyes, and as he attempts to stand, it hits him — STABBING BOLT OF PAIN FILLS HIS CHEST!
Gritting his teeth, Clendon gets to his feet — takes three steps — DROPS to his knees — SPITS UP BLOOD. Drained. Weak.
Unaware Clendon’s been shot, Ramirez’s first thought, he’s in shock — until she sees blood in the snow.
RAMIREZ (rushes over) “Stay down. You’ve been shot. Lie back… Don’t move.”
—————————————–
#10. INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – NIGHT
Private room. Hushed sounds of mechanical apparatus: machines monitoring, regulating fluids and recording vitals.
Clendon sitting up in bed: eyes glazed, hair in a lose pony tail, IV Morphine drip working its magic.
Clendon (reaches for ice chips) “You know that’s twice now.”
RAMIREZ (sets Seduko aside) “Twice, what? You’ve avoided jail?”
Ramirez gets up, stands at the foot of his bed. She stares at him — knowing he knows.
RAMIREZ “ The results came back today.”
————————–
#11 TP – FLASHBACK – INT. JR’s OFFICE – BATHROOM – DAY
Cramped. Utilitarian. Clendon UNZIPS and as he relieves himself, he looks at the sink — HOLD ON JR’s hairbrush.
Biting his bottom lip, knowing what he’s thinking is crazy — a betrayal of their friendship. Worse. Clendon grabs the hairbrush, pulls strands of hair from the bristles, shoves them in his pocket.
BACK TO SCENE.
—————————–
#12. INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – NIGHT
Detective Ramirez steps around the bed. Stands beside Clendon.
RAMIREZ “They are a perfect match!”
Clendon stares at her in stark disbelief. That’s not possible!
Ramirez lays a hand on Clendon’s blanketed thigh.
RAMIREZ “You’ve got to give me a name.”
CLENDON (lies) “He died saving me; think he paid the ultimate price.”
RAMIREZ “How did he know your mother?”
CLENDON “I have no idea. At this point, I don’t care.”
RAMIREZ (suspicious) “What made you think it was Joe-Joe?”
CLENDON “Something he said the other day at the shelter. Look, I don’t want to talk about it, think about it. I’m through being pissed. I didn’t even get to find out why Joe-Joe did it. I can’t decide if karmic justice was served, or just a pointless act perpetrated by a deranged person.”
RAMIREZ (knows there’s more) “Okay, I get it. You’ve had a helluva day.”
———————————
#13. INT. GINA’S HOME – KITCHEN – MORNING
BREAKFAST TABLE
Plate of crispy bacon beside a platter of scrambled eggs. Gina stares at the feast, something is up. Monique sets a pitcher of orange juice on the table, glances sideways at her daughter.
MONIQUE “Your father’s got fantastic news.”
Gina stares at the glass pitcher watching citrus pulp spinning in circles. Reminded of sperm, it makes her smile.
DUSTIN “You ready, pumpkin? Ontario will be this family’s rebirth.
GINA “What are you talking about? (glances from dad to mom) As in — we’re moving?”
Dustin nods.
GINA “You’ve got to be kidding. Another friggin country? No way!”
Monique intercedes.
MONIQUE “Honey, it’s beautiful there. Your father’s been offered an incredible opportunity.”
GINA “All my friends are here. I have to graduate with my class. Can’t it wait until May?”
DUSTIN “No, we’re broke. We need the money.”
GINA “This is great (air quotes) opportunity wouldn’t involve getting your old job back at the brewery, would it?”
Gina jumps to her feet, house robe comes undone.
GINA “I can’t date his son because he’s a Reedloc, but his father waves a paycheck and you come running? You make me sick!”
She RUSHES OUT of the kitchen.
——————————————-
#14. INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – MORNING
JR eases the door open, peeks in. Clendon, sitting up in bed:
CLENDON “JR, my man, come in.”
Clendon stares at the aluminum, take-out tub in JR’s hands.
CLENDON “OhmyGod, you didn’t. Tell me it’s what I think it is.”
JR “Added the ground coffee beans and ginger powder to the rub like you suggested. Nat will be by later.”
CLENDON “How’s it taste?”
JR (smiles his all-is-right-with-the-world smile) “Callin’ it Clendon’s camp-style brisket. New menu item as of today.”
JR sets the meat container on the bed tray next to Clendon.
JR “Been thinkin’ on things and come the new year, I gotta put all my efforts into the cafe. We on the edge of breakin’ out. You and Natalie welcome to use the van, same as always. “
CLENDON “No worries. You do whatcha gotta do. (re: brisket) Thanks, hospital food is the worst.”
Clendon watches JR leave, waits till the door closes before SHOVING the tray with the meat away from him.
On wheels, it rolls halfway across the room. He can’t bring himself to say what he is thinking.
————————————–
#15. INT. MARY’S HOME – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Strewn across the floor: rolls of scotch tape and wrapping paper — bags of colored bows, glittery to-from cards. Clendon and Natalie wrap presents to the Christmas magic of Michael Bluble.
Against the far wall, a mountain of toys in need of wrapping.
NATALIE (sips cocoa) “You’re the only person I know that makes hot chocolate from scratch. It’s delish. Thank you.”
Clendon kneeling in front of the fireplace, poker in hand.
CLENDON “It’s mother’s recipe. She always made it when we…(can’t find the words)
NATALIE “What’s going on?”
CLENDON “With?”
NATALIE “You and my father. He say something to you?”
CLENDON “I’ve been getting that a lot lately. It’s me. Your father hasn’t said a thing.”
NATALIE “He’s not himself. I thought you two had words.”
Clendon starts to get up; Natalie gently bowls him over.
NATALIE (straddles him) “I know you remember this…”
CLENDON “You crazy? Get off me, I mean it.”
Natalie’s fingers dig into his sides.
Squirming, Clendon is unable to buck her off – LAUGHING – SWEARING REVENGE – LAUGHING HARDER – redoubling his efforts to no avail – UNCONTROLLED LAUGHTER ENSUES.
Clendon, unaware tears are leaking from the corners of his eyes or that his laughter sounds a lot like crying.
Natalie stops, takes his face in her hands, kisses the tears on his cheek.
NATALIE “Love doesn’t go away because a person does. Your mother’s love should make you smile. Most of us never experience that kind of love.”
—————————————–
#16. INT. JR’S CAFÉ – AFTERNOON
Sweating profusely, JR reaches into one of the smokers, retrieves a platter of ribs and as he’s turning to set it aside, HIS WORLD GOES DARK…
He doesn’t realize he’s LOST HIS BALANCE — cannot feel himself STRIKING THE PREP TABLE, UNAWARE OF FALLING to the floor and splitting his chin.
———————————————-
#17. EXT. GRAVE SITE – SAME
FOLLOW SNOWFLAKES free-falling to a cemetery — FOCUS ON CLENDON standing at a grave marker — CLOSE ON BIBLE IN HIS HAND.
CLENDON DROPS TO ONE KNEE, his breath dragon smoke. Prayer fails him. There’s only snow. And ice. And pain of memory.
CLENDON “We break ground for the shelter next week. Thank you, for that.”
He BRUSHES SNOW off the face of the headstone revealing Mary’s name. Curiously, he doesn’t clear away the snow coating the dates, or the epitaph.
CLENDON “I don’t know why he did what he did — didn’t even know you knew him. You and father with all your secrets.”
CLENDON — LEANS OVER — KISSES THE GRANITE MARKER.
CLENDON “He’s going to tell me. JR is a father to me, more so than my own… How do I get past this, mother? I’ve dreamed of killing the person who did this to you. But now…”
He walks away hating the darkness creeping into his thoughts.
———————————–
#18. INT. CAR – CONTINUOUS
CLENDON CHECKS HIS CELL — RETRIEVES TEXT.
INSERT – TEXT
“Daddy’s had a stroke! At St. Vincent’s. Hurray!!”
—————————————————–
#19. INT. HOSPITAL – ICU – LATER
Clendon steps into the room dread washing over him. Natalie stands beside her father, unaware Clendon is behind her.
CLENDON “How is he?”
She turns and falls into Clendon’s arms. Devastated, her face a mess.
NATALIE (sobs) “They don’t know if he’ll regain consciousness.”
Holding her, Clendon rubs the back of her neck the way his mother did when he needed comforting. He has never seen Natalie in tears, let alone sobbing. It hurts him.
CLENDON “I called our family’s physician. He gave me the name of a specialist.”
NATALIE “Don’t bother. Dad let the insurance lapse. He has no coverage.”
CLENDON “We’re family. I’ll take care of it.”
Natalie’s grip around Clendon, a child clinging to hope. He holds her; the two needing one another in a way only intense sorrow understands.
NATALIE “I know papa, he won’t go to a home.” (looks at her father) We went through this with his brother Jerome, said he’d nibble on the end of a pistol first.”
CLENDON “Who said anything about a home? You are family; two of you will move in with me… Besides, I’m tired of being alone in that monstrosity.”
———————————-
#20. EXT/INT. LIMOUSINE – NOON
Girl in a long coat and stocking cap walks over — GINA’S REFLECTION in the dark tinting comes as a shock.
—————————–
#21. INT. LIMOUSINE – CONTINUOUS
Trevor sits reading a report. He looks up as Gina slides in. Trevor hands her a manilla envelope. Gina takes out the papers. First page is a copy of her dad’s bank statement. She looks over.
TREVOR “Do you see the periodic deposits?”
GINA (thanks to you) “Okay…
TREVOR “Turn the page.(waits) That’s your father’s new monthly pay.”
GINA (blackmailing douche) “At your brewery in Toronto?”
TREVOR “My son has feelings for you that must be severed. Next page, please.”
Gina complies, her focus falling on the “Dear John” letter. Gina sets the papers on the seat next to her.
GINA (fights back tears) “You’re a bastard, you know that.”
TREVOR “If you’d be so kind.”
Gina reaches in her purse — looks over at the awful man — retrieves her cell. Staring through a veil of tears, Gina begins texting.
————————————–
#22. INT/EXT. SUV – MOMENTS LATER
Clendon READS Gina’s text, hangs a U-turn and drives over to her parents’ home. He whips into the driveway. No cars, No one appears to be home.
He marches up to the front door, rings the bell. No answer. He goes to the living room window. Curtained, can’t see inside.
Clendon goes to the side gate, reaches an arm over, unlatches it. There is only snow. No foot prints, no signs of life. He peers in the patio window. Everything is in boxes!
Clendon’s world comes crashing in around him. On cue, he gets a text, quickly checks it – hoping it’s Gina… Instead:
INSERT – TEXT
“I have a second match. We need 2 talk. Meet me at Starbucks Silver and 6th – thirty minutes.”
Clendon texts back:
“Be there in 1 hour, detective.”
BACK TO SCENE
Clendon collapses in a lounge chair, SCOOPS up a handful of SNOW — scrubs his face with it — skin turns red.
CLENDON “First JR and now you!”
Clendon reaches up as if to rip off his crucifix — recalls he gave it to Gina — recalls too, his mother’s was missing!
——————————————
#23. FLASHBACK – MORGUE
Clendon going through his mother’s personal effects: purse, wallet, credit cards, photos, bracelet, rings — no cross!
END OF ACT TWO
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Mary Ellevold has completed Act 2 Draft 1
What I learned doing this assignment is I’ll need to add the bit character scenes.
Act 2:
New plan-GROUP THERAPY INCLUDES HIS EX, KAT; AND PLAN-HE MUST FACE HIS FEAR OF ANIMALS – ZOOPHOBIA;
Plan in action-DIAGNOSIS, VIRTUOREALITY,(KAT CONTROLS) AND COUNTER CONDITIONING-
Midpoint Turning Point-GO TO PETSHOPPE TO FACE FEARS, (KAT SABOTAGES0 JON GETS ARRESTED
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This reply was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by Mary Ellevold.
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This reply was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by
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What I learned Doing This Assignment is now that my subplot is being created, I have to think about the rythm of the story to know where to insert these important scenes. This movie is about 35% HIS story and 65% HER story, and they are both simultaneous, without meeting up til the end.
Mark Has Completed ACT 2 – Draft 1
OUTLINE The most powerful ice-breaking ship, the “Dreadnaught” is sent on a rescue mission from the Aleutians. A blizzard prevents it from reaching them.
BEGINNING
INT. ANCHORAGE COAST GUARD STATION – DAY
A vessel in distress call comes in requesting the ice-breaker for assistance. The ice-breaker is undergoing repairs.
MIDDLE
INT. ALEUTIANS COAST GUARD STATION – DAY
The distress call from Anchorage station fires up the “Dreadnaught,” the most powerful ice-breaker in the world. It cruises at full speed north and encounters large ice masses
END
INT. /EXT DREADNAUGHT – DAY
The ice gets so thick that speed is down to a crawl. And a blizzard takes away visibility. The radio man sends word to Anchorage. The ship can go no further.
INT. ANCHORAGE COAST GUARD STATION – DAY
A radio operator is listening to a distress call.
RADIO VOICE (O.S.)
Anchorage station, this is ocean vessel Nothwind. We have an urgent need for the ice-breaker. We are locked, ice bound and drifting north. This is urgent.
ANCHORAGE RADIO OP
Northwind, the ice-breakeer is in repair dock. I will forward your request to the Aleutian station. The Dreadnaught is there.
EXT. ALEUTIANS COAST GUARD STATION – DAY
The massive engines of the ice-breaking vessel “Dreadnaught” rev up and the ship steams away at full speed.
EXT. BOW OF THE DREADNAUGHT – DAY
Ice floes are large, slamming into the bow
COAST GUARD MAN
(shouts in megaphone)
Reduce speed. Thick pack ice.
INT. DREADNAUGHT RADIO ROOM -NIGHT
The radio operator makes a call.
RADIO OP
Anchorage station, this is the Dreadnaught. We are not able to proceed. Visibility zero. We have encountered pack ice and ridges. We will keep trying.
OUTLINE: Tony enters an air race. His buddy Nick helps with prepping the plane.
BEGINNING
EXT. TONY’S BARN – DAY
Tony and Nick are packing a trailer with parts and supplies. It’s hot and they sweat. They are headed for the big one – the Reno Air Races. Nick drives off with the trailer.
MIDDLE
EXT. TONY’S PLANE – DAY
He loads a case into the plane and takes off, roaring into the sky in a sleek race plane.
END
EXT. DESERT – DAY
Tony flies on the deck past yucca trees and then streaks up into the clouds
EXT. TONY’S BARN – DAY
Tony and Nick are packing a trailer with parts and supplies. It’s hot and they sweat.
NICK
You want the fur gloves too? Reno can get cold sometimes.
Tony wipes away sweat.
TONY
Naw. I’d love a little chill. It keeps me alert.
Nick throws the fur-lined gloves in the rucksack anyway.
NICK
Look, Tone. I’ll be there in about five hours. Don’t start without me.
Nick gets in the car.
NICK (CONT’D)
I got ya covered from this end.
TONY
Thanks, buddy. Preciate it
Tony slaps him on the shoulder, Nick drives off with the trailer.
EXT. TONY’S PLANE – DAY
He loads a case into his sleek race plane, hops into the open cockpit. He pats the fuselage.
TONY (CONT’D)
Here we go, baby. You can do it.
The engine starts with a rumble and he takes off, roaring into the sky
EXT. DESERT – DAY
Tony flies on the deck past yucca trees and cactus, and then streaks up into the clouds
OUTLINE
Victoria is stranded outside when the hatchways freeze shut. They have to be chopped open.
BEGINNING
EXT RESEARCH SHIP DECK – DAY
Victoria is bundled in furs and walking the deck, on lookout.
The wind picks up savagely. A blizzard starts blowing snow and ice. She tries to read the thermometer, but its frozen over.
MIDDLE
She tries to open the metal door to go inside, but its frozen solid with a layer of ice. She pounds on a porthole. She collapses with fatigue. A man swings an axe and chops the ice away from the door, carries her inside.
END
INT. CABIN ON SHIP – DAY
She is lying on a bunk, given hot tea and recovering. The Weather Man chastises her for a near tragedy. She is bewildered, and doesn’t think its her fault.
EXT RESEARCH SHIP DECK – DAY
Victoria is bundled in furs and walking the deck, on lookout.
The wind picks up savagely. A blizzard starts blowing snow and ice. She tries to read the thermometer, but its frozen over.
She tries to open the metal door to go inside, but its frozen solid with a layer of ice.
She pounds on a porthole. She collapses and faints with fatigue.
A man swings an axe and chops the ice away from the door, carries her inside.
INT. CABIN ON SHIP – DAY
Victoria is lying on a bunk. Shivering, she sips hot tea.
The Weather Man enters and just stares at her. She is bewildered at his look.
WEATHER MAN
I told you. I told you not to.
VICTORIA
Iiit’s not myyy fffault!
WEATHER MAN
Whose is it then?
VICTORIA
Please…don’t blame me.
WEATHER MAN
You’re done.
VICTORIA
It could have happened to anyone.
WEATHER MAN
The team decided. You’re done.
He exits abruptly.
She screams in anger.
OUTLINE
Tony wins the air race and hears the news about the stranded ship.
BEGINNING
EXT. RENO AIR STADIUM – DAY
Tony wins the air race in Reno and crowds surge around him. Nick fights his way through the crowd and reporters.
Reporters want to know more about him and his personal story. He lets slip that he plans to take time off from flying to get married as soon as his fiance is back from her Alaska research voyage.
MIDDLE
Nick urgently whispers in Tony’s ear as the reporter realizes she is on the research ship. “Haven’t you heard the news?” The crowd and the reporters are stunned. He turns white as he learns of the disaster from Nick. Without a word he leaves the celebration.
END
He and Nick walk across the field toward his plane. Tony wants to know everything.
Nick explains the ice breaker is not able to reach the ship due to ice buildup. Nick realizes air rescue is the only answer. Nick warns him of attempting to fly in the arctic.
Nick responds that this is the time to attempt it, rather than leave it to military desk jockeys. He takes off amid wild cheering from the crowd as they sense what he is about to do.
EXT. RENO AIR STADIUM – DAY
Tony wins the air race with blazing speed. Crowds cheer and surge around him as he gets out of the cockpit and moves to the victory stand. Nick fights his way through the crowd and reporters.
REPORTER 1
Tony, how does it feel to win a big one in your own creation?
TONY
It feels like its about time. No, honestly, my buddy, Nick Chandler had so much to do with it…I couldn’t have done it without him.
REPORTER 2
What are your plans now, Any transcontinental flights in your future?
TONY
Not yet. My next big plan is…I’m getting married.
REPORTER 2
Hey, congratulations. My readers want to know when. My female readers will be disappointed.
TONY
Just as soon as a ship can steam back from Point Barrow.
At that moment Nick elbows his way through the crowd and whispers urgently in Tony’s ear.
Reporter #1 looks horrified.
REPORTER 1
She’s not on the weather ship is she? Haven’t you heard the news?
But Tony doesn’t hear. He almost turns white as Nick tells him the horrible news.
Without a word he walks off the platform and leaves the celebration.
Hushed whispers ripple through the crowd.
EXT. AIR STADIUM FIELD -DAY – DAY
Tony and Nick hustle toward Tony’s plane.
TONY
What else did the navy say?
NICK
The ice-breaker hasn’t been able to reach them for two weeks. It keeps getting turned back by ice buildup. They Can’t punch through.
TONY
For God’s sake, Nick. Air rescue is the only answer.
NICK
You ever tried flying in an arctic blizzard?
TONY
Never got around to it yet. But it looks like a good time to try.
NICK
Please tell me your kidding.
Tony stops abruptly.
TONY
Damned if I’m going to leave this to some wet-nosed desk jocks who need a higher-up to tell them what to do.
He grabs a jacket from the cockpit and puts on his leather gloves and hops in.
TONY (CONT’D)
See ya later, buddy. Don’t wait up. Wish me luck.
He starts the engine with a roar.
NICK
(shouting)
They’re drifting. The ice is moving. You’ll never find them.
Tony revs up. Nick, plants a kiss with his hand on the side of the plane.
EXT. CHEERING CROWD – DAY
The crowd breaks into wild cheering as they realize what he is doing.
OUTLINE
BEGINNING
EXT/INT TONY’S PLANE
Tony flies to Anchorage and finds out that Point Barrow station is where the search area is. He continues on to Barrow station and meets the commander.
MIDDLE
INT. BARROW STATION – DAY
The commander can’t believe that he flew there from Anchorage in an open plane. He tells Tony that his two search planes are grounded due to weather. Tony politely asks for a map and coordinates for the ship. The commander complies and tells him its a foolhardy thing to do.
END
EXT. BARROW STATION – DAY
Tony gets re-fueled by the ground crew and flies off into the weather.
EXT/INT TONY’S PLANE
Tony is bundled up in his open cockpit. He flies from sun into clouds and gets colder. The wind on his face feels like needles. He doesn’t see the clouds or fog, but only her face in front of him.
He gooses the throttle a little more.
EXT.MAVY POST ANCHORAGE – DAY
Tony has landed and is talking with a Navy man on the tarmac who points him to the HQ building, and watches him in disbelief.
INT. NAVY OFFICE ANCHORAGE -DAY
An enlisted man desk-jockey sits at a desk. Through the open door to the next room can be seen the uniformed COMMANDER.
Tony trudges in with frost on his face, head covering and clothes. He rips off his gloves.
The desk-jockey looks at him in disbelief.
DESK JOCKEY
Where in hell did you come from?
TONY
California.
INT.COMMANDER’S OFFICE, ANCHORAGE – DAY
The commander is standing behind his desk, looking down on Tony who is seated in front of him, drinking a steaming cup of coffee.
COMMANDER
That’s hard to believe. In an open plane?
TONY
Yessir.
COMMANDER
Well, I doubt if anybody can get through his weather. Helluva try, son. But a good pilot knows when he’s licked.
Tony leans forward with a determined look.
TONY
I know what I’m doing, commander. I have to do this. My fiance is abourd the Northwind. Do you understand?
Commander is silent, sits down, looking at Tony intently.
TONY (CONT’D)
All I’m asking is weather and navigational info for their last reported position.
Silence.
COMMANDER
Stevie! Bring more coffee.
Desk Jockey enters, refills Tony’s mug.
COMMANDER (CONT’D)
And the Northwind position charts from Nome.
(to Tony)
You will wait for good weather.
TONY
How long will that be? Look, its my plane. Its my risk. Its my skin. Rescue that comes too late is no rescue at all. Don’t you agree?
COMMANDER
There are two navy planes in Alaska. What can you do that they can’t? They are equipped to fly in the arctic – You aren’t. They are both at the Nome station. When the weather improves, they will search for survivors and drop supplies.
The desk jockey comes back in, coffee pot in one hand and charts in the other. He hands Tony the charts. Tony holds out his cup for more. More is poured.
Tony takes a last gulp. Nods at them, and walks out.
EXT/INT TONY’S PLANE – DAY
He flies through weather and wind, fighting on. He takes off his leather gloves and puts on the fur gloves that Nick threw in.
TONY
Thanks, once again, buddy.
EXT. NAVY AIR STATION, NOME – DAY
Tony is on the tarmac talking with a GROUND CREWMAN in front of two small quonset huts and a little admin building.
GROUND CREWMAN
You’re a rescue plane? In that?
TONY
I’m it, and I’d like to get going.
GROUND CREWMAN
Sir, do you have any kind of authorization for this flight?
TONY
Would I come up here if I didn’t?
GROUND CREWMAN
But you’re a civilian.
TONY
Exactly. That’s why I was given the charts – I’m authorized by the commander at Anchorage. Go ahead and re-fuel.
EXT. NAVY AIR STATION, NOME- DAY
Tony gets re-fueled by the ground crew and flies off into the weather. The two ground crew just shake their heads as he disappears into clouds.
-
DeRuve’s Act II Draft I
What I learned doing this assignment is my second act is a little light right now. I have a scene I haven’t written yet, still sorting through it. But all in all, for a first draft at 20%, I am happy with what I am seeing.
Act II
INT. LOCKER ROOM – NIGHT
Rhino lays back on the trainers table, the right side of his face looking like a grapefruit, he drags a cigarette.
Joey enters and locks the door behind himself. He looks over at Rhino, down to the floor, and paces over beside him. He stands holding a long stare.
He finds a bag of ice on the floor, picks it up and hands it over. Rhino places it on his face. The disappointment in his eyes and silence speaks volumes, like a father to a son.
JOEY
See Gil, first thing tomorrow.
Joey exits hanging his head, Rhino hardly having moved.
EXT./INT. SOUTH TROY/RHINO’S CAR – NIGHT
Rhino slugs a beer behind the wheel, he’s in no hurry, in control, but deep in thought. He takes notice of a Police car in his rearview. The lights aren’t on, but they’re following.
Rhino tenses up, but keeps his composure. He makes a right turn, the cop follows, a stop sign, a left turn, following.
RHINO
C’mon man…
Finally, the lights spin red and blue, and Rhino pulls over. He hides the bottle under his chair. Two officers approach the car from either side, Rhino cranks the window down.
GUTHRIE, 46, on the driver’s side, a natural snarl to his lips, and frightening emptiness in his eyes. He stands by the window, but doesn’t lean down, Rhino can’t see his face.
Guthrie rests his hand on his firearm. Rhino turns to the passenger side where he finds COLE, 33, knocking on the glass. Rhino leans over and cranks the window down.
Cole, African-American, stares at Rhino intensely, looking around the car for anything.
COLE
Step out of the car.
RHINO
Is there a problem?
COLE
Yes.
Cole makes his way around the front of the car. Rhino turns back to find Guthrie hasn’t moved. He pulls the door handle and cracks the door open, but Guthrie blocks it from opening.
Rhino unsure what to do when Guthrie knees the door closed.
COLE (CONT’D)
Step out of the car, sir.
Rhino looks confused, again he opens the handle, and again Guthrie abruptly closes it on his. Rhino tosses his hands up when Cole pulls his firearm and aims it at him.
COLE (CONT’D)
Get out of the car, now!
Guthrie snaps, yanks the door open, pulls Rhino out by his shirt pushing him back against the car. Finally, eye to eye with Rhino, tall as Rhino, but gangly.
GUTHRIE
You cost us tonight.
Rhino grits his jaw when Guthrie pulls his firearm and holds it to his neck. Guthrie raises his other hand and pokes Rhino’s swollen eye, no reaction.
GUTHRIE (CONT’D)
Never again you dago wop mother fucker.
(beat)
Never again.
Guthrie pushes harder, nothing. He takes a swing and cracks Rhino in the same spot, and spits on his chest before walking away. Cole holsters his piece and glares at Rhino passing by.
EXT./INT. GIL’S HOUSE/GIL’S CAR – DAWN
A light rain dribbles, a grey and gloomy morning. Gil exits the backdoor making way for his pickup parked in the alley. He gets in the driver’s seat and pauses.
Quickly looking back over his shoulder to the backseat, empty. He sticks the key in the ignition, again freezing. He stares at the key in his grip, scared to turn it over.
He closes his eyes and turns the key. The truck starts right up, he’s safe, exhale. SMASH- the window busts open, Gil is grabbed and yanked through the window with ease.
Rhino swings him up against the garage.
RHINO
It’s been a week, Gil.
GIL
(broken)
Christ all mighty… Dear Father, Lord in heaven…
RHINO
Where’s the money, Gil?
GIL
…forgive me, for I know not what I’ve done…
RHINO
I don’t wanna hurt ya, Gil.
GIL
…Forgive me of my wickedness, and remember my sins no more…
Rhino smothers his mouth with a firm grip.
RHINO
Where’s the money, Gil?
GIL
I lost it, I lost it on your fight last night…
Rhino stares at him dumbfounded.
GIL (CONT’D)
Do what you gotta do.
Rhino snaps, bashing his face in with repeated lethal blows. Gil crumbles to pieces. Rhino taking no joy in this.
EXT. SOUTH TROY – BASEBALL FIELD – DAY
Rhino walks beside Cannoli, he’s wearing big aviator sunglasses, and an out of character bright blue baseball cap, carrying a folded lawn chair.
Rhino sets his chair by the left field foul pole, hundreds of feet from the closest person. The park is busy with parents and ball players, a team wearing bright blue on the field.
Billie walks by with JB, and notices him.
BILLIE
Hey, you.
RHINO
Billie Belle and JB, what’s happenin’ man?
Rhino holds his fist out towards JB who shies away behind his Mother. Rhino looks up to Billie from his seat.
BILLIE
I think he’s a little shaken up from the other night.
RHINO
Aw, don’t worry about that, I’m a’right. I’m still standin’ here, ain’t I?
Rhino reaches in his pocket and offers JB a lollipop. He scurries off towards the crowd.
RHINO (CONT’D)
Aye, I’m sorry ‘bout that.
BILLIE
(beat)
You alright?
RHINO
I’m great. I love opening day, that’s my team there, the rhinos.
BILLIE
Tyler is on the eagles.
Rhino stares off at the field, Billie sits down beside him.
BILLIE (CONT’D)
Can you take off your sunglasses?
Rhino looks over to her, but doesn’t react. Billie reaches over slowly pulling them off revealing the massive black eye.
RHINO
It looks worse than it feels, honest. I think it’s an improvement really.
He puts his glasses back on.
BILLIE
I was looking for you at the laundromat the other day.
RHINO
I been doin’ a lotta thinkin’, ya know? ‘Bout what you said when we first met.
(beat)
Maybe… I don’t know who I am…
BILLIE
Yes, you do.
(beat)
You are a fighter, but that has nothing to do with boxing.
JB (O.S.)
Mom, they’re starting!
She looks back and gets up.
BILLIE
Take care of yourself, y’hear?
RHINO
I want to see you. And, not at the laundromat.
BILLIE
Why?
RHINO
You make me feel like I’m somebody.
BILLIE
I’m in the book.
She backs away and jogs towards the crowd. Rhino deep in thought with Cannoli looking for attention.
INT. PERISI FAMILY HOME – DAY
Rhino sits off to the side eating his desert as the family buzzes around cleaning and chatting. Frankie, his big brother, approaches and sits with him.
FRANKIE
Hey, Sevvy, tough one the other night. I didn’t wanna bring it up in front of Ma.
RHINO
What’re y’gonna do?
FRANKIE
I got a favor to ask ya.
RHINO
Shoot.
FRANKIE
Could you talk to Paone for me?
RHINO
Joey? What for?
FRANKIE
You know, make some extra money.
RHINO
I don’t know nothin’ about that.
Frankie furrows his brow.
FRANKIE
Sev, c’mon. You gonna lie to your big brother?
RHINO
I don’t know if you seen my car, or my apartment. I don’t have extra nothin’.
FRANKIE
I never been to your place ‘cause y’never invited me.
RHINO
It’s a dump. Ask Dad.
FRANKIE
I’m askin’ for a favor here.
RHINO
I can’t help you.
Frankie nods his head offended and leaves.
EXT./INT. PERISI FAMILY HOME – DAY
Rhino parks in the street of a neighborhood full of mansions, gated entrances, big green lawn, another world.
Rhino rings the doorbell.
He’s is walked through the beautiful home by the MAID, to the back sunroom where Joey smokes a cigar reading the paper.
JOEY
I don’t know why I follow these bums, can you believe it? The Yanks lost four of their last five.
RHINO
Tell me about it, my Fathah is gonna give himself a heart attack.
JOEY
About the other night, fuhgettaboutit. It’s behind us. Supposedly that Tyson kid is some kind of prodigy.
RHINO
He’s got a mean left.
JOEY
I seen Gil.
(beat)
It was good to see y’back to form.
Rhino nods.
JOEY (CONT’D)
I got an issue up in Schenectady.
RHINO
That’s Benny’s territory.
JOEY
Benny’s been let go.
They hold a stare at each other.
JOEY (CONT’D)
Noah struck out. He’s gotta go.
RHINO
I don’t mean no disrespect, but I don’t wanna be cleanin’ Benny’s mess. My clients pay up, it don’t ever come to this. He struck out ‘cause Benny failed to collect.
JOEY
And Benny got his.
(beat)
Ten large. Get it done.
Rhino thinks on it.
JOEY (CONT’D)
The worst part of this is drivin’ up to that shit hole.
Rhino nods reluctantly.
INT. RHINO’S CAR – NIGHT
Rhino rubs his chin driving up 890, out his window is the GE Factory, glowing with bright lights, he turns on his exit.
Making his way through downtown Schenectady.
INT. NOAH’S HOUSE – NIGHT
NOAH, 42, pours himself a glass of bourbon, and makes way down the hall of the dim house. He passes through the dark living room and stops. He turns to the nearly black corner.
Rhino calmly sits in the dark of the corner protected by the shade of the drapes. Noah drops his glass to the floor.
RHINO
You know who I am?
Noah forces a nod. Rhino takes the firearm out of his coat and holds it in his lap, non threatening, but visible. Noah swallows, unable to move.
RHINO (CONT’D)
I’m coverin’ for Benny.
(beat)
I want you to pack up your family, and disappear.
NOAH
What…
RHINO
Get in your car, and go.
Noah stares at him blankly, a painful silence ensues.
RHINO (CONT’D)
Now.
Noah carefully backs out of the room making way down the hall. He stops and retreats to the living room, Rhino is already gone. Noah is shook.
EXT. SOUTH TROY – RHINO’S NEIGHBORHOOD – PAYPHONE – DAY
Rhino flips through the phone book stuffed in a tiny phone booth. He scans with his index finger, dials the number, holds the receiver to his ear.
RHINO
Hello, it’s Rhino.
BILLIE (O.S.)
(through receiver)
Rhino, rhino? I don’t know a Rhino.
He rolls his eyes.
RHINO
C’mon, y’know who it is.
Silence.
RHINO (CONT’D)
It’s Severino.
BILLIE (O.S.)
Well, hello Severino, you found a phone.
RHINO
Yeah…
Silence.
RHINO (CONT’D)
Yeah, so what’re you doin’? You wanna, I don’t know, take a walk?
BILLIE (O.S.)
The boys will be home soon…
RHINO
Of course.
Rhino shifts awkwardly, lost for words.
BILLIE (O.S.)
Would you like to join us for dinner?
RHINO
Tonight.
BILLIE (O.S.)
(giggles)
Yes. Six o’clock.
(beat)
You need the address?
He holds up the phonebook.
RHINO
I got it here.
BILLIE (O.S.)
See you.
RHINO
See you.
Rhin grins from ear to ear, hanging up the phone. He tears the page out of the book on his way out.
INT. BELLE HOUSE – EVENING
Rhino goes over to Billie’s for dinner. He has some pride about how he is handling things, but sees problems ahead. They kiss.
MISSING SCENES —————————– MISSING SCENES
EXT. JERSEY CITY ARENA – NIGHT
Rhino parks his jalopy, smokes the last of his cigarette, and makes way for the entrance. Through the parking lot of spectators Rhino is surprised to find Noah in the crowd.
He approaches from behind, sneaking up behind him, calm but ferocious. He grabs the back of his jacket discreetly, gritting his teeth in his ear.
RHINO
Come with me.
Noah is shaken to the core, complying to the demand. Rhino leads him by the back of his jacket like a puppet, ducking into the garbage alley to the stadium.
RHINO (CONT’D)
I told you to disappear, this is fuckin’ South Jersey.
NOAH
I know, I’m sorry, Rhino…
RHINO
Sorry?
(beat)
They’re gonna kill you.
NOAH
Why didn’t you when you had the chance?
Rhino grits his jaw disdainfully.
RHINO
When I say get in your car and drive, I mean don’t stop ‘til you get t’China.
NOAH
Understood…
Rhino shakes him, finally lets go, he scampers off.
INT. JERSEY CITY ARENA – NIGHT
Rhino paces around the ring tossing jabs at the floor, warming up his limbs. The ANNOUNCER introduces the fighters, Joey appears at the ropes waving Rhino over.
JOEY
It’s not your night.
Rhino glares at him.
JOEY (CONT’D)
Go down in the first, we got shit to take care of.
Joey walks away -DING- Rhino looks across at his opponent, CLAYTON, 24, ready to go. Rhino counters his movement, Clayton throws a weak jab, a weak body shot, all weak.
Rhino is frustrated and ties him up.
RHINO
(in his ear)
That’s all you got?
Clayton breaks his grip and throws a haymaker. Rhino takes it across his right cheek, and snaps a look back at him. Rhino throws an errant jab, leaving his guard down.
Another haymaker, Rhino stumbles back, lunges forward tying Clayton up again.
RHINO (CONT’D)
Give me all you got.
Clayton pulls back throwing a sweeping hook, Rhino hardly moves, but doesn’t retaliate. Two more big shots, Rhino stumbles back and falls to the mat.
He’s flat on his back, gloves resting on his head. He stares up at the arena lights with no intention of getting up.
EXT. JERSEY CITY ARENA – NIGHT
Rhino exits the back door where Joey and some GOONS are waiting, he wasn’t expecting this.
JOEY
Ride with me, would ya?
RHINO
What about my car?
JOEY
Jimmy’ll take care of it.
Joey gets in the back of his Cadillac, Rhino follows.
INT. JOEY’S CAR – CONTINUOUS
A long dreadful silence looms. Rhino taking notice of the exit they are taking.
RHINO
Hudson?
JOEY
Beautiful this time of year.
Rhino curiously looks out the window.
EXT. HUDSON RIVER BANK – NIGHT
The Caddy pulls down an ominous dirt road towards another blacked out Cadillac idling with it’s lights off. Joey gets out of the car, Rhino follows.
Joey turns to Rhino grimacing. He looks over to the other car and waves. Noah is pushed out of the back seat by a GOON, and shoved on the ground between Rhino and Joey.
JOEY
Look at that. Back from the dead.
(beat)
When you told me it was done, I thought that meant it was done, over, caputz.
Rhino shifts his weight and turns away. Joey approaches his Goon, reaches into his coat and reveals a .45mm. He paces over to Rhino and pushes the piece in his chest.
JOEY (CONT’D)
Finish it.
Rhino reluctantly takes the gun. He looks at Noah, gagged, weeping, desperate. He turns away painfully.
RHINO
Joey…
JOEY
Listen to me, you big dumb ape. You got one chance to show me who you are. One chance, and it’s now.
Rhino forces his arm up, aiming at Noah whose eyes widen. He can hardly look at him, he grips the handle, his finger wraps the trigger. Joey scowling at him with folded arms.
Exhale, Rhino stands down.
RHINO
I can’t…
Joey marches towards him, and speaks firm under his breath.
JOEY
I been takin’ care of you your whole life, treated you like a brother. Gettin’ you paid, givin’ you a life.
RHINO
I know it…
Joey takes the firearm from Rhino, and looks up at him.
JOEY
My Father don’t have to know about this, okay?
Rhino nods in disappointment. Joey casually aims up and FIRES, Noah drops dead. Joey hands the piece to his Goon who begins dragging the body towards the river.
Rhino can’t move, can’t breath, what the fuck just happened?
-
Fred has completed Act 2 Draft 1
What I learned doing this assignment is that my External journey could have to do something with Jin and Emma getting married. It goes in direct conflict with the internal journey of handling the impending divorce of his parents. There is also the added pressure of his grandparents, their cultural expectations, and the difference between dating and marriage.
TP 2:
Placeholder:
Grandma and the aunts talking about Jin’s girlfriend, preparing food for Jaesa.
Jin appears at the gate and grandma sees another figure at the intercom, thinks it’s emma.
They are all surprised to see Jin’s Mother. Confused why she’s late and tries to put her to work right away.
Jin halts everything to break the news.
Reaction.
-
Ricardo Williams Has Completed Act 2 Draft 1
What I learned doing this assignment is introducing a minor character for purpose of humor and also living the message of the story in their little world could enhance the script. I introduced Lucy.
JOLYN and CHARLOTTE heads back to her office. JOLYN observes the employees are mingling with TROY THOMAS. LUCY, a heavy set, office attendant gives him high fives.
CHARLOTTE
We’ve got ourselves a problem here.
JOLYN
I should have just fired him. I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time. From the first day he disrespected me. But he is JOE’S favorite cousin. As the senior driver, he can basically shut down the operations if I am not careful.
CHARLOTTE
How?
JOLYN
He holds the power over the employees. He gives them loans and he is intimate with them.
The phone rings in her office.
JOLYN (CONT’D)
Hello?
PAUL CHORD (V.O.)
MRS ROBICHAUX?
JOLYN
Yes. Who is this?
PAUL CHORD (V.O.)
It’s PAUL. PAUL CHORD. I was wondering if you have any work available for me. I’ve been sober for two years and I’m ready to work again.
JOLYN
As a matter of fact, I do have a job for you. Can you start Monday?
PAUL CHORD
Yes. I can start on Monday.
JOLYN
Can you visit me at home this evening? I will give you money to purchase a freezer suit and update you with everything you need to know.
PAUL CHORD
Yes, Mrs. Robichaux. I’ll be there.
INT. OFFICE OF BALDWIN ICE CREAM CO – DAY
JOLYN is at her desk. TROY THOMAS drops in and hands her a letter.
JOLYN
What is this?
TROY THOMAS
I told you that I wanted a raise, and I told you if you didn’t give me a raise, I was quitting. So here I am.
JOLYN
I guess it is time for you to find a position with men who foolishly value your poor performance.
TROY THOMAS
What are you saying?
JOLYN
You leave me no choice but to accept your resignation. Thank you for your years of service.
TROY THOMAS
But I can stay on to train the new freezer man.
JOLYN
That won’t be necessary. Goodbye, MR. THOMAS.
TROY THOMAS
You know we are family. Your husband would have want me to run this company. You must have lost your mind to think that you, a woman with no experience could manage this company. You need me to tell you what to do.
JOLYN
All my life, everyone told me what to do. Well, not anymore. From now on, I am doing the telling. Now get out.
TROY walks away from JOLYN, his head bent and shoulders drooped. He tries to hug LUCY. She chases him away. He clears his desk of personal property and leaves.
INT. OFFICE OF BALDWIN ICE CREAM CO – MORNING
JOLYN is looking over receipts. She notices many of them are outdated and were not sent out. She looks up and TROY THOMAS is walking towards her.
TROY THOMAS
MRS. ROBICHAUX, I changed my mind. I don’t want any raise. I just want to work with you.
He hands her his letter.
JOLYN
What’s this for?
TROY THOMAS
I am rescinding my decision to resign.
JOLYN
Well, thank you Mr. Thomas, but that won’t be necessary. I’ve already found your replacement. Now, goodbye.
TROY THOMAS
You are going to regret firing me. You are just a depressed housewife and you haven’t a clue about running a business.
He bolts out of the office fuming as he passes his coworkers. He passes PAUL CHORD who is on his way in.
PAUL CHORD
Good morning, MRS. ROBICHAUX.
JOLYN
Welcome back, MR. CHORD. Let me reintroduce you to the staff. Follow me.
PAUL CHORD follows JOLYN to the main floor. JOLYN calls for a quick meeting.
JOLYN (CONT’D)
Everyone, let us welcome back MR. PAUL CHORD our new Freezer Control Manager. As we focus on wholesale, it is important for deliveries to be punctual. CHARLOTTE will work with all the drivers to make out their schedules.
LUCY
I am so glad you got rid of that trouble maker, TROY. I said to him, don’t mess with MRS. ROBICHAUX, she is not playing, but he didn’t listen.
JOLYN
I am sure you did LUCY. Now do me a favor start sending out the old receipts in those boxes.
LUCY
Yes, MRS. ROBICHAUX. I will get at it right away.
ANN RANDALL
We can’t send out old receipts, it will reflect poorly on us.
LUCY
Oh yeah, that’s right.
JOLYN
Yes, it will reflect poorly on us. We will send them out with apology letters. The goal here is to develop new relationships.
LUCY
Good idea, MRS. ROBICHAUX
ANN
Some of our drivers won’t be able to make out their schedules.
JOLYN
Why is that?
ANN
Not everyone can read and write MRS. ROBICHAUX.
LUCY
Oh yes, MRS. ROBICHAUX. They can’t read, and they can’t write.
INT. JOLYN’S HOME – NIGHT
JOLYN in her room in the dark smoking a cigarette with a glass of whiskey on a small table next to her. She is in deep thought. The words of ANN rings in her head, “Not everyone can read or write.” Another voice echoes, “Face it, you’re a failure.” She takes a deep breath and utters the words of her favorite poem, “I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul.” Another voice screams, “Why don’t you teach them to write and read their schedules?” She picks up the glass of whiskey and empties it in the bathroom sink. She utters with excitement, “I’m going to teach them.” There is a knock the door. ZENOBIA walks in.
ZENOBIA
Have you lost your mind?
JOLYN
Excuse me?
ZENOBIA
TROY told me that you fired him?
JOLYN
As a matter of fact, I did.
ZENOBIA
Why will you fire the one man left in this family who could run the business and give us the security we need?
JOLYN
Because I don’t need his security, and I find him very disrespectful and repulsive.
ZENOBIA
What do you mean, you don’t need his security? He knows the business. He is the one we can trust to run it. You can go out and get another job if you don’t like him.
JOLYN
I don’t want another job. I want to run my company.
ZENOBIA
There are no women running companies in this country, much less a black woman. Have you lost your mind?
JOLYN
No I have not lost my mind. I know more about this business than any man who ventured to run it.
ZENOBIA
And who is going to take you seriously? We need TROY to secure the business.
JOLYN
No. You need Troy for your security. I don’t. All my life I had to choose between feeling secured and taking my chances. Security has brought me nothing but heartache and loss. I lost my father. I lost my husband. I am at risk at losing my house, and my mind. I am no longer putting my security in the hands of anyone else, but myself. From now on, I am running my business, and no one, not even you, will stand in my way.
INT. OFFICE OF BALDWIN ICE CREAM CO – DAY
JOLYN is conducting a classroom type training. She is in a room with a big table. Five Salesmen are sitting around her. JOLYN is showing them how to write in cursive form and how to read their schedules. The men are excited and bubbly with their new found knowledge.
INT. OFFICE OF BALDWIN ICE CREAM CO – DAY
JOLYN is back after her two-week break. She opens a contract from the Chicago’s Board of Education. She addresses the office.
JOLYN
Baldwin Ice Cream has been awarded, not one but two contracts for ice cream distribution.
CHARLOTTE
Wow! Amazing. I told you distribution is the way to go. Guess what! While you were out, I secured a contract with DOMINICK’S on the NORTH SIDE of CHICAGO. We are expanding to new markets (Cheers all around).
INT. OFFICE OF BALDWIN ICE CREAM CO – DAY 1974
SHEILA approaches JOLYN in her office. She is agitated.
SHEILA
MOM, follow me. I want to show you something.
JOLYN follows SHEILA to the basement in the office building. SHEILA pulls off a tarp covering merchandise. She points at the address on the merchandise which leads to a local night club. SHEILA shows JOLYN a purchase order for the items signed by ANN RANDALL.
SHEILA (CONT’D)
It seems like MS RANDALL is furnishing her own nightclub.
JOLYN
Oh no. She is furnishing TROY THOMAS’S nightclub. I always knew those two were up to no good. Now it all makes sense.
SHEILA
What are you going to do?
JOLYN
Come with me.
They head back upstairs. JOLYN approaches MS. RANDALL who is chatting with LUCY.
JOLYN (CONT’D)
MS. RANDALL can I speak to you in my office?
MS. RANDALL follows JOLYN and SHEILA to her office. JOLYN closes the door.
JOLYN (CONT’D)
Tell me, MS. RANDALL, do you like dancing?
MS. RANDALL
As a matter of fact, I do.
JOLYN
Where do you go dancing?
MS. RANDALL
At my boyfriend’s club. My boyfriend owns a nightclub. It is fairly new.
JOLYN
Is that the club on Leonard’s Avenue?
MS. RANDALL
It is.
JOLYN
So MS. RANDALL, you are using our funds to furnish TROY THOMAS’S nightclub?
MS. RANDALL
I’m sorry I have to pee. (She rubs her knees nervously together).
JOLYN
No problem. Once you are through, clear out your desk. You are fired.
As MS. RANDALL clears her desk to leave JOLYN notices her placing a package that says BALDWIN ICE CREAM under her arm. JOLYN tugs at the package and MS. RANDALL smacks her in the face with her fist. The impact knocks JOLYN’S gold earring to the floor. LUCY looks on in shock as JOLYN tries to gather herself to her feet.
LUCY
Oh boy, I’ve got to go. I am getting out of here. This is going to be bad. (LUCY grabs her purse and heads for the door).
JOLYN upper cuts MS. RANDALL and punches her to the ground, then retrieves the package which contains contracts belonging to BALDWIN ICE CREAM company. Moments later JOLYN dusts herself off and looks on as the police escorts MS. RANDALL out of the building.
INT. OFFICE OF BALDWIN ICE CREAM CO – DAY – CONTINUOUS
LUCY is sitting in JOLYN’S office. She is shivering. Her eyes room the room.
JOLYN
What’s the matter? Am I making you nervous?
LUCY
I just want to say. You have a right to fire MRS. RANDALL. I try to talk some sense into her, but she won’t listen.
JOLYN
MS. LUCY, you always seem to be at the center of things. You are like the common denominator.
LUCY
What that means MRS. ROBICHAUX? I hope it’s something good.
JOLYN
I don’t know MS. LUCY. I am still trying to figure you out. What’s your story?
LUCY
MRS. ROBICHAUX, let me break it down for you. I am just doing what I can to get by to keep a roof over my head and feed my kids. I am loyal to no one but my money and these Motherfuckers are playing with my money.
JOLYN
Did you just say what I thought I heard you say?
LUCY
Lady, I don’t know where you from or what you’ve been through, but I’m from the Streets of Chicago, way down in the Black Belt, and that’s how we talk when you play with our money.
JOLYN
You know what MS. LUCY? I like you. I am going to give you a raise and a promotion.
Moments later, JOLYN is smiling as she watches LUCY running around the office shouting Praise the Lord, I got a raise.
-
Lesson 16: Finish ACT 2
What I learned from this assignment is I can’t believe I am as far along in the writing. I need help with the writing of the scavenger hunt. I wish there were instructions for how to write an action scene without words.
This scene follows Lesson 15 script. I originally placed in Act 3, but I think it belongs in Act 2.
Scene INT Mezzanine Café DAY
Liz runs into Travis and has the opportunity to tell the truth.
LIZ (V.O.)
(Exiting the elevator and walks toward the café.) I’m exhausted. Another sleepless night
and for what reason. Travis had the beauty queen as his guest. He knew “Sarah” was
going to be there. I’m glad I left my phone at the condo. I’m going to eat breakfast and go
shopping without interruptions.
Liz gets in coffee line. She is standing still furious about what happened last night when she smells a
familiar cologne.)
LIZ (V.O.) CONT
I know Travis is near because I sell “Canoe”. I love that men’s cologne. It reminds me of
Dad.
Travis steps behind Liz.
LIZ (V.O.) CONT
He is right behind me. Maybe he doesn’t recognize me. Heck, I’m next. As soon as I speak
Travis will know who I am.
SERVER
How can I help you?
LIZ
She whispers) A cup of coffee, please.
SERVER
Would you speak a little louder please.
TRAVIS
I believe Ms. Sarah would like a cup of coffee.
Liz grimaced, closed her eyes and her shoulders drooped. Liz turned around to speak but could not find
the words. She turned back around and accepted the coffee. When she fumbled for her billfold to pay,
TRAVIS
Put it on my tab. I’ll have the same. (accepts his coffee) Sarah, do you have laryngitis?
LIZ
(whispers) No.
TRAVIS
Then, why are you not speaking?
LIZ
I don’t have a clue. I think I’m afraid to speak.
TRAVIS
Open your mouth wide, please.
Liz opens her mouth as wide as she can and then realize how foolish she looks. She huffs.
LIZ
Did you enjoy making fun of me?
TRAVIS
I did. She speaks. I have performed a miracle.
MAN AT NEARBY TABLE
Congratulations!
Travis and Liz look at the man and then toward each other.
TRAVIS
Would you join me for breakfast?
LIZ
Sure.
They walk to a table near the edge of the mezzanine.
SERVER
Do you need a menu?
LIZ
No, I want scrambled eggs, hash browns, bacon and toast.
TRAVIS
I’ll have the same. Add a glass of OJ, please
LIZ
I wish to apologize for telling you my name is Sarah.
TRAVIS
The lie?
LIZ
Well, it’s not really a lie?
TRAVIS
Your name is Sarah Lizzie?
LIZ
No.
TRAVIS
Your name is really Sarah?
LIZ
No.
TRAVIS
Your name is not Sarah.
LIZ
Yes.
TRAVIS
You told me a lie.
LIZ
No.
Travis puts his coffee cup on the table. He is about to speak.
LIZ
Stop! Sarah is my alias. It is a safety strategy I use when I
travel. It’s what I say to protect myself against crazy men.
TRAVIS
So, when you met me, you thought I was a crazy man.
LIZ
I didn’t think that ….. when I first met you.
Liz ate her food and refused to look up at him.
LIZ (CONT)
Why are we even having this conversation? Where is your date, the beauty queen?
Why aren’t you having coffee with her?
Liz covers her mouth. She regrets her remarks. Her jealousy showed in her words.
TRAVIS
Who are you talking about?
LIZ
The bombshell in red, last night!
TRAVIS
I don’t know where she is! Forget her. Tell me about this safety strategy
that makes you lie to crazy men.
LIZ
I didn’t lie!
TRAVIS
Oh, your name is Sarah?
LIZ
No.
Travis looks at her and waits.
LIZ (CONT)
I told a little lie.
TRAVIS
(grinning) I win.
Liz stared at him. She held her mouth closed by using her fingers to pinch her lips together. She
refused to smile at him.
The server arranges the food for Travis and Liz.
LIZ
I called your room this morning to apologize. A female answered the phone.
TRAVIS
That was my ex. She is staying in my suite. The inn allowed me to stay
in another place to get away from of her. Wasn’t that nice of them?
LIZ
Yes, how did you arrange that?
TRAVIS
The bartender in the lounge negotiated with the owner. I’m keeping it
a secret from my family until we go home.
LIZ
Your secret is safe with me. Since I have apologized for my little fabrication,
I’ll leave you. I’ve taken enough of your time.
TRAVIS
Don’t leave. Finish your breakfast.
LIZ
Do you truly accept my apology?
TRAVIS
Yes.
LIZ
And you are not back with your ex?
Liz grabbed her lips again with her fingers. She stared at her food.
TRAVIS
I had no idea Becca was coming here for Christmas She is
leaving today. Like I said, forget her. Do I call you Liz or Lizzie?
LIZ
Liz. I gave up Lizzie when I went to college.
TRAVIS
What about Jake Jones?
LIZ
What about him?
TRAVIS
He claims you, two , were high school sweethearts. You never
mentioned that when we were discussing Jake Jones on
the train.
LIZ
I’m sorry about that. That relationship ended the day after high
school graduation. He jumped into show business. I went to college.
TRAVIS
I get the impression Jake is not a good memory.
LIZ
Jake burned the bridge that can never be rebuilt.
TRAVIS
I understand that thought. And you were correct about Bradford
INN. It’s a beautiful place. What is that noise?
LIZ
Everyone is gathering for the scavenger hunt today. It is fun to
watch.
TRAVIS
Would you give me your phone number? Maybe we can get
together for dinner during our stay here.
LIZ
Okay.
(Liz opens her small notebook in her purse and writes her phone number on a sheet of paper
and hands it to Travis.
TRAVIS
Liz?
When she stands, Travis stands and kisses Liz on the check.
In Florida, when a lady gives a man her phone number, it gives the guy
permission to kiss her on the check.
LIZ
I’ve been to Florida and a man never kissed me on the check.
TRAVIS
That’s because you have been dealing with crazy men.
Liz cackled.
LIZ
Bye.
TRAVIS
Travis pulled a pen from his pocket and began to write notes on a napkin
1. good attitude
2. smart
3. emerald eyes
4. nothing like Becca
5. makes me smile
And she gave me her phone number! Maybe she is interested in me, too.
He orders a second cup of coffee and think about breakfast with Liz.
scene INT BRADFORD INN LOBBY DAY
The guests are gathering in the lobby. Annabelle enters at 8:50AM. Everyone gathers around her to listen. Becca, in a sweatsuit, pushes her way to the front of the group.
ANNABELLE
Remember, when you find the ornament, return to the lobby immediately. We will present the check at that time. One winner per family. All ornaments are on the first floor. Also, I want to remind you of the hayride tonight beginning at 6:00pm in front of the inn. The ride lasts about an hour. Are there any questions?
No one asks a question.
ANNABELLE
(looks at the clock on the wall and begins the count down. Everyone joins in.
10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3 ,2,1, The Christmas Bell contest begins. Good luck to everyone.
The crowd scatters. People run in to each other. Becca heads to front of the lobby and looks behind planters and under tables.
MOTHER WITH HER DAUGHTER
(whispers) Let’s head to the area near the restaurant. You look on that side of the hall and I will
look on this side. Look in every planter, flower arrangement, tree, everywhere. Got it.
DAUGHTER
Yes! This is going to be fun.
They leave the group and head opposite of Becca.
Several people look at boxes serving as presents under the Christmas trees. While others examine the ornaments on the trees in the lobby. One lady gets excited then discovers her ornament is a decoy. A friend comforts her.
Scene EXT BRADFORD INN PORCH DAY
Becca decides to go outside and immediately slips down and gets wet. Every time she tries to rise, she slips down. The bellhop sees her demise and runs out to assist her and helps her get up.
Becca
Get your hands off me. I must get back to the hunt. I have wasted time out here.
She wipes her hands on her clothes and touches her face which ruins her makeup. Her mascara begins
to slide down her face. With her hands wet, she continues to make a mess on her face, she runs inside
to continue the hunt. She gets her list of good hiding places out of her pocket.
Scene INT BRADFORD INN LOBBY
There is a scream! Everyone stops hunting. The mother and little girl run into the lobby with Ornament # 2. When the two arrive, Annabelle greets them. Everyone applauds except Becca. A photographer and Santa’s Elf comes out from a room and pictures are made. The check for $1,000 is given to the little girl. Church bells ring. “I Wish you a Merry Christmas” is played over the sound system. Everyone starts to sing.
ANNABELLE
Where did you find Ornament #2?
THE LITTLE GIRL
I found it in the white plant outside the ladies bathroom near the restaurant. Well
congratulations. The contest continues. One down and two to find. GO!!!
Becca goes to the continental breakfast area. No one is looking there. Marty and Jill are sitting at a small table, watching the contest and having breakfast.
JILL
I’m dying to know. did Becca stay with you last night?
MARTY
What are you talking about? I thought she was in your suite?
Jill
No, she came in after the concert and got her stuff and left. OH! that
means….
MARTY
She stayed in Travis’s suite. We did it. Out plan worked.
Becca entered the area looking for an ornament.
JILL
Becca!
Becca stops looking and sees Jill and Marty. She looks irritated.
JILL
How was last night?
BECCA
IT was fabulous. I slept like a baby when I finally got to sleep. I would
love to talk about it, but I am focused on the contest. It’s so much
fun. Talk later?
MARTY
Sure.
Becca runs down the hallway to get away from Jill.
BECCA
I don’t have time to talk about the Jake Jones concert. I need to
win this contest. That brat found the first ornament. I had that
place on my list. At least she is out of the contest now.
JILL
Becca looked awful. Did you see it?
MARTY
Maybe she forgot to take off her makeup last night! Do you what
this means?
JILL
We have a wedding to plan!!
The bellhop entered the area to grab a donut.
MARTY
I think I am going to cry.
Both began to cry and hug each other.
The bellhop exits writing in is notebook.
JILL
Let’s sit down and think about everything.
MARTY
I think they should renew their vows right her like they did five years ago.
JILL
I like it. We could talk to Annabelle and see if we can reserve the chapel.MARTY
I will check with registration desk to see if there is a notary available
who can perform the ceremony.
JILL
If we get the chapel, I will order a simple arrangement of flowers and a bouquetfor Becca. We’ll eat in the restaurant afterwards.
The bellhop returns to check on the ladies. He selects another donut.
JILL
We must purchase new clothes.
MARTY
You know Dad is not going to be happy about that!
JILL
I know.
MARTY
We need a camera or photographer to take pictures.
JILL
Right, we want proof this thing happened.The bellhop leaves immediately.
BELLHOP (V.O.)
(As he is writing) Two ladies had their clothes destroyed. They are hiring photographer
to take pics as proof of the thing. Dad is upset, may sue for millions. Whatever the
thing was. It was big. Women cry, will sue for emotional damages as well as
financial support.
( HE looks up from his paper) My classes in criminology are finally paying off.
The bellhop stops when he hears a scream.
An older man walks from the lounge area, holding Ornament #1 in his hand.
Everyone gathers in the lobby as they hear the church bells ring. They applaud. They immediately begin singing Merry Christmas. The Christmas Elf, Annabelle and a photographer enter the lobby. Becca is visibly angry.
ANNABELLE
Where did you find Ornament #1?
THE OLD MAN
It was in the Children’s Christmas tree in the restaurant
ANNABELLE
Congratulations! One more to go! Have fun.
JILL
Annabelle, may I speak to you for a moment.
ANNABELE
Of course, come into the lobby office. I need to stay in
this area until the scavenger hunt is over.
Jill and Annabelle leave the lobby
Everyone takes off. Becca stays for a minute.
BECCA (V.O.)
There is an area between the lounge and restaurant where
guests can hook up their laptops and work. I bet no one has
looked there. I am going to casually walk there and check
it out.
She casually walks away.
Dad and Charlie exit Elevator B and walk to the Mezzanine Café.
Scene INT Mezzanine Café DAY
Split screen phone call
DAD
(calls Travis) Hey, Charlie and I are having lunch in the café upstairs. Come join us.
Mom and Marty are off doing something. I don’t know what.
TRAVIS
I ate early this morning. Had a big breakfast, but I will have a drink
with you guys.
The server brought club sandwiches and drinks to the table.
CHARLIE
When you sit up here, you can see everything going on down on
the first level. It busy down there. What is going on?
DAN
It must be the scavenger hunt. This food is good. I am hungry.
Did Becca sleep in your room?
CHARLIE
No, I thought she stayed in your suite.DAN
That means she stayed in Travis’s room. He said he ate a big
breakfast this morning. Interesting! Maybe he will tell us what
happened when he gets here.
CHARLIE
I can’t wait to hear this.
DAD
Here comes my son now.
Travis enters and sits down.
DAD
Did you sleep well last night?
TRAVIS
Yep, is Mom spending all your money?
DAD
Probably.
TRAVIS
Dad, did you know Becca was going to be here?
DAD
No, that was some coincidence, huh?
TRAVIS
Yes, it was.
Travis’s phone rings.
TRAVIS
Hey, so you’re finally checking your messages today”?
Travis waits.
Oh, well, that’ a good reason I could not get you.
Travis waits.
Hey, I was wondering if you would like to go on the hayride?
Travis waits.
Do they allow PDA on that event?
Dad and Charlie look at each other and then at Travis.
Travis smiles.
Public Display of Affection.
Travis waits.
I’ll meet you in front of the lobby about 5:50
Travis waits.
I’m looking forward to it.
Bye.
Travis looks at his Dad.
TRAVIS
What?
DAD
You sound like a high school kid!
TRAVIS
She’s different. I like her.
DAD
I’m glad to hear it. I would like to have some grandchildren. (He looked at Charlie)
From either of you.
TRAVIS
Charlie and I will work on it. Won’t we?
CHARLE
I will discuss it with Marty over the holidays.
They laughed and toasted their drinks.
TRAVIS
I think I will go shopping for a Christmas present.
DAD
That’s a good way to start a relationship with an expensive
present. Works every time.
When Travis stands, he sees Mom and Marty enter the lobby with their hands full of packages.
TRAVIS
Did you give Mom a limit on how much she can spin?
DAD
Should I?
TRAVIS
Mom and Marty have done some serious shopping.
DAD
I’m not going to look. Don’t look, Charlie! We just ate.
Scene: INT BRADFORD INN LOBBY
Marty and Jill head to the continental breakfast area to have coffee. The bellhop sees them
enter and goes to clean up in that area. HE listens.
MARTY
I have a brilliant idea. Let’s get Jake Jones in on this!
JILL
That would cost a ransom. That might kill Dad. We’ll think
about it.
Marty
Let’s check and see if we have everything for the big day
When is it scheduled?
JILL
She called while you were in the bathroom. It’s Monday.
MARTY
I can’t wait to get this over with. (She sees Dad waving to them)
Mom, look up.
MOM
He’s about to get the shock of his life. (Mom and Marty grin at each other. They gather their packages and leave for the café upstairs.)
The bellhop is shaking as he writes his notes.
BELLHOP (V.O.)
Someone may be kidnapped. Ransom. Dad may die. Women
pure evil. Look innocent. Jake Jones is in on it. Is Sarah part
of this plan. The beautiful woman. Where does she fit in?
Scene. INT MEZZANINE CAFÉ
The family celebrates the future wedding of Becca and Travis.
DAD
Sweetheart, do I have any money in the bank?
MARTY
Dad, we saved you a few dollars. We were frugal.
Dad and Charlie laughed.
DAD
Jill does not know what that word means.
JILL
We have wonderful news!DAD
We do, too. Travis is in love again.
JILL
How did you find out? That’s our surprise.CHARLIE
He told us during lunch. Has Becca told you why she came here
this Christmas?
JILL
Not really. We have not had time to talk to her much.DAD
I don’t know how it happened, but they reconnected.
Travis is happier than I have ever seen him. Don’t you
agree , Charlie?
CHARLIE
He’s acting like a high school kid.
A loud voice is heard (I found it!) Everyone in the café claps. The hunters crowd
into the lobby looking for the man who yelled. When he walks in the lobby, holding
the ornament in his hand, the group begins to sing “We Wish you a Merry Christmas”
Annabelle, the Christmas Elf and the photographer enter the lobby. They take photos.
ANNABELLE
There did you find it?
MAN
There’s artwork on one of the bulletin boards in the hallway. It has
ornaments on it. I went by it three times. Finally, I went to the side
and looked at the design. This ornament was three dimensional and
sticking out.
ANNABELLE
Well, this check is worth the hunt for you. It’s for $1,500.
Everyone applauds and congratulates the winner. Becca walks from the
computer area and is filthy dirty. She has dirt on her pants. Various strands
of her hair are dangling on her shoulders. She walks to the café and buys
a bottle of water and heads to the elevators.
DAD
Jill, love must be blind.
JILL
Why do you say that?
DAD
I know Travis is not drinking. I’m positive he is not on drugs. If he
has fallen in love that that girl again, he must be blind.
They roar with laughter.
DAD (CONT)
How much is this repeat wedding going to cost me?
JILL
Not much. It’s going to be simple. and perfect.
-
Bob Colley – Has Completed Act 2 Draft 1
What I have learned is that I will never take another course. I can’t work full time and whip 44 scenes out of the air. I’m lucky if I can spew out 10 pages of dribble.
-
Aline Has Completed Act 2 Draft 1
I learned: The connecting scenes made the main ones more personal and I am not getting into the emotional aspect of their actions. This has always been favorite part but now I have a structure that makes me more confident that I won’t get lost in a good moment not knowing where it will go.
-
Gayle has completed Act 2 Draft 1
What I learned doing this assignment is the 20% quick write method allows my subconscious to get out the truth of the scene by finding the kernel of truth within all the free flow.
Ghosts plan to lock Samantha in the room
Beginning – Samantha can’t find the Quit Claim deed
Middle – Caroline tells her she has it
End – Samantha knows it’s a trap but it accidentally springs anyway.
SAMANTHA: C’mon Caroline, I’ve had enough. It’s not funny anymore.
CAROLINE: Whatever can you mean? I promise I’ve left it on the table in the attic.
SAMANTHA: We don’t have an attic.
CAROLINE: Then what’s this door? I promise there’s a room here.
SAMANTHA: And when I open the door and step inside I am shut inside a pocket reality halfway between here and immortality. It’s a very old conjurer’s trick. You must have read my article on the Sicilian Sorceress from Salt Lake City who used the trick in 1927 to lock her abusive husband. She told people he went out for a newspaper and never came back. Only when the house was demolished did they find her spellbook and when a skeptical gardener performed the spell he found her husband’s rotting bones.
CAROLINE: Mrs. Coffey, I am shocked and may I add a little hurt that you would accuse me, a loyal servant of such treachery. I will say it was a splendid article though.
SAMANTHA: Uh-huh. Just get me the deed.
CAROLINE: Oh, have it your own way.
Caroline evaporates then returns empty handed.
CAROLINE: The door’s stuck.
SAMANTHA: If this is a joke.
CAROLINE: No, I promise.
SAMANTHA: Oh, give me the book.
Sam says the ritual and the door opens.
SAMANTHA: Go in and get it.
CAROLINE: Still don’t trust me after all these years.
SAMANTHA: Caroline.
CAROLINE: I mean it’s not like the spell will work now anyway because you know the trick.
SAMANTHA: What’s wrong?
CAROLINE: Um—
She’s a ghost so she can’t actually pick up the paper.
SAMANTHA: Blow.
[PLACEHOLDER: SOMEHOW SAMANTHA ACCIDENTALLY GETS LOCKED IN THE ROOM WITHOUT THE RITUAL BOOK}
-
Adam has completed Act 2 Draft/outline 1 (sort of)
What I learned is I have to keep practicing at going fast!
ACT 2
EXT. PARLIAMENT – DAY
Mayor Elizabeth says they’ll be going into another full lockdown – if you’re seen outside you will be questioned. But the experimental vaccines to save all are here! They’re being rolled out. Oh what’s that behind me? Is that the vax party bus?
A bus drives up covered in ‘vaccinate now’ decals and music blaring. It’s had the roof removed like a parade float and men and women dance scantily dressed in nursing and doctor uniforms like you’d see at Halloween. They hold oversized syringes and squirt water at each other.
Slogan: Vax or you’ll pay more tax! Blares from the speakers.
Mayor dances awkwardly with the music. Like zero rhythm.
EXT. PARLIAMENT BUILDINGS – DAY
There is a large anti-everything protest which now just stares in shock at what they’re seeing.
INT. LES’S OFFICE – DAY
Beginning: Les sits down in his office – he has a blank white-board nearby and his computer. He starts to research.
Middle: Les has started to fill out the board as a diagram with Billionaire’s names, WHO/CDC, Trilateral commission and then arrows leading to $$ and Public Health. It looks super confusing at this point.
End: He sits staring at his board – no one could make sense of it at this point. In a burst of anger he wipes everything out. Thinks. “I need more space”. Then he looks at his wall.
INT. MAYOR’S OFFICE – DAY
Beginning: Camera crew and a nurse surround the Mayor. She smiles to the camera. ‘In an effort to combat vaccine hesitancy I’m going to show you just how safe it is. I’m going to take five shots of the stuff! I want you to know you can trust us.’
Middle: The nurse holds up 5 syringes and small vaccine bottles. She plunges them into the Mayor’s arm in succession all the while holding a cringed smile on her face. It hurts.
End: The camera crew packs up and Mayor goes to the nurse to make sure it was all 100% placebo. Nurse ‘oh ya! That would kill you’. Mayor: ‘You’re sure? My arm feels like a dead racoon.’
INT. CLASSROOM – DAY
Beginning: Les enters the class with a gusto and proceeds to stare at all the kids. They stare back. Then Les takes off his PPE. The kids GASP like he’s the devil incarnate.
Middle: He walks around the class, the kids look terrified. Les talks, ‘Do you all feel this is right?… To be masked? To be gagged? To breathe in your own bacteria all day? Take off your masks! All of you! Go ahead, you’ll all be fine.’
The kids hesitate, but eventually do, they seem happy to. ‘Now everyone get up and walk around, high five, hug… I don’t want you to learn to be afraid of each other. They say ‘we’re in this together’… well then let’s BE together!’ The kids cheer! They run around hugging and high fiving. A couple of jocks try to even kiss a couple of girls who slap them.
End: INT. PRINCIPLE’S OFFICE
Principle sits in front of Les shaking his head.
Les pleads his case: ‘I don’t understand how you can’t see what’s happening to the kids. The only thing they’re learning right now is how to fear their friends, neighbours… heck even themselves. All for what? A virus that has a 99% plus death rate?
Principle – you can’t do that. Now I have to quarantine the whole class and you all have to get tested. Parents will be furious and so will the up abovers, but I can persuade them to keep you. We need all the help we can get, but this isn’t going to go very well for you.
ScreenwritingU – 30 Day Script – Assignment #14
INT. LES’S OFFICE – DAY
Beginning: As Donna cleans up the house she comes into Les’s office – and stops in her tracks. On the wall in front of her is the wall covered in printed papers, lines drawn in marker, notes of conspiracies, strings linking events, etc. She drops her cleaning supplies.
Middle: Donna walks up, studying closely all the notes.
End: She backs out, closes the door.
INT. LES’S HOUSE – LATER
Beginning: Les walks in and drops a bunch of stuff. Deflated. He stands a moment unsure what to do with himself. The future seeming bleak.
INT. KITCHEN – MOMENTS LATER
Middle: Les grabs a beer, leans and sips. He looks at the beer then goes and gets the scotch.
End: Donna walks in says she’s worried about him. He says he’s in quarantine. They need to talk. I saw your wall. Les – I’m terrified and I can explain everything – give me an hour.
INT. OFFICE – 1 HOUR LATER
Beginning: Les brings her into the office. Sits her down in front of the wall. Says her mind is about to be blown and she needs to be sitting. He begins in the 1960s…
Middle: Les is passionately acting out scenarios, talking emotionally about deep state connections, corruption – Montage with sound bytes. Donna sits staring – trying to keep it all straight.
End: Les finishes up talking about the vaccine and its’ potential dangers. Les: ‘So what do think? Crazy right? Living this lie for so long, all this going on behind our backs…’ Donna: ‘I think you forgot the alien connection and how they read our minds through satellites. Let’s order out tonight, I’m exhausted. And you need to get your head straight. You sound kinda nuts.’
INT. OFFICE – NEXT DAY
Les’s son sits shaking his head as Les does the same spiel for him.
INT. OFFICE – NEXT DAY
Les’s daughter sits, flipping on her phone as he goes at it again. Les says he’s going to start a YouTube channel or something to tell the world the truth.
INT. KITCHEN – DAY
Donna sits on her computer – she’s booking her vaccine time.
INT. LES’S OFFICE – NIGHT
He talks on the phone with Jen. They talk in depth about the issues. Les ‘At least I have one ally’.
NEWS: Middle class getting dismantled; Billionaire wealth exploding; police arresting protesters, Mayor speaking to masses (looks eerily Nazi like) with passion from the vax party bus – she says all our vaxxing efforts are paying off. Hopefully soon you’ll be free! Just get that vaccine everybody.
INT. VACCINATION CENTRE – DAY
Beginning: Donna stands in line at a busy centre where booths are set up with loads of people getting vaccinated. It’s her turn…
Middle: She sits by a nurse who’s covered in PPE. Inhumanely she speaks: ‘roll up your sleeve’. As Donna does this she tries to have a conversation with the nurse about her pregnant belly. Nurse is cold back.
End: Just before she plunges Donna asks if the nurse is supposed to get her consent and tell her the risks. Nurse: ‘Consent implied. Some small risks but you’ll be fine. The Mayor said so – don’t you listen to the Mayor?’ Donna: ‘The Mayor isn’t a doctor or virologist’. Nurse – ‘So? You’ll be fine…’. She plunges her arm.
EXT. BACKYARD – DAY
Les barbecues. The Principal calls and tells him he’s been fired.
INT. KITCHEN – EVENING
Les walks in, Donna is there. It’s awkward. He says they can’t keep this up. He doesn’t understand how she can’t see it when it’s right in front of her.
She tells him she got the vaccine today. Les is in shock – can’t believe it! He feels he’s completely failed her. He can’t even save his own wife. Says she’s going to go to her parents for a while – for a break. They both need to straighten out a bit.
MIDPOINT SCENES
INT. MAYOR’S HOME – NIGHT
The Mayor enters her home late. She lies on the couch for a moment to rest and suddenly a voice speaks in the dark. She jumps. ‘What are you doing here?’ ‘We need to move the next stage of the plan forward.’
Mayor: ‘But you can’t yet, we’re still doing the roll out – what about all the kids?
Voice: We need the kids. They won’t fight back and they’re easily brainwashed.
Mayor: Ya sorry, I know we need the kids for the future, but we need more adults vaccinated so it goes according to plan right?
Voice: We need to go tomorrow. There’s too much growing dissent and some of the governments have been messing up the vaccine rollout – bunch of imbeciles. But that’s what you get when we need dumb ‘yes’ people running things for us on that level. No offense.
Mayor: Uh, no, none taken.
Voice: So tomorrow, we’ll pull the trigger… so to speak.
INT. LES’S OFFICE – DAY
Beginning: Les is on his computer building out talking points for his argument and setting up his YouTube Channel to disseminate truth.
Jen calls in a panic – asks if he took the vaccine, which he didn’t. she says she thinks it’s connected, but just go turn the news on.
Middle: Les turns on the TV – it looks like chaos, people are dying in the streets. News anchor doesn’t know what it is, but the speculation so far is that the virus is going crazy all of a sudden. And it seems to be people who were vaccinated.
He runs out to the car and starts driving fast. It is chaos. People lay in the streets. He finally pulls up to a house and runs in. The parents are dead on the couch, Donna is laying in the kitchen on the floor. She’s blue but alive. ‘What’s happening’.
End: Les puts her in the car to take her to the hospital. She apologizes for not believing him. Then dies as he pulls out.
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